October 28, 2025 • 49 mins
A fight at home and a funeral forced Mitchell Osmond to ask a hard question: Is my life worth imitating? From losing his job and carrying $100K in debt to rebuilding his health, marriage, and purpose, Mitch shares the mindset shifts that changed everything.
We dive into his “Author’s Advantage” method — writing two eulogies, defining a clear future, and reverse-engineering it into daily action. Along the way, we unpack how self-trust, discipline, and small wins at home can rewrite your entire story.
This episode is about choosing your hard on purpose and building a legacy that starts at home and echoes for generations.
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_03 (00:00):
Hey friends, welcome to the Once Who Dared podcast
where stories of courage areelevated.
I'm your host, Becca, and everyother week you'll hear
interviews from inspiringpeople.
My hope is that you will leaveencouraged.
I'm so glad you're here.
SPEAKER_04 (00:24):
Today in the Once Who Dare Podcast, I'm thrilled
to welcome Mitchell Osmond, hostof the internationally top
five-rated podcast Call of ThatNation.
Consider this episode as a free,high-level coaching session, as
Mitchell knows firsthand what ittakes to rebuild from the bottom
up.
At one point, he was unemployed,50 pounds overweight, drowning
(00:45):
in nearly$100,000 in debt, andwatching his marriage almost
fall apart.
Today, he helps high-performingmen reclaim their home, health,
and happiness withoutsacrificing success.
Get ready for a powerfulconversation that will challenge
you and leave you reflecting onyour own life.
Mitch Osmond, welcome to theOnce for Dear Podcast.
(01:06):
I'm so honored to have you onhere today.
SPEAKER_00 (01:08):
Thank you for having me today.
I'm looking forward to havingthis conversation with you.
SPEAKER_04 (01:11):
Yeah.
So Mitch is a trusted advisor, aleadership consultant, executive
coach, and the voice behind theDad Nation podcast, which is
it's in top percent globallywith 30 plus thousand monthly
listeners.
And uh you empower men to lead abetter life.
And um you also help them alignwith success and personal life.
(01:32):
And I'm so excited to have youon here because you really touch
on mindset about just how toreframe the way that we see
ourselves and get from thevictim mindset into um seeing us
how we can write a better storyand more courageous story.
So I'd love to hear from you ofjust for you to share a little
bit about your background, um,what led you to not only start
(01:56):
God Nation, but on the journeythat you went on to be who you
are today.
SPEAKER_00 (02:00):
Yeah, thank you for asking.
And I just want to say thanksfor having me on the show.
I mean, it's an honor and aprivilege to begin to get to
share, you know, my story andand help help others.
And so I I think I love startingwith that, uh, the origin story,
the turning point, because Ithink it's so we can make the
mistake of listening to podcastslike this and hearing people
talk and make and make themistake of thinking that they've
(02:22):
had it all figured out or youknow, whatever.
But I'll be the first to tellyou um I've made all the
mistakes, I've learned all thelessons the hard way because I'm
so thick-headed.
But for me, yeah, it was a crazystory of transformation.
And uh, you know, people oftenask me, what was your turning
point?
You know, that really kind ofturned it around.
So I'll try and give it to youas as quickly as possible.
(02:45):
But um, there were two realpivotal points for me.
The first one was a fight, andthe second one was a funeral.
And so the first point was thefight.
And if you can picture, I was onthe couch with my wife sitting
in the living room, and we hadbeen married for about three
years, and we just hit our rockbottom.
We had the fight of all fights,and uh, and it went on for I
(03:07):
don't know, must have been acouple hours.
And you see, like I said, we'vebeen married for three point
three years up to this point,and it was a hard three years.
Like we really struggled, butthis was the fight that I knew.
If I didn't change somethingdeep down, I knew that this this
marriage was going to be over.
Um, to give you some contextleading up to this, I had been
(03:28):
let go of a senior leadershipposition.
And my career was everything, itwas my calling, my identity.
And I spiraled into depression.
I was 60 pounds overweight.
We were$100,000 in debt.
I was medicating with drugs andalcohol on the daily just to
cope.
And now I was gettingdangerously close to losing my
(03:48):
wife.
And uh I was in this tension oflike, why is it that I could see
success professionally, but Iwas struggling so much
personally.
And I go to work and I feelpowerful and I come home and I
would feel powerless.
And I just uh there was thisduality that I wrestled with.
And to back things up even more,you know, I came from a
(04:10):
dysfunctional upbringing.
You know, I had a non-existentrelationship with my father.
He was an alcoholic.
Um, drugs and crime werelittered throughout my home
growing up.
And so I was kind of caught inthe middle of it, my my past and
the present, you know, and Iknew that I knew where I came
from.
And I knew that I could do, Iknew that I was determined to do
something different, but I keptget, I felt myself getting
(04:33):
pulled back into the mistakes,into the, you know, uh, the
mistakes of my father and hisfather.
And when I would yell at mywife, I would, I would hear his
voice in mine, I would hear hiswords, and it was like I
couldn't stop it.
And like I said, it felt like Iwas trapped in two different
people in one body.
And it was such a point oftension for me.
(04:54):
And the second defining momentcame literally seven days after
that fight.
Now I'm still questioning if ifthis marriage is going to make
it.
And I get invited to sing atthis funeral of this really
wealthy man, he was aphilanthropist.
There was a couple thousandpeople there.
And I was getting ready to singthe last song, and I overheard
(05:14):
the minister ask the crowd, hesaid, Are you living a life
worthy of imitation?
If you were to die tomorrow,would you be proud of the legacy
that you left?
And he referenced all the thingsthat this man had done.
And I tell you what, as I beganto try to sing the last song, I
could barely choke out thelyrics because all I could think
in the back of my mind was, man,if this were my funeral, nobody
(05:37):
would be saying he inspired meto have a better marriage or he
inspired me to get my financesin order, or he inspired me to
get into shape.
Um, they probably would havesaid at that point, he
struggled, and then it was over.
You know, and so that funeral,that time, you know, as I
finished up that funeral andpacked up my stuff, I made a
commitment that I would, that Iwould write there and then that
(05:59):
I would write a new story, thatI would take the pen back, so to
speak, and rewrite my future.
Um, and I and and I knew that Ihad to die to the man that I was
in order to become the man thatI knew I could be for my family.
And so it was a wild journey.
And then really at the end ofthe day, you know, long story
short, I I gathered men aroundme who were successful in the
(06:21):
areas that I needed to see thatbreakthrough in.
And within one and a half yearsor 18 months, we completely paid
off our debt, uh, the hundredgrand.
We restored our marriage.
I lost the 60 pounds, built alean, confident body, and I was
clean of some substances anddistractions, and I was focused
for the first time.
(06:41):
And so what happened after thatwas because I was in positions
of leadership, all of a suddenpeople started asking questions
like Mitchell, what's going on,man?
SPEAKER_04 (06:48):
Yeah, how did you do that?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (06:50):
And so I started helping friends of my buddies
who were disconnected in theirmarriage or weighed down by
debt, helping them put budgetstogether.
And one of my mentors at onepoint said, Hey man, if you
really want to live a lifeworthy of imitation, if you want
to have impact, then we're gonnaturn your trash into treasure by
sharing your story with theworld.
And he said, You need to start apodcast.
(07:12):
And I was like, Heck no, that'sI'm not sharing my or airing my
dirty laundry with the world.
And sure enough, I accepted thechallenge.
And within six months, thepodcast was top 10%, now it's
top five percent.
And then within uh after the sixmonths, I would have listeners
reach out across the worldsaying, Hey, could you help me
in my situation?
(07:34):
And so I launched a coachingpractice, which within six
months I scaled to a six-figurecoaching practice.
And basically, out of just thestory of my own trauma and then
transformation, and I love EdMillette says this all the time.
He says, You were the mostqualified to help the person you
used to be.
SPEAKER_01 (07:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (07:51):
And at that at the end of the day, that's all I do.
And I am completely focused anddedicated to taking my story and
helping other men restore theirrelationships, get their health
back, show up as more presentand powerful fathers and to
reclaim their lives.
And so that's that's how I gothere.
SPEAKER_04 (08:07):
Wow, that's powerful.
Yeah, in our vulnerability,we're able to help help others,
right?
When we can openly share ourstruggles and share how you have
done that.
So, how does someone, you know,I may have a listener at this
point who's thinking, yeah, youknow, I'm really unhappy with my
life.
If I was to be at my ownfuneral, I probably would be
disappointed with the life thatI'm living.
(08:28):
How do I change that?
SPEAKER_00 (08:32):
I mean, that's a million-dollar question, right?
SPEAKER_04 (08:34):
Yeah.
Um, you know, like where do Istart, right?
Like, where do I start?
SPEAKER_00 (08:40):
Yeah, where do you start?
You start with ownership, right?
Taking complete ownership.
Because here's the thing um,your past can define you or it
can refine you, right?
You get to choose.
And I was where I was becauseuh, you know, I had pain from my
past as a child that I didn'tdeal with.
(09:01):
And when I got married andbecame a man, it began those
wounds began to bleed into mymarriage and all over my wife.
And so I needed to heal that.
I needed, and and a part of thatprocess was getting honest about
where I was at.
You know, we know that 80% ofthe way we see the world and the
way we see ourselves is formedbefore we're 12 years old.
That's why we have to look tothe past to understand what
(09:24):
happened and to see, becausethat that those those seeds that
were planted keep, you know,reaping a harvest.
And a lot of times,unfortunately, it's not the
harvest that we want.
And so we need to we need to digdeep into that and see, well,
where did we go wrong?
And part of that is like uhagain, taking ownership and
saying, you know, I'm not gonnalet, I'm not gonna continue to
(09:46):
let the past uh you know dictatemy future.
And and I have something calledthe author's advantage, which
really just says at the end ofthe day, a lot of people um
think that their their lifegoes, you know, your past
impacts your present, and thenyour your present goes to the
future.
And then the problem with thatis, you know, at the end of the
day, your few your past isalways going to dictate where
(10:08):
you end up in the future.
But what I like to do is flipthat model on its head, and we
actually begin with the futureand we say, let's get crystal
clear about where we're headed.
You know, for me, it was thatfuneral moment, you know, uh uh
beginning with the end in mind.
I mean, Napoleon Hill talkedabout this, Stephen Covey talked
about this in his book, TheSeven Habits of Highly Effective
People.
(10:28):
Get a very clear picture aboutwhere you want to go, spell it
out, right?
In crystal clear, and then allowthat pick that picture of the
future to then shape yourpresent daily actions.
And then when you're living inthe present, you're gonna
actively speak to the past andpull it into alignment with
where you're going, right?
And you're gonna have to chooseto say, I'm no longer going to
(10:51):
let the past dictate where I'mheaded.
I'm going to actually use thatas fuel to move me forward,
right?
And that's at the end of the daywhat I had to do with my story
because I was very, very closeto becoming an alcoholic, to
becoming overweight, to becomingdepressed and alone, just like
so many people in my family.
(11:12):
But I had to flip the script onits head and I had to take
complete ownership.
And until I'm ready to becompletely honest with myself,
nothing's gonna change because Ican look for diet plans, I can
hire trainers, and I can hire amarriage counselor and I can do
all these different things.
But if at the end of the day Idon't genuinely believe that I'm
(11:35):
capable or worthy of more, thenI'm gonna keep sabotaging.
And that's what what happensthen is we have this gaping
wound and we try and stretch aband-aid over it.
And that's actually not thesolution.
Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_04 (11:47):
Yeah, it makes a lot of sense.
Absolutely.
Yeah, and I think there is sucha thing too as um, you know, a
lot of entrepreneurs that I knowand talk to can be extremely
successful because they'releveraging their childhood
wounds to prove something right.
And that is the launching padinto incredible success on the
(12:08):
outside.
