March 9, 2025 • 30 mins
What happens when the affirmations you give to a child become the mirror that transforms how you see yourself? In this deeply personal episode, I unpack my journey from internalized racism to radical self-love, sparked by an unexpected source – a 19-month-old girl named Callie who I nannied.
Growing up in predominantly white Meadville, Pennsylvania, I never experienced outright racism, but something perhaps more insidious: the absence of celebration for my natural features. By my early twenties, I was getting hair relaxers every six weeks, chemically altering my appearance until my beautician finally refused to continue damaging my hair further. Still, I resisted fully embracing my natural self, hiding behind protective styles and clip-ins.
The transformation began when I started nannying Callie after moving to Atlanta. As I poured affirmations into this little girl – telling her how beautiful her natural hair and features were – something profound clicked: if these truths were undeniable for her, why couldn't they be true for me too? This realization coincided with facing racist comments on my early social media content, forced me to confront both external prejudice and my own internalized biases.
Through this journey, I discovered that what we often call "radicalization" is simply the recognition of our inherent worthiness. The standards that made me question my beauty weren't my burden to bear but society's problem to fix. There's nothing wrong with kinky, coily hair, wide noses, full lips – these are our natural gifts, not flaws to overcome.
What parts of yourself are you still hiding? What beauty within you is waiting to be affirmed? I hope my story inspires you to embrace every natural aspect of who you are.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Daijné (00:00):
Is this thing on?
Hello, hello, uh-oh, anotheryapper with a mic.
Hello everyone, welcome back toThe Napkin In Between Podcast.
I am your host, Daijné Jones.
Let's take a moment of silencebecause black history month is
(00:25):
over.
Okay, now let's get loud,because now it's women's history
month.
Happy women's history month tomy bad bitches and my bad
bitches only jlo.
That does not include you.
I don't know who decided theorder of the months, but whoever
decided to go from blackhistory month straight into
women's history month, give thema raise.
Two of my favorite things in theentire world is being black and
(00:47):
being a woman, and I celebratethose things 365, all year round
.
Right, but the fact that thereis a month dedicated first to
black history and then towomen's history, like, oh, I
just love that so much.
And then, mind you, my roommatetold me that april is black
women's history month.
They said I got the cheese, yougot the jerky, put it all
together and we got cheese jerky.
(01:07):
Say what?
Say what Cheese jerky?
Do you guys remember that thatwas a bop?
I just unlocked a core memory.
I forgot about that until justnow, but that that song's a bop.
But I just love being black, Ilove being a woman and I love
making both of those things myentire personality.
So I love that there are monthsthat celebrate all of those
things.
And then they want to talkabout some.
When is white history month?
When is men's history month?
Nobody cares about that shit.
(01:29):
Please, please, go somewhere,because the fucking world
revolves around straight whitemen.
Like can we get something?
Y'all get literally everything,y'all get privilege, y'all get
opportunities, y'all get theability to do half the work and
get twice as much.
Everything is easier forstraight white men and they're
upset that we get a fuckingmonth.
Like, please, go somewhere,because you're about to piss me
off.
Like y'all created racism, y'allcreated misogyny, y'all created
(01:52):
homophobia, y'all createdtransphobia, y'all created all
the oppression.
And then when we're like youknow what, let's create a little
bit of time to celebrate theseoppressed or marginalized groups
, they're like okay, but whatabout us, bitch?
We wouldn't have to celebratethe marginalized groups or the
minorities if y'all hadn'tcreated the shit.
Like, please, you're about topiss me off.
(02:13):
Like y'all were insecure andjealous of other people and
that's why y'all created thisshit.
You can't convince me that thebeginning of oppression, some of
it, was rooted in jealousy.
Like obviously I understandbigotry and just some people
genuinely do think that they arejust better than other people.
But I'm saying, like, at itscore, the origination of race
(02:33):
and gender and thecategorization and the grouping
of people to say like, oh, thesepeople are superior, these
people are inferior, like someof that had to be projection and
jealousy Because, like, whenyou really think about it, the
group of people straight whitemen who are viewed as superior,
genuinely nothing about them issuperior.
First and foremost, let's takephysical attributes right.
(02:53):
Women literally birth humansout of their vaginas.
Every single person who hasever lived came from a woman's
body.
Women are the crafters of life.
We all know about the birds andthe bees.
It takes nine months to form ababy and then, after the baby is
formed, a woman has to eitherpush it out, get it cut out of
their body like the craziestfucking shit, and women have to
(03:14):
endure that pain.
If I go up to a man and I kickhim in the balls, he is out for
at least five minutes, immobile,bent over, keeling over with
pain because I kicked him in theballs, and you're telling me
that's superior.
Be serious, be fucking serious.
Like it doesn't make sense,like when you genuinely think
about it, also, white being thesuperior race.
(03:37):
If you put a white person outin the sun for too long, they're
turning into a fucking lobster,burned by the fucking sun.
And I'm not saying that itdoesn't happen to black people
too.
Black people can obviously besunburned, but black skin was
created to be in the sun.
And you want to tell me thatthe white race is superior when
mother nature herself looked atthem and said absolutely fucking
, not like, please, be fuckingserious.
(03:59):
And I feel like deep down,whoever started racism, which
we're gonna do a whole episodeabout that, because I did a
little bit of a deep divebecause I was curious.
Arthur de Gobineau, I think, ishow you say his last name.
He's a french man who is likethe first person who wrote about
one group of people beingsuperior to another.
And then he went around Franceand was trying to like, preach
this to the French people and,interestingly enough, it was
(04:21):
poorly received by people inFrance.
But guess the group of peoplewho were like you know what?
Yeah, let's really adopt this.
Americans, white Americans.
It was white Americans.
The answer is white Americans.
But, mind you, Arthur wrote abunch about how Americans
themselves were inferior becauseof race mixing.
They cut that part out of hisbook.
When they translated his bookfrom French to English, they cut
(04:43):
that part out.
They was like, ok, okay, like,hide this part, but the part
where it says white people areare superior, let's keep that
part.
Don't worry, we'll do a deepdive.
I'm gonna do a whole episodeabout the start of racism, but
you can't convince me that thestart of racism there was some
projection and jealousy in there, like they felt inferior and so
they had to convince the entirefucking world that they were in
fact superior to other races orgenders or you know whatever.
(05:06):
But anyway, I don't know why Ijust went on that crazy tangent.
I was just trying to say happywomen's history month, like that
was crazy.
Happy women's history month tomy bad bitches and my bad
bitches only speaking of womenand them just being all around,
perfect and amazing and iconicand the best people you will
ever know.
Tate McRae, who is one of myfavorite artists released a new
album a couple weeks ago, atthis point actually, but the
(05:28):
peak of my week has been beingable to connect with it in a way
that I didn't originally feellike I did.
I've been a fan of Tate McRaesince 2020.
She's been in my top artists onSpotify.
I really resonate with hermusic and I feel like one of the
things I really resonate withwith her is the sad girl bit
personally.
For me, the sad girl bit willnever be boring.
(05:49):
I love sad girl music.
I love music that makes me feelall of my emotions, because I
feel like sometimes I smother myemotions, probably because I
was bullied as a child for beingsensitive don't worry, we'll
get into that topic a little bitlater actually but I just love
music that makes me feel myfeelings because I feel like
sometimes I really struggle withthat, and so the reason for
(06:10):
Tate McRae being one of myfavorite artists is because she
makes sad girl music.
