April 20, 2025 • 36 mins
Ever felt like you're screaming into the void while the walls keep closing in? That's exactly what it's like being a Black creator trying to combat racism on platforms designed to silence you.
When I started creating content in October 2022, I never imagined that simply responding to racist comments on my videos would lead to multiple account bans and being kicked out of TikTok's Creator Fund. The pattern became painfully clear: I would call out racism, my content would be flagged as "violating community guidelines," yet the original racist content remained untouched despite numerous reports.
The breaking point came when I changed my profile picture to an AI-generated image of myself as a white woman—and suddenly my banned account was restored within an hour. This wasn't coincidence; it was confirmation of what many Black creators have long suspected: that "community guidelines" function more like "Black people guidelines," applied selectively to silence those challenging the status quo.
What makes this struggle especially exhausting isn't just fighting the racism itself, but simultaneously battling the platforms supposedly designed to protect users. It feels like running repeatedly into a brick wall while being told to just keep going. And when I expressed needing a break for my mental health, I was met with well-intended but harmful comments urging me not to stop fighting—often from those not actively in the struggle themselves.
Finding your voice only to have it systematically silenced is triggering, especially after doing the internal work to overcome being talked over. That's why I'm shifting my energy to spaces where my voice can truly flourish: this podcast, YouTube, and Instagram. It's not about giving up the fight; it's about fighting smarter on battlegrounds where Black voices aren't automatically penalized.
Join me in these spaces where we can continue these important conversations without constantly being silenced. And remember: supporting Black creators means respecting their boundaries and understanding when they need to prioritize their wellbeing in hostile digital environments.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Daijné (00:00):
Is this thing on?
Hello, hello.
Uh-oh, another yapper with amic.
Hello everyone, and welcomeback to the Napkin In Between
Podcast.
I am your host, Daijné Jones.
I hope everyone is having agood week, except for that
(00:22):
orange drink, lady, of course.
As always, I want to hear whatthe peak of your week has been,
something that's made you smile,kept you grounded, made you
feel joy in the chaos that isthe world.
For me, the peak of my week waslast week's podcast episode.
If you haven't seen last week'sepisode, my friend Sam came and
we just got to chit-chat talk.
(00:44):
It's always a good timewhenever I get to connect with
sam.
She is great.
Love her so much.
Please stream her music.
If you are looking for someonein the music industry to work
with, reach out to her.
She is like one of the coolest,best people that I have ever
met in my entire life.
So it was great to have her onthe pod, because anytime we can
get together and talk, kiki,it's always a great time.
But it also allowed me to get alittle taste of what I hope
(01:05):
this podcast will one day belike.
My dream for this podcast wouldbe for me to be able to have my
friends and other contentcreators and different people
come on the pod and let's justtalk about life and politics and
just just anything.
You know what I mean.
And so it was so nice to havesam here.
First of all, she was theperfect first guest because,
(01:26):
like conversation with her isjust the easiest thing in the
world, but also it's just likelike oh, like that's what I want
.
I want more people to come on.
I want like I have alwayswanted a talk show.
That's just something that islike my long-term goal is I
would love to have a talk show,and so it was just like a little
taste of that and it was reallyexciting and, again, extremely
(01:47):
nerve-wracking.
But at the end of the day, morethan anything, it was exciting
and it was great to have her on.
So that was definitely the peakof my week.
It's just being able to kind ofsee what I hope for the future
happen for a smidge of time.
You know what I mean.
So I do hope and I do plan tohave more people on the pod.
My friends, hopefully, willcome on.
(02:09):
Like I think I've said thisbefore, I don't know if I said
it on the podcast, but I'vedefinitely said it before.
A lot of my friends don't likebeing on camera, which I fully
respect and I would never try todisrespect that.
Like my friends', comfort andtheir boundaries is more
important to me than anything.
But my friends are so smart andI love picking their brains and
hearing their thoughts andideas about the world and
(02:29):
politics and social commentaryand different things like that.
So hopefully one day they'llfeel comfortable coming on the
pod.
If not, obviously, again, theirboundaries are the most
important thing to me, but I dohope to have more people on the
pod, whether it be my friends orthe content creators or
different things like that.
So that was definitely the peakof my week is just being able
to have someone on the pod, andI hope to have more people on
(02:49):
the pod in the future, and Ihope that you guys enjoyed the
episode.
And again, if you ever needanything in the music industry,
reach out to Sam.
She is so talented and also sopassionate about music and she's
just a great person to workwith.
So anyway, that was the peak ofmy week?
Please tell me the peak of yourweek something that kept you
grounded, made you smile, keptyou sane in the chaos that is
(03:11):
this world on the completeopposite side of being so happy
and seeing something that I'veworked really hard for come to
fruition, um, I am heavilyconsidering.
Um, I am heavily consideringleaving TikTok.
I am extremely grateful for thecommunity and the love and
(03:31):
support that I have received onTikTok, but I feel like I have a
community on TikTok in spite ofthe app, not because of it.
Um, tiktok is really not a safespace for black people, black
content creators and especiallyblack people and content
creators who call out racism,homophobia, transphobia,
(03:54):
misogyny, etc.
And it's extremely bittersweetI don't want to cry it's
extremely bittersweet to even beconsidering leaving TikTok
because, again, that's likewhere I started in my whole
content creation journey, but,at the same time, like it's
always been a little bitmentally taxing, and it's only
(04:16):
getting more so with creatingcontent on TikTok, and so I'm
really considering leaving and,as always, I love being candid
and open and honest with youguys about my content creation
journey and just life in general, and so I want to talk about
the full timeline of how I gotfrom starting my content
creation journey on TikTok tonow heavily considering leaving
(04:38):
the app Not entirely, but mostly, so let's get into it.
So I have been creating contenton TikTok since October 22nd
2022.
Content creation has always beensomething that I was interested
in, but I always had a lot ofanxiety around being perceived
and really putting myself outthere, and I eventually just
(05:00):
said to myself like I wouldrather try and fail than not try
at all, because, at the end ofthe day, people are going to
people.
They're going to judge you ifthat's what they want to do.
So I just got to the pointwhere I was like I can't keep
living my life afraid of otherpeople's opinions when the only
opinion that truly matters is myown Like.
If I like what I'm doing and ifI find joy and fulfillment in
(05:24):
the things that I'm doing,that's the only thing that
matters, not anyone else'sopinion, of course, as long as
that's not hurting anybody andme making silly little videos on
TikTok isn't hurting anybody.
And so when I was finally like,okay, I'm gonna post on TikTok
and try this content creationthing, the first thing that I
did was I made a brand newTikTok page from scratch,
because I had a TikTok page butpeople that I followed, or
(05:45):
people that I knew in real life,followed me there, and I was
just not comfortable with that.
I just didn't want them to seemy videos.
And it's not that I felt likethey were going to judge me or
anything, but I was just like Ijust want to start from scratch.
You know what I mean.
And so I made a brand newTikTok page and I also blocked
everyone that I knew in reallife on this new page.
And again, it's not that Ithought that they were going to
(06:09):
judge me or anything, but whenyou're creating content like
your audience isn't gonna bepeople that you know in real
life.
I can't explain it.
I I don't know the sciencebehind it, but that's just how I
felt was like like people thatI know in real life just aren't
my audience.
So I blocked everyone that Iknew in real life and I just
started posting.
(06:29):
And when I initially startedposting on TikTok, I was just
posting silly little videos,like jumping on trends.
I would do like daily vlogs, um, sharing my thoughts here and
there, just like silly littlethoughts, though like not like
the political content that Ipost now.
It was really just like sillylittle videos.
And every video that I postedI've said this before, on the
pod, I think but every singlevideo that I posted, no matter
(06:51):
what it was, whether it was justa trend, whether it was just me
talking about like my dailylife or sharing my thoughts
there would be someone on myvideos being racist towards me,
commenting on my hair, on myskin, calling me the hardy are
like.
And I'm just like, like whatthe fuck is y'all's issue?
Like like I'm just living mylife.
(07:12):
Why is that such an issue foryou?
You know what I mean, and so atfirst I was ignoring it because
I was like I don't really wantto give these people the time of
day.
But I noticed like the more Iignored it, the more the same
people were coming back and likecommenting the same thing.
So I was like, okay, you knowwhat, I'm gonna start calling
(07:32):
you bitches out.
