You Don't Need to Feel Brave to Be Brave

What does it really mean to be courageous? Contrary to popular belief, courage isn't about being fearless—it's about feeling the fear and moving forward anyway. Drawing from personal experience with panic disorder and anxiety, I explore how true courage emerges not when we feel brave, but when we choose action despite our trembling.

Remember those childhood moments of tying towels around our necks as makeshift superhero capes? Real courage rarely feels like that confident, caped hero on a mountain. Through my own struggles with paralyzing fear—like the panic I'd experience crossing the Bay Bridge in San Francisco—I've discovered that courage is found in those small, shaky steps forward when everything in you wants to retreat.

The science backs this up. Researchers like Dr. Barbara Fredrickson have found that acting in line with your values despite discomfort builds resilience over time. Studies in cognitive therapy demonstrate how exposure to feared situations rewires our emotional responses, making courage a muscle we strengthen through practice. Whether you're facing a job change, relationship challenge, or simply trying to get through a difficult day, remember that each small act of courage is a vote for the life you want to live. You don't need to feel brave to be brave—you just need to take that next small step. What tiny courageous action might you take today that could transform your tomorrow? 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey all and welcome to this week's episode of the
Michael Newton Podcast.
Hope you're doing well.
Another week is upon us.
Another week is moving quickly.
I say it every week, but it isEvery time I turn around.
It's like we're in the middleof another week and it's almost
coming to an end.
But hey, I'm early.
This week.
I'm early with this podcast.
Normally I'm just like pushingit right to the end, but I'm
actually about two days earlyfollowing.

(00:20):
My wife and I decided to open upa bagel coffee shop Both of us.
Again, it's not our world.
My world is basicallyentertainment, writing and some
other stuff here and there, andmy wife is a lawyer.
So it's a whole new thing forus.
It's a whole new adventure.
But if you've been listening tomy podcast, you know I'm all
about hey, take risks.
That's what life's about.
So today I want to jump into it,because what I want to talk

(00:40):
about today is something that'skind of really near and dear to
me.
And I want to talk aboutcourage, right, because a lot of
times we think about courage.
People are sort of like, oh,they're just so courageous, they
don't fear anything.
But the truth is, courage isnot the absence of fear, but
it's rather the judgment thatsomething else is more important
than fear, which is reallyinteresting.
That was actually written byAmbrose Redmond, but it's the

(01:00):
truth In order to be verycourageous, you have to be doing
something that presents sort offear in front of you.
Because the thing is, we oftenthink of courage as something
you're born with a bold,fearless energy that kind of
rushes in, like with superhero.
We get a superhero on a cape inthe wind, just kind of sitting
there where Superman on top of amountain, but the truth is,
courage rarely feels likeconfidence, but it shows up

(01:30):
anyway.
And the good news, though, iscourage isn't a feeling, it is a
choice, and that's what we'regoing to talk about today.

(02:04):
This one is really, um, really,uh, really personal to me,
because this is something if youif you listened to my podcast
in the past or read my book youknow I talk about, like I grew
up a lot with panic disorder,panic attacks, fears, and I'm
talking about not as a child,I'm talking about going into my,
my adult years.
Thought I got out of themsometime in 30.
I got somewhere in my thirties,got hit again, crippling, and I

(02:24):
used to have a you know reallyit things in my life that are
not very easy to do.
But the thing is, because Irecognize, and I recognize the
patterns, which is good right,I'm very self-aware about why
things are happening and it kindof helped me move forward.
It's really just anunderstanding of the physiology,
of why, what's going on in mybody and then how I can kind of
calm it down.
But it doesn't make everythingso easy for me.

(02:45):
A lot of times and I remember mybrother was living up in San
Francisco and I was down in losangeles and I would I hated
bridges and anybody's gone tosan francisco you know you got
to cross that uh, that, uh, thatbay bridge.
And it's not just a bridge likehere where I am in england,

(03:05):
where you're just kind ofcrossing over a canal.
We're talking about severalstretch miles.
And I remember I used to leaveearly, early in the morning,
just so that I would get thereat a certain time of day where I
knew traffic wouldn't be on thebridge.
Because if I did, it wouldalways give me anxiety as I was
coming up with panic to thepoint that sometimes I probably
didn't want to go over thatbridge.
I knew I had to, but I didn'twant to go over the bridge and

(03:27):
it was crazy and it really usedto affect me.
And, of course, numerous timesI would get on that bridge and
there'd be traffic and I wouldjust be sitting there just
shaking, trembling, like Ididn't know.
But again, you know, havinggone through it so many times
and you know I guess I'll usethat word, building resilience
towards it, I would be able tocalm myself down.
But it was never easy.

