May 13, 2025 • 62 mins
You are not just a mom, wife, and CEO there is this space between all these identities where we exist.
In todays episode I sit down with one of my best friends Lauren Salz to have a conversation about the unique challenges to explore what it really looks like to hold and have success both at home and in your work all while prioritizing your own wellbeing.
We talk about:
+The Myths and real struggles of flexibility in entrepreneurship
+Being your own boss
+What it means to learn to balance and juggle "glass and plastic balls"
+ Postpartum depression that hides behind high functioning and high performance
+The radical and vulnerable shift from control to surrender
+ How boundaries build and protect your reputation, not break it
+ Your kids being a high priority but not your whole world
This podcast is for every mom who's ever said " I'll take care of myself when...."
If you’re ready to stop living on autopilot and start leading your life with deep presence, I’d love to work with you. Book a free interest call here: Click Here
💌 Want more? Follow me on Instagram @themotherhoodmentor for somatic tools, nervous system support, and real-talk on high-functioning burnout, ambition, healing perfectionism, and motherhood. And also pretty epic meme drops.
🎧 Did you love this episode? Be sure to follow and please take a quick moment to leave a review and send this episode to a friend. I'd love to hear from you on how this podcast impacted you, send me a DM or an email.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
I'm Becca, a somatic healingpractitioner and a holistic life
coach for moms, and thispodcast is for you.
You can expect honestconversations and incredible
guests that speak to health,healing and growth in every area
of our lives.
This isn't just strategy forwhat we do.
It's support for who we are.
I believe we can be wildlyambitious while still holding
(00:25):
all of our soft and hardhumanity as holy.
I love combining deep innerhealing with strategic systems
and no-nonsense talk about whatthis season is really like.
So grab whatever weird healthbeverage you're currently into
and let's get into it.
Welcome to today's episode ofthe Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
(00:46):
Today I am so thrilled to haveone of my besties on the podcast
, because what's more fun thanmixing work and friendship?
Not a lot of things.
So today one of my best friends, lauren, is on the podcast and
we're going to talk about justthe duality of motherhood and
business, wanting it all, havingit all, what that looks like
(01:08):
and feels like.
Lauren, will you just introduceyourself briefly?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Yes, oh, sweet Becca, thank you so much for having me
.
I am just giddy with excitement.
This is going to be really fun.
So, hi, I'm Lauren.
I am an entrepreneur.
I am a mama of two little boysfour and two.
I co-own a residential boutiquebrokerage with my husband, so
(01:35):
we help people buy and sellhomes, but, of course, it's so
much more than that and I amreally excited to talk about how
I feel pushed and pulledbetween my business and my
desire to genuinely show up inmy motherhood, and how that's
(01:57):
amazing and challenging all atonce.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
So tell me a little bit, tell us a little bit about
like what those early years ofmotherhood were like already
having a business, alreadyhaving like I feel like you had
such a beautiful like full lifenot all beautiful, you had some
stuff right.
What was that season of newmotherhood like for you, both
(02:20):
personally and professionally,and just kind of the mix of both
of those and how it allintertwined?
Good question.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I became a licensed realtor when I was 24 and I
jumped into business with myhusband just four months after
saying I do, and so we were onthis journey of building a
business together at 25 yearsold and COVID happened.
(02:49):
I was 28, I want to say, and atthat point you know, had done a
lot of the heavy lifting ofwhat it takes to build a
foundation of a business, and ittruly does take blood, sweat
and tears, and a lot of thathappens behind the scenes.
(03:10):
So I had what felt like to me,but also what presented as a
thriving business, one that ranon very efficient systems, one
that delighted our customers andone that brought both my
husband and I a lot of joy.
We absolutely love what we do,and a part of the thrill of
(03:35):
entrepreneurship and working foryourself is oh well, you can
work whenever you want, and inreality that's totally true, but
that usually means you'reworking a hell of a lot more
than somebody punching a clock,and your night, your thoughts at
night, are about how you canmake your business better.
(03:56):
And when you're puttingtogether your grocery list,
you're also putting togetheryour list of supplies that you
need, and it's just nevergrocery list.
You're also putting togetheryour list of supplies that you
need, and it's just never, it'snever, turned off.
And um, a couple of weeks intoCOVID, like many other people
around the world, uh, my husbandand I looked at each other and
we said, well, there's nothingbetter to do and we want a
(04:38):
family, so let's get going Mightas well.
Change my heart in a way, forhow do I divide my time, how do
I divide my energy?
Because, by the way, I stillhave to pay my mortgage, I still
have to keep milk in the fridge, and my husband and I are
intertwined in this industrythat is 100% commission-based
(05:02):
and dependent on the ebb andflow of the real estate market.
We knew that things were goingto shift, and what's really
interesting about motherhood isso much of the experience of
(05:23):
parenthood is just different formoms, and you know I was
recovering from a C-section.
I was totally out of whackhormonally, which, truthfully, I
didn't know until I had mysecond child and I'm like, oh
shit, that was severe postpartumdepression and I was not okay.
(05:46):
I was not okay and my son had areally hard time breastfeeding
and so I was exclusively pumpingfor those first couple months
and it was all a pressure cooker.
I felt like I was in a pressurecooker and because, truthfully,
in my business and inmotherhood, I couldn't offload.
(06:07):
I can't offload pumping.
I can't offload somebody, youknow, writing a contract, it's
not possible.
And so what happened was youstart to quickly realize what
are glass balls and what areplastic balls.
And when you're juggling andthat child comes into the
picture and motherhood all of asudden becomes a very dominant
(06:31):
part of who you are and the waythat you show up in the world,
you, you realize that someplastic balls have to drop, and
my experience was, I think,forcing my own self to become a
plastic ball, and so I veryquickly stopped taking care of
(06:52):
myself, I stopped eating and Iconvinced myself that, oh, this
is kind of a win-win I'm goingto lose the baby weight and I
also am getting more done in mybusiness.
And in reality, that veryquickly led to burnout and a
very deep depression.
I was severely depressed aftermy first child was born and it
(07:16):
was incredible the way that youjust survive, the way that my
business had to survive, the waythat my child had to survive.
Oh, and another veryinteresting thing that I
inappropriately assigned as aplastic ball was my marriage,
and I think for a time it'sappropriate to have your
(07:38):
marriage on the back burner, butit very quickly became evident
that it was no longer in the airat all, and so it's really
interesting how I love my kids,I love my business, I love being
in business with my husband,and all of those present very
(08:03):
unique challenges that havedeeply defined me and the way
that I am going to move forwardin both my motherhood and my
business.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
What you said about I made myself a plastic ball.
I mean it's so interestingbecause I can hear that as a
coach and I can hear that as,like, the professional side of
me.
But like it's so interestingwhen it's like you know, you're
talking to your best friend andI even think back to that season
if it feels okay to share thatlike I wouldn't have even seen
(08:37):
or known.
And I think that's so true forso many women, because I think
so many women assume that.
Or just culturally, when wetalk about how hard it is, I
think a lot of people are saying, like, does it look hard?
Yeah, yeah.
But it's so crazy to me that,like you have these women who
are so high functioning thatsometimes the harder it gets,
(09:00):
like the better it can look fromthe outside.
Like people look at us, evenpeople close to you, even people
who love you and adore you, whowould want to help you, who
would want to offload things.
There is a reality of like it'sjust you in your life, like
it's just you are the only mom.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
And it's.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I think it's huge and I think so many of us were
never prepared for the amount ofcapacity, mental, emotionally,
like everything is pushed in onus and pulled out on us,
especially like in our modernculture, because, like truly and
I've even been thinking thisand saying this lately it's too
(09:42):
much, it's too much.
And yet, like, what otheroption do we have?
And I I'm curious, like whenthat season shifted for you and
what that looked like, when youall, like it sounds like you had
this realization of like wait,this survival works for a season
right.
Like we're not going to shameourselves for surviving, we're
not going to shame ourselves forkeeping your head above water
(10:04):
in the best way that you knew,how you survived, how you
survived, how you survived, likeit is what it is, but like
that's a short-term strategy andit doesn't work in the longterm
.
So I'm curious, like whatshifted for you?
And like what was that shift?
Like that is a really goodquestion no-transcript.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Oldest was 10 months old and I was not ready.
I was surviving.
I wasn't ready and I resistedreally hard.
And one day, um, and it wasactually in a room with you,
becca, where I realized I had achoice to make because, yeah,
(11:07):
I'm the only one in this lifeand I can choose to be scared as
shit.
I can choose to be incrediblyfearful of my capacity and what
having a second child is goingto do to me and my business and
my marriage, or I can choose totrust that, this beautiful
miracle and blessing and thisthing that I desperately wanted,
(11:29):
I just wasn't ready for.
Um, I was ready for and Ineeded it at that time, and
because both of both faith andfear require believing in
something you can't see, youknow, and so, um, as cliche as
it sounds, I really just at thatmoment, I was about maybe seven
(11:53):
months pregnant, with Warren,about and, um, I'm like, wow,
warren, you have thisopportunity to be incredibly
faithful that this is happeningfor you, to be incredibly
faithful that this is happeningfor you.
And that's exactly whathappened.
And, although my birth with mysecond son didn't go the way
that I envisioned and worked sohard for, it ended in a very,
(12:14):
very scary emergency C-section.
It was so beautiful.
It was so beautiful because youknow what it taught me
Surrender and honor, those arethe two words that come to my
mind.
And so what's really cool isthat, through the birth of my
second son, I deeply surrenderedto what is to no longer feeling
(12:39):
like I had to be this superheroto my clients or to my children
.
And and I became a lot strongerin the conversations I had to
have with my clients to saythese are the boundaries around
when I'm available, because,truthfully, it's inappropriate
to have availability from 7 amto 10 pm.
That's not the type of industrystandard I want to set and
(13:04):
that's certainly not the waythat I want to treat people or,
excuse me, to teach people totreat me.
And you know, what's interestingis that when you double down on
those boundaries becausesurvival is no longer an option,
showing up for my kids with afull heart, giving myself the
opportunity to like, actuallyput on a face of makeup, because
it makes me feel like Lauren,those are important things Um,
(13:28):
clients become to say, oh wow,she's boundaried, she's legit,
she's an expert, because sheonly has these times to talk to
me, that's because she's busyhelping other people, and those
are the types of people thatclients want to work with.
Meanwhile, I'm so proud ofmyself and this is my
(13:49):
prerogative.
This is not everyone'sprerogative, but for me, I love
that.
I am intentionally teaching mychildren that they are a huge
part of my world, but they arenot my whole world, and when I
look back on my motherhood, whenthey look back on my motherhood
, I pray that that is somethingthat they find joy in, because
(14:14):
for me, it's something I'mreally, really proud of.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I'm just, I'm just basking in the glory that is my
friend right, Like wait, forget.
Oh yeah, we're on a podcast.
What you just shared,goosebumps of so many different
things.
But surrender feels terrifyingwhen you are used to controlling
and needing to control, notjust like the objectives, but I
(14:41):
think those narratives, thosenarratives of, like, what
success looks like and I thinkthis is this is such a common
theme with so many women that Iwork with and it's all across
the board and every type of momand every type of parenting
situation.
There is this.
I had this idea of what itwould look like, of how I would
be, of how I would feel, andwe're so determined to force
(15:01):
that narrative.
But there is this surrenderingthat happens to like, okay, what
is okay.
Once I surrender to what is now, I can live with reality.
Now I can actually look at,okay, how am I going to show up
to this?
And even what you were sharingabout entrepreneurship.
I think that is so powerfulbecause I think a lot of women
who have this heart that wantsto change the world it's so
(15:26):
overwhelming in this seasonbecause we only have so much
capacity, we only have so muchtime and energy and focus and
you know, our babies need us andso a lot of times, like our
hearts and our heads are in ourhomes or in our businesses.
