March 3, 2025 • 49 mins
Welcome Natties to episode 76 “Spanking Brad Pitt” with our guest Jaclyn! Join us as we discuss Uncle Kyle never double texting, dating, how you’d want your Final Destination, Brad Pitts backside and so much more! Remember to please like, comment and subscribe! Are you a part of THE Natty Nation? What are you waiting for?
#comedy #podcast #funny
Socials
Jaclyn: @jaclynsworld
Uncle Kyle/Pod: @thenaturalspod
Sweet Derek: @sweetderekproductions
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Behold the titty cup!
(00:01):
There's no man in this world that doesn't enjoy titties
do you?
I don't mind I love ass too even dude ass.
Wait what? Dude ass!
I'm not like enjoying looking at dude ass.
But I'm saying like I've definitely seen Brad Pitt's ass in a movie.
And I'm like, I'm fine with that great ass, Brad.
If he was in front of me, I'd give it a little smack.
(00:21):
I get on.
Brad, you're looking good.
Bet you he still looks good.
Shit.
(00:53):
What's that one?
You had a bug.
It it sinks the audio in the video.
Producer tricks for me when I edit.
Makes my life and job easier.
It helps him when he puts it all together.
How cute. Correct.
I have forgotten to do that several times.
So he has. I try to be more prudent.
(01:14):
It's a tough adventure when you have to figure out how to match it up.
Oh, no.
It's like, oh, got to find a moment or an intro or something and just.
Oh, no. It's not fun.
Guide us, we dare.
OK.
Welcome back to another episode of the natural spot.
As always, I'm Uncle Kyle.
(01:36):
Looking just strapping in the team colors on the other end of the couch.
Sweet Derek, the producer.
What up, daddy? Let's go.
And today, a new friend joining us.
Welcome to the show, Jacqueline.
Hi, everyone.
Really quick, right at the top people.
OK, for those of you that have been watching, I found her.
It has come back.
I found her glorious cup.
(01:58):
The glorious cup has come back.
We thought it was lost.
I thought somebody shattered this thing and then just put it in the trash
and it was gone forever. And we said it in episode, dude.
I think we told people that it happened and we were like RIP Titi Cup, you know,
in memorial, sad, passing away.
And it would take it.
We thought it was broken, unfortunately, thrown away.
(02:20):
Not that someone would take it.
But I don't know. It's a glorious mug.
So I would have someone would want to take it.
You know, where did that come from?
I bought this off the Internet.
But there was this there was this chick that I didn't just hold on.
There's a backstory.
Yeah, I wasn't directly searching coffee mug with tits on it.
Great. They're good ones.
(02:42):
Yeah, we were in Joshua Tree, California,
and this gal had a booth and she had these and I didn't buy one.
And then I had buyers remorse. I had to stop.
Yeah, it's a real thing.
The real artist, she was there.
She's like, yeah, these are.
But what's more important is what is what is in the cup.
So there are names of celebrities and characters in here.
(03:04):
And you're going to you're going to have to be the one to remember this today.
Yeah. Historically, we've forgotten this.
We said we were going to start doing this regularly again.
And this is the second time since we've come back that we're doing it.
Oh, it was hilarious.
And for a while, I'm going to give you a little backstory.
Kyle did think it would be funny and entertaining if we talked about a bit,
(03:26):
said we were going to do it regularly and then just stop doing the bit.
Be like, wait, what the fuck happened with this?
This is for the fans. Right.
OK, so anyways, into into what I actually wanted to talk about. OK.
So have you you strike me as somebody who's ghosted people?
For sure. Is that true?
(03:47):
For sure. Let's let's get into that.
OK. Why?
Is it always for the same reason?
Why are we ghosting people?
How are we ghosting people?
Um, I don't even really.
Have I don't let let things go past a certain point, so
it'll usually just be like a talking stage and then I'm over it.
(04:11):
So I just don't respond or I'll be like, hey,
if they say hi, they always say hi, though. Sure.
So not even a first date then ghosting. No.
She said they always say hi. Yeah, they do.
I'm just being transparent.
Damn. That's OK. That's I get it.
That's some good insight right there. That is.
(04:34):
It gets monotonous. Sure. Yeah.
So I have I have not had luck in love in like the last year.
OK, I've gotten set up a couple of times.
What do you mean? Which is fine.
Just like people saying, hey, you want to go with my friend?
I know your pictures.
Think she'd do. Yeah, sure. OK.
We had like we had like a blank. Yeah, exactly.
(04:56):
We had a bongo party and he was just crushing it and just making this girl laugh.
He was a friend of the sisters and he just crushed it.
That was also a great one.
And but also we Jackie was being a real bitch and like Jackie,
you're not a good friend.
And you made it.
You tried to make it seem like you were helping me.
You were not. So if you're watching this.
I think she tried to do I think she did that on purpose.
(05:18):
Oh, but so.
We ended up setting up a date.
We went out and she had told me that she was a terrible texture,
which is fine. We're adults.
We don't need to be on the phone with one other.
I'll be. What are you doing right now?
OK, I like that.
I don't mind it, but like at a certain point
(05:41):
we got shit to do. He's different from me.
I like doing that, but I feel like it has led to my downfall sometimes to.
Everything in moderation. Correct.
For her. She was a really slow responder, though,
which I don't care. I'm like, whatever.
Is she busy? She is.
She also does hair.
OK, then I I understand her.
(06:02):
But she so fast forward.
We go on the date. It's fun.
There's clearly some things that she doesn't really care for about me,
which is fine. That's the point of going on a first date is to figure this shit out.
But I told her I don't double text.
If you don't reply to something
then it's on you to restart the conversation.
(06:24):
OK, so wait, wait a second. So you're petty.
I'm not petty.
I'm just saying if you want to talk,
if you want to talk, then you have to respond after the first time.
You'll talk. What if I want to wait?
And like, see if you double text to see if you care enough.
And you're just going to be waiting.
(06:45):
That's not ghosting.
This is not ghosting.
That's single.
Figure that out.
That's why I always see I do one.
I'll do one text back.
Now, if you don't answer the text back, then I'm like, that's our you know.
OK, it's over.
Like if you're not responding to my second one.
Yeah. You know, it's me saying, hey, I really want to talk to you.
(07:06):
I care about you.
But if you don't respond after that one, then I'm like,
oh, she doesn't have interest to talk to me.
That's correct. OK.
And sometimes you got to be a real one.
High five. What's up?
Sometimes you got to be a real one.
Stick to your word.
And if you say I don't double text, I will not be double texting.
(07:27):
OK, but I feel like if you really like a girl, you're going to double text her.
See, I agree with that part, but I like what Kyle said.
So do I. I see both sides.
Yeah. You care about me.
I don't want to chase you around all the time.
We were older guys.
But there's going to be that one time where you're like, damn, I really like her.
I'm going to double text.
(07:47):
And then you're not going to tell anybody because of this conversation to the grave.
No, no, no, no, no. He's taking me to the grave.
I'll have you know, I am extremely open and honest,
and I will admit when I'm wrong. OK.
Derek loves finding moments where I fucking contradict myself
so that I get to try to explain my way out of it.
(08:09):
But I don't do that shit. OK.
You just did.
And I did.
And the last text that I sent her honestly was kind of funny. OK.
Because when we were on the date, this was before Christmas.
When we were on the date, she was like,
my dad will probably tell me to invite you over for Christmas.
So the last text was, let me know when dad wants me to come over.
(08:32):
Ha ha. And she did not reply.
And I do not double text.
Not really. I'm fine.
You're fine. She's pissed.
She's pissed.
What if she really wanted to go?
He just he's just like, no, that's her ego.
Well, when I'm at that point, she was like, no, I'm not saying anything.
(08:55):
But she did.
Did you know?
Oh, let's let her in the.
OK. And she likes you.
Oh, what happened?
I don't know.
He said the date went really, really good.
No, he was here when she sent me this text.
That's why this is so funny.
Let's see. So.
(09:18):
Friday, December, the 20th was I said,
just let me know what time your dad wants me over for Christmas.
And then I got.
And then I got.
So fast because it's right at the bottom of the text.
You at the time.
The conversation didn't go on for very long.
So we can track this.
It's 747.
Oh, OK.
(09:40):
It was 944 and.
And we're type shit right now.
Yeah. So I love on order.
Yeah, it's great. Oh, yeah.
These are their stories.
But then.
But don't copyright us.
We're fucking that. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. You bitches.
But anyways, on Sunday,
(10:02):
which was February the second, so that's like a good month and a half.
Yeah, I get a paragraph from her and fuck it.
I'm going to read it. OK.
OK, let's do it.
She said, hi, this is very, very, very long overdue.
And I sincerely apologize for ghosting you.
So I got a respect off the top.
She's not even trying to call it anything else.
(10:24):
She's just what it is. OK.
Every time I went to text you back, I got overwhelmed by any number of things
and just chose to be a coward.
That part made me fucking laugh out loud.
So I was like, wow, a coward.
I respect that, too, because.
Wow. OK. You were a coward.
(10:45):
But why?
Single no text back. It resolves to this.
There's only a select group of people who know who this is.
So this is fine. OK.
All right. So we're not done yet. OK. Yeah.
How are you feeling about this so far?
Is this something you would ever do?
I was blown away by this.
You're not doing that.
(11:06):
I'm no.
Why and why would I do that?
It doesn't get that far for me.
Maybe you really like the guy.
Maybe you should have texted him back and make him double.
But did you think about that?
I have trust issues.
Welcome to my fucking dojo of mind games.
I mean, I don't really play mind games and is what it is.
(11:29):
I basically I was like, if I want to text you because I like you
and I enjoy talking to you, like, let's just talk.
Yeah. I'm not going to be like, you have to respond.
No, I'll hit you with something other funny and blah, blah, blah.
And we can reignite the conversation and it makes it more interesting and intriguing.
Right. But yeah, no, if I'm not feeling it.
Mm hmm. I call it ghosting.
I just call it.
(11:50):
I'm bored. Yeah, it's a regular thing.
Like I said, I don't take that shit personally.
The girl before her that essentially ghosted me. Yeah.
This is once again, just fucking weird.
I can't like I don't know why these things happen to me.
OK, so we had gone on a few dates and things were going well.
(12:11):
We kind of like made out a little bit.
So it's like, OK.
Oh, yes. Great start. Yeah.