But if they never took the timeto deal with what's going on in
their internal world and to healfrom their past, which, like you
said, you have to look back in asense in order to make sense of
it, heal from it.
But you're living with thefuture in mind.
You're living from thatperspective, saying, okay,
what's the future that I want tobuild?
And how do I make what do I needto do today to make that a
(12:30):
reality?
What are the baby steps that Ineed to do to make that a
reality?
SPEAKER_00 (12:35):
Yeah.
And and, you know, at the end ofthe day, you know, and and a
real simple exercise, uh, I'dlove to share, but real quickly.
But yeah, go for it.
But right before I do that, Imean, uh, we we know that our
lives are where they are todaybecause of the decisions that
we've made over the last threeto five years.
And so when I think about thedecisions that I've made from
2020 to 2023, it makes totalsense as to why I'm here today,
(12:58):
right?
And so now, if I like where I'mat, then that's a great thing.
Keep doing the same thing.
But if I want to be somewheredifferent, then I need to look
into the future, right?
And and and then ask myself,what do I want life to look like
in five years?
What kind of marriage do I want?
What kind of health do I want?
What kind of finances do I wantin within five years?
Now, what does that person, whatdecisions do they make, right?
(13:20):
And so a quick question you canask yourself, and I ask this to
my clients often, uh, is if, youknow, say for example, me and
you were like, we were to bumpinto each other in an airport,
and I was like, hey, Sebca, howyou doing?
Like it's been three years sincewe talked.
And you were to say to me, Man,Mitch, this has been the best
(13:41):
three years of my life.
Let me tell you about it.
The question is, is what wouldwhat would have to be true about
your life, right?
At that point, to have made thepast three years the best three
years of your life.
And so what we do is we getvery, very clear about like,
okay, well, let's look at thethe you know, the different
areas of your life.
What does your marriage looklike?
(14:02):
Or what does your health looklike?
Where are you living?
Where are your kids going toschool?
What do you do in your freetime?
Um, what's your relationshipwith like with your children?
What are your hobbies?
How much money is in your bankaccount?
You know, you name it, whateverthe thing is for you.
And get very, very clear.
And what we do is you write itout, kind of like a movie scene,
like like when you're drivingoff into the sunset, and it's
(14:23):
like, this is what I want thisto look like, this is what I
want this to look like.
And then we say, okay, well,let's reverse engineer that
three-year vision, okay, intostrategies and daily action
steps.
What do I need to do today tohave that life in three years
from now?
And I think it's good, andthat's called externalizing.
It's you're asking yourself, ifif three years from now Mitchell
(14:46):
could stretch back into time andspeak to me, what would he tell
me to do?
99% of the time, he's gonna say,get off your phone.
SPEAKER_04 (14:54):
Yeah, right.
That's a big one.
SPEAKER_00 (14:55):
Right?
He's gonna say, go to the gym,or don't make that, you know,
lavish purchase that you don'tneed, or spend some quality time
with your wife, or get on thefloor and play with your kids.
You know, stop stop checking theemail.
And when we externalize andallow that future clear vision
of him yourself to speak to youin the day, in today's present
time, we get very clear becausewe all instinctively know what
(15:16):
we need to do, but we're notvery clear as to we don't often
think about the future, right?
Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_04 (15:22):
Yeah, it makes a lot of sense.
The other um practice that Iheard you say is um that you
have your clients write outtheir eulogy, which I absolutely
love.
I have my eulogy written.
Actually, I did this exercisewith all my, well, most of my
siblings.
I have a lot of them.
Um we started a siblingmastermind and I had to write
out their eulogy.
And it was probably the mostpowerful, significant couple
(15:46):
hours that we shared a sibling.
So I'd love for you to share alittle bit about that exercise
as well, because I think it is apowerful one.
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SPEAKER_00 (16:33):
Thank you for bringing up because every single
one of my clients do this.
And um, and some people mightthink it's morbid.
I don't care.
It is, you know what?
The more you are faced with yourmortality, the more you will
live with presence andauthenticity and tenacity.
Because you have to be aware ofit.
And so what I what I do is I getmy clients to write two versions
(16:55):
of their eulogy.
So the first version is if youwere to die today, I want you to
write the eulogy from theperspective of your wife.
You know, now again, I speak toI coach men exclusively, so
that's why a lot of my languageis around, man.
But if you're a woman, flip thescript, right?
If they were standing over yourcoffin today, what would they
(17:15):
say about you?
About the marriage you had, uhthe father you were to your
children, you know, the way youyou gave to your community, you
know, you name it.
Then if you were, you're we'regonna write a 2.0 version of
that.
If you were 100% the the man,father, husband, or or woman,
mother, wife that you wanted tobe, that knew you you could be,
(17:36):
what would they say about you atthat point?
Right.
And then what we do then is wedraw the the the tensions
between those two because thatin that gap, who we are
currently and who we know wecould be, that's where our
anxiety lies.
That's where our frustrationlies.
That that's that's the stuffthat keeps us up at night, you
(17:58):
know.
And so that's that eulogyexercise is a beautiful way of
bringing those things to light.
And I've I'll regularly haveclients say, Yeah, I I think
that they would probably saythat that I cared about
business, that I worked a lot,that I was kind of home, but I
wasn't.
Like I was there in body, but Iwasn't there in my mind.
(18:18):
You know, and so it draws outthat raw stuff because that's
the stuff that matters.
You know, and I've never onceout of the the the countless men
who have done this, not one ofthem have said that they want to
be known for how many milliondollars they've made, how many
businesses they've scaled.
Every single one of them havesaid, I want my wife to know
(18:41):
that I loved her, I want my kidsto know that I love them, that I
believed in them, I want mycommunity to know that I showed
up when it mattered most, youknow, all those different
things.
And none of those have anythingto do with material possessions,
right?
And that's why it's so valuable.
And going back to ownership,that first question you asked
me, that's why this exercise isso visceral, because it forces
(19:03):
you to get honest and realizeyou have to take ownership of
these things.
SPEAKER_04 (19:07):
Yeah.
I mean, I think as long as wekeep thinking that the external
forces are responsible foroutcome, the more that we stay
stuck, right?
And um, one of the things, too,that I just uh hear people say
sometimes, especially men, youknow, they're just like, I just
I know what I want to do.
I just need to be motivated, Ijust need someone to motivate
me.
What would you say to someonelike that?
SPEAKER_00 (19:29):
I say motivation is garbage.
It's strong language, it'sstrong language.
But listen, motive motivationcomes and goes like the wind.
It's so fickle, right?
I want you to think aboutmotivation as kindling to a
fire.
Motivation might light the fire,but that fire is going to go out
quite quick.
What you need to do is builddisciplines, right?
(19:51):
Motivations will help you lightthe fire, but we need to get big
pieces of wood that we chuck inthere that keep the fire going.
Those are healthy habits anddisciplines.
Um, because at the end of theday, you will not feel like
going to the gym.
You will not feel like stayingup and having that critical
conversation with your wife.
You won't feel like saying no tothat lavish purchase that you
(20:13):
know you don't need.
You know, that's the thing.
Um, we all we all want to staymotivated.
I mean, every every good dietstarts on Monday.
Well, Monday I'll be motivated,you know what I mean?
But at the end of the day, aslong as we're waiting to feel
like it, um, we won't actuallydo it.
And we might for like a week orso, you know, and so I I think,
(20:36):
you know, and not everyone lovesthis language, and I recognize
that it is it is fairlyaggressive, but it's this idea
that life is not going to beeasy.
Like David Data in his book, TheWay of the Superior Man, says
that he calls it the greatmasculine error.
Is is one, it's just we we'reall obsessed with this idea that
one day it's gonna be easy, oneday we'll understand our lives,
(20:59):
one day we'll have all the moneywe want, one day we're gonna
have a six-pack.
And it's like we're just waitingfor the universe or God or
whatever to hand it to us.
And the reality is that's nevergonna happen.
SPEAKER_01 (21:12):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (21:12):
And the only way it will happen is if we understand
that nothing comes to us easily.
And there is this a lot ofdifferent variations of this
poem or writing, but at the end,if you could just you could just
Google choose your choose yourheart.
But basically it says, you know,I'm probably gonna butcher it,
but it says, you know, making alot of money is hard, being poor
(21:37):
is hard, working a nine to fiveis hard, being an entrepreneur
is hard, right?
Having a lot of friends is hard,having no friends is hard, being
in great shape is hard, beingoverweight is hard, having a
great marriage is hard, goingthrough a divorce is hard, and
(21:58):
so the idea of it is likeliterally everything in this
life is going to be difficult.
And the sooner you can embracethat and understand that easy is
a fallacy, the quicker you willbe content, the quicker you will
stop looking around the cornerfor something to be easy and
you'll be disappointed a wholelot less if you can learn to
(22:19):
embrace that model.
But that's the thing, right?
We're waiting for it to be easy.
We're waiting to want to workout, we're waiting to want to
draft up a budget and get ourfinances in order.
But that's the thing.
It's never gonna happen.
I was literally on a podcast anhour ago and we were having this
exact same conversation.
And I said, look, there's nevergoing to be a pack of
(22:40):
cheerleaders at the parking lotin the gym, you know, cheering
you on when you show up.
Your wife is never gonna grabthe cell phone out of your hand,
or your kids aren't going totake the remote from you.
You know, you have to do ityourself.
SPEAKER_01 (22:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (22:54):
And so for me, I think that's just so so key.
SPEAKER_04 (22:58):
What is the one um discipline that you would advise
to start with that can create aripple effect into other areas
of life?
SPEAKER_00 (23:08):
Yeah, that's a good question.
Um, I think I I think exercise,you know, diet and nutrition is
is so important.
Uh hear me out.
The reason why is because youcan make moves um, you know, in
your mindset and your mentalhealth and in your marriage and
with with your kids and all thatstuff, but it's all it's not
(23:29):
tangible, right?
You can't quite measure it, butyou certainly can with fitness
and and exercise, right?
Um, and that's the thing, youcan see measurable changes
pretty quickly.
Now, the reason why I say it'sso important is because the
reason why, let me talk aboutself self-confidence real quick.
(23:49):
The reason why we we lackself-confidence is because we've
broken promises to ourselves.
SPEAKER_01 (23:57):
Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_00 (23:57):
And so uh, you know, if you want to know where you're
most insecure in life, take alook at where you've broken the
most promises.
Is it in your marriage, is it inyour fitness, is it in your how
how you handle your money?
But really what happens is whenyou when you make a promise to
yourself and you don't keep it,you don't necessarily think that
anyone, you're like, well,nobody sees it, nobody really
(24:18):
cares, like nobody knows, butyou know, right?
And your mind begins to saythings like, Why would any why
should anyone else trust you ifyou can't trust yourself that
you're gonna follow through?
And so what happens then is youbegin when you keep when you
make a promise and you keep it,you begin to stack wins or build
rapport with yourself.
(24:39):
And for me and the men that Icoach, I a real simple way to
start that process is to say, Iwill work out like three times a
week.
I'm gonna keep that promise.
I will eat clean whole food.
What happens is you startstacking wins and you become
more self-confident, and thenyou start to get that momentum,
but also you have more energy,you're better rested, you're
(25:02):
losing weight.
So you're intrinsically far moremotivated and far more confident
to attack the other parts ofyour life, like your marriage,
like your finances, like yourparenting, because you're both
motivated on the inside, but youalso physically have more energy
and more mental capacity to dothat, right?
So that's why I always saystarting with just simple
(25:24):
exercise and and diet is a greatway because that unlocks
everything else.
SPEAKER_04 (25:29):
Yeah.
And also when you do somethinghard, right, especially if you
start it first thing in themorning, it sets your day up for
success.
So you're like, I did this hardthing.
You know, the next thing thatI'm gonna do is just mentally it
frees you up.
