May 7, 2025 • 36 mins
What if the journey through menopause offered not just physical challenges, but a profound opportunity to heal your relationship with your body? In this illuminating conversation with Trisha Wilkerson, certified health and nutrition coach and trauma-sensitive yoga teacher, we explore how midlife becomes a crucial crossroads in women's relationships with themselves.
Trisha shares her personal evolution from disordered eating to becoming a compassionate guide for women struggling with food and body image. She reveals the patterns she's observed in women's relationships with their bodies - particularly the strong inner critic that judges, compares, and denies pleasure. This critical voice, she explains, often stems from childhood messages about not being enough, creating a lifelong pattern of seeking external approval.
The menopause transition brings these issues to the forefront as our bodies change in ways we can't control. As Trisha beautifully articulates, we face a choice: continue struggling against reality or begin the courageous work of acceptance. Her most powerful insight? "If we could see ourselves and our bodies as already good and then nurture what is already good... that postural change would be life changing."
Through practices like "compassionate curiosity" and her "notice, name, nurture" approach, Tricia offers practical ways to interrupt automatic negative thought patterns about our bodies. She challenges the idea that we need to force positivity, suggesting instead that neutrality - simply observing "there's my body" without judgment - might be a more authentic first step toward healing.
Discover how trauma-sensitive yoga can help reconnect with your body, why community is vital during menopause despite the fear of connection, and why, as Trisha reminds us, "Your most important relationship is the one with yourself." This episode offers not just insights, but a pathway toward making peace with your changing body during menopause and beyond.
Aftermath Agency: https://www.theaftermathagency.com/
Trisha Wilkerson is a certified Health and Nutrition Coach and published author. Trisha is dedicated to assisting individuals in improving their connections with food, their bodies, and themselves. By fostering compassionate curiosity and advocating an anti-diet philosophy, she creates a safe environment and relationship for clients to shift their anxieties concerning food, fitness, and other healthy practices towards inner peace--believing we can cultivate deeper health, at any size.
Trisha is currently working on her second book titled "Already Good: How Extreme Religion and Diet Culture Exploit Our Human Quest for Meaning and Belonging."
Trisha is co-founder of The Aftermath Agency-- a collaborative private practice centering wholistic health in Edmonds, WA. There, she also teaches Trauma Sensitive Yoga, as a modality to assist embodied agency in healing from various traumas.
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MiDOViA is dedicated to changing the narrative about menopause by educating, raising awareness & supporting women in this stage of life, both at home and in the workplace. Visit midovia.com to learn more.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Medovia Menopause Podcast, your
trusted source for informationabout menopause and midlife.
Join us each episode, as wehave great conversations with
great people.
Tune in and enjoy the show.
Welcome everyone.
Today we have Tricia Wilkersonon the show.
(00:20):
Tricia is a certified healthand nutrition coach and
published author.
She's dedicated to assistingindividuals in improving their
connections with food, theirbodies and themselves.
Tricia is currently working onher second book and is
co-founder of the AftermathAgency.
It's a collaborative privatepractice centering holistic
(00:43):
health right here in our ownhometown of Edmonds.
There she also teaches traumasensitive yoga as a modality to
assist embodied agency inhealing from various traumas.
Tricia, welcome to the show.
Hello, thank you.
We're excited to have you here.
Thank you, oh thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
We're excited to have you here.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Thank you Audience members.
We've known Tricia for sometime now and really have come
together through the work thatyou're doing, the work that
we're doing in midlife andmenopause space, so we're really
excited to have you on the showtoday and to share your
expertise.
We know a lot about you andyour work and think highly of
(01:26):
what you do, but our listenersmay not be familiar with you the
Aftermath Agency.
I'd like to talk a little bitabout that as well today.
So maybe we just start with yousharing a little bit about
yourself.
What brought you to the workthat you do and really, in
particular, your focus on food,body image and the
trauma-informed movement thatyou do, and really, in
particular, you're focused onfood, body image and the trauma
(01:46):
informed movement that you have.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Thank you.
So about 10 years ago I starteda kind of an internal
reflection and process ofhealing from various forms of
trauma.
Myself I had struggled withdisordered eating and you know
all the dieting and body imageissues, and so, in my own
personal endeavor to heal, Istarted discovering various
(02:11):
patterns of shame and behaviorsthat I was no longer content to
behave with.
So I stopped dieting.
I started noticing patterns ofshame and, as I have done 20
years of lay counseling Istarted noticing patterns in
people that I was working with.
So I moved from that world intofood coaching and all of the
(02:38):
training that was having me domore diet recommendation.
I started getting really cynicaland skeptical and researchy
around why this fails womenspecifically, and so some of the
patterns that I startednoticing was this shame
orientation of the reliance forwomen to feel broken and not
(02:59):
enough, therefore set up to findanother formula that holds
their worth and value andself-approval and approval from
others.
So the setup from dieting Istarted feeling really
frustrated with for myself andfor others, and so really it was
a marriage of my counselingbackground and my love for
(03:20):
cooking and food and starting toseeing the patterns in the way
we relate to food and how we eat, what our behaviors are like,
and then also body image, how weexist in our bodies, how we
move our bodies and why.
And really just wanting to healmyself but also help women,
walk alongside, helping them dothe story work of how those
(03:44):
messages in early life show uptoday, in midlife, and make
peace with their themselves,their food, their behaviors,
their bodies.
So it's a lot of conviction andpassion and a desire to help
women, women love that.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
I love that the make peace part like yeah it
resonates with me.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
You took something that you struggled with and are
helping others, and I alwayslove to see that.
Um, I also heard you just say,attricia, that you know with
with the struggles that youfaced with food, that you have a
love for cooking and food nowyeah so um know, proof in the
pudding that you certainly canchange mindset.
(04:28):
So can you share with us as wethink about midlife women and
the struggles that they carrywith them, from a young age but
with the diet body image, someof those challenges?
Can you help us to understandwhat some of the more common
struggles are that women bringto you in midlife?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
What I've observed, the patterns that I've seen, is
that women specifically have astrong inner critic, a voice
that judges, compares, judgescompares, denies pleasure,
(05:12):
denies approval, a strong needto fit in and to look like other
women, and this brings a lot ofgrief, it brings a lot of
demand to do whatever it takes,and I think that roots from
shame in our lives and in ourstories that there's something
fundamentally broken.
And if only I could do thethings that would bring approval
and acceptance, then I will dothat.
(05:35):
And so women are uniquely setup for that.
Um, there's a lot ofconditioning for women to be
pleasing to, for our appearanceto match expectations, and women
are uniquely set up to want tomake people happy.
Um, there are hormonalcomponents to that that you all
(05:57):
know about, um, that arebeautiful, and they're designed,
um, beautifully for you knowwhat, however, a woman wants to
inhabit herself in her body.
Maybe that is being a lifelongpartner or a mother or a
wonderful friend, whatever thatlooks like for a woman.
