The journey through postpartum is often portrayed in sanitized, picture-perfect images that fail to capture the raw, messy reality that so many mothers experience. In this deeply honest conversation between Becca and Laura McHugh, we explore what it truly means to navigate the fog of early motherhood and beyond, revealing truths that are rarely discussed but universally experienced. Have you ever wanted or needed to burn down your life or business after having a baby? Or seriously questioned if you should? Or maybe pre-baby you insisted that motherhood wouldn't change you, but then it DID?
Motherhood strips away our control and transforms us in ways we never expected, often leaving us feeling lost until we learn to embrace the fog and trust ourselves through the journey.
• Laura McHugh, a pediatric and NICU nurse turned entrepreneur, shares how her first postpartum experience crashed her expectations and business
• The identity crisis of motherhood hits especially hard for high-functioning women used to "hacking" life through control
• Sleep deprivation impacts mental and emotional health more than most new mothers realize
• Learning to embrace motherhood as transformation rather than loss
• Postpartum mental health often goes undiagnosed, with current screening methods catching only a fraction of struggling mothers
• Laura's second postpartum experience felt healing because she had more support and a different mindset
• Our culture's high standards for mothering create anxiety where grace is needed
• Coming back to trusting yourself is the most revolutionary act in a world of expert noise
• Different seasons of motherhood require different paces and expectations
• Finding small intentional actions that help you feel like yourself in the midst of chaos
Don't forget to take up audacious space in your life. If this podcast moved you, if it inspired you, if it encouraged you, please do me a favor and leave a review, send an episode to a friend.
About Laura:
Laura McHugh is a mom of two, a certified lactation counselor, and a postpartum nurse navigator. She has taken her years of experience as a pediatric and NICU nurse and women’s burnout expert to build her new company, Holding Mom Postpartum.
Find Laura:
If you’re ready to stop living on autopilot and start leading your life with deep presence, I’d love to work with you. Book a free interest call here: Click Here
💌 Want more? Follow me on Instagram @themotherhoodmentor for somatic tools, nervous system support, and real-talk on high-functioning burnout, ambition, healing perfectionism, and motherhood. And also pretty epic meme drops.
🎧 Did you love this episode? Be sure to follow and please take a quick moment to leave a review and send this episode to a friend. I'd love to hear from you on how this podcast impacted you, send me a DM or an email.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
I'm Becca, a somatic healingpractitioner and a holistic life
coach for moms, and thispodcast is for you.
You can expect honestconversations and incredible
guests that speak to health,healing and growth in every area
of our lives.
This isn't just strategy forwhat we do.
It's support for who we are.
I believe we can be wildlyambitious while still holding
(00:25):
all of our soft and hardhumanity as holy.
I love combining deep innerhealing with strategic systems
and no-nonsense talk about whatthis season is really like.
So grab whatever weird healthbeverage you're currently into
and let's get into it.
Welcome to today's episode ofthe Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
(00:47):
I have a really fun guest withme, laura, and she is one of my
friends I made in a mastermindand I'm so excited to have her
here today because we followeach other and get to stay
connected just a little bit onInstagram, but that's not the
same as getting to have a goodlong conversation.
So, laura, will you introduceyourself, and today we're going
(01:07):
to talk about postpartum andlike the long postpartum journey
, what it actually feels likeand looks like and, I'm sure,
many other things.
So will you introduce yourself,laura?
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Of course.
Thank you so much for having me.
I feel like we have talkedabout doing this for about a
year now and it's finallyhappening, so I'm really excited
.
But my name is Laura McHugh.
I am a nurse by trade inpediatrics and the NICU, but
have been an entrepreneur since2018, kind of all over the place
(01:38):
.
I live in Delaware.
I have two little girls.
I have a three and a half yearold and an 11 month old.
I have two little girls I havea three and a half year old and
I'm 11 month old and I just amextremely and always have been
passionate about helping womenthrough their lives, and that's
just evolved over the lastcouple of years as I've evolved.
But now I feel like it's somuch more deeply impact driven,
(02:05):
just based on what I've beenthrough and what I've seen my
fellow moms go through.
And yeah, I don't like smalltalk, I like deep connected.
You know walks on the beach andyou know fun for me is reading
a book or like doing personalgrowth work.
So that's kind of me.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Which is why I love you so much.
I love it as soon as someone'slike I hate small talk, I'm like
we're going to get along great.
Like where do we start?
Like let's dive in, I'm socurious.
So at first in yourentrepreneurship journey you
were doing a lot of work withnurses and now you're moving
more towards like postpartum andhelping moms prepare for that.
I'm curious what yourpostpartum journey was and if
(02:48):
that was part of that evolutionfor you.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Yeah.
So if you had asked me duringmy first postpartum I would have
said, heck, no, I would neverwork with moms.
And that's actually when I metyou.
I was pregnant with my first.
So I was only about like I hadjoined ashes mastermind because
I knew that I wanted to getpregnant soon.
And then I signed up and, I kidyou not, I found out like two
(03:14):
weeks later that I was pregnantand, um, I met you in person
when I was about 14 weekspregnant and I was so determined
at the time that my life wasn'tgoing to change.
My business was on the up and up, like I was seeing so much
success.
I was full time in it.
I was working solely with burntout nurses, and then nurses who
(03:38):
also wanted to lead in somecapacity, and I, I mean, I was
like fully booked and busy.
It was such a crazy timebecause I was growing this human
, but like pretending I wasn't,and then also just like thriving
during COVID and building thisbusiness.
And I remember specificallyasking you guys in the
(03:58):
mastermind, maybe like a monthor so before I was supposed to
give birth, and I said you knowwhat, what should I like prepare
for?
Like what should I know, like Ifeel like I'm going to be good
Cause I'm like a pediatric nurse, no big deal, and everyone was
like Laura, you just reallywon't know until you're in it.
I was like, no, but I'm goingto be fine, like don't, like I'm
really not worried about it.
(04:19):
And then I got rocked.
I feel like no matter what anyof you could have said to me
because you were all momsalready would have prepared me.
And I had like an unexpectedNICU stay with my first which,
as a pediatric ICU nurse, likethat just killed me.
(04:41):
Because I was like wait asecond.
Because of course, I was goingdown the rabbit hole of like why
is this happening?
My pregnancy was perfect, mydelivery was perfect, is she
okay?
Does there something underlying?
And that kind of really set offmy journey with postpartum
anxiety, which I didn't realizeI had until after the fact,
(05:09):
which I didn't realize I haduntil after the fact, and so
that, coupled with my husband atthe time, was we're still
married.
At the time he was traveling itsounds like we got divorced At
the time.
He was traveling for work up tofive nights a week.
So I was solo parenting down inVirginia, which is hours away
from my family so I had nosupport around me.
I was extremely anxious.
(05:31):
My baby was not a napper, solike my initial plan of like, oh
, I'll work during her nap times, that was impossible.
She hated sleep at night and Ijust everything kind of went to
shit.
Like all of my preconceivednotions of motherhood and
business just went down thedrain, and it took me until
(05:53):
getting pregnant with my secondto really kind of come to terms
with everything that happenedand then really start to embrace
motherhood itself.
It was crazy Like I shut downmy first business.
I lost so much money Like itwas just the identity shift
itself of going into motherhoodLike I could have never expected
(06:15):
that.
So yeah, it was really reallytough and my second pregnancy
and postpartum was reallyhealing and that's kind of how
I've gotten to this place now ofwanting to work solely with
postpartum was really healingand that's kind of how I've
gotten to this place now ofwanting to work solely with
postpartum women.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Yeah, oh, that that identity shift is such a big one
.
And do you remember what I toldyou on that call?
Because I actually rememberwhat I told you, because I kind
of got a little bit of likeBecca, you don't say that to
women.
I was like no, why not?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I remember you being, I think, the most honest.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I can't imagine like I can't, but it somewhat feels
like you get hit by a bus andyou can't possibly prepare for
how much this is going to changeand blow up everything and
you're going to be okay.
It's.
It's going to feel like you'renot going to be okay, but you're
going to be okay eventually.
But it might.
It might rock you.
And I remember like some peoplewere like that's encouraging and
(07:08):
it's so hard, because I'vealways been someone who it's
like I don't want to be the likeoh, just wait, it's going to be
miserable.
But I also think like I hadvery, very rough postpartums and
I think the only reason I wasokay is because someone told me
that it was okay that it wasgoing to be so rough, like I
(07:30):
knew that it wasn't just me andI knew that it was going to get
better.
Because I saw these women whohad gone through that, who told
me it destroyed me and I thoughtI would never feel like myself
again, but I do.
And so when it happened to me,it felt positive for me to be
like it's going to be okay, likeeventually.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Well, I wish.
So I remember it now that yousay it.
But the only thing my like, Ithink I blocked you out because
I was like no, I'm going to dofine.
Like, what do you mean?
Like I am mentally strong.
Like I've done this before, Ilike take care of babies for a
living, like.
But I wish that I had takenthat with me, because then I
(08:14):
would have not had thosethoughts of like oh my God, am I
doing this wrong?
Is something wrong with me?
Like, am I being selfish?
Like, am I a bad mom?
Am I being selfish?
Like, am I a bad mom?
And I feel like, you know,pregnant me shouldn't have
blocked that out, but it wasprobably like a, you know, self
preserving.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Even if you would have taken it in.
It's one thing to know it, it'sanother thing to experience it
and I think, I think, I thinkmotherhood is such a potent I
mean it just it rips away all ofit so much capacity that you
have as a person.
You're put under so muchpressure, you are being pulled
on and pushed in on every levelof being, on every level of
(08:57):
identity.
I mean we're talking hormones,biologically, physiologically,
relationally, environmentally,like your sleep, like every your
emotions, your marriage, yourfamily structure, like
everything.
Yeah and yeah go ahead.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
I was just going to say, like, for me it was just so
tough because I was so used tobeing in control, like in
control of my energy, like I had, like I was a burnout coach
like and a nurse, so like I wasso used to being like, oh, as
long as I get my sleep and mysunshine and my movement and my
nutrition and all of thosethings in, like, I'll be good.
(09:39):
And then this little like thingcomes into the world and your
body's not your own, yourhormones aren't your own, your
emotions and like I'm also not avery emotional person.
So feeling these likeuncontrollable, like mood swings
sometimes, whether it was fromthe sleep deprivation or the
postpartum hormones shifting orthen weaning hormones, like
getting my cycle back for thefirst time, these were all
(10:00):
things I had absolutely nocontrol over, no matter how much
I tried to hack them.
And that was, I think, one ofthe hardest things because I
couldn't control it and Icouldn't control the baby's
sleep, Like I couldn't do any ofthose things and that was, that
was like a big wake up call forme and still is one of, like,
the most frustrating things islike now I can recognize it, be
(10:23):
like oh, these are hormoneshifts happening, I know that,
but you still can't do muchabout it.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Especially that control part and especially that
hacking, I just resonate somuch.
I feel like I spent 10 years inthe healing world creating
these coping mechanisms and allof this resource and capacity
and it's so interesting.
The last like two years of mylife has been so much of there's
so much outside of my controland learning to literally have
(10:54):
peace with it Not like I'm goingto control everything else so
hyper that I'm okay with thislittle piece.
It's just like how can I beokay with this messy humanity
and still stay in personalresponsibility, still stay in
life leadership?
But I do think that's so hardfor so many women of finding
that balance and I I hate whenpeople use in that season
(11:17):
because there's so much thatit's like doesn't matter how
hard you try, like some thingsare outside of your control,
even when you're doing a reallygood job.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Yeah, and it was so frustrating because it was also
the time I feel, like on theinternet, where it was very much
of like if you aren'tsucceeding in business or in
your health, it's because you'renot trying hard enough or
you're making excuses or you'renot investing enough.
So I'm like down this rabbithole, like, oh my God, it's me
Like, why can I not make thiswork?
(11:47):
Yes, Like it was like you haveto embody like the person that
you want to be.
I'm like I'm trying to embody,like I'm pulling cards hours a
day and trying to meditate andlike do all these things and
it's not working.
And it took me a really likehonestly, till probably a couple
(12:08):
months ago where I was like, oh, it just wasn't meant to work
anymore.
That season was not matched upwith what I was trying to do.
I was just trying to force it,but I couldn't see that at the
time.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Yeah, Well, there's a lot of, so much of the personal
development world, especiallylike what you see online.
It's all this like like DavidGoggins, grit, like I will just
will be a way that I can makethis happen, and it's all on me
to like force and I thinkthere's some health to that.
(12:39):
But I think we're forgettinglike there's also health and
especially like when you're ahigh functioner, when you know
how to function highly, I don'tneed someone to tell me how to
grit my teeth and bear it andwork harder.
I know how to do that.
I needed to learn how to knowwhen to quit.
I needed to know when to takethe easy way out, how to have
(13:00):
some grace with myself, how tohave slow energy and rest and
like nurturing.
That wasn't all me.
Recently I was talking to afriend and I was like it feels
like I'm pushing a boulder up ahill and I was talking about
this thing that I was trying todo in my business and she was
like what, if you just like letthe boulder roll down the hill,
and I like felt this giantrelief in my chest and I was
(13:23):
like that never occurred to me.
