April 15, 2025 • 47 mins
There's a strange energy to 2025 that many of us are feeling but struggling to articulate. In this vulnerable conversation with salon owner and Perfectly Blended podcast host Tonya Rabin, we explore why even the most organized, disciplined women are having trouble finding their flow this year.
Tonya opens up about "having a hard time getting her shit together" despite still accomplishing what needs to be done - a sentiment that's resonating across her salon clients and friend circles. This discussion reveals how this collective experience connects to our natural seasonal rhythms as women designed to adapt to changing circumstances.
We dive deep into what happens when we've been operating at summer-level energy during winter seasons for too long. Your body and spirit eventually demand alignment, creating that uncomfortable misalignment between external productivity and internal seasons that many high-functioning women are currently experiencing.
The conversation transforms when we explore the concept of "blending" versus "balancing." True balance doesn't exist - we're constantly blending different aspects of our lives as we move through changing seasons. This perspective offers freedom from the impossible standard of "work-life balance" that leaves so many women feeling inadequate.
Perhaps most powerful is our discussion about legacy. As Tonya beautifully articulates, her legacy isn't about leaving her salon to her children, but rather about who she is and how she loves: "Not what I have, but who I am." This opens up a healing conversation about being a "legacy changer" rather than just a "cycle breaker" - focusing on creating something new rather than constantly fighting against old patterns.
If you're feeling out of sync with your usual rhythms this year, this conversation offers permission to honor your current season while still showing up for what matters most. Remember, sometimes a healthy pace feels "wrong" only because we're accustomed to constant acceleration.
About Tonya:
I am married to my husband, Jeff Raybon. We have been together for 24 years and married 16. 3 children, 2 of his and 1 of mine, which he adopted when we got married. We are also grandparents to 3 precious angels. I am currently 48 years old and so I’ve grown through many seasons of life and I love chatting with other women entrepreneurs and sharing wisdom nuggets to those coming up behind us and getting any inspiration from those who have gone before me.
Find Tonya:
Chapter Markers:
00:02:45 2025's Strange Energy
00:08:34 Seasonal Shifts in Our Lives
00:16:56 Legacy Beyond Business
00:23:28 Permission to Rest and Slow Down
If you’re ready to stop living on autopilot and start leading your life with deep presence, I’d love to work with you. Book a free interest call here: Click Here
💌 Want more? Follow me on Instagram @themotherhoodmentor for somatic tools, nervous system support, and real-talk on high-functioning burnout, ambition, healing perfectionism, and motherhood. And also pretty epic meme drops.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
I'm Becca, a somatic healingpractitioner and a holistic life
coach for moms, and thispodcast is for you.
You can expect honestconversations and incredible
guests that speak to health,healing and growth in every area
of our lives.
This isn't just strategy forwhat we do.
It's support for who we are.
I believe we can be wildlyambitious while still holding
(00:25):
all of our soft and hardhumanity as holy.
I love combining deep innerhealing with strategic systems
and no-nonsense talk about whatthis season is really like.
So grab whatever weird healthbeverage you're currently into
and let's get into it.
Welcome to today's episode ofthe Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
(00:47):
I am here with my friend, tanya.
We just recorded her podcastlast week and so I was like I'm
so it feels like she just jumpedon and I instantly like my face
lit up because I was like it'sTanya.
I got to hang out with Tanyaand before I record every
podcast, I always take a minuteand like connect with a guest
and say like where are we goingto start?
(01:08):
What are kind of like some ofour topics or themes?
And like we just had like a twominute conversation and I was
like we're just going to jump in.
Tanya was like let's just do itand I was like let's just do it
, girl, like we were bothtalking about the insanity of
2025.
Energy is weird.
Energy is something.
It is different.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
So, tanya, will you introduce yourself who you are
and then let's talk about it.
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm so excited to be backtogether.
Like you said, we had so muchfun last week and we're going to
do it again this week.
My name is Tanya Rabin.
I own a salon in Baton Rouge,louisiana.
I am a host of the podcastPerfectly Blended.
I own a salon in Baton Rouge,louisiana.
I am a host of the podcastPerfectly Blended, and I am just
ready to spill.
Let's talk.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
So you said 2025 feels different for you.
What feels so different?
What's weird?
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I don't know what it is, but there's something about
2025.
And I've been saying thisalmost since before 2025,
because I'm typically lined up,prepared, ready.
I'm typically a very structured,focused, disciplined person.
Now I mean I do live, I meanlike I'm an 80-20 girl, but I'm
typically very structured andfocused and disciplined.
(02:17):
And I mean, for lack of betterterms, I'm having a hard time
getting my shit together.
Lack of better terms I'm havinga hard time getting my shit
together.
I'm getting the things done andI'm getting through.
I'm not necessarily clawing myway around, but it just doesn't
feel aligned, doesn't feelfocused, it doesn't feel settled
(02:38):
, it doesn't feel the flow isnot there for 2025.
And so I felt kind of alone inthis in the beginning, was
really beating myself up inJanuary.
But the more I talk to people,so I do hair for a living, so I
have a lot of clients and wehave a lot of deep connections
behind that chair.
It's so much more than justhair.
It's not just me.
(02:59):
Then I started listening to somepodcasts and I was like wait,
is this a reversal?
Then I started listening tosome podcasts and I was like
wait, is this a reversal?
Because three of the podcaststhat I have listened to have
talked about this very thing.
Clients are telling me.
Like saying one of my clientswas like January is a trial run,
so we get to try again inFebruary.
(03:20):
I'm like OK, well, cool,February feels like Bambi.
So what are we going to do next?
I was also, you know.
I'm just wondering does thatmean it's going to get better,
or is this?
What are you?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
according to what?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
your friends are telling you.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I don't think so, so I'm just like you can't hear us,
you can't, or I mean you can'tsee us.
But I just made a face at Tanyaof like I hope it gets better.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I'm thinking it's going to go up from here.
We're all just going to get thetrains going to you know how,
like when you pull a drawer outand it's kind of off and you got
to adjust it a little bit.
So it's like, right, I feellike the train's going to get on
track and we're going to chugalong.
Right, yeah, you can do another, I can't.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
I can't do another train wreck.
I mean you can't, and thensometimes life serves you that.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I know which.
I know she really, um, you knowthat's that's good, that's a
good segue into being a mom,because that's the truth about a
woman, and not not discountingmen.
But we were made for seasons.
(04:33):
We can adapt so easily.
While this doesn't feelfunctional, I'm making it happen
.
Yeah, I'm adapting to where I'mat.
Even though it doesn't alwaysfeel super aligned or super
right, I'm still getting the jobdone.
Showing up, it may be messy, itmay be perfect some days, I
don't know, but I think as abusiness, a friend, whatever the
(04:58):
case is, a hospital visit, asick child, a friend in need, a
husband, support, whatever it iswe adapt to whatever that
(05:20):
season around us looks like.
We may not be there for a longtime, we may be there for a long
period, but we will adjust whenit changes.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
You know what's interesting, when you said that
seasons thing, something clickedtogether for me, tanya, and I
want to share with you thisbecause I've been feeling
something in my own life andI've been witnessing it in my
clients and as soon as you saidthis I was like maybe there is
more of a collective than I'veunderstood, cause one of my
giftings is seeing patterns andthe way things are connected.
(05:51):
So my own personal experiencelast fall and winter I went into
like a winter, like I had somepretty intense emotional healing
stuff coming up and it wasn'tthis like external stuff.
It wasn't like externallythings were happening.
I mean, everything on theoutside looked the same, but
(06:12):
internally it was likeeverything was being rearranged
and then like everything waslike kind of shaken up and for a
minute it was like what ishappening?
I don't like this.
Things are good, let's not messwith it.
And I'm a very high functionerand I found myself in a season
where I couldn't function overmy winter and I so I had to
honor that season and life.
(06:34):
I mean I didn't have to, but Ichose to honor the season and I
did my best to meet myself in mywinter.
But what's interesting?
I'm a lot like you.
Like every year up to NewYear's, I'm spending this time
journaling and it's like how wasthis last year?
And I'm reflecting on the lastyear and I'm looking ahead to
the new year.
And I remember I met a friendin January and it was like two
(06:55):
weeks into January she was likehow are you?
Are you good?
What are your goals for January?
And I was like I honestly feellike I'm just like my brain
can't even go there, like I feellike I'm in just such a thick
fog, like I'm just here.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
I'm just like I'm so far removed from that right now
that I can't get myself to that.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
But what was so interesting is I was watching,
like all so many of my clientswere in a similar season where
they were going.
I always have my shit togetherand all of a sudden, externally
I'm still taking care of things,but internally it's like
something in their being saidI'm not doing this anymore.
And I think there was a veryhealthy resistance and like
almost this like teenagerebellion in us of like I am not
(07:43):
going to be acting like summerin the winter anymore, like I
will not be consistent accordingto what you have told me is
consistency I will not beproductive and performative
according to what you said Ineed to do.
And I think there is thishealthy level of like letting go
of that control and that highfunctioning for us.
(08:04):
And I'm curious if that'shappening on a broader scale for
women who have shown up soconsistently, even through 2020.
Like I look at like thingsdidn't stop for the people I
know, like there was no quoteunquote, like home time.
It was like no, now you'redoing twice as much with less
resource.
And I look at women.
(08:24):
I'm like, oh, I think the doingtwice as much with less
resource.
And I look at women, I'm like,oh, I think the aftershocks are
still, I don't know.