There is a specific desirethere to be pleasing.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
I think it's really interesting.
You talk about pleasing andshame.
You know I do some coaching too, and shame even came up this
morning in an earlier coachingsession.
I had Like why, why does thishappen at midlife, and how can
menopause bring up such anupheaval to women's
relationships, to her body andfood and all the things that
(06:45):
have taken her this far in herlife?
What are some of the reasonswhy this comes up right now?
Speaker 2 (06:53):
I have a theory, and I'm sure there are many reasons
why, but I think in midlife wecome face to face with what
didn't work so far in our livesand maybe our bodies did please
enough for us to just kind ofput off making peace with
ourselves and our bodies becausewe did get the approval, we did
(07:15):
feel productive, we did feelpleasing, and then when our body
starts to feel disappointing tous in some way, we have to to.
We're at this intersection ofchoice of we are either going to
keep doing the formulaicbehaviors to demand ourselves to
fit or we're going to facereality and move into a place of
(07:36):
peace and acceptance.
And midlife certainly puts usin that position of we don't
have the same options that wedid 20 years prior.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Yeah, I think that's really interesting and I often
see women who are like dealingwith, finally, the unprocessed
experiences from earlier in lifethat tends to surface during
this stage.
Can you talk about that tends?
Speaker 2 (08:04):
to surface during this stage?
Can you talk about that?
Yeah, I think for me and forothers, you know, if we had
childhood wounds where maybe ourcaregivers were not securely
attached, we weren't securelyattached to them there can feel
like an anxious relationshipwith others and ourselves and
it's not really secure and safe.
So then we look outside ofourselves for anything that
(08:26):
would bring belonging andsecurity and our body does not
feel safe.
So then sometimes that means wedisconnect from ourselves and
disconnect from our bodies andcontinually putting that hope on
others to bring somesatisfaction and security in
relationship.
So that little young self isstill searching for some
(08:48):
belonging and meaning andsecurity.
And so in midlife it's againanother opportunity.
We can either numb that demandthat we get it or we can bring a
kindness, a gentleness and anacceptance to that and really
make peace with ourselves.
But it does take grief, ittakes honesty right and it's
(09:11):
okay.
If a woman needs to put thatoff because it's too much and
she doesn't have the supports inher life relationally or
circumstantially, it's okay.
But if a woman has those youknow those resources emotionally
and relationally in life, it isa, it is can be a precious
(09:31):
opportunity to make peace andgrieve those losses from early
childhood.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah, and I think too is your is.
You're talking through this,tricia, and I'm thinking about
the grief piece of how you knowit shows that we have space in
our lives finally, right, maybethat maybe we've had kids leave
the house and they're off intheir careers or they're off to
(09:57):
college and we have this marginin our lives to really think
about our childhood andourselves.
It comes back to us, we finallyhave that focus and it can have
a lot of grief that is attachedto it.
And I also think that women inmidlife, as we're going through
the menopause journey, can alsocarry a lot of narrative that
(10:22):
our bodies are betraying us inmenopause.
We hear that often in ourtrainings.
Women are ticked, they areangry, they are frustrated.
They are like why in the heckcan't I lose weight?
Why in the heck I'm doing allof the same things that I've
done before, which we knowdoesn't always work.
(10:43):
Change has to happen.
But I'm wondering what do yousay to women that feel that way,
so kind of a shift from thechildhood grief that can come
along with that and moving moretowards that betrayal?
You know now my body won't do.
I'm ready to make changes and Ican't.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Right, I think it's complicated you know this thing
(11:32):
to judge and work on and beseparate from.
So I think it can be veryhealing to start to bring in the
clarity and the confidence thatI am my body and being honest
with I feel too good for my body, my body doesn't give me what I
want and noticing there's somefeelings of disappointment for
our body not performing orshowing up in the way that we
(11:53):
prefer.
So naming that, I think, is thefirst step noticing the
disappointment and being honestwith yourself about why you're
disappointed.
And then doing the work, theharder story work of why are you
disappointed and are you in aplace where you can accept
(12:14):
reality.
And it doesn't need to meanaccept reality and be discontent
in a way that does not deepenone's health.
I'm talking about acceptancewith an agenda, acceptance that
brings gentleness, kindness andpeace, while working on your
health, while deepening yourhealth, while finding reasonable
(12:37):
challenges that move youtowards deeper, holistic health.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
So not rubbing in the towel and surrendering to say,
oh, whatever, right, there'swork, that's apathy.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Good work.
Yeah, exactly, we're nottalking about grief because of
disappointment moving to a placeof peace.
That's apathetic.
We're working on peace with anagenda, peace with the way we
would take care of our children.
We always have an eye towardstheir deeper health, deeper
growth and challenge and we lookfor opportunities to gently,
(13:11):
lovingly challenge them.
But we're not saying you'regood, If you do those challenges
, then I will love you.
We're saying I love you and Ithink you need to work on this.
If we could do that toourselves.
I love you body and I andyou're already good.
Let's work on this too.
And you're already good, let'swork on this too.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I really love that I love it.
I know it sounds simple.
Say that again, trisha, justsay it again for our listeners,
can you?
Speaker 2 (13:41):
So this is my whole thing Like if we could see
ourselves and our bodies asalready good and then nurture
what is already good.
That postural change towardsourselves and what we work on
would be life changing.
But so often we look atourselves and our bodies and say
, not good, I'm going to dothese things to get good.
(14:03):
So if we could love ourselvesand say you know what?
You're already acceptable,already good, already precious
and worthy of attention.
I accept you and I see you NowI'm going to take better care of
you because I love you.
That is how we would mother,that's how we'd be a friend.
So often we don't do that.
(14:25):
We withhold that acceptance andtry to get some goodness by
what we do with ourselves andour bodies.
You know we're always chasingit.
Yeah, what if we?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
are already good.
What if we were already good?
What if we were already good?
And I think that that chasingoftentimes is for other people
you know it's and that'sprobably a whole other podcast
but I do think that that issometimes wanting to seek that
approval for other people, whereI, again, I love that reframing
(14:58):
of we are.
We are already good and becausewe are already good, I'm going
to take care of my body and I'mgoing to work towards.
You know, fill in the blank, Ilove that.
Can you talk a little bit aboutcompassionate curiosity as a
path to healing and what thatlooks like in practice?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Yes, my favorite phrase.
So that inner judge, thatcritic, that compare, that we
scan.
I've noticed that women talkabout the looping, the mental
looping, the judge that is soprevalent in our minds.
So the compassionate curiosityapproach is the swap.
If we can start a practice inourselves where we notice
(15:41):
something and we pause, wenotice that judge, we notice the
critic, we notice the negativethoughts around our body.
We can stop and say you knowwhat?
I notice that you're trying tofeel good, you're feeling
insecure, you're feelingjudgmental, and wrap ourselves
(16:04):
in that compassion of noticingthere's grief there and
disappointment.