Like some of my favorite songsfrom her, I still say good night
.
Boy x, chaotic, messier, youbroke me first, like I, I love
the sad girl bit.
The sad girl bit will never beboring.
But I felt like with this newalbum, like my girl is in love
and I love that for her.
I love that she is happy and inlove, and I personally was like
(06:34):
where are my sad girl songs?
Like where are my slow songs?
Where are my piano, violin,ballad, simple songs with no
beat?
Like I just wanted some slower,simple, sad songs, and so it
took me a minute.
I had to like let the albummarinate because it's like bop
after bop, like catchy, upbeat,funky pop songs, right, like
it's still a great album, don'tget me wrong.
(06:55):
But I had to listen to thealbum a couple of times and when
I really started to listen tothe words and break down the
lyrics, it's interesting becausethe lyrics are sad on some of
the songs but the beat is catchy.
So I feel like sometimes, atleast for me personally, I'll
feel the beat more than I feelthe lyrics, and I have to really
sit with the lyrics to reallyunderstand the meaning behind
(07:15):
some of the songs.
And so once I was able toreally like understand the
lyrics, I was like okay, likeyeah, these my sad girl is still
in there a little bit, likeshe's.
She's upbeat, but she's stillin there a little bit.
For example, one of my favoritesongs from the album is means I
care, and it's about, you know,feeling yourself, falling in
love and being afraid of thosefeelings.
So before you let yourself gettoo close to the person, you cut
(07:38):
them off, but like, you reallyonly do that when you start to
like, really like the person.
You know what I mean.
And it's like, girl, you forgotto hold my hand before you
called me out, like that is.
So me, there has been a time or20 when I felt like, okay, I
like you a little bit too much,I'm going to cut you off now.
And it's like, sometimes Idon't even want to do that.
I just am like afraid of menbecause they can be a little
(08:02):
manipulative.
And when I say a little, I meana lot.
And there's a line in the songand she says it's not what I
want, it's just all I know.
And I'm just like that's sofucking real because, like,
sometimes I genuinely am likeokay, like let's see where this
goes, you know what I mean.
And then I get to in my head Istart to think too much and I'm
like, yeah, actually I don'twant this, I don't want wanna
(08:24):
talk to you, but like, livinglike that is sometimes kind of
sad, and not even just with likeromantic relationships, but
like friendships as well.
I feel like sometimes it's hardfor me to open up to people,
and so it does get a little bitlonely sometimes and it's like
you know you wanna put yourselfout there, you wanna trust
people, but at the same timeit's like you're afraid to, I
don't know.
This is getting like strangelydeep.
I need to go talk to that lady.
I don't want to like traumadump on the podcast, but I say
(08:47):
all that to say.
Top three songs on the album forme are definitely Signs, Means
I Care and Revolving Door,honorable Mentions to Dear God
and Blood on my Hands,specifically Flo Milli's verse.
I love Flo Milli, I love her somuch.
But that has been the peak ofmy week.
I don't know if I said that atthe beginning.
Anyway, if you have notlistened to the album, you
should give it a listen.
(09:07):
It's called So Close to What byTate McRae and also listen to
some of her old songs.
I feel like, being a fan of herfor so long, she's finally
getting the popularity that Ifeel like she's always deserved.
But definitely becausepersonally I'm still on I used
to think I could fly like.
I love that album.
So definitely check out some ofher other music as well.
(09:28):
So what are you guys talkingabout today?
So there was a trend going onon tiktok recently um, or maybe
it was a couple months ago, Idon't know, I have no perception
of time but basically the trendwas talking about like what
radicalized you and I always getcomments or DMs of people
telling me like I appreciate howpro-black you are like what
brought you to this point of youknow, talking about racial
(09:49):
inequality and social injusticeand hardships and situations
that black people are constantlyput in, and I wanted to do a
story time on what got me here,because up until about four
years ago, I was still dealingwith a lot of internalized
racism and self-hate and thething that was able to really
break me out of that was thislittle girl that I was nannying
(10:11):
named Callie.
So I want to start from thevery beginning.
I was born and raised in a towncalled Meadvielle, Pennsylvania.
It's a small, hick,predominantly white country town
in the middle of bumblefuckPennsylvania, and so, growing up
outside of you know my familyor my church family, the
majority of the people that Iwas surrounded with were white
and as a child I was bullied alittle bit, but I feel like the
(10:34):
majority of the bullying that Ifaced was because I was
sensitive not so much for thecolor of my skin.
There was probably, you know,some colorism mixed in there as
well, but I think that themajority of the bullying was
because people knew that youcould say one little thing to me
and it was gonna make me cryand so I was picked on a lot or
called a crybaby, called toosensitive, different things like
(10:55):
that.
But even though most of mybullying wasn't because of me
being dark skinned, I feel likeI still developed a lot of
self-hate because it wasn't somuch that my natural features
were demeaned, but they werealso never praised Like.
I can't remember a lot of thetime where my natural hair was
celebrated or I even wore mynatural hair period.
(11:19):
Like a lot of the times as achild into my early 20s, I was
wearing braids or um sew-ins,protective styles.
"Protective styles I say inquotes for the audio listeners
we'll get into that in a littlebit but it was just that my
natural features were neverreally praised, like whenever I
had gotten my hair done inbraids or whatever.
It was always oh, you look cute, you like.
(11:40):
You know, um, we like thathairstyle.
You know what I mean like andobviously before I, you know,
internalize my self confidenceand made my self confidence come
from myself.
My self confidence would comefrom other people, and so, when
I'm only ever hearing praisewhen I'm wearing braids or
anything like that, that's whatI valued, and so I would keep my
(12:01):
hair and I say hair for me, mepersonally, because a lot of my
self-hate came from my hair.
I would only ever feelconfident if my hair was either
braided up or straight.
And I don't say this to likesay that I'm upset with the
adults who were around me as Iwas growing up, because I I
don't blame them for that, youknow, it's not their fault, it's
(12:22):
society's fault right, likethey were going off of what they
knew.
And so I I don't want this tocome off as like me blaming or
shaming any of the adultsbecause they never praised my
natural hair, but I'm justtrying to walk through, as I've
unpacked and done a lot of workinternally, like where my
internalized racism andself-hatred came from because,
like I said, no one really wasdemeaning my natural hair, like
(12:45):
every once in a while, if I like, after taking out a protective
style or braids or whatever.
Yeah, my natural hair wascalled like nappy or you know
whatever, which is I don't wantto say whatever like that's not
anything that should beoverlooked, like obviously
there's still negativeconnotations with that kind of
verbiage in terms of describingyour natural hair.
I'm just saying, like Iunderstand that it could have
(13:06):
been worse.
I understand that some peopleare extremely ridiculed and
dragged through the mud simplyfor their natural features.
Like it still is not great, butI still feel grateful that I
didn't have it as bad as I couldhave.
So growing up and into my earlyadulthood, my early 20s, I never
wore my natural hair because Ijust never felt confident enough
(13:29):
in wearing my natural hairbecause, again, keep in mind my
value and who I thought I was asa person came strictly from
outside perspective.
And so when I was only everbeing praised when my hair was
straight, or when my hair wasembraced or when I was wearing a
sew-in or whatever, that's whatI wore, that's the only thing
that I would do, because that'swhere my confidence came from.