Does that resonate with you?
I'm curious it does.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
And I was going to say to that that the truth is is
we do live in seasons, not justby the circumstances of our
life, but the seasons that God,we have in the universe we are,
our bodies, are part of thisuniverse, in our world, in our
(08:52):
everyday life, and we do havefour seasons.
I don't know, I guess itdepends on where you live if you
have four seasons, because wehave a long summer, we have a
very short fall and a very shortspring, but we have seasons and
I think it's almost like ifyou're part, if you understand
this or if this is somethingyou're into, but just like being
(09:15):
grounded or things like that.
Like we are, our bodies arepart of this and I think our
bodies float in seasonalfunction as well.
You're right, in the summer I'mfloating and going and perky
and happy and all the things,and I mean so many times I've
heard it's raining a couple ofdays here and I was like, oh my
(09:36):
gosh, I cannot have one more dayof gray skies.
And I have another friend islike I love this weather of gray
skies, and I have anotherfriend is like I love this
weather.
You know, and I do thinkeverybody's season function is
different as well too, like youwere saying, in your winter you
went to hibernation and myfriend was like I love this
weather, and I was like I likethis for a very short moment.
(10:00):
I understand it's part of thecircle of life, but I can't do
days of rain and darkness.
So I do think our bodies arealigned with a season.
I do think there is a flow tothat.
So, yes, it definitelyresonates.
It makes perfect sense to me.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, yeah.
I'm curious what season youfeel like you're in.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
I feel trapped in winter.
I feel like I have a confession.
I am not.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
My husband says this all the time about me that I was
a confession for you.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I was like, oh okay, this is a lot for you okay
that's a confession for me, oh,almost a confession to myself,
like hey, and that's okay howdid that feel?
Speaker 1 (11:00):
did you enjoy it?
I?
Speaker 2 (11:02):
actually did.
It felt.
It feels kind of strange to mewhen I do stuff like that
because it's not really my MOand not for any reason.
As I've aged I've learned thatthe busyness badge is not that
cute, but I've also learned tolet go of constantly being a
(11:25):
human doing instead of a humanbeing.
So when I do have days likethat and it also felt aligned
with the weather, like it wasgloomy, it was rainy I was like
my laundry's caught up.
I don't have any dishes to washand those sound petty and minor
because you can let those sit.
I'm not you know what I'msaying, but like it felt really
(11:46):
good to just sit on the couchwith the dogs.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
You know it's funny when you describe that I'm
sitting here going.
Wait, tanya, this sounds like ahealthy thing.
This sounds like a thing, butyou're panicking a little bit
about it and I wonder I.
Here's the curiosity.
I've seen this a lot in myselfand I see it a lot with the
women I work with of like whenwe have a new edge of health.
(12:12):
An object in motion stays inmotion right.
An object at rest stays at restunless acted upon by like an
unequal chaotic force.
Essentially, if you're used togoing 90 and you start going 70,
even if 70 is like a betterspeed for you, it's going to
feel really slow.
Like the other day I was on thehighway and there was traffic
(12:35):
and it's like going 30 miles anhour or 10 miles an hour on the
highway is awful, that is theworst feeling ever.
But like 70 felt great.
But if I was to go like 90 or95, that would have felt too
fast.
But if you're used to going 90and you slow down to 70 or 50,
like your body might have like alittle bit of that, like
(12:55):
whiplash, or like a little bitof the like yeah, of like
finding that new edge of healthand safety and slowness for you.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Well, I think, like you were saying earlier about
recognizing that season that youwere in and why you were
performing outwardly the sameinwardly.
Sometimes, when we recognizethese things, it takes us a
minute to catch on, like, ohokay, that's what's happening.
Oh, I'm honoring and givingmyself permission, although it
(13:28):
feels different.
It's a muscle, it's a musclethat I have to exercise, that
you have to exercise, that womenhave to exercise when you
functioned in this era for solong, or speed or whatever.
(13:48):
When you change that, or even if, when your internal feelings
change, something internallychanges, it's hard for us to
even recognize.
We may even think like, oh,maybe I'm sick, maybe I should
go to the doctor.
I'm not, I'm feeling different.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, yeah, it's a wholerecognition system as well,
giving giving ourselves thepermission to change, to do
different, to speed up, slowdown, take a pause and honor
(14:11):
that.
You know, like I think it'shard for women to navigate that,
while we can navigate manythings and juggle in many things
, piling up feels okay, buttaking away always feels very
different.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Yeah, well, and it doesn't get you as many gold
stars and stickers, right?
Like when we're highfunctioners and we're getting
everything done, but it like thepace doesn't resonate with our
presence.
Like when we start calibratingour internal experience and
world to like our externalbehavior, like sometimes it
makes us less palatable, or likeyou're doing less of the things
(14:52):
that you used as adetermination of your success,
right.
Like when our worth is comingfrom what we provide for other
people or for what we do.
I think it's so easy to getcaught up on that and almost to
let it be like this rat race of,like this treadmill where it's
(15:13):
like the faster you run, thefaster it moves, versus like
this wide open permission oflike of course we want to like
better ourselves and the worldand produce these beautiful
things, but like I wonder if,too, we trusted the permission
to like rest and slow down andbe in ease.
Like I was having aconversation with a friend the
other day and I was like man, Iwant, I like I want to be a
(15:34):
badass woman, yes, but like Ialso want to be a woman of ease.
Like yeah, yeah, yeah, for real.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
And not only that is, we're also setting up a proof
of concept for a futuregeneration.
And if we, it's so funny when Ithink back, looking at the
generations of women, you know,like I just said recently, like
who told um Miss Cleaver sheneeded to get a job?
(16:07):
Why?
Why did that?
Why did that glamorous go awaybeing the stay-at-home mom and
all that?
You know, I'm saying now youhave to have two jobs and a side
hustle and take care of thekids and go to school, I just
think.
And that, along with comparison, keeps women at such a high
(16:30):
stress functioning that wereally need to be in touch with
what makes us happy.
What legacy are we trying toleave?
What's authentic to who we areversus what it should look like,
or who are we comparingourselves to?
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Yeah, talk to me about legacy.
What does legacy look like toyou?
What is that?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Oh man, I love talking about legacy because I
lost my mom 14 years ago.
And when I think about who I amand where I am and what I do and
how I serve and how I love, I'mso thankful for the things that
I can look back and see thatshe instilled in me, and my goal
(17:18):
and hope is to leave that to mychildren and grandchildren.
You know, yes, I own a businessWonderful.
I don't own a business to hopeto leave it to them to run one
day.
I own a business because thisis what I was passionate about.
They may not be passionateabout that.
However, the way that I serveothers and love others and, you
(17:42):
know, try to be a living exampleto them is more of a legacy to
me than what I get to leave them.
Yeah, like who you are, who youare is what I get to leave.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Yeah, Like who you are.
Who you are is your legacy toyour family.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Not what I have, but who I am, my daughter.
That's sweet, that it's funnythat she said that.
She just asked me this week andshe's like mom, I need you to
write all your recipes down forme.
And I said, oh, can't you justcook with me and remember them?
And she goes, no, I want you towrite them.
I'm like, well, you know, Idon't write neat, what if I type
them?
She said, no, that's what Iwant.
I want when my kids are cookingwith me.
(18:16):
We're going to be like what didshe say right here?
And I was like that's reallysweet and that makes me feel
like I'm already instilling alegacy, like you're wanting
traditions to look back on forwhen you have kids, if and when
I'm not here, and so I thinkthat is really sweet.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Yeah, that is sweet, I love that.
Would you say that like that'schanged in your journey as a mom
?
Like has that changed indifferent seasons as a mom?
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Like what has felt important as far as my legacy
and my thought process on alegacy, I don't feel like that's
changed.
I feel like that was how I wasraised.
I feel like that's what wasinstilled in me and I feel like,
um, I feel like as I've grownand matured as a woman and as a
business owner, I've come torealize some of those things.
(19:05):
I think a lot of times peopledo go into business because it's
their dream, but when they havea family, of times people do go
into a business because it'stheir dream, but when they have
a family, they're like oh, wehave a family business, it's not
a family business.
I mean, I guess there are familybusinesses, the long legacy of
business, that have been passeddown and the next person grows
up to become that, but initiallyit started with a dream in one
(19:27):
person's heart.
You know what I'm saying, andif it coincidentally passes to
the next person and that's adream in their heart, that's one
thing, but to expect yourfamily to take over what was
your dream is not a legacy.
That's almost like you'reholding them in contempt of your
dream.
I feel like, yeah, the hairsalon's a great business and
(19:54):
it's profitable and it'swonderful, but it was my dream.
If one day she wants it or shewants to sell it when I'm not
here, then that's fine too.
You know what I'm saying.
However, how I run my business,how I steward my business, how
I work with people, what I dobehind my chair, what I give the
(20:15):
community, that is the legacythat I want to leave In your
business.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Yeah, I'm curious.
What like navigating both,having wanting to build this
legacy of your motherhood and inyour family and just like your
identity, like you, tanya, andthen also this legacy of
business.
How has that felt to hold thetension and to like you know,
there's no better word than likebalance.
(20:41):
How, how has that felt for you?
What has been important for you?
Navigating, having wanting toleave a legacy in both ways?
Speaker 2 (20:50):
well, that's funny.
You said that that balance word, because that's kind of what
the podcast started off of beingperfectly blended, because,
let's face it, no one's balanced.
