A narcissist and self sabotage can go hand in hand. So, Why Do Narcissists Blow Up Their Own Lives So Much? When things are seeming to go so well, why do narcissistic people tend to do things that mess everything up.
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I'm Lee & I've been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ). I've been in therapy since 2017 & It has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything. My platform is dedicated to giving you the WHYs behind the things that Narcissists do. I'm not here to diagnose ANYONE or to tell you to leave your relationship. I'm just trying to give you the information to make your own informed decisions
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Episode Transcript
Why oh why do narcissists tend to self sabotage and blow their
damn lives up so much? Why does it seem like soon as
things start going well in the life of a narcissist, when
things start going well with a narcissist, they hit the damn
self destruct button and blow everything up.
(00:22):
That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
If you do hear, my name is Lee Hammock.
I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
the Narcissist Colesic. That feel good y'all?
(00:49):
The old intro is back what is going on?
Beautiful folks. But yes why is self sabotage so
damn prevalent in our lives of narcissistic and or toxic
people? So First off narcissistic people
(01:11):
tend to like we imposter syndrome is real y'all.
Like we don't think we deserve what we get while also sometimes
feeling extremely entitled at the same time.
Don't let that go over your head.
We feel entitled to damn near everything.
(01:33):
Even if we have not earned it. Even if we don't have the
qualifications, even if we don'thave their prerequisite
knowledge for it. We think we deserve it because
we are us. We think we are entitled to it.
But when we get something, when we finally get what we feel like
we're entitled to, sometimes we don't think we're worthy of it.
(01:55):
Ain't that crazy? Ain't that crazy?
Ain't it crazy? How'd that go?
What's going on, April? What's going Lady of Lust?
Yes, that's crazy. How that works, though, isn't
it? We are in.
We feel like we're entitled to it.
But when we get it and it doesn't fulfill us, we think we
(02:15):
don't. We don't.
We don't deserve it. We don't feel like we're worthy.
Our mind is constantly flipping.It's constantly flipping back
and forth between entitlement and imposter, entitlement and
imposter. I deserve it.
I'm entitled to it. I'm not worthy of it.
That's a crazy mindset to have. And I'm not saying this type of
(02:36):
stuff to get you to feel sorry for a narcissist, right?
I'm not saying I'm not saying this type of stuff to get you to
feel bad for your narcissistic partner, right?
It's not, it's not the goal here.
That's not the goal, right? It's just to get to wake you,
help help you open your eyes up and see it a little clearly, see
the world through the narcissisteyes, see it through my eyes,
(02:56):
right? I need to wipe my glasses off.
But that's where it goes at. Who said that?
April, Absolutely the war withinyourself.
So when we feel like we're entitled to something and we
finally get something that makesus feel good, we all of a
sudden, once the fulfillment wears off, once the once the the
thin veneer of happiness wears off, all of a sudden now we feel
(03:21):
like we're not worthy of. Now we feel like we're not
deserving of it. Now it doesn't make us happy
anymore. So guess what happens?
We blow it the hell up. It gets blown to smithereens.
And if you dealt with a narcissist, you know exactly
what I'm talking about. I feel like I deserve to be
happy in a relationship. I feel like I deserve to be
(03:42):
happy in a marriage. So I go out here and find a
partner. I find a good part.
I find a Boo my Boo thing right?I find my Boo thing got my Boo
thing right. And then as things continue to
go back and forth, we continue to take steps forward.
We get married, we have kids, everything seemed like it's
(04:05):
going at everything seems like it's peaceful.
And then all of a sudden, guess what?
I cheat on you. You get cheated on, right?
You get your feelings hurt, you get broken up with.
Everything that you work for is now out the window because this
narcissistic person that you're with decided to blow everything
(04:26):
the hell up because they wouldn't.
It didn't. It didn't make them feel good
anymore. It didn't make them feel.
It wasn't it. It didn't feel right anymore and
you're left stunned. You like what the hell just
happened? Everything was going good.
I was literally you. You were out there and cheated
on me. I was living literally giving
you the cheeks 6 * a week even look even God I can't.
(04:50):
I was giving you the cheeks 6 * a week even.
God rested on the 7th day so I can't let the buns rest.
You go ahead and cheat. You would.
I gave you the cheeks six days aweek.
I can't take Sunday off. Damn.
I can't not just toot it up on Sunday.
(05:12):
I can't toot it down on Sunday. Even God rested.
I can't rest. Damn.