Like that like my, I was justlike I've got to get this
boulder up the hill and I thinkI I'm.
I'm curious.
You said your second postpartumwas different.
Yeah, I'm curious, like ifthere was something that changed
and how you showed up.
Was it just age?
Was it just like you know,different babies, different
(13:49):
pregnancies, different body,what do you think?
I'm curious.
What was different?
Speaker 2 (13:52):
and if you think there's anything to it.
I think it was.
A lot of things were differentgoing into this pregnancy, one
of them being that we made therelocation from Virginia to
Delaware.
When my first was about 11months old, my husband and I had
this conversation where I waslike if we stay here, we will
(14:14):
not have more kids, like Icannot do it and like we wanted
more kids.
I was like we have no support.
I have no, there was no village, there was no friends, there
was no family there, there wasno village, there was no friends
, there was no family there, andmy desire to work just wasn't
being supported because of oursituation.
And so we made that majorchange and that like changed the
(14:38):
game for us, because now wehave my parents and my in-laws
and then my sister moved backhome this past year, so like
that was a really big thing.
The other thing that reallychanged was my husband quit his
corporate job to make that moveand now is a business owner and
it's a super successful business.
He gets to make his ownschedule, he's like doing great
(15:00):
and he's home so much, like he'shome for like everything, which
was such a game changer.
And then, on top of that Ibecause I had let go of my
business last year while I waspregnant with Riley like
officially I had a differentview of ambition and of my work
(15:23):
and, like my purpose, had adifferent view of ambition and
of my work and like my purposeand that kind of mindset shift
and identity shift.
I like felt like I finally wasleaving and like shedding this
part of me where I was definingmyself by my work.
Because first it was I wasdefining myself when I was a
pediatric ICU nurse like I had alot of ego wrapped up in that.
(15:45):
And then I was like, oh well,I'm a successful six-figure
business owner and I had a lotof identity wrapped up in that.
And then when that was goingdown the drain and I wasn't
making it work anymore, I wentback to the bedside as a nurse
and that was a huge ego hit forme because I was like, no, like
I failed.
But then I just kind of let it.
(16:08):
Like, like you said, I justkind of let it all go.
And when I allowed myself tolet it go I just didn't have
this like stress and pressureanymore.
I knew I still wanted to helpwomen.
I knew I still had this deepdesire for impact on my own
terms, but I also accepted thatit wasn't this season and so I
(16:29):
felt like I the minute that Igot pregnant with Riley.
I have this journal entry whereI was like everything's about to
happen for me and for my firstpregnancy I was like I'm afraid
that I'm going to loseeverything and so I don't know.
I just think, yes, the physicalenvironment was so much
(16:50):
different, like I had so muchmore support, but I just felt
different.
I was like I'm going to embracethis time because I looked back
at Quinn's first like year ofher life and I had no
recollection.
I was so lost and wrapped up inanxiety and stress and like
just trying to make businesswork and finding myself, that I
(17:11):
didn't remember how she felt,like all curled up on me, like
as a newborn, and I didn'tremember that.
I don't even remember thenewborn scrunch from her and I
think I just finally acceptedlike there's nothing wrong in
embracing motherhood, becausefor so long I thought that it
was soft or like I had a lot ofjudgment around embracing
(17:33):
motherhood, and so that initself really changed.
I didn't have this.
I had a paycheck coming in frommy nursing job.
I was working in the neonatalICU at the time and, yeah, I
don't know, I was just all.
I was different.
I was just a different persongoing into it and it was so, so
(17:54):
healing, which was nice.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Yeah Well, I'm even thinking to like before we got
on this call, before we startedrecording, you said something of
like you're always postpartum,I think there's there's so much
language around getting yourbody back or maintaining
yourself in motherhood, and Ithink for some women that is
(18:17):
going to encourage them, becauseI think there's so many women
who do lose themselves and Ithink most of us would say like
I don't want to lose myself, butI think then we lose the whole
idea that like what if you'relosing parts of yourself that
weren't ever really you?
It was what it was, anotherdifferent agenda of something
someone told you you needed tobe or do, versus who do you
(18:39):
become postpartum?
Like you become when you're amother?
How does it change you?
And how can that be a reallygood, beautiful thing?
When it's not like you're notlosing yourself into, you don't
exist anymore.
It's who am I really?
Speaker 2 (18:54):
yeah, it was like I lost the parts of myself and
still I feel like are, like I'mactively doing that of things
that were no longer aligned withme, like doing the.
I mean, I I don't know if youremember, but my, my old
business I was on zoom callslike all day long, like I had
multiple cohorts, I was working,you know, a full-time job, and
(19:18):
that's not why I wanted to do it.
I wanted the freedom andflexibility.
And so I just feel likemotherhood and postpartum it, I
lost the parts of myself thatwere supposed to be lost and
just really stripped those away.
I just kept saying that thepregnancy with Riley, it forced
me to strip away parts of myselfthat were no longer meant to be
(19:41):
there.
And I found myself in motherhoodthrough Riley's pregnancy,
where I felt like I really lostparts of myself in quins.
But like, looking back, I wassupposed to, and so I just feel
like motherhood has been thislike personal growth journey for
me that I would have neverexpected it to be like again.
(20:03):
Like five years ago I've beenlike shut up.
That sounds so lame, like no, Idon't want to.
You know, I don't want to thinkthat, but I wouldn't be here
today with the goals that I haveand the mission that I have and
the way that I parent and how Iapproach you know my time with
my girls.
If I hadn't have gone throughall of those things, yeah, yeah,
(20:27):
the.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
I was talking with one of my groups of masterminds
and we were talking aboutbusiness specifically, and I
loved the way one of the galssaid that she was like I can go
90.
I've gone 90.
I've proved to myself andeveryone else that I can go 90.
And she was like I still couldif I wanted to, but when I'm
doing that I'm going so fast andI'm missing this.
And she was like it's so hardto take my business and put it
(20:53):
on the back burner.
But as soon as I've put it onthe back burner I'm realizing,
realizing like I actually reallyenjoy, like this 45, 50 pace,
like this is actually what Ireally wanted and needed.
It's just that my, like my footwas stuck on that gas pedal.
It was like there was a brick onthat gas pedal, but it was
dissociative and like highfunctioning and it's like I
didn't feel present, I didn'tfeel in my body, I didn't feel
(21:15):
connected to what I was doingand who I was.
And so it's like I think for somany women they're terrified to
take their foot off the gasbecause they're afraid that that
means nothing, like that theycease to exist or their business
is to exist, and it's like Iget so frustrated with the
marketing of like moms can do itall and moms can have it all,
(21:36):
because all of it is soinspirational and it sounds so
positive.
But I know so many women whojust need permission from
someone to say like, yes, it'sokay if it still feels good for
you to keep the pace that youdid before.
It's also totally okay if all offeels good for you to keep the
pace that you did before.
It's also totally okay if allof a sudden, you decide like
whoa, this doesn't feel rightanymore and I want to slow down
(21:57):
temporarily, or at least forthis season.
Like I look at my life and it'slike I didn't have business, I
didn't have that entrepreneurialside at all until my babies
were older, and so I've had thisseason of like I know I could
go 90 right now and there is abig part of me that really,
really wants to like, but I haveto look around in my life and
(22:20):
be like it's not time yet, likeit's not time to be on the
highway and I have some dayswhere I get to have that feeling
, but like right now I don'twant to be going so fast all of
the time and it sounds like whenyou slow down, when you change,
that it also changed yourbusiness and your postpartum
this time.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Yeah, it was like, like you said, I was giving
myself that permission to justtake it day by day, hour by hour
, because I was afraid that if Ilet go of it all, that I would
never come back, that I wouldlose that part of me, or like
not for me.
I think it was a lot about likereaching my potential or like
(23:05):
unfulfilled dreams, and I justdidn't want that to happen.
But when I gave myself thatpermission, I found so much more
joy in the day to day.
I was able to stop feelingpulled in multiple directions,
like I was just feeling for solong of like oh, I'm with Quinn
(23:25):
right now, but like I want to bedoing this.
Or I'm like in my business, butI feel guilty because I want to
be with her.
And then it's so funny Cause,like my husband is like a
stereotypical, like masculine,like bro marketer, like he's an
insurance agent, like he's likeLaura, like if you want to make
this, he's still saying this.
If you want to make it happen,you just have to like stay up
(23:46):
late and get up early.
I'm like I'm waking up three,four, five times a night.
Still, when would you like meto do that?
Because I'm not going to sithere and drown myself in
exhaustion just so I get therefaster.
Like this time when I do it, Iwant to do it because it feels
(24:06):
really good and I want to makethe impact and be creative and
like see myself fulfilled inthat way and also be the woman,
the mom and the wife that I wantto be.
Like I don't want anything tosuffer because I think I have to
go 100.
(24:26):
But it's that permission slipLike you I think I had.
There were so many times that Ijust like completely got off
social because I just needed tohear what I wanted and tune out
all the noises of like oh, youcan have it all or you can make
a million dollars in 20 hours ofbusiness.
(24:47):
If you just do these things,I'm like what the hell is
happening?
Like I just don't understandhere, and so like getting quiet
and just checking in with myselfand being like what do I want
in this season?
Like what are my values?
Because they're different and Ithink normalizing that they can
change, like those values andpriorities so often in different
(25:11):
seasons of motherhood, and justchecking in with yourself is so
powerful because the way that Ifeel now, at 11 months
postpartum about work is sototally different than I felt at
three months postpartum when Ileft my bedside nursing job to
work even less in nursing.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Yeah, well, and it's true that I think I think every
season of motherhood postpartumright, you're always postpartum,
you're always post this now andI think there's so many
different seasons where, evenlately, there was a year or two
ago where, like I was hittingthe gas a little harder, and
then last year I just had thisknowing that like I needed a
(25:50):
different pace.
I needed and wanted somethingdifferent.
And I'm constantly telling momslike it's not about if you're,
if you're leading from thisplace, of like the mom guilt, of
like I'm trying to have it alland do it all and be it all,
which I think is mostly shame,not guilt, but without getting
on that soapbox for me, like Ikeep coming back to like balance
(26:11):
is going to change, yourpriorities are going to change,
because you're in a season whenyou are a mom, you are in a
season where there is something,there is a giant force outside
of you and every time that forcechanges, you have to change,
you have to adapt.
I mean, motherhood is the mostintense form of leadership.
I think that exists, honestly,and I'm always telling people
(26:35):
like the law of motion right,like an object in motion stays
in motion and an object at rest,stays at rest unless acted upon
by an unequal, uneven force.
And I'm like is that notmotherhood?
Like it's?
You're going to have to changeyour pace and whenever that
happens, it's not necessarilygoing to feel pleasant, right,
like if you're speeding up oryou're slowing down.
That doesn't always feel great,but you have to pay attention
(26:58):
to when the pace no longer worksor the direction no longer
works.
I'm curious, I want to, I wantto jump back into more like the
postpartum, especially like thatearly postpartum.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
What is the work that you're so passionate about
doing?
Like, tell me about what you'redoing.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Yeah, so I am launching my new business
holding mom postpartum um as apostpartum nurse navigator.
And so it all was kind of bornjust a couple of weeks into my
own postpartum nurse navigator.
And so it all was kind of bornjust a couple of weeks into my
own postpartum because I was init.
I was in you know the thick,the trenches of fresh postpartum
(27:43):
, terrible nipple pain, like 10out of 10.
I was like something's notright so and we were like
navigating like toddler illness,and so there was so much stress
, there was so much anxiety,there was all these things
happening in those first justcouple of weeks.
And I remember thinking tomyself I can do it this time
(28:08):
because I've done it before, butI also have more support, and
yet I need someone in my corner,that's just for me.
And I don't have that becauseI'm navigating.
Okay, my own health issues,because something's not right
breastfeeding, and I'm acertified lactation counselor I
knew something wasn't right andso I'm like going down all these
(28:30):
rabbit holes, like withlactation consultants and I'm
like you know a thrush diagnosis, and then she was like, oh, but
the latch looks fine.
I'm like, but something's stillnot right.
And then finally it's like atongue tie that we had to get
released.
But in that journey it was nineweeks of pain, stress and then
(28:50):
also navigating the healthcaresystem that I was only able to
do because I'm a nurse and so Ihad that thing that was taking
up all of my time and energy.
I also had the healing ofpostpartum that was happening,
that just happens naturally, andthe sleep deprivation that
(29:12):
happens in those early days andthen transitioning from one to
two kids and my toddler needingme so much, especially because
we came home from the hospitaland two hours later she spikes a
fever.
So I was like, oh, my gosh,like how am I like what is
happening?
And there were so many movingparts.
And that lactation consultantcame into my gosh.
(29:32):
Like how am I like what ishappening?
And there were so many movingparts.
And that lactation consultantcame into my home because I was
like I can't leave, like Icannot physically leave this
house there's, I don't have theenergy.
And I was like, oh, I could dothat.
I could come into someone'shome and support them, maybe not
in a completely lactationcapacity, but I have my parents,
(29:56):
I have my in-laws, I have mysister, but I still feel alone,
I still feel lonely, I stillfeel like there's no one here to
talk to or that I have in myback pocket just for me.