But what is wild is knowing that, like those small little
boundaries that often feel verymean and uncomfortable and
(15:47):
awkward, especially when youfirst start, it gives other
people permission to rebuild thesystem.
It's like we can't beat thisgame.
We can't beat the game thatcaused the problems in the first
place by following the rules.
We have to learn to create ournew rules and it's like isn't
(16:08):
that why we became entrepreneursin the first place is to write
our own rules of doing business?
And yet we get into doingbusiness and we become, honestly
, these terrible bosses toourselves where, if someone else
was treating us this way,people would be horrified and
like entrepreneurship is soglorified, especially on social
media, it is so glorified, it isso perfectionistically shared
(16:29):
of like this beautiful thing andit's like, yes, it's true.
And also you have to createthat because you are your own
boss, and I think a lot of womenare worse bosses to themselves
than other people would be.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
And I think a lot of women are worse bosses to
themselves than other peoplewould be.
Totally, I totally agree withyou that it is glorified in the
sense that it's almost like thenew American dream Like, isn't
it?
That's what everyone shouldaspire to do, and I am so
grateful for this gene ofentrepreneurship.
(17:01):
I truly feel like I would bedenying a part of myself, just
like I have brown hair if.
I didn't honor that and I thinkit's really freaking cool that
not everybody has that gene.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Yeah.
And that's okay you know a lotof hard, intentional work and
skills.
It requires so much skillbuilding and something I just
want to name that like.
One of the things I love aboutour friendship is that, that
ability to have boundaries as alike, how much trust there is
(17:36):
Because when I ask you something, I don't have to be weird about
it because you'll just tell meno.
When I ask you something, Idon't have to be weird about it
because you'll just tell me no.
Or if we make plans and one ofus is acting weird, we probably
sent a text earlier that day oflike, hey, if I'm acting weird,
this is happening, but I don'twant to talk about it today.
Yeah, so refreshing, I think.
So many women and motherhood andan entrepreneurship.
(17:57):
They avoid telling other peoplethe truth about what does and
doesn't work for them and itcreates this weirdness that it's
hard because you can't evenalways see it, but you can feel
it underneath.
So I just want to name that,that like you creating those
boundaries that I think maybebefore your narrative change,
but after the change, likethere's this fear often in
(18:18):
setting those boundaries of likeI'm not going to get clients,
it's not going to work.
Like I have to give and giveand give in order for people to
see my value versus like I'mreally valuable.
My time, my energy and mycapacity is valuable and it's
limited and it's okay for otherpeople to know that and that
gives them the permission of onehow to be in relationship,
(18:38):
business or professional, andalso like them in their own
lives of like wait, I'm allowedto do that, I'm allowed to tell
people not to contact me afterthis time or, if they do, I
don't respond until this time.
Like it's setting up clearexpectations which like how good
for you and also them.
So I'm curious, what did thatshift with how things felt for
(18:59):
you?
Like what felt different whenyou started enacting those
things?
Speaker 2 (19:04):
I feel like I was able to find an equilibrium.
I hate this idea that we canfind balance, that we can have
it all.
I genuinely don't believe thatI do have it all.
I think that we have my hand ina ton of different buckets and
sometimes certain buckets areempty.
(19:25):
And what I think is reallypowerful about leaning into this
acceptance, this deep knowingthat a limited capacity is
actually a gift, in a way toreally get clear about what your
capital V values are about,where you're willing to spend
(19:47):
your time and your money, quitefrankly.
And so when those boundariescame around for me, I realized
that setting boundaries withclients is definitely important,
and hear me when I say that oneof the hardest things I've ever
done in my own personal growth,my professional experience but
(20:12):
what's interesting is thatcreating the self-trust in
myself with those boundaries wasactually the hardest of all.
So when I block out time on mycalendar to move my body, or I
block out time on my calendar tospend time with God or with a
friend, which is a spiritualexperience for me and incredibly
(20:34):
important, I need to honor that, because if I don't, what am I
teaching myself about the waythat I can rely on myself and as
I get older, the more that Irealize that the most important
relationship that I have on thisearth is with me.
I am the person that I spend themost time with.
(20:57):
I am the only person to blameif my hair is dirty or I feel
like shit because I haven'tmoved my body in weeks, and I
think it's really beautiful whenyou come to this deep
connection with your capital Sself.
So really being honest withmyself about what it is that I
(21:19):
need and bringing it back aroundto the way that you honor and
celebrate our friendship.
I and our friendship havelearned that there are times
when I desperately want timewith a friend or I desperately
want time to just like be acouch potato.
But is that what I need?
(21:39):
And there's a huge differencebetween honoring your wants and
your needs, and sometimesself-care doesn't feel very fun,
but I definitely have realizedthat it is a huge barometer for
my capacity and willing to honorand extend those boundaries.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Yeah, I love what you just said.
I was there.
This came up in a session theother day of, yeah, self-care
for what we want, love it, loveyou meeting your desires.
Doing I'm all about like morefun, more like making magical
moments, but also, if you thinkof those as like filling your
cup, none of like.
You can't get enough of yourwants if your needs aren't met,
(22:23):
like if there's holes in thatcup you have, you have to meet
those needs first and that isnot always the fun kind of
self-care, that is not the funkind of showing up for yourself.
And, like me and you talk aboutthis all the time right, we're
both Enneagram twos, we're bothlike.
That is my.
My preference would be to justthink about what other people
(22:44):
want and need.
My preference, honestly, what'smore comfortable for me, is to
just pretend that I have nolimits and just give and give
and give, but ultimately, like,I know where that ends.
I know it deeply and intimatelybecause I do it on accident
still to this day, versus when Ihonor what I deeply need, even
when it's inconvenient, evenwhen it's awkward, even when
it's uncomfortable, andsometimes those needs aren't
(23:06):
pretty or they don't feel greatin the moment they end up
building my capacity emotionally, mentally, spiritually and I
think of.
I think motherhood is such abeautiful entrance into this
because I think so many women,when we come into motherhood
biologically, those babies needus to prioritize their needs
over our own right.
Like, technically, an adult canwait a lot longer to eat than a
(23:29):
baby.
The problem is we get stuck inthese extremes and we get stuck
in that season where it's likeno, a toddler can wait though A
five-year-old can wait Like, andwe, we confuse what they want
from us compared to what theyneed from us.
And I think modern motherhoodhas so fucked us up, like the
(23:50):
narratives around what a goodmother is.
So much of it is around what wegive and do for our kids.
But I actually like when youshared that, like your kids
aren't the center of ouruniverse.
What a relief for those kids,because I can tell you that I
work with women who were thecenter of their mother's
universe and they feel so muchfucking pressure still as adults
(24:12):
that they are responsible fortheir mother's wellbeing and
happiness.
And it taught me the mostbeautiful lesson that, like my
kids, one of their biggest needsis a mother who is full of
herself, who is so full oftaking care of my adult needs as
an adult, so that they neverhave to like.
It's not that my kids never seeme emotionally dysregulated or
(24:36):
but they have a mother who hasbuilt the skills and the support
, both internally and externally, of I take care of my own
emotional needs, I take care ofmy boundaries, you don't have to
worry about it.
You get to become your ownlittle being who has their own
life and their own happiness andtheir own health.
And it's like what a gift toour kids that they are the
(24:58):
center.
Who was it you who said likethey're at the center of our
hearts but not the center of ouruniverse?
Someone said that to merecently oh, but I'm feeling
that I want my kids to be like.
I want them to know that theyare a like.
They are the center of thisseason, but they're not the
center of my universe.
I need them to know that theworld does not rotate around
them.
Um, that's too muchresponsibility for them.
(25:21):
It's's too much for me, too,when I'm taking that on for my
friends or my family or mymarriage of like.
I can't be responsible for allof that, but I can be
responsible for me and how Ishow up and how I spend my focus
and my time and my energy.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Yeah, and you know what's really interesting about
that conversation and the waythat it really loops back to
this yin and yang of motherhoodand entrepreneurship is all of
that directly applies to mybusiness as well.
There are certain things thatcan wait.
There are certain things that,yeah, my business is not the
(25:59):
center of my universe, my worlddoes not revolve around, the sky
is falling, mentality that alot of clients try to project
onto me.
So, um, it's really beautifulthe mirrored experience that, um
, entrepreneurs and mothers canhave in that way.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
I think it's.
I think it's very unique andthat it is one of those things
where, like, it is all on you.
Therefore, you have to learnthat it's not all on you.
You have to learn to be areally good boss to yourself and
really lead your life in apowerful way, because it is
leadership.
It is leadership to say, like,what are all of the things that
people want and need from youand what are the things that you
(26:39):
actually have capacity, whatare all of the things that
people want and need from youand what are the things that you
actually have capacity for,what are the things that you're
available for and you're notavailable for?
And I actually think that isvery unique, not only in
motherhood, but inentrepreneurship.
The majority of entrepreneursare so stuck in this fight or
flight mentality of buildingtheir businesses because it
(27:01):
requires so much and there is noguaranteed safety, or at least
the projection of safety right,because no human experience has
safety.
And I think, honestly, a lot ofpeople that come to work with
me, they're women who, likethey've had the rug pulled out
of them over and over and overand all of a sudden they go wait
.
I need to stop building mysense of safety on this, like
(27:25):
narration of who I'm supposed tobe and I need to build this
life.
That determines not everythingis in my control.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
And I surrender what's not in control, but then
I can I take responsibility forwhat I do control.
Yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
So for you, what does that look like now in this
season, navigating Like whatfeels different?
That's a really good question.
I I know that my biggest fearas I sit here today is looking
back on this season of mymotherhood and wishing or
(28:15):
lamenting over this idea that Ijust wasn't there and I was
raised by two entrepreneurs, andI'm comfortable with taking a
you know step away from thedinner table at six o'clock to
take a phone call.
I'm comfortable with that,because that's a part of how I
was raised.
(28:36):
What I'm not comfortable withis this idea that the business
always comes first, becausesometimes it does, sometimes the
phone call has to be taken orsomething has to be done.
That impedes family time.
And what is really important tome, though, is that every single
(28:58):
day and every single week, Ihave a touch point of
intentional connection with mykids, and it's wild, man, the
idea of raising kids during thislike season.
You know you're even furtherinto motherhood than I am, so
I'm like, oh my gosh.
I will be talking to you aboutsome of your tips and tricks,
(29:22):
but you know, I remember when myfamily got internet and the
fact that my children know howto use my phone and they know
what chat GPT is is wild.
So I'm intentionally thinkingabout A what is my biggest fear,
which is missing this, but Balso intentionally setting up an
(29:46):
active display of my capital Vvalues, because I hope to pass
those on to them.
So, for me, every single day weboth Brennan and I which is
really, really hard have a nophone zone from four to five,
and our clients know it, ourfamily knows it and I hope that
(30:11):
it's a tradition that I am ableto bring into their older
childhood where they have theirown phones and stuff and it's
like kids.
That's just the way that it is.
You're off your phone right nowand it's family time.
We're making dinner together,we're out in the garden, we're
doing whatever, and right nowI'm so fortunate to be in this
(30:32):
season of my kids are in daycare.
They are well taken care ofduring the week, and a part of
why I created this life formyself which has been very
intentional I didn't just wakeup one day with 10 years of
entrepreneurship under my beltis to have time freedom, and I
know that I am incrediblyblessed in that, but what a
(30:54):
disservice it would be to myself, my family and all the other
women who wish they had thattype of time freedom to not take
advantage of it.
So I have intentionally settime aside once a week to either
take one kid out for one-on-onetime with mommy where we have a
whole day one-on-one or bothkids and um every single month.
(31:18):
I make sure that Brennan isthere, my husband, for a family
day and we're going to do that,probably not, probably
definitely until those kids arein school, and I know that for
me, that's what allows me to doboth of these things, because I
am in it.
