April 26, 2025 • 44 mins
Today we talk to Jen Hirst! Jen is an open book when it comes to her experience with alcohol addiction. She says it like it is and discusses how she recovered with transparency. This is what drew me to Jen. Her honesty about how dark it got has been such an inspiration for many who can relate and say 'yep me too!". Jen now dedicates her time to helping others do the same. She is awesome! This is what attracts her almost 70,000 instagram followers. Jen's vibrant Instagram presence exemplifies how one individual's journey can resonate and aid countless others. For those contemplating a break from alcohol or walking the path of sobriety themselves, Jen's insights offer hope and a reminder that the journey, while individual, is one you need not walk alone.
Jen Hirst
https://www.instagram.com/jenleehirst/
MEG
Web: https://www.meganwebb.com.au/
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/meganwebbcoaching/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
And it's really hard to look at pictures and videos
of my wedding because I wasn'tthere.
I was just.
I kept saying, just get throughit.
I started drinking vodka in themorning of.
I started taking Adderall tooffset my drunkenness and to
offset the hangover and I wasputting so much pressure on my
heart, my anxiety was throughthe roof and I was just like,
just get through this, just getthrough this and then you can
(00:22):
rest.
And I just started drinkingaround the clock after that, a
day after, two days after, andI'm just like I'm done.
And so it just began this yearand a half journey of really
understanding what was going on,my husband finding out, oh my
God, what did I marry Going intothis?
You know like Googling.
What do I do?
Yeah, like aa meetings.
(00:43):
Where do I find one?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
are you trying to drink less alcohol, but need
some extra motivation?
Maybe you've tried moderation,but you keep waking up
disappointed and hung over.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Are you curious about sober life?
Or maybe you're like us, havebeen alcohol free for a while
and are in it for the long haul.
Well, you're in the right place.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
I'm Meg and I'm Bella , and our Not Drinking Today
podcast is an invaluableresource to keep you motivated
and on track today and beyond.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
We are this Naked Mind, certified coaches who live
in Sydney and love ouralcohol-free life.
And, last but not, least.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
If you enjoy the content of our podcast, please
rate, review, subscribe andshare it.
It really is integral togetting the podcast out to those
that might need it.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
So grab a cuppa and let's get started.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Jen Hurst.
Jen works as a sobriety coachand has a number of programs,
including Lighthouse Sobriety,and has a massive Instagram
following, which is how I firstfound out about Jen.
A big, huge, heartfelt welcome,jen, to the podcast.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Oh, thank you so much for having me on.
It's so awesome to meet you andto connect.
That's why I love Instagram isthat you can find the most
amazing people on there, I know.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I know, and we were just talking before we hit
record, so I'm presently in theAdelaide Hills.
Jen, where are you again?
You're beautiful Minnesota,aren't you Minnesota?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
I know the destination capital of the world
.
Yes, it's beautiful, I love it,but it is.
It's so crazy, though, becauseright now it should be really
cold and really snowy, but it'sactually the opposite.
It's like the sun's out.
I mean 40 degrees here is, Imean it might as well just be 80
, and we're just outside.
(02:44):
And it's just, man, the sun andwarmth can do so much for your
mood.
It's just, oh, it's so gorgeoushere.
So, yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah, well, I mean, instagram is where I first saw
all of your amazing posts and itoften features you outdoors
moving.
You've got your water bottle,you're talking, you know about
the benefits of movement and Ilove it.
And sometimes, when I'm downdoing my own exercise, I think,
yeah, jen's doing it, jen'sdoing it, I can do it, it's
going to make me feel good forthe rest of the day.
(03:16):
And does it, it does.
Yeah, I have to start with anexercise.
It's just, it has to Look.
I'll have some days off, but,yeah, the movement piece is
really important Now.
Jen, in fact, you were one of, Iguess, the three women that I
first followed on Instagram whenI was feeling fairly low about
(03:37):
my relationship with alcohol,and I'm grateful that you shared
your story to the full extentthat you did, because I thought
if Jen can do it, I can do it.
You wouldn't know my story, but, in a very quick nutshell, I
was one of those secret, closethome, alone drinkers.
Towards the end I call it theflashing red zone Looked fairly
(04:00):
okay on the outside sometimes,but I ended up in hospital one
evening with a blood alcohollevel of 0.4 and then rehab.
So fairly grim.
For those who do not know yourstory.
Would you mind sharing a littlebit about it?
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Yeah Well, thank you so much.
I'm so happy that you were ableto connect, but also I'm just
so happy you're here.
Yeah, right, I know, and thosecan be really big wake up
moments.
It's really scary and thatsounds a lot like my story too,
of this appearance that we haveit all together, of hiding it
(04:41):
together, of hiding it of um,and that's what I really like to
share in my before and afters,because I don't really have
pictures of myself, you know,drunk or I mean maybe, but like
I don't have pictures when I'mblacked out or the things I mean
, most of my later drinking Idid in secret and at home and no
(05:02):
one saw and I was really goodat hiding it and it's so good
and I'm sure you were as well.
One of those closest to me, myfiance, my husband, had no idea
until I couldn't hide it anymore.
So looks are really deceivingand I tried for many years to
cover it up with makeup, withglasses, with hats, with trying
(05:26):
to fake and smile and smilethrough it and get through my
wedding day and things like that, to appear like I didn't have
this problem.
Because, my gosh, if I had thatlabel over my head, what was
that going to mean?
What were people going to thinkof me?
And so I think it reallyprevented me, that label of oh
my gosh, AA and those things.
(05:47):
It prevented me from gettinghelp for many years because I
was so afraid of what that mightmean, but I always felt and I
came from a great home, myparents rarely drank and there
was nothing really traumaticthat happened in my childhood or
(06:08):
, uh, experiencing that.
I know my grandfather was analcoholic but I always kind of
felt like there was somethingwrong with me as well, like who
I was wasn't enough.
Um, and going into it, uh, Idid.
You know normal drinking inhigh school and college and it
was really and I like to sharethis because this is really
(06:28):
important If you're in sobriety,if you're going through this,
you're in those early days to doand write out your usage
history is to write out yourstory.
Write it out pen and paper andyou could do it, you could type
it.
I would say, just pen and paperis fantastic to just start
writing it out, because it wasthrough this process that I did
this in treatment, that I wasable to pinpoint when I started
(06:51):
just socially drinking toactually medicating, and it was
when my second boyfriend wantedto go on a break and I just went
back to my first love and, ohmy God it is.
I mean, no one said heartbreakwas fun, but it just devastated
me because it was just rejectionand it was pain and I'm like I
(07:12):
never want to feel that.
And so when this happened, Iwas living with some guys and
they were like, well, you know,if you take this?
And what they were doing wasthey had been taking Adderall
and they were abusing it.
They one had a prescription.
I'm like I don't do drugs.
You know which little behold,alcohol is the most addictive
(07:32):
drug on the planet.
But I was like I don't do that,but for some reason I was just
like you know what, screw it.
And I just decided to take it.
I felt amazing.
I felt like God, I dyed my hair, I stayed up all night.
I'm like this is the best thingever.
But it was then that that gotme kind of addicted to Adderall.
It was that notion of I can takeaway any pain with alcohol too,
(07:56):
because that changes who I am,and so it wasn't just like, okay
, now I've just binge drank allthe time.
But I started drinking alone.
I started, you know, makingsome bad decisions.
Anytime I got nervous I wouldgo to alcohol to help calm me
down.
And what really started withkind of heartbreak really
started turning into anxiety tooand I just started to progress
(08:18):
and it was.
I've had these bad summers whereI would be making these bad
decisions and trying to justfigure out what was going on as
well, and in that time I got myfirst DWI and you would think
that that would have woken me up, but it didn't.
Yeah, and my dad was my lawyer,but through this process and
(08:42):
going into my now marriage, butgoing and dating him, it was
really in the year leading up tomy wedding that my drinking
really progressed, because Iwould have periods of like going
off it and I wouldn't need it,and then I kind of go back and
my anxiety would get really badand I was put on medication and
little did I know how muchalcohol just wrecks havoc on
(09:04):
anxiety.
It just makes it explode.
I didn't know that.
I thought I was trying to relax.
I was like this is healthy man,I'm supposed to relax, I drink
wine, but it was making it somuch worse.
And so, the year leading up tomy wedding, I was working full
time, I was doing freelance fulltime as a designer.
I was planning my wedding allby myself.
I just was so overworked andburned out I started drinking.
(09:25):
I started drinking more.
I would give myself theselittle challenges of okay, I
found it difficult to stop andto stay stopped.
When my husband would go out,I'm like, no, I got to stay at
home and do work.
I have to get this magazinedone.
I have to do this.
I have to put together theflowers.
I did my own flowerarrangements, all of that stuff,
no-transcript.
(10:17):
My husband didn't know any ofthis.
I would hide it.
