December 15, 2022 • 32 mins
In today´s episode of the ‘Nuclear Families Evangelist’ (A podcast that debunks the mythologies and biology by exploring the dynamics and relationships in blended families), host Traci Dority-Shanklin (Managing Partner at Sisu Partners) once more talks with guest Natalie Hale, parent of an adult son with Down syndrome, an advocate and an award-winning author who writes books for children with Down syndrome, ADHD and Oppositional Defiance Disorder or ODDS. She is also a national and international speaker and an innovative educator in the field of literacy for individuals with Down syndrome, the founder and president of special reads for special needs (An educational program designed to teach reading to individuals with Down syndrome, ADHD, Autism and other Developmental Delays). Natalie talks about her journey to special needs, she shares some tips for blended families who have family members with these types of developmental, and educational delays.
Resources:
The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.
Down Syndrome Parenting 101: Must-Have Advice for Making Your Life Easier by Natalie Hale
The Little Star’s Journey by Natalie Hale
Managing My Money: Banking and Budgeting Basics for the Child by Natalie Hale
Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD by Eli R. Lebowitz, PhD
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD
Where to find Natalie Hale:
https://www.facebook.com/DownSyndromeReading
Three Key Points
1. Natalie shares a piece of advice for a woman who's about to become a stepparent to a child with Down syndrome specifically. Get your resources lined up and get informed.
2. Traci mentions, the Book by Natalie ‘Oh! Brother Growing Up with Special Needs Siblings’. To her, it is a book that if one is getting ready to be in a blended family, they should read.
3. Natalie shares how the coronavirus pandemic affected special needs children.
Contact:
Traci Dority-Shanklin: LinkedIn Twitter Facebook
traci@sisupartnersllc.com
website: www.nuclear-families.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Intro (00:00):
Welcome to the Nuclear Families Evangelist, a podcast
that debunks the mythologies ofbiology by exploring the unique
dynamics and relationships ofblended families.
It's time to unlock the hiddensuperpower of being blended.
So here's your host, TraciDority-Shanklin.
For those of you just tuning in,I have been speaking with
(00:20):
international speaker andaward-winning author, Natalie.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (00:24):
Natalie co-founded special reads for
special needs, an educationalprogram and platform designed to
teach reading to individualswith down syndrome, ADHD,
autism, and other developmentaldelays.
I asked Natalie to come on thepodcast to share some tips for
blended families who have familymembers with these types of
(00:46):
developmental and educationaldelays.
In the previous episode, Natalieshared her inspiration of how
she came to develop her programand her experiences as a pioneer
in this important field ofeducation.
So again, I mentioned that theNuclear Families Evangelist is
geared towards step-parents andpeople who come into or are
(01:09):
entering into or already in ablended family situation.
And they may have stepchildrenor about to be a step parent for
a child.
That has down syndrome or ADHDor autism or some other learning
differences.
And I'm sure there's tons ofquestions, but do you have any
(01:30):
piece of advice for a woman whois about to become a step parent
to a child with down syndromespecifically?
Natalie Hale (01:36):
So are we going to assume that she already has
children?
So there's going to be a blend.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (01:42):
Yeah.
It can go either way as youknow, but probably there's
usually a blend in the case of,in the case of nuclear families.
Natalie Hale (01:51):
The first thing I would recommend is get in touch
with your local down syndromeorganization.
Get in touch with the local one,get in touch with the national
it's the national down syndrome.
Congress is the name of the bigmama in our country.
The NDSC national down syndromeCongress, and there is a once a
year.
Massive.
(02:11):
Conference which this year isgoing to be a new Orleans.
I say it that way.
Cause I'm from new Orleans.
Sorry about that.
That's all right.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (02:19):
You're allowed.
Natalie Hale (02:19):
I could have said "Nu Orlens".
I learned how to stop saying itthat way, but get information.
And for instance, the NDSCconference once a year, like I
said, it's only once a week.
Oh, my gosh, the information youget there.
I mean, there are too manychoices.
You don't know which ones to goto.
And very often the mom and dadwill go.
(02:40):
And so they split up so thatthey can get the information
from these various breakouts.
That's a phenomenal resource,which will change your life.
Locally, you never know what thelocal down syndrome association
offers or doesn't offer, butthat's a good place to start.
The other thing that's essentialis get in touch with the
(03:00):
regional center.
Now it's going to have adifferent name, no matter where
you live, what state you livein, but the regional center.
Is the organization that isresponsible for hopefully
funding you with whether it'srespite care or education
materials or whatever, so thatyou don't have to put the bill
for all of that, because you'realready going to be footing the
(03:21):
bill for speech therapy orphysical therapy or OT, et
cetera.
So get your resources lined up.
That would be number one.
What can a, step-mom do to bepart of a winning team to help a
special needs child thrive?
to work with the parents and theex wife in this case, in this
(03:44):
scenario.
Oh, this is tough.
Yeah.
This is tough because, okay.
Have you ever heard ofnonviolent communication?
Traci Dority-Shanklin (03:52):
Yeah.
Natalie Hale (03:53):
Because what you're describing is a situation
that's going to require a reallydelicate maneuvering.
It would be very easy to crossover and offend someone.
Or do you understand you, youknow what I'm talking about?
So to study non-violentcommunication, you can just get
the book on Amazon.
(04:14):
There are lots of books there'sactually NBC for, I think, for
the family, for the teacher forthere's more than one book.
To tread carefully.
First of all, get theinformation yourself, get really
well informed.
And sometimes you can be betterinformed than the original
(04:35):
parent, because the originalparent is overwhelmed.
They're just overwhelmed andthey're overwhelmed emotionally.
So whatever information they'vegathered and what their
experience has been, it's goingto be different from yours.
And sometimes the step parentcan bring the child further by
leaps and bounds.
And I'm not dissing the parents.
(04:56):
I'm the, I'm one of the originalparents, but let me give you an
example.
So my son who's 37 now.
Oppositional like crazymeltdowns.
Lots of meltdowns lots and lotsof meltdowns.
I found all kinds of strategiesand techniques and ways to
approach him, which work thatwas great, but they would work
(05:19):
for a little while.
Then I'd have to come up withanother one.
So I studied like crazy allthese behavioral management
things, which is why in myparenting book, I've written a
book called down syndromeparenting 1 0 1 must have advice
for making your life easier.
Two of the chapters are fornon-compliance.
They're just techniques, but oneof the things I mentioned it,
(05:40):
and what could be really helpfulis that approach the NBC
approach to dealing with thisvery complex situation you've
got.
Okay.
So the example is, so I did allof that and did a pretty good
job.
He has been in his own apartmentwith a caregiver now for 14
years, thanks to the regionalcenter because at the time when
(06:02):
he was ready for that, or weneeded him to be ready for that,
he was 22.
He loved the idea of anapartment because he saw that
his sister was in an apartmentand wow.
Zero parents around.
Oh, this was cool.
Right?
So he's been an apartment with acaregiver, but we struggled for
years to try to get the rightmatch for a caregiver.
(06:23):
We had settled on a company, butwe were not happy with the
caregiver that they providedand, or the next one or the next
one.
Finally, three years ago, threeand a half years ago, we got a
new caregiver, same company, butwe found this dream of a match
from heaven.
