March 30, 2025 • 43 mins
Family can be our greatest source of love or our most painful source of hurt. In this candid episode, I dive into my recent Atlanta trip to celebrate my Nephew's 12th birthday – a milestone that's left me emotional as I watch the little boy who gave me my Auntie nickname "Nene" grow taller than me.
Between reflecting on my driving anxiety (seriously, we're controlling several-ton machines with just our feet and a wheel!) and stepping outside my comfort zone at an airport bar, I explore how my perfectionism often keeps me from experiencing life fully. The conversations I had with strangers reminded me that we're all living vastly different stories on this "floating rock in space" – so why waste time worrying about others' perceptions?
The heart of this episode tackles a powerful listener question in our first "What Would Daijné Do?" segment. Michelle shares her struggle to get her father a headstone after 18 years, facing resistance from her siblings. When family members make their conditional love evident, how do we honor our boundaries while still accomplishing what matters to us?
I leave you with this truth: blood relation was forced upon us without our consent, but choosing who deserves space in our lives is entirely within our control. You deserve to live authentically without anyone diminishing your peace – and sometimes that means letting people go, regardless of their relation to you. Your one precious life shouldn't be spent trying to earn acceptance from those unwilling to give it freely.
Have a question for the WWDD segment? Email thenapkininbetweenpodcast@gmail.com and share your story. I'm honored to be part of your journey toward living your fullest, most authentic life.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Daijné (00:00):
Is this thing on?
Hello hello.
Uh-oh, another yapper with amic.
Hello everyone, welcome back tothe Napkin In Between podcast.
I'm your host, Daijné Jones.
Today we have a special guestmy dog Luna.
(00:22):
She is attached to my hip rightnow.
Well, she's pretty muchattached to my hip at all times,
but I just took a weekendvacation and just got home late
last night, and so she has beenright by my side ever since I
got home.
So she is joining us today forthe pod, because literally
everywhere I go, she is rightbeside me.
She won't leave my side.
So for those of you who watchon YouTube, you get a sweet
(00:49):
little treat today to see mylittle dog, Luna.
Speaking of my trip, this pastweekend I went to Atlanta to see
my family.
This has been the peak of myweek, by the way, and it's kind
of ironic because Atlanta is oneof my least favorite cities,
but my most favorite people livethere.
So every time I fly to Atlantait's a little bit like I don't
even want to be in this city,but obviously I love seeing my
family, so it's always like alittle bit of an oxymoron for me
(01:10):
.
And no hate to Atlanta, it isjust a place where I experienced
the worst relationship of myentire life.
So I think that's probably whyI don't like the city.
Also, I have a lot of drivinganxiety and the only way to get
around in Atlanta is driving.
I mean, you can take publictransportation, but the way the
public transportation is set upin Atlanta, instead of going
through the city, it goes aroundthe city and I'm pretty sure
(01:33):
that's because of gentrificationand racist white people.
They didn't want the publictransportation to go through the
city, they wanted it to goaround, and so the public
transportation in Atlanta makesno fucking sense.
Like it's not that it's moreconvenient, it's not that it
gets you there quicker becauseof the way it's set up.
It's so stupid.
It goes around the city thatyou're going to get there in
about the same amount of time asdriving, because of traffic and
(01:54):
things like that.
So, being as someone who againhas a lot of driving anxiety
because, like, think aboutdriving for a second, ok, here
here's why driving is so scaryfor me.
You are controlling a severalton thing with a wheel and your
feet.
That is like the scariestconcept to me ever.
Like what do you mean?
(02:15):
I'm making this thing go withmy feet and this wheel, and then
on top of that, you have totrust that the other people in
their several ton motorizedthing are controlling their
thing with a wheel in their feetsafely.
You know what I mean?
Most of driving, for me at least, is just worrying about what
(02:36):
the people around me are doinglike.
Are you impaired in any way?
Are you texting?
Have you been drinking?
Do you even have a license,especially in Atlanta?
Do you have insurance?
Because a lot of people inAtlanta drive uninsured, and me
personally, like I just don'thave a lot of trust or faith in
humanity, and so being thatdependent on other people is
(02:58):
just a really, really scaryconcept to me.
So I don't enjoy driving, and Iguess the alternative to
controlling my own several tonmotorized thing is putting my
life in other people's hands andletting them control the thing,
because, like, I wouldgenuinely prefer to take an uber
or public transportation, whichalso doesn't make me feel that
(03:19):
safe either.
Now that I'm thinking about it,I guess I never really thought
about it until literally justthis moment, but driving is just
such a scary concept to me,like I didn't get my license
until I was 23, almost 24 yearsold, because I just didn't want
to drive and I honestly didn'thave a reason to anyway.
Like, growing up, I grew up ina really small town.
You could walk everywhere.
(03:40):
And then when I went toundergrad, I went to a college
in a town very similar to theone that I grew up in, so I
didn't need to drive thereeither, I could just walk
everywhere.
And then for my master's degreeI was in Pittsburgh at the
University of Pitt, and withyour student id you're able to
use public transportation forfree.
So I just did that, and then,after I graduated from Pitt, I
didn't have the free publictransportation anymore.
(04:00):
But I was in a relationship, soI was a passenger princess.
But then I realized that I wasdepending too much on a man
because, like, anywhere I neededto go, he was driving me, and
so I was like, okay, I shouldget my license now.
So I eventually got my licenseat like 23 or 24.
But the whole concept of drivinghas just always been so scary
to me.
I just don't like doing it, andso I think that's why I don't
(04:20):
like Atlanta as well, justbecause you have to drive
everywhere, like it's nothing todo with the city itself.
Like, the people are great, thefood is amazing.
I just don't like the way thecity is mapped out and then I
guess it's it's one person inAtlanta that makes the whole
city terrible for me.
Anyway, I was going to Atlantato visit my family.
It was my Nephew's birthday.
(04:40):
He turned 12, which is crazy tome.
Like of all of my nieces andnephews, he's the first born and
so he's the one who made me anaunt.
And not to say that I have adifferent connection with him
than my other nieces and nephewsbut also I kind of do, because
my family dynamic is reallymessy and toxic and definitely a
conversation for another daybut him and I are just very,
(05:01):
very close.
Like he's the one who gave memy auntie name, because my name
is Daijné, and so when I wasfirst thinking about like what
my nieces and nephews were gonnacall me, I was like I have no
idea, like I didn't really wantthem to call me auntie, because
when he was born I was 18 or 19,and so I was like I don't
really want y'all to call meauntie, like I just feel like
auntie is like a term for theolder aunts and uncles.
(05:24):
You know what I mean.
So I was like I don't reallywant to be called auntie,
obviously, as children desion ais way too hard.
And so I was going back andforth, like what, what should
they call me?
What should they call me?
And then one day he had comewith my grandpa and my older
sister to help me move out ofcollege my freshman year.
And they opened the door and hejust goes Nene, I'm so happy to
(05:45):
see you.
And I was like who is Nene?
And he's like you, you're Nene.
And I'm like okay, like I guessthat works.
Like I have no idea where hecame up with that, I don't know
where it came from.
He just one day called me Nene,and now that's what my nieces
and nephews call me is Nene.
And so it just stuck, which wasgreat because again, I was
struggling and I had no ideawhat I wanted them to call me
(06:07):
anyway.
And he just he came up with ithimself and I was like you know
what?
Hell?
Yeah, this, this is what we'regoing with.
So he's the one who made me anaunt, he's the one who gave me
my aunt name.
Like he and I's relationship isjust, we're just very, very
close, partially because, again,like I said, my family dynamic
is really messy and reallychaotic and just I feel like
(06:28):
with families, either yourfamily is like your biggest
supporters or they're yourbiggest haters, like there's
really no in between when itcomes to family.
At least from my experience andwhat I've seen with families
and unfortunately my family,namely my siblings, my biggest
fucking haters like if y'allwere around at the beginning of
2024, when it was me versus mysiblings online, mind you all,
(06:52):
because my younger sister stolemy car and so I pressed charges
against her because she stole mycar.
And here come my siblings likemad at me and coming at me
online because I was pressingcharges on my sister.
Like I said, either your familyis your biggest supporter or
your biggest hater.
Unfortunately for me, my familyseems to be my biggest hater.
So, anyway, because of thechaoticness of my siblings and
(07:15):
different things like that, mymom so my nephew's grandmother
has been his constant since hewas like two years old and I've
been his second constant, youknow, like when I would go home
from college in the summers orfor vacations, like I was the
one who was most around apartfrom my mom.
She's been like the constantand so being as though he's
turning 12, his last year beforehe is a freaking teenager.
(07:38):
I am not okay.
That's just a big birthday tome and I was like I need to go
celebrate that with you because,like I don't know, I just can't
wrap my head around it.
Like it was just yesterday, hewas two constantly wanting to
climb on my shoulders and wantedme to pick him up, and now he's
taller than me almost, likeliterally.
I feel like every time I goback to atlanta we always stand
(07:59):
side by side to see if he'spassed me up.
Yet we are shoulder andshoulder.
I just know the next time I seehim he's going to be taller
than me.
Oh, I am not okay.
I can't handle this.
So I caught a flight intoAtlanta on Friday his birthday
was actually Friday, the 21st,um and then spent the weekend
with him to celebrate hisbirthday and just be there for
(08:21):
him, because that's my baby.
I just I really cannot wrap mybrain around the fact that he is
just getting so old.
We had a really good time.
We went to a place called urbanair.
It's a trampoline park, but italso has like vr and climbing
walls and slides, and it wasjust really it was really nice.
I'd never been there before.
It was a ton of stuff to do andso I think he had a good time.
(08:43):
I hope he had a good time timebecause it was good to see him
and he's just so funny.
It's just so interesting to seekids grow up and develop into
their personalities and just seethem experience life and learn
things and just develop intopeople and assert themselves,
which is something that honestly, with my nephew, I was kind of
worried about with him, honestly, because he's very quiet, he's
(09:05):
very timid, and so I was alwaysworried because kids can be mean
and I feel like everygeneration they just get meaner
and I think that part of it isjust like the development of
social media and social mediacan desensitize people and I
don't know, these kids are justmean these days and so, with him
being so like timid and quiet,I was worried about, you know,
(09:26):
if he is ever bullied at school.
He's never said anything to meabout kids picking on him or
anything like that, but I it'sjust always something that I was
always worried about justbecause of how timid and shy and
quiet he is, and a couplemonths ago my mom was telling me
that, um, there was this boy inhis class who is known as the
bully of his grade and he likewent up to my nephew and like
(09:48):
slapped his glasses off mynephew's face and my nephew
punched him and, honestly, whenmy mom was telling me about it,
I was like you know what?
Hell?
Yeah, I feel like he got thatfrom me a little bit because
unpopular opinion maybe, I don'treally know.
I think that bullies need to bebullied back because it's like
you could have left me alone,you could have just minded your
business, you could have satthere and ate your food.
