July 14, 2025 • 40 mins
Foojan Zeine shares her transformative journey from trauma to creating Awareness Integration Theory (AIT), a groundbreaking framework that helps people move from merely surviving to genuinely thriving. Her personal path through childhood trauma, immigration, and business collapse reveals how unresolved past issues inevitably resurface until properly addressed through conscious integration of all parts of ourselves.
• World-renowned psychotherapist with over 20 published studies on AIT
• Created a six-phase model integrating thought processes, emotions, behaviors, and relationships
• Explains the crucial difference between surface-level coaching and deeper psychotherapy
• Demonstrates how unprocessed trauma leads to self-sabotage despite external success
• Emphasizes the importance of specific life skills development for relationships and communication
• Shows how AIT reduces depression by 75% and anxiety by 64% in clinical settings
• Has expanded AIT beyond therapy to education, including remarkable success with children
• Developed an app and AI chatbot for greater accessibility to mental wellness tools
• Teaches that being your "best self" means your unique definition, not matching someone else's ideal
Connect with Dr. Fujian Zain at fuzhanzain.com or download her app from the Apple Store or Google Play.
Thanks for listening & being part of the Mindset Cafe Community.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Yeah, it's Mindset Cafe.
We all about that mindset.
Gotta stay focused.
Now go settle for the last.
It's all in your head how youthink you manifest.
So get ready to rise, cause weabout to be the best.
Gotta switch it up.
Gotta break the old habits.
Get your mind right, turn yourdreams into habits.
No negative vibes, onlypositive thoughts.
(00:20):
What is up, guys?
Welcome to another episode ofthe Mindset Cafe podcast.
It's your boy, devin, and todaywe are joined by Dr Fujian Zain
.
She is a world-renownedpsychotherapist.
She is an international speakerand author and, honestly, just
a brilliant mind, right, she isthe brilliant mind behind
awareness integration theory,ait, and that part is a
(00:45):
science-based, a science-backedsorry framework proven to reduce
anxiety and depression whileimproving your self-esteem and
confidence.
And she's had over 20 publishedstudies, lectures at Harvard,
ucla and USC and her newest techventure, the Fujian app, right,
which we'll dive into in alittle bit.
But she's had a extensivecareer in, essentially, wellness
(01:08):
, in mindset and all thosethings, and you guys already
know I mean the title is MindsetCafe.
So who better to bring on thansomeone that is actually an
expert in that, that area?
So, without further ado, thankyou for coming to the show, dr
Foujon Zane.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Oh, it's such a pleasure, Devin.
Thank you for inviting me andhello to everybody who's
listening or watching us.
Are they listening only orwatching us too?
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Both, both.
There you go, okay.
So I mean, I always like tostart with like you know how you
came to end up where you areright.
So like a little bit ofbackground.
So what was your childhood like, what was your upbringing like?
What led you down this path ofyou know mindfulness and you
know all these things?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Oh, absolutely.
I'm originally from Iran.
I was born there and I camefrom a family that was very well
known but, you know, becausethey were so much in their
career that the, you know beingtogether within the family
system was when my parents gotdivorced and I came actually to
US.
So I was the product of adivorce.
(02:10):
I was product also of, you know, abuse, sexual abuse, and about
age of 12, I came to US and Ikind of like raised myself in US
.
So when it came and I was justlike you know, surviving,
surviving, surviving.
And then it became around 20swhere I opened the business.
I was surviving, I went into amarriage and then the world
(02:33):
collapsed because I thought, youknow, I got everything I was
supposed to get.
I was supposed to get married,I was supposed to do my
education, I had a business,everything I said I was going to
create on a survival base, thatI was just going to strive and
survive and make it withoutanybody.
I got.
But the world collapsed, Iwasn't happy.
So that led me to start with alot of coaching seminars you
(02:58):
know of self going to TonyRobbins, going to landmark,
going to, you know, to all ofthese places where.
From there I thought I need alot more work.
There's a lot deeper traumashere which I want to work.
My relationship was a work is.
I started psychotherapy and thatopened the conversation of wow,
how much I had pressed,regressed just in order to
(03:22):
survive and move forward.
And I knew how to survive Devin, I never knew how to live.
So that just begun this wholejourney of not only working on
myself in so many layers anddifferent ways, but also wanted
to become a therapist, sowhatever I've learned and how I
could support myself to be ableto share with others.
(03:44):
So then I started learning allof these different modalities.
Some modalities think if youchange your thought processes,
you'll change your emotion andbehaviors and you're fortunate,
or whatever happens.
Some theories are like changeyour feelings, you're going to
change everything.
Or change your behavior, you'regoing to change everything, or
clear the trauma, and you'regoing to change everything.
And I'm like, okay, going tochange everything, or clear the
(04:04):
trauma, and you're going tochange everything.
And I'm like, okay, I learnedthem all.
Why don't I bring them alltogether?
So the best of the best thatwas learned by me wherever I
went and to therapy that I didon myself and with my clients.
I put them in a structuretogether so it kind of moves
faster and deeper and it hasreally created a path for people
(04:29):
to become fulfilled in theirlife, regardless of
circumstances that have happenedin their life.
And I'm I've lived it and I've,you know.
That's where I'm sharing itfrom.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
No, that's awesome.
And so what was that firstbusiness that you had opened,
you know, before you felt likeyour world collapsed.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I opened a flower business a flower design
business actually.
It was called Princess Flowersand we were at the Beverly
Hilton in Beverly Hills.
We had almost all of the RodeoDrive.
I don't know if you were fromCalifornia or not, but Rodeo
Drive, you know boutiques andyou know weddings and bar
(05:14):
mitzvahs and bar mitzvahs andyou know everything you could
ever imagine.
In every week and for two tothree years I was really working
hard with my partner and it'sthe same time that my marriage
collapsed, my business collapsed, my friendships collapsed and
it was more like, okay, what'sgoing on?
I did everything that I wantedto do, what happened to me, and
(05:37):
it sneaks in.
If you're not handling whattraumas you've had keeps coming.
You know the beliefs that I'mnot worthy, I'm not good enough,
I can't make it, I'm powerlessagainst the world.
All of those things that showedup for me as a child would
creep in no, I mean, that's thatis so interesting.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I mean, one of those, one of the things that you said
was you were surviving but youweren't living, and you know how
these things start to creep in.
And it is so true.
I think that sometimes we getso wrapped up in just trying to
hit goals and just trying to hit, you know, the things that we
wanted to achieve and in theprocess we kind of lose
(06:19):
ourselves.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
We do.
We do, um, because there's apart that, in order to for us to
be able to survive, wedisconnect from different parts.
Because, if you know, if I, ifI'm too overwhelmed and I cannot
handle something, our body, ourbrain does this thing where you
kind of lift off, youdissociate in order for a part
of you to be able to moveforward.
(06:42):
So if you're dissociating fromso many parts of you and you're
trying to move forward, at onepoint all of those parts are
knocking at some door and sayinglet me in, let me be a part of
the whole thing.
And when you're not aware ofwhat you're doing, you do things
(07:02):
, you sabotage yourself.
Or you look at things, or youtake opportunities or not take
opportunities out of yoursubconscious mind, which is
trying to protect you, andbecause of that protection
sometimes you'll react reallyharshly.
Or you don't take opportunitiesthat are there, or you take the
opportunities but you don'tthink you deserve them.
(07:23):
So then you know you sabotageyourself from that and you find
yourself constantly in an areathat it's not.
It's not there.
And even if you, if I createdeverything, I was unhappy
because I had no skills.
I had no skills of how to be ina relationship.
I had no skills of you knowwhat to do, even with finances.
I just went day to day tryingto survive.
(07:47):
So when you get some things andit looks good but you're not
happy inside, it doesn't makesense.
It's not even worth it anymore,because you do all of these
things for it to make your lifefulfilled and then after that it
doesn't.
So it's very confusing at onepoint, like how come?
How come I did everything andI'm still so miserable?
(08:09):
And then it was the time likeokay, I'm just going to take
over the conversation of I nolonger want to be miserable and
I'm going to take over beingresponsible to be happy, to
become accountable, to makemyself happy.
And that opened up this wholejourney.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
No, I mean, and I do want to dive into it because I
mean I'm I think that's you knowdive into, like the AIT, the
awareness integration theory andstuff.
But before we dive into that, Idid want to ask you know
something you had mentioned inthe beginning, which was, you
know, when your world startedcollapsing, you started getting
into psychotherapy.