So I started making responsevideos to some of the comments
that I was getting and just likecalling out the racism and also
shaming them as well, becauseand I've said this before we
need to bully bullies.
If you feel like it is okay foryou to bully someone, you need
a taste of your own medicine.
I have a master's degree insocial work and I worked as a
therapist before I got intonanny and content creation, and
(07:55):
something that we learned inschool when I was studying
social work is that you have tomeet people where they are, and
I I know they probably didn'tmean it in the way that I'm
taking it, but like, if that'swhere you're at, if where you're
at in life is being a bully,I'm going to meet you where you
are because that's what Ilearned in school.
So if you don't like it, referto the professors who taught me
(08:19):
that you're supposed to meetpeople where you are.
I don't know what to tell you.
So I started, you know,clapping back and calling out
their racism and also tellingthem that their parents were
probably cuslings and theirfamily tree is a wreath and you
know, just just silly littlethings, nothing crazy.
And eventually I was like youknow what?
Like I'm not hating enough,like, yeah, I'm doing a great
job, but we can always do more.
(08:39):
You know what I mean.
So that's when I started likereaching out to people's
families and their employers andsending them you know, the
racist bullshit they werespewing online, because I feel
like the first step is publiclyshaming you, but the second step
is your life also beingnegatively affected by racism,
because my life is negativelyaffected by it.
So if my life is going to benegatively affected by racism
(09:03):
and you're perpetuating thatracism, I feel like your life
should be negatively affected aswell.
Again, we got to meet peoplewhere they're at and we have to
give them a taste of their ownmedicine.
So I started sending you knowmessages to their employers and
their family members anddifferent things like that and
posting about it.
And I noticed that whenever Iwould respond to the racism, my
(09:23):
content would be taken down or Iwould get strikes on my account
or I would be told that I'mviolating community guidelines
and I'm like I'm calling outracism, homophobia, transphobia,
misogyny, etc.
Like a lot of my content was meresponding to people's racism,
homophobia, transphobia, etc.
So why is it a communityguidelines violation when I'm
(09:43):
responding to people's racism,homophobia, transphobia, etc.
So why is it a communityguidelines violation when I'm
responding to it?
But they can do these thingsand when I report it, it's no
violation.
They're able to be racist,homophobic, transphobic,
misogynistic, etc.
And that's not a problem, butme calling that out is a problem
and y'all don't see how that'sa problem.
(10:06):
Like, can we be fucking forreal?
And also, mind you, this allstarted because I was posting
silly little videos of just mylife and people were upset that
I was just living my life andfelt the need to be racist
towards me.
Like y'all could have left mealone Crazy fucking thought, I
don't know.
But y'all could have just likescrolled.
Like y'all could have left mealone Crazy fucking thought, I
don't know but y'all could havejust like scrolled, like I'm
(10:27):
just living my life, I'm notdoing anything, I'm not hurting
anyone, so why are you here?
If you don't like it, then justgo.
But of course racists they like.
Hating for them isn't enough.
They have to also inflict painor misery or harm onto other
people.
That's the only way that theyfeel joy in their racism is if
they feel like they're activelyhurting other people.
(10:50):
Anyway, so I'm noticing that I'mgetting all of these account
strikes and my content's beingremoved and I'm told that I'm
violating community guidelines.
And it got to the point wheremy first account that I had it
got banned in.
I believe it was November of2024.
So I had previously had mybackup account which I was on,
but it also just got banned thismorning.
(11:11):
We'll get to that in a second,but I moved over to my backup
account and I changed my contenta little bit because I was
trying to make sense of why myfirst account got banned and I
thought that maybe it wasbecause I was posting people's
jobs and different things likethat, and while all that
information that I got waspublic information, so it
(11:32):
couldn't be considered doxing, Ithought, okay, maybe I just
shouldn't post this information.
So when I got on my secondaccount and I was calling out
the racism, the homophobia, thetransphobia, et cetera I wasn't
posting their jobs and differentthings like that anymore.
Like I was just calling it out.
I would take a snippet of theirvideo where they were, you know
, being racist, homophobic,whatever, and I would respond to
(11:55):
that.
So again and this is how mycontent has really always been
is like I take other people'svideos that they're being very
clearly racist, homophobic,transphobic, etc.
In and I respond to that whilealso bullying them, because,
again, I feel like we need tobully, bullies.
And so when I kind of changedaround my content a little bit,
I was still sending people'sracist stuff to their employers,
(12:17):
but I wasn't posting it online,which I don't know if you guys
knew.
But yeah, I was still sendingit to their employers and
different things like that.
I just thought that maybe thatwas the reason my old account
got banned because I was postingabout it, and so my old account
got banned because I wasposting about it.
And so I just stopped postingabout it and I noticed that my
(12:38):
content was staying up and Iwasn't.
It wasn't getting flaggedanymore.
So I was like okay, so likemaybe that was the issue.
But then, in february of 2025, Igot kicked out of the creator
fund.
Now, if you're not familiarwith the creator fund, tiktok
will pay you for your videos ifthey're over a minute.
So I was making money off ofsome of my videos.
So they kick me out of the fundbecause I'm violating community
guidelines.
Now, at this point again, noneof my videos have been taken
down.
I have no strokes on my account.
(12:59):
My account wasn't flagged inany way, like nothing.
So I appealed you know me beingkicked out of the program.
Because I was like none of mycontent has been taken down.
Like what's the issue?
I'm immediately met with appealdenied.
They're not letting me backinto the creator fund.
So I'm like okay, whatever,like I still have my job.
It's not like I'm dependent onTikTok.
I would never quit my job andjust depend on TikTok, because
(13:19):
TikTok is way too fucking shady,especially with content
creators who are black or whoare, you know, speaking about
racism and different things likethat.
So it was like, yeah, I wasupset that I was kicked out of
the fund and I wasn't makingmoney, but at the same time,
like again, I wasn't dependenton it and I felt like my content
was important, so I continuedto post my content and do what I
(13:40):
was doing.
So then March rolls around andonce they kick you out of the
creative fund, after 30 days youcan reapply.
So I reapplied in March and I'magain was immediately met with
your content violates communityguidelines.
So I'm like again, none of mycontent's been taken down, none
of it's been flagged.
(14:01):
Like what am I doing?
That's wrong Because, let's notforget, also, on top of none of
my content being taken down orflagged or anything, I'm
responding to other people'scontent.
Their content is fine.
Whole time their content islittered with racism, homophobia
, misogyny, transphobia, but myresponse to that content is a
(14:22):
problem.
You're confused, I'm fuckingconfused.
But again I'm just like, okay,continuing to make my content.
April then rolls around, so it'sanother 30 days.
I reapply for the creatorrewards program Immediately,
again told your content violatescommunity guidelines.
So at this point, three monthsin a row February, march, april
(14:46):
I'm not allowed in the creatorfund.
So I'm like let me try to getsome more information about,
like, what the fuck I'm doingwrong.
Because as of right now, Idon't understand, because, again
, none of my content was takendown, none of it was flagged,
nothing.
So I'm like let me maybe emailthem and try to figure out what
is going on.
So I email TikTok and I'm like,hey, for the past couple of
(15:08):
months I've been told that I'mnot eligible for the creator
fund because my content violatescommunity guidelines.
Can I please have some moreinformation as to what I'm doing
wrong, specifically whatcommunity guidelines I'm
violating?
Because the whole purpose of mypage is to create a safe space
and I do that by calling outracism, homophobia etc.
In other people's content.
(15:29):
So what exactly am I doingwrong by calling out the racism
of other people's content thatI've reported and y'all have
told me there's no violation?
So I get an email back and I'mtold that I have to refer to the
in-app explanation that Ireceived as to why I'm not being
allowed in the creator fund.
Now the only thing that it saidwas that I violate community
(15:49):
guidelines.
It doesn't say exactly whichones.
Like that's all it says is youviolate a community guideline.
So I emailed back and I waslike there really wasn't much of
an in-app explanation.
All it says is I'm violatingcommunity guidelines.
It doesn't specify which ones.
And I'm also confused as to howI'm violating guidelines when
none of my content has beentaken down, when my account has
(16:10):
no strikes.
Like it's not making sense.
I don't get an email back.
They never email me back.
I emailed them several times.