(10:08):
But it said, you wanted to be abully, so here's a taste of
your own fucking medicine.
And so when my mom was tellingme about it, I was like, don't
punish him for that.
You know he stood up forhimself.
He shouldn't get in trouble athome for that, which she told me
she wasn't going to.
He did get suspended fromschool for like a day and the
other kid got three days.
I think it was because hestarted it.
But I was very proud of himbecause, like I said, he's very
(10:29):
quiet, he doesn't bother anybody, and so if anyone is going to
be a target for bullying.
I always figure that it mightbe him, just because of how
quiet he is.
Like you know people, they takeyour quietness and your
timidness for weakness and helet him know real quick.
I am not the one or the two andI said you know what?
Hell yeah, if somebody ismessing with you, you should
absolutely stand up for yourself, and I stand by that.
(10:50):
But it's just so interesting tosee them develop all of the
different qualities that areneeded in people, like their
personalities and the way thatthey assert themselves and the
way that they navigate the world, and it's nice to be there to
help them navigate it as well.
Also, on my trip to Atlanta,like I told you guys in my last
episode, two things I don't doenough are utilize my free will
(11:12):
and romanticize my life, and Itold y'all that I wanted to do
those things more, and so Fridaynight, when I was flying out to
atlanta, my flight was helladelayed.
It was delayed by like two anda half hours, and so I was like
you know what?
I'm just gonna dilly dally, I'mgonna utilize my free will.
So I went to an airport bar forthe first time, which is
honestly a really big step forme, because anytime I do
(11:34):
something by myself out inpublic, that's huge for me.
Honestly, because I struggle alot with social anxiety and I
think a lot of it stems from thefact that I'm a perfectionist.
I'm always worried about howI'm being viewed by people.
Like one of the biggest thingsthat I am working on is just not
really caring about what peoplethink or what people have to
(11:54):
say, because I get one life, andwhat am I supposed to do?
Worry about other people'sthoughts and opinions my entire
life?
Like be for real.
Which probably sounds a littlecontradictory too, because I am
a content creator, I am puttingmyself out there constantly.
This is something that hashelped me a lot with my social
anxiety and putting myself outthere, but also sometimes I
(12:14):
forget that y'all are realpeople who are viewing my
content or like watching me.
You know what I mean.
Like I feel like parasocialnesscan work both ways from the
community to the creator andfrom the creator to the
community.
Like you know how sometimespeople forget that, like content
creators are human or havefeelings or you know whatever,
(12:35):
and so they will cross a weirdboundary or comment things that
they would never say to peoplein person or say to their faces.
I feel like that happens to metoo is like I forget that y'all
are real people and like rightnow, I am just myself and I'm
being fully myself because Ijust feel like I'm sitting in my
room talking to myself and theperson that I'm most comfortable
(12:55):
with is myself.
And so whenever I'm creatingcontent in my room whether it be
the podcast, whether it be aTikTok, whatever that is who I
am fully 100% right because it'sjust like I'm.
I'm just by myself, talking tomyself, whatever.
Because I sometimes forget thatthere are real people who will
see these things like Igenuinely forget that there are
people behind the numbers thatare the community that I'm
(13:18):
building, and so there's been acouple times where people have
recognized me in public and beenlike are you that girl from
TikTok and I'm not gonna holdyou.
When it first happened thefirst couple of times, I said no
.
I looked the people right intheir face and I said no, I'm
not on TikTok, I have no ideawhat you're talking about.
And then they're like oh, mygod, I'm so sorry.
You look like this girl that Ifollow on TikTok and I'd be like
(13:40):
oh, it's okay, no problem,whole time, it's me.
I am the girl you follow onTikTok.
But it was just scary for me,like I was like you're not real,
like I genuinely forget thaty'all are real, and so when I
first started being noticed inpublic the first time, I would
just lie and be like that's notme, I don't know what you're
talking about.
But now, like I admit to it,like I'm like, yeah, that that's
(14:08):
me, but I cannot remember asingle interaction that I have
had with anyone that I have metwho has noticed me from TikTok
or whatever.
Like I swear to god, I blackout and honestly, my biggest
fear is that as I continue togrow my community, as people
recognize me more and more andmore, it'll come off as like I'm
someone different online than Iam in real life, because I do
struggle a lot with socialanxiety and I can be a little
(14:30):
bit more introverted actuallyway more introverted than you
guys see online, and so I don'tever want y'all to think that
like I'm posing or I'm faking orwhatever.
It's just that the person yousee online and the person that
you see in real life, like thoseare two different people.
Like the online me who I feellike is genuinely just sitting
in my room talking to myself.
That is when I am mostcomfortable, and so that's who I
(14:52):
genuinely am.
But when I go outside andthere's people, I just have a
lot of anxiety.
Anyway, what the fuck was I eventalking about?
Oh, the airport bar.
So, anyway, I went to theairport bar because I was like I
want to exercise my free willmore and romanticize my life and
just take myself outside of mycomfort zone.
You know that saying that'slike life begins on the other
(15:13):
side of your comfort zone, Ifeel like for me, life begins on
the other side of myperfectionism.
So I went to the airport bar,got myself a drink, whatever.
I was sitting there and therewas this man beside me.
After I ordered my drink he waslike oh, what are you drinking,
young lady?
That looks good, he's like 60or something.
And so I I pointed him on themenu, like what I had ordered,
whatever, whatever.
And so he strikes up aconversation.
(15:35):
He's telling me like what he'sin New York.
For he was a firefighter fromAlabama, he had come to New York
for a training and he was justflying back to Alabama.
I told him about me going toAtlanta to celebrate my nephew's
birthday.
Also, side note, if you see myeyes wandering, there's a fly in
my room right now.
It's driving crazy.
JLO done sent one of herlittle workers to try to
distract me while I'm trying tofilm.
She wants somebody's content tobe as mediocre as hers, like
(15:57):
girl.
That's why I'm a snatch yourwig harder bar.
Anyway I'm talking to this manat the bar, I'm having my drink,
he's having his drink, whatever.
First and foremost, I did notrealize how strong airport
drinks are.
Mind you, again, this was myfirst time ever at an airport
bar.
I didn't really know what toexpect, but the airport pour.
I feel like is on the samelevel as the gay poor.
You know what I mean.
(16:17):
If you've ever been to a gaybar, you know what I'm talking
about.
Gay bars drinks are so strong,which I love, I'm not
complaining, but I'm just saying, like them, bitches, are strong
.
That's how the airport drinksare also.
And so I started to feel it alot because I had eaten a couple
hours earlier.
So I was like, oh, I shouldprobably put something on my
(16:42):
stomach.
And so the guy beside me waseating wings, and so I was like
oh, do you like those wings,like are they good?
Because they smelled reallygood.
And he was like yeah, they'rereally good.
So I was like okay, I'll ordermyself some wings.
So I put in my order for wingsand the bar manager is like oh,
I think the kitchen is closed.
And so I was like okay, like no, worries, if it is like not a
big deal.
The gentleman beside me waslike oh, do you want these?
He had like two wings left onhis plate because it came in
like an order of five, and I waslike how sweet of him to like
offer his wings to me.
(17:02):
But I was like no, it's okay.
Like don't worry about it, it'sall good.
Thankfully, the bar managercame back and said that I was
the last order the kitchen wasgoing to take.
So I was like okay, period,thank God, because I was really
hungry and that drink washitting me hard and soft.
Okay, so I get my wings,whatever.
Him and I continue ourconversation and he's about to
leave for his flight.
So he's closing on his tab andhe tells the bar manager he's
(17:23):
like put her wings on my tab.
And then he looks at me and hegoes did you want another drink?
Do you want anything else and Iwas like you know what?
Hell yeah, I want another drink.
So he bought me a second drinkand I was just sitting there
like, of all, I definitely needto come to the bar more often if
this is how it's gonna be.
But second, that is how menshould be like.
He was so respectful.
(17:45):
He was calling me ma'am, whichI was like okay, chill out on
that, but he's from the south,so that's just how it is down
there, but he's calling me ma'am.
We had a nice littleconversation, bought me a drink,
paid for my wings, and thenafter that he was just like,
okay, have a good flight, andleft and I was just like this is
how men should be.
Like he wasn't creepy at all,which obviously is the bare
(18:06):
minimum, so I'm not going tohype that up too much, but he
wasn't creepy.
He was extremely respectful,bought me a couple of things and
then left and I was like, oh,hell, yeah, I need to meet
strangers at the bar more oftenin the airport, because it was
just.
It was just a nice conversationand he was just so, so sweet.
And on the other side of methere was this woman who was
also on my flight to Atlanta.
(18:27):
So she was at the bar becauseour flight was delayed and I was
able to check up a conversationwith her.
She was telling me that she wasgoing to Atlanta to see her man
.
He had bought her a ticket, wasflying her out.
She was telling me that it washer first time ever flying.
We were flying Southwest and ifyou've never flown Southwest,
it's very different.
There's open seating.
So she was like trying tofigure out how she finds her
seat because they hadn'tassigned her a seat.
(18:48):
So I was like explaining to herlike oh, it's open seating, you
can sit wherever you want whenyou get on the plane, whatever,
whatever.
But she was also telling me that, like her grandma is really
sick and she's back at home,she's from the DR, and so while
we were sitting at the bar, shewas on the phone, like speaking
in Spanish to someone, and shewas telling me that she was like
frazzled because hergrandmother, who she's really,
really close to, was really sickand so she was happy to be
(19:10):
going to see her man.
But at the same time, like herhead was all over the place
because it sounded like, in theway that she was explaining it
to me that it could be anyminute for her grandma, and so
she was telling me that, like ifher grandma were to pass away,
she would drop at everything, nomatter where she was, and
obviously go straight to hergrandma.
And so she was telling me, likehow bittersweet it was to be
going to see her man in the timethat you know she is also
(19:34):
really struggling with withfamily things, and it just was a
reminder to me that so manypeople are living such different
lives.
Like the man to the side of mewas just there on a work trip.
The woman on the other side ofme was from New York going to
Atlanta, but also her head andheart were in the DR, and here I
was going to Atlanta to see myfamily and celebrate my nephew's
(19:55):
birthday.
Like we all live such differentlives, which was also a reminder
to me that, like none of itmatters we are on a floating
rock in the middle of space.
Like live your life.
Who cares?
You know what I mean.
Like at any moment, your lifecould drastically change.
Like life is too uncertain toworry about the perception of
(20:17):
others.
You get one life.
You're going to spend yourentire life worrying about
others or not doing the thingsthat you want to do, because, oh
, someone might think that thisis weird, or you know they might
.
They might say this about me,or they might do that, at the
end of the day, people are goingto be people.
They are going to judge.
If they want to judge, they aregoing to talk.
If they want to talk, you mightas well give them something to
(20:39):
talk about.
You know what I mean.
