What happens when a narcissist starts to hate everything about you? In this episode, I explain the stage in a narcissistic relationship where they suddenly resent everything - your looks, personality, success, and even the things they used to love about you.
🔗 Check out my courses "Understanding the 7 Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship" and "Finding Your W.H.Y!" at https://mentalhealness.net
Contact Me - https://link.me/mentalhealness
I'm Lee & I've been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ). I've been in therapy since 2017 & It has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything. My platform is dedicated to giving you the WHYs behind the things that Narcissists do. I'm not here to diagnose ANYONE or to tell you to leave your relationship. I'm just trying to give you the information to make your own informed decisions
1 on 1's and all my links - https://beacons.page/mentalhealness
Remember, It's not your fault - https://a.co/d/2WNtdKJ
Episode Transcript
What's going on, beautiful people?
Today we're talking about the stage in the relationship with a
narcissist where they start to hate everything about you.
The way you look, the way you talk, the way you act, the way
that your your height, weight, income, every single thing about
you, they will absolutely hate you.
(00:23):
Good near here. My name is Lee Hammock.
I'm a diagnose narcissist and welcome to another episode of
the narcissist code. Yo, we go hop right into it.
There is a stage in every relationship, I would say almost
every relationship with a narcissist where they absolutely
resent every single thing about you.
Like everything about you makes them hate hate you, not hate
(00:47):
you. They start to hate everything
about you. They look down on you.
And the crazy thing about it is y'all this stage right here,
right before the discard phase, it's, it's part of the
devaluation phase, of course, right.
But the crazy thing about it is this can seemingly happen
overnight. Like you can go from being in a
(01:07):
healthy, happy, loving relationship with this
narcissistic person one night, go to sleep, clap cheeks,
whatever. I wake up the next day and then
all of a sudden out of nowhere, they're being dismissive towards
you. They're bringing up every single
thing that they feel like you'veever done wrong.
They look at you weird. They don't like I said, they
started looking at you weird. They do a lot of different
(01:29):
things in this situation right here.
They start to mess with you. They start to belittle you.
They start to talk trash to you.They start to bring up things
that they used to love about you, things that they have look,
things that they used to love about you.
Now they cannot stand, right? Like this happens to everybody.
(01:52):
Like in the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist,
there's so many different things.
They they, they when they love bombing you, they're going to
just point out all the stuff that they like about you, right?
They'll tell you something like,hey, look, I love the fact that
you're so talkative and you're so bubbly and you have so many
friends. I love that you're such a
personable person. They love that about you.
(02:13):
They just brag to their friends.Hey, yeah, my girl can make, she
can make friends with anybody. She's just a friendly, amazing
person. She's so full of empathy.
She's so compassionate. She's so kind, caring.
She's everything that I've ever wanted in a partner.
Right, Right. Right.
But then later on in a relationship, after the love
mommy stops, they'll turn aroundand start to hate that exact
(02:36):
same stuff. Hate it.
They turn around and talk to hate it.
So instead of them enjoying the fact or bragging on the fact
that you're kind, caring, compassionate, bubbly, can make
friends with everybody, now you don't know when to shut the hell
up. Now you talk too damn much.
Now you just don't know when to You, you, you care too damn
much, like you're too gullible, you're too emotional.
(02:59):
The stuff they used to love, remember?
They used to love this stuff. Now they claim that they hate
it. Now they claim that is
everything is going, everything is different Now everything is
different and they're going to of course, y'all, of course
they're going to blame you as towhy things are different, as to
why things feel different. They're going to put it on to
(03:19):
you. There's no if ands or buts about
it. They're going to put it on to
you. They're going to say, well, they
you're going to ask you, you're going to go up to them and ask
them. You're going to say, hey, look
what's going on That made everything change, right?
Like why? Why don't you treat me how you
used to treat me? And they're going to look you in
the face and say, hey, you changed.
The reason I don't treat you theway that I used to treat you is
(03:39):
because you have changed. You yourself are not the same
person. You made me treat you this way,
right? You made me do this.
