December 10, 2025 • 23 mins
It’s Christmas in Shady Grove, and as the trial date looms, Charlie decides to stay in town to take in some holiday traditions, such as Mayor Lyons’s One-Man Christmas Carol. The trial begins as planned on January 6th, but is postponed almost as soon as it begins, as the Judge insists the jury spend the next two days discussing the insurrection at the Capital. After an action-packed trial, a verdict is passed, but not before a plea for mercy from a most unexpected messenger.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Charlie Incarica (00:01):
In the months between her indictment and the
start of her trial, MargaretMandragara Jones Putnam, under
armed escort, saw her husbandTeddy Putnam each day at her
lawyer's office as she preparedto fight the three first-degree
murder charges she faced.
However, Teddy, or to useMargaret's pet name for him,
you, was himself under greatscrutiny from acting interim
(00:24):
chief Taylor Branaghen.
Clearly, both she and DA TeresaNolo were convinced he had
played a role in these fatalmurders.
Another item eating atBranaghen was the murder of her
former boss, Chief Tommy Ebner.
No charges had been broughtagainst Jones for his death, not
only because there wasn't anyphysical evidence, but no one
(00:45):
could ascertain a motive.
Though Estelle Hayes hadtheories, of course.
Estelle Hayes (00:49):
I think whoever killed Ebner wanted the crimes
actually solved.
They knew that his intenseidiocy was a key barrier to that
happening.
So you think there are twomurderers?
I think it's a distinctpossibility.
The other is that the murdererwanted to be caught.
Sometimes they do, whether it'sto make a statement or they're
just desperate for attention.
Any kind of attention.
(01:11):
I think it's less likely of thetwo theories, but it can't be
dismissed completely.
Charlie Incarica (01:16):
That's very interesting, Estelle.
Only what?
It's just like, you know, threeo'clock in the morning, and
you're sitting on my bed.
Estelle Hayes (01:27):
Don't flatter yourself, kid.
I've grown attached to you, butyou look like you graduated in
the bottom third of your classat Hogwarts, so I'll think
you're safe for me putting thenames on you.
No, it's not that.
Charlie Incarica (01:39):
It's just You're sitting on my leg.
My bad.
Better.
Well, you're still on my bed.
But I'm off your leg.
While I was definitely gladthere had been an arrest and
would soon be a trial, I alsofelt there were still too many
(02:01):
loose ends to successfully bringhealing to this community, and
just as importantly, asatisfying conclusion to this
podcast.
I decided to spend Christmas inShady Grove after I found out
my parents invited Amy over forChristmas dinner.
A blow that stung twice as muchbecause we're Jewish.
And newly re-elected Mayor CarlLyons took up the entire time
(02:50):
performing his one-mantheatrical adaptation of a
Christmas carol, which heoccasionally confused with the
plots of It's a Wonderful Lifeand The Born Identity.
Meanwhile, the question of whoowned Shady Grove Pudding was
(03:12):
still unsettled.
The board of directorsinstalled Amanda's estranged and
widowed husband, William Hart,as interim CEO until the case
could be adjudicated by thecourts, as Teddy's proposal that
they settle the question out ofcourt via a rap battle was
rejected by the Hart camp.
A pointing Hart understandablyinfuriated Teddy Putnam.
(03:32):
And Margaret Mandragara JonesPutnam launched a no justice, no
pudding boycott against SGP.
She was by now a legitimatesocial media influencer, and the
boycott made a dent in sales.
New Year's Day 2021 provedeventful as Governor Alice Hart
announced that her son, theestranged and widowed William
(03:54):
Hart, had become engaged toErica Hobbes' only daughter,
Erica Hobbes.
They set the date for January6th, perhaps in the hopes that
Erica's wedding hashtag, OneCousin Faces Justice, the other
faces the justice of the peace,would trend.
It didn't.
On January 6th, 2021, observingstrict COVID protocols, opening
(04:18):
arguments began in the stateversus Margaret Mandragara Jones
Putnam for the murder of ChipBing, Amanda Putnam Hart, and
Michelle Quincy, with JudgeMaxwell Edison presiding.
D.A.
Teresa Nolo gave a clear,methodical outlining of the
state's case, citing bothforensic evidence and ample
motive.
Defense Attorney Ellen Newberryrose to deliver her opening
(04:39):
remarks when.
Ellen Newberry (04:41):
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my name
is Ellen Newberry, and I'mrepresenting Margaret Mandragora
Jones.
Shit!
Judge (04:50):
It's a riot at the Capitol.
Your Honor's dismissed! Wait,what?
Sorry, sorry.
I mean, uh, court adjourned.
You're all invited to watchthis shit in my chambers.
Your Honor Honor, all junior.
Charlie Incarica (05:00):
The historic January 6th riots delayed the
defense's opening arguments forthree days, on the 6th itself,
and then the following two days,when the judge decided the
court's time would be bestserved by discussing not only
what happened, but which men andwomen covering that
history-making day wore it best.
The court ruled in favor ofAnderson Cooper.
(05:20):
Newberry filed for a mistrial,although she told reporters she
was pleased Anderson Cooper hadbeen declared the winner, as he
always struck her as, quote,someone who put real thought
into his appearance, but not ina shallow way.
The state appellate courtdenied the mistrial, but upheld
the ruling in favor of Cooper.
After a tumultuous first fewdays, it was decided the court
(05:42):
would reconvene on Mondaymorning.
The prosecution's first witnesshad reporters, viewers in the
gallery, and even the jurorsthemselves murmuring rhubarb to
each other excitedly.
Margaret's ex-partner, Alec St.
George Gibbon.
When the prosecution asked himif his former partner had
displayed behaviors consistentwith someone capable of murder,
(06:04):
he wasn't given the chance toanswer.
Ellen Newberry (06:06):
Objection, Your Honor.