So Jonathan's 37.
Omar.
(06:44):
His caregiver is 20 years older,57 from north west Africa.
They just get each other, theyjust get it.
And its hard to understandJonathan's speech a lot of the
time.
And it's hard to understand Omarspeech a lot of time.
Cause it's just English is hisfourth language.
But by golly, they understandeach other.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (07:02):
That's really the most important thing.
Natalie Hale (07:04):
Omar was very helpful to both Jonathan's dad
and me saying, you're nottreating him like an adult.
If he wants to stay up till 11o'clock on his computer.
excuse me, do you stay up till11?
If you want to?
And here I am fretting.
Oh, he's not going to get enoughsleep and all of that.
So Omar really trained us and werealized, oh, he's right.
(07:25):
Somehow Omar's approach toJonathan.
And the fact that Jonathan knowshow much Omar cares has
transformed his socialization,his behavior is it's amazing.
It's amazing.
He's gone from staying in hisroom the whole time we realized
partly because he didn't likethe caregiver.
That he had at the time, stayingin his room this whole time
(07:46):
being glued to his computer.
So he can do his music and danceand never leaving the room
except for meals.
Never wanting to go out.
He's gone from that, to Omar's,create an, a monster now down at
the same.
Hey, let's go shopping.
So now its Jonathan wants to goshopping five days a week.
Jonathan, we're gonna pull backhere.
(08:08):
That's awesome.
So you mentioned a bunch ofthings that I think will be,
could be really helpful to ourcommunity.
And I do think that.
Parents, but stepmothers inparticular can sometimes provide
that objective viewpoint thatyou're mentioning.
So I think that's a reallyimportant thing for anyone who
might be entering a situationlike this, but you talk about
(08:30):
something that maybe is, not,maybe is something that
step-parents have to deal with,regardless of whether they have
a special needs child, or, oncea kid hits teenage years, The
non-compliance is the problem.
So you don't have to have ODDsto be noncompliant.
So I think that's a reallyimportant thing to acknowledge.
(08:53):
If not, to give specific advice.
it sounds like your book wouldbe an amazing resource, if not,
for anything other than thosechapters.
There was a minute in the earlypart of my journey to
motherhood, where I was beingtold that one of my little girls
had ODDs.
I think it's just, again, shecomes from a traumatic
beginning.
(09:14):
So we fortunately have overcomethat fight, flight, or freeze,
moment in her life.
But there it was a challenge.
And so I say that knowingly toanyone who's listening, that
this non-compliant thing isreally difficult.
And if you already havechildren, you know it, but if
you don't and you're justjumping out of the frying pan
(09:37):
into the fire of being acaregiver, it's a really
important thing to know, and tolook for resources.
And also you, the third thingthat you pointed out was all the
accommodations that we want tomake for our children when
they're struggling or when they,we want to just keep the peace
when they're in this defiantmodality.
(09:59):
And I want to say to stepparents out there that you have
to be really cautious because asa stepmother myself, that's how
I became a mother first wasthrough being a stepmom.
I know that I wanted the kids tolike me.
And so I made a lot ofaccommodations and then I've
even done it from my ownchildren.
(10:20):
That part of my personality hascarried through.
I've probably been a little bitdifferent with my own children
than I was with my stepchildrenbecause they just, by virtue of
age, they were older when I metthem.
But I really think that thoseare three really important
things.
So to the listener who is eitherentering the situation with a
(10:41):
special needs child, please getone of Natalie's books.
This book on parenting soundsamazing.
And if you are not, you may wantto pick it up just to read those
chapters on defiance andnon-compliance.
I love to give two techniques.
If I could.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (10:57):
I would love that I was going to be my
next question is okay.
Natalie Hale (11:01):
And this is for your neuro-typical maybe the
siblings of a child with specialneeds or the individual with
special needs.
It works both ways.
It's what these two techniques.
Across the board.
One is what I call the"fantasypause." And I got this from Dr.
Han Ganate.
One of his techniques.
(11:22):
I just gave it the moniker offantasy pause.
So you indulge the childwishfully, but not in reality.
And I'll explain.
So Jonathan was, I don't know,eight or nine when Little
Mermaid first came out the veryfirst one and he wanted to go.
Now to see The Little Mermaidnow, and he was on the floor
(11:44):
having a complete meltdown and Iremembered this technique, okay.
So I sat and he's howling andcarrying on.
I sat down next to him.
And I said,"Oh boy! I wish wecould go to see The Little
Mermaid today".
And he starts, his volume gets,his volume starts dropping.
I said, that would be so muchfun.
we could go, we could sit in thefront row and I went on and on.
(12:07):
And of course he's completelysilent by this time.
And I said,"Oh, that would be somuch fun." And he's going,
"Yeah." So I, I kept going untilI knew his, the volcano was
down.
And then I said,"But since wecan't go today, Saturday, would
that be okay?" Yeah.
Okay.
And it was all over.
In a similar, because you'rehonoring his desire.
(12:31):
His wish.
Now there's, let's go to thesecond technique, which works
beautifully for teens andadults, as well as.
And that is just simply honoringwhat they're feeling, letting
them know you get it, youunderstand exactly what they're
feeling, which is why they'reacting that way.
(12:51):
Okay.
So example, several years ago,before Omar had really had
become Jonathan's caregiver, Iwas visiting.
I live in LA Jonathan lives inCincinnati, where I raised him
and where he got the vouchersfor a paid caregiver.
So his dad and I do not have toput that bill.
This was this like a miracle?
(13:12):
All right.
So I was visiting I'd flowncross country to Cincinnati to
visit Jonathan, which of coursethey do a lot and he had three
computer problems that neededfixing urgent.
Cause Jonathan for him, thecomputers, everything.
So he has a big Mac.
So he had to stay in, nobodytouches his computer ever, but
(13:33):
he condescended, okay.
I could sit in front of hiscomputer.
So I'm on the phone with applefor two and a half hours trying
to fix these problems.
Jonathan's in the other roomwith the caregiver and I could
not solve the third problem.
And Jonathan knew that he couldhear it.
So he goes into a huge meltdownand it gets worse and worse.
(13:53):
two and a half hours a minute.
And he's in a complete meltdown.
And he starts yelling.
Mom goes back to Los Angeles, novideo with mom today.
No movie with mom today.
No, it's not.
It's completely lost it.
And the caregivers trying toconsole him.
That doesn't work.
So I left the computer.
(14:13):
I came and I sat down besidehim.
I didn't touch him.
He was not ready to be touched,but I sat right beside him.
And I said, I just got quiet.
And"that is so disappointing."Immediately stops yelling.
"Yeah.""You are so disappointed.
It's so frustrating that Icouldn't fix those problems for
(14:33):
you.""Yeah." So I just keptsaying what he was feeling and
then suddenly.
This is typical of Jonathan.
He gets in a bad mood reallyfast and he can also get out of
it.
So he's sitting there and hekept saying, yeah.
And he's completely down by thistime.
Okay.
And then suddenly goes, Supperwith mom.
(14:55):
Movie with mom, throws his armsaround me and hugs me.
All smile.
Yeah.
