America is reaching an emotional breaking point. Quiet suffering, relentless stress, hidden trauma, and burnout are reshaping families, workplaces, and communities across the nation.
In this urgent and deeply human episode of The NEXT BIG THING with Keith D. Terry, nationally respected clinician Khalid B. Scott, LCSW joins Keith for a raw conversation about the mental health emergency most people are living through but rarely talk about.
Together, they unpack:
• The real emotional state of America
• Why trauma, silence, and burnout are accelerating in every demographic
• How high achievers, leaders, and caregivers can protect their mental and emotional health
• The impact of unresolved trauma on families, relationships, and identity
• Practical tools for resilience, self-awareness, and inner recovery
This is not therapy. This is truth, clarity, and a roadmap for emotional strength in a time of national pressure.
If you believe in living with purpose, power, and peace of mind, this conversation is for you.
🎧 Listen now, share this episode with someone who needs it, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and iHeart Radio.
Watch the full video episode on YouTube @keithdterry.
Send us your thought on this episode.
Keith D. Terry and JJaed Productions, LLC produced this episode. www.jjaedproductions.com
Please Follow us on our YouTube channel at www.youtube.com/@keithdterry
For podcast guest recommendations, contact kterry@keithdterry.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Keith D. Terry (00:00):
Welcome to the podcast, The Next Big Thing.
I'm your host, Keith D.Terry, aconsultant, a coach, and a
serial entrepreneur.
The mission here is to teach,inspire, and to motivate.
Today's conversation demandsour attention.
We're going to be talking aboutmental health.
Many of us carry weight we donot speak about.
(00:21):
Quiet suffering, hidden trauma,burnout, the rising in every
community, every family, everyworkplace.
The headlines tell one story,but behind the real but behind
the headlines are real lives,real pain, and real
consequences.
And today we're going to beconfronting that head on.
(00:41):
Before I begin thisconversation with my guest, who
I'm excited to talk to, I wantto make one thing clear.
This conversation is not atherapy session.
It's not a clinical session.
We are here to understand theemotional challenges affecting
individuals, families, andleaders today, and explore how
we can build strength andresilience and help me to
(01:03):
understand this.
This conversation is abouthumanity.
My guest today is Mr.
Khalid B.
Scott.
He's an LCSW.
Khalid, welcome.
But before I you hear from him,I want to just give you his
background.
He is a respected clinician,trainer, and a mental health
leader with more than 30 yearsof experience in trauma,
(01:24):
addiction, and emotionalwellness.
He currently serves with theDepartment of Veteran Affairs
and also leads a privatepractice supporting individuals,
families, and couples.
Khalid is a proud father,educator, and a decorated U.S.
Army and National Guardsveteran.
Khalid, welcome to the show.
(01:44):
How are you?
Khalid B. Scott (01:45):
All right.
I'm Terry.
Thank you for having me again.
Keith D. Terry (01:50):
Okay.
Great.
So, Khalid, I I gave theaudience a high-level overview
of your background.
I want them to hear the humanside.
So my question to you is whenyou think about, when I think
about the work you do and whoyou are, or let me say it this
way (02:05):
when you think about the work you do and who you are at
your core, what drives you toserve the people the way you do?
Khalid B. Scott (02:13):
Right.
So my background, my mom was ateen mom, right?
Okay.
And I grew up on the southeastside of Chicago.
In fact, my community wascalled Terra Town, right?
And um I was fatherless, right?
And a lot of children in mycommunity were fatherless.
And I just remember one of thethings that my mom, my
(02:35):
grandmother, my aunties, all thewomen in my village kept saying
to me, and I was the firstgrandchild, right?
The eldest.
They kept saying, you have tobe responsible.
You have to be responsible.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Right.
Khalid B. Scott (02:48):
You know, take care of what you're supposed to
take care of.
And that stuck with me as ayoung man.
And I guess I took it to thenext level because not only I'm
going to be responsible formine, I'm going to be
responsible for the entirecommunity.
Wow.
So when I got out of the army,I was 20 years old.
I went to Morehouse my firstsemester, left there to go to
(03:12):
the Persian Gulf War, came homeand finished up college at
Chicago State University.
And there, when I first startedcollege, I was a computer
science major.
Were you?
One day, I um I took a classcalled Psychology of Urban Youth
by a wonderful attorney slashprofessor, Dr.
(03:32):
Pamela Heelville.
And she sent us to the juveniledetention center for a day of
observation.
By the time I left thatinstitution, that court building
at the evening, I saw a CookCounty Sheriff taking 10
African-American boys upstairsto what we used to call the Audi
(03:53):
home or the juvenile detentioncenter.
Okay.
It was right then and there,Keith, I decided I'm gonna help
those babies.
Okay.
And it's a part of me, it's mycalling, to be honest.
God purposely put me in thatpsychology class, and he let me
(04:15):
see, had that vision of thoseboys going upstairs to jail as
boys, right?
Could have been me, could havebeen you, um, Keith.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I've just dedicated my lifeto serving the community.
And as of last weekend, I wonmy 30th social work award,
(04:37):
right?
Wow, okay.
Keith D. Terry (04:39):
Well, well, you know, that fits you because
you're you, you, you, you know,you, you, you, you bring it
every time.
And and, you know, as we haveI'm glad people can hear that
because your calling, God gaveyou your calling and you
discovered it early on.
Absolutely.
So, and so, you know, in myopening, I was talking about the
quiet storm.
You know, are you how how areyou looking at what's going on
(05:02):
right now?
Because, you know, let me justintroduce you.
You and I met three years ago?
Yes.
About three years ago, we weretalking about the impact of
COVID and the psychologicaltrauma of COVID.
And so now, you know, what areyou seeing now?
Khalid B. Scott (05:19):
Well, that's an eloquent um title, A Quiet
Storm, but it's not so quiet.
Okay.
Keith, um, you know, just what,two days ago, another
African-American male committedsuicide, a football player,
right?
Three weeks ago, my daughtercalled me.
One of her friends, a blackmale who she graduated with, I
(05:42):
took a picture of them at hergraduation at Amherst last year.
She said, Daddy, he jumped infront of a train in New York.
23 years old.
Keep thinking about what wewere doing when we were 23.
We're living a life, right?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah, yeah.
Khalid B. Scott (05:56):
I don't, at least I don't think you were.
I know I wasn't thinking aboutsuicide at 23 years old.
I was enjoying being a youngadult, you know.
Absolutely.
My first car, my firstapartment, you know.
You know, life as a frat guy,you know.
Suicide was not nowhere in thevicinity.
(06:19):
But to be honest, if you ask abunch of young people today,
it's one of the top things theythink about.
Keith D. Terry (06:27):
So, what do you think is driving the surge?
What do you think is or thesymptoms?
Khalid B. Scott (06:33):
Right.
It's that the whenever whenpeople ask me that question, I
get asked the question a lot,Keith.
I said, E all the above.
Life is hitting people realhard now.
You know, for us older, youknow, people, we have a um a
resiliency about us becausewe've been through some stuff,
(06:54):
right?
We were raised to be survivors.
Well, and September 20th, 1984,a television show came on TV.
What show was that, Keith?
You know.
Let me say the date again.
September 20th, 1984.
A show came on TV that changedthe lives of black people.
(07:15):
Was it the Cosby show orsomething like that?
Absolutely.
unknown (07:20):
Okay.
Khalid B. Scott (07:21):
Okay.
Let us good times kids knowthat we could be the Cosby kids.
Keith D. Terry (07:27):
Yes.
Good.
Okay, I see your point.
Khalid B. Scott (07:30):
We could go to college, marry uh a beautiful
spouse who's a professional aswell.
Keith D. Terry (07:36):
Right.
Khalid B. Scott (07:36):
Have wonderful kids.
Keith D. Terry (07:38):
Have a doctor and a and a lawyer as parents,
right?
Khalid B. Scott (07:42):
Absolutely.
And that's this was viable.
It was real.
You know what I'm saying?
And I know I I wanted to beB.O.
Huxtable.
You know, and grew up to beHeat Clip Huxtable.
And at that time, I, you know,I was fatherless.
So James Evans Sr.
from Good Times and Heat ClipHuxtable were my dad's.
You know, they gave me aframework.
(08:04):
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Yes, sir.
Khalid B. Scott (08:06):
You know, one taught me to be firm but fair.
The other one taught me to bean impactful listener.
unknown (08:13):
Okay.
Khalid B. Scott (08:13):
And be easy going and calm, you know, and
get to the root of issues.
So I ran with them.
And that's how we raised ourkids.
Our kids are soft.
Because they didn't have to go,they don't know what Fry
Baloney said.
Keith D. Terry (08:28):
What do you think?
So what do you think is, youknow, you're in the room, and so
what do you think is drivingthis softness?
Khalid B. Scott (08:35):
Because, just while I said, the Cosby show
taught us that everythingdoesn't have to be a struggle.
Gotcha.
So our kids didn't struggle.
My daughter got driven toschool from five years old to 18
years old in a Cadillac.
You know what I'm saying?
We had to go to school on abus.
(08:56):
You know what I'm saying?
So we thought we made it.
We didn't have to teach themthe nuances.
But the nuances is what got usto be who we are.
Keith D. Terry (09:09):
And do you do you think that staying with the,
I'm glad we're having thisdiscovery, I call discovery,
because I want people to see itfrom your perspective.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Yes.
Keith D. Terry (09:20):
Do you think people understand what to do in
the struggle?
Khalid B. Scott (09:26):
No.
No.
And that's why my business isbooming now.
Because people thought they hadthe answer.
They thought they had the rightinterventions, and they were
wrong.
Sitting still in the pandemicfor those three, four, five
years, right?
It taught us to be still, payattention, listen, retrospect,
(09:49):
review our lives.
And we didn't like the picturewe saw, Keith.
Right?
Yeah.
We, you had, I had husbandscalling me like, Khalid, I don't
like my wife.
I had wives calling me, Khalid,I don't like my husband.
I had parents calling me like,oh my God, I can't stand that my
kids are here with me all dayin front of that laptop.
(10:09):
Please send them back to theclassroom or teachers.
But we never got that beforebecause we were always used to
the hustle and the bustle.
Get up, go to work, do youractivities, come home and sleep.
Well, this time we were sittingstill and really evaluating our
lives, and we don't like whatwe saw.
(10:31):
So then that's when I decidedto open up my private practice,
and I've had a waiting list allfour years.
Keith D. Terry (10:37):
Oh, wow.
So where are you seeing thecrisis happen the most?
Khalid B. Scott (10:43):
With families.
unknown (10:45):
Okay.
Khalid B. Scott (10:45):
With individuals in those families.
So at first I used to get thecalls from wives and
girlfriends, Dr.
Scott, my husband, myboyfriend, my son, my brother
needs therapy.
Well, fast forward, Keith, I'mgetting men calling me directly
saying, I need help because I'mbroken.
And no amount of buffalo wings,beer, and watching the football
(11:11):
games is going to help me.
Because that was our, that'sthat was our men's therapy.
Right, right.
That was our therapy.
But it was doing us no goodbecause we had sexual abuse,
childhood sexual abuse in our umpast.
We had poor family dynamics,like me, didn't have a dad at
all.
You know, we had our moms whowere being abused, and we
(11:34):
watched it.
You know what I'm saying?
We had our communitiesstruggling because they were
improvers.
We had poor school systems.
