June 10, 2025 • 24 mins
Ever notice rage in your jaw before it reaches your thoughts? That’s your body giving you flags long before your mindset can “think positive.” In Episode 2 of our Somatic Series, Becca unpacks why nervous-system regulation isn’t about staying zen 24/7; it’s about riding the full emotional wave without getting wiped out.
You’ll learn to:
- Pinpoint the exact sensations—heat, buzzing, pressure—that signal an oncoming outburst through Somatic Sensation Tracking
- Use “orienting” to pull your nervous system back to here & now, instead of reliving old scripts giving you more presence
- Convert surging energy into boundary-setting power rather than bottled-up yelling from being in a glass case of emotions
Forget forcing calm. We don't need to sweep our dynamic humanity under a rug of good and grateful. True nervous system regulation means expanding your Window of Connection and capacity so you can meet a toddler tantrum, an inbox explosion, or a partner clash with presence and potency.
Download the free Somatic Workbook for guided practices and worksheets
If you’re ready to stop living on autopilot and start leading your life with deep presence, I’d love to work with you. Book a free interest call here: Click Here
💌 Want more? Follow me on Instagram @themotherhoodmentor for somatic tools, nervous system support, and real-talk on high-functioning burnout, ambition, healing perfectionism, and motherhood. And also pretty epic meme drops.
🎧 Did you love this episode? Be sure to follow and please take a quick moment to leave a review and send this episode to a friend. I'd love to hear from you on how this podcast impacted you, send me a DM or an email.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to today's episode of the Motherhood Mentor
Podcast.
Today is part two in oursomatic series, where we are
talking about the foundations ofsomatic healing and how
somatics can really help youfeel, heal and reclaim your body
, your energy, your presence andhow to regulate your nervous
(00:24):
system and your emotions.
And I really just wanted tobring you some of the basics and
foundations of somatics in away that's easy and accessible
and that can immediately impactyour life.
I mean immediately impact yourlife, and I would encourage you
don't just listen to this, don'tjust take this in as
information.
Go integrate it, go practice it, go try it out, go play with it
(00:49):
, get your hands messy with it.
There is a workbook that goesalong with this episode, with
this series that I'm doing.
That gives you tangible,tactile, visual cues and some of
the worksheets that I use.
I don't always use worksheetswith my clients, but they're
available to my clients and so Iwanted to share some of it's
(01:13):
essentially the first module ofmy somatic healing course that's
now available for beta testers,which essentially means you're
going through the course as I'mbuilding it, so you get some
additional support, you get toask questions, you get to have a
little bit of community there,some of the live sessions where
we're doing like somaticmeditations and somatic
movements.
You get to do with me live andthen get questions, get feedback
(01:36):
, get coaching.
But essentially I'm taking thewhole first module of my course
and giving it to you free inthis somatic series, mostly just
because I love somatics and Iwanted to bring it to more
people.
I wanted to make it easilyavailable and honestly, when
people are like okay, I lovesomatics, what's your favorite
book recommendation, I alwayskind of pause and like, oh, I
(01:58):
don't really have one, because,at least for me, somatics in a
book on a page, it just fallsflat because so much of somatics
.
Again, if you're new here, golisten to the last episode where
I teach you what somatics is,what it's not.
But somatics is your experience, it's a relationship and to me
(02:21):
on a book that usually justfalls flat, other than an audio
book, I think an audio book canmake it a little bit more
connected.
But today we're going to startdiving into some of the somatic
practices, some of the languagearound somatics, and one of the
big parts of somatic healing isthat we start to look at your
(02:41):
life not just through story andnot just through your beliefs
and not just through thelanguage of here's who I am,
here's what I am, here's whatI'm doing, here's this feeling,
here's why I feel this way, andinstead we're focusing on
sensation.
So when you think aboutemotional regulation or nervous
(03:06):
system regulation, a lot ofpeople think of having the
language for what you're feeling, which, first of all, the
majority of people in ourculture have very, very little
language for our emotionalexperiences.
Most people have five wordsangry, mad, sad, happy.
(03:26):
But the emotional experience isso vast.
I mean, think of the differencebetween anger and resentment,
the difference between anger andoverwhelm, anger that's
infuriated versus anger that'sannoyed, anger that you feel
(03:49):
betrayed versus let down.
Those are all very differentexperiences, but if we're
calling all of them angry, itdoesn't really tell us what to
do with it.
Or even, let's look at happy.
Feeling playful is verydifferent than feeling content.
Feeling peaceful can feel verydifferent than feeling powerful.
(04:10):
Feeling valued is verydifferent than feeling
interested.
And yet all of those can quoteunquote feel happy.
But what do those feelingsactually feel like?
What is your sensory experiencein your body and not just your
head?
So one of the foundations istracking emotion and tracking
(04:35):
sensation.
So oftentimes people will say,well, where do you feel that?
