June 29, 2025 • 40 mins
What does it truly mean to embrace your identity entirely, without reservation or apology? In this candid exploration of Black joy and self-acceptance, we dive deep into the transformative power of recognizing your own worth in a world that often fails to do so.
The journey from internalized anti-Blackness to profound self-love reveals how embracing your heritage becomes not just a personal victory, but a revolutionary act. "Being Black is my superpower," isn't just a catchy phrase—it's a recognition of the inherent strength, creativity, and resilience that has allowed Black people to thrive despite countless attempts at suppression.
Through unexpected moments of clarity—like realizing the freedom of swimming with a shaved head or rediscovering childhood joys—we uncover how healing happens in the spaces where we allow ourselves to be present. The political becomes personal when we acknowledge that caring for ourselves isn't selfish but necessary, especially for Black women who so often carry the weight of advocacy while receiving the least support.
This conversation challenges the notion that we must constantly process the world's problems, advocating instead for balance through deliberate disconnection. By finding activities that truly shut off our brains—whether reading, coloring, swimming, or simply being outdoors—we create sacred spaces for our mental well-being. The radical act of focusing on what makes you happy might be the most powerful form of resistance available.
Ready to rediscover what brings you joy and reconnect with your inner child? Listen now and join a community that validates your feelings, celebrates your existence, and reminds you that on this floating rock in space, the most important thing is your own healing journey.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Daijné (00:00):
Is this thing on?
Hello, hello.
Uh oh, another yapper with amic.
Hello everyone, and welcomeback to the Napkin in Between
podcast.
I am your host, Daijné Jones.
I hope everyone is having agood day, except for that orange
(00:22):
chick lady, of course.
Your girl is feeling refreshed.
I know last week I was goingthe fuck through it, but I'm
feeling so much better this weekand that's for a couple of
reasons.
Number one and this was thepeak of my week.
Well, I've had a couple ofpeaks of my week, actually.
First one, obviously Juneteenth.
Like ugh, I love being black, Ilove being black, I love being
(00:45):
black.
It is literally top twofavorite things and it's not
fucking two.
Like oh my god, I, I, I.
In every life, me stuttering iscrazy, but in every life I want
to be black.
In every life I would not tradeit for one single thing.
I don't care, I would not tradeit for one single thing, I
don't care, I would not trade itfor one single thing, because I
(01:06):
feel like it's really just sucha powerful thing being black.
Like that's how I feel now andI feel like before, before.
I like really embraced who I amand like everything about me,
especially being a black womanbecause I've said this before in
previous episodes like growingup, I struggled with a lot of
internalized racism andanti-blackness.
(01:28):
And it's like once you reallyrealize that being black is the
tiest shit in the entire world,like oh, oh, my god, I really
love it here.
I love it here so bad.
It really does not get betterthan being black.
We are the blueprint.
That's why we're alwaysappropriated and never
(01:50):
appreciated Like we are just toptier and I love every single
thing about being black.
God really has favorites and itis black people, specifically
black women.
I love being a black woman.
Like I love being black, I lovebeing a woman and I love being
a black woman.
I love being black, I lovebeing a woman and I love being a
black woman.
Like that is like my favoritething ever and I love, like in
these past couple years I feellike I've made that my entire
(02:12):
personality trait and it's likewhy, why wouldn't I, why
wouldn't I make being a blackwoman my entire personality
trait?
It's literally top, fuckingtier.
Like no one can ever tell meshit.
Like once you really understandhow tea it is to be a black
woman.
Like there's really no goingback and I know that that might
sound narcissistic, but it's notnarcissistic, because if it
(02:34):
were narcissistic then Iwouldn't be able to say that
it's narcissistic.
Take a shot every time.
I just said narcissistic.
Please drink responsibly.
I'm just kidding.
Don't do that, um, but anyway,yeah, I just love being black
and I love learning every dayabout black history.
Like I I really enjoy lookingdeeper into, of course, the
people that we know who are likethe, the big historical black
(02:57):
figures.
But I I love finding the hiddengems and like the people who
did so much and like are justlike in the shadows and people
don't know so much about, forexample, like oh, her name is
escaping me mahalia jackson.
I think that's how you say hername.
I hope I'm saying that right,she was like a big inspiration
to martha king jr and inspiredhis I have a dream speech.
(03:18):
Go look into her.
I just I love finding thehidden gems, the people who
don't get talked about a lot andwho made such huge
contributions to the community.
Like, oh, I love, I just loveblack people.
Like it's really such apowerful thing to realize that,
like there's been so much thathas been carefully crafted
(03:41):
specifically to keep blackpeople down and every time they
try to figure something out tooppress us or to make our lives
harder, because that's whatracist people do.
Racism is the craziest fuckingshit.
First of all, like how are youmad that I'm black?
How are you mad about my skincolor?
Like, when you really thinkabout it, that's the stupidest
shit ever.
But I've said before and I'llsay it again like I I don't feel
(04:05):
like hating is wrong all thetime.
I feel like people just hatewrong.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, for example, for mepersonally, I hate JLo shocking
news, I know but I hate JLo andI feel like I hate in a way that
is productive to society.
I hate in a way that, like,calls out her negative behavior
or calls out you know the shitthat she's done, how she's built
(04:26):
this major career off of thebacks of black women and how
she's like not a good person.
Do you know what I mean?
Like hating someone and callingout the terrible shit that they
do.
I feel like that's needed,which is why I also call out
like racists and homophobics andtransphobics and misogynists,
like people who deserve hate andbullying.
That's why I feel like we needto bring back bullying, but it's
like and it's not like we needto bring back bullying, we need
(04:50):
to do it in a better way.
Do you know what I mean?
Because it's like for thingslike racism, like you're mad
that I'm black, that's crazy.
But it's like you're mad, butyou won't like, leave me alone.
You know what I mean.
Like you won't just let me live, you won't just not bother me.
You won't like, leave me alone.
You know what I mean.
Like you won't just let me live, you won't just not bother me,
you won't just go away.
You know what I mean.
So it's like with racism.
It's like they have to makepeople's lives harder in order
(05:14):
to feel any type of joy, inorder to feel like they are
doing something or they'resuperior.
They have to, they have togenuinely make you feel like you
are less than, and do things tospecifically cause you like
misery, because they're justmiserable in themselves and
misery loves company.
So it's like they do things inorder for like they're like I'm
(05:34):
miserable, so I need you to bemiserable too.
You know what I mean.
And so, because they hate blackpeople so much, like they have
done so many things to try todestroy us and to make our lives
harder and to keep us down.
And it's like, no matter whatthey do, black people's brains
are.
They're just so creative andthey can always figure out how
(05:57):
to do like an uno, reverse andmake it so that we flourish or
like we like.
No matter how hard racists try,they can never keep us down.
And that's why I love being ablack person so much, because,
like, we've always had to beresilient, we've always had to
figure shit out, and so it'slike, no matter what happens,
(06:17):
we're gonna figure it out, and Ilove that.
I love, I love always beingable to just figure shit out.
I love that I am independentand that I can, you know, just
like figure out what I want todo with my life, or like how to
get out of a situation or how toturn a negative situation into
a positive like.
And I feel like again, becausewe've always had to do that as
like a community, and then, like, growing up, it's just trickled
(06:40):
down from generation togeneration and it has just made
us that much more resilient.
And I'm not gonna lie.
Obviously, at times it getshard and it's like damn, like,
why won't you just leave me thefuck alone?
But at the end of the day, Istill would not want to be
anything other than a blackperson and a black woman like I.
(07:00):
Just I just love it so much andit's literally just like the
best thing that has everhappened to me.
I'm so grateful that Goddecided to make me a black woman
, like ugh.
I don't know, I could talk aboutthis forever, but Juneteenth
was definitely the peak of myweek.
I didn't even really doanything on Juneteenth.
(07:21):
I was just kind of at home withmy dog.
I didn't.
I didn't do much, I think.
Oh, me and Talia, we were gonnago to a block party, but it
ended up thunderstorming all dayand so we, we didn't actually
go, so I was just at home.
But even though I didn't doanything, I guess I just was so
grateful to just be at home andjust like sit in my blackness
and just soak it all in, likeyes, like yes, I literally feel
(07:44):
like a superhero, like beingblack is my superpower.
People say like, oh,superheroes aren't real.
No, superheroes are real andthey're black people.
Like black people are just toptier and I love being a black
person and I love black peopleand I just love everything about
being black.
So Juneteenth was the first peakof my week.
Second peak of my week is Iwent to the American Dream Mall,
(08:06):
which is a huge mall in is itin?
No, I guess it's technically inNew Jersey.
Yeah, it's technically in NewJersey, but, like in New York
City, I took my nanny kids.
For those who don't know, I'm afull-time nanny outside of
content creation, which I'vetalked about a little bit, but I
took them to a water park.