I would start, he'd go to sleep, I would start finishing it off
and I just collapsed and I wasso exhausted.
You know it's really hard tolook at pictures and videos of
my wedding because I wasn'tthere.
I was just.
I kept saying just get throughit.
(10:37):
I started drinking vodka in themorning of.
I started taking Adderall tooffset my drunkenness and to
offset the hangover and I wasputting so much pressure on my
heart, my anxiety was throughthe roof and I was just like,
just get through this, just getthrough this and then you can
rest.
And I just started drinkingaround the clock after that, a
day after, two days after, andI'm just like I'm done.
(10:59):
And so it just began this yearand a half journey of really
understanding what was going on,my husband finding out oh my
God, what did I marry Going intothis, you know, like Googling.
What do I do?
Yeah, like AA meetings.
Where do I find one?
Because that was the only thingback then.
There wasn't this huge movementwhich is so cool right now, of
(11:19):
the things that were availabletoday were not available 13
years ago.
And so I remember going to myfirst AA meeting drunk and being
so, so scared and that didn'twork.
And then going into outpatient.
I then checked into inpatientafter almost a year and just all
of these attempts of relapses.
(11:40):
I've been to three inpatients30-day stays, one, 60-day stays.
I've been to probably fiveoutpatients.
You know, I got a therapist, Igot a sponsor, I got all of
those things, but it took melosing things and I would have
periods.
I'd have 30 days and then I'drelapse.
I have this day and then I'drelapse.
(12:01):
I was also kind of dabblinginto Adderall too, which I
didn't really have a problemwith, but it also was keeping me
stuck because I liked how Ifelt I could get so much done
with it and I could take awayany hangover, but I knew that
was preventing me from gettingultimately sober.
I just knew it, because it wasa big secret that I didn't tell
my husband, let alone all thetimes, that I was kind of
(12:23):
sneaking my drinking in betweenthem.
But I really had to startlosing things.
And when you think it couldnever happen to you, as someone
who was brought up in a greathome, I don't look like your
typical alcoholic.
I know I'm not I, that'sactually not true.
I was homeless at the end.
Um, that's where my drinkingtook.
(12:44):
That's where I was howtenacious I was.
And when you gave me something,I'm an Enneagram three.
And so when you say, when Iwant something, I can do it, and
the fact that I couldn't dothis, just beat myself up.
I just beat myself up.
I was, I'm a perfection.
Fact that I couldn't do this,just beat myself up.
I just beat myself up.
I'm a perfectionist.
And I couldn't do this.
And I didn't understand why.
I'm like why can I not stop?
(13:05):
And so I kept trying to push itand my drinking just progressed
until I lost my job.
I got my second DWI on February14th of 2013, which means I lost
my car.
I blew over a 0.2.
I also had an open bottle, so Ilost my car and I was on the
verge of killing myself.
(13:25):
I didn't know how much time Ihad left because I was extremely
malnourished.
I was not taking care of myself.
I was drinking mouthwash.
I was dabbling into other formsof alcohol to try to hide the
shame I felt of walking into aliquor store.
So, actually, mouthwash was mydrink of choice for the last
year and a half.
(13:46):
Yeah, I still can't have ittoday.
I'm just oh God, so that youknow, and just the amount of
shame that you can feel for this, but the how strong a craving
can be to just take you away,yeah, and how it just
deteriorated my self-esteem towhere I didn't even want to be
(14:06):
here anymore.
As someone who was bright and Igot great grades I achieved, I
got all these awards To someonejust so low and, if I could
picture it, I was just like Ifelt like I was in a hole and I
had so much stuff to clean up,like my husband wasn't talking
to me.
My parents didn't know what todo with me because, like she
went to inpatient, she'ssupposed to be cured.
(14:27):
I have no idea what to do withher and I was just like I have
no idea how I'm going to getmyself out of this and from it
was I was staying at my parents'house because my husband had
said I couldn't stay thereanymore and I was going into my
father's office and apparently Ihad blacked out because I was
drinking mouthwash and I woke upin detox and I blew a 0.34 when
(14:52):
I got there.
Wow, and that kind of scared me.
But the fact that how manyother times I know you blew a
point forward too but how many?
other times do we kind of cheatdeath.
When we did that, I'm like Iknow for a fact I've drank way
more than that and scary thingsstarted happening.
You know, like I woke up I meanblackouts were my daily
occurrence.
(15:12):
I blacked out every time.
And so how many other times didI just get away with it?
And I got another chance?
And it was like it was in detox, where they say you have like a
moment sometimes and thatmoment can happen, you know,
just before you get sober, orsometimes just along the way,
you know, taking it every 24hours or you do a 30 day, and
(15:35):
you sort of get this wake up andI just started looking at my
life and I had court the nextday.
I physically, was felt myselfdying.
I had researched cardiac arrest.
I just said I don't know howmany days I have left and I'm
like what the hell am I doing?
Speaker 2 (15:56):
What am I doing?
Yeah, hell am I doing.
What am?
Speaker 1 (15:57):
I doing, yeah, and I just looked, I'm like, what am I
?
And I just like, I like lookedat myself, I'm like, oh my God,
and it's like when you're in itit's so hard to see out of it.
But at that moment I made adecision and I just said.
I'm done.
I am so done and I just gave upthe outcome.
(16:20):
I didn't know what was going tohappen with my husband.
He was on the verge of, if thishappens again, we're getting a
divorce.
My parents didn't want to talkto me.
I did an inpatient stay afterthat to just prove to the courts
that I was in this, and it'sreally helpful.
I love inpatient.
It's a fantastic experience.
But I just gave up and I justsaid as long as I don't drink, I
(16:43):
can't make this any worse.
I'm already as low as I'llprobably go.
The only thing lower than thisis six feet under.
I'm like just I wonder what canhappen if I just don't drink.
And I was ready and I reallywanted it and you got to have
those two things.
You got to really want it andyou got to be ready.
Sometimes you're just not readyand you got to do more field
(17:05):
research.
So I say, okay, go out and tryto prove yourself that you can
do this and you come back whenyou've suffered enough and I
think I had just suffered enough, and but I hope that people
don't have to get to that pointof losing almost everything,
Because I did.
And what I like to say is itjust hasn't happened yet, that
it does get to that point.
(17:25):
I didn't think it was going tohappen to me either, but it's
also so incredible what canhappen when you don't drink.
And I'm not saying everything'sgoing to be perfect.
My life did not clean up thenext day.
I had a lot of stuff to cleanup.
I had to get a parole officer.
(17:45):
I had no car.
I went to inpatient.
I went into outpatient.
After that I was put on housearrest for two weeks.
I did a day in jail housearrest for two weeks.
I did a day in jail.
I had lots of lawyer fees andcourt fees.
I rode my bike to treatment.
(18:10):
I went to AA meetings.
I got them signed, but within afew months I got a job at a
local printing shop and I justrode my bike there.
I'm like, okay, I'm just goingto get a simple job,
rehabilitate myself, and thenwithin four months I got a job
back in my field.
I'm like fantastic, a reallygood job Within four months.
That same time we learned I waspregnant and that fascinated me,
(18:30):
because the fact that how muchI did to my body the mouthwash,
lethal for your body, destroysyour insides the fact that my
body could come back I know noteverybody gets this opportunity
I just said no, I'm infertile.
There's no possible way my bodycould do this.
(18:52):
I've treated it like crap forso many years.
I've abused it, I'veoverexercised it, I've been
feeding it garbage and the factthat it's like, okay, here's
your reward.
And I've wanted kids for solong and it killed me inside
that I couldn't have kidsbecause I couldn't take care of
(19:14):
myself and the fact that my bodycould do that was just
incredible.
And then, within seven months,I got a promotion.
And I'm not saying all thesewonderful things just happened
and that was it.
There's also some really hardthings too.
I mean going to court, doingall these things of getting a
breathalyzer in my car.
I had to have that for twoyears, but everything worked out
(19:38):
and I charged my last inpatienttreatment on my credit card.
I had $200 in my bank account.
I'm like I have no idea how I'mgoing to pay this off, but I
know, as long as I stay sober,this is where I'm supposed to be
.
I'll figure it out.
Money always just figures itselfout and I paid it off and so
all of these things it's justhave been just instrumental in
(20:02):
this.
The gifts and my son wasactually six weeks early, so he
came right before my one-yearsoberversary and he's been the
greatest gift to come out ofthat is that, oh my God, I get
this miracle at the end.
Not even at the end.
But, god, something to lookforward to, and so that's kind
(20:24):
of my story, but also, I mean,there's kind of two parts into
how I got sober and just takingresponsibility for my actions.
Again, I had a lot of stuff toclean up but I just kept taking
it one thing at a time and Ididn't expect anybody to believe
me because they were just donewith me.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
How many times have you said oh, this is it, I
promise.
There's a trust building part.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Yes, and you, just you start walking the talk.