I submitted several supporttickets to try to understand
what exactly I was doing wrong.
I hear nothing back.
The only thing that happens isnow my content starts to be
taken down.
I start to get strikes on myaccount Literally content that
(16:33):
has been up for months.
I posted a video in February.
In April, they took the videodown and gave me a strike on my
account and said that my accountwas at risk of being banned.
Now obviously I have twoworking brains, so I can put two
and two together that this isno fucking coincidence.
Y'all are trying to buildprobable cause as to why you're
(16:57):
gonna eventually ban my account?
Simply because I called out thebullshit of your explanation as
to why you wouldn't just pay mefor my content.
Because, as we know, tiktok andsociety as a fucking whole
loves to profit off of the workof black people while, in return
, not allowing black people toprofit themselves.
(17:18):
So my account is now gettingall of these strikes and I have
this thing on my profile thatsays like account ban warning
and then eventually my accountgets banned.
The first time my account getsbanned.
The first time my account wasbanned was Saturday April 12th,
(17:38):
and I had 30 minutes before myaccount got banned.
I had made a backup accountbecause y'all had asked me to
make a backup account.
I was really against making abackup account because the
account that I was on wasalready a backup account.
So I'm like I'm tired ofcreating new accounts on this
app when they're just going tocontinue to do the exact same
thing.
It's like I'm running myselfinto a brick wall that I don't
even really have to run myselfinto.
You know what I mean?
Because, at the end of the day,they are going to continue to
(18:01):
let racism, homophobia, misogyny, etc.
Flourish on their app andthey're always going to demonize
the calling out of those things.
So I was really, really, reallyagainst making a third account
at this point.
But you guys asked me to and Ido feel like the content that I
create is very important.
So I was like, okay, I'll makeanother account.
(18:23):
So, 30 minutes before my accountgot banned, I made a backup
account and so I went on thatbackup account and I was very,
very, very fucking frustratedbecause this is now the second
account of mine that had beenbanned and I was just like I I
(18:44):
really don't want to do thisanymore.
Like I was crying and like Imade a video, just like I'm
gonna take a break from TikTok,like I said that I would still
be on my podcast, my personalYouTube, instagram, whatever.
But like I just felt likeTikTok is becoming well.
If we're being honest, tiktokhas always been an unsafe space
for black creators.
(19:05):
Whether it be the treatmentthat we receive on the app that,
again, you can report and itsays no violation whether it be,
you know, creating content forthe app and not being paid for
it at all, or gettingsignificantly less pay than your
white counterparts, whether itbe not receiving the same
opportunities, like tiktok isjust not a safe space for black
(19:27):
people and it's just reallyexhausting and tiring to feel
like not only am I trying tofight the system of racism, but
I'm also fighting the app itselfto be heard.
And I've done a lot of internalwork because I used to allow
people to speak over me, alwayslike I was just like the go with
(19:50):
the flow.
People person call me a fuckingdoormat.
I'm letting everybody walk overme and I feel like I've finally
, in these past couple of years,I've really found my voice and
I've really done the work tounpack why it is that I allow
people to talk over me or todisrespect me.
And so, if I'm being fullyhonest, it feels like I'm trying
(20:13):
to use my voice on TikTok andthey're constantly shutting me
down, which is extremely fuckingtriggering for me, because I've
done so much work to not bethat person, to not allow anyone
or anything take my voice awayfrom me, and so to constantly
feel like I'm being stripped ofmy voice, it's just really
(20:33):
really triggering.
So I was like I don't want tobe on tick tock anymore, so I
made a video and I was just likeI'm gonna take a break from the
app.
I'll still be on, you know, mypodcast, instagram, personal
youtube, everything like thatbut like I need a break from
this app.
Like an hour after I made thisvideo, my main account was
restored and I was like, oh well, this is awkward.
(20:57):
I was like why was I justcrying on the fucking internet
only for my account to berestored?
But also like that was real,like that's how I felt, like it
was.
It's so exhausting to feel likeracism always wins and that's
like how I felt in the moment.
It was just like no matter howmuch I try to fight it, racism,
(21:20):
like we're never gonna progress,we're never gonna get better.
Racism will always have theupper hand at the end of the day
.
And I was just so exhausted andso defeated.
I felt so fucking defeated inthat moment.
But my main account was restoredand I genuinely feel like like
someone had commented on.
I made a video on my mainaccount where I was talking
(21:41):
about how, you know, tiktok wastelling me that my account was
at risk of being banned blah,blah, blah.
And someone commented and waslike why don't you change your
profile picture to a white womanand see if it makes Huckley be
alone?
And I was like, oh my god, likethat's low-key, a really good
idea.
So I took one of my pictures.
I put it in chat gbt.
I asked chat gbt to make me awhite woman and it did so.
(22:02):
I put that as my profilepicture and I genuinely believe
that that was why my account gotrestored.
They saw that white woman andthey were like, oh my god, why
would we ever ban a whitewoman's account?
We have to restore thisimmediately.
And so, like an hour after myaccount got banned, it was
restored.
So I was back on my old account.
I still had, you know, thebackup, just in case, and
(22:24):
thankfully I had made thatbackup, because now we here we
are today, monday, monday April14th, and my main account was
just banned, like an hour beforeI filmed this episode.
I don't know why I haven'treally even created any content,
since it's only been twofucking days Like I've posted
two videos max since my accountwas restored.
(22:45):
And yeah, I called out this manbecause he is a small business
owner and voted for Trump, andnow he's saying that he's gonna
lose his business because of thetariffs.
But like I was quite nice, Ifeel like, anyway, did I say he
kisses his cousin.
Yeah, is it probably true?
Yeah, like god forbid, a womanspeaks the truth fuck.
But anyway, my main account isnow banned again.
(23:07):
Why, I don't fucking know,because I didn't even really do
anything.
I mean, I did post a video thismorning about JLo but, like
also again, I didn't sayanything.
That was a lie.
I just said that she wasdelusional and she is Like God
forbid a bitch have a fuckinghobby, and that hobby is telling
the fucking truth and spreadingawareness, holy shit.
(23:28):
So I submitted another appealto see if my man account will be
unbanned.
So I'm waiting to hear backabout that.
But at the same time, just likeI am tired of playing the games
that TikTok plays, like Igenuinely don't even know that I
want to be on the app anymorebecause it's just not a safe
space.
Black people are so mistreatedeverywhere digitally, socially,
(23:53):
like and I'm just, I'm just overit and I I feel like they're
not even worth my time andenergy when they're just going
to continue to do what they'redoing right now, which is try to
take away.
You know me calling out racism,homophobia, whatever, while at
the same time allowing peoplewho are racist, homophobic,
misogynistic to go viral, andwhen you call out that or when
(24:16):
you submit a report that it's,you know, harmful, they'll just
come back with no violation.
But I'll get violations becauseI call it out like it's just
not a safe space.
It's not anywhere that I feellike I'm being as productive as
I can be you know what I and itkind of sucks because I know
that you guys enjoy those videosand I enjoy making them, but at
(24:40):
the same time it's just like Ifeel like I'm screaming into the
void because I'm just going tocontinue to be penalized for
calling out racism, homophobiaand other forms of oppression.
And I have to say also, like ontop of the frustration that I
felt from the app and thembanning my account, the response
(25:01):
that I got on my video of metalking about how I needed to
take a break also was quiteupsetting.
I will say the majority of youunderstood.
The majority of you were liketake your break, do what you
have to do for your mentalhealth, and I'm so, so grateful
for that and I appreciate thatmore than I could ever express.
But there was also some of youwho were saying things like no,
(25:23):
don't leave, like we need you,you have to keep fighting, don't
cry.
This is what they want.
They want to see you upset andI need y'all to understand that
that is so fucking harmful andso hurtful.
I'm trying to be very carefulwith my words, because I
(25:44):
understand that it comes from agood place.
I understand that you guysthink that that is helpful, but
it's really not.
As I said before, posting onTikTok and calling out different
forms of oppression andconstantly being penalized for
that, it feels like you know,I'm trying to fight the system
(26:05):
and then I'm also having tofight the app as well, the app
that says oh, we want this to bea safe space.
And I'm trying to create a safespace by calling all of this
out and they're telling me no,you can't do that.
