September 1, 2025 • 2 mins
Coaching isn’t just about helping—it’s about leading. In this video, we break down the real difference between being a helper and stepping into the role of a transformative coach. Many new coaches get stuck in “fixer mode,” trying to solve every problem or give advice, but true impact happens when you empower your clients to uncover their own answers.
We’ll explore why leadership is at the heart of coaching and how shifting from helping to leading can create powerful breakthroughs for your clients. You’ll learn how to hold space, challenge limitations, and avoid burnout by letting your clients take ownership of their growth. Plus, discover why asking the right questions can spark deeper transformation than offering solutions ever could.
If you’re ready to coach like a leader and help your clients rise to their full potential, this episode is for you. Let us know in the comments: How do you empower your clients to find their own answers? Don’t forget to subscribe for more insights and stay tuned for Truth 3, where we’ll tackle a surprising challenge for coaches who feel they’re not ready yet. Your next breakthrough starts here!
Ready to move beyond surface-level coaching and develop the presence, leadership, and awareness that create lasting transformation? Subscribe to catch all ten truths in this series and discover how to turn your coaching calling into a powerful force for change in others' lives.
Interested in learning more about our Coaching Certification program?
Visit us at: https://www.modernleadership.us/certification
Eastern for an honest, behind-the-scenes look at the lessons we’ve learned by watching real coaches grow? Visit us at:
https://www.modernleadership.us/mastery
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you've ever felt called to be a life coach but
you're not sure what it actuallytakes to do this well, or if
you've already been coaching afew people but something still
feels off like you're missing adeeper foundation, well then,
this series is for you.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
We're Mark and Teresa .
We've been coaching for over adecade.
We train heart-centered coacheswho are ready to stop guessing,
grow their confidence andactually coach powerfully.
Most people think coaching isjust about helping or giving
advice, but the truth is real.
Coaching is something muchdeeper.
It's not about knowing more.
It's about learning to see more.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
So we created this 10-part series to tell the
truths that no one tells youwhen you start coaching.
And we're not talking about thesurface level stuff, but the
inner shifts that separate realcoaches from people just going
through the motions.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
So if you're wondering, do I really have what
it takes?
How do I actually help people?
Do I need more training or justmore confidence?
You're not alone and you're notbehind.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
This series will give you a new lens on coaching.
It'll show you what mattersmost and help you decide what's
next.
And if you're ready to grow,lead and coach at a deeper level
, we'll show you how to takethat next step.
Are you ready to do that withus?
Then let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
So a lot of people say that they actually feel
called to coach, but is thatactually enough to succeed?
Speaker 1 (01:15):
No, it's not.
The truth is that the callingis real and it matters, but
being called alone is not a fullplan.
Many people feel, because theyfelt led to coach, that things
should come natural to them,that people should just start
knocking down their door wantingto get their help.
But that's not how it reallyworks, which is why today's
truth is feeling called isenough to start, but not enough
(01:39):
to sustain or succeed.
Coaching is a true professionand even though I really do
believe you need to have passionand purpose behind it, there's
still some extra steps that youneed to take, and without
learning how to actually lead anactual transformation, most
called coaches will either feelstuck or start to burn out.
That's why today's quote isyour calling is the spark, but
(02:02):
becoming a great coach is whatturns it into fire.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
So why do so many people feel stuck in the called
to but not moving phase?
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I really think there's two primary reasons here
.
Number one is they think that itshould just come to them
naturally, like they don't needany formal training, and number
two is they think they'recoaching, but what they're doing
is giving advice.
Now, there's a lot of differentways that people talk about
coaching, and there's nothingwrong with giving advice, but
coaching is a little bit deeper.
Yes, using your own personalpast to be able to help your
(02:33):
clients and to be able to helpother people is powerful, but
sometimes just giving themadvice is not really what they
need, and that's where coachescan step in and really help lead
the way.
Not just lead the way, but leadthem into a powerful
transformation that will changetheir lives forever.
