Narcissists LOVE money! Even if it isn't there's! So Why do Narcissists Want To Control ALL the MONEY? Mainly because it lets them feel in charge of the situation and they feel entitled to every bit that you have.
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I'm Lee & I've been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ). I've been in therapy since 2017 & It has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything. My platform is dedicated to giving you the WHYs behind the things that Narcissists do. I'm not here to diagnose ANYONE or to tell you to leave your relationship. I'm just trying to give you the information to make your own informed decisions
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Episode Transcript
Why do narcissists want to control all the money?
I mean all of the money, even ifit's not theirs.
You can have a bum narcissist that sits at home on their ass
all day and you make all the money and they want to control
your money as well. They'll make you feel bad about
(00:21):
not giving them your money even though they can work as well,
even though they can generate their own income.
Why does this happen? Why do narcissists have to
control the money? That's what we talked about
today, y'all. If you're new here, my name is
Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist here
to give you the inside look at the mind of a narcissist.
Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
(00:41):
Let's get it. Hey, welcome back, everybody.
(01:01):
Welcome back. Welcome back to one of the last
episodes of The Narcissist Code.I think I told you all this
before, we're transitioning to the mental illness podcast here
pretty soon. The podcast is launching 8
interviews recorded getting thatlaunched here pretty soon.
But yeah, yeah, the topic at hand today is why narcissists
control the money. Money, money, money, money,
(01:23):
money, money, money, money from Toy Story.
Money, money, money, money. Narcissistic people have to have
to, in our minds, control the finances mainly because it makes
us feel worthy. As simple as that.
Controlling the finances in the household can make a
(01:45):
narcissistic person feel worthy.Even even if they don't
contribute to those finances. Seriously, Even if they don't
contribute to the finances, evenif they don't offer you
anything, even if they have nothing to give, they want to
control the money. Because a lot of times
(02:07):
narcissistic people and that this is just not narcissist, of
course rock. But a lot of time narcissistic
people attribute money to personal value.
So if I don't have any money to control, if I have no finances
to control, then me in my mind, I have no personal value.
I attack myself. I feel less worthy because I
(02:29):
don't have it right. So if you dealt with a
narcissist, you know exactly what I'm saying.
They feel less worthy when they don't have any money, when they
don't have any type of money, Nothing to hold onto, nothing to
flash, nothing. No, no flash, no nothing.
That's what they do that that type of stuff right there.
Y'all They have to control it because it makes them feel some
(02:50):
way, shape or form. I saw somebody said a woman, a
broke woman is the worst narcissist.
I would you get a broke woman that could be a worst
narcissist, but you get some broke bum ass men too broke.
You can have some broke bum ass trans folks right?
It don't matter. Your gender does not matter when
it comes to being a narcissist. You can be narcissistic
(03:11):
transgender person to be out here to be a horrible fucking
person. You can do that.
You see what I'm saying? That's what goes on right there.
Yeah, we get some broke women that get on your damn nerves.
They take advantage of you. They just manipulate the steam
off of you. But that gender, gender don't
matter right there. Like, I feel you.
Your personal experience is probably with a narcissistic
woman. And I'm not trying to diminish
(03:32):
your experience at all because they will get to your damn
nerves and they will ruin your damn life, I promise you.
But that's a piece of it. That's a part of dealing with a
narcissistic person right there.They feel entitled to the money,
right? They feel entitled to it.
That I'm telling you. That's another part of it.
The entitlement, of course. The of course narcissistic
(03:53):
people feel like having more money, it makes them feel more
worthy, but they also feel entitled to it as well.
Y'all over here? Y'all ever heard this?
The phrase your my money is my money, but your money is my
money. Mines is mines, but yours is
ours. That's a a narcissist.
I'm pretty sure a narcissist created that phrase right there.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure they did. I'm pretty sure they did.
(04:17):
I'm pretty sure they created that phrase right there just to
be able to manipulate people, just to be able to come out
there and just get on people's damn nerves and mess with
people. Says I promise you that they
did. But that's the mentality that
you have to go up again. That's the mentality that you're
that you're up against somebody that feels entitled to your
money just because they're with you.
(04:38):
Now this could be a narcissisticpartner, but it can also also be
a narcissistic child, one of your children, adult children,
teenage children. It could also be and this might
get y'all right here. You can have a narcissistic
parent that tell tells you that they sacrificed to raise you,
that they did all this stuff foryou and they also feel entitled
(05:01):
to your money. Gotcha dinner.
I know they right there struck anerve for some people are like
Lee, what the hell did you just say?
Because that's what I went through.
I thought nobody would ever talkabout that right there.