(31:38):
I am so into building thisbusiness and it takes a lot of
me and I I genuinely believethat I'm putting the right
systems in place now so that Ican look back and be like, wow,
I was there, I was there andthat's what makes me excited.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
I just I want to, I want to pull out a piece of that
, but like I don't even know ifyou know how powerful and potent
it is.
But when you shared, like thisis my biggest fear, but you
leaned into that, I think somany women they really avoid you
use the word fear, but I thinka lot of women would use the
word mom guilt.
A lot of women would describeit as, like I'm having mom guilt
(32:23):
or shame to my life, and ourculture's response is like, oh,
make it better, make her feelbetter.
And I'm like no, no, no, no, no.
Do not take that gift away fromher, do not take the gift of
fear or guilt that says you arenot showing up to your life in
the way that you want, you arenot showing up to a life that
you are designing, that you areintentionally setting up, and I
(32:44):
truly think that is it.
If you can lean into what is andwhat isn't working for you, to
your values, and then realizethat like it's you choosing it,
like yes, there are women whohave schedules or things that
are out of their control, but Ithink our culture loves to hyper
excessively focus on what wecan't control and it's like well
(33:08):
, I don't know how to changethat for you, but I do know that
, like you can change everythingwhen nothing changes, which is,
how do you use the time thatyou do control, how are you
present in those moments thatyou do have with your kids,
because actually it doesn't takeas much as people think.
Like you can be present and inthe mornings and after school
(33:29):
that changes everything.
Does that take a shit ton ofemotional regulation?
Yes, it does.
Thank you very much.
Like it's even for me and I'vebeen doing this for years.
But I think that intentionalityof like not avoiding the
discomfort of your emotions andactually seeing it as a gift,
that is telling you this is whatyour heart deeply desires, this
(33:49):
is what you deeply value.
It is such a sign and a signalof that, and you were able and
willing to listen to that andthen take behaviors like to
change the way that you wereshowing up in a micro level,
based off of that big thing, andI think that's something so
many women are missing, becauseI think everyone's looking
outside of themselves of like,what's my perfect balance?
(34:12):
How do you balance motherhoodand entrepreneurship?
And it's like I have acompletely different business
than you do.
I have different kids in adifferent season and a different
husband and a different timeschedule, like everything about
my life, even just me and you.
I look at like me and you.
We're alike in so many ways andme and you have to function
(34:33):
very differently.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Yeah, and the key is you knowing yourself and what
you want and need and thenbuilding a life based off of
that oh, thank you so much forcalling that out and for
honoring that, and you know it'sinteresting because that's why
these conversations are sopowerful and we have to
cultivate this modern day sewingcircle to sit with other women
(35:00):
and validate one another'sexperience, while reserving
judgment and just simplyextending applause to say and
see what you are doing, do you?
And and you know what what Ifind so much joy in is that so
often women just want to be seenin what they're experiencing,
(35:21):
and what's really unique aboutfeeling safe and honored by
another female friend like youis, there does come a point
where it's like are you ready tohear some feedback?
Are you ready to hear how?
I think you're making thisharder than it needs to be, and
(35:41):
it does feel so big and so hardwhen you're putting those
changes in place, but it reallyis just as simple as okay, are
you going to cut out Netflix sothat you can hire a you know
house cleaner?
I know that's not a comparableexample, but it's all about
(36:02):
choices and how we are choosingto show up in our life, and I
think that sometimes, when wejust simply say out loud to one
another that we have exponentialfreedom to make whatever
choices feel good in your life,go for it, girlfriend.
But sometimes we just need tohear another woman say it out
(36:22):
loud.
It just feels good.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
I love what you just said about relationships.
I think, not only inrelationships with other women,
but in the relationship toourselves.
Like you just named, somethingthat is so powerful of loving
yourself and other people Doesit.
Yes, it's affirmation, yes,it's like, oh my gosh, I love
you.
But love is not always meek,love is not always my, love is
(36:50):
not always telling people whatthey want to hear, and I think
people are so afraid of thisbecause they've been met with
harsh criticism or judgment orlike true shame, where it's like
you're down and someone'skicking you, versus like you're
down and someone offers you ahand.
I can think of like so manyinstances in our friendship
(37:11):
where you told me the hard thingand it changed my life, and if
you wouldn't have said thosehard things to me, I would like
it gave me the bravery to tellmyself hard things even more so.
And I think that's such abeautiful thing to bring into
this, because I think women areavoiding the not feel good
conversations with themselves orwith their partners or with
(37:32):
their business, whether that'slike a literal conversation with
your business or your boss.
We're avoiding thoseconversations, trying to be nice
, but like that is not niceness,that is not love, and I think,
when I think of the depths ofhealthy relationship, it is
having those conversations where, yes, you affirm where they are
, but you speak to what you seein them.
(37:53):
You speak to what they could beand what they can be, because
we can never see ourselvesclearly.
You've heard me talk I talkabout this all of the time of,
like, we can't see ourselvesclearly ever.
I will never see myself in theway that my friends do, or the
way that my kids do, or the waythat my partner does, and it
doesn't always feel good to havemyself reflected back,
(38:17):
especially as an Enneagram too,especially as someone who, like,
would just love to think I'mall love, I'm all light, I'm
infinitely patient and, like,all I want to do is love people.
Well, like, actually, that'snot true.
Like I've got some shit, I'vegot some, I've got some things
going on, but the people who arewilling to let me see that side
of myself, while holding thatin love and kindness and
(38:39):
compassion and validation to whoI am and my worth, but maybe
not the way that I'm behaving,maybe I'm showing up.
That's love to yourself, likeyou want to.
If you want to quote, unquotebalance, motherhood and business
.
It's not all going to be cutesyLike.
It's going to be this real deeplove that has some weight to
(39:00):
throw around.
It's got some, it's got thesting of truth that is going to
make things better.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
Yes, oh, that was beautifully said and I want you
to know that that sentiment isechoed right back to you and
that's what I think is reallybeautiful about best female
friendships that, um, there is atenderness that I mean I can't
speak for everybody, but I thatI feel more deeply in my female
(39:30):
friendships than I do even in mymarriage to say, hey, girl, I
see you and I, I honor the deepchallenge that this is for you
and um, and I just think that'sa really beautiful part of our
friendship and I pray that everysingle woman listening, if they
don't have that type of friend,that they find it, because
(39:51):
everybody deserves it and yourpeople are looking for you too.
You know it.
It's just really beautiful.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
I think a lot of the way you find those friends,
though, is that you create thatrelationship to yourself.
Yeah, like, like I think of usand like if one of us would have
not.
I think we've grown up a lottogether, right Like we've grown
quite a bit in the years we'veknown each other.
I don't know if it would be asdeep and as connected if we both
(40:18):
wouldn't have enacted that samerelationship to our own lives,
and therefore, when it came tolike the relationship to someone
else, you saw that as healthand not this like terrifying,
terrible thing.
And I think so many it's likethat toxic positivity where it's
like we're trying to like, oh,love yourself.
And it's like, yes, but lovingyourself also means like hard
(40:38):
conversations about the way thatyou're spending your time or
energy or not taking care ofyourself, and it's so, at least
for me.
It is so easy for me to makemyself the plastic ball I that
analogy, lauren, is so powerful.
It is so easy for me and mybusiness or my life to put that
on the back burner.
But what?
(41:00):
But I know the outcome of that,and so I have to catch myself
being sneaky of like whatactually do I value and what
creates the capacity for thatand how?
How do I show up to that?
So I'm curious what are thethings now that are glass balls
for you and like for you?
How do you show up to that inthis season?
Speaker 2 (41:20):
I love that you bookended that with this season.
I think it's really challengingfor me, because I thrive in
routine, I thrive inpredictability and one thing
that motherhood entrepreneurshipaside, like motherhood has 100%
put into my lens that the onlything that you can rely on is
(41:42):
change, and, um, it's just everevolving, whether it's sickness
or an unreliable child caresituation or whatever.
You know the fact that my kidall of a sudden is waking up
every day four times in thenight, like what the heck?
And um, allowing myself torecognize that what I need today
(42:06):
may and probably will lookdifferent than what that looks
like, and even six months, onceI gave myself that permission,
that changed a lot for me torealize that, like, this is
working for me right now.
And, oh, lauren, I know thatthat's something that you want
to like prepay and check off forthe rest of your, you know to
do list for the rest of the year, and that's just something I
(42:29):
have personally surrendered to.
That has made me feel a lotbetter.
Um, what's interesting, thoughand again, I totally recognize
this comes with a lot ofprivilege and what I'm about to
say, but what I have really doneis taken a good hard look at
what is making my, what iskeeping me from living that
(42:52):
desirable life that we talkedabout before, where I am present
for my kids on weekends andafter school, and yada, yada,
yada.
And, truthfully, I am a type Aperson I love feeling like I
live in a museum storehouse.
I try to keep pick and span,but like, throw two toddlers in
the mix and that's just Godlaughing at you.
(43:12):
And so what I truly did was Isat down, my husband and I said
listen, the baseboards don't getclean unless I do it, the
chandelier doesn't get cleanedunless I do it, and that's no
shame on him.
But, like, you and I now needto work together to figure out
how we're going to pay for acleaning crew to come into this
home, because it is keeping mefrom living my ideal life, from
(43:42):
living my ideal life, and it'snot going to be on me just
because I have two X chromosomesto do it, you know.
And so if that means thatyou're playing one less golf
game and we're canceling asubscription, or whatever the
situation is, that's a choicethat we are making as a family,
um, because I need it.
So that, true, truly has beenlike a huge game changer for us
and in a way that makes me feelreally joyful, in the sense that
(44:09):
I know that I'm spending mymoney with another female
business owner in a way that'shelping her thrive and her
family, and it's like a win, win, win, and so I think that that
has been really meaningful.
And then I just want to callthis out because it has truly
changed my life, becca, you andI have this really beautiful
(44:31):
relationship in that we haveworked with one another and
we're also best friends.
And you and I had a conversationwhere you were very much the
coach and I was very much theclient, and I was lamenting
about the fact that, like, Ijust don't feel good in my body,
yada, yada, yada, and you sokindly called out well, how
(44:53):
often do you check in withyourself?
How often are you askingyourself if you need some water
or you need to eat, or you needto pee, or like, when was the
last time the sun was actuallyon your face?
And you gave me a challengethat literally has changed my
life, and if I had a dollar forevery person I've told this to,
I would happily give them to youand you'd have about 2000 bucks
(45:13):
, girlfriend and uh, but whatI've encouraged myself is that
every time I switched to adifferent task.
Every time I get up to go tothe bathroom, I asked myself
what is it that?
Speaker 1 (45:26):
I need.
Speaker 2 (45:27):
Do I need some water?
Do I need to open the window?
Oh, my back is feeling a littletight.
Do I need to stretch?
And those micro moments ofboundary intention have truly
changed my life when it comes tocapability and capacity and I'm
just really grateful and Ithink other people will benefit
(45:49):
from that too.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
Yeah, it's.
You know.
My new favorite saying is likeyou know how the straw breaks
the camel's back.
It's taking care of thosestraws that makes sure the
camel's back doesn't break, likeI think.
So People are like burnt outand they're like I need to burn
my life down.
And I was like, well, okay,five weeks ago you were hungry
and you didn't eat.
You were thirsty and you didn'tdrink.
You needed rest and you didn'trest.
Like these things, build andbuild and build and build.
(46:21):
And I think I love that younamed the privilege and I also
want to name.
I think this is something sopowerful.
We can often compare ourselvesto other women and think like,
well, that's not accessible tome and it's like, okay, you
might be right.
Like there is a reality thatyou are living in that someone
else might not be.