The witness may have eyes thatsparkle like the sundapbled
Pacific as it laps gentlyagainst the beach at Diamond
Head at Dawn, but that does notmake him an expert on
maladaptive psychology.
DA Theresa Nolo (06:15):
Your Honor, Mr.
St.
George Gibbons holds degrees inpsychiatry from both the
University of Sydney andCambridge.
Ellen Newberry (06:21):
Those are both honorary degrees bestowed in the
case of the University ofSydney, and I quote, because
faculty, students, and alumnialike cannot stop thinking of
him nor ever wish to stop.
And in the case of CambridgeUniversity, quote, thank you,
just thank you.
Moreover, the prosecution isrelying on the fact that Mr.
St.
George Gibbons, whose tawnybronze skin smells of peaches
and sandalwood, will influencethe jury to supplicate to his
(06:44):
every whim, as I find myselfwanting to do right now.
Judge (06:46):
I'm gonna sustain counsel's objection, but I hope,
Mr.
St.
George Gibbon, you won't bewhat is a sign that I too am not
captive to your effortlesssexual charisma.
No worries, Your Honor.
That means everything to me.
Ellen Newberry (06:57):
The defense also requests that the witness not
be allowed to speak in hisnormal, sultry accent, which
makes his every utterance aunique, miraculous melody.
DA Theresa Nolo (07:05):
Your Honor, the fact that the witness's voice
is the sonic equivalent of thegentle caress of a skilled lover
is immaterial.
Judge (07:10):
That's his natural voice.
I'm gonna sustain again.
The witness's voice is anunfair advantage.
I don't think there's a personin this courtroom, including
myself, who wouldn't gladly killfor him, but it frankly makes
it impossible to focus on thetestimony, which I've no doubt
will be amazing.
The witness is hereby orderedto adopt the flat, monotone
American accent of this region.
Charlie Incarica (07:30):
Of course, Your Honor.
Judge (07:31):
I also want to instruct the jury that until Mr.
St.
George Gibbon entered thischamber, I was a staunch
atheist.
But now I have an unshakablefaith in the existence of a
benevolent, loving God.
I hearby order the jury to givethe witness a round of
enthusiastic applause.
Charlie Incarica (07:51):
The personal testimony that St.
George Gibbon gave againstMargaret's character was nothing
short of damning.
But it could be argued itactually backfired, as no one
seemed able to pay attention toit.
Court TV's feed went dark as itwas deemed too provocative for
their network.
As for the stenographer'srecord, it stops transcribing
the testimony after he's swornin and almost immediately became
(08:14):
a free-form poem that couldfairly be classified as soft
core pornography, at least forthe first few lines, when it
then jettisens the soft corepart.
Still, as the testimony of theprosecution's witnesses began to
pile up, things didn't lookgood for the defense, especially
as Newberry's cross-examinationstrategy focused on not doing
(08:35):
any.
Newberry would explain thischoice after the trial
concluded.
Ellen Newberry (08:39):
There's the old maxim in law that you should
never ask a witness a questionyou don't know the answer to.
Unfortunately for my client,any question I could conceivably
ask, I knew would have answersthat, if anything, would make
her look worse than the originaltestimony did.
Charlie Incarica (08:53):
With one notable exception, the
prosecution's final witness,lead forensician, Dr.
William Shears, who took thejury through the crime scene in
exhaustive detail.
DA Theresa Nolo (09:03):
So you're saying that the blood does not
belong to any of the murdervictims?
Dr. Shears (09:06):
That's correct.
DA Theresa Nolo (09:07):
And were you able to ascertain whose blood it
was?
Dr. Shears (09:10):
Yes, it belongs to.
DA Theresa Nolo (09:12):
Please, Dr.
Shears.
A moment, please.
Very well then.
Can you tell us whose blood itis?
It's No, no, Dr.
Shears.
I only asked if you could tellus whom the blood belonged to.
Please answer the question.
Dr. Shears (09:28):
Um, I mean, yes, I can do that.
DA Theresa Nolo (09:32):
Dr.
Shears, do you see the personto whom this blood belongs in
this very courtroom at thisexact moment?
Yeah, I keep So Dr.
Shears, of all the people inthis chamber, whose blood do you
say with the full authority ofyour doctorhood is it?
Dr. Shears (09:47):
Should I say it now?
DA Theresa Nolo (09:48):
Please.
Dr. Shears (09:49):
It's the blood of Margaret Mandragora Jones.
DA Theresa Nolo (09:53):
No further questions, Your Honor.
Charlie Incarica (09:55):
But now.
Newberry decided to act.
Ellen Newberry (10:00):
I'm assuming no cross counsel.
Actually, Your Honor, I have afew questions.
Dr.
Shears, you say that the bloodis that of Margaret Mandragora
Jones Putnam?
Dr. Shears (10:11):
Yes.
Ellen Newberry (10:11):
Doctor, can you explain how your forensics team
Um squad?
Excuse me?
Dr. Shears (10:17):
It's technically a forensics team, but our
Instagram handle is at Big FSquad, so we kind of like to be
known as that.
Ellen Newberry (10:24):
I'll allow it.
Very well.
How did your squad miss thisblood sample and its initial
examination?
Dr. Shears (10:31):
Well, it wasn't really visible.
Ellen Newberry (10:33):
Didn't you swab the entire house?
Dr. Shears (10:36):
No.
Budget cuts preclude us fromthat.
We're allowed to thoroughlyswab the actual room the murders
took place in and do a quicklookover in a room of our
choosing.
Ellen Newberry (10:44):
I see.
So there are many other placesin the house where you haven't
looked for blood or DNA.
Dr. Shears (10:50):
That's true, from a technical standpoint and also
other standpoints.
Ellen Newberry (10:54):
So there might be blood samples of others, many
others in the victim's home.