I mean, I know that's how it isfor me.
If I get up early like I said Iwould and go to the gym like I
said I would, I'm having anamazing day.
(25:49):
And that's, you know, that thatis what you said, keeping
promises to yourself.
So you're like, I can do that.
And if I can do this hard thing,I can do other hard things.
SPEAKER_00 (25:57):
That's so, so key.
I was literally saying this to abuddy of mine the other day, you
know, when he's going for a newPR and a squat.
And I was like, listen, man, ifyou can hit this, this is gonna
be the hardest thing you do allday.
You can take any sales callafter doing this.
Like, this is the like literallygetting yourself, number one,
getting yourself out of bed, youknow, but getting to the gym and
(26:18):
pushing that kind of weight,man, anything after that is so
much simpler.
So psychologically, it also setsyou up for success.
And Jocko Willink talks aboutthis in extreme ownership, I
think.
Uh, he says, like, the alarmtest is the first and most
significant test of the day.
Because what happens is when yousay yes, you're automatically
setting a precedent for yourselfsubconsciously to say yes to the
(26:42):
other things.
But if you wake up and say noand turn off your alarm or hit
snooze, now you are givingyourself permission to continue
breaking more promisesthroughout the day.
And so that first promise is so,so critical on a subconscious
level.
SPEAKER_04 (26:59):
Yeah, yeah, it's powerful.
Well, I like to shift thingsjust a little bit, and um, I
know you coach a lot of men andentrepreneurs.
I'd love for you to speak to thewomen of how they can help the
men in their lives.
SPEAKER_00 (27:14):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (27:15):
Because they're they're they're another piece,
right?
They're part of the puzzle.
SPEAKER_00 (27:19):
Oh, it's huge, it's huge.
Um, okay, we're talking to thewomen.
SPEAKER_04 (27:23):
Hey, if this episode is speaking to you, can you do
me a quick favor and share itwith a friend who you think will
also be encouraged by it?
Because when you share or leavea review or subscribe, it really
helps us to reach moreincredible human beings like
you.
Thank you so much for being partof this journey.
SPEAKER_00 (27:41):
We we men and women are so, so different.
Obviously.
Uh we're wired different.
And I could talk, we could do afull episode on the masculine
essence versus the feminineessence and how we're motivated
and our wiring and all that.
But at the end of the day, ifyou're a woman listening today
and um and you want to know whatare the what are the biggest
(28:01):
needs that my husband has, hehas two core needs, okay?
Number one is to feel competent,and number two is to feel
respected, okay?
It's not about feeling loved.
And it's good to feel loved, butfeeling competent and respected
for men is so much moreimportant, so much more
valuable.
Like, and I've done this so manytimes into a room of kind of
(28:24):
care if it's 20, 100,000 men,and you ask them the question,
would you rather hear the wordsfrom your wife?
Would you rather hear the wordsI love you or I respect you?
99% of the men in the room willlift their hands when I say I
respect you.
Um and so many women don'tnecessarily understand that.
And so what happens is we gobecause we we go to work and we
(28:49):
get this validation, right?
We are successful at work, we'rerespected by our peers.
Um they they believe in us,we're high performers, you know,
whatever.
And we come home because we havedifferent needs, what happens is
uh we start shoving strategiesdown our wife's throat, which is
oh, we need to work on, right?
We try fixing things, we try,you know, we end up treating our
(29:13):
our families like staff membersto fix it.
I don't want, you know, and thenwhat happens is we start to feel
incompetent, right?
Because it's like, well, I'm I'mI'm I I'm of no use in the home
because I can't solve this,right?
And the masculine essence is indoing, the feminine is being,
right?
So men really want to dosomething about it, right?
(29:35):
And so we have to fight ourwiring.
And so what happens is then theyfeel a little bit of that
incompetence, and andunfortunately, sometimes as men
too do with their wives, but oror men do with women and women
do with men, sometimes they cansay things that may feel
disrespectful, you know, like umall like you're not a good
husband, or you're not a goodfather, or you're not a good
(29:57):
provider, or whatever, and itfeels disrespectful.
All of a sudden, instantly,we're both of our core needs are
not being met.
And what happens is men thenbegin to spend more time at work
because that's where they'regetting those needs met, right?
Versus home, uh, where it's allthe lines are blurry.
They can't measure success athome.
How do you I I tell people allthe time, I'm like, your your
(30:18):
six-year-old is not going tocome up to you and be like, hey,
daddy, here are 10 strategicreasons why you're an effective
father.
Like we have no way of measuringthat, right?
But we do at work, and so that'swhy it's so easy.
So what happens is dad stays atwork because he's more
comfortable there.
And then what happens is mom isno longer seen, heard, and
cherished, right?
(30:39):
So she, when he does come home,she doesn't feel like respecting
him or making him feelcompetent.
And so we start to drift, and wecall this the crazy cycle.
And so if you're listening tothis today and you're a woman,
uh understand that um he hedesires that more than anything.
And he may not even understandhow to articulate that, right?
You know, and so it's a goodconversation to have.
(31:01):
So, you know, I teach my guys uhthat uh women's three core needs
are to feel seen, to feel heard,and to feel safe, right?
And so, real simply, I'll havemy my clients go to the wives
and say, Hey, like I we'll takethem out on a date, whatever.
What does it look like for me tomake you feel more seen?
What does it look like to makeyou feel more heard?
(31:21):
What does it look like to makeyou feel more safe?
And then, you know, the youknow, the wife, if she's
willing, asking that question,what does it look like to make
you feel more respected in thehome?
What does it make you what doesit look like to make you feel
more competent as a husband, asa father when you show up?
And if you can genuinely have anopen, honest conversation, man,
(31:41):
and you can share that in aplace of safety, and you can
start meeting those needs forone another, it is powerful.
And so that's what I would sayto your listeners who are women,
and um that that is so so sosignificant.
The most empowering thing youcan say to your husband is I
believe in you.
I believe in you.
(32:01):
I think you can do anything.
I'm behind you, support you.
He can live off that for sixmonths.
All right, yeah, that's it.
Yeah, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_04 (32:10):
Absolutely.
Yeah, that is so powerful.
I mean, imagine if every marriedcouple did that, right?
That would be a game changer.
Just that alone.
Yeah, absolutely.
And on top of that, we knowstatistically that majority of
affairs happen in a workplace.
And I think you touched on it abit of why that happens, because
they get validated.
There's a reward system, right?
(32:31):
You're working, you'recollaborating in a project
together, there's meaning inthat, there's a sense of we're
accomplishing, we're workingtowards something together.
And you come home and you feellike I'm not good enough, I'm
not hitting the marks and thisand that.
And that then feels lessrewarding, less assuring, less
affirming.
And so you get affirm there, butnot there.
(32:52):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (32:53):
Well, you know, 95% of the men that I work with say,
I feel powerful at work andpowerless at home.
They come home, they don't knowhow to talk to their wife, they
feel like a nuisance in theirhome, they feel like they don't
serve any purpose.
You know, and and and becauseagain, it's it's we're we base
our worth by what we do.
Right.
(33:13):
Yeah.
And and that's just uh it'simportant to understand that,
not not to say that that's theway it needs to be, like, but
but but it's great informationso that if we can communicate
through that, we can createspace for one another, right?
And teaching men how to sit andlisten to their wives and
empathize with them and validatetheir emotions and and have them
(33:35):
make space with how to makespace for her without trying to
fix anything.
And at the end of the day, it'sit's so difficult for men to
hear feelings because they can'tdo anything about it.
SPEAKER_01 (33:48):
Right, right.
SPEAKER_00 (33:49):
Going back to the essence of doing, we can't fix
it.
And that's scary for men becausewe we put our worth in what we
can fix.
So if we can't fix, then we'renot a good husband.
And so we can't uh we strugglein that sort of atmosphere, that
emotional climate.
So I teach men how to sit inthat, right?
(34:12):
And and because she's notlooking for a savior, right?
She's looking for a safe place.
That's it.
She just wants to be hurt, andso that tension is is real, and
and teaching men and women howto navigate that is huge.
SPEAKER_04 (34:26):
Yeah, one of the things too I heard before is um
for a husband specifically, whenapproaching a wife and she wants
to share something with you,asking this question is this
something you want me to helpyou solve, or do you want me to
just listen?
unknown (34:39):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (34:39):
And that kind of creates of okay, am I going into
how to help my wife mode, or amI going into all right, she just
wants to be heard.
She actually doesn't want me tosolve anything today.
SPEAKER_00 (34:50):
Mm-hmm.
And you know, you know what?
And another little side perk, itsays, Hey, I care about you and
I want to serve you the best wayI know how, right?
I I want to be better for you.
And so even by virtue of askingthe question, it shows that
you're showing up, that you'represent, that you're you are
being where your feet are, thatyou're not on your phone or
you're not, you know, you'relike fully there with her.
(35:12):
And that's so much of what menand women struggle with.
So yeah, that's that was it whenI started doing that with my
wife, it was a huge gamechanger.
And now, even to this day, everysingle time when I come home and
she's like, Hey, this happenedand this is going on.
My first thought is, is thissomething you'd like me to
listen to?
Just empathize with you, or isthis something where you want me
(35:33):
to help you fix?
I'm happy to do either.
Uh just let me know.
And she's like, you know what?
Actually, I'd like your helpfixing this.
Or sometimes she's like, Yeah, Ijust want you to listen.
And that takes the pressure offas men too, because we're like,
oh, sweet, I can just listen.
Easy, right?
SPEAKER_04 (35:47):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_02 (35:49):
Um, as a coach, what mindset shift tends to create
the biggest breakthrough?
SPEAKER_01 (35:58):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (35:59):
What's like the biggest unlock, right?
SPEAKER_00 (36:01):
Yeah.
Honestly, I I I think it's it'skind of what we were talking
about before.
Um understanding that thecavalry isn't coming.
Right.
Understanding that no one's noone's gonna give you the easy
route.
Um understanding that it's onyou to do to do to make the
(36:23):
change.
And um and and and not andletting go of the expectation
for it to be easy.
And it it's hard to do, but buthonestly, when you're like when
you stop expecting, when youstop looking for ease around
every corner, life just gets alot easier.
You know, it sounds a littleweird, it sounds weird, but but
(36:45):
that's significant, you know,and that in in in coupling with
um the eulogy exercise, I thinkhas been two of the most
transformative pieces for a manto understand I am not on a good
trajectory.
And if I were to die today, thisis what my family would say.
You know, um and with thatquestion or with that that
(37:10):
exercise, and there's a lot ofconversation that goes.
I mean, we're talking really,really high level here, but with
that conversation in thosesessions, you know, I'll ask a
question often, which is verysimple.
What do you want?
And I'll tell you 98% of theguys that I ask that question
to, they have no idea becausethey've spent so long building
(37:30):
the business or you know,whatever, building the rampire
or whatever it is they're tryingto do that they've completely
lost touch with what they want,right?
And so, for example, if you'llallow me, I'll I'll show you or
give you an example of a clientI was working with a little
while ago.
I said, What do you what do youwant?
He said, Well, I want an AudiR8.
(37:52):
Now, an Audi R8 is like asupercar, right?
And it's on about$200,000.
So I said, Okay, that'sinteresting.
Uh, why do you want an an R8?
He's like, Well, I want peopleto know uh I want people to know
how much money I make.
SPEAKER_01 (38:09):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (38:09):
Or I want people to know I'm successful.
Well, why do you want people toknow you're successful?
Well, because successful peoplemake a lot of money.
Okay, so why do you want peopleto know that you make a lot of
money?
Well, because then um thenthey'll notice me, right?
Okay, well why do you want to benoticed?
Well, because uh they'll respectme then.
(38:33):
Oh, okay.
You you you want to berespected.
And so then what happened?