I posted a video about this on,I have a Facebook pages and
YouTube link.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (15:06):
We'll link all that in the show notes.
Natalie Hale (15:08):
And so I posted, I made a video about that posted
it.
And one of them, one of thecomments was I tried that
tonight with my typicalteenager, and it worked like a
miracle.
I was blown away.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (15:21):
It reminds me of, I think it's from
"The Whole Child" book that Imentioned The Whole Brain Child
that I mentioned, which I'llalso link in the show notes, but
it's the"name it, to claim it"kind of thing.
Like where you name thediscomfort.
Yeah, and yeah, you just say itand then it takes the energy out
of it.
And if you help a child learnthat ability and yes, it will
(15:44):
work with teenagers or preteensin my case.
Natalie Hale (15:47):
You're honoring you're acknowledging, this is
what you feel.
You're not saying it's not okayfor you to feel that or you're,
this is what you're feeling.
Okay.
And for a sibling of a child orteen or whatever with special
needs, this is urgentlyimportant to draw that out of
them.
Because a lot of our siblings,like my daughter are going to be
(16:08):
too polite.
They're not going to really sayhow they're feeling.
And then years later they'regoing through therapy because
they need it because it wasn'tprocessed.
It wasn't honored.
Like it's okay to be reallyangry.
At him at your brother orwhatever.
So this is the book that I wrotefor sibs of, and I know you were
(16:31):
going to give them information,but there are a lot of things in
that book was published by theAmerican psychological
association.
So in that case, I needed notonly to please the editor I
needed to please a team ofpsychiatrist.
And one of the things theyinsisted on, which I hadn't
written, I had acted it out inmy own life with my daughter,
(16:53):
but I hadn't written about itand thought, oh yeah, we need a
chapter on that.
Because each chapter is a copingtechnique for them.
They said, we want a chapter onhow the parent should not make
the sibling another parent.
And I went, oh yeah, exactly.
And I had been careful to dothat with my daughter.
Like you're not the parent, I'mnot making her responsible for
(17:15):
her brother when she gets to be40 or whatever.
And she has to, you know, whenher parents pass on and she has
to take that over.
That's another thing, but notnow.
Anyway, they, I had to beapproved.
It had to be psychologicallysound and I in my work with
families, it just it's sosaddens me when I see the family
(17:37):
comes in the kids out of controlbecause he has DS and autism and
has never had that secondarydiagnosis done.
Whoever the medicalestablishment or the teachers
whoever's dealing with them say,oh, well, you know, it's just
down syndrome.
It is not up to 20, 25% of ourkids with DS also are on the
spectrum.
and that's a kind of a newrealization like, oh yeah, okay.
(18:01):
We have to have this diagnosedso they can get the services,
get the training.
But when I see a family come inand the kid is completely
controlling the family.
And I see the poor siblings,just the sadness on their faces.
No, that's not.
Okay.
We don't let that happen.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (18:17):
Yeah.
It's hard.
The family dynamic and thefamily makeup is a really
difficult one and I it's, andthis is very relevant to blended
families.
very relevant.
Really the book.
Oh brother, growing up with aspecial needs siblings to me.
It is a book that if you aregetting ready to be in a blended
family, you should read itbecause there's going to be
(18:39):
something there's.
there is going to be some,whether it's special needs
taking that out of the title,the rest of it is so relevant.
And what you're saying about howthese families.
Start to fall apart or there's alot of sadness or weight to them
because everyone is walking onthe eggshells, Of the one child,
(19:00):
you have these children whothey're getting the attention
that they're going to demandthat they get the attention they
need and want and need to have.
It's not that I'm suggestingthat they don't, but there's
always a sort of a silentsuffer.
Natalie Hale (19:15):
Oh, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (19:19):
And that is really true in blended
families.
There's and it can, again, itdoesn't have to have special
needs does not need to be partof it, which was why I wanted to
bring you on the show.
I know you're quite a prolificauthor.
Can you tell me how many booksyou've written and you want
people to know about them?
Besides you obviously have thisamazing program and you've
(19:39):
written a lot about families anddynamics and Down Syndrome.
Natalie Hale (19:43):
Okay, yes, five so far.
My first book I really wouldlike to mention here and it's
called the little stars journey.
It's a book originally.
I wrote it.
It was a published by apsychological firm.
And I illustrated it as well.
I wrote it for survivors of anykind of abuse, any kind of
(20:03):
difficulty.
And to my surprise, I learnedlater that someone had taken it
into a children's cancer ward ata hospital.
And it's, it's got a very happyending, but the star goes
through some really roughthings.
So that was my first book.
And I've also written a moneymanagement book for our teens
and adults with difficulties,with learning difficulties, it's
(20:25):
called managing my money bankingand budgeting basics.
And if you just go onto Amazonand just type in my name, I'm
sure these.
So then there's the parentingbook and the reading book and I
guess that's five.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (20:39):
That's great.
That's great.
It's amazing.
Yeah.
It sounds like you haven'tstopped between raising two
children.
Is it just the two?
Natalie Hale (20:50):
Yeah.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (20:51):
Yeah.
And doing all this.
This is a wonderful story.
I feel like almost everyconversation I have today, I
have to touch on the Coronavirus pandemic, and really, it's
an impacted everything in oursociety.
And I'm just wondering as aneducator, how has the Corona
virus pandemic affected specialneeds children?
(21:12):
You mentioned services.
Natalie Hale (21:14):
Yeah.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (21:14):
And I can only imagine that it's impacted
the learning services thatthey're getting as well.
Natalie Hale (21:20):
Very much, so very much.
So it's been very frustratingfor parents who cannot
homeschool.
What has happened is in thearena of down syndrome that many
parents had to turn tohomeschooling because virtual
learning with our kids doesn'twork.
It doesn't work.
Even if mom is sitting rightthere, which of course takes all
(21:41):
of mom's time.
It doesn't work with thisparticular disability.
It just doesn't.
So a lot of parents did turn tohomeschooling.
A lot of people turned to myreading program during the
pandemic.
Yeah.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (21:55):
That was my next question is, have you
seen a big increase?
Natalie Hale (21:58):
Oh yeah.
And then instead of traveling togive workshops, I began to give
virtual workshops.
Like we do two hours, threeweeks in a row, that kind of a
thing.
And which was great because itenabled me to give parents
homework.
Okay.
Next week when you show.
This is what I need to make sureyou learned that kind of thing.
Yeah.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (22:18):
I had a previous interview with two
women who have a organizationcalled virtual milestone academy
where they help parents navigategetting the services they need.
Especially in wake of thepandemic.
do you see any long-term changesin the education system or how
(22:40):
services are provided tofamilies?
Natalie Hale (22:43):
They're just barely restarting.
So we're limping along here.
I'll tell you one thing that hashappened that I don't know what
the end result will be, thatthere are many moms who, who
have said to me, My daughter haslearned more at home in
homeschooling with me in sixmonths.
(23:03):
Then she has in six years inschool, she just, they don't
know how to teach her.
So how that will impact theclassroom eventually.
I don't know.
But one of the things that I doto try to help that along is
that whenever a school orders myprogram, even if it's just one
teacher at the school, if theyorder the whole program, I meet
(23:24):
with them for an hour.
