Episode Thirty-Eight | WE ARE BACK

On this episode of The Mess Hall we discuss what we did during our vacation, introduce our new producer, and commentate on a messy situation. WATCH NOW! THE MESS HALL is a #comedypodcast that drops EVERY TUESDAY featuring JAMIE ROWAN and ANDREW YOUNGBLOOD. Follow us @TheMessHallPod on social media or leave us a voicemail at 832-744-9492 for your chance to be featured anonymously on the podcast and get UNQUALIFIED advice for your messy situation! #MESSHALLPOD

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Music.

(00:24):
Hey everybody welcome to the mess hall we're back bitches welcome back it's so exciting,
we've been you know doing so much over
the holidays i had my anniversary months off
that's too long has it been two months almost two months
almost two months by the time you hear this episode it will
have been two months so we did

(00:46):
a lot we recorded specials we holidayed we
spent spent too much money on our stupid kids yep had
an anniversary did try to get
jerry i didn't get you anything for it it's all good we
don't even get each other gifts anymore that's how long we've been together the
cock yeah this is uh guys sorry just get rid of it throw it throw it at the

(01:08):
camera don't hit the camera they're expensive new studio uh you know we're still
figuring out what we want our stuff jamie wanted a cock and not anymore the
cock didn't want me yeah but yeah that's it well Oh, look, you got a fat cat over there. That's fun.
Isn't it cute? That is good. It reminds me of me.
Well, not really, but it just reminds me of bad posture.
I got to sit up straight. Can we? If I sit up too straight, my fucking head is cut out of the...

(01:33):
If you look, if I sit up straight, I can't get... I can't see myself.
That's poor timing. Poor whatever planning.
That's my fault. We got a new producer.
Mike, show your face, you handsome devil.
Come on, Mike. we'll get there wait
no i'm looking at that i didn't even know you're the only one who

(01:54):
could see that that's funny yeah so that's mike he's
uh we found him on the side of the road and
we told him we'd give him a shower and a haircut and he'd have to he
could stop living in the kryptonite basement still waiting
on the shower in the hair he refused the shower yeah and the
haircut but we were in trouble because ben
left us high and dry we are

(02:16):
not saying that i said that no we're
not cutting any of that it's too much work plus he's
a homeless man we didn't he can't you know he doesn't
know how to use computers literally our new producer we love him we're so excited
very excited all new crew i mean you know one out of the 30 new if a company
got 30 all new people they'd be like wow that's a lot i know think about it

(02:40):
like that he vapes i just learned that right now about him what flavor is that.
Tropical rainbow blast oh man all right cool
rainbow blast are you uh are you single mike
yes hell yeah oh yeah fresh out
of a divorce right yeah paperwork's not
signed but oh damn oh man a divorcee is
good honestly i really think they are good they know

(03:03):
what they don't want they're they're you're still married what
do you know about i waited uh i have
so many friends dating divorcees i waited 35 years
to get married and got married and it
lasted nine months oh yeah i remember and then she
came home i came home from work one day and she's like i want
to leave you and i was like okay and yeah we

(03:24):
didn't yell there's no fighting nothing to just just hey
that's not so bad that's pretty good yeah what's her full name
man i can't imagine
i can't imagine that that's wild well you know
imagine caring so little about the
person that you married that when they're like i want to leave
you you're like yeah cool and she's like

(03:45):
yeah you didn't want to were you over it too or are
you just like yeah i'm not gonna know so the way that i looked at it was one
i loved her enough to let her go because i didn't want her to spend the rest
of her life just like like resenting
the marriage and not being happy and then two the way i saw it was.

(04:07):
If things are good and she's not happy and leaves
like imagine if i got hurt at work and like she had to take care of me like
she obviously like wouldn't do that yeah so i figured that it was you just be
sitting in bed with shit on your ass you can't do anything so i figured it would
be best to like end it like yeah this is what you say on dates that was so sweet

(04:27):
what you just said do Do not say that on dates.
When people ask about the ex. Well, I love my ex-wife so much.
When women ask about the ex, you guys, men are so dumb.
This is what we want to hear. We want to hear about. The only ex that I am not
friends with would be my ex-wife.

(04:48):
Every other ex I'm friends with. There's not a bigger turnoff than when a man
treats his ex, his mom, the waitress.
Like it like i the ex and
the mom get grouped in with a waitress i'm saying i'm saying
all this stuff like men think that women

(05:08):
want or maybe some insecure women do but
that women want to see you be like an asshole no you want to hear about the
ex that he treated her well that he was sweet to her but he's so over her you
can be both i don't know well i don't think that uh I think that that's what
women want to believe about themselves.

(05:28):
But at the end of the day, I do think that they like assholes.
I don't know. I'm not an asshole. I like to... I like to... If you talk to comics,
they'll be like, he's an asshole.
But I don't think I'm an asshole. I'm real like...
It's nuanced i think you and i are the same and it's hard
it's hard to i can't realistic like i
can't really be mean to somebody i'm bad at that i wanted

(05:51):
to hate you so bad dude yeah yeah for no
reason and you know what i remember you said this there was
a reason oh is it something we can talk about yeah yeah
no no yeah we can talk about okay let's hear i have no idea
uptight right now no no i'm not uptight about it
i'll actually remember any one time you might be on
my if you go to my website andrewyoungblood.com screenshot i think i quoted
you on my website and you posted a a screenshot yeah you asked me you're like

(06:13):
hey yeah okay see yeah but i remember you sending me that no so for like there
was like an 18 month period where every girl that i hooked up with.
Had like some kind of history with
you oh well you need to that sounds like a
you problem buddy so and so i don't want

(06:34):
to know who these girls are either we're not gonna i'm not gonna name yeah yeah
you're not on the podcast but i would like to know it was it
was immature of me you know because i'm just like man fuck this guy
because the thing is is they all spoke so highly of you
too so i was like man fuck this guy yeah he's
now he was at first like iffy on this story but
by the end i feel like you were on board well no mainly

(06:57):
because i you know you know me on the pod i try to keep personal stuff
quiet but this is funny yeah you gotta
make a commercial out of this he made me like him through
his comedy so i watched i looked him up on youtube and
his bit about the chick doing mushrooms at
lola's is a bit i don't even do i hate it was the funniest thing
that i've ever seen in my life that's just because he's been to lola's because

(07:19):
no because the exact same thing happened to me
at lola's yeah like the exact same thing with.
The same girl it's very possible because i
asked i asked i asked if it was who i thought it
was and you said no no no no this was that was uh
that was a baby mama that was a that was
a and i can't imagine you're what are
you are you a white guy why do

(07:41):
people because you look mexican all the time is
it the mullet like what is it like i don't like i'm so
white dude okay i'm super white i hope
you have your photo up right now so they can you be the judge people
i you look a little hispanic i get that.
A lot but yeah and i have blue eyes and i'm super.
Pale so i don't i can't tell the blue eyes yeah women

(08:02):
what would you what would you i would have guessed i would have guessed
a half half halfy yeah you look
like a half breed i'm like as white as it gets dude it's
funny i'm so white i'm clear you're a little too upset by
us thinking that you're half yeah yeah i get it
no no it just happens all the time like i think it could be a couple things
it's you know the the the way you dress you know the nikes the not i mean i

(08:28):
dress fucking very similar but nike wise and stuff but like that you got like
you got like mexican drug dealer like you totally like if.
So what's different between like that vibe and like, like if we were in New
Jersey, would it be like a mafia vibe?
Yeah, I could be like, what are you? I think if you shaved your facial hair, you'd look white.

