July 13, 2025 • 38 mins
We've all heard about "putting yourself first," but for Black women, that concept often feels foreign or even forbidden. This week, I'm diving deep into what it truly means for Black women to prioritize themselves in a world that constantly demands our energy, care, and emotional labor.
Drawing from the current season of Love Island, I explore how the relationship between Nic and Olandria beautifully demonstrates what happens when a Black woman is genuinely cared for rather than being the constant caretaker. As a self-proclaimed president of "Nicolandria Nation," I break down why I'm so invested in their story – it's about witnessing a Black woman who has clearly spent her life being strong for others finally experiencing tenderness and having someone prioritize her needs.
Let's talk about what "being selfish" actually means for Black women. The truth? It's not selfishness at all – it's simply giving ourselves the same basic care and respect we've been conditioned to give everyone else. I understand the pressure to always be the provider, the strong one. But what if we flipped the script?
From unpacking cultural expectations around "Black love" to examining how Black women are often villainized regardless of how they express their needs, this episode challenges us to rethink relationship dynamics. The message is simple but revolutionary: find someone who genuinely likes you, not just loves what you do for them. And remember, when it comes to Black women's well-being, we can't wait for the world to give us permission to rest – we must claim it for ourselves.
Ready to challenge your thinking about relationships, self-worth, and what it means to truly put yourself first? This conversation is long overdue. Subscribe now, share with a friend who needs to hear this message, and let's continue building a world where Black women's care for themselves is celebrated, not condemned.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Daijné (00:00):
Is this thing on?
Hello, hello.
Uh oh, another yapper with amic.
Hello everyone and welcome backto the Napkin In Between
podcast.
I am your host, Daijné Jones.
I hope everyone is having agood week, except for that
(00:21):
orange drink lady, of course.
I missed you guys last week.
It's always so weird.
This is only the second timethat I've missed a week in the
podcast since December when Istarted it, and I swear, every
time I don't upload an episode,I always feel so weird, like
because I have nothing to editthat week.
I don't see your guys' commentsor whatever on the podcast or
(00:44):
anything like that, and so it'salways just so like funky to me.
Like I feel like it's like Idon't know what.
What did they say?
It takes like 21 days to form ahabit or something, and so I
feel like it's been embeddedinto my routine now to like film
and edit and, you know, get thepodcast ready for the week, and
so when I don't have that to doduring the week, I'm just like
(01:05):
kind of twiddling my thumb.
I will say this past time was alittle bit different.
The reason I didn't upload apodcast was number one.
My family was visiting me inNew York City, which was
absolutely the peak of my week.
I always love when I get tospend time with family, and it's
kind of few and far between now, because all of my family lives
in Atlanta or not all of myfamily, but, like my mom and my
nephews, who are like theclosest to me in my family, they
(01:26):
live in Atlanta and so I livein New York city now.
So when I lived in Atlanta, ofcourse, I was seeing them all
the time, but now that I live inNew York city it's a little bit
harder.
We have to book flights and allthat stuff.
So it's always nice when I getto see them.
They're literally my favoritepeople in the entire world.
Like truly me against the worldwhen it comes to my mom and my
nephews.
Like I will, I would literallygo to bat against anyone over my
(01:50):
mom and my nephews, and it'salways just so special to spend
time with them.
I'm like the fun aunt.
Like I don't have any kids.
I have a dog which they love.
They love playing with her andit's kind of nice whenever
they're here I get a littlebreak, kind of, because anytime
I like want to take her outafter feed her, they're like,
can I do it?
Can I do it?
Can I walk her, can I feed her?
And I'm like you know, I goright ahead, do you?
(02:10):
And it's so funny my, myyoungest nephew, who is five.
We were talking and he's likeyou know, I watch your podcast
and I'm like, oh Lord, like likepart of me loves it, because I
feel like I talk about importantthings but I don't really talk
about them in a kid friendly way.
So I'm like, what do you belearning?
(02:31):
What do you be hearing me say?
And then they're like you know,like let's make a TikTok, or
let's do this or let's do that,like they're literally like my
biggest supporters and mybiggest fans and you know they
want to be just doing thingswith me, which is really
important to me too, reallyspecial, because if they would
have asked me that like a yearand a half ago, if they would
have told me like, oh, I watchyour podcast or I want to make a
(02:51):
TikTok with you, that wouldhave freaked me the fuck out
when I first started contentcreation, thinking about people
that I know like watching myvideos or whatever.
Literally I well, when I firststarted content creation, I
blocked everyone that I knew inreal life, including my mom,
like everyone was blockedbecause I didn't want anyone to
see what I was doing, notbecause I thought that they
would judge me, but because,like, your audience is not your
(03:14):
friends and family and thepeople that you know in real
life like when you are creatingcontent, that is not your
audience.
Your audience will always atfirst be strangers and at first
be people who don't know you inreal life.
And I just felt like I don'treally know how to explain it,
but I was just like I justdidn't want them to see.
I not, it wasn't that I wouldfelt like they were gonna judge
(03:36):
me or anything like that, but Iwas just like I just didn't want
them to see.
So I had blocked everybody.
Um, anytime someone that I knewin real life would be like oh,
like I saw when your videos, I'dbe like no, you didn't like go
and block them, like I justdidn't want anybody to see.
But I'm at the point now whereI'm like I want to include my
family and my friends in myvideos and in my content,
because I feel like I I don'tshow enough of my real life.
(04:00):
I feel like like I'm alwayslike just sitting in the bed
talking to my camera, which, Imean, is what I'm just most
comfortable doing.
But I do want to startbranching out and show you guys,
like I live in New York City.
I'm doing stuff in the city,like my friends and family, like
all of that good stuff too.
So it was nice we had gone toHibachi and then we went to the
Museum of Illusions and we allmade a couple TikToks together,
(04:22):
which was really fun, and we'regoing on a cruise in October me,
my mom and my two nephews andso I'm excited to, you know, see
them then and make more contentwith them and just get them
more involved in my content.
So I say all that to say thefirst reason that I didn't
upload a podcast last week wasbecause my family was here and I
was just wanting to be presentwith them and explore the city
(04:43):
and, and you know, be with them.
And then also, I feel like forthe last month, I've been taking
in a lot of screen time becauseLove Island is on right now and
if you're not familiar withLove Island, they put out new
episodes every day, except forWednesday and Saturday.
They do put out an episode onSaturday it's called After Sun
(05:03):
and they all sit down and liketalk about what happened and you
know, talking about the couplesand things like that.
And it's just like I wish theyused to do this thing of unseen
bits, which they have a littlesegment in after sun now, but
before they had the after sunthey would do unseen bits.
I wish that we could see moreof that, because I want to see
more of, like, the Islanderspersonalities.
You know what what I mean?
(05:24):
Like I want to see how theyinteract with each other and the
fun things that they do, thethings that they say, like just
I just want to see more of them.
So I don't ever watch the aftersun, but I have been obviously
watching the entire season ofLove Island and I'm doing recaps
after every episode and thingslike that and it's just a lot.
Watching a show for five days aweek is a lot.
(05:47):
It's a lot, especially when Iwant to do recaps after every
episode.
I'm watching the show but I'malso taking notes and I'm
pausing and I have to rewind soI can make sure, you know, I say
everything that I want to sayand then, mind you, I still like
leave things outunintentionally that I wanted to
say.
But anyway, I I just like Ifeel like I'm doing a lot of
like screen time and so I waslike I didn't plan last week
(06:10):
very well, with my family coming, and then also feeling like I'm
just watching a lot of tv orlike looking at a screen a lot,
um, so there was no episode.
But Love Island is coming to aclose, the finale is today.
I guess I'm like, not today iswhat I'm filming, but today,
when this podcast is uploaded.
It'll be out later today and Iwanted to share my thoughts
about this season and theIslanders and when I say the
(06:32):
season and the Islanders, Imainly mean Nicolandria, because
like, uh, I I really am a lovergirl, I'm a hopeless romantic.
I hate men, right, like twothings can't be very, very true
at once.
I hate men, I hate for them tobe around me, I hate men, right,
like two things can be very,very true at once.
I hate men, I hate for them tobe around me, I hate for them to
be in my vicinity and byvicinity I mean within 3000
miles of me.
(06:52):
But at the same time, like Ilove love and I love
relationships and I love youknow I love the idea of love.
I don't love like the practiceof it.
Do you know what I mean?
Like I love, I would love tohave a relationship but at the
same time, like I hate talkingto men, I hate going on dates, I
hate the process of it.
Like I want God to just deliverthe man that I'm supposed to be
(07:14):
with to my front door with likea little like post-it or
something and just be like likethis is your husband, have fun.
Like I just hate the idea,especially in today's world with
like online dating.
Like I would love to meetsomeone organically or just like
in the wild, you know.
But I just also like I leave myhouse some, but I don't leave
(07:35):
my house a lot, so I don'treally know how that's gonna
work.
And also, like even I knowmyself, and even if I did leave
my house More and did do morestuff and a man approached me, I
would run away kicking andscreaming Like I I just I can't
with men.