That's not the safe space thatwe're talking about, because, if
we're being honest, they reallyneed to change it from
community guidelines to blackpeople guidelines, because it
(26:27):
seems like that's the onlypeople that the community
guidelines actually apply to isblack people.
And it's just exhausting tofeel like I am constantly
running myself into a brick walland I'm just like I'm.
I'm over it, I'm tired of doingit and I feel like we say so
much like, oh, we should listento black women.
We have to listen to blackwomen, and that includes every
(26:49):
time, like that also includeswhen a black woman says, hey,
I'm struggling mentally, I needto take a step back and again, I
understand the sentiment.
But, like so many comments werelike, oh my god, no, we need to
keep speaking out, we need tokeep fighting, we need to this,
we need to that.
Ho, do you speak french?
Because I just clicked on yourprofile and it's completely
(27:13):
blank.
So who is this?
We that you're referring to?
Because we kind of just lookslike me, like you.
You haven't posted a singlevideo, you haven't reposted a
single video and you're herescreaming about.
We need to keep talking, weneed to keep speaking out.
(27:34):
I'm a little confused, like I'ma little bit confused, because
it's like I agree, we do need tospeak out, we do need to call
out racism and different formsof oppression, and the key word
in all of this is we.
This has to be a communitything.
I am not captain, save a hoe.
This needs to be a groupproject, and it sometimes feels
(27:56):
like you know how in school,when there was like a group
project and not everybody waspulling their weight.
That's how it feels sometimes,especially when I get comments
like no, please don't leave,like we have to keep fighting,
and it's like you haven't posteda single video about anything.
So I just want to encouragepeople like and again, I
understand it comes from a goodplace, I understand that the
(28:16):
sentiment behind it you meanwell, but we have to consider
impact over intent.
Like your intentions might begreat and I I see that, but the
impact of your words isextremely harmful.
I am human.
I am a real human with realemotions and real struggles, and
for me to be vulnerable and forme to say, hey, I'm really
(28:40):
emotionally drained, that was alot for me to do, so to be met
with.
Oh my god, no, please, we needyou.
You have to keep fighting, nothelpful, extremely invalidating
to my feelings and to how fuckedup the situation is.
I shouldn't have to keepcreating new accounts because
(29:01):
I'm calling out racism.
Meanwhile, the racism continuesto flourish and is allowed to
flourish, and that's why I feellike I need to not fully get off
of the app, but take a stepback from the app Because, at
the end of the day, like this isimportant for me to talk about.
This is what I want to talkabout and they're continuously
showing me.
(29:21):
We don't want you to speakabout this here, and that's
another thing is like when Iposted that video and I was like
I'm going to take a step backfrom this app, I literally said
I'll still be on my podcast,I'll still be on Instagram, my
personal YouTube channel, etc.
And it was like I don't know ifpeople didn't hear that, like I
(29:43):
wasn't saying that I'm just notgoing to talk about racism or
not call it out Obviously not.
I'm always going to call it out, but I just don't feel safe and
comfortable doing it on TikTokanymore, and I think that that
is extremely valid, given howit's being received by the app.
They're constantly taking itdown, they're constantly telling
me what you're doing is wrong,so why would I continue to run
(30:05):
myself into this wall on TikTokand not just take my talents and
my abilities elsewhere, whereit will be appreciated, where it
will flourish?
And I'm not saying that, likeany other social media app, is
completely safe for black people, because, again, I don't feel
like there's any real safe spacefor black people and to call
out racism and different thingslike that.
(30:26):
But so far on the podcast.
Knock on wood, like I haven'tgotten in any trouble when
calling out racism or homophobiaor the shit that donald trump
is doing.
None of my content has beentaken down, none of it's been
flagged.
I haven't been penalized for ityet.
So for right now, this feelslike a safer space for me to
(30:47):
talk about the things that Iwant to talk about, and so
that's why I feel like I need toget off of the app is because
it's just not a safe space andI'm tired of being penalized for
calling out racism.
When I'm literally stitchingother people's content and
calling out their racism andtheir content is completely fine
, nothing happens to it, but I'mpenalized.
(31:08):
So I just wanted to remindeveryone, as we wrap up this
episode, like, think about whatyou're saying to people before
you say it.
Because, again, I understandthat the intent behind the oh my
God, we need you, da, da da.
I understand you mean well byit, but it's extremely
invalidating and it's just, it'sjust terrible advice.
(31:29):
Like I saw someone hadcommented and was like don't,
don't cry, don't show them, likethat's what they want.
They want to see you upsetbecause of the racism terrible
advice.
Terrible advice, first andforemost, if someone is actively
trying to make your life harder, and not only trying, but also
succeeding.
That is frustrating and it isokay to be frustrated by that.
(31:52):
That is a normal human reaction.
And also, I don't give a fuckif that's what they want.
I don't give a fuck if whatthey want is to see me upset
because I'm not living my lifeunder the microscope of racist
white people.
I don't care if that bringsthem joy.
That's my feelings and myfeelings are fucking valid.
(32:13):
So, yeah, maybe you're right,maybe they do find joy and maybe
that's what they want is to seeme cry.
And you know what?
I don't care, because at theend of the day, it's upsetting
and it's okay that I am beinghuman and being real and raw and
honest about how fuckingupsetting it is.
So just think about you, knowwhat you're saying and please
(32:35):
don't forget like yes, I guessI'm a content creator, but
before I'm a content creator,I'm a human with real human
emotions and it's frustrating.
This entire situation isfrustrating and I'm valid in my
frustration and I'm valid inshowing my frustration and I'm
valid in saying I don't want tobe here anymore because of the
(32:55):
way that I am treated.
So, with all that being said, Iam going to be doing what's best
for me and, again, I'm notleaving the app completely, but
I do plan on taking a major stepback.
So find me on my other socials.
I have my podcast, I haveInstagram, I have my personal
YouTube channel.
Find me on my other socials.
I have my podcast, I haveInstagram, I have my personal
YouTube channel and that'sthat's where I will be, because
(33:16):
I'm just tired of giving my timeand energy to people and spaces
that don't appreciate it anddon't deserve it.
So, moving forward, if youenjoy, you know, my political
content, my social commentary,that's what I'm going to use the
podcast for.
But, as I've been sayingrecently, like I do want to do
more lifestyle content and like,just like the content that I
(33:38):
initially started out with onTikTok is just like silly little
content, vlogs, differentthings like that.
So that'll be on my personalYouTube channel and also
probably some stories here aswell.
But yeah, I'm just I'm reallytired of TikTok and their antics
and, honestly, I feel like theapp's probably going to go away
soon anyway, because Trump is inthis trade war with China and
(33:59):
TikTok kind of hangs in thebalance of that.
There was a deal on the tableand then, because of his tariffs
, tiktok reneged on the deal.
So I feel like TikTok isprobably going to go away at
some point anyway.
So it's probably a good ideaanyway to get off of it, because
it's probably not going to beavailable at some point in the
near future.
So you can find me here, youcan find me on my instagram, you
(34:19):
can find me on my personalyoutube channel um, those are
the spaces that I want to put mytime and energy into, because
so far I've had better reception, um, on those spaces.
So, yeah, in the future, that'sthat's where I'll be.
And again, I I have abittersweet relationship with
tiktok because it is where itall started for me.
Um, it's where my contentcreation journey started, and so
(34:43):
it is a little bittersweet tobe leaving the app or even be
considering leaving the app, um,but at the same time, it's like
growth is about realizing whena space is no longer safe for
you and when a space is nolonger serving you.
And it's scary.
It is really scary because it'slike when I first started my
content creation journey, Ididn't even think that there was
(35:04):
going to be one person whowould want to like tune into me,
let alone as my account hasbeen right now.
I was at 420,000, right and soI kind of feel like I am
starting from square one again,which is really, really scary
and intimidating and frustrating.
But you know, I did it beforeand I can do it again.
(35:25):
So this is where I'll be andthese are the places that I plan
on focusing on and building forthe future.
So, for those of you who areonly on TikTok because I've
gotten a few people like, oh,tiktok is the only social media
app that I'm on Thank you forsupporting me while I was on
there, and again I'll be onthere here and there, but my
(35:47):
main focus is going to be thepodcast and my personal YouTube
channel and Instagram.
So if you decide to ventureover here, I would love that.
If not do what works for you, Ihave to do what's best for me
at the end of the day.