You're like, yeah, you're in at that point.
So she worked like a different kind of schedule than I do.
So Tuesday night was one of her nights off and she would do cornhole league.
Yes, there is a league of people that are cornhole for points. Correct.
(12:33):
I'm sorry for laughing. Good for you.
I don't. Taking the game like that serious is fucking insane.
I'm going to say it, dude. I'm sorry. We have some fans that are like
cornhole fucking connoisseurs watching it on ESPN 10
at fucking 2 a.m. in the morning.
You know, no, no. Thank you.
(12:54):
I'll play like I will play, but I'm not.
It's like a social drinking.
Yeah, correct. Not a frickin sport.
Let's call. Yeah, I want to get a professional league going.
That would be great, dude.
I heard they did try to start that up based off the movie,
so it would be funny to try to get there potentially coming out
with another dodgeball. Oh, my God.
(13:15):
That's funny.
There's 100 percent adult dodgeball leagues. For sure.
I think even out here.
Correct. You know.
Yeah. All right. Back to back to the.
OK. Yeah.
I was a fucking home run hitter and kickball.
You heard it. You got the beast.
Boom. So the thing.
(13:38):
She called herself a coward. Yeah. Hilarious.
She said, it's not my norm.
And I realize it was an asshole move to wait this long to text you.
That being said, I had a great time with you on our date
and wanted you to know that I know inevitably we will be spending time
together because I adore your family.
Her and my sister do hobbies together.
Fuck, I'm kind of out in you. Sorry.
(13:58):
I'm not going to say your name.
Anyway, it's way past time for me to clear the air,
and I hope we can be forwards moving.
We can be friends moving forward.
So basically it was a ghosting apology turned into a friend.
So that's even worse.
That's more painful than just we've never hung out
other than the party and then the dates.
(14:19):
So whatever. Come back and then just go, by the way, you're just a friend.
Yeah. No.
So would you rather have that or would you rather deal with like a me?
Like, I'm good. Have fun.
You know what? I'm going to text.
I'm going to text twice.
So I'm going to have a chance. Right. OK. OK.
(14:39):
I'm not. And that's why I've been single.
I'm going to put the record in six years.
So I mean, I've been single a long time to me.
Dating now these days is fucking. It's scary.
It's a fucking nightmare. Wild.
You women have the advantage.
I'm sorry. How?
Now you let's talk about it.
Do you use any hinge?
(15:02):
Bumble. I'm on there.
Tinder. I'm on there, but it's it does.
Yeah, it's like, like, really, it's the same shit.
But I mean, it's Facebook's like that.
I desperately like that.
It's what you're getting.
Are they jacked?
(15:22):
Are they jacked dudes? Are there fatties? They're all.
All of them. I get it.
So what do you like? Then I don't.
I'm single. I'm.
But then why the fuck are you on there?
Like, I don't even do that anymore.
Is it just for fun?
Oh, my God. Now that we have you here.
Yeah, it's very fun. It is.
(15:43):
So you'll do that shit.
You'll match with somebody and like talk to him for a couple of days.
And it'll be like either I goes because I'm like, oh, it's boring.
Or they do. It's the same shit.
It's like what if you're in a car? OK, so let me flip the script. OK.
The conversation hasn't been boring.
There's been lots of tense, crazy conversations that made her laugh,
(16:06):
you know, tugged at her heartstrings.
We were all over the map.
Everything you wanted out of light in that, because I know most women.
Intellect is a very powerful thing.
And if I can keep your mind going and keep in the interested,
that is a very hot thing for most. That's true.
Oh, so you're saying you just crush it in the.
So I fucking do. I'm a murderer.
Do I will say I'm like it? You will not be bored.
(16:28):
I'll challenge you at that.
You can not like me for something else, but my text game.
You will not be if you like Derek to text you all day.
Five dollars a minute.
It's Valentine's Day coming up.
We have a menu now. He's going to build it later.
I'm not going to be on the phone lines. I have shit to do.
I'm not going to be entertaining you.
(16:50):
It's fine. Just. But but OK.
And then and then when I'm trying to make a date, because right,
I feel like the guy if I go, hey, I'm taking you out to this spot,
this date, this time, isn't that better?
Like that's better for me to take the initiative.
Like we're going on a date here. Maybe.
It depends how.
The flow of the conversation. Yeah.
(17:12):
But then right.
And then just out of nowhere in plain left field just goes,
oh, I'm not trying to date. And that's happened.
It's like whatever, dude, at this point.
I think God himself is going to have to sit down and be like,
I have him. He's here for you because I don't think I trust anything else.
Like, oh, it's bad. You guys know.
(17:34):
It's not any better for us over here. It really isn't.
You got to have an advantage in person.
I think that's hard. Yeah.
But yeah, that's here.
We are in person right now on the.
I think. Right.
I think the problem is found them.
Hey, I think the problem is.
(17:54):
People do the texting shit too much.
Listen, we don't need to be prudes.
This is the year 2025. Be free. Right.
Yeah. Don't you know, let's not go to like a ditty level,
but be free to live your life.
As long as you're not hurting anyone, live, be free.
But also, like you got to keep a little bit of surprise and mystery,
(18:18):
for example, on a date.
She also I have no children.
She had no children.
She's like, do you have kids?
And I'm like, this is a first date, ma'am.
What do you see? I said that.
I think that's a strong question on a first date.
If you have kids.
No, do you want to have kids?
You want to have kids with them?
(18:38):
She flat out asked it.
And I'm like, on first date, that's wild. Right.
That's too much. That's like a red flag for me.
Cool. I'd be like, I got to go.
Like, I told him the same thing he told me that I'm like, why?
I'm like, that's an intense
that's a question to ask on a first date.
You know, that's a red flag.
Let's not pretend it's not, you know, like absolutely not.
(19:03):
Shit, I will no longer tolerate
one red flag.
My cutoff is so strong.
No, my cutoff game is strong.
I don't play.
That's why I'm single.
I'm single.
But in another sense, I don't want to have kids.
I'm not Al Pacino.
I'm not trying to have fucking kids when I'm 90 years old or something.
(19:25):
I still want to be able to be a dad.
Same. Yeah.
And if you have a kid, be your dad. Be a dad.
Yeah, I like that.
Be there for the kid. I agree.
That's true.
But I don't want to be old as shit.
Like, I want to be able to be an active dad. Hell, yeah.
I'm still like pretty active.
Yeah, I feel like once you're kind of hitting the 40s,
(19:47):
maybe you should think about what you're doing.
Maybe not. TRT and Bluetooth.
Here we go. Yeah.
And all to our sponsor.
I'm going to bring back all bleach blonde tips.
We are. What do you mean?
In your hair? Yeah.
Why? It's a midlife crisis.
(20:07):
You wouldn't understand.
You wouldn't. I'm sorry.
You'll know when you get there.
What's midlife?
What are we calling midlife these days?
I'm not fucking Nostradamus.
Like, would you if you if right now,
if right now I could tell you I know when you die, like,
that would be scary. Would you want to know?
(20:29):
Yeah, me. I want to know.
Yeah, that's so sadistic.
It is. But I do. Tell me.
That's all the wormhole.
You're supposed to say no to that every single time.
I would say yes.
I hope nobody tells me, though.
But yeah, someone's like, I do not be like, well, Sam.
(20:52):
Yeah, can I know, please?
OK, what's a dream ending for you?
Like if there's like a mausoleum in honor of you.
They are coming out with another final destination, dude.
Another final destination is about to come out.
Yes, I hate those.
That's anxiety for me. I don't watch them.
No, thank you.
No. And then you're on the freeway and those trucks are with the logs.
(21:13):
And you're like, I mean, I've talked about this on the.
You go so quick, though, you just.
But I know of someone, a family acquaintance
that that happened to him in real life.
Sadly, RIP.
He was. Yeah, no.
But that should happen in real life.
Didn't I bring that up on the pod before? No.
Oh, you're talking like frame for frame, a logging truck there.
(21:34):
See, that's the thing that I don't fuck with about those movies
is all kinds of shit just mystic.
So it wasn't it wasn't logs, but it was some type of like metal bar.
No. And then it flung out the truck through the drive through
and the window of the driver's side.
And it's just you're. I can't. I can't.
I like seeing it. I don't hear it.
(21:56):
It makes me having brutal.
But I guess it'd be fast.
I feel like that would be fast.
Yeah, but you see it coming for a second.
You're like, oh, shit.
Like and then what? You're just done.
Yeah, no, thanks. That's scary.
OK, let's go.
I'm telling you when you die, like what would what would you
what would you want to be?
Do you want to live a long time?
(22:16):
You want to be 100?
Well, I have kids, so I think that's like the only thing that scares me.
So that's not no, I'm not going to say that, but
I'll live until I can't wipe my own fucking ass
or do shit for myself.
Put me out like no, thank you.
(22:36):
I don't want anyone doing that for me.
So it's on record.
OK, thank you.
I respect it. OK, I do.
I don't want to or like not like have dementia or something.
Like my grandma had that and she didn't remember us.
And I don't want to like, where are you, though,
if you're not there and you don't remember anything, where are you actually?
(22:57):
It's a question. Honestly, sorry.
But where do you go? It's true.
Yeah, that's like the scariest shit.
That would be the worst. That's what I'm worried about.
If I die, I just want to go quick. Yeah.
And I don't want to suffocate or like drowned.
No, those are sorry.
Oh, I have a nightmare tonight.
You ever have it in your bed where you get the sheet
(23:17):
like perfectly wrapped around your body and you're straight jacketed
and you're panicking in a dream?
Those are the dreams where I'm drowning.
So I can't even I can't even swim.
I can't even go towards the surface.
That's shit.
Then you get sleep paralysis and you're just staring into a dark corner
and you're like, there's a fucking demon over there.
(23:39):
Stop. I can't.
I can't do that shit either.
I don't do scary and I don't do gory final destination.
I mean, just run a fucking horror film over there.
Dude, call it sleep paralysis.
Fucking crazy.
That should be a movie, dude. That was cool.
(23:59):
Colon sheet cocoon.
That's what I was thinking. Yeah.
Yeah. The cocoon.
That's the that's the worst shit ever.
Does that happen to you?
The sleep paralysis thing where like you're in between. Yeah.
How I have crazy dreams and I remember them like I really go somewhere else.
(24:19):
Well, they do have a thing now where they say scientists actually will say
they they're scientists are saying this for certainty
that when we are dreaming, we're entering another dimension.