I love the idea of ourrelationship, but I hate the
practice of getting into one,and I knew from episode one I
(07:57):
knew Nicolandria was gonna be athing and I hate that.
Like there's like a week leftof the show when we're finally
getting Nicolandria and I'm likeI wish y'all would have tried
earlier.
But I absolutely understand,like why it didn't happen.
Because when it comes to a womanlike Alandria, we have to
remember a couple of things.
Number one she is the oldestdaughter, oldest child, in a
(08:22):
single parent household.
She was raised by a single momand knowing that information
about her explains so much abouther to me, never mind the fact
that she is a dark-skinned blackwoman, never mind the fact that
she, you know, grew up inalabama.
Like all of this together tellsme so much about her and it
explains to me so much why shemoved the way she moved in the
(08:45):
villa, and she said it in arecent episode.
She said you know her pickingnick, finally, was the first
time that she felt like she hadbeen selfish in the villa.
And when it comes to a showlike love island, like, yes, you
make friendships and you knowyou create bonds and different
things like that, but at the endof the day, you really do have
to be selfish, you really dohave to put yourself first and
(09:08):
you know, yes, you build thesefriendships, but at the end of
the day.
It is love island, it's notfriendship island, and so if you
feel like you have a connectionwith somebody that you want to
explore, you have to put thatover your friendship.
And I feel like, as a woman, asa dark-skinned black woman from
alabama, raised by a single mom,being selfish is such a foreign
(09:28):
concept to her, like that isnot something that she can
fathom because she's so used tohaving to always put other
people first, and I feel like alot of black women can resonate
with that as well.
It's like we are literally fromchildren.
We are like told to put otherthings before our feelings,
whether it be, you know, ourschooling, whether it be our
(09:51):
family, like whatever it is weare.
We are conditioned to neverreally think about ourselves
first and to always keepeverything else at the forefront
, ourselves first, and to alwayskeep everything else at the
forefront and then our feelingsare like really never validated
or never really paid attentionto and different things like
that.
So the fact that it was so hardfor her and it took her damn
(10:12):
near the whole season to finallybe like you know, I'm actually
gonna put myself first.
I hate that for her becausenumber one, it's like I, I
really want black women to beselfish and I think that we
deserve to be selfish.
And also I feel like it justkept her.
It kept her from nick, becauseI feel like I, nick, I feel like
(10:34):
had feelings for sierra but atthe same time they weren't as
nearly as like strong as likehow he wanted to explore with
alandria, like I feel like hewas always yearning for her like
we, we see in differentepisodes.
If you, if you watch nick, youcan see him like stolen glances
at alandria or like making sureshe's okay, or, like you know,
(10:55):
looking at her like he wantedher bad.
He wanted her bad, he wantedher bad.
And I feel like I saw somebodysay I don't know how true this
is, but I saw somebody say thatyou know, taylor had asked him
or he had told Taylor that hewas interested in Elandria and
wanted to get to know Elandriaand Taylor asked him to not
(11:18):
pursue it, to not talk toElandria and to not do that.
And so I feel like part of itwas him just being like a good
friend to taylor, because nickand nick and taylor did form
like a really close friendship.
But I think that you know, ifalandria would have been more
open and been more selfish forherself, I think that he would
have been all for it, like.
(11:39):
I think that he would have beenlike, okay, yeah, like fuck,
fuck, taylor, let's try thisthing.
And I really wish that Alandriawould have been more open
because Taylor played in herface so fucking bad, so fucking
bad, like he told everyone andtheir mother how much he was not
physically attracted toalandria, which is fine.
(12:01):
I am not dragging him, becausephysical attraction is
subjective.
I think alandria like, literallyher features are things that
people pay money for and she'sjust born with them.
I think she is literally like,across ethnic groups, across
races, whatever, she is one ofthe prettiest girls that I've
ever seen in my entire life.
(12:21):
Like nick said, one of the mostbeautiful women he's ever seen
in his lifetime.
Like, oh my god.
But I'm not shaming taylor, foryou know, not being physically
attracted to her.
My issue with taylor lies in thefact that he never told her
that he was not physicallyattracted.
He led her on so bad, even evenworse than we saw, because even
(12:41):
the narrator, who has beennarrating love island for 10
years, said that he would havebet his house on taylor and
alandria winning this seasonlike and, mind you, he sees
unedited footage, he sees thingsthat we don't get to see.
So, whatever scheme that wasset up by taylor and todd, like
(13:01):
he was good at it, he hadeverybody fooled every when he
even when he picked clark at therecoupling, everyone was
shocked.
Amaya was ready to be hisfucking ass.
I love amaya so much.
Uh, she, she needs to work onnot cutting people off.
But she never said she wasperfect.
(13:22):
She never said she didn't haveany flaws.
So anyway.
But I feel like alandria was soset on taylor.
I feel like this was, for acouple of reasons, number one
again, whatever he was doing toher to make her feel like you
know, he was choosing her andlike it was going to be her in
the end, like he, he did that.
He, whatever scheme him andtodd set up, it was working.
(13:44):
But also I feel like, again,knowing alandria's background,
knowing that she is the oldestdaughter to a single mom,
dark-skinned black woman fromalabama, I feel like and this is
just my perception I could bevery, very wrong, but I feel
like, especially in the South,black women are pretty much I
(14:05):
don't want to say told, but likethey, they feel like their
partner is a black man, right,like they feel like black love
is what they should be strivingfor, what they should be doing.
And so, no matter how a blackman you know treats some black
women, they'll put up with thatbecause at the end of the day,
(14:25):
they're in a relationship with ablack man and that is held at a
standard.
More than anything, more thanhim respecting her, more than
him actually taking care of her,more than anything, the fact
that he is a black man is heldat the highest regard.
And I'm gonna tell y'all blackwomen, I love y'all and I love
black love and I love that.
But at the end of the day, trueblack love is loving yourself
(14:49):
first, loving your blackness andhaving respect for yourself as
a black woman first, andsometimes that means that your
partner will not be a black man.
I know that's a hard pill toswallow for some and I
(15:11):
understand it, because we'vebeen conditioned to think, oh,
black love, like we need to.
We need to be with a black man.
But if that black man is notrespecting you, if that black
man does not like you, do notlet that stop you from your
husband.
Do not let that stop you fromyour husband, because the way
Nick has treated Alandriacompared to how Taylor treated
Alandria, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I I'm rooting for, I will alwaysroot for Nicolandria, and when
(15:34):
I really think about it, it'snot even the fact that I'm
rooting for Nicolandria, I'mrooting for Alandria.
I'm rooting for this blackwoman finally having someone
cater to her and provide for her.
There's something so powerfulto me about seeing a black woman
who has very clearly had toalways have up her guard, had to
always be a provider, had toalways be the strong one.
(15:56):
There's something so powerfulto me about seeing her finally
be able to be soft, seeing herbe taken care of, seeing the
provider be the providee.
I will always root for that andthat's why I root for
Nicolandria so hard and that'swhy I call myself the president
of Nicolandria Nation, because Iwant black women to know
(16:17):
struggle.
Love is not what you should beaiming for.
Something that Alandria alwayssaid about Taylor after you know
he recoupled with Clark waslike oh, I worked so hard for
this, I put so much time andenergy into this.
I, you know, I always made surethat he was okay, but it's like
is he doing that for you aswell?
Is he, is he making sure you'reokay?
And also, yes, I understandthat relationships are work and
that you have to put in effortand time and things like that,
(16:41):
but the effort and time thatelandria was putting in is not
the effort and time that youshould have to put into a
relationship.
Like you shouldn't have to tryto force someone to like you.
And I'm not blaming her forthat because, again, I feel like
taylor did not tell her that hedid not like her.
So I understand why she likejust was oblivious to it and
didn't realize it.
But it's like, looking from theoutside in, we could see that
(17:04):
she was working for him to likeher and he just didn't.
And that's not work that youshould have to put into a
relationship.
When it comes to nick she, shenever had to try.
She literally just sat thereall season and we literally
watched this man yearn for her.
We've literally seen this mantell her you know, whatever you
(17:25):
decide, like, I just want to bein your presence, hello.
We've seen this man say I likeyour strong personality.
We've seen this man say youbring out the manlier side of me
like everything about her islike what he wants and like what
he he was just yearning forthis entire season.
(17:45):
And that's what I want for allblack women just for someone to
make you feel like you can begentle and you can be calm and
you can rest and you don't haveto always be the person who's
putting in all the work or doingeverything or providing for
everyone.
Like that's what I want forevery black person, regardless
of what that person's skin coloris.
And if that means that you haveto date outside of our race and
(18:08):
you have to date a white man ora lesion like whatever, just
date someone who genuinely, wholikes you.
Date someone who likes you, notsomeone who just loves you.
Because most of the time, whenyou're dating someone who loves
you and you're doing all theproviding, you're doing this
they don't really love you.
They love what you're doing forthem.
They love that you're providingfor them.
(18:28):
They love that no matter whatthey do to you, you're gonna put
up with it.
That's what they love.
