December 17, 2024 • 60 mins
In the latest episode of the Once We Dare podcast, psychotherapist and a holistic coach Ionica Bazna shares insights on overcoming negativity and fostering personal growth. She discusses her journey from writing a transformative book to understanding the link between negative thought patterns, body chemistry, and emotional resilience. Key topics include:
- Roots of Negativity: Negative thoughts are part of our survival mechanism but can be managed.
- Acceptance and Community: Embracing our current state and surrounding ourselves with supportive environments helps redefine identity and develop positive thought patterns.
- Mindfulness Techniques: Practices like meditation and gratitude can help manage negativity, though they should be used mindfully to avoid distraction.
- Digital Detox: Disconnecting from external stimuli fosters clarity and self-awareness, allowing for deeper processing of thoughts.
- Intentional Living: Reconnecting with our inner selves promotes holistic well-being and aligns actions with true intentions.
Listeners are encouraged to adopt practical strategies to empower their lives and transform their mindsets.
-Links-
https://www.svetkapopov.com/
https://www.instagram.com/svetka_popov/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's very interesting .
In the same time, it's notsurprising.
Our chemistry in our body iscontributing a lot to that.
So whenever we are havingpretty much like a behavior
around certain things and we getused with certain thoughts,
(00:22):
with certain scenarios and wenever put them to sleep through
working with ourselves, our bodyis going to get addicted by it.
So every time when we wake upin the morning, it's almost like
our body is asking for food orsomething that, uh, yeah, it's
(00:46):
our body needs.
So of course, that cluster ofchemicals or or that cocktail of
chemicals in our body, theminute we wake up, is going to
ask for a certain scenario orcertain thoughts, and the
thoughts are going to be linkedwith that sensation in our body.
It's not surprising, yeah, soit's a conditioning of our body.
(01:09):
Basically, we condition ourbody and our mind with any type
of thoughts.
It can be positive or negative.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Hey friends, welcome to the ones who dared podcasts
where stories of courage areelevated.
I'm your host, becca, and everyother week you'll hear
interviews from inspiring people.
My hope is that you will leaveencouraged.
I'm so glad you're here, ionicaBezna.
(01:47):
Welcome to the Once we're herepodcast.
Thank you so much, esvezka.
It's a pleasure to be here.
I am so excited to have you onthis podcast because we're about
to give the listeners someincredible value of how they can
overcome negative thoughts, howthey can get unstuck and create
the future that they want, toflip the negative thinking into
(02:11):
positive thinking.
And so you are an integrativepsychotherapist and a holistic
coach.
You specialize in helpingentrepreneurs to align with
their mission, increase theirproductivity and develop
effective leadership andemotional resilience.
So you have a very differentapproach, though, than a lot of
people.
You approach it with a holisticstandpoint, and so I'm just
(02:34):
excited for you to share andkind of dig into how we can stop
self-sabotaging ourselves.
But before we get into that,tell us a little bit about you.
You're coming to us fromRomania today, and so I'm so
excited and thank you so muchfor being on here.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Thank you so much, zedka.
It's such a beautifuldescription of what I do and my
passion and what I share withthe world.
Yeah, indeed, I will start bysaying that I'm a simple human
being.
I'm serving others througheverything I learned until now,
everything I studied.
(03:12):
Of course, I have differenthats, like you know, I'm a
sister, I'm a daughter, I'm apartner to my partner and all
the other hats I'm wearing atthe moment.
Yeah, professionally, as youalready said, I'm an integrative
psychotherapist and also aholistic coach.
(03:33):
I'm the author of the book FromA to Z the Emotional Alphabet
of Free People.
It's not yet in English, but itwill come out soon.
Uh, I'm uh in many communitiesdoing my, uh, uh, yeah, what I
do day by day and helping otherswith the knowledge I gain until
(03:56):
now what inspired you to writeyour book that's a great
question.
I feel like it was necessary towrite it for me, especially even
though in the beginning Ifooled myself thinking that let
me write this book so I can helpothers with it and share it
with the world, because it'sgoing to be such a great
(04:18):
inspiration piece.
But in the end, towards the end, I realized that actually I've
done it for myself in thebeginning.
So it was necessary for myprocess to structure everything
I've been through up until thispoint in life and be able to
give it to the world in astructured form that is making
(04:41):
sense and come with a lot ofexercises and the step-by-step
process so they can get wherethey want.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yeah, amazing.
So let's get into the subject.
Why do we get stuck and what isit about us human beings that
tend to side on the negativeside, right like we have certain
mindsets that really keep usstuck.
So I guess, before we even gothere, how would you describe?
Speaker 1 (05:19):
a mindset.
Well, of course, here are manythings that we need to take in
consideration, but the mindsetis a cluster of, it's a
combination, actually, ofthoughts, the chemistry in your
body, the emotions that you'vebeen used with throughout your
life, and they all, plus theenvironment, of course, and they
(05:42):
all contribute to your mindset.
So every single area of thehuman being is going to decide
what is going to be your mindset, if it's going to be a positive
one or not.
So positive, yeah, so this ishow I would describe it.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
How would you walk someone through, for example,
who has a belief that say thateither you know something
negative is always happening tome or they think that you know
something good happens.
It's only a matter of timebefore something bad happens
again.
So how would you walk thatperson through of trying to
(06:23):
break that mindset anddeveloping new patterns, for
example?
Speaker 1 (06:29):
That's a very good question.
I would start by saying thatour mind is inclined towards
negative thoughts.
It's just evolutionary.
I would say, say, yeah, in thefirst years of our life, we have
to remember those negativeevents so we can actually learn
(06:51):
from them and be able to survive.
So it's a survival thing.
Therefore, of course, becausewe get used with it, the first
scenario that is going to comeinto our mind is a negative one.
So, um, I wouldn't necessarilyhide from negative thoughts.
Negative thoughts areabsolutely normal, but the fact
(07:14):
that we tend to fuel them andinteract with them and engage
with them this is where we getin trouble, you know.
So, how I would, um, yeah, orhow I would help someone walk
through a negative belief isactually by, uh, starting to
understand, help that person tounderstand, to to understand
(07:36):
that a negative belief is notsomething that you should be
scared of.
You just need to see is to seeit as it is a mechanism that
keeps you alive, and themechanism that keeps you survive
basically helps you with that.
Yes, and then, of course, howwe yeah it's so you're saying no
(08:00):
negative thoughts.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Essentially, they inform us to protect ourselves
right from falling back intothat negative situation, or it's
more of a survival skill.
So our mind remembers that moreat its core than perhaps some
of the positive memories.
Is that what you're saying,exactly?
Yeah, so how does someonereframe that then?
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I hear many times people saying how do we get rid
of negative thoughts?
How do we let go of negativethoughts?
And I would say that this isthe the first trap that we are
falling in.
We don't need to get rid ofnegative thoughts.
They are there, as I saidearlier, to help us not have the
(08:49):
same negative experiences thatwe encounter in the past.
Of course, from that point,yeah, you slowly, slowly start
to accept them, embrace them,interact with them in a very
kind way, so you don't give toomuch power to that negative
scenario and if you do thisenough and you don't scare you
(09:16):
are not scared of having themslowly, slowly, those negative
patterns are going to becomeless threatening.
For ourselves and we are goingto relax around them.
Okay, I have a negative thought.
All right, this is coming fromthat experience where I was, I
don't know, afraid of something.
(09:36):
Is this the reality?
No, then let me go towards whatI want, not, uh, yeah, towards
what I don't want, or what mymind is saying that, um yeah, I
need to go, you know towards.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
So do you?
So you're saying, essentially,you want to identify where is
this thought coming from, andfrom there, just say, okay, is
this true?
And check that thought if thisis true.
So, for example, with thatexample of someone thinking that
either A oh, things are alwaysbad that are happening to me and
(10:16):
they're in this pattern ofseeing the negative things and
that's what they're focusing onand they're thinking that it's
true, I have identified thatthis is a truth in my life, that
negative things are alwayshappening to me.
And look around, here's anevidence, and there's an
evidence, and there's anevidence.
And I'm always finding theevidence, or that person who
thinks, oh, I had something goodhappen, is just a matter of
(10:38):
time before the shoe drops orsomething negative is going to
happen.
So I better either hold on orhold tight with anxiety, not
enjoying that present positivething because something's about
to go wrong.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Exactly.
Yeah, we are very comfortablearound this mindset because it's
really the one that gives uswhat we are used with, gives us
what we are used with.
Therefore, yeah, when weinteract with someone that is
having, in general, a negativemindset, we need to understand
that this is so safe for them.
(11:13):
They found, in a way, thesafety in that unsafe zone and
this is probably the first thingthat they struggle with when it
comes to changing theirthoughts.
Mm, hmm, to change it, I'malways going to be like this
Look how negative I am, the morethey feed that kind of reality
(11:48):
and they truly believe it, eventhough the reality in that
moment it might not be thatnegative, but they cannot
separate reality from theirthoughts.
So, yeah, you are sayingexactly how it usually happens.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yeah, yeah.
And so how does that person whowants to change but they don't
know where to start, like ifthey are, for example, negative
or they have some set mindsetshow do they go from being that
negative person to unravelinginto new thought process, new
habits, essentially to breakthose patterns?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Negative thoughts are often associated, at least in
psychotherapy, with this idea ofshadow.
You've probably heard of it, orthe people that are listening
to us heard about this at somepoint in their life.
So, basically, this shadow thata person is having needs to be
(12:47):
accepted, needs to be embraced.
So the first step so they canchange that is actually to
accept that at this moment, inthis present moment, this is who
I am.
I'm a combination of manynegative thoughts and
sporadically, from time to time,seeing a positive thought or
(13:08):
some hope or some faith or someinspiration.
This is who I am right now.
This is something that is goingto say about me that I'm broken
.
No, yeah, so it's just how mymind is operating at the moment.
(13:30):
So only from this place theycan actually start changing
something.
If they identify totally withthose negative thoughts, it's a
lot harder because they alreadyfeel like I cannot fix this.
This is who I am.
I'm broken, something is wrongwith me and I have to, you know,
(13:54):
cope with it the best I can andnot even hope that at some
point I will fix it in thefuture.
