June 8, 2025 • 30 mins
Have you ever wondered why speaking truth comes with such a high price tag in the content creation world? As I celebrate reaching 112k followers just one month after rebuilding my TikTok presence, I'm struck by the beautiful paradox of authentic connection—the more unfiltered I am, the stronger our community grows.
The pressure to self-censor is real. I've sat through meetings with talent agencies who love my numbers but squirm at my politics. They never directly tell you to stop talking about race or social justice—they just hint around it, hoping you'll voluntarily muzzle yourself for marketability. I refuse that bargain every time, and surprisingly, that's exactly what keeps you all coming back.
This episode dives deep into the fascinating discourse surrounding Deante Kyle, who simply suggested men should hold each other accountable for violence against women who reject advances. The backlash reveals a troubling reality: many men cannot conceptualize supporting women without expecting something in return. This transactional view of human interaction isn't random—it's deeply rooted in patriarchal conditioning.
What's most illuminating is how people selectively apply logic. The same men who understand why Black people might be cautious around white people due to historical and ongoing racism somehow fail to apply this same reasoning to women's caution around men. When I point this out, the defensiveness is immediate and telling. As I explain in this episode, your hurt feelings will never outweigh my need for safety.
Subscribe to the Napkin In Between podcast for more unfiltered conversations about content creation, social justice, and navigating life as someone who refuses to compromise on truth. Share your thoughts with me on TikTok, Instagram, or Threads—I'm rebuilding everywhere, and you keep finding me. For that, I'm eternally grateful.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Daijné (00:00):
Is this thing on?
Hello hello.
Uh-oh, another yapper with amic.
Hello everyone, and welcomeback to the Napkin In Between
Podcast.
I am your host, Daijné Jones.
I hope everyone is having agood week, except for that
(00:22):
orange drink lady, of course.
I want to take a second to saythank you to all of you.
I, as you know, had to make anew account on tiktok because my
old one got banned and it'sbeen like a little bit over a
month and I'm already back at100k.
I'm actually I just looked himat 112k after like a little over
a month of making a new accountand I just want to say like I'm
(00:45):
so grateful for how y'all justno like.
No matter where I go, no matterhow many accounts I have to
make, whatever I do, y'allalways find me and I am so
grateful for every single one ofyou.
I was feeling extremelydiscouraged when my last account
got banned because I was justlike this is the second account
that I've had now that's gottenbanned and I really didn't know
(01:05):
if I wanted to stay on TikTok orwhat I wanted to do, and I will
say that I feel like I'veshifted my content on TikTok a
little bit, but it's like,whatever I do, like y'all are
rocking with me and that makesme feel like, oh my god, like
y'all like me for real, likey'all like me like what, like
I'm just so grateful for all ofyou and it's like, damn, like
(01:27):
y'all are really rocking with meand I really appreciate that
because I'm rocking with y'alland I'm so grateful for all of
your guys's support andeverything and how you guys just
just find me.
Like it's just crazy to mesometimes because I'm like why,
like, why do they tune in?
Why are they here?
Why do they care?
And I feel like sometimes, likeI feel like I have imposter
(01:48):
syndrome and it's like like whydo they want to listen to what I
have to say?
Why do they care?
But like I know deep down thatI'm saying important stuff and
like I am funny and I'm gorgeousand amazing and beautiful and
all of that good stuff.
But it's just like it's crazyto me that y'all keep finding me
and like tune in and rock withme and I don't know, like I I
(02:09):
just never want to take that forgranted and I never will and
I'm just really, really gratefulfor all of you and this has
been the peak of my week.
Obviously, it's just like thefact that y'all always find me
and y'all rock with me and yousupport me, no matter what I do.
Because, like I said, I havelike changed my content a little
bit, which stems from, you know, number one, just like the
(02:29):
things that I talk about.
Like when I talk about likepolitics and race and stuff like
that, tiktok obviously doesn'tappreciate that, obviously
doesn't want that on their app,and so I've kind of tried to
shift that more to the podcastand also like reposting some
stuff on Instagram and alsothreads, which has been really
great too.
I'm building a platform overthere and you guys are finding
me there too, which is great,and so my content on TikTok has
(02:51):
changed a little bit, becauseI've kind of dialed back with
the political content on there,because it's just again like
they just don't appreciate it.
But also I'm not going to lielike in these past couple of
weeks, like maybe a month or sonow, I've kind of like I don't
want to say I've tuned out fromlike what's going on in the
world, because I never will, butI've definitely like I felt
like it was getting very heavyon me and I was looking at
(03:14):
everything that Trump was doingand all the things that he was
saying, and you know, the iceraids and everything that's been
going on, like I felt like Iwas.
It was mentally taxing for me.
You know what I mean.
Just like seeing all of that.
And so you know, when they sayignorance is bliss, they I mean
it's.
It's obviously very, very true,and I'm not saying that I'm
ignorant to what's going on,because I'm definitely still
(03:35):
keeping up.
But I've definitely had to dialback a little bit because I was
going crazy.
Like every morning I would wakeup, the first thing I would do
is like check the news, likewhat's he up to, what's he doing
?
And it really was starting toaffect me.
So I definitely needed to takea step back and like Not tune in
as much.
And then I also just really wantto do more lifestyle content of
(03:56):
, like you know, my hair growthjourney and you know what I do
just vlogging and differentthings like that.
Like I live in new york city,there's always something to do
and so I want to do more of that.
And, of course, I want to takeyou guys along with me and I'm
just really grateful that youguys are, whatever I decide to
do like you guys are tuning in,and I really really appreciate
that, and I just wanted to takea minute to say that I am so
(04:17):
grateful for all of you who havebeen rocking with me for so
long.
I'm going on almost three yearsof doing content and you know,
this is just something that I'vereally always wanted to do and
I love making my little videosand I love talking about race
and politics and I feel like,with content creation even I've
(04:38):
seen this and some people thatI've seen posts is like they
feel like they aren't able totalk about social issues because
they want to be like marketable.
You know what I mean and I havekind of experienced that.
Some, too, with like I've had umtalent agencies reach out to me
and, like you know, so thatthey want to work with me and
sign me and get me brand dealsand this, that and third, and
(05:00):
the first one always goes superwell, like they seem great, they
like my personality, and then Ithink what sometimes happens is
they kind of see the numbersand see my engagement because,
not to toot my own horn, but theengagement is crazy, like you
guys really engage, which Ireally appreciate too, and so
they see that engagement andthey're like, oh, let's reach
out to this girl.
(05:20):
And then, after the firstinterview, they actually look at
my content and see the thingsthat I'm talking about, see the
things that I'm doing.
And so then I get like an emailor a second interview where
they kind of, in so many words,asked me to change up my content
, like asked me to not be asvocal.
Like they don't outright saylike we want you to be less
vocal, but they say it withoutsaying it, like I can put two
(05:41):
and two together.
Out saying it like I can puttwo and two together.
You know, I have two workingbrand sales.
I'm not JLo and I will never becomfortable not talking about
what's going on in the world.