They're not necessarily in lovewith you or even like you,
because if someone genuinelylikes you, they would respect
you, they would let you haverest, they would let you feel
like you could be gentle andcalm and let them take the wheel
.
You know what I mean.
Like that's what's so importantis like not trying to find
(18:50):
someone who loves you, but findsomeone who actually likes you.
That's more important thananything, because if someone
genuinely likes you, then theyjust would not do that to you.
You know what I mean and I feellike this season has really
shown that is that, like, blackwomen will really sacrifice
themselves and do everything forsomeone else and let's like you
don't have to do that.
(19:10):
You don't have to do that andyou shouldn't do that.
You should allow someone totake care of you and to provide
for you and to allow you to begentle and sit back and let them
take the wheel.
And that's why I root so hardfor nicolandria, because I'm
seeing a black woman who, fromjust knowing a little bit of her
background, has probably alwaysbeen the provider being
provided for and I like that's,I will always root for that,
(19:34):
because I I need that for all ofmy black women.
So this season hopefully y'allhave been watching, because I
didn't even really give y'all abackground or like let y'all
know what I'm talking about.
I just hit the ground fuckingrunning.
But moral of the story from thisseason is allow someone to take
care of you.
Be with someone who allows you,who makes you feel like you
(19:56):
don't have to to do all thiswork because you don't have to
do all this work.
You don don't have to do allthis work.
You don't have to put time andenergy into someone who is not
reciprocating that, whateverthat means.
That could be a romanticrelationship, that could be a
friendship, that could be afamilial relationship.
Like you don't have tosacrifice yourself for other
people.
It is okay to be selfish, it isokay to put yourself first, it
(20:18):
is okay to understand that youdeserve the respect and the rest
and everything that you aregiving everybody else.
And that's why Nick and Landryare my winners, because, at the
end of the day, I have not seena single interaction between
Nick and Landry where he is notmaking sure that she is good,
where he is not making sure thatshe is taken care for.
And it's the little things.
It's the little things like himmaking her her favorite foods,
(20:40):
him making sure her pancakeedges are crispy, him getting
out her pajamas for the night,like he just genuinely wants to
take care of her and I love thathe's not only said this
multiple times, like I just wantto be the man, I just want to
take care of her, but he'sactually showing he just wants
to take care of her and that'swhy like, oh, I love them, I
love them and I just I.
(21:02):
I hope that she will tap moreinto that and get out of her
mind, because I feel like therewas a point where she had asked
shelly, after like her and nickwere talking, she asked shelly,
like does it look natural?
And I saw people asking, likewell, why would she ask that?
Why would she ask if it looksnatural, like clearly, because
people still think that they'refaking it.
And I'm like, first of all, foranyone who thinks that Nick and
(21:25):
Elandria are faking, I can telly'all don't read.
Y'all do not read romancenovels, friends to lovers things
, or if you've seen a rom-comand it's the friends to lovers
trope, you didn't actuallyunderstand the movie, because
this is a classic friends tolovers trope.
Episodes 1 through 20 is thembuilding that friendship
foundation.
(21:45):
Episode 21 was where they werelike wait, do we like like each
other?
Do we have feelings for oneanother?
Let's try that out.
Episodes 22 to like 30 I thinkit is 30 29 is them being like.
No, we don't have feelings foreach other, we're just friends,
which made no fucking sense tome, because we had always seen
nick and alandria like in littleum clips of like them talking
(22:06):
or like them being around eachseen nick and alandria like in
little um clips of like themtalking or like them being
around each other, nick pickingalandria for a challenge,
whatever.
In episodes 22 to like I thinkit's 29 or 30.
They're avoiding each other.
We barely see them.
And first of all, if y'all arejust friends, why the fuck are
y'all avoiding each other?
Second of all, why the fuck isthis villa in such disarray?
(22:27):
It was in disarray because theyweren't speaking, because they
were they.
Both the men and the women whohave been dumped from the villa
have said, or even when elandriawas being dumped and nick was
being dumped, people were sayinglike they were the glue that
held everyone together.
So the fact that they were notspeaking or they were avoiding
each other because they're justfriends, and the whole villa was
(22:50):
like up in fucking flames yeah,it's because my parents are
like.
I didn't grow up in a atwo-parent household.
But for people who did, whenyour parents are fighting and
you know your parents arefighting like that shit is that
it throws off the entire dynamicof the house.
That was how it was in thevilla.
But anyway, episodes what 22 to29, 30 was them trying to
(23:13):
convince themselves because theyweren't fooling fucking me that
they were just friends.
And then what we see fromepisode 29, 30 to now is them
being like okay, like we'reactually not friends and we
actually are attracted to oneanother and we have an emotional
connection.
So let's nurture that.
This is a classic friends tolovers like I y'all just don't
(23:35):
read, y'all don't read.
And that's the problem.
Y'all, y'all too locked intothese damn devices.
It's that damn phone, it isthat damn phone.
Go pick up a fucking book andread.
And that's another reason as towhy I root for them so hard,
because I love the friends tolovers trope.
That's one of my favorite ones.
I love when people have afriendship first, because again,
that goes back to my wholepoint of like you need someone
(23:58):
who likes you, who respects you,before you can find someone who
loves you.
And I feel like when youactually have a friendship with
someone first.
Then it's like, okay, like I,like this person, you know what
I mean like I respect them, andthen you can build more onto
that, so that, coupled up withthe fact that Nick is genuinely
like just taking care of her,they are my winners.
(24:18):
They're my winners and I need,like I, I just love.
I just love seeing a black womanbeing taken care of for,
because we don't get that a lot.
It's always, you know, peopleare always expecting us to do
something for them, but it'slike what are you doing for me?
Ask, not what a black woman cando for you.
Ask what you could do for ablack woman.
That's what I need everyone tolive by, because it's like we're
(24:39):
always asked to sacrificeourselves and we're always asked
to, you know, disregard ourfeelings and put everything else
first.
And it's like it's 2025.
I need black women to be selfish.
I need y'all to be selfish,with your time, with your energy
, with literally everything.
Literally everything, because,at the end of the day, the only
person who's truly going to careabout your feelings as a black
(25:00):
woman is you.
So you need to put yourselffirst.
Period the fucking end in everyaspect of your life, with your
friendships, with your family,with your romantic relationships
, if something truly is notserving you and you feel like
you're having to work in orderto get just the fucking bare
minimum of just like respect,end it, end it bye, period the
(25:21):
end.
Don't, don't, don't putyourself on the line, because,
at the end of the day, it's likethe world is conditioned to
disrespect and to walk all overand to just take, take, take,
take, take from black women.
Be selfish, allow yourself to beselfish, allow yourself to put
yourself first, because that iswhat we, as black women, deserve
.
We deserve to put ourselvesfirst.
We deserve to think aboutourselves.
(25:42):
We deserve to be selfish.
That is my hope for every blackwoman and that is my goal for
myself is just to live a moreselfish life.
And it's like I say selfish but, at the end of the day, selfish
when it comes to a black womanis literally just giving herself
the bare minimum, givingherself the same things that she
gives everybody else.
So it's not even really us beingselfish.
(26:04):
It's us just taking care ofourselves.
The way that we have beenconditioned to take care of
everything and everyone elselike that's crazy when you
really think about it.
It's not even really us beingselfish.
It's us just taking care ofourselves, the way that we have
been conditioned to take care ofeverything and everyone else
Like that's crazy when youreally think about it.
It's not even us being selfish.
It's just us wanting the bareminimum, wanting what we give to
everybody else, what everyoneelse continuously takes from us
but doesn't give to us in return.
That's literally all we want asblack women.
So it's time for us to do that.
(26:25):
All we want as black women.
So it's time for us to do that.
It's time for us to finallygive ourselves the respect and
the care and just everythingthat we have given quite
literally the whole fuckingworld.
So that is why I root so hardfor Nicolandria.
That is why they are my winners.
But if they don't win, shellyand Ace have to win.
If anyone has done this processof Love Island how they're
supposed to is shelly and ace.
(26:45):
They have been into each otherfrom the very beginning.
They've had a connection,they've explored other
connections, they've gonethrough things, they've
communicated through thosethings and they've always come
back to each other stronger andI just love seeing their
connection.
That is a black love story thatI can get behind, because ace
takes care of shelllly.
Even when they were fighting,he was still coming to her with
(27:08):
her breakfast, with her flowers.
He had a sour fuck look on hisface, but he was still taking
care of his girl and that's whatI love.
Like he likes Shelly, you seewhat I mean.
Like when someone truly likesyou, regardless of what is going
on, they will still provide foryou and take care of you, and
that is what I need for blackwomen, because there's not a lot
of times where black women cantruly feel their emotions and
(27:28):
and their emotions are validatedand I love that.
Even though ace was like Idon't truly understand your
feelings, he was trying tounderstand where shelly was
coming from with the whole.
You know we need boundaries,but I'm still exploring.
I will say I did agree with aceon that.
Like I was a little confused aswell, but even though he didn't
understand it or fully seewhere she was coming from, he
(27:49):
was still like I, like you'restill my girl, I'm still gonna
take care of you, and I lovethat.