And that's kind of where thisall happened, because postpartum
is such a transitional timewhere your identity is shifting,
(30:19):
your family is changing, yourhealth is all over the place.
I also had food poisoning sevendays postpartum and I was like
deathly ill, like in bed, liketrying to pump myself, like
horizontal, and there's so muchhappening.
And then you also have to dealwith the health care system if
(30:40):
things aren't going well, andthat in itself is a stressor.
So I was like, okay, how can Icombine my experience as a
pediatric and NICU nurse, myexperience?
Now?
I'm a care coordinator nurse,so my job is to navigate the
(31:02):
healthcare system for parents.
Put that in my lactationknowledge, my baby care
knowledge, like all of thesethings.
How can I combine them, plus mywork with women to make sure
that no woman feels alone intheir postpartum period, so that
they feel empowered going intoit?
They feel like they're reallylifted up instead of feeling
lonely, even when there's peoplearound them.
(31:23):
And that's where this was born,and so, like now, it's almost
been a full year of tinkeringand refining and working with
clients and it's just.
This mission is something thatI would have never thought to
like help moms really thrive inthe postpartum period.
(31:44):
But if I can help someone spota perinatal mental health
disorder sooner or prevent it,or help them feel more empowered
or help them elongate theirbreastfeeding journey, like then
I will feel so good about that,because the way that you enter
(32:04):
motherhood and the way that youexperience postpartum affects
you for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
What you just said there, yes, a thousand times,
because I got so sick of thewhole culture around breast is
best, or fed is best, or thebirths, or it's like, and it's
like the only reason any of that, like that stuff does matter,
but it it matters because youmatter, it matters because this
baby matter, it matters becausethis baby matters, it matters
because your experience and yourhealth and wellbeing matter,
(32:32):
like that's why all of thatmatters.
So people can talk untilthey're blue in the face about
what's better for you and yourbaby.
But like what if you actuallyhad someone to figure out what
you needed and wanted and thereality that, like what we think
is best doesn't always work outin our control, or what we
wanted or how we wanted?
And even just when you said,like looking out for the
(32:55):
perinatal mood disorders, we hada provider, like a local group
of providers that all gottogether talking about like
perinatal mental and emotionalwellness and that was one of the
things we were talking about islike your postpartum screening
at your doctor's appointment.
It's like, even if, even if youhave red flags on that, like
most of those providers, likethey aren't, they aren't
(33:17):
equipped for that, like they'renot equipped for helping you or
supporting you, and it's likeyou have these women who, it's
like even well-connected womenlike, who have a network of
people.
I think people are so busy,unfortunately, I think our
culture is moving so quicklythat even when you have really
(33:38):
good friends and family, it canbe so easy to miss, especially
for, like, your high functioningwomen or the people who present
really well, but like they'restruggling so much underneath.
And I think of like if therecould be one person who saw
someone and like actually wasn'tafraid to talk about it, one or
(33:58):
ask the hard questions withoutthem being hard, like just
normalizing the experiencewithout terrifying people
normalizing the experiencewithout terrifying people.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Yeah Well, and my postpartum anxiety wasn't caught
.
My first time I lied on thatquestionnaire I was like I'm
fine, like I'm just tired, like,and if I had actually, I think,
recognized in the moments thatI was really struggling with PPA
and probably, honestly, somePPD, that like was just missed,
I think my entire postpartumexperience could have been so
(34:35):
much better and I wouldn't havestruggled so much.
And it's why I get so fired upabout it.
I'm like you really think asheet of paper at six weeks or
eight weeks postpartum is goingto do anything?
Women's drowning, like there'sno way, like there's just
there's no way.
And it's such an important andlike honorable thing to walk
(35:03):
through a walk throughpostpartum with a woman.
And it's why I'm like sittingfor my perinatal mental health
certification too, cause I'mlike I, I refuse, I refuse to do
this work and then completelyignore this huge part that one
out of five women experience.
One out of five women in theirpregnancy or postpartum
experience like a perinatal moodor anxiety disorder.
(35:24):
And if that's the case and mostof it is undiagnosed, like
that's so many women sufferingand it's just like you said,
this idea of like well, breastis best, and like don't use
medication and labor, and likeall this stuff.
It's like that's part of theissue.
Is this judgment that we're allpassing, whether it's from
(35:46):
practitioners or just you knowfriends or colleagues or you
know acquaintances.
You just have to be supportedand lifted up and celebrated and
whatever happens is totallyperfect, like if you're taking
care of yourself and you'retaking care of your baby, you
win, instead of putting all thispressure on yourself to do it a
(36:07):
certain way.
So I get so fired up about itbecause I'm just like it
shouldn't be this way.
Like I got so fired up about itat this postpartum that I
applied to grad school to becomea women's health nurse
practitioner, until it's like Idon't actually want to do that
Because the system has to changethe way that we treat women and
(36:28):
especially postpartum women.
Like it has to change and ifnot, then like motherhood is
going to continue being astruggle for people and continue
being overlooked.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Yeah, well, and what's wild.
I was listening to what podcastwas Diary of a CEO, but I'm
trying.
I can't remember who his guestwas and you know some of the
stuff his guest said.
I was like whatever.
But there was some stuff hesaid about like the birth rates,
how much they're decliningbecause people aren't interested
in being mothers anymore, andhe had some interesting ideas of
(37:01):
how we solve that, like robotnurses.
It's really bad, you'll have tolisten to it.
I was like what is happeningwhen we're like embracing that,
like AI should raise ourchildren?
Anyways, without getting on thatnote, what I was gonna say is
that, like this is a huge issueand I think what's hard is I'm
such like a big bleeding heartfor women and I look at like
(37:23):
when I first started my businessand like same like that was so
much of my heart is.
I was like so many people arelooking at mothers as they
parent, right, they're like howare you parenting?
What are you doing?
And I was like who's lookingout for the person, the person
of the mother, hence, like thename, the motherhood mentor.
That's where that came from.
It was like who's looking outfor you as a human being, as a
(37:46):
person Like who's looking outfor you as a human being, as a
person, and I think there was somany times over the last couple
of years where I'm like man,this is too big, too big.
And then I have these momentswhere it's like that one mom or
that one person or that onelittle tiny change, where it's
like, if you can impact a mother, what's crazy?
When you impact a mother, youimpact her entire family, her
(38:08):
entire lineage.
Like this is cycle breaking atits best of like you, when you
are helping a mother, she willautomatically go and help her
children more.
Like when a mother feels better, she'll be able to parent
better.
Right, because the parentingcomes from the parent.
But I think so much ofparenting, education and experts
(38:29):
for so so long has been abouthow do you do it the right way.
It's all of these books, it'sall of these experts telling you
what to do, and it's all veryinformational, which I think is
helpful.
But I'm like we have moreinformation than we've ever had
and like, at what point doesthat stop helping?
Because what people really needis relationship and advocacy,
(38:51):
someone to believe them andtrust them and hear them out and
support them in the decisionsthey're making.
Because it's like man, thatpostpartum period.
It's been so long since I'vebeen there, but I had the like
honor of sitting in a room, Iwas sitting at dinner, with a
group of women who, like they'reall still in that, like two and
under, yeah, and I was justlike, oh my gosh, that was so
(39:16):
fucking exhausting.
Like when you get to likesecond or third grade, like none
of the moms are talking about,like you black out, no one knows
where your babies were born orhow or what they were fed, or
like.
And I still remember I think itwas like kindergarten or first
grade year I like looked aroundand I was like I breastfed this
(39:39):
kid for so freaking long and sheis sicker than every kid in
that class, yeah, but like,honestly, I didn't realize how
bad my postpartum anxiety wasbecause I was so controlling, I
was so like I have to do theright thing at the right time,
and that perfectionismpostpartum is always so brutal.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
It's.
I mean, it's paralyzing thatperfectionism because you want,
you want to do everything foryour baby perfectly, you want to
be perfect Like you, the waythat you show up in your body
and like like it's just nonstop.
And I don't know, I truly don'tknow where that comes from,
(40:23):
because no one's telling me thatI have to look a certain way or
I have to do these certainthings, or, you know, show up
for both of my children at thispoint, going from one to two.
In a certain way, it's all me,like I'm the one having these
crazy high expectations to thepoint where, like, I'm driving
(40:46):
myself insane and my husband'slike what the hell is wrong with
you?
And I'm looking at him like youdon't care.
He's like, well, of course Icare, but like, what are you
stressing about?
Just last night we had anexperience with you.
Know, we have had an angry facein our toddler's life and I
guess she's a preschooler nowand I'm like stressed.
(41:06):
I'm like I don't know.
Are we doing the right thing?
Like with this discipline, likeI don't know, because this
person says this and this personhe's like Laura, they're not in
our house.
I was like, but aren't youconcerned that you're going to
traumatize here.
I was like, no, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
I was like must be nice, must be nice.
Like there's so many timeswhere I'm like if I could just
not care too much, right, wouldit be easier.
But also like I could never notcare too much.
Like I like that part aboutmyself that there's too much,
but I've had to learn to let itbe this permission for growth,
this permission for wanting todo things better and better and
better in every arena of my life, like classic perfectionism.
But like I have to also realizelike it's not going to be
(41:49):
perfect, it's going to be messy,it's going to be human, and
like that's also how it'ssupposed to be.
But it's.
It's interesting that you werelike wait, why did we get this?
And I think it's because it'sit's so much unconscious, it's
so much unconscious of like ouranimal bodies are picking up I
do think social media has a bigthing to do with it of like our
animal bodies are unconsciouslytaking in data points of how we
(42:12):
belong and what we need to do tosurvive.
But like that no longer lookslike just make sure you're a
decent parent and don't abuseyour kids.
Like the bar used to be prettyfreaking low.
Like it used to be pretty low.
Like that bar, to like be agood parent.
And now you think of the likeextremes and I do.
(42:34):
This is coming from someone who, like I, I care way too much
about parenting.
Like I tended to the overparenting category.
I read all the books, I listento all the podcasts and
sometimes I just remind myselfthis is too much.
Just go connect with my kid andlike be a decent human being.
Like, be a healthy human being,be a leader of my own emotions,
(42:56):
my own decisions, my boundaries.
Make sure that I am teachinglike, what do I want to teach my
kids?
I come back to that values work, which I think.
How many mothers, how manypeople are going into motherhood
with someone talking to themabout like, what do you value as
a person?
What do you value for your kids?
What hills are you willing todie on with your kids?
That's where I always come backto is like is this a hill I
(43:18):
need to die on?
Is the kid going to be okay?
We don't have villages anymore.
We don't see other kidsthrowing tantrums and how other
moms respond to them, and a widevariety of responses too, of
like.
There's a lot of differentversions of healthy responses to
toddlers throwing fits, but weonly see one.
We see like, by the way, I loveDr Becky.
So when I say like we only hearDr Becky's response to the
(43:41):
toddler throwing a fit, and I'mlike yeah, that's one version of
healthy, but like there's awhole different orientation of
like how you might respond.
You might not be Dr Becky andwe I love her Right.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
I'm yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
No, go ahead.
I was just going to say how isyour?
Speaker 2 (44:02):
postpartum season changing.
Now I feel there are days whereI feel so very much in that
postpartum season still Like I'mstill very actively
breastfeeding because this child, my children, just refuse to
self wean.
We also are like still havingmany night wake ups.
(44:22):
She's got like a million teethcoming in.
She's going through all thesedevelopmental changes.
I don't judge, no matter whatpeople choose to do.
I can't let her cry Like I'mgoing in there whenever she
needs me to.
So, like those days I'm like I'min it, like I'm in the trenches
.
I'm still very much in babyphase.
But then there's other dayswhere I'm like there's maybe
(44:44):
half of the days last week thatI was like wow, like I feel
really good, I feel creative andambitious and I've gotten to
the point where I just finallyadmitted that I want to be
working more Um, which I didn'tat all like the last year and a
half Um I cut.
I like cut down to a what wecall in the nursing world a soft
(45:06):
nursing position where, um I'mnot client-facing, I'm very much
like working with parentsbehind the scenes.
I'm remote Um, I work 20 hoursa week and now I'm like I want
another day a week at least ofworking on my business and I'm
feeling that itch again, likeI'm feeling kind of myself
(45:26):
emerge.
But it depends on the day.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
So like that fog, it's like I always tell people.
It's like when you're in thefog, like you don't know when
it's going to go away, and likesometimes it's like looser fog,
like you can see through itbetter.
Sometimes it's denser and likesometimes it'll lift, sometimes
it'll come back, but like it'sjust not panicking when you're
in the fog of like it will getsunny, like today we were both
(45:50):
talking about.
Like it's sunny and it'sbeautiful out, Like I just have
to remind myself it's just aseason.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Mm-hmm, and that has been really helpful for me.
This time is like the secondtime, mom, energy of like I know
this is all going to end.
First time, mommy, I was like Iknow this is all going to end.
First time, mommy, I was like,oh my God, this is never going
to get better, never going toend.
Like my first didn't sleepthrough the night till 17 months
, and so that for me was just sohard.
This time I'm like, all right,we're 11 months, like we'll see
(46:18):
how long this will last, butlike I know it's going to end.
And then I'm like, when that'sit, the sleep is such a big
thing.
