Self-Discovery through Santosha: A Talk on Anxiety, Guilt, and Yoga

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Two microphones and make a full cast.
Two microphones and you make afull cast.
Hi, this is Joyce and this isMarybeth.

(00:30):
Welcome to the Modern Yogapodcast.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Joyce, I think that was like low.
You went like.
I know this is Joyce Hi.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
I don't know where that came from.

Speaker 2 (00:42):

Speaker 1 (00:45):

Speaker 2 (00:47):
Hi, this is Joyce.
It's the winter mood.
Yeah, marybeth, and I justdiscovered the reactions button
on Zoom, so we've been playing,we're so I don't know, you know,
not quite boomers, but whateverboomer Like everybody's, like,

(01:09):
probably the reactions buttonhave come and gone.

Speaker 1 (01:12):
They're like oh, remember when we were all
excited about the what was Idon't know, even know what it
was but when we could change ourbackground and give ourselves
make up.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
So the reason we were looking at the reactions button
is randomly, yesterday, all ofa sudden, there was some sort of
light bulb or somethinghovering near you.
Maybe it had nothing to do withZoom Joyce, maybe it was an
apparition.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
I mean on Zoom.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
No, in your room, in your home a ghost.

Speaker 1 (01:47):
You think that animated character was?

Speaker 2 (01:51):
hovering.
What was it?
I can't even remember.
Was it a light bulb?
Was either a light bulb or aquestion mark.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
I thought it was a hand like waving, but it was
like right next to my head.
So when we do these reactions,it was not like that, wasn't it?

Speaker 2 (02:03):
It was kind of ethereal and hovering and moving
.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
Yeah, we were like what is going on?

Speaker 2 (02:08):
So somebody out there in the international podcast
audience can help us know whatthat was, because we really
liked it and we'd like to do itagain, or if you did it let us
know, I mean ask your dad, joycewas he visiting, maybe that's.

Speaker 1 (02:22):
I mean he does like to come through the lights.
Maybe he's coming through theZoom now.
Yeah, who knows, I just threwmy robe on the front part of me
because I'm cold, because I havea fan on behind me, because I
was hot before.
Yeah, I thought that was ablankie.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
That's a cute robe.
It looks like sprees.
Did you used to like spreescandy?

Speaker 1 (02:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:44):
Yeah, so it has purple and pink sprees on it.
You're really.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
I'm not really a robe person.
I use this when I'm cold, likea sweatshirt.
It's just a little easier.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
Well, it was so cold this morning so I have on like a
big hooded sweatshirt thing andI did say to myself self you're
going to get hot in the middleof this podcast and want to
undress, and now you don't haveanything under this.
But be that as it may, I stillput it on because it was
freaking cold.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
Well, you can always like stop the video if you take
your shirt off, or I cannot stopthe video.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
Or you can.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
And I could use my sultry voice.

Speaker 2 (03:21):
Right, and then this would be a whole different
podcast audience and we're hereto talk about contentment right.
Right, that's just not at all agood segue.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
Kind of all goes together.
Yeah, so Mary Beth and I Awhile ago actually, I think,
when you served me that sweetpotato, that I ate the skin off-
of we were talking about theknee.
I'm a someone of the new yamas,so the first two limbs of yoga

(03:55):
are the yamas and the yamas theposes are the third, and we
covered all five of the newyamas in previous episodes All
five of the yamas, I'm sorry.
Yeah, the yamas, or, as Siriwould say, the llamas and the
llamas and the llamas.
Yeah, we covered all five ofthe new yamas, which are the

(04:22):
don'ts, basically likenonviolence, non-stealing, and
so the yamas?
Right?
Am I doing this right?
Mm-hmm, now I'm confused.
Yes, ma'am, are the do's, andwe covered purity back in
earlier this year and in likeMarch.

(04:42):
So we're back, we're back.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
We're back to some yoga shit.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
We're back to some yoga shit and philosophy.
It's been said that the thirdlimb is a tool to practice the
first two limbs, so the posesare really just tools to take a
look at these things.
I've heard that the yamas andthe llamas are like the Ten

(05:08):
Commandments of yoga, and I getthat, but they're not really
commandments, they're more ofgood practices, exactly.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
They're not even laws or anything.
They're good practices.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
Yeah, and they're not religious, but they can be for
sure.
So how do you say it?

Speaker 2 (05:35):
Santoshah, I don't know if that's correct, but
that's how I've always said it.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
It translates to contentment and it invites us to
contentment by taking refuge ina calm center, opening our
hearts in gratitude for what wedo have and practicing the
paradox of not seeking.
What does that mean this?

Speaker 2 (05:58):
is a hard one, I think, for a lot of people.
I mean, we're seekers and youwant to seek good things, not
bad things.
You want to seek happiness andthe boots that you want for
winter and feeling good aboutyourself and having a career
that makes you proud and allthose things, and this kind of

(06:25):
suggests the idea of the absenceof all that and just finding
contentment in this moment,whatever's going on, good or bad
, without seeking more.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
Well, we're always so goal-oriented.

Speaker 2 (06:44):
Some of us are.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
Yeah, but there's a Chinese proverb that says people
in the West are always gettingready to live.
So it's kind of like when I getthat degree, when I get this
job, when I save this money,when I whatever that's when I
will either be content or startliving, or you have this

(07:06):
anticipation.
Or when I get this handstand,you have this anticipation of
something changing and reallywhat this idea is inviting us to
do is just enjoy the journey.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
Yeah, and I think honestly, I think that was our
buddy Titchh Nhat Hanh.
Oh really, and it's so funnybecause that particular quote I
always have marked, but there'sanother one that came up today
in my time hop, that's equallyspeaks to the exact same thing,
the first one that you were justsaying.
The longer version is we'revery good at preparing to live,

(07:43):
but not very good at living.
We know how to sacrifice 10years for a diploma and we're
willing to work very hard to geta job, a car, a house and so on
, but we have difficultyremembering that we are alive in
the present moment, the onlymoment there is for us to be
alive.
My voice is sounding prettysexy also.

(08:05):
I mean, I don't know what thedealio is there.

Speaker 1 (08:09):
Maybe it's the microphones.

Speaker 2 (08:11):
Maybe two microphones .
So I happen to look at my timehop app before we started today
and I want to find the otherquote because it actually is a
little more specific and we'vetalked about this one as well.
If I am incapable of washingdishes joyfully, if I want to

(08:33):
finish them quickly so I can goand have dessert or a cup of tea
, I will be equally incapable ofenjoying my dessert or my tea.
When I finally have them Withthe fork in my hand, I will be
thinking about what to do nextand the texture and the flavor
of the dessert, together withthe pleasure of eating it, will
be lost.
I will be constantly draggedinto the future, miss out on

(08:56):
life altogether and never ableto live in the present moment.
Each thought, each action inthe sunlight of a awareness
becomes sacred.
In this light, no boundaryexists between the sacred and
the profane.
So usually we distill that downto.
You should be able to enjoywashing your tea cup as much as

(09:17):
enjoying your tea, which justdoesn't seem humanly possible.
But I've been trying to practicethis a lot because of how
seasonal effective disorder Iget, disorder E I get.
So when I'm bitching about,like yesterday I was in such a
great mood because the sun cameout again.
But the two days preceding thatwere that Cleveland gray and I

(09:39):
was so cranky so you really haveto write where you are.
I appreciate driving this car.
I appreciate these few redleaves I can see.
I appreciate this hot coffee ona cold day.

Speaker 1 (09:57):
And it's also the practice of accepting like what
is, and that's not a I'm notsaying this and like you just
have to accept it's not settling, but this is the weather you
know, this is.
This is what the dishes aredirty.
That's what happens when youuse the dishes.

(10:18):
Yeah, it's not happening tomake you, it's not.
Don't take it so personally.

Speaker 2 (10:25):
It's not being punished.

Speaker 1 (10:27):
Right, nobody had dinner, just to make you
miserable to do the dishes.
It's kind of like taking a lookat how much power you give to
frustration.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yeah, how much power you give to those other things.
I mean, it's all.
It's so simple and so complex.
It's all in our hands, right,like most of our suffering.
I don't mean big suffering whenyou get a bad diagnosis or a
lot of physical suffering, butmost of these daily things are

(11:07):
just 100% our own doing.
Yeah To choosing to sufferthrough them.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
Right.
By the way, you probably justsaw me shaking my water bottle.
I'm dead Shake your groovething, shake your groove thing,
yeah yeah, so I never reallyknew how how much was in here.

Speaker 2 (11:25):
Oh my gosh, are we going to have another
conversation about water bottles?

Speaker 1 (11:28):
Yes, it's just three cups.
You have how many ounces thatis 24 ounces 24.
Yes, so you're supposed to havelike an.
What is it like?
An ounce for every pound youare about?

Speaker 2 (11:47):
Well, for goodness sake, I don't want to think
about how many pounds I am onthe daily Screw that action.

Speaker 1 (11:53):
All right.
Well, let's just say how many.
How many?
I'm going to Google how manyounces of water to somebody need
a day Water.
Should you drink a day?
11 and a half cups or 91 ounces, so this is 24 ounces, so
that's like almost four timesthis.

(12:15):
I am not drinking enough water.
I need that apple water bottle.
That's all I'm saying.
That was the digression.