And I I see people trying tocompare hudda and chris to ace
and shelly, because now huddaand chris are having
communication issues and they'relike.
Well, ace and shelly have hadcommunication issues and
everyone's giving them grace,but y'all are not seeing this
this cycle with hudda and howher behavior has been with every
(28:13):
single man that she's beencoupled up with, of her not
allowing them to talk, of herlistening to respond, not to
understand where they're comingfrom.
And I I want to like hudda,like I really I really want to
understand her, but I just thinkthat the only person that she
needs to couple up with is atherapist.
There are some things that sheneeds to work through that
(28:34):
should have been worked throughbefore she came on love island.
First of all, I don't thinkthat she's on the right show.
I think she needs a show likelove is blind or married at
first sight, because the way shedoes not want Her man
especially when it was jeremiahto explore anyone else, she was
calling the bombshells all outof their name and everything
like that.
She wants someone who was allabout her beginning to end, and
that's just not what love islandis.
(28:54):
Love island is about exploringother connections as well, and
she was not having that.
So I think she needs to go on ashow more suited for like the
fast track of like okay, we mettoday, we're getting married
tomorrow, not love island,that's.
That's not how love islandworks, but also her
communication.
It just has to be better.
And she's always like oh, likethe communication is great, like
(29:15):
you know, we're really strong,we're this, and it's like is
your communication great, or Areyou just not letting them talk?
Are you just not understandingthat they're just agreeing with
you to kind of not rock the boat?
Because the second chris waslike hey, like I want to
communicate this thing with you,she's talking over him, she's
not listening, like when he wastalking about you know, you
(29:35):
won't kiss me out here, but likewe're having sex, like I, like
I don't get that.
I'm trying to understand whatshe's talking about.
Like oh well, out here it'slike pda, but it's like y'all
share a room with what?
Eight other people, 10 otherpeople.
So it's like is there reallyany privacy?
Mind you, not only are yousharing this room with all these
(29:56):
other people, but like millionsof Americans and millions of
people all over the world areare watching y'all too.
So it's like there's not reallyany privacy.
So I'm not really understandingwhat she's saying, and I don't
feel like she was understandingwhat chris is saying because she
kept interrupting him.
Like that's not a healthyrelationship if you're not
actually communicating.
And then you're like, oh, ourcommunication is great, is your
(30:17):
communication great or are youjust not really listening?
And I feel like she's done thatnot only with chris but with,
like, the girls as well, likewhen her and shelly got into it
about whatever happened, becauseI feel like it was cut whatever
, whatever she did in thatchallenge, we did not get to see
.
So I feel like people weren'tunderstanding that and that's
why people were like notunderstanding where shelly was
coming from, and also people, Ifeel like the people who
(30:40):
understood hudda and hudda beinglike, oh, it's just a challenge
, it's just a challenge, aremale-centered.
Y'all, y'all are male-centeredbecause the argument that I saw
is people being like oh well,why wasn't shelly mad at ace?
Like, why, why is she?
Have all the smoke for huda butnone for ace?
So a couple things.
First of all, shelly was upsetwith ace and she said that to
(31:01):
ace.
Did it take her a day or so tounderstand that she was also
upset with ace?
Yeah, am I?
Am I going to be mad at her forthat?
No, because God forbid.
A girl needs to regulate herfucking emotions and understand
how she feels in a situationthat literally just happened to
her, in an environment where shegets two to three hours of
sleep a night and is likeconstantly on go.
Like they purposely manipulatetheir emotions.
(31:22):
They keep them like quarantinedfor like two weeks before they
even go into the villa.
They have no connection withthe outside world.
They don't even know what timeof day it is because their
phones like nothing has the timeon it.
Their sleep schedules are allout of whack.
Like of course her emotions aregoing to be heightened and also
maybe all over the placebecause of the environment that
she's in.
But also the reason she wasupset with hudda first and more
(31:45):
upset with h Huda is because itwas about the principal.
It was about their friendship.
It had nothing to do with Ace.
Shelly had never had an issuewith Ace doing a challenge.
The entire season, the onlyperson who had an issue with
anybody doing a challenge wasHuda.
So that should tell you that itwasn't the fact that it was a
challenge.
(32:05):
It was the fact that Huda askedfor respect when it was her and
Jeremiah and Shelly gave herthat respect.
But then, when it was Shelly'sturn for that respect.
Huda did not do that.
It was the principle of theirfriendship.
It was the you asked me to dothis thing and I did it for you,
but now that it's my turn,you're not doing it and I'm
seeing people being like, okay,well, shelly didn't communicate
(32:27):
that.
Does Shelly really need to tellher friend that she expects the
same respect that her friendwants from her?
Is that something that Shellyreally had to articulate and say
to her like, can we be serious?
Like, if I have a rule in myhouse for my friends, like, oh,
when you come to the, when youcome to my house, take your
shoes up at the front door.
I I have that thing foreveryone who comes into my house
(32:49):
take, take your shoes off whenyou come into the door and then
I go to your house and I'm justwalking around with my shoes.
Wouldn't you look at me alittle bit sideways?
Wouldn't you be like well, youhave this thing at your house
and I've always respected it,but now that it's my house,
you're not having the same rules.
Do you see what I'm saying?
Like that is why shelly wasupset.
It was because of the principle.
It had nothing to do with theman and it's so interesting to
(33:13):
me, the people who are defendinghudda in that situation.
I know they've squashed it, butI just never spoke about it on
the pod, so that's why I'm doingit now, the people who were
defending her.
It really told me a lot aboutthem because, like I just I did
not understand why people weremaking ace the focal point of
the issue and it was just a verymale-centered thing to do.
(33:34):
And it was like, after thinkingabout the whole situation, it
was either one of two thingseither people were male-centered
and centering ace, or it wasjust blatant racism, because
then people would be like, oh,it was just a challenge, like
hudda is not the wrong, it'sjust a challenge.
But then when alandria sharedduring the stand on business
challenge that hudda and chriskissed, oh, that wasn't
(33:57):
alandria's place to share, thatshe shouldn't have done.
That, was it not the stand onbusiness challenge?
Was it not the challenge to airyour grievances and get
everything off of your chest?
And that's what Alandria didand y'all said it's just a
challenge.
So it's just a challenge, right?
Exactly, you bitches arefucking racist or you're
(34:20):
misogynistic and there's noimage Like you're never going to
convince me that.
It's not one of those twothings as to why people were
defending hudda.
It was one of those two things,or a mix of both, because two
things can be true at once aswell.
Anyway, crazy tangent.
But that was another situationwhere a black woman put herself
first and her feelings first andshe was still villainized for
that.
People were calling shelly andlandria bullies.
(34:41):
They were saying that they wereganging up on hudda, they were
yelling at her and it was likeshelly very clearly and very
calmly articulated what waswrong, where her issue was, and
it was like even in her calmnesspeople were like, oh my god,
she's such a bully, she's, she'sso rude, mind you, hudda,
calling everybody out of theirname, b words, this calling,
(35:04):
calling jeremiah a pussy assbitch.
But like people were like, oh,that's justified, she was just
crashing out.
But when it's shelly who wascalmly articulating why she was
upset, that's an issue and thisis why I will always say, as
we're up today's episode blackwomen, put yourself first,
because no matter what you do,someone is going to have an
(35:25):
issue with it.
It does not matter what you do,it does not matter how you say
it, it does not matter how yougo about it.
You will always be the villain.
So we might as well not make aliar out of people.
We might as well just putourselves first and be selfish
and do whatever works for us andhowever they're going to take
it, is how they're going to takeit.
It should not matter to youbecause, no matter what you do,
(35:46):
they're always going to someoneis always going to have an issue
with it.
So put yourself first, be withpeople whether that be
friendships, relationships,whatever who like you,
regardless of their skin color,and allow yourself to let
someone else take the frontwheel so that you can sit back
and be taken care of and beyearned for and just get
(36:07):
everything that you have alwaystried to give everybody else.
That is my, that is what I hope, wish and pray for all black
women is just for us to allowpeople to take care of us, which
I know is easier said than donebecause, again, from a young
age, we're always taught, youknow put everyone first, be the
provider this, that and thethird but just make sure you're
also providing for yourself andmake sure you're putting
(36:28):
yourself first and beingquote-unquote selfish.
But being selfish is literallyjust doing for yourself what
you've always done for others.
That is just what I want forblack women and that is why,
today and every day, I willalways be team Michelangelo.
Even if they don't win, I willstill root for them.
I need them to add them to thebeyond the villa cast, because I
(36:48):
need to see more of them,because the fact that we were
robbed all season of themexploring and seeing their
connection like oh, that makesme so sad.
As of right now, when I'mfilming this, we don't know the
outcome.
The outcome will come out likea little bit later, after this
is um uploaded on sunday.
So fingers crossed for nickalandrio or shelly and ace,
(37:08):
either one.
I I need one of them to be thewinner.
It doesn't matter to me whichone um, they just have the best
connections, in my opinion, inthe villa shelly and ace because
they've just done love islandthe way that they're supposed to
, and nick and alandria becauseI just love.