Objection, Your Honor.
Calls for speculation.
Judge (11:01):
Ooh, good point.
Ellen Newberry (11:02):
Your Honor, the witness is an acknowledged
expert.
I'm merely asking him to bringthat expertise to bear on a
question with direct bearing onthis case.
Judge (11:09):
Ooh, even better point, maybe.
I'm gonna overrule yourobjection.
Ellen Newberry (11:13):
So there might be blood samples of others, many
others in the victim's home.
Dr. Shears (11:18):
Hypothetically, yes.
Ellen Newberry (11:20):
And also in reality, right?
Dr. Shears (11:22):
In reality?
Yes.
Hypothetically.
Ellen Newberry (11:25):
You mentioned that the blood sample wasn't
visible, correct?
Dr. Shears (11:29):
That's correct.
It was very small.
Ellen Newberry (11:31):
Would you go so far as to call it teeny?
Dr. Shears (11:34):
I would.
Ellen Newberry (11:35):
What about Any?
Would you go that far?
Dr. Shears (11:38):
Yes.
Ellen Newberry (11:39):
Even perhaps Dr.
Shears.
And remember, you're underoath.
Could you, as a forensician,classify it as Weenie?
Your Honor.
Apologies.
Please continue.
Dr.
Shears.
Was it Weenie?
Dr. Shears (11:53):
Well, I don't that's rather approach.
Ellen Newberry (11:56):
Of course.
I don't mind.
I meant the witness, YourHonor.
Judge (11:58):
Of course.
That's what I was saying.
Ellen Newberry (12:01):
For the record, I am handing the witness a copy
of a standard dictionary ofAmerican English.
I have the dictionary open tothe word weenie.
Your Honor, please.
Judge (12:10):
The court rules in favor of weenie being an inherently
funny word.
Proceed.
Ellen Newberry (12:15):
Would you, Doctor, be so kind as to read
the definition?
Dr. Shears (12:18):
Absolutely.
Ellen Newberry (12:21):
Sorry, aloud.
Dr. Shears (12:22):
Oh, that makes more sense.
Verb.
To detach from a source ofdependence.
Ellen Newberry (12:29):
I believe you may be reading the definition of
wean.
Please read the definition.
DA Theresa Nolo (12:34):
What rounds?
Would counsel if Dr.
Shears read the entiredictionary aloud for the court?
When would that madness end?
Judge (12:40):
This is Dane.
This is a courtroom, Ms.
Newberry, not some fancy bigcity dictionary reading society.
Ellen Newberry (12:47):
Fine.
I'll read it.
It means very small, barelydetectable.
So, Dr.
Shears, does this not describewith laser-like precision the
size of the blood sample inquestion?
Judge (12:58):
You're on agreement.
Counter pickable in 20 minutes.
Ellen Newberry (13:02):
Understood, just a little more.
Where was this blood found?
Dr. Shears (13:06):
On the counter of the victim's bar.
Ellen Newberry (13:08):
And as we've heard from earlier witnesses,
Margaret spent most of her timeat the victim's house at the
bar.
Is it not possible, Doctor,that a teensy, eatsy, weeny
speck of blood could have beenspilled by chewing on ice?
Or one of those tiny red strawsthey put in fancy drinks, or
even a cocktail umbrella.
(13:28):
I think the courtroom'sarguably over-the-top gasp says
all that needs to be said on thematter.
Thank you, Doctor.
No further questions, YourHonor.
Charlie Incarica (13:38):
The prosecution rested its case on
Friday, January 29th, on whatwould have been my and Amy's
fifth anniversary, if you don'tcount the times we were on what
she called a break, which Idon't.
Court resumed on Tuesday, the2nd of February, and the
fireworks started even beforethe trial reconvened.
Against the pleading of bothher attorney and husband,
(13:59):
Margaret Mandragara Jones Putnamaddressed reporters and her
fans on the courtroom steps.
Margaret Mandragora-Jones (14:05):
First of all, I wish to offer a
retraction of a previousstatement.
I had earlier described ShadyGrove as Godforsaken.
This biblical retribution youpeople call your weather is
convincing proof that God hasn'tabandoned you.
He is zeroing in on you.
I believe he hears your prayersand finds them sordid, selfish,
and worthy of his ceaselesswrath.
I don't know what you have doneto deserve to be the locus of
(14:28):
his divine fury, but I've littledoubt you did deserve it.
Well, you can rest assured thesentiment is very much not to
return.
To me, you are all not onlyunworthy of love, but should be
stripped of the basic dignitiesour civilization aspires to
afford the least of humanity.
You claimed a few months ago tolove Shady Grove.
It's called tough love.
I heard on the cultural snufffilm you lot call the news that
(14:50):
you're all excited because offucking hedgehog or groundhog or
whatever, so it's shadow orwhatever the fuck.
I was appalled beyond words.
Then I was assured this is alldone in the spirit of what you
believe is fun, and that, to mymind, is the saddest fucking
thing I've ever heard.
Now, toddle off to whateverdead-end job you've been
consigned to in this feculentsoul prison you call home.
(15:12):
I've got a court case to win.
Charlie Incarica (15:17):
She's amazing! The defense strategy rested on
two pillars.
The first was the sloppiness ofthe forensic examination, and
the second was Margaret herself.
Estelle Hayes (15:35):
And that as Margaret has destroyed many
people's lives via herpersonality, she'd have had no
need of acquiring that skill.
Charlie Incarica (15:42):
Vanessa Holmes had come back to cover the
trial for her follow-up book onthe Putnams, Blood Pudding, and
she was able to secure a covetedinterview with Margaret's
attorney.
Vanessa Holmes (15:51):
Newberry called in a litany of people whom
Margaret had deeply traumatized.