You might not have thatprivilege of time, you might not
(46:42):
have that financial privilege,you might not have the privilege
of a partner, you might nothave the privilege of parents in
the area, whatever that is foryou, but you do have some access
, you do have some choice and ifyou can find that place of
agency and choice, you canchange things and it might look
little by little by little.
(47:02):
It might be smaller choicesthan you realize, but those
things build.
It gets the ball rolling and Ithink so many times.
Those are the things with everywomen and like women of all
different areas of life.
I've worked with such a widerange of women now from like
every corner, and what is sobeautiful and powerful is like
(47:25):
when that woman is able to bringherself back to her body, to
her being, to her presence, likewhat you just named.
All it is is presence andawareness.
But no one has actually taughtus how to do that.
No one has taught us how tofeel our bodies, how to trust
our intuition.
Everyone's like trust your gut.
It's like, well, my gut'sfilled with anxiety and
overthinking, like what do youmean?
(47:47):
You want me to trust it?
My gut like that's, there's aprocess to it and there's actual
tools and steps and skills thatwe can build.
And I love that like.
Even through this conversation,we can see that.
Like the different choice pointsand it wasn't just these big
choices there was these bigmoments where you were like,
okay, I have to choose somethingdifferent, but then there were
(48:09):
these little micro moments whereyou said I have the option to
do something different.
I have the option and theavailability and the choice and
the agency to slow this down anddo something differently and I
just think that is so powerfuland I love ending there of like,
when you are navigating thisthis season, where we're like,
(48:30):
okay, I'm deeply devoted tomotherhood.
Like this is, this is my like.
You know, at least for me, thisis all I ever wanted and I'm
here and I don't want to miss it.
And also, I have this otherthing that I really love, that
I'm building.
That like gives me so muchenergy and capacity and it grows
me and it expands me and itenhances things.
But, like, they're also twovery needy things in my life.
(48:53):
Right, I have a five-year-oldbusiness with like,
five-year-olds are pretty needy,like, I don't know.
You see, you're farther alongin business, I'm a little bit
older in the kids, but like,honestly, it's just different
levels of need and it's so easyto just let ourselves become
those plastic balls.
But really, coming back to thisplace, I did this interview with
(49:15):
a scout Sasha, you would lovethis interview and she used the
phrase renegotiating and I lovedthat of like, it's this daily
thing where it's no longer oh, Ihave this perfect plan for the
season, because I really trulythink that's one of the hardest
parts of motherhood for so manywomen is we have these plans and
(49:35):
then we keep making more plans,we keep making these systems
and these schedules and, like Idon't care how good you are at
that, when your season changesor your kids change, what worked
in summer doesn't feel good Imean, we're coming into spring
right now and what felt reallygood in winter.
All of a sudden I was like thisfeels terrible.
(49:56):
I need something different,like my self-care, the way that
I'm parenting, the way that,like, everything's changing with
the season and sometimes aseason is a day or a week and
sometimes it's like a couplemonths.
But that renegotiating and thatshifting is so, so powerful.
I'm curious if there's anythingthat we didn't say or something
(50:17):
you want to end with anythingthat we didn't say or something
you want to end with.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
I'm just really grateful for the community of it
all, you know, the community ofmothers, the community of
business owners.
(50:41):
I know that I wouldn't be whereI am today without my village
and I think it's really easy toconvince ourselves, as modern
day American mother, that theonly way is to grin and bear it
alone.
And my experience in businessownership and in motherhood have
become so much richer and moremeaningful once I freely and
(51:03):
vulnerably welcomed other womeninto that front row of my arena,
where it is messy, where it isnot always what I want to be
saying or sharing, and it hasled to a deep sense of
connection that has expanded meand I'm just, I'm just really
(51:26):
grateful.
Thank you for being a part ofthat village.
Speaker 1 (51:29):
Do you mind if I ask a little bit more about that,
because I think that's a topic.
Women are going to hear thatand say, like I don't have a
village or my like.
Women are going to hear thatand say, like I don't have a
village or my like.
I'll share my experience.
I was talking with some womenthe other day in a mastermind of
my village.
Doesn't look like what I thoughtit would.
It doesn't look like what I,even in early motherhood, like
(51:53):
it feels very scattered and thatlike I have different people in
my life who meet differentneeds.
It's not like one small set ofpeople, but I have like
different people who I have avillage.
It's just.
It's just different.
It just looks different.
It feels different than whatmaybe I think a lot of us wish
we had, which is right.
Like all of us live on acommune and we all raise our
(52:14):
kids together and the kids goover to someone else's and
someone helps with the schoolingand like people get to like
swap kids all the time, likesome a lot of women like that.
That's hard for them.
So I'm curious, like what yourvillage looks like and how you
intentionally built that.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
I'm very fortunate in that I genuinely believe that I
have welcomed the right womeninto my life, but, damn it, it
took a lot more energy and a lotmore time than I wish it would
have.
Truthfully, I felt deeplylonely after college.
(52:55):
I stayed in my college town andall my college friends
scattered across the country,and here I am still living in
Fort Collins, colorado, all of asudden, not no longer
identifying as a college studentnot yet identifying and as a
wife and mother and reallyfeeling this interim.
So I truly spent about 10 yearstrying with earnest to find my
(53:17):
people.
10 years trying with earnest tofind my people and it looked
like dating honestly, reachingout to people on Instagram
vulnerably but confidently,going up to somebody at a coffee
shop and saying, oh my gosh, Ilove your shoes, or whatever,
and a lot of first dates thatended there, you know, and I'm
like, oh, this, this chick isnot my gal, but I wish you well.
(53:41):
But guess what?
A lot of those first datesturned into second dates and now
we have been in relationshipfor years of my life.
Literally.
I can't imagine what my lifewould be like without these
women now, and what'sinteresting in female friendship
is that for me it is filledwith so much romanticism.
(54:09):
I truly love the way that I havebeen courted by my girlfriends
and the way that I have done thesame.
That looks like showing up in away that feels within capacity,
and a lot of times that meanssending a text to say, hey, I'm
thinking about you, I love you,send me a picture of the kids or
(54:31):
, you know, dropping five for aquick hug when it's like I
literally have 20 minutes, doyou have 20 minutes?
Let's sit and chat in thesunshine.
Um it, it doesn't look the waythat it was projected on sitcoms
and in movies.
Um, but what has been reallypowerful for me was finding
(54:53):
women who did fill differentlanes.
And once I gave up this ideathat my life's journey, I am not
called to have one singularbest friend and that sounds so
rad, that sounds really fun tobe in that deep of a connection
with somebody, but that's not mysoul's journey on this earth.
(55:15):
And once I gave myselfpermission to know that I have
different friends in differentlanes and I go to different
friends for different things.
And with this friend I'm goingto have a glass of wine and with
this friend I'm going to have atea, even knowing those
differences, um, and how itbrings out different parts of me
, has been a really funexperiment to realize that, wow,
(55:35):
I am so multifaceted in waysthat I didn't even know the
conversations that I have withBecca look different than the
conversations I have with Becky.
How cool is that.
And once I gave myself thepermission to find friends that
fit into my life in a way thatfelt good for both of us, and
finding a friend who recognizesthat I'm a mom and business
(55:57):
owner first was really impactful.
But truthfully, it really comeswith a lot of vulnerability and
just extending a hand andsaying hi, I'm Lauren, and it
doesn't sound easy, but it issimple.
Speaker 1 (56:12):
I'm so glad we took the minute to explore that
because I think so many womenreally deeply crave that.
A lot of women want it, but Ido, I think it's.
I want to like pull out twothings of what you said, of like
one effort.
And guess what?
Being in a village you don'tjust like show up and people
come to you Like it involvesrisk.
(56:33):
Right, it's a vulnerableemotional risk.
I can think of like severalpeople who, like we were friends
, who like went out to coffee orwent on walks and I kind of had
to rip the bandaid off of likeokay, when are we going to
really talk about things?
When are we going to likereally say, like good, how are
you Good, how are you?
And I actually, instead of likegiving her that short response,
(56:54):
I give her the long one, I giveher the more awkward one, the
more messy one, the one where,like I actually tell her and
invite her in to what's going onin my life.
That's a whole different kindof friendship than like a
network.
I think you know there'sdifferent levels of relationship
and connection and I thinkhaving a network is a really
good, beautiful, powerful thing.
(57:15):
And then there's like friendsand then closer friends.
But there is there's effortyeah, it takes effort of like
you showing up and caring aboutpeople and showing an interest
and like making an effort andfinding someone who's willing to
do that back and not having itbe this like tit for tat, where
you're keeping track but youboth genuinely care about each
(57:36):
other and show up and there'snot this like intense pressure
of it has to look perfect orpretty.
And then the other thing I lovethat you said is that
multifacetedness.
Like it's okay to finddifferent groups, like I think
of.
I have like some friends whoare like my mom friends, like we
do a lot of things with ourkids together.
We do like our kids are thesame ages and they go to the
(57:58):
same school and it's likethey're just as much deeply my
friends but like they might notbe my friends who I go to with
my business stuff.
They might not be the friendsthat I necessarily go to with
like marriage or deep parentingthings.
It just it's okay for it to bemultifaceted and have those
needs met with different people,because I think in this culture
so many of us are at so muchcapacity that like one person
(58:20):
can't be all and do it all,which also out of marriage right
.
Like your partner can't be yourgirlfriends.
Like you need other people totalk your shit through with who
isn't your husband.
Like it is so much healthierand happier Um.
Speaker 2 (58:37):
I echo that.
Speaker 1 (58:40):
I have just loved this conversation so, so much
with you.
Um, if you're a local, laurendoes incredible, incredible,
like community building events,and she's one of those people
who anyone who loves her or thatshe loves I immediately like
like there's just, you know,good people are attracted to
(59:01):
good people there's thismagnetism and I, just as you
were speaking, I just want tosay this over you you are such a
great speaker and teacher andshare like as you were, I just I
could listen to you talk allday and I found myself losing
track of like oh yes, I'msupposed to like host a podcast
here, cause I just you you aresuch a deeply I'm trying to
(59:28):
think of the words I want to use.
You have the biggest heart, butI think you have such good
connection between your heartand your mouth and I know that
sounds, but you are so great atputting words to experience that
I think so many women willlisten to this and hear this and
be like I never knew how toexplain it until I heard Lauren
share it, and so I'm just sograteful.
So thank you so much for beingon the podcast today.
Speaker 2 (59:49):
Not me ending with tears in my eyes.
Thank you so much, becca.
That is a very, very kindcompliment and one that I
receive with joy.
I just want to say one otherthing.
I spent years crying, feelingso lonely as to when and how
those women would come into mylife, and I just want to speak
(01:00:12):
truth to any woman who's in thatphase of where are my people?
I see you, I honor you.
It is a really hard, messymiddle to be in, and I do just
want to speak to that effort andnuance really does have
incredible gifts waiting for youon the other side.
Um, so I'm, I'm encouraging anywoman who's truly trying to
(01:00:35):
find their people.
Your people are looking for youtoo, and I love you, becca.
Speaker 1 (01:00:40):
Thank you so much.
We'll just, we'll just have alove fest.
I'm thinking of that.
Realize that you I'm going tohave to put it in the comments
here.
There's this reel where theselike women are just like
freaking out over each other andI saw it and I was like, oh my
God, this is me in friendship,just like aggressive attention,
where I'm like I'm sure somepeople feel very uncomfortable
with like how aggressively Ilove and it's like also I love
(01:01:01):
being with someone who, like weboth love that.
All the verbal affirmation allday.
Okay, thank you so much.
You guys, if you resonate withthis podcast, send me a question
, send me an aha moment, sharethis podcast on social media,
send it to a friend who you'relike wait, I want a friendship
where we talk about things likethis and gush over each other,
(01:01:22):
make it awkward, make it fun.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
Thanks for joining me ontoday's episode of the
Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
Make sure you have subscribedbelow so that you see all of the
upcoming podcasts that arecoming soon.