I talked about that. I never thought anybody would
talk about that right there, right?
I never thought they would. A narcissistic parent will
absolutely feel entitled to you,to your money, because they they
(05:25):
raise you and they felt if they follow hard times, they just
feel like you need you. You owe me.
You are indebted to a narcissistic person right there,
right? You are indebted to a
narcissistic person. They birthed you and raised you.
That's what I'm saying right here.
What about the ones that make you feel dependent upon them?
Yes, that make you dependent upon them.
Yeah. Financial control with
(05:46):
narcissists. When people talk about financial
control with narcissists, they're typically talking about
the ones that use their money tocontrol you, that make you a
stay at home parent. They make you quit your job just
so they to help them, to help raise the kids so that they can
chase their dreams, chase their career, build this big business.
And then when the big business is built, they bounce.
(06:06):
There's a lot of that's an alliteration for your ass,
wouldn't it? When the big business is built,
they bounce all those bees, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah. When the big business is built,
they bounce. They biggity, biggity bounce.
You see what I'm saying? They do that type of stuff right
there and then they leave. They leave you to abandon you
order or, or they don't always just abandon you.
(06:28):
They consistently threaten to abandon you to get you in line,
right? They consistently tell you, hey,
if you don't act the right, I'm going to leave you.
And you haven't worked in 10 years.
So who's going to hire you? You're dependent upon me.
You have to depend on me. And they would, like I said,
they will make you they they will give you.
(06:49):
Imagine being an adult and your partner gives you an give you an
allowance. Now there's a difference between
a budget and an allowance, right?
Sometimes when people budget, itwas like this is the amount of
money that we are allowed to spend this month because we're
going to be broke if we spend over over this an allowance and
controlling narcissists will give you an allowance to make
you feel, to infantilize you, tomake you feel like a child, to
(07:12):
put you in your place, to show you that who to show you who's
in charge. They'll give you an allowance.
Here's 5 bucks. Don't spend it out.
Don't spend it all in one place,kid, kid, I'm 40.
Huh, $5? That's the barely a gallon of
gas. What the hell are you talking
about? You see what I'm saying?
This this where it goes right there, Laura.
(07:32):
Laura said I bought everything for him to start his own
business. And now I'm glad he was too lazy
to ever start. Oh, did the business fail?
Oh, did the business fail? They'll cut so they'll in order.
When you get narcissistic peoplethat you that you like I said
you support, they'll take your money.
But they like some of them just not ambitious.
Sometimes they have these, sometimes they have the
(07:53):
delusions of grandeur. They try to convince you that
they will build whatever they that they say they're going to
do. Right there.
Right. He never started.
Oh, he never started. OK, Said Julie said my ex
couldn't keep a job. She couldn't control the
workplace at every job she got, she got and ended up quitting.
Yeah, that's how it goes right there.
Narcissistic people, even when they have the opportunity to
make more money right there, they'll just quit jobs they
(08:15):
don't like, be they don't like. They want to be their own
bosses, but they are hard. They can be horrible people.
So imagine working for your bosswhen you hate your boss because
you hate yourself. You see what I'm saying?
That's when you dig deeper beneath the surface of a
narcissistic mindset. That's where it goes right
there. You get these narcissistic
people. They want to control the
finances. They want to have the delusions
(08:35):
of grandeur to make a lot of money, and they don't make a lot
of money. And then they attach their worth
to money. And then when they when they
don't have money, they've get fall into a depression.
He did the romance scam on me. Oh yeah, sometimes they'll scam
you all your money. You can have these gold digging.
You can have a gold digging narcissistic person, y'all.
And notice I said person, because not every not every gold
(08:59):
digger is a woman. I know you hear when you hear
gold digger, you think about a young woman with an old, an old
ass man or something like that. Whatever.
You can have a man that digs gold on a woman or another man,
right? You can they can go dig on
another man, right? They'll scam you, they'll make
you fall in love with them to take care of them and then
(09:20):
they'll just scam you all your money or yeah, sometimes you
need the romance scam from people and other from
narcissistic people in other countries.
They'll have a long distance love.
They'll make you fall in love with them long distance to get
to get that. Try to get that citizenship and
they'll bounce on you. I've talked to people one-on-one
over Zoom that have had that happen to them.
Like Lee. I met this man online.
(09:42):
Love bomb the shit out of me came back, came, came over to
America, got here, got married soon as we got married, that was
on my ass and refused to refuse to divorce me because sometimes
y'all, I think the law is that certain certain laws, it might
be federal law, but certain state laws.