I train them for an hour, thewhole staff, any staff that's
going to be implementing it.
So at least they know.
At least they've had someexposure.
Hey, this is how our kids withdown syndrome, autism
developmental delays.
This is the easiest way for themto learn, to read.
For example.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (23:41):
That's very needed.
As a woman and a mother and aneducator.
What was the best piece ofadvice you've ever received or
that helped you the most in yourlife?
I know we talked about the bookand meditation, so I'm
gathering, it's going to go inthat direction.
Natalie Hale (23:59):
What is that?
The quote from Shakespeare?
Traci Dority-Shanklin (24:11):
So good.
Natalie Hale (24:12):
Know yourself, be at peace with yourself, be in
tune with yourself and the selfcapital S.
God within, the higher selfwithi.
Just stick to that, because theboat you're in is going to be
just lashed by waves.
And you've got to have that tohang on to.
All of your decisions.
Deciding which lead to follow isall going to come from that
(24:36):
anchor.
And if you don't have the anchorand you're going to be tempted
not to sit and be with yourselfand even just simply practicing
a simple, simple breathingtechnique, like Thich Nhat Hanh
for example, I'm sure mostpeople know who that is.
A Vietnamese Zen monk whorecently passed away at age 90
something.
And he would just.
It's all about breathing in mybody, relaxes.
(24:59):
Breathing out, I am smiling.
And you can change whatever thatis.
But you actually are breathingin and mentally you're thinking,
breathing in my body, relaxes,breathing out, I'm smiling.
I changed the words up.
it makes you breathe, whichoxygenates your brain.
Just be with yourself, actuallyknow yourself.
(25:20):
Don't run away from yourself.
That would be my best advice.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (25:25):
It's great advice.
Natalie Hale (25:25):
Oh.
Here's the other thing I wouldtell parents, trust your gut,
which is pretty much what I'msaying already.
If a teacher or a doctor saysthis, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah.
And you think in your gut?
No, that's not right.
No, that doesn't feel right.
I think there's something elsegoing on here.
And I think it might be in thisdirection.
Trust your gut.
You're the actual authority.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (25:47):
Yeah, that's great advice.
And it's advice that I've beengiven and you really have to be
an advocate for your child andit is not easy.
So I really think that's greatadvice.
I know that we shy away from thenegative, but is there any
advice that you've everreceived?
And I say this as a parent,who's.
A lot of bad parenting advice.
(26:08):
and I mean that with all love tothe people who have given it to
me, but they, but most of themcome at me with the
understanding of my children'sjourney to this place.
So that's why I'm asking thequestion.
is there any advice you've everbeen given.
That you thought you needed tosay don't ever do that?
(26:30):
Like I know.
Natalie Hale (26:31):
Yes, there is.
Yes.
And actually I've written aboutthis in the down syndrome
parenting books.
So Jonathan was about two yearsold and we're with the OT in his
session.
And he said, he's trying to putthe little wooden pieces into
the puzzle pieces into the spotand he couldn't do it.
And she said to me, he should beable to do that by now.
And then my book and my book, Isaid, who spit in her coffee?
(26:54):
That was awful.
That was awful.
And, but I was new.
I was new to this whole downsyndrome thing.
And now you, you start thinking,oh, I guess he should do this.
Oh, I can't do.
No, forget it.
Listen, this kids going to bereading when he's five years
old.
I bet that's better thanyour's...
His fine motor was always poor.
(27:15):
He didn't learn to write.
Be able to write until he was15.
So I had to search out the rightmethod and that was Handwriting
Without Tears.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (27:24):
Yeah.
That's really great.
Yeah.
I actually, we use HandwritingWithout Tears, so I know that
it's great.
So I know that we're going tolink this all in the show notes,
but how can our listeners findyou and the Special Reads
program?
Natalie Hale (27:38):
My website is specialreads.com.
So that's easy.
My Facebook page is,down-syndrome reading with
Natalie Hale.
That's my reading page.
Of course, I have a personalpage.
That's under my name, but it'sdown syndrome reading with
Natalie Hale.
So if you go there like it, thenyou're going to get all my
posts.
And my YouTube channel is ifyou'll just the fastest way to
(28:01):
get there is just type inNatalie Hale down syndrome.
And that will bring up myprofile picture, click the
profile picture and you'll getto my actual channel.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (28:12):
Great.
Is there anything that we mayhave missed that you'd like to
share with our listeners?
Or is there anything that youwould like for listeners to know
about yourself or the specialreads program?
Natalie Hale (28:23):
Just one piece of advice.
There's a Southern saying, causeI'm from New Orleans originally.
There's a Southern saying,"Ain'tmama happy.
Ain't nobody happy." So whoeverthe main caregiver is, and in
most cases it is mom.
Take care of yourself.
Now this will be almost, you'llthink this is impossible to do,
but take care of yourself.
(28:44):
Spend time, centering yourself,breathe, breathe, get off by
yourself.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (28:49):
Such good advice.
And especially in blendedfamilies, when you're bringing
in to your environment, anenvironment that you don't know
about.
And I think something that youjust, you said right before
that, about being told that yourson"should" be able to do a
certain task.
And I think it's reallytranslating that and giving
(29:09):
yourself.
Permission to know that there'sno should here.
There's nothing that you shouldbe doing differently or that you
should know.
it is a journey and it is aprocess.
And as long as you're mindfuland you want to grow in a
positive direction.
That these, all of thesedifferent types of blended
(29:30):
families and dealing withchildren with differences is
really, it is something that youcan endure and thrive through.
I feel like it's part of how Igot to my mission to do this.
Natalie Hale (29:45):
We're all on a growth.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (29:47):
Yeah.
And you touched on this at thebeginning, is that everything
kind of pointed, like what's thenext right thing to do now.
And I think that is a reallyvaluable life lesson that we are
on a journey and we never,sometimes we don't know what's
next.
And it's really trusting thatwhen we do get to that crossroad
(30:07):
and we have to make the decisionto go right or left or straight
forward, we'll know.
If we're living in our truth andour authenticity.
Natalie Hale (30:15):
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (30:17):
Thank you Natalie, for being a guest
today, you're such a light and Iknow you're just changing lives
with your work and your passion.
And you're really inspiring.
I now have somebody who I canlook at as an expander and think
like this is definitely.
If she can accomplish this,there is definitely room for
(30:40):
growth for me,
Natalie Hale (30:42):
Traci.
Thank you so much for invitingme.
I've enjoyed it.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (30:45):
Oh, I'm so glad.
And thank you to our listenersfor tuning in to the Nuclear
Families Evangelist, where weenlist experts and humor.
As we help you unlock yourhidden superpower of being.
Like you, I live in breathe.
My nuclear families every day.
I am a wife, a mother throughmarriage, a mother, again,
through adoption and a daughterfrom an eccentric family with
(31:07):
multiple marriages and multipleblended families.
I want this show to be part ofthe healing and changing the
picture of what makes a uniquean imperfectly, perfect family.
Intro (31:18):
Please join us on our next episode of the Nuclear
Families Evangelists, a placewhere we debunked the
mythologies of biology with.
Forgiveness and humor oneconversation at a time.
