167. Minicast: From Burnout to Bounce Back: How to Build Your Resilience Reserves

Episode Summary:

What if the reason you feel stuck isn’t your circumstance—but your comparison?

In this episode, I share a story about racing my young son—a moment that unexpectedly revealed how comparison can distort our vision and derail our growth. I unpack the dangers of comparison, the surprising results from my Leadership and Engagement study, and what PTSD studies taught me about the power of belief. 

You'll hear why so many people feel stuck at a “5,” and what it really takes to build the emotional strength to move forward—regardless of what life throws your way. Whether you're a leader, a parent, or someone navigating burnout, this episode will challenge you to stop looking sideways and start investing in the one skill that matters most right now: resilience. Because you’re not in a race—you’re on a mission.

 

00:00 Stretch Capacity Story: Racing My Son

01:16 The Comparison Trap

03:06 What Leadership Research Reveals

05:39 The Danger of Measuring Against Others

07:13 The PTSD Insight That Changes Everything

08:34 You Are Not Your Circumstances

10:46 Resilience Is Essential

12:26 When Your Resilience Reserves Are Low

14:16 You’re Not in a Race

15:59 Own Your Emotional Wellness

17:06 Make Resilience a Habit

18:25 Resilience Education Starts with You

20:03 Emotional Intelligence in the Age of AI

21:18 Final Thoughts & Challenge

 

Ready to build resilience that lasts?

If you're looking to strengthen your team’s capacity to thrive through change, handle pressure, and stay engaged—resilience training is the next right step.

Let’s talk about how I can support your organization through a keynote, workshop, or leadership retreat. I’ll bring research-backed strategies that help your team stretch without snapping—and perform at their best.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
When my son was little, heused to ask me to race him
regularly at about five or six.
He said, mom, race me.
We were out for a walk as a family.
And at the time I was actually trainingfor a half marathon and I was quite fast.
And so as he's asking me and hestarts taking off for for his run,
I start to think to myself, isthis a time where I let him win?

(00:21):
Or is this the time where I beat him?
So he learns resilience and strength.
And.
As I'm contemplating the decisionand can't quite decide what to do,
I notice that my son is about torun into a fence and I say, stop.
And he goes, ha ha, mom, you'renot going to get me to stop.
I'm still going to win.
And I was like, no, stop.
Like I physically had this.

(00:42):
Stop my body and put myhands out for him to stop.
And he stopped just an inch awayfrom running straight into a fence.
He was so focused on me and lookingat me and staring at me that
he wasn't seeing the challengesthat were right in front of him.
And this is common.
When we look at our own emotionalintelligence, we often will

(01:06):
compare ourselves to other people.
I love the United States happiness report.
That I just recently conducted, butbefore I had my own research, I used
to share the, the think tank fromthat works with the United Nations
called the world happiness report.
And they would interview peopleall over the country and throughout
the world in their own nativelanguage, working with over 160

(01:27):
different languages and individualsto understand what makes happiness.
And if people from developedcountries were happier than
those from developing countries.
And one of the questions that they askedwas on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being the
worst possible life and 10 being the bestpossible life, how would you rate your
life right now on a scale from 1 to 10?
Now you can take a second andanswer this question as well, but

(01:49):
interestingly enough, the statisticsshowed that the median answer was 5.
Regardless of any other demographiccircumstance, male and female, educated,
uneducated financially, money in the bank,no money in the bank, whether you lived
in a developed nation or a developingnation, the median answer was still five.
And what we have found in our researchis that's because people are doing

(02:09):
a comparative approach to lookingat their own emotional intelligence.
Well, I am not as happy as theperson down the street who just got
a terrible diagnosis, but I am I ammaybe happier than the person down
the street who received a terriblediagnosis, but I'm not as happy as the
people down the street who just wentto Hawaii again for the millionth time.
And we look at a very comparativenature in terms of our own

(02:33):
emotional intelligence.
That is actually.
pretty damaging.
We cannot consider our happiness, ourresilience, our levels of being able to
handle the circumstances around us basedoff of how other people are doing things.
There are so many different factors.
I remember early on in statisticsclass where they would say things
like, is that a confounding variable?

(02:53):
Or is that actually Effecting thestatistics and they all are confounding
variables, whether they're yourneighbors or friends, whether they
make money or don't make money, whetherthey have income levels that that
you have, or they are in a differentplace, education, non education
circumstances of what they have Childrenor don't have Children in their home.
You cannot base your happinessbased off of anyone else.
In fact, one of the thingsthat we found is that Yeah.

(03:16):
As you consider other people, as you lookat your own emotional intelligence, you
will only be able to see it through askewed view, just like my son, who was
trying to run and trying to beat me,because he was so focused about where I
was, he couldn't see where he was going.
It blinds us to what's actual reality, andwe have to find ways to get out of that.
Not to mention that each of us haveour own personal circumstances that

(03:38):
can affect how we approach the world.
I'm always fascinated within theresearch that I do about the effects
of post traumatic stress disorder.
And because I have an affinity towardsveterans and military and their family,
I'm also interested in the way that PTSDaffects those who have served our country.
And I found the research by MartinSeligman, and he said that there is one
factor that determines whether or notSomeone will be able to overcome PTSD.