Like once that sleep happens,things feel so much better and
even like I got my firstpostpartum period, like a couple
last month maybe, and that initself, like that hormone cycle,
actually led me to feel a lotmore like myself than I had been
(46:41):
.
Um, and I think, until I end upweaning from breastfeeding,
like it's, it's like anacceptance, that like okay, like
I'm still going to feel.
Like that fog I have, like it'salmost like um, like one of
those filters that like you putin front of a camera, like that
sepia filter from the early days.
That's just gonna.
(47:01):
It's how it is, until for me atleast, until I get my body back
, until you know I don't have towake up every one to three
hours, or you know, whatever itis.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Oh, that season, uh, like it, it's a season that asks
a lot of us.
It really does.
It asks a lot of so manydifferent parts of ourself
mentally, emotionally,physically.
And can I just say, as someonewho was out of those years of
like the sleep stuff we had kidswho had been sleeping through
the night for years and I mean,like our kids were like, our
(47:36):
kids were big enough that it waslike you say goodnight, it's
like five minutes, they're inbed, they go to sleep on their
own, they sleep in.
It was magical and we got got apuppy.
And not only was this puppy, itwas a very unexpected like holy
shit, I now am responsible forthis thing.
That's just like trying to killitself or destroy everything.
(47:57):
Again, like very much toddlervibes, yeah, but we started not
sleeping and when I tell you, ittook one week for me to all of
a sudden be like what the fuckis wrong with me, like why is
this destroying me?
And it was.
I think it was sleep and Ithink it was like we were
fighting more and bickering moreand I was like mad at my
husband and like I was like notas patient and like I'm grateful
(48:18):
that, like I was healthy enoughto be able to like kind of go
outside myself and be like it'sokay, it's just because you're
not sleeping good.
But I was like I wonder ifwomen in that season know, like
literally, how much this ismaking things harder on you.
And then it's not even yourfault, like that's.
I was someone who was like Iwas perfectly stable, I had so
(48:39):
much mental and emotionalcapacity, everything in my life
was fine.
And then you took sleep awayfrom me and all of a sudden I
was just like am I okay?
Speaker 2 (48:48):
Oh, it's insane, Like it's actually insane how much
it affects you and like I havean aura ring, so like I'm
tracking my sleep and so likeevery day, like it's like
something stressed you less.
I'm like no shit.
Of course my body is stressedbecause I'm not sleeping through
the night, but like those fewnights where it's like, oh, I
got five hour stretches, liketwice last week I think she
(49:09):
slept five hours in a row.
I woke up and I could take onthe world, and it's.
It's just so funny how thelittlest things could.
Because you've got the sleepdeprivation, you've got the
hormone shifts, no matter if youbreastfeed or not, like you're
still, your hormones don'tregulate for up to two years
postpartum.
(49:29):
So, like you know, you're notgoing to feel completely
yourself for a long, long time.
And it's why I started doingthis like intentional motherhood
challenge recently that I'vestarted posting about, because
on those hard days I've beenfinding that like, oh, I just
I'm so frustrated by this, likeI want to have more of those
really good days, but I wasn'tenjoying it anymore.
(49:53):
I wasn't enjoying the you know,playtime with my kids or
whatever, and I'm like, okay,well, if that's the case, like
what's actually going on and Ijust wasn't being intentional
Part of it's winter.
I just wasn't being intentionalPart of it's winter but, like,
I was like how, how can I makethis more enjoyable for me in a
(50:15):
season where it's not perfect,where I'm not getting the rest
that I need, where I don't fullyfeel like myself yet, and
knowing that that's okay.
But, like, what are the smallthings I can do to enjoy every
part more?
And that's been really helpingtoo is just like doing these
small things like training for arace and enjoying my coffee and
getting dressed in jeans ratherthan leggings, like just small
things at this point postpartum,where I get those glimmers of
(50:38):
like oh, like, I'm here, it'sgoing to be okay.
Speaker 1 (50:42):
Well, I think that's so important because I think
there's so many women who theythey go to that like hyper
control area of, likeperfectionist, trying to do
everything really, really well.
And I think there's this fearof this other side where, like
women, get into this victimmentality, where, like they lose
concept of they're so dedicatedto motherhood that they stop,
(51:06):
they stop feeling and showing upto the actions they can't make
Right.
And it of course, it makessense why that happens.
But coming back to this placewhere it's like what can I
control, what is what is withinmy capacity?
And it's like, yes, I can't,consistency can't look the same
that it used to.
But maybe my consistency can bedependent on my capacity, and I
(51:28):
can.
It doesn't have to be an hourin the gym every single day.
It can be a 10 minute walkoutside with my toddler.
Is that perfect?
No, but like it, it brings youback little by little, and I
think so many women are so usedto that all or nothing.
And I think in motherhood itjust like it really intensifies
it so much.
And if we can get out of thatall or nothing, and I think in
motherhood it just like itreally intensifies it so much
and if we can get out of thatall or nothing.
(51:49):
And especially the comparisontoo, because I think we look at
what someone else is doing andif we can't do that, we just
don't do anything.
Versus what can I do, what'swithin my capacity?
If you are early on postpartum,that capacity might be smaller
versus like, and then also youget to this shift where you go I
need more, I need more time, Ineed more space, I need more
(52:12):
intensity.
Like I'm in a season right nowwhere I'm coming out of like a
personal winter season where I'mgoing like okay slow, isn't
feeling good anymore.
Like we've had enough grace,becca, like I literally like the
other day with like journalingand I was like we have had
enough grace and compassion.
We need a little bit moreGoggins energy.
Like we need a little bit morelike get up out of bed early in
(52:33):
the morning to get stuff done,because I'm craving that, I'm
needing that.
Like things aren't feeling goodanymore and there are things
that I can control with it.
So it's it's interesting tonotice those kinds of different
waves of seasons, yeah.
Speaker 2 (52:49):
And like, if you get like even deeper into it, like
if you're into astrology andeverything like.
Mars has been in retrogradeliterally until like the other
day, and that's our planet oflike action, and so now it's
direct, so like we might allstart to feel this energy of
like.
Oh, I do want to take someaction now and I feel kind of
ambitious.
This energy of like, oh, I dowant to take some action now and
(53:09):
I feel kind of ambitious andthe you know astrological new
year is coming up in March.
So like I will never forget,yeah, like my spiritual like
side, my spiritual friends arelike yeah, I mean, the new year
technically doesn't startastrologically until March.
So like, if you feel likeyou're in a winter December,
january, february that's totallyfine.
That always makes me feel alittle better too.
I'm like oh, okay, like youknow, it's not technically the
(53:31):
new year.
Speaker 1 (53:32):
I am not an astrology person at all, like I just like
I don't get it.
But just the other day I likelooked at a friend and I was
like is there a planet in themicrowave again?
Because something's going on,something has changed, and I was
like there's somethinghappening on an energetic like
our animal bodies.
There's something happening.
And it's so fascinating because, like I work with such diverse
(53:55):
clients Like they're all momsMost of them are entrepreneurs
Like there's a lot ofsimilarities, but like when I
start hearing the same themesover and over and over, I'm
going huh, what's happening?
Speaker 2 (54:10):
out here.
Speaker 1 (54:12):
What's happening in the realms that, like, I can't
concretely see.
And obviously there's like theculture is a lot of chaos and
stuff right now, but I was likethere's something going on right
now, so that's, I have to lookthat up.
I'm curious what did we miss?
Is there something that youwanted to like touch on about,
like postpartum, or just likesomething else you would share
(54:32):
that we didn't talk about yet?
Speaker 2 (54:35):
I think the biggest thing that I come back to time
and time and time again when Ilook back at my last two
postpartums and how I feel as amom now and an entrepreneur now
and in the vast ways that I havehelped women in the last couple
of years, it all comes down tobeing able to trust yourself and
(54:58):
know that you know yourself,your body, your baby, your
business best.
And if we can remember that andtune out the noise like, I feel
like that is the most empowering, powerful thing that we could
ever do as women, as mothers, istrust our intuition and trust
ourselves to make thosedecisions, no matter if you are
(55:21):
three months postpartum, whetheryou have older kids that are 10
and 12, like, no matter whatstage of business you're in,
when you can come back toyourself.
I think that's what the worldwants us to forget and to like
ignore, and there's nothing morepowerful and I just feel super
honored to help women rememberthat, like in this age of over
(55:47):
information.
Yes, I will.
You know, I will empower youwith education from you, know my
nursing background and mylactation background.
But, like, at the end of theday, you've got to do you and
you've got to trust yourself,and that's my biggest thing, no
matter what.
Speaker 1 (56:05):
Can I ask you something about that?
Mm-hmm, what if a woman saysshe doesn't know how to trust
herself?
That's my biggest thing, nomatter what.
Can I ask you something aboutthat?
What if a woman says shedoesn't know how to trust
herself?
Speaker 2 (56:13):
She just has to look for like ways that she can and
for like what is that word?
My postpartum brain, but theexamples of it.
Because there are times thatyou've been able to trust
yourself.
There are times that you haveshown able to trust yourself.
There are times that you haveshown up for yourself when you
thought that you couldn't, oryou went through something
really, really tough and youthought you weren't going to get
(56:34):
through it, and you did.
Or you advocated for a friend,or you advocated, you know, you
left a party early in highschool because it felt weird,
like that's you trustingyourself, like it can show up in
such tiny or large ways.
And I think sometimes, if youfeel like, oh no, I've made
(56:54):
mistakes or I've not been ableto trust myself in the past,
there's so many more examples oftimes that you could have.
Speaker 1 (57:02):
Yeah, I really like that and I hear, too, something
that I work with women a lot ofsometimes we're not trusting
ourselves because we've givenour like emotional, energetic
authority outside of ourselvesright, and I think this
especially happens in motherhood, because there's so many
experts, there's so many peopleoutside of us who know better
and we give I was doing airquotes there on the know better.
(57:24):
They do know information, butthere's not relationship,
there's not connection and it'slike I would never trust a rando
on the street to make decisionsfor me.
I might trust someone who knows, loves and likes me, who has
only positive intent for me, butI think some women, when they,
when we're like, oh, just trustyourselves, or trust your
intuition, it's like you canstart by taking some authority
(57:46):
back and creating consistencyand, like you said, like the
evidence of when are times whereyou didn't know what you were
doing and yet you figured it out, you asked the right questions
or you got the right support, oryou figured out like, what
would a trustworthy person do,who's someone I trust in my life
, and how do they show up, howdo they talk, how do they relate
(58:07):
?
And then bringing that back tohow you relate to yourself,
because I do think trust andintuition for so many women is
so hard, especially inmotherhood.
Because it's so it's thathasn't been a very important
part for a long time.
Speaker 2 (58:22):
Well, because people don't make money If you trust
yourselves, well because peopledon't make money.
Speaker 1 (58:29):
If you trust yourselves, I know how to make
you.
I can't have you pay me threegrand for me to teach you how to
make seven grand if you knowwhat to do already Exactly.
Speaker 2 (58:38):
It's like and with the clients that I've had so far
holding mom postpartum, likethey'll text me questions, right
, and they'll say, like thisthing is happening with my milk
supply.
Or you know, I decided to sleeptrain and now my milk supply is
going down.
Like what should I do?
I'm like, well, first.
Or like they're trying totroubleshoot something's
happening and they're like Idon't know if she's getting
enough.
I'm like, okay, here's what welook for, here's the evidence,
(59:00):
the education here.
I know what I think, but Ialways say I'm like what do you
think?
It is?
Like check in with your gutright now.
Is this your anxiety talking?
Is this actually real?
Or like, is it somethingdifferent?
Like what do you actually think?
You're just looking for me togive the answers, but you
(59:21):
already know the answer.
And every single time they'relike this is what I think it is.
I'm like, oh, yeah% agree.
But like yeah, I'm glad thatyou came to that conclusion.
They want that affirmation andpermission that they love
themselves exactly, and so Ithink the more that we get to do
that as women, the more that wecan help other women do that,
like our friends and our clients, like we end up really
(59:45):
empowering like an entiregeneration of women and our
daughters to do the same.
So then we are no longer givingour power away and and looking
outside of ourselves for theanswers or for what's like what
you said earlier, like what'sright.
That's a huge thing for me.
I'm like, oh, I always want todo what's right, and it's like
no, like that will exhaust youto the point of no return.
Speaker 1 (01:00:06):
And it's interesting.
We're talking about motherhoodright now, but my brain just
went and this goes for businesstoo, and I think that's that is
one reason why motherhood andbusiness go beautifully together
is because you start realizingthat like there is no perfect
formula for it, especially whenwe're talking, like
entrepreneurship, business, oflike you like, yeah, you need
(01:00:28):
some strategies, yeah, you needsome information, but like at
some point, like you're, you'regoing to have to take messy
action, you're going to have totrust yourself, you're going to
have to make some mistakes andfigure it out along the way and
pivot when necessary.
I have loved this conversationso much, laura.
It has.
It has just like lit me up tobe able to like see you and talk
to you and just see yourevolution since I first met you
(01:00:51):
too.
Speaker 2 (01:00:53):
It's been so nice.
I mean, I remember when youlike, when we first met and you
were just starting your businessand it's just like so cool to
see how much you've evolved.