So, for those of you who arehere and who will be here,
welcome and thank you forfollowing me and being a part of
my community across alldifferent platforms.
(36:09):
I do not take this lightly.
I am so, so grateful for all ofyou and I appreciate your love
and support and just Iappreciate you rocking with me,
because I'm rocking with y'alland I love, I love you and I
appreciate it so, so much.
So thank you for tuning in totoday's episode.
I hope everyone is having agood day, except for that orange
(36:29):
drink, lady, and I will talk toyou in the next episode.
Peace and love.
Talk to you in the next episode.
Peace and love.
Talk to you later.
The Napkin in Between, hosted byDaijné Jones, produced by
Daijné Jones, post-production byDaijné Jones, music by Sam
Champagne and graphics by IsmaVidal.
Don't forget to like andsubscribe.
See you next episode.
Is this thing on?
Hello, hello.
Uh-oh, another yapper with amic.
Hello everyone, and welcomeback to the Napkin In Between
Podcast.
I am your host, Daijné Jones.
I hope everyone is having agood week, except for that
(00:22):
orange drink, lady, of course.
As always, I want to hear whatthe peak of your week has been,
something that's made you smile,kept you grounded, made you
feel joy in the chaos that isthe world.
For me, the peak of my week waslast week's podcast episode.
If you haven't seen last week'sepisode, my friend Sam came and
we just got to chit-chat talk.
(00:44):
It's always a good timewhenever I get to connect with
sam.
She is great.
Love her so much.
Please stream her music.
If you are looking for someonein the music industry to work
with, reach out to her.
She is like one of the coolest,best people that I have ever
met in my entire life.
So it was great to have her onthe pod, because anytime we can
get together and talk, kiki,it's always a great time.
But it also allowed me to get alittle taste of what I hope
(01:05):
this podcast will one day belike.
My dream for this podcast wouldbe for me to be able to have my
friends and other contentcreators and different people
come on the pod and let's justtalk about life and politics and
just just anything.
You know what I mean.
And so it was so nice to havesam here.
First of all, she was theperfect first guest because,
(01:26):
like conversation with her isjust the easiest thing in the
world, but also it's just likelike oh, like that's what I want
.
I want more people to come on.
I want like I have alwayswanted a talk show.
That's just something that islike my long-term goal is I
would love to have a talk show,and so it was just like a little
taste of that and it was reallyexciting and, again, extremely
(01:47):
nerve-wracking.
But at the end of the day, morethan anything, it was exciting
and it was great to have her on.
So that was definitely the peakof my week.
It's just being able to kind ofsee what I hope for the future
happen for a smidge of time.
You know what I mean.
So I do hope and I do plan tohave more people on the pod.
My friends, hopefully, willcome on.
(02:09):
Like I think I've said thisbefore, I don't know if I said
it on the podcast, but I'vedefinitely said it before.
A lot of my friends don't likebeing on camera, which I fully
respect and I would never try todisrespect that.
Like my friends', comfort andtheir boundaries is more
important to me than anything.
But my friends are so smart andI love picking their brains and
hearing their thoughts andideas about the world and
(02:29):
politics and social commentaryand different things like that.
So hopefully one day they'llfeel comfortable coming on the
pod.
If not, obviously, again, theirboundaries are the most
important thing to me, but I dohope to have more people on the
pod, whether it be my friends orthe content creators or
different things like that.
So that was definitely the peakof my week is just being able
to have someone on the pod, andI hope to have more people on
(02:49):
the pod in the future, and Ihope that you guys enjoyed the
episode.
And again, if you ever needanything in the music industry,
reach out to Sam.
She is so talented and also sopassionate about music and she's
just a great person to workwith.
So anyway, that was the peak ofmy week?
Please tell me the peak of yourweek something that kept you
grounded, made you smile, keptyou sane in the chaos that is
(03:11):
this world on the completeopposite side of being so happy
and seeing something that I'veworked really hard for come to
fruition, um, I am heavilyconsidering.
Um, I am heavily consideringleaving TikTok.
I am extremely grateful for thecommunity and the love and
(03:31):
support that I have received onTikTok, but I feel like I have a
community on TikTok in spite ofthe app, not because of it.
Um, tiktok is really not a safespace for black people, black
content creators and especiallyblack people and content
creators who call out racism,homophobia, transphobia,
(03:54):
misogyny, etc.
And it's extremely bittersweetI don't want to cry it's
extremely bittersweet to even beconsidering leaving TikTok
because, again, that's likewhere I started in my whole
content creation journey, but,at the same time, like it's
always been a little bitmentally taxing, and it's only
(04:16):
getting more so with creatingcontent on TikTok, and so I'm
really considering leaving and,as always, I love being candid
and open and honest with youguys about my content creation
journey and just life in general, and so I want to talk about
the full timeline of how I gotfrom starting my content
creation journey on TikTok tonow heavily considering leaving
(04:38):
the app Not entirely, but mostly, so let's get into it.
So I have been creating contenton TikTok since October 22nd
2022.
Content creation has always beensomething that I was interested
in, but I always had a lot ofanxiety around being perceived
and really putting myself outthere, and I eventually just
(05:00):
said to myself like I wouldrather try and fail than not try
at all, because, at the end ofthe day, people are going to
people.
They're going to judge you ifthat's what they want to do.
So I just got to the pointwhere I was like I can't keep
living my life afraid of otherpeople's opinions when the only
opinion that truly matters is myown Like.
If I like what I'm doing and ifI find joy and fulfillment in
(05:24):
the things that I'm doing,that's the only thing that
matters, not anyone else'sopinion, of course, as long as
that's not hurting anybody andme making silly little videos on
TikTok isn't hurting anybody.
And so when I was finally like,okay, I'm gonna post on TikTok
and try this content creationthing, the first thing that I
did was I made a brand newTikTok page from scratch,
because I had a TikTok page butpeople that I followed, or
(05:45):
people that I knew in real life,followed me there, and I was
just not comfortable with that.
I just didn't want them to seemy videos.
And it's not that I felt likethey were going to judge me or
anything, but I was just like Ijust want to start from scratch.
You know what I mean.
And so I made a brand newTikTok page and I also blocked
everyone that I knew in reallife on this new page.
And again, it's not that Ithought that they were going to
(06:09):
judge me or anything, but whenyou're creating content like
your audience isn't gonna bepeople that you know in real
life.
I can't explain it.
I I don't know the sciencebehind it, but that's just how I
felt was like like people thatI know in real life just aren't
my audience.
So I blocked everyone that Iknew in real life and I just
started posting.
(06:29):
And when I initially startedposting on TikTok, I was just
posting silly little videos,like jumping on trends.
I would do like daily vlogs, um, sharing my thoughts here and
there, just like silly littlethoughts, though like not like
the political content that Ipost now.
It was really just like sillylittle videos.
And every video that I postedI've said this before, on the
pod, I think but every singlevideo that I posted, no matter
(06:51):
what it was, whether it was justa trend, whether it was just me
talking about like my dailylife or sharing my thoughts
there would be someone on myvideos being racist towards me,
commenting on my hair, on myskin, calling me the hardy are
like.
And I'm just like, like whatthe fuck is y'all's issue?
Like like I'm just living mylife.
(07:12):
Why is that such an issue foryou?
You know what I mean, and so atfirst I was ignoring it because
I was like I don't really wantto give these people the time of
day.
But I noticed like the more Iignored it, the more the same
people were coming back and likecommenting the same thing.
So I was like, okay, you knowwhat, I'm gonna start calling
(07:32):
you bitches out.
So I started making responsevideos to some of the comments
that I was getting and just likecalling out the racism and also
shaming them as well, becauseand I've said this before we
need to bully bullies.
If you feel like it is okay foryou to bully someone, you need
a taste of your own medicine.
I have a master's degree insocial work and I worked as a
therapist before I got intonanny and content creation, and
(07:55):
something that we learned inschool when I was studying
social work is that you have tomeet people where they are, and
I I know they probably didn'tmean it in the way that I'm
taking it, but like, if that'swhere you're at, if where you're
at in life is being a bully,I'm going to meet you where you
are because that's what Ilearned in school.
So if you don't like it, referto the professors who taught me
(08:19):
that you're supposed to meetpeople where you are.
I don't know what to tell you.