I shut up and I just startedshowing up.
You shut up and then you startshowing up, and then you slowly
begin to rebuild your life andto take back your life and
rebuild those relationships, aslong as it may take, but the
(21:11):
most important thing is thatyou're taking care of yourself
and you're doing what?
You're supposed to do, and Ijust again, I just gave up what
was going to happen and I justkept doing the next right thing.
And that's what I really tell myclients too.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Jen, thank you so much for sharing the whole, well
, chapter one or part one ofthat story, because I really
think there is so much in therethat people will be able to
relate.
You know the fact that alcoholturns into somebody that you
can't even recognize, thatthere's really only one path
(21:46):
that it can go down.
If you keep going down thatpart and you can lose everything
potentially that you hold dear.
But also there's that part thatI can really relate to, which
is, you know, if there is thatperfectionistic tendency on the
outside, there's a real fear ofletting anybody in.
So you think I am going to dothis myself.
(22:08):
I'm going to, you know, recoverby myself.
But it is possible, I'm sure,but it is really, really hard
and it just sort of pushes itall down.
So I can remember that point ofrehab as well, which kind of was
a turning point with acceptance.
(22:29):
It was almost like a white flagand it was acceptance Okay, all
right, I'm going to let peoplein, I'm going to try and do this
, I can't do it myself and fromthere you've just got to keep
moving, one step in front of theother, and then you start
feeling good, you start gettingthe confidence, the self-trust,
(22:49):
and you know the story of yourhusband.
I can relate to that as well.
All that I put my beautifulhusband through.
But it's life and you're in ittogether and you know if you can
get through the other side.
It's beautiful, it is reallybeautiful.
(23:10):
Jen, can I ask you so well?
I'll ask you actually how manyyears have you been alcohol free
?
Speaker 1 (23:21):
10 years, and then I'm coming up on 11, on April
24th of 2024.
What keeps you motivated now?
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Because it's very different from that first.
Well, the first six weeks isdifferent to three months, to a
year.
What keeps you motivated now,10 years on Nearly 11?
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Yeah, and I mean now, it's really.
I think my kids are always mymotivation and my why.
They're my.
Why is that?
I got sober so I could havethem and I stay sober so I will
never, ever lose them.
I love to be able to be awalking example of what it looks
(24:00):
like to live an alcohol-freelife for them.
To be that again, be thatexample, but letting them know
there's another way.
But they're just the biggestteachers but also the biggest
blessings to come out of it.
But I think today it's really Ijust stay motivated.
I think hearing other's storiesis incredibly motivating and
(24:22):
inspiring.
I think teaching others andcoaching others, seeing a woman
who I coach I coach only womenbut seeing them come in to me
incredibly broken and crying andscared, and I'm just like, oh
yeah, I just know that feelingand then to see and watch them
(24:43):
transform right before your eyesand to see them start to smile
and start to get that confidenceand it's just, it is, there's
no price tag that you can put onthat that is so incredibly
motivating for me.
That really motivates me to seeothers kind of walk into this
(25:04):
and then to invite new womeninto this and, like you said, we
cannot do this alone.
That this is based onconnection, it's based on
community, and you're not theonly one.
There's nothing wrong with youand again, you do not have to do
this alone.
But I think even back then, 11years ago, when I was just
(25:27):
complete rock bottom for myself,I think what really motivated
me was kind of meeting the womanI am today, and not even today,
but so much better than I couldhave ever imagined.
No one in a million years did.
I think I was going to be asober coach.
Ever I was very I did not shareabout it.
But there was one thing that Idid before I went into my last
(25:49):
inpatient that really helpedmotivate me and it's something I
really like to teach and gothrough the women in my groups
with from the very beginning istaking them through a
visualization exercise.
And little did.
I know that I was doing this 11years ago, but I remember my
husband and I and we weren'ttalking much before I went in it
was a couple of days from mylast drink to when I went and
(26:12):
was able to get into aninpatient program.
We went out to eat, I think,and we started driving through
this neighborhood and we wereliving in a condo at the time
but we'd always wanted a houseand I've always wanted kids, and
we were just silent and it waslike sunset and it was just this
really nice neighborhood whereit's like, oh, these houses
would be so nice and I just sawwhat life could be like and I
(26:36):
saw this like brick house.
I saw these two kids, I saw afence.
I saw all of this of like, if Ijust keep this, I wonder what
could happen, like what if itall works out.
And it's so crazy because Ihave that life now.
Now I'm in the country, which Ididn't imagine, but it's like I
(26:58):
have two beautiful kids.
They're healthy, I have, weused to.
They're healthy I have.
We used to have 15 chickensWe'll get more, but like four
cats, two dogs, like, and it'sso crazy what can happen when
you just remove this one thingfrom your life, you also open
the door to so many other thingsthat are now possible.
(27:19):
Because you stop being stuck andyou start to explore it,
because you have more energy,you have more confidence, you
have a boost in self-esteem,it's like, okay, well, what else
can I accomplish?
And so I think it was reallythe visualization and keeping
this image of this life, andkeeping this image of this life
(27:39):
of what was possible, and thenhaving that be my focal point,
and then now being able to helpother women through this process
is definitely something thatkeeps me sober and I love how I
feel now.
I love to feel good.
(27:59):
Now.
I'm kind of into hormones andperimenopause.
I'm like what the hell is goingon, but I know it's not because
I'm drinking.
It's just because I'm a woman,I'm like, okay, bring it.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Bring it on, and all of that energy that I think are
pretty strong, are pretty strong.
Powerful women devoted todrinking, hiding the bottles,
trying to replace the bottles,trying to appear sober in front
of your partner All of thatenergy is actually now can shift
(28:32):
into making a life.
That's really, really amazing.
I think that's part of it, andit's really, really amazing I
think that's part of it and partof it for many women that are
that kind of, I'd say, closetdrinkers that have those two
personas is that they knowthere's an inkling that there's
a better life, but they justdon't know how to get it, and so
(28:52):
alcohol becomes their thing.
I don't know, I can't sort ofput it into words, but as soon
as you kind of deal with that,it's like wow, look out, world,
because this is what I can nowdo and create and it's going to
help others.
I can really relate to that,because when I was at rehab, I
(29:14):
was able to start my counsellingcourse and that then presented
that sort of future me that Iwas visualising.
So I can really relate to that.
Jen, that was beautifully said.
And the other thing that Ithink is really important is
when women do turn up and theyare at that sort of heartbroken
(29:37):
feeling where everything feelsreally flat and low.
They can't see how they'regoing to get there.
I love also being part of that,just part of that support
system for them.
That's saying so.
What it's alcohol?
It doesn't matter, it's not apersonal failing, it's what you
(29:58):
were born into, it's society,it's the drug of choice for all
of us and all of our problems.
And it doesn't mean that youcan't live an amazing life and
you can sort of let go of that.
Shame, yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
And it also doesn't mean that you're boring or that
you can't have fun anymore oryou can't relax or that it's a
reward.
It's like you have to reallyreprogram your brain from all of
the years that we've been fedthat we need it for a wedding,
you need it to celebrate, youneed it to toast, you need it
(30:32):
for all?
No, you actually don't.
You can do anything.
Do anything.
Anything that you could dowhile drinking, you can do sober
and you'll have way more funbecause you can remember it.
You're going to remember howyou drive home.
You're actually receiving liketrue dopamine, you know, and you
won't experience a crash fromit.
You don't have to recover fromcelebrating Like is it truly a
(30:54):
reward?
If you know it makes you feellike crap after.
I don't really think that's areward.
It's like you really have tostart to think where did I start
to believe this?
That I needed this to do this?
I needed beer to watch abaseball game, or I needed this
because of this?
It's like why?
Why do that?
(31:16):
So it's just kind of thisprocess that you kind of go
through and the only way youkind of know that is by doing it
, by actually going to something, feeling awkward because you're
yourself and you've never doneit before without alcohol.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
You've never done it, so of course you're going to be
scared.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
Yeah, of course.
And this is where, if you dohave young children, if you have
children of where you're going,watch them.
How do they interact?
I mean, if you're like my kids,they're very observant.
They only let people in after alittle time to warm up, and
that's how you can be withyourself.
You don't have to be the lifeof the party.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
You could be, you don't know yet Like be open.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I don't know who I am .
I'm an introvert, I'm shy andthat's okay.
There's not anything wrong withthat.
I just got to like really knowyou if I'm going to open myself
up to you, and I think that'sincredibly powerful, especially
as a person.
But even for kids is they onlyallow themselves to get
comfortable if they've hadenough time or if they truly
know you.
But even people that they doknow cousins, grandparents
(32:16):
they're still like shy when theysee each other.
But give it 10 minutes for us toease in.
So give yourself 10 minutes,take some deep breaths and just
be open, be curious, startasking questions.
Am I having fun?
Do I feel like I need alcoholto make this more fun?