There's a water park in theAmerican dream mall and so we
went there, because one of mynanny kids is leaving in a
(08:27):
couple of days, at the time thatI'm filming this.
She's leaving for summer campand she goes away for seven
weeks, like she's gone the wholetime, and so every summer,
before she leaves, I always askher like what's one thing you
want to do?
As, like, her send off to camp.
And so this year she was like Iwant to go to the american
dream mall, I want to go to thewater park.
And so I asked her parents likeis this okay with you?
(08:48):
And they were like yeah, forsure.
Like are you okay to do that?
I'm like yeah, absolutely, likeI had never been.
And you know, her and herlittle sister were both very
hype and and wanted to go.
So I was like, okay, cool, likewe'll go there.
And so we go to this water park.
And well, first of all, thismall is fucking huge, like
there's a water park in there,there's an amusement park,
(09:09):
there's um skiing, like there'sso many, and then it's also like
a mall, like a shopping mall,like there's like old navy and
um american eagle, so forth,like all these stores and stuff
too.
And it's been so long since Ifeel like I've stepped foot into
a mall, like I feel like thelast mall that I was in was like
when I was undergrad in college, which I'm coming up on seven
(09:31):
years since I graduated fromcollege.
Just crazy to think about, like, oh my god, I miss college so
much.
Life was so much simpler anyway, um, but it's been so long
since I had been in an actualshopping mall, because I feel
like everyone's so online thesedays and we're just like
shopping online and that's howpeople are building
relationships online, like, ohmy god, please touch grass, get
(09:52):
off of your phone After youwatch this episode, of course,
but it was just so nice to likeactually like be in a mall and
unplug for a little bit.
And so they're doing water ridesa little bit, like.
And then they're like, okay,we're getting hungry, so we go
have lunch.
And as we're sitting at lunchthey're like daisianette, will
you go back with us and get inin the water?
Like, do the water rides withus?
(10:13):
And I didn't even have aswimsuit at the time but I was
like, okay, like we're in thismall, I can go grab a quick
swimsuit and then go into thewater rides, because it's been a
long time since I've been to awater park.
Even like, the last time I wasin a water park was I think I
was in high school.
I went to Splash Lagoon, whichis in Erie, over by where I grew
(10:33):
up.
But like, I've always reallyloved water rides.
But I was like, okay, I'm here,as you know, the chaperone.
So I didn't take a swimsuit.
I was like, I'm just here tochaperone, essentially.
But they asked me to do therides with them.
And so I was like let's finishlunch, you know, we'll stop by
one of these stores and thenI'll buy a swimsuit, I'll get in
with you guys.
(10:53):
And that literally made me sofucking happy.
I forgot how much.
I really enjoy water parks andwater rides because I'm not a
roller coaster person.
I hate roller coasters.
I hate the feeling of mystomach dropping.
Like people are like, oh my god, roller coasters, the
(11:16):
adrenaline rush I'll.
I'll get my adrenaline rushsome other way, like literally
any other way.
No, not any other way.
Like let's, you know, make sureit's legal and you know I'm not
gonna change my life oranything, but like I just I hate
roller coasters but I I lovewater rides.
Like water rides are so muchfun.
(11:36):
It was also very freeing for mebecause, number one, I hadn't
been to a water park in a verylong time since like high school
, and number two, I've neverbeen to a water park or like in
a body of water and not had toworry about my hair.
Like I feel like black womenwill understand what I mean.
Like going swimming.
It's supposed to be such a funactivity as a child but, like
(11:58):
you're always a little bitworried about like your hair as
a black girl swimming and rightnow, like I don't, I don't have
any hair, so I didn't have tothink about you know, like, oh,
like you know this chlorine orwhatever.
Like, of course, after I gothome I still like took a shower,
wash my hair and everything,but I didn't have to worry about
like anything when it came toreally anything while I was on
(12:23):
the water rides.
Like I didn't have my phone,obviously.
Like I mean, I guess I couldhave, I could have gotten like
one of those like plastic things, but I put my phone away and I
was just extremely present, andnot only present but doing
something that I like forgotthat I found so much joy in
doing.
Do you know what I mean?
Like I really love being in thewater.
(12:44):
I was having the best time.
First we were going down allthe water rides, all the slides
and stuff, and then we went tothere's like a wave pool and we
were like playing mermaids andlike riding the waves and like
diving under the waves and likeletting the waves crash into us.
We started playing this onegame.
Like I was low-keywaterboarding myself, but my
(13:04):
nanny kids wanted me to throwthem over the waves and so like
I would like throw them, but asI would throw them, like they
would make it over the wave andthen the wave would hit me
directly into my face and like Iwas like essentially
waterboarding myself, but wewere having a great time so I
didn't really care because Ijust forgot how much I really
enjoyed like swimming and justlike being in the water.
(13:27):
I can remember like growing upas a child, we would go to like
day camp in the summer at theYMCA and we would swim a lot and
I always loved swimming.
I like I've just always lovedbeing in the water.
I've always loved the beach.
I've always just loved likethat's just so fun for me.
And I feel like I really neededto be reminded of that,
(13:48):
especially last week becauseyour girl was going through it
Like, oh my God, I was having arough week, like zero out of ten
, not having a good time, and soit was so nice to be doing
something that I like forgotthat I had such a love for.
And also I feel like now thatI'm like bald or like don't have
(14:08):
much hair, I feel like I'mexperiencing things extremely
differently and I wish that Iknew how to explain it better.
But it's just like, as a blackwoman, like our hair is still
policed and we're always worriedabout our hair and how it looks
and all this stuff, and likefreeing yourself from that worry
and just being like fuck it,like I don't care about it.
(14:29):
That in itself is freeing.
And then like you're doingthings that you've obviously
done before, like I've I've swambefore, but I've never swam
with my head shaved and likethat was just such a different
thing, like just not giving afuck if.
Like how my hair would lookafter because I didn't really
(14:49):
need to and not that it evenreally matters like even if my
hair was like down to my asscrack and I went into the water
and swam and it shriveled up tolike the length that it is now,
none of that matters and I feellike shaving my head genuinely
the best thing that I've everdone, because it's truly showing
me that none of it matters.
(15:11):
Literally, we are on a floatingrock in the middle of space and
our country is being run by afucking fascist.
I don't have time to give afuck bitch.
I'm just trying to live.
I'm just trying to enjoy anysecond that I can.
And it's like doing things thatI, like low-key, forgot that I
had such a love for it, but alsodoing them now.
(15:32):
Bald has just been incrediblyfreeing for me and it just made
me feel just like like nothingmattered and like it was.
I was just so present too,which I feel like I never really
am.
Like.
I've also been this past weektrying to read more, because I
feel like I'm just spending toomuch time on my phone, like doom
(15:52):
swirl on tiktok or like youknow, watching something like
I'm just so connected to devicesall the time, and so I'm trying
to get back into reading,because I used to be an avid
reader.
I would read a book a week andjust like, read, read, read,
read like I've always lovedreading, and so I wanted to get
back into it and I just feellike what I need and I just feel
(16:20):
like what I need two things Ineed to.
Number one, do more things frommy childhood that, like, made
me super happy and just be likepresent, and I feel like reading
and swimming are those twothings for me.
Those were huge for me as a kid.
I loved swimming and I lovedreading, and they take me away
from the current state of theworld like they just make like.
(16:40):
When I was swimming, I literallynothing mattered.
I didn't care about anythingother than the water, that's.
All that mattered was just mebeing present and like being
around them as well, my nannykids.
It's like I just feel like I Iwant to return to my childhood.
Like I said this a little bitlast week and I didn't even
really realize it until justright now, in this moment, where
(17:02):
I was just like I miss, whenyou know politics, like I didn't
care about them as much.
And obviously I know that Ihave to care about them now and
I do care about them.
But there are times where I justneed to unplug my brain and, as
a kid obviously like you don'tknow as much when it comes to
like the bullshit that's in theworld, like you're just a kid,
you just want to be.
(17:24):
Like I feel like being a childis being present, like all that
matters is what's in front ofyou in that present moment.
And that's why I like get upsetwhen people, like people don't
realize that, like all kidsreally have is their emotions
and like what's in front of them.
So it's like we'll seesomething that's like such a
(17:45):
small deal.
Like, for example, the otherday, my nanny kids they were
fighting because one had takenthe other shirt or something I
don't remember.
Like they just have like thesilliest fights.
And that's my point, like, like, to me they're super silly, but
to them they're a big deal,right, like one sister taking
the other sister's shirt, that'shuge.
Because, like, they don't havelike thoughts about like what's
(18:08):
going on in the world, becausethey don't have to, they're just
kids.
You know what I mean.
And I feel I get upset whenpeople like make those things a
small deal because, like, tothem that's everything.
To us, obviously, it's a smalldeal because we have things like
bills and we know aboutpolitics, we know about trump
and we know about this war iniran and we like you, you know
what I'm saying like we knowabout these bigger issue things.