I hope you take today's episodeand you take one aha moment, one
(01:01:46):
small, tangible piece of workthat you can bring into your
life to get your hands a littledirty to get your skin in the
game.
Don't forget to take upaudacious space in your life.
If this podcast moved you, ifit inspired you, if it
encouraged you, please do me afavor and leave a review.
Send an episode to a friend.
(01:02:06):
This helps the show gain moretraction.
It helps us to support moremoms, more women, and that's
what we're doing here.
So I hope you have an awesomeday, take really good care of
yourself, and I'll see you nexttime.
Welcome to the Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
I'm Becca, a somatic healingpractitioner and a holistic life
coach for moms, and thispodcast is for you.
You can expect honestconversations and incredible
guests that speak to health,healing and growth in every area
of our lives.
This isn't just strategy forwhat we do.
It's support for who we are.
I believe we can be wildlyambitious while still holding
(00:25):
all of our soft and hardhumanity as holy.
I love combining deep innerhealing with strategic systems
and no-nonsense talk about whatthis season is really like.
So grab whatever weird healthbeverage you're currently into
and let's get into it.
Welcome to today's episode ofthe Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
(00:46):
Today I am so thrilled to haveone of my besties on the podcast
, because what's more fun thanmixing work and friendship?
Not a lot of things.
So today one of my best friends, lauren, is on the podcast and
we're going to talk about justthe duality of motherhood and
business, wanting it all, havingit all, what that looks like
(01:08):
and feels like.
Lauren, will you just introduceyourself briefly?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Yes, oh, sweet Becca, thank you so much for having me
.
I am just giddy with excitement.
This is going to be really fun.
So, hi, I'm Lauren.
I am an entrepreneur.
I am a mama of two little boysfour and two.
I co-own a residential boutiquebrokerage with my husband, so
(01:35):
we help people buy and sellhomes, but, of course, it's so
much more than that and I amreally excited to talk about how
I feel pushed and pulledbetween my business and my
desire to genuinely show up inmy motherhood, and how that's
(01:57):
amazing and challenging all atonce.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
So tell me a little bit, tell us a little bit about
like what those early years ofmotherhood were like already
having a business, alreadyhaving like I feel like you had
such a beautiful like full lifenot all beautiful, you had some
stuff right.
What was that season of newmotherhood like for you, both
(02:20):
personally and professionally,and just kind of the mix of both
of those and how it allintertwined?
Good question.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I became a licensed realtor when I was 24 and I
jumped into business with myhusband just four months after
saying I do, and so we were onthis journey of building a
business together at 25 yearsold and COVID happened.
(02:49):
I was 28, I want to say, and atthat point you know, had done a
lot of the heavy lifting ofwhat it takes to build a
foundation of a business, and ittruly does take blood, sweat
and tears, and a lot of thathappens behind the scenes.
(03:10):
So I had what felt like to me,but also what presented as a
thriving business, one that ranon very efficient systems, one
that delighted our customers andone that brought both my
husband and I a lot of joy.
We absolutely love what we do,and a part of the thrill of
(03:35):
entrepreneurship and working foryourself is oh well, you can
work whenever you want, and inreality that's totally true, but
that usually means you'reworking a hell of a lot more
than somebody punching a clock,and your night, your thoughts at
night, are about how you canmake your business better.
(03:56):
And when you're puttingtogether your grocery list,
you're also putting togetheryour list of supplies that you
need, and it's just nevergrocery list.
You're also putting togetheryour list of supplies that you
need, and it's just never, it'snever, turned off.
And um, a couple of weeks intoCOVID, like many other people
around the world, uh, my husbandand I looked at each other and
we said, well, there's nothingbetter to do and we want a
(04:38):
family, so let's get going Mightas well.
Change my heart in a way, forhow do I divide my time, how do
I divide my energy?
Because, by the way, I stillhave to pay my mortgage, I still
have to keep milk in the fridge, and my husband and I are
intertwined in this industrythat is 100% commission-based
(05:02):
and dependent on the ebb andflow of the real estate market.
We knew that things were goingto shift, and what's really
interesting about motherhood isso much of the experience of
(05:23):
parenthood is just different formoms, and you know I was
recovering from a C-section.
I was totally out of whackhormonally, which, truthfully, I
didn't know until I had mysecond child and I'm like, oh
shit, that was severe postpartumdepression and I was not okay.
(05:46):
I was not okay and my son had areally hard time breastfeeding
and so I was exclusively pumpingfor those first couple months
and it was all a pressure cooker.
I felt like I was in a pressurecooker and because, truthfully,
in my business and inmotherhood, I couldn't offload.
(06:07):
I can't offload pumping.
I can't offload somebody, youknow, writing a contract, it's
not possible.
And so what happened was youstart to quickly realize what
are glass balls and what areplastic balls.
And when you're juggling andthat child comes into the
picture and motherhood all of asudden becomes a very dominant
(06:31):
part of who you are and the waythat you show up in the world,
you, you realize that someplastic balls have to drop, and
my experience was, I think,forcing my own self to become a
plastic ball, and so I veryquickly stopped taking care of
(06:52):
myself, I stopped eating and Iconvinced myself that, oh, this
is kind of a win-win I'm goingto lose the baby weight and I
also am getting more done in mybusiness.
And in reality, that veryquickly led to burnout and a
very deep depression.
I was severely depressed aftermy first child was born and it
(07:16):
was incredible the way that youjust survive, the way that my
business had to survive, the waythat my child had to survive.
Oh, and another veryinteresting thing that I
inappropriately assigned as aplastic ball was my marriage,
and I think for a time it'sappropriate to have your
(07:38):
marriage on the back burner, butit very quickly became evident
that it was no longer in the airat all, and so it's really
interesting how I love my kids,I love my business, I love being
in business with my husband,and all of those present very
(08:03):
unique challenges that havedeeply defined me and the way
that I am going to move forwardin both my motherhood and my
business.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
What you said about I made myself a plastic ball.
I mean it's so interestingbecause I can hear that as a
coach and I can hear that as,like, the professional side of
me.
But like it's so interestingwhen it's like you know, you're
talking to your best friend andI even think back to that season
if it feels okay to share thatlike I wouldn't have even seen
(08:37):
or known.
And I think that's so true forso many women, because I think
so many women assume that.
Or just culturally, when wetalk about how hard it is, I
think a lot of people are saying, like, does it look hard?
Yeah, yeah.
But it's so crazy to me that,like you have these women who
are so high functioning thatsometimes the harder it gets,
(09:00):
like the better it can look fromthe outside.
Like people look at us, evenpeople close to you, even people
who love you and adore you, whowould want to help you, who
would want to offload things.
There is a reality of like it'sjust you in your life, like
it's just you are the only mom.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
And it's.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I think it's huge and I think so many of us were
never prepared for the amount ofcapacity, mental, emotionally,
like everything is pushed in onus and pulled out on us,
especially like in our modernculture, because, like truly and
I've even been thinking thisand saying this lately it's too
(09:42):
much, it's too much.
And yet, like, what otheroption do we have?
And I I'm curious, like whenthat season shifted for you and
what that looked like, when youall, like it sounds like you had
this realization of like wait,this survival works for a season
right.
Like we're not going to shameourselves for surviving, we're
not going to shame ourselves forkeeping your head above water
(10:04):
in the best way that you knew,how you survived, how you
survived, how you survived, likeit is what it is, but like
that's a short-term strategy andit doesn't work in the longterm
.
So I'm curious, like whatshifted for you?
And like what was that shift?
Like that is a really goodquestion no-transcript.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Oldest was 10 months old and I was not ready.
I was surviving.
I wasn't ready and I resistedreally hard.
And one day, um, and it wasactually in a room with you,
becca, where I realized I had achoice to make because, yeah,
(11:07):
I'm the only one in this lifeand I can choose to be scared as
shit.
I can choose to be incrediblyfearful of my capacity and what
having a second child is goingto do to me and my business and
my marriage, or I can choose totrust that, this beautiful
miracle and blessing and thisthing that I desperately wanted,
(11:29):
I just wasn't ready for.
Um, I was ready for and Ineeded it at that time, and
because both of both faith andfear require believing in
something you can't see, youknow, and so, um, as cliche as
it sounds, I really just at thatmoment, I was about maybe seven
(11:53):
months pregnant, with Warren,about and, um, I'm like, wow,
warren, you have thisopportunity to be incredibly
faithful that this is happeningfor you, to be incredibly
faithful that this is happeningfor you.
And that's exactly whathappened.
And, although my birth with mysecond son didn't go the way
that I envisioned and worked sohard for, it ended in a very,
(12:14):
very scary emergency C-section.
It was so beautiful.
It was so beautiful because youknow what it taught me
Surrender and honor, those arethe two words that come to my
mind.
And so what's really cool isthat, through the birth of my
second son, I deeply surrenderedto what is to no longer feeling
(12:39):
like I had to be this superheroto my clients or to my children
.
And and I became a lot strongerin the conversations I had to
have with my clients to saythese are the boundaries around
when I'm available, because,truthfully, it's inappropriate
to have availability from 7 amto 10 pm.
That's not the type of industrystandard I want to set and
(13:04):
that's certainly not the waythat I want to treat people or,
excuse me, to teach people totreat me.
And you know, what's interestingis that when you double down on
those boundaries becausesurvival is no longer an option,
showing up for my kids with afull heart, giving myself the
opportunity to like, actuallyput on a face of makeup, because
it makes me feel like Lauren,those are important things Um,
(13:28):
clients become to say, oh wow,she's boundaried, she's legit,
she's an expert, because sheonly has these times to talk to
me, that's because she's busyhelping other people, and those
are the types of people thatclients want to work with.
Meanwhile, I'm so proud ofmyself and this is my
(13:49):
prerogative.
This is not everyone'sprerogative, but for me, I love
that.
I am intentionally teaching mychildren that they are a huge
part of my world, but they arenot my whole world, and when I
look back on my motherhood, whenthey look back on my motherhood
, I pray that that is somethingthat they find joy in, because
(14:14):
for me, it's something I'mreally, really proud of.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I'm just, I'm just basking in the glory that is my
friend right, Like wait, forget.
Oh yeah, we're on a podcast.
What you just shared,goosebumps of so many different
things.
But surrender feels terrifyingwhen you are used to controlling
and needing to control, notjust like the objectives, but I
(14:41):
think those narratives, thosenarratives of, like, what
success looks like and I thinkthis is this is such a common
theme with so many women that Iwork with and it's all across
the board and every type of momand every type of parenting
situation.
There is this.
I had this idea of what itwould look like, of how I would
be, of how I would feel, andwe're so determined to force
(15:01):
that narrative.
But there is this surrenderingthat happens to like, okay, what
is okay.
Once I surrender to what is now, I can live with reality.
Now I can actually look at,okay, how am I going to show up
to this?
And even what you were sharingabout entrepreneurship.
I think that is so powerfulbecause I think a lot of women
who have this heart that wantsto change the world it's so
(15:26):
overwhelming in this seasonbecause we only have so much
capacity, we only have so muchtime and energy and focus and
you know, our babies need us andso a lot of times, like our
hearts and our heads are in ourhomes or in our businesses.
But what is wild is knowing that, like those small little
boundaries that often feel verymean and uncomfortable and
(15:47):
awkward, especially when youfirst start, it gives other
people permission to rebuild thesystem.
It's like we can't beat thisgame.
We can't beat the game thatcaused the problems in the first
place by following the rules.
We have to learn to create ournew rules and it's like isn't
(16:08):
that why we became entrepreneursin the first place is to write
our own rules of doing business?
And yet we get into doingbusiness and we become, honestly
, these terrible bosses toourselves where, if someone else
was treating us this way,people would be horrified and
like entrepreneurship is soglorified, especially on social
media, it is so glorified, it isso perfectionistically shared
(16:29):
of like this beautiful thing andit's like, yes, it's true.