We don't feel good and then becurious Is there something going
on in my life right now whereI'm feeling more stirred up,
more pressured, more desiring toachieve something?
So compassionate curiosity is astrategic replacement or swap
(16:26):
of that judgment, because youdon't just take the judge away,
you need something to replace itand again, we're compassionate
and curious with others.
We don't speak to others theway that we speak to ourselves
in our minds.
So could we apply compassionand curiosity to ourselves?
That's the hope and when wehave compassion and curiosity
(16:50):
instead of the inner critic, westart to have more peace and
acceptance in ourselves.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Yeah.
And noticing is the first part.
It keeps coming back tonoticing.
It is Haunting to notice.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
And I would say it's neutral.
Noticing the neutrality isimportant because often in the
noticing it's almostsimultaneous that it's negative
or judgmental in the noticing.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
So neutral noticing.
So can we just stop right hereand give an example of both?
Maybe I know I may be puttingyou on the spot here, but can
you give us a you know thisversus this scenario?
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Yeah.
So I think you know mirrors inour homes, you know if we catch
ourselves.
I could say I walk by and Inotice, whoa, look a little
bigger right now, you know, thanI did a month ago.
Oh, okay, and I might feel alittle bit bad about that.
I might feel a familiar streakof disapproval and judgment of,
(17:59):
oh, I don't like that, you know,I wish I were smaller.
And just that voice that comesthrough.
Now I notice that I'm doing it.
I'm noticing that familiarpattern of the search for
approval from myself or a shamethat kicks in of, oh, someone's
going to notice that I've put onsome weight or that my clothes
(18:21):
are tight.
As I observe myself in aninstant in the mirror is
hearkening back to the familiarshame-oriented thinking
Something's wrong with me.
Why wouldn't I notice myself inan instant in a mirror and have
(18:42):
a neutral thought Well, there'sme.
But it tends to the default ofwhat's familiar the ditch of
shame and judgment and regret,disappointment, disapproval.
So the neutral noticing is Isee that I'm doing that.
I see that I'm going through thefamiliar pattern of thinking
(19:03):
about myself this way Pause,notice and then move towards a
place yeah, there's my body.
My body has served me my wholelife and these are the things
that it's doing right now toexpress this life.
I wonder if I could noticemyself with a kindness and
(19:26):
actually move towards a place ofapproval and, oh my goodness,
maybe affection for what I see.
That's the goal, and then, evenmore, could I advocate for this
good body, could I advocate forthis being that is me, that is
in this body, and then grievethat that familiar judgment and
(19:46):
shame was covering all thatkindness and affection.
So that would be my prayer.
My hope for myself is thatthat's the shift, that's the
switch over to kindness.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
It's a little on the idea of you're not your thoughts
right, you can reframe whatyour thoughts are and listen to
what they're saying and know, beconscious of the fact that this
is not serving you, and whichis the way you said it, which I
think is so such an importantthing that we see from women who
feel like they don't evendeserve sometimes to learn about
(20:23):
menopause and how to take careof themselves.
Right, there's too many otherpriorities and learning how to
prioritize yourself is hard,hard work.
When you were raised and servedin many other roles besides
that, switching gears a littlebit, how do you integrate your
work as a trauma-informed yogateacher and movement and all the
(20:47):
nutrition work that you've doneas a health coach?
How do you integrate that?
It feels like to the lay person, it's like, okay, those are
different, but I mean justlistening to you, I think that
there are amazing ways in whichyou've brought all that work
together.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Thank you, I'd love to connect those dots for us.
So disordered eating, eatingdisorders, behaviors with food
that are anxious right, if wehave a spectrum over here, is
peace on one side, peace in theway we relate to food and the
way we relate to our body.
Clear on the other side wouldbe anxiety, disordered eating
(21:26):
behaviors that are compulsive orobsessive.
And all of us are somewhere onthat continuum right, moving
towards peace, hopefully.
So what happens is when we aremore over here on the side of
anxiety and disordered behaviors, we disconnect from our bodies.
(21:46):
So people that have struggledwith eating disorders are the
most disembodied individuals, sothey're the most disassociated,
they're the most disconnectedfrom noticing what's happening
in their bodies.
So that is science-basedknowledge.
And so people are walkingaround disconnected, unaware of
(22:07):
how they're feeling in theirbody, unaware of hunger,
satisfaction, pleasure, unawareof aches and pains, totally shut
off.
So this can happen because oftrauma.
It can happen because ofchoices that we've made out of
trauma.
And so in my work with food,with movement, I've noticed and
(22:33):
researched this piece of how dowe, how do we choose a modality
that brings deeper healingthrough connection to our body.
So trauma sensitive yoga is one, one modality that brings
gentle awareness back into thebody.
So in my yoga school theytalked about, you know, from
(22:54):
like ancient practices.
You know we're letting go ofthe body, and I got so fired up
and I was talking to theteachers all the time no, no, no
, no, no.
Most people haven't evenentered the body yet.
We don't let go of the bodyuntil we've spent a whole lot of
time making peace and makingfriends with our bodies again.
So we actually need to spend awhole lot of time connecting
(23:17):
with our good bodies before welet go of the body.
So that's my work is helpingwomen specifically.
Yes, I have male clients, butwomen especially are conditioned
to disconnect and disapproveand not prioritize themselves.
So it's way familiar for womento be checked out of their
(23:39):
bodies.
So yoga, as you two know, isthis precious opportunity and
invitation to connect to thebody.
So our relationship to food andour relationship to our bodies
are symbols for how we relate toourselves.
So if we find ourselvesnurturing ourselves with
movement that feels good to usand consistent nutrition and
(24:05):
wonderful foods, we're loopingourselves, because we take good
care of what we love.
And if we're loving ourselves,we're caring for ourselves.
But if we find that we arenever thinking about those
things, we are almost neglectful.
To those things we need to givesome attention.
So trauma-sensitive yoga isthis opportunity to bring that
(24:30):
connection back into the body.
And it's trauma sensitivebecause in trauma we're
especially disconnected so we'remore sensitive to touch.
So I don't do any hands-onassist.
Mirrors are triggering,anticipating decisions that
people would have to make.
(24:50):
So, having everything set up,people are propping themselves.
It's adaptive in the sense thatthere's always options People
are.
Another thing that's lost intrauma is agency, the ability to
see your options and make achoice, because in our trauma we
went through something that wedidn't choose right, so that
(25:12):
disconnection again from ourbody and disconnection from
choice.
So in trauma-sensitive yoga themain thing is increasing that
sense of agency.
Oh, I don't want to do thatwith my body.
She's telling me to do what Idon't want to do.
That, oh, I could do thisinstead.
Oh, wow, that feels.
That feels different.
I get to choose what I want todo with my body, right, so it's
(25:36):
tremendous.
Then I could go, obviously, onand on and on.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
And it sounds empowering too.
For sure we're.
We're when we have realized wehave choice and we make those
choices.