So when you add all of that up,how could we not be broken key?
Keith D. Terry (11:49):
Boy, that's great.
Yeah, yeah.
So when you, so when you you,when someone says they're
stressed, how do you distinguishstress from trauma, burnout, or
something more serioussinister?
Khalid B. Scott (12:04):
Gotcha.
So as a clinician, this is myBible, the DSM 5.
Gotcha.
So if you come and telling methat you're having a mental
health struggle, I go and lookat the criteria.
If you meet five out of thenine symptoms, then that's your
diagnosis.
Keith D. Terry (12:22):
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
Khalid B. Scott (12:24):
So how you know you have people saying, you
know what, I got an uncle who'skind of special and I think he's
bipolar.
Well, your uncle needs to comeand see me.
I open this book.
If he meets seven out of thenine criteria, your uncle has
bipolar.
But you just saying it outloud, know that your uncle does
(12:45):
not have bipolar.
Now, he might have sometendencies or some traits, but
we got to do the diagnosisfirst.
Keith D. Terry (12:54):
And you know, I think that what you just showed,
many people, some people know,but I think many more people
need to remember there isguidelines for what you got what
you do.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Absolutely.
Keith D. Terry (13:04):
So just a couple more questions before we shift
focus here.
Okay.
What do you think is the mostmisunderstood truth about mental
illness?
So mental.
Yeah, I'll say mental illness.
Khalid B. Scott (13:16):
You know what, Keith, we're really educated now
because of this little deviceright here.
We got a lot of education.
So the assumptions and thestereotypes, they're long gone
now.
You know what I'm saying?
People are really seeing thetruth in mental illness.
Again, you see a 24-year-oldfootball player who's a
millionaire.
(13:37):
Yes.
You know, who has a fiance whohas all the resources, but he
still takes a gun and shootshimself.
But a year ago, he lost hismother.
So, you know, and the signs andsymptoms.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know that.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Yeah.
Khalid B. Scott (13:52):
Signs and symptoms are there, but guess
what?
He's a football player.
They're the strongest men inthe world in our mindset, right?
So we don't pay attention.
Oh, he's gonna be okay.
Oh, give him a drink.
You know, we mask the issues.
We mask the issues, right?
Keith D. Terry (14:11):
So for the for my listeners, just so they
understand, when I ask thisquestion about landscape, when
you think about the mentalhealth landscape out here, when
we met three years ago versusnow, has it changed a lot?
It's progressive.
Wow.
Khalid B. Scott (14:28):
It's progressive.
Because what happens is that weare a society that runs on
trauma.
We are a society that operateson dysfunction.
See, when things are normal, itfeels weird to us.
We're so hyped on drama andtrauma that we have normalized
(14:55):
it.
We have normalized it.
And that's a bad thing.
That's not a good thing.
We need to be able to be calm,cool, and collected.
But we can't operate like thatbecause every day, every day
something's going on.
Keith D. Terry (15:09):
And then when you through through you throw
in, I'm gonna add thisadditional component, there's
craziness coming out ofWashington.
I mean, there's right out of mymind, right?
And and you know, I I will tellyou, I stopped watching the
news because it's just it's likeout of 10 stories, eight of
(15:30):
them are negative.
Uh, and I just don't want tohear that because it shapes my
mindset, puts me in a differentkind of kind of mood.
So, so let's go a little deeperinto the crisis from a human
perspective and experience andidentification perspective.
How does trauma show up in menversus women?
Khalid B. Scott (15:49):
It depends on the person.
So, see, we used to do broadstroke descriptions.
No, it's very individualized.
Keith D. Terry (15:57):
Okay, okay.
Khalid B. Scott (15:58):
So the assumption is if a woman is
depressed, if a woman has someissues, she's gonna be very
verbal about it.
She's gonna go to her village,right?
She's gonna come and say, Hey,Dr.
Scott, I need therapy.
Yes.
We're so used to men holding itin because the world told us,
don't cry about it.
(16:18):
Pull up your boots, strap themup, and deal with it.
Now, don't, don't, doesn't thefamily still do the same thing
to boys?
No.
No.
Okay.
No, not at all.
And see, that's the assumption.
So remember, I told you I gotmamas, grandmamas, wives,
cousins, whatever calling me.
(16:39):
My 17-year-old is sitting inthe room playing video games and
it's dark in there.
I need them to come to thelight and get some therapy.
Because we're saying that nomore of this.
We cannot be passive about thisbecause why?
Everybody knows somebody who'scommitted suicide now.
Five years ago, I didn't knowanyone until my 33-year-old
(17:03):
Mitty committed suicide on his33rd birthday.
He was, now I'm a socialworker.
You would think I knew a ton ofpeople who've committed
suicide.
No?
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Khalid B. Scott (17:15):
I heard of stories, but this hit home for
me.
And since his death, I've beenmore black men I know have
committed suicide.
unknown (17:24):
Yeah.
Keith D. Terry (17:26):
I know that pain myself.
So what happens when the traumagoes untreated?
Because I have my assumptionthat there are pockets of every
community, particularlyAfrican-American community, that
pushes off, you know, socialworkers, pushes off psychiatry,
pushes off mental health.
(17:46):
And so when trauma goesuntreated, um, how how does it
look?
What happens?
Khalid B. Scott (17:53):
It's dangerous.
It's dangerous.
You know, think about whenyou've been outside, you sat on
a bench or you've been on a bus,and someone who's having a
mental health crisis gets on.
It's really scary to see thatperson, isn't it?
You'd be like, let me get offon the on the next stop.
Because I don't know what thatperson is going to do, right?
(18:14):
So again, if it's beingunaddressed, that means it makes
the society vulnerable.
Right?
So you got people going intoschools and shooting up schools,
going into shooting upchurches, going into Walmart,
and you're seeing peoplefighting in Walmart.
You know what I'm saying?
(18:34):
So it's being activated.
And because of this device, wesee it in real time now.
So now we're on edge, right?
We're on edge.
Keith D. Terry (18:45):
And do is, you know, I'm asking this question,
does trauma, does it lookdifferent?
Well, this is kind of a I'manswering my own question and I
don't know.
So does it, does the traumalook different in the urban
areas versus the suburbs or froma minority perspective in black
communities?
How would you, how do you lookat that?
Khalid B. Scott (19:03):
No, stop.
Again, we have to stop tryingto compartmentalize it.
Trauma hits all of us in anegative way.
It stuns your growth.
It affects your psyche.
You know what I'm saying?
Think about how dark it feelsnow.
Go back to when President Obamawon.
(19:27):
Remember that night and howwonderful you felt.
You felt like you were in GrantPark.
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Right.
Khalid B. Scott (19:35):
It was like, oh my God, hope is here.
Fast forward to when somebodyelse won presidency.
How did you feel that night?
Keith D. Terry (19:45):
Man, I couldn't believe it.
I was disappointed.
Yeah.
Khalid B. Scott (19:48):
Absolutely.
And then it's being reinforcedevery day as some drama and
trauma going on from Washington,D.C.
How can that not affect us?
Are you not concerned that whenyou go outside, because now
SNAP benefits are not in place,now everybody's going to be
robbed.
You know, I know people whowork at Walmart and grocery
(20:12):
stores.
They're like they're on guardright now because they are just
expecting that people are goingto come steal.
Keith D. Terry (20:19):
Okay.
unknown (20:20):
Okay.
Khalid B. Scott (20:20):
So they're hiring security guards.
Keith D. Terry (20:23):
Yeah, it makes sense.
Right, right.
Khalid B. Scott (20:25):
So then you're doing this during the holiday
season, which is already atraumatic season for people
already.
You know, more a lot ofsuicides take place around the
holiday season.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Yeah.
Khalid B. Scott (20:38):
Because people are like, man, this is not going
to be a great Christmas or agood Thanksgiving because my
loved one is not here, becauseI'm broke, you know, or I
haven't worked all year.
Keith D. Terry (20:48):
So are you suggesting, are you suggesting
that the pressures that causethis, is it internal to the
family or is it coming from theoutside?
Khalid B. Scott (20:57):
Both.
Keith D. Terry (20:58):
Okay.
It's both.
Is there one from yourperspective more weightier than
the other?
Khalid B. Scott (21:05):
It just depends on the individual.
See, see, Keith, what affectsme may not affect you.
You see what I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
That's true.
Khalid B. Scott (21:13):
And it's it's how you're raised.
It's what you're what you'veobserved, is what you've
experienced, right?
So, and and and that when Ihear my like, let me give you
for instance.
When I hear one of my buddiessay, Khalid, I'm cheating on my
wife, the reason why it affectsme, because my mom was a
mistress.
So I don't see the benefit ofinfidelity.
(21:36):
I see.
Keith D. Terry (21:37):
I see.
Khalid B. Scott (21:38):
Other men be like, yeah, yeah, rah, rah, rah,
do it, brother, do it.
Yeah.
But see, my negative impactwith it may look different than
yours.
I see.
I see your point.
How you take it in.
Keith D. Terry (21:53):
Well said, very well said.
So then how can families becomea safer place for individuals?
Khalid B. Scott (22:00):
That we start being truthful.
We start being transparent.
We start opening our mouths andcommunicating.
You know, every day, like mydaughter is grown and in medical
school now and has her ownapartment.
I talk to my child every day.
But guess what?
People be like, Kaleya, you gotto talk to Anaya every day.
(22:21):
Why not?
Why shouldn't I talk to mychild every day?
Well, she's grown, Kalia.
She got her own life.
Right, but you mean to tell meme calling in at 10 o'clock at
night, checking to see if mydaughter is okay a bad thing?
Keith D. Terry (22:36):
Yeah, I see your point.
I see your point.
I see your point.
I see.
But you know, you you youmentioned the transparency.
I I'm part of a of a, you know,uh of a prayer group, and my
guys always thank me for beingtransparent.
And maybe it's because I'vebeen through some pain myself.
Maybe I've been throughcounseling.
(22:58):
But when I hear you say peopleshould talk and be more
transparent, is it becausethey're seeking a soft ear and a
truthful conversation or aplace that they can talk about
their problems?
Because now sometimes whenyou're talking, people aren't
listening.
Khalid B. Scott (23:14):
Again, the answer is E, all the above.
We all want to be validated.
We all want to be heard.
We all want to be understoodthat I'm not Superman, I'm not
Wonder Woman.
I want to take this cape offthat somebody put on me or I put
on myself because it's dirty.
I need to put this cape in thecleaners and let it get clean.
(23:35):
And in between time, I need torest and regroup.
Right?
Wow.
That's when they say, check onthe strong people.
Why?
Because we're so used tocarrying the weight of
everything, but nobody checks onus.
Keith D. Terry (23:52):
So that gets me to this next question.
Because you're absolutelyright.
People say check on the strongperson, the successful person.
What kind of internal battlesdo you think the strong person's
dealing with?
Because you know, just becauseyou appear strong doesn't mean
that you are.
Khalid B. Scott (24:08):
Absolutely.
It's this thing called theimposter syndrome.
Though the world may see that Ihave all of this, my thing is
this might be just surfacebecause the world says I have to
be this person.
But really, I'm not.
Really, I want to be anintrovert.
I want to be quiet and calm.
People are so used to thispersona, this bigger than life
(24:30):
thing.
Now, for me, this is actuallywho Khalid is.
I'm an extrovert, I'mboisterous, I'm gregarious, and
I love that about me.