So we'll start with language.
We'll start with the cognitive.
Let's start getting into thestory of things, let's start
talking about what's happening.
And as you talk, usually you'llstart to get some emotional
language.
You'll start to say I'm so madat my sister, I'm so I can't
(04:56):
believe my mom did that.
It brings me so much grief andanger.
And it's like, okay, pause,where do you feel that?
Is it in your chest?
Is, ooh, pause, where do youfeel that?
Is it in your chest?
Is it in your shoulders?
Is it in your throat, your gut?
And then, when you pay attentionto where you're feeling that,
what does it feel like?
(05:16):
And then we get into thesewords of like achy, is it cold,
is it hot, is it fast, is itslow?
Is it light?
Is it fast, is it slow?
Is it light?
Is it heavy?
Is it butterflies in yourstomach or is it bees in your
chest?
Does it feel like you're goingtoo fast, like you're a live
wire?
Does it feel too numb, like youdon't feel anything at all?
(05:40):
Or is it numb that it feelslike you just got off the toilet
and your foot went numb andit's like it's this numbness,
but there's a stinging and abuzzing with it.
Is there a weight on your chest?
Does it feel like you can'tbreathe?
Are you frozen?
Does it feel like you're tryingto run, but you're running from
, you're running in mud?
Does it feel too little or toomuch?
(06:03):
Do you feel limp or do you feelbraced and rigid?
What does that emotion feellike in your body?
See, most of us, especially ifyou've been doing this healing
work, if you have a goodfoundation of emotional
regulation and you've done somehealing or some growth work or
(06:25):
you had parents who taught youabout emotional regulation, you
might have some language.
But do you have language forthe nuance, for the relationship
to what you're feeling, notjust the story?
So I just introduced you to twoof the most foundational
(06:45):
somatic tools of tracking chargeand activation tracking.
Where is this energy?
Your emotions are energy.
Though that energy, it wants tomove, it has a movement to it,
it has a pattern.
It has an movement to it.
It has a pattern, it has anemotional, biological response.
(07:07):
For example, if you think ofanger and I'm going to use anger
in the broad term, I'm going touse fight in the broad term.
If you're feeling a fightenergy, you might move
aggressively towards someone.
You might start using harsher,louder, more intense language.
Your face might start bracingand you might get these
(07:30):
expressions of meanness.
You might use more teeth.
You might hunch in yourshoulders, almost like you're
getting ready to likeaggressively move towards
someone with a fist.
You might even finding yourselfwanting to like, scream or
aggressively get at someone.
That's that fight energy inyour body wanting to move you.
That is the purpose of emotionand energy.
(07:56):
The problem that we run into isthat people get stuck in those
patterns because our culturenever taught us how to resolve
things.
It taught us to repress it.
It didn't teach us how tohealthily express anger.
Anger, I'm.
I'm using anger as an examplebecause for a lot of women, it
is their most uncomfortableresponse, it's their most
(08:18):
uncomfortable emotion.
Now, that's not true, I will.
I take that back.
That that's most women, nottrue?
I will.
I take that back that that'smost women.
Because a lot of women, angeris the only acceptable emotion
to express and so a lot of timesthey go to anger as a
protective response, to protectthem from having to feel the
more vulnerable emotions likegrief or sadness or
(08:39):
disappointment or hurt.
So but again, when this, whenthis emotion comes up in you,
it's an energy that needs tomove, that needs to metabolize,
and we have gotten away frombeing human, of knowing how to
express those emotions and insome ways, this is a good thing.
We need some amount ofself-control.
(09:02):
A great example of why we wantand need self-control is, you
know, I think of my little guyand I was pushing him in a
grocery cart in a store and hewas a little guy even since he
was a baby.
He wanted his personal space.
And we're walking through theaisles, we're grocery shopping,
pretty sure we're in the produce, and I was kind of I was right
(09:23):
next to the cart but I was kindof like leaning away, I'm pretty
sure we're in the produce and Iwas like bagging something.
And this you know, very kind,smiley lady came and she was
like getting kind of in hisspace, in his face.
I had babies pre 2020.
I hope it's still better.
I hope.
I hope people are better nowabout personal space, not like
(09:43):
too much personal space where itwas like awkwardly avoiding
each other, but like give me abubble.
Anyways, this lady got him in myson's bubble.
He was a toddler, maybe two hewas.
He was little enough to tostill have all of his human,
natural responses online.
He hadn't been taught what wassocially acceptable yet, right.
(10:05):
And this lady kind of got inhis face and he just straight up
hit her.
He just straight up pushed heraway, which is a very natural
thing of I don't know you, youdon't belong in my face, you're
not my mom, you're not my dad,get away from me.
It was a fight response andit's like.
Of course he did that.
That's like, but that's notsocially appropriate anymore,
(10:28):
right, that's not sociallyacceptable.