Yeah, so agreed, blendingmotherhood, entrepreneurship,
parenting, running a business,being a wife, being a wife,
(21:10):
being a friend I have a strongfriend group.
So, you know, you startbranching out into all these
different aspects of your lifeand the demand for each thing,
and everybody wants to say it'sa work-life balance.
You need to figure out how tobalance it all.
Nothing is balanced.
(21:31):
We're all blended.
We're constantly blending,constantly, just like I said,
the seasons, they all blend intoone another.
You go from being a single to amarried, to a parent, to a
business owner, to taking careof parents, to while you're
taking care of children, towhile you're taking care of
parents, to while you're takingcare of children, to while
you're taking care of yourbusiness.
(21:53):
And I'd like to say I did itall gracefully but I've learned
a lot about myself in the longrun.
You know, now I look at my kidsand I'm like look, I know I was
not a perfect parent and I don'texpect you to do it like me I
want you to do.
I tell my kids all the time Iwant you to do and be more and
better than I was.
(22:13):
That's my only goal for you.
I want you to be better, but Ijust hope that I gave you some
groundwork and you can improveupon that.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
I just I am so grateful for so many things you
just said.
I want to start with what, likethat last piece you said.
I think what you just said isgoing to be so healing from so
many women because they don'thave a legacy of health from
their mother necessarily.
Or maybe you know women whodon't have a mother, who are in
this season of motherhood, who,either by relationships being
(22:47):
over or they've lost theirmother.
You know, it's so hard for themto feel like how do you pass on
this legacy that you're notgetting, like you haven't, you
didn't receive it, or it's cutoff from you.
And I feel like what you justsaid, that piece of permission
from someone, is just so.
I just love what you just said.
(23:08):
And then, two, that word ofblending.
I haven't ever thought of thatword for it, because you're
right, I'm on the same page of.
I do think balance is possible,but I don't think it's balancing
things like a scale.
I think of it as like corestrength balance.
So like you're riding a bikeand you're gonna have to make
these small little incrementalmovements, and like sometimes
(23:28):
the ground is going to be unevenand you're going to have to
make these small littleincremental movements and like,
sometimes the ground is going tobe uneven and you're going to
fall over and you're going tohave to figure out okay, I swung
too far to the right, I've gotto swing back, and that balance
is responsive to the season thatyou're in, and sometimes that
season is months and sometimesit's what worked yesterday
doesn't work today.
It's like every time your kidgrows up and they change, you
(23:51):
have to change.
Same thing goes with business,right, like every time my
business evolves, I'm evolving.
Or when I'm evolving, oh, nowmy business has to follow.
But I love that concept ofblending.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Yeah, that idea of blending of like motherhood and
all of those parts of you notneeding to be separate in
yourself, yeah, I think the thegiven, the permission thing, um,
is part of the legacy that mymom left me too, because there
was a time, you know, that sheapologized to me about some of
(24:28):
the things that she did in herlife, that I think I was
resentful towards her at onetime, and when she did I felt
like it was so profound.
She recognized that andapologized for it and it gave me
permission to apologize to mykids at a very early age for
(24:48):
when I thought I failed as amother, not like one of those
I'm sorry people, but those youreally.
That was not cool, mom, thatyou know.
You went off the rails andwhatever it is screamed, spanked
too hard, whatever it ispunishment too harsh, forgot to
(25:09):
pick them up at school.
You know just the norm that Iwas able to as they grew and
matured and we had issues ordiscussions or whatever that I
showed them would apologize andlook like so that we could have
a healthy communication, becauseI didn't always have that with
(25:29):
my mom as I was growing up.
And so there are things you knowand let me say this until
you're a mom and you've raisedyour kids and you've gone
through lots of seasons, like Ihave one.
You don't know what someone'sgoing through.
You never know until you get towalk a mile in their shoes in
whatever season that is.
(25:49):
So please give them grace.
And you just don't know whatyou don't know.
So, for all of the womenstruggling with mother or father
issues, just remember, eventhough they didn't get it right,
they probably thought they weredoing the best they could with
(26:11):
what they had.
Some parents take intoparenthood what was given to
them and they don't know theconcept of changing it.
They only know what they knowand that's what they do.
Thankfully, we're in a world,now that we have access to
podcasts and Google and a littlemore information, where we can
(26:33):
say, hey, that didn't feel good,I didn't like this, and I get
the opportunity to be a legacychanger.
Yeah, there's trauma inchildhood or trauma and related
to any kind of that, any of that, whether it's business,
(27:00):
marriage, motherhood you get todo it different if you don't
like the way it was done.
I love the way my mom loved me.
Now, did I love that she was ascreamer?
No, I said I wasn't going to dothat, but there were times I
brought that into my parentingbut I was able to recognize it
and sit down and apologize to mykids.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
You know what?
Speaker 2 (27:13):
I'm saying that's an example of where I didn't become
the legacy changer, but Iapproached it differently, so
hopefully it changes down theroad.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Yeah, I love that word the legacy changer, because
so many women I love that word.
The legacy changer because somany women you know, myself
included, we often use the termcycle breaker and while that's
powerful, I think that can be alot of weight to feel like it's
your job, to like heal thefamily lineage, versus realizing
(27:43):
that, like you can create a newthing, like you're creating a
new thing and you're taking theright level of responsibility.
You're not takingresponsibility for what your
parents did or even whathappened to you that wasn't your
fault.
You're saying what am I goingto do with it now?
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Now that I know I don't want you to take the
victim mentality, I want you totake the victim mentality.
Yeah, I want you to change thelegacy mentality.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Yeah, that is so powerful because it brings women
into this place where they'resaying what is mine Not that was
my mother's or my grandmother'swhat is mine and how can I
build on this and give mychildren permission for them to
continue building on it too, forthem to continue building on it
too.
There's so much less intense,like shame and just like it just
(28:38):
feels so heavy when you call it, when you think of breaking all
of these traumas and cyclesversus and like building a
legacy is such a differentenergy, but very much the same
work and even just somethingpowerful.
You said, I think, what's reallypowerful about our current
generation of mothers.
I really think this is a newthing in parenting.
I mean, I'm not like a, Ihaven't deep dived into like
(28:59):
parenting in every era, but it'slike that parents look to their
children with healthy authorityand also as an adult.
I'm sometimes wrong, I'msometimes in the wrong with my
behavior or the way or the.
Maybe you know the messagingwas right but the delivery was
off.
That's wild, for for manypeople generationally that, like
(29:24):
the adults are still healthyauthority but they're no longer
this godlike like, mean godlike,not a lot of loving, caring,
but like a I will tell you whatto do and you will listen and
even when I'm wrong andunhealthy, you I'm still right
and you're always wrong.
I think that's a very new thing.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Yeah, and I think a lot of that goes comes down to
communication.
I think that and look, let mejust be real honest, gentle,
parenting is not my style, itnever was.
It blows my mind kind of.
But I do think communication, Ido think kids should have a
(30:06):
healthy fear of their parentsand aspect to respect and things
of that nature.
You know, like I don'tnecessarily think that the old
school way of parenting, like Iknow a lot of kids suffer with,
I just want my parents to beproud of me, mentality
(30:28):
victimized.
Now I want my parents to beproud of me too, because they've
done such a great job raisingme.
I want them to look at me andbe proud.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
There's a difference does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (30:41):
yeah, while it's not a victim mentality, that's the
part of the healthy fear or thethe respect factor that I think
it's such a boundary.
But I do think communication isone of the biggest things and I
think instilling that in yourkids at an early age being able
to communicate their needs,their wants, their desires,
(31:06):
their hurts you know, and I feellike that piece that you know,
when it was a poor parent choiceor whatever and I talked about
being able to apologize, I wasable to go in that room after it
, when I was whatever was, andwhen I apologized we were to
talk things through.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
this helped them become communicators yeah, well,
and you're teaching themhealthy accountability for
become communicators, yeah Well.
And you're teaching themhealthy accountability for
reactions and responses and theactions that we take.
And, you know, teaching ourkids through leadership.
I really see parenting throughthe lens of leadership because
it's like when I don't know whatto do or when I am like, am I,
(31:46):
am I being too hard, too soft?
When I'm in those places, Ijust check into, like, what
would leading my kid look?
Like, what would being anexample look like how do I bring
myself into this place where Iknow I'm an integrity and in
those values of like what youwere talking about, that legacy
of my kids can't just get alegacy if I don't have a
(32:10):
connection to that Right.
So I think anchoring into whoyou are and that identity is
just so powerful.
Yeah, you I love.
I'm still looking at that wallbehind you.
What was it called your essence?
Okay, so your essence words isbasically values.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
So you kind of they gave you a list to work off of
and you picked out all the words, that kind of like spoke to you
and then we grouped ourself upand they helped you pick five
essence words.
And so, like we were on acoaching call the other day and
I was asking a person about whenshe's like, well, what are your
essence words?
(32:49):
And I was like ambitious,passionate, wisdom, resourceful
and loving, she was like OK,coach.
Like that then, oh, OK Again.
These are powerful words to me.
This is part of the legacy.
I want to be loving andpassionate.
I want to leave wisdom andguide.
(33:10):
I want to leave an ambition.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Yeah, so you found some kind of like tangible ways
to bring yourself back into thatlegacy piece for you.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
Yeah, yeah.
So it's important I feel likethat I stay focused on what my
core values are as far as alegacy, you know what I'm saying
.
I feel like, if you know whatyour five core value words are,
you kind of live by those allthe time.
