May 29, 2025 • 44 mins
Were you ever treated like a child well into adulthood simply because you're neurodivergent? Or maybe it was the opposite experience of always being told you were "mature" for your age. Either way we probably end up equally as frustrated in the end so let's talk about it.
Where to find us…
Follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, @thendcpodcast!
Follow Niki on Instagram @nikitabonana
Follow Amanda on Instagram @amandasvartaas
Have a question? Want to tell us we suck? Send us an email at thendcpodcast@gmail.com!
Disclaimer
Don't listen to a word we say. We are not doctors, we don't even play one on TV. These are just our experiences and opinions. Opinions are like assholes everybody has one. The topics discussed here are not meant to treat, diagnose, or cure medical conditions.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:17):
Hi, Minder. Hi, Nikki.
Listen, this is going to be a short one on purpose.
My computer's not plugged in, mybody's pissed off, and we're
playing Beat the Benadryl. So beat the Benadryl and the
battery. Yeah, and the battery.
(00:40):
So good thing this is a fuck allepisode and we're just going to
have a Chitty Chitty chat chat today.
Yeah, this isn't anything goes. Episode.
So yeah, this is kind of an anything goes a potpourri, if
you will. If it's if we're talking about
Jeopardy, this is a potpourri round.
Oh. OK, Well, Amanda, since it's a
(01:02):
short one and our little topics not going to be very long that
we we decided we were going to kind of riff on let's tell the
people why we're recording at 8:30 at night on a Friday.
Yeah, I almost forgot what day it was, 'cause that's.
All I was like, wait, was it a Friday?
(01:23):
Yeah, I was like Saturday, Tuesday because I'm like,
that's. Right.
Well, so I have yet to to do anything in relation to the,
the, the trip. So Nikki is coming down tomorrow
and then the next day we are gonna be driving down to
(01:45):
Florida. Florida.
Florida. We're going to go see my mom and
grandparents and brother. Oh, my God, That was a bourbon.
So sorry. And my aunt Lisa, I haven't seen
them in a while. My kids are done with school, so
(02:07):
we're going to take a little vacay.
We will. I think we will still be in
Florida by the time this comes out.
Yeah, but Thursday. But if you have any thoughts
about robbing our houses, don't 'cause we have people still in
our houses. So you should probably not rob
us while we're on vacation, but it's fine.
(02:30):
You won't get shit out of Amanda's house anyways.
Yeah, except for for nostalgia Knick knacks and a few sad
things from the fridge. Yeah.
Exactly, but you'll you'll see the fridge of like either a
really poor college kid or a homeless person.
So take your pick. That's that's my free fight.
(02:51):
Oh shit. So yeah, we're going to go
Florida. We're going to have some fun.
So you have not. Packed at all.
I mean, I I took the suitcase out of the closet.
So that's, I mean, to be fair, like my house is pretty much
done. Like the only thing I got to do
is I just got to mop the floor because normally I wouldn't care
(03:12):
about mopping the floor, which Iknow is not like.
Well, that was have to do with your trip is because I, I used
like like Pam cooking spray to like spray a pan and I guess I
just missed the pan a lot of thetime.
And so I got all over the floor so that like a major part of the
floor is like covered in Pam. So I've almost slipped like fell
(03:33):
in my ass a couple times forgetting that that spot like I
should probably mop this 'cause I hate mopping.
I, I, I'd rather vacuum 100 floors of a building to before I
mop a single thing because it's the whole sweeping and then
mopping and then drying out the mop and cleaning them up.
And my hair gets all over in themop and it's just, it's, it's
(03:56):
just obnoxious. It's it's an obnoxious process
because it's more than just likegetting the mop out and mopping
right. Right.
Right, so. If it was only that easy.
Yeah, it was only that, but luckily because I had someone
come to my house the other day like to repair my AC, my house
is looking pretty good because you know, I panic cleaned the 30
(04:18):
minutes before he came to my house.
So my house looks fine. That's the only way things get
clean. Exactly.
But so I got a pack, but I have like the list of stuff I got to
do. It's it's really just like pull
stuff out of drawers. I already have like a toilet,
like a toiletry bag, like made-up.
So I just got throat like toss that in there because it's like
(04:40):
from the last trip I took. I never really like undid the
toiletry bag. It's just like trouble stuff and
like additional stuff like extrastuff that I have.
So just gotta throw that in there.
But otherwise, like, yeah, it's not too bad.
It's just I've been really lazy.Today's just been a long ass
day. And that's another reason why
we're recording. I just take like a 2 hour nap
(05:00):
before recorded. I told her I'm like I I will be
useless if I don't because I am nodding off like an old man in
his chair right now if I don't sleep, 'cause I I spent five
hours in a waiting room in the most sensory hell waiting room I
could. If if you picture everything
like like like a, a neurodivision person would
(05:23):
consider to be like their hellscape in terms of sensory it
like like like noises and stuff and sights, basically sights and
sounds. That was in that waiting room.
So that's that's where I'm at. But yeah, so we're we're
(05:43):
excited. I also, oh, I do, I do have like
a list of songs I got to add to our playlist 'cause I was like,
Oh yeah, here's the song since I've been lazy on doing that
too. So, well, this is like 12 hours
long but. Hey, listen, we're going to need
all 12 hours, so and then some, yeah, 'cause we're driving.
We're driving to Florida if we didn't say.
(06:04):
'Cause we're, we're, we're, we're Midwestern United States
people. We, we, we knew, we know no
distance that we can't drive. You know, that's right.
It's in our blood. It's in our blood.
We were born and bred for this. Good old fashioned road trip.
Except for doing it the cripple way for me because because I
(06:26):
bought me one of those orthopedic cushions for my ass
and a little foot rest that is dual purpose honestly.
Because I'm going to use the cushion in my office chair,
which I'm currently actually sitting on and it's quite
comfortable and then a little like foot rest thingy that's
also under my desk right now, but I will be bringing it.
(06:50):
Oh my God, sorry, all the burps.We'll be bringing it in the car
for when I'm the passenger Princess so that my feet can be
raised up and my poor little hips don't break in half while
I'm sitting there for hours on end.
So we have all the Dramamine. Yes. 36 of them to be exact.
(07:13):
So. Non.
Drowsy, sort of non drowsy, yeah, non drowsy.
Dramamine is is packed. I have my pharmacy packed and
ready to go both for me and the children.
Any kind of medication you couldpossibly think of, I'm sure it's
it's in there minus like narcotics.
Narcotics aren't in there because I don't use those, but
(07:35):
you know, if I did, they'd be inthere.
So yeah, I think, I think we're set medically.
We're set emergency wise becauseAmanda's going to provide us
with the jump jumper cables and shit that I have not been
driving around with. Usually.
I always have a set of cables inmy car and I just now realized
(07:56):
that I don't think I ever took them out when I traded my car in
what, like 2 years ago now? Because they're not in my car.
So Amanda's going to let us borrow those cars all ready to.
Go. Got oil changed, tires rotated.
So we're we're doing all the things, checking all the boxes
(08:17):
and we're going to have all the snickety snacks.
We're not going to do any fast food on the way down.
We're going to be, we're going to be frugal and, and try not to
eat so too much salt to 'cause you know, we're getting to that
age. You know, we can't, we can't, we
can't be pounding down like the,the fast food like we could Nope
back back in the day. So I she's I don't, she said she
(08:38):
was making sandwiches. So I was like, your kids are
only to peanut butter, right? Because our peanuts 'cause I'm
making peanut butter sandwiches.So.
Yeah, I'm going to do 2 big fuckoff salads.
So I'll eat while I'm passenger Princess and I might make myself
a sandwich just in case, but like a small little sandwich or
something. But but yeah, I'm going to do
(09:00):
salad because I know that will fill me up.
And if I eat too much lunch meat, it's not great for me.
Yeah. That's what and I didn't want
to. I don't.
I just don't want to mess with lunch being trying to keep it
cold and because it's like I didn't feel comfortable carrying
like messing with this. I'm like peanut butter.
I have peanut butter. I just need bread.
That's right. So yeah, so that's what we're
(09:22):
going to do. God Bless America, the land that
we love. We're going to Florida.
It's going to be fun. My grandparents have a pool, so
we'll be swimming and chilling. My mom would like to do at least
one beach day, so I think we're going to try to hit the beach
one day. But other than that, we don't go
(09:43):
nowhere. We don't do nothing.
We just hang out. So that's usually how that's how
we roll that's. Usually how we roll.
Yeah, it's my kind of vacation. So anyway, let's let's get into
our little Chitty chat. Chat today.
Battery is currently at. Let's check battery percentage.
Hold on, where we at? Where we at?