And so we learn to repressthese responses and expressions
of emotion.
And why I use that word?
I want you to think of thatword repressing versus
expressing.
Because let's use anotherexample so many moms want to
(10:48):
work on not yelling at theirkids anymore, which I'm all for.
I am all about that goal.
Let's do it.
And you telling yourself, don'tyell at my kids Isn't going to
help because you're not dealingwith the energy that's creating
the yell for me.
I actually, when I was yellingat my kids isn't going to help,
because you're not dealing withthe energy that's creating the
yell For me.
I actually, when I was yellingat my kids, it for the most part
(11:12):
for me and my body, I actuallywasn't having an experience of
anger, I wasn't mad at something.
I was overstimulated and to mea lot of times, overstimulation.
I have ADHD.
I'm very, very sensitive tolike lots of noise, especially
when you know the TV is on andthere's music and now the kids
(11:33):
are fighting or sometimes theyweren't even fighting, they were
playing.
But it was like too much for me.
It was too much emotion, it wastoo much noise and I'm an
empath, so like I could feelthat things were about to get
tense and now I'm thinkingthere's conflict coming right.
So there's all these differentlayers to what I'm experiencing.
But in those early days ofmotherhood I didn't have
(11:57):
language for what I wasexperiencing.
I only had language for thebehavior of.
I keep yelling at my kids and Idon't understand why I hate that
.
I'm yelling.
That's not how I want to behaveas a parent.
Now.
Sometimes I need to raise myvoice to get their attention.
I need to raise my voice toassert my authority.
I need to know how to throw myweight around as a mom.
(12:19):
As a parent, my kids sometimesneed to feel, oh mom means
business.
My kids sometimes need to feel,oh mom means business.
And the way that I do that, Iwant to be respectful and
intentional and I want to setclear boundaries and
expectations and clearconsequences versus me, just
like combusting and yelling andbeing mean or rude and you know
(12:41):
saying random shit that I'm notgoing to follow through with
right.
Who else has like yelled somerandom threat that you're never
going to follow through from?
But I would see myself havingthese responses and I just kept
trying to repress them andrepress them, but that doesn't
work.
It doesn't work.
It might work for a short time,but it doesn't work in the long
(13:02):
run.
And relationally, what willhappen if you only repress it is
you will eventually start toresent them because your body's
still having this reactioninside of you, even if you're
not expressing it.
So we need to learn how to workwith the emotional energy of our
bodies and learn how tometabolize and move and move
(13:26):
these emotions through us inways that aren't maladaptive.
So adaptive is oh my gosh, I'mfeeling overstimulated.
I'm going to put in my you knowquieting earbuds.
Oh, I'm overstimulated and I'moverwhelmed.
I need to go take a second, gooutside and sit down with some
(13:48):
water.
Oh, I need to tell the kids hey, you either need to quiet down
or go to another room becausethis is too much for me right
now.
Or, ooh, let's say I'm angry andthere's a boundary broken.
One of my kids said somethingor did something that is out of
alignment with our family rules,our family boundaries.
I need that anger to come up inan energy to set a boundary.
(14:12):
Anger is often the emotion wehave when we need to set
boundaries, but if you're apeople pleaser, you feel that
anger come up and then yourepress it instead of using that
anger to healthily say this isnot okay.
Here's what I'm going to doabout it.
Here is how I am going tocreate a culture of safety for
(14:32):
me and my body and for you.
That is what emotional masteryand regulation looks like.
It's not that you never getdysregulated I.
It drives me crazy when I'm allI see on Instagram.
I swear, when it comes tonervous system regulation and
(14:52):
emotional regulation is calm.
I am not a calm person.
Sometimes I am.
That's not true.
It depends.
It depends on the day that youfind me, but sometimes I'm a
very calm, quiet person, butsometimes I'm a very calm, quiet
person, but sometimes I'm verylike even right now.
I don't necessarily feel calm,but I am very much in health
right now.
I am very much inself-expression and authenticity
(15:15):
and expression, but I'm notcalm.
My kids don't need a calmmother.
They need a mother who canappropriately respond and react
to the situation externally andinternally.
Sometimes I've got to benurturing and quiet and soft and
(15:36):
peaceful.
Sometimes I need to beassertive and a little bit
aggressive.
Sometimes I want to be playfuland fun and sweet and sometimes
I need to be teary and emotionaland be with them in that hard
moment.
Your nervous system is not justmeant to be calm.
A regulated nervous system isnot necessarily a calm nervous
(16:00):
system.
I think of a nervous system.
A regulated nervous system is abody and a person who can move
through the dynamic range of thehuman experience.
You are building capacity foractivation to happen and then
integration to happen, so youcan have that activation that
(16:22):
spikes you up or that activationthat brings you low, and then
you know how to come back tothis middle ground, into this
window.