(18:30):
So we're like your sistertaking your shirt is not that
big of a deal, but to her thatis the war.
That is like the war that ishappening.
Do you know what I mean?
So it's like I love being ableto like validate those feelings
for them, because it also helpsme to validate my feelings.
And I feel like it's because Iread somewhere.
(18:50):
Once I read somewhere I probablysaw it on TikTok that when you
are like, when you face serioustrauma, you kind of stay at that
age of when you are traumatizedand I don't want to say, my
childhood was like supertraumatic, but like kind of like
my childhood was kind oftraumatic and I feel like as a
(19:11):
child, like yes, there weretimes where I was like okay, I
can just be a kid.
But I feel like a lot of thetimes, like I was thinking a lot
about like everything, and likethinking about myself, who now
is a nanny, and like I used tobe a children's therapist.
(19:39):
Like I just want to make sure,like children know that their
feelings are valid and like,yeah, to me it might be like
this is a stupid argument.
Like you're arguing over yourshirt, it's a shirt, but to her,
like that's that's important toher, that's one of her favorite
shirts, as one of her favorite,you know saying so.
It's like I love being able tovalidate those feelings because
it helps to heal me.
I forgot where I was going withthat for a second, but, like the
(20:00):
point I'm trying to make, Ifeel like I'm a little bit all
over the place today and I feellike you know what I'm tired of
pretending.
I try to structure my podcastbecause I feel like a podcast is
supposed to be structured butmy brain isn isn't structured.
My thoughts are all over theplace all the time, and so it's
so hard for me to be like, okay,I'm going to talk about this,
(20:21):
this, this, in this order, andlike we're going to be great,
like that's just not how Ioperate, that's not how I think.
So it's hard and I feel like myepisodes are a little bit stiff
because it's just not somethingthat I'm used to.
It's just like having astructured thing.
So I don't know, I, I just feellike I, my thoughts are all
(20:42):
over the place, and so if thepodcast is all over the place,
chalk it up to my thoughts.
I don't know, I don't know whatto tell you.
I'm tired of pretending, I'mtired of trying to be like, yes,
this is ABC, like I, just Ican't do it anymore, I can't it.
Just like my thoughts are allover the place.
Therefore, my podcast is goingto be all over the place.
Anyway, I forget what I wassaying.
(21:03):
Again, I think I might haveadhd a little bit, or I'm just
hot.
It's the heat, like it's.
It's really hot in new yorkcity right now, but I forget
what I was trying to say.
But the point I'm trying to makeis like now that I'm a nanny
and I used to work as achildren's therapist, which I
still incorporate into mynannying.
I feel like it's helping meheal my inner child.
It's helping me realize that,like, even as a child, my
(21:25):
feelings were valid and even asa child, I deserve to be
listened to and deserved respectand I can do that for them,
which helps to heal my innerchild as well, and I've talked
about this a little bit before.
But, like, what really helpedme to heal was nannying Callie,
(21:46):
who was technically my secondnanny kid, the second family
that I needed for, but it wasbasically my first.
The first family I needed forwas only like three months, and
then I was with Callie for ayear and a half, almost two
years, and so working with herfrom such a young age too.
I started working with her whenshe was 19 months old and I
worked with her until she wasthree.
Working with her and just beingable to like again validate
(22:09):
those feelings from a young age,and especially with her being a
little black girl, like I feellike that's what black women
need.
Black women need to, number one,be carefree and childish a
little bit, and what I mean bythat is just like doing things
that children would do likechildhood activities like
swimming or um, coloring or justlike things that are more like
(22:33):
carefree and childish I say inquotes because they're not even
really childish.
I feel like they're sometimesviewed that way because, like
children mainly do those things.
But like I feel like blackwomen need to do more things
that like put their mind at easeand I feel like, for me
personally at least, things thatI found that really like make
me turn off my brain and notthink so much is like things
(22:55):
like swimming or coloring ordifferent things like that.
But also, if you enjoy children, I think that more black women
should spend time with childrennot children of your own,
necessarily, but like kids areso carefree and they never gave
a fuck.
I love that about kids kidsnever gave a fuck.
(23:15):
They'll come up to you andthey'll say the most outlandish
shit and then do a cartwheel andrun the fuck away.
Like my favorite complimentsalways come from children,
because I know like you meanthat shit, because kids always
say what they mean and mean whatthey say like if you've ever
spoken to a child, it is likethey just have no filter.
(23:36):
The intrusive thoughts arealways winning and I feel like
as black women, we've always hadto like have ourselves together
, because it's like we're underthis microscope that nobody else
is under, and it's like nothingwe do is ever good enough.
Our responses either eitherwe're angry, we're hostile, even
(23:57):
if we, you could say somethingin the most respectful way, and
someone will still be like oh,you're bitter, oh you're angry,
oh you're this, or you're that.
Like the only like adjectiveand emotion that they can put
onto black women is just likeangry and bitter and it's like
hey, so like we feel otherthings.
Also, anger is a secondaryemotion, meaning that anger is
(24:18):
the emotion that's being shown,but it's not the one that's
being felt.
Meaning that I could beactually feeling sad, but like
I'm screaming or you know, I'mranting or something like that.
And so people think like, oh,she's angry and it's like, no,
I'm sad, but it's not showing upas sadness because I'm not like
crying or something.
You know what I mean.
I hope that makes sense.
(24:39):
I don't feel like I didn'texplain that well, but it's like
anger is a secondary emotion,it's not the emotion that's
actually being felt, it's justthe one that's being shown.
But when it comes to blackwomen, like, even if we show any
other emotion, it's like theonly thing that they can slap on
a black woman is angry.
And I feel like if we spent moretime doing like childhood
(25:00):
things or spend more time withchildren, if you can stomach
children because some peopledon't like children and that's
okay, children are for everyonebut if you can do more childhood
things or spend time withchildren like, I feel like the
more time I spend with kids, theless I care, because it's like,
honestly, none of it matters atthe end of the day, again, we
are on a floating rock in themiddle of space.
(25:23):
I don't have time or energy tocare about every single thing,
nor should I care about everysingle thing, especially things
that don't matter, like thefeatures that I was born with.
I don't have time to care ifsomebody else appreciates my
features.
The only person whose opinionsmatter about my features is me.
If I feel like I'm T, then I'mfucking T, period the end.
(25:46):
And the best thing aboutactually having confidence and
actually knowing like, likeyou're that girl is that I know
that I am the baddest bitch inthe fucking world.
I also know that my roommateTalia is the baddest bitch in
the fucking world.
I also know that my friend,courtney J, is the baddest bitch
in the fucking world.
I also know that my mom is thebaddest bitch in the fucking
(26:07):
world.
I also know that Megan TheeStallion is the baddest bitch in
the fucking world.
I also know that Megan TheeStallion is the baddest bitch in
the fucking world.
Like I am the baddest bitch inthe world and at the very same
time, so is every other bitch.
Like multiple things can betrue at once.
You know what I mean.
So it's like the only thing thatmatters is how I feel at the
end of the day, and at the endof the day, I feel good as fuck.
You know what I mean.
So, and I want all black womento feel that way.
(26:30):
I want all black women to knowthat, like you don't always have
to be so put together.
You don't always have to be solike immersed in everything
that's going on in the world.
Like immerse yourself in notgiving a fuck, in doing things
that turn your brain off anddoing things that just make you
feel present and like none of itmatters.
(26:53):
Because at the end of the day,like none of it does.
Like like we get one life.
I can't spend my entire lifeworried about other people's
perceptions or what someone elseis doing or how they're feeling
.
Like, especially as a blackwoman.
Who's gonna care about how I'mdoing?
Who's gonna make sure that I'mgood?
Who's gonna make sure that mymental is good, right?
So it's like I need black womento figure out what just makes
(27:19):
them present and what makes themfeel like nothing else matters.
And I feel like for me, that'sreally just doing childhood shit
, like coloring or swimming orbeing outside going to the park.
I wish there were like parks foradults.
I wish that I could just likego swing on a swing set or like
climb the monkey bars.
(27:39):
Like why aren't there adultparks?
That's the thing it's like onceyou get to a certain age, like
just like things are just notacceptable.
Like why can't I just go to apark and like what if there was
an outdoor park and there werelike drinks there too?
You know what I mean?
Like you could get a drink andthen like go on the swing.
Wait, that's a good idea.
(28:00):
Are there adult parks?
If not, like I need to likepatent that and make those,
because I feel like that'd be somuch fun.
Like imagine, okay, okay, maybe,maybe not after a couple drinks
, but like, imagine you're onlike america not america round,
but like that spinny thing youknow I'm talking about where
it's like your feet are on itand like someone runs around and
(28:23):
spins it and you go in a circle.
I can't think of the name rightnow.
It's not america round, ormaybe it is, I don't know.
But imagine doing that at thepark.
Like that would heal me.