And you know I mean one of theone of the people I used to
(08:46):
listen to, and even so, do youknow one of the greats, tony
Robbins, right, can you explainwhat, why you went with
psychotherapy and why, or whatis the?
Speaker 2 (08:58):
difference between regular therapy and
psychotherapy.
Psychotherapy, the talk therapy, is what we call psychotherapy.
What Tony Robbins and many ofthe coaches do is they look at
how to who you are, where youare right now and how you could
look at the future.
So they're more likeself-progress seminars,
self-transformation seminars,which they do take from
psychology, from the field ofpsychology, but they move it
(09:22):
into the betterment of tomorrow.
What are your goals about thetomorrow?
So you're looking at how I canmanifest and create what I need
and what my goals are.
The problem that I got from justdoing that was that creation of
my goals were still from anangle of survival.
(09:44):
They weren't really from anangle of thriving and being
happy and enjoying life andbeing fulfilled.
So the goals were set up asthat.
So, no matter how much Ireached the goal, it was not
still not enough.
It wasn't enough.
Now the next one, the next one.
You know it was like it wasnothing was ever enough.
And then, plus that, as you,I'm reaching the goals because I
(10:04):
haven't handled my past.
They kept sabotaging me and Ididn't know what was happening.
So I will keep coming back toI'm not good enough, I'm bad, I
can't do this.
So that's one approach thatworks for a lot of people, but
it might not be enough, and forme it wasn't enough.
So I had to go back intopsychotherapy and
(10:26):
trauma-informed psychotherapy,where not only I looked at who I
was and what was my backgroundthat built me this way.
What were some of the thoughtprocesses and beliefs that I had
created as I was growing up,based on the relationship that
my parents had, based on theabuse that I had, based on the
neglect, based on everything andbased on all the strength.
(10:48):
You know, coming to anothercountry at age 12 and raising
myself, there was a hell of alot of strength also.
So, based on all of thosepieces, what were my backgrounds
and how I needed to get healedfrom abuse and from neglect and
from all of those, and thenbringing all my parts together
and heal, that's when I set up agoal and move forward.
(11:13):
Then, every achievement, I feltthe gratitude, I felt the joy.
It was enough, although Iwanted more, because I would get
bored if I would just staythere.
I wanted to expand, but itwasn't because I wasn't good
enough or there was a lack.
It was just like got this, nowlet's have the next experience.
(11:35):
And even if I didn't get thenext experience, even if I died
at that time, I would befulfilled Right.
So it's a different essence ofyou when you clean up your path
and you become whole and all ofthese other parts of you which
you've kind of shoved in closets, you have shame around them and
you're watchful of nobodyfinding out.
(11:57):
And you know, even if you'resuccessful, you feel like a
fraud because parts of you are.
You know you're afraid to bringthem.
When you clean them up, whenthey're all here, when you're
one person, a whole person, thenyou thrive moving forward and
you own everything that you'vecreated the power, the
vulnerability, all of it.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
No, I mean, that is amazing, and so would you say
that everything that you justdescribed is that kind of the
framework for the awarenessintegration theory.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Very much, yes.
So I brought it into a sixphase model, which the phase.
The first three phases are verymuch about the present moment,
distinctions of you.
Know your thought process, youremotions, how to handle your
emotions.
What are your emotions aresaying to you?
What are you know?
As if they're knocking at yourbody, what are they really
(12:49):
saying, what's the message andhow to release them, capture the
message.
How I, you know, act and behavethrough the world where I create
these results.
You know, positive and negative, all the power, the resilience,
things that are my strength andstrategies that move me forward
, and then my vulnerabilities.
You know things that don't workfor me, some of the past stuff
that are not so.
(13:09):
Part of that is looking at mywholeness of life, like my roles
in, you know, in, inrelationship and intimate
relationship with my marriage,in my work with my clients, with
children, with you know, nature, with universe, with God, with
anything that you can imagine,all of my relationships.
So, to kind of like, firstbecome aware of who am I and how
(13:32):
do I operate, the way that I doso, bringing my subconscious to
the consciousness in every areaof my life, so that becomes the
awareness part and then, basedon this awareness, I look at
what are some of the beliefsystems that are still holding
me back, what's in front of methat doesn't allow me to move,
that keeps constantly comingback and hold me, and then,
(13:53):
within a process, go to the pastwhen did I make this up?
What happened, what was theevent that I said this to myself
?
And then reconnect with mystrength things that I've done
in order to survive, in order tomove forward, how I've endured
all of those things and bringthem together and connect and
heal that part and then, kind oflike, reinvent and say who do I
(14:17):
intend to be?
Who is it that I intend to bewith all of my strengths that I
know?
So this isn't something about.
Oh, let me see what good wordsare there and just pick up and
put them together and say thisis who I want to be.
No, this is you, because youdid your homework of doing you
know the awareness of yourself.
You pick and choose from thevalues that you've seen.
(14:37):
It has worked for you.
You pick and choose the powerand strategies and behaviors
that you've done that has reallymade you who you are.
So out of that is like okay,these are.
This is the person I intend tobe.
I'm going to pick up all ofthis and intend to be this
person and then from there youset up your goals in every
single angle of life.
You create action plans, youcreate structures, you know,
(14:59):
with people around you, to makesure that you're moving forward
and creating what you say thatyou can create.
And now you have the skills thatif you hit you know a blind
spot, or if you hit a blind spotor if you hit something that's
not working, you have themechanism to go back and check
and reflect and see what stuffdid I do that it worked.
(15:21):
What stuff did I do that itdidn't work?
It no longer Devin becomesabout who I am as a lack.
It only becomes about whathumanistic and existential
conversation is, which is I'mgood as a soul, as who I am, I'm
good.
The rest of it is just skills.
So then I just got to learnthis skill that works.
(15:43):
And if I did this and it didn'twork, just don't do it.
Now do it.
But if you, if you just didthis without the background work
, I've learned that it doesn'tmove forward.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (15:57):
No, it definitely does make sense and I think it
goes.
You can't just do surface levelwork.
You're going to get surfacelevel results right.
You have to dive in.
You have to do the backend work.
You have to one.
One big thing that I'm I'm a bigadvocate for is self-reflecting
right, whether it's a situationthat happens and you have an
(16:18):
emotional response that youisn't, is outside your normal
character or outside of what youwould like to have happened.
Like reflect on it later in theday.
Why did that event trigger you?
Why did that event make you,you know, respond or upset you
or whatever the case may be?
But then also, like with hittinggoals and setting goals, like
self-reflection for me is likeyou can't just go through life
(16:38):
without analyzing yourself.
You know you don't go through.
You know life.
You know having your car justrun and knowing that it's always
in good.
Like you have to take your carin the shop.
You go to the doctor to getcheckups.
Like you should do the samething for your mental space, for
your you know your awareness onhow you feel, you know your
goals and everything like that.
And so one of the questions Iwanted to ask too is like you,
(16:59):
published over 20 differentstudies on this awareness
integration theory.
What are some of the thingsthat you found that have
surprised you over those 20different studies?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Of course what it was astonishing that when we did it
from a psychotherapy model andyou know I trained
psychotherapists and coaches andso when we've done that, the
study of like we, we give thempre-tests, you know, with
depression, anxiety, self-esteemand all of it, um, and then the
same thing as a post-test afterwe do the work with them from a
(17:29):
psychotherapy model we weregetting like 75 minimization of
depression, um, 64 minimizationof anxiety and raising
self-esteem and self-efficacy to40, 50, 60%.
So that was interesting from apsychotherapy model.
But then two of my colleagueswho were teaching at California
State University, long Beach youknow I have also four books
(17:53):
that are only from awarenessintegration.
I had written this book calledLife Reset which was for public,
really explaining all of thisand giving them exercises.
So my two colleagues who wereteaching they said, oh, look at
this book.
This book is a self-help book.
Can we create something for ourstudents?
So I created the assignmentsfor self-help model.
(18:16):
So it's the same like thequestion and the process and all
of it I created as a self-helpmodel.
So in four classes inCalifornia State University, two
professors I'm not there, I'mnot teaching, I didn't share
anything, I just explained whatit was.
And every week they gave them,you know, one area of life like.
(18:37):
One area was career, anotherone finances or relationship or
relationship with your body, andyou, just you know the 10 areas
that they gave them and theygive them the pre-test and the
post-test.
Without coaching, withoutpsychotherapy, we still got 65%
minimization of depression andanxiety.
That really surprised me.
(18:57):
And then, based on that, it waslike okay, if even the self-help
is creating such an amazingnumbers, then we created the app
, because then people can haveaccess to this type of self-work
.