Speaker 1 (01:01:02):
It was like a postpartum mom.
Yeah, my sisters.
Speaker 2 (01:01:06):
Yeah, it was just like so sweet and you've just
come so far and I've just lovedwatching you like every step of
the way and I'm so grateful thatwe're still in contact and I've
loved being here.
Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
We need like a reunion or something.
I love all you ladies.
Well, thank you so much.
Yeah, thank you.
Thanks for joining me ontoday's episode of the
Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
Make sure you have subscribedbelow so that you see all of the
upcoming podcasts that arecoming soon.
(01:01:37):
I hope you take today's episodeand you take one aha moment,
one small, tangible piece ofwork that you can bring into
your life.
To get your hands a littledirty, to get your skin in the
game.
Don't forget to take upaudacious space in your life.
If this podcast moved you, ifit inspired you, if it
(01:01:57):
encouraged you, please do me afavor and leave a review, send
an episode to a friend.
This helps the show gain moretraction.
It helps us to support moremoms, more women, and that's
what we're doing here.
So I hope you have an awesomeday, take really good care of
yourself and I'll see you nexttime.
Welcome to the Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
I'm Becca, a somatic healingpractitioner and a holistic life
coach for moms, and thispodcast is for you.
You can expect honestconversations and incredible
guests that speak to health,healing and growth in every area
of our lives.
This isn't just strategy forwhat we do.
It's support for who we are.
I believe we can be wildlyambitious while still holding
(00:25):
all of our soft and hardhumanity as holy.
I love combining deep innerhealing with strategic systems
and no-nonsense talk about whatthis season is really like.
So grab whatever weird healthbeverage you're currently into
and let's get into it.
Welcome to today's episode ofthe Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
(00:47):
I have a really fun guest withme, laura, and she is one of my
friends I made in a mastermindand I'm so excited to have her
here today because we followeach other and get to stay
connected just a little bit onInstagram, but that's not the
same as getting to have a goodlong conversation.
So, laura, will you introduceyourself, and today we're going
(01:07):
to talk about postpartum andlike the long postpartum journey
, what it actually feels likeand looks like and, I'm sure,
many other things.
So will you introduce yourself,laura?
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Of course.
Thank you so much for having me.
I feel like we have talkedabout doing this for about a
year now and it's finallyhappening, so I'm really excited
.
But my name is Laura McHugh.
I am a nurse by trade inpediatrics and the NICU, but
have been an entrepreneur since2018, kind of all over the place
(01:38):
.
I live in Delaware.
I have two little girls.
I have a three and a half yearold and an 11 month old.
I have two little girls I havea three and a half year old and
I'm 11 month old and I just amextremely and always have been
passionate about helping womenthrough their lives, and that's
just evolved over the lastcouple of years as I've evolved.
But now I feel like it's somuch more deeply impact driven,
(02:05):
just based on what I've beenthrough and what I've seen my
fellow moms go through.
And yeah, I don't like smalltalk, I like deep connected.
You know walks on the beach andyou know fun for me is reading
a book or like doing personalgrowth work.
So that's kind of me.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Which is why I love you so much.
I love it as soon as someone'slike I hate small talk, I'm like
we're going to get along great.
Like where do we start?
Like let's dive in, I'm socurious.
So at first in yourentrepreneurship journey you
were doing a lot of work withnurses and now you're moving
more towards like postpartum andhelping moms prepare for that.
I'm curious what yourpostpartum journey was and if
(02:48):
that was part of that evolutionfor you.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Yeah.
So if you had asked me duringmy first postpartum I would have
said, heck, no, I would neverwork with moms.
And that's actually when I metyou.
I was pregnant with my first.
So I was only about like I hadjoined ashes mastermind because
I knew that I wanted to getpregnant soon.
And then I signed up and, I kidyou not, I found out like two
(03:14):
weeks later that I was pregnantand, um, I met you in person
when I was about 14 weekspregnant and I was so determined
at the time that my life wasn'tgoing to change.
My business was on the up and up, like I was seeing so much
success.
I was full time in it.
I was working solely with burntout nurses, and then nurses who
(03:38):
also wanted to lead in somecapacity, and I, I mean, I was
like fully booked and busy.
It was such a crazy timebecause I was growing this human
, but like pretending I wasn't,and then also just like thriving
during COVID and building thisbusiness.
And I remember specificallyasking you guys in the
(03:58):
mastermind, maybe like a monthor so before I was supposed to
give birth, and I said you knowwhat, what should I like prepare
for?
Like what should I know, like Ifeel like I'm going to be good
Cause I'm like a pediatric nurse, no big deal, and everyone was
like Laura, you just reallywon't know until you're in it.
I was like, no, but I'm goingto be fine, like don't, like I'm
really not worried about it.
(04:19):
And then I got rocked.
I feel like no matter what anyof you could have said to me
because you were all momsalready would have prepared me.
And I had like an unexpectedNICU stay with my first which,
as a pediatric ICU nurse, likethat just killed me.
(04:41):
Because I was like wait asecond.
Because of course, I was goingdown the rabbit hole of like why
is this happening?
My pregnancy was perfect, mydelivery was perfect, is she
okay?
Does there something underlying?
And that kind of really set offmy journey with postpartum
anxiety, which I didn't realizeI had until after the fact,
(05:09):
which I didn't realize I haduntil after the fact, and so
that, coupled with my husband atthe time, was we're still
married.
At the time he was traveling itsounds like we got divorced At
the time.
He was traveling for work up tofive nights a week.
So I was solo parenting down inVirginia, which is hours away
from my family so I had nosupport around me.
I was extremely anxious.
(05:31):
My baby was not a napper, solike my initial plan of like, oh
, I'll work during her nap times, that was impossible.
She hated sleep at night and Ijust everything kind of went to
shit.
Like all of my preconceivednotions of motherhood and
business just went down thedrain, and it took me until
(05:53):
getting pregnant with my secondto really kind of come to terms
with everything that happenedand then really start to embrace
motherhood itself.
It was crazy Like I shut downmy first business.
I lost so much money Like itwas just the identity shift
itself of going into motherhoodLike I could have never expected
(06:15):
that.
So yeah, it was really reallytough and my second pregnancy
and postpartum was reallyhealing and that's kind of how
I've gotten to this place now ofwanting to work solely with
postpartum was really healingand that's kind of how I've
gotten to this place now ofwanting to work solely with
postpartum women.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Yeah, oh, that that identity shift is such a big one
.
And do you remember what I toldyou on that call?
Because I actually rememberwhat I told you, because I kind
of got a little bit of likeBecca, you don't say that to
women.
I was like no, why not?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I remember you being, I think, the most honest.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I can't imagine like I can't, but it somewhat feels
like you get hit by a bus andyou can't possibly prepare for
how much this is going to changeand blow up everything and
you're going to be okay.
It's.
It's going to feel like you'renot going to be okay, but you're
going to be okay eventually.
But it might.
It might rock you.
And I remember like some peoplewere like that's encouraging and
(07:08):
it's so hard, because I'vealways been someone who it's
like I don't want to be the likeoh, just wait, it's going to be
miserable.
But I also think like I hadvery, very rough postpartums and
I think the only reason I wasokay is because someone told me
that it was okay that it wasgoing to be so rough, like I
(07:30):
knew that it wasn't just me andI knew that it was going to get
better.
Because I saw these women whohad gone through that, who told
me it destroyed me and I thoughtI would never feel like myself
again, but I do.
And so when it happened to me,it felt positive for me to be
like it's going to be okay, likeeventually.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Well, I wish.
So I remember it now that yousay it.
But the only thing my like, Ithink I blocked you out because
I was like no, I'm going to dofine.
Like, what do you mean?
Like I am mentally strong.
Like I've done this before, Ilike take care of babies for a
living, like.
But I wish that I had takenthat with me, because then I
(08:14):
would have not had thosethoughts of like oh my God, am I
doing this wrong?
Is something wrong with me?
Like, am I being selfish?
Like, am I a bad mom?
Am I being selfish?
Like, am I a bad mom?
And I feel like, you know,pregnant me shouldn't have
blocked that out, but it wasprobably like a, you know, self
preserving.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Even if you would have taken it in.
It's one thing to know it, it'sanother thing to experience it
and I think, I think, I thinkmotherhood is such a potent I
mean it just it rips away all ofit so much capacity that you
have as a person.
You're put under so muchpressure, you are being pulled
on and pushed in on every levelof being, on every level of
(08:57):
identity.
I mean we're talking hormones,biologically, physiologically,
relationally, environmentally,like your sleep, like every your
emotions, your marriage, yourfamily structure, like
everything.
Yeah and yeah go ahead.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
I was just going to say, like, for me it was just so
tough because I was so used tobeing in control, like in
control of my energy, like I had, like I was a burnout coach
like and a nurse, so like I wasso used to being like, oh, as
long as I get my sleep and mysunshine and my movement and my
nutrition and all of thosethings in, like, I'll be good.
(09:39):
And then this little like thingcomes into the world and your
body's not your own, yourhormones aren't your own, your
emotions and like I'm also not avery emotional person.
So feeling these likeuncontrollable, like mood swings
sometimes, whether it was fromthe sleep deprivation or the
postpartum hormones shifting orthen weaning hormones, like
getting my cycle back for thefirst time, these were all
(10:00):
things I had absolutely nocontrol over, no matter how much
I tried to hack them.
And that was, I think, one ofthe hardest things because I
couldn't control it and Icouldn't control the baby's
sleep, Like I couldn't do any ofthose things and that was, that
was like a big wake up call forme and still is one of, like,
the most frustrating things islike now I can recognize it, be
(10:23):
like oh, these are hormoneshifts happening, I know that,
but you still can't do muchabout it.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Especially that control part and especially that
hacking, I just resonate somuch.
I feel like I spent 10 years inthe healing world creating
these coping mechanisms and allof this resource and capacity
and it's so interesting.
The last like two years of mylife has been so much of there's
so much outside of my controland learning to literally have
(10:54):
peace with it Not like I'm goingto control everything else so
hyper that I'm okay with thislittle piece.
It's just like how can I beokay with this messy humanity
and still stay in personalresponsibility, still stay in
life leadership?
But I do think that's so hardfor so many women of finding
that balance and I I hate whenpeople use in that season
(11:17):
because there's so much thatit's like doesn't matter how
hard you try, like some thingsare outside of your control,
even when you're doing a reallygood job.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Yeah, and it was so frustrating because it was also
the time I feel, like on theinternet, where it was very much
of like if you aren'tsucceeding in business or in
your health, it's because you'renot trying hard enough or
you're making excuses or you'renot investing enough.
So I'm like down this rabbithole, like, oh my God, it's me
Like, why can I not make thiswork?
(11:47):
Yes, Like it was like you haveto embody like the person that
you want to be.
I'm like I'm trying to embody,like I'm pulling cards hours a
day and trying to meditate andlike do all these things and
it's not working.
And it took me a really likehonestly, till probably a couple
(12:08):
months ago where I was like, oh, it just wasn't meant to work
anymore.
That season was not matched upwith what I was trying to do.
I was just trying to force it,but I couldn't see that at the
time.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Yeah, Well, there's a lot of, so much of the personal
development world, especiallylike what you see online.
It's all this like like DavidGoggins, grit, like I will just
will be a way that I can makethis happen, and it's all on me
to like force and I thinkthere's some health to that.
(12:39):
But I think we're forgettinglike there's also health and
especially like when you're ahigh functioner, when you know
how to function highly, I don'tneed someone to tell me how to
grit my teeth and bear it andwork harder.
I know how to do that.
I needed to learn how to knowwhen to quit.
I needed to know when to takethe easy way out, how to have
(13:00):
some grace with myself, how tohave slow energy and rest and
like nurturing.
That wasn't all me.
Recently I was talking to afriend and I was like it feels
like I'm pushing a boulder up ahill and I was talking about
this thing that I was trying todo in my business and she was
like what, if you just like letthe boulder roll down the hill,
and I like felt this giantrelief in my chest and I was
(13:23):
like that never occurred to me.
Like that like my, I was justlike I've got to get this
boulder up the hill and I thinkI I'm.
I'm curious.
You said your second postpartumwas different.
Yeah, I'm curious, like ifthere was something that changed
and how you showed up.
Was it just age?
Was it just like you know,different babies, different
(13:49):
pregnancies, different body,what do you think?
I'm curious.
What was different?
Speaker 2 (13:52):
and if you think there's anything to it.
I think it was.
A lot of things were differentgoing into this pregnancy, one
of them being that we made therelocation from Virginia to
Delaware.
When my first was about 11months old, my husband and I had
this conversation where I waslike if we stay here, we will
(14:14):
not have more kids, like Icannot do it and like we wanted
more kids.
I was like we have no support.
I have no, there was no village, there was no friends, there
was no family there, there wasno village, there was no friends
, there was no family there, andmy desire to work just wasn't
being supported because of oursituation.
And so we made that majorchange and that like changed the
(14:38):
game for us, because now wehave my parents and my in-laws
and then my sister moved backhome this past year, so like
that was a really big thing.
The other thing that reallychanged was my husband quit his
corporate job to make that moveand now is a business owner and
it's a super successful business.