From her former parish priest,who left the clergy after
teaching her catechism class, toher former headmistress, who
asked to be blindfolded so asnot to inadvertently see
Margaret.
Ellen Newberry (16:09):
With most cases, you want the jury to sympathize
with the defendant, but ofcourse, with Margaret, that's an
intellectual and moralimpossibility.
After her impromptu pressstatement on the courthouse
steps, we were left with nochoice but to lean into that.
Basically, if Margaret were theone who committed these crimes,
she'd be more inclined to gloatabout it than to hide it.
Like I say, it was unorthodox,but I felt it was worth the
(16:32):
risk.
Charlie Incarica (16:33):
Except This is from Margaret's testimony.
Margaret Mandragora-Jones (16:36):
Look, let me be totally clear on
this.
If I thought that killingAmanda Putnam would benefit me
personally, I'd have been morethan happy to do it.
Though I should think I'd havepreferred strangling her.
Why would you preferstrangling?
The point is, what's my motive?
If I'd wanted to wrest controlof SGP from her, I'd have
planned it out better, wouldn'tI?
And while I've obviouslymarried Teddy in the hopes of
(16:59):
taking over SGP, Amanda's deathis what more or less forced me
to make that grim choice ofmarrying this cartoonish parody
of a human male.
Sit up, just look at him.
I think we can all agree thatwas not the route I'd preferred
to go.
Okay, you can sit down.
Would anyone in their rightmind willingly marry this
quarter-witted mosquito bite ofa man if there were any other
(17:19):
way of getting what they wanted?
I think not.
Other than maybe Jura numberfour, who'd be lucky for
whatever she'd get.
But then again, I think we canall agree Jura number four is
the definition of unfuckable.
So, there we are.
Charlie Incarica (17:34):
D.A.
Teresa Nolo, either out ofstrategy or fear, passed on
cross-examining Margaret.
And that was that.
The lawyers gave theirrespective closing arguments,
and in the middle of JudgeEdison's instructions to the
jury, the four-person asked ifthey needed to bother going away
to deliberate, as they feltthat would just be going through
the motions.
They all agreed she was guilty.
(17:55):
Judge Edison acquiesced, citinga state law that made jury
deliberations optional if,according to the statute, the
jurors weren't, quote, that intoit.
Margaret Mandragara JonesPutnam was sentenced to death by
lethal injection on March 9,2021, the one-year anniversary
of the murders, for those of youwho enjoy both poetic justice
(18:17):
and regular justice.
Newberry immediately filed anappeal to both the verdict and
the sentencing, especially asthe state had no death penalty,
but a special session of thejoint legislature allowed for an
exception to be, quote, madejust this once, so long as it
doesn't become a regular thing.
Because the bill was passedafter the original sentencing,
the sentencing had to be doneagain.
(18:38):
A new date was set, and therespective parties gathered in
the courtroom once more.
Judge Edison was about to passsentence again when.
Dr. Shears (18:47):
Your Honor, may I speak?
Is it going to be interesting?
I believe the relatives of thevictims have a right to make an
impact statement.
Judge (18:55):
Oh, crap, that's right.
Did we even let the other twofamilies of uh what's their
names know about today?
You know what?
It's fine.
Uh, anyway, who are you?
Dr. Shears (19:04):
Your Honor, I am none other than Amanda's widowed
and estranged husband, WilliamGeofredo Hart.
Judge (19:12):
How is that such a loud gasp?
There's not that many peoplehere.
Dr. Shears (19:15):
Perhaps the larger than plausible gasp you alluded
to, sir, was one of allhumanity.
Perhaps it was a cry lamentingthe lack of true justice, a
sacred idea that has beenstretched upon the great rack of
the world beyond usefulness.
Nay, indeed beyond recognition.
I say unto you, Judge Edison,be cherry of your choice.
Judge (19:40):
Sorry, what does cherry mean?
Dr. Shears (19:42):
Essentially the same thing as wary.
Judge (19:45):
Pointless word.
Dr. Shears (19:46):
I stand here a man, mortal and fallible like a soul.
But there are times when aperson must stand against a
clear miscarriage of justice andfight for the hope of a
carriage of justice.
Judge (19:59):
Wait, you want me to go easier on your wife's killer?
Dr. Shears (20:02):
I'm a man who has dedicated his life to weighing
small things.
Judge (20:06):
Yeah, I'd heard about that.
Dr. Shears (20:08):
Whereas you, Your Honor, have dedicated yours to
weighing things of greatimportance.
Judge (20:14):
Ooh, nice pivot.
Dr. Shears (20:15):
I don't think Ms.
Mandragora Jones murdered mywife.
Judge (20:20):
Now that gasp felt more plausible, right?
Do you have new evidence forthe court that would exonerate
us?
Dr. Shears (20:25):
Alas, I cannot say I do.
Too bad.
That would have been like dundun dun.
But even if she did, is itright?
Is it wise to repay murder withmurder?
An eye for an eye leaves thewhole world blind.
That would suck.
Indeed it would.
But I ask you, at least spareher life.
(20:46):
And doing so, spare all of usour humanity.
Judge (20:51):
Well, Mr.
Hart, you're really stuck onlanding there.
Um, you may be seated.
Dr. Shears (20:55):
Oh, oh thank you, Your Honor.
Judge (20:58):
Margaret Mandragora Jones, by the power vested in me
by the state, I hereby sentenceyou to death by lethal
injection.
Now, if it's any consolation,Mr.
Hart's speech has really givenme some proof of thought about
this whole thing for next time.
Court adjourned.
Charlie Incarica (21:17):
William Hart's sudden appearance stunned the
whole community, not least ofwhich, because everyone assumed
he'd be a total dweeb, but was,to quote Ellen Newberry, both
credible and bangable.