Now, as we get into thesetrainings, we're going to talk a
little bit about how to getcertified if it's something that
(02:55):
you should even do, but wedon't want to get ahead of
ourselves.
Now, to make sure you don'tmiss any of these episodes which
are going to be on YouTube andon our podcast, make sure you
subscribe, especially for thenext one, because truth number
two is the most dangerous one ofall when it comes to coaching
and why helping people mightactually keep a coach stuck.
We'll see you soon.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
A lot of people think that coaching is about helping
others, but what's the actualdifference between helping and
coaching?
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Yeah, this is a conversation that we have a lot,
because a lot of coachesconfuse the two, but it's also
one of the biggest reasons whywe find a lot of new coaches get
stuck.
Now I want to call this outfirst, and that is wanting to
help others comes from a placeof love, comes from a place of
wanting to actually helpsomebody through something,
(03:47):
transform and to become the bestversions of themselves.
But what it actually looks likeon the outside is it looks like
we are trying to fix, trying tosolve, trying to save and
giving people advice.
In these situations, coachesdepend on themselves to be
giving the answers, rather thanfinding the best answers, which
are inside of your client.
I like to think of coaching asmore of like leadership and
being able to lead someone.
(04:08):
You're not trying to control ordirect them, but you're
actually holding some reallypowerful space.
You're being present and reallyhelping your client rise.
One important thing as a leaderand as a coach is to not buy
into your client's limitations,but instead help lead them
through them.
One of the other factors isthat sometimes, when we stay in
(04:29):
helper mode, we actually startto burn ourselves out.
We start to take ownership ofthings that we should not be
taking ownership of.
These are things within ourclient's grasp and, yes, we want
to be able to help themtransform, but we can't do the
work for them and sometimes,when we do that, we actually rob
them of the growth that theycould have experienced just by
(04:50):
going through this process withus.
That's why today's truth iscoaching isn't about helping,
it's about leading.
Now, this one hits pretty hard,but I want to share it with you
.
It's today's quote.
If you're trying to help yourclients, you're probably getting
in their way.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
So what do you think shifts when someone starts
coaching like a leader insteadof a fixer?
Speaker 1 (05:08):
One of the first breakthroughs that we see and
this happens a lot in ourcertification is that when you
stop being a fixer and you startstepping into the leadership
role, you start to empower yourclients.
By asking questions, you helpthem find some powerful answers
that they are fully bought into.
Think about the last time youwere given advice, versus
somebody asked you a powerfulquestion that you got to bring
(05:28):
out your powerful answers fromwithin.
It's like having that ahamoment.
Nobody has to sell you intothat.
You fully bought into italready because you said it and
you believe it.
That's what we see starting tohappen, and when people believe
it, they will go out and takeactions on an entirely different
level, and that's what helpsthem create the transformation
(05:49):
and become the best versions ofthemselves.
So today was truth number two.
But if you missed truth numberone, we talked about why feeling
called to coach is powerful,but it's not enough to succeed.
Definitely check that out ifyou haven't yet.
And in the next truth we'regoing to be talking about
something that surprises a lotof coaches, especially those who
feel like they're not ready tocoach.
And if that's you, we'll seeyou in truth number three you
(06:25):
care still recording.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Get a swig of water so many new and experienced
coaches feel like they don'thave enough to be great.
What would you say to them?
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I'd say that belief holds more people back than
anything else, and it's not truedid I say that, that right?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Did I say have enough ?
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Yes, okay, sorry.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
So many new and experienced coaches feel like
they don't know enough to begreat.
What would you say to them?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
I would say that belief holds more people back
than anything else, and it's nottrue.
Most people think that being areal coach just means you have a
lot of tools, a lot ofstructure, a lot of framework, a
lot of frameworks, a whole tonof knowledge and a whole bunch
of experience, and all of thosethings are powerful, but they're
not going to help you when itcomes to getting started.
