The Narcissism Decoder

In part two of the conversation, Shannon and I continue exploring the complexities of managing relationships with adult children who exhibit narcissistic tendencies. Shannon emphasizes the importance of first fostering a healthy relationship with oneself as a foundation for setting effective boundaries. We discuss the importance of self-regulation and understanding one's own emotional state before addressing conflicts. The con...

In this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, I’m joined by therapist, author and coach Shannon. Together we explore the complexities of relationships between parents and their adult children, particularly focusing on narcissistic traits and toxic dynamics. We discuss how enabling behaviors and lack of boundaries contribute to dysfunctional interactions, and emphasize the importance of both parties taking responsibility for their own ...

In this episode, we delve deeper into narcissism and explore the intricate dynamics of vulnerable and grandiose self-states, focusing on Step 2: Containment and Relating. Central to this discussion is the concept of "reenactment," which highlights the importance of clarifying a person’s experience as it unfolds “in the moment.” This step emphasizes staying present with self and other representations, particularly when nav...

In this episode, we delve into the complexities of vulnerable narcissism, exploring its characteristics, emotional needs, and the importance of empathy and containment in fostering healthier relationships. Emphasis is on the concept of containment as a crucial strategy for emotional regulation and support. The discussion highlights practical approaches to understanding and managing the emotional demands of individuals exhibiting vu...

In this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, Lisa Taylor-Austin and I explore the complexities of vulnerable narcissism, with a focus on therapeutic approaches and practical ways to relate to a vulnerable narcissist in your life. We delve into the importance of containment, discussing two key aspects essential for fostering emotional safety and understanding. Our conversation highlights strategies for engaging with vulnerable narciss...

In this episode, we explore the theme of helplessness in relationships, particularly focusing on how vulnerable narcissism and emotional dependency manifest in interpersonal dynamics. We look closely at the roots of these behaviors in childhood experiences, the impact of communication styles, and the emotional burden placed on both the helpless individual and their helpers. The conversation emphasizes the importance of awareness in...

In this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, I’m joined once again by therapist and author Kristal DeSantis, who returns to share another vital strategy for staying safe in relationships with narcissistic partners. This time, we focus on the importance of self-regulation and how it serves as a cornerstone for maintaining healthy relationships.

We explore the differences between healthy and unhealthy conflict, emphasizing the value of ...

As the holiday season approaches, I want to thank you for your ongoing support and share my gratitude for your time and engagement each week. The holidays can be a mix of joy and challenges, especially when complex family dynamics arise, so please know you’re not alone—I’m here if you need support. Looking ahead to 2025, I’m excited to bring more expert guests to the podcast to offer fresh perspectives on narcissism and relationshi...

In this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, I’m joined by therapist and author Crystal DeSantis. Together we explore the complexities of navigating relationships with narcissistic partners. Crystal talks about the importance of self-awareness in understanding relationship dynamics and creating safety as a foundation for healthy connections. We also dive into why many individuals seek emotional connection but struggle to achieve it, ...

In this episode,  we delve into the complexities of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and its similarities with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). The conversation explores the emotional struggles faced by individuals with BPD, particularly their fear of abandonment and the impact on their communication styles. We contrast the literal mode of communication often seen in BPD with the representational mode that fosters deep...

In this episode, we explore the complex relationship between parental alienation and narcissism, focusing on how one parent may manipulate a child to reject the other, creating loyalty conflicts and psychological manipulation. We discuss how these dynamics can foster codependency between the child and the alienating parent, who may project unresolved anger and create a polarized view of the other parent. The episode also delves int...

This week on The Narcissism Decoder, we’re revisiting our most popular episode - which is on covert narcissism. Originally recorded during the podcast’s early days, the sound quality reflects our humble beginnings but remains clear and full of valuable insights. Whether you’re a new listener or returning for a fresh perspective, this episode offers a rich exploration of covert narcissism, with practical examples and guidance for na...

In this episode, we delve into the complexities of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), exploring its emotional impact, characteristics, and the critical differences between BPD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). We discuss the role of self-image, emotional reactivity, and mentalization in individuals with BPD, emphasizing the importance of understanding these dynamics for effective treatment. The conversation also high...

 In this episode, we delve into the complexities of narcissistic relationships, examining the emotional dynamics that often unfold. We focus on the concept of omnipotent incorporation, where narcissists attempt to control or merge with their partners, denying them individuality. Through personal anecdotes and clinical examples, we illustrate the emotional impact of being in a relationship with a narcissist. Finally, we offer insigh...

In this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, we delve into the complexities of pathological narcissism, focusing on the grandiose self-structure and its origins. We explore how caregivers’ excessive praise and validation shape this self-concept, leading to a fragile identity that oscillates between superiority and feelings of inadequacy. Through clinical examples, we illustrate the limitations of consistent emotional support and the ...

In this episode, we examine the complexities of pathological narcissism, focusing on how the grandiose self-structure ("big ego") shapes relationships and hinders authentic connection. Using the case of a man named Barry, we explore how grandiosity serves as a defense against low self-esteem and painful emotions, leading to the creation of a false self. We discuss how understanding these dynamics is crucial for fostering ...

In this episode, we continue our discussion on "narcissistic psychic retreats," focusing on how individuals with narcissistic tendencies often escape into a fantasy world where their needs are instantly met. We explore how feelings of anger and judgment can cover up deeper vulnerabilities and experiences of loss. By examining a real-life example, we illustrate how these emotional defenses operate and their impact on relat...

In this episode, we dive into the concept of the “depressive position” and its relationship to development. We talk about the challenge of accepting the independence and separateness of others, and the struggle to let go of the need to control them. We explore how the depressive position involves facing the tough realities of loss, separation, and limitations — and why this process is crucial for our emotional growth. We also intro...

In this second part of our live recording with Bre Wolta, a Certified Relationship Clarity Coach, we dive deep into the complexities of trauma bonding and the emotional fog that often clouds toxic relationships. Together, we explore practical techniques for healing and breaking free from these cycles – which we can also call the THE FANTASY TRAP. Bre shares the importance of gathering data about your current reality and the role of...