(33:42):
If you think about everydecision you make comes back to,
or why your feelings were hurtWell, if your feelings were hurt
because of something, what'syour, what's the core value
related to that?
Yeah, if you think about, likeyou and your husband getting in
an argument like, why are you soupset?
(34:02):
What about this?
Well, what's the value in thisto you?
Why is is this important to you?
It's not because you want towin a fight.
That's not what your value is.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Yeah, so going from the external, like the issue
when the issue isn't really thereal issue, right, like when the
laundry on the floor isn't thelike, okay, what's the deeper
need or desire?
That's kind of going onunderneath the surface and
speaking to that.
Right, I'm curious, you knowwe're we started this podcast
(34:38):
talking about, like how thisseason has felt so different for
you and I.
I'm curious like what yourvalues look like in this season,
like how they like I thoughtabout that.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
I, I did Um.
So the salon just made a postthe other day about our core
values as a business, as a salon, and I was like and thinking,
yeah, we live by that every day.
That's what we're founded on,that's what we stand on, that's
what we believe in, and thesalon's flowing well and
(35:10):
functioning well and I'm like,okay, the salon as a business
doesn't feel the internal that Ifeel.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
They feel like yeah, I mean they are separate
entities, connected and blendedright they are blended but they
are separate at the same time.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Yeah, those core values for the salon speak true
to my life as well.
It's.
I think I'm navigating a seasonnot where I'm questioning my
core values, but I'm questioningthe power and the pause when,
like we talked about earlier,I'm used to being a 90 girl and
(35:50):
doing 70 feels off.
But there are days it feelsgood and there are days that I'm
like why does this not feelright?
Even to the, even to the peoplearound me and in my life?
They're like, oh, you're notdoing nothing.
(36:11):
Their reaction almost makes mefeel like, oh wait, I need to, I
need to do something.
But they're just used to meconstantly having something to
do and I feel like I need tohave something to say back to
them sometimes.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Instead of like actually no, I didn't ever book
myself today and it feels reallynice.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Yeah, well, I mean, sometimes we just tell them the
truth.
It's like you know, when I hadmet this friend for coffee it
was a new friend in that, likewe've only met a couple times
and we were at a networkingevent when she was like hey, how
have you been?
And I was like good and thatgood.
And I was like do you want likethe short answer or the long
answer?
And she was like the longanswer.
(36:53):
And that's when I like kind ofwent through, like what we
talked about, where I said likeI'm good and also like like I've
got like something's changingin me, like there's an internal
shift that's happening and likeit's kind of uncomfy for me and
it like feels a little weird andwonky.
And it's so interesting thatlike I've had that conversation
with a lot of people now,because I tend to be the I like
(37:15):
real answers, right.
But what's interesting whenthey bring that up, if you tell
them the real answer there's,can I just tell you I have had I
could literally I can see theirfaces at least four or five
women who have said thank you somuch for telling me that,
because I've been going throughthe exact same thing and until
you said it, I didn't havelanguage for it, like I couldn't
explain what I've been goingthrough, and they were like and
(37:42):
I've been kind of panickingbecause this is not the normal
for me, and I was like, oh okay,it's fine.
I've been through this manytimes.
Existential crisis is no newthing to me, hence being a coach
right, but you having thelanguage for what you're doing
and trusting yourself.
I think other people willprobably feel a lot of
permission for themselves,because I think there's so many
(38:03):
high functioners running around,moving at a pace that doesn't
match their internal world andit doesn't feel good, but no
one's told them that it's OK foreverything to look good and
still not feel good To lookaround and be like I love all of
this and I kind of want to gowatch two movies today.
Yes, like I'm tired.
Some some part of me needssomething different.
(38:27):
And then honoring it, you know,taking the time to honor it.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
I think that that takes some intuition, some
understanding.
I think it takes patience withyourself and a lot of grace.
I honestly think it takespractice too, because there are
(38:59):
days that, okay, say I don'tover put myself, and the time
gets still like I've done thethings I need to do.
Time is still and I'm like, um,then I start making up things
to do when I don't have to.
You know what I'm saying.
It's such a strange feeling,yeah, when that's not your
(39:21):
typical mo.
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (39:24):
yeah, it's the muscle , it's really a muscle that you
have to practice yeah, well, I Ithink for so many of us, when
we're in this like flight zone,where our bodies are in constant
like kind of you you knowflight becomes our new normal.
We're constantly in this stateof like nervous system
(39:46):
dysregulation, but that's beenour normal for so long.
When we start to experience alower level of energy or emotion
or output, it's gonna feelwrong because that's not what
we're used to.
And I think for so many of us,we assume that any kind of
healing or growth or expansionis going to make us faster and
(40:06):
more productive and we're goingto produce more and we're going
to earn more.
And it's like, yeah, that isone side of it.
And sometimes you feel the sunon your skin more and sometimes
you read more fiction books andsometimes you go dancing or hang
out with your friends, yes orcurl up for a blanket or start
doing walks instead of hour longweightlifting sessions every
(40:27):
single day.
Like that is also an expressionof health.
But I think we have such a our,our culture has such a tiny
little window of what we havesaid is good and great and
healthy, and it's missing somuch of the texture of like, the
wide range of like slow, medium, high health.
I'm doing some classes throughalchemical alignment and they
(40:51):
talk a lot about slow, mediumand fast health.
That's inside our window ofregulation.
So it's like there's the likedepressed, where you're like too
low, and then there's the likewhen you're activated above and
it's like it's too high andyou're having this like
dysregulation.
But like when you're in yourwindow of tolerance, your window
of presence, where, like youfeel like yourself and you're,
(41:13):
you're living in that legacy,there's, there's going to be
these waves of like slow, mediumand fast health, and so it
sounds like, it sounds likeyou're experimenting with like a
medium, slow health that's verynew for you where you're
feeling into that now.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
Yeah, and it does.
While it feels strange, I'm notresisting it.
Yeah, I'm not resisting it.
I'm really trying to lean intoit and understand it and feel it
and process it.
Yeah, even when it doesn't feellike my norm.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
I love that.
Is there anything that wemissed today that you still want
to like name or a topic thatlike we didn't touch yet
something that's like what else?
Any like period?
Speaker 2 (42:05):
we need to put on a thought that we opened yeah, let
me see, I felt I feel likewe've kind of touched on a lot
today.
Speaker 1 (42:13):
We went in this 2025 has got us in a whirlwind, but I
do feel like I do feel likeit's either gonna blow up or
it's that train's gonna get ontrack and it's gonna even it out
but I mean it's a quarter yearthat does that mean anything I
don't know, and it's funny, Ithink, right at the beginning of
(42:35):
the call we were talking about,neither of us are astrology
girls, but all the people that Iknow who are astrology are
saying like this year issupposed to be worse and more
chaotic than 2020, and at firstI was like that's not good news.
And if you look at the news, ifyou look at politics, if you
look at things that are going on, like there's a lot going on.
There's a lot going on for mostpeople, more and more for some,
(43:00):
some less Also I just I thinkback to 2020.
And when everything outside ofme is going crazy, I just keep
pulling my energy closer andcloser to myself, not so that I
disconnect from what's going on,but so that I remember that
like personal responsibility of,like what can my hands touch,
(43:24):
what can my eyes see, what canmy ears hear, and I bring myself
back to presence of like youknow we were talking about, like
there's only so much youcontrol.
Yeah, there's only so much youcontrol in motherhood, or your
marriage, or the politicalclimate, or the news, or what's
happening in other countries.
(43:45):
It's like there's only so muchyou can control, and that
doesn't mean that you don't doanything or you don't care.
But, like I know for me, likethat used to paralyze me and so,
when people have been tellingme like this year is going to be
even more so than 2020.
It was like, okay, well, 2020is the year that I launched my
business.
2020 is a year that, like I didsome massive healing from
(44:08):
codependency.
Like we can take that chaos,energy and create something with
it, like sometimes shaking shitup that's been stagnant for a
long time, like it's going to beuncomfortable for stuff to move
, but like, maybe thesepolarities, maybe stuff moving
can, can, we can use it as rawmaterial for good.
(44:32):
And yeah, we can only do thatwhen we're, when we're locked in
on what is mine to do here,what do I have capacity and
capability for and what do I not?
Speaker 2 (44:43):
Yeah, and I just remind myself that I know who I
am and who's I am, and it's allgoing to be okay.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Like a mantra when needed, right Like over and over
when needed.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
Yes, rinse, repeat, have a sign that says that I
love it.
Speaker 1 (45:01):
Of course you do, cause that would Lather rinse
repeat.
I love it.
Of course you do, cause thatwould be their rinse repeat.
That, honestly, lather, rinserepeat, is a really good
reminder for myself in thisseason too, of what are the
things that anchor me in.
What are the things?
Okay, there's a lot I don'tknow.
What do I know?
What do I know?
What do I know is true?
What can we do?
Speaker 2 (45:21):
Yes, and what can I grow on?
Speaker 1 (45:23):
Yeah, yeah, I'm curious what.
What's going to help you thisyear as we go into this crazy
year?
Tanya?
Speaker 2 (45:30):
I'm curious what it's going to feel like and look
like six months in.
Speaker 1 (45:35):
Hmm.
Speaker 2 (45:36):
Yeah, so I typically do a quarter meetings with the
business and so I do quarterlycheck ins with like friends and
accountability partners as well,so interesting to see what
happens.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
I know, and also to this ownership of like, well, we
have, we have at least somepart to play and how it goes
right.
