Do narcissists actually believe their own lies, or do they know they're lying to you? In this episode, I explain the truth about narcissistic lying - whether they believe the stories they tell, and why it might not even matter.
Check out my courses "Understanding the 7 Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship" and "Finding Your W.H.Y!" at https://mentalhealness.net
Want to be on the podcast? https://tinyurl.com/Mental-Healness-Podcast-Form
Contact Me - https://link.me/mentalhealness
I'm Lee & I've been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ). I've been in therapy since 2017 & It has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything. My platform is dedicated to giving you the WHYs behind the things that Narcissists do. I'm not here to diagnose ANYONE or to tell you to leave your relationship. I'm just trying to give you the information to make your own informed decisions
1 on 1's and all my links - https://beacons.page/mentalhealness
Remember, It's not your fault - https://a.co/d/2WNtdKJ
Episode Transcript
So do narcissists believe their own lies?
Do they believe the mess that comes out of their mouth, the
dribble, the insanity, the malarkey, the fantastical words
and stories that they make up? Do they actually believe that?
Or are they just pathological liars?
(00:21):
That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
I'm new here. My name is Lee Hammock.
I'm a diagnosed narcissist myself.
Here to give you the perspectiveof a narcissist, y'all.
And yeah, first of all, let's goand get this all the way.
Very early on. I, as someone diagnosed with
NPD, narcissistic personality disorder, don't believe that
(00:43):
most you hear the word right there.
Most, MOST, most narcissist truly believe their own lies.
They know that it's a lie. They absolutely do this.
One of those things that's not up for debate.
Like if you tell me that the skyis blue and I certainly argue up
(01:05):
and down that that, that the damn sky is green or whatever, I
know that the sky is blue. I just want to mess with you.
So that's one thing that you have to ask yourself when you're
dealing with a narcissistic person.
Does it matter whether or not they believe their own lies?
Does it because at the end of the day, you know it's a lie.
(01:27):
You do, you know that it's a youjust know it's a gross
fabrication. It's gaslighting, it's
manipulated. It's red flaggy.
You know that it's a bold faced crazy ass lie that they just
made-up to avoid accountability,to avoid whatever is going on,
right? I actually hear somebody tell me
(01:49):
today. I was doing a one-on-one over
Zoom earlier, mentalillness.net by the way, and I somebody said
earlier they asked that questionlike, do narcis believe their
own lies? I don't think they believe their
own lies because if they believed it, then they would no
longer be a lie. It will be their version of the
truth, right? There you go.
There you go. If they believe their own lies,
(02:11):
it would no longer be a lie. It would be the truth, so to
speak, right. So as you're dealing with these
narcissistic people, understand that a lot of them are going to
keep lying. They're going to keep making
stuff up because it works well. They why they if they don't
believe the lie, then why can they lie so convincingly?
Because it is fun. Yeah.
(02:31):
Let let's let me put my narcissist hat on.
I'm a somebody need to make me anarcissist hat that I can put
on. I will send you my PO Box.
My, my box. Just send me an e-mail.
I need a narcissist hat. Like I didn't put my narcissist
hat on. I need a hat that says there's
Lee's narcissist hat or or narc hat narcissist hat or something.
Something I could put on right? I got a big head so make it size
(02:54):
8 fitted cap. No but seriously, if I would put
my narc hat on and I would just like what?
Why the hell am I lying right now?
Because it's fun for some, narcissist line is fun for
others. It's a control mechanism.
Even if I'm lying, I'm still controlling the narrative.
(03:14):
Even if I'm lying, I'm still controlling what is going on.
Even if I'm lying, I still have some type of control here.
And you know, most narcissists are all about control.
They want to control the narrative.
They want to control your time, your effort, your energy, your
space, your mind, your reality, the kids realities, whoever
(03:34):
they're dealing with. They want to control every
almost every aspect of their lives in the lives of others.
So lying is a form of control for some narcissistic people.
Got it, Get it Good, Because this is the space that so many
of of us fall into, so many people that are dealing with
narcissists. You fall into this space that
narcissists are going to lie to you.
(03:55):
And there's no, a lot of times there's no good reason behind
it. They're just liars right?
Now you notice at the beginning I said that most narcissists
don't believe their own lies. Lee, what do you mean most?
Why not all? First of all, I don't speak in
absolutes. Second of all, I just know the
(04:15):
mentality of narcissists. Like there are some narcissists
out there that might believe their lies because they might
actually think it's the truth. You got it.
There are some narcissistic people out there right now that
might actually believe their ownlies because so much time has
passed by, they forgot what the truth is.
(04:37):
If I have been telling the same lie for 20 years, like let's
just say I let's just let me, let me lay, let me lay the
groundwork for you. Let's just say I have AGPA in
high school. I'm 40 years old right now,
right? So I'm 22 years out of high
school. I graduated 2003.
Let's just say I had a a 2.1 GPAin high school, but when I
(05:00):
graduated, I started telling people I had a three seven.
I had a 37373737. As time went by, I don't I
forgot what I really had. Now that 37 is my truth because
I forgot what I've had. I've told this lie so much that
I actually have started to kind of believe it, right?
I actually do believe it. So if I were to take a lie to
(05:22):
take the test right now, I wouldprobably passed a lot to take
the test on having a 3.7 GPA as opposed to a 2.1.
You see, that's why it goes right there.
I would probably I would probably absolutely pass that
whole pass a lot to take the test telling you I had a 37 when
I three one. I mean 22.1 without what I
(05:45):
originally had because I forgot about the 2/1.
I've told this lie so much that I've actually started to believe
it. I've actually started to believe
this lie right now. You see, now it's my truth.