So then I'm like, okay, well,perhaps there might have been a
time in your life where you feltdisrespected.
SPEAKER_01 (38:45):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (38:46):
Um, maybe it's not the supercar that you want, or
maybe it's not that you wanteveryone to know that you're
powerful and you have a lot ofmoney.
Maybe at the end of the day, thelittle boy inside of you still
just is craving respect and feelcompetent.
And you feel like getting thatsupercar and making that money
is gonna fix that wound, right?
(39:06):
But what would happen if whenyou showed up at home and you
showed up at work, you werefully authentically you, and you
were respected by your peers andrespected by your wife, and
you're admired by your family,and that you knew beyond a
shadow of a doubt that you were100% the man you were called to
be.
Would you still feel the need towant that R8 supercar?
(39:26):
And as we began to go downthrough that exercise, he's
like, Yeah, no, that's actuallythat's actually all I want.
I want, I want, I want to berespected and um and desired by
my wife, you know.
So, but again, like he asked himwhat he wanted, he's a car.
I'm like, what?
No, you don't have a car, youknow.
But so so that question, so manymen don't know how to answer
(39:49):
that.
So many people don't know how toanswer.
SPEAKER_04 (39:50):
Well, a lot of people don't.
SPEAKER_00 (39:52):
And we have to do, and this is what we say when we
we do the deep work, right?
We got to unlock some of thatstuff.
And like I said earlier, 80% ofthe way we see ourselves and see
the world around us is formedbefore we're 12 years old.
And so we have to look to ourpast to see where some of those
wounds came up because we got alot of grown men walking around,
(40:12):
but they're just little boys onthe inside, right?
That haven't had that questionanswered because every little
boy is asking that one questionAm I enough?
And unfortunately, a lot oftimes these boys didn't get that
question answered by theirfathers.
SPEAKER_01 (40:28):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (40:28):
I was a situation where that, you know, that
happened to me.
And a lot of men I know thatI've worked with, their fathers
didn't answer that question forthem.
And so they grew up to be grownmen, still going around.
Am I enough?
Am I enough?
Am I enough?
When will I be enough?
And so this is the work we do tohelp answer that question.
No, you are enough.
You don't need, you know,$10million, you don't need these
(40:49):
many businesses, you don't needa supercar, right?
But this is the reality of thework that we do, and it's so
significant.
SPEAKER_04 (40:55):
Yeah, that's beautiful.
Mitchell, what is the legacythat you hope to leave in the
work that you do and the lifethat you love?
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SPEAKER_00 (41:41):
I just want to help people.
I want to serve, I want to help,you know, i i I believe every
family has a curse breaker.
For me and my family, I'm thecurse breaker.
You know, my family is riddledwith alcoholics, uh, drugs,
crime, whatever.
You know, the only way I knowhow to turn trash into treasure
is by using my story to help andhelp other men end that cycle
(42:04):
for their families as well.
I literally had thisconversation with my wife a
couple weeks ago.
And I said, you know, I thinkI'm finally at the place where
if I die tomorrow, I'd be sohappy.
And once I draw my last breath,I'd have no regrets.
Because I've used the time thatI have to help transform the
lives of and marriages of somany men that at the end of at
(42:26):
my funeral, I want man after manafter man to stand up and say,
I'm still married today becauseof him.
Or I'm a great father todaybecause of him.
Or I show you whatever.
And so that's what I that's thelegacy I want to leave.
SPEAKER_04 (42:39):
Yeah, and that also creates such a huge rule effect
into generations, right?
Because if you can impact afather who's raising children
and is married, that is legacyupon legacy of
multi-generational impact.
So that is so beautiful.
SPEAKER_00 (42:54):
Well, and you know, I say this at the beginning of
every single episode of my mypodcast, the Dad Nation podcast,
I say when the dad gets better,the whole family wins.
And generations after that win,right?
When a man steps up and raises astandard for himself and his
family, everybody wins.
It's powerful work.
SPEAKER_04 (43:12):
Yeah.
Well, and I bet that getting tofrom where you were to where you
are today wasn't easy, was it?
SPEAKER_00 (43:22):
No, it was excruciating.
And it was, it was, I learned alot of lessons the hard way.
And I almost gave up so manytimes.
SPEAKER_04 (43:30):
Yeah, and I think that's why a lot of people don't
do it, right?
I think it's easier to staycomfortable.
It's easier to stay stuck,right?
Because you just do what you'rehabitually wired to do.
And rewiring your brain,redoing, you know, all of that,
just rewiring your thoughts,those pathways that were created
(43:50):
over and over again, and havingto create new pathways that are
healthier, a different thought.
Like I can do hard things, I'mgonna be able to overcome this.
And um, seeing yourself from adifferent lens is so hard to
continue to do the work.
So thank you for doing that.
SPEAKER_00 (44:05):
Yeah, well, I mean, thank you.
I mean, yeah, you're welcome.
I'm I'm I'm uh I'm glad to beable to talk about it.
You know, real one real quickstatistic.
We know that 95% of the thoughtswe have today are the exact same
as the thoughts we hadyesterday.
unknown (44:20):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (44:20):
So we only we know that only 5% of the decisions we
make every single day aresubconscious.
Now that are conscious.
And the reason why that's soimportant is because that tells
us that we live the vastmajority of our lives on
autopilot.
Right.
And so if we want to change thetrajectory, we literally have to
change how we think through thepower of neuroplasticity, which
we could get into another time.
(44:41):
But that's powerful, and that'swhy it's so hard to break that,
right?
But it's uh it's powerful.
SPEAKER_04 (44:46):
Overriding that.
And also, I mean, you know, mostlisteners probably know by now,
but your brain doesn't know thedifference between your imagined
thought and what actuallyhappened.
So when you start to visualizeand see yourself in a different
light, as if it's real, yourbrain is registering that as a
reality, as if that is a realityalready that happened.
SPEAKER_00 (45:07):
Yeah, it's so good.
And that's that's a detail thatso many people miss.
It's huge.
The visualization, you know,gratitude, all those things.
SPEAKER_04 (45:15):
Yeah.
Well, I'd love to wrap up thepodcast with three questions.
And one of them is what is thebravest thing that Mitchell's
ever done?
SPEAKER_00 (45:25):
Uh probably launched the podcast.
Um, it took me about threeyears.
I I wrote content for threeyears.
Wow.
Before I had the courage toactually do it.
Because one of the limitingbeliefs I had, because I was
when growing up, I was told,well, you're not the smart one
in the family.
And you're gonna be an alcoholiclike your dad.
(45:46):
And so for years I fought thisidea that I'm dumb, that I'm not
smart, that I have nothing tocontribute to this world.
So I wrote and wrote and wrotefor years in my basement before
I finally got the courage tolaunch the podcast.
Um, and so uh that that is itwas the hardest thing that I've
ever done.
SPEAKER_04 (46:05):
Wow, that's beautiful.
What are three pivotal booksthat were transformative for
you?
SPEAKER_00 (46:12):
Uh Limitless by Jim Quick.
And it's a it's meta, it's likea meta learning.
It's it's all about how to learnfaster, right?
SPEAKER_01 (46:20):
It's brilliant.
SPEAKER_00 (46:21):
Um he talks about everything from like how to
increase your memory, speedreading, but talks about a lot
about limiting self-beliefs, andit's super practical.
How to unwire your brain andstop sabotaging yourself.
Um, another one's The Meaning ofMarriage by Timothy Keller.
Um, change the way I see my wifeand the way I ought to uh
cherish her and honor her.
(46:42):
Um, and I want to say I'mlooking you're listening I'm
just looking back at my podcastor my uh bookshelf deck of
books, yeah.
Yeah.
Um I would say the ruthlesselimination of hurry.
SPEAKER_02 (46:54):
That's a good one, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (46:56):
Yeah, by John Marcomer.
Um, that one, uh, I mean,because and as an entrepreneur,
um, as a business owner, it canbe especially and as a man being
driven by accomplishments andall those things, it can be so
easy to lose track of yourfamily in trying to provide for
them.
SPEAKER_01 (47:14):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (47:15):
And that's the irony of this is I work with so many
men who who almost lose theirfamilies in trying to provide,
give them the life that they'vealways wanted.
And then they end up gettingthat life, but their family is
gone.
SPEAKER_04 (47:26):
Right.
Yeah.
Wow, that's powerful.
And the last one is what's thebest advice that someone else
gave you?
SPEAKER_00 (47:33):
Time is the only currency we spend without
knowing the remaining balance.
unknown (47:39):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (47:39):
Oh, we have no idea how much time we have left.
I could have sixty minutes or Icould have sixty years.
Um and without without gettingtoo too deep into it, my um my
nephew passed away uh a yearago, uh just like a week ago.
Uh he was in a drunk drivingaccident.
And you know, moments before hewas sitting around the fire with
(48:01):
his buddies.
You know, he had no idea that hewas living the last moments of
his life.
unknown (48:06):
Wow.
SPEAKER_00 (48:07):
How different would his conversations have been if
he had known that he had 20minutes left to live?
And so for me, um, I'm donegiving my time away to frivolous
um things that don't matter inthis life, like social media,
like dead-end friendships, youknow, whatever.
SPEAKER_01 (48:23):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (48:23):
Um I do not know how much time I have left.
And so I refuse to spend it onthings that don't matter.
SPEAKER_04 (48:30):
Wow, that's a very different reframing, right?
We hear about like time is theone currency you can never get
back, and yada yada yada, butthat's a really different way to
put that.
Well, Mitchell, thank you somuch for being in this podcast
and sharing your story and umjust your insights.
It's powerful.
I know this podcast is going toimpact people and families and
(48:51):
generations to come.
So thank you so much for yourtime.
SPEAKER_00 (48:54):
Thank you for having me on the show.
SPEAKER_04 (48:57):
Thank you for listening to the Once a Bear
podcast.
It is an honor to share theencouraging stories with you.
If you enjoyed the show, I wouldlove for you to tell your
friends, leave a video reading,and subscribe to wherever we
listen to the podcast becausethis helps other things out of
the show.
You can find me on my website,and then you can't get a little
(49:29):
bit
Hey friends, welcome to the Once Who Dared podcast
where stories of courage areelevated.
I'm your host, Becca, and everyother week you'll hear
interviews from inspiringpeople.
My hope is that you will leaveencouraged.
I'm so glad you're here.
SPEAKER_04 (00:24):
Today in the Once Who Dare Podcast, I'm thrilled
to welcome Mitchell Osmond, hostof the internationally top
five-rated podcast Call of ThatNation.
Consider this episode as a free,high-level coaching session, as
Mitchell knows firsthand what ittakes to rebuild from the bottom
up.
At one point, he was unemployed,50 pounds overweight, drowning
(00:45):
in nearly$100,000 in debt, andwatching his marriage almost
fall apart.
Today, he helps high-performingmen reclaim their home, health,
and happiness withoutsacrificing success.
Get ready for a powerfulconversation that will challenge
you and leave you reflecting onyour own life.
Mitch Osmond, welcome to theOnce for Dear Podcast.
(01:06):
I'm so honored to have you onhere today.
SPEAKER_00 (01:08):
Thank you for having me today.
I'm looking forward to havingthis conversation with you.
SPEAKER_04 (01:11):
Yeah.
So Mitch is a trusted advisor, aleadership consultant, executive
coach, and the voice behind theDad Nation podcast, which is
it's in top percent globallywith 30 plus thousand monthly
listeners.
And uh you empower men to lead abetter life.
And um you also help them alignwith success and personal life.
(01:32):
And I'm so excited to have youon here because you really touch
on mindset about just how toreframe the way that we see
ourselves and get from thevictim mindset into um seeing us
how we can write a better storyand more courageous story.