(07:11):
The real truth here, though, isthat great coaches don't know
more.
They notice more.
That's a powerful one, becausereal coaching is about You're
wearing a flow, sorry, okay.
Because real coaching is aboutpresence, not simply performance
.
I want you to think about apowerful breakthrough that you
went through.
Most of the powerfulbreakthroughs that I've helped
(07:33):
somebody through happened whenwe slowed down and we both had
an opportunity to see what washappening.
It didn't have to do with anyimpressive question that I asked
and it had everything, but ithad everything for us giving,
but it had everything to do withjust giving us the time and
space and presence so that wecould see what was actually
going on.
(07:53):
That's why today's quote is thebest coaches don't impress you
with what they know.
They change you by what theynotice.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
So what are some of the things that coaches?
So what are some things thatothers coaches?
So what are some things thatgreat coaches notice that others
miss?
Sorry, what was that?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
That sounds right.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Good, you want to say it again, yeah let me say it
again what are some of thethings that great coaches notice
that others don't?
Speaker 1 (08:24):
There's a couple things, one of which is body
language.
When you see somebody lean in,when you see them lean out, when
you see them excited, when younotice that they are looking
down, these are all things thattell you what is actually going
on in your client's mind, and ifyou're not present with them,
you're going to miss it.
Another thing that I've seen iswords that certain coaches
(08:45):
glance over.
Like if I'm on a group call andI hear somebody say something
very specific, I won't glanceover it, I will call it out, but
you have to be present in orderto even hear those words.
And when you do, you knowwhat's going on in here.
And when you do and you askthat follow-up question, you'll
be amazed at how much thatactually helps the other person.
(09:08):
Now, inside of our certification, we talk you through a process
of how to be deeply present sothat you're there to coach the
whole body, not just what theperson says.
So you're there to coach thewhole body, not just the brain,
because the truth is, the worlddoesn't need more information,
especially with all the AI outthere.
What they do need, what they doneed, is more clarity and
(09:29):
presence.
I want you to think about thelast time you felt really
connected to someone and whatthat experience was like for you
.
Were they fully present?
Were they listening toeverything you were saying?
Were they watching your bodylanguage?
It's powerful, what can unlockwhen somebody gives you that
level of time, energy andpresence, and I want to
challenge you to go out thereand do that today too.
(09:50):
This is not just with coaching,but also with connection with
your family, your spouse, yourkids, people at work.
You'll be amazed at how muchyou get when you're just fully
present with them.
What's that noise?
I don't know.
I was thinking the same thing.
Is it the camera?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
It sounds like a fan, okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
So today was truth number three.
If you missed truth number two,definitely go back and check it
out.
We talked about why coachingisn't about helping or fixing,
it's about leading.
And now that you know thatpresence matters more than
knowledge, here's the next trapthat a lot of coaches fall into,
and that's truth number four.
It's all about how trying to bethe best coach actually could
(10:31):
be making you worse.
We'll see you in episode four.
Do we have the AC on best coachactually could be making you
worse.
We'll see you in episode four.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Is it?
Do we?
Speaker 1 (10:38):
have the AC on.
I feel like it's not.
Yeah, okay, I'm going to bumpit down to 75 real quick.
We're only 25 minutes in.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
So many coaches, especially new ones, feel like
they have to get it right to beeffective.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
What do you think is the problem with that?
And that's the.
That belief is the fastest wayto disconnect from your client
your gift and your growth.
Coaching isn't about deliveringthe perfect question, the
perfect answer or the perfectfeedback.
It's about being fully presentwith your client so that you can
help them explore what isreally going on.
And perfectionism that actuallykills your presence, because in
(11:16):
that moment, because in thatmoment, you're actually stuck in
your head and not focused onthe human that is in front of
you the real truth is, coachesget better by coaching, not by
being flawless.
So many times I've personallylearned how to coach better by
actually doing it wrong.
I mean, many of the things thatI help people with are things
(11:36):
that I used to struggle with aswell.