(08:51):
I think something about like, something about this part of you that's showing like seems.
The dark hair. I don't know. Yeah, maybe because you got so much beard and hair
going on that you don't look that pale.
If we saw that full-ass face, we'd be like, that's a whitey.

(09:12):
Our skin tone is like the same.
I'm showing more skin. I like it, I think. Maybe not, though. I don't know.
I'm so white, dude. My beard's a little kept. You might be tanner than me. Well, I don't know.
I don't know. This is way too long that we're spending on his ethnicity.
The people want to know, Mike. Do you want to talk about your special?

(09:35):
Do you want to talk about the holidays?
We can talk about whatever you want, except for London. No, no.
So much has happened. The special did get recorded, and it is being released on March 28th.
Finally have a date. It just came out today.
Yesterday is actually when the date came out. So the date I'm releasing a special came out today.

(10:00):
He's releasing the special on march 28th y'all so exciting so march 28th it's
coming out i'm very excited got podcasts lined up and some so i'll be all over the place and.
I'm really excited to see it because i didn't get to see it
live so it'll be a surprise for me well you've probably
seen a lot of those jokes because you've seen me at other shows well

(10:21):
no maybe not i mean some but i saw you at some mics
working out some material but i don't think
i saw all right well well then you'll
see about 45 to an hour of bullshit but
you know people liked it a lot we did four shows you opened
two of them that was very fun thank you we're not using any of those shows is

(10:41):
that literally unrelated i think you did great yeah yeah saturday night late
show was the best show by far so it's exclusively one from one show i would
say it's It's going to be 90% from that show.
There are, there are two jokes that are going to come from maybe the first show.
And then after that, all last show, there was something about that last show. It was magical.

(11:03):
And yeah, I've only said that about a handful of shows.
And that was one of them. The other one, Butte, Montana.
Okay yeah i don't know it's just weird it is always random
like it was just random it was like a theater i walked i
just got out of this the day before we did the
worst show that ever happened i mean i was opening i was
opening for mark on both shows and the day before we

(11:26):
do two shows early late show early show fine late show.
Shit show everyone's hammered sold.
Out show big theater for whatever reason there
was a little bit of a snowstorm but not too crazy half
of the the people don't show up so we're in a half full theater now
and it's sold out so it's all confusing but
half full theater and so they're hammered and

(11:49):
they're chanting mark's name they're like mark mark
mark mark and then i get brought up on stage and they're
like still chanting mark i go you got me for 30 minutes assholes like
fuck you and then i go in and they're so fucking drunk and
i'm just like yelling at them and they're yelling 30 yeah we're
just yelling at each other but here's the the thing mark is
out there they're no goddamn better they're just yelling at mark

(12:12):
they're just like they're just like shit
like that you know that kind of man maybe don't maybe bleep
it uh i'll bleep that but but they
were yelling that stuff i wasn't lying but they were like
yelling crazy shit and at one point mark
was like what the hell are you guys doing this show sucks i
was like this is a hell gig you've this is a horrible show and

(12:33):
then everyone cheered and it it was like this doesn't make any fucking sense
and then we just went and drank at a hotel and
it was a weird hotel because there's like a mermaid like a
really higher i remember you saying this yeah that was kind of neat but the
next day i don't know if it's because those shows were so shitty the next day
we go out on the way we go to a hot spring we sit in that and then we go to

(12:54):
butte or one of those fucking montana towns i thought it was butte but it could
be something something else.
And it was awesome. It was so good. It was two shows.
And I remember like going up, making a couple of jokes.
And I was like, oh, my God, this crowd's awesome. And then it just the whole
time never fucking stopped.
Had a heckler, but they were just drunk and then like made it a big funny thing

(13:17):
real quick, moved on and and then closed it.
And then I got off stage and Mark was like, Mark was like, that was the best
I've ever seen. He goes, that should have been your special.
This was before when I was just talking about filming your special,
my special. So it was awesome. It was cool.
That's awesome. Who's in Butte? What are the people like in Butte?
You know what was interesting?
Sold a ton of merch, right? I ton made a good amount of money,

(13:40):
but most people do when they come through, they buy a merch.
I go, Hey, thanks so much. If you liked me, follow me on Instagram,
YouTube, blah, blah, blah, all this stuff.
And they all usually go, all right, cool. Let me, here's a little QR code and then I'll scan it.
And 90% of them are like, Oh, we don't, we're not on the internet.
People in Montana have gone to Montana to get away. They want to not live in

(14:02):
the world that we fucking live in and they're smart for it,
but but they don't have they don't have fucking they don't
have any of that so i feel like people of a certain age are
they also like a certain no they were my age i mean
i guess such a certain age but i mean there was like young and there's
older it was mostly 30s though i think comedy fans in general are 30 you know
30s and up are they i don't know go to i feel like a secret group by the way

(14:27):
oh this is i don't even know if i should mention this but i've i heard that
january has been like an amazing month at Secret Group. What the hell is that? What'd you drop?
God damn it you don't have to hold on
your phone we're not even i know i just put it right i put
it under my ass i don't know well there you

(14:47):
don't have much so god damn it how
are you gonna hold anything with that thing i think i do i do so
many squats i work out a lot you're gonna come to solid core
with me and we're gonna work out together i don't know what that is but i'm not
going especially i'm gonna get an ass like you i
want to get a i want a juicy bubble or something you know add this to the commercial

(15:09):
for the dating thing just add that at the end just no i'm not talking i want
one i want like a you know i want a strong ass you got uh two pancakes.
I'll like and some syrup i don't know i'm you know we haven't done a podcast in a while,

(15:30):
what the hell shaking off the cobwebs by talking
about oh yeah speaking of shaking off the cobwebs
when was the last time you had sex jamie yesterday i
we have we have a good i my relationship isn't
fun to talk about because like it's really we're happy yeah it's good it's really
the best thing in my life he's so amazing i don't know if that's sad or it seems

(15:54):
happy i guess it honestly is great we did have our anniversary this month that
was exciting i the first weekend of january opened and for Jared Freed. That was exciting.
I didn't get picked for jury duty. That was exciting. There's so much to catch
up on. What'd you do to get out of it? Say the N-word?
I literally was just, even before they started doing jury questioning,

(16:14):
because there's the part where the judge stands up and just tells you,
these are what laws are, innocent till proven guilty, blah, blah, blah.
And then he pop quizzed us, kept asking questions.
And then it got to a point where he was like.
Ma'am are you a lawyer and i was like no and he was like well maybe you can

(16:35):
stop talking and answering questions and let someone else speak so like already
i was wait you got in trouble.
What and what did you i'm confused hold on why were you answering questions
when you weren't supposed to no he was he was like i want verbal responses to
things and then he was like raise your hand he would like pop quiz us after

(16:56):
like telling us what some of
the like fifth amendment rights that the defendant has and this and that.
And he said, do you understand that? Everybody say yes. I need to have it for
the court reporter. If you understand, say yes. It's like sitting in the exit row on an airplane.
Yeah, exactly like that. And then raise your hand if you know the answer to
XYZ questions, so we know you're ready to be on a jury.

