Pedestalized leadership and why we need a peer group: how feedback and relational dynamics highly influence us

Send us a text

Is it more important for you to not get feedback - or to adjust who and where you are getting that feedback from? 

Topics we jump into in this quickie episode:

-How sometimes the more and longer we are in the healing and therapy world , the more and better we learn to intellectualize and bullshit ourselves and others and how it can create wide gaps of integrity and even create burnout for those in helping, coaching, and therapy careers 

-pedestalized leadership- the gap of humanity, professionalism and having a community of peers who can hold your dynamic range of self, roles, and jobs

-unspoken power dynamics with coaches and therapists and why it's important to name, address, and actively connect around the roles and relationship dynamics 

-avoiding asking for help or support until we've already cleaned up our own mess and how inviting others into the process is a big game changer in every area 

If you resonate with this episode- you would probably really love working with me where you can get your hands dirty in your own life with these same concepts and tools at a deeply embodied level. A lot of coaches can teach you their own personal strategy and systems, I work differently helping you create deep roots of awareness of all your strengths, weaknesses, and blindspots on every level of being (mental, physical, relational, environmental, spiritual, emotional) and life so that you can be in full life leadership. 

If you’re ready to stop living on autopilot and start leading your life with deep presence, I’d love to work with you. Book a free interest call here: Click Here

💌 Want more? Follow me on Instagram @themotherhoodmentor for somatic tools, nervous system support, and real-talk on high-functioning burnout, ambition, healing perfectionism, and motherhood. And also pretty epic meme drops.

🎧 Did you love this episode? Be sure to follow and please take a quick moment to leave a review and send this episode to a friend. I'd love to hear from you on how this podcast impacted you, send me a DM or an email.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
I'm Becca, a somatic healingpractitioner and a holistic life
coach for moms, and thispodcast is for you.
You can expect honestconversations and incredible
guests that speak to health,healing and growth in every area
of our lives.
This isn't just strategy forwhat we do.
It's support for who we are.
I believe we can be wildlyambitious while still holding

(00:25):
all of our soft and hardhumanity as holy.
I love combining deep innerhealing with strategic systems
and no-nonsense talk about whatthis season is really like.
So grab whatever weird healthbeverage you're currently into
and let's get into it.
Welcome to today's episode ofthe Motherhood Mentor Podcast.

(00:46):
Today is another little quickie,and my quickies are going to be
these short little riffs that Ido on a small topic.
That is quick and short andhopefully gives you something
for the day.
So I wanted to share areflection that I shared with
someone the other day and theywere like wow, I've never heard

(01:06):
that before.
I was talking to a community ofcoaches and therapists and I
was sharing that the better Iget at coaching other people,
the more I develop as a personand as a practitioner,
especially in theory andpractices and understanding.

(01:28):
The more language I build.
The better I get atbullshitting myself, the worse I
get at self-coaching, and whatI mean by that is that, like I,
I think this self-growth andpersonal development and even

(01:49):
the coaching world has become soindividualistic.
We have created this weird bothdependency, where we're giving
our authority away to randomstrangers on the Internet who

(02:09):
live lives nothing like our ownwhich, by the way, there's
always power dynamics incoaching and in therapy, and
when you're taking a course fromsomeone, there's often a power
dynamic because most of uslearned that there is an outer
authority that knows better thanwe do, there is something
outside of us that has moreaccess or agency or power or

(02:32):
wisdom than we do, and we truly,genuinely, as a culture, don't
trust ourselves.
So one there's this weird powerdynamic, but there's also this
very individualistic response tothat of I have to do it myself,
especially with highfunctioners, when we don't know

(02:52):
what we need, or what we need iscomplex, or what we need is in
conflict with what someone elsewants or needs of us, or their
concept of us or our own conceptof ourselves.
Right the other day, I'm in amastermind and I realized that I
could really use help withsomething, but I didn't know the

(03:12):
exact way that they could helpme, and so I almost didn't share
it, because I've grown a lot ofcapacity for receiving.
I've grown a lot of capacityfor asking for help, for being
really honest and vulnerableabout where I could use other
people coming in with theirstrengths and areas where I'm

(03:33):
weak and areas where I don't seemyself clearly.
And this is what I was gettingto with this episode of.
I don't think we can heal inisolation, because almost all of
our woundings, almost all ofour traumas or our shame, it

(03:57):
happened in belonging, ithappened in relationship, it
happened in your family or inrelationship to another person.
And obviously there are someexceptions to this, of like, if
you experienced a naturalphenomenon or like a medical
emergency, like you might haveexperienced a trauma that didn't

(04:18):
have to do with another person,but for the most part, it was
something that happened inrelationship or the lack of
someone else being there or theway that they, over or under,
responded to what happened isthe thing that created the
wounding.