And if I'm not having fun, it'sprobably just not my thing, and
(32:41):
I'm just not having fun andthat's okay, yeah, so so that's
just an aha moment to have like,okay, huh, I don't think I like
this.
I really like this.
Okay, that's something I like.
So you really have to tryeverything new in sobriety,
because who you were especiallyif you were drinking is not the
(33:01):
real you.
So now this is the time to.
Okay, let's see how I feel.
That's right.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
And be open to that and actually get to know what we
like, because I think we'rebrought.
Somebody along the way sold usa story that at a party, at a
gathering, we need to take onthis larger than life
personality works for somepeople, but the only way I was
going to get there was with wine.
So you've got to unpack thatstory.
(33:29):
I love how you just describedthat that beautiful undoing,
untangling of alcohol and thenstepping into really your own
skin.
Then stepping into really yourown skin, your own persona, when
you socialize.
Beautifully said, you run thesewonderful sobriety programs and
I think you're one of the firstto do it.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
There are so many of them out there now.
But what are the key pillars ofyour programs?
At work, jen, yeah, and I knowthere's many out there and I
remember when I was kind ofresearching and getting into
sober coaching of, okay, this iswhat I want to do, but how do I
do it?
And so I think the biggestpillar of my programs is that,
and kind of what it sets us upfrom other groups is that we do
(34:16):
it together.
These programs, they're notself-paced, they're not a video
by video course.
We go through it day by daytogether.
So it's a bunch of live stuff.
It's really based on communityand connection and it's keeping
everyone engaged.
So I'm in there a lot, I post alot.
We have small groups throughMarco Polo to really get to know
(34:39):
each other, and my groups arebased on these six habits to
help you boost dopaminenaturally, especially in those
first early days.
So when I take on women, some ofthem are already sober, but a
lot of them are just enteringsobriety, and so I feel like
starting on a date togethergives you something to look not
(35:01):
even look forward to, but toprepare yourself.
Okay, we're all doing thistogether.
Day one, I'm going to get youset up, because I'm not just
going to say, okay, day one, I'mgoing to start two weeks prior.
Okay, let's start.
What you can experience, I'mgoing to take you through
withdrawals that might happen.
I'm going to give you sometools and some things to buy,
(35:21):
some food to have on hand, somedrinks to have on hand, because
you're going to experience sugarcravings, all of that.
So I really take them step bystep through this process.
But when you're in earlysobriety, because you get that
huge dopamine rush and then it'sgoing to plummet, you're going
to probably be feeling prettylow, you're going to have high
anxiety and you might not knowwhat to do with your trigger
(35:44):
hours.
So when you typically drink,and so what I like to do by
implementing these habits, thesehabits are going to help you
again boost, naturally increasethat dopamine a little bit when
we're feeling low, but overallto do these things on a
consistent basis to boost yourconfidence, to help you sleep
which can be thrown off,especially in early sobriety
(36:05):
You're also probably going to bereally tired to also increasing
clarity, but really all ofthose things, and so those
habits are to stay sober aboveall else.
That's number one If you cannotdo any of the other habits.
Number one is your stay soberby any means possible.
You just don't drink alcohol.
And number two is to drink halfyour body weight in ounces of
(36:32):
water every single day.
Water plays a huge role in howyou feel.
It can contribute to cravings,it can help with really
dehydration, because you'reprobably really dehydrated
coming off alcohol.
Gratitude, so listing fivethings that you're grateful for
from the past 24 hours.
To really reprogram our brainto a get-to mindset of really
looking and seeking out what'sgoing right instead of focusing
(36:54):
on a woe, is me To move ourbodies, just like we were saying
.
For 30 minutes every single day, yes, and reading 10 pages, 10
pages of a self-help or sobrietybook, because I think this is
one of the best things that Istarted doing.
I did it in treatment and soforth, but really that's helped
(37:15):
me.
The past seven years wasstarting to read personal
development books.
It has helped tremendously inmy mindset.
And the last one is check inwith the group for
accountability.
So every single night I post,maybe with some tips and tricks,
but checking in and asking themto rate their day.
So how are you doing so we canhelp you?
Are you having a crappy day?
Are you having a really greatday?
(37:37):
Did you get in your habits andwe're just really trying to walk
them through this process andwhat I really would have wanted
11 years ago when I was enteringthis but I wasn't taught this
in treatment of how to livesober, of these real life
scenarios, of how to set aboundary, what is a boundary I
(38:00):
had no idea until a few yearsago.
What do I say to people?
You know, if I'm around peoplethat I used to drink with now,
what do I say?
I'm not ready to say I'm a.
You know, I had a really bigproblem.
There's things that you can sayhow to prepare for an event,
talking about anticipation,anxiety before you go to
something you're nervous about,how to travel sober foods to
(38:24):
help support those sugarcravings and to support your
sobriety.
So all of these things thatit's just all of these things
kind of work together in thispuzzle to create this
sustainable sober life that hasyou feeling good, as not as this
something that you have to do,but something as you want to do
(38:44):
because you're feeling better.
It can also help fill time,these habits, but again just
giving you that confidence, ofcrossing something off, of
showing up for yourself.
But also all of these are meantto help you to seek out ways to
boost that dopamine naturallyand doing those things on a
(39:06):
consistent basis, which thenleads to this wonderful sober
life.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
You get the full mindset, you get the physical
attributes and then, juststepping into, you know a life
that you thoroughly enjoy.
I'm going to quickly ask in asecond where can we find you?
Where can all of our Aussielisteners reach you and around
(39:33):
the world?
We've got listeners everywhere.
Jen, I just want to ask youlook what's on the horizon for
you, and is there anything elsethat you want to share with our
listeners?
You know, women.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
I know women is your forte, but we've got men as well
who are struggling.
Yeah, yeah, that's a greatquestion and you know, I think
what I really love to say topeople, if you're struggling, is
number one there's nothingwrong with you, Um, that it
doesn't mean you're broken, andthat you know you never know
when the next time is going tobe.
The final time is that to keepon trying, Um, and that it's
(40:18):
okay to feel discomfort, thatyou don't have to?
I think that's the cure foreverything is the ability to sit
with discomfort and not runfrom it.
That you can feel something, butalso know you're not going to
die.
If you feel uncomfortable or ifthat craving is so strong, it's
(40:42):
okay.
There's certain things that youcan do to get through a craving
, like moving your body, gettingoutside all of those things.
But you will not die from afeeling, yeah, but you can from
the action that you take basedon how you feel.
So if you're able to just sitthrough it and to just see and
ask yourself you know what, whatif it all works out?
What if this was it?
(41:04):
Am I willing, am I able to takea 30-day break just to see how
good I can feel?
But again, there is absolutelynothing wrong with you and it's
nothing to be ashamed about,because it happens.
It is way more common than youthink.
It's just not a lot of peoplestart are talking about it until
recently.
Yeah, but if you have anyquestions, you can definitely
(41:24):
reach me in my Instagram.
That's where I like to hang out.
I like to post tips at Jen LeeHurst tips or if there's
anything that you would like tosee from me.
I'm really open to feedback.
That's my main goal is to helpyou, is to meet you, is to give
you some encouragement in thoseearly days, but also giving you
some tips on how to stay soberas well, while also having some
(41:45):
fun in the process.
Yes, I don't think this issomething that should be so
incredibly serious.
I really want to empower peopleto want to choose this because
they feel better.
They want to feel better, thatthis is a health choice, this is
a wellness choice.
But what I do have coming up, Ialways have my Lighthouse
Sobriety membership.
It is for women, but to startto embrace this choice.
(42:07):
So all of those things that Iwas talking about in my programs
those are also in my membership, but not to the extent.
My group coaching programs arevery intensive, where I'm in
there a lot.
I'm working with you a lot ofthe times, but I have monthly
coaching for me in there.
There's workbooks, trackers, wehave daily meetings, workouts
we actually have a workouttomorrow.
We have craft events where wejust made our own candles.
(42:30):
We have a sober book club yeah,just making this a really fun
community, because I thinkthat's what sobriety is and then
I have a sober journal comingout at the end of this year to
take you through a hundred daysand how to kind of plan out your
day, giving you some motivation.
And then I also have a retreatcoming up for the women in my
group as well, if you do chooseto join the membership.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
Oh, Jen, your members are incredibly lucky to have
you there, full energy at thehelm, helping them out, and for
anybody that wants to follow Jenon Instagram, I highly
recommend it.
Her posts are real, they'reauthentic and they're useful.
You know, sober Instagram isfabulous, but Jen, you know your
posts are awesome and yourespond You're out there
(43:15):
responding.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
I try, I try, I try as much as I can.
That'd be hard.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
Yes, thank you so much, so much for being a guest.
You've been a great, greatguest and I know this is going
to resonate with all of ourlisteners.
And, yeah, just a huge thankyou.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
Thank you so much for having me on.
You're welcome, I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
You're welcome 're welcome.