Yeah, so this is, this isbasically the key, I would say,
in changing those negativethoughts and, yeah, go with your
(14:16):
mindset towards something thatcan help your objectives in the
future to come true.
Yeah, so therefore, the key isactually to realize that your
inner reality is not your outerreality or the reality that you
see outside of you, and to notidentify with what is going on
(14:41):
in your mind.
I'm separate and my thoughtsare here.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
I'm not my thoughts yeah, so it's almost like we see
ourselves through a certainfilter based on our experiences,
our beliefs, the way that we'reraised in a combination of
things like you mentionedgenetics as well I'm in the
beginning, and so we have afilter that we view the world
(15:05):
with that may be different fromthe person sitting next to you,
because they had a different setof experiences and beliefs and
systems and opinions, and so howdo we begin to change some of
that and allow that more ispossible for us than where we
are currently?
Okay?
Speaker 1 (15:23):
than where we are currently.
Okay, after this particularstep that I just mentioned
earlier, to realize what's goingon, accept it and realize that
you are not the thoughts thatyou're experiencing.
After that, the best thing thatyou can engage with is actually
(15:44):
, uh, with other minds and otherpeople that are seeing that
future that you want as well.
I would say that, yeah, beingtogether and around people that
are having a, the mindset thatyou are hoping for, is going to
help your brain to calibrate tothe same frequency and the same
(16:06):
mentality and the same set ofbeliefs that others are having.
So this is the easiest, I wouldsay.
Of course, some others preferuh, you know, to to go first
into therapy and to, you know,read the self-help, self-help
books or try to find informationand search within, which is
(16:28):
great if this is something thatit's a lot more easier for them
in the beginning.
But the easiest way to actuallycalibrate your brain to a
different type of mindset isactually to try to be around
people that are having that kindof reality already.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Yeah, that makes sense because when we're around
people, there's a saying that isyou are the average of the five
closest people to you.
So the people that you hangaround is what sets your belief
systems.
And it's interesting, becausethe study has been done, that
even something as your financiallevel is affected, your morals
(17:09):
are affected, your values, your,the way you look and the dress
and all those things they playan impact.
The habits that you have developwith the you're the average of
the five closest people to you.
So, whether people have goodhabits or bad habits, if you're
around people who are athleticand who really prioritize health
and wellness, chances are youthat's going to become more a
(17:31):
priority to you, or, vice versa,people who have really bad
habits or that may be somethingthat you might be picking up
when you're hanging around them.
And so, exactly, I do find thatit's interesting, because the
people we are around and that'swhy I'm sure you, with coaching
and having clients who areentrepreneurs, you see that a
(17:54):
lot of them are in mastermindsand they get themselves into
places and positions where thereare around people who think
bigger, who are able to expandtheir mindsets beyond what they
currently think or where theycurrently are.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Yeah, this is such a common practice, yes, and it's
necessary for them.
I would say that is, um, yeah,is a must.
They need to do that, yeah.
Otherwise, um, um, yeah, thelevel that they are trying to
get to and from the level theyare operating, they need,
(18:28):
together with otherentrepreneurs, other people that
are having struggles in theirbusinesses, they found
particular innovative solutions.
So, definitely, yeah, it's amust for them and for, yeah, you
said something extremelyinteresting I totally resonate
with and, yeah, this issomething that we can see in
(18:52):
couples.
Yeah, when you are stayingaround your partner, you tend to
actually borrow pretty mucheverything, yeah, yeah.
So, yes, the five people in ourlife, and I would say the
partner, it's probably the firstone that you're going to get
influenced by the most yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
Yeah, that is an interesting factor as well.
What would you say, do you?
What do you think aboutgratitude practice?
So there's, you know, peoplesay that that is something that
can lead you to a more of apositive thinking, or that can
help to switch that switch ofalways finding the negative
(19:35):
things.
Can you speak on that, sure?
Speaker 1 (19:40):
It's definitely a very good practice.
It helps to observe the thingsthat we usually take for granted
.
So this is why it's such a hypeat the moment with this
practice, because we tend tooverlook the small things in our
(20:01):
lives that probably are themost in the end.
So this is one reason.
Another reason for um why uhpractice like this is definitely
very helpful, is because, yeah,the frequency that you are
going to um have in a particularday as a effect of that
(20:23):
practice is going to be, yeah,definitely from a place of peace
, from a place of um integrationyeah with everything that you
have in your life.
You are going to not focus somuch on the inner conflicts that
are going through your mind, soyou are going to be able to
(20:46):
actually interact with thepresent moment a lot better.
Yeah, otherwise, of course,those negative thoughts or that
anxiety is going to kick in.
Or, yeah, the fact that we usesocial media too much, this is
going to affect our brain wavesand start to be, yeah,
brainwaves and start to be, yeah, we are going to start to be
really agitated as a effect ofthat.
So this is why it's helpful.
(21:08):
This doesn't mean thatgratefulness is going to do
everything and is going to savepeople from a negative mindset.
Yeah, so usually this caneasily be a distraction as well.
Yeah, so usually this caneasily be a distraction as well.
(21:28):
And I've seen a lot of peopleyeah, even some of my clients
that were doing a bunch ofpractices, not just this one.
Yeah, so meditation and thenjournaling, and then you know
yoga, and then this and thenthat, and at the end of the day,
they still feel like they arenot satisfied, they are not
happy, they feel like somethingis missing.
(21:52):
So those practices can easilybe a distraction, like any other
distraction social media, um,yeah, shopping and other
addictions that we're inclinedto go towards when we don't feel
at ease and in a very, you know, contained place with our
(22:16):
emotions and thoughts, you know.
So, yes, it's a very goodpractice and is something that
is not a modern practice, it's areligion, and it's been there
for forever.
I would say this is probablythat practice that helped a lot
(22:39):
of people, through religion, toactually feel a little bit
better, but it's not all yes.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
So what would you say is a good alternative to that
someone who perhaps is usingthat as a distraction?
What would you advise to be agood alternative?
Speaker 1 (23:00):
meditation.
I would say it's a goodalternative to that, especially
because, um, you are not tryingto change your reality in any
shape or form.
You are interacting with yourreality the way it is and in
that moment you feel anxious ordistracted.
(23:20):
This is your reality andthrough meditation you can
interact with that reality,being fully present with, with,
uh, yeah, that uh sensation inyour body as a effect of what
you feel and then, what are somethings that you?
Speaker 2 (23:39):
or?
Do you have phrases that youtell your clients, for example,
like when they, when thenegative thought pops into their
head, for example, and they goback to their?
You know just, we kind ofrevert back into our habits,
right?
So if we tend to be negative,we revert back to those negative
thoughts.
So do you have any um phrasesthat you use with clients to
(24:03):
combat some of those things?
Speaker 1 (24:07):
I can say I have a particular phrase that I
recommend them to keep in mind,but I do ask them what can be
that phrase for them.
So, yes, you are right.
Uh, yeah, we're trying tobalance that out and find
something that can trigger theopposite direction.
(24:27):
So if, if, negative thoughtsare automatic in ourselves and
they just pop up and we have todeal with them, we can
definitely think of somethingthat can balance that and, yeah,
help the person to go in theopposite direction.
So, yes, I asked them exactlythis question, like what will be
(24:49):
a particular mantra or aparticular question that you can
ask yourself so you can go backto the present moment.
So for some of them, it might befor example, what do I need
right now?
It's a very good question.
Yeah, they, uh.
Yeah, this question helps themto interact with their body and
(25:12):
realize what is the need thatthey have in this present moment
.
And for some of them it mightbe yeah, they, they can answer
to that by saying, okay, I feela little bit tired, I might need
a walk or I might need a break,and this already puts them into
(25:32):
the present moment withoutinteracting and ruminating with
that negative thought in theirmind.
For some of them it might besomething else, like okay, I
need a tea, or I need to staywith my daughter or son for five
minutes, or it can be that theanswer might be different from
(25:54):
one person to another.
So this is a good question.
Another one it might be is thismy reality right now?
Yeah, so again is kind of doingthe same thing interacting with
the current reality, and thecurrent reality is almost never
(26:18):
the same as your thoughts aretrying to make it sound, or look
, you know, yeah, I think, ifyou, if you, if you manage to
find that core question or thatcore phrase that can ring that
bell for you, it's good enough.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
It does not need to be the same for everyone yeah,
and is it interesting that Ithink they say 90% or so of our
negative worries and fears nevercome to reality.
Yet we spend so much timedwelling on the negative
what-ifs or the negativepossibilities or outcomes that
(27:01):
never come to fruition come tofruition.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
It's very interesting , uh, in the same time, it's not
surprising.
You know, our chemistry in ourbody is contributing a lot to
that.
Yeah, so whenever we are, um,having pretty much uh like a
behavior around certain thingsand we get used with certain
thoughts, with certain scenarios, and we we never put them to
(27:31):
sleep through working withourselves, our body is going to
get addicted by it.
So every time when we wake upin the morning is almost like
our body is asking for food orsomething that, uh, yeah, it's
our body needs.
(27:51):
So, of course, that cluster ofchemicals or or that cocktail of
chemicals in our body, theminute we wake up, is going to
ask for a certain scenario orcertain thoughts, and the
thoughts are going to be linkedwith that sensation in our body.
It's not surprising, yeah, soit's a conditioning of our body.
(28:13):
Basically, we condition ourbody and our mind with any type
of thoughts.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
It can be positive or negative, but it's conditioning
so you're saying there arecertain people that, or, in
general, we as people are morecomfortable with the way that
things have been and it's a lotharder to break the barrier of
where we're trying to go and ifwe're trying to get healthier,
for example I've heard thisphrase used before that, um, we
(28:41):
are more comfortable in afamiliar hell than we are an
alternative heaven, right.
So if there is a place that'sbetter and we are tormenting in
our current state of emotions orbody or feelings or thought
process, that tends to be morecomfortable than finding or
working towards a place of peace, and in a sense, that's why a
(29:03):
lot of people stay in abusiverelationships or in environments
that are toxic for them,without recognizing that and
moving to something else.
So I find that very interesting, because you said that we are,
your chemistry is in your body,is like familiar with that.
(29:24):
So how do we, how do wenavigate that or how do we
overcome that, if that is thereality?
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Okay, yeah, it's almost like a like a detox.
