The bond is different. Stepparents and parents see their children through different lenses and that’s perfectly normal. Laura Petherbridge, life coach and author of several books including 101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom, shares her no-nonsense tips for the smart stepmom and the hardest things she had to overcome when she became a stepmother.
Three Key Points
1. Laura explains that what she perceived as disrespectful behavior from her stepchildren towards their father triggered her own “daddy wound” of growing up in a blended family. Laura had to discover that she was not her stepchildren’s parent. They already had one father and one mother, instead, she could be a mentor and a role model.
2. Laura says that parents and stepparents see their children through different lenses. Stepparents see the child through the lens of responsibility such as I want this child to grow up to be responsible, or I want them to be a good person, or I want them to do well in school and in life. However, when a parent looks at their child, they see their children through the lens of love: I want this child to feel loved. I just want them to ooze love, and feel love from me. We need to stop pretending that this isn't true. The bond is different, and we need to recognize that it's perfectly normal for a stepparent and a parent to view the child differently.
3. Leniency is one of the most common issues Laura sees with stepfamilies that seek her out. The stepparent wants the biological father or mother to step up and set firmer boundaries with their own child. When Laura works with families, she looks to see if they’re teachable or “do they just want to be right.” You don’t always have to like Laura’s advice but if what you’ve been doing in the past hasn’t worked, then what do you have to lose?
Laura Petherbridge: Website
Contact:
Traci Dority-Shanklin: LinkedIn Twitter Facebook
traci@sisupartnersllc.com
website: www.nuclear-families.com
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