Thanks, jen.
If you don't already know, inaddition to our podcasting work,
we are each sobriety coacheswith our own separate businesses
helping people to drink less.
Speaker 3 (43:56):
if you or a loved one want to take a break from
alcohol, we invite you to have alook at our individual websites
.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
megs is glassfulfilledcomau and bella's
is isabellafergusoncomau, sotake the next step that feels
right for you.
And it's really hard to look at pictures and videos
of my wedding because I wasn'tthere.
I was just.
I kept saying, just get throughit.
I started drinking vodka in themorning of.
I started taking Adderall tooffset my drunkenness and to
offset the hangover and I wasputting so much pressure on my
heart, my anxiety was throughthe roof and I was just like,
just get through this, just getthrough this and then you can
(00:22):
rest.
And I just started drinkingaround the clock after that, a
day after, two days after, andI'm just like I'm done.
And so it just began this yearand a half journey of really
understanding what was going on,my husband finding out, oh my
God, what did I marry Going intothis?
You know like Googling.
What do I do?
Yeah, like aa meetings.
(00:43):
Where do I find one?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
are you trying to drink less alcohol, but need
some extra motivation?
Maybe you've tried moderation,but you keep waking up
disappointed and hung over.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Are you curious about sober life?
Or maybe you're like us, havebeen alcohol free for a while
and are in it for the long haul.
Well, you're in the right place.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
I'm Meg and I'm Bella , and our Not Drinking Today
podcast is an invaluableresource to keep you motivated
and on track today and beyond.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
We are this Naked Mind, certified coaches who live
in Sydney and love ouralcohol-free life.
And, last but not, least.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
If you enjoy the content of our podcast, please
rate, review, subscribe andshare it.
It really is integral togetting the podcast out to those
that might need it.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
So grab a cuppa and let's get started.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Jen Hurst.
Jen works as a sobriety coachand has a number of programs,
including Lighthouse Sobriety,and has a massive Instagram
following, which is how I firstfound out about Jen.
A big, huge, heartfelt welcome,jen, to the podcast.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Oh, thank you so much for having me on.
It's so awesome to meet you andto connect.
That's why I love Instagram isthat you can find the most
amazing people on there, I know.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
I know, and we were just talking before we hit
record, so I'm presently in theAdelaide Hills.
Jen, where are you again?
You're beautiful Minnesota,aren't you Minnesota?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
I know the destination capital of the world
.
Yes, it's beautiful, I love it,but it is.
It's so crazy, though, becauseright now it should be really
cold and really snowy, but it'sactually the opposite.
It's like the sun's out.
I mean 40 degrees here is, Imean it might as well just be 80
, and we're just outside.
(02:44):
And it's just, man, the sun andwarmth can do so much for your
mood.
It's just, oh, it's so gorgeoushere.
So, yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah, well, I mean, instagram is where I first saw
all of your amazing posts and itoften features you outdoors
moving.
You've got your water bottle,you're talking, you know about
the benefits of movement and Ilove it.
And sometimes, when I'm downdoing my own exercise, I think,
yeah, jen's doing it, jen'sdoing it, I can do it, it's
going to make me feel good forthe rest of the day.
(03:16):
And does it, it does.
Yeah, I have to start with anexercise.
It's just, it has to Look.
I'll have some days off, but,yeah, the movement piece is
really important Now.
Jen, in fact, you were one of, Iguess, the three women that I
first followed on Instagram whenI was feeling fairly low about
(03:37):
my relationship with alcohol,and I'm grateful that you shared
your story to the full extentthat you did, because I thought
if Jen can do it, I can do it.
You wouldn't know my story, but, in a very quick nutshell, I
was one of those secret, closethome, alone drinkers.
Towards the end I call it theflashing red zone Looked fairly
(04:00):
okay on the outside sometimes,but I ended up in hospital one
evening with a blood alcohollevel of 0.4 and then rehab.
So fairly grim.
For those who do not know yourstory.
Would you mind sharing a littlebit about it?
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Yeah Well, thank you so much.
I'm so happy that you were ableto connect, but also I'm just
so happy you're here.
Yeah, right, I know, and thosecan be really big wake up
moments.
It's really scary and thatsounds a lot like my story too,
of this appearance that we haveit all together, of hiding it
(04:41):
together, of hiding it of um,and that's what I really like to
share in my before and afters,because I don't really have
pictures of myself, you know,drunk or I mean maybe, but like
I don't have pictures when I'mblacked out or the things I mean
, most of my later drinking Idid in secret and at home and no
(05:02):
one saw and I was really goodat hiding it and it's so good
and I'm sure you were as well.
One of those closest to me, myfiance, my husband, had no idea
until I couldn't hide it anymore.
So looks are really deceivingand I tried for many years to
cover it up with makeup, withglasses, with hats, with trying
(05:26):
to fake and smile and smilethrough it and get through my
wedding day and things like that, to appear like I didn't have
this problem.
Because, my gosh, if I had thatlabel over my head, what was
that going to mean?
What were people going to thinkof me?
And so I think it reallyprevented me, that label of oh
my gosh, AA and those things.
(05:47):
It prevented me from gettinghelp for many years because I
was so afraid of what that mightmean, but I always felt and I
came from a great home, myparents rarely drank and there
was nothing really traumaticthat happened in my childhood or
(06:08):
, uh, experiencing that.
I know my grandfather was analcoholic but I always kind of
felt like there was somethingwrong with me as well, like who
I was wasn't enough.
Um, and going into it, uh, Idid.
You know normal drinking inhigh school and college and it
was really and I like to sharethis because this is really
(06:28):
important If you're in sobriety,if you're going through this,
you're in those early days to doand write out your usage
history is to write out yourstory.
Write it out pen and paper andyou could do it, you could type
it.
I would say, just pen and paperis fantastic to just start
writing it out, because it wasthrough this process that I did
this in treatment, that I wasable to pinpoint when I started
(06:51):
just socially drinking toactually medicating, and it was
when my second boyfriend wantedto go on a break and I just went
back to my first love and, ohmy God it is.
I mean, no one said heartbreakwas fun, but it just devastated
me because it was just rejectionand it was pain and I'm like I
(07:12):
never want to feel that.
And so when this happened, Iwas living with some guys and
they were like, well, you know,if you take this?
And what they were doing wasthey had been taking Adderall
and they were abusing it.
They one had a prescription.
I'm like I don't do drugs.
You know which little behold,alcohol is the most addictive
(07:32):
drug on the planet.
But I was like I don't do that,but for some reason I was just
like you know what, screw it.
And I just decided to take it.
I felt amazing.
I felt like God, I dyed my hair, I stayed up all night.
I'm like this is the best thingever.
But it was then that that gotme kind of addicted to Adderall.
It was that notion of I can takeaway any pain with alcohol too,
(07:56):
because that changes who I am,and so it wasn't just like, okay
, now I've just binge drank allthe time.
But I started drinking alone.
I started, you know, makingsome bad decisions.
Anytime I got nervous I wouldgo to alcohol to help calm me
down.
And what really started withkind of heartbreak really
started turning into anxiety tooand I just started to progress
(08:18):
and it was.
I've had these bad summers whereI would be making these bad
decisions and trying to justfigure out what was going on as
well, and in that time I got myfirst DWI and you would think
that that would have woken me up, but it didn't.
Yeah, and my dad was my lawyer,but through this process and
(08:42):
going into my now marriage, butgoing and dating him, it was
really in the year leading up tomy wedding that my drinking
really progressed, because Iwould have periods of like going
off it and I wouldn't need it,and then I kind of go back and
my anxiety would get really badand I was put on medication and
little did I know how muchalcohol just wrecks havoc on
(09:04):
anxiety.
It just makes it explode.
I didn't know that.
I thought I was trying to relax.
I was like this is healthy man,I'm supposed to relax, I drink
wine, but it was making it somuch worse.
And so, the year leading up tomy wedding, I was working full
time, I was doing freelance fulltime as a designer.
I was planning my wedding allby myself.
I just was so overworked andburned out I started drinking.
(09:25):
I started drinking more.
I would give myself theselittle challenges of okay, I
found it difficult to stop andto stay stopped.
When my husband would go out,I'm like, no, I got to stay at
home and do work.
I have to get this magazinedone.
I have to do this.
I have to put together theflowers.
I did my own flowerarrangements, all of that stuff,
no-transcript.
(10:17):
My husband didn't know any ofthis.
I would hide it.
I would start, he'd go to sleep, I would start finishing it off
and I just collapsed and I wasso exhausted.
You know it's really hard tolook at pictures and videos of
my wedding because I wasn'tthere.
I was just.
I kept saying just get throughit.
(10:37):
I started drinking vodka in themorning of.
I started taking Adderall tooffset my drunkenness and to
offset the hangover and I wasputting so much pressure on my
heart, my anxiety was throughthe roof and I was just like,
just get through this, just getthrough this and then you can
rest.