Yeah. And like they're not saying that's a fucked up dimension.
Oh, we tell you.
But they literally are saying they have scientific proof,
which is like that's insane because now it's like, Whoa, is there really more dimensions?
(24:43):
Yeah. Have you guys seen Innerset?
Yeah. Great movie. Great film.
It's classic. That is one of the best scores of a movie of all time.
But it like goes into dimensions, right?
And like that's where it can kind of help you understand like dimensions and like how
I didn't understand how things move that far in advance, but that was a cool concept.
(25:05):
So, yeah, when I'm dreaming, I think I might go places like that.
I'm not playing either. I remember things. It's crazy.
There was a crazy stat where they were saying that if the problem was space travel
and such is we're not that far away from traveling at the speed of light,
but time is relative, meaning if they go to a dromida, which is like two million light,
(25:26):
whatever they go there. Right.
And then they're like, Oh, shit, there's life here.
I'm going to go back to my planet and fucking tell like, Oh, shit, there's this is another planet.
Right. By the time he came back, 200 million years would have passed on Earth.
Yeah. So you can travel the rate, but time is still relative.
So now you'd come back to what you had to what a million.
(25:47):
What would the planet even look like at that?
Imploded and 100 percent.
We're blowing this bitch up at a certain point.
It'll be gone. It's all new.
Yeah. You're into all that shit, though, Derek.
I love it. You want to do it. I don't.
I like to say with the known, I want one verse this one.
So when you sleep, where are you going to?
(26:10):
I mentioned smoke and tie.
I've smoked entirely too much weed. I don't I rarely dream anymore.
I swear to God, just darkness.
I know that sounds depressing, but I am going to do that.
I hate to say it. Sometimes I have dreams, but they're very rare
and they're usually like sad.
They're never like fun, happy dreams anymore.
It's not like I get to enjoy those having a dream.
No, that's fine. But no, it's I honestly I have great dreams like,
(26:34):
you know, mine are trauma.
I have trauma dreams that I'm not even kidding.
I mean, and I remember some of some of them.
Some of them are insane.
Some of them I've like been able to fly.
I think it's one of them I even had like.
I don't know if this was some kind of Harry Potter world,
and I don't think it was a broomstick, but I had essentially what was a stick
(26:58):
and I could just take off and it was the shit.
It's the coolest thing ever, dude.
Honestly, I don't care if it looked like the fucking sweeper.
I sweep the kitchen up with it.
It could just like scoff in the backyard and just like later, guys.
Oh, I don't like that.
Blow your fucking mind if we just went outside and I just.
I would see Larry.
(27:20):
Derek, you know your way out.
Should put a bike helmet on.
Yeah, I would laugh hysterically.
I feel like he's not for real.
But he is for real. Yeah.
If that's funny, though.
But no, but no, I don't.
(27:40):
I really I don't know if that's why I really don't dream a lot.
I do have a lot of scary shit, which is usually accompanied by sleep paralysis.
And then sometimes
I'll dream about my mom.
And that's a great dream. I cry, dude.
I wake I wake up and I've like cried and I'm like, dude.
But like, maybe she's visiting you.
(28:02):
Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's great.
I we've talked about this many, many times on the pod.
But I've had, you know, I'm not like I was raised Catholic.
We both went to Shiloh Christian School, which I think was Baptist.
That was a Baptist church, right?
I was so little.
I don't even I just remember it was Shiloh.
(28:23):
It was a Baptist church and the principal had a giant ass paddle.
And if your parents said yes, she could pop your ass.
Oh, it's real. I won't hear about that.
It was huge, dude.
No. And she was like I was I was in kindergarten, first grade, maybe.
But I remember she was tall.
She kind of looked like a witch with her short bob black haircut.
(28:47):
Scared me a little bit.
Mrs. Cadwallader, my mom remained friends with a lot of the teachers from there.
But it was funny because there was that big leather couch
in the front of the school and she'd whack it with the paddle.
What a sight. That's a psychopath.
Back then, it was a whole vibe to the bucket.
Like kids love Matilda.
(29:07):
Yeah, we just watched a phenomenal movie.
But it is very much it reminds me a little bit of that.
Like going to a private school, if your parent allowed them to do that.
Yeah, they would hit you.
Mine said no.
Thank God my dad was not going to let nobody hit us.
I mean, some of these kids today need a little whack and a smack,
(29:30):
but we're way too woke for that shit.
That was another time, children.
You didn't you escape the corporal punishment.
I feel like no, we fucking leave that right in.
Hey, Derek, you know how many times I've asked you to cut shit out
and you left it in my time right now?
He's like, I'm still going to cut it out.
Maybe. Or maybe you leave it in.
(29:53):
But I'm not like I like having sentimental dreams like that.
And I've also had like super vivid, lucid dreams
where you do feel like you're living in somebody else's body, which is wild.
Or you're in a whole other life.
Oh, you're like, what am I?
What am I doing here?
But it's you. You know what I mean?
(30:13):
It's weird. I mean, it's you in the dream.
That's why it might be fucking glop, glop or something.
Well, now it's like Rick and Morton.
What about what about do you guys ever have like underwater dreams?
No, no, no.
Did you hear me talk about having nightmares of drowning?
And being wrapped up in my shoes?
(30:33):
I don't know. He's drowning. He's no mermaid.
I don't know why we've been over this.
OK, he wants to be on Harry Potter.
Derek wants to be in the ocean.
I do want to be on the way. And apparently she does, too.
Fine. I like the water.
I like the land.
So you could do. Yeah, I could do both.
Isn't that great? And see, yeah, I'll be a Barbie.
(30:54):
I could do I could be anything.
You know, I'm plus size construction can let's go.
Are you doing a nerdy can?
So I'm like the kid in Barbie that was like Alan.
I'm an Alan. Am I an Alan?
Oh, man, am I a fucking Alan?
No, you just said you wanted to be an hour.
What the fuck are we talking about here?
(31:15):
Oh, that's a good thing.
Do you ever have I call this shit dream, Javu?
OK, have you ever dreamt something?
And it's not necessarily
there have been a couple of cases in my life where it's been like
some crazy shit happened.
And I was like, oh, we're not going there.
It was like a little premonition on some like Nicholas Cage.
(31:37):
The name of that movie knowing where he was a psychic.
Yeah, you know, he's terrible, dude.
Why is why does Nicholas Cage in every movie he's in
make sure that his character has long hair like you?
You got to let it go.
It's like, yeah, it's thin on top. It's.
Yeah, he does. It's OK.
(31:59):
But yeah, that's that is that is the weirdest shit.
A lot of times it's like a real innocuous moment,
like a short conversation with somebody.
You're like, what happened already?
The fuck is that?
I've experienced that, too. Yeah, it is crazy, dude.
I don't know. What is that?
Is it just you thinking that you thought that that happened or like?
Or it's like the feeling that makes it feel familiar, right?
(32:23):
You're like, wait, I've already felt like this before.
Or I felt like I was here having this exact same scenario.
And you're like, oh, shit, this is deja vu.
But when it happens, I don't know what it really is.
Like, I always look at it like, OK, wake up.
Like, what are we what's happening right now?
Like, it's a wake up call, like a hey, pay attention.
Yeah, that's what I always look at it like Joe Rogan has talked about.
(32:46):
Like when we go to sleep, we go to sleep to be another form of entity or something.
And that's why we go to sleep.
And then when we come back, I'm not a mom.
That's fucking that sounds like an I lost.
Good. Yeah.
Like your consciousness goes to something else, man.
Now, have you ever seen it's a movie?
(33:08):
I think it's on Hulu. It's called Boss Level. No.
So essentially in the movie, this guy wakes up repeatedly
and people are just trying to kill him.
And he essentially it's like a video game.
Like he has to learn to dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge
like immediately from when he wakes up.
If you were in a situation like that,
(33:30):
would you try to figure out and complete the mission or would you just say fuck it
and just be like, we're just going to go out and do wild shit every day
and just be a heathen and steal a helicopter? Why not?
Don't fly it into a building.
Well, how many chances do you get?
That's unknown.
No, in this, it was essentially infinite.
(33:50):
Like the his his baby mama essentially
is some kind of high level scientist who has unlocked what is essentially.
God, is this like time travel?
I guess I guess you would call it time travel or something.
She realizes that the people that she's working for are going to kill her.
(34:10):
So she puts boyfriends like DNA in this little thing.
Puts it in the machine.
Why? And puts them in the spinners.
It puts them in the blender.
So it's like now that is fucking frightening, dude.
I don't like that. Holy shit.
You just wake up and now you're fucking living eternity
by just fighting people for your life every waking moment.
Holy shit, dude.
(34:31):
So he could like say because I guess the thing she's pissed.
I haven't watched it in a while, but she's pissed about something.
I guess there was some kind of like world of ending
ending shit that was going to happen if he didn't walk back into the machine.
Listen, this is a made for Hulu movie.
This shit didn't go wide.
This wasn't in theaters.
So like take it for what it is.
(34:52):
It's on Hulu.
They skip shit. Yeah. OK.
Probably right now.
I mean, you get used to being stabbed a lot.
Well, I feel like if it's that many times, I think you're going to go
through a lot of feelings.
So probably try to solve it in the long run
so you don't have to keep doing it. Get sick of it.
They did. They showed him getting murked like so many times.
(35:14):
And then it got to a point where he would just go and just get fucked up every day
because they had a tracking chip in him.
The people's they were just coming and finding him and like, you know,
holy fuck, dude, that's insane.
That would not be fun.
That's kind of how life is.
All right. I'm not interested in any of that.
No mystical shit.
If Dr. Strange opened a little space portal right there was like, come on,
(35:37):
we got to go. You're like appeared in this room right now.
You're not going.
He's like, you have bigger purpose.
What if he had your little broom?
Then I'm in immediate in.
If he had your broom, I hear it.
So there you go.
This is how this for you.
Sweeper of Adonis or something.
(35:57):
It has to have like a great name because it's got the cape and it's lit up.
It's got. Yeah.
It's like lit up for you.
Here you go.
Hands over the swifter to the Swifty.
He said, bye.
Gotta go. He was jumping on it.
Snap, leave. We're avenging.
Go avenge, dude. Go save us.
(36:17):
OK, if I don't even think we've done this one, but it's such an obvious
like popular thing. OK, hit me.