A lot of people call it thewindow of tolerance.
That to me sounds like you'remiserable, but you're tolerating
it, you're just getting through.
You're gritting your teeth,you're bracing your shoulders.
So I think of it as your windowof connection, your window of
(16:45):
health, your window of.
I am creative and connectiveand I can think clearly and make
decisions and I can feel whereI am creative and connective and
I can.
I can think clearly and makedecisions and I can feel where I
am.
And you know that window hassome highs and lows, even within
that right Fast health, mediumhealth, slow health.
This is a concept from oh shoot,what is the book called?
(17:08):
I'm forgetting the book.
I'll link it in the podcast,but it's from Alchemical
Alignment, which is somethingthat my coach uses.
My coach is certified inAlchemical Alignment, so it's
something and I've done someclasses and some courses with
them.
But they talk about.
Your health is not just thisline that goes straight across
(17:30):
your health is not just thisline that goes straight across
your aliveness is fast and slowand medium and really really
fast and really really slow andyour window of connection is not
too fast, not too slow, justright.
It's a pace where your presenceis there.
It's your window of presenceand embodiment.
(17:52):
And I was going so fast there.
This is.
I love this stuff.
I could talk about this stuffall day.
Let's just take a quick breath.
This was a lot of information.
I threw a lot of information atyou in this podcast and what's
(18:15):
so funny is I totally went offscript and what I was going to
talk about.
So I'll try to come back to myscript for the next, for the
next episode not my script, but,like you know, I have these
notes of here's the things I'mgoing to teach you about, and I
don't think I hit a single oneof them.
So we'll just consider this.
What is somatics?
(18:35):
Part two, I'll still include.
No, I'm going to wait on theworkbook because I want to be
able to teach you guys what's inthis workbook when I give it to
you.
So I hope you loved thisepisode today.
Thank you so much for joiningwith me, but before we go today,
(18:59):
just take one moment and noticewhere you are.
What are you doing?
Are you driving?
Are you cleaning dishes?
Are you on a walk?
And just notice what you'redoing, notice where you're doing
it, notice the weather, andthen check into your body.
(19:22):
What parts of your body are youtangibly aware of?
Maybe feeling your toes, yourfingers, wiggling your nose, the
back of your head, yourbackbone, maybe feeling into
(19:42):
your muscles, your bones Ifyou're moving.
Notice your pace Are you movingtoo fast or too slow?
And then notice what day it is,what's the day, what's the time
(20:05):
, and how old are you today, howold do you feel today?
Always a really interestingquestion, because we don't
always walk around feeling ourcurrent age right.
Sometimes something happens andit pulls us back to a younger
emotional level or youngerrelational level.
(20:27):
So what we did just there isorienting.
So what we did just there isorienting, orienting to where
and when am I?
Can I come back to the present?
Because so much of nervoussystem regulation is helping
your body feel where you are,because so much of trauma and
trauma responses and traumapatterns is that your body and
(20:51):
nervous system is responding andreacting to something that's no
longer happening.
It's responding to a threatthat isn't in the room anymore.
It's responding to a threatthat still exists but your body
hasn't integrated andimplemented your new ability and
resource and capacity torespond to those in a different
(21:12):
way.
So can you feel where and whenand who you are today and move
through today with more presence, noticing where you are,
noticing your environment, howit, and then noticing how it
feels, how it's impacting you,noticing your hunger or your
(21:35):
fullness, if you're thirsty, ifyou're tired, if you could get
just a little bit morecomfortable in your seat, if
your bra is driving you crazyand you need to just go put on
something without an underwireActually tuning into your body.
How am I feeling today?
(21:55):
Sensory, wise, biologically,but also emotionally.
Maybe take a moment and get outa journal and just write all of
your thoughts and feelings down, just to bring awareness to you
.
Our culture moves so quicklythat we get lost in it, so I
hope today it's so funny.
(22:17):
I'm giggling, I'm like laughingin my head.
I was moving so fast in themeat of the podcast and now I
slowed down.
But what a beautiful example ofdynamic range.
Right, we all have thesedifferent levels and stages and
energies and all of them exist.
All of them are your aliveness.
(22:37):
I hope you loved this podcast.
I hope you loved this episode.
Be sure you're following sothat you get the next one in the
series, this next episode.
Maybe invite a friend to come,do it with you.
If you have any questions oraha moments, I would love to
hear from you.
Please DM me, leave a reviewfor the podcast.
(22:58):
That helps me in the podcast somuch.
So thank you for being herewith me today.
I hope you have a beautiful,wonderful rest of your day, no
matter what time of day thatyou're listening to this too.
I would encourage you.
What would make today just alittle bit better, a little bit
more magical?
What's something you can do toenhance the way today feels?
(23:21):
Not just the way it looks, notjust what you get done, but the
process and the journey of whatgets done today?