And so, going to this bar,meeting these people and, just
you know, striking up theseconversations, it genuinely
helped me so much because, again, I struggle with anxiety and
and not wanting to do things bymyself because of perfectionism
or whatever, and it just was anice reminder to me that so many
people live such differentlives and we only get one life.
(21:01):
And so, as long as you're nothurting anyone, live your life.
When did I get home?
Last night?
Around like 11, 11, 30 aftertraveling, and so it's Monday
(21:25):
morning at like 7 am.
So I don't even really knowwhat I'm saying.
I'm sorry if I'm like all overthe place this episode, but I
think the point I was trying tomake is that I utilized my free
will, which I said I wanted todo more of and ended up being
really cool.
10 out of 10 would recommend,because I got free food and
drinks and I was able to haveconversations with people which
reminded me that life can bevery fleeting.
(21:46):
We get one life, live it to thefullest.
So, anyway, that was the peakof my week.
That was like a lot, as always.
I would love to hear the peakof your week.
Please tell me something thatmade you smile, kept you
grounded, just made you happy inthe chaos that is this world.
So what are you guys talkingabout today?
In my very first episode of thepodcast, I said that I wanted to
(22:07):
do a segment called WWDD, whichstands for what "Would Daijné
Do, and I got this idea from oneof you on TikTok.
Your favorite gerontologist wasstudying for an exam one day
and she was listening to musicand it got to the point in
studying where the music wasbecoming distracting.
So she wanted to put on a movie, and so she was gonna put on
the movie Enough, which starsJennifer Lopez, and so she
(22:30):
thought to herself WWDD, likewhat would Dejanay do?
And then she didn't put on themovie, which also, side note, I
genuinely think that JLo is apretty good actress.
I did like her and enough.
I liked her and Selena.
I just think that she's alittle bit too delusional for my
liking.
You know what I mean, becauseshe wanted to do acting, dancing
and singing like girl.
You should have just stuck toacting or dancing, because she's
(22:52):
not a bad dancer either.
It was just the singing that Iwas like okay, girl, we need to,
we need to relax anyway.
So it gave me this idea becauseI also have a degree in social
work.
I worked as a therapist for acouple years before I got into
nannying, and so it gave me theidea that you guys could send in
to me your stories, yoursituations, your whatever that
you need advice on, and I wouldgive you advice or what I would
(23:13):
do in that situation.
And so I recently got my firstsubmission for a WWDD, and so I
want to read through it and talkabout the situation, talk about
you know what they have goingon, and I'll give them my advice
.
I briefly read through theemail because I wanted to see if
they wanted me to keep anythinganonymous.
They didn't say that they did,but I didn't really read the
(23:34):
email and so I'm not really sureof the situation.
I felt like I wanted to do itthat way because I wanted it to
be like my raw, honest firstimpression thoughts.
You know what I mean.
So let's get into the situationand I will tell you what I
would do.
Okay, so the email is fromMichelle and she says I would
like to start off this email bysaying I love your content so
much.
(23:54):
I like the information you putinto the world and I'm so
excited you are following yourdreams as a white woman in
America, I really loved yourblack history month episodes of
the podcast.
I feel like the people youtalked about didn't get any
attention and likelypurposefully done.
I have done more research onthose specific people because I
really wanted to learn more.
I like how proud you are to bea black woman.
It is truly inspiring.
Thank you so much, Michelle.
(24:16):
I really really appreciate that, like genuinely.
I appreciate all of you beinghere so much.
You guys have no idea how muchthis means to me.
I truly am following my dreamsright now and you guys are just
making my dreams come true, andI'm so so grateful for all of
you woman.
I'm a 39 year old woman, I livein Ohio and I have a twin sister
and half brother.
Our father passed away and Iwould like to get a headstone
(24:44):
made for him.
Now, my brother is specialneeds and when we got the plot
my stepmother, my dad's ex-wifewe decided to dig it deeper so
that my brother, David, could beburied with my father when he
passes away.
I thought it was a great ideaand I was totally in support of
it.
That being said, I recentlytexted in a group with my
brother and sister.
I said I would like to plan aday to get together and take a
look at pricing and options.
(25:05):
I even offered to pay for it.
I'm not rich by any means, but Iwant my dad to have a headstone
.
This is exactly how theconversation went, word for word
, and I can back it up because Istill have the text.
I don't erase anything and itsaved me many times.
Text I don't erase anything andit saved me many times.
Period.
I am the exact same way,because when a bitch want to
switch up, I can be like aht aht, that's not what you said.
December 9th 2013 at 7 (25:25):
52 am.
Like, be serious, I am the sameway.
I am a big proponent in neverdeleting anything, because you
never know when you're gonnaneed that shit again.
It too has saved me many a time.
Okay, so let's get into thesetexts.
So Michelle says I really wantto get dad a headstone.
What do you guys think?
I'll pay for it, but I'd wantyour input.
(25:46):
Low end placement will bearound 1500.
Danielle responds and says Iknow David has been wanting to
do this for a long time.
I really love for him to haveone, but I know David has a very
specific idea of what he wants.
I don't feel the need to giveany input on it, but would be
very happy for him to have one.
Finally, michelle responds andsays my one ask would be for it
to say Danny Pierce.
The price is just for basicgray.
(26:06):
Danielle responds and says hisbirth name was Daniel.
Why Danny?
Michelle says he hated beingcalled that.
I think he'd prefer that.
Danielle says then Daniel"danny Pierce would be a
compromise, michelle piercewould be a compromise.
Michelle says I thought youdidn't care.
Nobody called him daniel.
He didn't introduce himselfthat way to anybody.
Everyone in the family calledhim uncle danny or just danny.
Danielle responds and saysbecause daniel was his name
(26:27):
given to him at birth, shecapitalized birth.
We didn't put danny pierce onhis obituary.
Then Michelle responds and saysDavid, are you wanting to be
buried with dad still, or withyour wife?
He's's not married, but he'sbeen with a woman for like 20
years.
That is something we neverconsidered.
David says I'll have to getback to you on that.
Michelle says okay.
David says because I still haveto talk to Shaidale about it.
(26:49):
I'm assuming that's who he'sbeen with for 20 years.
Michelle says because I'd liketo get it by the end of the year
, there is only room for onemore, which would be you, David.
I don't visit him when I'm intown because it's been 18 years
and it's depressing to not haveanything there.
David says okay, but, like Isaid, I'll get back to you on
that.
Michelle says okay, do youthink you could have that
conversation sooner rather thanlater?
David says I'm kind of low onmoney right now.
(27:11):
So yeah, I'll talk to her aboutit today.
Michelle says you don't have topay for anything, I will take
care of it.
David says okay.
Michelle says thank you.
David says no problem.
Danielle then says we've triedto have this conversation many
times over 18 years and now allof a sudden we have to move so
quick because you want it done.
Michelle says I'm just tired ofit not happening.
We talked about it a coupleyears ago and then nothing
happened at all.
(27:32):
I offered to pay for it thentoo, just forget about it.
Danielle says I'm just sayingwe all have lives and can't just
jump.
Dude, you have no idea what'sgoing on in either of our lives.
So to just be like, hey, yeah,let's do it right now is a
little bit unreasonable.
But it's been 18 years and alsomichelle said that she'd like
to have it done by the end ofthe year.
So it's not like she's sayingwe need to have it done like
(27:54):
right now.
She's just asking to have theconversation and actually get it
done, which I completelyunderstand because, again, it's
been 18 years and so I feel likeample amount of time has been
given to get the headstone.
And also Michelle is offeringto pay for it.
So it's not like she's likeasking them to cough up money
last minute or by the end of theyear or whatever.
She's offering to pay for it.
(28:15):
So Danielle just seems to bebeing difficult for the sake of
being difficult.
But let's keep reading.
Michelle says you're acting likeI'm saying tomorrow.
I live in Toledo, moved therefrom Cleveland where my dad is
buried and my siblings live andwork two jobs.
I would like to actually makesomething happen.
I said by the end of the year,that's 10 months.
I don't think that'sunreasonable at all.
David says I'm going to beburied on top of dad.
(28:37):
End of discussion.
Michelle says that's fine withme.
So what kind of things are youwanting the stone to be like?
Can you get together nextSaturday, February 15th?
David says I don't have theproper funds for anything right
now.
Michelle has said multiple timeslike she's not worried about
the money.
What is wrong with these people?
Sorry, I don't mean to be likerude to your family members, but
like I just feel like they'rebeing difficult for no reason.
(28:57):
Michelle says again you don'thave to worry about money,
Rachel, and I will take care ofit.
We would just be going to lookand talk about ideas, not buying
anything right now.
David says well, my mom has theinformation.
Michelle says information wasgiven almost two decades ago.
So then Michelle says all right, are you free on the 15th?
We could go looking, okay?
So now Michelle says that'swhere the group text ended,
(29:18):
because her sister, danielle,texted her separately.
So in the separate textmessages.
Danielle says you should havesaid something to Teresa stepmom
.
She already paid for David to beburied on top of dad.
She had to put extra deep forthat reason.
Michelle says I don't thinkthat was extra for that.
If I remember correctly,danielle says it was.
She paid for him to be extradeep and paid for david's spot
on top of him.
(29:38):
Michelle says if I rememberright, they asked it was no
extra charge because they werealready digging.
Danielle says when was the lasttime you talked to David?
Michelle says he said hedoesn't agree with my lifestyle,
that he would have to thinkabout things.
So I haven't.
He deleted me from facebook.
I'm not going to force anyoneto be a part of my life if they
don't want to be.
Danielle responds and says now,he didn't, he got rid of
(29:59):
facebook altogether.
Oh, I think she meant no likeno, he didn't delete her, he got
rid of facebook altogether.
And then she says well, Davidis a bit different, and not
talking to him than justrandomly talking about a
headstone for dad is a bit muchfor him.
It's his headstone too.
Michelle says I'm tired ofwaiting.
It's coming on 18 years.
We talk about it every coupleof years and nothing happens.
I'm willing to pay for thestone.
(30:20):
I said that the last time wetalked too.
Danielle responds and saysDavid wants to help with it and
right now isn't a good time forhim.
It's not just about you.
I wish he had one too, butthink of how hard this is for
him too, facing his own eventualdeath.
I feel like no one is reallythinking about Michelle's
feelings either.
Like she said earlier that shehasn't visited the grave site of
her dad because it's depressing, since there's no headstone
(30:42):
there.
Like it just feels like it'slike a 2v1.
You know what I mean.
And it doesn't need to be a 2v1, because Michelle again is
offering to pay for theheadstone and also she's just
asking for their input and toget it done by the end of the
year, because it's been 18 years.
Like, I don't think thatMichelle is asking for too much.
(31:02):
Anyway, Michelle responds andsays I get that, but it's been
way too long.
Man, I just want to gettogether to take a look and talk
about options.
I think after almost 18 years,that's more than reasonable.
No decisions have to be made,but we can get ideas, look and
discuss.