In the meantime, Newberry filedanother appeal, which meant
that the earliest Margaret couldbe executed would be at the end
of our last episode, whichwe'll aptly title the finale
(21:40):
destination.
Join us then for the outcome,as well as one last surprise
from my visit with Estelle.
If I'm Charles and Karika, thenthis must be the Murderer
Killings.
In the months between her indictment and the
start of her trial, MargaretMandragara Jones Putnam, under
armed escort, saw her husbandTeddy Putnam each day at her
lawyer's office as she preparedto fight the three first-degree
murder charges she faced.
However, Teddy, or to useMargaret's pet name for him,
you, was himself under greatscrutiny from acting interim
(00:24):
chief Taylor Branaghen.
Clearly, both she and DA TeresaNolo were convinced he had
played a role in these fatalmurders.
Another item eating atBranaghen was the murder of her
former boss, Chief Tommy Ebner.
No charges had been broughtagainst Jones for his death, not
only because there wasn't anyphysical evidence, but no one
(00:45):
could ascertain a motive.
Though Estelle Hayes hadtheories, of course.
Estelle Hayes (00:49):
I think whoever killed Ebner wanted the crimes
actually solved.
They knew that his intenseidiocy was a key barrier to that
happening.
So you think there are twomurderers?
I think it's a distinctpossibility.
The other is that the murdererwanted to be caught.
Sometimes they do, whether it'sto make a statement or they're
just desperate for attention.
Any kind of attention.
(01:11):
I think it's less likely of thetwo theories, but it can't be
dismissed completely.
Charlie Incarica (01:16):
That's very interesting, Estelle.
Only what?
It's just like, you know, threeo'clock in the morning, and
you're sitting on my bed.
Estelle Hayes (01:27):
Don't flatter yourself, kid.
I've grown attached to you, butyou look like you graduated in
the bottom third of your classat Hogwarts, so I'll think
you're safe for me putting thenames on you.
No, it's not that.
Charlie Incarica (01:39):
It's just You're sitting on my leg.
My bad.
Better.
Well, you're still on my bed.
But I'm off your leg.
While I was definitely gladthere had been an arrest and
would soon be a trial, I alsofelt there were still too many
(02:01):
loose ends to successfully bringhealing to this community, and
just as importantly, asatisfying conclusion to this
podcast.
I decided to spend Christmas inShady Grove after I found out
my parents invited Amy over forChristmas dinner.
A blow that stung twice as muchbecause we're Jewish.
And newly re-elected Mayor CarlLyons took up the entire time
(02:50):
performing his one-mantheatrical adaptation of a
Christmas carol, which heoccasionally confused with the
plots of It's a Wonderful Lifeand The Born Identity.
Meanwhile, the question of whoowned Shady Grove Pudding was
(03:12):
still unsettled.
The board of directorsinstalled Amanda's estranged and
widowed husband, William Hart,as interim CEO until the case
could be adjudicated by thecourts, as Teddy's proposal that
they settle the question out ofcourt via a rap battle was
rejected by the Hart camp.
A pointing Hart understandablyinfuriated Teddy Putnam.
(03:32):
And Margaret Mandragara JonesPutnam launched a no justice, no
pudding boycott against SGP.
She was by now a legitimatesocial media influencer, and the
boycott made a dent in sales.
New Year's Day 2021 provedeventful as Governor Alice Hart
announced that her son, theestranged and widowed William
(03:54):
Hart, had become engaged toErica Hobbes' only daughter,
Erica Hobbes.
They set the date for January6th, perhaps in the hopes that
Erica's wedding hashtag, OneCousin Faces Justice, the other
faces the justice of the peace,would trend.
It didn't.
On January 6th, 2021, observingstrict COVID protocols, opening
(04:18):
arguments began in the stateversus Margaret Mandragara Jones
Putnam for the murder of ChipBing, Amanda Putnam Hart, and
Michelle Quincy, with JudgeMaxwell Edison presiding.
D.A.
Teresa Nolo gave a clear,methodical outlining of the
state's case, citing bothforensic evidence and ample
motive.
Defense Attorney Ellen Newberryrose to deliver her opening
(04:39):
remarks when.
Ellen Newberry (04:41):
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my name
is Ellen Newberry, and I'mrepresenting Margaret Mandragora
Jones.
Shit!
Judge (04:50):
It's a riot at the Capitol.
Your Honor's dismissed! Wait,what?
Sorry, sorry.
I mean, uh, court adjourned.
You're all invited to watchthis shit in my chambers.
Your Honor Honor, all junior.
Charlie Incarica (05:00):
The historic January 6th riots delayed the
defense's opening arguments forthree days, on the 6th itself,
and then the following two days,when the judge decided the
court's time would be bestserved by discussing not only
what happened, but which men andwomen covering that
history-making day wore it best.
The court ruled in favor ofAnderson Cooper.
(05:20):
Newberry filed for a mistrial,although she told reporters she
was pleased Anderson Cooper hadbeen declared the winner, as he
always struck her as, quote,someone who put real thought
into his appearance, but not ina shallow way.
The state appellate courtdenied the mistrial, but upheld
the ruling in favor of Cooper.
After a tumultuous first fewdays, it was decided the court
(05:42):
would reconvene on Mondaymorning.
The prosecution's first witnesshad reporters, viewers in the
gallery, and even the jurorsthemselves murmuring rhubarb to
each other excitedly.
Margaret's ex-partner, Alec St.
George Gibbon.
When the prosecution asked himif his former partner had
displayed behaviors consistentwith someone capable of murder,
(06:04):
he wasn't given the chance toanswer.
Ellen Newberry (06:06):
Objection, Your Honor.
The witness may have eyes thatsparkle like the sundapbled
Pacific as it laps gentlyagainst the beach at Diamond
Head at Dawn, but that does notmake him an expert on
maladaptive psychology.
DA Theresa Nolo (06:15):
Your Honor, Mr.