Yeah, that quarterly check-insis helpful, like when people are
like this whole year, I waslike I'm doing this week and now
, now that I'm out of that, I'mout of that a little bit and now
I'm starting to do like, okay,the next month right, it's two
months Like, as I'm capacity,I'm starting to build wider
(46:15):
range of right.
So, yes, I just loved thisconversation.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
I love being here.
Thank you for having me, yeah.
I love chatting with you.
Speaker 1 (46:28):
Same here.
Thanks for joining me ontoday's episode of the
motherhood mentor podcast.
Make sure you have subscribedbelow so that you see all of the
upcoming podcasts that arecoming soon.
So that you see all of theupcoming podcasts that are
coming soon.
I hope you take today's episodeand you take one aha moment,
(46:50):
one small, tangible piece ofwork that you can bring into
your life.
To get your hands a littledirty, to get your skin in the
game.
Don't forget to take upaudacious space in your life.
If this podcast moved you, ifit inspired you, if it
encouraged you, please do me afavor and leave a review, send
an episode to a friend.
This helps the show gain moretraction.
It helps us to support moremoms, more women, and that's
(47:15):
what we're doing here.
So I hope you have an awesomeday, take really good care of
yourself and I'll see you nexttime.
Welcome to the Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
I'm Becca, a somatic healingpractitioner and a holistic life
coach for moms, and thispodcast is for you.
You can expect honestconversations and incredible
guests that speak to health,healing and growth in every area
of our lives.
This isn't just strategy forwhat we do.
It's support for who we are.
I believe we can be wildlyambitious while still holding
(00:25):
all of our soft and hardhumanity as holy.
I love combining deep innerhealing with strategic systems
and no-nonsense talk about whatthis season is really like.
So grab whatever weird healthbeverage you're currently into
and let's get into it.
Welcome to today's episode ofthe Motherhood Mentor Podcast.
(00:47):
I am here with my friend, tanya.
We just recorded her podcastlast week and so I was like I'm
so it feels like she just jumpedon and I instantly like my face
lit up because I was like it'sTanya.
I got to hang out with Tanyaand before I record every
podcast, I always take a minuteand like connect with a guest
and say like where are we goingto start?
(01:08):
What are kind of like some ofour topics or themes?
And like we just had like a twominute conversation and I was
like we're just going to jump in.
Tanya was like let's just do itand I was like let's just do it
, girl, like we were bothtalking about the insanity of
2025.
Energy is weird.
Energy is something.
It is different.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
So, tanya, will you introduce yourself who you are
and then let's talk about it.
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm so excited to be backtogether.
Like you said, we had so muchfun last week and we're going to
do it again this week.
My name is Tanya Rabin.
I own a salon in Baton Rouge,louisiana.
I am a host of the podcastPerfectly Blended.
I own a salon in Baton Rouge,louisiana.
I am a host of the podcastPerfectly Blended, and I am just
ready to spill.
Let's talk.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
So you said 2025 feels different for you.
What feels so different?
What's weird?
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I don't know what it is, but there's something about
2025.
And I've been saying thisalmost since before 2025,
because I'm typically lined up,prepared, ready.
I'm typically a very structured,focused, disciplined person.
Now I mean I do live, I meanlike I'm an 80-20 girl, but I'm
typically very structured andfocused and disciplined.
(02:17):
And I mean, for lack of betterterms, I'm having a hard time
getting my shit together.
Lack of better terms I'm havinga hard time getting my shit
together.
I'm getting the things done andI'm getting through.
I'm not necessarily clawing myway around, but it just doesn't
feel aligned, doesn't feelfocused, it doesn't feel settled
(02:38):
, it doesn't feel the flow isnot there for 2025.
And so I felt kind of alone inthis in the beginning, was
really beating myself up inJanuary.
But the more I talk to people,so I do hair for a living, so I
have a lot of clients and wehave a lot of deep connections
behind that chair.
It's so much more than justhair.
It's not just me.
(02:59):
Then I started listening to somepodcasts and I was like wait,
is this a reversal?
Then I started listening tosome podcasts and I was like
wait, is this a reversal?
Because three of the podcaststhat I have listened to have
talked about this very thing.
Clients are telling me.
Like saying one of my clientswas like January is a trial run,
so we get to try again inFebruary.
(03:20):
I'm like OK, well, cool,February feels like Bambi.
So what are we going to do next?
I was also, you know.
I'm just wondering does thatmean it's going to get better,
or is this?
What are you?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
according to what?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
your friends are telling you.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I don't think so, so I'm just like you can't hear us,
you can't, or I mean you can'tsee us.
But I just made a face at Tanyaof like I hope it gets better.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I'm thinking it's going to go up from here.
We're all just going to get thetrains going to you know how,
like when you pull a drawer outand it's kind of off and you got
to adjust it a little bit.
So it's like, right, I feellike the train's going to get on
track and we're going to chugalong.
Right, yeah, you can do another, I can't.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
I can't do another train wreck.
I mean you can't, and thensometimes life serves you that.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I know which.
I know she really, um, you knowthat's that's good, that's a
good segue into being a mom,because that's the truth about a
woman, and not not discountingmen.
But we were made for seasons.
(04:33):
We can adapt so easily.
While this doesn't feelfunctional, I'm making it happen
.
Yeah, I'm adapting to where I'mat.
Even though it doesn't alwaysfeel super aligned or super
right, I'm still getting the jobdone.
Showing up, it may be messy, itmay be perfect some days, I
don't know, but I think as abusiness, a friend, whatever the
(04:58):
case is, a hospital visit, asick child, a friend in need, a
husband, support, whatever it iswe adapt to whatever that
(05:20):
season around us looks like.
We may not be there for a longtime, we may be there for a long
period, but we will adjust whenit changes.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
You know what's interesting, when you said that
seasons thing, something clickedtogether for me, tanya, and I
want to share with you thisbecause I've been feeling
something in my own life andI've been witnessing it in my
clients and as soon as you saidthis I was like maybe there is
more of a collective than I'veunderstood, cause one of my
giftings is seeing patterns andthe way things are connected.
(05:51):
So my own personal experiencelast fall and winter I went into
like a winter, like I had somepretty intense emotional healing
stuff coming up and it wasn'tthis like external stuff.
It wasn't like externallythings were happening.
I mean, everything on theoutside looked the same, but
(06:12):
internally it was likeeverything was being rearranged
and then like everything waslike kind of shaken up and for a
minute it was like what ishappening?
I don't like this.
Things are good, let's not messwith it.
And I'm a very high functionerand I found myself in a season
where I couldn't function overmy winter and I so I had to
honor that season and life.
(06:34):
I mean I didn't have to, but Ichose to honor the season and I
did my best to meet myself in mywinter.
But what's interesting?
I'm a lot like you.
Like every year up to NewYear's, I'm spending this time
journaling and it's like how wasthis last year?
And I'm reflecting on the lastyear and I'm looking ahead to
the new year.
And I remember I met a friendin January and it was like two
(06:55):
weeks into January she was likehow are you?
Are you good?
What are your goals for January?
And I was like I honestly feellike I'm just like my brain
can't even go there, like I feellike I'm in just such a thick
fog, like I'm just here.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
I'm just like I'm so far removed from that right now
that I can't get myself to that.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
But what was so interesting is I was watching,
like all so many of my clientswere in a similar season where
they were going.
I always have my shit togetherand all of a sudden, externally
I'm still taking care of things,but internally it's like
something in their being saidI'm not doing this anymore.
And I think there was a veryhealthy resistance and like
almost this like teenagerebellion in us of like I am not
(07:43):
going to be acting like summerin the winter anymore, like I
will not be consistent accordingto what you have told me is
consistency I will not beproductive and performative
according to what you said Ineed to do.
And I think there is thishealthy level of like letting go
of that control and that highfunctioning for us.
(08:04):
And I'm curious if that'shappening on a broader scale for
women who have shown up soconsistently, even through 2020.
Like I look at like thingsdidn't stop for the people I
know, like there was no quoteunquote, like home time.
It was like no, now you'redoing twice as much with less
resource.
And I look at women.
(08:24):
I'm like, oh, I think the doingtwice as much with less
resource.
And I look at women, I'm like,oh, I think the aftershocks are
still, I don't know.
Does that resonate with you?
I'm curious it does.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
And I was going to say to that that the truth is is
we do live in seasons, not justby the circumstances of our
life, but the seasons that God,we have in the universe we are,
our bodies, are part of thisuniverse, in our world, in our
(08:52):
everyday life, and we do havefour seasons.
I don't know, I guess itdepends on where you live if you
have four seasons, because wehave a long summer, we have a
very short fall and a very shortspring, but we have seasons and
I think it's almost like ifyou're part, if you understand
this or if this is somethingyou're into, but just like being
(09:15):
grounded or things like that.
Like we are, our bodies arepart of this and I think our
bodies float in seasonalfunction as well.
You're right, in the summer I'mfloating and going and perky
and happy and all the things,and I mean so many times I've
heard it's raining a couple ofdays here and I was like, oh my
(09:36):
gosh, I cannot have one more dayof gray skies.
And I have another friend islike I love this weather of gray
skies, and I have anotherfriend is like I love this
weather.
You know, and I do thinkeverybody's season function is
different as well too, like youwere saying, in your winter you
went to hibernation and myfriend was like I love this
weather, and I was like I likethis for a very short moment.
(10:00):
I understand it's part of thecircle of life, but I can't do
days of rain and darkness.