If they wanted to do this ontheir own, they could do it
through the app.
The app has 31 areas of life.
(19:19):
You know you can pick andchoose.
It'll take you through theprocess.
It'll take you throughmeditation, self
self-realization, conversations,will give you questions,
pondering questions, talk youthrough.
The creates a space where youcan create goals and stuff.
And then it was also okay atone point we set up goals, we
(19:42):
create all of that, and I saidwe get to a place that it's not
about me, of who I am, it'sabout the skills that, whether I
have it or not.
So then part of this was well,you need to learn skills.
When psychotherapy and coachingwere there.
So when we know that some youdon't have a skill on something,
we offer it to you.
But how come you know?
How are you going to do that?
On a self-help, because ifyou're going through the process
(20:03):
and you're like, well, I don'thave the skill, then you know
who was going to give you thatskill, but you had to go
somewhere else.
So therefore, we then added theAI chatbot called Mira, which
then you can ask question how doI do this?
What do I do with such and such?
And then it goes through all ofthe books, all of the studies
(20:23):
that we've done, and takes allof that information and gives
you step by step of skills andwhat to do, skills in what to do
.
It gives you reflectivequestions also so you can
reflect about yourself, butactually gives you skills.
So that led to creation of atechnology which you know,
(20:43):
people can use anytime and youknow, and very less costly than
going to coaches andpsychotherapists.
And 24 hours, however, you knowwe're training internationally
coaches and psychotherapists in24 hours.
However, we're traininginternationally coaches and
psychotherapists where peoplesay I need more than this.
I need to actually sit downwith someone or I have gone
(21:04):
through trauma or I do needsomeone to work with me through
trauma, then they can alsoaccess all of the credentialed
coaches and psychotherapistsalso.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Well, I mean that's awesome.
There's kind of like thedifferent levels for the
different, like what you wantout of it.
Like if you want the, you knowthe DIY version, or like the,
the semi-guided or theone-on-one hands-on, you know it
.
That's nice, because noteveryone's going to want the
hands-on, not everyone's goingto want the, you know, not
do-it-yourself, but like youknow the chatbot and so forth,
(21:37):
right.
So it's nice that you can kindof get what level you want and
what kind of hands-on you wantwith it and support and guidance
.
Because, again, some peoplelearn different ways but also
some people feel morecomfortable in different
settings, in different supportsystems and so forth.
So in different settings, indifferent support systems and so
forth.
So I think that is a nicefeature that you guys have
integrated and allow people tofit their need.
(21:59):
I do want to ask you said thatessentially, if someone doesn't
have skills, you teach them.
What are you referring to whenyou mean skills?
Speaker 2 (22:07):
So, for example, somebody starts looking at their
becoming aware of how do theyoperate in a relationship, like
in their marriage, let's say, oran intimate relationship, right
?
So they start looking at whatworks for them, what have they
done, what kind of thoughtprocess and beliefs they hold in
order to create the bestrelationship.
So, for example, I was workingwith someone, a woman, who wants
(22:30):
to get married, and when I say,you know, and she's a
heterosexual, so she wanted toget married with a man.
So I said what are your beliefsystems about man?
And she goes they're cheaters,they're liars, they're this,
they're that.
I'm like, and you want to marryone, when you believe this is
who they are.
So that's what I mean bysubconscious concepts.
That shows up.
(22:51):
It's like how are you going togo to any date when, in the
background, you have all ofthese conversations about the
one who you want to end uploving and being with and
marrying?
So first is this awareness ofwhat are my thought process,
what are my feelings, what aremy background on these areas,
(23:12):
what are my hopes, what are myfantasies, that hope that all of
them will come through.
So the first concept would bethis awareness part and then if
there are pieces where theperson was traumatized or they
have a belief system because oftheir background possibly their
mother-in-law father didn't workout well, so she held that
(23:32):
background.
So we come kind of heal thosepieces and then now we go into
now, what kind of a relationshipdo you want?
Like if you want a marriagewhich you really want it to be
the best kind in your ideal,what would it look like?
So as we start looking at that,we start also looking at do you
have the skills?
Do you have the skills to date?
(23:53):
Do you have the communicationskills?
Do you know what your lovelanguages are and can you
communicate that to that person?
Do you have listening skills,so that when the other person is
sharing who they are, you'renot thinking in your own head
answering back, but you actuallyhave the skills of listening to
the other person?
So you look at all therelational skills that is needed
(24:14):
for a good marriage to moveforward and you do a system
check Do you have those skills?
Awesome, which ones you don'thave?
And let's go figure it outtogether.
So if I have it as a coach or atherapist, I'll offer it.
If I don't, I'll find thereferences or referrals and
everything else that I cancapture so that you could learn
that, and then I'll support youwith practicing it Right?
(24:38):
So then you go on dates andthen we'll chat and say how did
it go?
Did you use those skills?
And when you used it, how didit go?
Well, and if you didn't use it,what was what was stopping you
from using the skills you know?
Or you come in and say I usedeverything that I knew, but then
I suddenly he said something tome which I had no idea what to
(25:00):
do and how to do it.
Okay, now there's anotherskills, or boundary setting
skills.
You know, should I sayeverything about my life, the
first and second date, or it'stoo much?
Yeah, like, hold the boundaryand see.
So these are what I mean byskills, right?
Or if somebody is going to work,what are your ways of working
with an authority, with yourcoworkers?
How do you create relationshipswhere you know, yes, there's
(25:23):
some competitive edge, but alsoa collaborative age, where you
know, yes, there's somecompetitive edge, but also a
collaborative age?
Not everybody has that,especially if you have been like
an only child in a system of afamily.
You move into corporate whichis all siblings.
You're not going to be able tohave the skills.
People who had you know frombig families.
They knew how to handlesiblings and then you go into a
(25:44):
corporate world.
It's like I can handle this.
I've done this all my life.
Does that make sense with theskills?
Speaker 1 (25:51):
No, no, yeah, it definitely does.
I mean, and I think it's, it'sone of those things where you're
you're bringing up, like yousaid, single, you know single
child, or you know you grew upin a big family.
It's crazy to think about likeyou learn certain things just
from your upbringing.
(26:11):
That's why I kind of like toalways ask people about their,
their upbringing, theirbackground before we dive into
everything, because it starts tomake things you know make a
little more sense.
Right, you, becoming the expertthat you are now, wouldn't hold
as much weight necessarily inlike a relationship or rapport
of feeling in my, if we didn'tknow that like you went through
these things, you, you, you'renot just like, oh, I wanted to
(26:31):
learn this, it interests me,your life needed it, and so you
found the solution and nowyou're giving the solution to
other people and diving deeperand deeper into it.
So it's, it makes it that muchmore amazing, going into these
other aspects, that I didn'teven realize.
I didn't think about them asskills, right, necessarily.
But now the way that you said Iwas like wow, that they are
(26:52):
skills like the communicationalskills, the relationship skills,
the you know, even you know asas far as just emotional skills
in dealing with differentaspects.
You learn from an earlychildhood that could transfer,
or even from early, earlyrelationships or events that
could transfer into your lifenow and you not even realize it.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Absolutely.
You know, one of the thingsthat's interesting Devin that
one of my colleagues who alsogot her PhD in early development
.
She experienced the awarenessintegration therapy on herself.
She had come from a traumabackground.
She experienced this.
She was very depressed,although she had high standing
(27:33):
and accolades, but she was very,very depressed.
So she went through theawareness integration.
She went around the world, shewent into 40 countries in 10
months and she came back andalthough she was, like you know,
a high end person in bankingindustry, she came back and she
says, fuzhan, I want to open achildcare.
(27:55):
She went across the world andchecked out all the childcare
and as she came in and wanted todo this, we said do you want to
try awareness integration, notonly from a reflective concept
of psychotherapy and coaching,but now as a proactive
educational model where the kidscan?
You know we bring it as closeas like infancy because you know
(28:19):
she opened the childcare, shehas infants all the way to like
six-year-old and 10-year-old.
So over the past seven years,devin, we've been doing a lot of
study in how to bring the AITfrom emotional regulation.
You know, you've always heard atwo-year-old is supposed to
have tantrums.
(28:39):
They're not supposed to beemotionally regulated.
That's how it happens.
Happens.
They have tantrums, they bite,they scream, they, you know, do
all of that.
You walk into her daycare allof the kids are have learned how
to emotionally regulatethemselves.