You made me ACT this way becauseyou did this.
Because you did that. I'm going to say it right here.
Y'all, I have a course called Understanding the seven stages
of a narcissistic relationship in this stage right here, I
(04:02):
refer to it as the fracturing stage in a narcissistic
relationship. It's in between the it's in
between love bombing and evaluation.
It's when they start to see yourflaws, right?
They at first in the beginning of a relationship with a
narcissist, they see you. They put you on this pedestal.
You're up here, right? But sooner or later something
happens. They don't.
(04:23):
They no longer see you as a perfect person anymore.
You have flaws. Yeah, everybody has flaws,
right? This is not me trying to say
you're a flawed person and you're evil.
You're horrible. No.
Every single one of us has flaws, including me, right?
I might not have many flaws, butI got them right?
(04:43):
And now, of course, I'm joking. But they're going to see your
flaws. And once they see that you're
not a perfect person, they startto resent you.
They start treating you like a liar.
And of course you can. Of course you can find my course
at mentalillness.net. Yeah, all my courses and stuff
are available at mentalillness.net.
(05:06):
But once they they look and theylook at you and treat you like a
liar, they look at you and treatyou like you've done something
wrong to them, like somehow, some way, shape or form,
everything that has happened in this relationship dynamic is
your fault. It's almost always going to be
your fault. This type of stuff will always
continue to happen with this type of person because they're
(05:27):
going to look at it as a scapegoat, as a reason to treat
you a certain type of way. Everybody goes through this.
Everybody goes through these stages in a narcissistic
relationship. Now the timing of it might be
different, right? What what took you 3 months to
get to could take somebody else a year could take somebody else
six months, could take somebody else a week.
(05:48):
Like, OK, y'all could be the same thing.
It could be the same thing. Imagine this person love bombing
you. They they, you go to the the
seven stage of a narcissistic relationship.
They pick you. They love bomb you.
They they, the relationship fractures, they discard you or
they devaluate, they devalue you, they discard you, they
(06:08):
recycle and then they Hoover. You see what I'm saying?
Those are the seven stages rightthere.
And so many people are dealing with this type of person and
this type of personality dynamic.
So and people are going to continuously deal with this
because this is how it goes withnarcissistic people.
Y'all. It's just this is literally how
it goes and this is how it's going to keep going because this
(06:29):
is how the mind of narcissists work.
They're like, when I say that everybody's going to experience
this, I do mean every single person.
So if you're with a narcissist, right, and they just happen to
leave you or break up with you and they end up with a new
supply. And one of the main questions
that I consistently get is like,are they treating the new supply
better? Are they going to be better for
(06:49):
the new person? Is the news?
Is the new supply getting a better version of them?
Blah, blah, blah, Boo, Boo, Boo,Boo.
You're right. I get those questions a lot.
Well, I tell people is the new supply will be going through the
same phases that you went through.
It just not might not be on the same timetable.
It might not be the same calculation.
It might be a different timing of it, right.
(07:11):
What took, like I said earlier, what took you two 3-4 months a
year might take them longer, it might take them shorter.
Part of healing means that you are not necessarily watching the
new relationship because that doesn't help you heal.
I believe I'll keep it real. I'll keep it real, I'll keep it
hot and ready, all kinds of stuff, right?
(07:33):
It's just like when you are dealing with toxic, narcissistic
people and you're trying to healfrom that.
Watching the new relationship does not help you heal.
That's one thing that I can say without like hindrance anything
like watching, if you got your eyes on the new, if you got your
eyes on the new relationship, you are not going to be able to
(07:54):
heal. Because when you got your when
you have your eyes on a new relationship, you're going to do
a lot of comparing and contrasting.
You're going to be like, well, what did I do?
What did they do? How why wasn't I enough?
Why did they get the better person?
Why did they get this treatment?Why this, why that, why this,
why that? And I completely understand your
mindset that you're going through as I'm saying this,
right? I completely get it.