(04:03):
It's not their access tomental health resources.
It's not whether or not they havefinancial ability to get a good job.
It's not whether or not they're marriedor single or have children at home.
The number one factor that determinesif someone can overcome their PTSD
is just the belief that they will.
If they believe that they will overcomeit, even if it takes time, they will.

(04:23):
But those who resign themselves to theirdiagnosis and say, this is just what
I have forever, they have it forever.
Their belief and ability to be ableto heal is that number one factor.
How can we look at that in our own lives?
What is it that we can examine aswe look at ways that we can be able
to choose to have the happinessand resilience that we want?

(04:43):
Even if it takes a little bit toget there, you may have incredibly
hard circumstances in front of you.
I will not negate them or minimize them.
I can just turn on the television andsee crazy things happening in the world
that are affecting not just what'shappening to us, but our neighbors,
our friends, and the people around us.
There are so many stressors that affectand influence our emotional intelligence,

(05:05):
but we have to decide today that we willnot let any external circumstances people.
Or things or worldly or communityaffect who we are and how we show up.
The world wants us to be sad.
I think that it's interestinghow news plays out.
We don't see the good news.
We don't see thehappiness that's going on.
We only see the hardship, the heartache,and the blood, the sweat and tears that's

(05:27):
going into what's happening in the world.
We have to be in charge and incontrol of our own emotions and
not let external forces in anyshape or form determine who we are.
It is possible to be happydespite your circumstances.
In fact, resilience is thenumber one trait that you need
to survive in the world today.
Your ability to know that youcan bounce back and come back

(05:49):
stronger after challenges will makeyou a better friend, make you a
better partner, a better parent.
And a better professional, whetheryou own your own business or you
work for someone else, you willbe better able to handle your
professional responsibilities as well.
The research that we just conducted withthe center for generational kinetics talks
about how resilience is the key thingthat we need to improve our emotional

(06:11):
intelligence and to help us be able to notonly navigate the challenges that we've
had now or in the past, but to be ableto handle the challenges in the future.
So as you consider.
What you're currently dealing with.
How are you building youremotional resilience reserves?
Many of us have found that they'vebeen depleted over the last few years.
Maybe you've had a personalchallenge that makes it even harder.

(06:33):
Maybe you are out of work and thatprofessional resilience is non
existent right now, but thingsthat you can put in place that
are in your control will help you.
When we talk about the racewith my son earlier one of the.
Key factors is that we have toremember that we are not in a race.
We are on a mission to accomplish thethings that our own personal lives.

(06:55):
So we need to be who we are.
We need to show up as who we are.
And we need to know that regardlessof what someone else is doing, whether
they're going faster or slower than us.
That we can honor ourlane and enjoy the ride.
What can you do today to build yourown resilience reserves without the
effects of external influences, whetherthat's individual or whether that's in
your community or in your world thatwill help you to have that kind of

(07:19):
emotional wellness that helps you tothrive in a world where it's so much
easier to just kind of white knuckle it.
through the challenges that we're facingor to say that we don't have to be happy.
We just have to get things done.
I know that your emotionalwellness will determine how you
approach your future challenges.
And I know that it will helpyou navigate them as well.

(07:41):
So what is it that you can do?
Our research showed thatpeople are interested in
learning more about research.
about resilience and happiness, whetherthat's from podcasts or books or even
activities with team members and friends.
So be proactive about the waysthat you learn about your,
about emotional intelligenceand about how you can improve.
You can come back to more videos.
We've got lots and lots of videosavailable for you on happiness

(08:04):
and resilience so that you cancontinue to learn those skills.
If you're like the many workingAmericans that we studied and
surveyed, you will find that thoseresources will be helpful to you.
In fact 77 percent of working Americanssaid that colleges and universities
should be teaching classes on resilience.
Now, some of them are, but most are not,which means that you need to take your

(08:25):
resilience education into your own handsand make it a priority in your life.
What is it that you're doing to improveso that you can make your brain and be
able to handle everything that we do?
You've heard me say thisbefore, but I will say it again.
That in the age of artificialintelligence, emotional intelligence
needs to be center stage.
Now, more than ever, you need theability to understand the difference

(08:47):
between reality and artificialvir and artificial and virtual
things that are all surrounding us.
And you need to be able to have your ownemotional wellness to be able to deal
with the challenges that are happening.
And so the, the influx of knowledgethat is crossing your brain, in your
scroll, in your feed and in your desk,that you have the emotional wellness and
resilience reserves to be able to navigateall of those challenges and all that

(09:11):
information is that's coming your way.
Make your resilience education yourpriority, especially this year.
Whether it's your number one goalor your number three goal, make it
a part of your daily, weekly, andmonthly habits so that you can improve
those reserves, not just for you, butfor the people around you as well.
Thank you so much for being here.
We'd love for you to shareyour thoughts and comments.
And until next time, we wish youall the best and make it happen.