Maybe it's connection with yourkid.
Maybe it's slowing down toenjoy cooking dinner with a
podcast or music.
Maybe it's lighting the candlesat dinner, maybe it's once you
get to your.
I'm currently recording this inthe insanity of May, and it was
(23:46):
so crazy because, while it wasa lot to have so much on my
calendar, when you're present itdoesn't feel like too much, it
doesn't feel like overwhelmed orbusy, it feels like wonderfully
full.
And so there was nights whereit was like it's not.
I love I'm a homebody, I lovebeing at home, but sitting in an
(24:08):
award ceremony and just lookingaround the room, taking in the
noises, looking at my kid's facelistening to what was said
about them.
It was beautiful about them andreally being present in that
moment and soaking it in.
Welcome to today's episode of the Motherhood Mentor
Podcast.
Today is part two in oursomatic series, where we are
talking about the foundations ofsomatic healing and how
somatics can really help youfeel, heal and reclaim your body
, your energy, your presence andhow to regulate your nervous
(00:24):
system and your emotions.
And I really just wanted tobring you some of the basics and
foundations of somatics in away that's easy and accessible
and that can immediately impactyour life.
I mean immediately impact yourlife, and I would encourage you
don't just listen to this, don'tjust take this in as
information.
Go integrate it, go practice it, go try it out, go play with it
(00:49):
, get your hands messy with it.
There is a workbook that goesalong with this episode, with
this series that I'm doing.
That gives you tangible,tactile, visual cues and some of
the worksheets that I use.
I don't always use worksheetswith my clients, but they're
available to my clients and so Iwanted to share some of it's
(01:13):
essentially the first module ofmy somatic healing course that's
now available for beta testers,which essentially means you're
going through the course as I'mbuilding it, so you get some
additional support, you get toask questions, you get to have a
little bit of community there,some of the live sessions where
we're doing like somaticmeditations and somatic
movements.
You get to do with me live andthen get questions, get feedback
(01:36):
, get coaching.
But essentially I'm taking thewhole first module of my course
and giving it to you free inthis somatic series, mostly just
because I love somatics and Iwanted to bring it to more
people.
I wanted to make it easilyavailable and honestly, when
people are like okay, I lovesomatics, what's your favorite
book recommendation, I alwayskind of pause and like, oh, I
(01:58):
don't really have one, because,at least for me, somatics in a
book on a page, it just fallsflat because so much of somatics
.
Again, if you're new here, golisten to the last episode where
I teach you what somatics is,what it's not.
But somatics is your experience, it's a relationship and to me
(02:21):
on a book that usually justfalls flat, other than an audio
book, I think an audio book canmake it a little bit more
connected.
But today we're going to startdiving into some of the somatic
practices, some of the languagearound somatics, and one of the
big parts of somatic healing isthat we start to look at your
(02:41):
life not just through story andnot just through your beliefs
and not just through thelanguage of here's who I am,
here's what I am, here's whatI'm doing, here's this feeling,
here's why I feel this way, andinstead we're focusing on
sensation.
So when you think aboutemotional regulation or nervous
(03:06):
system regulation, a lot ofpeople think of having the
language for what you're feeling, which, first of all, the
majority of people in ourculture have very, very little
language for our emotionalexperiences.
Most people have five wordsangry, mad, sad, happy.
(03:26):
But the emotional experience isso vast.
I mean, think of the differencebetween anger and resentment,
the difference between anger andoverwhelm, anger that's
infuriated versus anger that'sannoyed, anger that you feel
(03:49):
betrayed versus let down.
Those are all very differentexperiences, but if we're
calling all of them angry, itdoesn't really tell us what to
do with it.
Or even, let's look at happy.
Feeling playful is verydifferent than feeling content.
Feeling peaceful can feel verydifferent than feeling powerful.
(04:10):
Feeling valued is verydifferent than feeling
interested.
And yet all of those can quoteunquote feel happy.
But what do those feelingsactually feel like?
What is your sensory experiencein your body and not just your
head?
So one of the foundations istracking emotion and tracking
(04:35):
sensation.
So oftentimes people will say,well, where do you feel that?
So we'll start with language.
We'll start with the cognitive.
Let's start getting into thestory of things, let's start
talking about what's happening.
And as you talk, usually you'llstart to get some emotional
language.
You'll start to say I'm so madat my sister, I'm so I can't
(04:56):
believe my mom did that.
It brings me so much grief andanger.
And it's like, okay, pause,where do you feel that?
Is it in your chest?
Is, ooh, pause, where do youfeel that?
Is it in your chest?
Is it in your shoulders?
Is it in your throat, your gut?
And then, when you pay attentionto where you're feeling that,
what does it feel like?
(05:16):
And then we get into thesewords of like achy, is it cold,
is it hot, is it fast, is itslow?
Is it light?
Is it fast, is it slow?