And I just started drinkingaround the clock after that, a
day after, two days after, andI'm just like I'm done.
(10:59):
And so it just began this yearand a half journey of really
understanding what was going on,my husband finding out oh my
God, what did I marry Going intothis, you know, like Googling.
What do I do?
Yeah, like AA meetings.
Where do I find one?
Because that was the only thingback then.
There wasn't this huge movementwhich is so cool right now, of
(11:19):
the things that were availabletoday were not available 13
years ago.
And so I remember going to myfirst AA meeting drunk and being
so, so scared and that didn'twork.
And then going into outpatient.
I then checked into inpatientafter almost a year and just all
of these attempts of relapses.
(11:40):
I've been to three inpatients30-day stays, one, 60-day stays.
I've been to probably fiveoutpatients.
You know, I got a therapist, Igot a sponsor, I got all of
those things, but it took melosing things and I would have
periods.
I'd have 30 days and then I'drelapse.
I have this day and then I'drelapse.
(12:01):
I was also kind of dabblinginto Adderall too, which I
didn't really have a problemwith, but it also was keeping me
stuck because I liked how Ifelt I could get so much done
with it and I could take awayany hangover, but I knew that
was preventing me from gettingultimately sober.
I just knew it, because it wasa big secret that I didn't tell
my husband, let alone all thetimes, that I was kind of
(12:23):
sneaking my drinking in betweenthem.
But I really had to startlosing things.
And when you think it couldnever happen to you, as someone
who was brought up in a greathome, I don't look like your
typical alcoholic.
I know I'm not I, that'sactually not true.
I was homeless at the end.
Um, that's where my drinkingtook.
(12:44):
That's where I was howtenacious I was.
And when you gave me something,I'm an Enneagram three.
And so when you say, when Iwant something, I can do it, and
the fact that I couldn't dothis, just beat myself up.
I just beat myself up.
I was, I'm a perfection.
Fact that I couldn't do this,just beat myself up.
I just beat myself up.
I'm a perfectionist.
And I couldn't do this.
And I didn't understand why.
I'm like why can I not stop?
(13:05):
And so I kept trying to push itand my drinking just progressed
until I lost my job.
I got my second DWI on February14th of 2013, which means I lost
my car.
I blew over a 0.2.
I also had an open bottle, so Ilost my car and I was on the
verge of killing myself.
(13:25):
I didn't know how much time Ihad left because I was extremely
malnourished.
I was not taking care of myself.
I was drinking mouthwash.
I was dabbling into other formsof alcohol to try to hide the
shame I felt of walking into aliquor store.
So, actually, mouthwash was mydrink of choice for the last
year and a half.
(13:46):
Yeah, I still can't have ittoday.
I'm just oh God, so that youknow, and just the amount of
shame that you can feel for this, but the how strong a craving
can be to just take you away,yeah, and how it just
deteriorated my self-esteem towhere I didn't even want to be
(14:06):
here anymore.
As someone who was bright and Igot great grades I achieved, I
got all these awards To someonejust so low and, if I could
picture it, I was just like Ifelt like I was in a hole and I
had so much stuff to clean up,like my husband wasn't talking
to me.
My parents didn't know what todo with me because, like she
went to inpatient, she'ssupposed to be cured.
(14:27):
I have no idea what to do withher and I was just like I have
no idea how I'm going to getmyself out of this and from it
was I was staying at my parents'house because my husband had
said I couldn't stay thereanymore and I was going into my
father's office and apparently Ihad blacked out because I was
drinking mouthwash and I woke upin detox and I blew a 0.34 when
(14:52):
I got there.
Wow, and that kind of scared me.
But the fact that how manyother times I know you blew a
point forward too but how many?
other times do we kind of cheatdeath.
When we did that, I'm like Iknow for a fact I've drank way
more than that and scary thingsstarted happening.
You know, like I woke up I meanblackouts were my daily
occurrence.
(15:12):
I blacked out every time.
And so how many other times didI just get away with it?
And I got another chance?
And it was like it was in detox, where they say you have like a
moment sometimes and thatmoment can happen, you know,
just before you get sober, orsometimes just along the way,
you know, taking it every 24hours or you do a 30 day, and
(15:35):
you sort of get this wake up andI just started looking at my
life and I had court the nextday.
I physically, was felt myselfdying.
I had researched cardiac arrest.
I just said I don't know howmany days I have left and I'm
like what the hell am I doing?
Speaker 2 (15:56):
What am I doing?
Yeah, hell am I doing.
What am?
Speaker 1 (15:57):
I doing, yeah, and I just looked, I'm like, what am I
?
And I just like, I like lookedat myself, I'm like, oh my God,
and it's like when you're in itit's so hard to see out of it.
But at that moment I made adecision and I just said.
I'm done.
I am so done and I just gave upthe outcome.
(16:20):
I didn't know what was going tohappen with my husband.
He was on the verge of, if thishappens again, we're getting a
divorce.
My parents didn't want to talkto me.
I did an inpatient stay afterthat to just prove to the courts
that I was in this, and it'sreally helpful.
I love inpatient.
It's a fantastic experience.
But I just gave up and I justsaid as long as I don't drink, I
(16:43):
can't make this any worse.
I'm already as low as I'llprobably go.
The only thing lower than thisis six feet under.
I'm like just I wonder what canhappen if I just don't drink.
And I was ready and I reallywanted it and you got to have
those two things.
You got to really want it andyou got to be ready.
Sometimes you're just not readyand you got to do more field
(17:05):
research.
So I say, okay, go out and tryto prove yourself that you can
do this and you come back whenyou've suffered enough and I
think I had just suffered enough, and but I hope that people
don't have to get to that pointof losing almost everything,
Because I did.
And what I like to say is itjust hasn't happened yet, that
it does get to that point.
(17:25):
I didn't think it was going tohappen to me either, but it's
also so incredible what canhappen when you don't drink.
And I'm not saying everything'sgoing to be perfect.
My life did not clean up thenext day.
I had a lot of stuff to cleanup.
I had to get a parole officer.
(17:45):
I had no car.
I went to inpatient.
I went into outpatient.
After that I was put on housearrest for two weeks.
I did a day in jail housearrest for two weeks.
I did a day in jail.
I had lots of lawyer fees andcourt fees.
I rode my bike to treatment.
(18:10):
I went to AA meetings.
I got them signed, but within afew months I got a job at a
local printing shop and I justrode my bike there.
I'm like, okay, I'm just goingto get a simple job,
rehabilitate myself, and thenwithin four months I got a job
back in my field.
I'm like fantastic, a reallygood job Within four months.
That same time we learned I waspregnant and that fascinated me,
(18:30):
because the fact that how muchI did to my body the mouthwash,
lethal for your body, destroysyour insides the fact that my
body could come back I know noteverybody gets this opportunity
I just said no, I'm infertile.
There's no possible way my bodycould do this.
(18:52):
I've treated it like crap forso many years.
I've abused it, I'veoverexercised it, I've been
feeding it garbage and the factthat it's like, okay, here's
your reward.
And I've wanted kids for solong and it killed me inside
that I couldn't have kidsbecause I couldn't take care of
(19:14):
myself and the fact that my bodycould do that was just
incredible.
And then, within seven months,I got a promotion.
And I'm not saying all thesewonderful things just happened
and that was it.
There's also some really hardthings too.
I mean going to court, doingall these things of getting a
breathalyzer in my car.
I had to have that for twoyears, but everything worked out
(19:38):
and I charged my last inpatienttreatment on my credit card.
I had $200 in my bank account.
I'm like I have no idea how I'mgoing to pay this off, but I
know, as long as I stay sober,this is where I'm supposed to be
.
I'll figure it out.
Money always just figures itselfout and I paid it off and so
all of these things it's justhave been just instrumental in
(20:02):
this.
The gifts and my son wasactually six weeks early, so he
came right before my one-yearsoberversary and he's been the
greatest gift to come out ofthat is that, oh my God, I get
this miracle at the end.
Not even at the end.
But, god, something to lookforward to, and so that's kind
(20:24):
of my story, but also, I mean,there's kind of two parts into
how I got sober and just takingresponsibility for my actions.
Again, I had a lot of stuff toclean up but I just kept taking
it one thing at a time and Ididn't expect anybody to believe
me because they were just donewith me.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
How many times have you said oh, this is it, I
promise.
There's a trust building part.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Yes, and you, just you start walking the talk.
I shut up and I just startedshowing up.
You shut up and then you startshowing up, and then you slowly
begin to rebuild your life andto take back your life and
rebuild those relationships, aslong as it may take, but the
(21:11):
most important thing is thatyou're taking care of yourself
and you're doing what?
You're supposed to do, and Ijust again, I just gave up what
was going to happen and I justkept doing the next right thing.