It it increases our confidenceand empowerment as well.
So I love that I'll have tocome take one of your classes, I
imagine, too.
I'm kind of shifting a littlebit here because I want to make
(26:01):
sure that we talk aboutcommunity, because we all know
that community is important,especially in midlife.
We hear very, you know, veryoften from women that they are
lonely, they feel isolated, theyfeel alone and community has,
you know, many benefits.
(26:22):
But can you talk a little bitabout community and what that
might look like, whether that'swith your trauma, informed yoga
sessions, whether that's justcommunity gatherings in general?
What connection does communitymake in the healing piece of
what we're discussing today?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Yeah, I mean to be able to see the eyes of someone
else talking about their storyand relating and validating your
experience is transformativebecause it reduces that
isolation right, I thinkconnection is the remedy to pain
, and pain is felt in ouremotions, our bodies, our
(27:06):
relationships, our stories.
It shows up physically andconnection with ourselves and
connection with others is thispathway to healing.
And at Aftermath Agency that'sone of our main theories is pain
is everywhere, pain is in ourlives and our bodies and our
(27:27):
hearts, and connection is a pathtowards healing.
So, community that ismeaningful and intentional.
Of course we can have fun withone another.
It doesn't have to be deep allthe time.
But meaningful connectionthat's intentional, with a
purpose of of you know,strategically connection,
(27:51):
connecting in a way that healsus.
There's nothing like it.
It's really powerful.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Yeah, when you get people, especially women, in a
room together, wonderful,beautiful things happen, as
we've seen'm wondering um,tricia, we have, I'm going to
ask you this question and andI'll just ask you the question.
So we have, um, we often havepeople say to us, or just don't
(28:22):
say to us, um, you have agathering, you have an
opportunity for women to cometogether to share their stories,
to build that community, toheal, to thrive, and yet there's
a lot of women that are afraidto take that first step right.
I remember somebody telling methat they registered for an
(28:45):
event and they drove around intheir car.
They sat in the parking lot,they thought about coming in.
They didn't come in.
They never entered the room,never gave themselves the
opportunity to do that.
So it's a hard step, it can bea hard step, and yet we know
that there are such beautifulbenefits on the other side of
(29:06):
that.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
If you had someone sitting in front of you right
now that told you that story,what would you say to her?
I would have a lot ofcompassion.
I would want to convey thatwith curiosity and comfort and
I'd also want to try tonormalize that.
It's scary and what can bestirred in that anxiety.
It takes me back to being like12, 13, 14, wanting to fit in
(29:33):
with the girls and that stuffcan remain right, that fear and
that desire to be accepted andbelong.
There's an opportunity there forcompassion noticing.
So I would ask this tenderheart.
I would say you know what?
I wonder what you were wantingin that and if you could have
(29:54):
compassion for yourself and justtake the next small step
towards that.
It doesn't need to look likeyou know, really putting
yourself out there to the max,but what's one small step that
you can take to to increase theopportunity, um, to connect to
another woman?
Um, it's so intimidating, Um,and if we could talk more, all
(30:15):
of us, um, even as leaders orinfluencers, that we have that
same feeling of insecurity andintimidation too.
It's not um's not this group ofwomen that have it all put
together, and I think that's themystery that some of us in our
insecurity, think is, there'sthese women that really know,
(30:37):
and I'm not like them.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
You're absolutely right.
I tell my daughter that all thetime Like mom, how do you get
up in front of everybody andtalk?
And I could never do that.
And you Like mom, how do youget up in front of everybody and
talk?
And I could never do that.
And you're like do you knowwhat I just did?
And my hands were shaking sobad that I had to hold the
microphone with both hands sopeople wouldn't see me shaking
Right.
Like it's not, we're not right.
We're not the separate group ofpeople that never experienced
(31:03):
that.
Yeah, we just do things despite, because we know that there are
beautiful things on the otherside.
That's right.
Yeah, going scared, goingscared.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
Yeah, yeah, I think that sometimes I feel like I do
that too much.
You go scary every single time.
So, tricia, what's one practiceyou'd recommend for a woman who
wants to feel more grounded andconnected to their body during
this time of menopause?
Speaker 2 (31:33):
I really I use the little adage of notice, name and
nurture with my clients.
So when you noticedisconnection or you notice
disappointment or grief,whatever the feeling is arising
in you about your body or yourhealth or menopause, noticing it
is the first step, hopefullywith neutral noticing and then
(31:55):
naming it, name what you'refeeling and then nurture,
nurture something different.
And that takes awareness, thattakes self-awareness to know
what's happening inside yourselfand the more we can do that.
And where it becomes a commonpractice of notice, name and
nurture, we start to befriendourselves because we realize,
you know what All this noticingis showing me that I'm really
(32:18):
not very kind to myself.
In fact I'm kind of bullyingmyself a lot.
And then you know, we're namingit.
So do we actually want tonurture something different?
Do we want to nurture ourselveslike we would nurture a loved
one?
That's a little practice that Irecommend for clients.
Speaker 3 (32:34):
that's helpful when, oh man, there are so many times
where I've not been neutral inmy noticing, and that's a really
great thing to remember and tocatch yourself on right.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Can I say something about that?
So body positivity movement I'mnot totally for, because it's a
.
I think it's that.
This is.
You don't have to agree with me, but it's a, it's a swing in
the other direction.
Now we're supposed to have allthis positivity about all bodies
and I think that neutral isbetter than forcing something
(33:17):
that isn't natural yet inourselves.
So it's better to if we see ourbodies and say we're standing in
front of the mirror and ourwhole lives we've been negative,
right, it's always beennegative when we look at
ourselves.
Well, body positivity wouldhave us say look at that
gorgeous self, wow, you're sobeautiful.
(33:40):
And I'm saying, you know what,maybe someday, but I'm all about
the neutrality.
What if we just maybe someday,but I'm I'm all about the
neutrality.
What if we just?
Our goal right now is lookingat ourselves and say there's a
body, there's me, you know,because the pressure then to
pendulum swing from negative topositive without some time in
the neutrality can backfire.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
Yeah, well, and I also think that you don't
believe it when you're whenyou're trying to go from one
extreme to the other, but youcan go.
The truth is that is a body youknow, totally believe that.
I think that's so good yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Well, we are running out of time, but I want to ask
you one more question before weend, because we ask all of our
guests this what is one piece ofadvice, the best piece of
advice that you've ever receivedor given to someone?
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Well, I have five children, and they're all you
know.
They're 16 to 23.
And I think, for me, the advicethat I have most given to them
that has come back from them tome is your most important
relationship is the one withyourself.
So, you know, spending time toprioritize and nurturing
(34:59):
ourselves and working on allthose aspects is precious work.
Yeah, that's so great.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
It's really great.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
So where can people find you when they're looking?
Speaker 2 (35:10):
for you Aftermath agency, so the website would be
good.