And also you have to createthat because you are your own
boss, and I think a lot of womenare worse bosses to themselves
than other people would be.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
And I think a lot of women are worse bosses to
themselves than other peoplewould be.
Totally, I totally agree withyou that it is glorified in the
sense that it's almost like thenew American dream Like, isn't
it?
That's what everyone shouldaspire to do, and I am so
grateful for this gene ofentrepreneurship.
(17:01):
I truly feel like I would bedenying a part of myself, just
like I have brown hair if.
I didn't honor that and I thinkit's really freaking cool that
not everybody has that gene.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Yeah.
And that's okay you know a lotof hard, intentional work and
skills.
It requires so much skillbuilding and something I just
want to name that like.
One of the things I love aboutour friendship is that, that
ability to have boundaries as alike, how much trust there is
(17:36):
Because when I ask you something, I don't have to be weird about
it because you'll just tell meno.
When I ask you something, Idon't have to be weird about it
because you'll just tell me no.
Or if we make plans and one ofus is acting weird, we probably
sent a text earlier that day oflike, hey, if I'm acting weird,
this is happening, but I don'twant to talk about it today.
Yeah, so refreshing, I think.
So many women and motherhood andan entrepreneurship.
(17:57):
They avoid telling other peoplethe truth about what does and
doesn't work for them and itcreates this weirdness that it's
hard because you can't evenalways see it, but you can feel
it underneath.
So I just want to name that,that like you creating those
boundaries that I think maybebefore your narrative change,
but after the change, likethere's this fear often in
(18:18):
setting those boundaries of likeI'm not going to get clients,
it's not going to work.
Like I have to give and giveand give in order for people to
see my value versus like I'mreally valuable.
My time, my energy and mycapacity is valuable and it's
limited and it's okay for otherpeople to know that and that
gives them the permission of onehow to be in relationship,
(18:38):
business or professional, andalso like them in their own
lives of like wait, I'm allowedto do that, I'm allowed to tell
people not to contact me afterthis time or, if they do, I
don't respond until this time.
Like it's setting up clearexpectations which like how good
for you and also them.
So I'm curious, what did thatshift with how things felt for
(18:59):
you?
Like what felt different whenyou started enacting those
things?
Speaker 2 (19:04):
I feel like I was able to find an equilibrium.
I hate this idea that we canfind balance, that we can have
it all.
I genuinely don't believe thatI do have it all.
I think that we have my hand ina ton of different buckets and
sometimes certain buckets areempty.
(19:25):
And what I think is reallypowerful about leaning into this
acceptance, this deep knowingthat a limited capacity is
actually a gift, in a way toreally get clear about what your
capital V values are about,where you're willing to spend
(19:47):
your time and your money, quitefrankly.
And so when those boundariescame around for me, I realized
that setting boundaries withclients is definitely important,
and hear me when I say that oneof the hardest things I've ever
done in my own personal growth,my professional experience but
(20:12):
what's interesting is thatcreating the self-trust in
myself with those boundaries wasactually the hardest of all.
So when I block out time on mycalendar to move my body, or I
block out time on my calendar tospend time with God or with a
friend, which is a spiritualexperience for me and incredibly
(20:34):
important, I need to honor that, because if I don't, what am I
teaching myself about the waythat I can rely on myself and as
I get older, the more that Irealize that the most important
relationship that I have on thisearth is with me.
I am the person that I spend themost time with.
(20:57):
I am the only person to blameif my hair is dirty or I feel
like shit because I haven'tmoved my body in weeks, and I
think it's really beautiful whenyou come to this deep
connection with your capital Sself.
So really being honest withmyself about what it is that I
(21:19):
need and bringing it back aroundto the way that you honor and
celebrate our friendship.
I and our friendship havelearned that there are times
when I desperately want timewith a friend or I desperately
want time to just like be acouch potato.
But is that what I need?
(21:39):
And there's a huge differencebetween honoring your wants and
your needs, and sometimesself-care doesn't feel very fun,
but I definitely have realizedthat it is a huge barometer for
my capacity and willing to honorand extend those boundaries.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Yeah, I love what you just said.
I was there.
This came up in a session theother day of, yeah, self-care
for what we want, love it, loveyou meeting your desires.
Doing I'm all about like morefun, more like making magical
moments, but also, if you thinkof those as like filling your
cup, none of like.
You can't get enough of yourwants if your needs aren't met,
(22:23):
like if there's holes in thatcup you have, you have to meet
those needs first and that isnot always the fun kind of
self-care, that is not the funkind of showing up for yourself.
And, like me and you talk aboutthis all the time right, we're
both Enneagram twos, we're bothlike.
That is my.
My preference would be to justthink about what other people
(22:44):
want and need.
My preference, honestly, what'smore comfortable for me, is to
just pretend that I have nolimits and just give and give
and give, but ultimately, like,I know where that ends.
I know it deeply and intimatelybecause I do it on accident
still to this day, versus when Ihonor what I deeply need, even
when it's inconvenient, evenwhen it's awkward, even when
it's uncomfortable, andsometimes those needs aren't
(23:06):
pretty or they don't feel greatin the moment they end up
building my capacity emotionally, mentally, spiritually and I
think of.
I think motherhood is such abeautiful entrance into this
because I think so many women,when we come into motherhood
biologically, those babies needus to prioritize their needs
over our own right.
Like, technically, an adult canwait a lot longer to eat than a
(23:29):
baby.
The problem is we get stuck inthese extremes and we get stuck
in that season where it's likeno, a toddler can wait though A
five-year-old can wait Like, andwe, we confuse what they want
from us compared to what theyneed from us.
And I think modern motherhoodhas so fucked us up, like the
(23:50):
narratives around what a goodmother is.
So much of it is around what wegive and do for our kids.
But I actually like when youshared that, like your kids
aren't the center of ouruniverse.
What a relief for those kids,because I can tell you that I
work with women who were thecenter of their mother's
universe and they feel so muchfucking pressure still as adults
(24:12):
that they are responsible fortheir mother's wellbeing and
happiness.
And it taught me the mostbeautiful lesson that, like my
kids, one of their biggest needsis a mother who is full of
herself, who is so full oftaking care of my adult needs as
an adult, so that they neverhave to like.
It's not that my kids never seeme emotionally dysregulated or
(24:36):
but they have a mother who hasbuilt the skills and the support
, both internally and externally, of I take care of my own
emotional needs, I take care ofmy boundaries, you don't have to
worry about it.
You get to become your ownlittle being who has their own
life and their own happiness andtheir own health.
And it's like what a gift toour kids that they are the
(24:58):
center.
Who was it you who said likethey're at the center of our
hearts but not the center of ouruniverse?
Someone said that to merecently oh, but I'm feeling
that I want my kids to be like.
I want them to know that theyare a like.
They are the center of thisseason, but they're not the
center of my universe.
I need them to know that theworld does not rotate around
them.
Um, that's too muchresponsibility for them.
(25:21):
It's's too much for me, too,when I'm taking that on for my
friends or my family or mymarriage of like.
I can't be responsible for allof that, but I can be
responsible for me and how Ishow up and how I spend my focus
and my time and my energy.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Yeah, and you know what's really interesting about
that conversation and the waythat it really loops back to
this yin and yang of motherhoodand entrepreneurship is all of
that directly applies to mybusiness as well.
There are certain things thatcan wait.
There are certain things that,yeah, my business is not the
(25:59):
center of my universe, my worlddoes not revolve around, the sky
is falling, mentality that alot of clients try to project
onto me.
So, um, it's really beautifulthe mirrored experience that, um
, entrepreneurs and mothers canhave in that way.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
I think it's.
I think it's very unique andthat it is one of those things
where, like, it is all on you.
Therefore, you have to learnthat it's not all on you.
You have to learn to be areally good boss to yourself and
really lead your life in apowerful way, because it is
leadership.
It is leadership to say, like,what are all of the things that
people want and need from youand what are the things that you
(26:39):
actually have capacity, whatare all of the things that
people want and need from youand what are the things that you
actually have capacity for,what are the things that you're
available for and you're notavailable for?
And I actually think that isvery unique, not only in
motherhood, but inentrepreneurship.
The majority of entrepreneursare so stuck in this fight or
flight mentality of buildingtheir businesses because it
(27:01):
requires so much and there is noguaranteed safety, or at least
the projection of safety right,because no human experience has
safety.
And I think, honestly, a lot ofpeople that come to work with
me, they're women who, likethey've had the rug pulled out
of them over and over and overand all of a sudden they go wait
.
I need to stop building mysense of safety on this, like
(27:25):
narration of who I'm supposed tobe and I need to build this
life.
That determines not everythingis in my control.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
And I surrender what's not in control, but then
I can I take responsibility forwhat I do control.
Yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
So for you, what does that look like now in this
season, navigating Like whatfeels different?
That's a really good question.
I I know that my biggest fearas I sit here today is looking
back on this season of mymotherhood and wishing or
(28:15):
lamenting over this idea that Ijust wasn't there and I was
raised by two entrepreneurs, andI'm comfortable with taking a
you know step away from thedinner table at six o'clock to
take a phone call.
I'm comfortable with that,because that's a part of how I
was raised.
(28:36):
What I'm not comfortable withis this idea that the business
always comes first, becausesometimes it does, sometimes the
phone call has to be taken orsomething has to be done.
That impedes family time.
And what is really important tome, though, is that every single
(28:58):
day and every single week, Ihave a touch point of
intentional connection with mykids, and it's wild, man, the
idea of raising kids during thislike season.
You know you're even furtherinto motherhood than I am, so
I'm like, oh my gosh.
I will be talking to you aboutsome of your tips and tricks,
(29:22):
but you know, I remember when myfamily got internet and the
fact that my children know howto use my phone and they know
what chat GPT is is wild.
So I'm intentionally thinkingabout A what is my biggest fear,
which is missing this, but Balso intentionally setting up an
(29:46):
active display of my capital Vvalues, because I hope to pass
those on to them.
So, for me, every single day weboth Brennan and I which is
really, really hard have a nophone zone from four to five,
and our clients know it, ourfamily knows it and I hope that
(30:11):
it's a tradition that I am ableto bring into their older
childhood where they have theirown phones and stuff and it's
like kids.
That's just the way that it is.
You're off your phone right nowand it's family time.
We're making dinner together,we're out in the garden, we're
doing whatever, and right nowI'm so fortunate to be in this
(30:32):
season of my kids are in daycare.
They are well taken care ofduring the week, and a part of
why I created this life formyself which has been very
intentional I didn't just wakeup one day with 10 years of
entrepreneurship under my beltis to have time freedom, and I
know that I am incrediblyblessed in that, but what a
(30:54):
disservice it would be to myself, my family and all the other
women who wish they had thattype of time freedom to not take
advantage of it.
So I have intentionally settime aside once a week to either
take one kid out for one-on-onetime with mommy where we have a
whole day one-on-one or bothkids and um every single month.
(31:18):
I make sure that Brennan isthere, my husband, for a family
day and we're going to do that,probably not, probably
definitely until those kids arein school, and I know that for
me, that's what allows me to doboth of these things, because I
am in it.
(31:38):
I am so into building thisbusiness and it takes a lot of
me and I I genuinely believethat I'm putting the right
systems in place now so that Ican look back and be like, wow,
I was there, I was there andthat's what makes me excited.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
I just I want to, I want to pull out a piece of that
, but like I don't even know ifyou know how powerful and potent
it is.
But when you shared, like thisis my biggest fear, but you
leaned into that, I think somany women they really avoid you
use the word fear, but I thinka lot of women would use the
word mom guilt.
A lot of women would describeit as, like I'm having mom guilt
(32:23):
or shame to my life, and ourculture's response is like, oh,
make it better, make her feelbetter.