St.
George Gibbons holds degrees inpsychiatry from both the
University of Sydney andCambridge.
Ellen Newberry (06:21):
Those are both honorary degrees bestowed in the
case of the University ofSydney, and I quote, because
faculty, students, and alumnialike cannot stop thinking of
him nor ever wish to stop.
And in the case of CambridgeUniversity, quote, thank you,
just thank you.
Moreover, the prosecution isrelying on the fact that Mr.
St.
George Gibbons, whose tawnybronze skin smells of peaches
and sandalwood, will influencethe jury to supplicate to his
(06:44):
every whim, as I find myselfwanting to do right now.
Judge (06:46):
I'm gonna sustain counsel's objection, but I hope,
Mr.
St.
George Gibbon, you won't bewhat is a sign that I too am not
captive to your effortlesssexual charisma.
No worries, Your Honor.
That means everything to me.
Ellen Newberry (06:57):
The defense also requests that the witness not
be allowed to speak in hisnormal, sultry accent, which
makes his every utterance aunique, miraculous melody.
DA Theresa Nolo (07:05):
Your Honor, the fact that the witness's voice
is the sonic equivalent of thegentle caress of a skilled lover
is immaterial.
Judge (07:10):
That's his natural voice.
I'm gonna sustain again.
The witness's voice is anunfair advantage.
I don't think there's a personin this courtroom, including
myself, who wouldn't gladly killfor him, but it frankly makes
it impossible to focus on thetestimony, which I've no doubt
will be amazing.
The witness is hereby orderedto adopt the flat, monotone
American accent of this region.
Charlie Incarica (07:30):
Of course, Your Honor.
Judge (07:31):
I also want to instruct the jury that until Mr.
St.
George Gibbon entered thischamber, I was a staunch
atheist.
But now I have an unshakablefaith in the existence of a
benevolent, loving God.
I hearby order the jury to givethe witness a round of
enthusiastic applause.
Charlie Incarica (07:51):
The personal testimony that St.
George Gibbon gave againstMargaret's character was nothing
short of damning.
But it could be argued itactually backfired, as no one
seemed able to pay attention toit.
Court TV's feed went dark as itwas deemed too provocative for
their network.
As for the stenographer'srecord, it stops transcribing
the testimony after he's swornin and almost immediately became
(08:14):
a free-form poem that couldfairly be classified as soft
core pornography, at least forthe first few lines, when it
then jettisens the soft corepart.
Still, as the testimony of theprosecution's witnesses began to
pile up, things didn't lookgood for the defense, especially
as Newberry's cross-examinationstrategy focused on not doing
(08:35):
any.
Newberry would explain thischoice after the trial
concluded.
Ellen Newberry (08:39):
There's the old maxim in law that you should
never ask a witness a questionyou don't know the answer to.
Unfortunately for my client,any question I could conceivably
ask, I knew would have answersthat, if anything, would make
her look worse than the originaltestimony did.
Charlie Incarica (08:53):
With one notable exception, the
prosecution's final witness,lead forensician, Dr.
William Shears, who took thejury through the crime scene in
exhaustive detail.
DA Theresa Nolo (09:03):
So you're saying that the blood does not
belong to any of the murdervictims?
Dr. Shears (09:06):
That's correct.
DA Theresa Nolo (09:07):
And were you able to ascertain whose blood it
was?
Dr. Shears (09:10):
Yes, it belongs to.
DA Theresa Nolo (09:12):
Please, Dr.
Shears.
A moment, please.
Very well then.
Can you tell us whose blood itis?
It's No, no, Dr.
Shears.
I only asked if you could tellus whom the blood belonged to.
Please answer the question.
Dr. Shears (09:28):
Um, I mean, yes, I can do that.
DA Theresa Nolo (09:32):
Dr.
Shears, do you see the personto whom this blood belongs in
this very courtroom at thisexact moment?
Yeah, I keep So Dr.
Shears, of all the people inthis chamber, whose blood do you
say with the full authority ofyour doctorhood is it?
Dr. Shears (09:47):
Should I say it now?
DA Theresa Nolo (09:48):
Please.
Dr. Shears (09:49):
It's the blood of Margaret Mandragora Jones.
DA Theresa Nolo (09:53):
No further questions, Your Honor.
Charlie Incarica (09:55):
But now.
Newberry decided to act.
Ellen Newberry (10:00):
I'm assuming no cross counsel.
Actually, Your Honor, I have afew questions.
Dr.
Shears, you say that the bloodis that of Margaret Mandragora
Jones Putnam?
Dr. Shears (10:11):
Yes.
Ellen Newberry (10:11):
Doctor, can you explain how your forensics team
Um squad?
Excuse me?
Dr. Shears (10:17):
It's technically a forensics team, but our
Instagram handle is at Big FSquad, so we kind of like to be
known as that.
Ellen Newberry (10:24):
I'll allow it.
Very well.
How did your squad miss thisblood sample and its initial
examination?
Dr. Shears (10:31):
Well, it wasn't really visible.
Ellen Newberry (10:33):
Didn't you swab the entire house?
Dr. Shears (10:36):
No.
Budget cuts preclude us fromthat.
We're allowed to thoroughlyswab the actual room the murders
took place in and do a quicklookover in a room of our
choosing.
Ellen Newberry (10:44):
I see.
So there are many other placesin the house where you haven't
looked for blood or DNA.
Dr. Shears (10:50):
That's true, from a technical standpoint and also
other standpoints.
Ellen Newberry (10:54):
So there might be blood samples of others, many
others in the victim's home.
Objection, Your Honor.
Calls for speculation.
Judge (11:01):
Ooh, good point.
Ellen Newberry (11:02):
Your Honor, the witness is an acknowledged
expert.