I don't know what it means tobe shy.
It's weird to me.
Shyness is weird.
If you on earth one time, liveand live big.
But that's my thing, but that'swhat's kept me going.
(24:52):
Because I had to, because I wasan only child and I didn't have
a dad, and I grew up in a poorcommunity.
So I wanted to know that I wasbigger than life.
But that's what I needed.
Somebody else might say, no,laid back and calm keeps me
right.
So it's always individualized.
Keith D. Terry (25:14):
So when we talk about burnout, you know, I work
a lot.
A lot of people work a lot.
You probably work a lot.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Yes.
Keith D. Terry (25:21):
Burnout's everywhere.
What does chronic burnout, youknow, do to the brain and how
does it show up?
Can you talk a little bit aboutthat?
Sure.
Khalid B. Scott (25:30):
Well, burnout just doesn't happen overnight.
That's number one.
Okay.
Gradual process.
You start feeling it a longtime ago, but you don't pay
attention because what you'vebeen able to do is bypass it
because you got so much to do.
So when somebody saysself-care, self-care, you're
like, yeah, you know what, I'mgonna go and get my nails done.
(25:52):
You know, I'm gonna get ahaircut.
You know what I'm saying?
That's surface self-care.
The real self-care is turningthese lights off and turning the
TV off and putting this phonedown and going to sleep.
It's being invited to threeparties in one day, and you say,
No, I'm not going to none ofthe parties.
(26:13):
I'm just gonna stay home andwatch an old black and white
monster movie, eat some Doritos,and just relax.
It's saying that I've overdoneit.
I've added pressure to myselfbecause the reality is
everything can wait tilltomorrow.
Keith D. Terry (26:30):
Now, are you seeing burnout more pervasive
three years ago or now?
Khalid B. Scott (26:36):
Well, it wasn't pervasive then because we were
shut down three years ago duringthe pandemic.
That's why I said the pandemicwas good for us.
It may not appear, but it wasgood because it made us slow
down.
It made us slow down.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
When the pandemic ended, let me finish, please.
Khalid B. Scott (26:58):
Okay, when the pandemic ended, we rail back up
again.
And how crazy has things beensince.
Keith D. Terry (27:05):
Yes.
It sounds to me like when weslowed down, we got to see
ourselves differently.
And it's it was another problemthat came up.
Well, let me just say it now.
I lost my son in 21 throughsuicide.
And through that pain, I've hadto deal with my own self.
So how do you deal with it?
You talk to people all thetime.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Yeah.
Keith D. Terry (27:26):
And you know, you're in these private
conversations with people.
So how do you deal withself-care?
Khalid B. Scott (27:32):
Self-care.
Well, it's first and foremost,Keith, three years ago, I was
320 pounds coming out of thatpandemic, and I'm a cancer.
I'm emotional, and I'm anemotional eater.
So when I'm something, I turnto the Doritos, the M's, the
chicken, the pizza.
And then when my jock, my fratbrother, who's my doctor, said,
(27:56):
Khalil, you're 320 pounds,brother.
You're knocking on diabetesdoor.
That same day, I went to thegrocery store and bought $300
full of fruits and vegetables.
Nine months later, I lost theweight.
Because I don't want to be acontradiction.
How can I tell you, my client,to go into self-care, but I'm
(28:17):
not caring for my own self?
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Yes.
Khalid B. Scott (28:19):
So I became my own walking billboard of
self-care.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Okay.
Khalid B. Scott (28:24):
Of self-care.
Because who better, you knowwhat I'm saying?
To emphasize it than a personwho God called to help other
people.
Keith D. Terry (28:35):
I'm glad you I'm glad you talked about that.
And I'm glad you paidattention.
I remember seeing you when youwere 325.
Right.
And then I think, and then uh,you know, you look up because
people get busy.
It was 10 months later.
You posted something onFacebook, and you are literally
half the man you were.
I mean, you look phenomenal.
So you look for the trauma.
No.
So as as we talk more about theworkplace, home, do you see
(28:59):
them as both places where peopleget trauma?
Khalid B. Scott (29:02):
Yes, depending on your situation, right?
Let me let me share somethingwith you.
Right now, Keith, I know 39couples, 39 couples who have
divorced or are divorcing rightnow.
Now that sounds horrible,doesn't it?
It does.
But when I talked to the 39friends and I said, why?
(29:25):
You're in your 50s, you're inyour 60s, you've been married 25
plus years.
Why?
Khalid, I should have divorced10 years ago.
But I wanted the Cosby showlife.
I didn't want my kids growingup in a one parent home like I
did, the Good Times house.
So I sacrificed.
(29:45):
But guess what happened then?
What tragically happened, whatthe negativity that came from
it.
Your children watched you andyour spouse fighting in that
house.
They felt the t go ahead.
And then they grew up and Guesswhat?
Now my friends are calling mesaying their daughters are in
domestic violence relationships.
(30:05):
Their sons are turning to drugsand alcohol.
Their kids are saying, Khalid,I need a counselor for my kid.
I had to take my child to thepsychiatric ward at the hospital
because my kid had a nervousbreakdown.
So, see, we thought we weredoing something good and staying
together, but your kids got afirst view of dysfunction.
Keith D. Terry (30:28):
Gotcha.
They saw an example of chaos,internal chaos.
Khalid B. Scott (30:34):
Right.
Now, let me use me as anexample.
I got divorced and yesterdaywould have been my 24th
anniversary, right?
Wow.
But I got divorced 13 years agowhen my baby was 10 years old.
I immediately put me and Anayain therapy, both individual and
family therapy.
Eight years later, my daughtergraduated Salutatorian of
(30:57):
Kenwood, number three out of 430students, for a ride to Amherst
in Massachusetts.
And now she's her first year ofmedical school and University
of Chicago for free.
Because why?
She didn't grow up seeing mommyand daddy doing this.
So mommy and daddy cometogether as divorced parents,
(31:19):
but wonderful co-parents.
Keith D. Terry (31:24):
Good for you to put your your 10-year-old or
eight-year-old in therapy.
Good for you.
Good for you.
Khalid B. Scott (31:30):
But I'm a clinician.
I know better.
Everybody doesn't know this.
So I do podcasts like what youinvited me to do, so we can
educate people on what to dobetter now.
Keith D. Terry (31:42):
Okay.
And so staying there, becausewe're going to shift uh to kind
of discovery.
If you're a parent, um, youknow, or let's talk to parents.
If you're a parent and you'relooking at your kids, what what
are you looking for so that Ican call someone like you?
Khalid B. Scott (32:01):
You know your children better than any human
beings.
Why?
Because they came from you andyou've been there every day.
Like they know you.
When something is off with you,your kids will pick up on it in
a second.
When it's off with them, you'llpick it up in a second.
Now you can choose to ignoreit, but you'll know something is
(32:22):
there.
The minute you see somethingoff with your child, you have to
address it.
Why?
Because it sets a better tone.
It says, mommy and daddy arepaying attention.
Mommy and daddy care about me,and that there's no judgment,
and that this is a safe space.
Keith D. Terry (32:44):
For those folks that are not familiar with
talking to someone like you, amentor, uh licensed clinical
social worker, is it's a safeplace.
It's not like you're going andtalking about what they're what
you're talking about becauseit's classified.
Am I correct?
Khalid B. Scott (32:58):
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
The reason why I check on mydaughter, because I realize
Anaya has put a pressure onherself.
She's an academic genius.
Yeah.
And for what I've learned aboutkids who are academia, they
always want to do better thanthe last time.
Time.
Well, when I heard the suiciderates for medical students, and
(33:21):
here it is, my daughter is aboutto be a medical student.
No, I'm not losing mine.
I gotcha.
I'm not losing mine.
Tonight I'm picking her up,taking her out, because she had
a big test yesterday.
I'm picking her up, taking herout to dinner, and she's coming
home to spend the night atdaddy's house.
Keith D. Terry (33:40):
So she depressed.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
So staying with just one morequestion on discovery.
You talked about what parentscan do.
What about the grown person whowas raised in a family that, oh
no, you don't want to go see apsychiatrist or a counselor?
Let's talk a little bit aboutwhat they should be doing and
(34:00):
looking for and how they wouldenter and talk to someone like
you.
Khalid B. Scott (34:04):
Okay, so let's give an example.
Keith, me, let's pretend me andyou are best friends.
And you know I'm a hyperperson, good, you know,
gregarious.
But you've noticed when youtalk to me on the phone, when we
went out for pizza, that Ihaven't been myself.
And then you said, Khalil,what's wrong, man?
You, you, something differentgoing on.
(34:26):
Man, you know, it's been 13years since I've been divorced.
I'm kind of lonely now, man.
Khalid, can you do me a bigfavor and do, let's, let's do
this.
Let me pull my cell phone out.
I met this therapist, Khalil,and he talks about men issues.
Khalid, can I send you, let me,I'm gonna text you Dr.
(34:46):
Scott's information.
Khalid, go and see a therapist.
I'll be, I'm here.
You could talk to me.
But I know it might be somethings you don't want to share
with me.
But brother, go and see atherapist.
Because guess what, Khalid?
I didn't tell you because I wasacting weird.
But Khalid, I've seen atherapist.
And man, I love it.
(35:08):
See, that's how you show careand concern.
And it did not take away fromour masculinity, did it?
No.
No.
It doesn't know how much welove each other because I want
you to win, brother.
Keith D. Terry (35:23):
Yeah.
That was well done.
Because, you know, you'reabsolutely right.
A lot of men, you know, youhave to show up macho.
Don't take away my nutsack.
Don't, you know, don'tdecapitate me from that
perspective.
And I I I'm old enough to knowthat there are a lot of men that
don't have places where theycan truly talk.
You know, they feel like, youknow, I can't talk to my woman
(35:47):
about it.
And then there's some men thatthat I was with a couple days
ago to have that perspective.
And so, you know, what arewhat's one thing that people can
do to create emotionalresilience for themselves?
Be honest with themselves andprepare to do the work.
Elaborate on the work partbecause I when I hear that, you
(36:08):
know, I think people think it'snot, you're not talking about
jogging.
Khalid B. Scott (36:12):
No.
That might be anotherprescription later on to do
something extra.
But the real work says, smugGod, let me hold this mirror up
and really look for thefreckles, the, the, the, the
bumps, the pimples, theblemishes.
Because before I just said, no,my skin is beautiful.
(36:35):
It's chocolate, it's clear.
But no, I do see a pimple here.
It's being honest for what isreally there.
That I sleep with a bunch ofwomen because, man, I used to be
called a nerd back in schooland it traumatized me.
So I got something to prove,but I hurt a bunch of women.
(36:55):
It's, you know what, I joined afraternity because I was alone.
You know what I'm saying?
But man, though, those guysain't there for me.
Maybe I need to build adifferent village.
You know what I'm saying?
Or, you know what?
I've been working this job topay the bills, but I'm not happy
there.
You know what?
I can do college online and gointo another career at 56 years
(37:21):
old.
That's gonna bring me joy.
See, I answered my calling at23.
I love the work I do.
So it don't feel like work.
Keith D. Terry (37:31):
So then how do, you know, how do we break
generational?
What do you suggest we do tobreak generational curses?
And assumptions that, you know,when I say this and I ask this
question, come from a familythat believes in don't talk
about it.
unknown (37:44):
Yeah.