And I'm like no, no, no, no, no.
Do not take that gift away fromher, do not take the gift of
fear or guilt that says you arenot showing up to your life in
the way that you want, you arenot showing up to a life that
you are designing, that you areintentionally setting up, and I
(32:44):
truly think that is it.
If you can lean into what is andwhat isn't working for you, to
your values, and then realizethat like it's you choosing it,
like yes, there are women whohave schedules or things that
are out of their control, but Ithink our culture loves to hyper
excessively focus on what wecan't control and it's like well
(33:08):
, I don't know how to changethat for you, but I do know that
, like you can change everythingwhen nothing changes, which is,
how do you use the time thatyou do control, how are you
present in those moments thatyou do have with your kids,
because actually it doesn't takeas much as people think.
Like you can be present and inthe mornings and after school
(33:29):
that changes everything.
Does that take a shit ton ofemotional regulation?
Yes, it does.
Thank you very much.
Like it's even for me and I'vebeen doing this for years.
But I think that intentionalityof like not avoiding the
discomfort of your emotions andactually seeing it as a gift,
that is telling you this is whatyour heart deeply desires, this
(33:49):
is what you deeply value.
It is such a sign and a signalof that, and you were able and
willing to listen to that andthen take behaviors like to
change the way that you wereshowing up in a micro level,
based off of that big thing, andI think that's something so
many women are missing, becauseI think everyone's looking
outside of themselves of like,what's my perfect balance?
(34:12):
How do you balance motherhoodand entrepreneurship?
And it's like I have acompletely different business
than you do.
I have different kids in adifferent season and a different
husband and a different timeschedule, like everything about
my life, even just me and you.
I look at like me and you.
We're alike in so many ways andme and you have to function
(34:33):
very differently.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Yeah, and the key is you knowing yourself and what
you want and need and thenbuilding a life based off of
that oh, thank you so much forcalling that out and for
honoring that, and you know it'sinteresting because that's why
these conversations are sopowerful and we have to
cultivate this modern day sewingcircle to sit with other women
(35:00):
and validate one another'sexperience, while reserving
judgment and just simplyextending applause to say and
see what you are doing, do you?
And and you know what what Ifind so much joy in is that so
often women just want to be seenin what they're experiencing,
(35:21):
and what's really unique aboutfeeling safe and honored by
another female friend like youis, there does come a point
where it's like are you ready tohear some feedback?
Are you ready to hear how?
I think you're making thisharder than it needs to be, and
(35:41):
it does feel so big and so hardwhen you're putting those
changes in place, but it reallyis just as simple as okay, are
you going to cut out Netflix sothat you can hire a you know
house cleaner?
I know that's not a comparableexample, but it's all about
(36:02):
choices and how we are choosingto show up in our life, and I
think that sometimes, when wejust simply say out loud to one
another that we have exponentialfreedom to make whatever
choices feel good in your life,go for it, girlfriend.
But sometimes we just need tohear another woman say it out
(36:22):
loud.
It just feels good.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
I love what you just said about relationships.
I think, not only inrelationships with other women,
but in the relationship toourselves.
Like you just named, somethingthat is so powerful of loving
yourself and other people Doesit.
Yes, it's affirmation, yes,it's like, oh my gosh, I love
you.
But love is not always meek,love is not always my, love is
(36:50):
not always telling people whatthey want to hear, and I think
people are so afraid of thisbecause they've been met with
harsh criticism or judgment orlike true shame, where it's like
you're down and someone'skicking you, versus like you're
down and someone offers you ahand.
I can think of like so manyinstances in our friendship
(37:11):
where you told me the hard thingand it changed my life, and if
you wouldn't have said thosehard things to me, I would like
it gave me the bravery to tellmyself hard things even more so.
And I think that's such abeautiful thing to bring into
this, because I think women areavoiding the not feel good
conversations with themselves orwith their partners or with
(37:32):
their business, whether that'slike a literal conversation with
your business or your boss.
We're avoiding thoseconversations, trying to be nice
, but like that is not niceness,that is not love, and I think,
when I think of the depths ofhealthy relationship, it is
having those conversations where, yes, you affirm where they are
, but you speak to what you seein them.
(37:53):
You speak to what they could beand what they can be, because
we can never see ourselvesclearly.
You've heard me talk I talkabout this all of the time of,
like, we can't see ourselvesclearly ever.
I will never see myself in theway that my friends do, or the
way that my kids do, or the waythat my partner does, and it
doesn't always feel good to havemyself reflected back,
(38:17):
especially as an Enneagram too,especially as someone who, like,
would just love to think I'mall love, I'm all light, I'm
infinitely patient and, like,all I want to do is love people.
Well, like, actually, that'snot true.
Like I've got some shit, I'vegot some, I've got some things
going on, but the people who arewilling to let me see that side
of myself, while holding thatin love and kindness and
(38:39):
compassion and validation to whoI am and my worth, but maybe
not the way that I'm behaving,maybe I'm showing up.
That's love to yourself, likeyou want to.
If you want to quote, unquotebalance, motherhood and business
.
It's not all going to be cutesyLike.
It's going to be this real deeplove that has some weight to
(39:00):
throw around.
It's got some, it's got thesting of truth that is going to
make things better.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
Yes, oh, that was beautifully said and I want you
to know that that sentiment isechoed right back to you and
that's what I think is reallybeautiful about best female
friendships that, um, there is atenderness that I mean I can't
speak for everybody, but I thatI feel more deeply in my female
(39:30):
friendships than I do even in mymarriage to say, hey, girl, I
see you and I, I honor the deepchallenge that this is for you
and um, and I just think that'sa really beautiful part of our
friendship and I pray that everysingle woman listening, if they
don't have that type of friend,that they find it, because
(39:51):
everybody deserves it and yourpeople are looking for you too.
You know it.
It's just really beautiful.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
I think a lot of the way you find those friends,
though, is that you create thatrelationship to yourself.
Yeah, like, like I think of usand like if one of us would have
not.
I think we've grown up a lottogether, right Like we've grown
quite a bit in the years we'veknown each other.
I don't know if it would be asdeep and as connected if we both
(40:18):
wouldn't have enacted that samerelationship to our own lives,
and therefore, when it came tolike the relationship to someone
else, you saw that as healthand not this like terrifying,
terrible thing.
And I think so many it's likethat toxic positivity where it's
like we're trying to like, oh,love yourself.
And it's like, yes, but lovingyourself also means like hard
(40:38):
conversations about the way thatyou're spending your time or
energy or not taking care ofyourself, and it's so, at least
for me.
It is so easy for me to makemyself the plastic ball I that
analogy, lauren, is so powerful.
It is so easy for me and mybusiness or my life to put that
on the back burner.
But what?
(41:00):
But I know the outcome of that,and so I have to catch myself
being sneaky of like whatactually do I value and what
creates the capacity for thatand how?
How do I show up to that?
So I'm curious what are thethings now that are glass balls
for you and like for you?
How do you show up to that inthis season?
Speaker 2 (41:20):
I love that you bookended that with this season.
I think it's really challengingfor me, because I thrive in
routine, I thrive inpredictability and one thing
that motherhood entrepreneurshipaside, like motherhood has 100%
put into my lens that the onlything that you can rely on is
(41:42):
change, and, um, it's just everevolving, whether it's sickness
or an unreliable child caresituation or whatever.
You know the fact that my kidall of a sudden is waking up
every day four times in thenight, like what the heck?
And um, allowing myself torecognize that what I need today
(42:06):
may and probably will lookdifferent than what that looks
like, and even six months, onceI gave myself that permission,
that changed a lot for me torealize that, like, this is
working for me right now.
And, oh, lauren, I know thatthat's something that you want
to like prepay and check off forthe rest of your, you know to
do list for the rest of the year, and that's just something I
(42:29):
have personally surrendered to.
That has made me feel a lotbetter.
Um, what's interesting, thoughand again, I totally recognize
this comes with a lot ofprivilege and what I'm about to
say, but what I have really doneis taken a good hard look at
what is making my, what iskeeping me from living that
(42:52):
desirable life that we talkedabout before, where I am present
for my kids on weekends andafter school, and yada, yada,
yada.
And, truthfully, I am a type Aperson I love feeling like I
live in a museum storehouse.
I try to keep pick and span,but like, throw two toddlers in
the mix and that's just Godlaughing at you.
(43:12):
And so what I truly did was Isat down, my husband and I said
listen, the baseboards don't getclean unless I do it, the
chandelier doesn't get cleanedunless I do it, and that's no
shame on him.
But, like, you and I now needto work together to figure out
how we're going to pay for acleaning crew to come into this
home, because it is keeping mefrom living my ideal life, from
(43:42):
living my ideal life, and it'snot going to be on me just
because I have two X chromosomesto do it, you know.
And so if that means thatyou're playing one less golf
game and we're canceling asubscription, or whatever the
situation is, that's a choicethat we are making as a family,
um, because I need it.
So that, true, truly has beenlike a huge game changer for us
and in a way that makes me feelreally joyful, in the sense that
(44:09):
I know that I'm spending mymoney with another female
business owner in a way that'shelping her thrive and her
family, and it's like a win, win, win, and so I think that that
has been really meaningful.
And then I just want to callthis out because it has truly
changed my life, becca, you andI have this really beautiful
(44:31):
relationship in that we haveworked with one another and
we're also best friends.
And you and I had a conversationwhere you were very much the
coach and I was very much theclient, and I was lamenting
about the fact that, like, Ijust don't feel good in my body,
yada, yada, yada, and you sokindly called out well, how
(44:53):
often do you check in withyourself?
How often are you askingyourself if you need some water
or you need to eat, or you needto pee, or like, when was the
last time the sun was actuallyon your face?
And you gave me a challengethat literally has changed my
life, and if I had a dollar forevery person I've told this to,
I would happily give them to youand you'd have about 2000 bucks
(45:13):
, girlfriend and uh, but whatI've encouraged myself is that
every time I switched to adifferent task.
Every time I get up to go tothe bathroom, I asked myself
what is it that?
Speaker 1 (45:26):
I need.
Speaker 2 (45:27):
Do I need some water?
Do I need to open the window?
Oh, my back is feeling a littletight.
Do I need to stretch?
And those micro moments ofboundary intention have truly
changed my life when it comes tocapability and capacity and I'm
just really grateful and Ithink other people will benefit
(45:49):
from that too.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
Yeah, it's.
You know.
My new favorite saying is likeyou know how the straw breaks
the camel's back.
It's taking care of thosestraws that makes sure the
camel's back doesn't break, likeI think.
So People are like burnt outand they're like I need to burn
my life down.
And I was like, well, okay,five weeks ago you were hungry
and you didn't eat.
You were thirsty and you didn'tdrink.
You needed rest and you didn'trest.
Like these things, build andbuild and build and build.
(46:21):
And I think I love that younamed the privilege and I also
want to name.
I think this is something sopowerful.
We can often compare ourselvesto other women and think like,
well, that's not accessible tome and it's like, okay, you
might be right.
Like there is a reality thatyou are living in that someone
else might not be.
You might not have thatprivilege of time, you might not
(46:42):
have that financial privilege,you might not have the privilege
of a partner, you might nothave the privilege of parents in
the area, whatever that is foryou, but you do have some access
, you do have some choice and ifyou can find that place of
agency and choice, you canchange things and it might look
little by little by little.
(47:02):
It might be smaller choicesthan you realize, but those
things build.
It gets the ball rolling and Ithink so many times.
Those are the things with everywomen and like women of all
different areas of life.
I've worked with such a widerange of women now from like
every corner, and what is sobeautiful and powerful is like
(47:25):
when that woman is able to bringherself back to her body, to
her being, to her presence, likewhat you just named.
All it is is presence andawareness.
But no one has actually taughtus how to do that.