Aftermathagencycom and I dorelationship to food and body
coaching, as well as teachingtrauma sensitive restorative
yoga.
Yeah, trauma sensitiverestorative yoga.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
Yeah, what are those classes?
Speaker 2 (35:31):
if for local folks, yeah.
So right now there's a Fridaymorning class and a Friday
evening class, 10 AM and 7 PM.
It's a 90 minute class and itis a nervous system resetting
form of yoga.
So it's all about rest, notabout doing.
This is not an athletic yogaclass.
This is more about calmingyourself down.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
Yeah, it sounds beautiful.
And register on your website.
We will be sure to put all ofthe links in our show notes and
we thank you so much for beinghere.
Important work, I know, tricia.
There's more to come becauseAftermath Agency and Medovia is
going to be doing a specialevent in September.
So more to come on that andwe're looking forward to it.
(36:13):
But until then, listeners gofind joy in the journey.
It's been a pleasure.
Have a great day, thanks,tricia.
Thanks so much.
Thank you for listening to theMedovia Menopause Podcast.
If you enjoyed today's show,please give it a thumbs up,
subscribe for future episodes,leave a review and share this
(36:34):
episode with a friend.
Medovia is out to change thenarrative.
Learn more at medoviacom.
That's M-I-D-O-V-I-A dot com.
Welcome to the Medovia Menopause Podcast, your
trusted source for informationabout menopause and midlife.
Join us each episode, as wehave great conversations with
great people.
Tune in and enjoy the show.
Welcome everyone.
Today we have Tricia Wilkersonon the show.
(00:20):
Tricia is a certified healthand nutrition coach and
published author.
She's dedicated to assistingindividuals in improving their
connections with food, theirbodies and themselves.
Tricia is currently working onher second book and is
co-founder of the AftermathAgency.
It's a collaborative privatepractice centering holistic
(00:43):
health right here in our ownhometown of Edmonds.
There she also teaches traumasensitive yoga as a modality to
assist embodied agency inhealing from various traumas.
Tricia, welcome to the show.
Hello, thank you.
We're excited to have you here.
Thank you, oh thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
We're excited to have you here.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Thank you Audience members.
We've known Tricia for sometime now and really have come
together through the work thatyou're doing, the work that
we're doing in midlife andmenopause space, so we're really
excited to have you on the showtoday and to share your
expertise.
We know a lot about you andyour work and think highly of
(01:26):
what you do, but our listenersmay not be familiar with you the
Aftermath Agency.
I'd like to talk a little bitabout that as well today.
So maybe we just start with yousharing a little bit about
yourself.
What brought you to the workthat you do and really, in
particular, your focus on food,body image and the
trauma-informed movement thatyou do, and really, in
particular, you're focused onfood, body image and the trauma
(01:46):
informed movement that you have.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Thank you.
So about 10 years ago I starteda kind of an internal
reflection and process ofhealing from various forms of
trauma.
Myself I had struggled withdisordered eating and you know
all the dieting and body imageissues, and so, in my own
personal endeavor to heal, Istarted discovering various
(02:11):
patterns of shame and behaviorsthat I was no longer content to
behave with.
So I stopped dieting.
I started noticing patterns ofshame and, as I have done 20
years of lay counseling Istarted noticing patterns in
people that I was working with.
So I moved from that world intofood coaching and all of the
(02:38):
training that was having me domore diet recommendation.
I started getting really cynicaland skeptical and researchy
around why this fails womenspecifically, and so some of the
patterns that I startednoticing was this shame
orientation of the reliance forwomen to feel broken and not
(02:59):
enough, therefore set up to findanother formula that holds
their worth and value andself-approval and approval from
others.
So the setup from dieting Istarted feeling really
frustrated with for myself andfor others, and so really it was
a marriage of my counselingbackground and my love for
(03:20):
cooking and food and starting toseeing the patterns in the way
we relate to food and how we eat, what our behaviors are like,
and then also body image, how weexist in our bodies, how we
move our bodies and why.
And really just wanting to healmyself but also help women,
walk alongside, helping them dothe story work of how those
(03:44):
messages in early life show uptoday, in midlife, and make
peace with their themselves,their food, their behaviors,
their bodies.
So it's a lot of conviction andpassion and a desire to help
women, women love that.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
I love that the make peace part like yeah it
resonates with me.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
You took something that you struggled with and are
helping others, and I alwayslove to see that.
Um, I also heard you just say,attricia, that you know with
with the struggles that youfaced with food, that you have a
love for cooking and food nowyeah so um know, proof in the
pudding that you certainly canchange mindset.
(04:28):
So can you share with us as wethink about midlife women and
the struggles that they carrywith them, from a young age but
with the diet body image, someof those challenges?
Can you help us to understandwhat some of the more common
struggles are that women bringto you in midlife?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
What I've observed, the patterns that I've seen, is
that women specifically have astrong inner critic, a voice
that judges, compares, judgescompares, denies pleasure,
(05:12):
denies approval, a strong needto fit in and to look like other
women, and this brings a lot ofgrief, it brings a lot of
demand to do whatever it takes,and I think that roots from
shame in our lives and in ourstories that there's something
fundamentally broken.
And if only I could do thethings that would bring approval
and acceptance, then I will dothat.
(05:35):
And so women are uniquely setup for that.
Um, there's a lot ofconditioning for women to be
pleasing to, for our appearanceto match expectations, and women
are uniquely set up to want tomake people happy.
Um, there are hormonalcomponents to that that you all
(05:57):
know about, um, that arebeautiful, and they're designed,
um, beautifully for you knowwhat, however, a woman wants to
inhabit herself in her body.
Maybe that is being a lifelongpartner or a mother or a
wonderful friend, whatever thatlooks like for a woman.
There is a specific desirethere to be pleasing.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
I think it's really interesting.
You talk about pleasing andshame.
You know I do some coaching too, and shame even came up this
morning in an earlier coachingsession.
I had Like why, why does thishappen at midlife, and how can
menopause bring up such anupheaval to women's
relationships, to her body andfood and all the things that
(06:45):
have taken her this far in herlife?
What are some of the reasonswhy this comes up right now?
Speaker 2 (06:53):
I have a theory, and I'm sure there are many reasons
why, but I think in midlife wecome face to face with what
didn't work so far in our livesand maybe our bodies did please
enough for us to just kind ofput off making peace with
ourselves and our bodies becausewe did get the approval, we did
(07:15):
feel productive, we did feelpleasing, and then when our body
starts to feel disappointing tous in some way, we have to to.
We're at this intersection ofchoice of we are either going to
keep doing the formulaicbehaviors to demand ourselves to
fit or we're going to facereality and move into a place of
(07:36):
peace and acceptance.
And midlife certainly puts usin that position of we don't
have the same options that wedid 20 years prior.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Yeah, I think that's really interesting and I often
see women who are like dealingwith, finally, the unprocessed
experiences from earlier in lifethat tends to surface during
this stage.
Can you talk about that tends?