And that's what I really tell myclients too.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Jen, thank you so much for sharing the whole, well
, chapter one or part one ofthat story, because I really
think there is so much in therethat people will be able to
relate.
You know the fact that alcoholturns into somebody that you
can't even recognize, thatthere's really only one path
(21:46):
that it can go down.
If you keep going down thatpart and you can lose everything
potentially that you hold dear.
But also there's that part thatI can really relate to, which
is, you know, if there is thatperfectionistic tendency on the
outside, there's a real fear ofletting anybody in.
So you think I am going to dothis myself.
(22:08):
I'm going to, you know, recoverby myself.
But it is possible, I'm sure,but it is really, really hard
and it just sort of pushes itall down.
So I can remember that point ofrehab as well, which kind of was
a turning point with acceptance.
(22:29):
It was almost like a white flagand it was acceptance Okay, all
right, I'm going to let peoplein, I'm going to try and do this
, I can't do it myself and fromthere you've just got to keep
moving, one step in front of theother, and then you start
feeling good, you start gettingthe confidence, the self-trust,
(22:49):
and you know the story of yourhusband.
I can relate to that as well.
All that I put my beautifulhusband through.
But it's life and you're in ittogether and you know if you can
get through the other side.
It's beautiful, it is reallybeautiful.
(23:10):
Jen, can I ask you so well?
I'll ask you actually how manyyears have you been alcohol free
?
Speaker 1 (23:21):
10 years, and then I'm coming up on 11, on April
24th of 2024.
What keeps you motivated now?
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Because it's very different from that first.
Well, the first six weeks isdifferent to three months, to a
year.
What keeps you motivated now,10 years on Nearly 11?
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Yeah, and I mean now, it's really.
I think my kids are always mymotivation and my why.
They're my.
Why is that?
I got sober so I could havethem and I stay sober so I will
never, ever lose them.
I love to be able to be awalking example of what it looks
(24:00):
like to live an alcohol-freelife for them.
To be that again, be thatexample, but letting them know
there's another way.
But they're just the biggestteachers but also the biggest
blessings to come out of it.
But I think today it's really Ijust stay motivated.
I think hearing other's storiesis incredibly motivating and
(24:22):
inspiring.
I think teaching others andcoaching others, seeing a woman
who I coach I coach only womenbut seeing them come in to me
incredibly broken and crying andscared, and I'm just like, oh
yeah, I just know that feelingand then to see and watch them
(24:43):
transform right before your eyesand to see them start to smile
and start to get that confidenceand it's just, it is, there's
no price tag that you can put onthat that is so incredibly
motivating for me.
That really motivates me to seeothers kind of walk into this
(25:04):
and then to invite new womeninto this and, like you said, we
cannot do this alone.
That this is based onconnection, it's based on
community, and you're not theonly one.
There's nothing wrong with youand again, you do not have to do
this alone.
But I think even back then, 11years ago, when I was just
(25:27):
complete rock bottom for myself,I think what really motivated
me was kind of meeting the womanI am today, and not even today,
but so much better than I couldhave ever imagined.
No one in a million years did.
I think I was going to be asober coach.
Ever I was very I did not shareabout it.
But there was one thing that Idid before I went into my last
(25:49):
inpatient that really helpedmotivate me and it's something I
really like to teach and gothrough the women in my groups
with from the very beginning istaking them through a
visualization exercise.
And little did.
I know that I was doing this 11years ago, but I remember my
husband and I and we weren'ttalking much before I went in it
was a couple of days from mylast drink to when I went and
(26:12):
was able to get into aninpatient program.
We went out to eat, I think,and we started driving through
this neighborhood and we wereliving in a condo at the time
but we'd always wanted a houseand I've always wanted kids, and
we were just silent and it waslike sunset and it was just this
really nice neighborhood whereit's like, oh, these houses
would be so nice and I just sawwhat life could be like and I
(26:36):
saw this like brick house.
I saw these two kids, I saw afence.
I saw all of this of like, if Ijust keep this, I wonder what
could happen, like what if itall works out.
And it's so crazy because Ihave that life now.
Now I'm in the country, which Ididn't imagine, but it's like I
(26:58):
have two beautiful kids.
They're healthy, I have, weused to.
They're healthy I have.
We used to have 15 chickensWe'll get more, but like four
cats, two dogs, like, and it'sso crazy what can happen when
you just remove this one thingfrom your life, you also open
the door to so many other thingsthat are now possible.
(27:19):
Because you stop being stuck andyou start to explore it,
because you have more energy,you have more confidence, you
have a boost in self-esteem,it's like, okay, well, what else
can I accomplish?
And so I think it was reallythe visualization and keeping
this image of this life, andkeeping this image of this life
(27:39):
of what was possible, and thenhaving that be my focal point,
and then now being able to helpother women through this process
is definitely something thatkeeps me sober and I love how I
feel now.
I love to feel good.
(27:59):
Now.
I'm kind of into hormones andperimenopause.
I'm like what the hell is goingon, but I know it's not because
I'm drinking.
It's just because I'm a woman,I'm like, okay, bring it.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Bring it on, and all of that energy that I think are
pretty strong, are pretty strong.
Powerful women devoted todrinking, hiding the bottles,
trying to replace the bottles,trying to appear sober in front
of your partner All of thatenergy is actually now can shift
(28:32):
into making a life.
That's really, really amazing.
I think that's part of it, andit's really, really amazing I
think that's part of it and partof it for many women that are
that kind of, I'd say, closetdrinkers that have those two
personas is that they knowthere's an inkling that there's
a better life, but they justdon't know how to get it, and so
(28:52):
alcohol becomes their thing.
I don't know, I can't sort ofput it into words, but as soon
as you kind of deal with that,it's like wow, look out, world,
because this is what I can nowdo and create and it's going to
help others.
I can really relate to that,because when I was at rehab, I
(29:14):
was able to start my counsellingcourse and that then presented
that sort of future me that Iwas visualising.
So I can really relate to that.
Jen, that was beautifully said.
And the other thing that Ithink is really important is
when women do turn up and theyare at that sort of heartbroken
(29:37):
feeling where everything feelsreally flat and low.
They can't see how they'regoing to get there.
I love also being part of that,just part of that support
system for them.
That's saying so.
What it's alcohol?
It doesn't matter, it's not apersonal failing, it's what you
(29:58):
were born into, it's society,it's the drug of choice for all
of us and all of our problems.
And it doesn't mean that youcan't live an amazing life and
you can sort of let go of that.
Shame, yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
And it also doesn't mean that you're boring or that
you can't have fun anymore oryou can't relax or that it's a
reward.
It's like you have to reallyreprogram your brain from all of
the years that we've been fedthat we need it for a wedding,
you need it to celebrate, youneed it to toast, you need it
(30:32):
for all?
No, you actually don't.
You can do anything.
Do anything.
Anything that you could dowhile drinking, you can do sober
and you'll have way more funbecause you can remember it.
You're going to remember howyou drive home.
You're actually receiving liketrue dopamine, you know, and you
won't experience a crash fromit.
You don't have to recover fromcelebrating Like is it truly a
(30:54):
reward?
If you know it makes you feellike crap after.
I don't really think that's areward.
It's like you really have tostart to think where did I start
to believe this?
That I needed this to do this?
I needed beer to watch abaseball game, or I needed this
because of this?
It's like why?
Why do that?
(31:16):
So it's just kind of thisprocess that you kind of go
through and the only way youkind of know that is by doing it
, by actually going to something, feeling awkward because you're
yourself and you've never doneit before without alcohol.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
You've never done it, so of course you're going to be
scared.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
Yeah, of course.
And this is where, if you dohave young children, if you have
children of where you're going,watch them.
How do they interact?
I mean, if you're like my kids,they're very observant.
They only let people in after alittle time to warm up, and
that's how you can be withyourself.
You don't have to be the lifeof the party.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
You could be, you don't know yet Like be open.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I don't know who I am .
I'm an introvert, I'm shy andthat's okay.
There's not anything wrong withthat.
I just got to like really knowyou if I'm going to open myself
up to you, and I think that'sincredibly powerful, especially
as a person.
But even for kids is they onlyallow themselves to get
comfortable if they've hadenough time or if they truly
know you.
But even people that they doknow cousins, grandparents
(32:16):
they're still like shy when theysee each other.
But give it 10 minutes for us toease in.
So give yourself 10 minutes,take some deep breaths and just
be open, be curious, startasking questions.
Am I having fun?
Do I feel like I need alcoholto make this more fun?
And if I'm not having fun, it'sprobably just not my thing, and
(32:41):
I'm just not having fun andthat's okay, yeah, so so that's
just an aha moment to have like,okay, huh, I don't think I like
this.
I really like this.
Okay, that's something I like.
So you really have to tryeverything new in sobriety,
because who you were especiallyif you were drinking is not the
(33:01):
real you.
So now this is the time to.
Okay, let's see how I feel.