So I'd love to hear from you ofjust for you to share a little
bit about your background, um,what led you to not only start
(01:56):
God Nation, but on the journeythat you went on to be who you
are today.
SPEAKER_00 (02:00):
Yeah, thank you for asking.
And I just want to say thanksfor having me on the show.
I mean, it's an honor and aprivilege to begin to get to
share, you know, my story andand help help others.
And so I I think I love startingwith that, uh, the origin story,
the turning point, because Ithink it's so we can make the
mistake of listening to podcastslike this and hearing people
talk and make and make themistake of thinking that they've
(02:22):
had it all figured out or youknow, whatever.
But I'll be the first to tellyou um I've made all the
mistakes, I've learned all thelessons the hard way because I'm
so thick-headed.
But for me, yeah, it was a crazystory of transformation.
And uh, you know, people oftenask me, what was your turning
point?
You know, that really kind ofturned it around.
So I'll try and give it to youas as quickly as possible.
(02:45):
But um, there were two realpivotal points for me.
The first one was a fight, andthe second one was a funeral.
And so the first point was thefight.
And if you can picture, I was onthe couch with my wife sitting
in the living room, and we hadbeen married for about three
years, and we just hit our rockbottom.
We had the fight of all fights,and uh, and it went on for I
(03:07):
don't know, must have been acouple hours.
And you see, like I said, we'vebeen married for three point
three years up to this point,and it was a hard three years.
Like we really struggled, butthis was the fight that I knew.
If I didn't change somethingdeep down, I knew that this this
marriage was going to be over.
Um, to give you some contextleading up to this, I had been
(03:28):
let go of a senior leadershipposition.
And my career was everything, itwas my calling, my identity.
And I spiraled into depression.
I was 60 pounds overweight.
We were$100,000 in debt.
I was medicating with drugs andalcohol on the daily just to
cope.
And now I was gettingdangerously close to losing my
(03:48):
wife.
And uh I was in this tension oflike, why is it that I could see
success professionally, but Iwas struggling so much
personally.
And I go to work and I feelpowerful and I come home and I
would feel powerless.
And I just uh there was thisduality that I wrestled with.
And to back things up even more,you know, I came from a
(04:10):
dysfunctional upbringing.
You know, I had a non-existentrelationship with my father.
He was an alcoholic.
Um, drugs and crime werelittered throughout my home
growing up.
And so I was kind of caught inthe middle of it, my my past and
the present, you know, and Iknew that I knew where I came
from.
And I knew that I could do, Iknew that I was determined to do
something different, but I keptget, I felt myself getting
(04:33):
pulled back into the mistakes,into the, you know, uh, the
mistakes of my father and hisfather.
And when I would yell at mywife, I would, I would hear his
voice in mine, I would hear hiswords, and it was like I
couldn't stop it.
And like I said, it felt like Iwas trapped in two different
people in one body.
And it was such a point oftension for me.
(04:54):
And the second defining momentcame literally seven days after
that fight.
Now I'm still questioning if ifthis marriage is going to make
it.
And I get invited to sing atthis funeral of this really
wealthy man, he was aphilanthropist.
There was a couple thousandpeople there.
And I was getting ready to singthe last song, and I overheard
(05:14):
the minister ask the crowd, hesaid, Are you living a life
worthy of imitation?
If you were to die tomorrow,would you be proud of the legacy
that you left?
And he referenced all the thingsthat this man had done.
And I tell you what, as I beganto try to sing the last song, I
could barely choke out thelyrics because all I could think
in the back of my mind was, man,if this were my funeral, nobody
(05:37):
would be saying he inspired meto have a better marriage or he
inspired me to get my financesin order, or he inspired me to
get into shape.
Um, they probably would havesaid at that point, he
struggled, and then it was over.
You know, and so that funeral,that time, you know, as I
finished up that funeral andpacked up my stuff, I made a
commitment that I would, that Iwould write there and then that
(05:59):
I would write a new story, thatI would take the pen back, so to
speak, and rewrite my future.
Um, and I and and I knew that Ihad to die to the man that I was
in order to become the man thatI knew I could be for my family.
And so it was a wild journey.
And then really at the end ofthe day, you know, long story
short, I I gathered men aroundme who were successful in the
(06:21):
areas that I needed to see thatbreakthrough in.
And within one and a half yearsor 18 months, we completely paid
off our debt, uh, the hundredgrand.
We restored our marriage.
I lost the 60 pounds, built alean, confident body, and I was
clean of some substances anddistractions, and I was focused
for the first time.
(06:41):
And so what happened after thatwas because I was in positions
of leadership, all of a suddenpeople started asking questions
like Mitchell, what's going on,man?
SPEAKER_04 (06:48):
Yeah, how did you do that?
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (06:50):
And so I started helping friends of my buddies
who were disconnected in theirmarriage or weighed down by
debt, helping them put budgetstogether.
And one of my mentors at onepoint said, Hey man, if you
really want to live a lifeworthy of imitation, if you want
to have impact, then we're gonnaturn your trash into treasure by
sharing your story with theworld.
And he said, You need to start apodcast.
(07:12):
And I was like, Heck no, that'sI'm not sharing my or airing my
dirty laundry with the world.
And sure enough, I accepted thechallenge.
And within six months, thepodcast was top 10%, now it's
top five percent.
And then within uh after the sixmonths, I would have listeners
reach out across the worldsaying, Hey, could you help me
in my situation?
(07:34):
And so I launched a coachingpractice, which within six
months I scaled to a six-figurecoaching practice.
And basically, out of just thestory of my own trauma and then
transformation, and I love EdMillette says this all the time.
He says, You were the mostqualified to help the person you
used to be.
SPEAKER_01 (07:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (07:51):
And at that at the end of the day, that's all I do.
And I am completely focused anddedicated to taking my story and
helping other men restore theirrelationships, get their health
back, show up as more presentand powerful fathers and to
reclaim their lives.
And so that's that's how I gothere.
SPEAKER_04 (08:07):
Wow, that's powerful.
Yeah, in our vulnerability,we're able to help help others,
right?
When we can openly share ourstruggles and share how you have
done that.
So, how does someone, you know,I may have a listener at this
point who's thinking, yeah, youknow, I'm really unhappy with my
life.
If I was to be at my ownfuneral, I probably would be
disappointed with the life thatI'm living.
(08:28):
How do I change that?
SPEAKER_00 (08:32):
I mean, that's a million-dollar question, right?
SPEAKER_04 (08:34):
Yeah.
Um, you know, like where do Istart, right?
Like, where do I start?
SPEAKER_00 (08:40):
Yeah, where do you start?
You start with ownership, right?
Taking complete ownership.
Because here's the thing um,your past can define you or it
can refine you, right?
You get to choose.
And I was where I was becauseuh, you know, I had pain from my
past as a child that I didn'tdeal with.
(09:01):
And when I got married andbecame a man, it began those
wounds began to bleed into mymarriage and all over my wife.
And so I needed to heal that.
I needed, and and a part of thatprocess was getting honest about
where I was at.
You know, we know that 80% ofthe way we see the world and the
way we see ourselves is formedbefore we're 12 years old.
That's why we have to look tothe past to understand what
(09:24):
happened and to see, becausethat that those those seeds that
were planted keep, you know,reaping a harvest.
And a lot of times,unfortunately, it's not the
harvest that we want.
And so we need to we need to digdeep into that and see, well,
where did we go wrong?
And part of that is like uhagain, taking ownership and
saying, you know, I'm not gonnalet, I'm not gonna continue to
(09:46):
let the past uh you know dictatemy future.
And and I have something calledthe author's advantage, which
really just says at the end ofthe day, a lot of people um
think that their their lifegoes, you know, your past
impacts your present, and thenyour your present goes to the
future.
And then the problem with thatis, you know, at the end of the
day, your few your past isalways going to dictate where
(10:08):
you end up in the future.
But what I like to do is flipthat model on its head, and we
actually begin with the futureand we say, let's get crystal
clear about where we're headed.
You know, for me, it was thatfuneral moment, you know, uh uh
beginning with the end in mind.
I mean, Napoleon Hill talkedabout this, Stephen Covey talked
about this in his book, TheSeven Habits of Highly Effective
People.
(10:28):
Get a very clear picture aboutwhere you want to go, spell it
out, right?
In crystal clear, and then allowthat pick that picture of the
future to then shape yourpresent daily actions.
And then when you're living inthe present, you're gonna
actively speak to the past andpull it into alignment with
where you're going, right?
And you're gonna have to chooseto say, I'm no longer going to
(10:51):
let the past dictate where I'mheaded.
I'm going to actually use thatas fuel to move me forward,
right?
And that's at the end of the daywhat I had to do with my story
because I was very, very closeto becoming an alcoholic, to
becoming overweight, to becomingdepressed and alone, just like
so many people in my family.
(11:12):
But I had to flip the script onits head and I had to take
complete ownership.
And until I'm ready to becompletely honest with myself,
nothing's gonna change because Ican look for diet plans, I can
hire trainers, and I can hire amarriage counselor and I can do
all these different things.
But if at the end of the day Idon't genuinely believe that I'm
(11:35):
capable or worthy of more, thenI'm gonna keep sabotaging.
And that's what what happensthen is we have this gaping
wound and we try and stretch aband-aid over it.
And that's actually not thesolution.
Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_04 (11:47):
Yeah, it makes a lot of sense.
Absolutely.
Yeah, and I think there is sucha thing too as um, you know, a
lot of entrepreneurs that I knowand talk to can be extremely
successful because they'releveraging their childhood
wounds to prove something right.
And that is the launching padinto incredible success on the
(12:08):
outside.
But if they never took the timeto deal with what's going on in
their internal world and to healfrom their past, which, like you
said, you have to look back in asense in order to make sense of
it, heal from it.
But you're living with thefuture in mind.
You're living from thatperspective, saying, okay,
what's the future that I want tobuild?
And how do I make what do I needto do today to make that a
(12:30):
reality?
What are the baby steps that Ineed to do to make that a
reality?
SPEAKER_00 (12:35):
Yeah.
And and, you know, at the end ofthe day, you know, and and a
real simple exercise, uh, I'dlove to share, but real quickly.
But yeah, go for it.
But right before I do that, Imean, uh, we we know that our
lives are where they are todaybecause of the decisions that
we've made over the last threeto five years.
And so when I think about thedecisions that I've made from
2020 to 2023, it makes totalsense as to why I'm here today,
(12:58):
right?
And so now, if I like where I'mat, then that's a great thing.
Keep doing the same thing.
But if I want to be somewheredifferent, then I need to look
into the future, right?
And and and then ask myself,what do I want life to look like
in five years?
What kind of marriage do I want?
What kind of health do I want?
What kind of finances do I wantin within five years?
Now, what does that person, whatdecisions do they make, right?
(13:20):
And so a quick question you canask yourself, and I ask this to
my clients often, uh, is if, youknow, say for example, me and
you were like, we were to bumpinto each other in an airport,
and I was like, hey, Sebca, howyou doing?
Like it's been three years sincewe talked.
And you were to say to me, Man,Mitch, this has been the best
(13:41):
three years of my life.
Let me tell you about it.
The question is, is what wouldwhat would have to be true about
your life, right?
At that point, to have made thepast three years the best three
years of your life.
And so what we do is we getvery, very clear about like,
okay, well, let's look at thethe you know, the different
areas of your life.
What does your marriage looklike?
(14:02):
Or what does your health looklike?
Where are you living?
Where are your kids going toschool?
What do you do in your freetime?
Um, what's your relationshipwith like with your children?
What are your hobbies?
How much money is in your bankaccount?
You know, you name it, whateverthe thing is for you.
And get very, very clear.
And what we do is you write itout, kind of like a movie scene,
like like when you're drivingoff into the sunset, and it's
(14:23):
like, this is what I want thisto look like, this is what I
want this to look like.