I'm merely asking him to bringthat expertise to bear on a
question with direct bearing onthis case.
Judge (11:09):
Ooh, even better point, maybe.
I'm gonna overrule yourobjection.
Ellen Newberry (11:13):
So there might be blood samples of others, many
others in the victim's home.
Dr. Shears (11:18):
Hypothetically, yes.
Ellen Newberry (11:20):
And also in reality, right?
Dr. Shears (11:22):
In reality?
Yes.
Hypothetically.
Ellen Newberry (11:25):
You mentioned that the blood sample wasn't
visible, correct?
Dr. Shears (11:29):
That's correct.
It was very small.
Ellen Newberry (11:31):
Would you go so far as to call it teeny?
Dr. Shears (11:34):
I would.
Ellen Newberry (11:35):
What about Any?
Would you go that far?
Dr. Shears (11:38):
Yes.
Ellen Newberry (11:39):
Even perhaps Dr.
Shears.
And remember, you're underoath.
Could you, as a forensician,classify it as Weenie?
Your Honor.
Apologies.
Please continue.
Dr.
Shears.
Was it Weenie?
Dr. Shears (11:53):
Well, I don't that's rather approach.
Ellen Newberry (11:56):
Of course.
I don't mind.
I meant the witness, YourHonor.
Judge (11:58):
Of course.
That's what I was saying.
Ellen Newberry (12:01):
For the record, I am handing the witness a copy
of a standard dictionary ofAmerican English.
I have the dictionary open tothe word weenie.
Your Honor, please.
Judge (12:10):
The court rules in favor of weenie being an inherently
funny word.
Proceed.
Ellen Newberry (12:15):
Would you, Doctor, be so kind as to read
the definition?
Dr. Shears (12:18):
Absolutely.
Ellen Newberry (12:21):
Sorry, aloud.
Dr. Shears (12:22):
Oh, that makes more sense.
Verb.
To detach from a source ofdependence.
Ellen Newberry (12:29):
I believe you may be reading the definition of
wean.
Please read the definition.
DA Theresa Nolo (12:34):
What rounds?
Would counsel if Dr.
Shears read the entiredictionary aloud for the court?
When would that madness end?
Judge (12:40):
This is Dane.
This is a courtroom, Ms.
Newberry, not some fancy bigcity dictionary reading society.
Ellen Newberry (12:47):
Fine.
I'll read it.
It means very small, barelydetectable.
So, Dr.
Shears, does this not describewith laser-like precision the
size of the blood sample inquestion?
Judge (12:58):
You're on agreement.
Counter pickable in 20 minutes.
Ellen Newberry (13:02):
Understood, just a little more.
Where was this blood found?
Dr. Shears (13:06):
On the counter of the victim's bar.
Ellen Newberry (13:08):
And as we've heard from earlier witnesses,
Margaret spent most of her timeat the victim's house at the
bar.
Is it not possible, Doctor,that a teensy, eatsy, weeny
speck of blood could have beenspilled by chewing on ice?
Or one of those tiny red strawsthey put in fancy drinks, or
even a cocktail umbrella.
(13:28):
I think the courtroom'sarguably over-the-top gasp says
all that needs to be said on thematter.
Thank you, Doctor.
No further questions, YourHonor.
Charlie Incarica (13:38):
The prosecution rested its case on
Friday, January 29th, on whatwould have been my and Amy's
fifth anniversary, if you don'tcount the times we were on what
she called a break, which Idon't.
Court resumed on Tuesday, the2nd of February, and the
fireworks started even beforethe trial reconvened.
Against the pleading of bothher attorney and husband,
(13:59):
Margaret Mandragara Jones Putnamaddressed reporters and her
fans on the courtroom steps.
Margaret Mandragora-Jones (14:05):
First of all, I wish to offer a
retraction of a previousstatement.
I had earlier described ShadyGrove as Godforsaken.
This biblical retribution youpeople call your weather is
convincing proof that God hasn'tabandoned you.
He is zeroing in on you.
I believe he hears your prayersand finds them sordid, selfish,
and worthy of his ceaselesswrath.
I don't know what you have doneto deserve to be the locus of
(14:28):
his divine fury, but I've littledoubt you did deserve it.
Well, you can rest assured thesentiment is very much not to
return.
To me, you are all not onlyunworthy of love, but should be
stripped of the basic dignitiesour civilization aspires to
afford the least of humanity.
You claimed a few months ago tolove Shady Grove.
It's called tough love.
I heard on the cultural snufffilm you lot call the news that
(14:50):
you're all excited because offucking hedgehog or groundhog or
whatever, so it's shadow orwhatever the fuck.
I was appalled beyond words.
Then I was assured this is alldone in the spirit of what you
believe is fun, and that, to mymind, is the saddest fucking
thing I've ever heard.
Now, toddle off to whateverdead-end job you've been
consigned to in this feculentsoul prison you call home.
(15:12):
I've got a court case to win.
Charlie Incarica (15:17):
She's amazing! The defense strategy rested on
two pillars.
The first was the sloppiness ofthe forensic examination, and
the second was Margaret herself.
Estelle Hayes (15:35):
And that as Margaret has destroyed many
people's lives via herpersonality, she'd have had no
need of acquiring that skill.
Charlie Incarica (15:42):
Vanessa Holmes had come back to cover the
trial for her follow-up book onthe Putnams, Blood Pudding, and
she was able to secure a covetedinterview with Margaret's
attorney.
Vanessa Holmes (15:51):
Newberry called in a litany of people whom
Margaret had deeply traumatized.
From her former parish priest,who left the clergy after
teaching her catechism class, toher former headmistress, who
asked to be blindfolded so asnot to inadvertently see
Margaret.
Ellen Newberry (16:09):
With most cases, you want the jury to sympathize
with the defendant, but ofcourse, with Margaret, that's an
intellectual and moralimpossibility.