So if I've been telling a lie for a very long time, I might
actually start to believe it. Now it is actually my truth,
(06:09):
right? You see how what I just said
falls into the the statement earlier?
If they believe their lie is thetruth to them in this situation,
because I've told this lie so many times over the last 20
years that I actually do believethat it's the truth.
Now you see how this is how, Sir, how that serves me right
(06:31):
there. I actually believe that this is
the truth. It it, it's because to me it is
right now, right? This lie that I've been telling
for 22 years is my version of the truth.
This lie I've been telling aboutmy baby Mama or my baby daddy,
my ex-wife, my ex-husband, my kids, my, my upbringing, my
household, my age, not not the age the city I was born in.
(06:54):
If I've been telling these lies for a very long time, then I
actually think that this is my truth.
You see how that works right there?
You see how simple, how simple that that can get right there.
When you're dealing with somebody that has this type of
mentality, like when you're dealing with a pathological just
compulsive lying as narcissist, then dare.
Some of them have been telling the same lie so many times for
(07:18):
the last X amount of years that now they believe it.
So now if you question it, they would you, they'll just tell you
that this is their truth. They'll call you a liar for not
believing them because now I've told this lie so many times that
it's committed to my memory thatI forgot what the truth is.
Now you, I will call you a liar for questioning me on it.
(07:38):
So even if you came to me and just like, hey, Lee, your high
school GPA right here was a 2.1.You said you had a three seven.
I would question that like not ahit you.
Where you get this from, you lying bastard, Where you get how
you dig this up? You created this.
I know I had a three seven. I know I had this, I know I had
that, blah, blah blah, Boo Boo Boo.
You see, that's how it would go.That's literally the mentality
(08:01):
of narcissistic, toxic, abusive ass people.
They will lie so much that they'll actually start to
believe it, and it's still stilla form of control for them now.
They're still able to control the narrative here.
They're still able to control the dynamics, the insurance and
outs, the back and forward, the up and downs.
They're still able to control itbecause lying is about control.
(08:25):
You see how we vibing? You see it.
You see it now, don't you? You see exactly how we're
vibing. So that's what I've been telling
you. So if you ever thought started
to wonder, like do narcissists believe their own lies?
Ask yourself to for you personally, it doesn't matter,
right? Because like you're if you want
to leave them lying to you doesn't matter anymore because
you out of it, you don't care. You don't give a damn about the
(08:46):
lies no more right, Unless it affects you and your kids,
unless they're lying to the judge or something like that,
right? You have to have proof because
if they believe those lies, thenyou in for a wild ride, right?
You're in for a wild crazy ass ride dealing with a
manipulative, abusive bastard like this.
So that's something that you have to understand.
That's something a different wayto go about doing things because
(09:08):
I look, I promise you, I believethat me as a narcissist would I
lie on the spot. I know it's a lie.
I know it's a lie. The narcissistic person that
you're dealing with, they know they're lying to you when
they're making up a when they'remaking up a story about late
coming home late at night and they know they will sleep on
(09:30):
somebody else. But in somehow they got an
alien, an alien abduction happen.
Like you know what, babe, I swear I didn't cheat on you.
They did. I just swear I didn't cheat on
you. Let me tell you what happened.
I had a couple of drinks and I was leaving the bar and have you
ever, have you ever heard of thecat distribution system?
Have you heard of it? It's like when a stray cat comes
(09:50):
up to you. It's now your cat.
So I'm coming home to you, baby,I know I love you so much.
I'm coming home to you. I'm a little tipsy, but I'm
coming home to you. And a cat came out of a cat came
out of an alley and they said meow, meow.
And I wouldn't got the cat. It's my cat.
The cat distribution system has finally chosen me.
I'd go into the alley and pick up the cat and guess what?
(10:12):
A naked woman is there and she took advantage of me.
She and she took the cat. Not only did she make me clap
her cheeks, she took the damn cat.
She took my manhood and she tookmy cat.
(10:36):
Do you think that? Do you think that I know that's
a lie, right? Yes, I know that's a lie.
Most narcissist know that they're lying to you.
Most of them know that they're lying to you.
Now I know. I know.
A question some people are goingto ask.
Well, Lee, if they know it, can they control it?
Some absolutely have the abilityto control the lies that they
tell you because they're doing it.
(10:58):
They're doing it on the go, right?
They're doing it quickly. They absolutely can control the
lies that they tell because they're trying to protect
themselves. They're trying to protect
themselves. They're doing this, they're
doing that. You see what I'm saying?
They can't control it. They know that they're lying to
you. Now, the compulsive liars, they
might be a different 1. The pathological liars, they
might be a little different. Whether they can ask yourself
(11:19):
this in in conclusion, y'all, whether they can control it or
not, does it really matter to you when you're trying to heal,
when you're trying to grow, whenyou're trying to make sense of
everything? These are questions you have to
ask yourself right here, y'all. Anyway, y'all cut this thing
short, y'all. I recorded my first two episodes
of the podcast. The mental illness podcast is
launching soon. We're doing my first two have
(11:41):
been virtual. I'm going to start doing in
person right here. See my chair.
You can be sitting in the chair right beside me asking questions
about your own mental health andthe mental health of others,
narcissistic abuse, whatever. We everything, all topics are
all topics are go here on the mental illness podcast out hit
that subscribe button. If you want to be on the podcast
and Share your story. There's a link in the
description. There's like a Google, a Google
(12:02):
forms link, Google doc link. Fill it out.
I'll be reaching out to you and hit that subscribe button.
Y'all got some more stuff comingfor you.
I'm out. Peace.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.