How to Stop Accidentally Making Problems Worse as a Coach

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Ever tried to help a client by saying, “I deal with that too,” only to watch the conversation sink? We unpack the sneaky coaching habit of “jumping in the pool,” why it quietly empowers the problem, and how a steadier stance—holding neutral space—sets clients free to lead themselves. Rather than co-signing limits, we show how to validate emotions without inflating the story, reflect patterns without judgment, and anchor sessions in what clients can actually control.

We walk through a real example: transforming the heavy headline “I’m exhausted” into concrete choices and boundaries. By staying out of the pool, we map the cycle that keeps exhaustion in charge and redirect attention to small levers with big impact—micro-boundaries, recovery rituals, and decisions aligned to capacity. The payoff is tangible: clients leave lighter, with a plan that fits their day, and the confidence to take inspired action. You’ll hear how empowerment and planning work together, and why believing in your client more than their excuses unlocks momentum.

If you’re a new coach, this is a practical blueprint for stronger sessions: mirror the pattern, hold the frame, and return control where it belongs. If you’re experienced, you’ll refine your presence under pressure and remove subtle habits that add weight to client struggles. We also share why this skill is hard at first, how to practice it in supervision or certification, and the simple prompts that shift a session from sympathetic storytelling to real change.

If this helped sharpen your coaching, follow the show, share it with a coach friend, and leave a quick review telling us one phrase you’ll stop reinforcing this week.

Eastern for an honest, behind-the-scenes look at the lessons we’ve learned by watching real coaches grow? Visit us at:

https://www.modernleadership.us/mastery

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
When coaches first start practicing with us, we see
this all the time.
A client shares a struggle, andthe coach will say something
like, Oh yeah, I deal with thattoo.
What happens when they do that?
So we call that jumping in thepool.
And it's actually painful towatch now that I'm a coach and I
see it, but I know where it'scoming from.
The only problem is that when wejump in the pool, we

(00:21):
accidentally give the thing thatour client is struggling with
even more power over them.
And that's not what we want todo.
So when you jump in the pool,you empathize, you share maybe a
story of how you felt that way,and you say things to make you
feel more comfortable, itactually reinforces the struggle
that they're currently goingthrough.
Instead, if you hold neutralspace, you can help your clients

(00:44):
rise above the problem.
I like to think about it asbelieving in your client more
than you believe in theirexcuses.
And that's why today's quote ishold the space, don't add weight
to it.
Why do you think new coaches dothis so often?
Well, that's really anindividual thing, but I can give
you some ideas of what we'veheard the most.
One of the reasons is they don'twant to minimize what their

(01:05):
client is going through.
They want to pretend like theydidn't hear it.
And so they call out to it.
Sometimes it's because theyreally want to connect with
their client.
They want to be liked so they'llagree with them or say things to
try and make both of them morecomfortable.
And the last one, and we seethis happening a lot, is if you,
as the coach, is going throughthe same thing your client is
going through, you have to getgood at coaching yourself so you

(01:26):
don't bring your own stories,perspectives into that coaching
session.
So what shifts when a coachstops jumping in?
They give their client backcontrol.
Here's the thing there's gonnabe enough challenges and things
that come up for your client.
You don't want to make itheavier or worse on them.
You just want to be able tofocus on the things they can
control.
And so you give them back thatcontrol, and now they leave the

(01:47):
session empowered.
How does Holdy's face actuallychange the whole session?
Once they have that feeling ofempowerment, not only are they
going to be ready to takeaction, but you can help them
come up with a plan on whataction to take.
And when you have those twothings married up, they can take
inspired action.
I want to share an example.
So we had a conversationrecently inside of our
certification where somebody wasfocused on the perspective of,

(02:09):
I'm exhausted.
Now, when you think about thewhole idea of being exhausted,
it's very easy to jump in thepool, especially if you had a
very exhaustive day.
But the thing is, is if youminimize that or you give power
to the things that happenoutside of them, they're not
going to be able to takecontrol.
They're not going to be able tochange up what they're doing,
create boundaries, or show upany differently.

(02:30):
And so when you take themthrough the process and get them
to see what focusing on I'mexhausted actually does for
them, it actually creates moreexhaustion in their life.
And so when you stay out of thepool and you can show them the
mirror of what's actuallyhappening to them, it empowers
them to go, okay, I'm going tomake a decision to choose
something different.
And that's what happened in thesession.

(02:50):
This, of course, was a coach,but now the coach is now
empowered to help their clientsthrough the same thing.
Now, in the certification, wetake a lot of time to practice
this exact skill.
It's so hard to stay out of thepool sometimes.
It's really about validatingemotions without making the
problem any bigger than italready is.
Now, if you missed episodenumber one, go back and check it
out.
We talked about where confidencereally comes from, especially

(03:12):
when you get started.
Today we talked a little bitabout holding space and staying
out of the pool.
And when you marry this up withthe next lesson, you're going to
start creating some really deepbreakthroughs for your clients
to become the kind of coach thatpeople feel compelled to work
with.
More on that in lesson numberthree.