So I started, you know,clapping back and calling out
their racism and also tellingthem that their parents were
probably cuslings and theirfamily tree is a wreath and you
know, just just silly littlethings, nothing crazy.
And eventually I was like youknow what?
Like I'm not hating enough,like, yeah, I'm doing a great
job, but we can always do more.
(08:39):
You know what I mean.
So that's when I started likereaching out to people's
families and their employers andsending them you know, the
racist bullshit they werespewing online, because I feel
like the first step is publiclyshaming you, but the second step
is your life also beingnegatively affected by racism,
because my life is negativelyaffected by it.
So if my life is going to benegatively affected by racism
(09:03):
and you're perpetuating thatracism, I feel like your life
should be negatively affected aswell.
Again, we got to meet peoplewhere they're at and we have to
give them a taste of their ownmedicine.
So I started sending you knowmessages to their employers and
their family members anddifferent things like that and
posting about it.
And I noticed that whenever Iwould respond to the racism, my
(09:23):
content would be taken down or Iwould get strikes on my account
or I would be told that I'mviolating community guidelines
and I'm like I'm calling outracism, homophobia, transphobia,
misogyny, etc.
Like a lot of my content was meresponding to people's racism,
homophobia, transphobia, etc.
So why is it a communityguidelines violation when I'm
(09:43):
responding to people's racism,homophobia, transphobia, etc.
So why is it a communityguidelines violation when I'm
responding to it?
But they can do these thingsand when I report it, it's no
violation.
They're able to be racist,homophobic, transphobic,
misogynistic, etc.
And that's not a problem, butme calling that out is a problem
and y'all don't see how that'sa problem.
(10:06):
Like, can we be fucking forreal?
And also, mind you, this allstarted because I was posting
silly little videos of just mylife and people were upset that
I was just living my life andfelt the need to be racist
towards me.
Like y'all could have left mealone Crazy fucking thought, I
don't know.
But y'all could have just likescrolled.
Like y'all could have left mealone Crazy fucking thought, I
don't know but y'all could havejust like scrolled, like I'm
(10:27):
just living my life, I'm notdoing anything, I'm not hurting
anyone, so why are you here?
If you don't like it, then justgo.
But of course racists they like.
Hating for them isn't enough.
They have to also inflict painor misery or harm onto other
people.
That's the only way that theyfeel joy in their racism is if
they feel like they're activelyhurting other people.
(10:50):
Anyway, so I'm noticing that I'mgetting all of these account
strikes and my content's beingremoved and I'm told that I'm
violating community guidelines.
And it got to the point wheremy first account that I had it
got banned in.
I believe it was November of2024.
So I had previously had mybackup account which I was on,
but it also just got banned thismorning.
(11:11):
We'll get to that in a second,but I moved over to my backup
account and I changed my contenta little bit because I was
trying to make sense of why myfirst account got banned and I
thought that maybe it wasbecause I was posting people's
jobs and different things likethat, and while all that
information that I got waspublic information, so it
(11:32):
couldn't be considered doxing, Ithought, okay, maybe I just
shouldn't post this information.
So when I got on my secondaccount and I was calling out
the racism, the homophobia, thetransphobia, et cetera I wasn't
posting their jobs and differentthings like that anymore.
Like I was just calling it out.
I would take a snippet of theirvideo where they were, you know
, being racist, homophobic,whatever, and I would respond to
(11:55):
that.
So again and this is how mycontent has really always been
is like I take other people'svideos that they're being very
clearly racist, homophobic,transphobic, etc.
In and I respond to that whilealso bullying them, because,
again, I feel like we need tobully, bullies.
And so when I kind of changedaround my content a little bit,
I was still sending people'sracist stuff to their employers,
(12:17):
but I wasn't posting it online,which I don't know if you guys
knew.
But yeah, I was still sendingit to their employers and
different things like that.
I just thought that maybe thatwas the reason my old account
got banned because I was postingabout it, and so my old account
got banned because I wasposting about it.
And so I just stopped postingabout it and I noticed that my
(12:38):
content was staying up and Iwasn't.
It wasn't getting flaggedanymore.
So I was like okay, so likemaybe that was the issue.
But then, in february of 2025, Igot kicked out of the creator
fund.
Now, if you're not familiarwith the creator fund, tiktok
will pay you for your videos ifthey're over a minute.
So I was making money off ofsome of my videos.
So they kick me out of the fundbecause I'm violating community
guidelines.
Now, at this point again, noneof my videos have been taken
down.
I have no strokes on my account.
(12:59):
My account wasn't flagged inany way, like nothing.
So I appealed you know me beingkicked out of the program.
Because I was like none of mycontent has been taken down.
Like what's the issue?
I'm immediately met with appealdenied.
They're not letting me backinto the creator fund.
So I'm like okay, whatever,like I still have my job.
It's not like I'm dependent onTikTok.
I would never quit my job andjust depend on TikTok, because
(13:19):
TikTok is way too fucking shady,especially with content
creators who are black or whoare, you know, speaking about
racism and different things likethat.
So it was like, yeah, I wasupset that I was kicked out of
the fund and I wasn't makingmoney, but at the same time,
like again, I wasn't dependenton it and I felt like my content
was important, so I continuedto post my content and do what I
(13:40):
was doing.
So then March rolls around andonce they kick you out of the
creative fund, after 30 days youcan reapply.
So I reapplied in March and I'magain was immediately met with
your content violates communityguidelines.
So I'm like again, none of mycontent's been taken down, none
of it's been flagged.
(14:01):
Like what am I doing?
That's wrong Because, let's notforget, also, on top of none of
my content being taken down orflagged or anything, I'm
responding to other people'scontent.
Their content is fine.
Whole time their content islittered with racism, homophobia
, misogyny, transphobia, but myresponse to that content is a
(14:22):
problem.
You're confused, I'm fuckingconfused.
But again I'm just like, okay,continuing to make my content.
April then rolls around, so it'sanother 30 days.
I reapply for the creatorrewards program Immediately,
again told your content violatescommunity guidelines.
So at this point, three monthsin a row February, march, april
(14:46):
I'm not allowed in the creatorfund.
So I'm like let me try to getsome more information about,
like, what the fuck I'm doingwrong.
Because as of right now, Idon't understand, because, again
, none of my content was takendown, none of it was flagged,
nothing.
So I'm like let me maybe emailthem and try to figure out what
is going on.
So I email TikTok and I'm like,hey, for the past couple of
(15:08):
months I've been told that I'mnot eligible for the creator
fund because my content violatescommunity guidelines.
Can I please have some moreinformation as to what I'm doing
wrong, specifically whatcommunity guidelines I'm
violating?
Because the whole purpose of mypage is to create a safe space
and I do that by calling outracism, homophobia etc.
In other people's content.
(15:29):
So what exactly am I doingwrong by calling out the racism
of other people's content thatI've reported and y'all have
told me there's no violation?
So I get an email back and I'mtold that I have to refer to the
in-app explanation that Ireceived as to why I'm not being
allowed in the creator fund.
Now the only thing that it saidwas that I violate community
(15:49):
guidelines.
It doesn't say exactly whichones.
Like that's all it says is youviolate a community guideline.
So I emailed back and I waslike there really wasn't much of
an in-app explanation.
All it says is I'm violatingcommunity guidelines.
It doesn't specify which ones.
And I'm also confused as to howI'm violating guidelines when
none of my content has beentaken down, when my account has
(16:10):
no strikes.
Like it's not making sense.
I don't get an email back.
They never email me back.
I emailed them several times.
I submitted several supporttickets to try to understand
what exactly I was doing wrong.
I hear nothing back.
The only thing that happens isnow my content starts to be
taken down.
I start to get strikes on myaccount Literally content that
(16:33):
has been up for months.
I posted a video in February.
In April, they took the videodown and gave me a strike on my
account and said that my accountwas at risk of being banned.
Now obviously I have twoworking brains, so I can put two
and two together that this isno fucking coincidence.
Y'all are trying to buildprobable cause as to why you're
(16:57):
gonna eventually ban my account?
Simply because I called out thebullshit of your explanation as
to why you wouldn't just pay mefor my content.
Because, as we know, tiktok andsociety as a fucking whole
loves to profit off of the workof black people while, in return
, not allowing black people toprofit themselves.
