Why can't I be a normal drinker?

Ever wondered why the notion of being a "normal drinker" weighs heavily on so many of us? Join me, Meg, as I share my personal journey through the maze of societal expectations and personal realisations around alcohol consumption. From questioning my own drinking habits to the pivotal moment of embracing a sober lifestyle, this episode unpacks the unrealistic aspirations many harbour about drinking without consequences. Through heartfelt introspection, I reveal how alcohol impacted my personal relationships and overall well-being, leading to the liberating decision to pursue a life filled with genuine joy and purpose—free from alcohol.

This episode brings to light the transformative power of feeling emotions in their rawest form rather than numbing them with substances.  Whether you're contemplating moderation or complete abstinence, we invite you to reflect on your own experiences with alcohol. Your suggestions are welcome for future topics and guest appearances, as we explore what it truly means to thrive without alcohol.

MEG

Web: https://www.meganwebb.com.au/
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/meganwebbcoaching/
Unwined Bookclub: https://www.alcoholfreedom.com.au/unwinedbookclub
ConnectAF group coaching: https://www.elizaparkinson.com/groupcoaching


BELLA

Web: https://isabellaferguson.com.au
Insta: @alcoholcounsellorisabella
Bi-Yearly 6-Week Small Group Challenges: Learn more: https://www.isabellaferguson.com.au/feb-2025-challenge
Free Do I Have A Drinking Problem 3 x Video Series: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/JTFFgjJL/checkout
Free HOW DO I STOP DRINKING SO MUCH Masterclass: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/7fvkb3FF/checkout
Online Alcohol Self-Paced Course: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/fDzcyvWL/checkout...

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone and welcome to Not Drinking Today
podcast.
It's Meg here and I'm doing anepisode solo again.
I did one a few weeks ago on abit more of my journey and how I
got to where I am now my trauma, my beliefs, core wounds, that

(00:24):
kind of thing.
Today I have a short and sweetpodcast episode for you, but
it's something I hear a lot andit's something that was really
life-changing for me.
When I had a look at it Ithought I'd actually focus on
one of the beliefs I had thatI've had to really tackle, and

(00:48):
it's something that a lot of myclients bring up.
I hear it quite often and it iswhy can't I be a normal drinker?
I thought that a lot on myjourney.
You know it's not fair.
Why can't I drink like otherpeople?
Why do I have to be someonethat stops All those sort of

(01:11):
things?
And then it was only recentlythat I started to question well,
what is a normal drinker?
Who am I actually comparingmyself to here?
Is a normal drinker?
Who am I actually comparingmyself to here?
Because once I started lookinginto it, I thought I don't want
to be a normal drinker.

(01:32):
That's not what I felt I wasmissing out on.
So what is a normal drinker?
I started by looking at thatquestion and if you go with the
guidelines, you know it'sdifferent in each country.
But a normal or a responsibledrinker is someone that doesn't

(01:55):
drink a lot.
In fact, in some places it'ssomeone who drinks nothing.
So no, I didn't want to be anormal drinker in that way.
I didn't want to have one drink, I didn't want to have 14 units
a week or seven units a week,whatever.
Whatever the guideline was.
So when I was saying, why can'tI be a normal drinker, I

(02:20):
realized, well, I don't want tobe that kind of a normal drinker
.
So then I started to think whatis it that I'm saying?
What is it that my clients aresaying to me when they say that?
And I figured out that what Iwanted was to actually just

(02:42):
continue on the way I had beendrinking, with no consequences.
And that's what I was calling anormal drinker.
Why can't I continue drinkinglike all the other people who
drink a lot and continue todrink a lot?
That's what I was saying.
Because the only thing reallyseparating me from someone else
that drinks too much over theguidelines, or alcohol use

(03:07):
disorder, or whatever you wantto call it.
The only difference is I haddecided that I'd had enough.
So a normal drinker to me wouldhave been me continuing to binge
when I wanted, have big nightswhen I wanted, drink as much as
I wanted when I wanted, but notmaking a fool of myself or not

(03:34):
falling over again or not drunktexting.
But these are actually thingsthat do happen when you drink
too much alcohol.
So I could have continued ondrinking, I could have, and
sometimes I would have been okay.
Sometimes I wouldn't have donethose things, but sometimes I
would.
But always I'd wake up with ahangover.

(03:58):
Now I didn't even think I gothangovers in the end, but
actually the way I felt bar wasso low that I just accepted that
as normal.
And it wasn't until I stoppeddrinking that I realized I had
been feeling like crap for solong.
I just started to say I don'tget a hangover, no, because I
was in a permanent state of ahangover.

(04:20):
So I wanted to be a big drinker.
When I chose, without anyconsequences, I didn't want to
binge, eat with it.
I didn't want to say the wrongthing to people when I was drunk
.
I didn't want to make a fool ofmyself, but I wanted to be able
to continue drinking.
So that is what I meant when Isaid why can't I be a normal

(04:43):
drinker?
But with that came a really biglight bulb moment, because I
was comparing to something thatisn't real.
What I was comparing to wasactually to people who drink a
lot and choose to continue todrink a lot.
The only difference between usis that I choose not to, and so

(05:04):
when I got to that point, Irealized I have a choice.
I can continue doing this, butthere are reasons that I don't
want to.
And what were those reasons?
There were a lot of them.
I didn't want to drunk text.
I didn't want to ruinfriendships by saying stupid
things.
I didn't want to fall over.
I didn't want to make sillydecisions.