Speaker 2 (12:26):
If that's, if that's what you feel you need.

Speaker 1 (12:29):
There's no way I'm going to drink like this huge.
But if you have the apple waterbottle, you suddenly will, if
it's blinking at me or yellingat me, I might be like, oh, I
need to drink that plastic thingyou're holding can blink at you
by being empty four times.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
I'm drinking.
You got a drinking problem.
How do you feel you do withSantosha?

Speaker 1 (12:57):
I think I do pretty well.
I think that I didn't do wellfor a long time, until I started
my yoga practice, and I thinkthat I think that the yamas and
niyamas are things that we'repracticing on the map whether we
know it or not, and some of ussneaky yoga teachers might slide

(13:19):
in an idea without actuallyannouncing, like this is about
contentment.

Speaker 2 (13:25):
Yeah, this is Santosha, yeah.

Speaker 1 (13:28):
So I think that was happening to me when I was
practicing and so when I got toteacher training and read about
the yamas and niyamas, I waslike, oh, this makes sense now.
Like it kind of tied togetherlike the physical practice with

(13:48):
what was actually going on in myhead and how those how you know
, like the things thattranslated from the mat to off
the mat, like this kind of tiesit together and so it's kind of
genius.

Speaker 2 (14:02):
Whoever invented the yoga?
Awesome, yeah, because it is,it's.
It's like wax on, wax off andright like you don't know, what
you're doing is preparing youfor other things.

Speaker 1 (14:14):
Yeah, and like just the, the idea of how you do one
thing is how you do everything,and so how you, how you move
your body, or what expectationsor limits you give yourself,
like that's usually pretty equalto expectations and limits you

(14:35):
give yourself and other thingsand so, like, the actual self
study, and not the study of theexpectation of what others want
you to do, becomes extremelypowerful.
So, as a former completecodependent person, this, this

(14:56):
was huge to me.
All the yamas and the yamaswere huge to me, but, but not
only being content with what is,but figuring out where my
contentment is and not what it'ssupposed to look like, you know
.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
Ah, yeah, okay, Underline that that's important.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
Well, I'll do a little reaction.
Do we have an underline?

Speaker 2 (15:20):
Oh, yeah, do a reaction or a star or something
Woo, the party hat.
Because so your contentment inmind so different and and
anybody's in mind so different,because I have a pretty easy
time with the way to some ofthis contentment.

Speaker 1 (15:38):
Like one of the one of the things you shake your
cord oh is that better?
Your input is rusty.
No, it looks it's.
It's like you just went into agarbage, can?
Is it better?
No, oh yes, your voice got lowin sultry again.

Speaker 2 (15:57):
Okay, these dad gum cords.
It's funny, I was complainingabout how this this cord worked
better because I blew on it andplugged it back in and Vince
Ketterer happened to be in thelobby when I said that and he's
like yeah, that's worked foreverything from Nintendo 64 or
whatever it was all those yearsago.
Why does that work?
Like if you, if?

Speaker 1 (16:20):
you really some dust.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
I guess.
Anyway, the ones that they'rein this book, and by this book I
mean we have.
We refer to the Yamas and theYamas by Deborah Adele.

Speaker 1 (16:35):
Well, she's, that's and it's.
She didn't invent the Yamas andthe Yamas it's her
interpretation.

Speaker 2 (16:40):
This is just her, her book, but a quote she included
from saying son poignantlystated the way isn't difficult
for those who are unattached totheir preferences.
So I happen to have a prettyeasy time with this because I'm
easily pleased refer to myhusband.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
No.

Speaker 2 (16:59):
I'm easily contented with anything from what I order,
like I don't really have a badday if my state comes out wrong.
There's many times I actually,at a restaurant, will say to the
server do I want to go to wantthis, this or this, and let them
pick.
And I actually got that, andit's very freeing to be content

(17:23):
with whatever comes.
At the same time, I'm awarethat for most people and
actually this is how I feelabout myself that kind of
radical contentment really kindof lends itself to the idea that
you're just kind of a sloth andyou have absolutely zero

(17:46):
ambition or opinion or whatever,like a very wishy-washy Charlie
Brown type, which I kind ofunfortunately just am.
But it's on the oppositespectrum of how a lot of people
are.
No, I'm paying for this steak.
It has to be done how I want it.
I'm coming to this class.
The teacher has to be who Iexpected it to be.

Speaker 1 (18:07):
So you're talking about entitlement?

Speaker 2 (18:10):
Yeah, that feeling of I worked hard for this, this is
what I want, or this is yourjob, or this is what I ordered,
or whatever it is.
We just do have that illusionthat a lot of life should be in
our control.
But if you really think aboutjust being content and taking

(18:31):
what comes like, imagine you'rea caveman and there's no
suggestion box or complaintdepartment.
You got to just go kill a beast.
If you want to eat, you got tofind what you can for shelter.
There's not going to be a fuzzyrobe with sprees on it for you.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
So are you also okay with saying that you ordered
something that you would justlike give me whatever and you
really didn't like it?
Are you okay with saying, likeyou know what I'm sorry, this
isn't working.

Speaker 2 (19:11):
Yeah, so this is kind of where it all falls apart,
because I am, and that's toomuch that way.
I mean that's not right either.

Speaker 1 (19:18):
I mean we have to have.

Speaker 2 (19:19):
That's not right either.
I don't think to be so, to besuch a pushover or a doormat
Right.
Like in most things, I thinkthe problem is the wrong people
sometimes get the wrongcharacteristics.
You know like someone elsemaybe needs to be a little bit

(19:41):
more relaxed and accepting andcan be told that.
But you know who hears themessage is somebody who's
already being like verballyabused by someone or held down
at work or something and is notspeaking up.
So it's like it's always, like,the sermon hits the wrong

(20:03):
people.
No-transcript.

Speaker 1 (20:07):
It is interesting we were talking about this before
we were recording it how there'sI've been noticing that there's
just such an expectation ofnegativity or correction or so

(20:28):
in the simple regard of a yogapractice, people saying I know
I'm not doing it right or Ican't do it or whatever.
There's just there's anoverwhelming like I'm not going
to be good at this or you tellme how I can do it better, and
in a sense, that's the living inthe future kind of thing.

(20:51):
It's almost like yoga is.
I'm just using this as anexample, but the practice is a
punishment for you.
Just keep doing it until youget it right and then, once you
get it right, you have to do itbetter, and you can say that
about so many things.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
We apologize for why we don't look great today or why
we can't do something today.
Yeah, who are we apologizing to?

Speaker 1 (21:19):
Do we owe that to other people?
You know, I've been feelinglately that that's just really
sad.
And are we doing that to otherpeople?
Why are we so harsh to otherpeople?

(21:40):
This is your job.

Speaker 2 (21:43):
Are we just waking up and saying what have I failed
at already this morning?
Or are others making us feelthat way?
Are we doing that to each other?
That's something to observe forsure.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
Well, and if others are making you feel that way,
why are you letting that happen?
And I'm not saying this in anykind of judgmental way, it's
just more of that realization ofwhat's really going on.
If James is having a bad dayand he's super frustrated, does

(22:15):
that mean that I'm going to feellike shit too?
You know, like yeah, I mean youjust happens.
Right, and whether or not he'staking it out on me or just
being grumpy, how you know, doesthat, does that have anything
to?
I mean, it definitely hassomething to do with my day.

(22:36):
But, like, how do I moveforward?
Am I going to?

Speaker 2 (22:39):
be?
Yeah, does it have to?
Because it really does.
And, like you said, it doesn'thave to be James barking at you.
But if Jeff is cranky or has abad day or I can tell
something's bothering him, or mymother woke up not feeling well
, yeah that that changes thecourse of my day, and then I'm
pissed about that, but that's myown fault, Unless I can do
something to fix it or help it,and typically you cannot.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
So you get pissed when your mom doesn't feel well.

Speaker 2 (23:05):
I don't get pissed at her, pissed that I let it ruin
my day.

Speaker 1 (23:08):
But I do let it preoccupy my day.
Got it.
So you take it out on yourself.
Yeah, which I think is a reallycommon go to of like.
I'm not that and I'm notsuggesting you should take it
out on anyone else, but likewhat needs to be taken out, you
know, like at all yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:26):
Like I mean, there's that, there's you talked about
being codependent before.
There's love and family andfriends, and then there's also
the idea of being able to standapart and separate yourself and
say I can have compassion foryou and empathy for you, but I
can't take on your suffering,for you which is good, because I
probably would if I could,right, but I can't.

(23:48):
You've got to do this, so whyam I, why am I trying to suffer
for you?
It's not helping you.
It ain't helping me.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
I think, too, that we are so used to sort of being in
that suffering mode or thesacrifice mode that when we're
not, we're really uncomfortable.
You know, when you have thatmoment of clarity, it's like
whoa, I'm supposed to dosomething.
You know, like I, this is toocalm, this is too too clear.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
And really, on face value, both guilt and anxiety
are such wasted emotions.
If they're emotions, wastedenergy, I mean guilt it's too
late and anxiety it's too early.
So why are we even doing it?

Speaker 1 (24:37):
But I do it same day.
So guilt is in the past,anxiety is in the future.
It's not in the present moment.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
Right.