It's almost for a person thatis having, you know, problems
with any type of addiction.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah, so it is that you say you treat it like an
addiction, right?
Speaker 1 (29:47):
yes, yes yeah, I treat it as an addiction.
It's, it's actually anaddiction.
Yeah, you can't really, youcan't really change it in that
moment.
Yeah, because it's alreadyhappening, um, or how to put it
(30:09):
in other words, but that need,that starving for that type of
reaction or that type of thoughtor that type of reality, is
going to be there no matter what.
So, yeah, for a person, forexample, that is having problems
with alcohol, they can't stopthat.
Yeah, it's almost unfair to askthem to stop because their body
(30:34):
is asking for it so much thatalcohol is becoming a second
nature for them, or like anextension of their personality
and who they are.
It's something that, yeah, it'slike another hand, so to call.
Yeah, so basically, they needto go in a rehab so they can
(30:55):
slowly, slowly decondition theirbody to be okay without that
extension or that extra yeahhand.
So for, for, um, what?
Yeah, for negative thoughts andin general, yeah, this
conditioning in our body, thosepatterns that are giving us this
(31:22):
type of reality, is pretty muchthe same.
We need to basically go in arehab and decondition our body.
How we do that is, uh, what Iprefer and what I recommend in
general is for people to go to adeep like, a, like a digital
detox in the beginning.
(31:43):
This is very helpful because,yeah, at the moment, social
media and our interaction with,with screens in general are
contributing to, um, to what isgoing on in our body and is the
biggest distraction, yeah, formost of people at the moment.
So, uh, yeah, um, digital detoxand then, yeah, slowly, slowly,
(32:05):
interact a little bit more withyour body, understand what's
going on with your body,understand your sensations in
the body, meditate, do, yeah,try to have activities that are
going to contribute to your,yeah, to a different kind of
feeling in your body and adifferent type of sensation in
(32:27):
your body.
So it's a slow process, but notthat slow.
For example, there are manyretreats at the moment and one
of them that I've been in thisyear and it was very helpful is
Vipassana.
I don't know if you ever heardof it.
It's an Indian retreat that isrunning in every single country
(32:51):
and you go there for 10 dayswithout a phone, without
anything to read or to write.
You don't speak with anyone.
Basically, you don't interactwith with the other participants
.
You just meditate and, yeah,interact with yourself directly.
(33:14):
You cannot run from yourself.
So this is a good practice, soyou can actually decondition
your body so it's a silentretreat.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
It's a silent retreat , exactly.
Well, and that's interesting,that you can't even write down
your thoughts like you.
You don't, you're not allowedto journal, like that's part of
it.
Yeah, it's part of it,interesting, wow.
So how was?
Speaker 1 (33:38):
that like for you.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
I know 10 days.
I was going to ask you aboutthat because I know you
mentioned that you did go onthis silent retreat.
And what was that like?
To be in a place where there'sother people around but you
can't talk to them, you can'tjot down notes, you can't read
books, you know you can't listento something, you can't be
distracted by your phone orcomputer.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
What was that like for you?
I was really surprised, reallysurprised.
Everything I learned abouthuman beings and how our mind
works and everything about thisdomain In that retreat, it was
like I integrated, I finally hadthe raw experience of of that.
(34:34):
Yeah, so it was extremelysurprising to see, um, how
difficult is for our mind toactually do this and, um, yeah,
when you don't have anything tocling on or to attach yourself
to, your ego will start havingparticular reactions that are
(34:57):
quite difficult to handle.
And even though I knew what wasgoing to happen, I was still
surprised by the process.
Happen, I was still surprisedby the process.
Yeah, so the good thing it wasthat, um, yeah, I uh didn't
panic or, um, I wasn't afraid ofwhat is going on with me in
that process.
So that was a good thing.
(35:19):
But, uh, definitely, I wasextremely surprised and curious
how my mind is seeing this wholeexperience and how difficult it
is actually to to be separatedfrom all these things that are
distracting ourselves.
So I I just to give you anexample uh, in that retreat, I
(35:43):
uh I think I read every singlebottle of shampoo ingredients
and every single piece ofinformation that they were
putting on different walls.
So it was very interesting howmy brain was starving to read
something, to interact with somekind of information, to hear
(36:04):
someone talking, some kind ofinformation.
To hear someone talking.
It was fascinating, like, yeah,it was per day, every single
day.
We were having one hour oftheory in a way, so basically
the professor would give usinstructions, so that was the
best thing that could happen inthat day.
(36:28):
I was really, really lookingforward to that, so that was
fascinating.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Because you can hear the human speak right?
Is that why it's like you hearsomeone speaking and there's
some information that you'regiven, even though you can't
interact with that correct?
Speaker 1 (36:45):
Yes, and even more than that intellectual,
intellectual.
How do you call thatEntertainment?
Intellectual entertainment?
(37:05):
Oh, I got you.
It's actually yeah, yeah, it'sactually something that we
really really need nowadays.
So I wouldn't care that muchabout the information or what
they are saying, but the factthat I could actually, I could
(37:26):
actually think about what thatperson was saying.
It was such a need for me sonot just the fact that I was
listening to another human being, but actually to think, um, to
think about certain things as aeffect of what I heard.
Um, yeah, so basically it was,my brain was in need to interact
(37:50):
with some kind of information,because, imagine, when you
cannot talk at all and you don'thear anything for this amount
of time, your brain is not fedwith anything, right, you don't
give anything to your brain tothink of, to interact with, to,
yeah, to get attached to.
(38:10):
So it's very difficult for ourego to actually stay still and
not have this type ofconnections with, yeah, with
information yeah so it wasintellectually stimulating for
you.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
That's interesting because I feel like we live in
such a time period where we'reso connected to digital say the
phone would be the mostprevalent right that even
standing in line at a grocerystore or somewhere else, there
is that tendency to pick up thephone because it's that quiet
(38:46):
window of moment where you know,and so there is that tendency
to just look at your phone eventhough there is nothing coming
through.
But we have become soaccustomed to distracting
ourself on a consistent basisthat it's almost that we don't
allow ourselves to have a windowof to process our thoughts or
(39:07):
even to step back and allow ourbodies to feel what we feel and
just to let those things settle.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
It's probably the biggest insight I had in those
10 days.
It was mind blowing for me,yeah, to interact with
information, even though a lotof people, yeah, they, they are
saying, and it's a valid, it's avalid point like, I'm not
(39:40):
staying on youtube or socialmedia just because I usually
learn something, I usuallylisten to someone that is
smarter than me.
Yeah, I can get inspired bythem.
Yeah, so I'm not, I'm usingthis time properly.
Yes, that's right, but it'sstill, yeah, um, when it comes
(40:02):
to stimulation, when it comes tointellectual entertainment, is
pretty much the same thing,because you get so much
information from the outsidethat you never get in touch with
the information that isactually within.
That, most of the time, is alot valuable.
It's a lot valuable.
(40:23):
You can help yourself, uh, withthe outer information to, yeah,
to help and map the innerreality better, but not to get
everything from the outside,yeah, so this is such a
interesting thing nowadaysbecause people are not engaging
(40:44):
with their inner wisdom andtheir inner knowledge at all.
Yeah, they, they, uh, they just, um, listen to what everyone is
saying, but not themselves.
Yeah, that is true, yeah yes,and this is, uh, quite um
(41:06):
dangerous.
Uh, you, you.
You asked a little bit abouthow we get unstuck right, and
this is probably one of thebiggest problems that we have.
What to be stuck really meansis a feeling of unclarity,
uncertainty.
We don't know what to do.
(41:27):
We cannot know what to dounless we get a little bit in
touch with our instincts, andwhen we interact so much with
the information outside, wenever get the chance to actually
understand what we need and letthis process of clarification
(41:52):
to do its work.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Yeah, yeah, that's so good.
So you would say that's one ofthe things that you do recommend
as a digital detox to most ofyour clients, correct, yes, yeah
, and so how was that for youthen coming back from that?
Because I imagined, whenever Ido a social media detox, for
example, you realize how littleyou really need social media.
(42:14):
You realize that you know it'slike why was I always on this
thing?
Do I really need it as much asI think I do, you know?
And it's easy to fall back intothe habit too, right?
Speaker 1 (42:25):
So let's be real about that.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Whether it's YouTube, whether it's social media,
whether it's everybody hasdifferent vices, but in general
it's easy for us to fall backinto those habits.
But when you step away fromthose habits whether it's sugar,
whether it's something else yourealize that you know, I
actually feel better withoutthese things that are, you know,
detrimental to my emotionalwellbeing, whether it's your
(42:50):
health or whatnot, and and youneed less of that, then you know
you may not have your cookiecravings If you did a sugar
detox on a daily basis at threeo'clock every day anymore.
It's like oh you know, or youmay need not need that glass of
wine every evening, cause yourealize that you can do without
it.
And of course you know,depending on the level of
addiction, you might needprofessional help, and this
(43:11):
isn't a substitute for that, ofcourse, of course.
But I think that it'sinteresting because when I do a
digital detox, I tend to want toread more, and that's probably
with the informational like lackof information right.
And I tend to learn more things.
I tend to get more in touchwith myself and journal and
(43:32):
process a lot more internallythan I do when I'm constantly
fed information.
And, similar to you probably, Idon't like to follow or be on
social media for entertainmentpurposes.
I like to follow people who areeducational and so on and so
forth and friends and thingslike that, but at the the end of
the day, that is a hugedistraction to actually living
(43:55):
our intentional lives and wherewe're trying to go and, um yeah,
so I think that that's aninteresting point that you bring
up about the digital detox yeah, yes and um.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
This is exactly, you know, when you are coming out of
a detox like this, thatrealization.
It will help you actually tounderstand what you need in the
future and how you can get backto that intentional living.
Because intentional living doesnot mean that we are getting to
that.
You know um level in which weare intentional all the time and
(44:35):
we are having an amazingmindset all the time.
Of course not.
We are going to interact withour environment and fall back
into certain habits, but this isnot a problem.
This doesn't mean that we werequitting or we are not able to
be consistent with what we want.
(44:55):
Not at all.
Yeah, it's just the way ourmind is going to interact with
the environment, especiallynowadays when there are a lot
more distractions.
So by actually doing this isgoing to create um safety kit,
(45:16):
if you like, for the future.
