April 29, 2025 • 42 mins
Navigating the Fourth Trimester with Rachel Taylor: Essential Insights for Postpartum Recovery
Postpartum recovery is far more than a six-week checkup—it's a profound physical, emotional, and spiritual transformation that deserves greater care and attention. In this episode, we’re joined by Rachel Taylor, a registered nurse with 15 years of experience in mother-baby care and author of After Baby Comes: Physical, Spiritual and Emotional Recovery for Postpartum Moms.
Rachel shares powerful insights into the often-overlooked fourth trimester, offering hope and practical wisdom for new mothers navigating this tender season. We discuss:
- Why postpartum is a transition, not a permanent state
- How to distinguish baby blues from postpartum depression and anxiety
- The truth about physical recovery timelines and why it takes longer than six weeks
- Simple yet powerful practices like diaphragmatic breathing to aid healing
- How spiritual rhythms can shift in this season without guilt
- The importance of community and creating a “how you can help me” list before birth
- Why you are uniquely designed to be the mother your child needs
If you’re in the postpartum season—or love someone who is—you’ll walk away feeling seen, supported, and equipped.
Find Rachel’s book on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, or ChristianBook.com, and connect with her at mamadidit.com or on Instagram @mamadiditofficial for more encouragement and resources.
-Links-
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
postpartum, those first three months can feel very
lonely, can feel very sad oremotional, and not everybody
experiences it that way, but amajority do.
And so it's just this time ofknowing like, okay, I had a baby
, like my brain is changing, mybody is changing, my
relationship is changing, like alot is changing, there's a
(00:21):
transition happening, but it'snot a bad thing, like all of
these things be better on theother side and knowing that it's
temporary too.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Hey friends, welcome to the Ones who Dare podcast,
where stories of courage areelevated.
I'm your host, becca, and everyother week you'll hear
interviews from inspiring people.
My hope is that you will leaveencouraged.
I'm so glad you're here, rachelTaylor, welcome to the Once
(00:56):
With your Podcast.
I'm so honored to beinterviewing you today.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Well, thank you for having me.
It is an honor to be here andtalk to you about all of this.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Well, thank you for having me it is an honor to be
here and talk to you about allof this.
Yeah, so you are a registerednurse, a childbirth educator, a
mom of three with over 15 yearsof experience in mother-baby
nursing, and you have dedicatedyour career to supporting
(01:24):
mothers through the oftenoverlooked fourth trimester,
which is the postpartum periodfollowing childbirth.
And I'm really excited to diginto your book your recent
release called After Baby ComesPhysical, spiritual and
Emotional Recovery thePostpartum Moms, which serves as
a comprehensive guide tonavigating the challenges of
postpartum recovery, and Ireally believe that this is a
subject that isn't talked aboutenough because we have a baby,
(01:46):
it's just there's a lot ofexcitement around that.
There's baby showers beforehandand we have the meal trains to
help us, just kind of support usthrough that.
But then there's just thisperiod that some others struggle
with of postpartum, and I am soexcited that you get to be a
voice in this field and so, yeah, thank you so much for coming
(02:07):
on.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Yeah, thank you.
Yes, this is a dream come truefor me, just to be able to write
a book, like from my experienceof being a bedside nurse.
You know, not, not everybodygets that opportunity.
It's like, oh, to do that for15 years.
You know, actually be able tohelp new moms is just such an
honor.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, and can you share a little bit about what
inspired you to write this bookafter baby comes?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Yes.
So the seed kind of got planted, as I'll call it, after my
first baby.
So I was a registered nurse.
I worked in labor and delivery,postpartum nursing, post
C-section, all that kind ofstuff, and had this just belief
of you know, postpartum is goingto be a breezy experience.
I know what to do, I teach thisstuff.
(02:58):
And then a few weeks in I had amoment of just oh, my goodness,
this is so hard.
I had a moment of just oh, mygoodness, this is so hard.
And if I'm struggling like this, how do other new moms do this
that do not have my background?
And so from there on, justtaking care of new mothers,
(03:18):
there was this common theme thatI kept getting, and it was they
would look at me beforedischarge and say, can I just
take you home with me?
Or now, who do I call now if Ineed help?
And it just had me like, okay,we do a really good job of
helping in pregnancy, helpingfor birth, you know, prepare
moms and give them resources.