And so in my adulthood, when Istarted wearing my "natural hair
(13:52):
, I say in quotes I would onlywear my hair if it was relaxed.
I was getting relaxers at onepoint every six weeks.
Crazy, right, I know I know sofucking insane, but I was going
to a beautician every six weeks.
Crazy right, I know I know sofucking insane, but I was going
to a beautician every six weeksto get a relaxer because I
wanted to wear my quote-unquotenatural hair.
(14:12):
I didn't want to wear braids oranything like that, but it's
still.
I mean, it wasn't my naturalhair, it was chemically
straightened and so, because Iwas going every six weeks, my
hair was so, so damaged.
And it got to the point wheremy beautician was like, yeah,
I'm not giving you any morerelaxers, like you're, you're
frying your hair, literallyfrying your hair.
(14:33):
And so she recommended that Ido a big chop and I said
absolutely not.
To the women who are able to dobig chops I commend you.
I never got to that part of mynatural hair journey where I
felt comfortable enough to do abig chop.
Like that is another level ofconfidence.
And I still, every so often,I'm like I wanna shave my head
bald because I feel like that'lljust open another door to
(14:56):
confidence.
Like I'm already very confidentin myself and my confidence now
comes from me, but I just knowthat that is like the next step
in developing my confidence, andso one day I feel like I really
want to do it, but I'm just notthere yet.
I've said most what times likeI'm gonna shave my head, I'm
gonna shave my head.
I've even said this online,like I'm gonna shave my head,
and then I just don't do itbecause I just, I just I'm not
there yet and I, I pray for theday that I am there because I
(15:21):
again, I just know that that isso freeing.
I'm just not there yet.
But for the girls who are there, you are the baddest of the
baddest.
I'm trying to be like you, likeyou know what I mean.
But anyway, she, she recommendsa big chop.
I say no.
So she's like okay, well, let'sjust cut off as much as we can
for right now, and then everysix weeks you'll come back.
I'm not gonna give you any morerelaxers, but we do trims, and
(15:42):
so my hair was growing out as Iwas getting trims, and so at
this point I'm trying to get intouch with my natural hair and
my natural features and beconfident in those things.
But it was still extremely hardfor me, because my hair was the
shortest it had ever been in myentire life, because I fried it
off and I just didn't feelconfident in my natural hair and
so I was wearing like clip insor I would get so wins or
(16:04):
anything just to hide my naturalhair.
Like I was trying to be naturalbecause my beautician told me,
like your hair needs a break,but I didn't want to give it a
full break because I was stillwasn't very confident in my
natural hair.
And so at this point I don'tknow if I said this, I don't
think I did, but at this point Iwas living in Pittsburgh,
Pennsylvania.
I had moved from Meadville,went to college.
In college I was still wearingbraids or so a lot of the time.
(16:27):
And then I moved to Pittsburgh,and in Pittsburgh is where my
natural hair journey started.
For me it was 2019.
So it had started barelybecause I was still not wearing
my natural hair fully, I waswearing the clip-ins or whatever
.
And so after Pittsburgh, I movedto Atlanta and, as some of you
(16:49):
may know, I have a master's insocial work.
I used to work as a therapistand when I moved to Atlanta, my
mental health was struggling.
I was going through a lot ofthings just in my personal life,
like I had left a relationshipand you know, trying to deal
with building up my ownself-confidence and things like
that.
And so I felt like, because ofthe place that I was in mentally
, I could not be there forsomeone else and be their
therapist.
Like I can't pour into your cupif my cup is empty.
(17:09):
You know what I mean.
I was a children's therapist andI've always loved working with
kids, and so I was like I stillwant to work with kids but I
don't really want to be atherapist right now because my
own mental health is struggling.
But I still want to dosomething where I can kind of
incorporate working with mentalhealth and different things like
that, but it's not like thefocus of my work.
And so that's when I got intonannying, because I felt like I
(17:31):
could help kids, you know, withemotional regulation and
different things like that,which is still all the things
that I learned in therapy.
But it wasn't the main focus,like as a nanny I was doing
other things, like taking themto their activities or different
things like that.
And so I started nannying and Istarted working with this
family and that I was nannyingthis little girl named Callie.
She was 19 months old at thetime that I was nannying her and
(17:53):
Callie some of you know alittle bit about because I've
talked about her a little bit onmy page.
As I said, she was 19 monthsold when I started working with
her.
At the time that I startedworking with Callie was around
the time a little bit after Istarted posting on social media,
because social media is alsosomething that I've always
wanted to do, and so I startedposting regularly on social
media and I was just postingvlogs or jumping on trending
(18:15):
sounds of just different thingslike that, and every single
thing that I would post, nomatter what it was, was someone
would be in the comments beingracist towards me, saying
something about my skin, sayingsomething about my nose, about
my natural features, about myhair because I was wearing my
natural hair and I'm not gonnalie when I first started posting
on social media and I would getcomments like that.
(18:37):
They hurt, I'm not gonna liethey.
They affected me at firstbecause it was just like all I'm
doing is posting Like, why, whyare you bothering me?
Like, leave me alone.
I, at this point I wasn't evenposting like my political
content or like my content aboutrace issues or different things
like that.
Like it was literally just likevlogs trending sounds like
basic content and people wouldbe in the comments just being
(18:59):
racist and I'm just like, let melive like it, like just being
racist, and I'm just like let melive like it like god forbid a
bitch have fucking hobbies.
You know what I mean.
But it was when I had very firststarted my content creation
journey and so it did affect mea little bit and it made me feel
upset because, again, I wasstill struggling with my own
self-hate and people were beingracist towards me and so it was
just like amplifying it.
Obviously, now I realize that,like people who leave racist
(19:22):
comments, you're just a fuckingloser and it's like you could
have just kept scrolling.
But you are dealing with yourown personal insecurities and
you're miserable and miseryloves company, and so coming to
that realization of it's justlike your own insecurity.
It's like now I have meanthings to say and it's all your
fault, and so that's when Iwould start clapping back at
people and and reading themdifferent things like that.
(19:44):
But I'm nannying this littlegirl and as a nanny, one of your
biggest priorities is justmaking sure the children are
safe, obviously, like makingsure physically they're not
putting themselves in danger orthere's no danger, or anything
like that.
But for me, I also really wantedher to know that in all of her
natural features she wasbeautiful, with her natural hair
(20:05):
, with her natural features,with everything.
I wanted her to know that shewas beautiful, even at 19 months
old.
I would just tell her like, oh,your hair is so pretty, or, you
know, just make sure she knewthat, all in all of her natural
features, that she was beautiful.
And so I'm, you know, trying topour into her and make sure
that she is confident and sheknows that her natural features
(20:26):
are beautiful and differentthings like that.
And I really can't pinpointwhere exactly or what event
happened that shifted mythinking.
But I just started to think,like, if it's true for her and
if I am doing this for her andbelieving this of her, which I
1000% did, I 1000% believe thatall of her naturalness was
(20:47):
beautiful.
Something clicked in me that ifit was true for her, then it was
also true for me.
And once that clicked in mybrain that, like the statements
that I was saying to her and theaffirmations that I was giving
to her were true for her, thatthey were also true for me.
Like it just clicked, and Iwish that I knew exactly what
was happening or what made itclick, but I don't.