(10:04):
Where we at? What's it say?
Battery status 60% Sixty percent44 minutes T -, 44 minutes
before meltdown. So all right.
If so, if we lose the key all ofa sudden, you know why?
So we're going to talk about today just kind of something
that I saw on the interminets, which is someone sort of talking
(10:26):
about how I guess, and and I guess I don't know if I've
really experienced it personally, but how it seems
like autistic people are infantilized a lot or like both
in real life and then also maybeportrayed in a in an, in an
(10:48):
infantilizing way. That's a difficult sentence to
say right now on television, even if they're an adult.
So because Amanda probably has more formed thoughts on that
than I do at the current moment because Benadryl, I'm going to
let her start off with her thoughts on it and then we'll
sort of segue into another little thing which is not really
(11:09):
feeling the age that we are. So take it away.
A mender yeah, I was basically saying because we weren't sure
how much like thought we had about that concept, like
autistic people being infantilized and basically
treated as were children. But like it's like a double
edged sword because we also feellike we don't like we're like
(11:34):
imposter adults. Like we don't like we we didn't
get we didn't get the manual that other people got, which I
think is like almost like a nearuniversal feeling for autistic
people. Like we feel like we like other
people were given like a set of instructions and we missed class
that day. Like we were not there the day
of the syllabus. OK, for for for how to how to
(11:56):
human how to human one O 1. We miss the first day so but
yeah, I even been seeing more and more of like, I'm sure it's
'cause like the, the cookies andthe cash like saying like
because we mentioned it now I'm seeing it more on like my, my
(12:18):
timeline and stuff. Because even like one of my
like, there's like a start because I've watched season 2 of
Andor. I so now I'm getting, I've been
getting like on my like, you know, timeline about stuff about
like Star Wars and Andor and stuff.
And someone was saying that likeK2.
(12:39):
SO Alan Tuduk's character from like Rogue One, the robot he
people were like, do you like, would you see?
Like would you consider him likelike if, if robots could be
autistic? Like he's kind of he's, he's
kind of like childlike. It doesn't really know it.
Like he he's very like, I forgotlike what the other word they
used and someone was like, it sounds like you're infantilizing
(13:01):
him. Like if you think he has autism
and because he's childlike, thenit's kind of like looking down,
not necessarily looking down. But like I said, we're just
going to keep using the word infantilize.
It's kind of like you're becausehe, you see him as childlike
because he literally was like born yesterday type of thing.
You're like, oh, he must be likeif robots can be autistic, he's
(13:22):
probably autistic because look at how he is and no, no, and,
and because it's like, it's hardAlso that think of like Big Bang
Theory, like Sheldon is like they never definitively say what
Sheldon like that Sheldon's autistic, but it's, it's kind of
like obvious that he is because like the, the, the creators even
(13:44):
like wrote it into this, like the plot of the show that like
he, like Sheldon always says, like my mom, like I'm not crazy.
Like I, my mom had me tested, like there's nothing wrong with
me. My mom had me tested.
It's kind of like a running jokeof the show.
And so he but they always treated him as if he was a
child, which sometimes obviouslySheldon acted like a child.
(14:05):
That was like the point. And same with like the Good
Doctor, which is a show I've seen like a few episodes of, but
he's also, even though he's likea doctor, like the best doctor
in the hospital or something, he's also treated as if he's a
child sometimes and doesn't really know what's going on.
And so like you, it's like it's not something like I've because
(14:30):
obviously I'm not I've I feel like it'd be different if we
were diagnosed autistic since wewere kids and like people knew
that we were. So we're not really saying this
is more of like a personal experience, but on, on like the
flip side, it's kind of like, it's funny when I was at Scott's
(14:51):
last week, every time, like Scott is so thoughtful when it
comes like when it 'cause he knows like I have texture issues
with food. And so like he made like this
Mexican lasagna, which is reallygood.
It was, it was texture hell for me, but it was, it was flavor
wise. It was good.
But he had like, but when he wasdone making it, he asked if you
want, if I wanted, if I wouldn'twould mind green onions on the
(15:14):
top. And I was like, Oh yeah, sure.
I like green onions. He was like, OK.
And he doesn't like because likeI said, he's thoughtful, right?
But then every time, like he asks, like anytime, like he asks
'cause he's really the only person that asks me about like
texture and food, 'cause he's really the only person that like
cooks for me. I always feel like a child.
(15:34):
And that's like, that's like a me problem.
That's not like him treating me like a child.
It's like, I feel like I'm beinga child because my friend has
asked me. It's like, oh, this food that
the, the other three of us can handle.
Can you handle that? Can, can your little sensitive
mouth handle chewing this reallymundane ingredient in this, in
(15:58):
this, in this dish? And so I feel, I feel bad.
And so a lot of times I kind of just, it's not like that.
I lie. I'm just like, I'll just be
like, oh, I'll just pick it out or I just, I'll just eat around
it. Or a lot of times it's like
stuff like I don't chew. Like I just won't like if it has
like bits of onions or something, I just won't chew the
bite just so I don't have to feel it.
(16:20):
And but yeah, I think that's like pretty much my like
experience. Like so it's not like I've
directly felt like someone like I, I felt like growing up,
people have kind of treated me as if I was for like a better
word, like stupid. And so that was always like my,
my biggest, I guess annoyance isthat I felt like people like
(16:46):
would treat me as if I was dumb And I, I was like, you can like,
I don't care if you call me fat.I don't care if you like, I'll
just don't act like I'm dumb. I'm not dumb.
And so I feel like even though Imade good grades in high school,
I feel I felt like I would like,you know, all through school.
I like I was really smart. I just feel like people like
just even like not knowing obviously that I was statistic.
(17:06):
I just feel like people treated me as if I was lesser than if
that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, for sure.
What about for you? I I just jumped on to our slash
autism on Reddit and it's like the first thing that popped up
(17:27):
was the question is wait, is inventilization a common thing
for us? And it says, I guess I've always
felt infantilized as if people treat me as a baby not worthy of
interaction unless I'm in shutdown mode in which they
never fail to be worried about me when I just want them to go
away and recover in my own time.Then I get mad that I don't want
(17:48):
their help and like I thought and like I thought that was me
overreacting. But I feel like I've seen a lot
of posts here talking about infantilization and given how
I'm apparently the autistic poster child where anyone who
knows about autism would immediately peg me as autistic,
I'm wondering I'm not. I'm not overreacting and people
are really treating me like a baby.
(18:11):
And then someone's response is it happens.
And when it does, I ask them to treat me like the adult I am.
If they still talk to me in their coochie coochie COO voice,
then I do the voice to them too to see how they like it.
It usually leads to a quick discussion about how I'm how I'm
not three years old. And then then we either continue
(18:31):
like adults or we don't continueat all because I'll just walk
away if they don't stop. Right?
Yeah. And I feel like it's just.
Yep. My first job from 15 to 19 years
old always treated me like a young child.
Even paid me like 111 Australiandollars per hour at the time
when we got a new pay lady and it went up to 26 per hour.
(18:55):
Most places since they have since then have treated me the
same even though I've been more qualified than most of the older
workers and managers. Just because I can't communicate
the smoothest. I get babied.
I also get nearly everything blamed on me but can never stand
up for myself properly so I justend up apologizing for mistakes
and I'd never be silly enough tomake it.
Makes me mad and sad. Yeah, I can see how that
(19:21):
absolutely can be happening quite a bit for me.
I guess, like you said, I I mean, we didn't know until we
were in our 30s. So like, I don't know that I was
ever babied for any reason. Our family didn't really baby
(19:43):
kids. That's not how we did things.
We just sort of talked to kids as if they were little adults.
And not that I think that there's really anything wrong
with that. I guess if I examine my own
parenting I can maybe see where I sometimes don't.
(20:10):
Maybe I sometimes infantilize mykids a little more than they
technically would need to be. They're much more capable than
sometimes I give them credit for.
I don't even mention that intentional thing.
Yeah, you guys even mentioned mebecause like mentioned to me,
like last time I was there, 'cause you were trying to, like
you're directing Noah to do something.
(20:31):
And then you're, you're like, I just you, you, you just said to
your, like you said out loud to like both of us, like 'cause he,
he did, he did the thing and then like, you know, went back
to his room or whatever. And then you're like, and he did
the thing without any problems. And you're like, I, you're like,
I just sometimes feel like I forget that he's actually more
capable than I give like, than, than like, than I think he is.
(20:52):
Like he he, like he's perfectly capable of doing these things.
Yeah, but I don't know if that'slike necessarily.
I mean, it very well could be because of his autism diagnosis,
but I feel like more of that is like, because he's my baby, he's
like the youngest. And I think I forget that.