Just just being able to dochildhood things as an adult
heals me, like swimming orcoloring, like those things
truly take my mind off of theworld and I feel like that is so
(28:46):
important because it's easy toget like immersed in the
bullshit and it's so easy tolose your fucking head.
Honestly, I was trying to thinkof a better word, but they're
like I don't know.
It's so easy to just like getwrapped up in everything because
(29:07):
there is so much going on.
Like I don't remember if it hadalready happened before I
filmed my last episode.
But like the us bombed iran.
Like what the fuck?
Like what the fuck?
Why did we do that?
There was literally like noreason.
Like he's like oh, they havenuclear weapons.
(29:27):
No, the fuck, they didn't.
And even if they did like, theycame out and said that they had
already moved shit and likenothing was actually destroyed.
So it's like a pointlessmission.
And here come trump talkingabout some oh, this mission was
super successful.
No, the fuck, it wasn't you.
Old, wrinkly, dirty, fuckingliar.
Like, oh, I'm sick because,like I saw someone say in
(29:52):
perfect description of it,someone said I wanted to go see
barbie and somehow I ended up inoppenheimer.
Like perfect fuckingdescription.
Every time I think about how wecould have had mamala in office
, big sister general.
I literally like it makes mesick to my stomach.
(30:16):
Like, oh, my god.
And then there's people talkingabout some oh, she would have
done the same thing.
No, she fucking wouldn't have.
No, she wouldn't have.
Like, shut the fuck up, you'rea fucking filthy liar.
I just really hate everyone whodid not vote for her.
Like, why didn't y'all listento black women?
I mean, who's surprised?
Literally no one.
(30:36):
Y'all never listened to blackwomen.
But like, damn, like y'allreally hate black women that
much that you were just like,yeah, I'm gonna vote for the
convicted felon rapist.
Like oh, my god, I can't.
And now there's so many peoplelike, oh, I regret my vote.
I don't give a fuck because youonly regret it because things
(30:58):
are starting to affect you.
You only regret it because nowyour life is being affected.
But if it had been otherpeople's lives, like you voted
for and like you knew you werevoting for, you wouldn't give a
fuck.
And it's like the lack ofempathy from people like really
blows my mind.
The lack of like compassion forother people.
I just can't imagine livinglike that.
(31:20):
I can't imagine just genuinelynot caring about other people's
lives.
That's really crazy.
Like think about it.
Like people who voted for Trump, literally not only did they
not care about other people'slives, they wanted to make other
people's lives harder, likethey wanted their lives to be
harder.
You can't convince me otherwise.
They voted for hate.
(31:41):
They knew exactly what theywere voting for, and I hate when
people are like oh, like Ididn't realize that it was going
to be this bad.
One thing Trump was on hiscampaign trail for the first
time in his fucking life washonest.
He told y'all everything he wasgoing to do.
There was also project 2025laid out of everything that he
(32:03):
planned to do.
And just because y'all heardhim say, oh, I have nothing to
do with that.
Y'all believed him.
Y'all believe thewell-documented liar.
That's really wild, like that'scrazy.
You believed the lyingconvicted felon rapist over the
black woman who most qualifiedperson to run for president.
(32:26):
She's worked in every branch ofthe government.
She wanted to give us money forhouses.
Like I hate y'all.
I hate you guys so much becausewhy are we here?
Like like all y'all had to dowas listen to black women and
you didn't.
Oh, I'll literally neverforgive.
(32:46):
I will never forgive and thisgoes more into my point like, as
black women, because they don'tlisten to us, we just have to
stop.
We have to stop screaming fromthe rooftops and we have to
start really caring aboutourselves.
And that's not.
I'm not trying to say like ifyou feel like advocating is is
what you want to do, by allmeans do that.
(33:08):
I'm not trying to say like youshouldn't do that at all,
because I feel like that isproblematic for people to do too
, but like I just wish thatblack women would take more care
of themselves as well and dothings to shut your brain off or
do things to really prioritizeyour mental health, because I
feel like we we never get toreally do that, even as kids,
(33:28):
like we just always have to haveour brains turned on, and I
just want black women to knowthat it's okay to turn your
brain off for a little bit, it'sokay to unplug, it's okay to
rest, and I feel like I've had ahard time balancing the two
because, like, yes, I want torest and I want to prioritize
myself, but at the same time, Ido really like being informed,
(33:49):
not just for me, but for youguys as well, so that I can
update you guys on what's goingon in the world and different
things like that.
But I feel like I just I didn'thave a good number one.
I feel like I didn't have agood balance.
And number two, I feel like Ijust wasn't doing the right
things to actually have thatbalance.
Do you know what I mean?
Because it's like I do enjoymaking content, and content is
kind of an escape for me, but itis also something that you know
(34:12):
.
I'm still very much focused onwhat's going on in the world,
and so being able to like swimor read or color, like those are
things that truly make me turnmy brain off and like not worry
about anything else, and so Ifeel like I just need to do more
of that, and so that's what I'mgoing to do.
I feel like last week I wasreally down and I was really
(34:32):
like what the fuck do I do?
And I feel like I I got myanswer and I love, I love my
guardian angels, I love any timethat I'm just like give me a
sign, what do I need to do?
I get that sign and it comesquick too.
It comes within the nextbusiness day Because, like your
girl was like what the fuck do Ido?
(34:53):
Because I could feel myselfinternally spiraling last week
Like I was going through it andI was like I need to figure out
something that will make me likenot be so in my head and like
make me turn off my brain.
Like I said before, I saw thatyou're kind of stuck wherever
you've experienced trauma andyou need to heal that version of
(35:15):
yourself in order to reallyheal your trauma, and so for me
that is like childhood and I'mjust working on healing my inner
child and the way that I can dothat is like with my nannying,
validating those feelings for mynanny kids, because that helps
to validate my feelings and thenalso just doing more, more
(35:35):
childhood things swimming,coloring, reading, etc.
So that is what I want toencourage everyone, and
especially black women, to do aswe are up with this episode, is
just find something that healswhatever part of you that is
stuck.
Find where you feel like youare emotionally stuck in
whatever part of your life thatis, whether it's childhood,
(35:58):
adolescence, teenage, adult,wherever it is and then just
work to heal that part of you.
I feel like that is reallyreally healing.
And also shave your head.
I am such a big proponent andadvocate especially for black
women to shave their head.
I feel like that has been thebest thing that I could have
(36:19):
ever done for myself, because itgenuinely shows you just how
little everything matters.
None of it matters.
At the end of the day, none ofit matters.
Again, we live on a floatingrock in the middle of space and
our country is being run by afascist, criminal felon.
What are we gonna do, you know?
(36:40):
So, I think, right now, formyself and for other black women
, I hope that we will just focuson healing ourselves, like that
is.
That is what I hope and wantand pray and wish for for black
women is just healing andprosperity and just every single
good thing that could happenlike.
That's all I want for blackwomen and people in general.
(37:00):
But I feel like I want to focuson black women because there's
not a lot of safe spaces forblack women and I want to make
sure that black women alwaysknow like you're safe here, like
you are my priority.
Black women always know likeyou're safe here, like you are
my priority.
Black women are my priority.
So anytime I give advice, it'sfor whoever wants to hear it,
but I hope that black women hearit the most and I hope that it
(37:22):
helps, even if it just helps oneblack woman to understand how
important she is, like I.
I that's all I want to do.
All I want to do is make sureblack women know just how
important and loved and seen andvaluable they are, because we
don't get to hear that a lot, wedon't get to experience that a
lot in every part of our lives.
(37:43):
Like we don't get to experiencethat.
So I just hope that everyone mysisters, my brothers, my black
people I hope you had a fabulousJuneteenth.
I hope that you know everyonewill focus on what.
Just do what makes you happy.
Do what makes you happy and dowhat heals you.
That is my, that's my wish foreveryone.
(38:04):
Just find that thing, find whereyou're stuck and then go and
unstuck yourself, go healyourself, go uproot yourself
from those roots, which can bevery, very hard because, like
trauma, especially deep-rootedtrauma, those things are really
hard to break.
And for anyone who's on thatjourney of healing yourself and
(38:24):
healing your trauma, I'm soproud of you because trauma is
is real and it's hard and it's alot, and you are not
responsible for your trauma.
But it is amazing that you arehealing yourself so that you
don't pass that trauma on toother people.
I love that and just unstickingthemselves and just healing
parts of you that, yes, youdidn't break, but you're taking
(38:47):
the responsibility and you'rehealing those things because, at
the end of the day, I feel likethat's important too.
It's like people like, yes, wedidn't traumatize ourselves, but
it is our responsibility tomake sure that we're not
traumatizing others and sohealing that trauma, working on
recognizing you know yourtriggers or where it is that you
(39:08):
might need to work on yourselflike that is so important to me
and I hope that all black womenjust focus on you.
Focus on you, make yourselfyour priority and do whatever
makes you happy and whatevermakes you unstuck.
Thank you so much for watchingthis week's episode.