And then we get to postpartumand it's kind of like here you
(03:40):
go, here's this baby, good luck.
You know there's this need Momsreally need a resource where
they're not Googling at threeo'clock in the morning, you know
, trying to find answers forthemselves.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah, yeah.
That's so such a valid pointbecause, like you said, it's you
feel like you're almost on yourown, because there's all the
support that pours in thebeginning, and then there's this
period of like people pull awayand get busy and you're just
with the baby, and especially ifpostpartum is something that is
difficult for you, everybodyexperiences it in a different
(04:16):
form.
But I'd like to hear from youof how would you describe the
fourth trimester and why is itcrucial for new mothers?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
So I would, if I could only use one word, I would
probably say transition, justbecause there's this huge
transition, almost like not tosound cheesy, but almost like a
caterpillar that changes into abutterfly.
You know, you kind of enterthat dark cocoon.
For many mothers motherspostpartum those first three
(04:45):
months can feel very lonely, canfeel very sad or emotional, and
not everybody experiences itthat way, but a majority do.
And so it's just this time ofknowing like okay, I had a baby,
like my brain is changing, mybody is changing, my
relationship is changing, like alot is changing, there's a
transition happening, but it'snot a bad thing, like all these
(05:07):
things be better.
On the other side, and knowingthat it's temporary too.
I think there's this popularsaying going going around that I
don't totally agree with, butit's, postpartum is forever, and
that can be.
That can be very discouragingfor a mom who is in postpartum
because she hears that andthinks, oh, my goodness, am I
(05:30):
going to feel like this forever?
And I know what they mean.
You know they mean motherhoodis forever, but postpartum is
forever.
It's meant to be a transitiontime, you know.
And so just letting new momsknow if you are experiencing it
is hard, it is like you know.
No shame in that it can be veryhard, but it does get better.
(05:51):
It is temporary, it passes.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah, and so what is the difference between just
experiencing postpartum as yourtypical trimester, four
trimester, or experiencingpostpartum depression and
postpartum blues, as some callit?
How would you define thedifference?
For someone who's maybe tryingto navigate, like, am I just
(06:15):
experiencing the normaltransition and signs of just
postpartum, post-birth, or am Iactually in a place that I may
need to get help?
Or really experiencingpostpartum depression, like
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Speaker 1 (07:09):
Yeah, so that's a great question.
So baby blues is consideredjust kind of the upheaval after
birth.
It usually lasts about threeweeks.
Statistically speaking, we seeabout 80% of moms experience
baby blues and it's important tonote that's not a disorder Like
that's not something that'sgoing on that you need treatment
(07:31):
for.
That's really just again atransitional time where hormones
are going up and down and we'renot getting a lot of sleep.
You know a lot of things aregoing on right then.
So we say, just as medicalprofessionals like, give it
about three weeks to let thatkind of level out after birth
and it usually does If afterthree weeks moms are still
(07:52):
experiencing just a lot ofupheaval, lots of emotions or
just really not feeling likethemselves, sometimes we begin
looking at okay, is thispostpartum depression, is this
postpartum anxiety?
I think it's important to notetoo a is this postpartum
depression?
Is this postpartum anxiety?
I think it's important to notetoo.
A lot of times postpartumanxiety comes first.
We kind of just tend to lumpthose two together.
They are a little bit different.
(08:13):
Postpartum anxiety is thatfeeling of like needing to mess
with your fingers all the time,or that elephant in your chest,
and even for postpartum moms itcan look like intrusive thoughts
.
So you know, to an extentintrusive thoughts are normal in
postpartum.
We get them because of brainplasticity, that vigilance we
(08:35):
feel as moms to keep our babiessafe.
But they become an issue whenthey feel traumatizing or we
just can't shake those thoughts.
You know, a lot of times that'spostpartum anxiety that we're
experiencing and then sometimes,after postpartum anxiety, if
it's not treated, if we're notdealing with those things, we
move into postpartum depressionand that's more of a numb.
(08:58):
You know, I don't care.
Kind of feeling doesn't matter.
You know those feelings.
At that point it's like okay,we're probably dealing with this
problem depression.
Now we need to maybe get sometherapy, maybe get some
medication that's safe for babytoo, if mom's breastfeeding, and
help her kind of ease out ofout of all this yeah, and when
you say intrusive thoughts, canyou expand on that?