(21:08):
I just think that I was sayingit so much to her and affirming
her so much that it it ended upbeing true for me also, and so,
as she's growing up and you know, I'm continuing to work with
her and pouring into her it mademe, you know, do my own
research and check my owninternalized racism and my own
personal biases that I had formyself, and I think that, mixed
(21:31):
with the racist and hatecomments that I was getting
online of people just talkingabout, like my natural hair or
whatever, it just clicked for methat, like, what you're talking
about is the way that my hairgrows out of my head naturally
and it's like this is how myhair grows out of my head.
Why do you have a problem withthat?
And that's what I would askpeople.
(21:52):
I would simply just say this ismy natural hair.
What's wrong with it?
Why do you have a problem withit?
Like, ho are you cool.
Essentially, just turning it onthem like this is not a me
problem, this is a you problem,because this is my natural hair.
And with any other ethnicity,with any other race, y'all do
not police their hair as much asyou police black women in their
(22:13):
hair.
It's genuinely like no matterwhat a black woman does with her
hair, someone will have aproblem with it.
If she's wearing her naturalhair, it's unruly, it's it's
nappy, it's unprofessional.
If she's wearing a sew-in, oh,you must hate your hair, you
must want to be a white girl,mind you.
Nobody is getting the fuckinglice lace front.
Like the wigs and the sew-insthat we wear are not made from
(22:35):
white hair.
Like be so fucking, so, fuckingfor real.
But it's like we can't doanything with our hair without
somebody having a comment orsomething to say about it.
Like can we fucking live?
You know what I mean.
And so, coming to thisrealization and being able to to
realize that it led me tounpacking, you know, my own
internalized biases and my owninternalized racism, and not
(22:58):
only unpack that that, but alsobe able to call it out in other
people.
And so, where I am today andjust being confident in myself
and my natural features anddifferent things like that truly
started with nannying thislittle girl and being able to
realize that the things that Iwas saying to her, if they're
true for her, they're true forevery other little black girl
and they're true for myself aswell.
(23:19):
And so working with her trulyhelped me heal myself and
understand that you know the theweight that I was carrying and
the internalized racism and theself hate.
It was literally just society'sproblem.
It was not my problem, it wasnot anything that I was doing
that was wrong, because it wasjust naturally me.
Like there's, there can't beanything wrong with my natural
(23:43):
features, like it's my naturalfeatures, like what?
Like this is what I was bornwith.
And it's crazy because peoplewill be like oh my god, there's
so much plastic, there's so muchpeople are altering and these
unrealistic beauty standards.
But then when someone doesn'tfit that beauty standard because
they are themselves naturally,that's still a problem too.
And when I was finally able toconnect all of these dots, it
helped me to realize that noneof it was true and that it was
(24:06):
literally just racism and theEuropean beauty standard that I
was living under.
That's what radicalized me,this, this little 19 month old
girl who I just wanted to makesure she knew that she was
beautiful and in in pouring intoher, it helped pour into me and
I will forever, forever, begrateful to her family and just
(24:26):
giving me the opportunity to towork with her, because at the
time that I started nannying, Idid not have a lot of experience
in the field of nannying like,obviously I had my mental health
background and for things likethat, but I didn't really have
experience in nannying, like Ihad been babysitting.
But babysitting and nannyingare two very, very different
things and so I feel like it wasa chance for them.
(24:46):
But they saw something in methat made them wanna give me
that chance and I will foreverbe grateful because not only was
I able to really pour into her,but it helped me to be able to
pour into myself as well andbuild the confidence that I
needed in myself to share, youknow, my knowledge and call out
racial inequalities andmicroaggressions and all that
because I feel like obviouslythere's some parts of racism
(25:08):
that are very loud and they'revery in your face and everyone
can call it out and be like, yes, that is racism, but there are
also parts of racism that arevery quiet, right, and so being
able to wake those things up aswell and have the confidence to
do that all came from nannyingthis little girl and I will
forever be grateful for her.
And, like she doesn't evenrealize, like the impact that
she made on me and I hope that Imade a fraction of the impact
(25:32):
on her that she has made on me Iam still in communication with
her and her family she's fivenow that she has made on me I am
still in communication with herand her family she's five now
and like that's my little bestie.
I will just forever be gratefulfor her and being able to work
with her and we're locked in forlife.
Like that is, that's my littlebestie and I will always have so
much appreciation and love forher.
And so that's what radicalizedme or really made me, you know,
(25:55):
look deeper and unpack all of myown internalized feelings about
myself.
And yeah, here we are today andand I hope that as I continue
to post and do different thingsonline and for things like that,
like I hope that I can pay itforward and help other people
start to unpack their owninternalized feelings that they
might have about themselves andtheir natural features Like your
(26:16):
natural features are arebeautiful.
You are beautiful just the wayyou are.
There is nothing wrong withyour kinky, coily 4C hair.
There's nothing wrong with yourwide nose.
There's nothing wrong with yourbig lips.
There's nothing wrong with yourbig forehead with anything
there is nothing wrong.
It is literally just peopleforcing their ignorant and
racist stereotypes onto you andin turn you're internalizing
(26:39):
those things.
But you do not have to do that.
You do not have to continue tolive under the shackles of the
european beauty standard andhating yourself because of other
people's perceptions of you andthe second.
You realize that and come toterms with that and just fully
understand that you arebeautiful just the way you are
(27:00):
and you do not have to live byanyone else's standards and that
the most important opinioncomes from yourself and no one
else.
That is the most freeing thingin the world.
That is what jumpstarted myconfidence and my being able to
love who I am as a dark-skinned4c black girl, and calling out
(27:21):
just the the stereotypes and theracism and the microaggressions
and all of it, and bringingmore attention to all of it and
not allowing those things toaffect the way that you move
through life because itgenuinely it does not matter.
None of it matters.
You are who you are and you areperfect and beautiful and
amazing in all of your naturalfeatures and I just hope that
(27:43):
everyone will continue toremember that and learn that and
use that as a way to unpackanything that might be going on
internally within you.
So, yeah, I just I love beingblack and I love everything that
there is about being black,like it's genuinely top tier.
It truly is.
We know it and they know it too, which is why they try to make
us feel so inferior.
(28:03):
But at the end of the day, youcan't Like, literally look at
the fucking material, look atthe material Like you're going
to tell me that this is somesort of inferior thing.
Be so serious.
Be so serious Like, wrap thisshit up.
You know what I mean it's.
It's just call it a j-loconcert ticket bitch.
No one's fucking buying it.
But yeah, that was my, myjourney of unpacking my own
(28:28):
internalized racism andself-hate, and I'm so, so
grateful and will always begrateful for callie and for her
family and for just that,helping me become who I am today
.
So, speaking of wrap this up,that is what helps me and what
radicalized me and honestly I Ilow-key hate calling it
radicalization because it'shonestly the bare minimum.
It's just me being okay withbeing natural and and
(28:52):
understanding that there'snothing wrong with me being in
my natural state, and so to callit radicalization, I think, is
a little it's a bit like it'sjust like a little bit weird.
No, I don't know, it just feelsa little like icky to me to
call it radicalization becauseit's, it truly should be the
bare minimum.
It truly should just be anormal thing to let people be
them natural selves and and nothave microaggressions or racism
(29:16):
or someone in your ear trying totell you that something about
your natural body is wrong.
I think we should wake that uplike it's not really a
radicalization.
It's literally just me beingokay with with me being natural,
but that's a conversation foranother day.