Speaker 2 (08:04):
to surface during this stage?
Can you talk about that?
Yeah, I think for me and forothers, you know, if we had
childhood wounds where maybe ourcaregivers were not securely
attached, we weren't securelyattached to them there can feel
like an anxious relationshipwith others and ourselves and
it's not really secure and safe.
So then we look outside ofourselves for anything that
(08:26):
would bring belonging andsecurity and our body does not
feel safe.
So then sometimes that means wedisconnect from ourselves and
disconnect from our bodies andcontinually putting that hope on
others to bring somesatisfaction and security in
relationship.
So that little young self isstill searching for some
(08:48):
belonging and meaning andsecurity.
And so in midlife it's againanother opportunity.
We can either numb that demandthat we get it or we can bring a
kindness, a gentleness and anacceptance to that and really
make peace with ourselves.
But it does take grief, ittakes honesty right and it's
(09:11):
okay.
If a woman needs to put thatoff because it's too much and
she doesn't have the supports inher life relationally or
circumstantially, it's okay.
But if a woman has those youknow those resources emotionally
and relationally in life, it isa, it is can be a precious
(09:31):
opportunity to make peace andgrieve those losses from early
childhood.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah, and I think too is your is.
You're talking through this,tricia, and I'm thinking about
the grief piece of how you knowit shows that we have space in
our lives finally, right, maybethat maybe we've had kids leave
the house and they're off intheir careers or they're off to
(09:57):
college and we have this marginin our lives to really think
about our childhood andourselves.
It comes back to us, we finallyhave that focus and it can have
a lot of grief that is attachedto it.
And I also think that women inmidlife, as we're going through
the menopause journey, can alsocarry a lot of narrative that
(10:22):
our bodies are betraying us inmenopause.
We hear that often in ourtrainings.
Women are ticked, they areangry, they are frustrated.
They are like why in the heckcan't I lose weight?
Why in the heck I'm doing allof the same things that I've
done before, which we knowdoesn't always work.
(10:43):
Change has to happen.
But I'm wondering what do yousay to women that feel that way,
so kind of a shift from thechildhood grief that can come
along with that and moving moretowards that betrayal?
You know now my body won't do.
I'm ready to make changes and Ican't.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Right, I think it's complicated you know this thing
(11:32):
to judge and work on and beseparate from.
So I think it can be veryhealing to start to bring in the
clarity and the confidence thatI am my body and being honest
with I feel too good for my body, my body doesn't give me what I
want and noticing there's somefeelings of disappointment for
our body not performing orshowing up in the way that we
(11:53):
prefer.
So naming that, I think, is thefirst step noticing the
disappointment and being honestwith yourself about why you're
disappointed.
And then doing the work, theharder story work of why are you
disappointed and are you in aplace where you can accept
(12:14):
reality.
And it doesn't need to meanaccept reality and be discontent
in a way that does not deepenone's health.
I'm talking about acceptancewith an agenda, acceptance that
brings gentleness, kindness andpeace, while working on your
health, while deepening yourhealth, while finding reasonable
(12:37):
challenges that move youtowards deeper, holistic health.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
So not rubbing in the towel and surrendering to say,
oh, whatever, right, there'swork, that's apathy.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Good work.
Yeah, exactly, we're nottalking about grief because of
disappointment moving to a placeof peace.
That's apathetic.
We're working on peace with anagenda, peace with the way we
would take care of our children.
We always have an eye towardstheir deeper health, deeper
growth and challenge and we lookfor opportunities to gently,
(13:11):
lovingly challenge them.
But we're not saying you'regood, If you do those challenges
, then I will love you.
We're saying I love you and Ithink you need to work on this.
If we could do that toourselves.
I love you body and I andyou're already good.
Let's work on this too.
And you're already good, let'swork on this too.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I really love that I love it.
I know it sounds simple.
Say that again, trisha, justsay it again for our listeners,
can you?
Speaker 2 (13:41):
So this is my whole thing Like if we could see
ourselves and our bodies asalready good and then nurture
what is already good.
That postural change towardsourselves and what we work on
would be life changing.
But so often we look atourselves and our bodies and say
, not good, I'm going to dothese things to get good.
(14:03):
So if we could love ourselvesand say you know what?
You're already acceptable,already good, already precious
and worthy of attention.
I accept you and I see you NowI'm going to take better care of
you because I love you.
That is how we would mother,that's how we'd be a friend.
So often we don't do that.
(14:25):
We withhold that acceptance andtry to get some goodness by
what we do with ourselves andour bodies.
You know we're always chasingit.
Yeah, what if we?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
are already good.
What if we were already good?
What if we were already good?
And I think that that chasingoftentimes is for other people
you know it's and that'sprobably a whole other podcast
but I do think that that issometimes wanting to seek that
approval for other people, whereI, again, I love that reframing
(14:58):
of we are.
We are already good and becausewe are already good, I'm going
to take care of my body and I'mgoing to work towards.
You know, fill in the blank, Ilove that.
Can you talk a little bit aboutcompassionate curiosity as a
path to healing and what thatlooks like in practice?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Yes, my favorite phrase.
So that inner judge, thatcritic, that compare, that we
scan.
I've noticed that women talkabout the looping, the mental
looping, the judge that is soprevalent in our minds.
So the compassionate curiosityapproach is the swap.
If we can start a practice inourselves where we notice
(15:41):
something and we pause, wenotice that judge, we notice the
critic, we notice the negativethoughts around our body.
We can stop and say you knowwhat?
I notice that you're trying tofeel good, you're feeling
insecure, you're feelingjudgmental, and wrap ourselves
(16:04):
in that compassion of noticingthere's grief there and
disappointment.
We don't feel good and then becurious Is there something going
on in my life right now whereI'm feeling more stirred up,
more pressured, more desiring toachieve something?
So compassionate curiosity is astrategic replacement or swap
(16:26):
of that judgment, because youdon't just take the judge away,
you need something to replace itand again, we're compassionate
and curious with others.
We don't speak to others theway that we speak to ourselves
in our minds.
So could we apply compassionand curiosity to ourselves?
That's the hope and when wehave compassion and curiosity
(16:50):
instead of the inner critic, westart to have more peace and
acceptance in ourselves.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Yeah.
And noticing is the first part.
It keeps coming back tonoticing.
It is Haunting to notice.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
And I would say it's neutral.
Noticing the neutrality isimportant because often in the
noticing it's almostsimultaneous that it's negative
or judgmental in the noticing.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
So neutral noticing.
So can we just stop right hereand give an example of both?
Maybe I know I may be puttingyou on the spot here, but can
you give us a you know thisversus this scenario?
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Yeah.
So I think you know mirrors inour homes, you know if we catch
ourselves.
I could say I walk by and Inotice, whoa, look a little
bigger right now, you know, thanI did a month ago.
Oh, okay, and I might feel alittle bit bad about that.