And if you're constantlywanting to be perfect, you're
never going to be doing thething you need to do most, which
is just coaching.
And that's why today's truth isperfection can make you a worse
coach.
Growth comes from showing upreal, not perfect.
So in this truth, let'sremember that you don't need to
be perfect, you need to bepresent.
That's where the power reallyis.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
What does perfection look like in coaching?
How does it sneak in Perfection?
Speaker 1 (12:03):
looks like what am I gonna?
Perfection could look likewhat's the best question that I
can ask right now?
Or I wonder what they're gonnathink if I ask them this.
Instead of you focusing on yourclient and what they're saying,
what their body language istrying to tell you, you're
focused and stuck in your headthinking about all the ways that
you need to show up perfectly.
One of the things that ourclients ask us all the time is
how do I know what's the right,best question to ask?
(12:25):
And I always tell them.
Your client will tell you, butyou have to be present with them
and listen to them fully untilthey're finished.
Don't be thinking about whatthe next question is going to be
, the next path that you'regoing to take them down, or the
next skill you're going to use.
Wait for them to be finishedand be fully present with them
and you will know when you getto the end.
(12:46):
All else fails.
You just get curious and ask anadditional question to find out
more information.
So if you find yourself in yourhead thinking about all this
whole entire process, so if youfind yourself in your head
spinning over and over and overwhile there's a client in front
of you.
You really need to take a stepback and remember that it's not
about you, it's about them.
(13:06):
Now, here's the truth.
Now, this is why our coachingcertification actually creates a
coaching lab where you actuallydo this live, because this is
not one of those skills that'seasy to know, because this isn't
one of those skills that's,like, really easy to learn or
that is going to just starthappening automatically.
You need to be able to practiceit and get some feedback back
(13:26):
and forth to see when youaccidentally go into this,
because the way our brain iswired is going to unconsciously
get us to do that.
We just have to be able torecognize it, and to do that, it
takes practice and feedbackfrom others.
So today was truth number four,and if you haven't seen truth
number three, definitely go backand watch it.
It's all about why noticing,not knowing, is the key to
(13:47):
coaching, and today's truth tiesright into that.
But it also leads us into whatwe're unpacking next, because
even when you drop the need tobe perfect, there's another trap
that can come up and get youstuck.
There's another trap that cancome up.
There's another trap that cansneak in, and that's trying to
prove yourself, trying toperform your way into confidence
and trying to make the nextsession about how well you're
(14:08):
doing and, in truth, number five, we're going to break that
right open.
And, in truth, number five,we're going to break that right
open.
And, in truth, number five,we're going to break that right
open.
And why real coaching isn'tabout you.
It's about this
If you've ever felt called to be a life coach but
you're not sure what it actuallytakes to do this well, or if
you've already been coaching afew people but something still
feels off like you're missing adeeper foundation, well then,
this series is for you.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
We're Mark and Teresa .
We've been coaching for over adecade.
We train heart-centered coacheswho are ready to stop guessing,
grow their confidence andactually coach powerfully.
Most people think coaching isjust about helping or giving
advice, but the truth is real.
Coaching is something muchdeeper.
It's not about knowing more.
It's about learning to see more.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
So we created this 10-part series to tell the
truths that no one tells youwhen you start coaching.
And we're not talking about thesurface level stuff, but the
inner shifts that separate realcoaches from people just going
through the motions.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
So if you're wondering, do I really have what
it takes?
How do I actually help people?
Do I need more training or justmore confidence?
You're not alone and you're notbehind.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
This series will give you a new lens on coaching.
It'll show you what mattersmost and help you decide what's
next.
And if you're ready to grow,lead and coach at a deeper level
, we'll show you how to takethat next step.
Are you ready to do that withus?
Then let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
So a lot of people say that they actually feel
called to coach, but is thatactually enough to succeed?
Speaker 1 (01:15):
No, it's not.
The truth is that the callingis real and it matters, but
being called alone is not a fullplan.