(17:19):
And I kept raising my hand like annoying teacher's pet, I guess.
And he was like, ma'am. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.
And also i three hour
street parked my car so i didn't
realize i was going to be there that long had to go move my car everybody in
the courtroom had to wait for me for 10 minutes it was on a break so i thought

(17:42):
i would have time did not and then the judge told everyone i was in the bathroom
so when i came back in you dumped everybody thought that i had been shitting for like for For sure.
The past 20 minutes. I assume that they think you were throwing up self-induced.
Hey, I mean, it might not be wrong. That-
I think it's amazing. It was embarrassing. Mike, have you ever gotten a jury

(18:06):
duty thing in the mail? Yes. And have you ever gone?
No. What's wrong with you, Jamie?
There's no way they can prove that you got those things. They don't even make
me go because now you can just go online and there's a little questionnaire.
And as soon as you put that you've committed a crime and been convicted of a
crime, you're immediately disqualified.

(18:27):
Damn. Now I have a reason to commit a crime. I've been arrested a couple times. Even a misdemeanor.
I don't have any. You can't serve on a jury with a misdemeanor? Well, I don't know.
I don't want to serve on a jury anyways. And I got nothing.
I had a couple of almost misdemeanors, but then they got dropped.

(18:48):
Why'd they get dropped? I'm more curious on what kind of criminal we have producing this podcast.
Let's hear it. First of all, if you don't want to share, we'll move on.
But if you are okay with sharing.
We won't move on. And we would like to play a game where we guess until we get it correctly.
Okay. But which time? Oh, okay. Well, let's start with the least offensive one.

(19:10):
So you have two misdemeanors.
No felony. Can you vote? I have two misdemeanors and one felony.
Oh, no voting over here, huh? I've never gotten to vote.
Ever? You got one early. Yeah. It's drugs. All day. That'd be my first one. Yeah. No.
Really? Assault? nope this could turn from fun to not i would imagine i imagine

(19:34):
he's smart enough where if it was something no it's it's it's it's a funny story
all right hold on all right so it's not drugs and i mean grand theft auto no.
You got a guess, Jame? I've never called you that before. Arm drobbery.
No. No. Come on, dude. That face. That's a childlike face under there.

(19:57):
I know. That's why nobody would expect it. It's the perfect crowd.
Ooh. Man. Drugs. But there is a drugs in there, right?
So my two misdemeanors are both marijuana. There you go. Possession or selling?
Possession. Possession. I got arrested on 420 with an ounce.
And then the second time I got arrested with a joint. Damn. I had to do jail time for both of them.

(20:19):
Damn, Texas, we suck, dude. Wait, felony, intent to sell.
So a bigger amount intent to sell, right? No, I think he would have said when
I said drugs. Oh, you said no drugs. I said drugs. I think he would have said that.
Man, not theft, not drugs. Well, not Grand Theft Auto. Could be a different
kind of theft. Ooh, did you steal someone's identity?
No. Damn. All right. I think I'm running out of ideas here. I feel like- Can you give us a hint?

(20:45):
It's a very broad vague term for hold for the train yeah i don't know if they
can hear that but uh yeah i don't know i give up all right you want to tell
us well do you have any more guesses,
no i can't it's all too too intense i know and it's too soon we hardly know
the guy so i went to uh i left for college when i was 17 okay and then i turned

(21:08):
18 and two months after my My 18th birthday,
I was at a fraternity party and I got really drunk and I was wearing a George W.
Bush hat and these frat guys made a comment about my hat.
And so I ended up like getting in a fight, which I mean, I call it a fight,

(21:28):
but it was really like 15 frat guys just beating the shit out of me.
Yeah. You punched a rich kid in the face. No, no.
So you guessed assault. That wasn't it. So I went back to the dorm room.
Burned it down. Arson. And one of the guys that was actually the thing,
it was one of the guys that I thought did it. Damn.

(21:51):
It ended up not being the same guy. But I, I, I kicked his door in and took
everything out of his room and I set up his room outside.
Like, like everything like in its place, but just outside.
Yeah. And they charged me with burglary of habitation and they tried to give me 12 years.

(22:13):
Jesus Christ. But then I got it dropped down to in Nebraska, which is where I was.
They had what's called a class four felony, which here we don't have.
Of it's like abc i think before they dropped it down to criminal mischief so the the my official,
felony is criminal mischief which is a fun felon that's a
fun name is it theft if you didn't even remove the items from the property well

(22:36):
they did i removed it from the property i took it outside and i said well he's
not saying is that his ride never came so he was just out there with all this
stuff i tried to leave by the way that is a hilarious thing to do oh yeah i
would think I think that the judge would have seen the humor there.
So in the newspaper...
The newspaper painted me as a gangbanger from Houston because I was in this small Nebraska town.

(23:02):
Half Mexican. Did you have the facial hair? And it was also an election year.
And still tipping, it just came out. So we were feeling some kind of way.
Yeah. See? You can see why we think you're Mexican. A little bit.
You can see it a little bit. There's nothing wrong with it. I love the Mexican people.
You should embrace your non-Mexican heritage.

(23:24):
Youngblood loves the mexican people yeah i
do i got one of my own i know
it's pretty fun you know that's what i was implying i
visited i've been inside is that the funniest to the commercial it's a funny
felony right that's pretty good it's a silly felony it's pretty good i almost

(23:44):
had a felony i think it's creative too like i would i just i would think that
you You wouldn't have gotten such an intense punishment. That's crazy.
My lawyer was like, this is insane. This is literally just a college prank.
And they're trying to give you 12 years. It was an election year too. Yeah, it's pretty nuts.
That's nuts. I almost had a felony.

(24:05):
Got dropped down to a charge that was called menacing.
And that was the coolest thing I ever, like I thought that was the coolest thing ever.
Very fitting. Time served and menacing. I was in jail for a little less than
two weeks. Give your most menacing face.
I think it's your most menacing. Look directly at the camera.
Menacing can be stamped on your face.