So whenever you are going tofeel out of balance, whenever
you are going to feel likethings are not clicking, you are
not in touch anymore with whatyou really want, you feel stuck
all things or not clear aboutcertain things, you'll know what
to do.
But when you don't have thatreality or understanding, when
(45:40):
you don't have that experiencethen, yes, it's a lot more
difficult to actually know thatthis is possible.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
And so was that kind of hard for you coming back into
it, or did you realize likesome of the habits and some of
the things that you wanted toadjust like in your lifestyle
coming out of your the silentretreat?
Speaker 1 (46:08):
for me, it wasn't necessarily difficult to process
what was going on in thatretreat, especially because I
was asking for this type ofexperience for a long time so.
I kind of I resonated from thefirst day.
So I truly understand what,what is going on in the process.
(46:31):
But this doesn't mean that my,for my brain and for my whole
being, it wasn't a, you know,huge challenging.
Yeah, in the challenge exactly.
But I had that experience manytimes ago, many, many years ago.
So I had an experience in whichI realized that, oh, actually,
(46:53):
I'm not the story in my mind andI can easily separate myself
from the social mediaenvironment, yeah, things that I
don't need in my life.
So I had that experience alittle bit spontaneous.
I don't know what reallytriggered that, but from that
(47:13):
point I wanted to actually finda way to do this in a structured
manner.
So when I actually understoodwhat a retreat like this can
actually do for us, like thiscan actually do for, uh, for us,
(47:39):
um, I was uh, you know, uh,resonating.
And when I was going back like,okay, this was a good
experience and uh, um, yeah, Iwould like to, yeah, keep the
habit of meditating, keep thehabit of staying a little bit
away from social media once aweek or once a month for an
extended period of time.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
Yeah, those are good practices to adapt into.
So is there anything else,before we wrap up, that you
would like to share, to justkind of help someone navigate
and how to get the help thatthey need in order to overcome
some of those mindsets?
Speaker 1 (48:20):
Going to the roots, really.
So everything we've talkedabout until now in Svetka is
really about going to the roots.
It's not rocket science.
You don't need a lot ofinformation for that is just
about disponibility and allowingyourself to actually remove
yourself from certain contextsthat are not helpful and they
(48:42):
feed that chemistry in your body.
Yeah, so this is something thatwhoever are listening to,
whoever is listening to ourpodcast, they can easily do that
, even in their own homes.
They can remove a little bitfrom those contexts and after
(49:03):
that, going to the basics isgoing to be a natural process.
As they interact a little bitmore with their instincts, as
they interact a little bit morewith their bodies, they will
immediately know what they need.
So they maybe need a little bit, you know, to change this habit
(49:23):
right here or to change aparticular thought in their mind
.
Their inner wisdom is going towalk them towards this process
in a very natural way.
So I wouldn't necessarily worryabout that.
This is going to come as youare available to this kind of
(49:47):
inner process.
After that, what I would add tothis idea of going back to roots
is to be able to observe thatthe moment this process is going
(50:08):
to start and you are a lot morein touch with your body.
Start and you are a lot more intouch with your body.
The energy, the vital energythat is going to be there as an
effect of you removing yourselffrom those contexts is going to
start to come to the surface.
So the person will have a lotmore mental energy, with a lot
(50:30):
more energy in their body thatwill help them with healing if
they are having any type ofphysical problem, right.
So this vital energy that isgoing to come as a effect of
this process, it can be easilydirected towards what they
really want in life.
So we can talk aboutintentional living, in my eyes,
(50:55):
only at this point, when youactually have energy for those
uh, yeah, for that type ofprocess.
So, of course, in that moment,when you observe that you have a
lot more energy into your bodyand you are understanding things
a little bit better it'sexactly what you said.
Yeah, when you're coming out ofthat retreat, you wanted to read
a little bit more and you didnot want to interact with social
(51:18):
media as much and you wereengaging in this slow process.
Yeah, people are talking aboutslow cooking like it's a very
good thing for our health.
It's again the same thing withinformation slow reading, for
example, yeah, as a um, as a inthe opposite of, you know,
(51:41):
scrolling on social media andlistening to audio books and
whatever, yeah, so slow process.
Basically, whenever the personis going to get that kind of
vitality and energy into theirbodies, it's a lot more easier
to get unstuck, to go towardstheir goals, to make plans that
(52:01):
are going to be achievable andto have the energy so they can
go towards that.
Their mindset is going to be alot better improved and, uh,
yeah, their, their thoughts thatwere negative will not have a
lot of room to grow in in thatkind of body.
(52:24):
When you are strong in yourbody, strong in your mind,
strong in your spirit, thosenegative thoughts cannot appear
as much, because it's, yeah,negative thoughts is like when
you, when your immunity systemis going down, yeah, when you
are tired, when you haven'teaten enough, you haven't slept
yeah of course, your immunitysystem is going to drop.
(52:46):
It's pretty much the same withnegative thoughts.
When you haven't allowedyourself to connect with your
body, to understand what youneed, to remove yourself from
contexts that are distractingyou and make you inclined to
have a negative reality, thosethoughts are going to grow.
(53:06):
You are going to interact a lotmore with them and consume a
lot of energy, them and consumea lot of energy.
Yeah, I think this is uh.
This is all I would recommendbecause it's so effective and it
was effective for such a longtime.
It's not saying something newin this podcast, it's just uh.
(53:28):
It's just about rememberingwhat was always there that was
working for everyone, no matterif, yeah, you know about
personal development and ifyou've read a lot of books and
if you've I don't know donesophisticated things, this is
working for everyone.
Speaker 2 (53:50):
Back to the basics, right.
Yeah, and it's interesting thatyou brought slow cooking it's
like there is there is a trendin our modern world to slow down
because we have just developedsuch a high pace of life.
Everything is to go, everythingis quick.
The videos, now they.
You know you can't even watch a10 minute video.
It's got to be within 30seconds, get the message across
(54:10):
really fast.
So it's like, okay, what's thevideo?
And then you're just likefeeding yourself these junk food
and then we're wondering why wehave so much anxiety.
We're so stressed that we can'teven sit alone with our
thoughts.
So it's yeah, I love that you,you bring that digital detox,
and I do.
I mean, there's a lot of,there's an uptick of even
(54:31):
creating spaces for young people.
That has no phones and thattype of thing.
Speaker 1 (54:37):
So yeah, I heard of that.
Actually, it's quite a trend inthe US at the moment.
There are communities that arenot using those modern phones
anymore.
Speaker 2 (54:50):
Really Okay.
Yeah, I don't think I've heardthat yet.
Um so I just usually wrap up mypodcast by asking a few
questions, and one of them iswhat is the bravest thing Ionica
has ever done besides?
Going on a silent retreat,because that's pretty brave, I'd
say to not talk for like 10days.
You said that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (55:11):
Yeah, yeah um, well, I've been in many retreats so
before they were having, ofcourse, different purposes, but
I would say that this one, itwas probably the more
fascinating for me, okay.
So, um, yeah, the bravest thingI would say that I ever done
into my life.
(55:32):
You know, the moment I realizedthat I need to clean up my space
, and here I mean you know myphysical space, my relationships
, so the relationship I havewith myself, the relationship I
have with my parents, so allthose different things that were
(55:53):
clearly giving me a lot ofconflict, a lot of, yeah, a lot
of unease, the minute I realizedthat the bravest thing I've
done it was to actuallyunderstand what was going on and
(56:14):
, for the people that were stillalive, to actually give them a
phone and a call, yeah, and talkto them.
So I was having people in mylife that I did not speak for
years, some of them even from mychildhood, people that at some
point I got in conflict with orI had.
(56:34):
You know, we haven't resonatedor we, yeah, something was going
on in that relationship.
So I made a list of thesepeople and I was starting to
call them one by one, and thatwas such a difficult process,
like I would say that that wasthe bravest thing I ever done to
(56:55):
actually call these people andspeak with them from the bottom
of my heart, be extremelyvulnerable with them and sharing
exactly how I felt andrecognize them for what they
brought into my life andunderstanding that I was being
able to extract as the effect ofwhat I experienced with them.
Speaker 2 (57:17):
Wow, that's powerful.
That must have been so easy.
You must have had so much peaceafter.
I mean, the process wasn't easy, I'm not saying that, but you
must have felt such easeafterwards of just this weight
being lifted off, because allthe unresolved things were now,
(57:38):
you know, different yeah.
Speaker 1 (57:40):
Oh yeah, it's probably the most powerful thing
I ever done, like not even intherapy.
Yeah, you can get that sense ofpeace.
Speaker 2 (57:49):
Yeah, I love that.
That's so good.
Speaker 1 (58:02):
What is the best advice that someone gave you not
giving my power away and alwaysfilter everything that I hear,
everything that I take fromauthorities to filter, to filter
(58:25):
it for myself, yeah, and notgive that power away.
So, yeah, I realized that at acertain point in time, and
probably this is the best advicethat I give to myself, and
probably I heard it before, butit never clicked up until the
moment I realized this formyself.
Speaker 2 (58:46):
That's awesome.
Well, Anika, thank you so muchfor your time.
I appreciate you spending timewith us and just the value that
you brought to the audience.
I'm sure people are reallygoing to benefit from listening
to this podcast and this episode.
Where can people find you?
Speaker 1 (59:04):
Well on social media, now that we've talked about Now
.
We told you to stay away fromit yeah, so, um, my services at
the moment are um, are on aplatform, on fiverr, it's a.
(59:24):
It's a platform forentrepreneurs, so this is the
easiest way that people can findme.
Uh, but yes, other than that,on linkedin, um ionica busna dot
, linkedin, whatever.
So, yeah, with my name,basically on facebook the same
and instagram the same.
Speaker 2 (59:45):
Yeah and what's your instagram handle?
Uh ionica dot busna, thenthat's b-a-z-n-a for exactly,
yeah, yeah exactly, okay,awesome.
Well, thank you so much.
Uh, what an honor it is to foryou to come on here and share
your thoughts with us it was areal pleasure.
Speaker 1 (01:00:06):
Thank you so much for for the invitation.
Uh, it's that kind of yeah, Ireally hope people that are
listening will implement some ofthis because, yeah, they will
probably understand really quickthat they can easily do this
and, yeah, the steps are justvery handy.