(04:39):
The thing that creates ourself-concept is relationship to
other people, and so I don'tknow if we can heal that on our
own.
Someone who has spent a lot oftime and energy healing and

(05:08):
trying to grow and understandyour thought processes and
understanding.
You know you're someone who's,like, deeply invested in
psychology and why are we theway that we are and how do we
change?
I think we just get better andbetter at trying to curate and
create this self-concept and Ithink the more that we do that
work individualistically, themore we're going to miss,

(05:32):
because, man, when we are on ourown, when we are on our own, I
don't think we see ourselvesclearly.
I don't think we see ourshadows and our wounds clearly,
and I also don't think we cansee our light clearly.
I think the way that we heal ourself-concept is by finding

(05:55):
people who see us in the waythat God sees us, in the way
that God created you of.
Who were you before the worldtold you you were broken?
Who, what, what was yourpotential of?
Like, that self of you existoutside of other people, but you

(06:17):
also exist in community toothers, in relationship to
others and, yes, who are you inrelationship to the people who
love you most?
But I think what is so powerfulis having new eyes on you and
your life who see you withunequivocal worthiness I don't

(06:40):
know if that's a word, is that aword People who see you with
the utmost sovereignty andrespect and honor and compassion
, and they see you with cleareyes.
They have enough distance fromyou that they see you in ways
that the people who love youcould never, because the people

(07:02):
who love you most are also thepeople who are the most afraid
for you and they're also thepeople whose lives are so
intertwined with your life thatthere's no possible way that
they could see you without theirown filter of humanity.
This is one of the reasons why Ilove masterminds.
Why I love group coaching oreven just working with a

(07:24):
one-on-one coach is because itbrings in a new perspective of
you, of you, this assumptionthat they already assume
goodness and love andpossibility out of you.
But it also creates thiscontainer for you to explore.

(07:47):
What are these different partsor aspects of yourself that you
maybe have never been able tosee?
It's like they become thismirror, and even mirrors.
We never see ourselves fullyright Like you will never be
able to see yourself the wayother people see you.
But what's powerful is when youcreate these relationships

(08:11):
where you're intentionally andpurposefully saying what is my
relationship to self and other,and what do I look like and
sound like and act like and whatis my intention?
And then is there a gap betweenwhat I intend to do and what my

(08:32):
actual impact is.
You know, the best brainsurgeon there is cannot do brain
surgery on themselves.
They need someone outside ofthemselves.
And I think honestly, the moreaware and educated and the more
therapy or the more coaching orthe more growth work you do, I

(08:56):
think in some ways how do I wantto say this?
I think sometimes we get betterand better at hiding our
humanity, especially because fora very long time a lot of this
work has been so steeped intoxic positivity, and toxic
positivity not in that we don'thave positivity and hope, but in

(09:18):
so many of us myself included,myself first we have sought out
healing and growth as a way todissociate or bypass or gaslight
ourselves out of our ownhumanity, out of our mess, out
of our humanity out of our mess,out of our cringy, vulnerable,

(09:43):
victim-y, anxious, horribleparts of ourselves, like as a
way to outrun or outgrow oroutheal being human, not as a
way to be in it even more, to beeven more human, a mammal.
And you know, I certainly havechanged my perspective on that

(10:03):
of the work that I do personally, but also professionally, with
other women.
It's really important to methat it's like I want you to
feel all of it.
I want you to be here for thefull experience of being you.
And that's not all going to bepleasant, right.
Being present in your life is,for sure, not always pleasant,

(10:27):
but I wanted to share thatconcept and that thought,
because I was talking with themand they were like, oh my gosh,
you're right.
The more I know in my headsometimes, the easier it is to
forget.
What do I know in my bones?
What do I integrate into myactual being and my personal

(10:50):
life?
Because it's a lot easier totalk the talk than to walk the
walk.
And I think our culturepedestalizes leaders.
Often we pedestalize people whoare influential, whether that
is small influence, whetherthat's big influence, whether

(11:12):
that is, you know, bigfollowings or books, or coaches,
or therapists, or thoughtleaders or celebrities.
There is this pedestalizationwhere people have become
personas.
They create this professionalmask of knowing and talking,

(11:39):
because we're not 3D anymore inour culture, are we?
We're this tiny little talkingone-dimensional or
two-dimensional face online andit's like yes, you can hear me
and you can see me, but I don'tcare how authentic you are can
see me, but I don't care howauthentic you are.
It's curated and it's aperformance like the second.