So I do think our bodies arealigned with a season.
I do think there is a flow tothat.
So, yes, it definitelyresonates.
It makes perfect sense to me.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, yeah.
I'm curious what season youfeel like you're in.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
I feel trapped in winter.
I feel like I have a confession.
I am not.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
My husband says this all the time about me that I was
a confession for you.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I was like, oh okay, this is a lot for you okay
that's a confession for me, oh,almost a confession to myself,
like hey, and that's okay howdid that feel?
Speaker 1 (11:00):
did you enjoy it?
I?
Speaker 2 (11:02):
actually did.
It felt.
It feels kind of strange to mewhen I do stuff like that
because it's not really my MOand not for any reason.
As I've aged I've learned thatthe busyness badge is not that
cute, but I've also learned tolet go of constantly being a
(11:25):
human doing instead of a humanbeing.
So when I do have days likethat and it also felt aligned
with the weather, like it wasgloomy, it was rainy I was like
my laundry's caught up.
I don't have any dishes to washand those sound petty and minor
because you can let those sit.
I'm not you know what I'msaying, but like it felt really
(11:46):
good to just sit on the couchwith the dogs.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
You know it's funny when you describe that I'm
sitting here going.
Wait, tanya, this sounds like ahealthy thing.
This sounds like a thing, butyou're panicking a little bit
about it and I wonder I.
Here's the curiosity.
I've seen this a lot in myselfand I see it a lot with the
women I work with of like whenwe have a new edge of health.
(12:12):
An object in motion stays inmotion right.
An object at rest stays at restunless acted upon by like an
unequal chaotic force.
Essentially, if you're used togoing 90 and you start going 70,
even if 70 is like a betterspeed for you, it's going to
feel really slow.
Like the other day I was on thehighway and there was traffic
(12:35):
and it's like going 30 miles anhour or 10 miles an hour on the
highway is awful, that is theworst feeling ever.
But like 70 felt great.
But if I was to go like 90 or95, that would have felt too
fast.
But if you're used to going 90and you slow down to 70 or 50,
like your body might have like alittle bit of that, like
(12:55):
whiplash, or like a little bitof the like yeah, of like
finding that new edge of healthand safety and slowness for you.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Well, I think, like you were saying earlier about
recognizing that season that youwere in and why you were
performing outwardly the sameinwardly.
Sometimes, when we recognizethese things, it takes us a
minute to catch on, like, ohokay, that's what's happening.
Oh, I'm honoring and givingmyself permission, although it
(13:28):
feels different.
It's a muscle, it's a musclethat I have to exercise, that
you have to exercise, that womenhave to exercise when you
functioned in this era for solong, or speed or whatever.
(13:48):
When you change that, or even if, when your internal feelings
change, something internallychanges, it's hard for us to
even recognize.
We may even think like, oh,maybe I'm sick, maybe I should
go to the doctor.
I'm not, I'm feeling different.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, yeah, it's a wholerecognition system as well,
giving giving ourselves thepermission to change, to do
different, to speed up, slowdown, take a pause and honor
(14:11):
that.
You know, like I think it'shard for women to navigate that,
while we can navigate manythings and juggle in many things
, piling up feels okay, buttaking away always feels very
different.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Yeah, well, and it doesn't get you as many gold
stars and stickers, right?
Like when we're highfunctioners and we're getting
everything done, but it like thepace doesn't resonate with our
presence.
Like when we start calibratingour internal experience and
world to like our externalbehavior, like sometimes it
makes us less palatable, or likeyou're doing less of the things
(14:52):
that you used as adetermination of your success,
right.
Like when our worth is comingfrom what we provide for other
people or for what we do.
I think it's so easy to getcaught up on that and almost to
let it be like this rat race of,like this treadmill where it's
(15:13):
like the faster you run, thefaster it moves, versus like
this wide open permission oflike of course we want to like
better ourselves and the worldand produce these beautiful
things, but like I wonder if,too, we trusted the permission
to like rest and slow down andbe in ease.
Like I was having aconversation with a friend the
other day and I was like man, Iwant, I like I want to be a
(15:34):
badass woman, yes, but like Ialso want to be a woman of ease.
Like yeah, yeah, yeah, for real.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
And not only that is, we're also setting up a proof
of concept for a futuregeneration.
And if we, it's so funny when Ithink back, looking at the
generations of women, you know,like I just said recently, like
who told um Miss Cleaver sheneeded to get a job?
(16:07):
Why?
Why did that?
Why did that glamorous go awaybeing the stay-at-home mom and
all that?
You know, I'm saying now youhave to have two jobs and a side
hustle and take care of thekids and go to school, I just
think.
And that, along with comparison, keeps women at such a high
(16:30):
stress functioning that wereally need to be in touch with
what makes us happy.
What legacy are we trying toleave?
What's authentic to who we areversus what it should look like,
or who are we comparingourselves to?
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Yeah, talk to me about legacy.
What does legacy look like toyou?
What is that?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Oh man, I love talking about legacy because I
lost my mom 14 years ago.
And when I think about who I amand where I am and what I do and
how I serve and how I love, I'mso thankful for the things that
I can look back and see thatshe instilled in me, and my goal
(17:18):
and hope is to leave that to mychildren and grandchildren.
You know, yes, I own a businessWonderful.
I don't own a business to hopeto leave it to them to run one
day.
I own a business because thisis what I was passionate about.
They may not be passionateabout that.
However, the way that I serveothers and love others and, you
(17:42):
know, try to be a living exampleto them is more of a legacy to
me than what I get to leave them.
Yeah, like who you are, who youare is what I get to leave.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Yeah, Like who you are.
Who you are is your legacy toyour family.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Not what I have, but who I am, my daughter.
That's sweet, that it's funnythat she said that.
She just asked me this week andshe's like mom, I need you to
write all your recipes down forme.
And I said, oh, can't you justcook with me and remember them?
And she goes, no, I want you towrite them.
I'm like, well, you know, Idon't write neat, what if I type
them?
She said, no, that's what Iwant.
I want when my kids are cookingwith me.
(18:16):
We're going to be like what didshe say right here?
And I was like that's reallysweet and that makes me feel
like I'm already instilling alegacy, like you're wanting
traditions to look back on forwhen you have kids, if and when
I'm not here, and so I thinkthat is really sweet.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Yeah, that is sweet, I love that.
Would you say that like that'schanged in your journey as a mom
?
Like has that changed indifferent seasons as a mom?
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Like what has felt important as far as my legacy
and my thought process on alegacy, I don't feel like that's
changed.
I feel like that was how I wasraised.
I feel like that's what wasinstilled in me and I feel like,
um, I feel like as I've grownand matured as a woman and as a
business owner, I've come torealize some of those things.
(19:05):
I think a lot of times peopledo go into business because it's
their dream, but when they havea family, of times people do go
into a business because it'stheir dream, but when they have
a family, they're like oh, wehave a family business, it's not
a family business.
I mean, I guess there are familybusinesses, the long legacy of
business, that have been passeddown and the next person grows
up to become that, but initiallyit started with a dream in one
(19:27):
person's heart.
You know what I'm saying, andif it coincidentally passes to
the next person and that's adream in their heart, that's one
thing, but to expect yourfamily to take over what was
your dream is not a legacy.
That's almost like you'reholding them in contempt of your
dream.
I feel like, yeah, the hairsalon's a great business and
(19:54):
it's profitable and it'swonderful, but it was my dream.
If one day she wants it or shewants to sell it when I'm not
here, then that's fine too.
You know what I'm saying.
However, how I run my business,how I steward my business, how
I work with people, what I dobehind my chair, what I give the
(20:15):
community, that is the legacythat I want to leave In your
business.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Yeah, I'm curious.
What like navigating both,having wanting to build this
legacy of your motherhood and inyour family and just like your
identity, like you, tanya, andthen also this legacy of
business.
How has that felt to hold thetension and to like you know,
there's no better word than likebalance.
(20:41):
How, how has that felt for you?
What has been important for you?
Navigating, having wanting toleave a legacy in both ways?
Speaker 2 (20:50):
well, that's funny.
You said that that balance word, because that's kind of what
the podcast started off of beingperfectly blended, because,
let's face it, no one's balanced.
Yeah, so agreed, blendingmotherhood, entrepreneurship,
parenting, running a business,being a wife, being a wife,
(21:10):
being a friend I have a strongfriend group.
So, you know, you startbranching out into all these
different aspects of your lifeand the demand for each thing,
and everybody wants to say it'sa work-life balance.
You need to figure out how tobalance it all.
Nothing is balanced.
(21:31):
We're all blended.
We're constantly blending,constantly, just like I said,
the seasons, they all blend intoone another.
You go from being a single to amarried, to a parent, to a
business owner, to taking careof parents, to while you're
taking care of children, towhile you're taking care of
parents, to while you're takingcare of children, to while
you're taking care of yourbusiness.
(21:53):
And I'd like to say I did itall gracefully but I've learned
a lot about myself in the longrun.
You know, now I look at my kidsand I'm like look, I know I was
not a perfect parent and I don'texpect you to do it like me I
want you to do.
I tell my kids all the time Iwant you to do and be more and
better than I was.
(22:13):
That's my only goal for you.
I want you to be better, but Ijust hope that I gave you some
groundwork and you can improveupon that.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
I just I am so grateful for so many things you
just said.
I want to start with what, likethat last piece you said.
I think what you just said isgoing to be so healing from so
many women because they don'thave a legacy of health from
their mother necessarily.