And then we say, okay, well,let's reverse engineer that
three-year vision, okay, intostrategies and daily action
steps.
What do I need to do today tohave that life in three years
from now?
And I think it's good, andthat's called externalizing.
It's you're asking yourself, ifif three years from now Mitchell
(14:46):
could stretch back into time andspeak to me, what would he tell
me to do?
99% of the time, he's gonna say,get off your phone.
SPEAKER_04 (14:54):
Yeah, right.
That's a big one.
SPEAKER_00 (14:55):
Right?
He's gonna say, go to the gym,or don't make that, you know,
lavish purchase that you don'tneed, or spend some quality time
with your wife, or get on thefloor and play with your kids.
You know, stop stop checking theemail.
And when we externalize andallow that future clear vision
of him yourself to speak to youin the day, in today's present
time, we get very clear becausewe all instinctively know what
(15:16):
we need to do, but we're notvery clear as to we don't often
think about the future, right?
Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_04 (15:22):
Yeah, it makes a lot of sense.
The other um practice that Iheard you say is um that you
have your clients write outtheir eulogy, which I absolutely
love.
I have my eulogy written.
Actually, I did this exercisewith all my, well, most of my
siblings.
I have a lot of them.
Um we started a siblingmastermind and I had to write
out their eulogy.
And it was probably the mostpowerful, significant couple
(15:46):
hours that we shared a sibling.
So I'd love for you to share alittle bit about that exercise
as well, because I think it is apowerful one.
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SPEAKER_00 (16:33):
Thank you for bringing up because every single
one of my clients do this.
And um, and some people mightthink it's morbid.
I don't care.
It is, you know what?
The more you are faced with yourmortality, the more you will
live with presence andauthenticity and tenacity.
Because you have to be aware ofit.
And so what I what I do is I getmy clients to write two versions
(16:55):
of their eulogy.
So the first version is if youwere to die today, I want you to
write the eulogy from theperspective of your wife.
You know, now again, I speak toI coach men exclusively, so
that's why a lot of my languageis around, man.
But if you're a woman, flip thescript, right?
If they were standing over yourcoffin today, what would they
(17:15):
say about you?
About the marriage you had, uhthe father you were to your
children, you know, the way youyou gave to your community, you
know, you name it.
Then if you were, you're we'regonna write a 2.0 version of
that.
If you were 100% the the man,father, husband, or or woman,
mother, wife that you wanted tobe, that knew you you could be,
(17:36):
what would they say about you atthat point?
Right.
And then what we do then is wedraw the the the tensions
between those two because thatin that gap, who we are
currently and who we know wecould be, that's where our
anxiety lies.
That's where our frustrationlies.
That that's that's the stuffthat keeps us up at night, you
(17:58):
know.
And so that's that eulogyexercise is a beautiful way of
bringing those things to light.
And I've I'll regularly haveclients say, Yeah, I I think
that they would probably saythat that I cared about
business, that I worked a lot,that I was kind of home, but I
wasn't.
Like I was there in body, but Iwasn't there in my mind.
(18:18):
You know, and so it draws outthat raw stuff because that's
the stuff that matters.
You know, and I've never onceout of the the the countless men
who have done this, not one ofthem have said that they want to
be known for how many milliondollars they've made, how many
businesses they've scaled.
Every single one of them havesaid, I want my wife to know
(18:41):
that I loved her, I want my kidsto know that I love them, that I
believed in them, I want mycommunity to know that I showed
up when it mattered most, youknow, all those different
things.
And none of those have anythingto do with material possessions,
right?
And that's why it's so valuable.
And going back to ownership,that first question you asked
me, that's why this exercise isso visceral, because it forces
(19:03):
you to get honest and realizeyou have to take ownership of
these things.
SPEAKER_04 (19:07):
Yeah.
I mean, I think as long as wekeep thinking that the external
forces are responsible foroutcome, the more that we stay
stuck, right?
And um, one of the things, too,that I just uh hear people say
sometimes, especially men, youknow, they're just like, I just
I know what I want to do.
I just need to be motivated, Ijust need someone to motivate
me.
What would you say to someonelike that?
SPEAKER_00 (19:29):
I say motivation is garbage.
It's strong language, it'sstrong language.
But listen, motive motivationcomes and goes like the wind.
It's so fickle, right?
I want you to think aboutmotivation as kindling to a
fire.
Motivation might light the fire,but that fire is going to go out
quite quick.
What you need to do is builddisciplines, right?
(19:51):
Motivations will help you lightthe fire, but we need to get big
pieces of wood that we chuck inthere that keep the fire going.
Those are healthy habits anddisciplines.
Um, because at the end of theday, you will not feel like
going to the gym.
You will not feel like stayingup and having that critical
conversation with your wife.
You won't feel like saying no tothat lavish purchase that you
(20:13):
know you don't need.
You know, that's the thing.
Um, we all we all want to staymotivated.
I mean, every every good dietstarts on Monday.
Well, Monday I'll be motivated,you know what I mean?
But at the end of the day, aslong as we're waiting to feel
like it, um, we won't actuallydo it.
And we might for like a week orso, you know, and so I I think,
(20:36):
you know, and not everyone lovesthis language, and I recognize
that it is it is fairlyaggressive, but it's this idea
that life is not going to beeasy.
Like David Data in his book, TheWay of the Superior Man, says
that he calls it the greatmasculine error.
Is is one, it's just we we'reall obsessed with this idea that
one day it's gonna be easy, oneday we'll understand our lives,
(20:59):
one day we'll have all the moneywe want, one day we're gonna
have a six-pack.
And it's like we're just waitingfor the universe or God or
whatever to hand it to us.
And the reality is that's nevergonna happen.
SPEAKER_01 (21:12):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (21:12):
And the only way it will happen is if we understand
that nothing comes to us easily.
And there is this a lot ofdifferent variations of this
poem or writing, but at the end,if you could just you could just
Google choose your choose yourheart.
But basically it says, you know,I'm probably gonna butcher it,
but it says, you know, making alot of money is hard, being poor
(21:37):
is hard, working a nine to fiveis hard, being an entrepreneur
is hard, right?
Having a lot of friends is hard,having no friends is hard, being
in great shape is hard, beingoverweight is hard, having a
great marriage is hard, goingthrough a divorce is hard, and
(21:58):
so the idea of it is likeliterally everything in this
life is going to be difficult.
And the sooner you can embracethat and understand that easy is
a fallacy, the quicker you willbe content, the quicker you will
stop looking around the cornerfor something to be easy and
you'll be disappointed a wholelot less if you can learn to
(22:19):
embrace that model.
But that's the thing, right?
We're waiting for it to be easy.
We're waiting to want to workout, we're waiting to want to
draft up a budget and get ourfinances in order.
But that's the thing.
It's never gonna happen.
I was literally on a podcast anhour ago and we were having this
exact same conversation.
And I said, look, there's nevergoing to be a pack of
(22:40):
cheerleaders at the parking lotin the gym, you know, cheering
you on when you show up.
Your wife is never gonna grabthe cell phone out of your hand,
or your kids aren't going totake the remote from you.
You know, you have to do ityourself.
SPEAKER_01 (22:54):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (22:54):
And so for me, I think that's just so so key.
SPEAKER_04 (22:58):
What is the one um discipline that you would advise
to start with that can create aripple effect into other areas
of life?
SPEAKER_00 (23:08):
Yeah, that's a good question.
Um, I think I I think exercise,you know, diet and nutrition is
is so important.
Uh hear me out.
The reason why is because youcan make moves um, you know, in
your mindset and your mentalhealth and in your marriage and
with with your kids and all thatstuff, but it's all it's not
(23:29):
tangible, right?
You can't quite measure it, butyou certainly can with fitness
and and exercise, right?
Um, and that's the thing, youcan see measurable changes
pretty quickly.
Now, the reason why I say it'sso important is because the
reason why, let me talk aboutself self-confidence real quick.
(23:49):
The reason why we we lackself-confidence is because we've
broken promises to ourselves.
SPEAKER_01 (23:57):
Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_00 (23:57):
And so uh, you know, if you want to know where you're
most insecure in life, take alook at where you've broken the
most promises.
Is it in your marriage, is it inyour fitness, is it in your how
how you handle your money?
But really what happens is whenyou when you make a promise to
yourself and you don't keep it,you don't necessarily think that
anyone, you're like, well,nobody sees it, nobody really
(24:18):
cares, like nobody knows, butyou know, right?
And your mind begins to saythings like, Why would any why
should anyone else trust you ifyou can't trust yourself that
you're gonna follow through?
And so what happens then is youbegin when you keep when you
make a promise and you keep it,you begin to stack wins or build
rapport with yourself.
(24:39):
And for me and the men that Icoach, I a real simple way to
start that process is to say, Iwill work out like three times a
week.
I'm gonna keep that promise.
I will eat clean whole food.
What happens is you startstacking wins and you become
more self-confident, and thenyou start to get that momentum,
but also you have more energy,you're better rested, you're
(25:02):
losing weight.
So you're intrinsically far moremotivated and far more confident
to attack the other parts ofyour life, like your marriage,
like your finances, like yourparenting, because you're both
motivated on the inside, but youalso physically have more energy
and more mental capacity to dothat, right?
So that's why I always saystarting with just simple
(25:24):
exercise and and diet is a greatway because that unlocks
everything else.
SPEAKER_04 (25:29):
Yeah.
And also when you do somethinghard, right, especially if you
start it first thing in themorning, it sets your day up for
success.
So you're like, I did this hardthing.
You know, the next thing thatI'm gonna do is just mentally it
frees you up.
I mean, I know that's how it isfor me.
If I get up early like I said Iwould and go to the gym like I
said I would, I'm having anamazing day.
(25:49):
And that's, you know, that thatis what you said, keeping
promises to yourself.
So you're like, I can do that.
And if I can do this hard thing,I can do other hard things.
SPEAKER_00 (25:57):
That's so, so key.
I was literally saying this to abuddy of mine the other day, you
know, when he's going for a newPR and a squat.
And I was like, listen, man, ifyou can hit this, this is gonna
be the hardest thing you do allday.
You can take any sales callafter doing this.
Like, this is the like literallygetting yourself, number one,
getting yourself out of bed, youknow, but getting to the gym and
(26:18):
pushing that kind of weight,man, anything after that is so
much simpler.
So psychologically, it also setsyou up for success.
And Jocko Willink talks aboutthis in extreme ownership, I
think.
Uh, he says, like, the alarmtest is the first and most
significant test of the day.
Because what happens is when yousay yes, you're automatically
setting a precedent for yourselfsubconsciously to say yes to the
(26:42):
other things.
But if you wake up and say noand turn off your alarm or hit
snooze, now you are givingyourself permission to continue
breaking more promisesthroughout the day.
And so that first promise is so,so critical on a subconscious
level.
SPEAKER_04 (26:59):
Yeah, yeah, it's powerful.
Well, I like to shift thingsjust a little bit, and um, I
know you coach a lot of men andentrepreneurs.
I'd love for you to speak to thewomen of how they can help the
men in their lives.
SPEAKER_00 (27:14):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (27:15):
Because they're they're they're another piece,
right?
They're part of the puzzle.
SPEAKER_00 (27:19):
Oh, it's huge, it's huge.
Um, okay, we're talking to thewomen.
SPEAKER_04 (27:23):
Hey, if this episode is speaking to you, can you do
me a quick favor and share itwith a friend who you think will
also be encouraged by it?
Because when you share or leavea review or subscribe, it really
helps us to reach moreincredible human beings like
you.
Thank you so much for being partof this journey.
SPEAKER_00 (27:41):
We we men and women are so, so different.
Obviously.
Uh we're wired different.
And I could talk, we could do afull episode on the masculine
essence versus the feminineessence and how we're motivated
and our wiring and all that.