And that may be true about himdeleting it Facebook.
But he deleted me long beforethat.
Ricky, who was her half sister,same mom but different dad had
(31:24):
asked me one day what his postwas about.
I went to look and he haddeleted me.
Danielle says I get all of that.
He handles things differently.
Let's be honest.
You've taken me off Facebookhow many times?
So what Michelle says I know hedoes.
That's not the point.
Everyone deals with thingsdifferently.
Danielle says yeah, but you aresaying about him doing the same
thing you did.
Michelle says you're missing mypoint.
He said he didn't delete mebecause he just went off
(31:46):
Facebook.
That's fine that he did that.
I'm just saying he did itbefore he got off his all.
Danielle says got it.
I mean, yeah, that's different.
If he's lying about it, thenyeah, that's completely
different.
Michelle is saying yeah, Ideleted you, but like I was
honest about it, david lied andsaid that he didn't delete me,
he just deleted facebook, but hedid actually delete me.
I feel like they're trying toderail the conversation, like
why are we focused on thefacebook thing when we're trying
(32:08):
to talk about getting dad aheadstone?
You know what I mean?
Like stupid argument.
So that was the end of theconversation.
Then Michelle says in her emailnow we haven't spoken a word
about it but honestly, we justnever talk.
I'm what you call an lbl lateblooming lesbian.
I didn't figure it out until Iwas 35 and was crazy confused.
My stepmother is a born-againchristian.
I'm not knocking religion, it'sjust for context, but I am more
(32:30):
spiritual than anyone else anddidn't want me to come out
because she didn't want mybrother to know.
My brother is 25.
I said I wasn't going to hidemy life for the sake of her not
wanting him to know.
We don't speak since then.
Also, my twin sister and Idon't speak because her husband
is a huge hunk of shit.
He's extremely racist,homophobic, misogynistic and a
huge supporter of trump thetypical white hillbilly trash
born and raised in west virginiamountains.
(32:51):
I am not allowed around thekids only two of three are his
with my fiance because hedoesn't want the kids exposed to
that, meaning the fact that sheis a lesbian and my sister is
complacent.
That is a whole other messystory of their marriage and how
they came to be.
It's wild.
You wouldn't believe me if Itold you.
Her and I have never been closefor a number of reasons.
Mainly, she is just a lessobvious hunk of shit than her
(33:13):
husband Always has her hand out.
The world owes her everythingand never does anything for
anyone without expectingsomething in return, and I hate
that about her.
But anyway, you have a huge fanin Toledo.
I love what you're doing andyour passion.
I really love watching yourTikToks and so happy your
Methany video came across my Foryou page.
I laugh and watch it all thetime.
That is some of my best work, Iwill say.
(33:34):
You are hilarious and I enjoyyour laughs so much.
Always looking forward to yournew episodes and I wish you luck
in everything you do.
Hopefully I end up hearing mystory and your take.
I have an idea of what I'd liketo do, but would love to hear
what you have to say, even ifyou don't waste an episode on it
.
I would love to get an emailback when you can get around to
it.
Take care and thank you foryour time and consideration.
Any questions, feel free to ask, as I am an open door, okay?
(33:55):
So, Michelle, I feel like I didhave questions until I got to
the end of your email and thenit all made sense to me because,
as I was reading the wholeemail, I was like none of this
combativeness makes sense.
You're telling them that you'llpay for the tombstone.
You're asking for it to be doneby the end of the year, which
it sounds like.
You started this conversationin February, so that's 10 months
(34:15):
more than than enough time.
And speaking of more thanenough time, it's been 18 years,
and so I could not understandwhy they were being so combative
.
But then when you told me thatyou're a lesbian and your family
is homophobic, it all madesense.
Personally, I don't think thatthis has anything to do with the
tombstone or with it just notbeing a good time or anything
(34:38):
like that.
I think that they just arehomophobic and they don't like
that you are a lesbian, so theydon't want to work with you.
First of all, I want to saythat I am so proud of you for
keeping your boundaries andstanding up for yourself and
cutting off whoever you neededto cut off in your journey of
figuring out your sexuality andrealizing that you are a lesbian
, because that is not an easything to do.
(34:59):
Like I said earlier in thisepisode, family can be your
biggest supporter or yourbiggest hater, and unfortunately
, it sounds like your familymight be your biggest hater.
I don't want to say that Iunderstand how you feel, because
everyone's feelings aredifferent, but again, my
siblings are my biggest haters,so I can I can relate to how you
might feel.
At the end of the day, I feellike no matter what you do, what
(35:19):
you say, how you go about it,there's always going to be some
sort of combativeness or excuseas to why it's not a good time,
and genuinely I don't think thatit has anything to do with the
headstone or it not being a goodtime.
It just sounds like your familydoes not want to work with you
or hear you out or anything,which is complete bullshit,
because you are trying to get aheadstone for your father and
(35:43):
that should trump everything.
But the thing about people whoare racist, homophobic, whatever
they have so much hate inthemselves.
They're filled with so muchhate that they have no space for
logic or common sense orreasoning, and so I feel like,
no matter what you do in thesituation, they will always be
combative.
(36:04):
So if I were you, I would justdo whatever the fuck I wanted to
do.
You've given them 18 years and10 months because you said by
the end of the year in your textmessages, right?
So you've given them ampleamount of time to all come
together and get your dad aheadstone.
So, honestly, what I would doin the situation, I would just
go forward with my plans.
If you wanna get your dad aheadstone, give your dad a
(36:26):
headstone Now.
If you want to still kind ofget their input because I can
understand, you know, wanting towork with your family and
different things like thatbecause it is your dad's
headstone so in a perfect worldyou guys would all come together
and work together to get yourdad a headstone.
So if that's the route that youfeel like you want to take, you
could absolutely send them ideas, you could continue to reach
(36:46):
out to them and at the end ofthe day, they continue to be
combative.
You tried.
You know what I mean.
You tried because my thing islike how long do they expect you
to try?
How long do they expect you todisregard your own feelings for
the sake of theirs?
Especially with your sister,she's just like oh, you can't
expect us to to do it tomorrow.
(37:08):
Whole time you didn't ask themto do it tomorrow, nor did you
ask them to even pay for it.
You offered to pay for it andit sounds like from your email
you've offered several times topay for it.
So if this is how they're gonnabe, if I were you I would just
go ahead with my plans.
And again, like I said, if youwant to have them involved in it
, or at least attempt to try tohave them involved in it, you
(37:29):
could send them ideas or, youknow, continue to try to have
that conversation, butunfortunately it does look like
it's not going to go anywhere.
Given the fact of what we saw inthe text messages and the fact
that it's been 18 years, I wouldjust move forward with whatever
you wanted to do.
Honestly, it doesn't seem likethey're going to want to work
with you.
From your sister's messages andhow they've treated you ever
(37:49):
since you've come out and justbeen open and honest about your
sexuality, it just doesn't seemlike they're the people that you
can work with.
And again, I honestly just feellike no matter what the
conversation is because thisconversation again is about your
dad's heads done and doingsomething for your father but
people who are racist,homophobic, etc.
They are so filled with hatethere is no reasoning with them,
(38:10):
unfortunately, in in any sortof capacity.
It doesn't matter what you'retrying to accomplish, whether it
be a world problem or somethingas simple as just getting a
headstone for your fatherthey're just not people that you
can work with and, asunfortunate as it is, especially
when it's family and you'retrying to do something for your
family and for your dad in aperfect world, you would be able
to just agree on a headstonefor your father, but
(38:32):
unfortunately the world is notperfect and people are going to
be people.
People are going to people,unfortunately.
So final answer if I were you,I would just move forward with
what I wanted to do and, if youwant to try to still get their
input, send them updates anddifferent things here and there,
but I wouldn't put too muchpressure on myself or hoping
them to really get around todoing it, because I just feel
(38:55):
like they would continue to becombative.
So do what you got to do becauseat the end of the day, like I
said, you get one life.
You get one chance to live yourlife.
You cannot live your life basedoff of other people, and I'm
sure you want to visit your dadand memorialize his resting
place and give him the tombstonethat he deserves.
So do your thing.
(39:15):
It's been 18 years.
You've given them 10 extramonths.
At this point, do what yougotta do.
Hope that helps, gosh.
It really makes me sad how bigof a haters your family can be
like.
In a perfect world, everyonewould have a great relationship
with their family members, butfamily members are.
I feel like some of the reasonfamily members behave the way
(39:37):
that they do is because theythink like oh, we're family, I'm
your sister, I'm your brother,like blah, blah, blah.
But it's like, because you aremy sister and my brother, you
should have more respect for meand more grace and more kindness
for me.
But you have the least amountof respect and grace and
kindness for me because you feellike at the end of the day,
we're still blood relatedpersonally, to me, blood
(39:59):
relation means nothing, becauseI couldn't decide who I was.
Blood related to.
That was forced upon me againstmy will, mind you right.
So so for me, I don't care whoyou are.
If you're blood related, ifyou're a lifelong friend,
whatever.
If you are not respectful of meand my life and my boundaries
and just who I am as a person,cut the fuck off.
(40:20):
I don't care, because again youget one fucking life, one life.
You do not have to spend yourlife around people who do not
respect who you are, especiallyif you were just living in your
truth, and your truth isn'thurting anybody.
Hating on someone who was justliving in their truth is a
choice.
It's not a good choice, butit's a choice.
And if that's the choice thatyou are making, then it is my
(40:43):
choice to not be around you,because I don't have to be
around you if all you're goingto do is bring me negativity
like.
Be around the people who bringyou peace.
That is what life is all about,no matter who that is.
And for the people who bringyou peace, that is what life is
all about, no matter who that is.
And for the people who don'tbring you peace if it's a family
member, if it's a grandma, ifit's a parent, whoever it is Cut
(41:03):
them off, let them go, becausethe sooner you are able to let
them go, that opens up space inyour life For the people who
will value you and treat you theway that you deserve to be
treated, to come in as we endthis week's episode, I hope that
each and every one of you knowyou are deserving of love and
peace and respect from thepeople who are in your life.
(41:25):
You deserve to live in yourtruth again, as long as that's
not harming anybody.
You deserve to live in yourtruth peacefully, respectfully.
And the second someone takeseven a morsel of that piece away
from you, let them go.
Let them go live your life theway you want to live your life.
(41:46):
Period, the end.
Thank you, guys, so much fortuning into today's episode,
Michelle.
I hope that that was helpful.
Thank you so much for yoursubmission for a WWDD.
I do not take it lightly thatyou guys want my advice or value
my opinion.
I'm really, really grateful forthat and I hope that it was
helpful and, honestly, go getyour dad a tombstone.
(42:07):
If you need any more advice orhelp or anything, feel free to
reach out.
My email is open and for anyoneelse who might want advice or
has a WWDD, feel free to emailme at thenapkininbetweenpodcast@
gmailcom.