If you're a seeker looking foranswers, we'd love to have you
join our blended little familyby subscribing to the podcast on
your favorite podcast player.
Want to continue theconversation after the podcast,
(31:41):
join our email list by visitingour
website@nuclear-families.com.
We'll see you next.
On the nuclear families,evangelist
Traci Dority-Shanklin (31:50):
Sisu Partners, LLC hosts the Nuclear
Families Evangelists podcast,which contains content
discussions that have beenprepared for informational
educational and entertainmentpurposes.
Only no listener should assumethat any discussion on this
podcast serves as the recipe of,or substitute for personalized
advice from an investmentprofessional or a licensed
medical professional.
As the information provided onthis podcast is not intended to
be investment legal tax ormedical advice.
(32:12):
The company is not an secregistered investment advisor
and does not solicit clients orraise capital for money managers
to Sisu Partners offersecurities through XT Capital
Partners, LLC.
Welcome to the Nuclear Families Evangelist, a podcast
that debunks the mythologies ofbiology by exploring the unique
dynamics and relationships ofblended families.
It's time to unlock the hiddensuperpower of being blended.
So here's your host, TraciDority-Shanklin.
For those of you just tuning in,I have been speaking with
(00:20):
international speaker andaward-winning author, Natalie.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (00:24):
Natalie co-founded special reads for
special needs, an educationalprogram and platform designed to
teach reading to individualswith down syndrome, ADHD,
autism, and other developmentaldelays.
I asked Natalie to come on thepodcast to share some tips for
blended families who have familymembers with these types of
(00:46):
developmental and educationaldelays.
In the previous episode, Natalieshared her inspiration of how
she came to develop her programand her experiences as a pioneer
in this important field ofeducation.
So again, I mentioned that theNuclear Families Evangelist is
geared towards step-parents andpeople who come into or are
(01:09):
entering into or already in ablended family situation.
And they may have stepchildrenor about to be a step parent for
a child.
That has down syndrome or ADHDor autism or some other learning
differences.
And I'm sure there's tons ofquestions, but do you have any
(01:30):
piece of advice for a woman whois about to become a step parent
to a child with down syndromespecifically?
Natalie Hale (01:36):
So are we going to assume that she already has
children?
So there's going to be a blend.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (01:42):
Yeah.
It can go either way as youknow, but probably there's
usually a blend in the case of,in the case of nuclear families.
Natalie Hale (01:51):
The first thing I would recommend is get in touch
with your local down syndromeorganization.
Get in touch with the local one,get in touch with the national
it's the national down syndrome.
Congress is the name of the bigmama in our country.
The NDSC national down syndromeCongress, and there is a once a
year.
Massive.
(02:11):
Conference which this year isgoing to be a new Orleans.
I say it that way.
Cause I'm from new Orleans.
Sorry about that.
That's all right.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (02:19):
You're allowed.
Natalie Hale (02:19):
I could have said "Nu Orlens".
I learned how to stop saying itthat way, but get information.
And for instance, the NDSCconference once a year, like I
said, it's only once a week.
Oh, my gosh, the information youget there.
I mean, there are too manychoices.
You don't know which ones to goto.
And very often the mom and dadwill go.
(02:40):
And so they split up so thatthey can get the information
from these various breakouts.
That's a phenomenal resource,which will change your life.
Locally, you never know what thelocal down syndrome association
offers or doesn't offer, butthat's a good place to start.
The other thing that's essentialis get in touch with the
(03:00):
regional center.
Now it's going to have adifferent name, no matter where
you live, what state you livein, but the regional center.
Is the organization that isresponsible for hopefully
funding you with whether it'srespite care or education
materials or whatever, so thatyou don't have to put the bill
for all of that, because you'realready going to be footing the
(03:21):
bill for speech therapy orphysical therapy or OT, et
cetera.
So get your resources lined up.
That would be number one.
What can a, step-mom do to bepart of a winning team to help a
special needs child thrive?
to work with the parents and theex wife in this case, in this
(03:44):
scenario.
Oh, this is tough.
Yeah.
This is tough because, okay.
Have you ever heard ofnonviolent communication?
Traci Dority-Shanklin (03:52):
Yeah.
Natalie Hale (03:53):
Because what you're describing is a situation
that's going to require a reallydelicate maneuvering.
It would be very easy to crossover and offend someone.
Or do you understand you, youknow what I'm talking about?
So to study non-violentcommunication, you can just get
the book on Amazon.
(04:14):
There are lots of books there'sactually NBC for, I think, for
the family, for the teacher forthere's more than one book.
To tread carefully.
First of all, get theinformation yourself, get really
well informed.
And sometimes you can be betterinformed than the original
(04:35):
parent, because the originalparent is overwhelmed.
They're just overwhelmed andthey're overwhelmed emotionally.
So whatever information they'vegathered and what their
experience has been, it's goingto be different from yours.
And sometimes the step parentcan bring the child further by
leaps and bounds.
And I'm not dissing the parents.
(04:56):
I'm the, I'm one of the originalparents, but let me give you an
example.
So my son who's 37 now.
Oppositional like crazymeltdowns.
Lots of meltdowns lots and lotsof meltdowns.
I found all kinds of strategiesand techniques and ways to
approach him, which work thatwas great, but they would work
(05:19):
for a little while.
Then I'd have to come up withanother one.
So I studied like crazy allthese behavioral management
things, which is why in myparenting book, I've written a
book called down syndromeparenting 1 0 1 must have advice
for making your life easier.
Two of the chapters are fornon-compliance.
They're just techniques, but oneof the things I mentioned it,
(05:40):
and what could be really helpfulis that approach the NBC
approach to dealing with thisvery complex situation you've
got.
Okay.
So the example is, so I did allof that and did a pretty good
job.
He has been in his own apartmentwith a caregiver now for 14
years, thanks to the regionalcenter because at the time when
(06:02):
he was ready for that, or weneeded him to be ready for that,
he was 22.
He loved the idea of anapartment because he saw that
his sister was in an apartmentand wow.
Zero parents around.
Oh, this was cool.
Right?
So he's been an apartment with acaregiver, but we struggled for
years to try to get the rightmatch for a caregiver.
(06:23):
We had settled on a company, butwe were not happy with the
caregiver that they providedand, or the next one or the next
one.
Finally, three years ago, threeand a half years ago, we got a
new caregiver, same company, butwe found this dream of a match
from heaven.
So Jonathan's 37.
Omar.
(06:44):
His caregiver is 20 years older,57 from north west Africa.
They just get each other, theyjust get it.
And its hard to understandJonathan's speech a lot of the
time.
And it's hard to understand Omarspeech a lot of time.
Cause it's just English is hisfourth language.
But by golly, they understandeach other.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (07:02):
That's really the most important thing.
Natalie Hale (07:04):
Omar was very helpful to both Jonathan's dad
and me saying, you're nottreating him like an adult.
If he wants to stay up till 11o'clock on his computer.
excuse me, do you stay up till11?
If you want to?
And here I am fretting.
Oh, he's not going to get enoughsleep and all of that.
So Omar really trained us and werealized, oh, he's right.
(07:25):
Somehow Omar's approach toJonathan.
And the fact that Jonathan knowshow much Omar cares has
transformed his socialization,his behavior is it's amazing.