(24:27):
Yeah, it looks like a mugshot. Really? I feel like menacing would be more.
You got to lift a brow. You're good at moving your brows, too, I feel like.
Look at those things. Hold on. Let me try to look evil.
I don't know. You got to lift a brow. I don't know. I don't want to break the
camera. If I get too menacing.
Menacing. That's pretty cool. I thought it was neat. And you know what's funny?

(24:50):
The only reason I got arrested is because I had this party when I was in college. Copycat.
I had a party. a guy had just gotten a a kid had just died the week before that's
not why we were having the party just unrelated he was that guy no no we had
a party the week before this guy,
drove himself into a tree unfortunate right but we didn't know he did drive

(25:15):
himself into yeah we didn't do it you know but small college town so we are
drinking we're having i'm like i'm like like the next party, basically, right?
We didn't want to cancel the party for this guy we didn't know.
And no one said, hey, we're going to crack down on this, you know?
So they decided to crack down on parties of underage drinkers. I'm 19, maybe.
We have about 50 to 60 people there. It's not too crazy.

(25:39):
We're all drinking, having a good time. The cops come in, they bust it open.
They start IDing everybody.
There's one 21-year-old there. And then I don't know half of the people there.
And so there's people with the age of 16 all the way up to 20.
20, 20, like mostly 20, right?
Cause I was 19 and there's a couple of 20 year olds. There's a couple of 18
year olds. Like it was, you know, whatever.

(26:01):
Some 17 year olds.
Exactly. So you know how college parties are. That's just, this is what it is.
Right. And so we have this party, they get busted up. They ID everybody.
There's young people there, you know, there's everyone's underage and the cops
like, where'd you guys get the booze? And, and.
I'm not a snitch. I'm not a rat. There's one guy who is 21.

(26:23):
He might've been 22, but there's one guy of legal age to drink at that party.
And he bought all that booze for us. That's how that shit worked.
But our go-to was always, I got a bum to buy it for me, right?
I just got a bum to buy it for me. And that's what we would do all the time.
And so I tell him that and he goes, well, I'm gonna let you know now someone
in here is going to get in trouble.

(26:44):
This guy has been caught for doing this before and i
go well i don't know what to tell you man i got it
from a bum and in my head with like confidence thought
i was just gonna get a ticket you know
it's just kids getting drunk right how bad those motherfuckers
threw me in jail they put me and my roommate in handcuffs they

(27:05):
arrested us they took us to jail it was over like
christmas break so i spent christmas and new year's eve
in jail i remember watching the clock the analog clock
tick it gets to midnight night and i just go happy fucking new
year wait what how long were you in jail i told you like
just under two weeks and was it for contributing to
the delinquency of a minor that was it and so i get out

(27:25):
of jail right i get out of jail and then
i am getting in front of a judge and the judge is
like how long you've been in jail and i go i don't know since this date and
they're like how the hell have you been in jail this long for
a party and then they go all the charges are dropped down
to this we're just gonna so it's not even it's not
even a misdemeanor it's something out like menacing i don't even

(27:45):
know what it is but also with my first thing so it's not even on
my record anymore oh so i guarantee you
what happened was is that he gave me time served he
was like you were in there too long yeah well you shouldn't have been in there
that long but the courts were probably closed for the holidays exactly that's
100 what it was yeah so i just got stuck in there for by the time i got out
they're like but you didn't call bail bondsman or something like couldn't oh

(28:06):
no no i called my mama you don't get bail until you go to court yeah but i called my mom and she goes.
Good luck. She's a real...
Piece of work i was bailed out when i
went to jail yeah you want to hear the worst part your bill
has to be set if yeah yeah if the court's closed houston's good
about doing like you know houston will put

(28:27):
you in front of a judge at fucking 5 a.m the next day yeah yeah this was new
york upstate new york i got arrested at like three in the morning and it was
on like the weekend before christmas so it was like you know it was just it
was unfortunate timing and all that and And the worst part about it is I didn't
turn this guy in. I didn't snitch on him.
And the only reason that's the worst part is because I smoked a lot of weed back then.

(28:51):
And when they busted in, well, when they knocked on the door,
I ran, grabbed all the weed I had, and I stuffed it and hid it inside the disposal of my kitchen sink.
And then when I got back out, I was so ready to smoke weed. And I went in there and it was gone.
Someone stole it from me. And it was that guy that you didn't.
That motherfucker. that motherfucker stole it and two years

(29:13):
later came clean and cried to me when he was on mushrooms and i
was like this piece of shit i mean he
was like the only 21 year old at a party buying booze
all the time he's obviously a piece of shit yeah
yeah yeah yeah well you know i'm still friends with the guy of
course you are yeah yeah i'm a forgiving soul you also
think it's like i think i've noticed you think

(29:35):
it's like exciting to be around people who like
could be potentially very dangerous remember
at the beginning of the podcast you telling that story about
the guy the guy i'm talking about
the guy who was like you're latin like you're like we can't say his name because
he's in prison right now but we loved hanging out then the austin guy the little

(29:56):
hispanic dude well i don't know if he's in prison i don't know he well he was
wild and that was more more of a crazy story about a crazy guy.
I don't, I hated hanging out with that guy. A bad person.
Well, you don't know why, just because he's gay?
Stop what is that why well queen of the gays okay listen it is because he hurt people we think,

(30:23):
he was i've never seen allegedly allegedly allegedly
the fear in your eyes when you talked about him you're like.
We can't say his name he's violent yeah i
did see he was you know how dangerous this guy
was this guy was probably jamie's
size maybe maybe maybe 30 pounds on
jamie like small guy not scary to me

(30:45):
at all there was a guy that was probably
the size of me and mike put together like i'm
talking i'm talking almost 400 pounds fucking
neck tattoo big swole dude and we're
on this a party bus all you have to do is run we're we're
on this party bus and i see this guy that's your
size gets in this guy's face and just

(31:07):
slaps the shit out of in front of all of of us and we're like what the
fuck and he sat there and took it because he
knew if he did something some crazier shit was gonna
happen which is crazy because that dude could have snapped
him in half so that's how that's what
kind of dangerous that guy was think about like the
what power can get you think about all the

(31:27):
richest dudes they're like little like slimy little yeah
you get a whole island yeah by the way can
we talk about we met i know it's behind the actual
like news of it it because this was early january but
those epstein documents were speaking of
i didn't look at them it was fucking hilarious

(31:48):
i was too scared i'd see tom hanks of course so
you know thoughts and prayers and all that but like thoughts
and prayers to who get the victims oh yeah i thought.
You meant people on the list i was like wait what no no.
There are it is funny the only thing i find funny about.
That is here's like there's all the people on the list and then there's
here's a list to the people also they just like went there they

(32:10):
had no idea what was going on but they're they're on the flight don't
you feel bad for the dude that was like just going there
to like legit hang out like he him and his wife
went to the beach yeah like we we like went
on the jet skis like katherine heigl
or something was on it like some like some like 90s actress where and she's