I'm a sucker for a romance book, a romance movie, and Fran
Sullivan's trope is justeverything and more to me.
(37:29):
So, and regardless, in both ofthese love stories, I just love
seeing a black woman being takencare of, and so I'm just
rooting for for everybody blackand Nick.
Thank you guys, so much fortuning in today's episode.
I hope everyone is having agood day, except for that orange
chick lady and I will talk toyou in the next episode.
Peace and love.
Talk to you later.
(37:49):
The Napkin in Between, hostedby Daijné Jones, produced by
Daijné Jones, post-production byDaijné Jones, music by Sam
Champagne and graphics by IsmaVidal.
Don't forget to like andsubscribe.
See you next episode.
Is this thing on?
Hello, hello.
Uh oh, another yapper with amic.
Hello everyone and welcome backto the Napkin In Between
podcast.
I am your host, Daijné Jones.
I hope everyone is having agood week, except for that
(00:21):
orange drink lady, of course.
I missed you guys last week.
It's always so weird.
This is only the second timethat I've missed a week in the
podcast since December when Istarted it, and I swear, every
time I don't upload an episode,I always feel so weird, like
because I have nothing to editthat week.
I don't see your guys' commentsor whatever on the podcast or
(00:44):
anything like that, and so it'salways just so like funky to me.
Like I feel like it's like Idon't know what.
What did they say?
It takes like 21 days to form ahabit or something, and so I
feel like it's been embeddedinto my routine now to like film
and edit and, you know, get thepodcast ready for the week, and
so when I don't have that to doduring the week, I'm just like
(01:05):
kind of twiddling my thumb.
I will say this past time was alittle bit different.
The reason I didn't upload apodcast was number one.
My family was visiting me inNew York City, which was
absolutely the peak of my week.
I always love when I get tospend time with family, and it's
kind of few and far between now, because all of my family lives
in Atlanta or not all of myfamily, but, like my mom and my
nephews, who are like theclosest to me in my family, they
(01:26):
live in Atlanta and so I livein New York city now.
So when I lived in Atlanta, ofcourse, I was seeing them all
the time, but now that I live inNew York city it's a little bit
harder.
We have to book flights and allthat stuff.
So it's always nice when I getto see them.
They're literally my favoritepeople in the entire world.
Like truly me against the worldwhen it comes to my mom and my
nephews.
Like I will, I would literallygo to bat against anyone over my
(01:50):
mom and my nephews, and it'salways just so special to spend
time with them.
I'm like the fun aunt.
Like I don't have any kids.
I have a dog which they love.
They love playing with her andit's kind of nice whenever
they're here I get a littlebreak, kind of, because anytime
I like want to take her outafter feed her, they're like,
can I do it?
Can I do it?
Can I walk her, can I feed her?
And I'm like you know, I goright ahead, do you?
(02:10):
And it's so funny my, myyoungest nephew, who is five.
We were talking and he's likeyou know, I watch your podcast
and I'm like, oh Lord, like likepart of me loves it, because I
feel like I talk about importantthings but I don't really talk
about them in a kid friendly way.
So I'm like, what do you belearning?
(02:31):
What do you be hearing me say?
And then they're like you know,like let's make a TikTok, or
let's do this or let's do that,like they're literally like my
biggest supporters and mybiggest fans and you know they
want to be just doing thingswith me, which is really
important to me too, reallyspecial, because if they would
have asked me that like a yearand a half ago, if they would
have told me like, oh, I watchyour podcast or I want to make a
(02:51):
TikTok with you, that wouldhave freaked me the fuck out
when I first started contentcreation, thinking about people
that I know like watching myvideos or whatever.
Literally I well, when I firststarted content creation, I
blocked everyone that I knew inreal life, including my mom,
like everyone was blockedbecause I didn't want anyone to
see what I was doing, notbecause I thought that they
would judge me, but because,like, your audience is not your
(03:14):
friends and family and thepeople that you know in real
life like when you are creatingcontent, that is not your
audience.
Your audience will always atfirst be strangers and at first
be people who don't know you inreal life.
And I just felt like I don'treally know how to explain it,
but I was just like I justdidn't want them to see.
I not, it wasn't that I wouldfelt like they were gonna judge
(03:36):
me or anything like that, but Iwas just like I just didn't want
them to see.
So I had blocked everybody.
Um, anytime someone that I knewin real life would be like oh,
like I saw when your videos, I'dbe like no, you didn't like go
and block them, like I justdidn't want anybody to see.
But I'm at the point now whereI'm like I want to include my
family and my friends in myvideos and in my content,
because I feel like I I don'tshow enough of my real life.
(04:00):
I feel like like I'm alwayslike just sitting in the bed
talking to my camera, which, Imean, is what I'm just most
comfortable doing.
But I do want to startbranching out and show you guys,
like I live in New York City.
I'm doing stuff in the city,like my friends and family, like
all of that good stuff too.
So it was nice we had gone toHibachi and then we went to the
Museum of Illusions and we allmade a couple TikToks together,
(04:22):
which was really fun, and we'regoing on a cruise in October me,
my mom and my two nephews andso I'm excited to, you know, see
them then and make more contentwith them and just get them
more involved in my content.
So I say all that to say thefirst reason that I didn't
upload a podcast last week wasbecause my family was here and I
was just wanting to be presentwith them and explore the city
(04:43):
and, and you know, be with them.
And then also, I feel like forthe last month, I've been taking
in a lot of screen time becauseLove Island is on right now and
if you're not familiar withLove Island, they put out new
episodes every day, except forWednesday and Saturday.
They do put out an episode onSaturday it's called After Sun
(05:03):
and they all sit down and liketalk about what happened and you
know, talking about the couplesand things like that.
And it's just like I wish theyused to do this thing of unseen
bits, which they have a littlesegment in after sun now, but
before they had the after sunthey would do unseen bits.
I wish that we could see moreof that, because I want to see
more of, like, the Islanderspersonalities.
You know what what I mean?
(05:24):
Like I want to see how theyinteract with each other and the
fun things that they do, thethings that they say, like just
I just want to see more of them.
So I don't ever watch the aftersun, but I have been obviously
watching the entire season ofLove Island and I'm doing recaps
after every episode and thingslike that and it's just a lot.
Watching a show for five days aweek is a lot.
(05:47):
It's a lot, especially when Iwant to do recaps after every
episode.
I'm watching the show but I'malso taking notes and I'm
pausing and I have to rewind soI can make sure, you know, I say
everything that I want to sayand then, mind you, I still like
leave things outunintentionally that I wanted to
say.
But anyway, I I just like Ifeel like I'm doing a lot of
like screen time and so I waslike I didn't plan last week
(06:10):
very well, with my family coming, and then also feeling like I'm
just watching a lot of tv orlike looking at a screen a lot,
um, so there was no episode.
But Love Island is coming to aclose, the finale is today.
I guess I'm like, not today iswhat I'm filming, but today,
when this podcast is uploaded.
It'll be out later today and Iwanted to share my thoughts
about this season and theIslanders and when I say the
(06:32):
season and the Islanders, Imainly mean Nicolandria, because
like, uh, I I really am a lovergirl, I'm a hopeless romantic.
I hate men, right, like twothings can't be very, very true
at once.
I hate men, I hate for them tobe around me, I hate men, right,
like two things can be very,very true at once.
I hate men, I hate for them tobe around me, I hate for them to
be in my vicinity and byvicinity I mean within 3000
miles of me.
(06:52):
But at the same time, like Ilove love and I love
relationships and I love youknow I love the idea of love.
I don't love like the practiceof it.
Do you know what I mean?
Like I love, I would love tohave a relationship but at the
same time, like I hate talkingto men, I hate going on dates, I
hate the process of it.
Like I want God to just deliverthe man that I'm supposed to be
(07:14):
with to my front door with likea little like post-it or
something and just be like likethis is your husband, have fun.
Like I just hate the idea,especially in today's world with
like online dating.
Like I would love to meetsomeone organically or just like
in the wild, you know.
But I just also like I leave myhouse some, but I don't leave
(07:35):
my house a lot, so I don'treally know how that's gonna
work.
And also, like even I knowmyself, and even if I did leave
my house More and did do morestuff and a man approached me, I
would run away kicking andscreaming Like I I just I can't
with men.
I love the idea of ourrelationship, but I hate the
practice of getting into one,and I knew from episode one I
(07:57):
knew Nicolandria was gonna be athing and I hate that.
Like there's like a week leftof the show when we're finally
getting Nicolandria and I'm likeI wish y'all would have tried
earlier.
But I absolutely understand,like why it didn't happen.
Because when it comes to a womanlike Alandria, we have to
remember a couple of things.
Number one she is the oldestdaughter, oldest child, in a
(08:22):
single parent household.
She was raised by a single momand knowing that information
about her explains so much abouther to me, never mind the fact
that she is a dark-skinned blackwoman, never mind the fact that
she, you know, grew up inalabama.
Like all of this together tellsme so much about her and it
explains to me so much why shemoved the way she moved in the
(08:45):
villa, and she said it in arecent episode.