You got damn cheat. Damn.
What's wrong? You see?
They blow it up. They blow.
They blow it up. I know that's, yeah, I know
that's an obscure example, but they tend to blow it up.
(05:34):
They tend to blow it up. When things are going good, they
will blow. I'm telling you, when things are
going good, they will blow it tosmithereens and you'll be like,
what the hell happened? What is going on here?
I haven't done anything to deserve this.
This person is ruining my life. This person is doing this.
This person is doing that. They are just tearing you to
(05:54):
pieces. They turn you to pieces like
unexpected. It always seems unexpected, but
there will be signs. You just have to pay attention
to the signs that an explosion or some self sabotage is coming,
right? An explosion or some self
sabotage is coming. You just have to watch the tea
(06:16):
leaves. You have to pay attention to the
signs I'm telling you watch for a shift in behaviors.
Watch for a sudden shift in behaviors.
Like watch like if they seem like they're super happy and
then one day you wake up and youlook y'all, you can feel the
energy off. You can feel the energy off you.
(06:38):
Exactly right, exactly right. Katy Ivy, they're addicted to
drama. That's a good headshot.
Do you have some headshot? That's a good headshot.
You're that's like a realtor headshot.
You realtor like a realtor headshot right there.
You selling houses? No, but seriously, that is what
ends up happening right there. Like they will blow.
Watch for a sudden shift in behaviors.
Watch for a sudden shift like you.
(07:00):
They they go from super happy tosad one day out of nowhere.
You like wait, what the hell happened?
You can feel it. You can feel it right?
You know it. You ask them, they say nothing
wrong. Nothing wrong you.
Why would you? Why would you ask that?
Things are going actually going pretty good.
You can feel it, y'all, you knowit's, you know you think it's
going pretty good, but you can feel it in the air.
(07:22):
That is not perfect, right? You can feel it.
And then they start to do things.
They start to pull away piece bypiece, slowly but surely they
start to pull away from you. And then you can feel it and all
of a sudden they bring up with you.
All of a sudden they cheat on you.
All of a sudden they blow the relationship.
They, they, they, it's not always cheating.
(07:42):
Y'all that not not they don't just cheat, right?
They'll beat you up, they'll become violent and rage out on
you. You like what the hell you like,
what are you doing? Like we were going so good.
We hadn't, we haven't argued in four months.
And they just like, I know it. I just felt the need to argue
(08:02):
with your ass. You just had it.
Things were going too good. I think one of the main reasons
why they blow up the lie so much.
It's like sometimes y'all, they get bored, narcissists get
bored. And when I say that right there,
y'all do not take offense to that.
Lee call me boring. No, he did not.
You are not. You are not boring.
(08:25):
They just get bored. You're not a boring person
unless you might be. You might be just a cool, calm,
collected person, right? But you are not boring.
Narcissistic people just get bored.
And once they get bored, they get irrational.
They start seeking out chaos. They want to call some turmoil.
(08:45):
Things are too quiet. The y'all ever hear the y'all
ever hear the phrase the calm before the storm?
There it is right there. That's what you get right there.
The calm before the storm. If you're dealing with somebody
who thinks like this, right, youhave to prepare for it.
You really do. Who's it at April?
(09:06):
Yeah, absolutely. They need the storms sometimes.
Like the world needs the storms,right?
Sometimes we need the rain. You need, like, you got to get
wet every once in a while, right?
But sometimes we need the rain. We need the storm.
We need that type of stuff, right?
So the narcissistic person will just cause some chaos because
it's no like, once you get raised in chaos, you are born in
(09:28):
chaos. You are surrounded by chaos all
the time. That becomes your new normal.
That becomes your new normal. Y'all already seen the back of
what's the dark? The Dark Knight rises.
When Bane said you think you youthink you know the darkness?
He's I was raised in it, born init, molded by it.
I didn't see the light till I was a man.
(09:50):
You know that's what Bane said that man said.
You say, oh you think darkness is your ally, but you merely
adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by.
I didn't see the light until I was already a man.
And so imagine, Replace the darkness with chaos.
Oh, you think chaos is your ally?
You merely adopted the chaos. I was born in it, afforded by
(10:12):
it. I didn't see peace until I was
already a man. So if you're born in it, you're
born in that chaos, this is whatyou're going to get on the other
side of it. They're going to cause chaos
because they get bored. They're born in it.
They're they're, you know what I'm saying?