And if that makes meunmarketable and that means that
I lose brand deals or lose, youknow, being able to sign with a
talent agency, then like that'sjust what it means, because I'm
never gonna stop bringingattention to the things that are
(06:03):
important, like, yes, I reallylike making my lifestyle content
.
I like making my silly littlevideos, I like doing get ready
with me's, I like doing vlogsand that's great, I love that
content.
But it's also extremelyimportant to me that we continue
to talk about and bringattention to social issues,
because it is really importantand I think that you know, even
though it hasn't worked out with, like, talent agencies and
(06:25):
brands or whatever, I think thatit's helped me to build a
better connection with you alland you guys.
You, like I don't hide anythinglike you guys know exactly what
I'm thinking.
In all of my videos, I'm very,very vocal about my politics and
everything, and I think thatthat should, like I think more
influencers and content creatorsshould be transparent with that
(06:48):
, because it's not just like adifferent in politics, it like
politics.
I kind of miss when politicswere boring.
I kind of miss when it was justa difference in politics, but
right now it's.
It's a difference in morals.
Like, if you support thiscurrent administration, if
you're a trump supporter, ourmorals don't align and so I
don't want you in my space and Idon't want to be in your space
(07:08):
either, and so that's why I feellike being more transparent as
a content creator or aninfluencer.
Like I don't like callingmyself an influencer because am
I a good influence?
I think some people would sayno, because, like, if you go low
, I'm going to hell every singletime.
And I think that there's likethis misconception that, oh, if
you have an online presence,like you signed up for,
(07:29):
disrespect bitch, absolutely not, because the way that I view it
is, this is like my business,this is my job, right, like, yes
, it's online, but at the end ofthe day, like I'm building a
business, I'm building a job formyself, right, but it's not
like a physical building, right,obviously it's like my page is
my business.
It's not like a brick andmortar building, but like that's
(07:52):
where I go to like work.
You know what I mean?
I would never allow someone tocome into a physical building
that was my business anddisrespect me.
And the same logic appliesonline.
I'm not gonna allow anybody tocome to my page and be
disrespectful to me.
When you could have justscrolled, you could have just
minded your business, you couldhave left me alone.
(08:14):
But since you didn't leave mealone, now I have mean things to
say and it's all your faultbecause you started this, so I'm
gonna finish it.
And so whenever somebody goeslow, I'm gonna go to hell every
single time.
I don't care.
But I think when you have likethis online presence, people
like that's like frowned upon,because it's like, oh, you
decided to do this, you decidedto open yourself up to that.
(08:35):
Well, no, I decided to share mythoughts, my opinions, my life,
sure, with the thought processthat if that's not what you
wanted to see, you would takeone of your fingers whichever
one you like, it doesn't matterput it at the bottom of the
screen and swipe up.
It takes so much less energyfor you to just swipe away from
(08:55):
my page than it does for you toleave a comment, because, mind
you, most of the time, wheneverI get like a hate comment, it
has nothing to do with the video.
Like I'll be talking about raceor pointing out you know
problematic behavior, andsomeone will leave a comment
about my hair or my skin or mynose, or just something that
shows, number one, that they'refucking stupid, because why did
(09:16):
you not address what I wassaying in the video?
And, number two, you're juststruggling with your own
internalized racism, becausethese are my natural features
and why do you have a problemwith that?
So now I'm putting a belt toyour ass because you could have
left me alone and you didn't.
And that's how I always view it.
It's like if you wouldn't gointo someone's physical place of
business and just start talkingshit to them.
(09:36):
You should have that samedecorum and thought process and
behavior online, like youshouldn't just go to somebody's
page and just start talking shitunprovoked.
You know what I mean andobviously that's different.
If somebody is like sayingsomething that's racist or
homophobic or transphobic ormisogynistic, yeah, obviously I
feel like those people should becalled out, which I mean that's
(09:57):
what I do online sometimes,right, but I think, like, if
it's genuinely just a differenceof opinion, like just scroll,
like I, I will never understandleaving a hate comment like what
does that do for you at the endof the day?
I feel like you're leaving ahate comment because you're
miserable and you want everyoneelse to be miserable.
Maybe go talk to that lady,because what you're doing is
(10:20):
really really weird, crazy,tangent.
I don't know how I even got ontothat, but what I was saying is
I really, really appreciate youguys.
Thank you guys so much for 100kplus on tiktok again, um, I
really appreciate you guysrocking with me and I I'm just
really, really grateful for allof you.
So, thank you all so much.
I'm so, so grateful and thathas been.
The peak of my week is justseeing all of you find me again.
(10:43):
Like it's great and I love allof you guys and thank you, thank
you so much as always.
I want to hear the pick of yourweek, something that made you
smile, kept you grounded,something that kept you sane in
the chaos of the world, speakingof not allowing disrespect and
standing on business and callingout problematic behavior.
I've been seeing thisconversation surrounding deontay
kyle and him pandering to women.
I say in quotes so if you'reunfamiliar what I'm talking
(11:05):
about.
There's this man.
His name is Deontay Kyle.
He has a podcast called thegrits and eggs podcast and so he
was recently on his podcast, orat least I think was recently.
It's been going around tiktokrecently talking about how all
men are accountable for thebehaviors of men, because some
men might be okay with handlingrejection but some also are not,
and so all men are accountablefor that behavior.
(11:27):
Because as women we can't tellwhich men are going to be okay
with rejection and which are not.
Because there have beensituations with men where you
know they hit on women orapproach women, whatever, and
the woman rejects the man and hebecomes defensive, you know,
yelling at her, arguing her, insome situations even killing her
or, you know, becomingphysically violent with her.
(11:48):
And so Deontay Kyle was saying,like for women, we're not able
to tell which man will be likeokay, cool, you don't wanna talk
to me, great.
And which men will put ourlives in danger because they
can't handle rejection or beingtold no.
And so now men are on TikToksaying that he's pandering to
women and that he's only sayingthat because he's trying to get
(12:10):
an up with women.
Or I've seen men say like, oh,they're not gonna let you hit
because you say this, bro, likejust saying, like he's basically
trying to get something out ofsaying these things and holding
men accountable.
And I think that this is aninteresting conversation,
because the reason that that isa response from some men is
because they cannot fathom a manbeing nice to a woman or
(12:35):
standing up for a woman orsaying something in favor of a
woman unless he wants somethingfrom her.
Because nine times out of 10,when a man does something nice
for a woman, it's because heexpects something in return.
Most of the time, men are notbeing nice to you and when I say
you, I'm talking to women.
(12:55):
Men are not being nice to womenjust for the sake of being nice
.
It's either because they wantsomething, they want a
conversation with you.
You know, if you've ever beenout and a man buys you a drink
or takes you on a date orsomething, they're expecting
something in return, most thetime something sexual.
And I feel like that's whywe're seeing this response is
(13:15):
because men cannot fathom juststanding up for a woman just to
do it like they.
They are always expectingsomething in return.
The men who are responding thisway of like oh, he's pandering,
he's, you know, doing this forsomething.
Whatever they're telling onthemselves, they're absolutely
telling on themselves.