(01:00:26):
They can easily do that for abetter life.
Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
Thank you for listening to the Once we Dare
podcast.
It is an honor to share theseencouraging stories with you.
If you for listening to theOnce we Dare podcast, it is an
honor to share these encouragingstories with you.
If you enjoy the show, I wouldlove for you to tell your
friends.
Leave us a review rating andsubscribe to wherever you listen
to podcasts, because this helpsothers discover the show.
You can find me on my website,svekapopovcom.
It's very interesting .
In the same time, it's notsurprising.
Our chemistry in our body iscontributing a lot to that.
So whenever we are havingpretty much like a behavior
around certain things and we getused with certain thoughts,
(00:22):
with certain scenarios and wenever put them to sleep through
working with ourselves, our bodyis going to get addicted by it.
So every time when we wake upin the morning, it's almost like
our body is asking for food orsomething that, uh, yeah, it's
(00:46):
our body needs.
So of course, that cluster ofchemicals or or that cocktail of
chemicals in our body, theminute we wake up, is going to
ask for a certain scenario orcertain thoughts, and the
thoughts are going to be linkedwith that sensation in our body.
It's not surprising, yeah, soit's a conditioning of our body.
(01:09):
Basically, we condition ourbody and our mind with any type
of thoughts.
It can be positive or negative.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Hey friends, welcome to the ones who dared podcasts
where stories of courage areelevated.
I'm your host, becca, and everyother week you'll hear
interviews from inspiring people.
My hope is that you will leaveencouraged.
I'm so glad you're here, ionicaBezna.
(01:47):
Welcome to the Once we're herepodcast.
Thank you so much, esvezka.
It's a pleasure to be here.
I am so excited to have you onthis podcast because we're about
to give the listeners someincredible value of how they can
overcome negative thoughts, howthey can get unstuck and create
the future that they want, toflip the negative thinking into
(02:11):
positive thinking.
And so you are an integrativepsychotherapist and a holistic
coach.
You specialize in helpingentrepreneurs to align with
their mission, increase theirproductivity and develop
effective leadership andemotional resilience.
So you have a very differentapproach, though, than a lot of
people.
You approach it with a holisticstandpoint, and so I'm just
(02:34):
excited for you to share andkind of dig into how we can stop
self-sabotaging ourselves.
But before we get into that,tell us a little bit about you.
You're coming to us fromRomania today, and so I'm so
excited and thank you so muchfor being on here.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Thank you so much, zedka.
It's such a beautifuldescription of what I do and my
passion and what I share withthe world.
Yeah, indeed, I will start bysaying that I'm a simple human
being.
I'm serving others througheverything I learned until now,
everything I studied.
(03:12):
Of course, I have differenthats, like you know, I'm a
sister, I'm a daughter, I'm apartner to my partner and all
the other hats I'm wearing atthe moment.
Yeah, professionally, as youalready said, I'm an integrative
psychotherapist and also aholistic coach.
(03:33):
I'm the author of the book FromA to Z the Emotional Alphabet
of Free People.
It's not yet in English, but itwill come out soon.
Uh, I'm uh in many communitiesdoing my, uh, uh, yeah, what I
do day by day and helping otherswith the knowledge I gain until
(03:56):
now what inspired you to writeyour book that's a great
question.
I feel like it was necessary towrite it for me, especially even
though in the beginning Ifooled myself thinking that let
me write this book so I can helpothers with it and share it
with the world, because it'sgoing to be such a great
(04:18):
inspiration piece.
But in the end, towards the end, I realized that actually I've
done it for myself in thebeginning.
So it was necessary for myprocess to structure everything
I've been through up until thispoint in life and be able to
give it to the world in astructured form that is making
(04:41):
sense and come with a lot ofexercises and the step-by-step
process so they can get wherethey want.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yeah, amazing.
So let's get into the subject.
Why do we get stuck and what isit about us human beings that
tend to side on the negativeside, right like we have certain
mindsets that really keep usstuck.
So I guess, before we even gothere, how would you describe?
Speaker 1 (05:19):
a mindset.
Well, of course, here are manythings that we need to take in
consideration, but the mindsetis a cluster of, it's a
combination, actually, ofthoughts, the chemistry in your
body, the emotions that you'vebeen used with throughout your
life, and they all, plus theenvironment, of course, and they
(05:42):
all contribute to your mindset.
So every single area of thehuman being is going to decide
what is going to be your mindset, if it's going to be a positive
one or not.
So positive, yeah, so this ishow I would describe it.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
How would you walk someone through, for example,
who has a belief that say thateither you know something
negative is always happening tome or they think that you know
something good happens.
It's only a matter of timebefore something bad happens
again.
So how would you walk thatperson through of trying to
(06:23):
break that mindset anddeveloping new patterns, for
example?
Speaker 1 (06:29):
That's a very good question.
I would start by saying thatour mind is inclined towards
negative thoughts.
It's just evolutionary.
I would say, say, yeah, in thefirst years of our life, we have
to remember those negativeevents so we can actually learn
(06:51):
from them and be able to survive.
So it's a survival thing.
Therefore, of course, becausewe get used with it, the first
scenario that is going to comeinto our mind is a negative one.
So, um, I wouldn't necessarilyhide from negative thoughts.
Negative thoughts areabsolutely normal, but the fact
(07:14):
that we tend to fuel them andinteract with them and engage
with them this is where we getin trouble, you know.
So, how I would, um, yeah, orhow I would help someone walk
through a negative belief isactually by, uh, starting to
understand, help that person tounderstand, to to understand
(07:36):
that a negative belief is notsomething that you should be
scared of.
You just need to see is to seeit as it is a mechanism that
keeps you alive, and themechanism that keeps you survive
basically helps you with that.
Yes, and then, of course, howwe yeah it's so you're saying no
(08:00):
negative thoughts.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Essentially, they inform us to protect ourselves
right from falling back intothat negative situation, or it's
more of a survival skill.
So our mind remembers that moreat its core than perhaps some
of the positive memories.
Is that what you're saying,exactly?
Yeah, so how does someonereframe that then?
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I hear many times people saying how do we get rid
of negative thoughts?
How do we let go of negativethoughts?
And I would say that this isthe the first trap that we are
falling in.
We don't need to get rid ofnegative thoughts.
They are there, as I saidearlier, to help us not have the
(08:49):
same negative experiences thatwe encounter in the past.
Of course, from that point,yeah, you slowly, slowly start
to accept them, embrace them,interact with them in a very
kind way, so you don't give toomuch power to that negative
scenario and if you do thisenough and you don't scare you
(09:16):
are not scared of having themslowly, slowly, those negative
patterns are going to becomeless threatening.
For ourselves and we are goingto relax around them.
Okay, I have a negative thought.
All right, this is coming fromthat experience where I was, I
don't know, afraid of something.
(09:36):
Is this the reality?
No, then let me go towards whatI want, not, uh, yeah, towards
what I don't want, or what mymind is saying that, um yeah, I
need to go, you know towards.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
So do you?
So you're saying, essentially,you want to identify where is
this thought coming from, andfrom there, just say, okay, is
this true?
And check that thought if thisis true.
So, for example, with thatexample of someone thinking that
either A oh, things are alwaysbad that are happening to me and
(10:16):
they're in this pattern ofseeing the negative things and
that's what they're focusing onand they're thinking that it's
true, I have identified thatthis is a truth in my life, that
negative things are alwayshappening to me.
And look around, here's anevidence, and there's an
evidence, and there's anevidence.
And I'm always finding theevidence, or that person who
thinks, oh, I had something goodhappen, is just a matter of
(10:38):
time before the shoe drops orsomething negative is going to
happen.
So I better either hold on orhold tight with anxiety, not
enjoying that present positivething because something's about
to go wrong.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Exactly.
Yeah, we are very comfortablearound this mindset because it's
really the one that gives uswhat we are used with, gives us
what we are used with.
Therefore, yeah, when weinteract with someone that is
having, in general, a negativemindset, we need to understand
that this is so safe for them.
(11:13):
They found, in a way, thesafety in that unsafe zone and
this is probably the first thingthat they struggle with when it
comes to changing theirthoughts.
Mm, hmm, to change it, I'malways going to be like this
Look how negative I am, the morethey feed that kind of reality
(11:48):
and they truly believe it, eventhough the reality in that
moment it might not be thatnegative, but they cannot
separate reality from theirthoughts.
So, yeah, you are sayingexactly how it usually happens.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yeah, yeah.
And so how does that person whowants to change but they don't
know where to start, like ifthey are, for example, negative
or they have some set mindsetshow do they go from being that
negative person to unravelinginto new thought process, new
habits, essentially to breakthose patterns?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Negative thoughts are often associated, at least in
psychotherapy, with this idea ofshadow.
You've probably heard of it, orthe people that are listening
to us heard about this at somepoint in their life.
So, basically, this shadow thata person is having needs to be
(12:47):
accepted, needs to be embraced.
So the first step so they canchange that is actually to
accept that at this moment, inthis present moment, this is who
I am.
I'm a combination of manynegative thoughts and
sporadically, from time to time,seeing a positive thought or
(13:08):
some hope or some faith or someinspiration.
This is who I am right now.
This is something that is goingto say about me that I'm broken
.
No, yeah, so it's just how mymind is operating at the moment.
(13:30):
So only from this place theycan actually start changing
something.
If they identify totally withthose negative thoughts, it's a
lot harder because they alreadyfeel like I cannot fix this.
This is who I am.
I'm broken, something is wrongwith me and I have to, you know,
(13:54):
cope with it the best I can andnot even hope that at some
point I will fix it in thefuture.
Yeah, so this is, this isbasically the key, I would say,
in changing those negativethoughts and, yeah, go with your
(14:16):
mindset towards something thatcan help your objectives in the
future to come true.
Yeah, so therefore, the key isactually to realize that your
inner reality is not your outerreality or the reality that you
see outside of you, and to notidentify with what is going on
(14:41):
in your mind.