Speaker 1 (24:47):
Deborah Dell says we expect.
When we expect the world tomeet our needs, we turn outside
of ourselves to find sustenanceand completion, which is a good
step towards codependency, forsure, because our need to
satisfy our preferences thatkeeps us from contentment and

(25:08):
makes us, or makes our daysdifficult.
And then the quote when itrains, I let it.
Yeah.
When it's gray outside, maryBeth welcomes seasonal affective
disorder in with open arms.
But you're almost likeprogrammed to like.

(25:30):
I know this is going to happen.
You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (25:33):
So which is stupid, I mean, all the more reason you
should be able to just talkyourself away from it.
I do like, when a personchallenges that though, like Dan
that comes to my Wednesdayclass is always good for that.
You know, if you're saying justchatting, how are you?

(25:55):
Or whatever, and you sayanything remotely some of the
negativity you were just talkingabout.
You know, whatever you comewith that's negative, he'll sort
of gently push back with well,but blah, blah, blah.
So I don't mind that.
When somebody sort of gentlyresteers you, like, that's them
saying I'm not going to take onyour negative bullshit.

(26:17):
You know, this is a good day.
I smell bacon next door,whatever it might be.
So, it's gray, so it's raining,irrelevant.

Speaker 1 (26:27):
Yeah, yeah, the weather can't be perfect every
day.

Speaker 2 (26:31):
Yeah.
And we can't fix it Right.
Not even.
I was just going to say hername, not even the weather girl.
Oh, your favorite weather girl.
Yeah, you know your husbandlikes her.
Oh, I didn't even know.
I don't know why you guys giveher such a hard time.
I mean, I don't always likewhat she's wearing, but I like

(26:54):
her.
So I probably watch the news orthe weather.
Probably flipped him off andsent him out of the room For
James.
I, yes, sure I made a spectacleof him as well, because the
room was full of our Wednesdaynoon crowd and it was time, just
before class started, for Jamesto take out the trash and the
recycling Janitor James.

(27:15):
So, yeah, so I treated him to.
You know all the janitor Jamesjokes and there was a handful of
new people in there, so theywere probably like what a bitch.
But then I always do follow upwith.
Well, this is the glamor Ofowning your own business you
take out the trash and youswitch the toilets.

Speaker 1 (27:34):
You can probably hear you.
Are you listening, james?
He's probably got hisheadphones in.
He's like I'm going to tunethis out.

Speaker 2 (27:41):
Yeah, I'm going to tune those bitches out because I
hear a lot of them.

Speaker 1 (27:47):
So she also asked us to kind of take a look at the
amount and type of energy we usewhen we have emotional
disturbances.
You know like when you'rereally stressed out, like you're
giving your energy and yourthought to the stress, and is
that necessary, right?

Speaker 2 (28:09):
I mean, or give whatever energy you have toward
any possible solution For thingsthere are no solutions, like
why keep ruminating about them?
Yesterday is a good example.
Like I had some anxiety andguilt yesterday about some stuff
and then some solutions becameavailable conversations with you

(28:31):
and with Jeff and then I endedup feeling really better about
stuff because there was someaction to be taken that could
help with some of what wascausing guilt and anxiety.
And then it was like all right,that was not such a big deal,
so why was I having such a badday about it?
And then it was over.
And then it was over.
So I have to interrupt us witha concern.

(28:56):
What's that?
This might be just aperspective thing, and by
perspective I mean literalperspective but there's a
blanket behind you.

Speaker 1 (29:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:10):
Or something no other way in the corner.

Speaker 1 (29:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:13):
Other corner and I feel like it is draped close to
the electrical outlet and I'mafraid that your home is going
to go up in flames.
I don't like any fabric thatclose to the electrical outlet.
Okay, thank you.

Speaker 1 (29:29):
So there are no.

Speaker 2 (29:32):
Do you know my first husband, my ex-husband Andy?
Maybe not everybody knew I hadan extra husband, but at some
point.
Before I knew his family,somebody pulled out the, the
vacuum cord, from the plug, anda spark ignited the drapes and

(29:54):
they had a fire.
Wow, well, that's why I wasconcerned about that dangling
right there.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
Well, I appreciate it .
There's, so I was going to saythere's no less than five
blankets here.

Speaker 2 (30:08):
Well, you cannot have too many blankets for dogs, for
humans, for babies.

Speaker 1 (30:15):
Including my anxiety blanket, because I often end up
sleeping in here because Becausesomebody snores and the dogs
what's the deal with thoseanxiety blankets?

Speaker 2 (30:23):
They're weighted, yeah.
That does not make me feelbetter.
Get that off my feet.
No, oh no.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
If Chloe it's like under yeah, chloe's on it it's
really heavy.
Well, this one's like, I don'tknow, 14 or 15 pounds, and I'm
not kidding you.
When it's on me, I am out Likeit takes less than 10 minutes.

Speaker 2 (30:52):
Sure, you're out because it's squeezing the air
from your lungs and way down.

Speaker 1 (30:56):
No, it's not that heavy where it's pushing you
down.

Speaker 2 (31:00):
Our old Polish grandmas used to call those
Pugina I think, yeah, well, andthat's so.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
I sleep really well with that, and then I just like
blankets, but then and I alsolike to have the window a little
bit open, like I like to befreezing cold under blankets.
But as you know, ashley, mystepdaughter has been sick.
She's been sick like two out ofthe past three weeks, like she
was sick and then she wasn't,and then she was sick.

(31:29):
So she and Alina were home.

Speaker 2 (31:32):
Which, by the way, that's bullshit.
That you get better and thenyou get sick again, that ain't
fair.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
And there were two very different sicknesses too,
and I feel bad for Ashley,because she doesn't just get a
little sick ever, it's eithershe's healthy or she's knocked
out.
So Alina and I slept and tooknaps here, and so that blanket

(31:59):
that you saw is actually hers,so it's small.
It's about, actually, theanxiety blanket is a one-person
blanket and this one is just alittle bit smaller than that and
I think I was like I don't knowit happened.

Speaker 2 (32:12):
It just happened, joyce.
What's going on?
The bubble, the bubble with the.
Yeah, how did it, do it.
Okay, now we know what itlooked like.
It was a thumbs up thoughtbubble.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
What is happening?

Speaker 2 (32:22):
And we're not touching anything.
Somebody help us, tell us whatis going on.

Speaker 1 (32:29):
Maybe dad likes what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 (32:32):
My other question and or admonition is do we have a
fire extinguisher in the houseand does everybody out there in
the international podcastaudience go by yourself a fire
extinguisher?

Speaker 1 (32:45):
Because, if anything ever did happen, I'm going to
check.

Speaker 2 (32:50):
I think we have one.

Speaker 1 (32:53):
Get it at the Costco or something.
Get it at the Costco.

Speaker 2 (32:55):
Get it at the.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
Costco, let's see.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
Some folks at the Wednesday class and I were
talking about how you end upbuying so many clothes at Costco
.
Just sort of pad the grocerybill with them.
But there's some good clothesfor pretty cheap at Costco.

Speaker 1 (33:11):
Automatic reactions on Zoom without clicking
anything.
That's a 12 minute 52 secondvideo that we'll have to watch
later.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
You can, I'll let you watch that one.
That was beautiful, though,because it doesn't look like the
other reactions.
It wasn't a simple thumbs up.
It was like this beautifulbubble of floating around a
thumbs up and you were touchingnothing and I was touching
nothing, yeah.
Our hands were on our beverages.

Speaker 1 (33:42):
Well, let's see if we can make it happen again.
So anyhow, I had I think atsome point I must have been
laying there and there were justtoo many blankets, and I tossed
that one in the corner with theintention of like, if I keep
seeing it there, I'm going totake it downstairs, because
that's really where it belongs.
It's her blanket.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
I love that you do that too, Leaving things in a
visually stimulating area sothat next time you pass you
might pick it up and take itdownstairs or upstairs or
outside.

Speaker 1 (34:11):
Well, I was probably in bed where I was just like I
got a whatever, but clearly Itook that one off and there's
another one there, but it's notbothering you.
It's not as close it's not asclose, but thank you for being
concerned.
I mean listen.
So this is one of the rarepodcasts where we actually have

(34:31):
paused here and there because ofa phone call and a.
That's a big break, and that'sprobably why I don't drink a lot
of water.

Speaker 2 (34:43):
I know it's so annoying and preoccupying
because, as you're going aboutyour day running errands, doing
work, if you're not somewhere,you're like where am I going to
pee?

Speaker 1 (34:53):
Right, and how often I just peed five minutes ago.
But what is it?
If you're hydrated, you don'tpee as much as when you're
dehydrated.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
Well, probably, but I still think if you're going to
drink that much water, you'rejust going to pee a lot all day.

Speaker 1 (35:13):
And I've had coffee too, so that might be it.
So when we are locked in ourdisturbances, we have tunnel
vision and regress to the levelof intelligence of the emotional
disturbance.

Speaker 2 (35:31):
I say that again.
I don't get that.

Speaker 1 (35:34):
When we are locked in our disturbance, on our
disturbances, we have tunnelvision and regress to the level
of intelligence of the actualdisturbance.
You mean, like you just kind oflike that's all you can focus
on and, yes, you know you kindof dumb down.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
Yeah, it's like the right term no, but that's
probably exactly it when we arenot locked in.