It's amazing.
He's gone from staying in hisroom the whole time we realized
partly because he didn't likethe caregiver.
That he had at the time, stayingin his room this whole time
(07:46):
being glued to his computer.
So he can do his music and danceand never leaving the room
except for meals.
Never wanting to go out.
He's gone from that, to Omar's,create an, a monster now down at
the same.
Hey, let's go shopping.
So now its Jonathan wants to goshopping five days a week.
Jonathan, we're gonna pull backhere.
(08:08):
That's awesome.
So you mentioned a bunch ofthings that I think will be,
could be really helpful to ourcommunity.
And I do think that.
Parents, but stepmothers inparticular can sometimes provide
that objective viewpoint thatyou're mentioning.
So I think that's a reallyimportant thing for anyone who
might be entering a situationlike this, but you talk about
(08:30):
something that maybe is, not,maybe is something that
step-parents have to deal with,regardless of whether they have
a special needs child, or, oncea kid hits teenage years, The
non-compliance is the problem.
So you don't have to have ODDsto be noncompliant.
So I think that's a reallyimportant thing to acknowledge.
(08:53):
If not, to give specific advice.
it sounds like your book wouldbe an amazing resource, if not,
for anything other than thosechapters.
There was a minute in the earlypart of my journey to
motherhood, where I was beingtold that one of my little girls
had ODDs.
I think it's just, again, shecomes from a traumatic
beginning.
(09:14):
So we fortunately have overcomethat fight, flight, or freeze,
moment in her life.
But there it was a challenge.
And so I say that knowingly toanyone who's listening, that
this non-compliant thing isreally difficult.
And if you already havechildren, you know it, but if
you don't and you're justjumping out of the frying pan
(09:37):
into the fire of being acaregiver, it's a really
important thing to know, and tolook for resources.
And also you, the third thingthat you pointed out was all the
accommodations that we want tomake for our children when
they're struggling or when they,we want to just keep the peace
when they're in this defiantmodality.
(09:59):
And I want to say to stepparents out there that you have
to be really cautious because asa stepmother myself, that's how
I became a mother first wasthrough being a stepmom.
I know that I wanted the kids tolike me.
And so I made a lot ofaccommodations and then I've
even done it from my ownchildren.
(10:20):
That part of my personality hascarried through.
I've probably been a little bitdifferent with my own children
than I was with my stepchildrenbecause they just, by virtue of
age, they were older when I metthem.
But I really think that thoseare three really important
things.
So to the listener who is eitherentering the situation with a
(10:41):
special needs child, please getone of Natalie's books.
This book on parenting soundsamazing.
And if you are not, you may wantto pick it up just to read those
chapters on defiance andnon-compliance.
I love to give two techniques.
If I could.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (10:57):
I would love that I was going to be my
next question is okay.
Natalie Hale (11:01):
And this is for your neuro-typical maybe the
siblings of a child with specialneeds or the individual with
special needs.
It works both ways.
It's what these two techniques.
Across the board.
One is what I call the"fantasypause." And I got this from Dr.
Han Ganate.
One of his techniques.
(11:22):
I just gave it the moniker offantasy pause.
So you indulge the childwishfully, but not in reality.
And I'll explain.
So Jonathan was, I don't know,eight or nine when Little
Mermaid first came out the veryfirst one and he wanted to go.
Now to see The Little Mermaidnow, and he was on the floor
(11:44):
having a complete meltdown and Iremembered this technique, okay.
So I sat and he's howling andcarrying on.
I sat down next to him.
And I said,"Oh boy! I wish wecould go to see The Little
Mermaid today".
And he starts, his volume gets,his volume starts dropping.
I said, that would be so muchfun.
we could go, we could sit in thefront row and I went on and on.
(12:07):
And of course he's completelysilent by this time.
And I said,"Oh, that would be somuch fun." And he's going,
"Yeah." So I, I kept going untilI knew his, the volcano was
down.
And then I said,"But since wecan't go today, Saturday, would
that be okay?" Yeah.
Okay.
And it was all over.
In a similar, because you'rehonoring his desire.
(12:31):
His wish.
Now there's, let's go to thesecond technique, which works
beautifully for teens andadults, as well as.
And that is just simply honoringwhat they're feeling, letting
them know you get it, youunderstand exactly what they're
feeling, which is why they'reacting that way.
(12:51):
Okay.
So example, several years ago,before Omar had really had
become Jonathan's caregiver, Iwas visiting.
I live in LA Jonathan lives inCincinnati, where I raised him
and where he got the vouchersfor a paid caregiver.
So his dad and I do not have toput that bill.
This was this like a miracle?
(13:12):
All right.
So I was visiting I'd flowncross country to Cincinnati to
visit Jonathan, which of coursethey do a lot and he had three
computer problems that neededfixing urgent.
Cause Jonathan for him, thecomputers, everything.
So he has a big Mac.
So he had to stay in, nobodytouches his computer ever, but
(13:33):
he condescended, okay.
I could sit in front of hiscomputer.
So I'm on the phone with applefor two and a half hours trying
to fix these problems.
Jonathan's in the other roomwith the caregiver and I could
not solve the third problem.
And Jonathan knew that he couldhear it.
So he goes into a huge meltdownand it gets worse and worse.
(13:53):
two and a half hours a minute.
And he's in a complete meltdown.
And he starts yelling.
Mom goes back to Los Angeles, novideo with mom today.
No movie with mom today.
No, it's not.
It's completely lost it.
And the caregivers trying toconsole him.
That doesn't work.
So I left the computer.
(14:13):
I came and I sat down besidehim.
I didn't touch him.
He was not ready to be touched,but I sat right beside him.
And I said, I just got quiet.
And"that is so disappointing."Immediately stops yelling.
"Yeah.""You are so disappointed.
It's so frustrating that Icouldn't fix those problems for
(14:33):
you.""Yeah." So I just keptsaying what he was feeling and
then suddenly.
This is typical of Jonathan.
He gets in a bad mood reallyfast and he can also get out of
it.
So he's sitting there and hekept saying, yeah.
And he's completely down by thistime.
Okay.
And then suddenly goes, Supperwith mom.
(14:55):
Movie with mom, throws his armsaround me and hugs me.
All smile.
Yeah.
I posted a video about this on,I have a Facebook pages and
YouTube link.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (15:06):
We'll link all that in the show notes.
Natalie Hale (15:08):
And so I posted, I made a video about that posted
it.
And one of them, one of thecomments was I tried that
tonight with my typicalteenager, and it worked like a
miracle.
I was blown away.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (15:21):
It reminds me of, I think it's from
"The Whole Child" book that Imentioned The Whole Brain Child
that I mentioned, which I'llalso link in the show notes, but
it's the"name it, to claim it"kind of thing.
Like where you name thediscomfort.
Yeah, and yeah, you just say itand then it takes the energy out
of it.
And if you help a child learnthat ability and yes, it will
(15:44):
work with teenagers or preteensin my case.
Natalie Hale (15:47):
You're honoring you're acknowledging, this is
what you feel.
You're not saying it's not okayfor you to feel that or you're,
this is what you're feeling.
Okay.