They have their emotions, theydo their crying and then you
(29:01):
know, because we're working withthem, from there, like what do
you do?
You want?
What's happening?
I want that toy.
Okay, how do you want to?
You know, how do you want tosay so you could have it.
So they're learning negotiationskills.
They're learning how to handle.
They just have a fit.
So he goes into a space whereit's for taking care of yourself
(29:23):
, sits there, goes into his ownbody, starts regulating by
breathing and helps himself.
And then they help each other,like, if one of the other one is
crying, the other one holds hishand, takes him to that space
and says, okay, deep breathe,now, open your eyes.
Now, what do you want?
Now, let's go get it.
As early as, like you know, sixmonths a year, two years, three
(29:44):
years, they're learning how todo emotional regulation, how to
calm themselves down, howrespectfully figure out what
they want, how to communicateclearly what they want and then
how to negotiate with each otherand take care of themselves.
That's a skill to be able togive a child as they're growing
up.
So you know we're hoping to beable to take this also into
(30:06):
educational models.
I'm teaching it in Cal State,long Beach, in two of the
classes.
I'm teaching it in universityin Paris and Romania.
So we're you know we're tryingto teach this.
We're going to Dubai, you knowwe're going to start with, so
I'm taking it internationallyand hoping that it can also not
only do a clinical work with itbut also an educational, where
(30:27):
it's part of the whole schoolsystem, where people can learn
how to handle, you know, theirmental and emotional and
behavioral regulation and learnthe skills as fast as they can.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
No, and I think that it is really important that it
is taught, because, I mean, Ihave a three-year-old and it's
funny that you mentioned this,because I do do have a three
year old and she's in preschool.
And just seeing how fast she'sgrown in terms of, you know,
knowledge, in terms of herpersonality and everything in
preschool it is, it's amazing,right, and I think that's one of
(31:01):
the things that you know.
When people mention, you know,they're supposed to throw, throw
a fit, they're supposed tothrow tantrums, it's like, to a
degree, yes, like they havethese hormonal imbalances as
they're growing and so forth,yes, but at the same time, that
doesn't mean they can't controlit.
And so my big thing is, evenwith my three-year-old, I mean
she and she just turned three,right is she'll?
(31:22):
She'll throw a tantrum, she'llscream, she'll cry or whatever,
and i'll'll scream, she'll cryor whatever, and I'll, I'll wait
, you know, and my wife is onboard now too, and it's like
don't give in, like ask her.
I don't know what you're tryingto tell me.
I need you to use your wordsand let me know.
And so then, all of a sudden,instead of just screaming and
pointing, it's all of a suddenshe realizes and I know what,
(31:44):
what she wants, but I want herto to take a breath, take a
second and then tell me.
And then so she's realized thatit's a lot easier to get what
she wants if she asks for itthan just to throw a tantrum
right.
So the tantrums have definitelyminimized.
Obviously there are breakdownsand stuff like that, but again
it's all about sticking to that,that childhood development for
(32:07):
them and realizing like this isnot the way you.
You know what to do.
You can ask like you can cry,you can do all kinds of stuff,
but the screaming and justdemanding, that's not going to
work here.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Exactly so.
When the parents are aware andlearn the skills themselves,
then they transfer that skillalso in their parenting style,
because then you role model itand you hold the child as their
developmental stage has theability to move to that level,
then you as a parent hold thatspace for them.
(32:39):
So you role model that spacefor them and then move forward.
Even we're talking about rolemodeling even with relational
skills.
I just had a client before Ihopped on to meet with you and
part of it it was like, well,she does this and he does that,
and she does that and he doesthat.
And it was like, who do youwant to be?
(33:02):
So that if I went and askedyour children, your wife, your
mother, your mother-in-law,father-in-law, everybody that
who would you want to say thatthey want to share about you and
whomever you are and you wantto be and how you want them to
treat you, then you need to justbe that and role model that you
know a hundred percent of thetime, so that you're clear this
(33:24):
is who I am and therefore ittakes work for yourself to
consistently be your best.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
But then, when you know that this is your best, why
wouldn't you want to be thisfor yourself and for everyone
around you?
Now, this doesn't mean that wedon't have our other side, but
can it be that I can take careof my other side and keep coming
back to be at my best, versuskeep letting go and not be at my
(34:00):
best and have held a lot ofjustifications about why I don't
?
But how about I take care ofmyself and share with, even if
I'm vulnerable to share withothers?
Tonight I'm really tired.
I'm not in a good mood.
I'm just going to go take careof myself a little bit and then
I'll come back and be my bestagain.
And you're the one who createsyour best.
(34:21):
I'm not saying, like you know,you have to match some perfect
thing out there to be your best.
You choose your best.
I'm not saying, like you know,you have to match some perfect
thing out there to be your best.
You choose your best.
But whatever you choose yourbest to be that you're proud of,
then let me just keep being mybest.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Yes, yes, yes, yes, Honestly, that's that's biggest
thing is like there is, like yousaid, there is no picture
perfect best, and that's what Ithink in in other areas of life
too, people put their role model.
Put, let's say, tony Robbinsright, you know, cause we
mentioned him earlier put thatas like the person that you
(34:55):
should be, when in reality, likethat's his version of his best.
Your version is different.
You've had different lifeexperiences, you've had
different events over yourlifetime, and so you overcoming
those and becoming 1% betterevery single day is becoming the
best version of you, right, andso it's like you have to
realize that and understand thatit's okay to not be up or just
(35:23):
showing up and making excusesand that's one thing I've never
accepted is like I don't acceptexcuses.
You can tell me, no, you cantell me whatever you know
whether, even for my employeesand everything like that, I
accept mistakes, that means thatyou've realized that you made a
mistake and it won't happen inthe future, and we can discuss
how to move forward and overcomethose things.
(35:43):
But once you start going downthe excuse route whether it's
for your emotional reactions orfor something that was a
physical task being done thereis no overcoming that, because
you're not trying to becomebetter.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
And when you mess up, just apologize, clean up and
let's go back to being our best,even when you were sharing
about Tony, one of the amazingand mesmerizing concept about
him is he is so transparent.
It's like all right, I screwedup on my relationship, my first
marriage, these brothers.
Ok, I'm going to do my secondand this is how I'm going to do
and this is what I've learnedand he shares it.
(36:17):
He shares what he's learned.
He shares you know, there's noexcuse.
It's more like yeah, this wasmy responsibility.
Excuse.
It's more like yeah, this wasmy responsibility and I did it
this way and I thought about itand it didn't work and okay, it
collapsed and now I'm doing itand doing it this way.
Or this business collapsed andI'm doing it this way and I'm
sharing it with you.
So it's okay if we mess up,we're human beings.
That's the only way we learn tomove to the next skill.
(36:38):
Like you said it a coupleminutes ago, we are not going to
learn skills unless we need it.
Mm-hmm, we are not going tolearn skills unless we need it.
We need it, you know, andsometimes the way that we know
we need it is because someobstacles in front of us or we
failed at something and we, youknow, get up and go like this
and get up and move and it'sokay.
(36:59):
I mean because all of it isokay.
And the next part is that I'mgoing to get up and I'm be my
best again and I'm gonna failagain and then I'm gonna get up
and I'm gonna be my best again.
So the point is not you'realways striving to be your best,
but I think the point is don'tsettle to not become your best
(37:21):
and then have justificationsaround it 100 you know you're.
So just live up to yourgreatness, whatever you say that
is, and strive to consistentlylearn, as long as we live, to
move to whatever you say that isgoing to be fulfilled, and
create your best and then shareyour best.
Share your best.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Exactly, I love that, and I mean so.
Before we wrap up, I'd like toask one final question, and this
question is the legacy wallquestion, right.
So, on the Dr Foujon legacywall, right, what is the one
message that you would leave forthe up and coming generations
that you've learned along yourlife's journey?
Speaker 2 (38:13):
me that you are responsible for making yourself
a happy and fulfilled person andyou're responsible for the way
you come across to the world.
So, again, you know, create thebest that you can and so that
when you leave the world, thatyou are proud of who you are and
what you have created withyourself and others, because we
don't live without others, wedon't exist without others.
(38:36):
So it's always this kind of arelatedness.
You know, our identity getscreated with others and we
create other people's identitywith who we are Like.
For you and your wife andcreating a child, you're
creating other identities.
So let's be responsible andaccountable for what we create,
(38:56):
of this and how we share it withthe world.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
I love that.
Where can people connect withyou?
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Fuzhanzaincom If they want to go to the app, Apple
Store or Google Play, and thewebsite for that is also
Fuzhancom If they want to knowabout awareness, integration
awarenessintegrationcom.