If you could be a superhero, what are we going to be?
What's your what's your Marvel character name?
What are your abilities?
Wow. I feel like Derek can probably have one cooked up
like pretty quick. I mean, I already know.
Atticus because that is.
(36:39):
Oh, I'm so glad I guess my name is a name.
It's an episode that you'll see.
We're in the past, future, future past.
So you'll see that's great.
Sir, glad I guess.
But to be honest with you, I would just I love everything.
Spider-Man, dude.
I like I don't even need to change anything
because I just love Spider-Man that much.
I love that he has like the girl, you know, on the side
(36:59):
that he cares and loves about.
But I also got to go save the world.
But I'm also a nerdy and I'm a quick thinker, but I'm fast
and swing through buildings and shit.
Just we that shit would be so fun, dude.
You would. I would.
But like I'm just like the I'm that nerdy kind of type.
You know what I'm saying?
And like that would be that would be just a cool
that'd be a cool life.
(37:20):
And your name is Sir.
No, it's not Sir Gladikus. That's my nickname.
OK, I can't mix night.
OK, so you so you got to pick one.
Either the webs are like ammo
or you got to have one that like comes out of your like back
like near your ass.
So it naturally produces a tramp stamp.
(37:41):
Pretty much.
I mean, it could come out of the wrist, too,
but you got to have the back one because it's more like spider
like and real.
You got the girl.
She's understanding. She likes it.
She's with you.
Maybe you saw it doesn't make you spin her up
and do a little web with the one on the back.
He's going to spin you into a cocoon, drop you into a river.
(38:03):
His worst fear.
You do that to me, Derek.
He's a superhero.
You'd be a supervillain if you like.
I'm in my own.
Probably. OK, well, hit us with yours.
I don't know. I don't. OK.
Probably now in my life.
Yeah, we're not. Let's do it.
It would be like a double seven villain. Hmm.
(38:23):
Like a Mission Impossible villain.
Do you want to be like an action villain?
Yeah. What motive? What motivates you?
Are we getting rich? Are we blowing up the planet? Yeah.
OK, so you're probably like double seven. OK.
Yeah. Global.
You're you're you're a threat to the whole globe.
I'm dangerous. Yeah.
OK. That's cool.
(38:44):
There we go. Perfect.
Do you remember that Jackie Chan movie, The Tuxedo?
I do where the big bad guy was like trying to modify the water supply.
I want one of those tuxedos to fucking dance.
Dude, I don't even want it for combat.
Oh, my God.
I want to do the fucking splits like James Brown.
(39:05):
I'm not. Don't worry.
The splits are not happening.
Please do it.
You just did the splits right now.
I die. I love it.
Do it.
Are we roll clip and doing it?
Groin tear. Roll clip.
Yeah. In hospital.
You're both coming with me, by the way.
(39:25):
I'm not fucking going alone.
I got insurance to go or be there all night.
Please do it.
Just later.
I was like a creative one, though, I feel like.
But what's yours?
I would want to I would want to be
I would want to be have you ever seen the Watchmen?
(39:47):
Yeah, Watchmen. Great movie.
Dr. Manhattan. Boom. Yeah.
He's creepy looking.
He has a speedo.
He can phase in and out if he decides whether or not he wants to be
deck out on that day.
It's like we either got to go out and we're covered or just deck out.
The first time I saw that, I was like, is this really happening?
(40:09):
Like, what?
That was a long time ago, too.
But I was like, oh, wow. Like, OK, that's where we're going with this.
And they did.
Dicks are so offensive in movies like like the Game of Thrones, dude.
You're like, oh, another dick.
Oh, you're like, oh, dick. Another one.
It's like, yeah, the female body is just so much more appealing.
(40:32):
You know, if there's going to be if the movies are in,
I see that end for nudity.
Make it some titties.
You're hoping you get to see more than you're a cut.
Titties. It's got to always be. Right.
Oh, man down.
Make it. There's no man in this world that doesn't enjoy her ass.
Even do you?
I don't mind. Like, you see, like,
(40:53):
you said you like this.
I'm not like enjoying looking at dude ass.
But I'm saying like, I've definitely seen Brad Pitt's ass in a movie.
And I'm like, I'm fine with that great ass, Brad.
If he was in front of me, I'd give it a little smack.
I get on.
But Brad, you're looking good.
But you still looks good.
(41:13):
Shit. Slightly more wrinkly.
What is happening?
What is happening?
I'm giving Brad Pitt his flowers.
I'm Brad Angelina.
We don't know what you're doing.
Wow. With all the adopted children.
I'd never do that to any other man, dude.
I wouldn't do it.
I'm not a Brad fan.
I was feeling I was feeling positive about Brad Pitt.
You're welcome, Brad.
(41:34):
Clip it. We will clip it.
It would be funny if Brad Pitt came on.
Did one day. Oh, my God.
He's all.
Stand up.
You fucking slap his ass.
I mean, I'm standing right now.
That would be insane.
If I'm getting an ass slap, I want him pulling the pants like I want full cheek.
You want? I want to.
(41:55):
Back.
Shit.
It probably smells like sandals.
Stop.
Why is sandalwood?
Because he's he's so earthy and manly and sensual all at the same time.
Oh, my God. Do you have a crush?
He's so crushing.
He's got to shake the titty.
(42:16):
I'm remembering it.
Got to be a dude.
We're doing it right now, people.
I don't know how many episodes in between the last time that we did this.
But we're here. OK.
OK, so here's the deal.
You pull one and you have to do an impression.
We'll say it with bad impressions.
(42:36):
If you if you don't have it and you got to like look, reference it on the phone.
That's fine. But then you really got to act it out as well.
You got to embarrass yourself thoroughly on the Internet.
So all right. I'll do my best.
So hold on. You or me, Derek?
I was first last time.
So why don't you take it this time, my friend?
I hate this bit so bad.
(42:56):
Why? It's so funny, but he hates it because like when you get stuck
because when you get stuck, I mean, pass it around.
I'll do mine first. OK.
So I'll do last. We'll go bang, bang, bang. OK. OK.
I'm waiting.
(43:18):
We talked about fucking rush hour, too.
I got to get out. I'll act this one out, dude.
OK. OK.
Michael Jackson. Yeah.
You should have done that.
Thank you. I felt like that was a cop out there.
(43:41):
So I added the dance in there so you could get that to.
Oh, I could have done that, too.
Although that could have been actually boys.
This one's hard.
I would I would even say I would allow a repose.
Yeah, please. But only one is like one.
Only one. OK, OK, OK.
Breaking a rule.
(44:03):
That's how life works. OK.
All right.
I don't even know who this is.
Now you got to look it up and find out.
Now you're going to find out.
It's it's pretty well known.
I'm shocked you don't know.
I don't know who that is.
(44:23):
Oh, that would be a challenge for you.
For me. OK, I'm looking it up.
I would love to see you do.
Andrew Dice Clay.
That would be hilarious.
He's like a New Yorker, like tough guy like, oh, I'm Andrew Dice Clay.
Oh, hey. Oh, it was that weird song.
Does a fairy tale or whatever.
One from two.
(44:44):
Something about his mother tough it.
And then it says it's something.
Courts of Way. Hey, it's just like a sex fucking line.
Yeah. She blew me on her way.
Or so. Yeah, it's very sexual.
I've never seen it. Super sexual.
Andrew Dice Clay was like one of the really original.
I feel I feel he was a big star, dude.
But I'm saying his shit was like edgy and really, really punchy,
(45:07):
which is like respectful for that. OK.
Respectfully. Yeah.
So he's a respected. I don't know.
You know, OK, so since you have rejected two from the cup now,
you have to just give us an impression and we get to guess who you are.
Go, Derek.
You know, sometimes, you know, sometimes you just go over there and you
(45:28):
thing. And yeah.
Did you not have a specific line for this person?
Pool hall junkies is what it's a movie.
I mean, about pulling guys.
You didn't want to go Christopher Walken.
Yeah, but you didn't want to go with Joe Dirt where he goes,
you're talking to me all wrong.
See, do it again.
(45:49):
I'll stab you in the face with a side ring.
I want to have an Asian person do a Christopher Walken.
Oh, my God. They're great at it.
Have you ever seen that?
Asians know Christopher Walken.
Why? I'm going to have to look it up for sure.
I'll show you a video right after.
I want to say it is a thing. Don't forget. OK.
(46:10):
We will. We will. I want to see.
Yeah. Oh, all right.
So hit us with yours.
I don't know. I don't even have one.
A star. Some OK.
You want to pull one more time?
Yeah, let's try one more time.
Oh, my God. Triple.
OK. See, I'm the tech.
I did more and I didn't even have the goddamn tuxedo.
(46:33):
OK. Yeah, I can do this.
OK, you got one. She's in it. All right.
OK. Do I have to act it out or can I like if you have a solid voice
impression, don't explain it and you can't go can't explain it.
Yeah, I'm so.
Yeah, that shit is so corny when people do that.
They say the name.
No, that's not OK. OK.
Here we go. Hold on.
I have to think about like how he said it.
(46:54):
I'm on the edge of my seat. We know.
Yeah. OK.
I don't do a good crikey.
Oh, my God.
That's a crocodile.
Say the other one.
Say it. That's not a knife.
This is a knife. Yeah.
(47:14):
We're going to know it's not.
Lions. What? It's not that one.
It's another.
Erwin. Oh, there's a gate over there.
Oh, that's a beauty.
That's a great. I don't do good impressions.
So that's why it's called bad impressions.
Neither do we. But guess what?
You guys got it.
Hey, it took four times.
(47:35):
Fourth time is a charm.
I actually thought Steve Erwin first, but he put crocodile.
Yeah, I did. OK.
That was good. OK.
The same person to me. You're a good sport.
Thank you.
And now I feel like now we need to put some women in that cup
because we're real. That was that is true.
A lot of that is very like, dude, heavy.
Do the TV. I did it.
But you did it. Yeah.
Thank you. All about equality here.
(47:57):
Don't worry.
Or at least we have the best intentions.
It was cool. I liked it.
OK, so give us some plugs.
Tell the people where we can find you.
OK, I'm on Instagram and my handle is Jacqueline's World.
It's my first name.
J.A.C. L.Y.N. S.
World. It's her world.
(48:18):
It's my world. Oh, get in her world.
It's great. It's fun over here.