I'm separate and my thoughtsare here.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
I'm not my thoughts yeah, so it's almost like we see
ourselves through a certainfilter based on our experiences,
our beliefs, the way that we'reraised in a combination of
things like you mentionedgenetics as well I'm in the
beginning, and so we have afilter that we view the world
(15:05):
with that may be different fromthe person sitting next to you,
because they had a different setof experiences and beliefs and
systems and opinions, and so howdo we begin to change some of
that and allow that more ispossible for us than where we
are currently?
Okay?
Speaker 1 (15:23):
than where we are currently.
Okay, after this particularstep that I just mentioned
earlier, to realize what's goingon, accept it and realize that
you are not the thoughts thatyou're experiencing.
After that, the best thing thatyou can engage with is actually
(15:44):
, uh, with other minds and otherpeople that are seeing that
future that you want as well.
I would say that, yeah, beingtogether and around people that
are having a, the mindset thatyou are hoping for, is going to
help your brain to calibrate tothe same frequency and the same
(16:06):
mentality and the same set ofbeliefs that others are having.
So this is the easiest, I wouldsay.
Of course, some others preferuh, you know, to to go first
into therapy and to, you know,read the self-help, self-help
books or try to find informationand search within, which is
(16:28):
great if this is something thatit's a lot more easier for them
in the beginning.
But the easiest way to actuallycalibrate your brain to a
different type of mindset isactually to try to be around
people that are having that kindof reality already.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Yeah, that makes sense because when we're around
people, there's a saying that isyou are the average of the five
closest people to you.
So the people that you hangaround is what sets your belief
systems.
And it's interesting, becausethe study has been done, that
even something as your financiallevel is affected, your morals
(17:09):
are affected, your values, your,the way you look and the dress
and all those things they playan impact.
The habits that you have developwith the you're the average of
the five closest people to you.
So, whether people have goodhabits or bad habits, if you're
around people who are athleticand who really prioritize health
and wellness, chances are youthat's going to become more a
(17:31):
priority to you, or, vice versa,people who have really bad
habits or that may be somethingthat you might be picking up
when you're hanging around them.
And so, exactly, I do find thatit's interesting, because the
people we are around and that'swhy I'm sure you, with coaching
and having clients who areentrepreneurs, you see that a
(17:54):
lot of them are in mastermindsand they get themselves into
places and positions where thereare around people who think
bigger, who are able to expandtheir mindsets beyond what they
currently think or where theycurrently are.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Yeah, this is such a common practice, yes, and it's
necessary for them.
I would say that is, um, yeah,is a must.
They need to do that, yeah.
Otherwise, um, um, yeah, thelevel that they are trying to
get to and from the level theyare operating, they need,
(18:28):
together with otherentrepreneurs, other people that
are having struggles in theirbusinesses, they found
particular innovative solutions.
So, definitely, yeah, it's amust for them and for, yeah, you
said something extremelyinteresting I totally resonate
with and, yeah, this issomething that we can see in
(18:52):
couples.
Yeah, when you are stayingaround your partner, you tend to
actually borrow pretty mucheverything, yeah, yeah.
So, yes, the five people in ourlife, and I would say the
partner, it's probably the firstone that you're going to get
influenced by the most yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
Yeah, that is an interesting factor as well.
What would you say, do you?
What do you think aboutgratitude practice?
So there's, you know, peoplesay that that is something that
can lead you to a more of apositive thinking, or that can
help to switch that switch ofalways finding the negative
(19:35):
things.
Can you speak on that, sure?
Speaker 1 (19:40):
It's definitely a very good practice.
It helps to observe the thingsthat we usually take for granted
.
So this is why it's such a hypeat the moment with this
practice, because we tend tooverlook the small things in our
(20:01):
lives that probably are themost in the end.
So this is one reason.
Another reason for um why uhpractice like this is definitely
very helpful, is because, yeah,the frequency that you are
going to um have in a particularday as a effect of that
(20:23):
practice is going to be, yeah,definitely from a place of peace
, from a place of um integrationyeah with everything that you
have in your life.
You are going to not focus somuch on the inner conflicts that
are going through your mind, soyou are going to be able to
(20:46):
actually interact with thepresent moment a lot better.
Yeah, otherwise, of course,those negative thoughts or that
anxiety is going to kick in.
Or, yeah, the fact that we usesocial media too much, this is
going to affect our brain wavesand start to be, yeah,
brainwaves and start to be, yeah, we are going to start to be
really agitated as a effect ofthat.
So this is why it's helpful.
(21:08):
This doesn't mean thatgratefulness is going to do
everything and is going to savepeople from a negative mindset.
Yeah, so usually this caneasily be a distraction as well.
Yeah, so usually this caneasily be a distraction as well.
(21:28):
And I've seen a lot of peopleyeah, even some of my clients
that were doing a bunch ofpractices, not just this one.
Yeah, so meditation and thenjournaling, and then you know
yoga, and then this and thenthat, and at the end of the day,
they still feel like they arenot satisfied, they are not
happy, they feel like somethingis missing.
(21:52):
So those practices can easilybe a distraction, like any other
distraction social media, um,yeah, shopping and other
addictions that we're inclinedto go towards when we don't feel
at ease and in a very, you know, contained place with our
(22:16):
emotions and thoughts, you know.
So, yes, it's a very goodpractice and is something that
is not a modern practice, it's areligion, and it's been there
for forever.
I would say this is probablythat practice that helped a lot
(22:39):
of people, through religion, toactually feel a little bit
better, but it's not all yes.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
So what would you say is a good alternative to that
someone who perhaps is usingthat as a distraction?
What would you advise to be agood alternative?
Speaker 1 (23:00):
meditation.
I would say it's a goodalternative to that, especially
because, um, you are not tryingto change your reality in any
shape or form.
You are interacting with yourreality the way it is and in
that moment you feel anxious ordistracted.
(23:20):
This is your reality andthrough meditation you can
interact with that reality,being fully present with, with,
uh, yeah, that uh sensation inyour body as a effect of what
you feel and then, what are somethings that you?
Speaker 2 (23:39):
or?
Do you have phrases that youtell your clients, for example,
like when they, when thenegative thought pops into their
head, for example, and they goback to their?
You know just, we kind ofrevert back into our habits,
right?
So if we tend to be negative,we revert back to those negative
thoughts.
So do you have any um phrasesthat you use with clients to
(24:03):
combat some of those things?
Speaker 1 (24:07):
I can say I have a particular phrase that I
recommend them to keep in mind,but I do ask them what can be
that phrase for them.
So, yes, you are right.
Uh, yeah, we're trying tobalance that out and find
something that can trigger theopposite direction.
(24:27):
So if, if, negative thoughtsare automatic in ourselves and
they just pop up and we have todeal with them, we can
definitely think of somethingthat can balance that and, yeah,
help the person to go in theopposite direction.
So, yes, I asked them exactlythis question, like what will be
(24:49):
a particular mantra or aparticular question that you can
ask yourself so you can go backto the present moment.
So for some of them, it might befor example, what do I need
right now?
It's a very good question.
Yeah, they, uh.
Yeah, this question helps themto interact with their body and
(25:12):
realize what is the need thatthey have in this present moment
.
And for some of them it mightbe yeah, they, they can answer
to that by saying, okay, I feela little bit tired, I might need
a walk or I might need a break,and this already puts them into
(25:32):
the present moment withoutinteracting and ruminating with
that negative thought in theirmind.
For some of them it might besomething else, like okay, I
need a tea, or I need to staywith my daughter or son for five
minutes, or it can be that theanswer might be different from
(25:54):
one person to another.
So this is a good question.
Another one it might be is thismy reality right now?
Yeah, so again is kind of doingthe same thing interacting with
the current reality, and thecurrent reality is almost never
(26:18):
the same as your thoughts aretrying to make it sound, or look
, you know, yeah, I think, ifyou, if you, if you manage to
find that core question or thatcore phrase that can ring that
bell for you, it's good enough.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
It does not need to be the same for everyone yeah,
and is it interesting that Ithink they say 90% or so of our
negative worries and fears nevercome to reality.
Yet we spend so much timedwelling on the negative
what-ifs or the negativepossibilities or outcomes that
(27:01):
never come to fruition come tofruition.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
It's very interesting , uh, in the same time, it's not
surprising.
You know, our chemistry in ourbody is contributing a lot to
that.
Yeah, so whenever we are, um,having pretty much uh like a
behavior around certain thingsand we get used with certain
thoughts, with certain scenarios, and we we never put them to
(27:31):
sleep through working withourselves, our body is going to
get addicted by it.
So every time when we wake upin the morning is almost like
our body is asking for food orsomething that, uh, yeah, it's
our body needs.
(27:51):
So, of course, that cluster ofchemicals or or that cocktail of
chemicals in our body, theminute we wake up, is going to
ask for a certain scenario orcertain thoughts, and the
thoughts are going to be linkedwith that sensation in our body.
It's not surprising, yeah, soit's a conditioning of our body.
(28:13):
Basically, we condition ourbody and our mind with any type
of thoughts.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
It can be positive or negative, but it's conditioning
so you're saying there arecertain people that, or, in
general, we as people are morecomfortable with the way that
things have been and it's a lotharder to break the barrier of
where we're trying to go and ifwe're trying to get healthier,
for example I've heard thisphrase used before that, um, we
(28:41):
are more comfortable in afamiliar hell than we are an
alternative heaven, right.
So if there is a place that'sbetter and we are tormenting in
our current state of emotions orbody or feelings or thought
process, that tends to be morecomfortable than finding or
working towards a place of peace, and in a sense, that's why a
(29:03):
lot of people stay in abusiverelationships or in environments
that are toxic for them,without recognizing that and
moving to something else.
So I find that very interesting, because you said that we are,
your chemistry is in your body,is like familiar with that.
(29:24):
So how do we, how do wenavigate that or how do we
overcome that, if that is thereality?
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Okay, yeah, it's almost like a like a detox.
It's almost for a person thatis having, you know, problems
with any type of addiction.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah, so it is that you say you treat it like an
addiction, right?
Speaker 1 (29:47):
yes, yes yeah, I treat it as an addiction.
It's, it's actually anaddiction.
Yeah, you can't really, youcan't really change it in that
moment.
Yeah, because it's alreadyhappening, um, or how to put it
(30:09):
in other words, but that need,that starving for that type of
reaction or that type of thoughtor that type of reality, is
going to be there no matter what.
So, yeah, for a person, forexample, that is having problems
with alcohol, they can't stopthat.