Is it light?
Is it heavy?
Is it butterflies in yourstomach or is it bees in your
chest?
Does it feel like you're goingtoo fast, like you're a live
wire?
Does it feel too numb, like youdon't feel anything at all?
(05:40):
Or is it numb that it feelslike you just got off the toilet
and your foot went numb andit's like it's this numbness,
but there's a stinging and abuzzing with it.
Is there a weight on your chest?
Does it feel like you can'tbreathe?
Are you frozen?
Does it feel like you're tryingto run, but you're running from
, you're running in mud?
Does it feel too little or toomuch?
(06:03):
Do you feel limp or do you feelbraced and rigid?
What does that emotion feellike in your body?
See, most of us, especially ifyou've been doing this healing
work, if you have a goodfoundation of emotional
regulation and you've done somehealing or some growth work or
(06:25):
you had parents who taught youabout emotional regulation, you
might have some language.
But do you have language forthe nuance, for the relationship
to what you're feeling, notjust the story?
So I just introduced you to twoof the most foundational
(06:45):
somatic tools of tracking chargeand activation tracking.
Where is this energy?
Your emotions are energy.
Though that energy, it wants tomove, it has a movement to it,
it has a pattern.
It has an movement to it.
It has a pattern, it has anemotional, biological response.
(07:07):
For example, if you think ofanger and I'm going to use anger
in the broad term, I'm going touse fight in the broad term.
If you're feeling a fightenergy, you might move
aggressively towards someone.
You might start using harsher,louder, more intense language.
Your face might start bracingand you might get these
(07:30):
expressions of meanness.
You might use more teeth.
You might hunch in yourshoulders, almost like you're
getting ready to likeaggressively move towards
someone with a fist.
You might even finding yourselfwanting to like, scream or
aggressively get at someone.
That's that fight energy inyour body wanting to move you.
That is the purpose of emotionand energy.
(07:56):
The problem that we run into isthat people get stuck in those
patterns because our culturenever taught us how to resolve
things.
It taught us to repress it.
It didn't teach us how tohealthily express anger.
Anger, I'm.
I'm using anger as an examplebecause for a lot of women, it
is their most uncomfortableresponse, it's their most
(08:18):
uncomfortable emotion.
Now, that's not true, I will.
I take that back.
That that's most women, nottrue?
I will.
I take that back that that'smost women.
Because a lot of women, angeris the only acceptable emotion
to express and so a lot of timesthey go to anger as a
protective response, to protectthem from having to feel the
more vulnerable emotions likegrief or sadness or
(08:39):
disappointment or hurt.
So but again, when this, whenthis emotion comes up in you,
it's an energy that needs tomove, that needs to metabolize,
and we have gotten away frombeing human, of knowing how to
express those emotions and insome ways, this is a good thing.
We need some amount ofself-control.
(09:02):
A great example of why we wantand need self-control is, you
know, I think of my little guyand I was pushing him in a
grocery cart in a store and hewas a little guy even since he
was a baby.
He wanted his personal space.
And we're walking through theaisles, we're grocery shopping,
pretty sure we're in the produce, and I was kind of I was right
(09:23):
next to the cart but I was kindof like leaning away, I'm pretty
sure we're in the produce and Iwas like bagging something.
And this you know, very kind,smiley lady came and she was
like getting kind of in hisspace, in his face.
I had babies pre 2020.
I hope it's still better.
I hope.
I hope people are better nowabout personal space, not like
(09:43):
too much personal space where itwas like awkwardly avoiding
each other, but like give me abubble.
Anyways, this lady got him in myson's bubble.
He was a toddler, maybe two hewas.
He was little enough to tostill have all of his human,
natural responses online.
He hadn't been taught what wassocially acceptable yet, right.
(10:05):
And this lady kind of got inhis face and he just straight up
hit her.
He just straight up pushed heraway, which is a very natural
thing of I don't know you, youdon't belong in my face, you're
not my mom, you're not my dad,get away from me.
It was a fight response andit's like.
Of course he did that.
That's like, but that's notsocially appropriate anymore,
(10:28):
right, that's not sociallyacceptable.
And so we learn to repressthese responses and expressions
of emotion.
And why I use that word?
I want you to think of thatword repressing versus
expressing.
Because let's use anotherexample so many moms want to
(10:48):
work on not yelling at theirkids anymore, which I'm all for.
I am all about that goal.
Let's do it.
And you telling yourself, don'tyell at my kids Isn't going to
help because you're not dealingwith the energy that's creating
the yell for me.
I actually, when I was yellingat my kids isn't going to help,
because you're not dealing withthe energy that's creating the
yell For me.
I actually, when I was yellingat my kids, it for the most part
(11:12):
for me and my body, I actuallywasn't having an experience of
anger, I wasn't mad at something.
I was overstimulated and to mea lot of times, overstimulation.