If you would like to remainanonymous, please put that
somewhere in the email,preferably the header, because I
don't read the submissionsbefore the episode because I
(42:28):
want to give my honest, real,raw reactions and advice to them
.
But if you do want to beanonymous, please put that
somewhere in the email and Iwill keep your name and
everything else out of it.
Thank you guys.
So much again for tuning in.
I hope everyone is having agood day except for that orange
drink lady, and I will talk toyou in the next episode.
Peace and love.
Talk to you later.
The Napkin in Between, hostedby Daijné Jones, produced by
(42:50):
Daijné Jones, post-production byDaijné Jones, music by Sam
Champagne and graphics by IsmaVidal.
Don't forget to like andsubscribe.
See you next episode.
Is this thing on?
Hello hello.
Uh-oh, another yapper with amic.
Hello everyone, welcome back tothe Napkin In Between podcast.
I'm your host, Daijné Jones.
Today we have a special guestmy dog Luna.
(00:22):
She is attached to my hip rightnow.
Well, she's pretty muchattached to my hip at all times,
but I just took a weekendvacation and just got home late
last night, and so she has beenright by my side ever since I
got home.
So she is joining us today forthe pod, because literally
everywhere I go, she is rightbeside me.
She won't leave my side.
So for those of you who watchon YouTube, you get a sweet
(00:49):
little treat today to see mylittle dog, Luna.
Speaking of my trip, this pastweekend I went to Atlanta to see
my family.
This has been the peak of myweek, by the way, and it's kind
of ironic because Atlanta is oneof my least favorite cities,
but my most favorite people livethere.
So every time I fly to Atlantait's a little bit like I don't
even want to be in this city,but obviously I love seeing my
family, so it's always like alittle bit of an oxymoron for me
(01:10):
.
And no hate to Atlanta, it isjust a place where I experienced
the worst relationship of myentire life.
So I think that's probably whyI don't like the city.
Also, I have a lot of drivinganxiety and the only way to get
around in Atlanta is driving.
I mean, you can take publictransportation, but the way the
public transportation is set upin Atlanta, instead of going
through the city, it goes aroundthe city and I'm pretty sure
(01:33):
that's because of gentrificationand racist white people.
They didn't want the publictransportation to go through the
city, they wanted it to goaround, and so the public
transportation in Atlanta makesno fucking sense.
Like it's not that it's moreconvenient, it's not that it
gets you there quicker becauseof the way it's set up.
It's so stupid.
It goes around the city thatyou're going to get there in
about the same amount of time asdriving, because of traffic and
(01:54):
things like that.
So, being as someone who againhas a lot of driving anxiety
because, like, think aboutdriving for a second, ok, here
here's why driving is so scaryfor me.
You are controlling a severalton thing with a wheel and your
feet.
That is like the scariestconcept to me ever.
Like what do you mean?
(02:15):
I'm making this thing go withmy feet and this wheel, and then
on top of that, you have totrust that the other people in
their several ton motorizedthing are controlling their
thing with a wheel in their feetsafely.
You know what I mean?
Most of driving, for me at least, is just worrying about what
(02:36):
the people around me are doinglike.
Are you impaired in any way?
Are you texting?
Have you been drinking?
Do you even have a license,especially in Atlanta?
Do you have insurance?
Because a lot of people inAtlanta drive uninsured, and me
personally, like I just don'thave a lot of trust or faith in
humanity, and so being thatdependent on other people is
(02:58):
just a really, really scaryconcept to me.
So I don't enjoy driving, and Iguess the alternative to
controlling my own several tonmotorized thing is putting my
life in other people's hands andletting them control the thing,
because, like, I wouldgenuinely prefer to take an uber
or public transportation, whichalso doesn't make me feel that
(03:19):
safe either.
Now that I'm thinking about it,I guess I never really thought
about it until literally justthis moment, but driving is just
such a scary concept to me,like I didn't get my license
until I was 23, almost 24 yearsold, because I just didn't want
to drive and I honestly didn'thave a reason to anyway.
Like, growing up, I grew up ina really small town.
You could walk everywhere.
(03:40):
And then when I went toundergrad, I went to a college
in a town very similar to theone that I grew up in, so I
didn't need to drive thereeither, I could just walk
everywhere.
And then for my master's degreeI was in Pittsburgh at the
University of Pitt, and withyour student id you're able to
use public transportation forfree.
So I just did that, and then,after I graduated from Pitt, I
didn't have the free publictransportation anymore.
(04:00):
But I was in a relationship, soI was a passenger princess.
But then I realized that I wasdepending too much on a man
because, like, anywhere I neededto go, he was driving me, and
so I was like, okay, I shouldget my license now.
So I eventually got my licenseat like 23 or 24.
But the whole concept of drivinghas just always been so scary
to me.
I just don't like doing it, andso I think that's why I don't
(04:20):
like Atlanta as well, justbecause you have to drive
everywhere, like it's nothing todo with the city itself.
Like, the people are great, thefood is amazing.
I just don't like the way thecity is mapped out and then I
guess it's it's one person inAtlanta that makes the whole
city terrible for me.
Anyway, I was going to Atlantato visit my family.
It was my Nephew's birthday.
(04:40):
He turned 12, which is crazy tome.
Like of all of my nieces andnephews, he's the first born and
so he's the one who made me anaunt.
And not to say that I have adifferent connection with him
than my other nieces and nephewsbut also I kind of do, because
my family dynamic is reallymessy and toxic and definitely a
conversation for another daybut him and I are just very,
(05:01):
very close.
Like he's the one who gave memy auntie name, because my name
is Daijné, and so when I wasfirst thinking about like what
my nieces and nephews were gonnacall me, I was like I have no
idea, like I didn't really wantthem to call me auntie, because
when he was born I was 18 or 19,and so I was like I don't
really want y'all to call meauntie, like I just feel like
auntie is like a term for theolder aunts and uncles.
(05:24):
You know what I mean.
So I was like I don't reallywant to be called auntie,
obviously, as children desion ais way too hard.
And so I was going back andforth, like what, what should
they call me?
What should they call me?
And then one day he had comewith my grandpa and my older
sister to help me move out ofcollege my freshman year.
And they opened the door and hejust goes Nene, I'm so happy to
(05:45):
see you.
And I was like who is Nene?
And he's like you, you're Nene.
And I'm like okay, like I guessthat works.
Like I have no idea where hecame up with that, I don't know
where it came from.
He just one day called me Nene,and now that's what my nieces
and nephews call me is Nene.
And so it just stuck, which wasgreat because again, I was
struggling and I had no ideawhat I wanted them to call me
(06:07):
anyway.
And he just he came up with ithimself and I was like you know
what?
Hell?
Yeah, this, this is what we'regoing with.
So he's the one who made me anaunt, he's the one who gave me
my aunt name.
Like he and I's relationship isjust, we're just very, very
close, partially because, again,like I said, my family dynamic
is really messy and reallychaotic and just I feel like
(06:28):
with families, either yourfamily is like your biggest
supporters or they're yourbiggest haters, like there's
really no in between when itcomes to family.
At least from my experience andwhat I've seen with families
and unfortunately my family,namely my siblings, my biggest
fucking haters like if y'allwere around at the beginning of
2024, when it was me versus mysiblings online, mind you all,
(06:52):
because my younger sister stolemy car and so I pressed charges
against her because she stole mycar.
And here come my siblings likemad at me and coming at me
online because I was pressingcharges on my sister.
Like I said, either your familyis your biggest supporter or
your biggest hater.
Unfortunately for me, my familyseems to be my biggest hater.
So, anyway, because of thechaoticness of my siblings and
(07:15):
different things like that, mymom so my nephew's grandmother
has been his constant since hewas like two years old and I've
been his second constant, youknow, like when I would go home
from college in the summers orfor vacations, like I was the
one who was most around apartfrom my mom.
She's been like the constantand so being as though he's
turning 12, his last year beforehe is a freaking teenager.
(07:38):
I am not okay.
That's just a big birthday tome and I was like I need to go
celebrate that with you because,like I don't know, I just can't
wrap my head around it.
Like it was just yesterday, hewas two constantly wanting to
climb on my shoulders and wantedme to pick him up, and now he's
taller than me almost, likeliterally.
I feel like every time I goback to atlanta we always stand
(07:59):
side by side to see if he'spassed me up.
Yet we are shoulder andshoulder.
I just know the next time I seehim he's going to be taller
than me.
Oh, I am not okay.
I can't handle this.
So I caught a flight intoAtlanta on Friday his birthday
was actually Friday, the 21st,um and then spent the weekend
with him to celebrate hisbirthday and just be there for
(08:21):
him, because that's my baby.
I just I really cannot wrap mybrain around the fact that he is
just getting so old.
We had a really good time.
We went to a place called urbanair.
It's a trampoline park, but italso has like vr and climbing
walls and slides, and it wasjust really it was really nice.
I'd never been there before.
It was a ton of stuff to do andso I think he had a good time.
(08:43):
I hope he had a good time timebecause it was good to see him
and he's just so funny.
It's just so interesting to seekids grow up and develop into
their personalities and just seethem experience life and learn
things and just develop intopeople and assert themselves,
which is something that honestly, with my nephew, I was kind of
worried about with him, honestly, because he's very quiet, he's
(09:05):
very timid, and so I was alwaysworried because kids can be mean
and I feel like everygeneration they just get meaner
and I think that part of it isjust like the development of
social media and social mediacan desensitize people and I
don't know, these kids are justmean these days and so, with him
being so like timid and quiet,I was worried about, you know,
(09:26):
if he is ever bullied at school.
He's never said anything to meabout kids picking on him or
anything like that, but I it'sjust always something that I was
always worried about justbecause of how timid and shy and
quiet he is, and a couplemonths ago my mom was telling me
that, um, there was this boy inhis class who is known as the
bully of his grade and he likewent up to my nephew and like
(09:48):
slapped his glasses off mynephew's face and my nephew
punched him and, honestly, whenmy mom was telling me about it,
I was like you know what?
Hell?
Yeah, I feel like he got thatfrom me a little bit because
unpopular opinion maybe, I don'treally know.
I think that bullies need to bebullied back because it's like
you could have left me alone,you could have just minded your
business, you could have satthere and ate your food.
(10:08):
But it said, you wanted to be abully, so here's a taste of
your own fucking medicine.
And so when my mom was tellingme about it, I was like, don't
punish him for that.
You know he stood up forhimself.
He shouldn't get in trouble athome for that, which she told me
she wasn't going to.
He did get suspended fromschool for like a day and the
other kid got three days.
I think it was because hestarted it.
But I was very proud of himbecause, like I said, he's very
(10:29):
quiet, he doesn't bother anybody, and so if anyone is going to
be a target for bullying.
I always figure that it mightbe him, just because of how
quiet he is.
Like you know people, they takeyour quietness and your
timidness for weakness and helet him know real quick.
I am not the one or the two andI said you know what?