They're born in this chaotic relation.
They're born in this chaotic nature.
They're born in it, they're raised in it.
(10:33):
This is all they know. And most people, you go to what
you know, you grow to what you know, right?
Because all you know is chaos. You're going to go towards
chaos. That's just the way the world
works, ain't it? I was born in chaos, molded by
it. I didn't see the I didn't see
peace until I was already a man.If y'all are new here, I do.
(10:57):
I worked at Blockbuster Video for a long time.
I got AI do a lot. I get a lot of obscure movie
references. I do a lot of obscure movie.
I worked at Blockbuster for a while.
Steve Inger. Bat Wolf.
Yeah, Bat Wolf is cool. He's cool, yeah, but this is
what happens. Y'all, Dave?
Who's of that? He's most.
Oh, April on April on fire today.
(11:18):
I just keep seeing a couple of yeah, they're so emotionally
dysregulated that this is what happened.
This is a this is a side effect of emotional dysregulation
because we can't contain it. We can't.
We we're so we, so it's so our normal is waiting for stuff to
happen. Sometimes we want to make stuff
happen. We want to make stuff happen
(11:39):
because we're so used to stuff happening like shit, like
nothing happening. This, don't, this don't feel
right. What's what's going to happen?
Well, if something look, think about like this, if something
is, if we think something is already going to happen, we
might as well be the ones that make it happen, right?
If we think that something is already going to happen, we
(12:03):
might as well make it happen on our own.
We might as well take control ofit and whatnot.
We we owed. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I'm on at 40. I'm on at 40.
Reactive, that's all. Reacting to their abuse.
Yeah, you can react to it. Yeah, you absolutely will react
to it if you're around it for long enough.
(12:23):
Right? But that's what ends up going
on. Like you.
You end up reacting to their abuse, and then you might end up
looking like the abuser. We're going to do another video.
We'll do a video. My next live will be on.
My next live will be on reactiveabuse, y'all.
I'm going to do react. I can't.
I'm trying to mute this one. I wouldn't block them.
The next live will be on reactive abuse.
(12:48):
And if you don't know what reactive abuse is, it's when you
get your buttons pushed to the point where you snap.
That narcissistic person is pushing your buttons, poking
you, poking you, poking you, poking you, poking you, poking
you, poking you, and then you just blow the hell up.
You like and now you look like the crazy 1.
You look crazy. You look abusive.
(13:10):
This is what how you look. This is how you are perceived
and whatnot. This is part of it.
This is how it's going to look for you, right?
She who's it? She sent a flying monkey telling
me to leave her alone. 4 weeks later, she unblocked me.
So I sent a message and her response was just because I miss
you doesn't mean I want anythingto do with you.
Yeah. You felt you took the bait.
You took the bait. You know what I mean?
(13:32):
She unblocked you. There was the bait.
You took the bait. Can't.
You can't bite the bait. You hear people about people
taking the bait. Nothing rare, very rarely do
you. Is something good coming from
taking the bait? You know every fish that is
taking the bait has lived and regretted right?
Even if they, even if they throwyou back, Just imagine a fish
taking the bait. Even if they throw you back, you
(13:56):
traumatized right? Even if that fisherman throws
you back, you are traumatized. Some of y'all get cooked and
some of the fish that take the bait get cooked and eaten.
Some of them get thrown back andtraumatized.
Like imagine, imagine you a fishjust chilling one day and you
hungry as hell, right? You a hungry ass fish.
You're hungry, you're a hungry empath and you just out there
(14:17):
one day you like, I'm hungry as hell, I ain't ate all day.
Then all of a sudden out of nowhere splash you sell like a a
worm. Your face look, your favorite,
your favorite little food, your favorite food.
You'd be like, oh shit, where they come from.
I ain't seen that in a little bit.
Come on here. You like it's a love bomb.
(14:38):
It's The Who it's the Hoover. It's the Hoover you like.
Damn, that's that look good. I know it.
The last time my friend said they took they see some bait,
just like they seen some foods you like this and they they got
pulled out the water. But I'm different this time to
be different. And then they throw you back.
Look, then they throw you back. Look, they, they wait, they take
(14:59):
you out the water, they weigh you.
You can't breathe. They take you out to your
environment. You can't breathe.
You suffocating, you can't. Then they throw you back in the
water. Look, they, they pulled you out.
The narcissist has pulled you out the water and then they
throw you back. This is your face.
This is your face when you get thrown back.