We will get into that.
We'll get into that also.
I hope that this episode washelpful and I hope, as always,
that my content allows someoneto know that they are beautiful
(29:40):
in their blackness andeverything that that means and
everything that thatencapsulates.
You are beautiful and there isnothing wrong with your
naturalness.
Thank you for tuning in.
I hope everyone is having agood day, except for that orange
drink, lady and I will talk toyou in the next episode.
Peace and love.
Talk to you later.
T he Napkin in Between, hostedby Daijné Jones, produced by
(30:00):
Daijné Jones, post-production byDaijné Jones, music by Sam
Champagne and graphics by IsmaVidal.
Don't forget to like andsubscribe.
See you next episode.
Is this thing on?
Hello, hello, uh-oh, anotheryapper with a mic.
Hello everyone, welcome back toThe Napkin In Between Podcast.
I am your host, Daijné Jones.
Let's take a moment of silencebecause black history month is
(00:25):
over.
Okay, now let's get loud,because now it's women's history
month.
Happy women's history month tomy bad bitches and my bad
bitches only jlo.
That does not include you.
I don't know who decided theorder of the months, but whoever
decided to go from blackhistory month straight into
women's history month, give thema raise.
Two of my favorite things in theentire world is being black and
(00:47):
being a woman, and I celebratethose things 365, all year round
.
Right, but the fact that thereis a month dedicated first to
black history and then towomen's history, like, oh, I
just love that so much.
And then, mind you, my roommatetold me that april is black
women's history month.
They said I got the cheese, yougot the jerky, put it all
together and we got cheese jerky.
(01:07):
Say what?
Say what Cheese jerky?
Do you guys remember that thatwas a bop?
I just unlocked a core memory.
I forgot about that until justnow, but that that song's a bop.
But I just love being black, Ilove being a woman and I love
making both of those things myentire personality.
So I love that there are monthsthat celebrate all of those
things.
And then they want to talkabout some.
When is white history month?
When is men's history month?
Nobody cares about that shit.
(01:29):
Please, please, go somewhere,because the fucking world
revolves around straight whitemen.
Like can we get something?
Y'all get literally everything,y'all get privilege, y'all get
opportunities, y'all get theability to do half the work and
get twice as much.
Everything is easier forstraight white men and they're
upset that we get a fuckingmonth.
Like, please, go somewhere,because you're about to piss me
off.
Like y'all created racism, y'allcreated misogyny, y'all created
(01:52):
homophobia, y'all createdtransphobia, y'all created all
the oppression.
And then when we're like youknow what, let's create a little
bit of time to celebrate theseoppressed or marginalized groups
, they're like okay, but whatabout us, bitch?
We wouldn't have to celebratethe marginalized groups or the
minorities if y'all hadn'tcreated the shit.
Like, please, you're about topiss me off.
(02:13):
Like y'all were insecure andjealous of other people and
that's why y'all created thisshit.
You can't convince me that thebeginning of oppression, some of
it, was rooted in jealousy.
Like obviously I understandbigotry and just some people
genuinely do think that they arejust better than other people.
But I'm saying, like, at itscore, the origination of race
(02:33):
and gender and thecategorization and the grouping
of people to say like, oh, thesepeople are superior, these
people are inferior, like someof that had to be projection and
jealousy Because, like, whenyou really think about it, the
group of people straight whitemen who are viewed as superior,
genuinely nothing about them issuperior.
First and foremost, let's takephysical attributes right.
(02:53):
Women literally birth humansout of their vaginas.
Every single person who hasever lived came from a woman's
body.
Women are the crafters of life.
We all know about the birds andthe bees.
It takes nine months to form ababy and then, after the baby is
formed, a woman has to eitherpush it out, get it cut out of
their body like the craziestfucking shit, and women have to
(03:14):
endure that pain.
If I go up to a man and I kickhim in the balls, he is out for
at least five minutes, immobile,bent over, keeling over with
pain because I kicked him in theballs, and you're telling me
that's superior.
Be serious, be fucking serious.
Like it doesn't make sense,like when you genuinely think
about it, also, white being thesuperior race.
(03:37):
If you put a white person outin the sun for too long, they're
turning into a fucking lobster,burned by the fucking sun.
And I'm not saying that itdoesn't happen to black people
too.
Black people can obviously besunburned, but black skin was
created to be in the sun.
And you want to tell me thatthe white race is superior when
mother nature herself looked atthem and said absolutely fucking
, not like, please, be fuckingserious.
(03:59):
And I feel like deep down,whoever started racism, which
we're gonna do a whole episodeabout that, because I did a
little bit of a deep divebecause I was curious.
Arthur de Gobineau, I think, ishow you say his last name.
He's a french man who is likethe first person who wrote about
one group of people beingsuperior to another.
And then he went around Franceand was trying to like, preach
this to the French people and,interestingly enough, it was
(04:21):
poorly received by people inFrance.
But guess the group of peoplewho were like you know what?
Yeah, let's really adopt this.
Americans, white Americans.
It was white Americans.
The answer is white Americans.
But, mind you, Arthur wrote abunch about how Americans
themselves were inferior becauseof race mixing.
They cut that part out of hisbook.
When they translated his bookfrom French to English, they cut
(04:43):
that part out.
They was like, ok, okay, like,hide this part, but the part
where it says white people areare superior, let's keep that
part.
Don't worry, we'll do a deepdive.
I'm gonna do a whole episodeabout the start of racism, but
you can't convince me that thestart of racism there was some
projection and jealousy in there, like they felt inferior and so
they had to convince the entirefucking world that they were in
fact superior to other races orgenders or you know whatever.
(05:06):
But anyway, I don't know why Ijust went on that crazy tangent.
I was just trying to say happywomen's history month, like that
was crazy.
Happy women's history month tomy bad bitches and my bad
bitches only speaking of womenand them just being all around,
perfect and amazing and iconicand the best people you will
ever know.
Tate McRae, who is one of myfavorite artists released a new
album a couple weeks ago, atthis point actually, but the
(05:28):
peak of my week has been beingable to connect with it in a way
that I didn't originally feellike I did.
I've been a fan of Tate McRaesince 2020.
She's been in my top artists onSpotify.
I really resonate with hermusic and I feel like one of the
things I really resonate withwith her is the sad girl bit
personally.
For me, the sad girl bit willnever be boring.
(05:49):
I love sad girl music.
I love music that makes me feelall of my emotions, because I
feel like sometimes I smother myemotions, probably because I
was bullied as a child for beingsensitive don't worry, we'll
get into that topic a little bitlater actually but I just love
music that makes me feel myfeelings because I feel like
sometimes I really struggle withthat, and so the reason for
(06:10):
Tate McRae being one of myfavorite artists is because she
makes sad girl music.
Like some of my favorite songsfrom her, I still say good night
.
Boy x, chaotic, messier, youbroke me first, like I, I love
the sad girl bit.
The sad girl bit will never beboring.
But I felt like with this newalbum, like my girl is in love
and I love that for her.
I love that she is happy and inlove, and I personally was like
(06:34):
where are my sad girl songs?
Like where are my slow songs?
Where are my piano, violin,ballad, simple songs with no
beat?
Like I just wanted some slower,simple, sad songs, and so it
took me a minute.
I had to like let the albummarinate because it's like bop
after bop, like catchy, upbeat,funky pop songs, right, like
it's still a great album, don'tget me wrong.