That's right.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
And be open to that and actually get to know what we
like, because I think we'rebrought.
Somebody along the way sold usa story that at a party, at a
gathering, we need to take onthis larger than life
personality works for somepeople, but the only way I was
going to get there was with wine.
So you've got to unpack thatstory.
(33:29):
I love how you just describedthat that beautiful undoing,
untangling of alcohol and thenstepping into really your own
skin.
Then stepping into really yourown skin, your own persona, when
you socialize.
Beautifully said, you run thesewonderful sobriety programs and
I think you're one of the firstto do it.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
There are so many of them out there now.
But what are the key pillars ofyour programs?
At work, jen, yeah, and I knowthere's many out there and I
remember when I was kind ofresearching and getting into
sober coaching of, okay, this iswhat I want to do, but how do I
do it?
And so I think the biggestpillar of my programs is that,
and kind of what it sets us upfrom other groups is that we do
(34:16):
it together.
These programs, they're notself-paced, they're not a video
by video course.
We go through it day by daytogether.
So it's a bunch of live stuff.
It's really based on communityand connection and it's keeping
everyone engaged.
So I'm in there a lot, I post alot.
We have small groups throughMarco Polo to really get to know
(34:39):
each other, and my groups arebased on these six habits to
help you boost dopaminenaturally, especially in those
first early days.
So when I take on women, some ofthem are already sober, but a
lot of them are just enteringsobriety, and so I feel like
starting on a date togethergives you something to look not
(35:01):
even look forward to, but toprepare yourself.
Okay, we're all doing thistogether.
Day one, I'm going to get youset up, because I'm not just
going to say, okay, day one, I'mgoing to start two weeks prior.
Okay, let's start.
What you can experience, I'mgoing to take you through
withdrawals that might happen.
I'm going to give you sometools and some things to buy,
(35:21):
some food to have on hand, somedrinks to have on hand, because
you're going to experience sugarcravings, all of that.
So I really take them step bystep through this process.
But when you're in earlysobriety, because you get that
huge dopamine rush and then it'sgoing to plummet, you're going
to probably be feeling prettylow, you're going to have high
anxiety and you might not knowwhat to do with your trigger
(35:44):
hours.
So when you typically drink,and so what I like to do by
implementing these habits, thesehabits are going to help you
again boost, naturally increasethat dopamine a little bit when
we're feeling low, but overallto do these things on a
consistent basis to boost yourconfidence, to help you sleep
which can be thrown off,especially in early sobriety
(36:05):
You're also probably going to bereally tired to also increasing
clarity, but really all ofthose things, and so those
habits are to stay sober aboveall else.
That's number one If you cannotdo any of the other habits.
Number one is your stay soberby any means possible.
You just don't drink alcohol.
And number two is to drink halfyour body weight in ounces of
(36:32):
water every single day.
Water plays a huge role in howyou feel.
It can contribute to cravings,it can help with really
dehydration, because you'reprobably really dehydrated
coming off alcohol.
Gratitude, so listing fivethings that you're grateful for
from the past 24 hours.
To really reprogram our brainto a get-to mindset of really
looking and seeking out what'sgoing right instead of focusing
(36:54):
on a woe, is me To move ourbodies, just like we were saying
.
For 30 minutes every single day, yes, and reading 10 pages, 10
pages of a self-help or sobrietybook, because I think this is
one of the best things that Istarted doing.
I did it in treatment and soforth, but really that's helped
(37:15):
me.
The past seven years wasstarting to read personal
development books.
It has helped tremendously inmy mindset.
And the last one is check inwith the group for
accountability.
So every single night I post,maybe with some tips and tricks,
but checking in and asking themto rate their day.
So how are you doing so we canhelp you?
Are you having a crappy day?
Are you having a really greatday?
(37:37):
Did you get in your habits andwe're just really trying to walk
them through this process andwhat I really would have wanted
11 years ago when I was enteringthis but I wasn't taught this
in treatment of how to livesober, of these real life
scenarios, of how to set aboundary, what is a boundary I
(38:00):
had no idea until a few yearsago.
What do I say to people?
You know, if I'm around peoplethat I used to drink with now,
what do I say?
I'm not ready to say I'm a.
You know, I had a really bigproblem.
There's things that you can sayhow to prepare for an event,
talking about anticipation,anxiety before you go to
something you're nervous about,how to travel sober foods to
(38:24):
help support those sugarcravings and to support your
sobriety.
So all of these things thatit's just all of these things
kind of work together in thispuzzle to create this
sustainable sober life that hasyou feeling good, as not as this
something that you have to do,but something as you want to do
(38:44):
because you're feeling better.
It can also help fill time,these habits, but again just
giving you that confidence, ofcrossing something off, of
showing up for yourself.
But also all of these are meantto help you to seek out ways to
boost that dopamine naturallyand doing those things on a
(39:06):
consistent basis, which thenleads to this wonderful sober
life.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
You get the full mindset, you get the physical
attributes and then, juststepping into, you know a life
that you thoroughly enjoy.
I'm going to quickly ask in asecond where can we find you?
Where can all of our Aussielisteners reach you and around
(39:33):
the world?
We've got listeners everywhere.
Jen, I just want to ask youlook what's on the horizon for
you, and is there anything elsethat you want to share with our
listeners?
You know, women.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
I know women is your forte, but we've got men as well
who are struggling.
Yeah, yeah, that's a greatquestion and you know, I think
what I really love to say topeople, if you're struggling, is
number one there's nothingwrong with you, Um, that it
doesn't mean you're broken, andthat you know you never know
when the next time is going tobe.
The final time is that to keepon trying, Um, and that it's
(40:18):
okay to feel discomfort, thatyou don't have to?
I think that's the cure foreverything is the ability to sit
with discomfort and not runfrom it.
That you can feel something, butalso know you're not going to
die.
If you feel uncomfortable or ifthat craving is so strong, it's
(40:42):
okay.
There's certain things that youcan do to get through a craving
, like moving your body, gettingoutside all of those things.
But you will not die from afeeling, yeah, but you can from
the action that you take basedon how you feel.
So if you're able to just sitthrough it and to just see and
ask yourself you know what, whatif it all works out?
What if this was it?
(41:04):
Am I willing, am I able to takea 30-day break just to see how
good I can feel?
But again, there is absolutelynothing wrong with you and it's
nothing to be ashamed about,because it happens.
It is way more common than youthink.
It's just not a lot of peoplestart are talking about it until
recently.
Yeah, but if you have anyquestions, you can definitely
(41:24):
reach me in my Instagram.
That's where I like to hang out.
I like to post tips at Jen LeeHurst tips or if there's
anything that you would like tosee from me.
I'm really open to feedback.
That's my main goal is to helpyou, is to meet you, is to give
you some encouragement in thoseearly days, but also giving you
some tips on how to stay soberas well, while also having some
(41:45):
fun in the process.
Yes, I don't think this issomething that should be so
incredibly serious.
I really want to empower peopleto want to choose this because
they feel better.
They want to feel better, thatthis is a health choice, this is
a wellness choice.
But what I do have coming up, Ialways have my Lighthouse
Sobriety membership.
It is for women, but to startto embrace this choice.
(42:07):
So all of those things that Iwas talking about in my programs
those are also in my membership, but not to the extent.
My group coaching programs arevery intensive, where I'm in
there a lot.
I'm working with you a lot ofthe times, but I have monthly
coaching for me in there.
There's workbooks, trackers, wehave daily meetings, workouts
we actually have a workouttomorrow.
We have craft events where wejust made our own candles.
(42:30):
We have a sober book club yeah,just making this a really fun
community, because I thinkthat's what sobriety is and then
I have a sober journal comingout at the end of this year to
take you through a hundred daysand how to kind of plan out your
day, giving you some motivation.
And then I also have a retreatcoming up for the women in my
group as well, if you do chooseto join the membership.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
Oh, Jen, your members are incredibly lucky to have
you there, full energy at thehelm, helping them out, and for
anybody that wants to follow Jenon Instagram, I highly
recommend it.
Her posts are real, they'reauthentic and they're useful.
You know, sober Instagram isfabulous, but Jen, you know your
posts are awesome and yourespond You're out there
(43:15):
responding.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
I try, I try, I try as much as I can.
That'd be hard.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
Yes, thank you so much, so much for being a guest.
You've been a great, greatguest and I know this is going
to resonate with all of ourlisteners.
And, yeah, just a huge thankyou.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
Thank you so much for having me on.
You're welcome, I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
You're welcome 're welcome.
Thanks, jen.
If you don't already know, inaddition to our podcasting work,
we are each sobriety coacheswith our own separate businesses
helping people to drink less.
Speaker 3 (43:56):
if you or a loved one want to take a break from
alcohol, we invite you to have alook at our individual websites
.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
megs is glassfulfilledcomau and bella's
is isabellafergusoncomau, sotake the next step that feels
right for you.
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