(32:30):
just like a good person and you're like oh huh interesting my favorite one the
best one and we can talk about it because it wasn't it was a scam spoiler alert
but like the Stephen Hawking stuff like that made my day he was a bad person.
Okay but hold on this is what i heard and i could be wrong i didn't pay yeah
tell me what you heard and i want to read exactly what i heard that he went

(32:51):
there and when he was there he would like to see little people solve math equations
on a board slightly out of reach yeah so literally,
he'd make them attempt to solve it but they couldn't they couldn't
reach it did jeffrey ever talk about stephen hawking's proclivities
the respondent answers yes he liked watching
watching undressed midgets solve complex equations on a

(33:14):
too high up chalkboard that's crazy and you liked
that that was a scam that was not true it's
they they like faked it to make it look like court
documents and also you're not supposed to say midget i'm pretty sure i don't
know i only know one that was a literal i was reading it off of my phone i'm
queen of the gays and the gay midgets i think you call them midges midges i

(33:36):
am like i think it's dwarfs i thought little people,
I think they like to be called dwarfs now.
I'm not sure. They change it up a lot. I think that it's all about what's in your heart.
Can we just- Can't call them shorty. I mean- That's, you know.
I'm going to read the thing as it said. It said midgets. Would you read the
thing if it said another word?

(33:57):
I would quote- She had a pass. You would quote anything. No.
Don't say that. You would quote. Pull up. No, you are trying to get me to say
shit. I will not quote anything. Quote it and clip it, baby.
By the way did you you're the same age as me did you ever rap in high school

(34:17):
i mean at parties yeah i mean let's hear it now there's some stuff on the internet
if you looked hard enough let's hear it now no no no no no would you ever quote songs and sing along.
Oh, did I say the N-word when I was a kid? Yes. Guess who didn't?
Well, you just didn't know any. That's all.
He didn't have any black friends. Doesn't change the fact.

(34:39):
Yeah. No, no. And also, I never said it. I never said it.
Any white kid who lived out in the suburbs at any point in their life in their 30s for sure said it.
Now, did we say it in a negative way? No.
But did we say, what's up, my N-word? All of the time.
Isn't that worse? we stole that culture from
2002 to 2010 it

(35:02):
was completely like okay like
nobody had a problem with it oh yeah to the
point where like when it became a problem you had
to go back it was too late oh yeah man facebook memory scared the shit out of
me about five years ago it was like 10 years ago i go what's up my oh shit that
was so terrifying mike you're our age i feel like there's not that much how

(35:22):
old are you mark i'm 36 yeah i never did blackface i know that,
no i never did it but i did go as crisscross for halloween once
but i didn't do the face you just wore your clothes backwards yeah that's basically
i just wore i had the laziest well i also borrowed a jersey i borrowed a jersey

(35:43):
and i made i made a big fucking fake necklace you had had to borrow a jersey
yeah yeah i was an emo kid dude i don't give a shit about fucking.
Sports i wear a lot of athletic wear for a guy that's not very athletic yeah
i get it i'm a i'm a big athleisure guy i put the leisure and athleisure,
That's nice. I wear athleisure almost exclusively. I don't wear it out,

(36:05):
but I wear it at the, I mean, I got, I got 40, not 40.
That's a lie. I don't want to lie to everyone, but I have 12 to 13 pairs of
Nike sweatpants and probably 30 hoodies.
I have 16 Adidas tracksuits. Damn, dude. I always want to wear a tracksuit,
but it makes me feel like I'd look too Russian.
Mike, if you're going on a date, what do you throw on? Just whatever I wear normally.

(36:30):
A tracksuit. tracksuit bottom tuxedo top that's my
favorite thing about these new tables is i don't even have pants on dude yeah
actually i'm all right if i was going
to like a nicer restaurant i'd probably wear like
my nice tracksuit i don't know or maybe just a
nice track do you have like a velvet tracksuit it's velour

(36:50):
you do not yeah mike can
i what's wrong can you please wear it next time man it's gonna
be no nothing's wrong with it it's warm in this new room
oh yeah especially in velour i would be psyched if
i went on a date with a dude to a nice dinner
i'm not even joking and he showed up in a velour tracksuit.
But you're married and happy i i'm talking.

(37:13):
About fun this would be fun buy him a velour tracksuit
and tell him to take you out he would never why not
on he's not cool enough i think
it's pretty cool he looks a lot like ben gibbard i don't
know who that that is well i've already shown you the guy from
death cap he looks damn near identical really everybody always
says he looks like a guy that he actually hates so i think it's really

(37:34):
funny is what's that actor who like hates oil
and gas and he's all big on climate change and
i feel like he was that sounds awesome a voice of
a documentary but he also is an actor
and he has like black wavy hair
kind of grayish he's like 50 ish mark ruffalo
mark ruffalo why didn't you say the hulk i i

(37:57):
don't want that it's like the last he just
did the thing you know the best you know the best friend from 13
going on 30 legitimately never like the
most like you know who he is from the documentary where
you never see him or anything but he's got curly hair like
i never have seen the hulk that is so outside
of anything i'm interested in i hate that shit i

(38:19):
do have a recommendation oh my god have you guys watched love
on the spectrum no but i keep hearing
a local comic make it has a bit about it okay the new season came out it's amazing
it's the old one have you watched the old one yeah i've watched all of them
yeah they're fun i'm i'm three episodes in the new one and it's cool i get it
i fell asleep to it last night yeah it couldn't even That is the point though.

(38:42):
It's so sweet, it's so wholesome.
It's like, if you're kind of like a, we're a little bit like.
I'm wholesome you know you're a
happily married person you're not in the sad
club mike yeah you're mike can be in it yeah and
i and i don't know mike very well my wife left me
okay hold on i'm not in the sad club but

(39:03):
i mean there's a lot of other sad shit that i don't
share but i'm not in the sad club you're right you're actually you're
in the happily married anxious club you're in the like
abercrombie club damn dude it is
so funny how people view me i don't understand how
people view me it is wild that's crazy it is
those jeans are too low has anybody ever went

(39:24):
out of their way to assist you in something that they didn't have to for no
reason yes if you're talking about having a vagina and you don't have one of
those sure that is the main reason people haven't done that for y'all that's
not a vagina thing people help me all the time it's called pretty privilege
oh my god God, say it again.
What was the first word you said? It happens to men too.

(39:46):
Wait, Mike. Pretty privilege. Say the first word. Pretty?
Guys, she's 37.
She's still pretty. I call it could be a little skinnier privilege. You fucking bitch.
By the way, did you notice when you told that story earlier about the Hispanic
dude who's dangerous and may or may not be in prison and be coming for you?