I realized that it was kind ofall over the place and there was
no real topic, but I just feltlike freestyling it today.
(39:31):
I just wanted to free ball, Ijust wanted to pick up my mic
and start talking and that'swhat I did.
So I just wanted to yap andthat's what I did and I enjoyed
it.
I hope that you guys enjoyed it.
I hope that everyone is havinga good week, except for that
orange drink, lady, and I willtalk to you in the next episode.
Peace and love.
Talk to you later.
The Napkin in Between, hostedby Daijné Jones, produced by
(39:52):
Daijné Jones, post-production byDaijné Jones, music by Sam
Champagne and graphics by IsmaVidal.
Don't forget to like andsubscribe.
See you next episode.
Is this thing on?
Hello, hello.
Uh oh, another yapper with amic.
Hello everyone, and welcomeback to the Napkin in Between
podcast.
I am your host, Daijné Jones.
I hope everyone is having agood day, except for that orange
(00:22):
chick lady, of course.
Your girl is feeling refreshed.
I know last week I was goingthe fuck through it, but I'm
feeling so much better this weekand that's for a couple of
reasons.
Number one and this was thepeak of my week.
Well, I've had a couple ofpeaks of my week, actually.
First one, obviously Juneteenth.
Like ugh, I love being black, Ilove being black, I love being
(00:45):
black.
It is literally top twofavorite things and it's not
fucking two.
Like oh my god, I, I, I.
In every life, me stuttering iscrazy, but in every life I want
to be black.
In every life I would not tradeit for one single thing.
I don't care, I would not tradeit for one single thing, I
don't care, I would not trade itfor one single thing, because I
(01:06):
feel like it's really just sucha powerful thing being black.
Like that's how I feel now andI feel like before, before.
I like really embraced who I amand like everything about me,
especially being a black womanbecause I've said this before in
previous episodes like growingup, I struggled with a lot of
internalized racism andanti-blackness.
(01:28):
And it's like once you reallyrealize that being black is the
tiest shit in the entire world,like oh, oh, my god, I really
love it here.
I love it here so bad.
It really does not get betterthan being black.
We are the blueprint.
That's why we're alwaysappropriated and never
(01:50):
appreciated Like we are just toptier and I love every single
thing about being black.
God really has favorites and itis black people, specifically
black women.
I love being a black woman.
Like I love being black, I lovebeing a woman and I love being
a black woman.
I love being black, I lovebeing a woman and I love being a
black woman.
Like that is like my favoritething ever and I love, like in
these past couple years I feellike I've made that my entire
(02:12):
personality trait and it's likewhy, why wouldn't I, why
wouldn't I make being a blackwoman my entire personality
trait?
It's literally top, fuckingtier.
Like no one can ever tell meshit.
Like once you really understandhow tea it is to be a black
woman.
Like there's really no goingback and I know that that might
sound narcissistic, but it's notnarcissistic, because if it
(02:34):
were narcissistic then Iwouldn't be able to say that
it's narcissistic.
Take a shot every time.
I just said narcissistic.
Please drink responsibly.
I'm just kidding.
Don't do that, um, but anyway,yeah, I just love being black
and I love learning every dayabout black history.
Like I I really enjoy lookingdeeper into, of course, the
people that we know who are likethe, the big historical black
(02:57):
figures.
But I I love finding the hiddengems and like the people who
did so much and like are justlike in the shadows and people
don't know so much about, forexample, like oh, her name is
escaping me mahalia jackson.
I think that's how you say hername.
I hope I'm saying that right,she was like a big inspiration
to martha king jr and inspiredhis I have a dream speech.
(03:18):
Go look into her.
I just I love finding thehidden gems, the people who
don't get talked about a lot andwho made such huge
contributions to the community.
Like, oh, I love, I just loveblack people.
Like it's really such apowerful thing to realize that,
like there's been so much thathas been carefully crafted
(03:41):
specifically to keep blackpeople down and every time they
try to figure something out tooppress us or to make our lives
harder, because that's whatracist people do.
Racism is the craziest fuckingshit.
First of all, like how are youmad that I'm black?
How are you mad about my skincolor?
Like, when you really thinkabout it, that's the stupidest
shit ever.
But I've said before and I'llsay it again like I I don't feel
(04:05):
like hating is wrong all thetime.
I feel like people just hatewrong.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, for example, for mepersonally, I hate JLo shocking
news, I know but I hate JLo andI feel like I hate in a way that
is productive to society.
I hate in a way that, like,calls out her negative behavior
or calls out you know the shitthat she's done, how she's built
(04:26):
this major career off of thebacks of black women and how
she's like not a good person.
Do you know what I mean?
Like hating someone and callingout the terrible shit that they
do.
I feel like that's needed,which is why I also call out
like racists and homophobics andtransphobics and misogynists,
like people who deserve hate andbullying.
That's why I feel like we needto bring back bullying, but it's
like and it's not like we needto bring back bullying, we need
(04:50):
to do it in a better way.
Do you know what I mean?
Because it's like for thingslike racism, like you're mad
that I'm black, that's crazy.
But it's like you're mad, butyou won't like, leave me alone.
You know what I mean.
Like you won't just let me live, you won't just not bother me.
You won't like, leave me alone.
You know what I mean.
Like you won't just let me live, you won't just not bother me,
you won't just go away.
You know what I mean.
So it's like with racism.
It's like they have to makepeople's lives harder in order
(05:14):
to feel any type of joy, inorder to feel like they are
doing something or they'resuperior.
They have to, they have togenuinely make you feel like you
are less than, and do things tospecifically cause you like
misery, because they're justmiserable in themselves and
misery loves company.
So it's like they do things inorder for like they're like I'm
(05:34):
miserable, so I need you to bemiserable too.
You know what I mean.
And so, because they hate blackpeople so much, like they have
done so many things to try todestroy us and to make our lives
harder and to keep us down.
And it's like, no matter whatthey do, black people's brains
are.
They're just so creative andthey can always figure out how
(05:57):
to do like an uno, reverse andmake it so that we flourish or
like we like.
No matter how hard racists try,they can never keep us down.
And that's why I love being ablack person so much, because,
like, we've always had to beresilient, we've always had to
figure shit out, and so it'slike, no matter what happens,
(06:17):
we're gonna figure it out, and Ilove that.
I love, I love always beingable to just figure shit out.
I love that I am independentand that I can, you know, just
like figure out what I want todo with my life, or like how to
get out of a situation or how toturn a negative situation into
a positive like.
And I feel like again, becausewe've always had to do that as
like a community, and then, like, growing up, it's just trickled
(06:40):
down from generation togeneration and it has just made
us that much more resilient.
And I'm not gonna lie.
Obviously, at times it getshard and it's like damn, like,
why won't you just leave me thefuck alone?
But at the end of the day, Istill would not want to be
anything other than a blackperson and a black woman like I.
(07:00):
Just I just love it so much andit's literally just like the
best thing that has everhappened to me.
I'm so grateful that Goddecided to make me a black woman
, like ugh.
I don't know, I could talk aboutthis forever, but Juneteenth
was definitely the peak of myweek.
I didn't even really doanything on Juneteenth.
(07:21):
I was just kind of at home withmy dog.
I didn't.
I didn't do much, I think.
Oh, me and Talia, we were gonnago to a block party, but it
ended up thunderstorming all dayand so we, we didn't actually
go, so I was just at home.
But even though I didn't doanything, I guess I just was so
grateful to just be at home andjust like sit in my blackness
and just soak it all in, likeyes, like yes, I literally feel
(07:44):
like a superhero, like beingblack is my superpower.
People say like, oh,superheroes aren't real.
No, superheroes are real andthey're black people.
Like black people are just toptier and I love being a black
person and I love black peopleand I just love everything about
being black.
So Juneteenth was the first peakof my week.
Second peak of my week is Iwent to the American Dream Mall,
(08:06):
which is a huge mall in is itin?
No, I guess it's technically inNew Jersey.
Yeah, it's technically in NewJersey, but, like in New York
City, I took my nanny kids.
For those who don't know, I'm afull-time nanny outside of
content creation, which I'vetalked about a little bit, but I
took them to a water park.
There's a water park in theAmerican dream mall and so we
went there, because one of mynanny kids is leaving in a
(08:27):
couple of days, at the time thatI'm filming this.
She's leaving for summer campand she goes away for seven
weeks, like she's gone the wholetime, and so every summer,
before she leaves, I always askher like what's one thing you
want to do?
As, like, her send off to camp.
And so this year she was like Iwant to go to the american
dream mall, I want to go to thewater park.
And so I asked her parents likeis this okay with you?
(08:48):
And they were like yeah, forsure.
Like are you okay to do that?
I'm like yeah, absolutely, likeI had never been.
And you know, her and herlittle sister were both very
hype and and wanted to go.
So I was like, okay, cool, likewe'll go there.
And so we go to this water park.