(06:55):
But I had to listen to thealbum a couple of times and when
I really started to listen tothe words and break down the
lyrics, it's interesting becausethe lyrics are sad on some of
the songs but the beat is catchy.
So I feel like sometimes, atleast for me personally, I'll
feel the beat more than I feelthe lyrics, and I have to really
sit with the lyrics to reallyunderstand the meaning behind
(07:15):
some of the songs.
And so once I was able toreally like understand the
lyrics, I was like okay, likeyeah, these my sad girl is still
in there a little bit, likeshe's.
She's upbeat, but she's stillin there a little bit.
For example, one of my favoritesongs from the album is means I
care, and it's about, you know,feeling yourself, falling in
love and being afraid of thosefeelings.
So before you let yourself gettoo close to the person, you cut
(07:38):
them off, but like, you reallyonly do that when you start to
like, really like the person.
You know what I mean.
And it's like, girl, you forgotto hold my hand before you
called me out, like that is.
So me, there has been a time or20 when I felt like, okay, I
like you a little bit too much,I'm going to cut you off now.
And it's like, sometimes Idon't even want to do that.
I just am like afraid of menbecause they can be a little
(08:02):
manipulative.
And when I say a little, I meana lot.
And there's a line in the songand she says it's not what I
want, it's just all I know.
And I'm just like that's sofucking real because, like,
sometimes I genuinely am likeokay, like let's see where this
goes, you know what I mean.
And then I get to in my head Istart to think too much and I'm
like, yeah, actually I don'twant this, I don't want wanna
(08:24):
talk to you, but like, livinglike that is sometimes kind of
sad, and not even just with likeromantic relationships, but
like friendships as well.
I feel like sometimes it's hardfor me to open up to people,
and so it does get a little bitlonely sometimes and it's like
you know you wanna put yourselfout there, you wanna trust
people, but at the same timeit's like you're afraid to, I
don't know.
This is getting like strangelydeep.
I need to go talk to that lady.
I don't want to like traumadump on the podcast, but I say
(08:47):
all that to say.
Top three songs on the album forme are definitely Signs, Means
I Care and Revolving Door,honorable Mentions to Dear God
and Blood on my Hands,specifically Flo Milli's verse.
I love Flo Milli, I love her somuch.
But that has been the peak ofmy week.
I don't know if I said that atthe beginning.
Anyway, if you have notlistened to the album, you
should give it a listen.
(09:07):
It's called So Close to What byTate McRae and also listen to
some of her old songs.
I feel like, being a fan of herfor so long, she's finally
getting the popularity that Ifeel like she's always deserved.
But definitely becausepersonally I'm still on I used
to think I could fly like.
I love that album.
So definitely check out some ofher other music as well.
(09:28):
So what are you guys talkingabout today?
So there was a trend going onon tiktok recently um, or maybe
it was a couple months ago, Idon't know, I have no perception
of time but basically the trendwas talking about like what
radicalized you and I always getcomments or DMs of people
telling me like I appreciate howpro-black you are like what
brought you to this point of youknow, talking about racial
(09:49):
inequality and social injusticeand hardships and situations
that black people are constantlyput in, and I wanted to do a
story time on what got me here,because up until about four
years ago, I was still dealingwith a lot of internalized
racism and self-hate and thething that was able to really
break me out of that was thislittle girl that I was nannying
(10:11):
named Callie.
So I want to start from thevery beginning.
I was born and raised in a towncalled Meadvielle, Pennsylvania.
It's a small, hick,predominantly white country town
in the middle of bumblefuckPennsylvania, and so, growing up
outside of you know my familyor my church family, the
majority of the people that Iwas surrounded with were white
and as a child I was bullied alittle bit, but I feel like the
(10:34):
majority of the bullying that Ifaced was because I was
sensitive not so much for thecolor of my skin.
There was probably, you know,some colorism mixed in there as
well, but I think that themajority of the bullying was
because people knew that youcould say one little thing to me
and it was gonna make me cryand so I was picked on a lot or
called a crybaby, called toosensitive, different things like
(10:55):
that.
But even though most of mybullying wasn't because of me
being dark skinned, I feel likeI still developed a lot of
self-hate because it wasn't somuch that my natural features
were demeaned, but they werealso never praised Like.
I can't remember a lot of thetime where my natural hair was
celebrated or I even wore mynatural hair period.
(11:19):
Like a lot of the times as achild into my early 20s, I was
wearing braids or um sew-ins,protective styles.
"Protective styles I say inquotes for the audio listeners
we'll get into that in a littlebit but it was just that my
natural features were neverreally praised, like whenever I
had gotten my hair done inbraids or whatever.
It was always oh, you look cute, you like.
(11:40):
You know, um, we like thathairstyle.
You know what I mean like andobviously before I, you know,
internalize my self confidenceand made my self confidence come
from myself.
My self confidence would comefrom other people, and so, when
I'm only ever hearing praisewhen I'm wearing braids or
anything like that, that's whatI valued, and so I would keep my
(12:01):
hair and I say hair for me, mepersonally, because a lot of my
self-hate came from my hair.
I would only ever feelconfident if my hair was either
braided up or straight.
And I don't say this to likesay that I'm upset with the
adults who were around me as Iwas growing up, because I I
don't blame them for that, youknow, it's not their fault, it's
(12:22):
society's fault right, likethey were going off of what they
knew.
And so I I don't want this tocome off as like me blaming or
shaming any of the adultsbecause they never praised my
natural hair, but I'm justtrying to walk through, as I've
unpacked and done a lot of workinternally, like where my
internalized racism andself-hatred came from because,
like I said, no one really wasdemeaning my natural hair, like
(12:45):
every once in a while, if I like, after taking out a protective
style or braids or whatever.
Yeah, my natural hair wascalled like nappy or you know
whatever, which is I don't wantto say whatever like that's not
anything that should beoverlooked, like obviously
there's still negativeconnotations with that kind of
verbiage in terms of describingyour natural hair.
I'm just saying, like Iunderstand that it could have
(13:06):
been worse.
I understand that some peopleare extremely ridiculed and
dragged through the mud simplyfor their natural features.
Like it still is not great, butI still feel grateful that I
didn't have it as bad as I couldhave.
So growing up and into my earlyadulthood, my early 20s, I never
wore my natural hair because Ijust never felt confident enough
(13:29):
in wearing my natural hairbecause, again, keep in mind my
value and who I thought I was asa person came strictly from
outside perspective.
And so when I was only everbeing praised when my hair was
straight, or when my hair wasembraced or when I was wearing a
sew-in or whatever, that's whatI wore, that's the only thing
that I would do, because that'swhere my confidence came from.
And so in my adulthood, when Istarted wearing my "natural hair
(13:52):
, I say in quotes I would onlywear my hair if it was relaxed.
I was getting relaxers at onepoint every six weeks.
Crazy, right, I know I know sofucking insane, but I was going
to a beautician every six weeks.
Crazy right, I know I know sofucking insane, but I was going
to a beautician every six weeksto get a relaxer because I
wanted to wear my quote-unquotenatural hair.
(14:12):
I didn't want to wear braids oranything like that, but it's
still.
I mean, it wasn't my naturalhair, it was chemically
straightened and so, because Iwas going every six weeks, my
hair was so, so damaged.