(15:27):
Now you, now you're on a hunger strike.
Now you now you're not eating nomore.
Now you don't trust bait. Now you don't trust the food
source anymore. You know what I'm saying, so you
ain't wrong. He watched me react to this
abuse like I was crazy. Yep Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep.
You got to be careful y'all. They're trying to Hoover you
(15:47):
with your favorite favorite typeof things.
Even if, like even the fish thatsurvive are traumatized, even
the ones that get thrown back, they just weigh you and throw
you back, they still you are still a traumatized fish.
Thanks for all you share. The love bomb worm looks good
when we're hungry. Yeah, we're satiated with good
doors. But yeah, absolutely,
(16:08):
absolutely. That's the that's the
traumatized fish face. Traumatized empath right there.
And that's what ends up happening.
Now the healing starts all over again.
Don't take the bait. You got her absolutely right.
Do not take the bait. Do not take the bait.
(16:29):
How do we know of the final discard?
The final discard is up to you. You determine when this is
finally over, right? The back and forth stuff you are
in. You are in control of when it
ends. You can absolutely decide when
to end it. You are in control of this.
You are in control. You're you're hilarious.
(16:50):
I mean, yeah, I crack a lot of jokes, y'all.
I crack a lot of jokes, yes, allmy one on ones, my courses,
every single thing you can find at mentalillness.net.
Y'all, I'll drop it in the comment section.
And also, y'all, I've recorded my 8th episode of my podcast,
the Mental Illness podcast. The 8th episode has been
(17:10):
recorded today. The 8th 1 I talked to, I had to
talk to Doctor Sharon Niv today about low dose ketamine therapy,
psycho psycholitic, psychoanalytic psycholitic
ketamine therapy. It was an amazing conversation.
I'm excited for that one y'all. I've talked to so many different
people. The mental illness podcast is
(17:31):
coming soon. If y'all want to, I do my
one-on-one coaching, but if you want to be on the podcast to be
interviewed, to Share your story, if you're a therapist
survivor, you're dealing with your own mental health issues
like you have ADHD or you're on autism spectrum or you bipolar
or a SPDDID, any type of thing you look, I'm going to put I'm
(17:53):
going to put the link in the description.
I'm going to put the link in thecomments right here.
Y'all, this is what the link looks like.
It looks like it says TinyURL. You can fill it out.
I'll reach out to you. We'd be on a set up a podcast
interview, you know, like it's not it's it's very yeah, it's
just me and you chatting. I'm doing it virtual right now,
but I'm getting my in person studio set up.
(18:14):
Like the in person stuff is coming soon.
Y'all, y'all see I got my I got some of the stuff over there.
I got look, got a camera chairs stuff that's coming soon, y'all.
The in person stuff is coming soon.
So I have everything set up for I just got to get it get
finished getting it right. This ain't gonna go right the
same way. What if my ex isn't diagnosed?
(18:34):
Very rarely are you going to find a diagnosed nurses.
Y'all, Most nurses are not goingto get diagnosed.
You help me get out of the relationship.
Healing is hard. Yeah, healing is absolutely
hard. Healing is hard as hell.
But yeah, y'all will get it set up.
Y'all. Seriously.
That sounds really interesting. Yeah.
(18:54):
I had a very, very good conversation with Doctor Sharon
Neeves today. Nif, nif, nif.
Love the hair. Bye.
Bye. Yeah, it's gone.
The hair gone. Y'all.
No more shake them dreads. No more shake them dreads.
No more shake them dreads. Yeah.
I've been following you for fiveyear and now getting divorced
and it's so hard. Five years.
(19:15):
You've been riding me for five years.
Appreciate the support. Five years is a long time.
Appreciate the support. I know this even longer while
you're in the relationship. I know that's tough.
I know that's tough, y'all. Anyways, y'all, let me hop off
this thing. My courses, my everything is all
at mentalillness.net. Check it.
Outlook for my courses, my support group.
(19:36):
You can enter the code mothers or fathers to get 50% off the
courses or 50% off joining the support group.
I just realized that 50% off, they worked on that too.
Yeah, April been rocking me for a minute too.
I always appreciate April. I appreciate all, every single
one of y'all. Y'all thank y'all for tuning in
to this episode. And as always, y'all as always,
so Nark can't break it with you.Yeah, the discard phase is a
(19:58):
real thing. The discard phase is a real
thing. It's always y'all got to have on
this day I'm doing this is out. Peace.
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