I might feel a familiar streakof disapproval and judgment of,
(17:59):
oh, I don't like that, you know,I wish I were smaller.
And just that voice that comesthrough.
Now I notice that I'm doing it.
I'm noticing that familiarpattern of the search for
approval from myself or a shamethat kicks in of, oh, someone's
going to notice that I've put onsome weight or that my clothes
(18:21):
are tight.
As I observe myself in aninstant in the mirror is
hearkening back to the familiarshame-oriented thinking
Something's wrong with me.
Why wouldn't I notice myself inan instant in a mirror and have
(18:42):
a neutral thought Well, there'sme.
But it tends to the default ofwhat's familiar the ditch of
shame and judgment and regret,disappointment, disapproval.
So the neutral noticing is Isee that I'm doing that.
I see that I'm going through thefamiliar pattern of thinking
(19:03):
about myself this way Pause,notice and then move towards a
place yeah, there's my body.
My body has served me my wholelife and these are the things
that it's doing right now toexpress this life.
I wonder if I could noticemyself with a kindness and
(19:26):
actually move towards a place ofapproval and, oh my goodness,
maybe affection for what I see.
That's the goal, and then, evenmore, could I advocate for this
good body, could I advocate forthis being that is me, that is
in this body, and then grievethat that familiar judgment and
(19:46):
shame was covering all thatkindness and affection.
So that would be my prayer.
My hope for myself is thatthat's the shift, that's the
switch over to kindness.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
It's a little on the idea of you're not your thoughts
right, you can reframe whatyour thoughts are and listen to
what they're saying and know, beconscious of the fact that this
is not serving you, and whichis the way you said it, which I
think is so such an importantthing that we see from women who
feel like they don't evendeserve sometimes to learn about
(20:23):
menopause and how to take careof themselves.
Right, there's too many otherpriorities and learning how to
prioritize yourself is hard,hard work.
When you were raised and servedin many other roles besides
that, switching gears a littlebit, how do you integrate your
work as a trauma-informed yogateacher and movement and all the
(20:47):
nutrition work that you've doneas a health coach?
How do you integrate that?
It feels like to the lay person, it's like, okay, those are
different, but I mean justlistening to you, I think that
there are amazing ways in whichyou've brought all that work
together.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Thank you, I'd love to connect those dots for us.
So disordered eating, eatingdisorders, behaviors with food
that are anxious right, if wehave a spectrum over here, is
peace on one side, peace in theway we relate to food and the
way we relate to our body.
Clear on the other side wouldbe anxiety, disordered eating
(21:26):
behaviors that are compulsive orobsessive.
And all of us are somewhere onthat continuum right, moving
towards peace, hopefully.
So what happens is when we aremore over here on the side of
anxiety and disordered behaviors, we disconnect from our bodies.
(21:46):
So people that have struggledwith eating disorders are the
most disembodied individuals, sothey're the most disassociated,
they're the most disconnectedfrom noticing what's happening
in their bodies.
So that is science-basedknowledge.
And so people are walkingaround disconnected, unaware of
(22:07):
how they're feeling in theirbody, unaware of hunger,
satisfaction, pleasure, unawareof aches and pains, totally shut
off.
So this can happen because oftrauma.
It can happen because ofchoices that we've made out of
trauma.
And so in my work with food,with movement, I've noticed and
(22:33):
researched this piece of how dowe, how do we choose a modality
that brings deeper healingthrough connection to our body.
So trauma sensitive yoga is one, one modality that brings
gentle awareness back into thebody.
So in my yoga school theytalked about, you know, from
(22:54):
like ancient practices.
You know we're letting go ofthe body, and I got so fired up
and I was talking to theteachers all the time no, no, no
, no, no.
Most people haven't evenentered the body yet.
We don't let go of the bodyuntil we've spent a whole lot of
time making peace and makingfriends with our bodies again.
So we actually need to spend awhole lot of time connecting
(23:17):
with our good bodies before welet go of the body.
So that's my work is helpingwomen specifically.
Yes, I have male clients, butwomen especially are conditioned
to disconnect and disapproveand not prioritize themselves.
So it's way familiar for womento be checked out of their
(23:39):
bodies.
So yoga, as you two know, isthis precious opportunity and
invitation to connect to thebody.
So our relationship to food andour relationship to our bodies
are symbols for how we relate toourselves.
So if we find ourselvesnurturing ourselves with
movement that feels good to usand consistent nutrition and
(24:05):
wonderful foods, we're loopingourselves, because we take good
care of what we love.
And if we're loving ourselves,we're caring for ourselves.
But if we find that we arenever thinking about those
things, we are almost neglectful.
To those things we need to givesome attention.
So trauma-sensitive yoga isthis opportunity to bring that
(24:30):
connection back into the body.
And it's trauma sensitivebecause in trauma we're
especially disconnected so we'remore sensitive to touch.
So I don't do any hands-onassist.
Mirrors are triggering,anticipating decisions that
people would have to make.
(24:50):
So, having everything set up,people are propping themselves.
It's adaptive in the sense thatthere's always options People
are.
Another thing that's lost intrauma is agency, the ability to
see your options and make achoice, because in our trauma we
went through something that wedidn't choose right, so that
(25:12):
disconnection again from ourbody and disconnection from
choice.
So in trauma-sensitive yoga themain thing is increasing that
sense of agency.
Oh, I don't want to do thatwith my body.
She's telling me to do what Idon't want to do.
That, oh, I could do thisinstead.
Oh, wow, that feels.
That feels different.
I get to choose what I want todo with my body, right, so it's
(25:36):
tremendous.
Then I could go, obviously, onand on and on.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
And it sounds empowering too.
For sure we're.
We're when we have realized wehave choice and we make those
choices.
It it increases our confidenceand empowerment as well.
So I love that I'll have tocome take one of your classes, I
imagine, too.
I'm kind of shifting a littlebit here because I want to make
(26:01):
sure that we talk aboutcommunity, because we all know
that community is important,especially in midlife.
We hear very, you know, veryoften from women that they are
lonely, they feel isolated, theyfeel alone and community has,
you know, many benefits.
(26:22):
But can you talk a little bitabout community and what that
might look like, whether that'swith your trauma, informed yoga
sessions, whether that's justcommunity gatherings in general?
What connection does communitymake in the healing piece of
what we're discussing today?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Yeah, I mean to be able to see the eyes of someone
else talking about their storyand relating and validating your
experience is transformativebecause it reduces that
isolation right, I thinkconnection is the remedy to pain
, and pain is felt in ouremotions, our bodies, our
(27:06):
relationships, our stories.
It shows up physically andconnection with ourselves and
connection with others is thispathway to healing.
And at Aftermath Agency that'sone of our main theories is pain
is everywhere, pain is in ourlives and our bodies and our
(27:27):
hearts, and connection is a pathtowards healing.
So, community that ismeaningful and intentional.
Of course we can have fun withone another.
It doesn't have to be deep allthe time.