He gets to make his ownschedule, he's like doing great
(15:00):
and he's home so much, like he'shome for like everything, which
was such a game changer.
And then, on top of that Ibecause I had let go of my
business last year while I waspregnant with Riley like
officially I had a differentview of ambition and of my work
(15:23):
and, like my purpose, had adifferent view of ambition and
of my work and like my purposeand that kind of mindset shift
and identity shift.
I like felt like I finally wasleaving and like shedding this
part of me where I was definingmyself by my work.
Because first it was I wasdefining myself when I was a
pediatric ICU nurse like I had alot of ego wrapped up in that.
(15:45):
And then I was like, oh well,I'm a successful six-figure
business owner and I had a lotof identity wrapped up in that.
And then when that was goingdown the drain and I wasn't
making it work anymore, I wentback to the bedside as a nurse
and that was a huge ego hit forme because I was like, no, like
I failed.
But then I just kind of let it.
(16:08):
Like, like you said, I justkind of let it all go.
And when I allowed myself tolet it go I just didn't have
this like stress and pressureanymore.
I knew I still wanted to helpwomen.
I knew I still had this deepdesire for impact on my own
terms, but I also accepted thatit wasn't this season and so I
(16:29):
felt like I the minute that Igot pregnant with Riley.
I have this journal entry whereI was like everything's about to
happen for me and for my firstpregnancy I was like I'm afraid
that I'm going to loseeverything and so I don't know.
I just think, yes, the physicalenvironment was so much
(16:50):
different, like I had so muchmore support, but I just felt
different.
I was like I'm going to embracethis time because I looked back
at Quinn's first like year ofher life and I had no
recollection.
I was so lost and wrapped up inanxiety and stress and like
just trying to make businesswork and finding myself, that I
(17:11):
didn't remember how she felt,like all curled up on me, like
as a newborn, and I didn'tremember that.
I don't even remember thenewborn scrunch from her and I
think I just finally acceptedlike there's nothing wrong in
embracing motherhood, becausefor so long I thought that it
was soft or like I had a lot ofjudgment around embracing
(17:33):
motherhood, and so that initself really changed.
I didn't have this.
I had a paycheck coming in frommy nursing job.
I was working in the neonatalICU at the time and, yeah, I
don't know, I was just all.
I was different.
I was just a different persongoing into it and it was so, so
(17:54):
healing, which was nice.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Yeah Well, I'm even thinking to like before we got
on this call, before we startedrecording, you said something of
like you're always postpartum,I think there's there's so much
language around getting yourbody back or maintaining
yourself in motherhood, and Ithink for some women that is
(18:17):
going to encourage them, becauseI think there's so many women
who do lose themselves and Ithink most of us would say like
I don't want to lose myself, butI think then we lose the whole
idea that like what if you'relosing parts of yourself that
weren't ever really you?
It was what it was, anotherdifferent agenda of something
someone told you you needed tobe or do, versus who do you
(18:39):
become postpartum?
Like you become when you're amother?
How does it change you?
And how can that be a reallygood, beautiful thing?
When it's not like you're notlosing yourself into, you don't
exist anymore.
It's who am I really?
Speaker 2 (18:54):
yeah, it was like I lost the parts of myself and
still I feel like are, like I'mactively doing that of things
that were no longer aligned withme, like doing the.
I mean, I I don't know if youremember, but my, my old
business I was on zoom callslike all day long, like I had
multiple cohorts, I was working,you know, a full-time job, and
(19:18):
that's not why I wanted to do it.
I wanted the freedom andflexibility.
And so I just feel likemotherhood and postpartum it, I
lost the parts of myself thatwere supposed to be lost and
just really stripped those away.
I just kept saying that thepregnancy with Riley, it forced
me to strip away parts of myselfthat were no longer meant to be
(19:41):
there.
And I found myself in motherhoodthrough Riley's pregnancy,
where I felt like I really lostparts of myself in quins.
But like, looking back, I wassupposed to, and so I just feel
like motherhood has been thislike personal growth journey for
me that I would have neverexpected it to be like again.
(20:03):
Like five years ago I've beenlike shut up.
That sounds so lame, like no, Idon't want to.
You know, I don't want to thinkthat, but I wouldn't be here
today with the goals that I haveand the mission that I have and
the way that I parent and how Iapproach you know my time with
my girls.
If I hadn't have gone throughall of those things, yeah, yeah,
(20:27):
the.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
I was talking with one of my groups of masterminds
and we were talking aboutbusiness specifically, and I
loved the way one of the galssaid that she was like I can go
90.
I've gone 90.
I've proved to myself andeveryone else that I can go 90.
And she was like I still couldif I wanted to, but when I'm
doing that I'm going so fast andI'm missing this.
And she was like it's so hardto take my business and put it
(20:53):
on the back burner.
But as soon as I've put it onthe back burner I'm realizing,
realizing like I actually reallyenjoy, like this 45, 50 pace,
like this is actually what Ireally wanted and needed.
It's just that my, like my footwas stuck on that gas pedal.
It was like there was a brick onthat gas pedal, but it was
dissociative and like highfunctioning and it's like I
didn't feel present, I didn'tfeel in my body, I didn't feel
(21:15):
connected to what I was doingand who I was.
And so it's like I think for somany women they're terrified to
take their foot off the gasbecause they're afraid that that
means nothing, like that theycease to exist or their business
is to exist, and it's like Iget so frustrated with the
marketing of like moms can do itall and moms can have it all,
(21:36):
because all of it is soinspirational and it sounds so
positive.
But I know so many women whojust need permission from
someone to say like, yes, it'sokay if it still feels good for
you to keep the pace that youdid before.
It's also totally okay if all offeels good for you to keep the
pace that you did before.
It's also totally okay if allof a sudden, you decide like
whoa, this doesn't feel rightanymore and I want to slow down
(21:57):
temporarily, or at least forthis season.
Like I look at my life and it'slike I didn't have business, I
didn't have that entrepreneurialside at all until my babies
were older, and so I've had thisseason of like I know I could
go 90 right now and there is abig part of me that really,
really wants to like, but I haveto look around in my life and
(22:20):
be like it's not time yet, likeit's not time to be on the
highway and I have some dayswhere I get to have that feeling
, but like right now I don'twant to be going so fast all of
the time and it sounds like whenyou slow down, when you change,
that it also changed yourbusiness and your postpartum
this time.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Yeah, it was like, like you said, I was giving
myself that permission to justtake it day by day, hour by hour
, because I was afraid that if Ilet go of it all, that I would
never come back, that I wouldlose that part of me, or like
not for me.
I think it was a lot about likereaching my potential or like
(23:05):
unfulfilled dreams, and I justdidn't want that to happen.
But when I gave myself thatpermission, I found so much more
joy in the day to day.
I was able to stop feelingpulled in multiple directions,
like I was just feeling for solong of like oh, I'm with Quinn
(23:25):
right now, but like I want to bedoing this.
Or I'm like in my business, butI feel guilty because I want to
be with her.
And then it's so funny Cause,like my husband is like a
stereotypical, like masculine,like bro marketer, like he's an
insurance agent, like he's likeLaura, like if you want to make
this, he's still saying this.
If you want to make it happen,you just have to like stay up
(23:46):
late and get up early.
I'm like I'm waking up three,four, five times a night.
Still, when would you like meto do that?
Because I'm not going to sithere and drown myself in
exhaustion just so I get therefaster.
Like this time when I do it, Iwant to do it because it feels
(24:06):
really good and I want to makethe impact and be creative and
like see myself fulfilled inthat way and also be the woman,
the mom and the wife that I wantto be.
Like I don't want anything tosuffer because I think I have to
go 100.
(24:26):
But it's that permission slipLike you I think I had.
There were so many times that Ijust like completely got off
social because I just needed tohear what I wanted and tune out
all the noises of like oh, youcan have it all or you can make
a million dollars in 20 hours ofbusiness.
(24:47):
If you just do these things,I'm like what the hell is
happening?
Like I just don't understandhere, and so like getting quiet
and just checking in with myselfand being like what do I want
in this season?
Like what are my values?
Because they're different and Ithink normalizing that they can
change, like those values andpriorities so often in different
(25:11):
seasons of motherhood, and justchecking in with yourself is so
powerful because the way that Ifeel now, at 11 months
postpartum about work is sototally different than I felt at
three months postpartum when Ileft my bedside nursing job to
work even less in nursing.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Yeah, well, and it's true that I think I think every
season of motherhood postpartumright, you're always postpartum,
you're always post this now andI think there's so many
different seasons where, evenlately, there was a year or two
ago where, like I was hittingthe gas a little harder, and
then last year I just had thisknowing that like I needed a
(25:50):
different pace.
I needed and wanted somethingdifferent.
And I'm constantly telling momslike it's not about if you're,
if you're leading from thisplace, of like the mom guilt, of
like I'm trying to have it alland do it all and be it all,
which I think is mostly shame,not guilt, but without getting
on that soapbox for me, like Ikeep coming back to like balance
(26:11):
is going to change, yourpriorities are going to change,
because you're in a season whenyou are a mom, you are in a
season where there is something,there is a giant force outside
of you and every time that forcechanges, you have to change,
you have to adapt.
I mean, motherhood is the mostintense form of leadership.
I think that exists, honestly,and I'm always telling people
(26:35):
like the law of motion right,like an object in motion stays
in motion and an object at rest,stays at rest unless acted upon
by an unequal, uneven force.
And I'm like is that notmotherhood?
Like it's?
You're going to have to changeyour pace and whenever that
happens, it's not necessarilygoing to feel pleasant, right,
like if you're speeding up oryou're slowing down.
That doesn't always feel great,but you have to pay attention
(26:58):
to when the pace no longer worksor the direction no longer
works.
I'm curious, I want to, I wantto jump back into more like the
postpartum, especially like thatearly postpartum.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
What is the work that you're so passionate about
doing?
Like, tell me about what you'redoing.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Yeah, so I am launching my new business
holding mom postpartum um as apostpartum nurse navigator.
And so it all was kind of bornjust a couple of weeks into my
own postpartum nurse navigator.
And so it all was kind of bornjust a couple of weeks into my
own postpartum because I was init.
I was in you know the thick,the trenches of fresh postpartum
(27:43):
, terrible nipple pain, like 10out of 10.
I was like something's notright so and we were like
navigating like toddler illness,and so there was so much stress
, there was so much anxiety,there was all these things
happening in those first justcouple of weeks.
And I remember thinking tomyself I can do it this time
(28:08):
because I've done it before, butI also have more support, and
yet I need someone in my corner,that's just for me.
And I don't have that becauseI'm navigating.
Okay, my own health issues,because something's not right
breastfeeding, and I'm acertified lactation counselor I
knew something wasn't right andso I'm like going down all these
(28:30):
rabbit holes, like withlactation consultants and I'm
like you know a thrush diagnosis, and then she was like, oh, but
the latch looks fine.
I'm like, but something's stillnot right.
And then finally it's like atongue tie that we had to get
released.
But in that journey it was nineweeks of pain, stress and then
(28:50):
also navigating the healthcaresystem that I was only able to
do because I'm a nurse and so Ihad that thing that was taking
up all of my time and energy.
I also had the healing ofpostpartum that was happening,
that just happens naturally, andthe sleep deprivation that
(29:12):
happens in those early days andthen transitioning from one to
two kids and my toddler needingme so much, especially because
we came home from the hospitaland two hours later she spikes a
fever.
So I was like, oh, my gosh,like how am I like what is
happening?
And there were so many movingparts.
And that lactation consultantcame into my gosh.
(29:32):
Like how am I like what ishappening?
And there were so many movingparts.
And that lactation consultantcame into my home because I was
like I can't leave, like Icannot physically leave this
house there's, I don't have theenergy.
And I was like, oh, I could dothat.
I could come into someone'shome and support them, maybe not
in a completely lactationcapacity, but I have my parents,
(29:56):
I have my in-laws, I have mysister, but I still feel alone,
I still feel lonely, I stillfeel like there's no one here to
talk to or that I have in myback pocket just for me.
And that's kind of where thisall happened, because postpartum
is such a transitional timewhere your identity is shifting,
(30:19):
your family is changing, yourhealth is all over the place.
I also had food poisoning sevendays postpartum and I was like
deathly ill, like in bed, liketrying to pump myself, like
horizontal, and there's so muchhappening.
And then you also have to dealwith the health care system if
(30:40):
things aren't going well, andthat in itself is a stressor.
So I was like, okay, how can Icombine my experience as a
pediatric and NICU nurse, myexperience?
Now?
I'm a care coordinator nurse,so my job is to navigate the
(31:02):
healthcare system for parents.
Put that in my lactationknowledge, my baby care
knowledge, like all of thesethings.
How can I combine them, plus mywork with women to make sure
that no woman feels alone intheir postpartum period, so that
they feel empowered going intoit?
They feel like they're reallylifted up instead of feeling
lonely, even when there's peoplearound them.
(31:23):
And that's where this was born,and so, like now, it's almost
been a full year of tinkeringand refining and working with
clients and it's just.
This mission is something thatI would have never thought to
like help moms really thrive inthe postpartum period.