(40:08):
You said at one point, same size as Jamie, and I almost burst into tears.
And then you were like 30 pounds on Jamie. And I was like, yeah, he was tiny.
When he comes into town, I'll introduce you. We'll all grow up.
Do you know what it feels like, Mike, though, to have people think that that's
your only value? Because that sucks.
What? Is that getting too real for the podcast? So I know what it's like in

(40:32):
a similar way, not that way, but I know what it's like for people to think that
you only have value in like one thing.
Literally, I never shut the fuck up.
And do you want to know why? Because I'm so desperate for people to understand me, to hear me.
I mean, comedy is part of that, but like literally when it does leave you with

(40:53):
a fucked up complex, my life is great. I'm not complaining.
I'm not a victim. I get it. Privilege, blah, blah, blah.
But it fucking sucks for people to think like, that's it.
That's the whole extent of it. There's no intellect. There's no humor.
There's no kindness.
There's no fucking anything. It leaves you with a massive chip on your fucking

(41:16):
shoulder. And you've got at least one of those four things.
I think that it's probably harder to be.
Honestly, when you're mean to me, I feel closer to you. is that weird
i can't tell if you like it or not i kind of i
kind of do it makes me feel at home i think
that's why we have a good rapport because you're the worst well that's
pretty rude i'm kidding i love you so on the podcast obviously

(41:37):
new studio we're trying to make some changes we upgraded
everything we got a new producer i think
what we're going to do now is we're going to try a different a couple different
things that we'd like to do with you guys because we're
not the only messy people you guys aren't the only messy people mike's done
some hard research for us every week
for the past today where he got some videos of some messing people that we would

(42:01):
like to maybe watch and share our thoughts on let's do it let's do it what do
we got i almost call him ben every time oh you got to pull it over mike oh you
already know you know what you're doing.
Dead air time i think
that was ben's car out there huh what kind of car do you drive no oh that's

(42:24):
a durango yeah yeah all right you would sorry all right let's do this full screen
it up they can see this one is called family dollar argument they can see it
on the screen yep all right cool sorry i'll shut up.

(42:52):
They won't sell this lady a shirt you don't know why yet damn look at those
pants to just walk by dude,
dude. His eggings are hot. Because you already know it's something I've always
wanted to say to somebody.
Why? Why aren't they selling her anything? What did she do in this Dollar General?

(43:14):
I'm thinking she copped an attitude.
Where's the sign? Why do you have to have a sign?
Here, stop. That's okay. I'll send this to corporate. I've been recording the
whole time. I'll send this to corporate.
She will lose her job. Dude, corporate Dollar General

(43:35):
is just a guy fucking smoking a cigarette and doing
bumps of coke in the back dude that's okay
we'll come back later why are you coming back dude i love some white trash karen
is just like oh threatening with some what is is there just one is there what

(43:56):
is in the hair there's just one thing she got a bandana on,
She wants to fight, dude.
This employee is way too into it. The guy on the scooter. Just slowly going by.
Damn, dude. Look at this lady with the fucking sunglasses on inside.
She's living her best life.
Ah, look at that white toe. You knew it was a white bitch with that phone, dude. Of course.

(44:23):
This is the next one.
Oh, another dollar. We were just watching fight videos. Hold on.
Sorry, this isn't the next one.
We just got on the family dollar argument train, dude. That's too much.
All right. Before we start the next one, what'd y'all think of that one? I don't know, man.
I knew it was... I'm glad that...

(44:45):
At first, I wasn't sure if it was a white lady holding the phone.
I was pretty sure. I was 90% sure. But then when she walked away,
you could see her little chubby toes.
You didn't hear what she said, too. She said in the whitest voice ever,
like, I'm going to call corporate.
Yeah, of course. But I'm not gonna I don't assume,
i mean yes sometimes i do uh i
did assume it was white but i just needed confirmation and i knew

(45:07):
it and that would be the poor the poor lady who
i mean maybe maybe she lost
her temper a little bit yeah come on i feel
like you're trying to be way too appropriate no i'm.
Not appropriate at all she went crazy i was a fan i would
have been on her side if i was there i've been like get her get that's
me this is so opposite of like everything i

(45:30):
believe in both of them are way too bothered if
you if you let someone bother you that much you're letting
them win you're showing them you give a shit about them it would have
been so much cooler if she acted like the lady in the purple sunglasses
there was a lady in the purple sunglasses holding her back
being like it's all good she didn't
have to get involved at the end she could have just let it happen dude just

(45:51):
let them fight she's like don't go to jail for this
dumb bitch yeah it's not worth it
and by the way sometimes did i tell you
what jury duty was my jury duty was
for what the case was no it's like you knew so
it was for a murder at a dollar general what and
by the way this is where i'm at with

(46:13):
comedy it's five seconds after this video it's literally
the second part of this i looked up the
crime after i did the the jury duty and wasn't selected
and then i literally two days later this
was just two days ago did a comedy
show two doors down in a strip mall from that
dollar general so that's how my comedy career is going damn

(46:34):
dude murder general yeah everything bad that
happens happens in a dollar general a walmart or
a waffle house i just feel like they have to tell
their employees it's not it's never worth
it dude i took my friend to the waffle house for.
The very first time which is crazy right it took daniel van kirk very funny.
Comic we're on the road and i'm like let's go to waffle house he's like i've

(46:56):
never been i go dude just wait this is everything and so we get there and it
not only like at first you know i'm kind of hyping it up as a joke it exceeded.
Everything first off there's two ladies in the back
both cooking slash waitressing they're fighting
right they're fighting with each other the whole time and that's

(47:18):
beautiful and very fun and i was like see i told you waffle house
is great dinner and a show i love watching other people oh
it's so good couples fight oh god and they weren't like that fighting it was
just passive aggressive like and that's why you got written up and that's why
like that shit and we're like okay this is great and then there's this other
guy very flamboyant gay black guy super nice he's standing around very talkative

(47:40):
he starts talking to us and we're like all right cool man this is awesome.
A nice guy. And he's excited because it's his first day as a waiter, right?
He's done other, I think he was doing dishes or something before,
but now they're letting him be a waiter and he's super excited,
but he's nervous and he's just telling us all about it. And so he walks up,
to his table it's not us it's the table next to us and

(48:02):
he starts talking and all of a sudden you just see oh and
he collapses and he just passes out into this
customer's like arms basically he literally passed
out and everyone's like coming over and waving his ass and like wake up buddy
i thought he was being fabulous i'm like no he passed out and everyone's like
waving and i'm like dude this is not every waffle house but this is perfect

(48:25):
like it was awesome it was the best That's waffle house experience I've ever had in my entire life.
Is this weird? Hearing that story makes me feel patriotic.
Okay. It just feels like. Yeah. I mean, you could tell that I was in Arkansas.
Americana. Have you ever went into a waffle house and been upset that it was
like a nice establishment?
I went to a new waffle house, dude. And it was confusing.