(08:14):
So that's why you can't watch the new relationship.
It doesn't help you heal to watch them treat somebody else
different. Dwight doesn't help you heal to
watch them giving the next person everything that you might
have been begging and pleading for.
It doesn't help you heal to to do that.
You know, of course, it's human nature to wonder this stuff.
So I'm not trying to chastise you.
(08:34):
I'm just saying that this is something you have to work on in
order to get past in order to heal, right?
But like I said, narcissist, like let's get if I, if I dig
deep into the mind of a narcissist, right?
I'm thinking right now that I want even before I was self
aware, right? Even before I was a self aware
narcissist, I always wanted to love.
(08:57):
I wanted to love and I wanted tobe loved by someone, by people,
right? Of course, there's narcissistic
supply, but I've always wanted to be in a happy relationship.
So I would pursue people and I would genuinely be in love with
these people. I thought I always, I genuinely
thought I was in love with thesepeople, right?
But then by the end of the relationship, I would be
struggling like in the end couldbe 2345 months, remember,
(09:20):
because something would happen. I would see this person's flaw.
When I say flaws, I didn't. I meant to say this earlier, I
forgot. When I say flaws, I don't mean
that there's anything wrong withyou.
To that narcissist, something iswrong with you, but it might not
be anything that's wrong with you.
A flaw to a narcissist could be something as simple as setting a
boundary. Imagine a flaw being setting a
(09:46):
boundary, because that's what could happen here.
Like setting a boundary could bea flaw to them.
Saying the word no could be perceived as a flaw of yours to
them, right? You lose a little weight, you
gain a little weight, you changeyour hair color, you, you,
something happens. You burp, you fart, something
(10:06):
happens. And then they don't look at you
as a perfect person anymore, right?
Or, or you make them feel less than like you.
Yeah, your success could be perceived as a flaw to a
narcissist. Your ability to be successful,
you chasing your goals and dreams could absolutely have the
could be perceived as a flaw to your narcissistic partner or
(10:29):
their or your ex or whatever, right.
They absolutely could be perceived as a flaw.
And that's the craziest thing about it is because narcissist
always want to feel superior to their partners.
They want to feel more importantthan their partners.
So your bubbly personality that I mentioned earlier could make
them start to feel smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller,
right? That type of stuff does happen
(10:52):
to people. That type of stuff happens to
people all the time. So narcissists are almost always
going to you, always going to fall into these traps when they
start to resent you. Look, they treat you like they
hate you, but me personally, I don't think that they hate you.
I truly believe deep down that narcissist, instead of hating
you directly, they'd hate how you make them feel about
(11:12):
themselves, right? They hate the fact that you make
them feel different. They hate the fact that you make
them feel less than it. It might not be anything that
you are doing wrong. Like you get a lot of
narcissistic men that will tell you that you emasculated them by
just being successful, right? And the crazy thing about it is
that you could have already had that success when you met them.
(11:34):
You could have already had that success when y'all first got
together. But then he's like, wait, I
already had this. It doesn't matter.
They're still going to make the claims that you emasculated them
or you treated them differently.You're not submissive, blah blah
blah. Boo Boo, Boo, BBB.
Don't, I'll end it with this right here.
Don't let them change you. At your core.
(11:56):
I noticed almost impossible whenyou're going through the
relationship, But when you get out of the relationship, you can
find ways to pick up the pick back up the good parts of your
personality, the good parts of your behaviors that you might
have had to hide while you were in this relationship to survive.
You know I talk about that in mycourse finding your why Healy
from narcissistic abuse. You can find my courses, my
(12:18):
coaching everything y'all is going to be available at
mentalillness.net. You can check it out.
All things Lee hammock up there.Y'all hit the subscribe button.
Y'all, We hit 500 KA little while ago.
We hit 500 Ki was super grateful.
Y'all grateful, grateful, grateful.
Hit the subscribe button. Y'all the 500K club peace.
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