(05:27):
I didn't want to react ratherthan respond.
I didn't want my kids to see medrunk.
I didn't want them to feel fear.
I did want to live my purposeand passion, and what I realized
was I could not do that withalcohol in my life any amount of
alcohol, because even a smallamount of alcohol if I had

(05:51):
managed to moderate which that'sanother topic and we've spoken
about this on here I can'tmoderate, even if I had been
able to.
One drink affects our sleep, soone drink and I'm not
performing at my best.
One drink also increases therisk of cancer.
There's just so many thingsthat even one drink does.

(06:13):
So I decided screw being anytype of drinker.
I want to be a non-drinkerbecause I want to give myself
the best chance at having thebest life possible, achieving
all my dreams, my purpose, mypassions.
I want to feel real joy, notartificial joy that comes from

(06:36):
putting a poison in my body.
If I want to get a really bighigh, I'll go on a roller
coaster, which I love, you know,I'll do things that are true
feelings that became really,really important to me, and so I
made a choice to stop drinking.
I wasn't told to stop drinking,I wasn't forced to stop

(06:58):
drinking.
I just knew that drinkingalcohol was preventing me from
living my best life, andtherefore I chose to stop, and
chose, or choice, is the thing,it's the key here.
I could have chosen to keepgoing.
The thing with alcohol is,though, tolerance does grow, and

(07:20):
that happens for all humans, soit was always going to get
worse, and I just put a stop tothat.
So now, whenever someone says tome.
I wish I could be a normaldrinker.
I ask them and I ask you whatis a normal drinker to you?
And when I came up with theanswer?

(07:40):
Well, maybe society says anormal drinker is someone that
drinks within the recommendedguidelines.
I didn't want that.
I do not understand it.
I do not want it.
I do not want to have one drinka day max, or two drinks three
times a week.
So I ask you, what is a normaldrinker to you?

(08:04):
Get really honest with yourself, because when I looked at it I
realized normal.
Normal drinking to me why can'tI be normal is why can't I
drink a lot and get away with it?
So ask yourself that question,dig deep, because it really
helped me be so happy with mychoice and really be able to

(08:26):
acknowledge that I can be anormal drinker.
But I choose life, happiness,joy, purpose, passion.
I choose real feelings.
I choose the good, the bad andthe ugly.
I choose all of that overalcohol.
And just touching on moderationagain, I had to have a look at

(08:49):
the difference between normaldrinking, which is what I've
just spoken about, andmoderation.
So I did look into moderationand, as I said, we have got some
episodes on that.
For me, moderating was worse.
It was worse than just being abig drinker.
Moderating means well.

(09:10):
It means a lot of differentthings to a lot of different
people.
When I tried moderation itlooked a bit like this I am not
going to drink on weeknights, Iwill just drink Friday and
Saturday night and that kind oflasted.
For well, I could do that onand off, but Friday and Saturday
were massive, so it wasn't likeit was a healthy choice.

(09:33):
It also looked like I won'tdrink till 6pm and all that
meant was I just stayed up laterto fit in the drinking time.
It meant I'll go to an eventand I'll have two or three
drinks and I spent the entirenight thinking about my next
drink or how to pace myself.

(09:53):
There was no fun in it.
So initially, when I looked atmoderation as maybe an effort to
be normal, I realized veryquickly that there was nothing
normal about it.
It drove me insane.
It drove me insane.
It took so much effort to tryand drink moderately.

(10:17):
It took up all my thinking time.
There was no freedom in it andthere was no pleasure in it.
I didn't get pleasure out ofbeing a moderate drinker and it
was only after I realized thatthat's actually not what normal
meant for me.
That was, like I said before,what the guidelines suggested.

(10:38):
So I ask you, you know, how manypeople do you know that are
moderate or normal drinkers?
And when I looked at that in mylife, the ones who drink in
moderation now always drank inmoderation.
They might have had the odd bignight, but they weren't.

(10:59):
They were.
They were able to drinkmoderately most of the time, and
that's something I neverexperienced.
I was a binge drinker from thebeginning.
So when I started to look atthat, I realized there weren't a
lot of people in my life thatdrank moderately and if they did
, that's how they always drank.
A lot of people in my lifedrank to excess, and so that's

(11:24):
what I was comparing my normalto.
Why do I have to stop?
And they don't.
And all it came down to waschoice, and this is my choice.
And they don't.
And all it came down to waschoice, and this is my choice.
No alcohol, obviously.
With no alcohol and not numbingcomes feelings and we have to
learn to feel those feelings andwork through them and the tools

(11:44):
I've learned, which I havespoken about before, just to be
able to feel and move through.
It is the most amazing thingever, because I get to
experience every high and low inlife and then I get to work
through it in a healthy way.
No more numbing out, no moreconstantly feeling sick, no more
avoiding these feelings, whichis pretty much what I've done is

(12:08):
just avoid feelings Now's.
Now I can feel the high of thehighs, and I couldn't feel them
before.
Joy actually left my life withdrinking.
So the other side of alcohol islearning to feel everything,
loving some of it and then thebits you don't.

(12:28):
Learning to get through that.
I use a lot of breathingtechniques.
I've done a lot of self-healingand personal growth and there
are so many tools and tacticsthat I use in my coaching and I
know Bella does too and they'rethings that we use that we know
are so effective and we canexperience life now.

(12:50):
So no more, no more wanting todrink like a normal person or
another person.
This is me, this is my life andthis is what I am choosing.
I'd love to hear from you andhear what you think of what you
think a normal drinker is, andalso let us know if you've tried

(13:10):
moderation and how that wentfor you and please get in touch
with us if you want us to coverany other topics.
Bella and I can do a showtogether, individually, or we
can have guests on, so give ussome suggestions.
We'd love to hear from you.
Bye.