Speaker 1 (36:03):
We have access to a panoramic vision.
We can see all angles and wecan see a clear win-win in a
creative direction.
This is interesting and so true.
The mind has an amazing abilityto relive disturbances over and
over again, bringing them intodeeper discontentment, like how

(36:29):
many times has something badhappened and you just ruminate
on it and it makes it worse, andit makes it worse, and it makes
it worse.
Or you can take that furtherand look at how many times do we
assume negativity, like we'retalking about, and so how many

(36:51):
times have you already had aconversation with someone that
didn't really happen?
Oh my gosh.
Yes, and I'll say that thismight have to do with something
that was written, like a text oran email, where you apply a
tone to it.
This is just an example, becausethere's a million examples.
But somebody might have writtenit in a very honest and giving

(37:14):
manner and you're like, oh well,you know what I mean.
And then all of a sudden you'rehaving this future conversation
and you have this expectation,and so if I'm already mad at you
and then I see you and we'reactually talking about the
subject, it's already bad.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
And that's a great example, because those text
messages are an easy way to Justan example, and this doesn't
even have anything to do withfeelings.
But we're talking about afamily gathering on a big text
string and one part of thefamily wasn't sure if they could
come or not on that day.
And then one of my sisterstexted me privately and said do

(37:56):
you think that's because of thedogs?
And I said no, not at all.
I think there's something elsegoing on.
And sure enough, that proved tobe true.
But we do, we add, we embellish, we think there's more two
things than there are often.
I mean, you might be right, mycynical husband's right about
shit like that a lot, but itmakes me mad.

Speaker 1 (38:23):
Well, regardless of if our intuition is, right or
not, and maybe it's more ofempathy.
I don't think I mean.
You said this yesterday in textand I love the saying, but I
believe it.
I really feel like we're alldoing the best with what we have
.
We all have very, very similarthings and very different things

(38:47):
and I just don't think peopleare that mean.
I feel like most people comefrom a really good place and if
something comes out, meanthere's a reason.
I mean there's a good reason,but there's a reason because of
their experiences and a lot oftimes our guard is up.

Speaker 2 (39:11):
How high?

Speaker 1 (39:13):
will come out and how we interact with people.

Speaker 2 (39:21):
Yeah, that's for sure , and it's funny when I said
that, and when I do say it, Ifind that I was the one giving
myself a harder time thananybody else was.
Like most people, if youcommunicate decently and you're
in a family or friends orrelationship with people, they
know, hopefully, that you aredoing the best you can, that if
you say no to something or ifyou have to change plans, it's

(39:45):
not because you're a completeA-hole, but it just had to be.
So I don't know why again, whyanxiety and guilt has to become
part of that when you've.
It's that quote that I love allthe time that I bring up.
That's been attributed toGeorgia O'Keeffe.
I have already done my best, soit is what it is.
All criticism and flattery goesdown the same drain and I'm

(40:05):
free of it.
Yeah, like this is what it is,I can't do more about it than
what it is.

Speaker 1 (40:11):
But you mentioned, like you would assume that your
family or friends wouldunderstand that.
You know things change andsomething happened and I didn't.
Basically, you're saying Ididn't do this to hurt you,
right?
But why are you so concernedwith how they react?
If, in fact, you were honest inyour you know you came from a

(40:35):
good place making thecancellation or making the
choice or whatever, or sendingthe food back, or whatever it is
, yeah, whatever it is.

Speaker 2 (40:46):
You're right about that, because that is part of
that For sure.
That's what I do is like I wantthem to know where I'm coming
from.
I don't want to bemisunderstood, I don't want them
to be unhappy with me, andyou're right, I should free
myself of that, like because Iknow the truth, right.

Speaker 1 (41:00):
And I think and know that sometimes we do so much
explaining, maybe or like wewant to make sure that that
person or people are like theyunderstand that and I think that

(41:24):
that sometimes we work so hardat making them over explain that
that makes it worse.
Yes, even though the intentionis to make it better if we just
stop it at the like.
Right, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
People say no is a complete sentence.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:41):
But.
But it's not just like.
Like we're supposed to go tolunch today and then you text me
and say I can't go, and that'sit you know, then I would be
like oh, because of ourrelationship, right, right, you
might say, hey, like somethingcame up and yet, and then it
could stop there.
But something, something cameup, I have to take my mom
somewhere, or whatever.
I'm really sorry, blah, blah,blah, you know like.

(42:03):
And then it's done, like, andyeah, I might be like oh, I was
really looking forward to thatand that's okay.
But, like, life goes on, thingschange and and I mean I'm
saying this with a lot ofexperience, a lot of therapy and
a lot of reading the yamas andthe yamas, like I used to be,

(42:23):
you know, so worried about whatother people thought and always
assuming that I was f-ingsomething up and, you know,
giving a lot of energy toexactly this kind of stuff yeah,
and what was getting me downyesterday was this feeling
lately, kind of twofold.

Speaker 2 (42:43):
First of all, that I keep what I feel like I've been
doing.
You know I don't have a fulltime job.
I don't have a lot of thesekind of schedules and stresses.
So the limited job that I haveteaching, yoga and the other
commitments that I have thatinvolve family and friends right
, it's not.
I feel already like it's not asmuch as other people have on

(43:04):
their plate.
So when I have to spend timeover and over again on the daily
canceling plans, changingthings, I hate that.
I have to be that person.
I hate to be the person that'salways just letting somebody
down or, you know, disappointingor canceling plans A and then B

(43:27):
.
The fact that currently thereason that's happening is
because of this family vacationcabin that we're building just
sounds so diva, like I'm sorry Ican't do that for you because
I'll be going to my cabin or Ihave to the HVAC, people need me
at the cabin or something.

(43:48):
So and again, I'm doing that tomyself, nobody has said that to
me, but it's just it feels.
It feels indulgent.
I feel like I need indulgentand like I need to apologize for
it.

Speaker 1 (44:00):
That's kind of how I felt about booking the Mexico
trip, like there's no biggerpurpose in this than enjoying
ourselves, and I feel guiltybecause of that, right, and you
just said our family cabin, it'sfor you and, jeff, you own it.
And this is what happens whenyou build a house Like there is

(44:22):
no, like there's no way around.
You can't control the fact thatthis thing isn't done yet and
it was supposed to be done acouple months ago.
Like you are working with theinformation and distance and
like there is literally nothingelse you can do.

(44:44):
But you have to take care ofthis because you've invested a
lot of time and money and likethis is the process of building
a house and does that mean thatit gets in the way of some other
things?
Yeah, at least temporarily.
And so like, if you can acceptthat and right, it's just saying

(45:06):
there's no definition.
Yeah, because I know you textme.
I am so sorry.
Guess what?
I need another sub, you know,and it's just like take yourself
out of the equation.
It's like this house is beingbuilt and you're the project
manager, kind of.

Speaker 2 (45:25):
Well, god help the project.
Yeah, it's priority,prioritization by definition,
which I've never been good at,like sometimes the tailwags, the
dog and you just have toprioritize, and that means Well,
this isn't just prioritization,this is like it has to happen

(45:48):
now.

Speaker 1 (45:49):
It's not like.
Well, next week I'm going toprioritize the house.
It's like oh well, here'sanother setback.
I've got to drop everything,rearrange and put this into
priority.
Which is why, when there's likea health problem or something.

Speaker 2 (46:07):
it does that for you, right, like there's no, like
you might not have had time forthis, that or the other thing,
but now you just had to maketime to go to the MRI or to go
to the surgery or whatever it is.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
So yeah, and you don't feel as guilty about that,
because that's not indulgent.

Speaker 2 (46:23):
Yeah, you feel like you don't have anything to do
with it and you can't help it.

Speaker 1 (46:27):
Or if your mom got sick or fell and you had to take
her to the doctor.
There is no guilt there at all.
Right, but there's guilt whenit comes to yourself, and there
shouldn't be, you know I mean, Iknow you don't do anything all
day except sit around.
Eat bonbons and watch soapoperas.

(46:49):
That's it.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
These, these niyamas andniyamas like this is every.
Every teacher training who goesthrough this loves this book.
I remember one few years agogot the Yamaha the Deborah Dell
version for everybody in herfamily for Christmas.

(47:09):
Oh wow, that one.

Speaker 2 (47:14):
Christmas I bought everybody in my family a book
that I loved and I mean, likethe kids in my family were maybe
not teenagers, maybe teenagersor a little older.
So nobody appreciated it andI've talked about it on the
podcast before.
It's called Animal VegetableMiracle by Barbara King Solver,
and I haven't even read it in.

(47:35):
You know, I don't know 10 or 12years.
But I loved it so much andthought it was so important that
I did buy it for everybody andI'm quite certain nobody read it
except possibly my sister Judy.

Speaker 1 (47:47):
But they probably still have it because they can
re-gift it.
Like, oh, mary Beth gave thisto me.
I'm not, I can't.
I'm going to read it somedayMaybe.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (48:03):
The more we seek contentment to look a certain
way, the more it alludes us andis the illusion that there can
be something else in the moment.
How many times have you everhad I'm going to try to explain
this but an experience of likeyou had, an expectation or a

(48:25):
desire for some situation towork out some certain way, so
much that you can't see that itworked out a different way until
maybe years later when youprocess it and you look back and
you can probably do this withlike things, as you were a kid,
you know where you just didn'tunderstand things and now you
see it from an adult'sperspective.
But, like I'm talking, about.