Like, he's gonna be 10 in a couple months.
(21:12):
So like, and what Nicholas was able to do at 10, I feel like
Noah doesn't do at 10. And I think that's my own fault
because Nicholas was always veryeager to be and has always acted
as if he's much older than he is.
(21:33):
It's the whole elder child, younger child thing.
Yeah. But I think if anything, and
this is not to discredit anyone else's experience, if you feel
this way, I can totally see thishappening to people.
I can totally see how this is a very valid thing.
I guess I just don't have that experience.
So it's difficult for me to really like go farther with it.
(21:56):
If anything, I've always been held to a higher standard
because of this is going to sound really, really, really
egotistical. Egotistical, but I don't mean it
like this. Like because I was a little bit
more, I was a little smarter than most kids my age.
(22:16):
I was a little more advanced. I did things a little bit
earlier than kids my age would normally do.
I spoke before kids my age were speaking, you know, like I was
farther along in speech than most of the kids my age.
I could understand things more. So like almost like Nicholas,
like he, he's like a little 30 year old man trapped in a 13
year old's body, you know what Imean?
(22:37):
So if anything, I've had the opposite.
It's where people assume that I'm capable of much more than I
am because I'm because I've always sort of been treated as
if I'm older and more capable than my typical, the people
(23:00):
typically my own age, if that makes any sense.
I don't know in my in, in my ownpersonal experience now, I feel
like obviously I'm much less capable than most people my age.
Well, thank you disability, but like it just has been a very
strange experience to me becauseI've had as a child, I was more
(23:20):
advanced and then the older I got, I feel like the less
capable that I am. It's like we hit a wall.
It's like, I feel like it's likeI 'cause I often think it's like
how, how was I even like when I was working part time and going
to university full time. I, I could imagine trying to do
that now because and it's obviously, it's like, obviously,
(23:42):
obviously it's like I was so burnt out, like masking and
everything and trying to trying to do it all seem like the most
capable human, which, and I, I even saw this, this might even
be a topic of its own at some point where it's almost like
once you learned your diagnosis,because I feel like you shared
something about this with me. Like it's almost like once you
learn about your diagnosis, it's, it's kind of like you
(24:04):
regress in a way because you don't feel like you have to like
be who you're like, who you're not anymore.
You feel like you feel comfortable.
It's kind of like, it's kind of like someone.
I'm not, I'm not comparing like an actual like disease, like
with autism. It's just, this is like the
(24:24):
closest metaphor I can think of.It's kind of like someone like
has like this debilitating disease that everyone thinks
they're like, oh, you're so strong.
Oh, you're so like amazing for powering through this.
Like you couldn't, like you couldn't tell that this person
has this like or no like, like say they're undiagnosed, like
they, they don't feel the best, but they power through.
(24:44):
They seem so strong. Once they get diagnosed, they
kind of like almost like their health seems to regress and it
seems like it's almost like sometimes it's like they give
up, like they gave up. It's like, no, they just kind of
like finally realized they, they're feeling this way for a
reason. Like there's a legitimate
reason. So they feel like they can
relax. So that's that's how I feel like
(25:05):
of autism. Yeah, I feel like that's
definitely an entire topic in itself because I do have a lot
to say about that, like a lot tosay about that because it is my
experience 100%. So like, I think we could make
an entire episode about autisticregression and like adult
regression, specifically adult regression.
(25:27):
But yeah, for this, I can see ithappening in our community.
I just, it's just not my personal experience.
I think it's an important thing to speak on.
And if you have experienced it, I think you definitely should
talk about it and and put it outthere for people to feel more
accepted and understood. Because obviously this person
(25:50):
really didn't know that this wasa common thing.
And look, there's a bazillion like posts underneath it talking
about it. So I mean, obviously this is
something people experience, so it's valid, but it's just like,
it's just not my experience. My my experience for sure though
(26:10):
has always sort of felt like like I'm not like even though
people said that I always acted older than I was and I wonder if
it's more of a like time is a construct that I don't
understand thing for me. I don't feel like I should be a
(26:33):
35 year old woman. Yeah, it's like I'm.
Only a couple months away from 35.
Yeah, that's it. To me, it's like every time,
like when I remember what my ageis like.
Are you sure I'm not like 20-3? Yeah, Are you sure 'cause I feel
like I, I haven't, like I, I've matured like in a lot of ways
obviously since like my early 20s, but it's also like, I feel
(26:54):
like a lot of ways I've stayed the same.
And where it's like, I'm not, it's like I like, like I said
earlier, it's like, it's like reaching like a wall, like
hitting a wall about where, you know, we progressed, progressed,
progressed, progressed. And then all of a sudden it's
like, Bam, now you, you can no longer, you're no longer aging
(27:17):
mentally with your peers. And so like, whenever I hear
about like friends that do like the most adulty, like most
adulty boring things, I'm, I'm thinking how, how did you feel?
Like what, what did I miss a class or something?
Like I said earlier, it's like, did I miss this?
(27:38):
I was not handed a syllabus for this of what I should know.
And that's partly because like either my upbringing or
whatever, But like we said, it'skind of like almost like
imposter syndrome. Like I feel like I should not
have the capability of like owning my own home and my own
car and like like having a full time job and all that.
(27:58):
Like I feel like who gave me theright, you know, like who who's
who looked at me and said, Yep, you're an adult, you have adult
responsibilities. Certainly wasn't my decision,
you know. Yeah.
And you know, I'm, I'm wonderingif there's some correlation with
like, maybe feeling more advanced most of your life and
(28:18):
then finally getting to a more advanced age and then you're
like, wait a minute, you know what I mean?
Like it just, it doesn't add up because you've weren't really
allowed. I mean, in my family, I want to
say not allowed. That's kind of harsh, but you
know what I mean? Like it wasn't really acceptable
for you to act like a child, like you just especially if you
(28:41):
were smart or new things or theysaw some sort of potential in
you that you just never really could quite.
Feel it's like the get the childsyndrome.
It's like it's like, yeah, like were you considered get the
child and now you're a burnt outadult.
Like you're, it's like, it's like for me, it's like I was
reading like in high school, like anytime they had like a
(29:02):
reading list, like the for like bonus points or something, I was
reading like every book off thatlist.
I was reading like so much to high school.
Now I I get through like a book,like a couple books a year, if
that. And so it's like I can't find
myself to like, it's not necessarily like attention span
issue. It's more of just like, how did
I manage to do like, like full coursework plus reading like
(29:28):
dozens of books throughout the school year that weren't
required to be read, that were just like a bonus thing?
Like, can I have that girl's motivation back?
Can I have her? Who?
Who is she? Like we, you know,
metaphorically blew our load in high school and then had nothing
left after. Yeah, I don't.
(29:48):
I don't even want to imagine. It's like if I, if I try to
imagine that I peaked in high school.
Oh my God. No, No thing.
But I feel like cognitively likeI did, I feel like that was like
the the peak for me. And I don't feel like I've
gained much knowledge since then.
(30:10):
I of, of just like general knowledge of things.
I don't, I, I think I've definitely obviously grown more
in my personal life and I've grown more understanding of my
own self, but I don't know that I've really done much as far as
(30:33):
like gaining actual knowledge that's beneficial in the society
that we live in. Right.
Yeah. It's like I feel like, I feel
like the knowledge I learn does not help me in the real world.
Yeah. Yeah.
Because I'm just not. Interested in that shit?
Yeah. Like I'm not interested in it.
Yeah. It's just, it's like I said,
some of the stuff that like our peers know, like just what what
(30:56):
shit can be considered like basic adult shit.
I feel like I, the boat has longsince sailed past me at this
point. I missed, I missed the boat.
Like I'm stuck in Ireland duringthe potato famine.
I missed the boat to America. OK, Like I'm just stuck in my
own little, my own, my own little hellscape here mentally
(31:18):
where like, like I said, it just, it feels like I don't
belong. Like I, I wasn't given the
manual for this. And so like that's like, that's,
like I said, that's like the flip side of people
infantilizing those with autism,like acting like their children
or they can't really amount to much.
And I, I mentioned like 'cause Imentioned my cousin before where
(31:43):
like he was titled with autism before there was like level 1,
level 2, whatever. It was just either low
functioning or high functioning,right?
And so I feel like they infantilized him so much as a
it's a detriment. Like he would probably at least
at least be like on my level of capability, like we don't have
like the same like interests of sort.
(32:05):
Like we wouldn't be like the same field or whatever.
But I feel like, and he wasn't always like as good in school,
but I feel like he would at least have his own place, have
his own job if he would. But his parents just as soon as
they learned he was autistic. Well, now you're, you're going
to be 5 years old forever. So, but it's like a, it's like a
flip side thing. It's like I, my mom kind of like
(32:28):
not necessarily like sheltered me.