But at the end of the day, ifyou're a woman listening today
and um and you want to know whatare the what are the biggest
(28:01):
needs that my husband has, hehas two core needs, okay?
Number one is to feel competent,and number two is to feel
respected, okay?
It's not about feeling loved.
And it's good to feel loved, butfeeling competent and respected
for men is so much moreimportant, so much more
valuable.
Like, and I've done this so manytimes into a room of kind of
(28:24):
care if it's 20, 100,000 men,and you ask them the question,
would you rather hear the wordsfrom your wife?
Would you rather hear the wordsI love you or I respect you?
99% of the men in the room willlift their hands when I say I
respect you.
Um and so many women don'tnecessarily understand that.
And so what happens is we gobecause we we go to work and we
(28:49):
get this validation, right?
We are successful at work, we'rerespected by our peers.
Um they they believe in us,we're high performers, you know,
whatever.
And we come home because we havedifferent needs, what happens is
uh we start shoving strategiesdown our wife's throat, which is
oh, we need to work on, right?
We try fixing things, we try,you know, we end up treating our
(29:13):
our families like staff membersto fix it.
I don't want, you know, and thenwhat happens is we start to feel
incompetent, right?
Because it's like, well, I'm I'mI'm I I'm of no use in the home
because I can't solve this,right?
And the masculine essence is indoing, the feminine is being,
right?
So men really want to dosomething about it, right?
(29:35):
And so we have to fight ourwiring.
And so what happens is then theyfeel a little bit of that
incompetence, and andunfortunately, sometimes as men
too do with their wives, but oror men do with women and women
do with men, sometimes they cansay things that may feel
disrespectful, you know, like umall like you're not a good
husband, or you're not a goodfather, or you're not a good
(29:57):
provider, or whatever, and itfeels disrespectful.
All of a sudden, instantly,we're both of our core needs are
not being met.
And what happens is men thenbegin to spend more time at work
because that's where they'regetting those needs met, right?
Versus home, uh, where it's allthe lines are blurry.
They can't measure success athome.
How do you I I tell people allthe time, I'm like, your your
(30:18):
six-year-old is not going tocome up to you and be like, hey,
daddy, here are 10 strategicreasons why you're an effective
father.
Like we have no way of measuringthat, right?
But we do at work, and so that'swhy it's so easy.
So what happens is dad stays atwork because he's more
comfortable there.
And then what happens is mom isno longer seen, heard, and
cherished, right?
(30:39):
So she, when he does come home,she doesn't feel like respecting
him or making him feelcompetent.
And so we start to drift, and wecall this the crazy cycle.
And so if you're listening tothis today and you're a woman,
uh understand that um he hedesires that more than anything.
And he may not even understandhow to articulate that, right?
You know, and so it's a goodconversation to have.
(31:01):
So, you know, I teach my guys uhthat uh women's three core needs
are to feel seen, to feel heard,and to feel safe, right?
And so, real simply, I'll havemy my clients go to the wives
and say, Hey, like I we'll takethem out on a date, whatever.
What does it look like for me tomake you feel more seen?
What does it look like to makeyou feel more heard?
(31:21):
What does it look like to makeyou feel more safe?
And then, you know, the youknow, the wife, if she's
willing, asking that question,what does it look like to make
you feel more respected in thehome?
What does it make you what doesit look like to make you feel
more competent as a husband, asa father when you show up?
And if you can genuinely have anopen, honest conversation, man,
(31:41):
and you can share that in aplace of safety, and you can
start meeting those needs forone another, it is powerful.
And so that's what I would sayto your listeners who are women,
and um that that is so so sosignificant.
The most empowering thing youcan say to your husband is I
believe in you.
I believe in you.
(32:01):
I think you can do anything.
I'm behind you, support you.
He can live off that for sixmonths.
All right, yeah, that's it.
Yeah, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_04 (32:10):
Absolutely.
Yeah, that is so powerful.
I mean, imagine if every marriedcouple did that, right?
That would be a game changer.
Just that alone.
Yeah, absolutely.
And on top of that, we knowstatistically that majority of
affairs happen in a workplace.
And I think you touched on it abit of why that happens, because
they get validated.
There's a reward system, right?
(32:31):
You're working, you'recollaborating in a project
together, there's meaning inthat, there's a sense of we're
accomplishing, we're workingtowards something together.
And you come home and you feellike I'm not good enough, I'm
not hitting the marks and thisand that.
And that then feels lessrewarding, less assuring, less
affirming.
And so you get affirm there, butnot there.
(32:52):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (32:53):
Well, you know, 95% of the men that I work with say,
I feel powerful at work andpowerless at home.
They come home, they don't knowhow to talk to their wife, they
feel like a nuisance in theirhome, they feel like they don't
serve any purpose.
You know, and and and becauseagain, it's it's we're we base
our worth by what we do.
Right.
(33:13):
Yeah.
And and that's just uh it'simportant to understand that,
not not to say that that's theway it needs to be, like, but
but but it's great informationso that if we can communicate
through that, we can createspace for one another, right?
And teaching men how to sit andlisten to their wives and
empathize with them and validatetheir emotions and and have them
(33:35):
make space with how to makespace for her without trying to
fix anything.
And at the end of the day, it'sit's so difficult for men to
hear feelings because they can'tdo anything about it.
SPEAKER_01 (33:48):
Right, right.
SPEAKER_00 (33:49):
Going back to the essence of doing, we can't fix
it.
And that's scary for men becausewe we put our worth in what we
can fix.
So if we can't fix, then we'renot a good husband.
And so we can't uh we strugglein that sort of atmosphere, that
emotional climate.
So I teach men how to sit inthat, right?
(34:12):
And and because she's notlooking for a savior, right?
She's looking for a safe place.
That's it.
She just wants to be hurt, andso that tension is is real, and
and teaching men and women howto navigate that is huge.
SPEAKER_04 (34:26):
Yeah, one of the things too I heard before is um
for a husband specifically, whenapproaching a wife and she wants
to share something with you,asking this question is this
something you want me to helpyou solve, or do you want me to
just listen?
unknown (34:39):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (34:39):
And that kind of creates of okay, am I going into
how to help my wife mode, or amI going into all right, she just
wants to be heard.
She actually doesn't want me tosolve anything today.
SPEAKER_00 (34:50):
Mm-hmm.
And you know, you know what?
And another little side perk, itsays, Hey, I care about you and
I want to serve you the best wayI know how, right?
I I want to be better for you.
And so even by virtue of askingthe question, it shows that
you're showing up, that you'represent, that you're you are
being where your feet are, thatyou're not on your phone or
you're not, you know, you'relike fully there with her.
(35:12):
And that's so much of what menand women struggle with.
So yeah, that's that was it whenI started doing that with my
wife, it was a huge gamechanger.
And now, even to this day, everysingle time when I come home and
she's like, Hey, this happenedand this is going on.
My first thought is, is thissomething you'd like me to
listen to?
Just empathize with you, or isthis something where you want me
(35:33):
to help you fix?
I'm happy to do either.
Uh just let me know.
And she's like, you know what?
Actually, I'd like your helpfixing this.
Or sometimes she's like, Yeah, Ijust want you to listen.
And that takes the pressure offas men too, because we're like,
oh, sweet, I can just listen.
Easy, right?
SPEAKER_04 (35:47):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_02 (35:49):
Um, as a coach, what mindset shift tends to create
the biggest breakthrough?
SPEAKER_01 (35:58):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (35:59):
What's like the biggest unlock, right?
SPEAKER_00 (36:01):
Yeah.
Honestly, I I I think it's it'skind of what we were talking
about before.
Um understanding that thecavalry isn't coming.
Right.
Understanding that no one's noone's gonna give you the easy
route.
Um understanding that it's onyou to do to do to make the
(36:23):
change.
And um and and and not andletting go of the expectation
for it to be easy.
And it it's hard to do, but buthonestly, when you're like when
you stop expecting, when youstop looking for ease around
every corner, life just gets alot easier.
You know, it sounds a littleweird, it sounds weird, but but
(36:45):
that's significant, you know,and that in in in coupling with
um the eulogy exercise, I thinkhas been two of the most
transformative pieces for a manto understand I am not on a good
trajectory.
And if I were to die today, thisis what my family would say.
You know, um and with thatquestion or with that that
(37:10):
exercise, and there's a lot ofconversation that goes.
I mean, we're talking really,really high level here, but with
that conversation in thosesessions, you know, I'll ask a
question often, which is verysimple.
What do you want?
And I'll tell you 98% of theguys that I ask that question
to, they have no idea becausethey've spent so long building
(37:30):
the business or you know,whatever, building the rampire
or whatever it is they're tryingto do that they've completely
lost touch with what they want,right?
And so, for example, if you'llallow me, I'll I'll show you or
give you an example of a clientI was working with a little
while ago.
I said, What do you what do youwant?
He said, Well, I want an AudiR8.
(37:52):
Now, an Audi R8 is like asupercar, right?
And it's on about$200,000.
So I said, Okay, that'sinteresting.
Uh, why do you want an an R8?
He's like, Well, I want peopleto know uh I want people to know
how much money I make.
SPEAKER_01 (38:09):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (38:09):
Or I want people to know I'm successful.
Well, why do you want people toknow you're successful?
Well, because successful peoplemake a lot of money.
Okay, so why do you want peopleto know that you make a lot of
money?
Well, because then um thenthey'll notice me, right?
Okay, well why do you want to benoticed?
Well, because uh they'll respectme then.
(38:33):
Oh, okay.
You you you want to berespected.
And so then what happened?
So then I'm like, okay, well,perhaps there might have been a
time in your life where you feltdisrespected.
SPEAKER_01 (38:45):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (38:46):
Um, maybe it's not the supercar that you want, or
maybe it's not that you wanteveryone to know that you're
powerful and you have a lot ofmoney.
Maybe at the end of the day, thelittle boy inside of you still
just is craving respect and feelcompetent.
And you feel like getting thatsupercar and making that money
is gonna fix that wound, right?
(39:06):
But what would happen if whenyou showed up at home and you
showed up at work, you werefully authentically you, and you
were respected by your peers andrespected by your wife, and
you're admired by your family,and that you knew beyond a
shadow of a doubt that you were100% the man you were called to
be.
Would you still feel the need towant that R8 supercar?
(39:26):
And as we began to go downthrough that exercise, he's
like, Yeah, no, that's actuallythat's actually all I want.
I want, I want, I want to berespected and um and desired by
my wife, you know.
So, but again, like he asked himwhat he wanted, he's a car.
I'm like, what?
No, you don't have a car, youknow.
But so so that question, so manymen don't know how to answer
(39:49):
that.
So many people don't know how toanswer.
SPEAKER_04 (39:50):
Well, a lot of people don't.
SPEAKER_00 (39:52):
And we have to do, and this is what we say when we
we do the deep work, right?
We got to unlock some of thatstuff.
And like I said earlier, 80% ofthe way we see ourselves and see
the world around us is formedbefore we're 12 years old.
And so we have to look to ourpast to see where some of those
wounds came up because we got alot of grown men walking around,
(40:12):
but they're just little boys onthe inside, right?
That haven't had that questionanswered because every little
boy is asking that one questionAm I enough?
And unfortunately, a lot oftimes these boys didn't get that
question answered by theirfathers.
SPEAKER_01 (40:28):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (40:28):
I was a situation where that, you know, that
happened to me.
And a lot of men I know thatI've worked with, their fathers
didn't answer that question forthem.
And so they grew up to be grownmen, still going around.
Am I enough?
Am I enough?
Am I enough?
When will I be enough?
And so this is the work we do tohelp answer that question.
No, you are enough.
You don't need, you know,$10million, you don't need these
(40:49):
many businesses, you don't needa supercar, right?