Many people feel, because theyfelt led to coach, that things
should come natural to them,that people should just start
knocking down their door wantingto get their help.
But that's not how it reallyworks, which is why today's
truth is feeling called isenough to start, but not enough
(01:39):
to sustain or succeed.
Coaching is a true professionand even though I really do
believe you need to have passionand purpose behind it, there's
still some extra steps that youneed to take, and without
learning how to actually lead anactual transformation, most
called coaches will either feelstuck or start to burn out.
That's why today's quote isyour calling is the spark, but
(02:02):
becoming a great coach is whatturns it into fire.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
So why do so many people feel stuck in the called
to but not moving phase?
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I really think there's two primary reasons here
.
Number one is they think that itshould just come to them
naturally, like they don't needany formal training, and number
two is they think they'recoaching, but what they're doing
is giving advice.
Now, there's a lot of differentways that people talk about
coaching, and there's nothingwrong with giving advice, but
coaching is a little bit deeper.
Yes, using your own personalpast to be able to help your
(02:33):
clients and to be able to helpother people is powerful, but
sometimes just giving themadvice is not really what they
need, and that's where coachescan step in and really help lead
the way.
Not just lead the way, but leadthem into a powerful
transformation that will changetheir lives forever.
Now, as we get into thesetrainings, we're going to talk a
little bit about how to getcertified if it's something that
(02:55):
you should even do, but wedon't want to get ahead of
ourselves.
Now, to make sure you don'tmiss any of these episodes which
are going to be on YouTube andon our podcast, make sure you
subscribe, especially for thenext one, because truth number
two is the most dangerous one ofall when it comes to coaching
and why helping people mightactually keep a coach stuck.
We'll see you soon.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
A lot of people think that coaching is about helping
others, but what's the actualdifference between helping and
coaching?
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Yeah, this is a conversation that we have a lot,
because a lot of coachesconfuse the two, but it's also
one of the biggest reasons whywe find a lot of new coaches get
stuck.
Now I want to call this outfirst, and that is wanting to
help others comes from a placeof love, comes from a place of
wanting to actually helpsomebody through something,
(03:47):
transform and to become the bestversions of themselves.
But what it actually looks likeon the outside is it looks like
we are trying to fix, trying tosolve, trying to save and
giving people advice.
In these situations, coachesdepend on themselves to be
giving the answers, rather thanfinding the best answers, which
are inside of your client.
I like to think of coaching asmore of like leadership and
being able to lead someone.
(04:08):
You're not trying to control ordirect them, but you're
actually holding some reallypowerful space.
You're being present and reallyhelping your client rise.
One important thing as a leaderand as a coach is to not buy
into your client's limitations,but instead help lead them
through them.
One of the other factors isthat sometimes, when we stay in
(04:29):
helper mode, we actually startto burn ourselves out.
We start to take ownership ofthings that we should not be
taking ownership of.
These are things within ourclient's grasp and, yes, we want
to be able to help themtransform, but we can't do the
work for them and sometimes,when we do that, we actually rob
them of the growth that theycould have experienced just by
(04:50):
going through this process withus.
That's why today's truth iscoaching isn't about helping,
it's about leading.
Now, this one hits pretty hard,but I want to share it with you
.
It's today's quote.
If you're trying to help yourclients, you're probably getting
in their way.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
So what do you think shifts when someone starts
coaching like a leader insteadof a fixer?
Speaker 1 (05:08):
One of the first breakthroughs that we see and
this happens a lot in ourcertification is that when you
stop being a fixer and you startstepping into the leadership
role, you start to empower yourclients.
By asking questions, you helpthem find some powerful answers
that they are fully bought into.
Think about the last time youwere given advice, versus
somebody asked you a powerfulquestion that you got to bring
(05:28):
out your powerful answers fromwithin.
It's like having that ahamoment.
Nobody has to sell you intothat.
You fully bought into italready because you said it and
you believe it.