Yeah, it's almost unfair to askthem to stop because their body
(30:34):
is asking for it so much thatalcohol is becoming a second
nature for them, or like anextension of their personality
and who they are.
It's something that, yeah, it'slike another hand, so to call.
Yeah, so basically, they needto go in a rehab so they can
(30:55):
slowly, slowly decondition theirbody to be okay without that
extension or that extra yeahhand.
So for, for, um, what?
Yeah, for negative thoughts andin general, yeah, this
conditioning in our body, thosepatterns that are giving us this
(31:22):
type of reality, is pretty muchthe same.
We need to basically go in arehab and decondition our body.
How we do that is, uh, what Iprefer and what I recommend in
general is for people to go to adeep like, a, like a digital
detox in the beginning.
(31:43):
This is very helpful because,yeah, at the moment, social
media and our interaction with,with screens in general are
contributing to, um, to what isgoing on in our body and is the
biggest distraction, yeah, formost of people at the moment.
So, uh, yeah, um, digital detoxand then, yeah, slowly, slowly,
(32:05):
interact a little bit more withyour body, understand what's
going on with your body,understand your sensations in
the body, meditate, do, yeah,try to have activities that are
going to contribute to your,yeah, to a different kind of
feeling in your body and adifferent type of sensation in
(32:27):
your body.
So it's a slow process, but notthat slow.
For example, there are manyretreats at the moment and one
of them that I've been in thisyear and it was very helpful is
Vipassana.
I don't know if you ever heardof it.
It's an Indian retreat that isrunning in every single country
(32:51):
and you go there for 10 dayswithout a phone, without
anything to read or to write.
You don't speak with anyone.
Basically, you don't interactwith with the other participants
.
You just meditate and, yeah,interact with yourself directly.
(33:14):
You cannot run from yourself.
So this is a good practice, soyou can actually decondition
your body so it's a silentretreat.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
It's a silent retreat , exactly.
Well, and that's interesting,that you can't even write down
your thoughts like you.
You don't, you're not allowedto journal, like that's part of
it.
Yeah, it's part of it,interesting, wow.
So how was?
Speaker 1 (33:38):
that like for you.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
I know 10 days.
I was going to ask you aboutthat because I know you
mentioned that you did go onthis silent retreat.
And what was that like?
To be in a place where there'sother people around but you
can't talk to them, you can'tjot down notes, you can't read
books, you know you can't listento something, you can't be
distracted by your phone orcomputer.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
What was that like for you?
I was really surprised, reallysurprised.
Everything I learned abouthuman beings and how our mind
works and everything about thisdomain In that retreat, it was
like I integrated, I finally hadthe raw experience of of that.
(34:34):
Yeah, so it was extremelysurprising to see, um, how
difficult is for our mind toactually do this and, um, yeah,
when you don't have anything tocling on or to attach yourself
to, your ego will start havingparticular reactions that are
(34:57):
quite difficult to handle.
And even though I knew what wasgoing to happen, I was still
surprised by the process.
Happen, I was still surprisedby the process.
Yeah, so the good thing it wasthat, um, yeah, I uh didn't
panic or, um, I wasn't afraid ofwhat is going on with me in
that process.
So that was a good thing.
(35:19):
But, uh, definitely, I wasextremely surprised and curious
how my mind is seeing this wholeexperience and how difficult it
is actually to to be separatedfrom all these things that are
distracting ourselves.
So I I just to give you anexample uh, in that retreat, I
(35:43):
uh I think I read every singlebottle of shampoo ingredients
and every single piece ofinformation that they were
putting on different walls.
So it was very interesting howmy brain was starving to read
something, to interact with somekind of information, to hear
(36:04):
someone talking, some kind ofinformation.
To hear someone talking.
It was fascinating, like, yeah,it was per day, every single
day.
We were having one hour oftheory in a way, so basically
the professor would give usinstructions, so that was the
best thing that could happen inthat day.
(36:28):
I was really, really lookingforward to that, so that was
fascinating.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Because you can hear the human speak right?
Is that why it's like you hearsomeone speaking and there's
some information that you'regiven, even though you can't
interact with that correct?
Speaker 1 (36:45):
Yes, and even more than that intellectual,
intellectual.
How do you call thatEntertainment?
Intellectual entertainment?
(37:05):
Oh, I got you.
It's actually yeah, yeah, it'sactually something that we
really really need nowadays.
So I wouldn't care that muchabout the information or what
they are saying, but the factthat I could actually, I could
(37:26):
actually think about what thatperson was saying.
It was such a need for me sonot just the fact that I was
listening to another human being, but actually to think, um, to
think about certain things as aeffect of what I heard.
Um, yeah, so basically it was,my brain was in need to interact
(37:50):
with some kind of information,because, imagine, when you
cannot talk at all and you don'thear anything for this amount
of time, your brain is not fedwith anything, right, you don't
give anything to your brain tothink of, to interact with, to,
yeah, to get attached to.
(38:10):
So it's very difficult for ourego to actually stay still and
not have this type ofconnections with, yeah, with
information yeah so it wasintellectually stimulating for
you.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
That's interesting because I feel like we live in
such a time period where we'reso connected to digital say the
phone would be the mostprevalent right that even
standing in line at a grocerystore or somewhere else, there
is that tendency to pick up thephone because it's that quiet
(38:46):
window of moment where you know,and so there is that tendency
to just look at your phone eventhough there is nothing coming
through.
But we have become soaccustomed to distracting
ourself on a consistent basisthat it's almost that we don't
allow ourselves to have a windowof to process our thoughts or
(39:07):
even to step back and allow ourbodies to feel what we feel and
just to let those things settle.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
It's probably the biggest insight I had in those
10 days.
It was mind blowing for me,yeah, to interact with
information, even though a lotof people, yeah, they, they are
saying, and it's a valid, it's avalid point like, I'm not
(39:40):
staying on youtube or socialmedia just because I usually
learn something, I usuallylisten to someone that is
smarter than me.
Yeah, I can get inspired bythem.
Yeah, so I'm not, I'm usingthis time properly.
Yes, that's right, but it'sstill, yeah, um, when it comes
(40:02):
to stimulation, when it comes tointellectual entertainment, is
pretty much the same thing,because you get so much
information from the outsidethat you never get in touch with
the information that isactually within.
That, most of the time, is alot valuable.
It's a lot valuable.
(40:23):
You can help yourself, uh, withthe outer information to, yeah,
to help and map the innerreality better, but not to get
everything from the outside,yeah, so this is such a
interesting thing nowadaysbecause people are not engaging
(40:44):
with their inner wisdom andtheir inner knowledge at all.
Yeah, they, they, uh, they just, um, listen to what everyone is
saying, but not themselves.
Yeah, that is true, yeah yes,and this is, uh, quite um
(41:06):
dangerous.
Uh, you, you.
You asked a little bit abouthow we get unstuck right, and
this is probably one of thebiggest problems that we have.
What to be stuck really meansis a feeling of unclarity,
uncertainty.
We don't know what to do.
(41:27):
We cannot know what to dounless we get a little bit in
touch with our instincts, andwhen we interact so much with
the information outside, wenever get the chance to actually
understand what we need and letthis process of clarification
(41:52):
to do its work.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Yeah, yeah, that's so good.
So you would say that's one ofthe things that you do recommend
as a digital detox to most ofyour clients, correct, yes, yeah
, and so how was that for youthen coming back from that?
Because I imagined, whenever Ido a social media detox, for
example, you realize how littleyou really need social media.
(42:14):
You realize that you know it'slike why was I always on this
thing?
Do I really need it as much asI think I do, you know?
And it's easy to fall back intothe habit too, right?
Speaker 1 (42:25):
So let's be real about that.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Whether it's YouTube, whether it's social media,
whether it's everybody hasdifferent vices, but in general
it's easy for us to fall backinto those habits.
But when you step away fromthose habits whether it's sugar,
whether it's something else yourealize that you know, I
actually feel better withoutthese things that are, you know,
detrimental to my emotionalwellbeing, whether it's your
(42:50):
health or whatnot, and and youneed less of that, then you know
you may not have your cookiecravings If you did a sugar
detox on a daily basis at threeo'clock every day anymore.
It's like oh you know, or youmay need not need that glass of
wine every evening, cause yourealize that you can do without
it.
And of course you know,depending on the level of
addiction, you might needprofessional help, and this
(43:11):
isn't a substitute for that, ofcourse, of course.
But I think that it'sinteresting because when I do a
digital detox, I tend to want toread more, and that's probably
with the informational like lackof information right.
And I tend to learn more things.
I tend to get more in touchwith myself and journal and
(43:32):
process a lot more internallythan I do when I'm constantly
fed information.
And, similar to you probably, Idon't like to follow or be on
social media for entertainmentpurposes.
I like to follow people who areeducational and so on and so
forth and friends and thingslike that, but at the the end of
the day, that is a hugedistraction to actually living
(43:55):
our intentional lives and wherewe're trying to go and, um yeah,
so I think that that's aninteresting point that you bring
up about the digital detox yeah, yes and um.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
This is exactly, you know, when you are coming out of
a detox like this, thatrealization.
It will help you actually tounderstand what you need in the
future and how you can get backto that intentional living.
Because intentional living doesnot mean that we are getting to
that.
You know um level in which weare intentional all the time and
(44:35):
we are having an amazingmindset all the time.
Of course not.
We are going to interact withour environment and fall back
into certain habits, but this isnot a problem.
This doesn't mean that we werequitting or we are not able to
be consistent with what we want.
(44:55):
Not at all.
Yeah, it's just the way ourmind is going to interact with
the environment, especiallynowadays when there are a lot
more distractions.
So by actually doing this isgoing to create um safety kit,
(45:16):
if you like, for the future.
So whenever you are going tofeel out of balance, whenever
you are going to feel likethings are not clicking, you are
not in touch anymore with whatyou really want, you feel stuck
all things or not clear aboutcertain things, you'll know what
to do.
But when you don't have thatreality or understanding, when
(45:40):
you don't have that experiencethen, yes, it's a lot more
difficult to actually know thatthis is possible.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
And so was that kind of hard for you coming back into
it, or did you realize likesome of the habits and some of
the things that you wanted toadjust like in your lifestyle
coming out of your the silentretreat?