Basically, what they're sayingis I cannot see him doing this
(13:39):
just because he's doing it, justbecause it's real, because I
would never do something for awoman just for the sake of being
nice to her.
That's basically that's all Ihear with every video that I've
seen of a man being like oh,he's pandering, oh, he's doing
this, he's doing that, he wantssomething in return.
What they're saying is I wouldnever do something for a woman
(14:01):
just to do it for a woman.
You know what I mean.
That's really all I hear, andmy opinion on what that stems
from is because we live in apatriarchy and society is set up
in a way that benefits men,like it's ingrained in our
society for men to succeedsimply because they're men, or
(14:21):
for men to receive things justbecause they're men.
And unless you really work torecognize that and work against
that, you're always, as a man,going to expect something in
return.
So you can't fathom doingsomething just for the sake of
doing it, because you're so usedto getting something in return.
(14:41):
And I think that's part of thereason why, like when women are
like hey, like we'd like to betreated the same, like we want
to make the same that men dodoing the same jobs, we'd like
equal rights.
Men's response to that is likeokay, so that means I get to hit
you and we're like whoa, likewe, you know, we just wanted to
be treated the same and and wewant equal rights.
They're like well, equal rights, equal fights, like that means
(15:03):
we can hit you.
They can't fathom somethingbeing done that it doesn't
benefit them.
Like they feel like womengetting equal rights.
They're like okay, well, what'sin it for me whole time, like
we're asking for the same thingthat you already have.
It's not, we're gettingsomething more than you.
We want the same thing as you.
But they can't fathom like notbenefiting from something in
(15:23):
some way.
So, like when women are like,hey, we'd like to be treated the
same, they're like okay, sothat that means we get to hit
you because that's a benefit forthem, because they want to
fucking hit us because they hateus.
Like men men are so fuckingweird.
And it's the same thing for,like racism and homophobia too.
It's like like we have blackhistory month and they're like
okay, well, when is whitehistory month?
Or there's pride month andstraight people are like, oh
well, when is when is straightmonth?
(15:45):
And it's like they can't fathomsomeone else getting something
if it does not also benefit them.
That's why I always say it'snot enough to just say, oh, I'm
not racist or oh, I'm notmisogynistic or oh, I'm not
homophobic.
You have to be anti those things.
You have to be actively workingto reshape your mind and
reshape your behaviors, to beanti those things, or else you
(16:07):
will be homophobic, racist,misogynistic, transphobic,
whatever, sometimes without evenrealizing that that's what
you're doing.
It's really not enough to saythat you're not a white
supremacist or that you're notparticipating in bigotry, like
you have to be anti those things, because if you're not anti
those things, you're notactively working to be anti
those things, then you willsubconsciously or consciously be
(16:32):
those things, and it's justbecause that's how our society
is.
Our society, especially inamerica, america was built on
things like racism and misogynyand homophobia.
Like those things are ingrainedin our society and into every
single piece of our society.
And so if you're not activelyworking to fight against those
(16:52):
things, you will fall down thatrabbit hole or that black hole
of participating in those things.
And it's interesting because men, especially black men, like
they can understand beingcautious of white people.
Right, and I am like notknocking that.
You like I can understand beingcautious of white people
(17:12):
because, again, we live in asociety that was built on racism
and so same goes for whitepeople, unless they're actively
working against being racist.
Like it's not enough to say, oh, I'm not racist, you have to be
anti-racist.
Just looking at white people,because of the history and
because of how white people havetreated black people and
because of how white people havetreated black people and other
(17:33):
minorities, both historicallyand currently, because I feel
like people always want to belike oh, that's in the past,
like slavery was in the past.
Every time I bring up racismthey're like oh, but slavery is
in the past.
Slavery, first of all.
Slavery is not in the past.
Slavery still very much existsin America today.
It's our fucking prison system,like the 13th Amendment.
(17:55):
There is that loophole whereyou can't make someone work
involuntarily unless forpunishment of a crime.
That was immediately exploitedand is still exploited today.
Like slavery is still very mucha thing.
But even regardless of slavery,there are still so many racial
tactics that are used in societystill going on today, like in
(18:16):
people.
I don't.
At this point it's willfulignorance, like I was going to
say, like I don't know, but it'swillful ignorance.
Like we carry computers in ourpockets.
You guys are constantly onlinedoing all this other shit, but
you're not educating yourself.
So, yeah, it's willfulignorance that you're like, oh,
that's in the past.
No, the fuck, it's not.
And it's like.
Black men can understand thehesitancy of black people and
(18:37):
other minorities to white people, and that's a valid hesitation
because, again, you don't knowwhich white people are actively
working to be anti-racist andwhich aren't.
And that same logic applies towomen anti-racist and which
aren't.
And that same logic applies towomen.
That same logic applies to wedon't know which men are
(18:57):
actively fighting misogyny andwhich ones aren't.
And because we don't know whichare and which aren't, we have
to be hesitant and skeptical ofall of you.
And it's like we're not justdoing that for our fucking
health but at the same time like, yeah, we kind of are, because
men are fucking scary dude, likemen can be violent and women
have lost their lives forrejecting men and for saying no
(19:20):
to men.
Like y'all will be like, oh,just say no, just walk away,
just do that.
Some women have said no andweren't able to just walk away
because they were fucking killedfor saying no.
And the fact that the responseto that is to be upset with the
woman for wanting to protectherself and not the man for
putting a woman in a position tofeel like she has to protect
herself, is fucking crazy.
(19:41):
Because, again, you canunderstand it when it comes to
white people and being hesitantof white people because of
racism, because white peoplehistorically and currently have
been a danger to black peopleand other minorities, but you
can't understand it when it'swomen, when it's like the same
thing, when it's like men havebeen a danger, historically and
currently, to women Like I fearthis is not fucking rocket
(20:04):
science.
Like, if you can understand one, you should be able to
understand the other.
But the reason I feel like somemen struggle to understand the
other is because it's likethey're unable to separate
themselves and realize like oh,it's not me personally that
women are afraid of, but it'slike the system.
It's like they internalize it.
And this also happens withwhite people.
When it comes to, you know,black people and other
(20:25):
minorities being cautious andhesitant of them, they
internalize it and it's like oh,I, I'm taking this personal
rather than saying like, let melook at the historical and
current things that are going onthat might make this person
feel this way.
Do you know what I mean?
It's like they have such a hardtime separating themselves from
(20:47):
the group and, instead of beingable to separate themselves,
they take it personal.
And it's like it's not personal, but like, at the end of the
day, it's my safety, it's what Ihave to do to survive in this
world, because historically andcurrently, that has been
something that has been used toput my life in danger, like and
that's not a dramatization, thatis facts like people's lives
(21:09):
are being put in danger becauseof things like racism and
misogyny and homophobia andtransphobia and because we can't
tell just from looking atsomeone that you are anti, those
things like unfortunately, ithas to kind of be one band, one
sound.
You have to be put into thatgroup, like that's just how it
is.
And that's like how it is forme too.
Like I, unfortunately, amstrictly dickly.