That's what we see starting tohappen, and when people believe
it, they will go out and takeactions on an entirely different
level, and that's what helpsthem create the transformation
(05:49):
and become the best versions ofthemselves.
So today was truth number two.
But if you missed truth numberone, we talked about why feeling
called to coach is powerful,but it's not enough to succeed.
Definitely check that out ifyou haven't yet.
And in the next truth we'regoing to be talking about
something that surprises a lotof coaches, especially those who
feel like they're not ready tocoach.
And if that's you, we'll seeyou in truth number three you
(06:25):
care still recording.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Get a swig of water so many new and experienced
coaches feel like they don'thave enough to be great.
What would you say to them?
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I'd say that belief holds more people back than
anything else, and it's not truedid I say that, that right?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Did I say have enough ?
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Yes, okay, sorry.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
So many new and experienced coaches feel like
they don't know enough to begreat.
What would you say to them?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
I would say that belief holds more people back
than anything else, and it's nottrue.
Most people think that being areal coach just means you have a
lot of tools, a lot ofstructure, a lot of framework, a
lot of frameworks, a whole tonof knowledge and a whole bunch
of experience, and all of thosethings are powerful, but they're
not going to help you when itcomes to getting started.
(07:11):
The real truth here, though, isthat great coaches don't know
more.
They notice more.
That's a powerful one, becausereal coaching is about You're
wearing a flow, sorry, okay.
Because real coaching is aboutpresence, not simply performance
.
I want you to think about apowerful breakthrough that you
went through.
Most of the powerfulbreakthroughs that I've helped
(07:33):
somebody through happened whenwe slowed down and we both had
an opportunity to see what washappening.
It didn't have to do with anyimpressive question that I asked
and it had everything, but ithad everything for us giving,
but it had everything to do withjust giving us the time and
space and presence so that wecould see what was actually
going on.
(07:53):
That's why today's quote is thebest coaches don't impress you
with what they know.
They change you by what theynotice.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
So what are some of the things that coaches?
So what are some things thatothers coaches?
So what are some things thatgreat coaches notice that others
miss?
Sorry, what was that?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
That sounds right.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Good, you want to say it again, yeah let me say it
again what are some of thethings that great coaches notice
that others don't?
Speaker 1 (08:24):
There's a couple things, one of which is body
language.
When you see somebody lean in,when you see them lean out, when
you see them excited, when younotice that they are looking
down, these are all things thattell you what is actually going
on in your client's mind, and ifyou're not present with them,
you're going to miss it.
Another thing that I've seen iswords that certain coaches
(08:45):
glance over.
Like if I'm on a group call andI hear somebody say something
very specific, I won't glanceover it, I will call it out, but
you have to be present in orderto even hear those words.
And when you do, you knowwhat's going on in here.
And when you do and you askthat follow-up question, you'll
be amazed at how much thatactually helps the other person.
(09:08):
Now, inside of our certification, we talk you through a process
of how to be deeply present sothat you're there to coach the
whole body, not just what theperson says.
So you're there to coach thewhole body, not just the brain,
because the truth is, the worlddoesn't need more information,
especially with all the AI outthere.
What they do need, what they doneed, is more clarity and
(09:29):
presence.
I want you to think about thelast time you felt really
connected to someone and whatthat experience was like for you
.
Were they fully present?
Were they listening toeverything you were saying?
Were they watching your bodylanguage?
It's powerful, what can unlockwhen somebody gives you that
level of time, energy andpresence, and I want to
challenge you to go out thereand do that today too.
(09:50):
This is not just with coaching,but also with connection with
your family, your spouse, yourkids, people at work.
You'll be amazed at how muchyou get when you're just fully
present with them.
What's that noise?
I don't know.
I was thinking the same thing.
Is it the camera?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
It sounds like a fan, okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
So today was truth number three.
If you missed truth number two,definitely go back and check it
out.
We talked about why coachingisn't about helping or fixing,
it's about leading.