Speaker 2 (48:46):
Yeah, the hindsight always helps those things.
It is good you can look backand be like, wow, it's a good
thing I didn't get that job orthat didn't happen, because then
this ended up happening and Iwas in the right place for that.
I was in the right job for that.
I was in the right location forthat.

Speaker 1 (49:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (49:09):
I have a lot of those .
Any come to mind.

Speaker 1 (49:14):
I've been having a lot lately.
I don't know if contentment isthe right word, but probably
more reality and honesty.
And this really has more to dowith, like my journey with
mental health and stuff and my Idon't know like I.

(49:36):
Well, I'll just be honest likeI struggle sometimes with my
relationship with my mom becausemy mom, in my opinion, is very
codependent and has always takenthe opinions of others and the

(50:06):
satisfaction of others todetermine her self-worth, if
that makes sense.
So now that my dad is gone,I've noticed that well one my
mom and I knew this before hewasn't gone but my mom doesn't
really have any like any hobbies, aside from like golf and

(50:30):
bowling, which are things thatyou have to sort of schedule
right, like you can't just gogolf or go bowl at any time, but
there's nothing that like shehas no hobbies or interests that
fulfill her time.
She's bored a lot and lonely alot because she also doesn't
have any friends, but she's alsonot interested in making

(50:52):
friends.
She doesn't know how to makefriends.
And so I was my mom for a longtime and like that came to a
crashing halt when my life justsort of had that big bang moment
where everything fell to shitand although I went to, I was in

(51:17):
like an 18-month period ofreally deep therapy self-help,
yoga, all of it and I wentthrough huge I don't want to say
change.
I think I grew up, I think itreally was more that I was like
stuck in a place and then Ilearned how to move forward, but

(51:37):
that doesn't really ever stop.
I think I've told the story ofhow I have this library of
self-help books and that's all Idid for a long time was read
self-help books because I couldrecognize myself in every book I
opened and at some point I justwas on page five and I was
exhausted.
I'm like I'm just going to keepfinding things wrong with
myself.
I can't do this anymore.

(51:59):
I was so convinced that I was sobroken that I needed to fix
everything and I wasn't reallyliving anymore.
I was like more in this mode ofobservance, which isn't
necessarily bad, but looking forthe things that I was fucking
up.
I was seeing growth, but it wasnever good enough for me, I

(52:23):
think, because I just feltreally broken.
So that went on hiatus for along while, but I'm realizing
these days that it never reallystops.
So, anyhow, I see my mom nowuncomfortable in certain social

(52:49):
situations so she acts like mydad and she makes bad dad jokes
and my dad would get some laughsat dad bad jokes just because
they were bad dad jokes and atsome point he was an old guy and
not just like but it doesn'twork for my mom and she doesn't
understand that either.

(53:10):
So she gets these awkward laughsof like what, what was that?
You know what I mean, and I'llgive an example.
Yeah so in that I was.
She comes to my slow flows onFriday in Brexville because she
works a little bit beforehandand anyhow, it was a this one
particular Friday.

(53:30):
It was a class was on thesmaller side and it wasn't time
to start yet and people werechatting and I was up at the
front and I just was like doinga forward fold and like
stretching out my low back and Istood up and my mom was in the
back of the room and she goeswas it good for you?

Speaker 2 (53:51):
Oh right.

Speaker 1 (53:53):
Well, and the the other few ladies in the room
just like they looked at me andthen they look back like, did
that just happen?
And that's just.
That's your mom right?
You know, it was just.
I was very, very angry and Iand I was very angry throughout
the whole class and I didn'ttalk to my mom about it after

(54:14):
class because I can be very meanto my mom and it was.
I needed this to come out likekind of more like a business
owner, like her boss, but I amstill her daughter and so, and
you're- still angry and it wasvery very inappropriate and like
.

(54:35):
So would you ever imagine thatyou open a successful yoga
studio where people reallyrespect, appreciate and like you
and your product and yourservice and everything else and
you have to worry about your mommaking inappropriate innuendos?

(54:55):
You know what I mean?
Like yeah it's just, and sothat took me into a bit of a
tailspin, into, like, how thishas been happening all my life
maybe not with like that overt.

Speaker 2 (55:11):
Right.

Speaker 1 (55:12):
But it's always about it.

Speaker 2 (55:13):
just, it just landed right.

Speaker 1 (55:15):
It was just a wrong, always a dig, always a dig you
know, like and and here's theflip side I don't it's so.
That was right after my uncleJohn's funeral, where my his,
his wife, told me there would beno time for me to speak.

(55:36):
And that was right.
Really hard situation.
And my mom, I didn't go to thewake and people were asking
where I was and my mom called meand I was like Well, what are
you saying?
And she was like I'm, I don'twant to start anything, so I'm
not saying anything, whichbasically meant that she was not
defending me.
And I and I said, mom, youdidn't start anything.

(56:01):
John's wife started this.
Like it's happening.
It happened.
There's not.
There isn't a starting.
This is the middle of it.
And again, I don't expect likeI don't.
I didn't want trouble or dramaand that's part of the reason I
go, but I just wanted someunderstanding from my mother.

Speaker 2 (56:22):
Yeah, you were just not feeling supported, yeah, or
even agreed with.

Speaker 1 (56:27):
So just these these things were that?
These couple of things weresort of this impetus of taking
my understanding of lots ofthings a little bit deeper,
where I could see the reality ofthings and to back up or like
to tie it all together Like allof these things I thought were
wrong with me.

(56:47):
You know that I kept finding inthese self help books and stuff
, like it kind of makes sensethat I was sort of being fed
that information for a long timeand, whether it was overt or
you, know these little digs, andso, you know, I ended up
finding myself, finding myselfgetting into a relationship that

(57:10):
was doing the same thing.
Worse, and so like it just fedon each other and on each other
and like and you felt likethat's your plate.

Speaker 2 (57:19):
This is my role in the world.

Speaker 1 (57:20):
This is my role in the way it's to be really fucked
up and I'm I'm not going to benormal because I'm broken, I
have you know a bazillion flawsand so like.
So, again, that work just neverstops and I find myself either

(57:42):
giving into all that room.
You know, I have days where I'mjust like I am broken, and then
there are days where I feellike I have a really good grip
on it.
But then there's this part ofme that is like, well, if I
never found therapy or self-helpor yoga, like would I be?

(58:03):
Would I be more content?
Because I would be a lotangrier, right, but but would I
be seeking contentment or wouldI be seeking, like,
righteousness?
Yes, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
Yeah, yeah, it probably wouldn't be purely
contentment, it would be to beunderstood and to be in the
righteousness.

Speaker 1 (58:29):
Right, and so, yeah, it's just, you know, and I, I
can't solve my mom's problemsand I can only understand my
relationship with her in thatnarrow but very vast vein, I

(58:54):
guess.
Yeah, but yeah, it's kind ofthe hindsight that you're saying
, where I've looked at thesethings several times, but I feel
like they're just smacking mein the face very clearly, like

(59:14):
here's how it is and this is why, and maybe it's all the study
that I've done where the whysare very I know the answer.

Speaker 2 (59:23):
It's not a guess of like well, maybe this, maybe
this, it's like, no, it's, it'sthis, this is what happened here
and at the same time, if, ifthe the person that you're
having a challenge with isn't onthis same kind of, let's
explore this path, right?
It's like you bouncing a ballagainst a wall.
It's just all keeps coming backto you, right?

Speaker 1 (59:45):
And so my relationship with her has
changed quite a bit.
I don't, I don't reallyinteract with her as much and
it's not.
It's exactly that.
Like I know she doesn't getthis, nor has she ever, but I
don't think my mom is a badperson.
I think that she's doing thebest with what she has, but I

(01:00:06):
think I finally accepted that,like you know, that's, that is
what it is and it's not.
It's not this deeper thing thatI thought it was.

Speaker 2 (01:00:16):
You know, because, because it's your mother where
you're just like right you know,oh my gosh, yeah, you can't
deny that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:21):
And so I find myself not knowing how to interact with
her.
Like we, we went to lunch theother day for the first time in
a while and you know it's just,it's awkward unusual she she
told one of my brothers that shethinks that I don't talk to her
as much because she's I'mjealous of my brothers because

(01:00:41):
they have kids and I don't.

Speaker 2 (01:00:45):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
And so that's what I'm dealing.
That's what I'm working.

Speaker 2 (01:00:51):
Yeah, dealing probably isn't the right word,
but that's what I'm working with, and it's it's further
complicated because you know Iknow from from seeing my mom and
my mother-in-law howinexplicable widowhood can be

(01:01:12):
when somebody's been marriedthat long Now.
Their very identity isdifferent and in your mom's case
she lives somewhere else.
Obviously, every day is verydifferent.
You're her by you I mean her.
Her dynamic and place in thefamily, in the holidays, in the
activities is different.

(01:01:34):
It's funny you said she'staking on some of your dad's
behavior or characteristicsbecause she's been part of this
one couple and now it's just herand that that in itself takes a
lot of time for them to figureout how to do that.