Or maybe you know women whodon't have a mother, who are in
this season of motherhood, who,either by relationships being
(22:47):
over or they've lost theirmother.
You know, it's so hard for themto feel like how do you pass on
this legacy that you're notgetting, like you haven't, you
didn't receive it, or it's cutoff from you.
And I feel like what you justsaid, that piece of permission
from someone, is just so.
I just love what you just said.
(23:08):
And then, two, that word ofblending.
I haven't ever thought of thatword for it, because you're
right, I'm on the same page of.
I do think balance is possible,but I don't think it's balancing
things like a scale.
I think of it as like corestrength balance.
So like you're riding a bikeand you're gonna have to make
these small little incrementalmovements, and like sometimes
(23:28):
the ground is going to be unevenand you're going to have to
make these small littleincremental movements and like,
sometimes the ground is going tobe uneven and you're going to
fall over and you're going tohave to figure out okay, I swung
too far to the right, I've gotto swing back, and that balance
is responsive to the season thatyou're in, and sometimes that
season is months and sometimesit's what worked yesterday
doesn't work today.
It's like every time your kidgrows up and they change, you
(23:51):
have to change.
Same thing goes with business,right, like every time my
business evolves, I'm evolving.
Or when I'm evolving, oh, nowmy business has to follow.
But I love that concept ofblending.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Yeah, that idea of blending of like motherhood and
all of those parts of you notneeding to be separate in
yourself, yeah, I think the thegiven, the permission thing, um,
is part of the legacy that mymom left me too, because there
was a time, you know, that sheapologized to me about some of
(24:28):
the things that she did in herlife, that I think I was
resentful towards her at onetime, and when she did I felt
like it was so profound.
She recognized that andapologized for it and it gave me
permission to apologize to mykids at a very early age for
(24:48):
when I thought I failed as amother, not like one of those
I'm sorry people, but those youreally.
That was not cool, mom, thatyou know.
You went off the rails andwhatever it is screamed, spanked
too hard, whatever it ispunishment too harsh, forgot to
(25:09):
pick them up at school.
You know just the norm that Iwas able to as they grew and
matured and we had issues ordiscussions or whatever that I
showed them would apologize andlook like so that we could have
a healthy communication, becauseI didn't always have that with
(25:29):
my mom as I was growing up.
And so there are things you knowand let me say this until
you're a mom and you've raisedyour kids and you've gone
through lots of seasons, like Ihave one.
You don't know what someone'sgoing through.
You never know until you get towalk a mile in their shoes in
whatever season that is.
(25:49):
So please give them grace.
And you just don't know whatyou don't know.
So, for all of the womenstruggling with mother or father
issues, just remember, eventhough they didn't get it right,
they probably thought they weredoing the best they could with
(26:11):
what they had.
Some parents take intoparenthood what was given to
them and they don't know theconcept of changing it.
They only know what they knowand that's what they do.
Thankfully, we're in a world,now that we have access to
podcasts and Google and a littlemore information, where we can
(26:33):
say, hey, that didn't feel good,I didn't like this, and I get
the opportunity to be a legacychanger.
Yeah, there's trauma inchildhood or trauma and related
to any kind of that, any of that, whether it's business,
(27:00):
marriage, motherhood you get todo it different if you don't
like the way it was done.
I love the way my mom loved me.
Now, did I love that she was ascreamer?
No, I said I wasn't going to dothat, but there were times I
brought that into my parentingbut I was able to recognize it
and sit down and apologize to mykids.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
You know what?
Speaker 2 (27:13):
I'm saying that's an example of where I didn't become
the legacy changer, but Iapproached it differently, so
hopefully it changes down theroad.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Yeah, I love that word the legacy changer, because
so many women I love that word.
The legacy changer because somany women you know, myself
included, we often use the termcycle breaker and while that's
powerful, I think that can be alot of weight to feel like it's
your job, to like heal thefamily lineage, versus realizing
(27:43):
that, like you can create a newthing, like you're creating a
new thing and you're taking theright level of responsibility.
You're not takingresponsibility for what your
parents did or even whathappened to you that wasn't your
fault.
You're saying what am I goingto do with it now?
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Now that I know I don't want you to take the
victim mentality, I want you totake the victim mentality.
Yeah, I want you to change thelegacy mentality.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Yeah, that is so powerful because it brings women
into this place where they'resaying what is mine Not that was
my mother's or my grandmother'swhat is mine and how can I
build on this and give mychildren permission for them to
continue building on it too, forthem to continue building on it
too.
There's so much less intense,like shame and just like it just
(28:38):
feels so heavy when you call it, when you think of breaking all
of these traumas and cyclesversus and like building a
legacy is such a differentenergy, but very much the same
work and even just somethingpowerful.
You said, I think, what's reallypowerful about our current
generation of mothers.
I really think this is a newthing in parenting.
I mean, I'm not like a, Ihaven't deep dived into like
(28:59):
parenting in every era, but it'slike that parents look to their
children with healthy authorityand also as an adult.
I'm sometimes wrong, I'msometimes in the wrong with my
behavior or the way or the.
Maybe you know the messagingwas right but the delivery was
off.
That's wild, for for manypeople generationally that, like
(29:24):
the adults are still healthyauthority but they're no longer
this godlike like, mean godlike,not a lot of loving, caring,
but like a I will tell you whatto do and you will listen and
even when I'm wrong andunhealthy, you I'm still right
and you're always wrong.
I think that's a very new thing.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Yeah, and I think a lot of that goes comes down to
communication.
I think that and look, let mejust be real honest, gentle,
parenting is not my style, itnever was.
It blows my mind kind of.
But I do think communication, Ido think kids should have a
(30:06):
healthy fear of their parentsand aspect to respect and things
of that nature.
You know, like I don'tnecessarily think that the old
school way of parenting, like Iknow a lot of kids suffer with,
I just want my parents to beproud of me, mentality
(30:28):
victimized.
Now I want my parents to beproud of me too, because they've
done such a great job raisingme.
I want them to look at me andbe proud.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
There's a difference does that make sense?
Speaker 2 (30:41):
yeah, while it's not a victim mentality, that's the
part of the healthy fear or thethe respect factor that I think
it's such a boundary.
But I do think communication isone of the biggest things and I
think instilling that in yourkids at an early age being able
to communicate their needs,their wants, their desires,
(31:06):
their hurts you know, and I feellike that piece that you know,
when it was a poor parent choiceor whatever and I talked about
being able to apologize, I wasable to go in that room after it
, when I was whatever was, andwhen I apologized we were to
talk things through.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
this helped them become communicators yeah, well,
and you're teaching themhealthy accountability for
become communicators, yeah Well.
And you're teaching themhealthy accountability for
reactions and responses and theactions that we take.
And, you know, teaching ourkids through leadership.
I really see parenting throughthe lens of leadership because
it's like when I don't know whatto do or when I am like, am I,
(31:46):
am I being too hard, too soft?
When I'm in those places, Ijust check into, like, what
would leading my kid look?
Like, what would being anexample look like how do I bring
myself into this place where Iknow I'm an integrity and in
those values of like what youwere talking about, that legacy
of my kids can't just get alegacy if I don't have a
(32:10):
connection to that Right.
So I think anchoring into whoyou are and that identity is
just so powerful.
Yeah, you I love.
I'm still looking at that wallbehind you.
What was it called your essence?
Okay, so your essence words isbasically values.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
So you kind of they gave you a list to work off of
and you picked out all the words, that kind of like spoke to you
and then we grouped ourself upand they helped you pick five
essence words.
And so, like we were on acoaching call the other day and
I was asking a person about whenshe's like, well, what are your
essence words?
(32:49):
And I was like ambitious,passionate, wisdom, resourceful
and loving, she was like OK,coach.
Like that then, oh, OK Again.
These are powerful words to me.
This is part of the legacy.
I want to be loving andpassionate.
I want to leave wisdom andguide.
(33:10):
I want to leave an ambition.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
Yeah, so you found some kind of like tangible ways
to bring yourself back into thatlegacy piece for you.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
Yeah, yeah.
So it's important I feel likethat I stay focused on what my
core values are as far as alegacy, you know what I'm saying
.
I feel like, if you know whatyour five core value words are,
you kind of live by those allthe time.
(33:42):
If you think about everydecision you make comes back to,
or why your feelings were hurtWell, if your feelings were hurt
because of something, what'syour, what's the core value
related to that?
Yeah, if you think about, likeyou and your husband getting in
an argument like, why are you soupset?
(34:02):
What about this?
Well, what's the value in thisto you?
Why is is this important to you?
It's not because you want towin a fight.
That's not what your value is.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Yeah, so going from the external, like the issue
when the issue isn't really thereal issue, right, like when the
laundry on the floor isn't thelike, okay, what's the deeper
need or desire?
That's kind of going onunderneath the surface and
speaking to that.
Right, I'm curious, you knowwe're we started this podcast
(34:38):
talking about, like how thisseason has felt so different for
you and I.
I'm curious like what yourvalues look like in this season,
like how they like I thoughtabout that.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
I, I did Um.
So the salon just made a postthe other day about our core
values as a business, as a salon, and I was like and thinking,
yeah, we live by that every day.
That's what we're founded on,that's what we stand on, that's
what we believe in, and thesalon's flowing well and
(35:10):
functioning well and I'm like,okay, the salon as a business
doesn't feel the internal that Ifeel.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
They feel like yeah, I mean they are separate
entities, connected and blendedright they are blended but they
are separate at the same time.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Yeah, those core values for the salon speak true
to my life as well.