Right now it is. OK, we're single.
We're living it.
Love it. Yeah. Great times.
Thank you. And you made it.
I did. And you're here.
And it was so good. It was.
Thank you. It was great.
We'll see you on the next one.
Later. Let's go.
(48:39):
Thank you.
That was fun.
Behold the titty cup!
(00:01):
There's no man in this world that doesn't enjoy titties
do you?
I don't mind I love ass too even dude ass.
Wait what? Dude ass!
I'm not like enjoying looking at dude ass.
But I'm saying like I've definitely seen Brad Pitt's ass in a movie.
And I'm like, I'm fine with that great ass, Brad.
If he was in front of me, I'd give it a little smack.
(00:21):
I get on.
Brad, you're looking good.
Bet you he still looks good.
Shit.
(00:53):
What's that one?
You had a bug.
It it sinks the audio in the video.
Producer tricks for me when I edit.
Makes my life and job easier.
It helps him when he puts it all together.
How cute. Correct.
I have forgotten to do that several times.
So he has. I try to be more prudent.
(01:14):
It's a tough adventure when you have to figure out how to match it up.
Oh, no.
It's like, oh, got to find a moment or an intro or something and just.
Oh, no. It's not fun.
Guide us, we dare.
OK.
Welcome back to another episode of the natural spot.
As always, I'm Uncle Kyle.
(01:36):
Looking just strapping in the team colors on the other end of the couch.
Sweet Derek, the producer.
What up, daddy? Let's go.
And today, a new friend joining us.
Welcome to the show, Jacqueline.
Hi, everyone.
Really quick, right at the top people.
OK, for those of you that have been watching, I found her.
It has come back.
I found her glorious cup.
(01:58):
The glorious cup has come back.
We thought it was lost.
I thought somebody shattered this thing and then just put it in the trash
and it was gone forever. And we said it in episode, dude.
I think we told people that it happened and we were like RIP Titi Cup, you know,
in memorial, sad, passing away.
And it would take it.
We thought it was broken, unfortunately, thrown away.
(02:20):
Not that someone would take it.
But I don't know. It's a glorious mug.
So I would have someone would want to take it.
You know, where did that come from?
I bought this off the Internet.
But there was this there was this chick that I didn't just hold on.
There's a backstory.
Yeah, I wasn't directly searching coffee mug with tits on it.
Great. They're good ones.
(02:42):
Yeah, we were in Joshua Tree, California,
and this gal had a booth and she had these and I didn't buy one.
And then I had buyers remorse. I had to stop.
Yeah, it's a real thing.
The real artist, she was there.
She's like, yeah, these are.
But what's more important is what is what is in the cup.
So there are names of celebrities and characters in here.
(03:04):
And you're going to you're going to have to be the one to remember this today.
Yeah. Historically, we've forgotten this.
We said we were going to start doing this regularly again.
And this is the second time since we've come back that we're doing it.
Oh, it was hilarious.
And for a while, I'm going to give you a little backstory.
Kyle did think it would be funny and entertaining if we talked about a bit,
(03:26):
said we were going to do it regularly and then just stop doing the bit.
Be like, wait, what the fuck happened with this?
This is for the fans. Right.
OK, so anyways, into into what I actually wanted to talk about. OK.
So have you you strike me as somebody who's ghosted people?
For sure. Is that true?
(03:47):
For sure. Let's let's get into that.
OK. Why?
Is it always for the same reason?
Why are we ghosting people?
How are we ghosting people?
Um, I don't even really.
Have I don't let let things go past a certain point, so
it'll usually just be like a talking stage and then I'm over it.
(04:11):
So I just don't respond or I'll be like, hey,
if they say hi, they always say hi, though. Sure.
So not even a first date then ghosting. No.
She said they always say hi. Yeah, they do.
I'm just being transparent.
Damn. That's OK. That's I get it.
That's some good insight right there. That is.
(04:34):
It gets monotonous. Sure. Yeah.
So I have I have not had luck in love in like the last year.
OK, I've gotten set up a couple of times.
What do you mean? Which is fine.
Just like people saying, hey, you want to go with my friend?
I know your pictures.
Think she'd do. Yeah, sure. OK.
We had like we had like a blank. Yeah, exactly.
(04:56):
We had a bongo party and he was just crushing it and just making this girl laugh.
He was a friend of the sisters and he just crushed it.
That was also a great one.
And but also we Jackie was being a real bitch and like Jackie,
you're not a good friend.
And you made it.
You tried to make it seem like you were helping me.
You were not. So if you're watching this.
I think she tried to do I think she did that on purpose.
(05:18):
Oh, but so.
We ended up setting up a date.
We went out and she had told me that she was a terrible texture,
which is fine. We're adults.
We don't need to be on the phone with one other.
I'll be. What are you doing right now?
OK, I like that.
I don't mind it, but like at a certain point
(05:41):
we got shit to do. He's different from me.
I like doing that, but I feel like it has led to my downfall sometimes to.
Everything in moderation. Correct.
For her. She was a really slow responder, though,
which I don't care. I'm like, whatever.
Is she busy? She is.
She also does hair.
OK, then I I understand her.
(06:02):
But she so fast forward.
We go on the date. It's fun.
There's clearly some things that she doesn't really care for about me,
which is fine. That's the point of going on a first date is to figure this shit out.
But I told her I don't double text.
If you don't reply to something
then it's on you to restart the conversation.
(06:24):
OK, so wait, wait a second. So you're petty.
I'm not petty.
I'm just saying if you want to talk,
if you want to talk, then you have to respond after the first time.
You'll talk. What if I want to wait?
And like, see if you double text to see if you care enough.
And you're just going to be waiting.
(06:45):
That's not ghosting.
This is not ghosting.
That's single.
Figure that out.
That's why I always see I do one.
I'll do one text back.
Now, if you don't answer the text back, then I'm like, that's our you know.
OK, it's over.
Like if you're not responding to my second one.
Yeah. You know, it's me saying, hey, I really want to talk to you.
(07:06):
I care about you.
But if you don't respond after that one, then I'm like,
oh, she doesn't have interest to talk to me.
That's correct. OK.
And sometimes you got to be a real one.
High five. What's up?
Sometimes you got to be a real one.
Stick to your word.
And if you say I don't double text, I will not be double texting.
(07:27):
OK, but I feel like if you really like a girl, you're going to double text her.
See, I agree with that part, but I like what Kyle said.
So do I. I see both sides.
Yeah. You care about me.
I don't want to chase you around all the time.
We were older guys.
But there's going to be that one time where you're like, damn, I really like her.
I'm going to double text.
(07:47):
And then you're not going to tell anybody because of this conversation to the grave.
No, no, no, no, no. He's taking me to the grave.
I'll have you know, I am extremely open and honest,
and I will admit when I'm wrong. OK.
Derek loves finding moments where I fucking contradict myself
so that I get to try to explain my way out of it.
(08:09):
But I don't do that shit. OK.
You just did.
And I did.
And the last text that I sent her honestly was kind of funny. OK.
Because when we were on the date, this was before Christmas.
When we were on the date, she was like,
my dad will probably tell me to invite you over for Christmas.
So the last text was, let me know when dad wants me to come over.
(08:32):
Ha ha. And she did not reply.
And I do not double text.
Not really. I'm fine.
You're fine. She's pissed.
She's pissed.
What if she really wanted to go?
He just he's just like, no, that's her ego.
Well, when I'm at that point, she was like, no, I'm not saying anything.
(08:55):
But she did.
Did you know?
Oh, let's let her in the.
OK. And she likes you.
Oh, what happened?
I don't know.
He said the date went really, really good.
No, he was here when she sent me this text.
That's why this is so funny.
Let's see. So.
(09:18):
Friday, December, the 20th was I said,
just let me know what time your dad wants me over for Christmas.
And then I got.
And then I got.
So fast because it's right at the bottom of the text.
You at the time.
The conversation didn't go on for very long.
So we can track this.
It's 747.
Oh, OK.
(09:40):
It was 944 and.
And we're type shit right now.
Yeah. So I love on order.
Yeah, it's great. Oh, yeah.
These are their stories.
But then.
But don't copyright us.
We're fucking that. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. You bitches.
But anyways, on Sunday,
(10:02):
which was February the second, so that's like a good month and a half.
Yeah, I get a paragraph from her and fuck it.
I'm going to read it. OK.
OK, let's do it.
She said, hi, this is very, very, very long overdue.
And I sincerely apologize for ghosting you.
So I got a respect off the top.
She's not even trying to call it anything else.
(10:24):
She's just what it is. OK.
Every time I went to text you back, I got overwhelmed by any number of things
and just chose to be a coward.
That part made me fucking laugh out loud.
So I was like, wow, a coward.
I respect that, too, because.
Wow. OK. You were a coward.
(10:45):
But why?
Single no text back. It resolves to this.
There's only a select group of people who know who this is.
So this is fine. OK.
All right. So we're not done yet. OK. Yeah.
How are you feeling about this so far?
Is this something you would ever do?
I was blown away by this.
You're not doing that.
(11:06):
I'm no.
Why and why would I do that?
It doesn't get that far for me.
Maybe you really like the guy.
Maybe you should have texted him back and make him double.
But did you think about that?
I have trust issues.
Welcome to my fucking dojo of mind games.
I mean, I don't really play mind games and is what it is.
(11:29):
I basically I was like, if I want to text you because I like you
and I enjoy talking to you, like, let's just talk.
Yeah. I'm not going to be like, you have to respond.
No, I'll hit you with something other funny and blah, blah, blah.
And we can reignite the conversation and it makes it more interesting and intriguing.
Right. But yeah, no, if I'm not feeling it.
Mm hmm. I call it ghosting.
I just call it.
(11:50):
I'm bored. Yeah, it's a regular thing.
Like I said, I don't take that shit personally.
The girl before her that essentially ghosted me. Yeah.
This is once again, just fucking weird.
I can't like I don't know why these things happen to me.
OK, so we had gone on a few dates and things were going well.
(12:11):
We kind of like made out a little bit.
So it's like, OK.
Oh, yes. Great start. Yeah.
You're like, yeah, you're in at that point.
So she worked like a different kind of schedule than I do.
So Tuesday night was one of her nights off and she would do cornhole league.
Yes, there is a league of people that are cornhole for points. Correct.
(12:33):
I'm sorry for laughing. Good for you.