But this is the reality of thework that we do, and it's so
significant.
SPEAKER_04 (40:55):
Yeah, that's beautiful.
Mitchell, what is the legacythat you hope to leave in the
work that you do and the lifethat you love?
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SPEAKER_00 (41:41):
I just want to help people.
I want to serve, I want to help,you know, i i I believe every
family has a curse breaker.
For me and my family, I'm thecurse breaker.
You know, my family is riddledwith alcoholics, uh, drugs,
crime, whatever.
You know, the only way I knowhow to turn trash into treasure
is by using my story to help andhelp other men end that cycle
(42:04):
for their families as well.
I literally had thisconversation with my wife a
couple weeks ago.
And I said, you know, I thinkI'm finally at the place where
if I die tomorrow, I'd be sohappy.
And once I draw my last breath,I'd have no regrets.
Because I've used the time thatI have to help transform the
lives of and marriages of somany men that at the end of at
(42:26):
my funeral, I want man after manafter man to stand up and say,
I'm still married today becauseof him.
Or I'm a great father todaybecause of him.
Or I show you whatever.
And so that's what I that's thelegacy I want to leave.
SPEAKER_04 (42:39):
Yeah, and that also creates such a huge rule effect
into generations, right?
Because if you can impact afather who's raising children
and is married, that is legacyupon legacy of
multi-generational impact.
So that is so beautiful.
SPEAKER_00 (42:54):
Well, and you know, I say this at the beginning of
every single episode of my mypodcast, the Dad Nation podcast,
I say when the dad gets better,the whole family wins.
And generations after that win,right?
When a man steps up and raises astandard for himself and his
family, everybody wins.
It's powerful work.
SPEAKER_04 (43:12):
Yeah.
Well, and I bet that getting tofrom where you were to where you
are today wasn't easy, was it?
SPEAKER_00 (43:22):
No, it was excruciating.
And it was, it was, I learned alot of lessons the hard way.
And I almost gave up so manytimes.
SPEAKER_04 (43:30):
Yeah, and I think that's why a lot of people don't
do it, right?
I think it's easier to staycomfortable.
It's easier to stay stuck,right?
Because you just do what you'rehabitually wired to do.
And rewiring your brain,redoing, you know, all of that,
just rewiring your thoughts,those pathways that were created
(43:50):
over and over again, and havingto create new pathways that are
healthier, a different thought.
Like I can do hard things, I'mgonna be able to overcome this.
And um, seeing yourself from adifferent lens is so hard to
continue to do the work.
So thank you for doing that.
SPEAKER_00 (44:05):
Yeah, well, I mean, thank you.
I mean, yeah, you're welcome.
I'm I'm I'm uh I'm glad to beable to talk about it.
You know, real one real quickstatistic.
We know that 95% of the thoughtswe have today are the exact same
as the thoughts we hadyesterday.
unknown (44:20):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (44:20):
So we only we know that only 5% of the decisions we
make every single day aresubconscious.
Now that are conscious.
And the reason why that's soimportant is because that tells
us that we live the vastmajority of our lives on
autopilot.
Right.
And so if we want to change thetrajectory, we literally have to
change how we think through thepower of neuroplasticity, which
we could get into another time.
(44:41):
But that's powerful, and that'swhy it's so hard to break that,
right?
But it's uh it's powerful.
SPEAKER_04 (44:46):
Overriding that.
And also, I mean, you know, mostlisteners probably know by now,
but your brain doesn't know thedifference between your imagined
thought and what actuallyhappened.
So when you start to visualizeand see yourself in a different
light, as if it's real, yourbrain is registering that as a
reality, as if that is a realityalready that happened.
SPEAKER_00 (45:07):
Yeah, it's so good.
And that's that's a detail thatso many people miss.
It's huge.
The visualization, you know,gratitude, all those things.
SPEAKER_04 (45:15):
Yeah.
Well, I'd love to wrap up thepodcast with three questions.
And one of them is what is thebravest thing that Mitchell's
ever done?
SPEAKER_00 (45:25):
Uh probably launched the podcast.
Um, it took me about threeyears.
I I wrote content for threeyears.
Wow.
Before I had the courage toactually do it.
Because one of the limitingbeliefs I had, because I was
when growing up, I was told,well, you're not the smart one
in the family.
And you're gonna be an alcoholiclike your dad.
(45:46):
And so for years I fought thisidea that I'm dumb, that I'm not
smart, that I have nothing tocontribute to this world.
So I wrote and wrote and wrotefor years in my basement before
I finally got the courage tolaunch the podcast.
Um, and so uh that that is itwas the hardest thing that I've
ever done.
SPEAKER_04 (46:05):
Wow, that's beautiful.
What are three pivotal booksthat were transformative for
you?
SPEAKER_00 (46:12):
Uh Limitless by Jim Quick.
And it's a it's meta, it's likea meta learning.
It's it's all about how to learnfaster, right?
SPEAKER_01 (46:20):
It's brilliant.
SPEAKER_00 (46:21):
Um he talks about everything from like how to
increase your memory, speedreading, but talks about a lot
about limiting self-beliefs, andit's super practical.
How to unwire your brain andstop sabotaging yourself.
Um, another one's The Meaning ofMarriage by Timothy Keller.
Um, change the way I see my wifeand the way I ought to uh
cherish her and honor her.
(46:42):
Um, and I want to say I'mlooking you're listening I'm
just looking back at my podcastor my uh bookshelf deck of
books, yeah.
Yeah.
Um I would say the ruthlesselimination of hurry.
SPEAKER_02 (46:54):
That's a good one, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (46:56):
Yeah, by John Marcomer.
Um, that one, uh, I mean,because and as an entrepreneur,
um, as a business owner, it canbe especially and as a man being
driven by accomplishments andall those things, it can be so
easy to lose track of yourfamily in trying to provide for
them.
SPEAKER_01 (47:14):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (47:15):
And that's the irony of this is I work with so many
men who who almost lose theirfamilies in trying to provide,
give them the life that they'vealways wanted.
And then they end up gettingthat life, but their family is
gone.
SPEAKER_04 (47:26):
Right.
Yeah.
Wow, that's powerful.
And the last one is what's thebest advice that someone else
gave you?
SPEAKER_00 (47:33):
Time is the only currency we spend without
knowing the remaining balance.
unknown (47:39):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (47:39):
Oh, we have no idea how much time we have left.
I could have sixty minutes or Icould have sixty years.
Um and without without gettingtoo too deep into it, my um my
nephew passed away uh a yearago, uh just like a week ago.
Uh he was in a drunk drivingaccident.
And you know, moments before hewas sitting around the fire with
(48:01):
his buddies.
You know, he had no idea that hewas living the last moments of
his life.
unknown (48:06):
Wow.
SPEAKER_00 (48:07):
How different would his conversations have been if
he had known that he had 20minutes left to live?
And so for me, um, I'm donegiving my time away to frivolous
um things that don't matter inthis life, like social media,
like dead-end friendships, youknow, whatever.
SPEAKER_01 (48:23):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (48:23):
Um I do not know how much time I have left.
And so I refuse to spend it onthings that don't matter.
SPEAKER_04 (48:30):
Wow, that's a very different reframing, right?
We hear about like time is theone currency you can never get
back, and yada yada yada, butthat's a really different way to
put that.
Well, Mitchell, thank you somuch for being in this podcast
and sharing your story and umjust your insights.
It's powerful.
I know this podcast is going toimpact people and families and
(48:51):
generations to come.
So thank you so much for yourtime.
SPEAKER_00 (48:54):
Thank you for having me on the show.
SPEAKER_04 (48:57):
Thank you for listening to the Once a Bear
podcast.
It is an honor to share theencouraging stories with you.
If you enjoyed the show, I wouldlove for you to tell your
friends, leave a video reading,and subscribe to wherever we
listen to the podcast becausethis helps other things out of
the show.
You can find me on my website,and then you can't get a little
(49:29):
bit
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The Burden
The Burden is a documentary series that takes listeners into the hidden places where justice is done (and undone). It dives deep into the lives of heroes and villains. And it focuses a spotlight on those who triumph even when the odds are against them. Season 5 - The Burden: Death & Deceit in Alliance On April Fools Day 1999, 26-year-old Yvonne Layne was found murdered in her Alliance, Ohio home. David Thorne, her ex-boyfriend and father of one of her children, was instantly a suspect. Another young man admitted to the murder, and David breathed a sigh of relief, until the confessed murderer fingered David; “He paid me to do it.” David was sentenced to life without parole. Two decades later, Pulitzer winner and podcast host, Maggie Freleng (Bone Valley Season 3: Graves County, Wrongful Conviction, Suave) launched a “live” investigation into David's conviction alongside Jason Baldwin (himself wrongfully convicted as a member of the West Memphis Three). Maggie had come to believe that the entire investigation of David was botched by the tiny local police department, or worse, covered up the real killer. Was Maggie correct? Was David’s claim of innocence credible? In Death and Deceit in Alliance, Maggie recounts the case that launched her career, and ultimately, “broke” her.” The results will shock the listener and reduce Maggie to tears and self-doubt. This is not your typical wrongful conviction story. In fact, it turns the genre on its head. It asks the question: What if our champions are foolish? Season 4 - The Burden: Get the Money and Run “Trying to murder my father, this was the thing that put me on the path.” That’s Joe Loya and that path was bank robbery. Bank, bank, bank, bank, bank. In season 4 of The Burden: Get the Money and Run, we hear from Joe who was once the most prolific bank robber in Southern California, and beyond. He used disguises, body doubles, proxies. He leaped over counters, grabbed the money and ran. Even as the FBI was closing in. It was a showdown between a daring bank robber, and a patient FBI agent. Joe was no ordinary bank robber. He was bright, articulate, charismatic, and driven by a dark rage that he summoned up at will. In seven episodes, Joe tells all: the what, the how… and the why. Including why he tried to murder his father. Season 3 - The Burden: Avenger Miriam Lewin is one of Argentina’s leading journalists today. At 19 years old, she was kidnapped off the streets of Buenos Aires for her political activism and thrown into a concentration camp. Thousands of her fellow inmates were executed, tossed alive from a cargo plane into the ocean. Miriam, along with a handful of others, will survive the camp. Then as a journalist, she will wage a decades long campaign to bring her tormentors to justice. Avenger is about one woman’s triumphant battle against unbelievable odds to survive torture, claim justice for the crimes done against her and others like her, and change the future of her country. Season 2 - The Burden: Empire on Blood Empire on Blood is set in the Bronx, NY, in the early 90s, when two young drug dealers ruled an intersection known as “The Corner on Blood.” The boss, Calvin Buari, lived large. He and a protege swore they would build an empire on blood. Then the relationship frayed and the protege accused Calvin of a double homicide which he claimed he didn’t do. But did he? Award-winning journalist Steve Fishman spent seven years to answer that question. This is the story of one man’s last chance to overturn his life sentence. He may prevail, but someone’s gotta pay. The Burden: Empire on Blood is the director’s cut of the true crime classic which reached #1 on the charts when it was first released half a dozen years ago. Season 1 - The Burden In the 1990s, Detective Louis N. Scarcella was legendary. In a city overrun by violent crime, he cracked the toughest cases and put away the worst criminals. “The Hulk” was his nickname. Then the story changed. Scarcella ran into a group of convicted murderers who all say they are innocent. They turned themselves into jailhouse-lawyers and in prison founded a lway firm. When they realized Scarcella helped put many of them away, they set their sights on taking him down. And with the help of a NY Times reporter they have a chance. For years, Scarcella insisted he did nothing wrong. But that’s all he’d say. Until we tracked Scarcella to a sauna in a Russian bathhouse, where he started to talk..and talk and talk. “The guilty have gone free,” he whispered. And then agreed to take us into the belly of the beast. Welcome to The Burden.