(01:01:54):
I mean my mom still struggleswith that.
She's just my mom.
Dolores is just a little more.
You know, we'll talk about itand in tune with it, I mean
she'll even say I mean soundslike I'm feeling sorry for
myself, but you feel like afifth wheel and I don't know.
Yeah, it just throws anotheraspect into it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
Well, them as a couple too, were like they
didn't really have a robustsocial circle they had, like
their friends were theirbrothers and sisters and random
people that they once in a whilesaw by accident, that they grew

(01:02:37):
up with or from high school.
You know what I mean and so youknow my dad was withdrawn, but
socially awkward, but likethey're social, and my mom was,
like you know, dependent on him,so if he wanted to do something
she would do it.

(01:02:57):
If he thought somebody wasinteresting, then she thought
someone was interesting, or youknow, and so, yeah, with his
passing it wasn't like an end.
You're right, she's in adifferent place and whatever,
but she's also in a different,completely different community
and they never really immersethemselves in the community.

(01:03:18):
So, it's not like she had thisbig support system or community
to sort of catch her to a degree.
But there is a support systemout there, especially where
she's at now, because she's inthe same situation as a lot of
the other people there.
But what she's getting involvedwith is the drama of the 55

(01:03:41):
plus living center.
There's some people who hangout in the.
It's a very nice apartmentbuilding and there's a very nice
lobby and there's people whohang out in the lobby all the
time and my mom calls them thelobby people and some of them
are limited with wheelchairs orwalkers.
Now, most of the people thisisn't a nursing home kind of

(01:04:01):
place.
Most of the people there arevery independent and, like you
know, it's an apartment.

Speaker 2 (01:04:08):
But so for those people in the lobby.
This is probably their bigsocial opportunity because they
would need a little bit of helpto get to go out somewhere.

Speaker 1 (01:04:16):
Yes, and so my mom has said that sometimes when she
goes in and out of the buildingshe feels like it's a nursing
home because there are people inwheelchairs and stuff.
But she also, so I'm like, whydon't you hang out with people
in the lobby?
And she was like, well, I'm not.

(01:04:37):
You know, my mom feels likeshe's much younger than
everybody there, which is alsointeresting.
But she gets all of herinformation from them because
they know everything.
They know everything about itbecause they're sitting in the
lobby all the time, so they talkto everybody coming in and out,
so they know all the gossip,they know all the things and my

(01:05:01):
mom gets all of her info fromthem.
But also, is not a lobby?

Speaker 2 (01:05:06):
person you know like it's.
It probably doesn't even know tosome extent what her own likes
and dislikes and personality andcharacteristics are, because
she's been part of this couplefor so long.
Like I remember when my fatherin law first passed away, the
next time we went to see Pattyin Florida we were I don't know

(01:05:28):
if we were trying to decide whatto make for dinner or what to
do for dinner or whatever and wewere all going down.
Certainly Patty was going downthe path of what we normally
would have had because of whatJeff's dad would have liked or
would do, and it's like he ain'there.
Right, what do we want to eat?
You can eat whatever you want.
You can go wherever you wantnow, not in a bad way even, but

(01:05:52):
it's like, oh, I hadn't thoughtof that.

Speaker 1 (01:05:54):
Like, let's say, well , and it might make you look at
like was I eating meatloafbecause he liked it or because I
liked it, and what do I like?
And then you have, you mighthave these feelings of was I
that Like?
Did I let him control what Iate?
You?
know right, and I can spiral outof control, and so it's.
It's funny you bring this upbecause I I also feel like if my

(01:06:17):
mom had, if my mom did, at thispoint, any any work in therapy
or like had any of these ahamoments, like how would that?
That would spiral, because itwould just lead to more and more
and more unraveling and at 75years old, that might, that
would just might be too much.
You know what I'm saying?

(01:06:37):
I think it would be yeah, she'sgot enough that she's trying to
deal within her own way rightnow.

Speaker 2 (01:06:45):
Yeah, yeah, you'd have to be really on board for
it and really ready for it,because it could.
You know you could open up somestuff that there's.
Just how much time do you haveto deal with all this and to get
over any guilt or alleviate anyguilt or explain or make it
right in your own head?
Yeah, that's a scaryproposition.

Speaker 1 (01:07:06):
But what has happened is one.
I feel mentally lighter fromlimiting my interactions with my
mom.
I also feel guilty about that,but that's self-care.
One of my friends said my momis on her own journey and you

(01:07:33):
don't have to be on it with herevery step of the way and, just
like anybody else in my life, Ican make the right decisions for
myself and pick and choosewhere I am comfortable having
these interactions.
And another positive I guessthat has come from this is that

(01:08:00):
my relationship in particularwith one of my aunts, my mom's
sister, has really gotten reallydeeper.
Not only do I feel like I cantalk to her and I have reached
out to her, but she reaches outto me as well, and it's more of
a not like me and Adelaide orAdelaide's nine.

Speaker 2 (01:08:23):
Right now you're kind of equal adults people.

Speaker 1 (01:08:26):
Yeah, and so that's been really nice and I mean, our
relationship was alwaysfriendly.
But the depth is somewhat newto me and I'm enjoying that.
But then I feel I have a littlebit of guilt of like oh, I'm
able to have these deeperconversations with my mom's
sister, but not my mom.
It's just complicated.

Speaker 2 (01:08:47):
It is.
It's complicated and mothersand daughters are complicated as
well.
Yeah, I mean I'd love to thinkthat my niece, katie, who is my
Adelaide, she's now 30-somethingyears old.
She was born in 1989.
So, again, I don't dorecreational math, but it's nice

(01:09:07):
to think that and now she haskids and is fully getting to be
a grown up, not even just ayoung adult, but, like you know,
things happen and so theconversations.
I mean I'm really lookingforward to the next 25 years,
god willing.
How old am I?
Yeah, of my relationship withKatie and my nephew, zach, and

(01:09:31):
Matt too, because it's just adifferent place, but it's still
going to be different than yourmom because there's just
different baggage there.
So I think an aunt is a great.
It's somebody who loves to doas much as your mom and probably
has all the same values-ish.
But there's not, you don't haveto worry what you say to each

(01:09:54):
other as much as a parent.

Speaker 1 (01:09:58):
Yeah, this is where contentment leads us, right,
right.

Speaker 2 (01:10:06):
I mean, here we go off the rails, as always.

Speaker 1 (01:10:10):
But that's the thing.
When we say you just you haven'twalked in somebody else's shoes
or you don't know what otherpeople are going through.
Maybe somebody's not one, youdon't know, but maybe somebody's
not going through somethinglike losing someone or losing a
job or something big and whereeverybody gives sympathy, right,

(01:10:34):
it just might be thesestruggles over time that nobody
doesn't have them, nobody's notexamining their relationship to
their significant other, theirsiblings, their mom, their dad,
their whatever.
Nobody is not being hurt orhasn't hurt people and isn't

(01:10:58):
replaying that and trying to fixit or trying to justify
themselves or whatever it may be.
And when we get we actuallytalked about this a little bit
for the podcast in a way butwhen we get still and we get
quiet, that's when it comes up.
That's what's so intimidatingto a degree for power yogi to go

(01:11:20):
to slow flow because there'sjust a little bit more time to
stay and look where you know.
Or that's what's preventingmost of us who are like, yeah,
meditation's great, I'm going tostart a yoga or meditation

(01:11:40):
practice tomorrow, like sittingand being still is hard.

Speaker 2 (01:11:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:11:48):
Like at the end of class.
Sometimes I use the analogy oflike a hot power classic, we've
just shaken the snow globereally hard.

Speaker 2 (01:11:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:11:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:12:00):
Let's see what settles and what stays.
Yeah, Jane used to say that onea lot shake up the snow globe.

Speaker 1 (01:12:05):
Maybe that's where I got it from Maybe, maybe, I
don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:12:10):
But finding that the limb of asana, then, is part of
it, is to exhaust the body sothat you can be still, because
we've got all this energy, we'reall wired.
So that's the idea of helpingyou to get to that, to that
Shavasana that's, you know, notjust arrest, but that stillness
to let things emerge.

Speaker 1 (01:12:33):
And that's why perfecting poses isn't 100%
important.
We want to keep you safe asyoga teachers.

Speaker 2 (01:12:44):
But I was watching one of the some account that I
follow on Instagram was doingsome fancy pose.
It was like lotus, but then youwind your arms down through the
middle of your legs, pull themout and around and do prayer
hands and lift your own lotusand then roll it to your back.

(01:13:05):
But the girl was like, well,what really helps me do this is
to spray water on my arms,because then they're more
slippery, and I was like, wait,what If I need to spray
something on myself to get intoa pose?
I'm not sure we're still doingyoga at this moment You're
taking a picture for Instagram.

(01:13:26):
Yeah, I mean, my arm won't gothrough here unless I lube it up
, so I'm going to lube it up andget in.

Speaker 1 (01:13:35):
That's not all that's going on.

Speaker 2 (01:13:40):
Do you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 (01:13:41):
That surface stuff.
She's feeling a lot of thingsin that pose and tapping into
other things aside from justgetting this cool looking pose
that I'm going to put onInstagram.
You know what I'm saying.
There's some insights, or thedoors are opening to some
insights, and that doesn't meanthat those insights are more

(01:14:03):
important or even different frominsights that you can get from
poses that don't wrap you uplike a pretzel or make you do
crazy inversions or arbalancesor whatever.
So I mean, you've heard thisbefore I'm sure Jane said this
too but even if you're not doingyoga, the yoga is doing you

(01:14:24):
Like shit is happening, for sure.
And we just don't know what thatis.
Well, because of my therapeuticroad, we've taken this podcast
that we try to keep within anhour to who knows how long.