She said you know her pickingnick, finally, was the first
time that she felt like she hadbeen selfish in the villa.
And when it comes to a showlike love island, like, yes, you
make friendships and you knowyou create bonds and different
things like that, but at the endof the day, you really do have
to be selfish, you really dohave to put yourself first and
(09:08):
you know, yes, you build thesefriendships, but at the end of
the day.
It is love island, it's notfriendship island, and so if you
feel like you have a connectionwith somebody that you want to
explore, you have to put thatover your friendship.
And I feel like, as a woman, asa dark-skinned black woman from
alabama, raised by a single mom,being selfish is such a foreign
(09:28):
concept to her, like that isnot something that she can
fathom because she's so used tohaving to always put other
people first, and I feel like alot of black women can resonate
with that as well.
It's like we are literally fromchildren.
We are like told to put otherthings before our feelings,
whether it be, you know, ourschooling, whether it be our
(09:51):
family, like whatever it is weare.
We are conditioned to neverreally think about ourselves
first and to always keepeverything else at the forefront
, ourselves first, and to alwayskeep everything else at the
forefront and then our feelingsare like really never validated
or never really paid attentionto and different things like
that.
So the fact that it was so hardfor her and it took her damn
(10:12):
near the whole season to finallybe like you know, I'm actually
gonna put myself first.
I hate that for her becausenumber one, it's like I, I
really want black women to beselfish and I think that we
deserve to be selfish.
And also I feel like it justkept her.
It kept her from nick, becauseI feel like I, nick, I feel like
(10:34):
had feelings for sierra but atthe same time they weren't as
nearly as like strong as likehow he wanted to explore with
alandria, like I feel like hewas always yearning for her like
we, we see in differentepisodes.
If you, if you watch nick, youcan see him like stolen glances
at alandria or like making sureshe's okay, or, like you know,
(10:55):
looking at her like he wantedher bad.
He wanted her bad, he wantedher bad.
And I feel like I saw somebodysay I don't know how true this
is, but I saw somebody say thatyou know, taylor had asked him
or he had told Taylor that hewas interested in Elandria and
wanted to get to know Elandriaand Taylor asked him to not
(11:18):
pursue it, to not talk toElandria and to not do that.
And so I feel like part of itwas him just being like a good
friend to taylor, because nickand nick and taylor did form
like a really close friendship.
But I think that you know, ifalandria would have been more
open and been more selfish forherself, I think that he would
have been all for it, like.
(11:39):
I think that he would have beenlike, okay, yeah, like fuck,
fuck, taylor, let's try thisthing.
And I really wish that Alandriawould have been more open
because Taylor played in herface so fucking bad, so fucking
bad, like he told everyone andtheir mother how much he was not
physically attracted toalandria, which is fine.
(12:01):
I am not dragging him, becausephysical attraction is
subjective.
I think alandria like, literallyher features are things that
people pay money for and she'sjust born with them.
I think she is literally like,across ethnic groups, across
races, whatever, she is one ofthe prettiest girls that I've
ever seen in my entire life.
(12:21):
Like nick said, one of the mostbeautiful women he's ever seen
in his lifetime.
Like, oh my god.
But I'm not shaming taylor, foryou know, not being physically
attracted to her.
My issue with taylor lies in thefact that he never told her
that he was not physicallyattracted.
He led her on so bad, even evenworse than we saw, because even
(12:41):
the narrator, who has beennarrating love island for 10
years, said that he would havebet his house on taylor and
alandria winning this seasonlike and, mind you, he sees
unedited footage, he sees thingsthat we don't get to see.
So, whatever scheme that wasset up by taylor and todd, like
(13:01):
he was good at it, he hadeverybody fooled every when he
even when he picked clark at therecoupling, everyone was
shocked.
Amaya was ready to be hisfucking ass.
I love amaya so much.
Uh, she, she needs to work onnot cutting people off.
But she never said she wasperfect.
(13:22):
She never said she didn't haveany flaws.
So anyway.
But I feel like alandria was soset on taylor.
I feel like this was, for acouple of reasons, number one
again, whatever he was doing toher to make her feel like you
know, he was choosing her andlike it was going to be her in
the end, like he, he did that.
He, whatever scheme him andtodd set up, it was working.
(13:44):
But also I feel like, again,knowing alandria's background,
knowing that she is the oldestdaughter to a single mom,
dark-skinned black woman fromalabama, I feel like and this is
just my perception I could bevery, very wrong, but I feel
like, especially in the South,black women are pretty much I
(14:05):
don't want to say told, but likethey, they feel like their
partner is a black man, right,like they feel like black love
is what they should be strivingfor, what they should be doing.
And so, no matter how a blackman you know treats some black
women, they'll put up with thatbecause at the end of the day,
(14:25):
they're in a relationship with ablack man and that is held at a
standard.
More than anything, more thanhim respecting her, more than
him actually taking care of her,more than anything, the fact
that he is a black man is heldat the highest regard.
And I'm gonna tell y'all blackwomen, I love y'all and I love
black love and I love that.
But at the end of the day, trueblack love is loving yourself
(14:49):
first, loving your blackness andhaving respect for yourself as
a black woman first, andsometimes that means that your
partner will not be a black man.
I know that's a hard pill toswallow for some and I
(15:11):
understand it, because we'vebeen conditioned to think, oh,
black love, like we need to.
We need to be with a black man.
But if that black man is notrespecting you, if that black
man does not like you, do notlet that stop you from your
husband.
Do not let that stop you fromyour husband, because the way
Nick has treated Alandriacompared to how Taylor treated
Alandria, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I I'm rooting for, I will alwaysroot for Nicolandria, and when
(15:34):
I really think about it, it'snot even the fact that I'm
rooting for Nicolandria, I'mrooting for Alandria.
I'm rooting for this blackwoman finally having someone
cater to her and provide for her.
There's something so powerfulto me about seeing a black woman
who has very clearly had toalways have up her guard, had to
always be a provider, had toalways be the strong one.
(15:56):
There's something so powerfulto me about seeing her finally
be able to be soft, seeing herbe taken care of, seeing the
provider be the providee.
I will always root for that andthat's why I root for
Nicolandria so hard and that'swhy I call myself the president
of Nicolandria Nation, because Iwant black women to know
(16:17):
struggle.
Love is not what you should beaiming for.
Something that Alandria alwayssaid about Taylor after you know
he recoupled with Clark waslike oh, I worked so hard for
this, I put so much time andenergy into this.
I, you know, I always made surethat he was okay, but it's like
is he doing that for you aswell?
Is he, is he making sure you'reokay?
And also, yes, I understandthat relationships are work and
that you have to put in effortand time and things like that,
(16:41):
but the effort and time thatelandria was putting in is not
the effort and time that youshould have to put into a
relationship.
Like you shouldn't have to tryto force someone to like you.
And I'm not blaming her forthat because, again, I feel like
taylor did not tell her that hedid not like her.
So I understand why she likejust was oblivious to it and
didn't realize it.
But it's like, looking from theoutside in, we could see that
(17:04):
she was working for him to likeher and he just didn't.
And that's not work that youshould have to put into a
relationship.
When it comes to nick she, shenever had to try.
She literally just sat thereall season and we literally
watched this man yearn for her.
We've literally seen this mantell her you know, whatever you
(17:25):
decide, like, I just want to bein your presence, hello.
We've seen this man say I likeyour strong personality.
We've seen this man say youbring out the manlier side of me
like everything about her islike what he wants and like what
he he was just yearning forthis entire season.
(17:45):
And that's what I want for allblack women just for someone to
make you feel like you can begentle and you can be calm and
you can rest and you don't haveto always be the person who's
putting in all the work or doingeverything or providing for
everyone.
Like that's what I want forevery black person, regardless
of what that person's skin coloris.
And if that means that you haveto date outside of our race and
(18:08):
you have to date a white man ora lesion like whatever, just
date someone who genuinely, wholikes you.
Date someone who likes you, notsomeone who just loves you.
Because most of the time, whenyou're dating someone who loves
you and you're doing all theproviding, you're doing this
they don't really love you.
They love what you're doing forthem.
They love that you're providingfor them.
(18:28):
They love that no matter whatthey do to you, you're gonna put
up with it.
That's what they love.
They're not necessarily in lovewith you or even like you,
because if someone genuinelylikes you, they would respect
you, they would let you haverest, they would let you feel
like you could be gentle andcalm and let them take the wheel
.
You know what I mean.
Like that's what's so importantis like not trying to find
(18:50):
someone who loves you, but findsomeone who actually likes you.
That's more important thananything, because if someone
genuinely likes you, then theyjust would not do that to you.
You know what I mean and I feellike this season has really
shown that is that, like, blackwomen will really sacrifice
themselves and do everything forsomeone else and let's like you
don't have to do that.
(19:10):
You don't have to do that andyou shouldn't do that.
You should allow someone totake care of you and to provide
for you and to allow you to begentle and sit back and let them
take the wheel.