Like that's kind of like a little harsh because it's not
like I was completely sheltered.I feel like I know more than
like what you would consider a like a sheltered person to know,
but it's more of like she, it's not like she infantilized me.
It's just she was always so because I was the baby, I was
the baby by like 13. I typically I was like, I really
was like an only child because my, my brother's 13 years older
(32:50):
than I am. Like he was out of the out of
the house by the time I was in kindergarten.
And so it's not like my mom never treated me like I wasn't
capable. It's just she was always like, I
was always kind of like babied in a way, 'cause I, I was even
thinking about this when I was talking to her about like a trip
like Scott and I took. I was like, we were, I want to
(33:10):
say we were 2222. We took a train down from where
we lived here in Illinois to NewOrleans.
My mom, no joke, wanted to get on the train with us to make
sure we would make it fine to New Orleans.
And she would ride back. And I was like, no, no, we're
(33:30):
not. We're not.
We're not doing that. Yeah, she did that with us in
California because you and I were going to go to Universal
and she was like. Guys, we were. 19.
Yeah, two were. There, that was needed.
We to be fair, we were 19, had no like we weren't even old.
We weren't old enough to rent a car or whatever.
So it's like, what the fuck did we know?
Like so like for me and Scott, we just, we just bought a like a
(33:51):
citywide like bus pass or tram pass or something.
And that's how we got around. But it's, it's like sort of that
sort sort of thing where she always expects me to be the like
the best in school. Like I always had to have the
like the best grades and stuff like that.
But it's, it like meant like shedidn't really let me grow up in
(34:14):
other ways. I just always had to be
academically smart, which I think was like a detriment.
And so I feel like I wasn't, I, I just, I always felt like I, I
feel like I'm my, like my littlebrain is confused 'cause I feel
like a lot of times when I was in high school, I remember like
older people, like my mom's friend or something thinking I
(34:35):
was older than I was because of how I acted.
Like I, they, they, they said I acted more mature for my age.
But then I also felt like I was very childish at the same time.
And that makes sense cause like I've always like, I felt like I
liked cartoons for a way longer.Like everyone else was done
watching cartoons when we were 12 or 13.
I was embarrassed to like, I remember like my mom suggesting,
(34:59):
oh, when you make your pinata for Spanish class, you should
make it based on that one show you like, which was Avatar the
Last Airbender 'cause it was theshow.
It was the year it came out. And I loved Avatar, but I was
like, but I was 16. What 16 year old is supposed to
admit that they like a cartoon? Like a kids cartoon, which
nowadays I feel like kids don't care.
Like I feel like kids of all ages watch cartoons and no one
(35:21):
really fucking cares. But back then, like if you, if
you liked cartoons as a teenager, you were considered
like, like I said, a child. And so it's it's just like a
flip side thing for me. Yeah, yeah, I, I don't know, I
feel like we could definitely get so much farther into that on
(35:42):
a day when my battery is not dying.
Yeah, how, how, how? What's what's the battery status
'cause we can get 29%, we can goto the fun and suckery.
Yeah, but I mean, honestly, I, I, I agree with all of that.
I think it's, I think it's a very common experience, I'm
(36:02):
sure. But I think we, I think for us,
we just in general don't have the infantilization experience.
So like we were acting like we didn't choose this topic to talk
about, but it was just a good kind of thing to think about.
(36:25):
It was like, did we, did we not like this is actually how we
feel more so than being infantilized.
It was more of like a kick off topic.
Because because I also it like one last thought.
It also just might be like a society thing in that girls are
considered to be quiet patient. They're supposed to be more
mature than their male counterparts, right?
(36:47):
So like, oh, don't mind those boys over there.
They're supposed to be mature. Boys will be boys.
And so like, I feel like that's also part of it is like why we
were kind of like set to a higher standard in a way to it's
'cause we were girls. Like I said, I feel like I'm not
sure how like just to bring likemy cousin into it, like how Mark
(37:07):
would have turned out if he was a girl, like what they have had
held into, like he would have been the eldest daughter.
So he would have done like he would have more responsibilities
heaped on him. And so I feel like if one, they
probably wouldn't even try to get an autistic diagnosis.
They're like, Oh well, she's just a girl being a quiet girl
sitting in a little corner. She's quiet.
Yeah, she's just quiet, just reserved, you know?
(37:30):
Yeah. And so that's it.
That's like a whole another thatcould be a whole another talk
about society, like how they view boys versus girls.
Yeah. Mm.
Hmm. But yeah, let's let's hit the
fun and fuckery if you're not sticking around for that.
Thanks for hanging on for this little Shorty episode.
(37:50):
This is all just kind of thoughts.
We kind of like we kind of like to do these because then it
gives us ideas for topics later that are more fully fledged and
just gives us the chance to kindof just bullshit for a little
bit about things that are just little tiny experiences.
May not be an entire episode worth of thoughts and feelings,
but yeah, it's just nice. Nice little Shorty.
But let's move on to fun and fuckery because me and my
(38:13):
computer's battery are both draining.
So let's, let's get her done. Wake up, Miles.
Here we go. All right, OK, here we go.
(38:37):
We decided we're going to do another mad Lib because we don't
have anything else in the can right now and this is a Shorty,
so let's let's just get her done.
What do you want, ma'am? OK, from you I need a noun
wheel, wheel, adjective, dutiful.
(39:10):
I'm actually, I wonder if it should have been like an an
adverb, because that doesn't make sense.
I'm gonna I'm gonna change it toan adverb.
The dutifully version. That's what Jordan said to start
with. My husband picked that one.
Yeah, 'cause it's like a dutifully.
It actually worked in the sentence.
It doesn't make sense. Like as an adjective as the
adjective version of it dutifully.
Actually ended up working more than dutiful.
(39:32):
Yeah, noun. The tree of life, or just tree
of life, whatever fits better inthe sentence.
Tree of Life, plural noun Trash bags.
My dad, we were, I was taking him to the doctor and he was
(39:55):
having a hard time getting his seat belt in and like he had
like a plastic bag. He's like get, he's like get out
of my way, bag. I was like, but come on, bag,
you're in my way. I'm like, what did you call me?
Sir? Just reminded me verbatim and
ING. You already know what it is we
do. Throw down eggs.
(40:25):
There's like an abandoned show character that was like, I like
eggs. I was thinking, I think it was
like Debbie, I like eggs. Noun Toast, toast, toast, butter
toast, peanuts. Apparently we're hungry type of
(40:52):
food. Fried Pickles fried.
Pickles. I had some tonight.
Noun cardboard cardboard. Silly word blurgin flurgin.
(41:16):
I actually thought of like that.It's like it's like, oh, next
time I do my my mad Lib, I'm going to do like flurgin Spurgin
spy word. What'd you say?
Blur. Be some heinous fucking word and
like some northern European country or like Sweden or.
It's like Scandinavia, it's like, it's like fuck your mom
(41:37):
sort of shit like. Anus.
Shit like dog in a blender or some shit like that.
Blurgan what? Smurgan.
Blurgan Flurgan flurgan flurgan.A place, a Galaxy far, far away.
(41:58):
What do you want, doggo? What's the matter?
You? We're almost done, Ella number.
1,000,000. $1 million. Nice to see.
And then your face on my desk. The noun.
The noun 1 noun. Twice a screwdriver.
(42:26):
OK, so we're still in our unicorns, mermaids, and Mad
Libs. This one's called bad
housekeeping. The troll that lives under the
wheel shares tips for keeping his home dutifully clean.
Decorates sparingly. Don't clutter up your tree of
(42:47):
life with sentimental garbage like pictures of trash bags or
fucking trophies. That's, that's like a noun, like
a word. I've like, I've like, I've heard
for kids, like oh, it's like, oh, there goes my fuck trophies.
I love that. Having too many eggs, having too
many eggs visible ruins the element of surprise.
(43:08):
Clean up immediately. It's easy to let toast work get
away from you. Wash the peanuts right after
meals so that fried Pickles don't sit too long in the sink
for a troll. Scraps of cardboard could be
considered evidence. Make the make the most of it.
Even if it doesn't win the Blurgan Flurgan Award for Best
Home in the Galaxy, Far, far away, it's still yours.
(43:30):
Spent at least 1,000,000 minutesa day simply sitting back and
appreciating your screwdriver. Sweet screwdriver.
They can't all be winners, folks.
It's fine. It's not my funniest one, but
it's all good. It's really hard.
It was a last minute thing anyway.
(43:50):
Yeah, but it's also really hard to beat the last two we had.
The last two we had were fuckingfired so well, all right, folks,
that's it for me and my computer.