And now that you know thatpresence matters more than
knowledge, here's the next trapthat a lot of coaches fall into,
and that's truth number four.
It's all about how trying to bethe best coach actually could
(10:31):
be making you worse.
We'll see you in episode four.
Do we have the AC on best coachactually could be making you
worse.
We'll see you in episode four.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Is it?
Do we?
Speaker 1 (10:38):
have the AC on.
I feel like it's not.
Yeah, okay, I'm going to bumpit down to 75 real quick.
We're only 25 minutes in.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
So many coaches, especially new ones, feel like
they have to get it right to beeffective.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
What do you think is the problem with that?
And that's the.
That belief is the fastest wayto disconnect from your client
your gift and your growth.
Coaching isn't about deliveringthe perfect question, the
perfect answer or the perfectfeedback.
It's about being fully presentwith your client so that you can
help them explore what isreally going on.
And perfectionism that actuallykills your presence, because in
(11:16):
that moment, because in thatmoment, you're actually stuck in
your head and not focused onthe human that is in front of
you the real truth is, coachesget better by coaching, not by
being flawless.
So many times I've personallylearned how to coach better by
actually doing it wrong.
I mean, many of the things thatI help people with are things
(11:36):
that I used to struggle with aswell.
And if you're constantlywanting to be perfect, you're
never going to be doing thething you need to do most, which
is just coaching.
And that's why today's truth isperfection can make you a worse
coach.
Growth comes from showing upreal, not perfect.
So in this truth, let'sremember that you don't need to
be perfect, you need to bepresent.
That's where the power reallyis.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
What does perfection look like in coaching?
How does it sneak in Perfection?
Speaker 1 (12:03):
looks like what am I gonna?
Perfection could look likewhat's the best question that I
can ask right now?
Or I wonder what they're gonnathink if I ask them this.
Instead of you focusing on yourclient and what they're saying,
what their body language istrying to tell you, you're
focused and stuck in your headthinking about all the ways that
you need to show up perfectly.
One of the things that ourclients ask us all the time is
how do I know what's the right,best question to ask?
(12:25):
And I always tell them.
Your client will tell you, butyou have to be present with them
and listen to them fully untilthey're finished.
Don't be thinking about whatthe next question is going to be
, the next path that you'regoing to take them down, or the
next skill you're going to use.
Wait for them to be finishedand be fully present with them
and you will know when you getto the end.
(12:46):
All else fails.
You just get curious and ask anadditional question to find out
more information.
So if you find yourself in yourhead thinking about all this
whole entire process, so if youfind yourself in your head
spinning over and over and overwhile there's a client in front
of you.
You really need to take a stepback and remember that it's not
about you, it's about them.
(13:06):
Now, here's the truth.
Now, this is why our coachingcertification actually creates a
coaching lab where you actuallydo this live, because this is
not one of those skills that'seasy to know, because this isn't
one of those skills that's,like, really easy to learn or
that is going to just starthappening automatically.
You need to be able to practiceit and get some feedback back
(13:26):
and forth to see when youaccidentally go into this,
because the way our brain iswired is going to unconsciously
get us to do that.
We just have to be able torecognize it, and to do that, it
takes practice and feedbackfrom others.
So today was truth number four,and if you haven't seen truth
number three, definitely go backand watch it.
It's all about why noticing,not knowing, is the key to
(13:47):
coaching, and today's truth tiesright into that.
But it also leads us into whatwe're unpacking next, because
even when you drop the need tobe perfect, there's another trap
that can come up and get youstuck.
There's another trap that cancome up.
There's another trap that cansneak in, and that's trying to
prove yourself, trying toperform your way into confidence
and trying to make the nextsession about how well you're
(14:08):
doing and, in truth, number five, we're going to break that
right open.
And, in truth, number five,we're going to break that right
open.
And, in truth, number five,we're going to break that right
open.
And why real coaching isn'tabout you.
It's about this
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