(17:18):
So my account is now gettingall of these strikes and I have
this thing on my profile thatsays like account ban warning
and then eventually my accountgets banned.
The first time my account getsbanned.
The first time my account wasbanned was Saturday April 12th,
(17:38):
and I had 30 minutes before myaccount got banned.
I had made a backup accountbecause y'all had asked me to
make a backup account.
I was really against making abackup account because the
account that I was on wasalready a backup account.
So I'm like I'm tired ofcreating new accounts on this
app when they're just going tocontinue to do the exact same
thing.
It's like I'm running myselfinto a brick wall that I don't
even really have to run myselfinto.
You know what I mean?
Because, at the end of the day,they are going to continue to
(18:01):
let racism, homophobia, misogyny, etc.
Flourish on their app andthey're always going to demonize
the calling out of those things.
So I was really, really, reallyagainst making a third account
at this point.
But you guys asked me to and Ido feel like the content that I
create is very important.
So I was like, okay, I'll makeanother account.
(18:23):
So, 30 minutes before my accountgot banned, I made a backup
account and so I went on thatbackup account and I was very,
very, very fucking frustratedbecause this is now the second
account of mine that had beenbanned and I was just like I I
(18:44):
really don't want to do thisanymore.
Like I was crying and like Imade a video, just like I'm
gonna take a break from TikTok,like I said that I would still
be on my podcast, my personalYouTube, instagram, whatever.
But like I just felt likeTikTok is becoming well.
If we're being honest, tiktokhas always been an unsafe space
for black creators.
(19:05):
Whether it be the treatmentthat we receive on the app that,
again, you can report and itsays no violation whether it be,
you know, creating content forthe app and not being paid for
it at all, or gettingsignificantly less pay than your
white counterparts, whether itbe not receiving the same
opportunities, like tiktok isjust not a safe space for black
(19:27):
people and it's just reallyexhausting and tiring to feel
like not only am I trying tofight the system of racism, but
I'm also fighting the app itselfto be heard.
And I've done a lot of internalwork because I used to allow
people to speak over me, alwayslike I was just like the go with
(19:50):
the flow.
People person call me a fuckingdoormat.
I'm letting everybody walk overme and I feel like I've finally
, in these past couple of years,I've really found my voice and
I've really done the work tounpack why it is that I allow
people to talk over me or todisrespect me.
And so, if I'm being fullyhonest, it feels like I'm trying
(20:13):
to use my voice on TikTok andthey're constantly shutting me
down, which is extremely fuckingtriggering for me, because I've
done so much work to not bethat person, to not allow anyone
or anything take my voice awayfrom me, and so to constantly
feel like I'm being stripped ofmy voice, it's just really
(20:33):
really triggering.
So I was like I don't want tobe on tick tock anymore, so I
made a video and I was just likeI'm gonna take a break from the
app.
I'll still be on, you know, mypodcast, instagram, personal
youtube, everything like thatbut like I need a break from
this app.
Like an hour after I made thisvideo, my main account was
restored and I was like, oh well, this is awkward.
(20:57):
I was like why was I justcrying on the fucking internet
only for my account to berestored?
But also like that was real,like that's how I felt, like it
was.
It's so exhausting to feel likeracism always wins and that's
like how I felt in the moment.
It was just like no matter howmuch I try to fight it, racism,
(21:20):
like we're never gonna progress,we're never gonna get better.
Racism will always have theupper hand at the end of the day
.
And I was just so exhausted andso defeated.
I felt so fucking defeated inthat moment.
But my main account was restoredand I genuinely feel like like
someone had commented on.
I made a video on my mainaccount where I was talking
(21:41):
about how, you know, tiktok wastelling me that my account was
at risk of being banned blah,blah, blah.
And someone commented and waslike why don't you change your
profile picture to a white womanand see if it makes Huckley be
alone?
And I was like, oh my god, likethat's low-key, a really good
idea.
So I took one of my pictures.
I put it in chat gbt.
I asked chat gbt to make me awhite woman and it did so.
(22:02):
I put that as my profilepicture and I genuinely believe
that that was why my account gotrestored.
They saw that white woman andthey were like, oh my god, why
would we ever ban a whitewoman's account?
We have to restore thisimmediately.
And so, like an hour after myaccount got banned, it was
restored.
So I was back on my old account.
I still had, you know, thebackup, just in case, and
(22:24):
thankfully I had made thatbackup, because now we here we
are today, monday, monday April14th, and my main account was
just banned, like an hour beforeI filmed this episode.
I don't know why I haven'treally even created any content,
since it's only been twofucking days Like I've posted
two videos max since my accountwas restored.
(22:45):
And yeah, I called out this manbecause he is a small business
owner and voted for Trump, andnow he's saying that he's gonna
lose his business because of thetariffs.
But like I was quite nice, Ifeel like, anyway, did I say he
kisses his cousin.
Yeah, is it probably true?
Yeah, like god forbid, a womanspeaks the truth fuck.
But anyway, my main account isnow banned again.
(23:07):
Why, I don't fucking know,because I didn't even really do
anything.
I mean, I did post a video thismorning about JLo but, like
also again, I didn't sayanything.
That was a lie.
I just said that she wasdelusional and she is Like God
forbid a bitch have a fuckinghobby, and that hobby is telling
the fucking truth and spreadingawareness, holy shit.
(23:28):
So I submitted another appealto see if my man account will be
unbanned.
So I'm waiting to hear backabout that.
But at the same time, just likeI am tired of playing the games
that TikTok plays, like Igenuinely don't even know that I
want to be on the app anymorebecause it's just not a safe
space.
Black people are so mistreatedeverywhere digitally, socially,
(23:53):
like and I'm just, I'm just overit and I I feel like they're
not even worth my time andenergy when they're just going
to continue to do what they'redoing right now, which is try to
take away.
You know me calling out racism,homophobia, whatever, while at
the same time allowing peoplewho are racist, homophobic,
misogynistic to go viral, andwhen you call out that or when
(24:16):
you submit a report that it's,you know, harmful, they'll just
come back with no violation.
But I'll get violations becauseI call it out like it's just
not a safe space.
It's not anywhere that I feellike I'm being as productive as
I can be you know what I and itkind of sucks because I know
that you guys enjoy those videosand I enjoy making them, but at
(24:40):
the same time it's just like Ifeel like I'm screaming into the
void because I'm just going tocontinue to be penalized for
calling out racism, homophobiaand other forms of oppression.
And I have to say also, like ontop of the frustration that I
felt from the app and thembanning my account, the response
(25:01):
that I got on my video of metalking about how I needed to
take a break also was quiteupsetting.
I will say the majority of youunderstood.
The majority of you were liketake your break, do what you
have to do for your mentalhealth, and I'm so, so grateful
for that and I appreciate thatmore than I could ever express.
But there was also some of youwho were saying things like no,
(25:23):
don't leave, like we need you,you have to keep fighting, don't
cry.
This is what they want.
They want to see you upset andI need y'all to understand that
that is so fucking harmful andso hurtful.
I'm trying to be very carefulwith my words, because I
(25:44):
understand that it comes from agood place.
I understand that you guysthink that that is helpful, but
it's really not.
As I said before, posting onTikTok and calling out different
forms of oppression andconstantly being penalized for
that, it feels like you know,I'm trying to fight the system
(26:05):
and then I'm also having tofight the app as well, the app
that says oh, we want this to bea safe space.
And I'm trying to create a safespace by calling all of this
out and they're telling me no,you can't do that.
That's not the safe space thatwe're talking about, because, if
we're being honest, they reallyneed to change it from
community guidelines to blackpeople guidelines, because it
(26:27):
seems like that's the onlypeople that the community
guidelines actually apply to isblack people.
And it's just exhausting tofeel like I am constantly
running myself into a brick walland I'm just like I'm.
I'm over it, I'm tired of doingit and I feel like we say so
much like, oh, we should listento black women.
We have to listen to blackwomen, and that includes every
(26:49):
time, like that also includeswhen a black woman says, hey,
I'm struggling mentally, I needto take a step back and again, I
understand the sentiment.
But, like so many comments werelike, oh my god, no, we need to
keep speaking out, we need tokeep fighting, we need to this,
we need to that.
Ho, do you speak french?
Because I just clicked on yourprofile and it's completely
(27:13):
blank.
So who is this?
We that you're referring to?