Hell yeah, if somebody ismessing with you, you should
absolutely stand up for yourself, and I stand by that.
(10:50):
But it's just so interesting tosee them develop all of the
different qualities that areneeded in people, like their
personalities and the way thatthey assert themselves and the
way that they navigate the world, and it's nice to be there to
help them navigate it as well.
Also, on my trip to Atlanta,like I told you guys in my last
episode, two things I don't doenough are utilize my free will
(11:12):
and romanticize my life, and Itold y'all that I wanted to do
those things more, and so Fridaynight, when I was flying out to
atlanta, my flight was helladelayed.
It was delayed by like two anda half hours, and so I was like
you know what?
I'm just gonna dilly dally, I'mgonna utilize my free will.
So I went to an airport bar forthe first time, which is
honestly a really big step forme, because anytime I do
(11:34):
something by myself out inpublic, that's huge for me.
Honestly, because I struggle alot with social anxiety and I
think a lot of it stems from thefact that I'm a perfectionist.
I'm always worried about howI'm being viewed by people.
Like one of the biggest thingsthat I am working on is just not
really caring about what peoplethink or what people have to
(11:54):
say, because I get one life, andwhat am I supposed to do?
Worry about other people'sthoughts and opinions my entire
life?
Like be for real.
Which probably sounds a littlecontradictory too, because I am
a content creator, I am puttingmyself out there constantly.
This is something that hashelped me a lot with my social
anxiety and putting myself outthere, but also sometimes I
(12:14):
forget that y'all are realpeople who are viewing my
content or like watching me.
You know what I mean.
Like I feel like parasocialnesscan work both ways from the
community to the creator andfrom the creator to the
community.
Like you know how sometimespeople forget that, like content
creators are human or havefeelings or you know whatever,
(12:35):
and so they will cross a weirdboundary or comment things that
they would never say to peoplein person or say to their faces.
I feel like that happens to metoo is like I forget that y'all
are real people and like rightnow, I am just myself and I'm
being fully myself because Ijust feel like I'm sitting in my
room talking to myself and theperson that I'm most comfortable
(12:55):
with is myself.
And so whenever I'm creatingcontent in my room whether it be
the podcast, whether it be aTikTok, whatever that is who I
am fully 100% right because it'sjust like I'm.
I'm just by myself, talking tomyself, whatever.
Because I sometimes forget thatthere are real people who will
see these things like Igenuinely forget that there are
people behind the numbers thatare the community that I'm
(13:18):
building, and so there's been acouple times where people have
recognized me in public and beenlike are you that girl from
TikTok and I'm not gonna holdyou.
When it first happened thefirst couple of times, I said no
.
I looked the people right intheir face and I said no, I'm
not on TikTok, I have no ideawhat you're talking about.
And then they're like oh, mygod, I'm so sorry.
You look like this girl that Ifollow on TikTok and I'd be like
(13:40):
oh, it's okay, no problem,whole time, it's me.
I am the girl you follow onTikTok.
But it was just scary for me,like I was like you're not real,
like I genuinely forget thaty'all are real, and so when I
first started being noticed inpublic the first time, I would
just lie and be like that's notme, I don't know what you're
talking about.
But now, like I admit to it,like I'm like, yeah, that that's
(14:08):
me, but I cannot remember asingle interaction that I have
had with anyone that I have metwho has noticed me from TikTok
or whatever.
Like I swear to god, I blackout and honestly, my biggest
fear is that as I continue togrow my community, as people
recognize me more and more andmore, it'll come off as like I'm
someone different online than Iam in real life, because I do
struggle a lot with socialanxiety and I can be a little
(14:30):
bit more introverted actuallyway more introverted than you
guys see online, and so I don'tever want y'all to think that
like I'm posing or I'm faking orwhatever.
It's just that the person yousee online and the person that
you see in real life, like thoseare two different people.
Like the online me who I feellike is genuinely just sitting
in my room talking to myself.
That is when I am mostcomfortable, and so that's who I
(14:52):
genuinely am.
But when I go outside andthere's people, I just have a
lot of anxiety.
Anyway, what the fuck was I eventalking about?
Oh, the airport bar.
So, anyway, I went to theairport bar because I was like I
want to exercise my free willmore and romanticize my life and
just take myself outside of mycomfort zone.
You know that saying that'slike life begins on the other
(15:13):
side of your comfort zone, Ifeel like for me, life begins on
the other side of myperfectionism.
So I went to the airport bar,got myself a drink, whatever.
I was sitting there and therewas this man beside me.
After I ordered my drink he waslike oh, what are you drinking,
young lady?
That looks good, he's like 60or something.
And so I I pointed him on themenu, like what I had ordered,
whatever, whatever.
And so he strikes up aconversation.
(15:35):
He's telling me like what he'sin New York.
For he was a firefighter fromAlabama, he had come to New York
for a training and he was justflying back to Alabama.
I told him about me going toAtlanta to celebrate my nephew's
birthday.
Also, side note, if you see myeyes wandering, there's a fly in
my room right now.
It's driving crazy.
JLO done sent one of herlittle workers to try to
distract me while I'm trying tofilm.
She wants somebody's content tobe as mediocre as hers, like
(15:57):
girl.
That's why I'm a snatch yourwig harder bar.
Anyway I'm talking to this manat the bar, I'm having my drink,
he's having his drink, whatever.
First and foremost, I did notrealize how strong airport
drinks are.
Mind you, again, this was myfirst time ever at an airport
bar.
I didn't really know what toexpect, but the airport pour.
I feel like is on the samelevel as the gay poor.
You know what I mean.
(16:17):
If you've ever been to a gaybar, you know what I'm talking
about.
Gay bars drinks are so strong,which I love, I'm not
complaining, but I'm just saying, like them, bitches, are strong
.
That's how the airport drinksare also.
And so I started to feel it alot because I had eaten a couple
hours earlier.
So I was like, oh, I shouldprobably put something on my
(16:42):
stomach.
And so the guy beside me waseating wings, and so I was like
oh, do you like those wings,like are they good?
Because they smelled reallygood.
And he was like yeah, they'rereally good.
So I was like okay, I'll ordermyself some wings.
So I put in my order for wingsand the bar manager is like oh,
I think the kitchen is closed.
And so I was like okay, like no, worries, if it is like not a
big deal.
The gentleman beside me waslike oh, do you want these?
He had like two wings left onhis plate because it came in
like an order of five, and I waslike how sweet of him to like
offer his wings to me.
(17:02):
But I was like no, it's okay.
Like don't worry about it, it'sall good.
Thankfully, the bar managercame back and said that I was
the last order the kitchen wasgoing to take.
So I was like okay, period,thank God, because I was really
hungry and that drink washitting me hard and soft.
Okay, so I get my wings,whatever.
Him and I continue ourconversation and he's about to
leave for his flight.
So he's closing on his tab andhe tells the bar manager he's
(17:23):
like put her wings on my tab.
And then he looks at me and hegoes did you want another drink?
Do you want anything else and Iwas like you know what?
Hell yeah, I want another drink.
So he bought me a second drinkand I was just sitting there
like, of all, I definitely needto come to the bar more often if
this is how it's gonna be.
But second, that is how menshould be like.
He was so respectful.
(17:45):
He was calling me ma'am, whichI was like okay, chill out on
that, but he's from the south,so that's just how it is down
there, but he's calling me ma'am.
We had a nice littleconversation, bought me a drink,
paid for my wings, and thenafter that he was just like,
okay, have a good flight, andleft and I was just like this is
how men should be.
Like he wasn't creepy at all,which obviously is the bare
(18:06):
minimum, so I'm not going tohype that up too much, but he
wasn't creepy.
He was extremely respectful,bought me a couple of things and
then left and I was like, oh,hell, yeah, I need to meet
strangers at the bar more oftenin the airport, because it was
just.
It was just a nice conversationand he was just so, so sweet.
And on the other side of methere was this woman who was
also on my flight to Atlanta.
(18:27):
So she was at the bar becauseour flight was delayed and I was
able to check up a conversationwith her.
She was telling me that she wasgoing to Atlanta to see her man
.
He had bought her a ticket, wasflying her out.
She was telling me that it washer first time ever flying.
We were flying Southwest and ifyou've never flown Southwest,
it's very different.
There's open seating.
So she was like trying tofigure out how she finds her
seat because they hadn'tassigned her a seat.
(18:48):
So I was like explaining to herlike oh, it's open seating, you
can sit wherever you want whenyou get on the plane, whatever,
whatever.
But she was also telling me that, like her grandma is really
sick and she's back at home,she's from the DR, and so while
we were sitting at the bar, shewas on the phone, like speaking
in Spanish to someone, and shewas telling me that she was like
frazzled because hergrandmother, who she's really,
really close to, was really sickand so she was happy to be
(19:10):
going to see her man.
But at the same time, like herhead was all over the place
because it sounded like, in theway that she was explaining it
to me that it could be anyminute for her grandma, and so
she was telling me that, like ifher grandma were to pass away,
she would drop at everything, nomatter where she was, and
obviously go straight to hergrandma.
And so she was telling me, likehow bittersweet it was to be
going to see her man in the timethat you know she is also
(19:34):
really struggling with withfamily things, and it just was a
reminder to me that so manypeople are living such different
lives.
Like the man to the side of mewas just there on a work trip.
The woman on the other side ofme was from New York going to
Atlanta, but also her head andheart were in the DR, and here I
was going to Atlanta to see myfamily and celebrate my nephew's
(19:55):
birthday.
Like we all live such differentlives, which was also a reminder
to me that, like none of itmatters we are on a floating
rock in the middle of space.
Like live your life.
Who cares?
You know what I mean.
Like at any moment, your lifecould drastically change.
Like life is too uncertain toworry about the perception of
(20:17):
others.
You get one life.
You're going to spend yourentire life worrying about
others or not doing the thingsthat you want to do, because, oh
, someone might think that thisis weird, or you know they might
.
They might say this about me,or they might do that, at the
end of the day, people are goingto be people.
They are going to judge.
If they want to judge, they aregoing to talk.
If they want to talk, you mightas well give them something to
(20:39):
talk about.
You know what I mean.
And so, going to this bar,meeting these people and, just
you know, striking up theseconversations, it genuinely
helped me so much because, again, I struggle with anxiety and
and not wanting to do things bymyself because of perfectionism
or whatever, and it just was anice reminder to me that so many
people live such differentlives and we only get one life.
(21:01):
And so, as long as you're nothurting anyone, live your life.
When did I get home?
Last night?
Around like 11, 11, 30 aftertraveling, and so it's Monday
(21:25):
morning at like 7 am.
So I don't even really knowwhat I'm saying.
I'm sorry if I'm like all overthe place this episode, but I
think the point I was trying tomake is that I utilized my free
will, which I said I wanted todo more of and ended up being
really cool.