I know at least if you bring somebody over from another
country and you like sign for their green card or whatever
(10:03):
their their immigration paperwork, you're responsible
for that person for like 10 years.
So if y'all have a long distancelove in a different country, you
responsible for that bastard If you bring them over here, I
promise you might want to think about think twice before you
marry somebody from over there. You're responsible for you know
what I mean? You are absolutely responsible
and that's what ends up happening.
They'll they'll bounce your ass and then you end up having to
(10:26):
still have to take care of them and support them even if they
leave. So think about that.
You break. Hey, hey, I'm not trying to get
y'all to leave them. Now look, I'm just telling you.
I'm not saying he gave me the promise of marriage and lived in
my house. That's what happens y'all.
I'm telling you they'll future affect the hell out of you as
well. But the narcissistic person,
(10:46):
y'all, even when they don't havemoney, like I was mentioning
earlier, they still want controlof yours.
They still want the access of yours.
They still will make you feel bad about not spending money on
them, right? Even if they're able bodied,
even if they have their own money, they will still try to
save theirs and spend yours. And then once they have all
(11:09):
yours spent, they'll bounce on your ass.
They want to control the money. The money makes them feel in
control, especially when they'recontrolling your money as well
or controlling the money that they give to you.
That's why I said, if I say, let's say, let's just say I'm an
abusive, controlling narcissist,right?
And I control, I make the money.You're a stay at home parent.
(11:30):
You can't just leave me. You could, right?
But a lot of times they've made him, we've I've made it more
difficult for you to just leave me.
You can't just up and leave because I made it more difficult
for you to do that. Now you have to go to the
courthouse to divorce me. Now you have to find out.
Now you have to. When you move out, you have to
find somewhere else to go. You can't just move out.
(11:52):
You can't just leave. You have my kids.
You can't just move anywhere youwant to.
You can't just move anywhere youwant to move.
But that's what ends up happening.
You see what I'm saying? That's what ends up happening so
many times to narcissistic people.
Like they want to control you with the money so you can't
leave them. It's a, it becomes a safety
blanket for them to keep you stagnant, to keep you right
(12:12):
where you are. So you need to protect your
peace when you're dealing with people like this.
I'm just telling you, look, I'm not saying, I'm just saying
that's the way it goes in these situations.
Seriously, my husband took $45,000 out of the proceeds of
the sale of my of my premarital home to invest in his new
business on my behalf. Now I own equity in a company
(12:33):
that is O300K in debt. He is now divorcing me and
claiming that I owe him half thecompany that Oh damn.
So I I'm not a lawyer but I would talk to a lawyer about
that right there. They can set you up.
They start these businesses and they start these businesses when
y'all married. My debt is your debt.
Just like my income is your income.
My debt is your debt, Boo. You always seen the movie.
(12:55):
I think it was Anchorman 2 when Kristen Wiig married Steve
Carell in her in her vows. She's like with the with with
with you brick. You get my crippling student
loan debt and something else. She was talking about her debt
like she she told she told SteveCarell, you got crippling loan
debt, crippling student loan debt when you married me.
(13:16):
So thank you. Thanks for marrying me.
So sometimes you need to do right there.
Trump needs to deport his narcissistic people.
If Trump were to deport narcissistic people, he would be
the captain of the ship. Trump would be the captain of
the ship being deported. Yeah, Trump deport narcissist.
He would be the captain with thefucking hat on sell in the way
(13:38):
to not come back. So I don't think, I don't think
he'll be doing that pretty soon.Speak the truth.
I love listening to you. That's what I do.
That's what I try to do right there.
That's why that's what I try to do.
My husband waited until my dad passed away.
Then he completely changed. Yeah, that's what ends up
happening right there. They they look narcissist cannot
handle grief very well. Yeah, they cannot handle grief
(14:01):
well at all. Yeah, if Trump were to deport
the narcissist the people, he would be the captain of the ship
and most of the politicians in America would be the the fucking
second mate, the crew mates. Most of the politicians would be
the crew mates on the ship. They would be selling away.
We we wouldn't have a government.
We wouldn't have a functioning government right there, because
most of the narcissist motherfuckers are in there in
(14:22):
the Congress. But anyways, y'all, I do need to
hop off this thing check out. Like I said, I do my still do my
one on ones to resume mentalillness.net for all my one
to ones over Zoom, all the othergood stuff, my coaching, my
courses, everything is at mentalillness.net.
Make sure y'all check out the site, make sure y'all see it and
(14:45):
'cause I had to help with this thing, y'all, if you want to be
on the podcast, check out my website as well.
Y'all hit the subscribe button if you haven't already.
And as always, y'all, as always,peace.
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