All the research, the books,everything is in there.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
Awesome.
Well, guys, make sure you guysshare this episode with a friend
, make sure you guys leave thatfive-star review.
It really does help us out,spread the word, and it helps
when you share this with afriend, because you're leveling
up and you're helping yourcircle evolve and become 1%
better each and every day and,in turn, that ripple effect
helps you become better.
So again, thank you, doctor,for so much, for taking the time
(39:40):
out of your day to come on theMindset Cafe.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Thank you so much for allowing me to do this.
Yeah, it's Mindset Cafe.
We all about that mindset.
Gotta stay focused.
Now go settle for the last.
It's all in your head how youthink you manifest.
So get ready to rise, cause weabout to be the best.
Gotta switch it up.
Gotta break the old habits.
Get your mind right, turn yourdreams into habits.
No negative vibes, onlypositive thoughts.
(00:20):
What is up, guys?
Welcome to another episode ofthe Mindset Cafe podcast.
It's your boy, devin, and todaywe are joined by Dr Fujian Zain
.
She is a world-renownedpsychotherapist.
She is an international speakerand author and, honestly, just
a brilliant mind, right, she isthe brilliant mind behind
awareness integration theory,ait, and that part is a
(00:45):
science-based, a science-backedsorry framework proven to reduce
anxiety and depression whileimproving your self-esteem and
confidence.
And she's had over 20 publishedstudies, lectures at Harvard,
ucla and USC and her newest techventure, the Fujian app, right,
which we'll dive into in alittle bit.
But she's had a extensivecareer in, essentially, wellness
(01:08):
, in mindset and all thosethings, and you guys already
know I mean the title is MindsetCafe.
So who better to bring on thansomeone that is actually an
expert in that, that area?
So, without further ado, thankyou for coming to the show, dr
Foujon Zane.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Oh, it's such a pleasure, Devin.
Thank you for inviting me andhello to everybody who's
listening or watching us.
Are they listening only orwatching us too?
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Both, both.
There you go, okay.
So I mean, I always like tostart with like you know how you
came to end up where you areright.
So like a little bit ofbackground.
So what was your childhood like, what was your upbringing like?
What led you down this path ofyou know mindfulness and you
know all these things?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Oh, absolutely.
I'm originally from Iran.
I was born there and I camefrom a family that was very well
known but, you know, becausethey were so much in their
career that the, you know beingtogether within the family
system was when my parents gotdivorced and I came actually to
US.
So I was the product of adivorce.
(02:10):
I was product also of, you know, abuse, sexual abuse, and about
age of 12, I came to US and Ikind of like raised myself in US
.
So when it came and I was justlike you know, surviving,
surviving, surviving.
And then it became around 20swhere I opened the business.
I was surviving, I went into amarriage and then the world
(02:33):
collapsed because I thought, youknow, I got everything I was
supposed to get.
I was supposed to get married,I was supposed to do my
education, I had a business,everything I said I was going to
create on a survival base, thatI was just going to strive and
survive and make it withoutanybody.
I got.
But the world collapsed, Iwasn't happy.
So that led me to start with alot of coaching seminars you
(02:58):
know of self going to TonyRobbins, going to landmark,
going to, you know, to all ofthese places where.
From there I thought I need alot more work.
There's a lot deeper traumashere which I want to work.
My relationship was a work is.
I started psychotherapy and thatopened the conversation of wow,
how much I had pressed,regressed just in order to
(03:22):
survive and move forward.
And I knew how to survive Devin, I never knew how to live.
So that just begun this wholejourney of not only working on
myself in so many layers anddifferent ways, but also wanted
to become a therapist, sowhatever I've learned and how I
could support myself to be ableto share with others.
(03:44):
So then I started learning allof these different modalities.
Some modalities think if youchange your thought processes,
you'll change your emotion andbehaviors and you're fortunate,
or whatever happens.
Some theories are like changeyour feelings, you're going to
change everything.
Or change your behavior, you'regoing to change everything, or
clear the trauma, and you'regoing to change everything.
And I'm like, okay, going tochange everything, or clear the
(04:04):
trauma, and you're going tochange everything.
And I'm like, okay, I learnedthem all.
Why don't I bring them alltogether?
So the best of the best thatwas learned by me wherever I
went and to therapy that I didon myself and with my clients.
I put them in a structuretogether so it kind of moves
faster and deeper and it hasreally created a path for people
(04:29):
to become fulfilled in theirlife, regardless of
circumstances that have happenedin their life.
And I'm I've lived it and I've,you know.
That's where I'm sharing itfrom.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
No, that's awesome.
And so what was that firstbusiness that you had opened,
you know, before you felt likeyour world collapsed.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I opened a flower business a flower design
business actually.
It was called Princess Flowersand we were at the Beverly
Hilton in Beverly Hills.
We had almost all of the RodeoDrive.
I don't know if you were fromCalifornia or not, but Rodeo
Drive, you know boutiques andyou know weddings and bar
(05:14):
mitzvahs and bar mitzvahs andyou know everything you could
ever imagine.
In every week and for two tothree years I was really working
hard with my partner and it'sthe same time that my marriage
collapsed, my business collapsed, my friendships collapsed and
it was more like, okay, what'sgoing on?
I did everything that I wantedto do, what happened to me, and
(05:37):
it sneaks in.
If you're not handling whattraumas you've had keeps coming.
You know the beliefs that I'mnot worthy, I'm not good enough,
I can't make it, I'm powerlessagainst the world.
All of those things that showedup for me as a child would
creep in no, I mean, that's thatis so interesting.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I mean, one of those, one of the things that you said
was you were surviving but youweren't living, and you know how
these things start to creep in.
And it is so true.
I think that sometimes we getso wrapped up in just trying to
hit goals and just trying to hit, you know, the things that we
wanted to achieve and in theprocess we kind of lose
(06:19):
ourselves.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
We do.
We do, um, because there's apart that, in order to for us to
be able to survive, wedisconnect from different parts.
Because, if you know, if I, ifI'm too overwhelmed and I cannot
handle something, our body, ourbrain does this thing where you
kind of lift off, youdissociate in order for a part
of you to be able to moveforward.
(06:42):
So if you're dissociating fromso many parts of you and you're
trying to move forward, at onepoint all of those parts are
knocking at some door and sayinglet me in, let me be a part of
the whole thing.
And when you're not aware ofwhat you're doing, you do things
(07:02):
, you sabotage yourself.
Or you look at things, or youtake opportunities or not take
opportunities out of yoursubconscious mind, which is
trying to protect you, andbecause of that protection
sometimes you'll react reallyharshly.
Or you don't take opportunitiesthat are there, or you take the
opportunities but you don'tthink you deserve them.
(07:23):
So then you know you sabotageyourself from that and you find
yourself constantly in an areathat it's not.
It's not there.
And even if you, if I createdeverything, I was unhappy
because I had no skills.
I had no skills of how to be ina relationship.
I had no skills of you knowwhat to do, even with finances.
I just went day to day tryingto survive.
(07:47):
So when you get some things andit looks good but you're not
happy inside, it doesn't makesense.
It's not even worth it anymore,because you do all of these
things for it to make your lifefulfilled and then after that it
doesn't.
So it's very confusing at onepoint, like how come?
How come I did everything andI'm still so miserable?
(08:09):
And then it was the time likeokay, I'm just going to take
over the conversation of I nolonger want to be miserable and
I'm going to take over beingresponsible to be happy, to
become accountable, to makemyself happy.
And that opened up this wholejourney.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
No, I mean, and I do want to dive into it because I
mean I'm I think that's you knowdive into, like the AIT, the
awareness integration theory andstuff.
But before we dive into that, Idid want to ask you know
something you had mentioned inthe beginning, which was, you
know, when your world startedcollapsing, you started getting
into psychotherapy.
And you know I mean one of theone of the people I used to
(08:46):
listen to, and even so, do youknow one of the greats, tony
Robbins, right, can you explainwhat, why you went with
psychotherapy and why, or whatis the?
Speaker 2 (08:58):
difference between regular therapy and
psychotherapy.
Psychotherapy, the talk therapy, is what we call psychotherapy.
What Tony Robbins and many ofthe coaches do is they look at
how to who you are, where youare right now and how you could
look at the future.
So they're more likeself-progress seminars,
self-transformation seminars,which they do take from
psychology, from the field ofpsychology, but they move it
(09:22):
into the betterment of tomorrow.