Keith D. Terry (37:45):
Put it in the closet.
Correct.
And and what I what I recognizenow is that, you know, we have
to break those patterns so thatpeople can talk about it.
There is strength in tellingyour story because you get
you'll be surprised that otherpeople are going through the
exact same thing, and they mightbe doing it differently, and it
(38:06):
gives you some strength.
So do you see it the same way,or how what what do you say?
Because you see it every day.
Khalid B. Scott (38:12):
Right.
Well, the thing is, naturally,we are breaking the curses.
Keith, what me and you aredoing right now, our dads
wouldn't have done.
Our grandfathers sure wouldn'tdone, and our great-granddads
wouldn't even thought of it.
Right?
We're sitting about talkingabout men issues and our hearts
and our minds and our and ourtragedies and traumas.
(38:37):
Right?
So it wouldn't work now.
Keith, both of us married, beenmarried.
We don't have, well, at leastfor me, at least, I don't know
your history, but I don't havemultiple kids about multiple
women like my dad.
See, we are breaking the thegenerational curses already.
We're highly educated.
(38:58):
You know what I'm saying?
My dad had a high schooldiploma.
My daughter's gonna have amedical.
My mom was a high schooldropout, but she got a
granddaughter who's gonna be adoctor in four more years.
Keith D. Terry (39:11):
Yes.
Khalid B. Scott (39:11):
We're doing it.
We're doing the work.
We're doing the work already.
Well, you you know, I do youthink we're rare?
No, we are progressing like weshould.
We are progressing.
And again, that's why I talkedabout the Cosby show.
That was the best example ofhow we had one mentality and we
went to another one.
(39:32):
When that show was on TV andthen the spin-off show A
Different World, guess whathappened, Keith?
More black people went enrolledin college than at any other
time before.
Keith D. Terry (39:44):
You're absolutely right.
Khalid B. Scott (39:46):
We just need to see an image of us being there.
unknown (39:51):
Okay.
Khalid B. Scott (39:52):
That's it.
Keith D. Terry (39:53):
And are there tools that people can use to
help with anxiety or some ofthose things?
I mean, for me, and I'll use myexample, when I feel like I
have a lot of pressure, stress,I'll give one of my good friends
a jingle.
Khalid B. Scott (40:09):
Nice, nice.
Keith D. Terry (40:10):
You know, and uh or I'll call or talk to my
wife.
Uh but I don't but butinteresting, I don't talk to my
wife about everything.
Khalid B. Scott (40:19):
Got you.
Got you.
Keith D. Terry (40:21):
And I don't talk to my friend about everything.
And I try, I guess I am tryingto get it out of me, is what I'm
saying.
And so, you know, is there a arecommendation, a suggestion
that you can give for people outthere other than give you a
call?
Do you have a waiting list?
Khalid B. Scott (40:41):
Absolutely.
The wonderful thing, eventhough we keep saying it's not a
wonderful thing, is moderntechnology, right?
Elaborate.
There's apps on the phone, AIapps for counseling.
So you can go into an app andsaying, Siri, I'm having a bad
(41:01):
day.
What can I do to cheer me up?
Speaker 2 (41:05):
And the AI would come on.
See?
Khalid B. Scott (41:12):
And it will give you a response, right?
Just holding something that wehave in our hand every day.
There's movies being made,there's music being played,
right?
Because we are more educated onmental illness and wellness,
now we're being more responsivewhen our friends call saying,
hey, I'm having a bad day.
(41:33):
You know what I'm saying?
You know, people are makingrestaurants and library rooms
more accessible so that peoplecan get away from the house.
You know what I'm saying?
So there's things in placeright now to help.
But at the end of the day, youcan have all the devices and
utensils.
You have to want to do thework.
Keith D. Terry (41:54):
So then let's talk about that.
Let's talk about habits.
Are there, you know, whathabits and practices do you
think emotionally healthy peopledo versus unhealthy people?
Khalid B. Scott (42:07):
Right.
So an emotionally healthyperson says, I'm gonna be
honest.
I'm gonna look in that mirrorand say, that go the pimple.
Then they say this.
What do I need to do to get ridof the pimple?
Right?
Before it was just do this.
No, it leaves a mark.
(42:28):
Now I'm gonna get this creamand put it on and be patient and
wait for the pimple to go awaynaturally so it won't leave a
mark.
That's what the mindsets aregoing towards now.
That this is not gonna be aband-aid effect no more.
I have to sit down with a Dr.
Scott and talk to him from A toZ what I can't talk to my
(42:52):
spouse about, what I can't talkto my kids about, what I can't
tell my best friend, because atthe end of the day, those people
have an expectation of me.
A therapist, they're unbiased.
They look personal me.
They know the person sitting infront of them who's trying to
be better.
That's why I can't be friendswith my clients.
(43:16):
Because that would make me Igot you.
Keith D. Terry (43:19):
So then I'm gonna run a couple things past
you.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Sure.
Keith D. Terry (43:22):
And you tell me if it's if you think it's good
or bad.
Okay.
Having anxiety, I should gosmoke a joint.
Good or bad.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Bad.
Keith D. Terry (43:33):
I want to go, I'm I have an anxiety, I should
go have a martini.
Khalid B. Scott (43:37):
Bad.
Keith D. Terry (43:39):
Wow.
I should I'm having a bad day.
I should go and, you know, goto a club.
Bad.
Wow.
And this is kind of what I'msaying, because people have bad
days.
And right now, you can drink,you can smoke.
And it's all legal.
And so, you know, I havefriends that say, oh man, you
(44:00):
know, I'm not a drinker.
I don't drink alcohol, but Ismoke, I smoke.
And I hear stories, because I'mmy background's healthcare.
I hear good stories, I hear badstories.
From your perspective, becauseyou're in there every day.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
Yes.
Keith D. Terry (44:13):
What are your thoughts on alcohol and
marijuana?
Khalid B. Scott (44:16):
See, I'm a drug and alcohol counselor, been one
for 25 years, right?
What do you think are thegateway drugs?
The gateway drug is one.
Marijuana.
Marijuana.
Marijuana.
Marijuana.
It's the gateway.
And when I say gateway, it'sthe beginning, the initial, the
(44:38):
orientation drug.
And what happens is it givesyou a temporary kicks, a
temporary relief.
But what happens is you'regonna still deal with the
struggle because you haven'tgotten rid of it.
You just put it on a shelftemporarily.
Right?
(44:58):
So then that high is not goodenough no more.
Let me try cocaine.
Let me try heroin.
Let me go and drink.
But I don't stop at one beer.
I stop at two beers.
I need four beers.
And let me go drive.
And then, like when I was 18,my best friend got killed by a
(45:21):
drunk driver.
Right?
So what happens is it adds tothe toxicity.
It adds to the dysfunction.
Five years ago, Illinois said,we're gonna make marijuana
legal.
And they won because the moneythat came in was going towards
the billions.
But guess what?
(45:41):
Go and talk to a Chicago policeofficer.
Every time he walks up to a carfull of kids, soon as before he
can get to the car, guess whathe smells?
Keith D. Terry (45:51):
Marijuana.
Khalid B. Scott (45:52):
Marijuana.
Because kids are not going todiscriminate.
They're going to hear it'slegal.
It's not legal for anyone under21.
And you're supposed to get itfrom a dispensary, not from
Tariq on the corner.
But I'm in business.
(46:12):
I'm in business.
And I will always have a job,Keith.
Keith D. Terry (46:16):
Well, the impact of both of those on burnout,
anxiety, depression is good,bad, or how how do how do you?
I don't want to get into theclinical component of it, but
I'm talking about it from a froma, you know, a lot of people
think I need to relax, so I'mgonna go have me a martini.
I used to have that thought.
Dr.
Scott, I used to have thatthought.
(46:37):
You know, and what I recognizeis I'm a different person after
one drink.
Khalid B. Scott (46:43):
Absolutely.
Keith, remember, I used to turnto Doritos with hot sauce on it
to unwind.
But what did it do to me threeyears later?
It got me to 320 pounds.
Speaker 2 (46:59):
Gotcha.
Khalid B. Scott (47:00):
Gotcha.
It didn't solve any problem.
It made another problem come tolight.
Get rid of the Doritos and findother alternatives, right?
And now I'm in a better place.
When you look for quick fixes,it means it's gonna be long-term
problems.
Keith D. Terry (47:19):
Okay.
So my last couple of questionsare Iround recognize that I need
to go see somebody.
Let's talk about how peopleshould prepare to engage someone
like you.
Because not everybody is Dr.
Scalid Scott.
Not everybody is that.
Not the one, not everybodyprobably practices like you.
How should people engage themental health community?
Khalid B. Scott (47:42):
Sure, it's many ways.
Oftentimes I'm on Facebook andsomebody will um somebody said,
looking for a male therapist inthe Chicagoland area.
And then what happens is peopleare tagging my name, right?
I use social media to post aflyer for my private practice.
(48:02):
Or, Siri, I need a list ofblack male clinicians in
Chicago.
And it's right there.
Or you type it in Google and alist comes out.
Or because so many of us areengaged in therapy, referrals.
I guess what I was saying, areall clinicians created equal?
No, we are not.
(48:22):
Absolutely not.
We all have different agendas,different um itineraries.
Keith D. Terry (48:26):
And is there something that I can do when I'm
looking for someone?
You know, how how should we?
I mean, I know how to engage myrheumatologists as an example.
Because you know, I have gout,right?
I know what I'm looking for.
I know the kind of physician.
But I when it comes to thisarea, what I guess what I'm
trying to allude to is is therea process people should use to
(48:49):
uncover great clinicians likeyou?
Khalid B. Scott (48:52):
Yes.
It's called this.
Communicate.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
Yeah.
Khalid B. Scott (48:58):
I go to you.
Um, hey, Dr.
Terry, I've been divorced 13years.
I've raised my child, so nowI'm an empty nester.
And I want to get back out herein a dating life.
And um, do you have a specialtywhere you work with men and you
work with men on relationships?
If you say no, okay, well, cando you know any therapist who
(49:21):
that's their specialty?
Yes, I know a Dr.
Scott who specializes in men'smental wellness, relationship
issues, spirituality, dot, dot,dot.
You just open your mouth.
Or again, you type in thing.
We have no excuses no more.
This is 19, this is not 1972.
(49:42):
This is 2025.
Everything is right here.
Keith D. Terry (49:47):
Well said.
And, you know, and and so I Ithank you for that.
And my last question is to giveyou is do you have one message
that you want to give folksbefore we dial off here today?
Khalid B. Scott (49:59):
Absolutely.
And it's a message I give oftenwhen I'm doing podcasts.
Learn to have the mostbeautiful, wonderful love affair
with guess who?
Yourself.
Speaker 2 (50:11):
Yeah.
Khalid B. Scott (50:11):
Because once you love, once you are in love
with you, your bar is raisedhigh.
Your agenda is steady andconsistent.
Speaker 2 (50:22):
Okay.
Khalid B. Scott (50:22):
But you gotta love you first.
And then when you love you,what an agape love, it spills
over to everybody who knows you.
Keith D. Terry (50:31):
Well, listen, thank you so much.
And I want to thank you forjoining the next big thing.
A huge thank you to Dr.
Khalid Scott.
Do you want to tell them howfolks can reach you?
Khalid B. Scott (50:39):
Sure.
I'm on all social media umplatforms, Khalid Scott.
