Growth Isn't Linear: Why Your Self-Help Journey Feels So Hard

Ever feel like you're doing everything right but still not feeling better? You're reading the books, saying the affirmations, drinking water, going to therapy, and journaling—yet that frustrating hum of anxiety remains. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone, and more importantly, you're not broken.

The truth about personal growth is that it rarely follows the straight, upward trajectory we're sold. Progress looks more like a messy scribble than a perfect arrow pointing forward. One good week doesn't guarantee the next won't hit hard, and one difficult day doesn't erase all your progress. This non-linear nature of healing is perfectly normal, though rarely acknowledged in the polished promises of self-improvement culture.

What's particularly challenging is that growth often doesn't feel good at first. Real transformation involves confusion, discomfort, and the painful process of letting go of familiar patterns. This friction isn't failure—it's evidence of movement. Sometimes, the problem isn't even you but the systems surrounding you. No amount of meditation can fully counteract a soul-crushing job or one-sided relationships. And perhaps most radically: you are allowed to stop working on yourself all the time. You don't need to earn rest by being "better"—you deserve it simply because you're human. Rather than chasing constant positivity, chase honesty and alignment with yourself, even when that means sitting with uncomfortable feelings.

Remember that discomfort is often the precursor to change becoming your new normal. Just as muscles feel sore when beginning a new workout routine, your mind initially resists change before adapting. Be patient with yourself. Growth isn't about perfection—it's about compassion, especially for the parts of you that are tired of trying so hard. You're still moving forward, even when it doesn't feel like it.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everybody, and welcome to this week's episode
of the Michael Noon Podcast.
Thanks for joining me, thanksfor being with me Today.
I want to talk about somethinglet's kind of mention.
I want to talk about self-helpand why you might be struggling
with it.
I know it's interesting you'relistening to my podcast but I
want to talk to those people.
You know there's a lot ofpeople out there.
They're frustrated, they'reangry or they're just feeling
anxious or lost or confused, andthey're working on themselves
and they're trying to doeverything right now.

(00:21):
They're out there and they'relike you know, I'm doing
everything right, so, so whydon't I feel better?
You know, uh, they're readingthe books.
You're listening to podcasts.
You'll see my podcast.
You're, maybe you're anaffirmations person.
You're saying affirmationsevery day.
You're drinking water, becausethey say, hey, if you drink
water, you'll feel better.
You're going to therapy, maybeyou're even journaling your
feelings, and yet there's stillthat low hum of frustration.

(00:43):
You're still anxious, you'restill tired.
You're still waiting for thatmoment when things finally click
and everything feels good again.
But let me say this right now,let me say this up front You're
not broken, you're just human.
I mean, we live in a world thatsells us the idea that, like
self-help, is a straight line tohappiness.
It's easy to feel like you knowwe're doing something wrong
when the results don't come asfast.

(01:03):
Right, you know we want it,we're instant gratification.
Or, you know, maybe sometimesthe results aren't even coming
at all.
But personal growth, it's not achecklist, it's not a course
you complete, it's a messy,ongoing, non-linear ride.
So today I want to talk aboutwhy doing everything right could
still feel wrong sometimes, andwhat you might be able to do

(01:24):
about it.
Like I said, you know, healingit's it's.

(01:56):
It isn't linear, it's a loop.
I mean, one week doesn't meanthat the next one won't hit like
a truck, and one bad daydoesn't mean you're back at
square one.
Progress looks like uh, like ascribble, not an arrow.
Day doesn't mean you're back atsquare one.
Progress looks like a scribble,not an arrow.
It's okay if you're tired.
It's okay if the tools youusually use don't work every
time.
That doesn't mean they'reuseless.
It just means you're actuallyevolving.

(02:17):
Because the thing is I've talkedabout this in the past growth
it doesn't always feel good,right, because when you're
starting to grow, you're goingto put yourself in uncomfortable
situations.
Right, I mean, you know, growth.
Actually, what it feels like alot of times is confusion,
discomfort, grief, letting go ofold patterns.
I mean, I could feel likelosing a part of yourself.
It's normal to feel worsebefore you feel better.

(02:39):
That's not failure, it'sfriction, and that friction
creates movement.
You know so, and sometimes aproblem it isn't you, it might
be the system around you.
I mean, you can meditate allyou want, but if your job is
draining your soul and yourrelationships are one-sided or
you're navigating a world thatconstantly undervalues you, of
course you're not going to feelgreat.
Self-help should support you,but it shouldn't silence what's

(03:03):
actually wrong.
You're allowed to stop workingon yourself all the time.
Okay, that's the other thing.
If you're just constantly,constantly working on yourself,
then you're going to stressyourself out.
You don't need to earn rest bybeing better.
Sometimes the best thing youcan do is take a breath, eat
something warm and stop tryingto fix yourself.
You are not a project, you're aperson and you're allowed to

(03:26):
just be so.
Sometimes, you know, try thingslike swap in your mind, like
what's wrong with me, for whatdo I need to do right now?
You know, stop chasing constantpositivity.
This just drives me crazy whenpeople just constantly talk
about I'm just so positive, Ilive in a world of complete
positivity.
Well, I've talked about this inthe past.
You cannot live like thatbecause you're cutting yourself

(03:46):
off from the human experience.
You cannot just sit there andexist in a world of constant
positivity because what happensis, without negativity, you
don't really know what you wantin the world.
So it's okay to have emotionsright.
So stop chasing constantpositivity, chase honesty, chase
alignment, and Chase honesty,chase alignment.
And sometimes that meansfeeling a little bit bad.
Right To feel human, butremember just it's okay not to

(04:10):
feel okay even when you're doingall the right things.
Growth isn't about perfection.
It's about compassion,especially for the version
that's tired of trying so hard.
You are allowed to slow down.
You are allowed to feel stuck.
You're still moving forward,even if it doesn't feel like it.

(04:33):
Just keep going and before youknow it, like anything else,
like just starting a new workoutplan or a new um I hate using
the word diet because diet seemsso Temporary but a new way of
eating, whatever.
Eventually it becomes the newnorm in your life.
It becomes the new comfort inyour life because, again, when
you start to change the mind.

(04:54):
Everything is like I don't wantto change.
I don't want to change.
So it creates more stress andanxiety.
We're going into this world ofthe unknown.
I don't want to go there.
Stay here.
Stay here where it'scomfortable.
But where you are right nowisn't great.
So, as you're going throughgrowth, it's going to feel
uncomfortable because again,it's like pushing that weight.
It's pushing that weight In thebeginning wow, it hurts,
muscles are sore all the time,but eventually you get used to
it, it becomes the new,comfortable and then you'll

(05:16):
probably find yourself wantingto grow some more, right?
So, again, growth isn't aboutperfection, it's about
compassion and, again, if it'sjust take your time, you're
going to be fine.
You can have bad days.
You can have them.
It is what it is.
We are human and that's whatmakes us interesting and that's
what makes us all special, right?
Okay, that's all I got for youtoday.

(05:37):
Hope you're having a great day.
Hope you have a great.
Uh, any plans this week?
Uh, summer's still rolling.
That's awesome.
And, as always, going into theweekend, be safe.
And I got another love for you.