10 out of 10 would recommend,because I got free food and
drinks and I was able to haveconversations with people which
reminded me that life can bevery fleeting.
(21:46):
We get one life, live it to thefullest.
So, anyway, that was the peakof my week.
That was like a lot, as always.
I would love to hear the peakof your week.
Please tell me something thatmade you smile, kept you
grounded, just made you happy inthe chaos that is this world.
So what are you guys talkingabout today?
In my very first episode of thepodcast, I said that I wanted to
(22:07):
do a segment called WWDD, whichstands for what "Would Daijné
Do, and I got this idea from oneof you on TikTok.
Your favorite gerontologist wasstudying for an exam one day
and she was listening to musicand it got to the point in
studying where the music wasbecoming distracting.
So she wanted to put on a movie, and so she was gonna put on
the movie Enough, which starsJennifer Lopez, and so she
(22:30):
thought to herself WWDD, likewhat would Dejanay do?
And then she didn't put on themovie, which also, side note, I
genuinely think that JLo is apretty good actress.
I did like her and enough.
I liked her and Selena.
I just think that she's alittle bit too delusional for my
liking.
You know what I mean, becauseshe wanted to do acting, dancing
and singing like girl.
You should have just stuck toacting or dancing, because she's
(22:52):
not a bad dancer either.
It was just the singing that Iwas like okay, girl, we need to,
we need to relax anyway.
So it gave me this idea becauseI also have a degree in social
work.
I worked as a therapist for acouple years before I got into
nannying, and so it gave me theidea that you guys could send in
to me your stories, yoursituations, your whatever that
you need advice on, and I wouldgive you advice or what I would
(23:13):
do in that situation.
And so I recently got my firstsubmission for a WWDD, and so I
want to read through it and talkabout the situation, talk about
you know what they have goingon, and I'll give them my advice
.
I briefly read through theemail because I wanted to see if
they wanted me to keep anythinganonymous.
They didn't say that they did,but I didn't really read the
(23:34):
email and so I'm not really sureof the situation.
I felt like I wanted to do itthat way because I wanted it to
be like my raw, honest firstimpression thoughts.
You know what I mean.
So let's get into the situationand I will tell you what I
would do.
Okay, so the email is fromMichelle and she says I would
like to start off this email bysaying I love your content so
much.
(23:54):
I like the information you putinto the world and I'm so
excited you are following yourdreams as a white woman in
America, I really loved yourblack history month episodes of
the podcast.
I feel like the people youtalked about didn't get any
attention and likelypurposefully done.
I have done more research onthose specific people because I
really wanted to learn more.
I like how proud you are to bea black woman.
It is truly inspiring.
Thank you so much, Michelle.
(24:16):
I really really appreciate that, like genuinely.
I appreciate all of you beinghere so much.
You guys have no idea how muchthis means to me.
I truly am following my dreamsright now and you guys are just
making my dreams come true, andI'm so so grateful for all of
you woman.
I'm a 39 year old woman, I livein Ohio and I have a twin sister
and half brother.
Our father passed away and Iwould like to get a headstone
(24:44):
made for him.
Now, my brother is specialneeds and when we got the plot
my stepmother, my dad's ex-wifewe decided to dig it deeper so
that my brother, David, could beburied with my father when he
passes away.
I thought it was a great ideaand I was totally in support of
it.
That being said, I recentlytexted in a group with my
brother and sister.
I said I would like to plan aday to get together and take a
look at pricing and options.
(25:05):
I even offered to pay for it.
I'm not rich by any means, but Iwant my dad to have a headstone
.
This is exactly how theconversation went, word for word
, and I can back it up because Istill have the text.
I don't erase anything and itsaved me many times.
Text I don't erase anything andit saved me many times.
Period.
I am the exact same way,because when a bitch want to
switch up, I can be like aht aht, that's not what you said.
December 9th 2013 at 7 (25:25):
52 am.
Like, be serious, I am the sameway.
I am a big proponent in neverdeleting anything, because you
never know when you're gonnaneed that shit again.
It too has saved me many a time.
Okay, so let's get into thesetexts.
So Michelle says I really wantto get dad a headstone.
What do you guys think?
I'll pay for it, but I'd wantyour input.
(25:46):
Low end placement will bearound 1500.
Danielle responds and says Iknow David has been wanting to
do this for a long time.
I really love for him to haveone, but I know David has a very
specific idea of what he wants.
I don't feel the need to giveany input on it, but would be
very happy for him to have one.
Finally, michelle responds andsays my one ask would be for it
to say Danny Pierce.
The price is just for basicgray.
(26:06):
Danielle responds and says hisbirth name was Daniel.
Why Danny?
Michelle says he hated beingcalled that.
I think he'd prefer that.
Danielle says then Daniel"danny Pierce would be a
compromise, michelle piercewould be a compromise.
Michelle says I thought youdidn't care.
Nobody called him daniel.
He didn't introduce himselfthat way to anybody.
Everyone in the family calledhim uncle danny or just danny.
Danielle responds and saysbecause daniel was his name
(26:27):
given to him at birth, shecapitalized birth.
We didn't put danny pierce onhis obituary.
Then Michelle responds and saysDavid, are you wanting to be
buried with dad still, or withyour wife?
He's's not married, but he'sbeen with a woman for like 20
years.
That is something we neverconsidered.
David says I'll have to getback to you on that.
Michelle says okay.
David says because I still haveto talk to Shaidale about it.
(26:49):
I'm assuming that's who he'sbeen with for 20 years.
Michelle says because I'd liketo get it by the end of the year
, there is only room for onemore, which would be you, David.
I don't visit him when I'm intown because it's been 18 years
and it's depressing to not haveanything there.
David says okay, but, like Isaid, I'll get back to you on
that.
Michelle says okay, do youthink you could have that
conversation sooner rather thanlater?
David says I'm kind of low onmoney right now.
(27:11):
So yeah, I'll talk to her aboutit today.
Michelle says you don't have topay for anything, I will take
care of it.
David says okay.
Michelle says thank you.
David says no problem.
Danielle then says we've triedto have this conversation many
times over 18 years and now allof a sudden we have to move so
quick because you want it done.
Michelle says I'm just tired ofit not happening.
We talked about it a coupleyears ago and then nothing
happened at all.
(27:32):
I offered to pay for it thentoo, just forget about it.
Danielle says I'm just sayingwe all have lives and can't just
jump.
Dude, you have no idea what'sgoing on in either of our lives.
So to just be like, hey, yeah,let's do it right now is a
little bit unreasonable.
But it's been 18 years and alsomichelle said that she'd like
to have it done by the end ofthe year.
So it's not like she's sayingwe need to have it done like
(27:54):
right now.
She's just asking to have theconversation and actually get it
done, which I completelyunderstand because, again, it's
been 18 years and so I feel likeample amount of time has been
given to get the headstone.
And also Michelle is offeringto pay for it.
So it's not like she's likeasking them to cough up money
last minute or by the end of theyear or whatever.
She's offering to pay for it.
(28:15):
So Danielle just seems to bebeing difficult for the sake of
being difficult.
But let's keep reading.
Michelle says you're acting likeI'm saying tomorrow.
I live in Toledo, moved therefrom Cleveland where my dad is
buried and my siblings live andwork two jobs.
I would like to actually makesomething happen.
I said by the end of the year,that's 10 months.
I don't think that'sunreasonable at all.
David says I'm going to beburied on top of dad.
(28:37):
End of discussion.
Michelle says that's fine withme.
So what kind of things are youwanting the stone to be like?
Can you get together nextSaturday, February 15th?
David says I don't have theproper funds for anything right
now.
Michelle has said multiple timeslike she's not worried about
the money.
What is wrong with these people?
Sorry, I don't mean to be likerude to your family members, but
like I just feel like they'rebeing difficult for no reason.
(28:57):
Michelle says again you don'thave to worry about money,
Rachel, and I will take care ofit.
We would just be going to lookand talk about ideas, not buying
anything right now.
David says well, my mom has theinformation.
Michelle says information wasgiven almost two decades ago.
So then Michelle says all right, are you free on the 15th?
We could go looking, okay?
So now Michelle says that'swhere the group text ended,
(29:18):
because her sister, danielle,texted her separately.
So in the separate textmessages.
Danielle says you should havesaid something to Teresa stepmom
.
She already paid for David to beburied on top of dad.
She had to put extra deep forthat reason.
Michelle says I don't thinkthat was extra for that.
If I remember correctly,danielle says it was.
She paid for him to be extradeep and paid for david's spot
on top of him.
(29:38):
Michelle says if I rememberright, they asked it was no
extra charge because they werealready digging.
Danielle says when was the lasttime you talked to David?
Michelle says he said hedoesn't agree with my lifestyle,
that he would have to thinkabout things.
So I haven't.
He deleted me from facebook.
I'm not going to force anyoneto be a part of my life if they
don't want to be.
Danielle responds and says now,he didn't, he got rid of
(29:59):
facebook altogether.
Oh, I think she meant no likeno, he didn't delete her, he got
rid of facebook altogether.
And then she says well, Davidis a bit different, and not
talking to him than justrandomly talking about a
headstone for dad is a bit muchfor him.
It's his headstone too.
Michelle says I'm tired ofwaiting.
It's coming on 18 years.
We talk about it every coupleof years and nothing happens.
I'm willing to pay for thestone.
(30:20):
I said that the last time wetalked too.
Danielle responds and saysDavid wants to help with it and
right now isn't a good time forhim.
It's not just about you.
I wish he had one too, butthink of how hard this is for
him too, facing his own eventualdeath.
I feel like no one is reallythinking about Michelle's
feelings either.
Like she said earlier that shehasn't visited the grave site of
her dad because it's depressing, since there's no headstone
(30:42):
there.
Like it just feels like it'slike a 2v1.
You know what I mean.
And it doesn't need to be a 2v1, because Michelle again is
offering to pay for theheadstone and also she's just
asking for their input and toget it done by the end of the
year, because it's been 18 years.
Like, I don't think thatMichelle is asking for too much.
(31:02):
Anyway, Michelle responds andsays I get that, but it's been
way too long.
Man, I just want to gettogether to take a look and talk
about options.
I think after almost 18 years,that's more than reasonable.
No decisions have to be made,but we can get ideas, look and
discuss.
And that may be true about himdeleting it Facebook.
But he deleted me long beforethat.
Ricky, who was her half sister,same mom but different dad had
(31:24):
asked me one day what his postwas about.
I went to look and he haddeleted me.
Danielle says I get all of that.
He handles things differently.
Let's be honest.
You've taken me off Facebookhow many times?
So what Michelle says I know hedoes.
That's not the point.
Everyone deals with thingsdifferently.
Danielle says yeah, but you aresaying about him doing the same
thing you did.
Michelle says you're missing mypoint.
He said he didn't delete mebecause he just went off
(31:46):
Facebook.
That's fine that he did that.
I'm just saying he did itbefore he got off his all.
Danielle says got it.