And this episode, all of the podcast Y things are always in
the show notes. If you my Lord Ella's like get
off the God damn episode mom. If you like us, tell your people
(44:12):
about us, share us, comment, send us an e-mail, whatever you
got to do. We love you and we will catch
you next time, Agudabai. Bye.
(44:35):
So oops, it doesn't say.
Hi, Minder. Hi, Nikki.
Listen, this is going to be a short one on purpose.
My computer's not plugged in, mybody's pissed off, and we're
playing Beat the Benadryl. So beat the Benadryl and the
battery. Yeah, and the battery.
(00:40):
So good thing this is a fuck allepisode and we're just going to
have a Chitty Chitty chat chat today.
Yeah, this isn't anything goes. Episode.
So yeah, this is kind of an anything goes a potpourri, if
you will. If it's if we're talking about
Jeopardy, this is a potpourri round.
Oh. OK, Well, Amanda, since it's a
(01:02):
short one and our little topics not going to be very long that
we we decided we were going to kind of riff on let's tell the
people why we're recording at 8:30 at night on a Friday.
Yeah, I almost forgot what day it was, 'cause that's.
All I was like, wait, was it a Friday?
(01:23):
Yeah, I was like Saturday, Tuesday because I'm like,
that's. Right.
Well, so I have yet to to do anything in relation to the,
the, the trip. So Nikki is coming down tomorrow
and then the next day we are gonna be driving down to
(01:45):
Florida. Florida.
Florida. We're going to go see my mom and
grandparents and brother. Oh, my God, That was a bourbon.
So sorry. And my aunt Lisa, I haven't seen
them in a while. My kids are done with school, so
(02:07):
we're going to take a little vacay.
We will. I think we will still be in
Florida by the time this comes out.
Yeah, but Thursday. But if you have any thoughts
about robbing our houses, don't 'cause we have people still in
our houses. So you should probably not rob
us while we're on vacation, but it's fine.
(02:30):
You won't get shit out of Amanda's house anyways.
Yeah, except for for nostalgia Knick knacks and a few sad
things from the fridge. Yeah.
Exactly, but you'll you'll see the fridge of like either a
really poor college kid or a homeless person.
So take your pick. That's that's my free fight.
(02:51):
Oh shit. So yeah, we're going to go
Florida. We're going to have some fun.
So you have not. Packed at all.
I mean, I I took the suitcase out of the closet.
So that's, I mean, to be fair, like my house is pretty much
done. Like the only thing I got to do
is I just got to mop the floor because normally I wouldn't care
(03:12):
about mopping the floor, which Iknow is not like.
Well, that was have to do with your trip is because I, I used
like like Pam cooking spray to like spray a pan and I guess I
just missed the pan a lot of thetime.
And so I got all over the floor so that like a major part of the
floor is like covered in Pam. So I've almost slipped like fell
(03:33):
in my ass a couple times forgetting that that spot like I
should probably mop this 'cause I hate mopping.
I, I, I'd rather vacuum 100 floors of a building to before I
mop a single thing because it's the whole sweeping and then
mopping and then drying out the mop and cleaning them up.
And my hair gets all over in themop and it's just, it's, it's
(03:56):
just obnoxious. It's it's an obnoxious process
because it's more than just likegetting the mop out and mopping
right. Right.
Right, so. If it was only that easy.
Yeah, it was only that, but luckily because I had someone
come to my house the other day like to repair my AC, my house
is looking pretty good because you know, I panic cleaned the 30
(04:18):
minutes before he came to my house.
So my house looks fine. That's the only way things get
clean. Exactly.
But so I got a pack, but I have like the list of stuff I got to
do. It's it's really just like pull
stuff out of drawers. I already have like a toilet,
like a toiletry bag, like made-up.
So I just got throat like toss that in there because it's like
(04:40):
from the last trip I took. I never really like undid the
toiletry bag. It's just like trouble stuff and
like additional stuff like extrastuff that I have.
So just gotta throw that in there.
But otherwise, like, yeah, it's not too bad.
It's just I've been really lazy.Today's just been a long ass
day. And that's another reason why
we're recording. I just take like a 2 hour nap
(05:00):
before recorded. I told her I'm like I I will be
useless if I don't because I am nodding off like an old man in
his chair right now if I don't sleep, 'cause I I spent five
hours in a waiting room in the most sensory hell waiting room I
could. If if you picture everything
like like like a, a neurodivision person would
(05:23):
consider to be like their hellscape in terms of sensory it
like like like noises and stuff and sights, basically sights and
sounds. That was in that waiting room.
So that's that's where I'm at. But yeah, so we're we're
(05:43):
excited. I also, oh, I do, I do have like
a list of songs I got to add to our playlist 'cause I was like,
Oh yeah, here's the song since I've been lazy on doing that
too. So, well, this is like 12 hours
long but. Hey, listen, we're going to need
all 12 hours, so and then some, yeah, 'cause we're driving.
We're driving to Florida if we didn't say.
(06:04):
'Cause we're, we're, we're, we're Midwestern United States
people. We, we, we knew, we know no
distance that we can't drive. You know, that's right.
It's in our blood. It's in our blood.
We were born and bred for this. Good old fashioned road trip.
Except for doing it the cripple way for me because because I
(06:26):
bought me one of those orthopedic cushions for my ass
and a little foot rest that is dual purpose honestly.
Because I'm going to use the cushion in my office chair,
which I'm currently actually sitting on and it's quite
comfortable and then a little like foot rest thingy that's
also under my desk right now, but I will be bringing it.
(06:50):
Oh my God, sorry, all the burps.We'll be bringing it in the car
for when I'm the passenger Princess so that my feet can be
raised up and my poor little hips don't break in half while
I'm sitting there for hours on end.
So we have all the Dramamine. Yes. 36 of them to be exact.
(07:13):
So. Non.
Drowsy, sort of non drowsy, yeah, non drowsy.
Dramamine is is packed. I have my pharmacy packed and
ready to go both for me and the children.
Any kind of medication you couldpossibly think of, I'm sure it's
it's in there minus like narcotics.
Narcotics aren't in there because I don't use those, but
(07:35):
you know, if I did, they'd be inthere.
So yeah, I think, I think we're set medically.
We're set emergency wise becauseAmanda's going to provide us
with the jump jumper cables and shit that I have not been
driving around with. Usually.
I always have a set of cables inmy car and I just now realized
(07:56):
that I don't think I ever took them out when I traded my car in
what, like 2 years ago now? Because they're not in my car.
So Amanda's going to let us borrow those cars all ready to.
Go. Got oil changed, tires rotated.
So we're we're doing all the things, checking all the boxes
(08:17):
and we're going to have all the snickety snacks.
We're not going to do any fast food on the way down.
We're going to be, we're going to be frugal and, and try not to
eat so too much salt to 'cause you know, we're getting to that
age. You know, we can't, we can't, we
can't be pounding down like the,the fast food like we could Nope
back back in the day. So I she's I don't, she said she
(08:38):
was making sandwiches. So I was like, your kids are
only to peanut butter, right? Because our peanuts 'cause I'm
making peanut butter sandwiches.So.
Yeah, I'm going to do 2 big fuckoff salads.
So I'll eat while I'm passenger Princess and I might make myself
a sandwich just in case, but like a small little sandwich or
something. But but yeah, I'm going to do
(09:00):
salad because I know that will fill me up.
And if I eat too much lunch meat, it's not great for me.
Yeah. That's what and I didn't want
to. I don't.
I just don't want to mess with lunch being trying to keep it
cold and because it's like I didn't feel comfortable carrying
like messing with this. I'm like peanut butter.
I have peanut butter. I just need bread.
That's right. So yeah, so that's what we're
(09:22):
going to do. God Bless America, the land that
we love. We're going to Florida.
It's going to be fun. My grandparents have a pool, so
we'll be swimming and chilling. My mom would like to do at least
one beach day, so I think we're going to try to hit the beach
one day. But other than that, we don't go
(09:43):
nowhere. We don't do nothing.
We just hang out. So that's usually how that's how
we roll that's. Usually how we roll.
Yeah, it's my kind of vacation. So anyway, let's let's get into
our little Chitty chat. Chat today.
Battery is currently at. Let's check battery percentage.
Hold on, where we at? Where we at?
(10:04):
Where we at? What's it say?
Battery status 60% Sixty percent44 minutes T -, 44 minutes
before meltdown. So all right.
If so, if we lose the key all ofa sudden, you know why?