What are your goals about thetomorrow?
So you're looking at how I canmanifest and create what I need
and what my goals are.
The problem that I got from justdoing that was that creation of
my goals were still from anangle of survival.
(09:44):
They weren't really from anangle of thriving and being
happy and enjoying life andbeing fulfilled.
So the goals were set up asthat.
So, no matter how much Ireached the goal, it was not
still not enough.
It wasn't enough.
Now the next one, the next one.
You know it was like it wasnothing was ever enough.
And then, plus that, as you,I'm reaching the goals because I
(10:04):
haven't handled my past.
They kept sabotaging me and Ididn't know what was happening.
So I will keep coming back toI'm not good enough, I'm bad, I
can't do this.
So that's one approach thatworks for a lot of people, but
it might not be enough, and forme it wasn't enough.
So I had to go back intopsychotherapy and
(10:26):
trauma-informed psychotherapy,where not only I looked at who I
was and what was my backgroundthat built me this way.
What were some of the thoughtprocesses and beliefs that I had
created as I was growing up,based on the relationship that
my parents had, based on theabuse that I had, based on the
neglect, based on everything andbased on all the strength.
(10:48):
You know, coming to anothercountry at age 12 and raising
myself, there was a hell of alot of strength also.
So, based on all of thosepieces, what were my backgrounds
and how I needed to get healedfrom abuse and from neglect and
from all of those, and thenbringing all my parts together
and heal, that's when I set up agoal and move forward.
(11:13):
Then, every achievement, I feltthe gratitude, I felt the joy.
It was enough, although Iwanted more, because I would get
bored if I would just staythere.
I wanted to expand, but itwasn't because I wasn't good
enough or there was a lack.
It was just like got this, nowlet's have the next experience.
(11:35):
And even if I didn't get thenext experience, even if I died
at that time, I would befulfilled Right.
So it's a different essence ofyou when you clean up your path
and you become whole and all ofthese other parts of you which
you've kind of shoved in closets, you have shame around them and
you're watchful of nobodyfinding out.
(11:57):
And you know, even if you'resuccessful, you feel like a
fraud because parts of you are.
You know you're afraid to bringthem.
When you clean them up, whenthey're all here, when you're
one person, a whole person, thenyou thrive moving forward and
you own everything that you'vecreated the power, the
vulnerability, all of it.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
No, I mean, that is amazing, and so would you say
that everything that you justdescribed is that kind of the
framework for the awarenessintegration theory.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Very much, yes.
So I brought it into a sixphase model, which the phase.
The first three phases are verymuch about the present moment,
distinctions of you.
Know your thought process, youremotions, how to handle your
emotions.
What are your emotions aresaying to you?
What are you know?
As if they're knocking at yourbody, what are they really
(12:49):
saying, what's the message andhow to release them, capture the
message.
How I, you know, act and behavethrough the world where I create
these results.
You know, positive and negative, all the power, the resilience,
things that are my strength andstrategies that move me forward
, and then my vulnerabilities.
You know things that don't workfor me, some of the past stuff
that are not so.
(13:09):
Part of that is looking at mywholeness of life, like my roles
in, you know, in, inrelationship and intimate
relationship with my marriage,in my work with my clients, with
children, with you know, nature, with universe, with God, with
anything that you can imagine,all of my relationships.
So, to kind of like, firstbecome aware of who am I and how
(13:32):
do I operate, the way that I doso, bringing my subconscious to
the consciousness in every areaof my life, so that becomes the
awareness part and then, basedon this awareness, I look at
what are some of the beliefsystems that are still holding
me back, what's in front of methat doesn't allow me to move,
that keeps constantly comingback and hold me, and then,
(13:53):
within a process, go to the pastwhen did I make this up?
What happened, what was theevent that I said this to myself
?
And then reconnect with mystrength things that I've done
in order to survive, in order tomove forward, how I've endured
all of those things and bringthem together and connect and
heal that part and then, kind oflike, reinvent and say who do I
(14:17):
intend to be?
Who is it that I intend to bewith all of my strengths that I
know?
So this isn't something about.
Oh, let me see what good wordsare there and just pick up and
put them together and say thisis who I want to be.
No, this is you, because youdid your homework of doing you
know the awareness of yourself.
You pick and choose from thevalues that you've seen.
(14:37):
It has worked for you.
You pick and choose the powerand strategies and behaviors
that you've done that has reallymade you who you are.
So out of that is like okay,these are.
This is the person I intend tobe.
I'm going to pick up all ofthis and intend to be this
person and then from there youset up your goals in every
single angle of life.
You create action plans, youcreate structures, you know,
(14:59):
with people around you, to makesure that you're moving forward
and creating what you say thatyou can create.
And now you have the skills thatif you hit you know a blind
spot, or if you hit a blind spotor if you hit something that's
not working, you have themechanism to go back and check
and reflect and see what stuffdid I do that it worked.
(15:21):
What stuff did I do that itdidn't work?
It no longer Devin becomesabout who I am as a lack.
It only becomes about whathumanistic and existential
conversation is, which is I'mgood as a soul, as who I am, I'm
good.
The rest of it is just skills.
So then I just got to learnthis skill that works.
(15:43):
And if I did this and it didn'twork, just don't do it.
Now do it.
But if you, if you just didthis without the background work
, I've learned that it doesn'tmove forward.
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (15:57):
No, it definitely does make sense and I think it
goes.
You can't just do surface levelwork.
You're going to get surfacelevel results right.
You have to dive in.
You have to do the backend work.
You have to one.
One big thing that I'm I'm a bigadvocate for is self-reflecting
right, whether it's a situationthat happens and you have an
(16:18):
emotional response that youisn't, is outside your normal
character or outside of what youwould like to have happened.
Like reflect on it later in theday.
Why did that event trigger you?
Why did that event make you,you know, respond or upset you
or whatever the case may be?
But then also, like with hittinggoals and setting goals, like
self-reflection for me is likeyou can't just go through life
(16:38):
without analyzing yourself.
You know you don't go through.
You know life.
You know having your car justrun and knowing that it's always
in good.
Like you have to take your carin the shop.
You go to the doctor to getcheckups.
Like you should do the samething for your mental space, for
your you know your awareness onhow you feel, you know your
goals and everything like that.
And so one of the questions Iwanted to ask too is like you,
(16:59):
published over 20 differentstudies on this awareness
integration theory.
What are some of the thingsthat you found that have
surprised you over those 20different studies?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Of course what it was astonishing that when we did it
from a psychotherapy model andyou know I trained
psychotherapists and coaches andso when we've done that, the
study of like we, we give thempre-tests, you know, with
depression, anxiety, self-esteemand all of it, um, and then the
same thing as a post-test afterwe do the work with them from a
(17:29):
psychotherapy model we weregetting like 75 minimization of
depression, um, 64 minimizationof anxiety and raising
self-esteem and self-efficacy to40, 50, 60%.
So that was interesting from apsychotherapy model.
But then two of my colleagueswho were teaching at California
State University, long Beach youknow I have also four books
(17:53):
that are only from awarenessintegration.
I had written this book calledLife Reset which was for public,
really explaining all of thisand giving them exercises.
So my two colleagues who wereteaching they said, oh, look at
this book.
This book is a self-help book.
Can we create something for ourstudents?
So I created the assignmentsfor self-help model.
(18:16):
So it's the same like thequestion and the process and all
of it I created as a self-helpmodel.
So in four classes inCalifornia State University, two
professors I'm not there, I'mnot teaching, I didn't share
anything, I just explained whatit was.
And every week they gave them,you know, one area of life like.
(18:37):
One area was career, anotherone finances or relationship or
relationship with your body, andyou, just you know the 10 areas
that they gave them and theygive them the pre-test and the
post-test.
Without coaching, withoutpsychotherapy, we still got 65%
minimization of depression andanxiety.
That really surprised me.
(18:57):
And then, based on that, it waslike okay, if even the self-help
is creating such an amazingnumbers, then we created the app
, because then people can haveaccess to this type of self-work
.
If they wanted to do this ontheir own, they could do it
through the app.
The app has 31 areas of life.
(19:19):
You know you can pick andchoose.
It'll take you through theprocess.
It'll take you throughmeditation, self
self-realization, conversations,will give you questions,
pondering questions, talk youthrough.
The creates a space where youcan create goals and stuff.
And then it was also okay atone point we set up goals, we
(19:42):
create all of that, and I saidwe get to a place that it's not
about me, of who I am, it'sabout the skills that, whether I
have it or not.