(03:49):
And I remember when I read thatquote you know talking about,
you know courage isn't, you know, the absence of fear.
But remember when I read thatquote you know talking about,
you know courage isn't, you know, the absence of fear, but the
you know having fear and thewillingness to move through it.
And that kind of always got methrough.
And I feel like a lot of peopleare going through this stuff
right now and and I feel likethey're going about it, about it
alone.
But you're not.
But you're not right, you know,because according to the
psychologist Rollo May and Idon't know if you actually wrote

(04:09):
a book called the Courage toCreate, and he basically says
courage is the capacity to moveahead in spite of fear.
It's not, again, the absence offear, it's the action of it in
its presence.
So in order to be courageous,you actually have to be dealing
with some sort of fear thatpushes you through it.
So, to give you an example, ifI walked out of my house right
now by the way, it's beautifulout right now in this evening If
I walked out, walked down thestreet, came back, that does not

(04:31):
make me courageous, it's justsomething I normally do.
But if you're somebody who'sbeen agoraphobic or somebody
who's scared to leave the houseor do anything, and they get up
and then that terrifying fearstill make their way down the
street maybe it's only 10, 15yards down the street come back.
That is courage, that is beingcourageous Because, again, it's
in the face of fear that you'restill willing to move forward.

(04:52):
And this idea is really backedby research and behavioral
science.
Dr Barbara Fredrickson she'sthis leading positive psychology
researcher that I came acrossyears ago and she basically
found that people whointentionally act in line with
their values, despite discomfortor fear, they will build
resilience over time.
So I guess that's kind of whereI've gotten to.
There's things that I do nowthat I wouldn't do years ago,

(05:14):
but because I've had to face somany things and kind of be
courageous.
It's helped me move forward.
So, in short, when you choosecourage, your brain begins to
learn that fear doesn't have tobe the boss of you.
There was another studypublished in cognitive therapy
and research.
I don't know if you're aware ofcognitive therapy, but it's a
really way sort of sort of treat, a lot of um, psychological, uh

(05:37):
how would you say?
Uh, uh, emotional challenges,you know, anxiety, panic attacks
, so on and so forth.
But um, basically just foundthat uh, exposure to fear, right
, situations that maybe make youscared, even if you know you
don't feel like you're ready,kind of reduced anxiety
significantly over time.
They always talk about like thesnake, right, the person's

(05:57):
terrified of a snake.
You show them a million timeswell, not a million times, a few
times, keep going.
Eventually it reduces theanxiety significantly over time
because the action itselfrewires the emotional response.
So I guess, long-winded here, ifyou're really struggling and if
you're listening to this, maybewith a job change or breakup or

(06:20):
starting something new or justgetting through the day, just
hear this right, you do not needto feel brave to be brave.
You do not need to wait forfear to pass, to take the next
step.
You can choose courage, evenwhispers, even in small, tiny,
little incremental pieces,because each act of courage is
kind of a vote for the kind oflife that you want to live,

(06:43):
because it is that fear that isholding you back and the choice
to move forward is what you havean opportunity to do is to
change things.
So, again, it doesn't have tobe something gigantic, it
doesn't have to be somethinghuge to be courageous.
It could be something small.
You could pick one small actionthat you've been avoiding
because of fear, and it might besomething simple as sending an

(07:03):
email to your boss or tosomebody you got to talk to, or
making that phone call.
You've been kind of putting offsaying what you really feel.
That's hard, right.
It's really hard sometimes tosay to people what you really
feel and ultimately asking forhelp, but I feel like nowadays
it's a little bit moreacceptable.
I feel like me and my parents'generation that was a little
like you know, everybody justkind of kept it closed in.
But ask for help if you have todo it, and what you're going to

(07:26):
notice is you can be scared andcourageous at the same time.
And again, the only way toreally be courageous is to be in
the face of some sort of fear.
Okay, as Eleanor Roosevelt oncesaid, you gain strength, courage
and confidence by everyexperience in which you really
stop to look fear in the face.
All right.
So if you're having fear, itlooks at an opportunity.

(07:48):
Here's that Superman moment.
Here's that when I was a kid,we used to tie towels around our
necks, um, to like like capes,uh, to to feel courageous, to
feel your superhero.
You know, if you've got fear,understand.
Here's your opportunity to justshow that you are courageous,
and even it's a one little step,one little thing, because
eventually that little stepturns into a quick walk, to a

(08:10):
jog, to a sprint, to an all out.
You know, just blowing rightthrough it and you will discover
that you are no longer.
Interestingly enough, you're nolonger courageous for having
done it, because you'll be doingit so often now that you don't
have to face the fear anymorethat it's technically just
becomes like me walking out thedoor, going down the street,
coming back and being okay forit.
All right, all right.
That's all I have for you today.

(08:31):
Thank you so much for listening.
Really appreciate it, as always.
Make sure you're hitting thatSpotify, that Apple share it
with your friends, family,relatives, I don't know, maybe a
stranger, I don't know.
You have a really good commute,maybe somewhere you're on a
train, you're on a plane.
Share it with them.
As always, I try to keep thisshort, to the point, quick, so
that you know if you just drivedown the street and get this
whole episode in.
Would love the reviews on AppleSpotify, but I bet when you

(08:52):
we're a hundred and somethingepisodes in, I have to count.
So I'm still here, I'm stillwith you and I'm going to
continue sharing my journey onthe bagel shop and the coffee
shop and everything else we'redoing.
It's scary, it's terrifying,but I keep moving forward and
every day I find the courage.
All right, talk to you soon, asalways.
Have a great weekend and I'vegot another below for you.
We'll see you next time.