And for a sibling of a child orteen or whatever with special
needs, this is urgentlyimportant to draw that out of
them.
Because a lot of our siblings,like my daughter are going to be
(16:08):
too polite.
They're not going to really sayhow they're feeling.
And then years later they'regoing through therapy because
they need it because it wasn'tprocessed.
It wasn't honored.
Like it's okay to be reallyangry.
At him at your brother orwhatever.
So this is the book that I wrotefor sibs of, and I know you were
(16:31):
going to give them information,but there are a lot of things in
that book was published by theAmerican psychological
association.
So in that case, I needed notonly to please the editor I
needed to please a team ofpsychiatrist.
And one of the things theyinsisted on, which I hadn't
written, I had acted it out inmy own life with my daughter,
(16:53):
but I hadn't written about itand thought, oh yeah, we need a
chapter on that.
Because each chapter is a copingtechnique for them.
They said, we want a chapter onhow the parent should not make
the sibling another parent.
And I went, oh yeah, exactly.
And I had been careful to dothat with my daughter.
Like you're not the parent, I'mnot making her responsible for
(17:15):
her brother when she gets to be40 or whatever.
And she has to, you know, whenher parents pass on and she has
to take that over.
That's another thing, but notnow.
Anyway, they, I had to beapproved.
It had to be psychologicallysound and I in my work with
families, it just it's sosaddens me when I see the family
(17:37):
comes in the kids out of controlbecause he has DS and autism and
has never had that secondarydiagnosis done.
Whoever the medicalestablishment or the teachers
whoever's dealing with them say,oh, well, you know, it's just
down syndrome.
It is not up to 20, 25% of ourkids with DS also are on the
spectrum.
and that's a kind of a newrealization like, oh yeah, okay.
(18:01):
We have to have this diagnosedso they can get the services,
get the training.
But when I see a family come inand the kid is completely
controlling the family.
And I see the poor siblings,just the sadness on their faces.
No, that's not.
Okay.
We don't let that happen.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (18:17):
Yeah.
It's hard.
The family dynamic and thefamily makeup is a really
difficult one and I it's, andthis is very relevant to blended
families.
very relevant.
Really the book.
Oh brother, growing up with aspecial needs siblings to me.
It is a book that if you aregetting ready to be in a blended
family, you should read itbecause there's going to be
(18:39):
something there's.
there is going to be some,whether it's special needs
taking that out of the title,the rest of it is so relevant.
And what you're saying about howthese families.
Start to fall apart or there's alot of sadness or weight to them
because everyone is walking onthe eggshells, Of the one child,
(19:00):
you have these children whothey're getting the attention
that they're going to demandthat they get the attention they
need and want and need to have.
It's not that I'm suggestingthat they don't, but there's
always a sort of a silentsuffer.
Natalie Hale (19:15):
Oh, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (19:19):
And that is really true in blended
families.
There's and it can, again, itdoesn't have to have special
needs does not need to be partof it, which was why I wanted to
bring you on the show.
I know you're quite a prolificauthor.
Can you tell me how many booksyou've written and you want
people to know about them?
Besides you obviously have thisamazing program and you've
(19:39):
written a lot about families anddynamics and Down Syndrome.
Natalie Hale (19:43):
Okay, yes, five so far.
My first book I really wouldlike to mention here and it's
called the little stars journey.
It's a book originally.
I wrote it.
It was a published by apsychological firm.
And I illustrated it as well.
I wrote it for survivors of anykind of abuse, any kind of
(20:03):
difficulty.
And to my surprise, I learnedlater that someone had taken it
into a children's cancer ward ata hospital.
And it's, it's got a very happyending, but the star goes
through some really roughthings.
So that was my first book.
And I've also written a moneymanagement book for our teens
and adults with difficulties,with learning difficulties, it's
(20:25):
called managing my money bankingand budgeting basics.
And if you just go onto Amazonand just type in my name, I'm
sure these.
So then there's the parentingbook and the reading book and I
guess that's five.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (20:39):
That's great.
That's great.
It's amazing.
Yeah.
It sounds like you haven'tstopped between raising two
children.
Is it just the two?
Natalie Hale (20:50):
Yeah.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (20:51):
Yeah.
And doing all this.
This is a wonderful story.
I feel like almost everyconversation I have today, I
have to touch on the Coronavirus pandemic, and really, it's
an impacted everything in oursociety.
And I'm just wondering as aneducator, how has the Corona
virus pandemic affected specialneeds children?
(21:12):
You mentioned services.
Natalie Hale (21:14):
Yeah.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (21:14):
And I can only imagine that it's impacted
the learning services thatthey're getting as well.
Natalie Hale (21:20):
Very much, so very much.
So it's been very frustratingfor parents who cannot
homeschool.
What has happened is in thearena of down syndrome that many
parents had to turn tohomeschooling because virtual
learning with our kids doesn'twork.
It doesn't work.
Even if mom is sitting rightthere, which of course takes all
(21:41):
of mom's time.
It doesn't work with thisparticular disability.
It just doesn't.
So a lot of parents did turn tohomeschooling.
A lot of people turned to myreading program during the
pandemic.
Yeah.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (21:55):
That was my next question is, have you
seen a big increase?
Natalie Hale (21:58):
Oh yeah.
And then instead of traveling togive workshops, I began to give
virtual workshops.
Like we do two hours, threeweeks in a row, that kind of a
thing.
And which was great because itenabled me to give parents
homework.
Okay.
Next week when you show.
This is what I need to make sureyou learned that kind of thing.
Yeah.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (22:18):
I had a previous interview with two
women who have a organizationcalled virtual milestone academy
where they help parents navigategetting the services they need.
Especially in wake of thepandemic.
do you see any long-term changesin the education system or how
(22:40):
services are provided tofamilies?
Natalie Hale (22:43):
They're just barely restarting.
So we're limping along here.
I'll tell you one thing that hashappened that I don't know what
the end result will be, thatthere are many moms who, who
have said to me, My daughter haslearned more at home in
homeschooling with me in sixmonths.
(23:03):
Then she has in six years inschool, she just, they don't
know how to teach her.
So how that will impact theclassroom eventually.
I don't know.
But one of the things that I doto try to help that along is
that whenever a school orders myprogram, even if it's just one
teacher at the school, if theyorder the whole program, I meet
(23:24):
with them for an hour.
I train them for an hour, thewhole staff, any staff that's
going to be implementing it.
So at least they know.
At least they've had someexposure.
Hey, this is how our kids withdown syndrome, autism
developmental delays.
This is the easiest way for themto learn, to read.
For example.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (23:41):
That's very needed.
As a woman and a mother and aneducator.
What was the best piece ofadvice you've ever received or
that helped you the most in yourlife?
I know we talked about the bookand meditation, so I'm
gathering, it's going to go inthat direction.
Natalie Hale (23:59):
What is that?
The quote from Shakespeare?
Traci Dority-Shanklin (24:11):
So good.
Natalie Hale (24:12):
Know yourself, be at peace with yourself, be in
tune with yourself and the selfcapital S.
God within, the higher selfwithi.
Just stick to that, because theboat you're in is going to be
just lashed by waves.
And you've got to have that tohang on to.
All of your decisions.