Speaker 2 (01:14:41):
Didn't even pay attention to what time we
started.

Speaker 1 (01:14:44):
Well, you and I started at 8.30.
I'm not sure what time thepodcast started, but currently
it is 10.22.
This is all good stuff.
I think my mom won't listen toit.

Speaker 2 (01:15:01):
Yeah, it's interesting.
I think most probably of ournearest and dearest.
Probably don't listen, which isfine.

Speaker 1 (01:15:09):
Actually I had this conversation with Patty last
night.
I called her because we weretexting about hiking and I
thought she and I were supposedto hike last Friday and I was
fully prepared to go after myslow flow class.
And then I got caught up intosome conversations and I was in
Brexville for a lot longer thanI thought and I just got in the
car and went home and it wasn'tuntil later.
I was like, oh, I was supposedto hike with Patty and then I

(01:15:31):
was like well, she didn't textand whatever.
And she texted me last nightsaying I guess we'll hike some
other time.
And I called her from the carand I was like I'm really sorry,
patty, last Friday just gotkind of lost, she goes.
No, we were supposed to hikethis Friday.
So anyhow, we might hike,because I don't think you can
right.

Speaker 2 (01:15:50):
I cannot, but I was just going to look on my
calendar to see which day Iwrote it down.

Speaker 1 (01:15:56):
I had written it for the 13th as well, but then she
said no, remember, you have yoursoftball game and we have to be
done so that you can get therein time and then Mary Beth has
company.
So I did the same thing thatyou're doing and I was like well
, actually, yeah, I can stillhike with you, so it's weather
dependent for us, oh yeah,tomorrow.

(01:16:19):
So I was telling her how Beckymight reach out and how inspired
Becky was and we were justtalking about she was very
touched that she listened to thepodcast and whatever.
And she joked or said somethinglike I can't even get my mom to
listen to the podcast, and thenso we went into that, but
Patty's 90-ish year old aunt inLondon listens to our podcast.

Speaker 2 (01:16:46):
Oh, don't look.

Speaker 1 (01:16:47):
I don't know if she listens to all of them, but she
listens to the ones with Pattythe Patty's on yeah.
But she's like but my mom won'tlisten.
Yeah, and I'm like, yeah, well,my mom listened for Dave
Hoffman, but that was it sothere.
I mean, I'm sure if Patty'sdaughter did a podcast, patty
would be tuning in.

(01:17:09):
Yeah, did you?
Your mom doesn't listen either,does she?

Speaker 2 (01:17:14):
I know she has listened to some, but I don't
think, I don't know.
I think it's like why, like?
Their attention span is likewhat am I listening to, right?
I don't think this is there,right, it's not their jam, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:17:30):
So your mom is so cute, she I've been covering,
I've been teaching chair yogaand last week she was directly
in front of me and Probably soshe could hear you Well, and I
was.
I know I'm not the loudestperson, but I know my voice is
okay.
But I was purposely being alittle bit louder in this class

(01:17:51):
and I was moving around a lottoo to help people do things.
But at some point towards theend of class I looked around and
said is there anybody who's notokay getting on the ground?
Once I get you on the ground,I'm not going to get you up
until the end of class, likewe're not going up and down or
anything like that.
And some people are like, no,that's okay, and but nobody said
no and I said okay.

(01:18:13):
Come on, dolores.
And I said, okay, let's come tothe ground.
And your mom and this lady nextto her didn't move and I was
like, well, I'm not going to getlike 10 people back up because
two people didn't get down.

Speaker 2 (01:18:29):
Right so.

Speaker 1 (01:18:29):
I handled it Like we did the stuff that we were doing
on the ground.
I wonder did she not hear you?

Speaker 2 (01:18:34):
I did in the chair.

Speaker 1 (01:18:35):
But then the lady so the lady next to her said I
can't get up if I get down, andshe said that out loud after
everybody got down and I saidthat's okay, we'll figure it out
.
And I kind of felt okay aboutthat, because there were two in
that one.

Speaker 2 (01:18:51):
Yeah, yeah, even better.

Speaker 1 (01:18:54):
But then that lady was I had them doing like strap
work on the ground so I just hadthe people in the chair do it
on the chair, not a big deal.
Well, that lady was like sheeventually got on the ground
because she wanted to experienceit on the floor.
So it was just your mom and shedid fine and she was fine.
And then she came up to meafter class and she was like I'm

(01:19:17):
sorry, I can't get down, Ican't get up and I go.
Okay, next time just tell mewhen I ask she goes.
Oh, I can't hear most of whatyou're saying.

Speaker 2 (01:19:28):
True story.

Speaker 1 (01:19:29):
Oh Okay, yeah, so there's, yeah, but she's so I
don't know.
Your mom just has this likecontentment about her.
That's just like it's okay.
I don't feel like your mom feltbad for not being able to get
on the ground and everybody elsewas there, like she was just
like yeah, this is how it is, Iknow it's only now that I'm
getting really old that I domarvel at my mother, because I

(01:19:55):
don't know a lot of older womenlike her or parents of my
friends, rather, who are.

Speaker 2 (01:20:04):
she never really did have like ego or me first ever,
not just as a mom or raisingkids, but like in life in
general, like that.
She is very like I'm like adeliberately nice person and
that's kind of it which isunusual.

Speaker 1 (01:20:27):
But it feels really genuine and not like she's like
that deliberateness, like I'mdeliberately nice, like cause
there's.
No, I don't feel like there'sanything fake about it.

Speaker 2 (01:20:38):
Yeah, I mean, she's certainly got her faults we all
do but she doesn't complain muchand she doesn't.
I don't know.
I don't know how to say it, butyeah, she is a marvel.
Your mom has a sense of likepeace.

Speaker 1 (01:20:55):
Yeah that's nice.

Speaker 2 (01:20:57):
Yeah Well, she is a woman of great faith.
She's probably over theresaying the Rosary are watching
Mass right now, so she watchesMass.
She used to love to watch mymother-in-law's brother.
Father Tim her ran from HolyTrinity in Webster, new York.
You know they put it onlineduring COVID and he is such the

(01:21:21):
most talented priest and speakerand teacher and writer in a
religion that really needs that.
He can distill any gospelmessage into today.
This is what it means today.
And he passed away this yearafter a short bout with cancer

(01:21:45):
and it was such a huge loss.
I think he was 75, which wasjust astounding to me because he
seems like maybe a 60 year oldguy having a conversation with
you.
So she started watching it alot then.
So now she doesn't so muchwatch the same Mass, but she
will watch from time to time andthen her and her friend Ellie
go once a week to Mass and thatinvolves either breakfast or

(01:22:08):
dinner, of course.

Speaker 1 (01:22:10):
Is that once a week, on Sunday?

Speaker 2 (01:22:12):
Yeah, either Saturday afternoon or Sunday, that's fun
.

Speaker 1 (01:22:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:22:18):
I don't know, but anyway, if she has a sense of
peace, she would like to hearthat, because I'm sure that's
where that comes from.
Is she's sort of born anyhardship or whatever and is
still really doing her best to?
You know, she has like she'sgot an insurance, a homeowner's
insurance claim going on rightnow and she's like doing her
best to handle all that on herown, which is significant,

(01:22:39):
because right now you have to dothat through an app, you have
to take pictures and use the app.
It's not, you know, for hergeneration it's a lot, but yeah,
what happened?
Yeah, she doesn't.
She had a heat treatment forbugs from an exterminator and it
caused her kitchen cupboardslike some glue or something in
there let go and it's causing itto them to sort of fall apart.

(01:23:03):
So Jeff just told her like Imean, check with homeowners and
see if that's something that'sgonna be covered.
So they're working on that.
But stuff like that.
She doesn't sit there and say,you know, somebody figure this
out for me, like she stillconsiders herself in the game.
Like she'll ask for help whenshe asks for help, but up to
that point she's gonna give it awhirl.

(01:23:24):
She'll be 84 next month.

Speaker 1 (01:23:27):
What day.

Speaker 2 (01:23:29):
The 16th November, 16th yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:23:34):
Two days before me.
Actually it's funny because myuncle John usually texted me
happy birthday on the 16th.

Speaker 2 (01:23:41):
Right, that's what you're saying.
He like always remembered, butit might not have been on the
right day.

Speaker 1 (01:23:45):
Yeah so Amanda's the sixth, susie's the 15th, brian
Wirtman is the 16th, I'm the18th, november is a big month,
joe Calliacov is the 23rd andAutumn is the 30th.
So what is that?
Was that eight, nine monthsaway from Valentine's Day, right
?
What was happening?

Speaker 2 (01:24:05):
there.

Speaker 1 (01:24:06):
March, April, May, June, July, August, September,
October.
Yeah, pretty much.