I don't. Taking the game like that serious is fucking insane.
I'm going to say it, dude. I'm sorry. We have some fans that are like
cornhole fucking connoisseurs watching it on ESPN 10
at fucking 2 a.m. in the morning.
You know, no, no. Thank you.
(12:54):
I'll play like I will play, but I'm not.
It's like a social drinking.
Yeah, correct. Not a frickin sport.
Let's call. Yeah, I want to get a professional league going.
That would be great, dude.
I heard they did try to start that up based off the movie,
so it would be funny to try to get there potentially coming out
with another dodgeball. Oh, my God.
(13:15):
That's funny.
There's 100 percent adult dodgeball leagues. For sure.
I think even out here.
Correct. You know.
Yeah. All right. Back to back to the.
OK. Yeah.
I was a fucking home run hitter and kickball.
You heard it. You got the beast.
Boom. So the thing.
(13:38):
She called herself a coward. Yeah. Hilarious.
She said, it's not my norm.
And I realize it was an asshole move to wait this long to text you.
That being said, I had a great time with you on our date
and wanted you to know that I know inevitably we will be spending time
together because I adore your family.
Her and my sister do hobbies together.
Fuck, I'm kind of out in you. Sorry.
(13:58):
I'm not going to say your name.
Anyway, it's way past time for me to clear the air,
and I hope we can be forwards moving.
We can be friends moving forward.
So basically it was a ghosting apology turned into a friend.
So that's even worse.
That's more painful than just we've never hung out
other than the party and then the dates.
(14:19):
So whatever. Come back and then just go, by the way, you're just a friend.
Yeah. No.
So would you rather have that or would you rather deal with like a me?
Like, I'm good. Have fun.
You know what? I'm going to text.
I'm going to text twice.
So I'm going to have a chance. Right. OK. OK.
(14:39):
I'm not. And that's why I've been single.
I'm going to put the record in six years.
So I mean, I've been single a long time to me.
Dating now these days is fucking. It's scary.
It's a fucking nightmare. Wild.
You women have the advantage.
I'm sorry. How?
Now you let's talk about it.
Do you use any hinge?
(15:02):
Bumble. I'm on there.
Tinder. I'm on there, but it's it does.
Yeah, it's like, like, really, it's the same shit.
But I mean, it's Facebook's like that.
I desperately like that.
It's what you're getting.
Are they jacked?
(15:22):
Are they jacked dudes? Are there fatties? They're all.
All of them. I get it.
So what do you like? Then I don't.
I'm single. I'm.
But then why the fuck are you on there?
Like, I don't even do that anymore.
Is it just for fun?
Oh, my God. Now that we have you here.
Yeah, it's very fun. It is.
(15:43):
So you'll do that shit.
You'll match with somebody and like talk to him for a couple of days.
And it'll be like either I goes because I'm like, oh, it's boring.
Or they do. It's the same shit.
It's like what if you're in a car? OK, so let me flip the script. OK.
The conversation hasn't been boring.
There's been lots of tense, crazy conversations that made her laugh,
(16:06):
you know, tugged at her heartstrings.
We were all over the map.
Everything you wanted out of light in that, because I know most women.
Intellect is a very powerful thing.
And if I can keep your mind going and keep in the interested,
that is a very hot thing for most. That's true.
Oh, so you're saying you just crush it in the.
So I fucking do. I'm a murderer.
Do I will say I'm like it? You will not be bored.
(16:28):
I'll challenge you at that.
You can not like me for something else, but my text game.
You will not be if you like Derek to text you all day.
Five dollars a minute.
It's Valentine's Day coming up.
We have a menu now. He's going to build it later.
I'm not going to be on the phone lines. I have shit to do.
I'm not going to be entertaining you.
(16:50):
It's fine. Just. But but OK.
And then and then when I'm trying to make a date, because right,
I feel like the guy if I go, hey, I'm taking you out to this spot,
this date, this time, isn't that better?
Like that's better for me to take the initiative.
Like we're going on a date here. Maybe.
It depends how.
The flow of the conversation. Yeah.
(17:12):
But then right.
And then just out of nowhere in plain left field just goes,
oh, I'm not trying to date. And that's happened.
It's like whatever, dude, at this point.
I think God himself is going to have to sit down and be like,
I have him. He's here for you because I don't think I trust anything else.
Like, oh, it's bad. You guys know.
(17:34):
It's not any better for us over here. It really isn't.
You got to have an advantage in person.
I think that's hard. Yeah.
But yeah, that's here.
We are in person right now on the.
I think. Right.
I think the problem is found them.
Hey, I think the problem is.
(17:54):
People do the texting shit too much.
Listen, we don't need to be prudes.
This is the year 2025. Be free. Right.
Yeah. Don't you know, let's not go to like a ditty level,
but be free to live your life.
As long as you're not hurting anyone, live, be free.
But also, like you got to keep a little bit of surprise and mystery,
(18:18):
for example, on a date.
She also I have no children.
She had no children.
She's like, do you have kids?
And I'm like, this is a first date, ma'am.
What do you see? I said that.
I think that's a strong question on a first date.
If you have kids.
No, do you want to have kids?
You want to have kids with them?
(18:38):
She flat out asked it.
And I'm like, on first date, that's wild. Right.
That's too much. That's like a red flag for me.
Cool. I'd be like, I got to go.
Like, I told him the same thing he told me that I'm like, why?
I'm like, that's an intense
that's a question to ask on a first date.
You know, that's a red flag.
Let's not pretend it's not, you know, like absolutely not.
(19:03):
Shit, I will no longer tolerate
one red flag.
My cutoff is so strong.
No, my cutoff game is strong.
I don't play.
That's why I'm single.
I'm single.
But in another sense, I don't want to have kids.
I'm not Al Pacino.
I'm not trying to have fucking kids when I'm 90 years old or something.
(19:25):
I still want to be able to be a dad.
Same. Yeah.
And if you have a kid, be your dad. Be a dad.
Yeah, I like that.
Be there for the kid. I agree.
That's true.
But I don't want to be old as shit.
Like, I want to be able to be an active dad. Hell, yeah.
I'm still like pretty active.
Yeah, I feel like once you're kind of hitting the 40s,
(19:47):
maybe you should think about what you're doing.
Maybe not. TRT and Bluetooth.
Here we go. Yeah.
And all to our sponsor.
I'm going to bring back all bleach blonde tips.
We are. What do you mean?
In your hair? Yeah.
Why? It's a midlife crisis.
(20:07):
You wouldn't understand.
You wouldn't. I'm sorry.
You'll know when you get there.
What's midlife?
What are we calling midlife these days?
I'm not fucking Nostradamus.
Like, would you if you if right now,
if right now I could tell you I know when you die, like,
that would be scary. Would you want to know?
(20:29):
Yeah, me. I want to know.
Yeah, that's so sadistic.
It is. But I do. Tell me.
That's all the wormhole.
You're supposed to say no to that every single time.
I would say yes.
I hope nobody tells me, though.
But yeah, someone's like, I do not be like, well, Sam.
(20:52):
Yeah, can I know, please?
OK, what's a dream ending for you?
Like if there's like a mausoleum in honor of you.
They are coming out with another final destination, dude.
Another final destination is about to come out.
Yes, I hate those.
That's anxiety for me. I don't watch them.
No, thank you.
No. And then you're on the freeway and those trucks are with the logs.
(21:13):
And you're like, I mean, I've talked about this on the.
You go so quick, though, you just.
But I know of someone, a family acquaintance
that that happened to him in real life.
Sadly, RIP.
He was. Yeah, no.
But that should happen in real life.
Didn't I bring that up on the pod before? No.
Oh, you're talking like frame for frame, a logging truck there.
(21:34):
See, that's the thing that I don't fuck with about those movies
is all kinds of shit just mystic.
So it wasn't it wasn't logs, but it was some type of like metal bar.
No. And then it flung out the truck through the drive through
and the window of the driver's side.
And it's just you're. I can't. I can't.
I like seeing it. I don't hear it.
(21:56):
It makes me having brutal.
But I guess it'd be fast.
I feel like that would be fast.
Yeah, but you see it coming for a second.
You're like, oh, shit.
Like and then what? You're just done.
Yeah, no, thanks. That's scary.
OK, let's go.
I'm telling you when you die, like what would what would you
what would you want to be?
Do you want to live a long time?
(22:16):
You want to be 100?
Well, I have kids, so I think that's like the only thing that scares me.
So that's not no, I'm not going to say that, but
I'll live until I can't wipe my own fucking ass
or do shit for myself.
Put me out like no, thank you.
(22:36):
I don't want anyone doing that for me.
So it's on record.
OK, thank you.
I respect it. OK, I do.
I don't want to or like not like have dementia or something.
Like my grandma had that and she didn't remember us.
And I don't want to like, where are you, though,
if you're not there and you don't remember anything, where are you actually?
(22:57):
It's a question. Honestly, sorry.
But where do you go? It's true.
Yeah, that's like the scariest shit.
That would be the worst. That's what I'm worried about.
If I die, I just want to go quick. Yeah.
And I don't want to suffocate or like drowned.
No, those are sorry.
Oh, I have a nightmare tonight.
You ever have it in your bed where you get the sheet
(23:17):
like perfectly wrapped around your body and you're straight jacketed
and you're panicking in a dream?
Those are the dreams where I'm drowning.
So I can't even I can't even swim.
I can't even go towards the surface.
That's shit.
Then you get sleep paralysis and you're just staring into a dark corner
and you're like, there's a fucking demon over there.
(23:39):
Stop. I can't.
I can't do that shit either.
I don't do scary and I don't do gory final destination.
I mean, just run a fucking horror film over there.
Dude, call it sleep paralysis.
Fucking crazy.
That should be a movie, dude. That was cool.
(23:59):
Colon sheet cocoon.
That's what I was thinking. Yeah.
Yeah. The cocoon.
That's the that's the worst shit ever.
Does that happen to you?
The sleep paralysis thing where like you're in between. Yeah.
How I have crazy dreams and I remember them like I really go somewhere else.
(24:19):
Well, they do have a thing now where they say scientists actually will say
they they're scientists are saying this for certainty
that when we are dreaming, we're entering another dimension.
Yeah. And like they're not saying that's a fucked up dimension.
Oh, we tell you.
But they literally are saying they have scientific proof,
which is like that's insane because now it's like, Whoa, is there really more dimensions?