(12:10):
You hit record that you'remissing an embodiment of being
in the moment, as soon as it's apicture, as soon as you know.
Someone said you'll never beable to capture a sunset in
picture or on video in the sameway that it is to look at it.
And if you think of, like Ithink of the sunsets on the
beach where you can hear theseagulls and you're playing with
the sand and you can feel it inyour hands and the wind is
blowing on your face and you'rewatching the sunset and you can

(12:32):
hear the waves and you can smellit, it's like you can never
capture that in a picture or ina video or in a book or in a
coaching program, and you couldnever capture that of someone
who's a leader.
I don't care how authentic theyare, that's just a piece of

(12:53):
them and I think that'simportant to acknowledge because
I think so many people who arewanting to do this work, who are
building businesses where weare helping other people.
I don't know about you, but Idon't want to become a
pedestalized version of myself.
I don't ever.

(13:14):
One of my biggest things when Iwas creating this business is I
never want to lose myself to apersona.
I never want to have to be outof integrity or crafting a
version of myself that isn'tactually real.

(13:35):
I hope I'm always better inperson, but the reality is is
that, like in person, I'm also alot more human.
I'm a hell of a lot more human.
I'm awkward.
I have moments or days whereI'm straight up awful or
unhealthy, not because I'm anunhealthy person, but because

(13:55):
I'm human and because that'swhat life looks like.
You're going to have days whereyou are massively human, no
matter how much healing andgrowth work you do, I don't care
how smart you are, I don't carehow many degrees or
certifications or people you'vehelped, I don't care how many
six, seven figures you've madein your business.
You still are human and I thinkour culture has forgotten that

(14:21):
and I think it sells really wellto the capitalism, to the
capitalistic world and the bromarketing of.
Here's my before and after.
Here's how I recovered fromburnout.
Last years I've been sellingyou on this like beautiful

(14:43):
feminine flow of business that,like, I never actually felt in
my own body, I don't know.
I just had to share that withyou today and I hope it helped.
I hope you enjoyed this quickieand if this resonated with you

(15:08):
quickie, and if this resonatedwith you, follow the podcast,
leave a review.
Please go.
Leave a five-star review.
That really helps me, thathelps the podcast.
And if you have a friend youthink you would love this
episode, send it to her or shareit on social media and tag me
so that I can see it and youknow, if you're someone who
listened to this and you're like, oh my gosh, I need help with
that, I would love to help you.

(15:29):
There will also be in the affirmyou but who can also help you
see yourself more clearly.
And that's not always going tobe pretty, it's not always going

(15:51):
to be comfortable, but it's abeautiful thing when we can
start to heal our self-conceptfrom the people who we are
asking.
You are actually someone I wantto speak into my life.
Have you ever thought of thatLike who do you want speaking
influence into your life?
Who do you want speakingidentity into your life?

(16:13):
From Whose advice is worthtaking?
You know that saying of, like,other people's opinions are none
of your business.
I disagree.
I think you should think ofwhose opinions are my business
and whose opinion do I want tohave in my life as like a high
value thing.
All right, I'm going to cutmyself off.

(16:36):
I'm so terrible at keeping ongoing.
I hope you have an awesome dayand I'll see you next time.
Thanks for joining me ontoday's episode of the
Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
Make sure you have subscribedbelow so that you see all of the
upcoming podcasts that arecoming soon.
I hope you take today's episodeand you take one aha moment,

(16:59):
one small, tangible piece ofwork that you can bring into
your life, to get your hands alittle dirty, to get your skin
in the game.
Don't forget to take upaudacious space in your life.
If this podcast moved you, ifit inspired you, if it
encouraged you, please do me afavor and leave a review.
Send an episode to a friend.

(17:19):
This helps the show gain moretraction.
It helps us to support moremoms, more women, and that's
what we're doing here.
So I hope you have an awesomeday, take really good care of
yourself and I'll see you nexttime.