I'm on Psychology Today, so WWWPsychology Today, and type in
my name.
Google me.
A lot of clients have donethat.
You too.
Thank you for having me.
Keith D. Terry (50:57):
Thanks for listening to the next big thing.
I'm your host, Keith D.
Terry.
If you've enjoyed this episodeand you'd like to support this
podcast, please share it withothers.
Post about it on social mediaor leave a rating and a review.
To catch all the latest fromme, you can follow me on my
YouTube channel at KeithD.Terry.
If you want to recommend aguest, please email me at info
(51:19):
at terryperformance group.com.
This has been produced by yourhost, Anne Jade Productions.
Welcome to the podcast, The Next Big Thing.
I'm your host, Keith D.Terry, aconsultant, a coach, and a
serial entrepreneur.
The mission here is to teach,inspire, and to motivate.
Today's conversation demandsour attention.
We're going to be talking aboutmental health.
Many of us carry weight we donot speak about.
(00:21):
Quiet suffering, hidden trauma,burnout, the rising in every
community, every family, everyworkplace.
The headlines tell one story,but behind the real but behind
the headlines are real lives,real pain, and real
consequences.
And today we're going to beconfronting that head on.
(00:41):
Before I begin thisconversation with my guest, who
I'm excited to talk to, I wantto make one thing clear.
This conversation is not atherapy session.
It's not a clinical session.
We are here to understand theemotional challenges affecting
individuals, families, andleaders today, and explore how
we can build strength andresilience and help me to
(01:03):
understand this.
This conversation is abouthumanity.
My guest today is Mr.
Khalid B.
Scott.
He's an LCSW.
Khalid, welcome.
But before I you hear from him,I want to just give you his
background.
He is a respected clinician,trainer, and a mental health
leader with more than 30 yearsof experience in trauma,
(01:24):
addiction, and emotionalwellness.
He currently serves with theDepartment of Veteran Affairs
and also leads a privatepractice supporting individuals,
families, and couples.
Khalid is a proud father,educator, and a decorated U.S.
Army and National Guardsveteran.
Khalid, welcome to the show.
(01:44):
How are you?
Khalid B. Scott (01:45):
All right.
I'm Terry.
Thank you for having me again.
Keith D. Terry (01:50):
Okay.
Great.
So, Khalid, I I gave theaudience a high-level overview
of your background.
I want them to hear the humanside.
So my question to you is whenyou think about, when I think
about the work you do and whoyou are, or let me say it this
way (02:05):
when you think about the work you do and who you are at
your core, what drives you toserve the people the way you do?
Khalid B. Scott (02:13):
Right.
So my background, my mom was ateen mom, right?
Okay.
And I grew up on the southeastside of Chicago.
In fact, my community wascalled Terra Town, right?
And um I was fatherless, right?
And a lot of children in mycommunity were fatherless.
And I just remember one of thethings that my mom, my
(02:35):
grandmother, my aunties, all thewomen in my village kept saying
to me, and I was the firstgrandchild, right?
The eldest.
They kept saying, you have tobe responsible.
You have to be responsible.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Right.
Khalid B. Scott (02:48):
You know, take care of what you're supposed to
take care of.
And that stuck with me as ayoung man.
And I guess I took it to thenext level because not only I'm
going to be responsible formine, I'm going to be
responsible for the entirecommunity.
Wow.
So when I got out of the army,I was 20 years old.
I went to Morehouse my firstsemester, left there to go to
(03:12):
the Persian Gulf War, came homeand finished up college at
Chicago State University.
And there, when I first startedcollege, I was a computer
science major.
Were you?
One day, I um I took a classcalled Psychology of Urban Youth
by a wonderful attorney slashprofessor, Dr.
(03:32):
Pamela Heelville.
And she sent us to the juveniledetention center for a day of
observation.
By the time I left thatinstitution, that court building
at the evening, I saw a CookCounty Sheriff taking 10
African-American boys upstairsto what we used to call the Audi
(03:53):
home or the juvenile detentioncenter.
Okay.
It was right then and there,Keith, I decided I'm gonna help
those babies.
Okay.
And it's a part of me, it's mycalling, to be honest.
God purposely put me in thatpsychology class, and he let me
(04:15):
see, had that vision of thoseboys going upstairs to jail as
boys, right?
Could have been me, could havebeen you, um, Keith.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I've just dedicated my lifeto serving the community.
And as of last weekend, I wonmy 30th social work award,
(04:37):
right?
Wow, okay.
Keith D. Terry (04:39):
Well, well, you know, that fits you because
you're you, you, you, you know,you, you, you, you bring it
every time.
And and, you know, as we haveI'm glad people can hear that
because your calling, God gaveyou your calling and you
discovered it early on.
Absolutely.
So, and so, you know, in myopening, I was talking about the
quiet storm.
You know, are you how how areyou looking at what's going on
(05:02):
right now?
Because, you know, let me justintroduce you.
You and I met three years ago?
Yes.
About three years ago, we weretalking about the impact of
COVID and the psychologicaltrauma of COVID.
And so now, you know, what areyou seeing now?
Khalid B. Scott (05:19):
Well, that's an eloquent um title, A Quiet
Storm, but it's not so quiet.
Okay.
Keith, um, you know, just what,two days ago, another
African-American male committedsuicide, a football player,
right?
Three weeks ago, my daughtercalled me.
One of her friends, a blackmale who she graduated with, I
(05:42):
took a picture of them at hergraduation at Amherst last year.
She said, Daddy, he jumped infront of a train in New York.
23 years old.
Keep thinking about what wewere doing when we were 23.
We're living a life, right?
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah, yeah.
Khalid B. Scott (05:56):
I don't, at least I don't think you were.
I know I wasn't thinking aboutsuicide at 23 years old.
I was enjoying being a youngadult, you know.
Absolutely.
My first car, my firstapartment, you know.
You know, life as a frat guy,you know.
Suicide was not nowhere in thevicinity.
(06:19):
But to be honest, if you ask abunch of young people today,
it's one of the top things theythink about.
Keith D. Terry (06:27):
So, what do you think is driving the surge?
What do you think is or thesymptoms?
Khalid B. Scott (06:33):
Right.
It's that the whenever whenpeople ask me that question, I
get asked the question a lot,Keith.
I said, E all the above.
Life is hitting people realhard now.
You know, for us older, youknow, people, we have a um a
resiliency about us becausewe've been through some stuff,
(06:54):
right?
We were raised to be survivors.
Well, and September 20th, 1984,a television show came on TV.
What show was that, Keith?
You know.
Let me say the date again.
September 20th, 1984.
A show came on TV that changedthe lives of black people.
(07:15):
Was it the Cosby show orsomething like that?
Absolutely.
unknown (07:20):
Okay.
Khalid B. Scott (07:21):
Okay.
Let us good times kids knowthat we could be the Cosby kids.
Keith D. Terry (07:27):
Yes.
Good.
Okay, I see your point.
Khalid B. Scott (07:30):
We could go to college, marry uh a beautiful
spouse who's a professional aswell.
Keith D. Terry (07:36):
Right.
Khalid B. Scott (07:36):
Have wonderful kids.
Keith D. Terry (07:38):
Have a doctor and a and a lawyer as parents,
right?
Khalid B. Scott (07:42):
Absolutely.
And that's this was viable.
It was real.
You know what I'm saying?
And I know I I wanted to beB.O.
Huxtable.
You know, and grew up to beHeat Clip Huxtable.
And at that time, I, you know,I was fatherless.
So James Evans Sr.
from Good Times and Heat ClipHuxtable were my dad's.
You know, they gave me aframework.
(08:04):
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Yes, sir.
Khalid B. Scott (08:06):
You know, one taught me to be firm but fair.
The other one taught me to bean impactful listener.
unknown (08:13):
Okay.
Khalid B. Scott (08:13):
And be easy going and calm, you know, and
get to the root of issues.
So I ran with them.
And that's how we raised ourkids.
Our kids are soft.
Because they didn't have to go,they don't know what Fry
Baloney said.
Keith D. Terry (08:28):
What do you think?
So what do you think is, youknow, you're in the room, and so
what do you think is drivingthis softness?
Khalid B. Scott (08:35):
Because, just while I said, the Cosby show
taught us that everythingdoesn't have to be a struggle.
Gotcha.
So our kids didn't struggle.
My daughter got driven toschool from five years old to 18
years old in a Cadillac.
You know what I'm saying?
We had to go to school on abus.
(08:56):
You know what I'm saying?
So we thought we made it.
We didn't have to teach themthe nuances.
But the nuances is what got usto be who we are.
Keith D. Terry (09:09):
And do you do you think that staying with the,
I'm glad we're having thisdiscovery, I call discovery,
because I want people to see itfrom your perspective.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Yes.
Keith D. Terry (09:20):
Do you think people understand what to do in
the struggle?
Khalid B. Scott (09:26):
No.
No.
And that's why my business isbooming now.
Because people thought they hadthe answer.
They thought they had the rightinterventions, and they were
wrong.
Sitting still in the pandemicfor those three, four, five
years, right?
It taught us to be still, payattention, listen, retrospect,
(09:49):
review our lives.
And we didn't like the picturewe saw, Keith.
Right?
Yeah.
We, you had, I had husbandscalling me like, Khalid, I don't
like my wife.
I had wives calling me, Khalid,I don't like my husband.
I had parents calling me like,oh my God, I can't stand that my
kids are here with me all dayin front of that laptop.
(10:09):
Please send them back to theclassroom or teachers.
But we never got that beforebecause we were always used to
the hustle and the bustle.
Get up, go to work, do youractivities, come home and sleep.
Well, this time we were sittingstill and really evaluating our
lives, and we don't like whatwe saw.
(10:31):
So then that's when I decidedto open up my private practice,
and I've had a waiting list allfour years.
Keith D. Terry (10:37):
Oh, wow.
So where are you seeing thecrisis happen the most?
Khalid B. Scott (10:43):
With families.
unknown (10:45):
Okay.
Khalid B. Scott (10:45):
With individuals in those families.
So at first I used to get thecalls from wives and
girlfriends, Dr.
Scott, my husband, myboyfriend, my son, my brother
needs therapy.
Well, fast forward, Keith, I'mgetting men calling me directly
saying, I need help because I'mbroken.
And no amount of buffalo wings,beer, and watching the football
(11:11):
games is going to help me.
Because that was our, that'sthat was our men's therapy.
Right, right.
That was our therapy.
But it was doing us no goodbecause we had sexual abuse,
childhood sexual abuse in our umpast.
We had poor family dynamics,like me, didn't have a dad at
all.
You know, we had our moms whowere being abused, and we
(11:34):
watched it.
You know what I'm saying?
We had our communitiesstruggling because they were
improvers.
We had poor school systems.
So when you add all of that up,how could we not be broken key?
Keith D. Terry (11:49):
Boy, that's great.
Yeah, yeah.
So when you, so when you you,when someone says they're
stressed, how do you distinguishstress from trauma, burnout, or
something more serioussinister?
Khalid B. Scott (12:04):
Gotcha.
So as a clinician, this is myBible, the DSM 5.
Gotcha.
So if you come and telling methat you're having a mental
health struggle, I go and lookat the criteria.
If you meet five out of thenine symptoms, then that's your
diagnosis.
Keith D. Terry (12:22):
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
Khalid B. Scott (12:24):
So how you know you have people saying, you
know what, I got an uncle who'skind of special and I think he's
bipolar.