(24:43):
Yeah. Have you guys seen Innerset?
Yeah. Great movie. Great film.
It's classic. That is one of the best scores of a movie of all time.
But it like goes into dimensions, right?
And like that's where it can kind of help you understand like dimensions and like how
I didn't understand how things move that far in advance, but that was a cool concept.
(25:05):
So, yeah, when I'm dreaming, I think I might go places like that.
I'm not playing either. I remember things. It's crazy.
There was a crazy stat where they were saying that if the problem was space travel
and such is we're not that far away from traveling at the speed of light,
but time is relative, meaning if they go to a dromida, which is like two million light,
(25:26):
whatever they go there. Right.
And then they're like, Oh, shit, there's life here.
I'm going to go back to my planet and fucking tell like, Oh, shit, there's this is another planet.
Right. By the time he came back, 200 million years would have passed on Earth.
Yeah. So you can travel the rate, but time is still relative.
So now you'd come back to what you had to what a million.
(25:47):
What would the planet even look like at that?
Imploded and 100 percent.
We're blowing this bitch up at a certain point.
It'll be gone. It's all new.
Yeah. You're into all that shit, though, Derek.
I love it. You want to do it. I don't.
I like to say with the known, I want one verse this one.
So when you sleep, where are you going to?
(26:10):
I mentioned smoke and tie.
I've smoked entirely too much weed. I don't I rarely dream anymore.
I swear to God, just darkness.
I know that sounds depressing, but I am going to do that.
I hate to say it. Sometimes I have dreams, but they're very rare
and they're usually like sad.
They're never like fun, happy dreams anymore.
It's not like I get to enjoy those having a dream.
No, that's fine. But no, it's I honestly I have great dreams like,
(26:34):
you know, mine are trauma.
I have trauma dreams that I'm not even kidding.
I mean, and I remember some of some of them.
Some of them are insane.
Some of them I've like been able to fly.
I think it's one of them I even had like.
I don't know if this was some kind of Harry Potter world,
and I don't think it was a broomstick, but I had essentially what was a stick
(26:58):
and I could just take off and it was the shit.
It's the coolest thing ever, dude.
Honestly, I don't care if it looked like the fucking sweeper.
I sweep the kitchen up with it.
It could just like scoff in the backyard and just like later, guys.
Oh, I don't like that.
Blow your fucking mind if we just went outside and I just.
I would see Larry.
(27:20):
Derek, you know your way out.
Should put a bike helmet on.
Yeah, I would laugh hysterically.
I feel like he's not for real.
But he is for real. Yeah.
If that's funny, though.
But no, but no, I don't.
(27:40):
I really I don't know if that's why I really don't dream a lot.
I do have a lot of scary shit, which is usually accompanied by sleep paralysis.
And then sometimes
I'll dream about my mom.
And that's a great dream. I cry, dude.
I wake I wake up and I've like cried and I'm like, dude.
But like, maybe she's visiting you.
(28:02):
Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's great.
I we've talked about this many, many times on the pod.
But I've had, you know, I'm not like I was raised Catholic.
We both went to Shiloh Christian School, which I think was Baptist.
That was a Baptist church, right?
I was so little.
I don't even I just remember it was Shiloh.
(28:23):
It was a Baptist church and the principal had a giant ass paddle.
And if your parents said yes, she could pop your ass.
Oh, it's real. I won't hear about that.
It was huge, dude.
No. And she was like I was I was in kindergarten, first grade, maybe.
But I remember she was tall.
She kind of looked like a witch with her short bob black haircut.
(28:47):
Scared me a little bit.
Mrs. Cadwallader, my mom remained friends with a lot of the teachers from there.
But it was funny because there was that big leather couch
in the front of the school and she'd whack it with the paddle.
What a sight. That's a psychopath.
Back then, it was a whole vibe to the bucket.
Like kids love Matilda.
(29:07):
Yeah, we just watched a phenomenal movie.
But it is very much it reminds me a little bit of that.
Like going to a private school, if your parent allowed them to do that.
Yeah, they would hit you.
Mine said no.
Thank God my dad was not going to let nobody hit us.
I mean, some of these kids today need a little whack and a smack,
(29:30):
but we're way too woke for that shit.
That was another time, children.
You didn't you escape the corporal punishment.
I feel like no, we fucking leave that right in.
Hey, Derek, you know how many times I've asked you to cut shit out
and you left it in my time right now?
He's like, I'm still going to cut it out.
Maybe. Or maybe you leave it in.
(29:53):
But I'm not like I like having sentimental dreams like that.
And I've also had like super vivid, lucid dreams
where you do feel like you're living in somebody else's body, which is wild.
Or you're in a whole other life.
Oh, you're like, what am I?
What am I doing here?
But it's you. You know what I mean?
(30:13):
It's weird. I mean, it's you in the dream.
That's why it might be fucking glop, glop or something.
Well, now it's like Rick and Morton.
What about what about do you guys ever have like underwater dreams?
No, no, no.
Did you hear me talk about having nightmares of drowning?
And being wrapped up in my shoes?
(30:33):
I don't know. He's drowning. He's no mermaid.
I don't know why we've been over this.
OK, he wants to be on Harry Potter.
Derek wants to be in the ocean.
I do want to be on the way. And apparently she does, too.
Fine. I like the water.
I like the land.
So you could do. Yeah, I could do both.
Isn't that great? And see, yeah, I'll be a Barbie.
(30:54):
I could do I could be anything.
You know, I'm plus size construction can let's go.
Are you doing a nerdy can?
So I'm like the kid in Barbie that was like Alan.
I'm an Alan. Am I an Alan?
Oh, man, am I a fucking Alan?
No, you just said you wanted to be an hour.
What the fuck are we talking about here?
(31:15):
Oh, that's a good thing.
Do you ever have I call this shit dream, Javu?
OK, have you ever dreamt something?
And it's not necessarily
there have been a couple of cases in my life where it's been like
some crazy shit happened.
And I was like, oh, we're not going there.
It was like a little premonition on some like Nicholas Cage.
(31:37):
The name of that movie knowing where he was a psychic.
Yeah, you know, he's terrible, dude.
Why is why does Nicholas Cage in every movie he's in
make sure that his character has long hair like you?
You got to let it go.
It's like, yeah, it's thin on top. It's.
Yeah, he does. It's OK.
(31:59):
But yeah, that's that is that is the weirdest shit.
A lot of times it's like a real innocuous moment,
like a short conversation with somebody.
You're like, what happened already?
The fuck is that?
I've experienced that, too. Yeah, it is crazy, dude.
I don't know. What is that?
Is it just you thinking that you thought that that happened or like?
Or it's like the feeling that makes it feel familiar, right?
(32:23):
You're like, wait, I've already felt like this before.
Or I felt like I was here having this exact same scenario.
And you're like, oh, shit, this is deja vu.
But when it happens, I don't know what it really is.
Like, I always look at it like, OK, wake up.
Like, what are we what's happening right now?
Like, it's a wake up call, like a hey, pay attention.
Yeah, that's what I always look at it like Joe Rogan has talked about.
(32:46):
Like when we go to sleep, we go to sleep to be another form of entity or something.
And that's why we go to sleep.
And then when we come back, I'm not a mom.
That's fucking that sounds like an I lost.
Good. Yeah.
Like your consciousness goes to something else, man.
Now, have you ever seen it's a movie?
(33:08):
I think it's on Hulu. It's called Boss Level. No.
So essentially in the movie, this guy wakes up repeatedly
and people are just trying to kill him.
And he essentially it's like a video game.
Like he has to learn to dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge
like immediately from when he wakes up.
If you were in a situation like that,
(33:30):
would you try to figure out and complete the mission or would you just say fuck it
and just be like, we're just going to go out and do wild shit every day
and just be a heathen and steal a helicopter? Why not?
Don't fly it into a building.
Well, how many chances do you get?
That's unknown.
No, in this, it was essentially infinite.
(33:50):
Like the his his baby mama essentially
is some kind of high level scientist who has unlocked what is essentially.
God, is this like time travel?
I guess I guess you would call it time travel or something.
She realizes that the people that she's working for are going to kill her.
(34:10):
So she puts boyfriends like DNA in this little thing.
Puts it in the machine.
Why? And puts them in the spinners.
It puts them in the blender.
So it's like now that is fucking frightening, dude.
I don't like that. Holy shit.
You just wake up and now you're fucking living eternity
by just fighting people for your life every waking moment.
Holy shit, dude.
(34:31):
So he could like say because I guess the thing she's pissed.
I haven't watched it in a while, but she's pissed about something.
I guess there was some kind of like world of ending
ending shit that was going to happen if he didn't walk back into the machine.
Listen, this is a made for Hulu movie.
This shit didn't go wide.
This wasn't in theaters.
So like take it for what it is.
(34:52):
It's on Hulu.
They skip shit. Yeah. OK.
Probably right now.
I mean, you get used to being stabbed a lot.
Well, I feel like if it's that many times, I think you're going to go
through a lot of feelings.
So probably try to solve it in the long run
so you don't have to keep doing it. Get sick of it.
They did. They showed him getting murked like so many times.
(35:14):
And then it got to a point where he would just go and just get fucked up every day
because they had a tracking chip in him.
The people's they were just coming and finding him and like, you know,
holy fuck, dude, that's insane.
That would not be fun.
That's kind of how life is.
All right. I'm not interested in any of that.
No mystical shit.
If Dr. Strange opened a little space portal right there was like, come on,
(35:37):
we got to go. You're like appeared in this room right now.
You're not going.
He's like, you have bigger purpose.
What if he had your little broom?
Then I'm in immediate in.
If he had your broom, I hear it.
So there you go.
This is how this for you.
Sweeper of Adonis or something.
(35:57):
It has to have like a great name because it's got the cape and it's lit up.
It's got. Yeah.
It's like lit up for you.
Here you go.
Hands over the swifter to the Swifty.
He said, bye.
Gotta go. He was jumping on it.
Snap, leave. We're avenging.
Go avenge, dude. Go save us.
(36:17):
OK, if I don't even think we've done this one, but it's such an obvious
like popular thing. OK, hit me.
If you could be a superhero, what are we going to be?
What's your what's your Marvel character name?
What are your abilities?
Wow. I feel like Derek can probably have one cooked up
like pretty quick. I mean, I already know.
Atticus because that is.