I have ADHD.
I'm very, very sensitive tolike lots of noise, especially
when you know the TV is on andthere's music and now the kids
(11:33):
are fighting or sometimes theyweren't even fighting, they were
playing.
But it was like too much for me.
It was too much emotion, it wastoo much noise and I'm an
empath, so like I could feelthat things were about to get
tense and now I'm thinkingthere's conflict coming right.
So there's all these differentlayers to what I'm experiencing.
But in those early days ofmotherhood I didn't have
(11:57):
language for what I wasexperiencing.
I only had language for thebehavior of.
I keep yelling at my kids and Idon't understand why I hate that
.
I'm yelling.
That's not how I want to behaveas a parent.
Now.
Sometimes I need to raise myvoice to get their attention.
I need to raise my voice toassert my authority.
I need to know how to throw myweight around as a mom.
(12:19):
As a parent, my kids sometimesneed to feel, oh mom means
business.
My kids sometimes need to feel,oh mom means business.
And the way that I do that, Iwant to be respectful and
intentional and I want to setclear boundaries and
expectations and clearconsequences versus me, just
like combusting and yelling andbeing mean or rude and you know
(12:41):
saying random shit that I'm notgoing to follow through with
right.
Who else has like yelled somerandom threat that you're never
going to follow through from?
But I would see myself havingthese responses and I just kept
trying to repress them andrepress them, but that doesn't
work.
It doesn't work.
It might work for a short time,but it doesn't work in the long
(13:02):
run.
And relationally, what willhappen if you only repress it is
you will eventually start toresent them because your body's
still having this reactioninside of you, even if you're
not expressing it.
So we need to learn how to workwith the emotional energy of our
bodies and learn how tometabolize and move and move
(13:26):
these emotions through us inways that aren't maladaptive.
So adaptive is oh my gosh, I'mfeeling overstimulated.
I'm going to put in my you knowquieting earbuds.
Oh, I'm overstimulated and I'moverwhelmed.
I need to go take a second, gooutside and sit down with some
(13:48):
water.
Oh, I need to tell the kids hey, you either need to quiet down
or go to another room becausethis is too much for me right
now.
Or, ooh, let's say I'm angry andthere's a boundary broken.
One of my kids said somethingor did something that is out of
alignment with our family rules,our family boundaries.
I need that anger to come up inan energy to set a boundary.
(14:12):
Anger is often the emotion wehave when we need to set
boundaries, but if you're apeople pleaser, you feel that
anger come up and then yourepress it instead of using that
anger to healthily say this isnot okay.
Here's what I'm going to doabout it.
Here is how I am going tocreate a culture of safety for
(14:32):
me and my body and for you.
That is what emotional masteryand regulation looks like.
It's not that you never getdysregulated I.
It drives me crazy when I'm allI see on Instagram.
I swear, when it comes tonervous system regulation and
(14:52):
emotional regulation is calm.
I am not a calm person.
Sometimes I am.
That's not true.
It depends.
It depends on the day that youfind me, but sometimes I'm a
very calm, quiet person, butsometimes I'm a very calm, quiet
person, but sometimes I'm verylike even right now.
I don't necessarily feel calm,but I am very much in health
right now.
I am very much inself-expression and authenticity
(15:15):
and expression, but I'm notcalm.
My kids don't need a calmmother.
They need a mother who canappropriately respond and react
to the situation externally andinternally.
Sometimes I've got to benurturing and quiet and soft and
(15:36):
peaceful.
Sometimes I need to beassertive and a little bit
aggressive.
Sometimes I want to be playfuland fun and sweet and sometimes
I need to be teary and emotionaland be with them in that hard
moment.
Your nervous system is not justmeant to be calm.
A regulated nervous system isnot necessarily a calm nervous
(16:00):
system.
I think of a nervous system.
A regulated nervous system is abody and a person who can move
through the dynamic range of thehuman experience.
You are building capacity foractivation to happen and then
integration to happen, so youcan have that activation that
(16:22):
spikes you up or that activationthat brings you low, and then
you know how to come back tothis middle ground, into this
window.
A lot of people call it thewindow of tolerance.
That to me sounds like you'remiserable, but you're tolerating
it, you're just getting through.
You're gritting your teeth,you're bracing your shoulders.
So I think of it as your windowof connection, your window of
(16:45):
health, your window of.
I am creative and connectiveand I can think clearly and make
decisions and I can feel whereI am creative and connective and
I can.
I can think clearly and makedecisions and I can feel where I
am.
And you know that window hassome highs and lows, even within
that right Fast health, mediumhealth, slow health.
This is a concept from oh shoot,what is the book called?
(17:08):
I'm forgetting the book.
I'll link it in the podcast,but it's from Alchemical
Alignment, which is somethingthat my coach uses.