(21:31):
I don't know what I did in mypast life to bear this fucking
torture, but I am strictlydickly and I benefit from that.
If I ever want to get married,I don't have to worry about oh,
like will it be legal?
Will someone turn me away andnot want to make, like, my
wedding cake or not want toprovide service to me because
I'm gay or whatever?
Like I will never have to worryabout that and that's a
(21:54):
privilege that I have because Iam a heterosexual person.
And if a gay person wants to be,like you know I'm cautious of
you.
Like are you homophobic, areyou this or that?
I'm not gonna take thatpersonally because at the end of
the day unless I am veryoutwardly spoken which I am
about, you know, caring abouttheir rights and wanting them to
be have the same rights that Ido, because all they want to do
(22:15):
is, like, show their love totheir partners.
Why?
Why would I not want that?
You know what I mean.
But unless you are open andobvious about that, like they
don't know and it's not theirfault to be cautious about that
because of the way the world isset up, and so, like, for me,
I'm never gonna take thatpersonally.
If somebody in the lgbtqia pluscommunity side eyes me because
(22:37):
they don't know and, at the endof the day, all they want to do
is live and survive and bethemselves, and it sucks that
our world is set up in a waywhere we have to question each
other.
But at the end of the day, like, if it's for your safety and
for your life and for yourprotection, question me, I'm all
for that because, at the end ofthe day, I know that I'm not
(22:57):
someone that you have to worryabout and I don't mind having to
prove that to you and the factthat there are people who, like,
get offended and like, why do Ihave to prove this to you?
Look at the fucking history,look at the current
administration, look at what isgoing on in our world.
Of course you're gonna have toprove that that's just how it is
and it sucks.
I'm not gonna say that I wishthat we could all just coexist
(23:20):
and everyone would leave eachother the fuck alone, but
unfortunately that's not howthis country is built.
That's not how the world is.
Why are we taking thispersonally?
I don't get it.
Like it's weird to me thatpeople would take that
personally, because when youlook at the world like it, it
makes sense.
It checks out why someone whois a part of a minority group
would be cautious of someone whois not in that minority group.
(23:43):
It makes total fucking sense.
But I feel like people are soself-centered, especially more
now than ever.
I feel like people are soself-centered, especially more
now than ever.
I feel like people are soself-centered and they're only
thinking about themselves andhow something hurts their
feelings.
But it's like my life andmaking sure that I'm safe that
matters more to me than whetheror not your feelings are hurt.
(24:04):
Period.
The end Like I don't give afuck if I'm hurting your
feelings of what I'm doing is tomake sure that I can literally
wake up the next fucking morningat the end of the day, like
like my me being able to fuckinglive matters more to me than if
your fucking feelings are hurtlike can we be for real.
(24:32):
I think if we were able to allremove our personal feelings
from the situation and reallyunderstand what it is that
people are being cautious orhesitant about, then we would be
able to understand each otherbetter.
Like when I'm outside and I'mhyper vigilant and I'm looking
around and I'm I'm worried aboutmy safety, I'm not necessarily
worried about the man that iswalking down the street coming
towards me.
I'm more so worried aboutwhether or not that man is doing
(24:53):
the work to unlearn themisogyny that has been ingrained
in our society that unless youare actively working to unlearn
that shit, you will consciouslyor subconsciously be doing
(25:17):
things that uphold those systems, with some of the unconscious
actions being being offendedthat you're also being held
accountable and accusing DeontayKyle of pandering because he is
holding men accountable, likeyou're actively proving why we
have to hold all men accountable, because if it didn't apply to
you and if you're able to handlerejection and you would never
(25:40):
put a woman's life in danger,then why are you upset that men
who do do those things are beingcalled out?
It's giving hit dogs, hollering, because personally, I've never
looked at someone who ishomosexual, saying that they
hate straight people, and beenlike damn, what did I do?
Like I get it.
It's not you're.
(26:00):
You're not saying that to mespecifically.
You're saying that more so tothe system and to the things
that have been set up to makeyour life harder just because of
who you love.
It's the same way with womenand it's the same way with black
people and other minorities.
When it comes to misogyny orracism, like I just don't
understand the personalizationof it.
If you know that you're not theproblem, then what's the issue
(26:26):
with wanting to hold menaccountable who are the problem
and what's the issue with beinglike we can't tell who is the
problem and who isn't.
So, for our safety, we're goingto hold all of you to the same
standard until you prove to usright that you're not a part of
the problem.
It's giving you're a part ofthe problem.
I guess it's giving you're apart of the problem.
(26:48):
And again, this goes for whitepeople, this goes for men, this
goes for straight people, thisgoes for anyone who was a part
of some sort of group thatbenefits from the oppression of
other people, like we have tohold ourselves and the people in
our groups accountable, becauseit's not the job of the people
who are in the oppressed group,or it shouldn't be the job of
the people who are in theoppressed group to figure it out
(27:10):
.
Right, like we should be usingthe privilege that we have.
Whatever that privilege is tohold each other accountable, it
it has to start within the group, because society has not done
enough work as a whole tounlearn or to dismantle the
systems of oppression.
And if you can understand thatfor one oppressed group, you
(27:31):
should be able to understandthat for all of them, because at
the end of the day, none of usare benefiting from oppression.
Sure, there might be somebenefits, but overall society is
fucked.
Like men want to talk about thismale loneliness epidemic
personally.
How do we make the men lonelier?
Because if they were lonelierthen maybe they would stop
having so much fucking audacity.
But the male lonelinessepidemic is a byproduct of these
(27:55):
misogynistic systems, becausewomen don't know who's a safe
space and who's not, and sowe're just avoiding all of you.
And then you guys want to cry.
Oh, we're so lonely, like again, it's for our safety.
We don't know who's going toput our lives in danger and who
isn't.
But if y'all would hold eachother accountable, because,
again, there's not been enoughwork in society to dismantle the
(28:19):
misogyny.
So if y'all came together andheld each other accountable,
maybe y'all wouldn't be solonely, like the main
contributors to the maleloneliness epidemic is men,
because instead of holding eachother accountable and trying to
understand why women might havea hesitancy towards you, you're
like my feelings are hurt andI'm gonna blame women.
And any man who sides withwomen, he must be pandering to
(28:42):
her.
And then you wonder why womendon't trust you and don't want
to be around you.
You're literally making excusesfor men being violent towards
women.
So of course, we're going tonow be even more skeptical of
you, even if we weren'tskeptical of you personally in
the beginning.
Now we're definitely going tobe more skeptical of you
personally the beginning.
Now we're definitely gonna bemore skeptical of you personally
(29:03):
because you're making excusesfor men and you're actively
aiding in upholding thesesystems which put our lives in
danger, like it's not rocketscience.
Please, as we wrap up today'sepisode, I'm begging y'all,
remove your feelings from thisconversation and try to
understand it from a differentperspective.
Because if conversation and tryto understand it from a
different perspective, becauseif you're able to understand why
(29:25):
black people and otherminorities would have a
hesitancy towards white people,then you should also be able to
understand why women would havea hesitancy towards men, because
it's the same thing.