(36:39):
Oh, I'm so glad I guess my name is a name.
It's an episode that you'll see.
We're in the past, future, future past.
So you'll see that's great.
Sir, glad I guess.
But to be honest with you, I would just I love everything.
Spider-Man, dude.
I like I don't even need to change anything
because I just love Spider-Man that much.
I love that he has like the girl, you know, on the side
(36:59):
that he cares and loves about.
But I also got to go save the world.
But I'm also a nerdy and I'm a quick thinker, but I'm fast
and swing through buildings and shit.
Just we that shit would be so fun, dude.
You would. I would.
But like I'm just like the I'm that nerdy kind of type.
You know what I'm saying?
And like that would be that would be just a cool
that'd be a cool life.
(37:20):
And your name is Sir.
No, it's not Sir Gladikus. That's my nickname.
OK, I can't mix night.
OK, so you so you got to pick one.
Either the webs are like ammo
or you got to have one that like comes out of your like back
like near your ass.
So it naturally produces a tramp stamp.
(37:41):
Pretty much.
I mean, it could come out of the wrist, too,
but you got to have the back one because it's more like spider
like and real.
You got the girl.
She's understanding. She likes it.
She's with you.
Maybe you saw it doesn't make you spin her up
and do a little web with the one on the back.
He's going to spin you into a cocoon, drop you into a river.
(38:03):
His worst fear.
You do that to me, Derek.
He's a superhero.
You'd be a supervillain if you like.
I'm in my own.
Probably. OK, well, hit us with yours.
I don't know. I don't. OK.
Probably now in my life.
Yeah, we're not. Let's do it.
It would be like a double seven villain. Hmm.
(38:23):
Like a Mission Impossible villain.
Do you want to be like an action villain?
Yeah. What motive? What motivates you?
Are we getting rich? Are we blowing up the planet? Yeah.
OK, so you're probably like double seven. OK.
Yeah. Global.
You're you're you're a threat to the whole globe.
I'm dangerous. Yeah.
OK. That's cool.
(38:44):
There we go. Perfect.
Do you remember that Jackie Chan movie, The Tuxedo?
I do where the big bad guy was like trying to modify the water supply.
I want one of those tuxedos to fucking dance.
Dude, I don't even want it for combat.
Oh, my God.
I want to do the fucking splits like James Brown.
(39:05):
I'm not. Don't worry.
The splits are not happening.
Please do it.
You just did the splits right now.
I die. I love it.
Do it.
Are we roll clip and doing it?
Groin tear. Roll clip.
Yeah. In hospital.
You're both coming with me, by the way.
(39:25):
I'm not fucking going alone.
I got insurance to go or be there all night.
Please do it.
Just later.
I was like a creative one, though, I feel like.
But what's yours?
I would want to I would want to be
I would want to be have you ever seen the Watchmen?
(39:47):
Yeah, Watchmen. Great movie.
Dr. Manhattan. Boom. Yeah.
He's creepy looking.
He has a speedo.
He can phase in and out if he decides whether or not he wants to be
deck out on that day.
It's like we either got to go out and we're covered or just deck out.
The first time I saw that, I was like, is this really happening?
(40:09):
Like, what?
That was a long time ago, too.
But I was like, oh, wow. Like, OK, that's where we're going with this.
And they did.
Dicks are so offensive in movies like like the Game of Thrones, dude.
You're like, oh, another dick.
Oh, you're like, oh, dick. Another one.
It's like, yeah, the female body is just so much more appealing.
(40:32):
You know, if there's going to be if the movies are in,
I see that end for nudity.
Make it some titties.
You're hoping you get to see more than you're a cut.
Titties. It's got to always be. Right.
Oh, man down.
Make it. There's no man in this world that doesn't enjoy her ass.
Even do you?
I don't mind. Like, you see, like,
(40:53):
you said you like this.
I'm not like enjoying looking at dude ass.
But I'm saying like, I've definitely seen Brad Pitt's ass in a movie.
And I'm like, I'm fine with that great ass, Brad.
If he was in front of me, I'd give it a little smack.
I get on.
But Brad, you're looking good.
But you still looks good.
(41:13):
Shit. Slightly more wrinkly.
What is happening?
What is happening?
I'm giving Brad Pitt his flowers.
I'm Brad Angelina.
We don't know what you're doing.
Wow. With all the adopted children.
I'd never do that to any other man, dude.
I wouldn't do it.
I'm not a Brad fan.
I was feeling I was feeling positive about Brad Pitt.
You're welcome, Brad.
(41:34):
Clip it. We will clip it.
It would be funny if Brad Pitt came on.
Did one day. Oh, my God.
He's all.
Stand up.
You fucking slap his ass.
I mean, I'm standing right now.
That would be insane.
If I'm getting an ass slap, I want him pulling the pants like I want full cheek.
You want? I want to.
(41:55):
Back.
Shit.
It probably smells like sandals.
Stop.
Why is sandalwood?
Because he's he's so earthy and manly and sensual all at the same time.
Oh, my God. Do you have a crush?
He's so crushing.
He's got to shake the titty.
(42:16):
I'm remembering it.
Got to be a dude.
We're doing it right now, people.
I don't know how many episodes in between the last time that we did this.
But we're here. OK.
OK, so here's the deal.
You pull one and you have to do an impression.
We'll say it with bad impressions.
(42:36):
If you if you don't have it and you got to like look, reference it on the phone.
That's fine. But then you really got to act it out as well.
You got to embarrass yourself thoroughly on the Internet.
So all right. I'll do my best.
So hold on. You or me, Derek?
I was first last time.
So why don't you take it this time, my friend?
I hate this bit so bad.
(42:56):
Why? It's so funny, but he hates it because like when you get stuck
because when you get stuck, I mean, pass it around.
I'll do mine first. OK.
So I'll do last. We'll go bang, bang, bang. OK. OK.
I'm waiting.
(43:18):
We talked about fucking rush hour, too.
I got to get out. I'll act this one out, dude.
OK. OK.
Michael Jackson. Yeah.
You should have done that.
Thank you. I felt like that was a cop out there.
(43:41):
So I added the dance in there so you could get that to.
Oh, I could have done that, too.
Although that could have been actually boys.
This one's hard.
I would I would even say I would allow a repose.
Yeah, please. But only one is like one.
Only one. OK, OK, OK.
Breaking a rule.
(44:03):
That's how life works. OK.
All right.
I don't even know who this is.
Now you got to look it up and find out.
Now you're going to find out.
It's it's pretty well known.
I'm shocked you don't know.
I don't know who that is.
(44:23):
Oh, that would be a challenge for you.
For me. OK, I'm looking it up.
I would love to see you do.
Andrew Dice Clay.
That would be hilarious.
He's like a New Yorker, like tough guy like, oh, I'm Andrew Dice Clay.
Oh, hey. Oh, it was that weird song.
Does a fairy tale or whatever.
One from two.
(44:44):
Something about his mother tough it.
And then it says it's something.
Courts of Way. Hey, it's just like a sex fucking line.
Yeah. She blew me on her way.
Or so. Yeah, it's very sexual.
I've never seen it. Super sexual.
Andrew Dice Clay was like one of the really original.
I feel I feel he was a big star, dude.
But I'm saying his shit was like edgy and really, really punchy,
(45:07):
which is like respectful for that. OK.
Respectfully. Yeah.
So he's a respected. I don't know.
You know, OK, so since you have rejected two from the cup now,
you have to just give us an impression and we get to guess who you are.
Go, Derek.
You know, sometimes, you know, sometimes you just go over there and you
(45:28):
thing. And yeah.
Did you not have a specific line for this person?
Pool hall junkies is what it's a movie.
I mean, about pulling guys.
You didn't want to go Christopher Walken.
Yeah, but you didn't want to go with Joe Dirt where he goes,
you're talking to me all wrong.
See, do it again.
(45:49):
I'll stab you in the face with a side ring.
I want to have an Asian person do a Christopher Walken.
Oh, my God. They're great at it.
Have you ever seen that?
Asians know Christopher Walken.
Why? I'm going to have to look it up for sure.
I'll show you a video right after.
I want to say it is a thing. Don't forget. OK.
(46:10):
We will. We will. I want to see.
Yeah. Oh, all right.
So hit us with yours.
I don't know. I don't even have one.
A star. Some OK.
You want to pull one more time?
Yeah, let's try one more time.
Oh, my God. Triple.
OK. See, I'm the tech.
I did more and I didn't even have the goddamn tuxedo.
(46:33):
OK. Yeah, I can do this.
OK, you got one. She's in it. All right.
OK. Do I have to act it out or can I like if you have a solid voice
impression, don't explain it and you can't go can't explain it.
Yeah, I'm so.
Yeah, that shit is so corny when people do that.
They say the name.
No, that's not OK. OK.
Here we go. Hold on.
I have to think about like how he said it.
(46:54):
I'm on the edge of my seat. We know.
Yeah. OK.
I don't do a good crikey.
Oh, my God.
That's a crocodile.
Say the other one.
Say it. That's not a knife.
This is a knife. Yeah.
(47:14):
We're going to know it's not.
Lions. What? It's not that one.
It's another.
Erwin. Oh, there's a gate over there.
Oh, that's a beauty.
That's a great. I don't do good impressions.
So that's why it's called bad impressions.
Neither do we. But guess what?
You guys got it.
Hey, it took four times.
(47:35):
Fourth time is a charm.
I actually thought Steve Erwin first, but he put crocodile.
Yeah, I did. OK.
That was good. OK.
The same person to me. You're a good sport.
Thank you.
And now I feel like now we need to put some women in that cup
because we're real. That was that is true.
A lot of that is very like, dude, heavy.
Do the TV. I did it.
But you did it. Yeah.
Thank you. All about equality here.
(47:57):
Don't worry.
Or at least we have the best intentions.
It was cool. I liked it.
OK, so give us some plugs.
Tell the people where we can find you.
OK, I'm on Instagram and my handle is Jacqueline's World.
It's my first name.
J.A.C. L.Y.N. S.
World. It's her world.
(48:18):
It's my world. Oh, get in her world.
It's great. It's fun over here.
Right now it is. OK, we're single.
We're living it.
Love it. Yeah. Great times.
Thank you. And you made it.
I did. And you're here.
And it was so good. It was.
Thank you. It was great.
We'll see you on the next one.
Later. Let's go.
(48:39):
Thank you.
That was fun.
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