And it got to the point wheremy beautician was like, yeah,
I'm not giving you any morerelaxers, like you're, you're
frying your hair, literallyfrying your hair.
(14:33):
And so she recommended that Ido a big chop and I said
absolutely not.
To the women who are able to dobig chops I commend you.
I never got to that part of mynatural hair journey where I
felt comfortable enough to do abig chop.
Like that is another level ofconfidence.
And I still, every so often,I'm like I wanna shave my head
bald because I feel like that'lljust open another door to
(14:56):
confidence.
Like I'm already very confidentin myself and my confidence now
comes from me, but I just knowthat that is like the next step
in developing my confidence, andso one day I feel like I really
want to do it, but I'm just notthere yet.
I've said most what times likeI'm gonna shave my head, I'm
gonna shave my head.
I've even said this online,like I'm gonna shave my head,
and then I just don't do itbecause I just, I just I'm not
there yet and I, I pray for theday that I am there because I
(15:21):
again, I just know that that isso freeing.
I'm just not there yet.
But for the girls who are there, you are the baddest of the
baddest.
I'm trying to be like you, likeyou know what I mean.
But anyway, she, she recommendsa big chop.
I say no.
So she's like okay, well, let'sjust cut off as much as we can
for right now, and then everysix weeks you'll come back.
I'm not gonna give you any morerelaxers, but we do trims, and
(15:42):
so my hair was growing out as Iwas getting trims, and so at
this point I'm trying to get intouch with my natural hair and
my natural features and beconfident in those things.
But it was still extremely hardfor me, because my hair was the
shortest it had ever been in myentire life, because I fried it
off and I just didn't feelconfident in my natural hair and
so I was wearing like clip insor I would get so wins or
(16:04):
anything just to hide my naturalhair.
Like I was trying to be naturalbecause my beautician told me,
like your hair needs a break,but I didn't want to give it a
full break because I was stillwasn't very confident in my
natural hair.
And so at this point I don'tknow if I said this, I don't
think I did, but at this point Iwas living in Pittsburgh,
Pennsylvania.
I had moved from Meadville,went to college.
In college I was still wearingbraids or so a lot of the time.
(16:27):
And then I moved to Pittsburgh,and in Pittsburgh is where my
natural hair journey started.
For me it was 2019.
So it had started barelybecause I was still not wearing
my natural hair fully, I waswearing the clip-ins or whatever
.
And so after Pittsburgh, I movedto Atlanta and, as some of you
(16:49):
may know, I have a master's insocial work.
I used to work as a therapistand when I moved to Atlanta, my
mental health was struggling.
I was going through a lot ofthings just in my personal life,
like I had left a relationshipand you know, trying to deal
with building up my ownself-confidence and things like
that.
And so I felt like, because ofthe place that I was in mentally
, I could not be there forsomeone else and be their
therapist.
Like I can't pour into your cupif my cup is empty.
(17:09):
You know what I mean.
I was a children's therapist andI've always loved working with
kids, and so I was like I stillwant to work with kids but I
don't really want to be atherapist right now because my
own mental health is struggling.
But I still want to dosomething where I can kind of
incorporate working with mentalhealth and different things like
that, but it's not like thefocus of my work.
And so that's when I got intonannying, because I felt like I
(17:31):
could help kids, you know, withemotional regulation and
different things like that,which is still all the things
that I learned in therapy.
But it wasn't the main focus,like as a nanny I was doing
other things, like taking themto their activities or different
things like that.
And so I started nannying and Istarted working with this
family and that I was nannyingthis little girl named Callie.
She was 19 months old at thetime that I was nannying her and
(17:53):
Callie some of you know alittle bit about because I've
talked about her a little bit onmy page.
As I said, she was 19 monthsold when I started working with
her.
At the time that I startedworking with Callie was around
the time a little bit after Istarted posting on social media,
because social media is alsosomething that I've always
wanted to do, and so I startedposting regularly on social
media and I was just postingvlogs or jumping on trending
(18:15):
sounds of just different thingslike that, and every single
thing that I would post, nomatter what it was, was someone
would be in the comments beingracist towards me, saying
something about my skin, sayingsomething about my nose, about
my natural features, about myhair because I was wearing my
natural hair and I'm not gonnalie when I first started posting
on social media and I would getcomments like that.
(18:37):
They hurt, I'm not gonna liethey.
They affected me at firstbecause it was just like all I'm
doing is posting Like, why, whyare you bothering me?
Like, leave me alone.
I, at this point I wasn't evenposting like my political
content or like my content aboutrace issues or different things
like that.
Like it was literally just likevlogs trending sounds like
basic content and people wouldbe in the comments just being
(18:59):
racist and I'm just like, let melive like it, like just being
racist, and I'm just like let melive like it like god forbid a
bitch have fucking hobbies.
You know what I mean.
But it was when I had very firststarted my content creation
journey and so it did affect mea little bit and it made me feel
upset because, again, I wasstill struggling with my own
self-hate and people were beingracist towards me and so it was
just like amplifying it.
Obviously, now I realize that,like people who leave racist
(19:22):
comments, you're just a fuckingloser and it's like you could
have just kept scrolling.
But you are dealing with yourown personal insecurities and
you're miserable and miseryloves company, and so coming to
that realization of it's justlike your own insecurity.
It's like now I have meanthings to say and it's all your
fault, and so that's when Iwould start clapping back at
people and and reading themdifferent things like that.
(19:44):
But I'm nannying this littlegirl and as a nanny, one of your
biggest priorities is justmaking sure the children are
safe, obviously, like makingsure physically they're not
putting themselves in danger orthere's no danger, or anything
like that.
But for me, I also really wantedher to know that in all of her
natural features she wasbeautiful, with her natural hair
(20:05):
, with her natural features,with everything.
I wanted her to know that shewas beautiful, even at 19 months
old.
I would just tell her like, oh,your hair is so pretty, or, you
know, just make sure she knewthat, all in all of her natural
features, that she was beautiful.
And so I'm, you know, trying topour into her and make sure
that she is confident and sheknows that her natural features
(20:26):
are beautiful and differentthings like that.
And I really can't pinpointwhere exactly or what event
happened that shifted mythinking.
But I just started to think,like, if it's true for her and
if I am doing this for her andbelieving this of her, which I
1000% did, I 1000% believe thatall of her naturalness was
(20:47):
beautiful.
Something clicked in me that ifit was true for her, then it was
also true for me.
And once that clicked in mybrain that, like the statements
that I was saying to her and theaffirmations that I was giving
to her were true for her, thatthey were also true for me.
Like it just clicked, and Iwish that I knew exactly what
was happening or what made itclick, but I don't.
(21:08):
I just think that I was sayingit so much to her and affirming
her so much that it it ended upbeing true for me also, and so,
as she's growing up and you know, I'm continuing to work with
her and pouring into her it mademe, you know, do my own
research and check my owninternalized racism and my own
personal biases that I had formyself, and I think that, mixed
(21:31):
with the racist and hatecomments that I was getting
online of people just talkingabout, like my natural hair or
whatever, it just clicked for methat, like, what you're talking
about is the way that my hairgrows out of my head naturally
and it's like this is how myhair grows out of my head.
Why do you have a problem withthat?
And that's what I would askpeople.
(21:52):
I would simply just say this ismy natural hair.
What's wrong with it?
Why do you have a problem withit?
Like, ho are you cool.