It's the historic and currentway that the system is set up to
put our lives in danger.
And also ask yourself whyyou're internalizing that or why
you would think that a man whowants to hold other men
(29:48):
accountable must be pandering towomen or must be doing it for
his own benefit, because Ipromise you you're saying so
much more about yourself thanyou think you're saying.
Hope this helps.
Thank you guys.
So much for tuning in totoday's episode.
I hope everyone has a good week, except for that orange drink
lady and I will talk to you inthe next episode.
(30:08):
Peace and love.
Talk to you later.
The Napkin in Between, hosted byDaijné Jones, produced by
Daijné Jones.
Post-production by Daijné Jones.
Music by Sam Champagne andgraphics by Isma Vidal.
Don't forget to like andsubscribe.
See you next episode.
Is this thing on?
Hello hello.
Uh-oh, another yapper with amic.
Hello everyone, and welcomeback to the Napkin In Between
Podcast.
I am your host, Daijné Jones.
I hope everyone is having agood week, except for that
(00:22):
orange drink lady, of course.
I want to take a second to saythank you to all of you.
I, as you know, had to make anew account on tiktok because my
old one got banned and it'sbeen like a little bit over a
month and I'm already back at100k.
I'm actually I just looked himat 112k after like a little over
a month of making a new accountand I just want to say like I'm
(00:45):
so grateful for how y'all justno like.
No matter where I go, no matterhow many accounts I have to
make, whatever I do, y'allalways find me and I am so
grateful for every single one ofyou.
I was feeling extremelydiscouraged when my last account
got banned because I was justlike this is the second account
that I've had now that's gottenbanned and I really didn't know
(01:05):
if I wanted to stay on TikTok orwhat I wanted to do, and I will
say that I feel like I'veshifted my content on TikTok a
little bit, but it's like,whatever I do, like y'all are
rocking with me and that makesme feel like, oh my god, like
y'all like me for real, likey'all like me like what, like
I'm just so grateful for all ofyou and it's like, damn, like
(01:27):
y'all are really rocking with meand I really appreciate that
because I'm rocking with y'alland I'm so grateful for all of
your guys's support andeverything and how you guys just
just find me.
Like it's just crazy to mesometimes because I'm like why,
like, why do they tune in?
Why are they here?
Why do they care?
And I feel like sometimes, likeI feel like I have imposter
(01:48):
syndrome and it's like like whydo they want to listen to what I
have to say?
Why do they care?
But like I know deep down thatI'm saying important stuff and
like I am funny and I'm gorgeousand amazing and beautiful and
all of that good stuff.
But it's just like it's crazyto me that y'all keep finding me
and like tune in and rock withme and I don't know, like I I
(02:09):
just never want to take that forgranted and I never will and
I'm just really, really gratefulfor all of you and this has
been the peak of my week.
Obviously, it's just like thefact that y'all always find me
and y'all rock with me and yousupport me, no matter what I do.
Because, like I said, I havelike changed my content a little
bit, which stems from, you know, number one, just like the
(02:29):
things that I talk about.
Like when I talk about likepolitics and race and stuff like
that, tiktok obviously doesn'tappreciate that, obviously
doesn't want that on their app,and so I've kind of tried to
shift that more to the podcastand also like reposting some
stuff on Instagram and alsothreads, which has been really
great too.
I'm building a platform overthere and you guys are finding
me there too, which is great,and so my content on TikTok has
(02:51):
changed a little bit, becauseI've kind of dialed back with
the political content on there,because it's just again like
they just don't appreciate it.
But also I'm not going to lielike in these past couple of
weeks, like maybe a month or sonow, I've kind of like I don't
want to say I've tuned out fromlike what's going on in the
world, because I never will, butI've definitely like I felt
like it was getting very heavyon me and I was looking at
(03:14):
everything that Trump was doingand all the things that he was
saying, and you know, the iceraids and everything that's been
going on, like I felt like Iwas.
It was mentally taxing for me.
You know what I mean.
Just like seeing all of that.
And so you know, when they sayignorance is bliss, they I mean
it's.
It's obviously very, very true,and I'm not saying that I'm
ignorant to what's going on,because I'm definitely still
(03:35):
keeping up.
But I've definitely had to dialback a little bit because I was
going crazy.
Like every morning I would wakeup, the first thing I would do
is like check the news, likewhat's he up to, what's he doing
?
And it really was starting toaffect me.
So I definitely needed to takea step back and like Not tune in
as much.
And then I also just really wantto do more lifestyle content of
(03:56):
, like you know, my hair growthjourney and you know what I do
just vlogging and differentthings like that.
Like I live in new york city,there's always something to do
and so I want to do more of that.
And, of course, I want to takeyou guys along with me and I'm
just really grateful that youguys are, whatever I decide to
do like you guys are tuning in,and I really really appreciate
that, and I just wanted to takea minute to say that I am so
(04:17):
grateful for all of you who havebeen rocking with me for so
long.
I'm going on almost three yearsof doing content and you know,
this is just something that I'vereally always wanted to do and
I love making my little videosand I love talking about race
and politics and I feel like,with content creation even I've
(04:38):
seen this and some people thatI've seen posts is like they
feel like they aren't able totalk about social issues because
they want to be like marketable.
You know what I mean and I havekind of experienced that.
Some, too, with like I've had umtalent agencies reach out to me
and, like you know, so thatthey want to work with me and
sign me and get me brand dealsand this, that and third, and
(05:00):
the first one always goes superwell, like they seem great, they
like my personality, and then Ithink what sometimes happens is
they kind of see the numbersand see my engagement because,
not to toot my own horn, but theengagement is crazy, like you
guys really engage, which Ireally appreciate too, and so
they see that engagement andthey're like, oh, let's reach
out to this girl.
(05:20):
And then, after the firstinterview, they actually look at
my content and see the thingsthat I'm talking about, see the
things that I'm doing.
And so then I get like an emailor a second interview where
they kind of, in so many words,asked me to change up my content
, like asked me to not be asvocal.
Like they don't outright saylike we want you to be less
vocal, but they say it withoutsaying it, like I can put two
(05:41):
and two together.
Out saying it like I can puttwo and two together.
You know, I have two workingbrand sales.
I'm not JLo and I will never becomfortable not talking about
what's going on in the world.
And if that makes meunmarketable and that means that
I lose brand deals or lose, youknow, being able to sign with a
talent agency, then like that'sjust what it means, because I'm
never gonna stop bringingattention to the things that are
(06:03):
important, like, yes, I reallylike making my lifestyle content
.
I like making my silly littlevideos, I like doing get ready
with me's, I like doing vlogsand that's great, I love that
content.
But it's also extremelyimportant to me that we continue
to talk about and bringattention to social issues,
because it is really importantand I think that you know, even
though it hasn't worked out with, like, talent agencies and
(06:25):
brands or whatever, I think thatit's helped me to build a
better connection with you alland you guys.
You, like I don't hide anythinglike you guys know exactly what
I'm thinking.