So we're going to talk about today just kind of something
that I saw on the interminets, which is someone sort of talking
(10:26):
about how I guess, and and I guess I don't know if I've
really experienced it personally, but how it seems
like autistic people are infantilized a lot or like both
in real life and then also maybeportrayed in a in an, in an
(10:48):
infantilizing way. That's a difficult sentence to
say right now on television, even if they're an adult.
So because Amanda probably has more formed thoughts on that
than I do at the current moment because Benadryl, I'm going to
let her start off with her thoughts on it and then we'll
sort of segue into another little thing which is not really
(11:09):
feeling the age that we are. So take it away.
A mender yeah, I was basically saying because we weren't sure
how much like thought we had about that concept, like
autistic people being infantilized and basically
treated as were children. But like it's like a double
edged sword because we also feellike we don't like we're like
(11:34):
imposter adults. Like we don't like we we didn't
get we didn't get the manual that other people got, which I
think is like almost like a nearuniversal feeling for autistic
people. Like we feel like we like other
people were given like a set of instructions and we missed class
that day. Like we were not there the day
of the syllabus. OK, for for for how to how to
(11:56):
human how to human one O 1. We miss the first day so but
yeah, I even been seeing more and more of like, I'm sure it's
'cause like the, the cookies andthe cash like saying like
because we mentioned it now I'm seeing it more on like my, my
(12:18):
timeline and stuff. Because even like one of my
like, there's like a start because I've watched season 2 of
Andor. I so now I'm getting, I've been
getting like on my like, you know, timeline about stuff about
like Star Wars and Andor and stuff.
And someone was saying that likeK2.
(12:39):
SO Alan Tuduk's character from like Rogue One, the robot he
people were like, do you like, would you see?
Like would you consider him likelike if, if robots could be
autistic? Like he's kind of he's, he's
kind of like childlike. It doesn't really know it.
Like he he's very like, I forgotlike what the other word they
used and someone was like, it sounds like you're infantilizing
(13:01):
him. Like if you think he has autism
and because he's childlike, thenit's kind of like looking down,
not necessarily looking down. But like I said, we're just
going to keep using the word infantilize.
It's kind of like you're becausehe, you see him as childlike
because he literally was like born yesterday type of thing.
You're like, oh, he must be likeif robots can be autistic, he's
(13:22):
probably autistic because look at how he is and no, no, and,
and because it's like, it's hardAlso that think of like Big Bang
Theory, like Sheldon is like they never definitively say what
Sheldon like that Sheldon's autistic, but it's, it's kind of
like obvious that he is because like the, the, the creators even
(13:44):
like wrote it into this, like the plot of the show that like
he, like Sheldon always says, like my mom, like I'm not crazy.
Like I, my mom had me tested, like there's nothing wrong with
me. My mom had me tested.
It's kind of like a running jokeof the show.
And so he but they always treated him as if he was a
child, which sometimes obviouslySheldon acted like a child.
(14:05):
That was like the point. And same with like the Good
Doctor, which is a show I've seen like a few episodes of, but
he's also, even though he's likea doctor, like the best doctor
in the hospital or something, he's also treated as if he's a
child sometimes and doesn't really know what's going on.
And so like you, it's like it's not something like I've because
(14:30):
obviously I'm not I've I feel like it'd be different if we
were diagnosed autistic since wewere kids and like people knew
that we were. So we're not really saying this
is more of like a personal experience, but on, on like the
flip side, it's kind of like, it's funny when I was at Scott's
(14:51):
last week, every time, like Scott is so thoughtful when it
comes like when it 'cause he knows like I have texture issues
with food. And so like he made like this
Mexican lasagna, which is reallygood.
It was, it was texture hell for me, but it was, it was flavor
wise. It was good.
But he had like, but when he wasdone making it, he asked if you
want, if I wanted, if I wouldn'twould mind green onions on the
(15:14):
top. And I was like, Oh yeah, sure.
I like green onions. He was like, OK.
And he doesn't like because likeI said, he's thoughtful, right?
But then every time, like he asks, like anytime, like he asks
'cause he's really the only person that asks me about like
texture and food, 'cause he's really the only person that like
cooks for me. I always feel like a child.
(15:34):
And that's like, that's like a me problem.
That's not like him treating me like a child.
It's like, I feel like I'm beinga child because my friend has
asked me. It's like, oh, this food that
the, the other three of us can handle.
Can you handle that? Can, can your little sensitive
mouth handle chewing this reallymundane ingredient in this, in
(15:58):
this, in this dish? And so I feel, I feel bad.
And so a lot of times I kind of just, it's not like that.
I lie. I'm just like, I'll just be
like, oh, I'll just pick it out or I just, I'll just eat around
it. Or a lot of times it's like
stuff like I don't chew. Like I just won't like if it has
like bits of onions or something, I just won't chew the
bite just so I don't have to feel it.
(16:20):
And but yeah, I think that's like pretty much my like
experience. Like so it's not like I've
directly felt like someone like I, I felt like growing up,
people have kind of treated me as if I was for like a better
word, like stupid. And so that was always like my,
my biggest, I guess annoyance isthat I felt like people like
(16:46):
would treat me as if I was dumb And I, I was like, you can like,
I don't care if you call me fat.I don't care if you like, I'll
just don't act like I'm dumb. I'm not dumb.
And so I feel like even though Imade good grades in high school,
I feel I felt like I would like,you know, all through school.
I like I was really smart. I just feel like people like
just even like not knowing obviously that I was statistic.
(17:06):
I just feel like people treated me as if I was lesser than if
that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, for sure.
What about for you? I I just jumped on to our slash
autism on Reddit and it's like the first thing that popped up
(17:27):
was the question is wait, is inventilization a common thing
for us? And it says, I guess I've always
felt infantilized as if people treat me as a baby not worthy of
interaction unless I'm in shutdown mode in which they
never fail to be worried about me when I just want them to go
away and recover in my own time.Then I get mad that I don't want
(17:48):
their help and like I thought and like I thought that was me
overreacting. But I feel like I've seen a lot
of posts here talking about infantilization and given how
I'm apparently the autistic poster child where anyone who
knows about autism would immediately peg me as autistic,
I'm wondering I'm not. I'm not overreacting and people
are really treating me like a baby.
(18:11):
And then someone's response is it happens.
And when it does, I ask them to treat me like the adult I am.
If they still talk to me in their coochie coochie COO voice,
then I do the voice to them too to see how they like it.
It usually leads to a quick discussion about how I'm how I'm
not three years old. And then then we either continue
(18:31):
like adults or we don't continueat all because I'll just walk
away if they don't stop. Right?
Yeah. And I feel like it's just.
Yep. My first job from 15 to 19 years
old always treated me like a young child.
Even paid me like 111 Australiandollars per hour at the time
when we got a new pay lady and it went up to 26 per hour.
(18:55):
Most places since they have since then have treated me the
same even though I've been more qualified than most of the older
workers and managers. Just because I can't communicate
the smoothest. I get babied.
I also get nearly everything blamed on me but can never stand
up for myself properly so I justend up apologizing for mistakes
and I'd never be silly enough tomake it.
Makes me mad and sad. Yeah, I can see how that
(19:21):
absolutely can be happening quite a bit for me.
I guess, like you said, I I mean, we didn't know until we
were in our 30s. So like, I don't know that I was
ever babied for any reason. Our family didn't really baby
(19:43):
kids. That's not how we did things.
We just sort of talked to kids as if they were little adults.
And not that I think that there's really anything wrong
with that. I guess if I examine my own
parenting I can maybe see where I sometimes don't.
(20:10):
Maybe I sometimes infantilize mykids a little more than they
technically would need to be. They're much more capable than
sometimes I give them credit for.
I don't even mention that intentional thing.
Yeah, you guys even mentioned mebecause like mentioned to me,
like last time I was there, 'cause you were trying to, like
you're directing Noah to do something.
(20:31):
And then you're, you're like, I just you, you, you just said to
your, like you said out loud to like both of us, like 'cause he,
he did, he did the thing and then like, you know, went back
to his room or whatever. And then you're like, and he did
the thing without any problems. And you're like, I, you're like,
I just sometimes feel like I forget that he's actually more
capable than I give like, than, than like, than I think he is.
(20:52):
Like he he, like he's perfectly capable of doing these things.
Yeah, but I don't know if that'slike necessarily.
I mean, it very well could be because of his autism diagnosis,
but I feel like more of that is like, because he's my baby, he's
like the youngest. And I think I forget that.
Like, he's gonna be 10 in a couple months.
(21:12):
So like, and what Nicholas was able to do at 10, I feel like
Noah doesn't do at 10. And I think that's my own fault
because Nicholas was always veryeager to be and has always acted
as if he's much older than he is.
(21:33):
It's the whole elder child, younger child thing.