Deciding which lead to follow isall going to come from that
(24:36):
anchor.
And if you don't have the anchorand you're going to be tempted
not to sit and be with yourselfand even just simply practicing
a simple, simple breathingtechnique, like Thich Nhat Hanh
for example, I'm sure mostpeople know who that is.
A Vietnamese Zen monk whorecently passed away at age 90
something.
And he would just.
It's all about breathing in mybody, relaxes.
(24:59):
Breathing out, I am smiling.
And you can change whatever thatis.
But you actually are breathingin and mentally you're thinking,
breathing in my body, relaxes,breathing out, I'm smiling.
I changed the words up.
it makes you breathe, whichoxygenates your brain.
Just be with yourself, actuallyknow yourself.
(25:20):
Don't run away from yourself.
That would be my best advice.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (25:25):
It's great advice.
Natalie Hale (25:25):
Oh.
Here's the other thing I wouldtell parents, trust your gut,
which is pretty much what I'msaying already.
If a teacher or a doctor saysthis, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah.
And you think in your gut?
No, that's not right.
No, that doesn't feel right.
I think there's something elsegoing on here.
And I think it might be in thisdirection.
Trust your gut.
You're the actual authority.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (25:47):
Yeah, that's great advice.
And it's advice that I've beengiven and you really have to be
an advocate for your child andit is not easy.
So I really think that's greatadvice.
I know that we shy away from thenegative, but is there any
advice that you've everreceived?
And I say this as a parent,who's.
A lot of bad parenting advice.
(26:08):
and I mean that with all love tothe people who have given it to
me, but they, but most of themcome at me with the
understanding of my children'sjourney to this place.
So that's why I'm asking thequestion.
is there any advice you've everbeen given.
That you thought you needed tosay don't ever do that?
(26:30):
Like I know.
Natalie Hale (26:31):
Yes, there is.
Yes.
And actually I've written aboutthis in the down syndrome
parenting books.
So Jonathan was about two yearsold and we're with the OT in his
session.
And he said, he's trying to putthe little wooden pieces into
the puzzle pieces into the spotand he couldn't do it.
And she said to me, he should beable to do that by now.
And then my book and my book, Isaid, who spit in her coffee?
(26:54):
That was awful.
That was awful.
And, but I was new.
I was new to this whole downsyndrome thing.
And now you, you start thinking,oh, I guess he should do this.
Oh, I can't do.
No, forget it.
Listen, this kids going to bereading when he's five years
old.
I bet that's better thanyour's...
His fine motor was always poor.
(27:15):
He didn't learn to write.
Be able to write until he was15.
So I had to search out the rightmethod and that was Handwriting
Without Tears.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (27:24):
Yeah.
That's really great.
Yeah.
I actually, we use HandwritingWithout Tears, so I know that
it's great.
So I know that we're going tolink this all in the show notes,
but how can our listeners findyou and the Special Reads
program?
Natalie Hale (27:38):
My website is specialreads.com.
So that's easy.
My Facebook page is,down-syndrome reading with
Natalie Hale.
That's my reading page.
Of course, I have a personalpage.
That's under my name, but it'sdown syndrome reading with
Natalie Hale.
So if you go there like it, thenyou're going to get all my
posts.
And my YouTube channel is ifyou'll just the fastest way to
(28:01):
get there is just type inNatalie Hale down syndrome.
And that will bring up myprofile picture, click the
profile picture and you'll getto my actual channel.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (28:12):
Great.
Is there anything that we mayhave missed that you'd like to
share with our listeners?
Or is there anything that youwould like for listeners to know
about yourself or the specialreads program?
Natalie Hale (28:23):
Just one piece of advice.
There's a Southern saying, causeI'm from New Orleans originally.
There's a Southern saying,"Ain'tmama happy.
Ain't nobody happy." So whoeverthe main caregiver is, and in
most cases it is mom.
Take care of yourself.
Now this will be almost, you'llthink this is impossible to do,
but take care of yourself.
(28:44):
Spend time, centering yourself,breathe, breathe, get off by
yourself.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (28:49):
Such good advice.
And especially in blendedfamilies, when you're bringing
in to your environment, anenvironment that you don't know
about.
And I think something that youjust, you said right before
that, about being told that yourson"should" be able to do a
certain task.
And I think it's reallytranslating that and giving
(29:09):
yourself.
Permission to know that there'sno should here.
There's nothing that you shouldbe doing differently or that you
should know.
it is a journey and it is aprocess.
And as long as you're mindfuland you want to grow in a
positive direction.
That these, all of thesedifferent types of blended
(29:30):
families and dealing withchildren with differences is
really, it is something that youcan endure and thrive through.
I feel like it's part of how Igot to my mission to do this.
Natalie Hale (29:45):
We're all on a growth.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (29:47):
Yeah.
And you touched on this at thebeginning, is that everything
kind of pointed, like what's thenext right thing to do now.
And I think that is a reallyvaluable life lesson that we are
on a journey and we never,sometimes we don't know what's
next.
And it's really trusting thatwhen we do get to that crossroad
(30:07):
and we have to make the decisionto go right or left or straight
forward, we'll know.
If we're living in our truth andour authenticity.
Natalie Hale (30:15):
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (30:17):
Thank you Natalie, for being a guest
today, you're such a light and Iknow you're just changing lives
with your work and your passion.
And you're really inspiring.
I now have somebody who I canlook at as an expander and think
like this is definitely.
If she can accomplish this,there is definitely room for
(30:40):
growth for me,
Natalie Hale (30:42):
Traci.
Thank you so much for invitingme.
I've enjoyed it.
Traci Dority-Shanklin (30:45):
Oh, I'm so glad.
And thank you to our listenersfor tuning in to the Nuclear
Families Evangelist, where weenlist experts and humor.
As we help you unlock yourhidden superpower of being.
Like you, I live in breathe.
My nuclear families every day.
I am a wife, a mother throughmarriage, a mother, again,
through adoption and a daughterfrom an eccentric family with
(31:07):
multiple marriages and multipleblended families.
I want this show to be part ofthe healing and changing the
picture of what makes a uniquean imperfectly, perfect family.
Intro (31:18):
Please join us on our next episode of the Nuclear
Families Evangelists, a placewhere we debunked the
mythologies of biology with.
Forgiveness and humor oneconversation at a time.
If you're a seeker looking foranswers, we'd love to have you
join our blended little familyby subscribing to the podcast on
your favorite podcast player.
Want to continue theconversation after the podcast,
(31:41):
join our email list by visitingour
website@nuclear-families.com.
We'll see you next.
On the nuclear families,evangelist
Traci Dority-Shanklin (31:50):
Sisu Partners, LLC hosts the Nuclear
Families Evangelists podcast,which contains content
discussions that have beenprepared for informational
educational and entertainmentpurposes.
Only no listener should assumethat any discussion on this
podcast serves as the recipe of,or substitute for personalized
advice from an investmentprofessional or a licensed
medical professional.
As the information provided onthis podcast is not intended to
be investment legal tax ormedical advice.
(32:12):
The company is not an secregistered investment advisor
and does not solicit clients orraise capital for money managers
to Sisu Partners offersecurities through XT Capital
Partners, LLC.
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