I mean, yeah, that's different.
If he's lying about it, thenyeah, that's completely
different.
Michelle is saying yeah, Ideleted you, but like I was
honest about it, david lied andsaid that he didn't delete me,
he just deleted facebook, but hedid actually delete me.
I feel like they're trying toderail the conversation, like
why are we focused on thefacebook thing when we're trying
(32:08):
to talk about getting dad aheadstone?
You know what I mean?
Like stupid argument.
So that was the end of theconversation.
Then Michelle says in her emailnow we haven't spoken a word
about it but honestly, we justnever talk.
I'm what you call an lbl lateblooming lesbian.
I didn't figure it out until Iwas 35 and was crazy confused.
My stepmother is a born-againchristian.
I'm not knocking religion, it'sjust for context, but I am more
(32:30):
spiritual than anyone else anddidn't want me to come out
because she didn't want mybrother to know.
My brother is 25.
I said I wasn't going to hidemy life for the sake of her not
wanting him to know.
We don't speak since then.
Also, my twin sister and Idon't speak because her husband
is a huge hunk of shit.
He's extremely racist,homophobic, misogynistic and a
huge supporter of trump thetypical white hillbilly trash
born and raised in west virginiamountains.
(32:51):
I am not allowed around thekids only two of three are his
with my fiance because hedoesn't want the kids exposed to
that, meaning the fact that sheis a lesbian and my sister is
complacent.
That is a whole other messystory of their marriage and how
they came to be.
It's wild.
You wouldn't believe me if Itold you.
Her and I have never been closefor a number of reasons.
Mainly, she is just a lessobvious hunk of shit than her
(33:13):
husband Always has her hand out.
The world owes her everythingand never does anything for
anyone without expectingsomething in return, and I hate
that about her.
But anyway, you have a huge fanin Toledo.
I love what you're doing andyour passion.
I really love watching yourTikToks and so happy your
Methany video came across my Foryou page.
I laugh and watch it all thetime.
That is some of my best work, Iwill say.
(33:34):
You are hilarious and I enjoyyour laughs so much.
Always looking forward to yournew episodes and I wish you luck
in everything you do.
Hopefully I end up hearing mystory and your take.
I have an idea of what I'd liketo do, but would love to hear
what you have to say, even ifyou don't waste an episode on it
.
I would love to get an emailback when you can get around to
it.
Take care and thank you foryour time and consideration.
Any questions, feel free to ask, as I am an open door, okay?
(33:55):
So, Michelle, I feel like I didhave questions until I got to
the end of your email and thenit all made sense to me because,
as I was reading the wholeemail, I was like none of this
combativeness makes sense.
You're telling them that you'llpay for the tombstone.
You're asking for it to be doneby the end of the year, which
it sounds like.
You started this conversationin February, so that's 10 months
(34:15):
more than than enough time.
And speaking of more thanenough time, it's been 18 years,
and so I could not understandwhy they were being so combative
.
But then when you told me thatyou're a lesbian and your family
is homophobic, it all madesense.
Personally, I don't think thatthis has anything to do with the
tombstone or with it just notbeing a good time or anything
(34:38):
like that.
I think that they just arehomophobic and they don't like
that you are a lesbian, so theydon't want to work with you.
First of all, I want to saythat I am so proud of you for
keeping your boundaries andstanding up for yourself and
cutting off whoever you neededto cut off in your journey of
figuring out your sexuality andrealizing that you are a lesbian
, because that is not an easything to do.
(34:59):
Like I said earlier in thisepisode, family can be your
biggest supporter or yourbiggest hater, and unfortunately
, it sounds like your familymight be your biggest hater.
I don't want to say that Iunderstand how you feel, because
everyone's feelings aredifferent, but again, my
siblings are my biggest haters,so I can I can relate to how you
might feel.
At the end of the day, I feellike no matter what you do, what
(35:19):
you say, how you go about it,there's always going to be some
sort of combativeness or excuseas to why it's not a good time,
and genuinely I don't think thatit has anything to do with the
headstone or it not being a goodtime.
It just sounds like your familydoes not want to work with you
or hear you out or anything,which is complete bullshit,
because you are trying to get aheadstone for your father and
(35:43):
that should trump everything.
But the thing about people whoare racist, homophobic, whatever
they have so much hate inthemselves.
They're filled with so muchhate that they have no space for
logic or common sense orreasoning, and so I feel like,
no matter what you do in thesituation, they will always be
combative.
(36:04):
So if I were you, I would justdo whatever the fuck I wanted to
do.
You've given them 18 years and10 months because you said by
the end of the year in your textmessages, right?
So you've given them ampleamount of time to all come
together and get your dad aheadstone.
So, honestly, what I would doin the situation, I would just
go forward with my plans.
If you wanna get your dad aheadstone, give your dad a
(36:26):
headstone Now.
If you want to still kind ofget their input because I can
understand, you know, wanting towork with your family and
different things like thatbecause it is your dad's
headstone so in a perfect worldyou guys would all come together
and work together to get yourdad a headstone.
So if that's the route that youfeel like you want to take, you
could absolutely send them ideas, you could continue to reach
(36:46):
out to them and at the end ofthe day, they continue to be
combative.
You tried.
You know what I mean.
You tried because my thing islike how long do they expect you
to try?
How long do they expect you todisregard your own feelings for
the sake of theirs?
Especially with your sister,she's just like oh, you can't
expect us to to do it tomorrow.
(37:08):
Whole time you didn't ask themto do it tomorrow, nor did you
ask them to even pay for it.
You offered to pay for it andit sounds like from your email
you've offered several times topay for it.
So if this is how they're gonnabe, if I were you I would just
go ahead with my plans.
And again, like I said, if youwant to have them involved in it
, or at least attempt to try tohave them involved in it, you
(37:29):
could send them ideas or, youknow, continue to try to have
that conversation, butunfortunately it does look like
it's not going to go anywhere.
Given the fact of what we saw inthe text messages and the fact
that it's been 18 years, I wouldjust move forward with whatever
you wanted to do.
Honestly, it doesn't seem likethey're going to want to work
with you.
From your sister's messages andhow they've treated you ever
(37:49):
since you've come out and justbeen open and honest about your
sexuality, it just doesn't seemlike they're the people that you
can work with.
And again, I honestly just feellike no matter what the
conversation is because thisconversation again is about your
dad's heads done and doingsomething for your father but
people who are racist,homophobic, etc.
They are so filled with hatethere is no reasoning with them,
(38:10):
unfortunately, in in any sortof capacity.
It doesn't matter what you'retrying to accomplish, whether it
be a world problem or somethingas simple as just getting a
headstone for your fatherthey're just not people that you
can work with and, asunfortunate as it is, especially
when it's family and you'retrying to do something for your
family and for your dad in aperfect world, you would be able
to just agree on a headstonefor your father, but
(38:32):
unfortunately the world is notperfect and people are going to
be people.
People are going to people,unfortunately.
So final answer if I were you,I would just move forward with
what I wanted to do and, if youwant to try to still get their
input, send them updates anddifferent things here and there,
but I wouldn't put too muchpressure on myself or hoping
them to really get around todoing it, because I just feel
(38:55):
like they would continue to becombative.
So do what you got to do becauseat the end of the day, like I
said, you get one life.
You get one chance to live yourlife.
You cannot live your life basedoff of other people, and I'm
sure you want to visit your dadand memorialize his resting
place and give him the tombstonethat he deserves.
So do your thing.
(39:15):
It's been 18 years.
You've given them 10 extramonths.
At this point, do what yougotta do.
Hope that helps, gosh.
It really makes me sad how bigof a haters your family can be
like.
In a perfect world, everyonewould have a great relationship
with their family members, butfamily members are.
I feel like some of the reasonfamily members behave the way
(39:37):
that they do is because theythink like oh, we're family, I'm
your sister, I'm your brother,like blah, blah, blah.
But it's like, because you aremy sister and my brother, you
should have more respect for meand more grace and more kindness
for me.
But you have the least amountof respect and grace and
kindness for me because you feellike at the end of the day,
we're still blood relatedpersonally, to me, blood
(39:59):
relation means nothing, becauseI couldn't decide who I was.
Blood related to.
That was forced upon me againstmy will, mind you right.
So so for me, I don't care whoyou are.
If you're blood related, ifyou're a lifelong friend,
whatever.
If you are not respectful of meand my life and my boundaries
and just who I am as a person,cut the fuck off.
(40:20):
I don't care, because again youget one fucking life, one life.
You do not have to spend yourlife around people who do not
respect who you are, especiallyif you were just living in your
truth, and your truth isn'thurting anybody.
Hating on someone who was justliving in their truth is a
choice.
It's not a good choice, butit's a choice.
And if that's the choice thatyou are making, then it is my
(40:43):
choice to not be around you,because I don't have to be
around you if all you're goingto do is bring me negativity
like.
Be around the people who bringyou peace.
That is what life is all about,no matter who that is.
And for the people who bringyou peace, that is what life is
all about, no matter who that is.
And for the people who don'tbring you peace if it's a family
member, if it's a grandma, ifit's a parent, whoever it is Cut
(41:03):
them off, let them go, becausethe sooner you are able to let
them go, that opens up space inyour life For the people who
will value you and treat you theway that you deserve to be
treated, to come in as we endthis week's episode, I hope that
each and every one of you knowyou are deserving of love and
peace and respect from thepeople who are in your life.
(41:25):
You deserve to live in yourtruth again, as long as that's
not harming anybody.
You deserve to live in yourtruth peacefully, respectfully.
And the second someone takeseven a morsel of that piece away
from you, let them go.
Let them go live your life theway you want to live your life.
(41:46):
Period, the end.
Thank you, guys, so much fortuning into today's episode,
Michelle.
I hope that that was helpful.
Thank you so much for yoursubmission for a WWDD.
I do not take it lightly thatyou guys want my advice or value
my opinion.
I'm really, really grateful forthat and I hope that it was
helpful and, honestly, go getyour dad a tombstone.
(42:07):
If you need any more advice orhelp or anything, feel free to
reach out.
My email is open and for anyoneelse who might want advice or
has a WWDD, feel free to emailme at thenapkininbetweenpodcast@
gmailcom.
If you would like to remainanonymous, please put that
somewhere in the email,preferably the header, because I
don't read the submissionsbefore the episode because I
(42:28):
want to give my honest, real,raw reactions and advice to them
.
But if you do want to beanonymous, please put that
somewhere in the email and Iwill keep your name and
everything else out of it.
Thank you guys.
So much again for tuning in.
I hope everyone is having agood day except for that orange
drink lady, and I will talk toyou in the next episode.
Peace and love.
Talk to you later.
The Napkin in Between, hostedby Daijné Jones, produced by
(42:50):
Daijné Jones, post-production byDaijné Jones, music by Sam
Champagne and graphics by IsmaVidal.
Don't forget to like andsubscribe.
See you next episode.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.