But meaningful connectionthat's intentional, with a
purpose of of you know,strategically connection,
(27:51):
connecting in a way that healsus.
There's nothing like it.
It's really powerful.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Yeah, when you get people, especially women, in a
room together, wonderful,beautiful things happen, as
we've seen'm wondering um,tricia, we have, I'm going to
ask you this question and andI'll just ask you the question.
So we have, um, we often havepeople say to us, or just don't
(28:22):
say to us, um, you have agathering, you have an
opportunity for women to cometogether to share their stories,
to build that community, toheal, to thrive, and yet there's
a lot of women that are afraidto take that first step right.
I remember somebody telling methat they registered for an
(28:45):
event and they drove around intheir car.
They sat in the parking lot,they thought about coming in.
They didn't come in.
They never entered the room,never gave themselves the
opportunity to do that.
So it's a hard step, it can bea hard step, and yet we know
that there are such beautifulbenefits on the other side of
(29:06):
that.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
If you had someone sitting in front of you right
now that told you that story,what would you say to her?
I would have a lot ofcompassion.
I would want to convey thatwith curiosity and comfort and
I'd also want to try tonormalize that.
It's scary and what can bestirred in that anxiety.
It takes me back to being like12, 13, 14, wanting to fit in
(29:33):
with the girls and that stuffcan remain right, that fear and
that desire to be accepted andbelong.
There's an opportunity there forcompassion noticing.
So I would ask this tenderheart.
I would say you know what?
I wonder what you were wantingin that and if you could have
(29:54):
compassion for yourself and justtake the next small step
towards that.
It doesn't need to look likeyou know, really putting
yourself out there to the max,but what's one small step that
you can take to to increase theopportunity, um, to connect to
another woman?
Um, it's so intimidating, Um,and if we could talk more, all
(30:15):
of us, um, even as leaders orinfluencers, that we have that
same feeling of insecurity andintimidation too.
It's not um's not this group ofwomen that have it all put
together, and I think that's themystery that some of us in our
insecurity, think is, there'sthese women that really know,
(30:37):
and I'm not like them.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
You're absolutely right.
I tell my daughter that all thetime Like mom, how do you get
up in front of everybody andtalk?
And I could never do that.
And you Like mom, how do youget up in front of everybody and
talk?
And I could never do that.
And you're like do you knowwhat I just did?
And my hands were shaking sobad that I had to hold the
microphone with both hands sopeople wouldn't see me shaking
Right.
Like it's not, we're not right.
We're not the separate group ofpeople that never experienced
(31:03):
that.
Yeah, we just do things despite, because we know that there are
beautiful things on the otherside.
That's right.
Yeah, going scared, goingscared.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
Yeah, yeah, I think that sometimes I feel like I do
that too much.
You go scary every single time.
So, tricia, what's one practiceyou'd recommend for a woman who
wants to feel more grounded andconnected to their body during
this time of menopause?
Speaker 2 (31:33):
I really I use the little adage of notice, name and
nurture with my clients.
So when you noticedisconnection or you notice
disappointment or grief,whatever the feeling is arising
in you about your body or yourhealth or menopause, noticing it
is the first step, hopefullywith neutral noticing and then
(31:55):
naming it, name what you'refeeling and then nurture,
nurture something different.
And that takes awareness, thattakes self-awareness to know
what's happening inside yourselfand the more we can do that.
And where it becomes a commonpractice of notice, name and
nurture, we start to befriendourselves because we realize,
you know what All this noticingis showing me that I'm really
(32:18):
not very kind to myself.
In fact I'm kind of bullyingmyself a lot.
And then you know, we're namingit.
So do we actually want tonurture something different?
Do we want to nurture ourselveslike we would nurture a loved
one?
That's a little practice that Irecommend for clients.
Speaker 3 (32:34):
that's helpful when, oh man, there are so many times
where I've not been neutral inmy noticing, and that's a really
great thing to remember and tocatch yourself on right.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Can I say something about that?
So body positivity movement I'mnot totally for, because it's a
.
I think it's that.
This is.
You don't have to agree with me, but it's a, it's a swing in
the other direction.
Now we're supposed to have allthis positivity about all bodies
and I think that neutral isbetter than forcing something
(33:17):
that isn't natural yet inourselves.
So it's better to if we see ourbodies and say we're standing in
front of the mirror and ourwhole lives we've been negative,
right, it's always beennegative when we look at
ourselves.
Well, body positivity wouldhave us say look at that
gorgeous self, wow, you're sobeautiful.
(33:40):
And I'm saying, you know what,maybe someday, but I'm all about
the neutrality.
What if we just maybe someday,but I'm I'm all about the
neutrality.
What if we just?
Our goal right now is lookingat ourselves and say there's a
body, there's me, you know,because the pressure then to
pendulum swing from negative topositive without some time in
the neutrality can backfire.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
Yeah, well, and I also think that you don't
believe it when you're whenyou're trying to go from one
extreme to the other, but youcan go.
The truth is that is a body youknow, totally believe that.
I think that's so good yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Well, we are running out of time, but I want to ask
you one more question before weend, because we ask all of our
guests this what is one piece ofadvice, the best piece of
advice that you've ever receivedor given to someone?
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Well, I have five children, and they're all you
know.
They're 16 to 23.
And I think, for me, the advicethat I have most given to them
that has come back from them tome is your most important
relationship is the one withyourself.
So, you know, spending time toprioritize and nurturing
(34:59):
ourselves and working on allthose aspects is precious work.
Yeah, that's so great.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
It's really great.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
So where can people find you when they're looking?
Speaker 2 (35:10):
for you Aftermath agency, so the website would be
good.
Aftermathagencycom and I dorelationship to food and body
coaching, as well as teachingtrauma sensitive restorative
yoga.
Yeah, trauma sensitiverestorative yoga.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
Yeah, what are those classes?
Speaker 2 (35:31):
if for local folks, yeah.
So right now there's a Fridaymorning class and a Friday
evening class, 10 AM and 7 PM.
It's a 90 minute class and itis a nervous system resetting
form of yoga.
So it's all about rest, notabout doing.
This is not an athletic yogaclass.
This is more about calmingyourself down.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
Yeah, it sounds beautiful.
And register on your website.
We will be sure to put all ofthe links in our show notes and
we thank you so much for beinghere.
Important work, I know, tricia.
There's more to come becauseAftermath Agency and Medovia is
going to be doing a specialevent in September.
So more to come on that andwe're looking forward to it.
(36:13):
But until then, listeners gofind joy in the journey.
It's been a pleasure.
Have a great day, thanks,tricia.
Thanks so much.
Thank you for listening to theMedovia Menopause Podcast.
If you enjoyed today's show,please give it a thumbs up,
subscribe for future episodes,leave a review and share this
(36:34):
episode with a friend.
Medovia is out to change thenarrative.
Learn more at medoviacom.
That's M-I-D-O-V-I-A dot com.
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