(31:44):
But if I can help someone spota perinatal mental health
disorder sooner or prevent it,or help them feel more empowered
or help them elongate theirbreastfeeding journey, like then
I will feel so good about that,because the way that you enter
(32:04):
motherhood and the way that youexperience postpartum affects
you for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
What you just said there, yes, a thousand times,
because I got so sick of thewhole culture around breast is
best, or fed is best, or thebirths, or it's like, and it's
like the only reason any of that, like that stuff does matter,
but it it matters because youmatter, it matters because this
baby matter, it matters becausethis baby matters, it matters
because your experience and yourhealth and wellbeing matter,
(32:32):
like that's why all of thatmatters.
So people can talk untilthey're blue in the face about
what's better for you and yourbaby.
But like what if you actuallyhad someone to figure out what
you needed and wanted and thereality that, like what we think
is best doesn't always work outin our control, or what we
wanted or how we wanted?
And even just when you said,like looking out for the
(32:55):
perinatal mood disorders, we hada provider, like a local group
of providers that all gottogether talking about like
perinatal mental and emotionalwellness and that was one of the
things we were talking about islike your postpartum screening
at your doctor's appointment.
It's like, even if, even if youhave red flags on that, like
most of those providers, likethey aren't, they aren't
(33:17):
equipped for that, like they'renot equipped for helping you or
supporting you, and it's likeyou have these women who, it's
like even well-connected womenlike, who have a network of
people.
I think people are so busy,unfortunately, I think our
culture is moving so quicklythat even when you have really
(33:38):
good friends and family, it canbe so easy to miss, especially
for, like, your high functioningwomen or the people who present
really well, but like they'restruggling so much underneath.
And I think of like if therecould be one person who saw
someone and like actually wasn'tafraid to talk about it, one or
(33:58):
ask the hard questions withoutthem being hard, like just
normalizing the experiencewithout terrifying people
normalizing the experiencewithout terrifying people.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Yeah Well, and my postpartum anxiety wasn't caught
.
My first time I lied on thatquestionnaire I was like I'm
fine, like I'm just tired, like,and if I had actually, I think,
recognized in the moments thatI was really struggling with PPA
and probably, honestly, somePPD, that like was just missed,
I think my entire postpartumexperience could have been so
(34:35):
much better and I wouldn't havestruggled so much.
And it's why I get so fired upabout it.
I'm like you really think asheet of paper at six weeks or
eight weeks postpartum is goingto do anything?
Women's drowning, like there'sno way, like there's just
there's no way.
And it's such an important andlike honorable thing to walk
(35:03):
through a walk throughpostpartum with a woman.
And it's why I'm like sittingfor my perinatal mental health
certification too, cause I'mlike I, I refuse, I refuse to do
this work and then completelyignore this huge part that one
out of five women experience.
One out of five women in theirpregnancy or postpartum
experience like a perinatal moodor anxiety disorder.
(35:24):
And if that's the case and mostof it is undiagnosed, like
that's so many women sufferingand it's just like you said,
this idea of like well, breastis best, and like don't use
medication and labor, and likeall this stuff.
It's like that's part of theissue.
Is this judgment that we're allpassing, whether it's from
(35:46):
practitioners or just you knowfriends or colleagues or you
know acquaintances.
You just have to be supportedand lifted up and celebrated and
whatever happens is totallyperfect, like if you're taking
care of yourself and you'retaking care of your baby, you
win, instead of putting all thispressure on yourself to do it a
(36:07):
certain way.
So I get so fired up about itbecause I'm just like it
shouldn't be this way.
Like I got so fired up about itat this postpartum that I
applied to grad school to becomea women's health nurse
practitioner, until it's like Idon't actually want to do that
Because the system has to changethe way that we treat women and
(36:28):
especially postpartum women.
Like it has to change and ifnot, then like motherhood is
going to continue being astruggle for people and continue
being overlooked.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Yeah, well, and what's wild.
I was listening to what podcastwas Diary of a CEO, but I'm
trying.
I can't remember who his guestwas and you know some of the
stuff his guest said.
I was like whatever.
But there was some stuff hesaid about like the birth rates,
how much they're decliningbecause people aren't interested
in being mothers anymore, andhe had some interesting ideas of
(37:01):
how we solve that, like robotnurses.
It's really bad, you'll have tolisten to it.
I was like what is happeningwhen we're like embracing that,
like AI should raise ourchildren?
Anyways, without getting on thatnote, what I was gonna say is
that, like this is a huge issueand I think what's hard is I'm
such like a big bleeding heartfor women and I look at like
(37:23):
when I first started my businessand like same like that was so
much of my heart is.
I was like so many people arelooking at mothers as they
parent, right, they're like howare you parenting?
What are you doing?
And I was like who's lookingout for the person, the person
of the mother, hence, like thename, the motherhood mentor.
That's where that came from.
It was like who's looking outfor you as a human being, as a
(37:46):
person Like who's looking outfor you as a human being, as a
person, and I think there was somany times over the last couple
of years where I'm like man,this is too big, too big.
And then I have these momentswhere it's like that one mom or
that one person or that onelittle tiny change, where it's
like, if you can impact a mother, what's crazy?
When you impact a mother, youimpact her entire family, her
(38:08):
entire lineage.
Like this is cycle breaking atits best of like you, when you
are helping a mother, she willautomatically go and help her
children more.
Like when a mother feels better, she'll be able to parent
better.
Right, because the parentingcomes from the parent.
But I think so much ofparenting, education and experts
(38:29):
for so so long has been abouthow do you do it the right way.
It's all of these books, it'sall of these experts telling you
what to do, and it's all veryinformational, which I think is
helpful.
But I'm like we have moreinformation than we've ever had
and like, at what point doesthat stop helping?
Because what people really needis relationship and advocacy,
(38:51):
someone to believe them andtrust them and hear them out and
support them in the decisionsthey're making.
Because it's like man, thatpostpartum period.
It's been so long since I'vebeen there, but I had the like
honor of sitting in a room, Iwas sitting at dinner, with a
group of women who, like they'reall still in that, like two and
under, yeah, and I was justlike, oh my gosh, that was so
(39:16):
fucking exhausting.
Like when you get to likesecond or third grade, like none
of the moms are talking about,like you black out, no one knows
where your babies were born orhow or what they were fed, or
like.
And I still remember I think itwas like kindergarten or first
grade year I like looked aroundand I was like I breastfed this
(39:39):
kid for so freaking long and sheis sicker than every kid in
that class, yeah, but like,honestly, I didn't realize how
bad my postpartum anxiety wasbecause I was so controlling, I
was so like I have to do theright thing at the right time,
and that perfectionismpostpartum is always so brutal.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
It's.
I mean, it's paralyzing thatperfectionism because you want,
you want to do everything foryour baby perfectly, you want to
be perfect Like you, the waythat you show up in your body
and like like it's just nonstop.
And I don't know, I truly don'tknow where that comes from,
(40:23):
because no one's telling me thatI have to look a certain way or
I have to do these certainthings, or, you know, show up
for both of my children at thispoint, going from one to two.
In a certain way, it's all me,like I'm the one having these
crazy high expectations to thepoint where, like, I'm driving
(40:46):
myself insane and my husband'slike what the hell is wrong with
you?
And I'm looking at him like youdon't care.
He's like, well, of course Icare, but like, what are you
stressing about?
Just last night we had anexperience with you.
Know, we have had an angry facein our toddler's life and I
guess she's a preschooler nowand I'm like stressed.
(41:06):
I'm like I don't know.
Are we doing the right thing?
Like with this discipline, likeI don't know, because this
person says this and this personhe's like Laura, they're not in
our house.
I was like, but aren't youconcerned that you're going to
traumatize here.
I was like, no, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
I was like must be nice, must be nice.
Like there's so many timeswhere I'm like if I could just
not care too much, right, wouldit be easier.
But also like I could never notcare too much.
Like I like that part aboutmyself that there's too much,
but I've had to learn to let itbe this permission for growth,
this permission for wanting todo things better and better and
better in every arena of my life, like classic perfectionism.
But like I have to also realizelike it's not going to be
(41:49):
perfect, it's going to be messy,it's going to be human, and
like that's also how it'ssupposed to be.
But it's.
It's interesting that you werelike wait, why did we get this?
And I think it's because it'sit's so much unconscious, it's
so much unconscious of like ouranimal bodies are picking up I
do think social media has a bigthing to do with it of like our
animal bodies are unconsciouslytaking in data points of how we
(42:12):
belong and what we need to do tosurvive.
But like that no longer lookslike just make sure you're a
decent parent and don't abuseyour kids.
Like the bar used to be prettyfreaking low.
Like it used to be pretty low.
Like that bar, to like be agood parent.
And now you think of the likeextremes and I do.
(42:34):
This is coming from someone who, like I, I care way too much
about parenting.
Like I tended to the overparenting category.
I read all the books, I listento all the podcasts and
sometimes I just remind myselfthis is too much.
Just go connect with my kid andlike be a decent human being.
Like, be a healthy human being,be a leader of my own emotions,
(42:56):
my own decisions, my boundaries.
Make sure that I am teachinglike, what do I want to teach my
kids?
I come back to that values work, which I think.
How many mothers, how manypeople are going into motherhood
with someone talking to themabout like, what do you value as
a person?
What do you value for your kids?
What hills are you willing todie on with your kids?
That's where I always come backto is like is this a hill I
(43:18):
need to die on?
Is the kid going to be okay?
We don't have villages anymore.
We don't see other kidsthrowing tantrums and how other
moms respond to them, and a widevariety of responses too, of
like.
There's a lot of differentversions of healthy responses to
toddlers throwing fits, but weonly see one.
We see like, by the way, I loveDr Becky.
So when I say like we only hearDr Becky's response to the
(43:41):
toddler throwing a fit, and I'mlike yeah, that's one version of
healthy, but like there's awhole different orientation of
like how you might respond.
You might not be Dr Becky andwe I love her Right.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
I'm yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
No, go ahead.
I was just going to say how isyour?
Speaker 2 (44:02):
postpartum season changing.
Now I feel there are days whereI feel so very much in that
postpartum season still Like I'mstill very actively
breastfeeding because this child, my children, just refuse to
self wean.
We also are like still havingmany night wake ups.
(44:22):
She's got like a million teethcoming in.
She's going through all thesedevelopmental changes.
I don't judge, no matter whatpeople choose to do.
I can't let her cry Like I'mgoing in there whenever she
needs me to.
So, like those days I'm like I'min it, like I'm in the trenches
.
I'm still very much in babyphase.
But then there's other dayswhere I'm like there's maybe
(44:44):
half of the days last week thatI was like wow, like I feel
really good, I feel creative andambitious and I've gotten to
the point where I just finallyadmitted that I want to be
working more Um, which I didn'tat all like the last year and a
half Um I cut.
I like cut down to a what wecall in the nursing world a soft
(45:06):
nursing position where, um I'mnot client-facing, I'm very much
like working with parentsbehind the scenes.
I'm remote Um, I work 20 hoursa week and now I'm like I want
another day a week at least ofworking on my business and I'm
feeling that itch again, likeI'm feeling kind of myself
(45:26):
emerge.
But it depends on the day.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
So like that fog, it's like I always tell people.
It's like when you're in thefog, like you don't know when
it's going to go away, and likesometimes it's like looser fog,
like you can see through itbetter.
Sometimes it's denser and likesometimes it'll lift, sometimes
it'll come back, but like it'sjust not panicking when you're
in the fog of like it will getsunny, like today we were both
(45:50):
talking about.
Like it's sunny and it'sbeautiful out, Like I just have
to remind myself it's just aseason.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Mm-hmm, and that has been really helpful for me.
This time is like the secondtime, mom, energy of like I know
this is all going to end.
First time, mommy, I was like Iknow this is all going to end.
First time, mommy, I was like,oh my God, this is never going
to get better, never going toend.
Like my first didn't sleepthrough the night till 17 months
, and so that for me was just sohard.
This time I'm like, all right,we're 11 months, like we'll see
(46:18):
how long this will last, butlike I know it's going to end.
And then I'm like, when that'sit, the sleep is such a big
thing.
Like once that sleep happens,things feel so much better and
even like I got my firstpostpartum period, like a couple
last month maybe, and that initself, like that hormone cycle,
actually led me to feel a lotmore like myself than I had been
(46:41):
.
Um, and I think, until I end upweaning from breastfeeding,
like it's, it's like anacceptance, that like okay, like
I'm still going to feel.
Like that fog I have, like it'salmost like um, like one of
those filters that like you putin front of a camera, like that
sepia filter from the early days.
That's just gonna.
(47:01):
It's how it is, until for me atleast, until I get my body back
, until you know I don't have towake up every one to three
hours, or you know, whatever itis.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Oh, that season, uh, like it, it's a season that asks
a lot of us.
It really does.
It asks a lot of so manydifferent parts of ourself
mentally, emotionally,physically.
And can I just say, as someonewho was out of those years of
like the sleep stuff we had kidswho had been sleeping through
the night for years and I mean,like our kids were like, our
(47:36):
kids were big enough that it waslike you say goodnight, it's
like five minutes, they're inbed, they go to sleep on their
own, they sleep in.
It was magical and we got got apuppy.