In all of my videos, I'm very,very vocal about my politics and
everything, and I think thatthat should, like I think more
influencers and content creatorsshould be transparent with that
(06:48):
, because it's not just like adifferent in politics, it like
politics.
I kind of miss when politicswere boring.
I kind of miss when it was justa difference in politics, but
right now it's.
It's a difference in morals.
Like, if you support thiscurrent administration, if
you're a trump supporter, ourmorals don't align and so I
don't want you in my space and Idon't want to be in your space
(07:08):
either, and so that's why I feellike being more transparent as
a content creator or aninfluencer.
Like I don't like callingmyself an influencer because am
I a good influence?
I think some people would sayno, because, like, if you go low
, I'm going to hell every singletime.
And I think that there's likethis misconception that, oh, if
you have an online presence,like you signed up for,
(07:29):
disrespect bitch, absolutely not, because the way that I view it
is, this is like my business,this is my job, right, like, yes
, it's online, but at the end ofthe day, like I'm building a
business, I'm building a job formyself, right, but it's not
like a physical building, right,obviously it's like my page is
my business.
It's not like a brick andmortar building, but like that's
(07:52):
where I go to like work.
You know what I mean?
I would never allow someone tocome into a physical building
that was my business anddisrespect me.
And the same logic appliesonline.
I'm not gonna allow anybody tocome to my page and be
disrespectful to me.
When you could have justscrolled, you could have just
minded your business, you couldhave left me alone.
(08:14):
But since you didn't leave mealone, now I have mean things to
say and it's all your faultbecause you started this, so I'm
gonna finish it.
And so whenever somebody goeslow, I'm gonna go to hell every
single time.
I don't care.
But I think when you have likethis online presence, people
like that's like frowned upon,because it's like, oh, you
decided to do this, you decidedto open yourself up to that.
(08:35):
Well, no, I decided to share mythoughts, my opinions, my life,
sure, with the thought processthat if that's not what you
wanted to see, you would takeone of your fingers whichever
one you like, it doesn't matterput it at the bottom of the
screen and swipe up.
It takes so much less energyfor you to just swipe away from
(08:55):
my page than it does for you toleave a comment, because, mind
you, most of the time, wheneverI get like a hate comment, it
has nothing to do with the video.
Like I'll be talking about raceor pointing out you know
problematic behavior, andsomeone will leave a comment
about my hair or my skin or mynose, or just something that
shows, number one, that they'refucking stupid, because why did
(09:16):
you not address what I wassaying in the video?
And, number two, you're juststruggling with your own
internalized racism, becausethese are my natural features
and why do you have a problemwith that?
So now I'm putting a belt toyour ass because you could have
left me alone and you didn't.
And that's how I always view it.
It's like if you wouldn't gointo someone's physical place of
business and just start talkingshit to them.
(09:36):
You should have that samedecorum and thought process and
behavior online, like youshouldn't just go to somebody's
page and just start talking shitunprovoked.
You know what I mean andobviously that's different.
If somebody is like sayingsomething that's racist or
homophobic or transphobic ormisogynistic, yeah, obviously I
feel like those people should becalled out, which I mean that's
(09:57):
what I do online sometimes,right, but I think, like, if
it's genuinely just a differenceof opinion, like just scroll,
like I, I will never understandleaving a hate comment like what
does that do for you at the endof the day?
I feel like you're leaving ahate comment because you're
miserable and you want everyoneelse to be miserable.
Maybe go talk to that lady,because what you're doing is
(10:20):
really really weird, crazy,tangent.
I don't know how I even got ontothat, but what I was saying is
I really, really appreciate youguys.
Thank you guys so much for 100kplus on tiktok again, um, I
really appreciate you guysrocking with me and I I'm just
really, really grateful for allof you.
So, thank you all so much.
I'm so, so grateful and thathas been.
The peak of my week is justseeing all of you find me again.
(10:43):
Like it's great and I love allof you guys and thank you, thank
you so much as always.
I want to hear the pick of yourweek, something that made you
smile, kept you grounded,something that kept you sane in
the chaos of the world, speakingof not allowing disrespect and
standing on business and callingout problematic behavior.
I've been seeing thisconversation surrounding deontay
kyle and him pandering to women.
I say in quotes so if you'reunfamiliar what I'm talking
(11:05):
about.
There's this man.
His name is Deontay Kyle.
He has a podcast called thegrits and eggs podcast and so he
was recently on his podcast, orat least I think was recently.
It's been going around tiktokrecently talking about how all
men are accountable for thebehaviors of men, because some
men might be okay with handlingrejection but some also are not,
and so all men are accountablefor that behavior.
(11:27):
Because as women we can't tellwhich men are going to be okay
with rejection and which are not.
Because there have beensituations with men where you
know they hit on women orapproach women, whatever, and
the woman rejects the man and hebecomes defensive, you know,
yelling at her, arguing her, insome situations even killing her
or, you know, becomingphysically violent with her.
(11:48):
And so Deontay Kyle was saying,like for women, we're not able
to tell which man will be likeokay, cool, you don't wanna talk
to me, great.
And which men will put ourlives in danger because they
can't handle rejection or beingtold no.
And so now men are on TikToksaying that he's pandering to
women and that he's only sayingthat because he's trying to get
(12:10):
an up with women.
Or I've seen men say like, oh,they're not gonna let you hit
because you say this, bro, likejust saying, like he's basically
trying to get something out ofsaying these things and holding
men accountable.
And I think that this is aninteresting conversation,
because the reason that that isa response from some men is
because they cannot fathom a manbeing nice to a woman or
(12:35):
standing up for a woman orsaying something in favor of a
woman unless he wants somethingfrom her.
Because nine times out of 10,when a man does something nice
for a woman, it's because heexpects something in return.
Most of the time, men are notbeing nice to you and when I say
you, I'm talking to women.
(12:55):
Men are not being nice to womenjust for the sake of being nice
.
It's either because they wantsomething, they want a
conversation with you.
You know, if you've ever beenout and a man buys you a drink
or takes you on a date orsomething, they're expecting
something in return, most thetime something sexual.
And I feel like that's whywe're seeing this response is
(13:15):
because men cannot fathom juststanding up for a woman just to
do it like they.
They are always expectingsomething in return.
The men who are responding thisway of like oh, he's pandering,
he's, you know, doing this forsomething.
Whatever they're telling onthemselves, they're absolutely
telling on themselves.
Basically, what they're sayingis I cannot see him doing this
(13:39):
just because he's doing it, justbecause it's real, because I
would never do something for awoman just for the sake of being
nice to her.
That's basically that's all Ihear with every video that I've
seen of a man being like oh,he's pandering, oh, he's doing
this, he's doing that, he wantssomething in return.
What they're saying is I wouldnever do something for a woman
(14:01):
just to do it for a woman.
You know what I mean.
That's really all I hear, andmy opinion on what that stems
from is because we live in apatriarchy and society is set up
in a way that benefits men,like it's ingrained in our
society for men to succeedsimply because they're men, or
(14:21):
for men to receive things justbecause they're men.
And unless you really work torecognize that and work against
that, you're always, as a man,going to expect something in
return.