And well, first of all, thismall is fucking huge, like
there's a water park in there,there's an amusement park,
(09:09):
there's um skiing, like there'sso many, and then it's also like
a mall, like a shopping mall,like there's like old navy and
um american eagle, so forth,like all these stores and stuff
too.
And it's been so long since Ifeel like I've stepped foot into
a mall, like I feel like thelast mall that I was in was like
when I was undergrad in college, which I'm coming up on seven
(09:31):
years since I graduated fromcollege.
Just crazy to think about, like, oh my god, I miss college so
much.
Life was so much simpler anyway, um, but it's been so long
since I had been in an actualshopping mall, because I feel
like everyone's so online thesedays and we're just like
shopping online and that's howpeople are building
relationships online, like, ohmy god, please touch grass, get
(09:52):
off of your phone After youwatch this episode, of course,
but it was just so nice to likeactually like be in a mall and
unplug for a little bit.
And so they're doing water ridesa little bit, like.
And then they're like, okay,we're getting hungry, so we go
have lunch.
And as we're sitting at lunchthey're like daisianette, will
you go back with us and get inin the water?
Like, do the water rides withus?
(10:13):
And I didn't even have aswimsuit at the time but I was
like, okay, like we're in thismall, I can go grab a quick
swimsuit and then go into thewater rides, because it's been a
long time since I've been to awater park.
Even like, the last time I wasin a water park was I think I
was in high school.
I went to Splash Lagoon, whichis in Erie, over by where I grew
(10:33):
up.
But like, I've always reallyloved water rides.
But I was like, okay, I'm here,as you know, the chaperone.
So I didn't take a swimsuit.
I was like, I'm just here tochaperone, essentially.
But they asked me to do therides with them.
And so I was like let's finishlunch, you know, we'll stop by
one of these stores and thenI'll buy a swimsuit, I'll get in
with you guys.
(10:53):
And that literally made me sofucking happy.
I forgot how much.
I really enjoy water parks andwater rides because I'm not a
roller coaster person.
I hate roller coasters.
I hate the feeling of mystomach dropping.
Like people are like, oh my god, roller coasters, the
(11:16):
adrenaline rush I'll.
I'll get my adrenaline rushsome other way, like literally
any other way.
No, not any other way.
Like let's, you know, make sureit's legal and you know I'm not
gonna change my life oranything, but like I just I hate
roller coasters but I I lovewater rides.
Like water rides are so muchfun.
(11:36):
It was also very freeing for mebecause, number one, I hadn't
been to a water park in a verylong time since like high school
, and number two, I've neverbeen to a water park or like in
a body of water and not had toworry about my hair.
Like I feel like black womenwill understand what I mean.
Like going swimming.
It's supposed to be such a funactivity as a child but, like
(11:58):
you're always a little bitworried about like your hair as
a black girl swimming and rightnow, like I don't, I don't have
any hair, so I didn't have tothink about you know, like, oh,
like you know this chlorine orwhatever.
Like, of course, after I gothome I still like took a shower,
wash my hair and everything,but I didn't have to worry about
like anything when it came toreally anything while I was on
(12:23):
the water rides.
Like I didn't have my phone,obviously.
Like I mean, I guess I couldhave, I could have gotten like
one of those like plastic things, but I put my phone away and I
was just extremely present, andnot only present but doing
something that I like forgotthat I found so much joy in
doing.
Do you know what I mean?
Like I really love being in thewater.
(12:44):
I was having the best time.
First we were going down allthe water rides, all the slides
and stuff, and then we went tothere's like a wave pool and we
were like playing mermaids andlike riding the waves and like
diving under the waves and likeletting the waves crash into us.
We started playing this onegame.
Like I was low-keywaterboarding myself, but my
(13:04):
nanny kids wanted me to throwthem over the waves and so like
I would like throw them, but asI would throw them, like they
would make it over the wave andthen the wave would hit me
directly into my face and like Iwas like essentially
waterboarding myself, but wewere having a great time so I
didn't really care because Ijust forgot how much I really
enjoyed like swimming and justlike being in the water.
(13:27):
I can remember like growing upas a child, we would go to like
day camp in the summer at theYMCA and we would swim a lot and
I always loved swimming.
I like I've just always lovedbeing in the water.
I've always loved the beach.
I've always just loved likethat's just so fun for me.
And I feel like I really neededto be reminded of that,
(13:48):
especially last week becauseyour girl was going through it
Like, oh my God, I was having arough week, like zero out of ten
, not having a good time, and soit was so nice to be doing
something that I like forgotthat I had such a love for.
And also I feel like now thatI'm like bald or like don't have
(14:08):
much hair, I feel like I'mexperiencing things extremely
differently and I wish that Iknew how to explain it better.
But it's just like, as a blackwoman, like our hair is still
policed and we're always worriedabout our hair and how it looks
and all this stuff, and likefreeing yourself from that worry
and just being like fuck it,like I don't care about it.
(14:29):
That in itself is freeing.
And then like you're doingthings that you've obviously
done before, like I've I've swambefore, but I've never swam
with my head shaved and likethat was just such a different
thing, like just not giving afuck if.
Like how my hair would lookafter because I didn't really
(14:49):
need to and not that it evenreally matters like even if my
hair was like down to my asscrack and I went into the water
and swam and it shriveled up tolike the length that it is now,
none of that matters and I feellike shaving my head genuinely
the best thing that I've everdone, because it's truly showing
me that none of it matters.
(15:11):
Literally, we are on a floatingrock in the middle of space and
our country is being run by afucking fascist.
I don't have time to give afuck bitch.
I'm just trying to live.
I'm just trying to enjoy anysecond that I can.
And it's like doing things thatI, like low-key, forgot that I
had such a love for it, but alsodoing them now.
(15:32):
Bald has just been incrediblyfreeing for me and it just made
me feel just like like nothingmattered and like it was.
I was just so present too,which I feel like I never really
am.
Like.
I've also been this past weektrying to read more, because I
feel like I'm just spending toomuch time on my phone, like doom
(15:52):
swirl on tiktok or like youknow, watching something like
I'm just so connected to devicesall the time, and so I'm trying
to get back into reading,because I used to be an avid
reader.
I would read a book a week andjust like, read, read, read,
read like I've always lovedreading, and so I wanted to get
back into it and I just feellike what I need and I just feel
(16:20):
like what I need two things Ineed to.
Number one, do more things frommy childhood that, like, made
me super happy and just be likepresent, and I feel like reading
and swimming are those twothings for me.
Those were huge for me as a kid.
I loved swimming and I lovedreading, and they take me away
from the current state of theworld like they just make like.
(16:40):
When I was swimming, I literallynothing mattered.
I didn't care about anythingother than the water, that's.
All that mattered was just mebeing present and like being
around them as well, my nannykids.
It's like I just feel like I Iwant to return to my childhood.
Like I said this a little bitlast week and I didn't even
really realize it until justright now, in this moment, where
(17:02):
I was just like I miss, whenyou know politics, like I didn't
care about them as much.
And obviously I know that Ihave to care about them now and
I do care about them.
But there are times where I justneed to unplug my brain and, as
a kid obviously like you don'tknow as much when it comes to
like the bullshit that's in theworld, like you're just a kid,
you just want to be.
(17:24):
Like I feel like being a childis being present, like all that
matters is what's in front ofyou in that present moment.
And that's why I like get upsetwhen people, like people don't
realize that, like all kidsreally have is their emotions
and like what's in front of them.
So it's like we'll seesomething that's like such a
(17:45):
small deal.
Like, for example, the otherday, my nanny kids they were
fighting because one had takenthe other shirt or something I
don't remember.
Like they just have like thesilliest fights.
And that's my point, like, like, to me they're super silly, but
to them they're a big deal,right, like one sister taking
the other sister's shirt, that'shuge.
Because, like, they don't havelike thoughts about like what's
(18:08):
going on in the world, becausethey don't have to, they're just
kids.
You know what I mean.
And I feel I get upset whenpeople like make those things a
small deal because, like, tothem that's everything.
To us, obviously, it's a smalldeal because we have things like
bills and we know aboutpolitics, we know about trump
and we know about this war iniran and we like you, you know
what I'm saying like we knowabout these bigger issue things.
(18:30):
So we're like your sistertaking your shirt is not that
big of a deal, but to her thatis the war.
That is like the war that ishappening.
Do you know what I mean?
So it's like I love being ableto like validate those feelings
for them, because it also helpsme to validate my feelings.
And I feel like it's because Iread somewhere.
(18:50):
Once I read somewhere I probablysaw it on TikTok that when you
are like, when you face serioustrauma, you kind of stay at that
age of when you are traumatizedand I don't want to say, my
childhood was like supertraumatic, but like kind of like
my childhood was kind oftraumatic and I feel like as a
(19:11):
child, like yes, there weretimes where I was like okay, I
can just be a kid.