Yeah. But I think if anything, and
this is not to discredit anyone else's experience, if you feel
this way, I can totally see thishappening to people.
I can totally see how this is a very valid thing.
I guess I just don't have that experience.
So it's difficult for me to really like go farther with it.
(21:56):
If anything, I've always been held to a higher standard
because of this is going to sound really, really, really
egotistical. Egotistical, but I don't mean it
like this. Like because I was a little bit
more, I was a little smarter than most kids my age.
(22:16):
I was a little more advanced. I did things a little bit
earlier than kids my age would normally do.
I spoke before kids my age were speaking, you know, like I was
farther along in speech than most of the kids my age.
I could understand things more. So like almost like Nicholas,
like he, he's like a little 30 year old man trapped in a 13
year old's body, you know what Imean?
(22:37):
So if anything, I've had the opposite.
It's where people assume that I'm capable of much more than I
am because I'm because I've always sort of been treated as
if I'm older and more capable than my typical, the people
(23:00):
typically my own age, if that makes any sense.
I don't know in my in, in my ownpersonal experience now, I feel
like obviously I'm much less capable than most people my age.
Well, thank you disability, but like it just has been a very
strange experience to me becauseI've had as a child, I was more
(23:20):
advanced and then the older I got, I feel like the less
capable that I am. It's like we hit a wall.
It's like, I feel like it's likeI 'cause I often think it's like
how, how was I even like when I was working part time and going
to university full time. I, I could imagine trying to do
that now because and it's obviously, it's like, obviously,
(23:42):
obviously it's like I was so burnt out, like masking and
everything and trying to trying to do it all seem like the most
capable human, which, and I, I even saw this, this might even
be a topic of its own at some point where it's almost like
once you learned your diagnosis,because I feel like you shared
something about this with me. Like it's almost like once you
learn about your diagnosis, it's, it's kind of like you
(24:04):
regress in a way because you don't feel like you have to like
be who you're like, who you're not anymore.
You feel like you feel comfortable.
It's kind of like, it's kind of like someone.
I'm not, I'm not comparing like an actual like disease, like
with autism. It's just, this is like the
(24:24):
closest metaphor I can think of.It's kind of like someone like
has like this debilitating disease that everyone thinks
they're like, oh, you're so strong.
Oh, you're so like amazing for powering through this.
Like you couldn't, like you couldn't tell that this person
has this like or no like, like say they're undiagnosed, like
they, they don't feel the best, but they power through.
(24:44):
They seem so strong. Once they get diagnosed, they
kind of like almost like their health seems to regress and it
seems like it's almost like sometimes it's like they give
up, like they gave up. It's like, no, they just kind of
like finally realized they, they're feeling this way for a
reason. Like there's a legitimate
reason. So they feel like they can
relax. So that's that's how I feel like
(25:05):
of autism. Yeah, I feel like that's
definitely an entire topic in itself because I do have a lot
to say about that, like a lot tosay about that because it is my
experience 100%. So like, I think we could make
an entire episode about autisticregression and like adult
regression, specifically adult regression.
(25:27):
But yeah, for this, I can see ithappening in our community.
I just, it's just not my personal experience.
I think it's an important thing to speak on.
And if you have experienced it, I think you definitely should
talk about it and and put it outthere for people to feel more
accepted and understood. Because obviously this person
(25:50):
really didn't know that this wasa common thing.
And look, there's a bazillion like posts underneath it talking
about it. So I mean, obviously this is
something people experience, so it's valid, but it's just like,
it's just not my experience. My my experience for sure though
(26:10):
has always sort of felt like like I'm not like even though
people said that I always acted older than I was and I wonder if
it's more of a like time is a construct that I don't
understand thing for me. I don't feel like I should be a
(26:33):
35 year old woman. Yeah, it's like I'm.
Only a couple months away from 35.
Yeah, that's it. To me, it's like every time,
like when I remember what my ageis like.
Are you sure I'm not like 20-3? Yeah, Are you sure 'cause I feel
like I, I haven't, like I, I've matured like in a lot of ways
obviously since like my early 20s, but it's also like, I feel
(26:54):
like a lot of ways I've stayed the same.
And where it's like, I'm not, it's like I like, like I said
earlier, it's like, it's like reaching like a wall, like
hitting a wall about where, you know, we progressed, progressed,
progressed, progressed. And then all of a sudden it's
like, Bam, now you, you can no longer, you're no longer aging
(27:17):
mentally with your peers. And so like, whenever I hear
about like friends that do like the most adulty, like most
adulty boring things, I'm, I'm thinking how, how did you feel?
Like what, what did I miss a class or something?
Like I said earlier, it's like, did I miss this?
(27:38):
I was not handed a syllabus for this of what I should know.
And that's partly because like either my upbringing or
whatever, But like we said, it'skind of like almost like
imposter syndrome. Like I feel like I should not
have the capability of like owning my own home and my own
car and like like having a full time job and all that.
(27:58):
Like I feel like who gave me theright, you know, like who who's
who looked at me and said, Yep, you're an adult, you have adult
responsibilities. Certainly wasn't my decision,
you know. Yeah.
And you know, I'm, I'm wonderingif there's some correlation with
like, maybe feeling more advanced most of your life and
(28:18):
then finally getting to a more advanced age and then you're
like, wait a minute, you know what I mean?
Like it just, it doesn't add up because you've weren't really
allowed. I mean, in my family, I want to
say not allowed. That's kind of harsh, but you
know what I mean? Like it wasn't really acceptable
for you to act like a child, like you just especially if you
(28:41):
were smart or new things or theysaw some sort of potential in
you that you just never really could quite.
Feel it's like the get the childsyndrome.
It's like it's like, yeah, like were you considered get the
child and now you're a burnt outadult.
Like you're, it's like, it's like for me, it's like I was
reading like in high school, like anytime they had like a
(29:02):
reading list, like the for like bonus points or something, I was
reading like every book off thatlist.
I was reading like so much to high school.
Now I I get through like a book,like a couple books a year, if
that. And so it's like I can't find
myself to like, it's not necessarily like attention span
issue. It's more of just like, how did
I manage to do like, like full coursework plus reading like
(29:28):
dozens of books throughout the school year that weren't
required to be read, that were just like a bonus thing?
Like, can I have that girl's motivation back?
Can I have her? Who?
Who is she? Like we, you know,
metaphorically blew our load in high school and then had nothing
left after. Yeah, I don't.
(29:48):
I don't even want to imagine. It's like if I, if I try to
imagine that I peaked in high school.
Oh my God. No, No thing.
But I feel like cognitively likeI did, I feel like that was like
the the peak for me. And I don't feel like I've
gained much knowledge since then.
(30:10):
I of, of just like general knowledge of things.
I don't, I, I think I've definitely obviously grown more
in my personal life and I've grown more understanding of my
own self, but I don't know that I've really done much as far as
(30:33):
like gaining actual knowledge that's beneficial in the society
that we live in. Right.
Yeah. It's like I feel like, I feel
like the knowledge I learn does not help me in the real world.
Yeah. Yeah.
Because I'm just not. Interested in that shit?
Yeah. Like I'm not interested in it.
Yeah. It's just, it's like I said,
some of the stuff that like our peers know, like just what what
(30:56):
shit can be considered like basic adult shit.
I feel like I, the boat has longsince sailed past me at this
point. I missed, I missed the boat.
Like I'm stuck in Ireland duringthe potato famine.
I missed the boat to America. OK, Like I'm just stuck in my
own little, my own, my own little hellscape here mentally
(31:18):
where like, like I said, it just, it feels like I don't
belong. Like I, I wasn't given the
manual for this. And so like that's like, that's,
like I said, that's like the flip side of people
infantilizing those with autism,like acting like their children
or they can't really amount to much.
And I, I mentioned like 'cause Imentioned my cousin before where
(31:43):
like he was titled with autism before there was like level 1,
level 2, whatever. It was just either low
functioning or high functioning,right?
And so I feel like they infantilized him so much as a
it's a detriment. Like he would probably at least
at least be like on my level of capability, like we don't have
like the same like interests of sort.
(32:05):
Like we wouldn't be like the same field or whatever.
But I feel like, and he wasn't always like as good in school,
but I feel like he would at least have his own place, have
his own job if he would. But his parents just as soon as
they learned he was autistic. Well, now you're, you're going
to be 5 years old forever. So, but it's like a, it's like a
flip side thing. It's like I, my mom kind of like
(32:28):
not necessarily like sheltered me.
Like that's kind of like a little harsh because it's not
like I was completely sheltered.I feel like I know more than
like what you would consider a like a sheltered person to know,
but it's more of like she, it's not like she infantilized me.