Essentially, just turning it onthem like this is not a me
problem, this is a you problem,because this is my natural hair.
And with any other ethnicity,with any other race, y'all do
not police their hair as much asyou police black women in their
(22:13):
hair.
It's genuinely like no matterwhat a black woman does with her
hair, someone will have aproblem with it.
If she's wearing her naturalhair, it's unruly, it's it's
nappy, it's unprofessional.
If she's wearing a sew-in, oh,you must hate your hair, you
must want to be a white girl,mind you.
Nobody is getting the fuckinglice lace front.
Like the wigs and the sew-insthat we wear are not made from
(22:35):
white hair.
Like be so fucking, so, fuckingfor real.
But it's like we can't doanything with our hair without
somebody having a comment orsomething to say about it.
Like can we fucking live?
You know what I mean.
And so, coming to thisrealization and being able to to
realize that it led me tounpacking, you know, my own
internalized biases and my owninternalized racism, and not
(22:58):
only unpack that that, but alsobe able to call it out in other
people.
And so, where I am today andjust being confident in myself
and my natural features anddifferent things like that truly
started with nannying thislittle girl and being able to
realize that the things that Iwas saying to her, if they're
true for her, they're true forevery other little black girl
and they're true for myself aswell.
(23:19):
And so working with her trulyhelped me heal myself and
understand that you know the theweight that I was carrying and
the internalized racism and theself hate.
It was literally just society'sproblem.
It was not my problem, it wasnot anything that I was doing
that was wrong, because it wasjust naturally me.
Like there's, there can't beanything wrong with my natural
(23:43):
features, like it's my naturalfeatures, like what?
Like this is what I was bornwith.
And it's crazy because peoplewill be like oh my god, there's
so much plastic, there's so muchpeople are altering and these
unrealistic beauty standards.
But then when someone doesn'tfit that beauty standard because
they are themselves naturally,that's still a problem too.
And when I was finally able toconnect all of these dots, it
helped me to realize that noneof it was true and that it was
(24:06):
literally just racism and theEuropean beauty standard that I
was living under.
That's what radicalized me,this, this little 19 month old
girl who I just wanted to makesure she knew that she was
beautiful and in in pouring intoher, it helped pour into me and
I will forever, forever, begrateful to her family and just
(24:26):
giving me the opportunity to towork with her, because at the
time that I started nannying, Idid not have a lot of experience
in the field of nannying like,obviously I had my mental health
background and for things likethat, but I didn't really have
experience in nannying, like Ihad been babysitting.
But babysitting and nannyingare two very, very different
things and so I feel like it wasa chance for them.
(24:46):
But they saw something in methat made them wanna give me
that chance and I will foreverbe grateful because not only was
I able to really pour into her,but it helped me to be able to
pour into myself as well andbuild the confidence that I
needed in myself to share, youknow, my knowledge and call out
racial inequalities andmicroaggressions and all that
because I feel like obviouslythere's some parts of racism
(25:08):
that are very loud and they'revery in your face and everyone
can call it out and be like, yes, that is racism, but there are
also parts of racism that arevery quiet, right, and so being
able to wake those things up aswell and have the confidence to
do that all came from nannyingthis little girl and I will
forever be grateful for her.
And, like she doesn't evenrealize, like the impact that
she made on me and I hope that Imade a fraction of the impact
(25:32):
on her that she has made on me Iam still in communication with
her and her family she's fivenow that she has made on me I am
still in communication with herand her family she's five now
and like that's my little bestie.
I will just forever be gratefulfor her and being able to work
with her and we're locked in forlife.
Like that is, that's my littlebestie and I will always have so
much appreciation and love forher.
And so that's what radicalizedme or really made me, you know,
(25:55):
look deeper and unpack all of myown internalized feelings about
myself.
And yeah, here we are today andand I hope that as I continue
to post and do different thingsonline and for things like that,
like I hope that I can pay itforward and help other people
start to unpack their owninternalized feelings that they
might have about themselves andtheir natural features Like your
(26:16):
natural features are arebeautiful.
You are beautiful just the wayyou are.
There is nothing wrong withyour kinky, coily 4C hair.
There's nothing wrong with yourwide nose.
There's nothing wrong with yourbig lips.
There's nothing wrong with yourbig forehead with anything
there is nothing wrong.
It is literally just peopleforcing their ignorant and
racist stereotypes onto you andin turn you're internalizing
(26:39):
those things.
But you do not have to do that.
You do not have to continue tolive under the shackles of the
european beauty standard andhating yourself because of other
people's perceptions of you andthe second.
You realize that and come toterms with that and just fully
understand that you arebeautiful just the way you are
(27:00):
and you do not have to live byanyone else's standards and that
the most important opinioncomes from yourself and no one
else.
That is the most freeing thingin the world.
That is what jumpstarted myconfidence and my being able to
love who I am as a dark-skinned4c black girl, and calling out
(27:21):
just the the stereotypes and theracism and the microaggressions
and all of it, and bringingmore attention to all of it and
not allowing those things toaffect the way that you move
through life because itgenuinely it does not matter.
None of it matters.
You are who you are and you areperfect and beautiful and
amazing in all of your naturalfeatures and I just hope that
(27:43):
everyone will continue toremember that and learn that and
use that as a way to unpackanything that might be going on
internally within you.
So, yeah, I just I love beingblack and I love everything that
there is about being black,like it's genuinely top tier.
It truly is.
We know it and they know it too, which is why they try to make
us feel so inferior.
(28:03):
But at the end of the day, youcan't Like, literally look at
the fucking material, look atthe material Like you're going
to tell me that this is somesort of inferior thing.
Be so serious.
Be so serious Like, wrap thisshit up.
You know what I mean it's.
It's just call it a j-loconcert ticket bitch.
No one's fucking buying it.
But yeah, that was my, myjourney of unpacking my own
(28:28):
internalized racism andself-hate, and I'm so, so
grateful and will always begrateful for callie and for her
family and for just that,helping me become who I am today
.
So, speaking of wrap this up,that is what helps me and what
radicalized me and honestly I Ilow-key hate calling it
radicalization because it'shonestly the bare minimum.
It's just me being okay withbeing natural and and
(28:52):
understanding that there'snothing wrong with me being in
my natural state, and so to callit radicalization, I think, is
a little it's a bit like it'sjust like a little bit weird.
No, I don't know, it just feelsa little like icky to me to
call it radicalization becauseit's, it truly should be the
bare minimum.
It truly should just be anormal thing to let people be
them natural selves and and nothave microaggressions or racism
(29:16):
or someone in your ear trying totell you that something about
your natural body is wrong.
I think we should wake that uplike it's not really a
radicalization.
It's literally just me beingokay with with me being natural,
but that's a conversation foranother day.
We will get into that.
We'll get into that also.
I hope that this episode washelpful and I hope, as always,
that my content allows someoneto know that they are beautiful
(29:40):
in their blackness andeverything that that means and
everything that thatencapsulates.
You are beautiful and there isnothing wrong with your
naturalness.
Thank you for tuning in.
I hope everyone is having agood day, except for that orange
drink, lady and I will talk toyou in the next episode.
Peace and love.
Talk to you later.
T he Napkin in Between, hostedby Daijné Jones, produced by
(30:00):
Daijné Jones, post-production byDaijné Jones, music by Sam
Champagne and graphics by IsmaVidal.
Don't forget to like andsubscribe.
See you next episode.
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