But I feel like a lot of thetimes, like I was thinking a lot
about like everything, and likethinking about myself, who now
is a nanny, and like I used tobe a children's therapist.
(19:39):
Like I just want to make sure,like children know that their
feelings are valid and like,yeah, to me it might be like
this is a stupid argument.
Like you're arguing over yourshirt, it's a shirt, but to her,
like that's that's important toher, that's one of her favorite
shirts, as one of her favorite,you know saying so.
It's like I love being able tovalidate those feelings because
it helps to heal me.
I forgot where I was going withthat for a second, but, like the
(20:00):
point I'm trying to make, Ifeel like I'm a little bit all
over the place today and I feellike you know what I'm tired of
pretending.
I try to structure my podcastbecause I feel like a podcast is
supposed to be structured butmy brain isn isn't structured.
My thoughts are all over theplace all the time, and so it's
so hard for me to be like, okay,I'm going to talk about this,
(20:21):
this, this, in this order, andlike we're going to be great,
like that's just not how Ioperate, that's not how I think.
So it's hard and I feel like myepisodes are a little bit stiff
because it's just not somethingthat I'm used to.
It's just like having astructured thing.
So I don't know, I, I just feellike I, my thoughts are all
(20:42):
over the place, and so if thepodcast is all over the place,
chalk it up to my thoughts.
I don't know, I don't know whatto tell you.
I'm tired of pretending, I'mtired of trying to be like, yes,
this is ABC, like I, just Ican't do it anymore, I can't it.
Just like my thoughts are allover the place.
Therefore, my podcast is goingto be all over the place.
Anyway, I forget what I wassaying.
(21:03):
Again, I think I might haveadhd a little bit, or I'm just
hot.
It's the heat, like it's.
It's really hot in new yorkcity right now, but I forget
what I was trying to say.
But the point I'm trying to makeis like now that I'm a nanny
and I used to work as achildren's therapist, which I
still incorporate into mynannying.
I feel like it's helping meheal my inner child.
It's helping me realize that,like, even as a child, my
(21:25):
feelings were valid and even asa child, I deserve to be
listened to and deserved respectand I can do that for them,
which helps to heal my innerchild as well, and I've talked
about this a little bit before.
But, like, what really helpedme to heal was nannying Callie,
(21:46):
who was technically my secondnanny kid, the second family
that I needed for, but it wasbasically my first.
The first family I needed forwas only like three months, and
then I was with Callie for ayear and a half, almost two
years, and so working with herfrom such a young age too.
I started working with her whenshe was 19 months old and I
worked with her until she wasthree.
Working with her and just beingable to like again validate
(22:09):
those feelings from a young age,and especially with her being a
little black girl, like I feellike that's what black women
need.
Black women need to, number one,be carefree and childish a
little bit, and what I mean bythat is just like doing things
that children would do likechildhood activities like
swimming or um, coloring or justlike things that are more like
(22:33):
carefree and childish I say inquotes because they're not even
really childish.
I feel like they're sometimesviewed that way because, like
children mainly do those things.
But like I feel like blackwomen need to do more things
that like put their mind at easeand I feel like, for me
personally at least, things thatI found that really like make
me turn off my brain and notthink so much is like things
(22:55):
like swimming or coloring ordifferent things like that.
But also, if you enjoy children, I think that more black women
should spend time with childrennot children of your own,
necessarily, but like kids areso carefree and they never gave
a fuck.
I love that about kids kidsnever gave a fuck.
(23:15):
They'll come up to you andthey'll say the most outlandish
shit and then do a cartwheel andrun the fuck away.
Like my favorite complimentsalways come from children,
because I know like you meanthat shit, because kids always
say what they mean and mean whatthey say like if you've ever
spoken to a child, it is likethey just have no filter.
(23:36):
The intrusive thoughts arealways winning and I feel like
as black women, we've always hadto like have ourselves together
, because it's like we're underthis microscope that nobody else
is under, and it's like nothingwe do is ever good enough.
Our responses either eitherwe're angry, we're hostile, even
(23:57):
if we, you could say somethingin the most respectful way, and
someone will still be like oh,you're bitter, oh you're angry,
oh you're this, or you're that.
Like the only like adjectiveand emotion that they can put
onto black women is just likeangry and bitter and it's like
hey, so like we feel otherthings.
Also, anger is a secondaryemotion, meaning that anger is
(24:18):
the emotion that's being shown,but it's not the one that's
being felt.
Meaning that I could beactually feeling sad, but like
I'm screaming or you know, I'mranting or something like that.
And so people think like, oh,she's angry and it's like, no,
I'm sad, but it's not showing upas sadness because I'm not like
crying or something.
You know what I mean.
I hope that makes sense.
(24:39):
I don't feel like I didn'texplain that well, but it's like
anger is a secondary emotion,it's not the emotion that's
actually being felt, it's justthe one that's being shown.
But when it comes to blackwomen, like, even if we show any
other emotion, it's like theonly thing that they can slap on
a black woman is angry.
And I feel like if we spent moretime doing like childhood
(25:00):
things or spend more time withchildren, if you can stomach
children because some peopledon't like children and that's
okay, children are for everyonebut if you can do more childhood
things or spend time withchildren like, I feel like the
more time I spend with kids, theless I care, because it's like,
honestly, none of it matters atthe end of the day, again, we
are on a floating rock in themiddle of space.
(25:23):
I don't have time or energy tocare about every single thing,
nor should I care about everysingle thing, especially things
that don't matter, like thefeatures that I was born with.
I don't have time to care ifsomebody else appreciates my
features.
The only person whose opinionsmatter about my features is me.
If I feel like I'm T, then I'mfucking T, period the end.
(25:46):
And the best thing aboutactually having confidence and
actually knowing like, likeyou're that girl is that I know
that I am the baddest bitch inthe fucking world.
I also know that my roommateTalia is the baddest bitch in
the fucking world.
I also know that my friend,courtney J, is the baddest bitch
in the fucking world.
I also know that my mom is thebaddest bitch in the fucking
(26:07):
world.
I also know that Megan TheeStallion is the baddest bitch in
the fucking world.
I also know that Megan TheeStallion is the baddest bitch in
the fucking world.
Like I am the baddest bitch inthe world and at the very same
time, so is every other bitch.
Like multiple things can betrue at once.
You know what I mean.
So it's like the only thing thatmatters is how I feel at the
end of the day, and at the endof the day, I feel good as fuck.
You know what I mean.
So, and I want all black womento feel that way.
(26:30):
I want all black women to knowthat, like you don't always have
to be so put together.
You don't always have to be solike immersed in everything
that's going on in the world.
Like immerse yourself in notgiving a fuck, in doing things
that turn your brain off anddoing things that just make you
feel present and like none of itmatters.
(26:53):
Because at the end of the day,like none of it does.
Like like we get one life.
I can't spend my entire lifeworried about other people's
perceptions or what someone elseis doing or how they're feeling
.
Like, especially as a blackwoman.
Who's gonna care about how I'mdoing?
Who's gonna make sure that I'mgood?
Who's gonna make sure that mymental is good, right?
So it's like I need black womento figure out what just makes
(27:19):
them present and what makes themfeel like nothing else matters.
And I feel like for me, that'sreally just doing childhood shit
, like coloring or swimming orbeing outside going to the park.
I wish there were like parks foradults.
I wish that I could just likego swing on a swing set or like
climb the monkey bars.
(27:39):
Like why aren't there adultparks?
That's the thing it's like onceyou get to a certain age, like
just like things are just notacceptable.
Like why can't I just go to apark and like what if there was
an outdoor park and there werelike drinks there too?
You know what I mean?
Like you could get a drink andthen like go on the swing.
Wait, that's a good idea.
(28:00):
Are there adult parks?
If not, like I need to likepatent that and make those,
because I feel like that'd be somuch fun.
Like imagine, okay, okay, maybe,maybe not after a couple drinks
, but like, imagine you're onlike america not america round,
but like that spinny thing youknow I'm talking about where
it's like your feet are on itand like someone runs around and
(28:23):
spins it and you go in a circle.
I can't think of the name rightnow.
It's not america round, ormaybe it is, I don't know.
But imagine doing that at thepark.
Like that would heal me.
Just just being able to dochildhood things as an adult
heals me, like swimming orcoloring, like those things
truly take my mind off of theworld and I feel like that is so
(28:46):
important because it's easy toget like immersed in the
bullshit and it's so easy tolose your fucking head.
Honestly, I was trying to thinkof a better word, but they're
like I don't know.
It's so easy to just like getwrapped up in everything because
(29:07):
there is so much going on.
Like I don't remember if it hadalready happened before I
filmed my last episode.
But like the us bombed iran.
Like what the fuck?
Like what the fuck?
Why did we do that?
There was literally like noreason.
Like he's like oh, they havenuclear weapons.
(29:27):
No, the fuck, they didn't.
And even if they did like, theycame out and said that they had
already moved shit and likenothing was actually destroyed.