Speaker 2 (01:24:11):
You know I haven't been able to get to one of
Autumn's classes.
I'm not sure I ever told youhow I know Autumn.
No, when I was going to BW at40 something, she was teaching a
yoga class there.
She was working there or maybein grad school there and working
I can't really remember thespecifics, but she was my yoga

(01:24:33):
teacher and she brought a littlecooler of chilled lavender
towels, by the way.
Way back then, oh, wow, yeah,and then so because anybody that
comes into my life becameFacebook friends.
Back then we ended up stayingFacebook friends and then I
reached out to her a few yearsback when I mean we'd see each

(01:24:56):
other on Facebook.
But when Jenny Serovi startedour prenatal program there, I
remember Autumn, who had thengotten married and had kids,
really talking about hip openersduring pregnancy in a already
hypermobile person.
She had a really bad experienceand so I really valued what she
had said about it.
So I reached out to her and Ithink I shared it with Jenny or

(01:25:18):
with that group or whatever, soit's just.
And then we opened Brexvilleand I think that's kind of
closer to where Autumn lives,and so it all just sort of came
together and now she teacheswith us.

Speaker 1 (01:25:28):
She practiced in Strongsville a little bit
because she'd lived in Medina,and then she moved to Brexville
sometime between the time weopened in Strongsville and the
time we opened in Brexville, andso she started coming in
Brexville and then sheapproached me about teaching and
she's been teaching for quite awhile and Autumn teaches on

(01:25:51):
Saturday morning.
So although I auditioned her, Ihaven't had the opportunity to
actually take her class either,because I'm teaching at the same
time.

Speaker 2 (01:25:58):
That's as we teach Saturday morning.
She was a good teacher backthen.
Back then all I had was Janeand then some additional yoga,
which was fantastic yoga.
So if I thought Autumn was agood teacher, she really was,
even back then, because I had ahigh standard going in.

Speaker 1 (01:26:14):
With the reaction button just popped up.
A thumbs up again, Not hoveringby me, but just it was so weird
.

Speaker 2 (01:26:21):
It is very weird.
There's a ghost in your house.
We're in my Zoom.
I wondered if there's some sortof AI that is tracking words we
use and if you say something acouple of times.
If it did that.

Speaker 1 (01:26:34):
I'm almost positive that's what it is, but I'm not
sure what the words are.
But yeah, autumn's fantasticand clearly has a birthday
coming up, along with most ofthe rest of us.

Speaker 2 (01:26:47):
I remember when I was doing yoga with her at BW.
I think she had a birthday andmaybe turned 25 and that was a
big deal, or maybe no, shecouldn't have been turning 30
back then.
But yeah, so here we all are.
She was single then and nowshe's an all married lady with
two kids.

Speaker 1 (01:27:08):
So she also, well, she works at Case Now and she
works with somebody that I'veknown forever, my friend Cami.
I don't know Cami really well,but, like we've just known each
other a very long time and thatwas kind of a fun connection for
us to have.
And just an unusual one,because it like, do you ever

(01:27:30):
have that where people in twovery different parts of your
life know each other and you'relike, oh, that doesn't even make
sense we want yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:27:39):
And doesn't Autumn look like an Autumn?
That's the first thing Ithought when I met her.
She looks like her name shouldbe Autumn.

Speaker 1 (01:27:45):
She.
Well, I don't wanna tell her,we'll get her on the podcast,
but well, thank you for spendingyour morning with me, Mary Beth
.

Speaker 2 (01:27:54):
Indeed and thank you for moving the blanket away from
your electrical outlet.

Speaker 1 (01:27:59):
Thanks for keeping me safe and caring about me.

Speaker 2 (01:28:02):
And.
I have to Thank you for helpingme out yesterday with my guilt
and anxiety.
Like you just put a littlesolution out there and that's
all I needed was to feel like Iwasn't letting everybody down.

Speaker 1 (01:28:14):
That's why I'm the business owner.

Speaker 2 (01:28:16):
Oh, exactly, which is what I texted you Like.
This is why I do not do thisshit, because I couldn't do this
so diplomatically and well.
And to just shout out my bestfavorite songwriter, Lori
McKenna, her newest albumoffering, which is called 1988.
Now that I think of it, it hasa song on it and some of the

(01:28:37):
lyrics are I hate letting peopledown and I do it all the time,
which I think is life in anutshell.

Speaker 1 (01:28:45):
So is that like, do you listen to that and then you
listen to Taylor Swift's 1989?

Speaker 2 (01:28:51):
No, very, very different.
And actually the 1988 song thatthe album's named after is so
sweet because, to tell you morethan you ever wanted to know and
to try to make it short, loriMcKenna and her husband, jean
have been married all theseyears.
They were high schoolsweethearts who found themselves
pregnant, catholic pregnant,got married, had a wonderful

(01:29:14):
life and all these extra kids,and so this song is written to
her husband and some of thelyrics of it are I hope you
understand.
I've been your biggest fansince 1988.
Aw, I love her, I love herpeople.

Speaker 1 (01:29:30):
I love 1989 by Taylor Swift.
That's one of my favorite.
It's a go-to for me.

Speaker 2 (01:29:35):
still, I'm gonna go see that.
Jeff and I were out walking theother day talking about Taylor
Swift and I said you know what?
That girl has not disappointed.
She's been able to be a rolemodel, whether whatever anybody
thinks of her music or hersongwriting.
We can be proud of that one.

(01:29:55):
I'm gonna go see the movie, themovie of America, can be proud
of her.
I'm gonna see the movie.

Speaker 1 (01:30:00):
Am I, probably this weekend I am.
Are you gonna dress up?
I mean, I think you have to,but more importantly, I'm taking
my niece.
I can't wait for that and yeah,actually I'll throw this in
there.
The first time we saw Taylorwho am I talking about, trevor

(01:30:22):
Hall do a storytelling concertwas at Music Box years ago and
there was question and answer atthe end of it and that was
really interesting becausepeople were, they started crying
and somebody actually couldn'ttalk because they were so

(01:30:43):
nervous.
And then somebody was like youheld my baby at this festival in
Chicago in 1995.
Do you remember me?
And he's just like what, but itwas also very sweet Anyhow.
Somebody said what do youlisten to Like when you're?
He's obviously driving a van orsome kind of truck.

(01:31:06):
This was just an acousticstorytelling tour, so obviously
there weren't a lot of crewmembers Rodes.
And he's like I love TaylorSwift's 1989.
And I was like, yes, he's awell-rounded man, but I do like
her.
I don't know what qualifies youto be a Swiftie.

(01:31:27):
I don't know that.
I'm a total like I am notliving it and I don't.
Like I like her some of themore popular songs.
I'll pull her up on Spotifyevery now and then and listen to
her newer stuff and but I don'tknow like all the words to all
the songs or all the storiesbehind all the songs, and I
don't cry when she comes in thetown for concert.

Speaker 2 (01:31:48):
Your Facebook posts are not about her.
No, you don't have pictures ofher hanging in your home.
I don't quote her.

Speaker 1 (01:31:56):
Yeah, no, I mean, what is his name?
Travis Kelsey.
Do you think he's likeeverybody's?
Like, oh, he's so hot, like Imean, ah, he's a guy we actually
.
You know what Ashley said shewas like Travis Kelsey.
Better not eff this up, becausedo you know what that Swiftie
audience will do to him, righthe?

Speaker 2 (01:32:17):
will be canceled.
Yeah, like this is how I feltabout poor Pete Davidson when he
was dating Kim Kardashian.
I'm like, oh, they're going tochew him up and spit him out.
Which kind of did happen?

Speaker 1 (01:32:28):
but yeah, but he's in a Taco Bell commercial now.

Speaker 2 (01:32:32):
Yeah, I just watched a cold.
I don't know if this, I thinkit was just last weekend.
Apparently, he did the coldopen for SNL.
Yeah, and did you see it?
Did you watch it?

Speaker 1 (01:32:42):
I think I saw a headliner, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:32:44):
I mean it was good.
He was like it wasn't funny.
You know, it was about what wasgoing on in Israel and stuff,
and what he said was maybe youthink I'm not the person to talk
about this, but I was a kid wholost his dad in a terrorist
attack, so you, know, I'm goingto try and be funny, because
that's what I've always done,but so, yeah, so it was really,

(01:33:08):
it was really nice, it wasimportant, I guess.
Yeah that I don't know that thenI'm qualified to podcast about
that situation, but it's so sad,yeah, so we have a friend and
yoga student whose daughter wasover there playing professional
sport and she got home and Iasked her yesterday how her

(01:33:30):
daughter was doing.
Was she traumatized at all?
And listen to how smart herdaughter was.
She said she did not look atthe phone or social media until
she got home.
The first most horrifyingimages that she saw and stories
she heard were when she was homehere in her parents' house
watching television with them,which I think was really smart

(01:33:51):
of her.
Wow, when she was still in itand waiting to be able to come
home, she stayed away from thedetails.

Speaker 1 (01:33:58):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (01:33:58):
That's good for her.

Speaker 1 (01:33:59):
That's I felt so bad for, kind of a magic feeling
yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:34:06):
No, I mean in your house.
You're found that by how manyfor people so many other people
Right Like it's just.

Speaker 1 (01:34:13):
yeah, it's not.
I don't understand war.
I don't, I just but again,maybe we should send them the
Yamas and the Yamas, yeah Right,that'll make a that'll help.
Well, thanks again and again,if you're a listener and you've

(01:34:33):
gotten this far.

Speaker 2 (01:34:34):
Right, Like where are we?
Where are we?
We're going to end now, so allright, we're done.

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