So you can't fathom doingsomething just for the sake of
doing it, because you're so usedto getting something in return.
(14:41):
And I think that's part of thereason why, like when women are
like hey, like we'd like to betreated the same, like we want
to make the same that men dodoing the same jobs, we'd like
equal rights.
Men's response to that is likeokay, so that means I get to hit
you and we're like whoa, likewe, you know, we just wanted to
be treated the same and and wewant equal rights.
They're like well, equal rights, equal fights, like that means
(15:03):
we can hit you.
They can't fathom somethingbeing done that it doesn't
benefit them.
Like they feel like womengetting equal rights.
They're like okay, well, what'sin it for me whole time, like
we're asking for the same thingthat you already have.
It's not, we're gettingsomething more than you.
We want the same thing as you.
But they can't fathom like notbenefiting from something in
(15:23):
some way.
So, like when women are like,hey, we'd like to be treated the
same, they're like okay, sothat that means we get to hit
you because that's a benefit forthem, because they want to
fucking hit us because they hateus.
Like men men are so fuckingweird.
And it's the same thing for,like racism and homophobia too.
It's like like we have blackhistory month and they're like
okay, well, when is whitehistory month?
Or there's pride month andstraight people are like, oh
well, when is when is straightmonth?
(15:45):
And it's like they can't fathomsomeone else getting something
if it does not also benefit them.
That's why I always say it'snot enough to just say, oh, I'm
not racist or oh, I'm notmisogynistic or oh, I'm not
homophobic.
You have to be anti those things.
You have to be actively workingto reshape your mind and
reshape your behaviors, to beanti those things, or else you
(16:07):
will be homophobic, racist,misogynistic, transphobic,
whatever, sometimes without evenrealizing that that's what
you're doing.
It's really not enough to saythat you're not a white
supremacist or that you're notparticipating in bigotry, like
you have to be anti those things, because if you're not anti
those things, you're notactively working to be anti
those things, then you willsubconsciously or consciously be
(16:32):
those things, and it's justbecause that's how our society
is.
Our society, especially inamerica, america was built on
things like racism and misogynyand homophobia.
Like those things are ingrainedin our society and into every
single piece of our society.
And so if you're not activelyworking to fight against those
(16:52):
things, you will fall down thatrabbit hole or that black hole
of participating in those things.
And it's interesting because men, especially black men, like
they can understand beingcautious of white people.
Right, and I am like notknocking that.
You like I can understand beingcautious of white people
(17:12):
because, again, we live in asociety that was built on racism
and so same goes for whitepeople, unless they're actively
working against being racist.
Like it's not enough to say, oh, I'm not racist, you have to be
anti-racist.
Just looking at white people,because of the history and
because of how white people havetreated black people and
because of how white people havetreated black people and other
(17:33):
minorities, both historicallyand currently, because I feel
like people always want to belike oh, that's in the past,
like slavery was in the past.
Every time I bring up racismthey're like oh, but slavery is
in the past.
Slavery, first of all.
Slavery is not in the past.
Slavery still very much existsin America today.
It's our fucking prison system,like the 13th Amendment.
(17:55):
There is that loophole whereyou can't make someone work
involuntarily unless forpunishment of a crime.
That was immediately exploitedand is still exploited today.
Like slavery is still very mucha thing.
But even regardless of slavery,there are still so many racial
tactics that are used in societystill going on today, like in
(18:16):
people.
I don't.
At this point it's willfulignorance, like I was going to
say, like I don't know, but it'swillful ignorance.
Like we carry computers in ourpockets.
You guys are constantly onlinedoing all this other shit, but
you're not educating yourself.
So, yeah, it's willfulignorance that you're like, oh,
that's in the past.
No, the fuck, it's not.
And it's like.
Black men can understand thehesitancy of black people and
(18:37):
other minorities to white people, and that's a valid hesitation
because, again, you don't knowwhich white people are actively
working to be anti-racist andwhich aren't.
And that same logic applies towomen anti-racist and which
aren't.
And that same logic applies towomen.
That same logic applies to wedon't know which men are
(18:57):
actively fighting misogyny andwhich ones aren't.
And because we don't know whichare and which aren't, we have
to be hesitant and skeptical ofall of you.
And it's like we're not justdoing that for our fucking
health but at the same time like, yeah, we kind of are, because
men are fucking scary dude, likemen can be violent and women
have lost their lives forrejecting men and for saying no
(19:20):
to men.
Like y'all will be like, oh,just say no, just walk away,
just do that.
Some women have said no andweren't able to just walk away
because they were fucking killedfor saying no.
And the fact that the responseto that is to be upset with the
woman for wanting to protectherself and not the man for
putting a woman in a position tofeel like she has to protect
herself, is fucking crazy.
(19:41):
Because, again, you canunderstand it when it comes to
white people and being hesitantof white people because of
racism, because white peoplehistorically and currently have
been a danger to black peopleand other minorities, but you
can't understand it when it'swomen, when it's like the same
thing, when it's like men havebeen a danger, historically and
currently, to women Like I fearthis is not fucking rocket
(20:04):
science.
Like, if you can understand one, you should be able to
understand the other.
But the reason I feel like somemen struggle to understand the
other is because it's likethey're unable to separate
themselves and realize like oh,it's not me personally that
women are afraid of, but it'slike the system.
It's like they internalize it.
And this also happens withwhite people.
When it comes to, you know,black people and other
(20:25):
minorities being cautious andhesitant of them, they
internalize it and it's like oh,I, I'm taking this personal
rather than saying like, let melook at the historical and
current things that are going onthat might make this person
feel this way.
Do you know what I mean?
It's like they have such a hardtime separating themselves from
(20:47):
the group and, instead of beingable to separate themselves,
they take it personal.
And it's like it's not personal, but like, at the end of the
day, it's my safety, it's what Ihave to do to survive in this
world, because historically andcurrently, that has been
something that has been used toput my life in danger, like and
that's not a dramatization, thatis facts like people's lives
(21:09):
are being put in danger becauseof things like racism and
misogyny and homophobia andtransphobia and because we can't
tell just from looking atsomeone that you are anti, those
things like unfortunately, ithas to kind of be one band, one
sound.
You have to be put into thatgroup, like that's just how it
is.
And that's like how it is forme too.
Like I, unfortunately, amstrictly dickly.
(21:31):
I don't know what I did in mypast life to bear this fucking
torture, but I am strictlydickly and I benefit from that.
If I ever want to get married,I don't have to worry about oh,
like will it be legal?
Will someone turn me away andnot want to make, like, my
wedding cake or not want toprovide service to me because
I'm gay or whatever?
Like I will never have to worryabout that and that's a
(21:54):
privilege that I have because Iam a heterosexual person.
And if a gay person wants to be,like you know I'm cautious of
you.
Like are you homophobic, areyou this or that?
I'm not gonna take thatpersonally because at the end of
the day unless I am veryoutwardly spoken which I am
about, you know, caring abouttheir rights and wanting them to
be have the same rights that Ido, because all they want to do
(22:15):
is, like, show their love totheir partners.
Why?
Why would I not want that?