After her impromptu pressstatement on the courthouse
steps, we were left with nochoice but to lean into that.
Basically, if Margaret were theone who committed these crimes,
she'd be more inclined to gloatabout it than to hide it.
Like I say, it was unorthodox,but I felt it was worth the
(16:32):
risk.
Charlie Incarica (16:33):
Except This is from Margaret's testimony.
Margaret Mandragora-Jones (16:36):
Look, let me be totally clear on
this.
If I thought that killingAmanda Putnam would benefit me
personally, I'd have been morethan happy to do it.
Though I should think I'd havepreferred strangling her.
Why would you preferstrangling?
The point is, what's my motive?
If I'd wanted to wrest controlof SGP from her, I'd have
planned it out better, wouldn'tI?
And while I've obviouslymarried Teddy in the hopes of
(16:59):
taking over SGP, Amanda's deathis what more or less forced me
to make that grim choice ofmarrying this cartoonish parody
of a human male.
Sit up, just look at him.
I think we can all agree thatwas not the route I'd preferred
to go.
Okay, you can sit down.
Would anyone in their rightmind willingly marry this
quarter-witted mosquito bite ofa man if there were any other
(17:19):
way of getting what they wanted?
I think not.
Other than maybe Jura numberfour, who'd be lucky for
whatever she'd get.
But then again, I think we canall agree Jura number four is
the definition of unfuckable.
So, there we are.
Charlie Incarica (17:34):
D.A.
Teresa Nolo, either out ofstrategy or fear, passed on
cross-examining Margaret.
And that was that.
The lawyers gave theirrespective closing arguments,
and in the middle of JudgeEdison's instructions to the
jury, the four-person asked ifthey needed to bother going away
to deliberate, as they feltthat would just be going through
the motions.
They all agreed she was guilty.
(17:55):
Judge Edison acquiesced, citinga state law that made jury
deliberations optional if,according to the statute, the
jurors weren't, quote, that intoit.
Margaret Mandragara JonesPutnam was sentenced to death by
lethal injection on March 9,2021, the one-year anniversary
of the murders, for those of youwho enjoy both poetic justice
(18:17):
and regular justice.
Newberry immediately filed anappeal to both the verdict and
the sentencing, especially asthe state had no death penalty,
but a special session of thejoint legislature allowed for an
exception to be, quote, madejust this once, so long as it
doesn't become a regular thing.
Because the bill was passedafter the original sentencing,
the sentencing had to be doneagain.
(18:38):
A new date was set, and therespective parties gathered in
the courtroom once more.
Judge Edison was about to passsentence again when.
Dr. Shears (18:47):
Your Honor, may I speak?
Is it going to be interesting?
I believe the relatives of thevictims have a right to make an
impact statement.
Judge (18:55):
Oh, crap, that's right.
Did we even let the other twofamilies of uh what's their
names know about today?
You know what?
It's fine.
Uh, anyway, who are you?
Dr. Shears (19:04):
Your Honor, I am none other than Amanda's widowed
and estranged husband, WilliamGeofredo Hart.
Judge (19:12):
How is that such a loud gasp?
There's not that many peoplehere.
Dr. Shears (19:15):
Perhaps the larger than plausible gasp you alluded
to, sir, was one of allhumanity.
Perhaps it was a cry lamentingthe lack of true justice, a
sacred idea that has beenstretched upon the great rack of
the world beyond usefulness.
Nay, indeed beyond recognition.
I say unto you, Judge Edison,be cherry of your choice.
Judge (19:40):
Sorry, what does cherry mean?
Dr. Shears (19:42):
Essentially the same thing as wary.
Judge (19:45):
Pointless word.
Dr. Shears (19:46):
I stand here a man, mortal and fallible like a soul.
But there are times when aperson must stand against a
clear miscarriage of justice andfight for the hope of a
carriage of justice.
Judge (19:59):
Wait, you want me to go easier on your wife's killer?
Dr. Shears (20:02):
I'm a man who has dedicated his life to weighing
small things.
Judge (20:06):
Yeah, I'd heard about that.
Dr. Shears (20:08):
Whereas you, Your Honor, have dedicated yours to
weighing things of greatimportance.
Judge (20:14):
Ooh, nice pivot.
Dr. Shears (20:15):
I don't think Ms.
Mandragora Jones murdered mywife.
Judge (20:20):
Now that gasp felt more plausible, right?
Do you have new evidence forthe court that would exonerate
us?
Dr. Shears (20:25):
Alas, I cannot say I do.
Too bad.
That would have been like dundun dun.
But even if she did, is itright?
Is it wise to repay murder withmurder?
An eye for an eye leaves thewhole world blind.
That would suck.
Indeed it would.
But I ask you, at least spareher life.
(20:46):
And doing so, spare all of usour humanity.
Judge (20:51):
Well, Mr.
Hart, you're really stuck onlanding there.
Um, you may be seated.
Dr. Shears (20:55):
Oh, oh thank you, Your Honor.
Judge (20:58):
Margaret Mandragora Jones, by the power vested in me
by the state, I hereby sentenceyou to death by lethal
injection.
Now, if it's any consolation,Mr.
Hart's speech has really givenme some proof of thought about
this whole thing for next time.
Court adjourned.
Charlie Incarica (21:17):
William Hart's sudden appearance stunned the
whole community, not least ofwhich, because everyone assumed
he'd be a total dweeb, but was,to quote Ellen Newberry, both
credible and bangable.
In the meantime, Newberry filedanother appeal, which meant
that the earliest Margaret couldbe executed would be at the end
of our last episode, whichwe'll aptly title the finale
(21:40):
destination.
Join us then for the outcome,as well as one last surprise
from my visit with Estelle.
If I'm Charles and Karika, thenthis must be the Murderer
Killings.
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