(48:48):
I went to a waffle house in Hot Springs, Arkansas.
Okay. That's where all the waffles are. at nine o'clock
in the morning on a saturday and there was it
was like the cleanest waffle house i've ever seen all
the waiters cooks waitresses everybody was like
nice good looking people all smiling and families

(49:08):
were just there eating breakfast and it was like i
felt like i was in some episode of like black mirror because
well that's because you went to 9 a.m you got to i went to
a waffle house recently and the guy was like this is somewhere in louisiana we're
driving and through with waffle house is one of my favorite stops you go
you get eggs bacon and it feels like you should only go like at
midnight or later well that's what he was saying he's like because

(49:29):
we me and jesse saldana we went there for
dinner after a show or something like that what it was like nine
great comic and sweet yeah i love that guy jesse so it
was like seven or something like that we went well maybe i can't remember
it was early enough where we're not you know drunk and
and so we're talking to this guy he's like yeah i'm working a double tonight
night he goes i'm just waiting for that crowd so i can talk to

(49:49):
some ladies i go what do you mean he's like he goes dude you want
me some ladies you come to waffle house at like 2 a.m and this
is the spot he goes all the bars around here closed so everyone just comes to
waffle house and it's popping for like 2 to 4 a.m and i'm like this is absurd
it's just him and dudes like him it sounds very predatory yeah he worked there
he's a sweet guy though you know i don't know yeah i'm gonna give him the cooking

(50:11):
waffle house he was a waiter oh this guy was a waiter.
I've never been to Waffle House It's like a southern thing though You've never
been to Waffle House Does that surprise anybody?
It probably doesn't I'm not sure she's ever had a waffle.
I've had a waffle for sure. I don't think you've ever been to IHOP.
So I went to, in Chicago, it was Original House of Pancakes.

(50:35):
And they had a Dutch baby. You went to OHOP, Original House.
That's not the same thing. Actually, no, it's like a big, it's a chain restaurant.
And it's a breakfast restaurant. And it's really good. I'm just not from the South.
I don't know. Waffle House is like not really a thing up there.
It's more of a Southern thing. Have you been to Denny's?
Denny's I've been to. And even, what's the like shittier Denny's called?

(50:56):
Not Village's. waffle house yeah no like in
arizona shonies i don't know
no anyway you got me yeah i'm out yeah denny's
oh there's d's in salt lake city and that's where you see wild shit d apostrophe
s really terrible diner i think it's in upstate new york they got a late night
spot it's not breakfast really it kind of is they do these things called garbage

(51:20):
plates and it's basically you pick a meat you pick a you pick like hot dogs
or hamburgers or cheeseburgers or,
sausage and then you pick like home fries or what
or potato salad or a common diner thing
and no no no it's not because they just put it all in
a take-home box and they just stack it on top of each other
and cover it all in hot sauce it's called a garbage plate and it's open

(51:41):
till like four in the morning all the bars close at two and then
they literally have security guards at these places
because they get so fucking wild it's just all the drunk people
coming in and they're like give me the fucking garbage plate they're
all fat because they eat this shit all the time it's fucking gross
not them anyways fat
people aren't gross let's move to the next thing what do you watch late at night

(52:04):
in bed walmart knife fight lately war movies no i'm saying like when you're
on social media or like youtube videos or like what's your scroll a lot my algorithm is mostly uh.
That no booty latinas no
no no i got porn for that why am i filling that up

(52:25):
with my tiktok don't lie it's like the appetizer
yeah yeah no no my tiktok is let's see
i'll scroll real quick real quick oh
mike what's yours we should all say what our algorithms are bringing
up be honest don't lie mine's definitely
big booty latinas like i'm just no how do
you pull up your no wonder you guys like mine's mostly

(52:45):
comedy you go search and see what pulls up mine's
comedy podcast clips how do you search oh
let's do instagram that's the one with the right you
said tiktok you don't want to see my instagram god i'm
so wholesome here we go comedy comedy comedy comedy
comedy comedy shoes shoes shoes comedy comedy.
Fat guy shirtless comedy comedy funny guy

(53:09):
i don't know this this lady's
stomach looks like a bagel maybe that's why
i'm still in there steve buscemi oh good one musicians
there is a hot goth chick here but
i don't think she belongs on that feed beach stuff
comedy comedy comedy the office more shoes
food food food all right you get

(53:31):
it oh here's some cops but usually
it's the cop ones are usually usually pretty funny because the
cops ones are always like we just busted these people with
weed got them and then it's all the comments
being like get a real job fuck you
guys it cracks me up all right jamie what's the first tin
on your feed that was more wholesome than i expected to be honest

(53:51):
it's gonna be it's gonna be so boring i'm i
truly am so wholesome it's literally it's dog
feel good story families reuniting
dog dog dog it's a
lot of dogs groom weeping when
he sees his bride coming down the aisle uh i

(54:14):
mean it's real i mean it's it's all
dogs and and wholesome people in
fairness i think this this is like what happens because in
fairness you just lost a dog pilates that's
true i did it's extra dog heavy and i did your husband
cry when you walked down the aisle i was literally we did.
Not have a wedding we're not traditional at

(54:35):
all happy marriage we just we just went to the courthouse when
my family sucks i cried when my wife walked down
the aisle damn dude what about when she left yeah no but
my dog cried a lot oh damn that was like
worse oh my god what's oh yeah you're husky all right so my dog was probably
just worried you were gonna start having sex with him my instagram feeds theo

(54:58):
vaughn eating lunch with his mom i get a lot of him mcdonald's cat girl looking
in the mirror walmart ad comedy mothership.
A dog oh slot machines there's a
lot of like gambling slot machines four women dancing
in their underwear comedy comedy rochelle

(55:20):
ryan don't know who that is porn star you went
to the avians you don't know who rochelle ryan is nope i've worked
for the avians for years now and i don't know
i know two porn star names i'm not i'm not
a i'm not a produced porn kind of guy i'm give
me me some give me a amateur i want to
i want you to be like hold on i'm trying to set up my cell phone i want to see

(55:42):
that shit i like the produced stuff that's made to look like amateur stuff oh
come on you know it's fake like quality amateur i want some real amateur dude
those girls deserve oscars it's meryl streep let's give out some advice and get the hell out of here.
Advice all right i
got one from a local comedian oh god

(56:05):
if they're asking me how to get stage time i'm gonna fucking kill them
so they want to
know how to transition from
an open mic comedian to getting stage
time oh god no mike
just wrote this for himself no i'm not gonna say
i'm not gonna say who it is i'm not gonna say who it is

(56:26):
okay well first of all i know how to
i know i know i'm just fucking around i don't get it
but i know how to get it oh geez
it's all every industry is the same hey we
might get a new listener or something oh god this is
embarrassing yeah i feel like we should actually do
a different one this this is like do we have another one by

(56:48):
any chance or we can just we can i'll give them this one
listen i don't know who it is you guys are comedians i
know like all right yeah we can answer this this
is easy i feel like other comedians would
be like your target audience you'd no i
don't think so weirdly i like the fans but i
do think we i do think fans generally that would be interested in this podcast

(57:11):
would be interested in comedy yeah and it is a weird road and whenever like
i'm definitely still at the stage maybe you're past this now because you're
you've been in it longer but i'm definitely still at the stage when anybody
finds out that I do comedy.
They're like, whoa, that's crazy. They think it's like the wildest thing,
but it's, yeah, I think the pathway...