You know what I mean.
But unless you are open andobvious about that, like they
don't know and it's not theirfault to be cautious about that
because of the way the world isset up, and so, like, for me,
I'm never gonna take thatpersonally.
If somebody in the lgbtqia pluscommunity side eyes me because
(22:37):
they don't know and, at the endof the day, all they want to do
is live and survive and bethemselves, and it sucks that
our world is set up in a waywhere we have to question each
other.
But at the end of the day, like, if it's for your safety and
for your life and for yourprotection, question me, I'm all
for that because, at the end ofthe day, I know that I'm not
(22:57):
someone that you have to worryabout and I don't mind having to
prove that to you and the factthat there are people who, like,
get offended and like, why do Ihave to prove this to you?
Look at the fucking history,look at the current
administration, look at what isgoing on in our world.
Of course you're gonna have toprove that that's just how it is
and it sucks.
I'm not gonna say that I wishthat we could all just coexist
(23:20):
and everyone would leave eachother the fuck alone, but
unfortunately that's not howthis country is built.
That's not how the world is.
Why are we taking thispersonally?
I don't get it.
Like it's weird to me thatpeople would take that
personally, because when youlook at the world like it, it
makes sense.
It checks out why someone whois a part of a minority group
would be cautious of someone whois not in that minority group.
(23:43):
It makes total fucking sense.
But I feel like people are soself-centered, especially more
now than ever.
I feel like people are soself-centered, especially more
now than ever.
I feel like people are soself-centered and they're only
thinking about themselves andhow something hurts their
feelings.
But it's like my life andmaking sure that I'm safe that
matters more to me than whetheror not your feelings are hurt.
(24:04):
Period.
The end Like I don't give afuck if I'm hurting your
feelings of what I'm doing is tomake sure that I can literally
wake up the next fucking morningat the end of the day, like
like my me being able to fuckinglive matters more to me than if
your fucking feelings are hurtlike can we be for real.
(24:32):
I think if we were able to allremove our personal feelings
from the situation and reallyunderstand what it is that
people are being cautious orhesitant about, then we would be
able to understand each otherbetter.
Like when I'm outside and I'mhyper vigilant and I'm looking
around and I'm I'm worried aboutmy safety, I'm not necessarily
worried about the man that iswalking down the street coming
towards me.
I'm more so worried aboutwhether or not that man is doing
(24:53):
the work to unlearn themisogyny that has been ingrained
in our society that unless youare actively working to unlearn
that shit, you will consciouslyor subconsciously be doing
(25:17):
things that uphold those systems, with some of the unconscious
actions being being offendedthat you're also being held
accountable and accusing DeontayKyle of pandering because he is
holding men accountable, likeyou're actively proving why we
have to hold all men accountable, because if it didn't apply to
you and if you're able to handlerejection and you would never
(25:40):
put a woman's life in danger,then why are you upset that men
who do do those things are beingcalled out?
It's giving hit dogs, hollering, because personally, I've never
looked at someone who ishomosexual, saying that they
hate straight people, and beenlike damn, what did I do?
Like I get it.
It's not you're.
(26:00):
You're not saying that to mespecifically.
You're saying that more so tothe system and to the things
that have been set up to makeyour life harder just because of
who you love.
It's the same way with womenand it's the same way with black
people and other minorities.
When it comes to misogyny orracism, like I just don't
understand the personalizationof it.
If you know that you're not theproblem, then what's the issue
(26:26):
with wanting to hold menaccountable who are the problem
and what's the issue with beinglike we can't tell who is the
problem and who isn't.
So, for our safety, we're goingto hold all of you to the same
standard until you prove to usright that you're not a part of
the problem.
It's giving you're a part ofthe problem.
I guess it's giving you're apart of the problem.
(26:48):
And again, this goes for whitepeople, this goes for men, this
goes for straight people, thisgoes for anyone who was a part
of some sort of group thatbenefits from the oppression of
other people, like we have tohold ourselves and the people in
our groups accountable, becauseit's not the job of the people
who are in the oppressed group,or it shouldn't be the job of
the people who are in theoppressed group to figure it out
(27:10):
.
Right, like we should be usingthe privilege that we have.
Whatever that privilege is tohold each other accountable, it
it has to start within the group, because society has not done
enough work as a whole tounlearn or to dismantle the
systems of oppression.
And if you can understand thatfor one oppressed group, you
(27:31):
should be able to understandthat for all of them, because at
the end of the day, none of usare benefiting from oppression.
Sure, there might be somebenefits, but overall society is
fucked.
Like men want to talk about thismale loneliness epidemic
personally.
How do we make the men lonelier?
Because if they were lonelierthen maybe they would stop
having so much fucking audacity.
But the male lonelinessepidemic is a byproduct of these
(27:55):
misogynistic systems, becausewomen don't know who's a safe
space and who's not, and sowe're just avoiding all of you.
And then you guys want to cry.
Oh, we're so lonely, like again, it's for our safety.
We don't know who's going toput our lives in danger and who
isn't.
But if y'all would hold eachother accountable, because,
again, there's not been enoughwork in society to dismantle the
(28:19):
misogyny.
So if y'all came together andheld each other accountable,
maybe y'all wouldn't be solonely, like the main
contributors to the maleloneliness epidemic is men,
because instead of holding eachother accountable and trying to
understand why women might havea hesitancy towards you, you're
like my feelings are hurt andI'm gonna blame women.
And any man who sides withwomen, he must be pandering to
(28:42):
her.
And then you wonder why womendon't trust you and don't want
to be around you.
You're literally making excusesfor men being violent towards
women.
So of course, we're going tonow be even more skeptical of
you, even if we weren'tskeptical of you personally in
the beginning.
Now we're definitely going tobe more skeptical of you
personally the beginning.
Now we're definitely gonna bemore skeptical of you personally
(29:03):
because you're making excusesfor men and you're actively
aiding in upholding thesesystems which put our lives in
danger, like it's not rocketscience.
Please, as we wrap up today'sepisode, I'm begging y'all,
remove your feelings from thisconversation and try to
understand it from a differentperspective.
Because if conversation and tryto understand it from a
different perspective, becauseif you're able to understand why
(29:25):
black people and otherminorities would have a
hesitancy towards white people,then you should also be able to
understand why women would havea hesitancy towards men, because
it's the same thing.
It's the historic and currentway that the system is set up to
put our lives in danger.
And also ask yourself whyyou're internalizing that or why
you would think that a man whowants to hold other men
(29:48):
accountable must be pandering towomen or must be doing it for
his own benefit, because Ipromise you you're saying so
much more about yourself thanyou think you're saying.
Hope this helps.
Thank you guys.
So much for tuning in totoday's episode.
I hope everyone has a good week, except for that orange drink
lady and I will talk to you inthe next episode.
(30:08):
Peace and love.
Talk to you later.
The Napkin in Between, hosted byDaijné Jones, produced by
Daijné Jones.
Post-production by Daijné Jones.
Music by Sam Champagne andgraphics by Isma Vidal.
Don't forget to like andsubscribe.
See you next episode.
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