Well, your uncle needs to comeand see me.
I open this book.
If he meets seven out of thenine criteria, your uncle has
bipolar.
But you just saying it outloud, know that your uncle does
(12:45):
not have bipolar.
Now, he might have sometendencies or some traits, but
we got to do the diagnosisfirst.
Keith D. Terry (12:54):
And you know, I think that what you just showed,
many people, some people know,but I think many more people
need to remember there isguidelines for what you got what
you do.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Absolutely.
Keith D. Terry (13:04):
So just a couple more questions before we shift
focus here.
Okay.
What do you think is the mostmisunderstood truth about mental
illness?
So mental.
Yeah, I'll say mental illness.
Khalid B. Scott (13:16):
You know what, Keith, we're really educated now
because of this little deviceright here.
We got a lot of education.
So the assumptions and thestereotypes, they're long gone
now.
You know what I'm saying?
People are really seeing thetruth in mental illness.
Again, you see a 24-year-oldfootball player who's a
millionaire.
(13:37):
Yes.
You know, who has a fiance whohas all the resources, but he
still takes a gun and shootshimself.
But a year ago, he lost hismother.
So, you know, and the signs andsymptoms.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know that.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Yeah.
Khalid B. Scott (13:52):
Signs and symptoms are there, but guess
what?
He's a football player.
They're the strongest men inthe world in our mindset, right?
So we don't pay attention.
Oh, he's gonna be okay.
Oh, give him a drink.
You know, we mask the issues.
We mask the issues, right?
Keith D. Terry (14:11):
So for the for my listeners, just so they
understand, when I ask thisquestion about landscape, when
you think about the mentalhealth landscape out here, when
we met three years ago versusnow, has it changed a lot?
It's progressive.
Wow.
Khalid B. Scott (14:28):
It's progressive.
Because what happens is that weare a society that runs on
trauma.
We are a society that operateson dysfunction.
See, when things are normal, itfeels weird to us.
We're so hyped on drama andtrauma that we have normalized
(14:55):
it.
We have normalized it.
And that's a bad thing.
That's not a good thing.
We need to be able to be calm,cool, and collected.
But we can't operate like thatbecause every day, every day
something's going on.
Keith D. Terry (15:09):
And then when you through through you throw
in, I'm gonna add thisadditional component, there's
craziness coming out ofWashington.
I mean, there's right out of mymind, right?
And and you know, I I will tellyou, I stopped watching the
news because it's just it's likeout of 10 stories, eight of
(15:30):
them are negative.
Uh, and I just don't want tohear that because it shapes my
mindset, puts me in a differentkind of kind of mood.
So, so let's go a little deeperinto the crisis from a human
perspective and experience andidentification perspective.
How does trauma show up in menversus women?
Khalid B. Scott (15:49):
It depends on the person.
So, see, we used to do broadstroke descriptions.
No, it's very individualized.
Keith D. Terry (15:57):
Okay, okay.
Khalid B. Scott (15:58):
So the assumption is if a woman is
depressed, if a woman has someissues, she's gonna be very
verbal about it.
She's gonna go to her village,right?
She's gonna come and say, Hey,Dr.
Scott, I need therapy.
Yes.
We're so used to men holding itin because the world told us,
don't cry about it.
(16:18):
Pull up your boots, strap themup, and deal with it.
Now, don't, don't, doesn't thefamily still do the same thing
to boys?
No.
No.
Okay.
No, not at all.
And see, that's the assumption.
So remember, I told you I gotmamas, grandmamas, wives,
cousins, whatever calling me.
(16:39):
My 17-year-old is sitting inthe room playing video games and
it's dark in there.
I need them to come to thelight and get some therapy.
Because we're saying that nomore of this.
We cannot be passive about thisbecause why?
Everybody knows somebody who'scommitted suicide now.
Five years ago, I didn't knowanyone until my 33-year-old
(17:03):
Mitty committed suicide on his33rd birthday.
He was, now I'm a socialworker.
You would think I knew a ton ofpeople who've committed
suicide.
No?
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Khalid B. Scott (17:15):
I heard of stories, but this hit home for
me.
And since his death, I've beenmore black men I know have
committed suicide.
unknown (17:24):
Yeah.
Keith D. Terry (17:26):
I know that pain myself.
So what happens when the traumagoes untreated?
Because I have my assumptionthat there are pockets of every
community, particularlyAfrican-American community, that
pushes off, you know, socialworkers, pushes off psychiatry,
pushes off mental health.
(17:46):
And so when trauma goesuntreated, um, how how does it
look?
What happens?
Khalid B. Scott (17:53):
It's dangerous.
It's dangerous.
You know, think about whenyou've been outside, you sat on
a bench or you've been on a bus,and someone who's having a
mental health crisis gets on.
It's really scary to see thatperson, isn't it?
You'd be like, let me get offon the on the next stop.
Because I don't know what thatperson is going to do, right?
(18:14):
So again, if it's beingunaddressed, that means it makes
the society vulnerable.
Right?
So you got people going intoschools and shooting up schools,
going into shooting upchurches, going into Walmart,
and you're seeing peoplefighting in Walmart.
You know what I'm saying?
(18:34):
So it's being activated.
And because of this device, wesee it in real time now.
So now we're on edge, right?
We're on edge.
Keith D. Terry (18:45):
And do is, you know, I'm asking this question,
does trauma, does it lookdifferent?
Well, this is kind of a I'manswering my own question and I
don't know.
So does it, does the traumalook different in the urban
areas versus the suburbs or froma minority perspective in black
communities?
How would you, how do you lookat that?
Khalid B. Scott (19:03):
No, stop.
Again, we have to stop tryingto compartmentalize it.
Trauma hits all of us in anegative way.
It stuns your growth.
It affects your psyche.
You know what I'm saying?
Think about how dark it feelsnow.
Go back to when President Obamawon.
(19:27):
Remember that night and howwonderful you felt.
You felt like you were in GrantPark.
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Right.
Khalid B. Scott (19:35):
It was like, oh my God, hope is here.
Fast forward to when somebodyelse won presidency.
How did you feel that night?
Keith D. Terry (19:45):
Man, I couldn't believe it.
I was disappointed.
Yeah.
Khalid B. Scott (19:48):
Absolutely.
And then it's being reinforcedevery day as some drama and
trauma going on from Washington,D.C.
How can that not affect us?
Are you not concerned that whenyou go outside, because now
SNAP benefits are not in place,now everybody's going to be
robbed.
You know, I know people whowork at Walmart and grocery
(20:12):
stores.
They're like they're on guardright now because they are just
expecting that people are goingto come steal.
Keith D. Terry (20:19):
Okay.
unknown (20:20):
Okay.
Khalid B. Scott (20:20):
So they're hiring security guards.
Keith D. Terry (20:23):
Yeah, it makes sense.
Right, right.
Khalid B. Scott (20:25):
So then you're doing this during the holiday
season, which is already atraumatic season for people
already.
You know, more a lot ofsuicides take place around the
holiday season.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Yeah.
Khalid B. Scott (20:38):
Because people are like, man, this is not going
to be a great Christmas or agood Thanksgiving because my
loved one is not here, becauseI'm broke, you know, or I
haven't worked all year.
Keith D. Terry (20:48):
So are you suggesting, are you suggesting
that the pressures that causethis, is it internal to the
family or is it coming from theoutside?
Khalid B. Scott (20:57):
Both.
Keith D. Terry (20:58):
Okay.
It's both.
Is there one from yourperspective more weightier than
the other?
Khalid B. Scott (21:05):
It just depends on the individual.
See, see, Keith, what affectsme may not affect you.
You see what I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
That's true.
Khalid B. Scott (21:13):
And it's it's how you're raised.
It's what you're what you'veobserved, is what you've
experienced, right?
So, and and and that when Ihear my like, let me give you
for instance.
When I hear one of my buddiessay, Khalid, I'm cheating on my
wife, the reason why it affectsme, because my mom was a
mistress.
So I don't see the benefit ofinfidelity.
(21:36):
I see.
Keith D. Terry (21:37):
I see.
Khalid B. Scott (21:38):
Other men be like, yeah, yeah, rah, rah, rah,
do it, brother, do it.
Yeah.
But see, my negative impactwith it may look different than
yours.
I see.
I see your point.
How you take it in.
Keith D. Terry (21:53):
Well said, very well said.
So then how can families becomea safer place for individuals?
Khalid B. Scott (22:00):
That we start being truthful.
We start being transparent.
We start opening our mouths andcommunicating.
You know, every day, like mydaughter is grown and in medical
school now and has her ownapartment.
I talk to my child every day.
But guess what?
People be like, Kaleya, you gotto talk to Anaya every day.
(22:21):
Why not?
Why shouldn't I talk to mychild every day?
Well, she's grown, Kalia.
She got her own life.
Right, but you mean to tell meme calling in at 10 o'clock at
night, checking to see if mydaughter is okay a bad thing?
Keith D. Terry (22:36):
Yeah, I see your point.
I see your point.
I see your point.
I see.
But you know, you you youmentioned the transparency.
I I'm part of a of a, you know,uh of a prayer group, and my
guys always thank me for beingtransparent.
And maybe it's because I'vebeen through some pain myself.
Maybe I've been throughcounseling.
(22:58):
But when I hear you say peopleshould talk and be more
transparent, is it becausethey're seeking a soft ear and a
truthful conversation or aplace that they can talk about
their problems?
Because now sometimes whenyou're talking, people aren't
listening.
Khalid B. Scott (23:14):
Again, the answer is E, all the above.
We all want to be validated.
We all want to be heard.
We all want to be understoodthat I'm not Superman, I'm not
Wonder Woman.
I want to take this cape offthat somebody put on me or I put
on myself because it's dirty.
I need to put this cape in thecleaners and let it get clean.
(23:35):
And in between time, I need torest and regroup.
Right?
Wow.
That's when they say, check onthe strong people.
Why?
Because we're so used tocarrying the weight of
everything, but nobody checks onus.
Keith D. Terry (23:52):
So that gets me to this next question.
Because you're absolutelyright.
People say check on the strongperson, the successful person.
What kind of internal battlesdo you think the strong person's
dealing with?
Because you know, just becauseyou appear strong doesn't mean
that you are.
Khalid B. Scott (24:08):
Absolutely.
It's this thing called theimposter syndrome.
Though the world may see that Ihave all of this, my thing is
this might be just surfacebecause the world says I have to
be this person.
But really, I'm not.
Really, I want to be anintrovert.
I want to be quiet and calm.
People are so used to thispersona, this bigger than life
(24:30):
thing.
Now, for me, this is actuallywho Khalid is.
I'm an extrovert, I'mboisterous, I'm gregarious, and
I love that about me.
I don't know what it means tobe shy.
It's weird to me.
Shyness is weird.
If you on earth one time, liveand live big.
But that's my thing, but that'swhat's kept me going.
(24:52):
Because I had to, because I wasan only child and I didn't have
a dad, and I grew up in a poorcommunity.
So I wanted to know that I wasbigger than life.
But that's what I needed.
Somebody else might say, no,laid back and calm keeps me
right.
So it's always individualized.
Keith D. Terry (25:14):
So when we talk about burnout, you know, I work
a lot.
A lot of people work a lot.
You probably work a lot.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Yes.