Speaker 1 (46:08):
for me, it wasn't necessarily difficult to process
what was going on in thatretreat, especially because I
was asking for this type ofexperience for a long time so.
I kind of I resonated from thefirst day.
So I truly understand what,what is going on in the process.
(46:31):
But this doesn't mean that my,for my brain and for my whole
being, it wasn't a, you know,huge challenging.
Yeah, in the challenge exactly.
But I had that experience manytimes ago, many, many years ago.
So I had an experience in whichI realized that, oh, actually,
(46:53):
I'm not the story in my mind andI can easily separate myself
from the social mediaenvironment, yeah, things that I
don't need in my life.
So I had that experience alittle bit spontaneous.
I don't know what reallytriggered that, but from that
(47:13):
point I wanted to actually finda way to do this in a structured
manner.
So when I actually understoodwhat a retreat like this can
actually do for us, like thiscan actually do for, uh, for us,
(47:39):
um, I was uh, you know, uh,resonating.
And when I was going back like,okay, this was a good
experience and uh, um, yeah, Iwould like to, yeah, keep the
habit of meditating, keep thehabit of staying a little bit
away from social media once aweek or once a month for an
extended period of time.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
Yeah, those are good practices to adapt into.
So is there anything else,before we wrap up, that you
would like to share, to justkind of help someone navigate
and how to get the help thatthey need in order to overcome
some of those mindsets?
Speaker 1 (48:20):
Going to the roots, really.
So everything we've talkedabout until now in Svetka is
really about going to the roots.
It's not rocket science.
You don't need a lot ofinformation for that is just
about disponibility and allowingyourself to actually remove
yourself from certain contextsthat are not helpful and they
(48:42):
feed that chemistry in your body.
Yeah, so this is something thatwhoever are listening to,
whoever is listening to ourpodcast, they can easily do that
, even in their own homes.
They can remove a little bitfrom those contexts and after
(49:03):
that, going to the basics isgoing to be a natural process.
As they interact a little bitmore with their instincts, as
they interact a little bit morewith their bodies, they will
immediately know what they need.
So they maybe need a little bit, you know, to change this habit
(49:23):
right here or to change aparticular thought in their mind
.
Their inner wisdom is going towalk them towards this process
in a very natural way.
So I wouldn't necessarily worryabout that.
This is going to come as youare available to this kind of
(49:47):
inner process.
After that, what I would add tothis idea of going back to roots
is to be able to observe thatthe moment this process is going
(50:08):
to start and you are a lot morein touch with your body.
Start and you are a lot more intouch with your body.
The energy, the vital energythat is going to be there as an
effect of you removing yourselffrom those contexts is going to
start to come to the surface.
So the person will have a lotmore mental energy, with a lot
(50:30):
more energy in their body thatwill help them with healing if
they are having any type ofphysical problem, right.
So this vital energy that isgoing to come as a effect of
this process, it can be easilydirected towards what they
really want in life.
So we can talk aboutintentional living, in my eyes,
(50:55):
only at this point, when youactually have energy for those
uh, yeah, for that type ofprocess.
So, of course, in that moment,when you observe that you have a
lot more energy into your bodyand you are understanding things
a little bit better it'sexactly what you said.
Yeah, when you're coming out ofthat retreat, you wanted to read
a little bit more and you didnot want to interact with social
(51:18):
media as much and you wereengaging in this slow process.
Yeah, people are talking aboutslow cooking like it's a very
good thing for our health.
It's again the same thing withinformation slow reading, for
example, yeah, as a um, as a inthe opposite of, you know,
(51:41):
scrolling on social media andlistening to audio books and
whatever, yeah, so slow process.
Basically, whenever the personis going to get that kind of
vitality and energy into theirbodies, it's a lot more easier
to get unstuck, to go towardstheir goals, to make plans that
(52:01):
are going to be achievable andto have the energy so they can
go towards that.
Their mindset is going to be alot better improved and, uh,
yeah, their, their thoughts thatwere negative will not have a
lot of room to grow in in thatkind of body.
(52:24):
When you are strong in yourbody, strong in your mind,
strong in your spirit, thosenegative thoughts cannot appear
as much, because it's, yeah,negative thoughts is like when
you, when your immunity systemis going down, yeah, when you
are tired, when you haven'teaten enough, you haven't slept
yeah of course, your immunitysystem is going to drop.
(52:46):
It's pretty much the same withnegative thoughts.
When you haven't allowedyourself to connect with your
body, to understand what youneed, to remove yourself from
contexts that are distractingyou and make you inclined to
have a negative reality, thosethoughts are going to grow.
(53:06):
You are going to interact a lotmore with them and consume a
lot of energy, them and consumea lot of energy.
Yeah, I think this is uh.
This is all I would recommendbecause it's so effective and it
was effective for such a longtime.
It's not saying something newin this podcast, it's just uh.
(53:28):
It's just about rememberingwhat was always there that was
working for everyone, no matterif, yeah, you know about
personal development and ifyou've read a lot of books and
if you've I don't know donesophisticated things, this is
working for everyone.
Speaker 2 (53:50):
Back to the basics, right.
Yeah, and it's interesting thatyou brought slow cooking it's
like there is there is a trendin our modern world to slow down
because we have just developedsuch a high pace of life.
Everything is to go, everythingis quick.
The videos, now they.
You know you can't even watch a10 minute video.
It's got to be within 30seconds, get the message across
(54:10):
really fast.
So it's like, okay, what's thevideo?
And then you're just likefeeding yourself these junk food
and then we're wondering why wehave so much anxiety.
We're so stressed that we can'teven sit alone with our
thoughts.
So it's yeah, I love that you,you bring that digital detox,
and I do.
I mean, there's a lot of,there's an uptick of even
(54:31):
creating spaces for young people.
That has no phones and thattype of thing.
Speaker 1 (54:37):
So yeah, I heard of that.
Actually, it's quite a trend inthe US at the moment.
There are communities that arenot using those modern phones
anymore.
Speaker 2 (54:50):
Really Okay.
Yeah, I don't think I've heardthat yet.
Um so I just usually wrap up mypodcast by asking a few
questions, and one of them iswhat is the bravest thing Ionica
has ever done besides?
Going on a silent retreat,because that's pretty brave, I'd
say to not talk for like 10days.
You said that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (55:11):
Yeah, yeah um, well, I've been in many retreats so
before they were having, ofcourse, different purposes, but
I would say that this one, itwas probably the more
fascinating for me, okay.
So, um, yeah, the bravest thingI would say that I ever done
into my life.
(55:32):
You know, the moment I realizedthat I need to clean up my space
, and here I mean you know myphysical space, my relationships
, so the relationship I havewith myself, the relationship I
have with my parents, so allthose different things that were
(55:53):
clearly giving me a lot ofconflict, a lot of, yeah, a lot
of unease, the minute I realizedthat the bravest thing I've
done it was to actuallyunderstand what was going on and
(56:14):
, for the people that were stillalive, to actually give them a
phone and a call, yeah, and talkto them.
So I was having people in mylife that I did not speak for
years, some of them even from mychildhood, people that at some
point I got in conflict with orI had.
(56:34):
You know, we haven't resonatedor we, yeah, something was going
on in that relationship.
So I made a list of thesepeople and I was starting to
call them one by one, and thatwas such a difficult process,
like I would say that that wasthe bravest thing I ever done to
(56:55):
actually call these people andspeak with them from the bottom
of my heart, be extremelyvulnerable with them and sharing
exactly how I felt andrecognize them for what they
brought into my life andunderstanding that I was being
able to extract as the effect ofwhat I experienced with them.
Speaker 2 (57:17):
Wow, that's powerful.
That must have been so easy.
You must have had so much peaceafter.
I mean, the process wasn't easy, I'm not saying that, but you
must have felt such easeafterwards of just this weight
being lifted off, because allthe unresolved things were now,
(57:38):
you know, different yeah.
Speaker 1 (57:40):
Oh yeah, it's probably the most powerful thing
I ever done, like not even intherapy.
Yeah, you can get that sense ofpeace.
Speaker 2 (57:49):
Yeah, I love that.
That's so good.
Speaker 1 (58:02):
What is the best advice that someone gave you not
giving my power away and alwaysfilter everything that I hear,
everything that I take fromauthorities to filter, to filter
(58:25):
it for myself, yeah, and notgive that power away.
So, yeah, I realized that at acertain point in time, and
probably this is the best advicethat I give to myself, and
probably I heard it before, butit never clicked up until the
moment I realized this formyself.
Speaker 2 (58:46):
That's awesome.
Well, Anika, thank you so muchfor your time.
I appreciate you spending timewith us and just the value that
you brought to the audience.
I'm sure people are reallygoing to benefit from listening
to this podcast and this episode.
Where can people find you?
Speaker 1 (59:04):
Well on social media, now that we've talked about Now
.
We told you to stay away fromit yeah, so, um, my services at
the moment are um, are on aplatform, on fiverr, it's a.
(59:24):
It's a platform forentrepreneurs, so this is the
easiest way that people can findme.
Uh, but yes, other than that,on linkedin, um ionica busna dot
, linkedin, whatever.
So, yeah, with my name,basically on facebook the same
and instagram the same.
Speaker 2 (59:45):
Yeah and what's your instagram handle?
Uh ionica dot busna, thenthat's b-a-z-n-a for exactly,
yeah, yeah exactly, okay,awesome.
Well, thank you so much.
Uh, what an honor it is to foryou to come on here and share
your thoughts with us it was areal pleasure.
Speaker 1 (01:00:06):
Thank you so much for for the invitation.
Uh, it's that kind of yeah, Ireally hope people that are
listening will implement some ofthis because, yeah, they will
probably understand really quickthat they can easily do this
and, yeah, the steps are justvery handy.
(01:00:26):
They can easily do that for abetter life.
Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
Thank you for listening to the Once we Dare
podcast.
It is an honor to share theseencouraging stories with you.
If you for listening to theOnce we Dare podcast, it is an
honor to share these encouragingstories with you.
If you enjoy the show, I wouldlove for you to tell your
friends.
Leave us a review rating andsubscribe to wherever you listen
to podcasts, because this helpsothers discover the show.
You can find me on my website,svekapopovcom.
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