And not only was this puppy, itwas a very unexpected like holy
shit, I now am responsible forthis thing.
That's just like trying to killitself or destroy everything.
(47:57):
Again, like very much toddlervibes, yeah, but we started not
sleeping and when I tell you, ittook one week for me to all of
a sudden be like what the fuckis wrong with me, like why is
this destroying me?
And it was.
I think it was sleep and Ithink it was like we were
fighting more and bickering moreand I was like mad at my
husband and like I was like notas patient and like I'm grateful
(48:18):
that, like I was healthy enoughto be able to like kind of go
outside myself and be like it'sokay, it's just because you're
not sleeping good.
But I was like I wonder ifwomen in that season know, like
literally, how much this ismaking things harder on you.
And then it's not even yourfault, like that's.
I was someone who was like Iwas perfectly stable, I had so
(48:39):
much mental and emotionalcapacity, everything in my life
was fine.
And then you took sleep awayfrom me and all of a sudden I
was just like am I okay?
Speaker 2 (48:48):
Oh, it's insane, Like it's actually insane how much
it affects you and like I havean aura ring, so like I'm
tracking my sleep and so likeevery day, like it's like
something stressed you less.
I'm like no shit.
Of course my body is stressedbecause I'm not sleeping through
the night, but like those fewnights where it's like, oh, I
got five hour stretches, liketwice last week I think she
(49:09):
slept five hours in a row.
I woke up and I could take onthe world, and it's.
It's just so funny how thelittlest things could.
Because you've got the sleepdeprivation, you've got the
hormone shifts, no matter if youbreastfeed or not, like you're
still, your hormones don'tregulate for up to two years
postpartum.
(49:29):
So, like you know, you're notgoing to feel completely
yourself for a long, long time.
And it's why I started doingthis like intentional motherhood
challenge recently that I'vestarted posting about, because
on those hard days I've beenfinding that like, oh, I just
I'm so frustrated by this, likeI want to have more of those
really good days, but I wasn'tenjoying it anymore.
(49:53):
I wasn't enjoying the you know,playtime with my kids or
whatever, and I'm like, okay,well, if that's the case, like
what's actually going on and Ijust wasn't being intentional
Part of it's winter.
I just wasn't being intentionalPart of it's winter but, like,
I was like how, how can I makethis more enjoyable for me in a
(50:15):
season where it's not perfect,where I'm not getting the rest
that I need, where I don't fullyfeel like myself yet, and
knowing that that's okay.
But, like, what are the smallthings I can do to enjoy every
part more?
And that's been really helpingtoo is just like doing these
small things like training for arace and enjoying my coffee and
getting dressed in jeans ratherthan leggings, like just small
things at this point postpartum,where I get those glimmers of
(50:38):
like oh, like, I'm here, it'sgoing to be okay.
Speaker 1 (50:42):
Well, I think that's so important because I think
there's so many women who theythey go to that like hyper
control area of, likeperfectionist, trying to do
everything really, really well.
And I think there's this fearof this other side where, like
women, get into this victimmentality, where, like they lose
concept of they're so dedicatedto motherhood that they stop,
(51:06):
they stop feeling and showing upto the actions they can't make
Right.
And it of course, it makessense why that happens.
But coming back to this placewhere it's like what can I
control, what is what is withinmy capacity?
And it's like, yes, I can't,consistency can't look the same
that it used to.
But maybe my consistency can bedependent on my capacity, and I
(51:28):
can.
It doesn't have to be an hourin the gym every single day.
It can be a 10 minute walkoutside with my toddler.
Is that perfect?
No, but like it, it brings youback little by little, and I
think so many women are so usedto that all or nothing.
And I think in motherhood itjust like it really intensifies
it so much.
And if we can get out of thatall or nothing, and I think in
motherhood it just like itreally intensifies it so much
and if we can get out of thatall or nothing.
(51:49):
And especially the comparisontoo, because I think we look at
what someone else is doing andif we can't do that, we just
don't do anything.
Versus what can I do, what'swithin my capacity?
If you are early on postpartum,that capacity might be smaller
versus like, and then also youget to this shift where you go I
need more, I need more time, Ineed more space, I need more
(52:12):
intensity.
Like I'm in a season right nowwhere I'm coming out of like a
personal winter season where I'mgoing like okay slow, isn't
feeling good anymore.
Like we've had enough grace,becca, like I literally like the
other day with like journalingand I was like we have had
enough grace and compassion.
We need a little bit moreGoggins energy.
Like we need a little bit morelike get up out of bed early in
(52:33):
the morning to get stuff done,because I'm craving that, I'm
needing that.
Like things aren't feeling goodanymore and there are things
that I can control with it.
So it's it's interesting tonotice those kinds of different
waves of seasons, yeah.
Speaker 2 (52:49):
And like, if you get like even deeper into it, like
if you're into astrology andeverything like.
Mars has been in retrogradeliterally until like the other
day, and that's our planet oflike action, and so now it's
direct, so like we might allstart to feel this energy of
like.
Oh, I do want to take someaction now and I feel kind of
ambitious.
This energy of like, oh, I dowant to take some action now and
(53:09):
I feel kind of ambitious andthe you know astrological new
year is coming up in March.
So like I will never forget,yeah, like my spiritual like
side, my spiritual friends arelike yeah, I mean, the new year
technically doesn't startastrologically until March.
So like, if you feel likeyou're in a winter December,
january, february that's totallyfine.
That always makes me feel alittle better too.
I'm like oh, okay, like youknow, it's not technically the
(53:31):
new year.
Speaker 1 (53:32):
I am not an astrology person at all, like I just like
I don't get it.
But just the other day I likelooked at a friend and I was
like is there a planet in themicrowave again?
Because something's going on,something has changed, and I was
like there's somethinghappening on an energetic like
our animal bodies.
There's something happening.
And it's so fascinating because, like I work with such diverse
(53:55):
clients Like they're all momsMost of them are entrepreneurs
Like there's a lot ofsimilarities, but like when I
start hearing the same themesover and over and over, I'm
going huh, what's happening?
Speaker 2 (54:10):
out here.
Speaker 1 (54:12):
What's happening in the realms that, like, I can't
concretely see.
And obviously there's like theculture is a lot of chaos and
stuff right now, but I was likethere's something going on right
now, so that's, I have to lookthat up.
I'm curious what did we miss?
Is there something that youwanted to like touch on about,
like postpartum, or just likesomething else you would share
(54:32):
that we didn't talk about yet?
Speaker 2 (54:35):
I think the biggest thing that I come back to time
and time and time again when Ilook back at my last two
postpartums and how I feel as amom now and an entrepreneur now
and in the vast ways that I havehelped women in the last couple
of years, it all comes down tobeing able to trust yourself and
(54:58):
know that you know yourself,your body, your baby, your
business best.
And if we can remember that andtune out the noise like, I feel
like that is the most empowering, powerful thing that we could
ever do as women, as mothers, istrust our intuition and trust
ourselves to make thosedecisions, no matter if you are
(55:21):
three months postpartum, whetheryou have older kids that are 10
and 12, like, no matter whatstage of business you're in,
when you can come back toyourself.
I think that's what the worldwants us to forget and to like
ignore, and there's nothing morepowerful and I just feel super
honored to help women rememberthat, like in this age of over
(55:47):
information.
Yes, I will.
You know, I will empower youwith education from you, know my
nursing background and mylactation background.
But, like, at the end of theday, you've got to do you and
you've got to trust yourself,and that's my biggest thing, no
matter what.
Speaker 1 (56:05):
Can I ask you something about that?
Mm-hmm, what if a woman saysshe doesn't know how to trust
herself?
That's my biggest thing, nomatter what.
Can I ask you something aboutthat?
What if a woman says shedoesn't know how to trust
herself?
Speaker 2 (56:13):
She just has to look for like ways that she can and
for like what is that word?
My postpartum brain, but theexamples of it.
Because there are times thatyou've been able to trust
yourself.
There are times that you haveshown able to trust yourself.
There are times that you haveshown up for yourself when you
thought that you couldn't, oryou went through something
really, really tough and youthought you weren't going to get
(56:34):
through it, and you did.
Or you advocated for a friend,or you advocated, you know, you
left a party early in highschool because it felt weird,
like that's you trustingyourself, like it can show up in
such tiny or large ways.
And I think sometimes, if youfeel like, oh no, I've made
(56:54):
mistakes or I've not been ableto trust myself in the past,
there's so many more examples oftimes that you could have.
Speaker 1 (57:02):
Yeah, I really like that and I hear, too, something
that I work with women a lot ofsometimes we're not trusting
ourselves because we've givenour like emotional, energetic
authority outside of ourselvesright, and I think this
especially happens in motherhood, because there's so many
experts, there's so many peopleoutside of us who know better
and we give I was doing airquotes there on the know better.
(57:24):
They do know information, butthere's not relationship,
there's not connection and it'slike I would never trust a rando
on the street to make decisionsfor me.
I might trust someone who knows, loves and likes me, who has
only positive intent for me, butI think some women, when they,
when we're like, oh, just trustyourselves, or trust your
intuition, it's like you canstart by taking some authority
(57:46):
back and creating consistencyand, like you said, like the
evidence of when are times whereyou didn't know what you were
doing and yet you figured it out, you asked the right questions
or you got the right support, oryou figured out like, what
would a trustworthy person do,who's someone I trust in my life
, and how do they show up, howdo they talk, how do they relate
(58:07):
?
And then bringing that back tohow you relate to yourself,
because I do think trust andintuition for so many women is
so hard, especially inmotherhood.
Because it's so it's thathasn't been a very important
part for a long time.
Speaker 2 (58:22):
Well, because people don't make money If you trust
yourselves, well because peopledon't make money.
Speaker 1 (58:29):
If you trust yourselves, I know how to make
you.
I can't have you pay me threegrand for me to teach you how to
make seven grand if you knowwhat to do already Exactly.
Speaker 2 (58:38):
It's like and with the clients that I've had so far
holding mom postpartum, likethey'll text me questions, right
, and they'll say, like thisthing is happening with my milk
supply.
Or you know, I decided to sleeptrain and now my milk supply is
going down.
Like what should I do?
I'm like, well, first.
Or like they're trying totroubleshoot something's
happening and they're like Idon't know if she's getting
enough.
I'm like, okay, here's what welook for, here's the evidence,
(59:00):
the education here.
I know what I think, but Ialways say I'm like what do you
think?
It is?
Like check in with your gutright now.
Is this your anxiety talking?
Is this actually real?
Or like, is it somethingdifferent?
Like what do you actually think?
You're just looking for me togive the answers, but you
(59:21):
already know the answer.
And every single time they'relike this is what I think it is.
I'm like, oh, yeah% agree.
But like yeah, I'm glad thatyou came to that conclusion.
They want that affirmation andpermission that they love
themselves exactly, and so Ithink the more that we get to do
that as women, the more that wecan help other women do that,
like our friends and our clients, like we end up really
(59:45):
empowering like an entiregeneration of women and our
daughters to do the same.
So then we are no longer givingour power away and and looking
outside of ourselves for theanswers or for what's like what
you said earlier, like what'sright.
That's a huge thing for me.
I'm like, oh, I always want todo what's right, and it's like
no, like that will exhaust youto the point of no return.
Speaker 1 (01:00:06):
And it's interesting.
We're talking about motherhoodright now, but my brain just
went and this goes for businesstoo, and I think that's that is
one reason why motherhood andbusiness go beautifully together
is because you start realizingthat like there is no perfect
formula for it, especially whenwe're talking, like
entrepreneurship, business, oflike you like, yeah, you need
(01:00:28):
some strategies, yeah, you needsome information, but like at
some point, like you're, you'regoing to have to take messy
action, you're going to have totrust yourself, you're going to
have to make some mistakes andfigure it out along the way and
pivot when necessary.
I have loved this conversationso much, laura.
It has.
It has just like lit me up tobe able to like see you and talk
to you and just see yourevolution since I first met you
(01:00:51):
too.
Speaker 2 (01:00:53):
It's been so nice.
I mean, I remember when youlike, when we first met and you
were just starting your businessand it's just like so cool to
see how much you've evolved.
Speaker 1 (01:01:02):
It was like a postpartum mom.
Yeah, my sisters.
Speaker 2 (01:01:06):
Yeah, it was just like so sweet and you've just
come so far and I've just lovedwatching you like every step of
the way and I'm so grateful thatwe're still in contact and I've
loved being here.
Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
We need like a reunion or something.
I love all you ladies.
Well, thank you so much.
Yeah, thank you.
Thanks for joining me ontoday's episode of the
Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
Make sure you have subscribedbelow so that you see all of the
upcoming podcasts that arecoming soon.
(01:01:37):
I hope you take today's episodeand you take one aha moment,
one small, tangible piece ofwork that you can bring into
your life.
To get your hands a littledirty, to get your skin in the
game.
Don't forget to take upaudacious space in your life.
If this podcast moved you, ifit inspired you, if it
(01:01:57):
encouraged you, please do me afavor and leave a review, send
an episode to a friend.
This helps the show gain moretraction.
It helps us to support moremoms, more women, and that's
what we're doing here.
So I hope you have an awesomeday, take really good care of
yourself and I'll see you nexttime.
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