It's just she was always so because I was the baby, I was
the baby by like 13. I typically I was like, I really
was like an only child because my, my brother's 13 years older
(32:50):
than I am. Like he was out of the out of
the house by the time I was in kindergarten.
And so it's not like my mom never treated me like I wasn't
capable. It's just she was always like, I
was always kind of like babied in a way, 'cause I, I was even
thinking about this when I was talking to her about like a trip
like Scott and I took. I was like, we were, I want to
(33:10):
say we were 2222. We took a train down from where
we lived here in Illinois to NewOrleans.
My mom, no joke, wanted to get on the train with us to make
sure we would make it fine to New Orleans.
And she would ride back. And I was like, no, no, we're
(33:30):
not. We're not.
We're not doing that. Yeah, she did that with us in
California because you and I were going to go to Universal
and she was like. Guys, we were. 19.
Yeah, two were. There, that was needed.
We to be fair, we were 19, had no like we weren't even old.
We weren't old enough to rent a car or whatever.
So it's like, what the fuck did we know?
Like so like for me and Scott, we just, we just bought a like a
(33:51):
citywide like bus pass or tram pass or something.
And that's how we got around. But it's, it's like sort of that
sort sort of thing where she always expects me to be the like
the best in school. Like I always had to have the
like the best grades and stuff like that.
But it's, it like meant like shedidn't really let me grow up in
(34:14):
other ways. I just always had to be
academically smart, which I think was like a detriment.
And so I feel like I wasn't, I, I just, I always felt like I, I
feel like I'm my, like my littlebrain is confused 'cause I feel
like a lot of times when I was in high school, I remember like
older people, like my mom's friend or something thinking I
(34:35):
was older than I was because of how I acted.
Like I, they, they, they said I acted more mature for my age.
But then I also felt like I was very childish at the same time.
And that makes sense cause like I've always like, I felt like I
liked cartoons for a way longer.Like everyone else was done
watching cartoons when we were 12 or 13.
I was embarrassed to like, I remember like my mom suggesting,
(34:59):
oh, when you make your pinata for Spanish class, you should
make it based on that one show you like, which was Avatar the
Last Airbender 'cause it was theshow.
It was the year it came out. And I loved Avatar, but I was
like, but I was 16. What 16 year old is supposed to
admit that they like a cartoon? Like a kids cartoon, which
nowadays I feel like kids don't care.
Like I feel like kids of all ages watch cartoons and no one
(35:21):
really fucking cares. But back then, like if you, if
you liked cartoons as a teenager, you were considered
like, like I said, a child. And so it's it's just like a
flip side thing for me. Yeah, yeah, I, I don't know, I
feel like we could definitely get so much farther into that on
(35:42):
a day when my battery is not dying.
Yeah, how, how, how? What's what's the battery status
'cause we can get 29%, we can goto the fun and suckery.
Yeah, but I mean, honestly, I, I, I agree with all of that.
I think it's, I think it's a very common experience, I'm
(36:02):
sure. But I think we, I think for us,
we just in general don't have the infantilization experience.
So like we were acting like we didn't choose this topic to talk
about, but it was just a good kind of thing to think about.
(36:25):
It was like, did we, did we not like this is actually how we
feel more so than being infantilized.
It was more of like a kick off topic.
Because because I also it like one last thought.
It also just might be like a society thing in that girls are
considered to be quiet patient. They're supposed to be more
mature than their male counterparts, right?
(36:47):
So like, oh, don't mind those boys over there.
They're supposed to be mature. Boys will be boys.
And so like, I feel like that's also part of it is like why we
were kind of like set to a higher standard in a way to it's
'cause we were girls. Like I said, I feel like I'm not
sure how like just to bring likemy cousin into it, like how Mark
(37:07):
would have turned out if he was a girl, like what they have had
held into, like he would have been the eldest daughter.
So he would have done like he would have more responsibilities
heaped on him. And so I feel like if one, they
probably wouldn't even try to get an autistic diagnosis.
They're like, Oh well, she's just a girl being a quiet girl
sitting in a little corner. She's quiet.
Yeah, she's just quiet, just reserved, you know?
(37:30):
Yeah. And so that's it.
That's like a whole another thatcould be a whole another talk
about society, like how they view boys versus girls.
Yeah. Mm.
Hmm. But yeah, let's let's hit the
fun and fuckery if you're not sticking around for that.
Thanks for hanging on for this little Shorty episode.
(37:50):
This is all just kind of thoughts.
We kind of like we kind of like to do these because then it
gives us ideas for topics later that are more fully fledged and
just gives us the chance to kindof just bullshit for a little
bit about things that are just little tiny experiences.
May not be an entire episode worth of thoughts and feelings,
but yeah, it's just nice. Nice little Shorty.
But let's move on to fun and fuckery because me and my
(38:13):
computer's battery are both draining.
So let's, let's get her done. Wake up, Miles.
Here we go. All right, OK, here we go.
(38:37):
We decided we're going to do another mad Lib because we don't
have anything else in the can right now and this is a Shorty,
so let's let's just get her done.
What do you want, ma'am? OK, from you I need a noun
wheel, wheel, adjective, dutiful.
(39:10):
I'm actually, I wonder if it should have been like an an
adverb, because that doesn't make sense.
I'm gonna I'm gonna change it toan adverb.
The dutifully version. That's what Jordan said to start
with. My husband picked that one.
Yeah, 'cause it's like a dutifully.
It actually worked in the sentence.
It doesn't make sense. Like as an adjective as the
adjective version of it dutifully.
Actually ended up working more than dutiful.
(39:32):
Yeah, noun. The tree of life, or just tree
of life, whatever fits better inthe sentence.
Tree of Life, plural noun Trash bags.
My dad, we were, I was taking him to the doctor and he was
(39:55):
having a hard time getting his seat belt in and like he had
like a plastic bag. He's like get, he's like get out
of my way, bag. I was like, but come on, bag,
you're in my way. I'm like, what did you call me?
Sir? Just reminded me verbatim and
ING. You already know what it is we
do. Throw down eggs.
(40:25):
There's like an abandoned show character that was like, I like
eggs. I was thinking, I think it was
like Debbie, I like eggs. Noun Toast, toast, toast, butter
toast, peanuts. Apparently we're hungry type of
(40:52):
food. Fried Pickles fried.
Pickles. I had some tonight.
Noun cardboard cardboard. Silly word blurgin flurgin.
(41:16):
I actually thought of like that.It's like it's like, oh, next
time I do my my mad Lib, I'm going to do like flurgin Spurgin
spy word. What'd you say?
Blur. Be some heinous fucking word and
like some northern European country or like Sweden or.
It's like Scandinavia, it's like, it's like fuck your mom
(41:37):
sort of shit like. Anus.
Shit like dog in a blender or some shit like that.
Blurgan what? Smurgan.
Blurgan Flurgan flurgan flurgan.A place, a Galaxy far, far away.
(41:58):
What do you want, doggo? What's the matter?
You? We're almost done, Ella number.
1,000,000. $1 million. Nice to see.
And then your face on my desk. The noun.
The noun 1 noun. Twice a screwdriver.
(42:26):
OK, so we're still in our unicorns, mermaids, and Mad
Libs. This one's called bad
housekeeping. The troll that lives under the
wheel shares tips for keeping his home dutifully clean.
Decorates sparingly. Don't clutter up your tree of
(42:47):
life with sentimental garbage like pictures of trash bags or
fucking trophies. That's, that's like a noun, like
a word. I've like, I've like, I've heard
for kids, like oh, it's like, oh, there goes my fuck trophies.
I love that. Having too many eggs, having too
many eggs visible ruins the element of surprise.
(43:08):
Clean up immediately. It's easy to let toast work get
away from you. Wash the peanuts right after
meals so that fried Pickles don't sit too long in the sink
for a troll. Scraps of cardboard could be
considered evidence. Make the make the most of it.
Even if it doesn't win the Blurgan Flurgan Award for Best
Home in the Galaxy, Far, far away, it's still yours.
(43:30):
Spent at least 1,000,000 minutesa day simply sitting back and
appreciating your screwdriver. Sweet screwdriver.
They can't all be winners, folks.
It's fine. It's not my funniest one, but
it's all good. It's really hard.
It was a last minute thing anyway.
(43:50):
Yeah, but it's also really hard to beat the last two we had.
The last two we had were fuckingfired so well, all right, folks,
that's it for me and my computer.
And this episode, all of the podcast Y things are always in
the show notes. If you my Lord Ella's like get
off the God damn episode mom. If you like us, tell your people
(44:12):
about us, share us, comment, send us an e-mail, whatever you
got to do. We love you and we will catch
you next time, Agudabai. Bye.
(44:35):
So oops, it doesn't say.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.