And that's why I root so hardfor nicolandria, because I'm
seeing a black woman who, fromjust knowing a little bit of her
background, has probably alwaysbeen the provider being
provided for and I like that's,I will always root for that,
(19:34):
because I I need that for all ofmy black women.
So this season hopefully y'allhave been watching, because I
didn't even really give y'all abackground or like let y'all
know what I'm talking about.
I just hit the ground fuckingrunning.
But moral of the story from thisseason is allow someone to take
care of you.
Be with someone who allows you,who makes you feel like you
(19:56):
don't have to to do all thiswork because you don't have to
do all this work.
You don don't have to do allthis work.
You don't have to put time andenergy into someone who is not
reciprocating that, whateverthat means.
That could be a romanticrelationship, that could be a
friendship, that could be afamilial relationship.
Like you don't have tosacrifice yourself for other
people.
It is okay to be selfish, it isokay to put yourself first, it
(20:18):
is okay to understand that youdeserve the respect and the rest
and everything that you aregiving everybody else.
And that's why Nick and Landryare my winners, because, at the
end of the day, I have not seena single interaction between
Nick and Landry where he is notmaking sure that she is good,
where he is not making sure thatshe is taken care for.
And it's the little things.
It's the little things like himmaking her her favorite foods,
(20:40):
him making sure her pancakeedges are crispy, him getting
out her pajamas for the night,like he just genuinely wants to
take care of her and I love thathe's not only said this
multiple times, like I just wantto be the man, I just want to
take care of her, but he'sactually showing he just wants
to take care of her and that'swhy like, oh, I love them, I
love them and I just I.
(21:02):
I hope that she will tap moreinto that and get out of her
mind, because I feel like therewas a point where she had asked
shelly, after like her and nickwere talking, she asked shelly,
like does it look natural?
And I saw people asking, likewell, why would she ask that?
Why would she ask if it looksnatural, like clearly, because
people still think that they'refaking it.
And I'm like, first of all, foranyone who thinks that Nick and
(21:25):
Elandria are faking, I can telly'all don't read.
Y'all do not read romancenovels, friends to lovers things
, or if you've seen a rom-comand it's the friends to lovers
trope, you didn't actuallyunderstand the movie, because
this is a classic friends tolovers trope.
Episodes 1 through 20 is thembuilding that friendship
foundation.
(21:45):
Episode 21 was where they werelike wait, do we like like each
other?
Do we have feelings for oneanother?
Let's try that out.
Episodes 22 to like 30 I thinkit is 30 29 is them being like.
No, we don't have feelings foreach other, we're just friends,
which made no fucking sense tome, because we had always seen
nick and alandria like in littleum clips of like them talking
(22:06):
or like them being around eachseen nick and alandria like in
little um clips of like themtalking or like them being
around each other, nick pickingalandria for a challenge,
whatever.
In episodes 22 to like I thinkit's 29 or 30.
They're avoiding each other.
We barely see them.
And first of all, if y'all arejust friends, why the fuck are
y'all avoiding each other?
Second of all, why the fuck isthis villa in such disarray?
(22:27):
It was in disarray because theyweren't speaking, because they
were they.
Both the men and the women whohave been dumped from the villa
have said, or even when elandriawas being dumped and nick was
being dumped, people were sayinglike they were the glue that
held everyone together.
So the fact that they were notspeaking or they were avoiding
each other because they're justfriends, and the whole villa was
(22:50):
like up in fucking flames yeah,it's because my parents are
like.
I didn't grow up in a atwo-parent household.
But for people who did, whenyour parents are fighting and
you know your parents arefighting like that shit is that
it throws off the entire dynamicof the house.
That was how it was in thevilla.
But anyway, episodes what 22 to29, 30 was them trying to
(23:13):
convince themselves because theyweren't fooling fucking me that
they were just friends.
And then what we see fromepisode 29, 30 to now is them
being like okay, like we'reactually not friends and we
actually are attracted to oneanother and we have an emotional
connection.
So let's nurture that.
This is a classic friends tolovers like I y'all just don't
(23:35):
read, y'all don't read.
And that's the problem.
Y'all, y'all too locked intothese damn devices.
It's that damn phone, it isthat damn phone.
Go pick up a fucking book andread.
And that's another reason as towhy I root for them so hard,
because I love the friends tolovers trope.
That's one of my favorite ones.
I love when people have afriendship first, because again,
that goes back to my wholepoint of like you need someone
(23:58):
who likes you, who respects you,before you can find someone who
loves you.
And I feel like when youactually have a friendship with
someone first.
Then it's like, okay, like I,like this person, you know what
I mean like I respect them, andthen you can build more onto
that, so that, coupled up withthe fact that Nick is genuinely
like just taking care of her,they are my winners.
(24:18):
They're my winners and I need,like I, I just love.
I just love seeing a black womanbeing taken care of for,
because we don't get that a lot.
It's always, you know, peopleare always expecting us to do
something for them, but it'slike what are you doing for me?
Ask, not what a black woman cando for you.
Ask what you could do for ablack woman.
That's what I need everyone tolive by, because it's like we're
(24:39):
always asked to sacrificeourselves and we're always asked
to, you know, disregard ourfeelings and put everything else
first.
And it's like it's 2025.
I need black women to be selfish.
I need y'all to be selfish,with your time, with your energy
, with literally everything.
Literally everything, because,at the end of the day, the only
person who's truly going to careabout your feelings as a black
(25:00):
woman is you.
So you need to put yourselffirst.
Period the fucking end in everyaspect of your life, with your
friendships, with your family,with your romantic relationships
, if something truly is notserving you and you feel like
you're having to work in orderto get just the fucking bare
minimum of just like respect,end it, end it bye, period the
(25:21):
end.
Don't, don't, don't putyourself on the line, because,
at the end of the day, it's likethe world is conditioned to
disrespect and to walk all overand to just take, take, take,
take, take from black women.
Be selfish, allow yourself to beselfish, allow yourself to put
yourself first, because that iswhat we, as black women, deserve
.
We deserve to put ourselvesfirst.
We deserve to think aboutourselves.
(25:42):
We deserve to be selfish.
That is my hope for every blackwoman and that is my goal for
myself is just to live a moreselfish life.
And it's like I say selfish but, at the end of the day, selfish
when it comes to a black womanis literally just giving herself
the bare minimum, givingherself the same things that she
gives everybody else.
So it's not even really us beingselfish.
(26:04):
It's us just taking care ofourselves.
The way that we have beenconditioned to take care of
everything and everyone elselike that's crazy when you
really think about it.
It's not even really us beingselfish.
It's us just taking care ofourselves, the way that we have
been conditioned to take care ofeverything and everyone else
Like that's crazy when youreally think about it.
It's not even us being selfish.
It's just us wanting the bareminimum, wanting what we give to
everybody else, what everyoneelse continuously takes from us
but doesn't give to us in return.
That's literally all we want asblack women.
So it's time for us to do that.
(26:25):
All we want as black women.
So it's time for us to do that.
It's time for us to finallygive ourselves the respect and
the care and just everythingthat we have given quite
literally the whole fuckingworld.
So that is why I root so hardfor Nicolandria.
That is why they are my winners.
But if they don't win, shellyand Ace have to win.
If anyone has done this processof Love Island how they're
supposed to is shelly and ace.
(26:45):
They have been into each otherfrom the very beginning.
They've had a connection,they've explored other
connections, they've gonethrough things, they've
communicated through thosethings and they've always come
back to each other stronger andI just love seeing their
connection.
That is a black love story thatI can get behind, because ace
takes care of shelllly.
Even when they were fighting,he was still coming to her with
(27:08):
her breakfast, with her flowers.
He had a sour fuck look on hisface, but he was still taking
care of his girl and that's whatI love.
Like he likes Shelly, you seewhat I mean.
Like when someone truly likesyou, regardless of what is going
on, they will still provide foryou and take care of you, and
that is what I need for blackwomen, because there's not a lot
of times where black women cantruly feel their emotions and
(27:28):
and their emotions are validatedand I love that.
Even though ace was like Idon't truly understand your
feelings, he was trying tounderstand where shelly was
coming from with the whole.
You know we need boundaries,but I'm still exploring.
I will say I did agree with aceon that.
Like I was a little confused aswell, but even though he didn't
understand it or fully seewhere she was coming from, he
(27:49):
was still like I, like you'restill my girl, I'm still gonna
take care of you, and I lovethat.
And I I see people trying tocompare hudda and chris to ace
and shelly, because now huddaand chris are having
communication issues and they'relike.
Well, ace and shelly have hadcommunication issues and
everyone's giving them grace,but y'all are not seeing this
this cycle with hudda and howher behavior has been with every
(28:13):
single man that she's beencoupled up with, of her not
allowing them to talk, of herlistening to respond, not to
understand where they're comingfrom.
And I I want to like hudda,like I really I really want to
understand her, but I just thinkthat the only person that she
needs to couple up with is atherapist.
There are some things that sheneeds to work through that
(28:34):
should have been worked throughbefore she came on love island.
First of all, I don't thinkthat she's on the right show.
