The Narcissism Decoder

This week on The Narcissism Decoder, we’re revisiting our most popular episode - which is on covert narcissism. Originally recorded during the podcast’s early days, the sound quality reflects our humble beginnings but remains clear and full of valuable insights. Whether you’re a new listener or returning for a fresh perspective, this episode offers a rich exploration of covert narcissism, with practical examples and guidance for na...

In this episode, we delve into the complexities of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), exploring its emotional impact, characteristics, and the critical differences between BPD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). We discuss the role of self-image, emotional reactivity, and mentalization in individuals with BPD, emphasizing the importance of understanding these dynamics for effective treatment. The conversation also high...

 In this episode, we delve into the complexities of narcissistic relationships, examining the emotional dynamics that often unfold. We focus on the concept of omnipotent incorporation, where narcissists attempt to control or merge with their partners, denying them individuality. Through personal anecdotes and clinical examples, we illustrate the emotional impact of being in a relationship with a narcissist. Finally, we offer insigh...

In this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, we delve into the complexities of pathological narcissism, focusing on the grandiose self-structure and its origins. We explore how caregivers’ excessive praise and validation shape this self-concept, leading to a fragile identity that oscillates between superiority and feelings of inadequacy. Through clinical examples, we illustrate the limitations of consistent emotional support and the ...

In this episode, we examine the complexities of pathological narcissism, focusing on how the grandiose self-structure ("big ego") shapes relationships and hinders authentic connection. Using the case of a man named Barry, we explore how grandiosity serves as a defense against low self-esteem and painful emotions, leading to the creation of a false self. We discuss how understanding these dynamics is crucial for fostering ...

In this episode, we continue our discussion on "narcissistic psychic retreats," focusing on how individuals with narcissistic tendencies often escape into a fantasy world where their needs are instantly met. We explore how feelings of anger and judgment can cover up deeper vulnerabilities and experiences of loss. By examining a real-life example, we illustrate how these emotional defenses operate and their impact on relat...

In this episode, we dive into the concept of the “depressive position” and its relationship to development. We talk about the challenge of accepting the independence and separateness of others, and the struggle to let go of the need to control them. We explore how the depressive position involves facing the tough realities of loss, separation, and limitations — and why this process is crucial for our emotional growth. We also intro...

In this second part of our live recording with Bre Wolta, a Certified Relationship Clarity Coach, we dive deep into the complexities of trauma bonding and the emotional fog that often clouds toxic relationships. Together, we explore practical techniques for healing and breaking free from these cycles – which we can also call the THE FANTASY TRAP. Bre shares the importance of gathering data about your current reality and the role of...

In this episode, I present Part 2 of a live interview with Lisa Taylor-Austin, where we discuss the complexities of narcissism and its treatment. Lisa and I delve into the psychological approaches for addressing Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), agreeing that while building safety and trust is an important and necessary step, it is not enough on its own. I review additional therapeutic techniques that I have found helpful in...

In this episode, I present Part 2 of a live interview with Lisa Taylor-Austin, where we discuss the intricacies of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Lisa and I continue our discussion on psychological mechanisms like projection, introjection, and splitting, which shape the disorder and impact relationships. I emphasize the need to understand the internal dynamics of NPD, particularly how narcissistic individuals project thei...

In this episode, we explore the connection between shame and narcissism.  We look at how shame is a powerful and often misunderstood emotion that is central to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Shame can drive individuals with NPD to either retreat into themselves or lash out to protect their fragile self-esteem. I discuss how shame impacts behavior and how it can be linked to early childhood experiences. We also explore how...

In this episode, we explore the complex emotion of shame and its deep connection to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). We'll uncover how shame influences behavior, leading individuals to either retreat into isolation or lash out to protect their fragile self-esteem. Through relatable examples, we delve into the origins of shame in early childhood and its lasting impact on adult relationships. You'll learn to recogni...

In this episode of the Narcissism Decoder, we explore the complex reasons why some individuals struggle to accept positive experiences, such as love, comfort, and success. We delve into the psychological concept of splitting, where early life experiences, like critical caregiving, can lead to an internalized negative self-view. Through a case study, we discuss how this self-criticism manifests and why it becomes difficult for some ...

In this episode we are joined by a listener of the podcast who raised very important questions about episode 14  “Why do I think and act in such extremes.” Celeste and I discuss the concept of splitting, which is thinking in extremes. We explore a case study of a patient who struggles with over-confidence and insecurities, depending on his different environments. He feels disconnected and lacks a sense of belonging. This split worl...

In this episode we are joined by a long-time listener of the podcast who has insightful questions about narcissism.  This interview effectively illustrates the complexity of narcissism, the challenges of parenting, the importance of self-awareness and how Jim is inadvertently reenacting a part of his childhood relationship with his father.  Jim's interest in learning and improving his relationship with his daughter is palpable...

In this episode, we continue our exploration of covert narcissism by delving into practical tools and techniques for managing relationships with individuals who exhibit these traits. Building on the foundations laid in episode 37, we discuss the limitations of common recommendations. Emphasis is placed on the importance of understanding the origins of covert narcissistic traits and the need for emotion reunion and validation.  Thro...

In this episode, Dr. Anthony Mazzella explores how to relate to someone with covert narcissistic traits. He cautions against common tools and techniques that are often ineffective, such as establishing boundaries and keeping conversations brief. Dr. Mazzella explains that these approaches limit meaningful communication and erode trust and intimacy. He highlights the importance of understanding the defining characteristics of covert...

In this episode, you will hear the final piece of the live interview I had with Tami from the Ageless 50+ community. In this part of the interview, the focus is on dealing with trauma bonded relationships. Trauma bonds are explained as intense emotional connections that often form in abusive relationships, making it difficult for individuals to leave despite the harm they endure. An example is given of a woman who couldn't emo...

In this episode, you will again hear a live interview I had with Tami from Ageless 50+. In this part of the interview, the focus is on dealing with individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits, particularly when they have low self-esteem. Also, through a spontaneous role play, I try to demonstrate how to talk to an angry dysregulated person in your life. The main points include the importance of helping such individuals become aware...