So it's like a pointlessmission.
And here come trump talkingabout some oh, this mission was
super successful.
No, the fuck, it wasn't you.
Old, wrinkly, dirty, fuckingliar.
Like, oh, I'm sick because,like I saw someone say in
(29:52):
perfect description of it,someone said I wanted to go see
barbie and somehow I ended up inoppenheimer.
Like perfect fuckingdescription.
Every time I think about how wecould have had mamala in office
, big sister general.
I literally like it makes mesick to my stomach.
(30:16):
Like, oh, my god.
And then there's people talkingabout some oh, she would have
done the same thing.
No, she fucking wouldn't have.
No, she wouldn't have.
Like, shut the fuck up, you'rea fucking filthy liar.
I just really hate everyone whodid not vote for her.
Like, why didn't y'all listento black women?
I mean, who's surprised?
Literally no one.
(30:36):
Y'all never listened to blackwomen.
But like, damn, like y'allreally hate black women that
much that you were just like,yeah, I'm gonna vote for the
convicted felon rapist.
Like oh, my god, I can't.
And now there's so many peoplelike, oh, I regret my vote.
I don't give a fuck because youonly regret it because things
(30:58):
are starting to affect you.
You only regret it because nowyour life is being affected.
But if it had been otherpeople's lives, like you voted
for and like you knew you werevoting for, you wouldn't give a
fuck.
And it's like the lack ofempathy from people like really
blows my mind.
The lack of like compassion forother people.
I just can't imagine livinglike that.
(31:20):
I can't imagine just genuinelynot caring about other people's
lives.
That's really crazy.
Like think about it.
Like people who voted for Trump, literally not only did they
not care about other people'slives, they wanted to make other
people's lives harder, likethey wanted their lives to be
harder.
You can't convince me otherwise.
They voted for hate.
(31:41):
They knew exactly what theywere voting for, and I hate when
people are like oh, like Ididn't realize that it was going
to be this bad.
One thing Trump was on hiscampaign trail for the first
time in his fucking life washonest.
He told y'all everything he wasgoing to do.
There was also project 2025laid out of everything that he
(32:03):
planned to do.
And just because y'all heardhim say, oh, I have nothing to
do with that.
Y'all believed him.
Y'all believe thewell-documented liar.
That's really wild, like that'scrazy.
You believed the lyingconvicted felon rapist over the
black woman who most qualifiedperson to run for president.
(32:26):
She's worked in every branch ofthe government.
She wanted to give us money forhouses.
Like I hate y'all.
I hate you guys so much becausewhy are we here?
Like like all y'all had to dowas listen to black women and
you didn't.
Oh, I'll literally neverforgive.
(32:46):
I will never forgive and thisgoes more into my point like, as
black women, because they don'tlisten to us, we just have to
stop.
We have to stop screaming fromthe rooftops and we have to
start really caring aboutourselves.
And that's not.
I'm not trying to say like ifyou feel like advocating is is
what you want to do, by allmeans do that.
(33:08):
I'm not trying to say like youshouldn't do that at all,
because I feel like that isproblematic for people to do too
, but like I just wish thatblack women would take more care
of themselves as well and dothings to shut your brain off or
do things to really prioritizeyour mental health, because I
feel like we we never get toreally do that, even as kids,
(33:28):
like we just always have to haveour brains turned on, and I
just want black women to knowthat it's okay to turn your
brain off for a little bit, it'sokay to unplug, it's okay to
rest, and I feel like I've had ahard time balancing the two
because, like, yes, I want torest and I want to prioritize
myself, but at the same time, Ido really like being informed,
(33:49):
not just for me, but for youguys as well, so that I can
update you guys on what's goingon in the world and different
things like that.
But I feel like I just I didn'thave a good number one.
I feel like I didn't have agood balance.
And number two, I feel like Ijust wasn't doing the right
things to actually have thatbalance.
Do you know what I mean?
Because it's like I do enjoymaking content, and content is
kind of an escape for me, but itis also something that you know
(34:12):
.
I'm still very much focused onwhat's going on in the world,
and so being able to like swimor read or color, like those are
things that truly make me turnmy brain off and like not worry
about anything else, and so Ifeel like I just need to do more
of that, and so that's what I'mgoing to do.
I feel like last week I wasreally down and I was really
(34:32):
like what the fuck do I do?
And I feel like I I got myanswer and I love, I love my
guardian angels, I love any timethat I'm just like give me a
sign, what do I need to do?
I get that sign and it comesquick too.
It comes within the nextbusiness day Because, like your
girl was like what the fuck do Ido?
(34:53):
Because I could feel myselfinternally spiraling last week
Like I was going through it andI was like I need to figure out
something that will make me likenot be so in my head and like
make me turn off my brain.
Like I said before, I saw thatyou're kind of stuck wherever
you've experienced trauma andyou need to heal that version of
(35:15):
yourself in order to reallyheal your trauma, and so for me
that is like childhood and I'mjust working on healing my inner
child and the way that I can dothat is like with my nannying,
validating those feelings for mynanny kids, because that helps
to validate my feelings and thenalso just doing more, more
(35:35):
childhood things swimming,coloring, reading, etc.
So that is what I want toencourage everyone, and
especially black women, to do aswe are up with this episode, is
just find something that healswhatever part of you that is
stuck.
Find where you feel like youare emotionally stuck in
whatever part of your life thatis, whether it's childhood,
(35:58):
adolescence, teenage, adult,wherever it is and then just
work to heal that part of you.
I feel like that is reallyreally healing.
And also shave your head.
I am such a big proponent andadvocate especially for black
women to shave their head.
I feel like that has been thebest thing that I could have
(36:19):
ever done for myself, because itgenuinely shows you just how
little everything matters.
None of it matters.
At the end of the day, none ofit matters.
Again, we live on a floatingrock in the middle of space and
our country is being run by afascist, criminal felon.
What are we gonna do, you know?
(36:40):
So, I think, right now, formyself and for other black women
, I hope that we will just focuson healing ourselves, like that
is.
That is what I hope and wantand pray and wish for for black
women is just healing andprosperity and just every single
good thing that could happenlike.
That's all I want for blackwomen and people in general.
(37:00):
But I feel like I want to focuson black women because there's
not a lot of safe spaces forblack women and I want to make
sure that black women alwaysknow like you're safe here, like
you are my priority.
Black women always know likeyou're safe here, like you are
my priority.
Black women are my priority.
So anytime I give advice, it'sfor whoever wants to hear it,
but I hope that black women hearit the most and I hope that it
(37:22):
helps, even if it just helps oneblack woman to understand how
important she is, like I.
I that's all I want to do.
All I want to do is make sureblack women know just how
important and loved and seen andvaluable they are, because we
don't get to hear that a lot, wedon't get to experience that a
lot in every part of our lives.
(37:43):
Like we don't get to experiencethat.
So I just hope that everyone mysisters, my brothers, my black
people I hope you had a fabulousJuneteenth.
I hope that you know everyonewill focus on what.
Just do what makes you happy.
Do what makes you happy and dowhat heals you.
That is my, that's my wish foreveryone.
(38:04):
Just find that thing, find whereyou're stuck and then go and
unstuck yourself, go healyourself, go uproot yourself
from those roots, which can bevery, very hard because, like
trauma, especially deep-rootedtrauma, those things are really
hard to break.
And for anyone who's on thatjourney of healing yourself and
(38:24):
healing your trauma, I'm soproud of you because trauma is
is real and it's hard and it's alot, and you are not
responsible for your trauma.
But it is amazing that you arehealing yourself so that you
don't pass that trauma on toother people.
I love that and just unstickingthemselves and just healing
parts of you that, yes, youdidn't break, but you're taking
(38:47):
the responsibility and you'rehealing those things because, at
the end of the day, I feel likethat's important too.
It's like people like, yes, wedidn't traumatize ourselves, but
it is our responsibility tomake sure that we're not
traumatizing others and sohealing that trauma, working on
recognizing you know yourtriggers or where it is that you
(39:08):
might need to work on yourselflike that is so important to me
and I hope that all black womenjust focus on you.
Focus on you, make yourselfyour priority and do whatever
makes you happy and whatevermakes you unstuck.
Thank you so much for watchingthis week's episode.
I realized that it was kind ofall over the place and there was
no real topic, but I just feltlike freestyling it today.
(39:31):
I just wanted to free ball, Ijust wanted to pick up my mic
and start talking and that'swhat I did.
So I just wanted to yap andthat's what I did and I enjoyed
it.
I hope that you guys enjoyed it.
I hope that everyone is havinga good week, except for that
orange drink, lady, and I willtalk to you in the next episode.
Peace and love.
Talk to you later.
The Napkin in Between, hostedby Daijné Jones, produced by
(39:52):
Daijné Jones, post-production byDaijné Jones, music by Sam
Champagne and graphics by IsmaVidal.
Don't forget to like andsubscribe.
See you next episode.
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