(57:32):
Again you're further along so you should say but it's not that complicated yeah
well skip keep going up and it is i mean it's a thing where it is just going
up all of the time and being there it's also about being a fucking normal person
and a good hang when when you first start getting shows,
you're not getting them all because you're fucking hilarious because you just

(57:54):
started right you're not no one is expecting you to be the best comic there
is no one's expecting that If you are, great.
You're probably not the one emailing me or asking me, how do I go from here
to here? But when you first start, you're still learning.
That's just what it is. So I think as much as comedy is important,
there's a entire other social aspect and work aspect to comedy that nobody thinks about at all.

(58:20):
Yes, funny is important, but it's not all of comedy.
It's so trite, because it's been said a million times,
but it just feels like Like, there are so many very, very funny people that
I know that if they just were a little bit more, like, savvy with the part you're
talking about, they would get booked so much more.
And then I'd see much less funny people than those people getting booked much

(58:44):
more for that very reason.
But obviously being funny helps, and it's the main thing and most important thing.
I also don't think anything replaces, like, stage time. So, like,
getting up and doing mics.
Mike getting funny very important but
being a normal person a normal hang don't annoy
people don't have fucking fights with other comics don't just

(59:06):
be a regular person and then on top of that the one thing that I think comics
forget more than and then they forget or they never even think about they just
don't do and then they get upset and they're like I'm not getting booked I'm
not I can't figure this out the number one thing that they do is they don't ask and,

(59:26):
They just don't ask people to do shows and mouths don't get fed.
And that's what people forget. People think that they're just going to start comedy.
And then all of a sudden bookers are just going to be like, see,
you remember that guy from that one fucking joke?
You know, remember that I'm going to put him on stage.
And then they're like, well, how do I get ahold of that guy?

(59:47):
I'll, I'm going to track them down. He was so good. He had the best dick joke. Exactly.
No, that's not going to happen. It's literally just reach out there and be like, Hey,
i'd love to do your show sometime like i you know
why not yeah worst case scenario someone
they say no they say no and guess what you're in the same exact place you
were so the i think reaching out is something that people

(01:00:08):
forget to do a hell of a lot and i think if
you just did that a little bit more again this could be
a comic that i would never book i have
no idea who this is so that's the funniest part
but you don't write like two paragraphs don't waste
someone's time no and don't come up to a fucking
person when they're drinking at the bar because and

(01:00:29):
when i say that don't come up to me when i'm drinking at the
bar i'm there having a good time i'm not there trying to fucking
plan your future in comedy don't cock block andrew i'm not caught no i just
open my curse i promise he's on a date you very rarely see me on a date out
there there i have been approached one time on a date do you ever take dates

(01:00:49):
to your own bar no no it's very Very rare.
I usually tell people, if I'm seeing someone and they know about the bar,
they're like, go to the bar. I go, can we go anywhere else usually?
But I've taken a few, you know, or if it's someone I've met at the bar,
we might meet there for a drink. Or your stalkers show up at the bar. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, stalkers can't show up at the bar because everyone knows that they,

(01:01:11):
you know, they get kicked out.
No, my stalker is not like they're hot girls or anything.
I have one girl stalker and she's...
She's actually not unattractive, but if she listens to this,
she's going to really start stalking. Yeah, I was like, you've really got to stop right here.

(01:01:32):
But the other stalkers I have are meth, meth head, meth, a meth-y 50-year-old black guy.
I got a autistic 45-year-old, I'm guessing, skinny white psycho.
And then I got another guy who thinks he is the next god.

(01:01:52):
So and he just messages me asking to
borrow money and when i say no he tells
me how i'm in a lot of trouble so and and
that he's gonna in the next life he's really gonna make me regret not giving
him money and splitting our business ventures together this is amazing i know
it's a real nightmare dude yeah but that's it that's it i guess that's i guess

(01:02:16):
that's advice can i ask If you ever met anybody who's an amazing writer,
who's super, super funny, but like terrible delivery,
like their jokes are really good, but they just are so awkward or unlikable. I think so.
Probably. I'm not going to name them by name, but, but I definitely,
I've definitely met people where I'm like, you're funny, but you have no idea

(01:02:37):
how to talk on stage, which is, I mean, that's part of it too.
Like i said being funny is being funny
is a lot less comedy is
is a lot less about just being funny than people would think
that's what i meant to say it's a little like sad and it's a little like takes
away from the magic and like glistening of it but you're i think you're 100

(01:02:57):
spot on again listen to andrew listen to me people i'm an idiot jamie what do
you got we got anything Mike, do you got any shows or anything?
Let's start with you. Plug your socials and stuff. You got a pod.
Listen to Mike's pod. Listen to Mike's pod. My podcast is the Joe Boo Houston Podcast.
It's on my YouTube channel, which is at BuddhaLove798.

(01:03:22):
And Buddha is spelled B-U-D-A.
Nice. Any shows or anything?
No. Not yet. We're going to fix that. Now that he knows. I don't know.
I know it was my it was my roommate that asked that actually i don't know who
your roommate is he's a comedian he goes by rick the dick oh i've only known

(01:03:43):
that because of your post i have no idea who he is never met him before.
You know maybe we'll meet rick the dick one day jamie what
do you got at the jamie rowan on instagram
uh just like i said last year i will
probably update my website jamie rowan comedy.com follow at the mess hall pod
sweet always update it and then i am at no young blood you got it right here

(01:04:09):
now pretty nice look at that at no young blood my special comes out march 28th
on on Mark Norman's YouTube,
and we'll be all over doing podcasts and doing that shit.
And then the week this comes out, so February 11th and 12th,
is that Friday, Saturday, 11, 12? Does that sound right?

(01:04:29):
Next. Next Friday, yeah. This Friday, Saturday. February 11th and 12th,
11th, I'll be in San Antonio with opening for Mark Norman, so come out to that.
And then Houston, we're trying to sell this one out so we can maybe do some
special little shows. I heard about that last.
So that being said, please get your tickets to Mark Norman at Jones Hall or

(01:04:54):
Cullen Hall. Cullen. Yeah, there we are.
Cullen. I'll be there, though. I'll be opening for him, doing 30 minutes up
front of half new material, half old material.
So if you haven't seen me, it's going to be a mixed bag, really working on putting
together a new hour for The Road.
When the special comes out March 28th, please check it out. and other than that

(01:05:15):
we'll see you next tuesday see you next tuesday bye.
Music.