Keith D. Terry (25:21):
Burnout's everywhere.
What does chronic burnout, youknow, do to the brain and how
does it show up?
Can you talk a little bit aboutthat?
Sure.
Khalid B. Scott (25:30):
Well, burnout just doesn't happen overnight.
That's number one.
Okay.
Gradual process.
You start feeling it a longtime ago, but you don't pay
attention because what you'vebeen able to do is bypass it
because you got so much to do.
So when somebody saysself-care, self-care, you're
like, yeah, you know what, I'mgonna go and get my nails done.
(25:52):
You know, I'm gonna get ahaircut.
You know what I'm saying?
That's surface self-care.
The real self-care is turningthese lights off and turning the
TV off and putting this phonedown and going to sleep.
It's being invited to threeparties in one day, and you say,
No, I'm not going to none ofthe parties.
(26:13):
I'm just gonna stay home andwatch an old black and white
monster movie, eat some Doritos,and just relax.
It's saying that I've overdoneit.
I've added pressure to myselfbecause the reality is
everything can wait tilltomorrow.
Keith D. Terry (26:30):
Now, are you seeing burnout more pervasive
three years ago or now?
Khalid B. Scott (26:36):
Well, it wasn't pervasive then because we were
shut down three years ago duringthe pandemic.
That's why I said the pandemicwas good for us.
It may not appear, but it wasgood because it made us slow
down.
It made us slow down.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
When the pandemic ended, let me finish, please.
Khalid B. Scott (26:58):
Okay, when the pandemic ended, we rail back up
again.
And how crazy has things beensince.
Keith D. Terry (27:05):
Yes.
It sounds to me like when weslowed down, we got to see
ourselves differently.
And it's it was another problemthat came up.
Well, let me just say it now.
I lost my son in 21 throughsuicide.
And through that pain, I've hadto deal with my own self.
So how do you deal with it?
You talk to people all thetime.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Yeah.
Keith D. Terry (27:26):
And you know, you're in these private
conversations with people.
So how do you deal withself-care?
Khalid B. Scott (27:32):
Self-care.
Well, it's first and foremost,Keith, three years ago, I was
320 pounds coming out of thatpandemic, and I'm a cancer.
I'm emotional, and I'm anemotional eater.
So when I'm something, I turnto the Doritos, the M's, the
chicken, the pizza.
And then when my jock, my fratbrother, who's my doctor, said,
(27:56):
Khalil, you're 320 pounds,brother.
You're knocking on diabetesdoor.
That same day, I went to thegrocery store and bought $300
full of fruits and vegetables.
Nine months later, I lost theweight.
Because I don't want to be acontradiction.
How can I tell you, my client,to go into self-care, but I'm
(28:17):
not caring for my own self?
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Yes.
Khalid B. Scott (28:19):
So I became my own walking billboard of
self-care.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Okay.
Khalid B. Scott (28:24):
Of self-care.
Because who better, you knowwhat I'm saying?
To emphasize it than a personwho God called to help other
people.
Keith D. Terry (28:35):
I'm glad you I'm glad you talked about that.
And I'm glad you paidattention.
I remember seeing you when youwere 325.
Right.
And then I think, and then uh,you know, you look up because
people get busy.
It was 10 months later.
You posted something onFacebook, and you are literally
half the man you were.
I mean, you look phenomenal.
So you look for the trauma.
No.
So as as we talk more about theworkplace, home, do you see
(28:59):
them as both places where peopleget trauma?
Khalid B. Scott (29:02):
Yes, depending on your situation, right?
Let me let me share somethingwith you.
Right now, Keith, I know 39couples, 39 couples who have
divorced or are divorcing rightnow.
Now that sounds horrible,doesn't it?
It does.
But when I talked to the 39friends and I said, why?
(29:25):
You're in your 50s, you're inyour 60s, you've been married 25
plus years.
Why?
Khalid, I should have divorced10 years ago.
But I wanted the Cosby showlife.
I didn't want my kids growingup in a one parent home like I
did, the Good Times house.
So I sacrificed.
(29:45):
But guess what happened then?
What tragically happened, whatthe negativity that came from
it.
Your children watched you andyour spouse fighting in that
house.
They felt the t go ahead.
And then they grew up and Guesswhat?
Now my friends are calling mesaying their daughters are in
domestic violence relationships.
(30:05):
Their sons are turning to drugsand alcohol.
Their kids are saying, Khalid,I need a counselor for my kid.
I had to take my child to thepsychiatric ward at the hospital
because my kid had a nervousbreakdown.
So, see, we thought we weredoing something good and staying
together, but your kids got afirst view of dysfunction.
Keith D. Terry (30:28):
Gotcha.
They saw an example of chaos,internal chaos.
Khalid B. Scott (30:34):
Right.
Now, let me use me as anexample.
I got divorced and yesterdaywould have been my 24th
anniversary, right?
Wow.
But I got divorced 13 years agowhen my baby was 10 years old.
I immediately put me and Anayain therapy, both individual and
family therapy.
Eight years later, my daughtergraduated Salutatorian of
(30:57):
Kenwood, number three out of 430students, for a ride to Amherst
in Massachusetts.
And now she's her first year ofmedical school and University
of Chicago for free.
Because why?
She didn't grow up seeing mommyand daddy doing this.
So mommy and daddy cometogether as divorced parents,
(31:19):
but wonderful co-parents.
Keith D. Terry (31:24):
Good for you to put your your 10-year-old or
eight-year-old in therapy.
Good for you.
Good for you.
Khalid B. Scott (31:30):
But I'm a clinician.
I know better.
Everybody doesn't know this.
So I do podcasts like what youinvited me to do, so we can
educate people on what to dobetter now.
Keith D. Terry (31:42):
Okay.
And so staying there, becausewe're going to shift uh to kind
of discovery.
If you're a parent, um, youknow, or let's talk to parents.
If you're a parent and you'relooking at your kids, what what
are you looking for so that Ican call someone like you?
Khalid B. Scott (32:01):
You know your children better than any human
beings.
Why?
Because they came from you andyou've been there every day.
Like they know you.
When something is off with you,your kids will pick up on it in
a second.
When it's off with them, you'llpick it up in a second.
Now you can choose to ignoreit, but you'll know something is
(32:22):
there.
The minute you see somethingoff with your child, you have to
address it.
Why?
Because it sets a better tone.
It says, mommy and daddy arepaying attention.
Mommy and daddy care about me,and that there's no judgment,
and that this is a safe space.
Keith D. Terry (32:44):
For those folks that are not familiar with
talking to someone like you, amentor, uh licensed clinical
social worker, is it's a safeplace.
It's not like you're going andtalking about what they're what
you're talking about becauseit's classified.
Am I correct?
Khalid B. Scott (32:58):
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
The reason why I check on mydaughter, because I realize
Anaya has put a pressure onherself.
She's an academic genius.
Yeah.
And for what I've learned aboutkids who are academia, they
always want to do better thanthe last time.
Time.
Well, when I heard the suiciderates for medical students, and
(33:21):
here it is, my daughter is aboutto be a medical student.
No, I'm not losing mine.
I gotcha.
I'm not losing mine.
Tonight I'm picking her up,taking her out, because she had
a big test yesterday.
I'm picking her up, taking herout to dinner, and she's coming
home to spend the night atdaddy's house.
Keith D. Terry (33:40):
So she depressed.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
So staying with just one morequestion on discovery.
You talked about what parentscan do.
What about the grown person whowas raised in a family that, oh
no, you don't want to go see apsychiatrist or a counselor?
Let's talk a little bit aboutwhat they should be doing and
(34:00):
looking for and how they wouldenter and talk to someone like
you.
Khalid B. Scott (34:04):
Okay, so let's give an example.
Keith, me, let's pretend me andyou are best friends.
And you know I'm a hyperperson, good, you know,
gregarious.
But you've noticed when youtalk to me on the phone, when we
went out for pizza, that Ihaven't been myself.
And then you said, Khalil,what's wrong, man?
You, you, something differentgoing on.
(34:26):
Man, you know, it's been 13years since I've been divorced.
I'm kind of lonely now, man.
Khalid, can you do me a bigfavor and do, let's, let's do
this.
Let me pull my cell phone out.
I met this therapist, Khalil,and he talks about men issues.
Khalid, can I send you, let me,I'm gonna text you Dr.
(34:46):
Scott's information.
Khalid, go and see a therapist.
I'll be, I'm here.
You could talk to me.
But I know it might be somethings you don't want to share
with me.
But brother, go and see atherapist.
Because guess what, Khalid?
I didn't tell you because I wasacting weird.
But Khalid, I've seen atherapist.
And man, I love it.
(35:08):
See, that's how you show careand concern.
And it did not take away fromour masculinity, did it?
No.
No.
It doesn't know how much welove each other because I want
you to win, brother.
Keith D. Terry (35:23):
Yeah.
That was well done.
Because, you know, you'reabsolutely right.
A lot of men, you know, youhave to show up macho.
Don't take away my nutsack.
Don't, you know, don'tdecapitate me from that
perspective.
And I I I'm old enough to knowthat there are a lot of men that
don't have places where theycan truly talk.
You know, they feel like, youknow, I can't talk to my woman
(35:47):
about it.
And then there's some men thatthat I was with a couple days
ago to have that perspective.
And so, you know, what arewhat's one thing that people can
do to create emotionalresilience for themselves?
Be honest with themselves andprepare to do the work.
Elaborate on the work partbecause I when I hear that, you
(36:08):
know, I think people think it'snot, you're not talking about
jogging.
Khalid B. Scott (36:12):
No.
That might be anotherprescription later on to do
something extra.
But the real work says, smugGod, let me hold this mirror up
and really look for thefreckles, the, the, the, the
bumps, the pimples, theblemishes.
Because before I just said, no,my skin is beautiful.
(36:35):
It's chocolate, it's clear.
But no, I do see a pimple here.
It's being honest for what isreally there.
That I sleep with a bunch ofwomen because, man, I used to be
called a nerd back in schooland it traumatized me.
So I got something to prove,but I hurt a bunch of women.
(36:55):
It's, you know what, I joined afraternity because I was alone.
You know what I'm saying?
But man, though, those guysain't there for me.
Maybe I need to build adifferent village.
You know what I'm saying?
Or, you know what?
I've been working this job topay the bills, but I'm not happy
there.
You know what?
I can do college online and gointo another career at 56 years
(37:21):
old.
That's gonna bring me joy.
See, I answered my calling at23.
I love the work I do.
So it don't feel like work.
Keith D. Terry (37:31):
So then how do, you know, how do we break
generational?
What do you suggest we do tobreak generational curses?
And assumptions that, you know,when I say this and I ask this
question, come from a familythat believes in don't talk
about it.
unknown (37:44):
Yeah.
Keith D. Terry (37:45):
Put it in the closet.
Correct.
And and what I what I recognizenow is that, you know, we have
to break those patterns so thatpeople can talk about it.
There is strength in tellingyour story because you get
you'll be surprised that otherpeople are going through the
exact same thing, and they mightbe doing it differently, and it
(38:06):
gives you some strength.
So do you see it the same way,or how what what do you say?
Because you see it every day.
Khalid B. Scott (38:12):
Right.
Well, the thing is, naturally,we are breaking the curses.
Keith, what me and you aredoing right now, our dads
wouldn't have done.
Our grandfathers sure wouldn'tdone, and our great-granddads
wouldn't even thought of it.