So then part of this was well,you need to learn skills.
When psychotherapy and coachingwere there.
So when we know that some youdon't have a skill on something,
we offer it to you.
But how come you know?
How are you going to do that?
On a self-help, because ifyou're going through the process
(20:03):
and you're like, well, I don'thave the skill, then you know
who was going to give you thatskill, but you had to go
somewhere else.
So therefore, we then added theAI chatbot called Mira, which
then you can ask question how doI do this?
What do I do with such and such?
And then it goes through all ofthe books, all of the studies
(20:23):
that we've done, and takes allof that information and gives
you step by step of skills andwhat to do, skills in what to do
.
It gives you reflectivequestions also so you can
reflect about yourself, butactually gives you skills.
So that led to creation of atechnology which you know,
(20:43):
people can use anytime and youknow, and very less costly than
going to coaches andpsychotherapists.
And 24 hours, however, you knowwe're training internationally
coaches and psychotherapists in24 hours.
However, we're traininginternationally coaches and
psychotherapists where peoplesay I need more than this.
I need to actually sit downwith someone or I have gone
(21:04):
through trauma or I do needsomeone to work with me through
trauma, then they can alsoaccess all of the credentialed
coaches and psychotherapistsalso.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Well, I mean that's awesome.
There's kind of like thedifferent levels for the
different, like what you wantout of it.
Like if you want the, you knowthe DIY version, or like the,
the semi-guided or theone-on-one hands-on, you know it
.
That's nice, because noteveryone's going to want the
hands-on, not everyone's goingto want the, you know, not
do-it-yourself, but like youknow the chatbot and so forth,
(21:37):
right.
So it's nice that you can kindof get what level you want and
what kind of hands-on you wantwith it and support and guidance
.
Because, again, some peoplelearn different ways but also
some people feel morecomfortable in different
settings, in different supportsystems and so forth.
So in different settings, indifferent support systems and so
forth.
So I think that is a nicefeature that you guys have
integrated and allow people tofit their need.
(21:59):
I do want to ask you said thatessentially, if someone doesn't
have skills, you teach them.
What are you referring to whenyou mean skills?
Speaker 2 (22:07):
So, for example, somebody starts looking at their
becoming aware of how do theyoperate in a relationship, like
in their marriage, let's say, oran intimate relationship, right
?
So they start looking at whatworks for them, what have they
done, what kind of thoughtprocess and beliefs they hold in
order to create the bestrelationship.
So, for example, I was workingwith someone, a woman, who wants
(22:30):
to get married, and when I say,you know, and she's a
heterosexual, so she wanted toget married with a man.
So I said what are your beliefsystems about man?
And she goes they're cheaters,they're liars, they're this,
they're that.
I'm like, and you want to marryone, when you believe this is
who they are.
So that's what I mean bysubconscious concepts.
That shows up.
(22:51):
It's like how are you going togo to any date when, in the
background, you have all ofthese conversations about the
one who you want to end uploving and being with and
marrying?
So first is this awareness ofwhat are my thought process,
what are my feelings, what aremy background on these areas,
(23:12):
what are my hopes, what are myfantasies, that hope that all of
them will come through.
So the first concept would bethis awareness part and then if
there are pieces where theperson was traumatized or they
have a belief system because oftheir background possibly their
mother-in-law father didn't workout well, so she held that
(23:32):
background.
So we come kind of heal thosepieces and then now we go into
now, what kind of a relationshipdo you want?
Like if you want a marriagewhich you really want it to be
the best kind in your ideal,what would it look like?
So as we start looking at that,we start also looking at do you
have the skills?
Do you have the skills to date?
(23:53):
Do you have the communicationskills?
Do you know what your lovelanguages are and can you
communicate that to that person?
Do you have listening skills,so that when the other person is
sharing who they are, you'renot thinking in your own head
answering back, but you actuallyhave the skills of listening to
the other person?
So you look at all therelational skills that is needed
(24:14):
for a good marriage to moveforward and you do a system
check Do you have those skills?
Awesome, which ones you don'thave?
And let's go figure it outtogether.
So if I have it as a coach or atherapist, I'll offer it.
If I don't, I'll find thereferences or referrals and
everything else that I cancapture so that you could learn
that, and then I'll support youwith practicing it Right?
(24:38):
So then you go on dates andthen we'll chat and say how did
it go?
Did you use those skills?
And when you used it, how didit go?
Well, and if you didn't use it,what was what was stopping you
from using the skills you know?
Or you come in and say I usedeverything that I knew, but then
I suddenly he said something tome which I had no idea what to
(25:00):
do and how to do it.
Okay, now there's anotherskills, or boundary setting
skills.
You know, should I sayeverything about my life, the
first and second date, or it'stoo much?
Yeah, like, hold the boundaryand see.
So these are what I mean byskills, right?
Or if somebody is going to work,what are your ways of working
with an authority, with yourcoworkers?
How do you create relationshipswhere you know, yes, there's
(25:23):
some competitive edge, but alsoa collaborative age, where you
know, yes, there's somecompetitive edge, but also a
collaborative age?
Not everybody has that,especially if you have been like
an only child in a system of afamily.
You move into corporate whichis all siblings.
You're not going to be able tohave the skills.
People who had you know frombig families.
They knew how to handlesiblings and then you go into a
(25:44):
corporate world.
It's like I can handle this.
I've done this all my life.
Does that make sense with theskills?
Speaker 1 (25:51):
No, no, yeah, it definitely does.
I mean, and I think it's, it'sone of those things where you're
you're bringing up, like yousaid, single, you know single
child, or you know you grew upin a big family.
It's crazy to think about likeyou learn certain things just
from your upbringing.
(26:11):
That's why I kind of like toalways ask people about their,
their upbringing, theirbackground before we dive into
everything, because it starts tomake things you know make a
little more sense.
Right, you, becoming the expertthat you are now, wouldn't hold
as much weight necessarily inlike a relationship or rapport
of feeling in my, if we didn'tknow that like you went through
these things, you, you, you'renot just like, oh, I wanted to
(26:31):
learn this, it interests me,your life needed it, and so you
found the solution and nowyou're giving the solution to
other people and diving deeperand deeper into it.
So it's, it makes it that muchmore amazing, going into these
other aspects, that I didn'teven realize.
I didn't think about them asskills, right, necessarily.
But now the way that you said Iwas like wow, that they are
(26:52):
skills like the communicationalskills, the relationship skills,
the you know, even you know asas far as just emotional skills
in dealing with differentaspects.
You learn from an earlychildhood that could transfer,
or even from early, earlyrelationships or events that
could transfer into your lifenow and you not even realize it.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Absolutely.
You know, one of the thingsthat's interesting Devin that
one of my colleagues who alsogot her PhD in early development
.
She experienced the awarenessintegration therapy on herself.
She had come from a traumabackground.
She experienced this.
She was very depressed,although she had high standing
(27:33):
and accolades, but she was very,very depressed.
So she went through theawareness integration.
She went around the world, shewent into 40 countries in 10
months and she came back andalthough she was, like you know,
a high end person in bankingindustry, she came back and she
says, fuzhan, I want to open achildcare.
(27:55):
She went across the world andchecked out all the childcare
and as she came in and wanted todo this, we said do you want to
try awareness integration, notonly from a reflective concept
of psychotherapy and coaching,but now as a proactive
educational model where the kidscan?
You know we bring it as closeas like infancy because you know
(28:19):
she opened the childcare, shehas infants all the way to like
six-year-old and 10-year-old.
So over the past seven years,devin, we've been doing a lot of
study in how to bring the AITfrom emotional regulation.
You know, you've always heard atwo-year-old is supposed to
have tantrums.
(28:39):
They're not supposed to beemotionally regulated.
That's how it happens.
Happens.
They have tantrums, they bite,they scream, they, you know, do
all of that.
You walk into her daycare allof the kids are have learned how
to emotionally regulatethemselves.
They have their emotions, theydo their crying and then you
(29:01):
know, because we're working withthem, from there, like what do
you do?
You want?
What's happening?
I want that toy.
Okay, how do you want to?
You know, how do you want tosay so you could have it.
So they're learning negotiationskills.
They're learning how to handle.
They just have a fit.
So he goes into a space whereit's for taking care of yourself
(29:23):
, sits there, goes into his ownbody, starts regulating by
breathing and helps himself.
And then they help each other,like, if one of the other one is
crying, the other one holds hishand, takes him to that space
and says, okay, deep breathe,now, open your eyes.
Now, what do you want?
Now, let's go get it.