It's.
I think I'm navigating a seasonnot where I'm questioning my
core values, but I'm questioningthe power and the pause when,
like we talked about earlier,I'm used to being a 90 girl and
(35:50):
doing 70 feels off.
But there are days it feelsgood and there are days that I'm
like why does this not feelright?
Even to the, even to the peoplearound me and in my life?
They're like, oh, you're notdoing nothing.
(36:11):
Their reaction almost makes mefeel like, oh wait, I need to, I
need to do something.
But they're just used to meconstantly having something to
do and I feel like I need tohave something to say back to
them sometimes.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Instead of like actually no, I didn't ever book
myself today and it feels reallynice.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Yeah, well, I mean, sometimes we just tell them the
truth.
It's like you know, when I hadmet this friend for coffee it
was a new friend in that, likewe've only met a couple times
and we were at a networkingevent when she was like hey, how
have you been?
And I was like good and thatgood.
And I was like do you want likethe short answer or the long
answer?
And she was like the longanswer.
(36:53):
And that's when I like kind ofwent through, like what we
talked about, where I said likeI'm good and also like like I've
got like something's changingin me, like there's an internal
shift that's happening and likeit's kind of uncomfy for me and
it like feels a little weird andwonky.
And it's so interesting thatlike I've had that conversation
with a lot of people now,because I tend to be the I like
(37:15):
real answers, right.
But what's interesting whenthey bring that up, if you tell
them the real answer there's,can I just tell you I have had I
could literally I can see theirfaces at least four or five
women who have said thank you somuch for telling me that,
because I've been going throughthe exact same thing and until
you said it, I didn't havelanguage for it, like I couldn't
explain what I've been goingthrough, and they were like and
(37:42):
I've been kind of panickingbecause this is not the normal
for me, and I was like, oh okay,it's fine.
I've been through this manytimes.
Existential crisis is no newthing to me, hence being a coach
right, but you having thelanguage for what you're doing
and trusting yourself.
I think other people willprobably feel a lot of
permission for themselves,because I think there's so many
(38:03):
high functioners running around,moving at a pace that doesn't
match their internal world andit doesn't feel good, but no
one's told them that it's OK foreverything to look good and
still not feel good To lookaround and be like I love all of
this and I kind of want to gowatch two movies today.
Yes, like I'm tired.
Some some part of me needssomething different.
(38:27):
And then honoring it, you know,taking the time to honor it.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
I think that that takes some intuition, some
understanding.
I think it takes patience withyourself and a lot of grace.
I honestly think it takespractice too, because there are
(38:59):
days that, okay, say I don'tover put myself, and the time
gets still like I've done thethings I need to do.
Time is still and I'm like, um,then I start making up things
to do when I don't have to.
You know what I'm saying.
It's such a strange feeling,yeah, when that's not your
(39:21):
typical mo.
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (39:24):
yeah, it's the muscle , it's really a muscle that you
have to practice yeah, well, I Ithink for so many of us, when
we're in this like flight zone,where our bodies are in constant
like kind of you you knowflight becomes our new normal.
We're constantly in this stateof like nervous system
(39:46):
dysregulation, but that's beenour normal for so long.
When we start to experience alower level of energy or emotion
or output, it's gonna feelwrong because that's not what
we're used to.
And I think for so many of us,we assume that any kind of
healing or growth or expansionis going to make us faster and
(40:06):
more productive and we're goingto produce more and we're going
to earn more.
And it's like, yeah, that isone side of it.
And sometimes you feel the sunon your skin more and sometimes
you read more fiction books andsometimes you go dancing or hang
out with your friends, yes orcurl up for a blanket or start
doing walks instead of hour longweightlifting sessions every
(40:27):
single day.
Like that is also an expressionof health.
But I think we have such a our,our culture has such a tiny
little window of what we havesaid is good and great and
healthy, and it's missing somuch of the texture of like, the
wide range of like slow, medium, high health.
I'm doing some classes throughalchemical alignment and they
(40:51):
talk a lot about slow, mediumand fast health.
That's inside our window ofregulation.
So it's like there's the likedepressed, where you're like too
low, and then there's the likewhen you're activated above and
it's like it's too high andyou're having this like
dysregulation.
But like when you're in yourwindow of tolerance, your window
of presence, where, like youfeel like yourself and you're,
(41:13):
you're living in that legacy,there's, there's going to be
these waves of like slow, mediumand fast health, and so it
sounds like, it sounds likeyou're experimenting with like a
medium, slow health that's verynew for you where you're
feeling into that now.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
Yeah, and it does.
While it feels strange, I'm notresisting it.
Yeah, I'm not resisting it.
I'm really trying to lean intoit and understand it and feel it
and process it.
Yeah, even when it doesn't feellike my norm.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
I love that.
Is there anything that wemissed today that you still want
to like name or a topic thatlike we didn't touch yet
something that's like what else?
Any like period?
Speaker 2 (42:05):
we need to put on a thought that we opened yeah, let
me see, I felt I feel likewe've kind of touched on a lot
today.
Speaker 1 (42:13):
We went in this 2025 has got us in a whirlwind, but I
do feel like I do feel likeit's either gonna blow up or
it's that train's gonna get ontrack and it's gonna even it out
but I mean it's a quarter yearthat does that mean anything I
don't know, and it's funny, Ithink, right at the beginning of
(42:35):
the call we were talking about,neither of us are astrology
girls, but all the people that Iknow who are astrology are
saying like this year issupposed to be worse and more
chaotic than 2020, and at firstI was like that's not good news.
And if you look at the news, ifyou look at politics, if you
look at things that are going on, like there's a lot going on.
There's a lot going on for mostpeople, more and more for some,
(43:00):
some less Also I just I thinkback to 2020.
And when everything outside ofme is going crazy, I just keep
pulling my energy closer andcloser to myself, not so that I
disconnect from what's going on,but so that I remember that
like personal responsibility of,like what can my hands touch,
(43:24):
what can my eyes see, what canmy ears hear, and I bring myself
back to presence of like youknow we were talking about, like
there's only so much youcontrol.
Yeah, there's only so much youcontrol in motherhood, or your
marriage, or the politicalclimate, or the news, or what's
happening in other countries.
(43:45):
It's like there's only so muchyou can control, and that
doesn't mean that you don't doanything or you don't care.
But, like I know for me, likethat used to paralyze me and so,
when people have been tellingme like this year is going to be
even more so than 2020.
It was like, okay, well, 2020is the year that I launched my
business.
2020 is a year that, like I didsome massive healing from
(44:08):
codependency.
Like we can take that chaos,energy and create something with
it, like sometimes shaking shitup that's been stagnant for a
long time, like it's going to beuncomfortable for stuff to move
, but like, maybe thesepolarities, maybe stuff moving
can, can, we can use it as rawmaterial for good.
(44:32):
And yeah, we can only do thatwhen we're, when we're locked in
on what is mine to do here,what do I have capacity and
capability for and what do I not?
Speaker 2 (44:43):
Yeah, and I just remind myself that I know who I
am and who's I am, and it's allgoing to be okay.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Like a mantra when needed, right Like over and over
when needed.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
Yes, rinse, repeat, have a sign that says that I
love it.
Speaker 1 (45:01):
Of course you do, cause that would Lather rinse
repeat.
I love it.
Of course you do, cause thatwould be their rinse repeat.
That, honestly, lather, rinserepeat, is a really good
reminder for myself in thisseason too, of what are the
things that anchor me in.
What are the things?
Okay, there's a lot I don'tknow.
What do I know?
What do I know?
What do I know is true?
What can we do?
Speaker 2 (45:21):
Yes, and what can I grow on?
Speaker 1 (45:23):
Yeah, yeah, I'm curious what.
What's going to help you thisyear as we go into this crazy
year?
Tanya?
Speaker 2 (45:30):
I'm curious what it's going to feel like and look
like six months in.
Speaker 1 (45:35):
Hmm.
Speaker 2 (45:36):
Yeah, so I typically do a quarter meetings with the
business and so I do quarterlycheck ins with like friends and
accountability partners as well,so interesting to see what
happens.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
I know, and also to this ownership of like, well, we
have, we have at least somepart to play and how it goes
right.
Yeah, that quarterly check-insis helpful, like when people are
like this whole year, I waslike I'm doing this week and now
, now that I'm out of that, I'mout of that a little bit and now
I'm starting to do like, okay,the next month right, it's two
months Like, as I'm capacity,I'm starting to build wider
(46:15):
range of right.
So, yes, I just loved thisconversation.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
I love being here.
Thank you for having me, yeah.
I love chatting with you.
Speaker 1 (46:28):
Same here.
Thanks for joining me ontoday's episode of the
motherhood mentor podcast.
Make sure you have subscribedbelow so that you see all of the
upcoming podcasts that arecoming soon.
So that you see all of theupcoming podcasts that are
coming soon.
I hope you take today's episodeand you take one aha moment,
(46:50):
one small, tangible piece ofwork that you can bring into
your life.
To get your hands a littledirty, to get your skin in the
game.
Don't forget to take upaudacious space in your life.
If this podcast moved you, ifit inspired you, if it
encouraged you, please do me afavor and leave a review, send
an episode to a friend.
This helps the show gain moretraction.
It helps us to support moremoms, more women, and that's
(47:15):
what we're doing here.
So I hope you have an awesomeday, take really good care of
yourself and I'll see you nexttime.
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