Right?
We're sitting about talkingabout men issues and our hearts
and our minds and our and ourtragedies and traumas.
(38:37):
Right?
So it wouldn't work now.
Keith, both of us married, beenmarried.
We don't have, well, at leastfor me, at least, I don't know
your history, but I don't havemultiple kids about multiple
women like my dad.
See, we are breaking the thegenerational curses already.
We're highly educated.
(38:58):
You know what I'm saying?
My dad had a high schooldiploma.
My daughter's gonna have amedical.
My mom was a high schooldropout, but she got a
granddaughter who's gonna be adoctor in four more years.
Keith D. Terry (39:11):
Yes.
Khalid B. Scott (39:11):
We're doing it.
We're doing the work.
We're doing the work already.
Well, you you know, I do youthink we're rare?
No, we are progressing like weshould.
We are progressing.
And again, that's why I talkedabout the Cosby show.
That was the best example ofhow we had one mentality and we
went to another one.
(39:32):
When that show was on TV andthen the spin-off show A
Different World, guess whathappened, Keith?
More black people went enrolledin college than at any other
time before.
Keith D. Terry (39:44):
You're absolutely right.
Khalid B. Scott (39:46):
We just need to see an image of us being there.
unknown (39:51):
Okay.
Khalid B. Scott (39:52):
That's it.
Keith D. Terry (39:53):
And are there tools that people can use to
help with anxiety or some ofthose things?
I mean, for me, and I'll use myexample, when I feel like I
have a lot of pressure, stress,I'll give one of my good friends
a jingle.
Khalid B. Scott (40:09):
Nice, nice.
Keith D. Terry (40:10):
You know, and uh or I'll call or talk to my
wife.
Uh but I don't but butinteresting, I don't talk to my
wife about everything.
Khalid B. Scott (40:19):
Got you.
Got you.
Keith D. Terry (40:21):
And I don't talk to my friend about everything.
And I try, I guess I am tryingto get it out of me, is what I'm
saying.
And so, you know, is there a arecommendation, a suggestion
that you can give for people outthere other than give you a
call?
Do you have a waiting list?
Khalid B. Scott (40:41):
Absolutely.
The wonderful thing, eventhough we keep saying it's not a
wonderful thing, is moderntechnology, right?
Elaborate.
There's apps on the phone, AIapps for counseling.
So you can go into an app andsaying, Siri, I'm having a bad
(41:01):
day.
What can I do to cheer me up?
Speaker 2 (41:05):
And the AI would come on.
See?
Khalid B. Scott (41:12):
And it will give you a response, right?
Just holding something that wehave in our hand every day.
There's movies being made,there's music being played,
right?
Because we are more educated onmental illness and wellness,
now we're being more responsivewhen our friends call saying,
hey, I'm having a bad day.
(41:33):
You know what I'm saying?
You know, people are makingrestaurants and library rooms
more accessible so that peoplecan get away from the house.
You know what I'm saying?
So there's things in placeright now to help.
But at the end of the day, youcan have all the devices and
utensils.
You have to want to do thework.
Keith D. Terry (41:54):
So then let's talk about that.
Let's talk about habits.
Are there, you know, whathabits and practices do you
think emotionally healthy peopledo versus unhealthy people?
Khalid B. Scott (42:07):
Right.
So an emotionally healthyperson says, I'm gonna be
honest.
I'm gonna look in that mirrorand say, that go the pimple.
Then they say this.
What do I need to do to get ridof the pimple?
Right?
Before it was just do this.
No, it leaves a mark.
(42:28):
Now I'm gonna get this creamand put it on and be patient and
wait for the pimple to go awaynaturally so it won't leave a
mark.
That's what the mindsets aregoing towards now.
That this is not gonna be aband-aid effect no more.
I have to sit down with a Dr.
Scott and talk to him from A toZ what I can't talk to my
(42:52):
spouse about, what I can't talkto my kids about, what I can't
tell my best friend, because atthe end of the day, those people
have an expectation of me.
A therapist, they're unbiased.
They look personal me.
They know the person sitting infront of them who's trying to
be better.
That's why I can't be friendswith my clients.
(43:16):
Because that would make me Igot you.
Keith D. Terry (43:19):
So then I'm gonna run a couple things past
you.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Sure.
Keith D. Terry (43:22):
And you tell me if it's if you think it's good
or bad.
Okay.
Having anxiety, I should gosmoke a joint.
Good or bad.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Bad.
Keith D. Terry (43:33):
I want to go, I'm I have an anxiety, I should
go have a martini.
Khalid B. Scott (43:37):
Bad.
Keith D. Terry (43:39):
Wow.
I should I'm having a bad day.
I should go and, you know, goto a club.
Bad.
Wow.
And this is kind of what I'msaying, because people have bad
days.
And right now, you can drink,you can smoke.
And it's all legal.
And so, you know, I havefriends that say, oh man, you
(44:00):
know, I'm not a drinker.
I don't drink alcohol, but Ismoke, I smoke.
And I hear stories, because I'mmy background's healthcare.
I hear good stories, I hear badstories.
From your perspective, becauseyou're in there every day.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
Yes.
Keith D. Terry (44:13):
What are your thoughts on alcohol and
marijuana?
Khalid B. Scott (44:16):
See, I'm a drug and alcohol counselor, been one
for 25 years, right?
What do you think are thegateway drugs?
The gateway drug is one.
Marijuana.
Marijuana.
Marijuana.
Marijuana.
It's the gateway.
And when I say gateway, it'sthe beginning, the initial, the
(44:38):
orientation drug.
And what happens is it givesyou a temporary kicks, a
temporary relief.
But what happens is you'regonna still deal with the
struggle because you haven'tgotten rid of it.
You just put it on a shelftemporarily.
Right?
(44:58):
So then that high is not goodenough no more.
Let me try cocaine.
Let me try heroin.
Let me go and drink.
But I don't stop at one beer.
I stop at two beers.
I need four beers.
And let me go drive.
And then, like when I was 18,my best friend got killed by a
(45:21):
drunk driver.
Right?
So what happens is it adds tothe toxicity.
It adds to the dysfunction.
Five years ago, Illinois said,we're gonna make marijuana
legal.
And they won because the moneythat came in was going towards
the billions.
But guess what?
(45:41):
Go and talk to a Chicago policeofficer.
Every time he walks up to a carfull of kids, soon as before he
can get to the car, guess whathe smells?
Keith D. Terry (45:51):
Marijuana.
Khalid B. Scott (45:52):
Marijuana.
Because kids are not going todiscriminate.
They're going to hear it'slegal.
It's not legal for anyone under21.
And you're supposed to get itfrom a dispensary, not from
Tariq on the corner.
But I'm in business.
(46:12):
I'm in business.
And I will always have a job,Keith.
Keith D. Terry (46:16):
Well, the impact of both of those on burnout,
anxiety, depression is good,bad, or how how do how do you?
I don't want to get into theclinical component of it, but
I'm talking about it from a froma, you know, a lot of people
think I need to relax, so I'mgonna go have me a martini.
I used to have that thought.
Dr.
Scott, I used to have thatthought.
(46:37):
You know, and what I recognizeis I'm a different person after
one drink.
Khalid B. Scott (46:43):
Absolutely.
Keith, remember, I used to turnto Doritos with hot sauce on it
to unwind.
But what did it do to me threeyears later?
It got me to 320 pounds.
Speaker 2 (46:59):
Gotcha.
Khalid B. Scott (47:00):
Gotcha.
It didn't solve any problem.
It made another problem come tolight.
Get rid of the Doritos and findother alternatives, right?
And now I'm in a better place.
When you look for quick fixes,it means it's gonna be long-term
problems.
Keith D. Terry (47:19):
Okay.
So my last couple of questionsare Iround recognize that I need
to go see somebody.
Let's talk about how peopleshould prepare to engage someone
like you.
Because not everybody is Dr.
Scalid Scott.
Not everybody is that.
Not the one, not everybodyprobably practices like you.
How should people engage themental health community?
Khalid B. Scott (47:42):
Sure, it's many ways.
Oftentimes I'm on Facebook andsomebody will um somebody said,
looking for a male therapist inthe Chicagoland area.
And then what happens is peopleare tagging my name, right?
I use social media to post aflyer for my private practice.
(48:02):
Or, Siri, I need a list ofblack male clinicians in
Chicago.
And it's right there.
Or you type it in Google and alist comes out.
Or because so many of us areengaged in therapy, referrals.
I guess what I was saying, areall clinicians created equal?
No, we are not.
(48:22):
Absolutely not.
We all have different agendas,different um itineraries.
Keith D. Terry (48:26):
And is there something that I can do when I'm
looking for someone?
You know, how how should we?
I mean, I know how to engage myrheumatologists as an example.
Because you know, I have gout,right?
I know what I'm looking for.
I know the kind of physician.
But I when it comes to thisarea, what I guess what I'm
trying to allude to is is therea process people should use to
(48:49):
uncover great clinicians likeyou?
Khalid B. Scott (48:52):
Yes.
It's called this.
Communicate.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
Yeah.
Khalid B. Scott (48:58):
I go to you.
Um, hey, Dr.
Terry, I've been divorced 13years.
I've raised my child, so nowI'm an empty nester.
And I want to get back out herein a dating life.
And um, do you have a specialtywhere you work with men and you
work with men on relationships?
If you say no, okay, well, cando you know any therapist who
(49:21):
that's their specialty?
Yes, I know a Dr.
Scott who specializes in men'smental wellness, relationship
issues, spirituality, dot, dot,dot.
You just open your mouth.
Or again, you type in thing.
We have no excuses no more.
This is 19, this is not 1972.
(49:42):
This is 2025.
Everything is right here.
Keith D. Terry (49:47):
Well said.
And, you know, and and so I Ithank you for that.
And my last question is to giveyou is do you have one message
that you want to give folksbefore we dial off here today?
Khalid B. Scott (49:59):
Absolutely.
And it's a message I give oftenwhen I'm doing podcasts.
Learn to have the mostbeautiful, wonderful love affair
with guess who?
Yourself.
Speaker 2 (50:11):
Yeah.
Khalid B. Scott (50:11):
Because once you love, once you are in love
with you, your bar is raisedhigh.
Your agenda is steady andconsistent.
Speaker 2 (50:22):
Okay.
Khalid B. Scott (50:22):
But you gotta love you first.
And then when you love you,what an agape love, it spills
over to everybody who knows you.
Keith D. Terry (50:31):
Well, listen, thank you so much.
And I want to thank you forjoining the next big thing.
A huge thank you to Dr.
Khalid Scott.
Do you want to tell them howfolks can reach you?
Khalid B. Scott (50:39):
Sure.
I'm on all social media umplatforms, Khalid Scott.
I'm on Psychology Today, so WWWPsychology Today, and type in
my name.
Google me.
A lot of clients have donethat.
You too.
Thank you for having me.
Keith D. Terry (50:57):
Thanks for listening to the next big thing.
I'm your host, Keith D.
Terry.
If you've enjoyed this episodeand you'd like to support this
podcast, please share it withothers.
Post about it on social mediaor leave a rating and a review.
To catch all the latest fromme, you can follow me on my
YouTube channel at KeithD.Terry.
If you want to recommend aguest, please email me at info
(51:19):
at terryperformance group.com.
This has been produced by yourhost, Anne Jade Productions.
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