Because we kind of just lookslike me, like you.
You haven't posted a singlevideo, you haven't reposted a
single video and you're herescreaming about.
We need to keep talking, weneed to keep speaking out.
(27:34):
I'm a little confused, like I'ma little bit confused, because
it's like I agree, we do need tospeak out, we do need to call
out racism and different formsof oppression, and the key word
in all of this is we.
This has to be a communitything.
I am not captain, save a hoe.
This needs to be a groupproject, and it sometimes feels
(27:56):
like you know how in school,when there was like a group
project and not everybody waspulling their weight.
That's how it feels sometimes,especially when I get comments
like no, please don't leave,like we have to keep fighting,
and it's like you haven't posteda single video about anything.
So I just want to encouragepeople like and again, I
understand it comes from a goodplace, I understand that the
(28:16):
sentiment behind it you meanwell, but we have to consider
impact over intent.
Like your intentions might begreat and I I see that, but the
impact of your words isextremely harmful.
I am human.
I am a real human with realemotions and real struggles, and
for me to be vulnerable and forme to say, hey, I'm really
(28:40):
emotionally drained, that was alot for me to do, so to be met
with.
Oh my god, no, please, we needyou.
You have to keep fighting, nothelpful, extremely invalidating
to my feelings and to how fuckedup the situation is.
I shouldn't have to keepcreating new accounts because
(29:01):
I'm calling out racism.
Meanwhile, the racism continuesto flourish and is allowed to
flourish, and that's why I feellike I need to not fully get off
of the app, but take a stepback from the app Because, at
the end of the day, like this isimportant for me to talk about.
This is what I want to talkabout and they're continuously
showing me.
(29:21):
We don't want you to speakabout this here, and that's
another thing is like when Iposted that video and I was like
I'm going to take a step backfrom this app, I literally said
I'll still be on my podcast,I'll still be on Instagram, my
personal YouTube channel, etc.
And it was like I don't know ifpeople didn't hear that, like I
(29:43):
wasn't saying that I'm just notgoing to talk about racism or
not call it out Obviously not.
I'm always going to call it out, but I just don't feel safe and
comfortable doing it on TikTokanymore, and I think that that
is extremely valid, given howit's being received by the app.
They're constantly taking itdown, they're constantly telling
me what you're doing is wrong,so why would I continue to run
(30:05):
myself into this wall on TikTokand not just take my talents and
my abilities elsewhere, whereit will be appreciated, where it
will flourish?
And I'm not saying that, likeany other social media app, is
completely safe for black people, because, again, I don't feel
like there's any real safe spacefor black people and to call
out racism and different thingslike that.
(30:26):
But so far on the podcast.
Knock on wood, like I haven'tgotten in any trouble when
calling out racism or homophobiaor the shit that donald trump
is doing.
None of my content has beentaken down, none of it's been
flagged.
I haven't been penalized for ityet.
So for right now, this feelslike a safer space for me to
(30:47):
talk about the things that Iwant to talk about, and so
that's why I feel like I need toget off of the app is because
it's just not a safe space andI'm tired of being penalized for
calling out racism.
When I'm literally stitchingother people's content and
calling out their racism andtheir content is completely fine
, nothing happens to it, but I'mpenalized.
(31:08):
So I just wanted to remindeveryone, as we wrap up this
episode, like, think about whatyou're saying to people before
you say it.
Because, again, I understandthat the intent behind the oh my
God, we need you, da, da da.
I understand you mean well byit, but it's extremely
invalidating and it's just, it'sjust terrible advice.
(31:29):
Like I saw someone hadcommented and was like don't,
don't cry, don't show them, likethat's what they want.
They want to see you upsetbecause of the racism terrible
advice.
Terrible advice, first andforemost, if someone is actively
trying to make your life harder, and not only trying, but also
succeeding.
That is frustrating and it isokay to be frustrated by that.
(31:52):
That is a normal human reaction.
And also, I don't give a fuckif that's what they want.
I don't give a fuck if whatthey want is to see me upset
because I'm not living my lifeunder the microscope of racist
white people.
I don't care if that bringsthem joy.
That's my feelings and myfeelings are fucking valid.
(32:13):
So, yeah, maybe you're right,maybe they do find joy and maybe
that's what they want is to seeme cry.
And you know what?
I don't care, because at theend of the day, it's upsetting
and it's okay that I am beinghuman and being real and raw and
honest about how fuckingupsetting it is.
So just think about you, knowwhat you're saying and please
(32:35):
don't forget like yes, I guessI'm a content creator, but
before I'm a content creator,I'm a human with real human
emotions and it's frustrating.
This entire situation isfrustrating and I'm valid in my
frustration and I'm valid inshowing my frustration and I'm
valid in saying I don't want tobe here anymore because of the
(32:55):
way that I am treated.
So, with all that being said, Iam going to be doing what's best
for me and, again, I'm notleaving the app completely, but
I do plan on taking a major stepback.
So find me on my other socials.
I have my podcast, I haveInstagram, I have my personal
YouTube channel.
Find me on my other socials.
I have my podcast, I haveInstagram, I have my personal
YouTube channel and that'sthat's where I will be, because
(33:16):
I'm just tired of giving my timeand energy to people and spaces
that don't appreciate it anddon't deserve it.
So, moving forward, if youenjoy, you know, my political
content, my social commentary,that's what I'm going to use the
podcast for.
But, as I've been sayingrecently, like I do want to do
more lifestyle content and like,just like the content that I
(33:38):
initially started out with onTikTok is just like silly little
content, vlogs, differentthings like that.
So that'll be on my personalYouTube channel and also
probably some stories here aswell.
But yeah, I'm just I'm reallytired of TikTok and their antics
and, honestly, I feel like theapp's probably going to go away
soon anyway, because Trump is inthis trade war with China and
(33:59):
TikTok kind of hangs in thebalance of that.
There was a deal on the tableand then, because of his tariffs
, tiktok reneged on the deal.
So I feel like TikTok isprobably going to go away at
some point anyway.
So it's probably a good ideaanyway to get off of it, because
it's probably not going to beavailable at some point in the
near future.
So you can find me here, youcan find me on my instagram, you
(34:19):
can find me on my personalyoutube channel um, those are
the spaces that I want to put mytime and energy into, because
so far I've had better reception, um, on those spaces.
So, yeah, in the future, that'sthat's where I'll be.
And again, I I have abittersweet relationship with
tiktok because it is where itall started for me.
Um, it's where my contentcreation journey started, and so
(34:43):
it is a little bittersweet tobe leaving the app or even be
considering leaving the app, um,but at the same time, it's like
growth is about realizing whena space is no longer safe for
you and when a space is nolonger serving you.
And it's scary.
It is really scary because it'slike when I first started my
content creation journey, Ididn't even think that there was
(35:04):
going to be one person whowould want to like tune into me,
let alone as my account hasbeen right now.
I was at 420,000, right and soI kind of feel like I am
starting from square one again,which is really, really scary
and intimidating and frustrating.
But you know, I did it beforeand I can do it again.
(35:25):
So this is where I'll be andthese are the places that I plan
on focusing on and building forthe future.
So, for those of you who areonly on TikTok because I've
gotten a few people like, oh,tiktok is the only social media
app that I'm on Thank you forsupporting me while I was on
there, and again I'll be onthere here and there, but my
(35:47):
main focus is going to be thepodcast and my personal YouTube
channel and Instagram.
So if you decide to ventureover here, I would love that.
If not do what works for you, Ihave to do what's best for me
at the end of the day.
So, for those of you who arehere and who will be here,
welcome and thank you forfollowing me and being a part of
my community across alldifferent platforms.
(36:09):
I do not take this lightly.
I am so, so grateful for all ofyou and I appreciate your love
and support and just Iappreciate you rocking with me,
because I'm rocking with y'alland I love, I love you and I
appreciate it so, so much.
So thank you for tuning in totoday's episode.
I hope everyone is having agood day, except for that orange
(36:29):
drink, lady, and I will talk toyou in the next episode.
Peace and love.
Talk to you in the next episode.
Peace and love.
Talk to you later.
The Napkin in Between, hosted byDaijné Jones, produced by
Daijné Jones, post-production byDaijné Jones, music by Sam
Champagne and graphics by IsmaVidal.
Don't forget to like andsubscribe.
See you next episode.
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