I think she needs a show likelove is blind or married at
first sight, because the way shedoes not want Her man
especially when it was jeremiahto explore anyone else, she was
calling the bombshells all outof their name and everything
like that.
She wants someone who was allabout her beginning to end, and
that's just not what love islandis.
(28:54):
Love island is about exploringother connections as well, and
she was not having that.
So I think she needs to go on ashow more suited for like the
fast track of like okay, we mettoday, we're getting married
tomorrow, not love island,that's.
That's not how love islandworks, but also her
communication.
It just has to be better.
And she's always like oh, likethe communication is great, like
(29:15):
you know, we're really strong,we're this, and it's like is
your communication great, or Areyou just not letting them talk?
Are you just not understandingthat they're just agreeing with
you to kind of not rock the boat?
Because the second chris waslike hey, like I want to
communicate this thing with you,she's talking over him, she's
not listening, like when he wastalking about you know, you
(29:35):
won't kiss me out here, but likewe're having sex, like I, like
I don't get that.
I'm trying to understand whatshe's talking about.
Like oh well, out here it'slike pda, but it's like y'all
share a room with what?
Eight other people, 10 otherpeople.
So it's like is there reallyany privacy?
Mind you, not only are yousharing this room with all these
(29:56):
other people, but like millionsof Americans and millions of
people all over the world areare watching y'all too.
So it's like there's not reallyany privacy.
So I'm not really understandingwhat she's saying, and I don't
feel like she was understandingwhat chris is saying because she
kept interrupting him.
Like that's not a healthyrelationship if you're not
actually communicating.
And then you're like, oh, ourcommunication is great, is your
(30:17):
communication great or are youjust not really listening?
And I feel like she's done thatnot only with chris but with,
like, the girls as well, likewhen her and shelly got into it
about whatever happened, becauseI feel like it was cut whatever
, whatever she did in thatchallenge, we did not get to see
.
So I feel like people weren'tunderstanding that and that's
why people were like notunderstanding where shelly was
coming from, and also people, Ifeel like the people who
(30:40):
understood hudda and hudda beinglike, oh, it's just a challenge
, it's just a challenge, aremale-centered.
Y'all, y'all are male-centeredbecause the argument that I saw
is people being like oh well,why wasn't shelly mad at ace?
Like, why, why is she?
Have all the smoke for huda butnone for ace?
So a couple things.
First of all, shelly was upsetwith ace and she said that to
(31:01):
ace.
Did it take her a day or so tounderstand that she was also
upset with ace?
Yeah, am I?
Am I going to be mad at her forthat?
No, because God forbid.
A girl needs to regulate herfucking emotions and understand
how she feels in a situationthat literally just happened to
her, in an environment where shegets two to three hours of
sleep a night and is likeconstantly on go.
Like they purposely manipulatetheir emotions.
(31:22):
They keep them like quarantinedfor like two weeks before they
even go into the villa.
They have no connection withthe outside world.
They don't even know what timeof day it is because their
phones like nothing has the timeon it.
Their sleep schedules are allout of whack.
Like of course her emotions aregoing to be heightened and also
maybe all over the placebecause of the environment that
she's in.
But also the reason she wasupset with hudda first and more
(31:45):
upset with h Huda is because itwas about the principal.
It was about their friendship.
It had nothing to do with Ace.
Shelly had never had an issuewith Ace doing a challenge.
The entire season, the onlyperson who had an issue with
anybody doing a challenge wasHuda.
So that should tell you that itwasn't the fact that it was a
challenge.
(32:05):
It was the fact that Huda askedfor respect when it was her and
Jeremiah and Shelly gave herthat respect.
But then, when it was Shelly'sturn for that respect.
Huda did not do that.
It was the principle of theirfriendship.
It was the you asked me to dothis thing and I did it for you,
but now that it's my turn,you're not doing it and I'm
seeing people being like, okay,well, shelly didn't communicate
(32:27):
that.
Does Shelly really need to tellher friend that she expects the
same respect that her friendwants from her?
Is that something that Shellyreally had to articulate and say
to her like, can we be serious?
Like, if I have a rule in myhouse for my friends, like, oh,
when you come to the, when youcome to my house, take your
shoes up at the front door.
I I have that thing foreveryone who comes into my house
(32:49):
take, take your shoes off whenyou come into the door and then
I go to your house and I'm justwalking around with my shoes.
Wouldn't you look at me alittle bit sideways?
Wouldn't you be like well, youhave this thing at your house
and I've always respected it,but now that it's my house,
you're not having the same rules.
Do you see what I'm saying?
Like that is why shelly wasupset.
It was because of the principle.
It had nothing to do with theman and it's so interesting to
(33:13):
me, the people who are defendinghudda in that situation.
I know they've squashed it, butI just never spoke about it on
the pod, so that's why I'm doingit now, the people who were
defending her.
It really told me a lot aboutthem because, like I just I did
not understand why people weremaking ace the focal point of
the issue and it was just a verymale-centered thing to do.
(33:34):
And it was like, after thinkingabout the whole situation, it
was either one of two thingseither people were male-centered
and centering ace, or it wasjust blatant racism, because
then people would be like, oh,it was just a challenge, like
hudda is not the wrong, it'sjust a challenge.
But then when alandria sharedduring the stand on business
challenge that hudda and chriskissed, oh, that wasn't
(33:57):
alandria's place to share, thatshe shouldn't have done.
That, was it not the stand onbusiness challenge?
Was it not the challenge to airyour grievances and get
everything off of your chest?
And that's what Alandria didand y'all said it's just a
challenge.
So it's just a challenge, right?
Exactly, you bitches arefucking racist or you're
(34:20):
misogynistic and there's noimage Like you're never going to
convince me that.
It's not one of those twothings as to why people were
defending hudda.
It was one of those two things,or a mix of both, because two
things can be true at once aswell.
Anyway, crazy tangent.
But that was another situationwhere a black woman put herself
first and her feelings first andshe was still villainized for
that.
People were calling shelly andlandria bullies.
(34:41):
They were saying that they wereganging up on hudda, they were
yelling at her and it was likeshelly very clearly and very
calmly articulated what waswrong, where her issue was, and
it was like even in her calmnesspeople were like, oh my god,
she's such a bully, she's, she'sso rude, mind you, hudda,
calling everybody out of theirname, b words, this calling,
(35:04):
calling jeremiah a pussy assbitch.
But like people were like, oh,that's justified, she was just
crashing out.
But when it's shelly who wascalmly articulating why she was
upset, that's an issue and thisis why I will always say, as
we're up today's episode blackwomen, put yourself first,
because no matter what you do,someone is going to have an
(35:25):
issue with it.
It does not matter what you do,it does not matter how you say
it, it does not matter how yougo about it.
You will always be the villain.
So we might as well not make aliar out of people.
We might as well just putourselves first and be selfish
and do whatever works for us andhowever they're going to take
it, is how they're going to takeit.
It should not matter to youbecause, no matter what you do,
(35:46):
they're always going to someoneis always going to have an issue
with it.
So put yourself first, be withpeople whether that be
friendships, relationships,whatever who like you,
regardless of their skin color,and allow yourself to let
someone else take the frontwheel so that you can sit back
and be taken care of and beyearned for and just get
(36:07):
everything that you have alwaystried to give everybody else.
That is my, that is what I hope, wish and pray for all black
women is just for us to allowpeople to take care of us, which
I know is easier said than donebecause, again, from a young
age, we're always taught, youknow put everyone first, be the
provider this, that and thethird but just make sure you're
also providing for yourself andmake sure you're putting
(36:28):
yourself first and beingquote-unquote selfish.
But being selfish is literallyjust doing for yourself what
you've always done for others.
That is just what I want forblack women and that is why,
today and every day, I willalways be team Michelangelo.
Even if they don't win, I willstill root for them.
I need them to add them to thebeyond the villa cast, because I
(36:48):
need to see more of them,because the fact that we were
robbed all season of themexploring and seeing their
connection like oh, that makesme so sad.
As of right now, when I'mfilming this, we don't know the
outcome.
The outcome will come out likea little bit later, after this
is um uploaded on sunday.
So fingers crossed for nickalandrio or shelly and ace,
(37:08):
either one.
I I need one of them to be thewinner.
It doesn't matter to me whichone um, they just have the best
connections, in my opinion, inthe villa shelly and ace because
they've just done love islandthe way that they're supposed to
, and nick and alandria becauseI just love.
I'm a sucker for a romance book, a romance movie, and Fran
Sullivan's trope is justeverything and more to me.
(37:29):
So, and regardless, in both ofthese love stories, I just love
seeing a black woman being takencare of, and so I'm just
rooting for for everybody blackand Nick.
Thank you guys, so much fortuning in today's episode.
I hope everyone is having agood day, except for that orange
chick lady and I will talk toyou in the next episode.
Peace and love.
Talk to you later.
(37:49):
The Napkin in Between, hostedby Daijné Jones, produced by
Daijné Jones, post-production byDaijné Jones, music by Sam
Champagne and graphics by IsmaVidal.
Don't forget to like andsubscribe.
See you next episode.
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