No one has taught us how tofeel our bodies, how to trust
our intuition.
Everyone's like trust your gut.
It's like, well, my gut'sfilled with anxiety and
overthinking, like what do youmean?
(47:47):
You want me to trust it?
My gut like that's, there's aprocess to it and there's actual
tools and steps and skills thatwe can build.
And I love that like.
Even through this conversation,we can see that.
Like the different choice pointsand it wasn't just these big
choices there was these bigmoments where you were like,
okay, I have to choose somethingdifferent, but then there were
(48:09):
these little micro moments whereyou said I have the option to
do something different.
I have the option and theavailability and the choice and
the agency to slow this down anddo something differently and I
just think that is so powerfuland I love ending there of like,
when you are navigating thisthis season, where we're like,
(48:30):
okay, I'm deeply devoted tomotherhood.
Like this is, this is my like.
You know, at least for me, thisis all I ever wanted and I'm
here and I don't want to miss it.
And also, I have this otherthing that I really love, that
I'm building.
That like gives me so muchenergy and capacity and it grows
me and it expands me and itenhances things.
But, like, they're also twovery needy things in my life.
(48:53):
Right, I have a five-year-oldbusiness with like,
five-year-olds are pretty needy,like, I don't know.
You see, you're farther alongin business, I'm a little bit
older in the kids, but like,honestly, it's just different
levels of need and it's so easyto just let ourselves become
those plastic balls.
But really, coming back to thisplace, I did this interview with
(49:15):
a scout Sasha, you would lovethis interview and she used the
phrase renegotiating and I lovedthat of like, it's this daily
thing where it's no longer oh, Ihave this perfect plan for the
season, because I really trulythink that's one of the hardest
parts of motherhood for so manywomen is we have these plans and
(49:35):
then we keep making more plans,we keep making these systems
and these schedules and, like Idon't care how good you are at
that, when your season changesor your kids change, what worked
in summer doesn't feel good Imean, we're coming into spring
right now and what felt reallygood in winter.
All of a sudden I was like thisfeels terrible.
(49:56):
I need something different,like my self-care, the way that
I'm parenting, the way that,like, everything's changing with
the season and sometimes aseason is a day or a week and
sometimes it's like a couplemonths.
But that renegotiating and thatshifting is so, so powerful.
I'm curious if there's anythingthat we didn't say or something
(50:17):
you want to end with anythingthat we didn't say or something
you want to end with.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
I'm just really grateful for the community of it
all, you know, the community ofmothers, the community of
business owners.
(50:41):
I know that I wouldn't be whereI am today without my village
and I think it's really easy toconvince ourselves, as modern
day American mother, that theonly way is to grin and bear it
alone.
And my experience in businessownership and in motherhood have
become so much richer and moremeaningful once I freely and
(51:03):
vulnerably welcomed other womeninto that front row of my arena,
where it is messy, where it isnot always what I want to be
saying or sharing, and it hasled to a deep sense of
connection that has expanded meand I'm just, I'm just really
(51:26):
grateful.
Thank you for being a part ofthat village.
Speaker 1 (51:29):
Do you mind if I ask a little bit more about that,
because I think that's a topic.
Women are going to hear thatand say, like I don't have a
village or my like.
Women are going to hear thatand say, like I don't have a
village or my like.
I'll share my experience.
I was talking with some womenthe other day in a mastermind of
my village.
Doesn't look like what I thoughtit would.
It doesn't look like what I,even in early motherhood, like
(51:53):
it feels very scattered and thatlike I have different people in
my life who meet differentneeds.
It's not like one small set ofpeople, but I have like
different people who I have avillage.
It's just.
It's just different.
It just looks different.
It feels different than whatmaybe I think a lot of us wish
we had, which is right.
Like all of us live on acommune and we all raise our
(52:14):
kids together and the kids goover to someone else's and
someone helps with the schoolingand like people get to like
swap kids all the time, likesome a lot of women like that.
That's hard for them.
So I'm curious, like what yourvillage looks like and how you
intentionally built that.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
I'm very fortunate in that I genuinely believe that I
have welcomed the right womeninto my life, but, damn it, it
took a lot more energy and a lotmore time than I wish it would
have.
Truthfully, I felt deeplylonely after college.
(52:55):
I stayed in my college town andall my college friends
scattered across the country,and here I am still living in
Fort Collins, colorado, all of asudden, not no longer
identifying as a college studentnot yet identifying and as a
wife and mother and reallyfeeling this interim.
So I truly spent about 10 yearstrying with earnest to find my
(53:17):
people.
10 years trying with earnest tofind my people and it looked
like dating honestly, reachingout to people on Instagram
vulnerably but confidently,going up to somebody at a coffee
shop and saying, oh my gosh, Ilove your shoes, or whatever,
and a lot of first dates thatended there, you know, and I'm
like, oh, this, this chick isnot my gal, but I wish you well.
(53:41):
But guess what?
A lot of those first datesturned into second dates and now
we have been in relationshipfor years of my life.
Literally.
I can't imagine what my lifewould be like without these
women now, and what'sinteresting in female friendship
is that for me it is filledwith so much romanticism.
(54:09):
I truly love the way that I havebeen courted by my girlfriends
and the way that I have done thesame.
That looks like showing up in away that feels within capacity,
and a lot of times that meanssending a text to say, hey, I'm
thinking about you, I love you,send me a picture of the kids or
(54:31):
, you know, dropping five for aquick hug when it's like I
literally have 20 minutes, doyou have 20 minutes?
Let's sit and chat in thesunshine.
Um it, it doesn't look the waythat it was projected on sitcoms
and in movies.
Um, but what has been reallypowerful for me was finding
(54:53):
women who did fill differentlanes.
And once I gave up this ideathat my life's journey, I am not
called to have one singularbest friend and that sounds so
rad, that sounds really fun tobe in that deep of a connection
with somebody, but that's not mysoul's journey on this earth.
(55:15):
And once I gave myselfpermission to know that I have
different friends in differentlanes and I go to different
friends for different things.
And with this friend I'm goingto have a glass of wine and with
this friend I'm going to have atea, even knowing those
differences, um, and how itbrings out different parts of me
, has been a really funexperiment to realize that, wow,
(55:35):
I am so multifaceted in waysthat I didn't even know the
conversations that I have withBecca look different than the
conversations I have with Becky.
How cool is that.
And once I gave myself thepermission to find friends that
fit into my life in a way thatfelt good for both of us, and
finding a friend who recognizesthat I'm a mom and business
(55:57):
owner first was really impactful.
But truthfully, it really comeswith a lot of vulnerability and
just extending a hand andsaying hi, I'm Lauren, and it
doesn't sound easy, but it issimple.
Speaker 1 (56:12):
I'm so glad we took the minute to explore that
because I think so many womenreally deeply crave that.
A lot of women want it, but Ido, I think it's.
I want to like pull out twothings of what you said, of like
one effort.
And guess what?
Being in a village you don'tjust like show up and people
come to you Like it involvesrisk.
(56:33):
Right, it's a vulnerableemotional risk.
I can think of like severalpeople who, like we were friends
, who like went out to coffee orwent on walks and I kind of had
to rip the bandaid off of likeokay, when are we going to
really talk about things?
When are we going to likereally say, like good, how are
you Good, how are you?
And I actually, instead of likegiving her that short response,
(56:54):
I give her the long one, I giveher the more awkward one, the
more messy one, the one where,like I actually tell her and
invite her in to what's going onin my life.
That's a whole different kindof friendship than like a
network.
I think you know there'sdifferent levels of relationship
and connection and I thinkhaving a network is a really
good, beautiful, powerful thing.
(57:15):
And then there's like friendsand then closer friends.
But there is there's effortyeah, it takes effort of like
you showing up and caring aboutpeople and showing an interest
and like making an effort andfinding someone who's willing to
do that back and not having itbe this like tit for tat, where
you're keeping track but youboth genuinely care about each
(57:36):
other and show up and there'snot this like intense pressure
of it has to look perfect orpretty.
And then the other thing I lovethat you said is that
multifacetedness.
Like it's okay to finddifferent groups, like I think
of.
I have like some friends whoare like my mom friends, like we
do a lot of things with ourkids together.
We do like our kids are thesame ages and they go to the
(57:58):
same school and it's likethey're just as much deeply my
friends but like they might notbe my friends who I go to with
my business stuff.
They might not be the friendsthat I necessarily go to with
like marriage or deep parentingthings.
It just it's okay for it to bemultifaceted and have those
needs met with different people,because I think in this culture
so many of us are at so muchcapacity that like one person
(58:20):
can't be all and do it all,which also out of marriage right
.
Like your partner can't be yourgirlfriends.
Like you need other people totalk your shit through with who
isn't your husband.
Like it is so much healthierand happier Um.
Speaker 2 (58:37):
I echo that.
Speaker 1 (58:40):
I have just loved this conversation so, so much
with you.
Um, if you're a local, laurendoes incredible, incredible,
like community building events,and she's one of those people
who anyone who loves her or thatshe loves I immediately like
like there's just, you know,good people are attracted to
(59:01):
good people there's thismagnetism and I, just as you
were speaking, I just want tosay this over you you are such a
great speaker and teacher andshare like as you were, I just I
could listen to you talk allday and I found myself losing
track of like oh yes, I'msupposed to like host a podcast
here, cause I just you you aresuch a deeply I'm trying to
(59:28):
think of the words I want to use.
You have the biggest heart, butI think you have such good
connection between your heartand your mouth and I know that
sounds, but you are so great atputting words to experience that
I think so many women willlisten to this and hear this and
be like I never knew how toexplain it until I heard Lauren
share it, and so I'm just sograteful.
So thank you so much for beingon the podcast today.
Speaker 2 (59:49):
Not me ending with tears in my eyes.
Thank you so much, becca.
That is a very, very kindcompliment and one that I
receive with joy.
I just want to say one otherthing.
I spent years crying, feelingso lonely as to when and how
those women would come into mylife, and I just want to speak
(01:00:12):
truth to any woman who's in thatphase of where are my people?
I see you, I honor you.
It is a really hard, messymiddle to be in, and I do just
want to speak to that effort andnuance really does have
incredible gifts waiting for youon the other side.
Um, so I'm, I'm encouraging anywoman who's truly trying to
(01:00:35):
find their people.
Your people are looking for youtoo, and I love you, becca.
Speaker 1 (01:00:40):
Thank you so much.
We'll just, we'll just have alove fest.
I'm thinking of that.
Realize that you I'm going tohave to put it in the comments
here.
There's this reel where theselike women are just like
freaking out over each other andI saw it and I was like, oh my
God, this is me in friendship,just like aggressive attention,
where I'm like I'm sure somepeople feel very uncomfortable
with like how aggressively Ilove and it's like also I love
(01:01:01):
being with someone who, like weboth love that.
All the verbal affirmation allday.
Okay, thank you so much.
You guys, if you resonate withthis podcast, send me a question
, send me an aha moment, sharethis podcast on social media,
send it to a friend who you'relike wait, I want a friendship
where we talk about things likethis and gush over each other,
(01:01:22):
make it awkward, make it fun.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
Thanks for joining me ontoday's episode of the
Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
Make sure you have subscribedbelow so that you see all of the
upcoming podcasts that arecoming soon.
I hope you take today's episodeand you take one aha moment, one
(01:01:46):
small, tangible piece of workthat you can bring into your
life to get your hands a littledirty to get your skin in the
game.
Don't forget to take upaudacious space in your life.
If this podcast moved you, ifit inspired you, if it
encouraged you, please do me afavor and leave a review.
Send an episode to a friend.
(01:02:06):
This helps the show gain moretraction.
It helps us to support moremoms, more women, and that's
what we're doing here.
So I hope you have an awesomeday, take really good care of
yourself, and I'll see you nexttime.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.