As early as, like you know, sixmonths a year, two years, three
(29:44):
years, they're learning how todo emotional regulation, how to
calm themselves down, howrespectfully figure out what
they want, how to communicateclearly what they want and then
how to negotiate with each otherand take care of themselves.
That's a skill to be able togive a child as they're growing
up.
So you know we're hoping to beable to take this also into
(30:06):
educational models.
I'm teaching it in Cal State,long Beach, in two of the
classes.
I'm teaching it in universityin Paris and Romania.
So we're you know we're tryingto teach this.
We're going to Dubai, you knowwe're going to start with, so
I'm taking it internationallyand hoping that it can also not
only do a clinical work with itbut also an educational, where
(30:27):
it's part of the whole schoolsystem, where people can learn
how to handle, you know, theirmental and emotional and
behavioral regulation and learnthe skills as fast as they can.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
No, and I think that it is really important that it
is taught, because, I mean, Ihave a three-year-old and it's
funny that you mentioned this,because I do do have a three
year old and she's in preschool.
And just seeing how fast she'sgrown in terms of, you know,
knowledge, in terms of herpersonality and everything in
preschool it is, it's amazing,right, and I think that's one of
(31:01):
the things that you know.
When people mention, you know,they're supposed to throw, throw
a fit, they're supposed tothrow tantrums, it's like, to a
degree, yes, like they havethese hormonal imbalances as
they're growing and so forth,yes, but at the same time, that
doesn't mean they can't controlit.
And so my big thing is, evenwith my three-year-old, I mean
she and she just turned three,right is she'll?
(31:22):
She'll throw a tantrum, she'llscream, she'll cry or whatever,
and i'll'll scream, she'll cryor whatever, and I'll, I'll wait
, you know, and my wife is onboard now too, and it's like
don't give in, like ask her.
I don't know what you're tryingto tell me.
I need you to use your wordsand let me know.
And so then, all of a sudden,instead of just screaming and
pointing, it's all of a suddenshe realizes and I know what,
(31:44):
what she wants, but I want herto to take a breath, take a
second and then tell me.
And then so she's realized thatit's a lot easier to get what
she wants if she asks for itthan just to throw a tantrum
right.
So the tantrums have definitelyminimized.
Obviously there are breakdownsand stuff like that, but again
it's all about sticking to that,that childhood development for
(32:07):
them and realizing like this isnot the way you.
You know what to do.
You can ask like you can cry,you can do all kinds of stuff,
but the screaming and justdemanding, that's not going to
work here.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Exactly so.
When the parents are aware andlearn the skills themselves,
then they transfer that skillalso in their parenting style,
because then you role model itand you hold the child as their
developmental stage has theability to move to that level,
then you as a parent hold thatspace for them.
(32:39):
So you role model that spacefor them and then move forward.
Even we're talking about rolemodeling even with relational
skills.
I just had a client before Ihopped on to meet with you and
part of it it was like, well,she does this and he does that,
and she does that and he doesthat.
And it was like, who do youwant to be?
(33:02):
So that if I went and askedyour children, your wife, your
mother, your mother-in-law,father-in-law, everybody that
who would you want to say thatthey want to share about you and
whomever you are and you wantto be and how you want them to
treat you, then you need to justbe that and role model that you
know a hundred percent of thetime, so that you're clear this
(33:24):
is who I am and therefore ittakes work for yourself to
consistently be your best.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
But then, when you know that this is your best, why
wouldn't you want to be thisfor yourself and for everyone
around you?
Now, this doesn't mean that wedon't have our other side, but
can it be that I can take careof my other side and keep coming
back to be at my best, versuskeep letting go and not be at my
(34:00):
best and have held a lot ofjustifications about why I don't
?
But how about I take care ofmyself and share with, even if
I'm vulnerable to share withothers?
Tonight I'm really tired.
I'm not in a good mood.
I'm just going to go take careof myself a little bit and then
I'll come back and be my bestagain.
And you're the one who createsyour best.
(34:21):
I'm not saying, like you know,you have to match some perfect
thing out there to be your best.
You choose your best.
I'm not saying, like you know,you have to match some perfect
thing out there to be your best.
You choose your best.
But whatever you choose yourbest to be that you're proud of,
then let me just keep being mybest.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Yes, yes, yes, yes, Honestly, that's that's biggest
thing is like there is, like yousaid, there is no picture
perfect best, and that's what Ithink in in other areas of life
too, people put their role model.
Put, let's say, tony Robbinsright, you know, cause we
mentioned him earlier put thatas like the person that you
(34:55):
should be, when in reality, likethat's his version of his best.
Your version is different.
You've had different lifeexperiences, you've had
different events over yourlifetime, and so you overcoming
those and becoming 1% betterevery single day is becoming the
best version of you, right, andso it's like you have to
realize that and understand thatit's okay to not be up or just
(35:23):
showing up and making excusesand that's one thing I've never
accepted is like I don't acceptexcuses.
You can tell me, no, you cantell me whatever you know
whether, even for my employeesand everything like that, I
accept mistakes, that means thatyou've realized that you made a
mistake and it won't happen inthe future, and we can discuss
how to move forward and overcomethose things.
(35:43):
But once you start going downthe excuse route whether it's
for your emotional reactions orfor something that was a
physical task being done thereis no overcoming that, because
you're not trying to becomebetter.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
And when you mess up, just apologize, clean up and
let's go back to being our best,even when you were sharing
about Tony, one of the amazingand mesmerizing concept about
him is he is so transparent.
It's like all right, I screwedup on my relationship, my first
marriage, these brothers.
Ok, I'm going to do my secondand this is how I'm going to do
and this is what I've learnedand he shares it.
(36:17):
He shares what he's learned.
He shares you know, there's noexcuse.
It's more like yeah, this wasmy responsibility.
Excuse.
It's more like yeah, this wasmy responsibility and I did it
this way and I thought about itand it didn't work and okay, it
collapsed and now I'm doing itand doing it this way.
Or this business collapsed andI'm doing it this way and I'm
sharing it with you.
So it's okay if we mess up,we're human beings.
That's the only way we learn tomove to the next skill.
(36:38):
Like you said it a coupleminutes ago, we are not going to
learn skills unless we need it.
Mm-hmm, we are not going tolearn skills unless we need it.
We need it, you know, andsometimes the way that we know
we need it is because someobstacles in front of us or we
failed at something and we, youknow, get up and go like this
and get up and move and it'sokay.
(36:59):
I mean because all of it isokay.
And the next part is that I'mgoing to get up and I'm be my
best again and I'm gonna failagain and then I'm gonna get up
and I'm gonna be my best again.
So the point is not you'realways striving to be your best,
but I think the point is don'tsettle to not become your best
(37:21):
and then have justificationsaround it 100 you know you're.
So just live up to yourgreatness, whatever you say that
is, and strive to consistentlylearn, as long as we live, to
move to whatever you say that isgoing to be fulfilled, and
create your best and then shareyour best.
Share your best.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Exactly, I love that, and I mean so.
Before we wrap up, I'd like toask one final question, and this
question is the legacy wallquestion, right.
So, on the Dr Foujon legacywall, right, what is the one
message that you would leave forthe up and coming generations
that you've learned along yourlife's journey?
Speaker 2 (38:13):
me that you are responsible for making yourself
a happy and fulfilled person andyou're responsible for the way
you come across to the world.
So, again, you know, create thebest that you can and so that
when you leave the world, thatyou are proud of who you are and
what you have created withyourself and others, because we
don't live without others, wedon't exist without others.
(38:36):
So it's always this kind of arelatedness.
You know, our identity getscreated with others and we
create other people's identitywith who we are Like.
For you and your wife andcreating a child, you're
creating other identities.
So let's be responsible andaccountable for what we create,
(38:56):
of this and how we share it withthe world.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
I love that.
Where can people connect withyou?
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Fuzhanzaincom If they want to go to the app, Apple
Store or Google Play, and thewebsite for that is also
Fuzhancom If they want to knowabout awareness, integration
awarenessintegrationcom.
All the research, the books,everything is in there.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
Awesome.
Well, guys, make sure you guysshare this episode with a friend
, make sure you guys leave thatfive-star review.
It really does help us out,spread the word, and it helps
when you share this with afriend, because you're leveling
up and you're helping yourcircle evolve and become 1%
better each and every day and,in turn, that ripple effect
helps you become better.
So again, thank you, doctor,for so much, for taking the time
(39:40):
out of your day to come on theMindset Cafe.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Thank you so much for allowing me to do this.
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