My coach is certified inAlchemical Alignment, so it's
something and I've done someclasses and some courses with
them.
But they talk about.
Your health is not just thisline that goes straight across
(17:30):
your health is not just thisline that goes straight across
your aliveness is fast and slowand medium and really really
fast and really really slow andyour window of connection is not
too fast, not too slow, justright.
It's a pace where your presenceis there.
It's your window of presenceand embodiment.
(17:52):
And I was going so fast there.
This is.
I love this stuff.
I could talk about this stuffall day.
Let's just take a quick breath.
This was a lot of information.
I threw a lot of information atyou in this podcast and what's
(18:15):
so funny is I totally went offscript and what I was going to
talk about.
So I'll try to come back to myscript for the next, for the
next episode not my script, but,like you know, I have these
notes of here's the things I'mgoing to teach you about, and I
don't think I hit a single oneof them.
So we'll just consider this.
What is somatics?
(18:35):
Part two, I'll still include.
No, I'm going to wait on theworkbook because I want to be
able to teach you guys what's inthis workbook when I give it to
you.
So I hope you loved thisepisode today.
Thank you so much for joiningwith me, but before we go today,
(18:59):
just take one moment and noticewhere you are.
What are you doing?
Are you driving?
Are you cleaning dishes?
Are you on a walk?
And just notice what you'redoing, notice where you're doing
it, notice the weather, andthen check into your body.
(19:22):
What parts of your body are youtangibly aware of?
Maybe feeling your toes, yourfingers, wiggling your nose, the
back of your head, yourbackbone, maybe feeling into
(19:42):
your muscles, your bones Ifyou're moving.
Notice your pace Are you movingtoo fast or too slow?
And then notice what day it is,what's the day, what's the time
(20:05):
, and how old are you today, howold do you feel today?
Always a really interestingquestion, because we don't
always walk around feeling ourcurrent age right.
Sometimes something happens andit pulls us back to a younger
emotional level or youngerrelational level.
(20:27):
So what we did just there isorienting.
So what we did just there isorienting, orienting to where
and when am I?
Can I come back to the present?
Because so much of nervoussystem regulation is helping
your body feel where you are,because so much of trauma and
trauma responses and traumapatterns is that your body and
(20:51):
nervous system is responding andreacting to something that's no
longer happening.
It's responding to a threatthat isn't in the room anymore.
It's responding to a threatthat still exists but your body
hasn't integrated andimplemented your new ability and
resource and capacity torespond to those in a different
(21:12):
way.
So can you feel where and whenand who you are today and move
through today with more presence, noticing where you are,
noticing your environment, howit, and then noticing how it
feels, how it's impacting you,noticing your hunger or your
(21:35):
fullness, if you're thirsty, ifyou're tired, if you could get
just a little bit morecomfortable in your seat, if
your bra is driving you crazyand you need to just go put on
something without an underwireActually tuning into your body.
How am I feeling today?
(21:55):
Sensory, wise, biologically,but also emotionally.
Maybe take a moment and get outa journal and just write all of
your thoughts and feelings down, just to bring awareness to you
.
Our culture moves so quicklythat we get lost in it, so I
hope today it's so funny.
(22:17):
I'm giggling, I'm like laughingin my head.
I was moving so fast in themeat of the podcast and now I
slowed down.
But what a beautiful example ofdynamic range.
Right, we all have thesedifferent levels and stages and
energies and all of them exist.
All of them are your aliveness.
(22:37):
I hope you loved this podcast.
I hope you loved this episode.
Be sure you're following sothat you get the next one in the
series, this next episode.
Maybe invite a friend to come,do it with you.
If you have any questions oraha moments, I would love to
hear from you.
Please DM me, leave a reviewfor the podcast.
(22:58):
That helps me in the podcast somuch.
So thank you for being herewith me today.
I hope you have a beautiful,wonderful rest of your day, no
matter what time of day thatyou're listening to this too.
I would encourage you.
What would make today just alittle bit better, a little bit
more magical?
What's something you can do toenhance the way today feels?
(23:21):
Not just the way it looks, notjust what you get done, but the
process and the journey of whatgets done today?
Maybe it's connection with yourkid.
Maybe it's slowing down toenjoy cooking dinner with a
podcast or music.
Maybe it's lighting the candlesat dinner, maybe it's once you
get to your.
I'm currently recording this inthe insanity of May, and it was
(23:46):
so crazy because, while it wasa lot to have so much on my
calendar, when you're present itdoesn't feel like too much, it
doesn't feel like overwhelmed orbusy, it feels like wonderfully
full.
And so there was nights whereit was like it's not.
I love I'm a homebody, I lovebeing at home, but sitting in an
(24:08):
award ceremony and just lookingaround the room, taking in the
noises, looking at my kid's facelistening to what was said
about them.
It was beautiful about them andreally being present in that
moment and soaking it in.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.