Speaker 2 (09:20):
what are some things that could possibly come up that
you're referring to asintrusive thoughts?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Yes.
So one common one that I hearmoms deal with a lot is like if
they have stairs in their houseand they're walking down the
stairs with their baby, they'llall of a sudden have these
thoughts of what if I drop mybaby down the stairs?
You know, it's like these,these unrealistic thoughts that
she's not, she's not going todrop her baby down the stairs.
(09:47):
You know it's safest placeMama's arms.
But it's like these thoughtsand it scares new moms.
It's like wait a minute, likewhere did that come from?
Could that happen?
Am I going to do that?
And they begin to ask thesequestions.
Usually those thoughts, youknow they come and go.
You just if you can let them gowell, that was kind of, you
know, odd, that's not doesn't.
(10:08):
And move on, um, that's, that'snormal.
You're coping with postpartum.
If you can't move on from thethoughts and they just continue
to come, you're feeling a lot offear.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
That's the anxiety yeah, and is there?
Is there some other thoughtsthat could come up, as well as
someone who may be experiencinglike a higher level of anxiety?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Oh yes.
So there's a huge range and itreally just depends on the
person.
But it it could be, throw mybaby into this cabinet.
You know I'm always hesitant tolike name lots of thoughts
because I don't want moms to belike I have a postpartum
(10:53):
therapist friend that she willoften help new moms and one of
the thoughts these moms willhave will be am I sexually
abusing my baby when I changetheir diaper?
And the answer is no,absolutely not.
But that can be what postpartumanxiety looks like.
It's those thoughts thatsomehow you are harming or going
to harm your baby when it'sjust simply not true.
(11:16):
That's like not what you do,it's not who you are.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Yeah, that's really interesting and it's interesting
that you have that insight froma postpartum therapist who
that's that's a beautifulconnection to have there.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, I know a few in my line of work.
You get to know, you know thesepeople around you who are also
kind of running that same race.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Yeah, yeah, it's amazing.
How can recognizing this periodimpact mother's recovery and
well-being?
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Yeah, yes, so just past we've kind of focused on
six weeks.
You know, postpartum is sixweeks and I don't even know that
we we meant to do that.
You know I'm speaking like fromthe medical field perspective.
I don't think we even meant todo that necessarily.
But there is one postpartumvisit is six weeks.
(12:09):
If you had a C-section you gettwo visits postpartum.
And so I think we inadvertentlyput this emphasis on okay, six
weeks and you're good to go.
There's just so much pressure onthat.
One visit and the OB doctorswill come in and they'll check
everything.
Okay, you're good to go, youcan do whatever you want.
(12:29):
And a lot of times moms willwill think OK, so I can exercise
like I used to or I can go bewith my husband like I used to.
It's all going to be the same.
Actually, your, your body ishealing for months and months,
sometimes years.
Your mind is still healing forfour months as well.
(12:50):
And then your hormones.
We know just through researchthat a lot of times it takes up
to two years for your hormonesto reset after birth.
And so this whole like rush,you're good at six weeks, bounce
back.
You know that we see in cultureit's just really unrealistic
and that can be harmful for newmoms especially, you know, who
don't know to think well, why iseverybody else doing well?
(13:14):
And I'm still struggling overhere, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Yeah, that's such a good point and having that
pressure of that six week period, it's almost like, okay, this
is when you should be feeling atyour peak, at your best, and
you're moving on, like youmentioned, whether it's intimacy
with your spouse or, you know,getting back in the gym or
whatever it is that normal lookslike after six weeks for some
people.
But that pressure could bereally just, you know,
(13:41):
overwhelming for moms whoactually need the grace period
to be able to have that time.
And in some cultures, as youmay know, post childbirth they
have months of recovery and careand there is no pressure to go
back to work at six weeks.
You know, and I mean I've had asituation where at one of my
(14:01):
jobs I was actually told, notdirectly by the company but
indirectly through the manager,that if I don't come back within
six weeks I won't have my jobback, and so those kind of
pressures that are really realfor moms.
It's hard and you start to feellike you're pulled into a
million pieces.
You know everybody wants apiece of you, whether it's your
(14:22):
job.
If you're going back to work,your baby needs you.
If you have other kids, youneed to take care of them, and
then there's your husband andyour home responsibilities, and
it can feel like a lot.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Yes, it can.
And just being needed all thetime, I think that's a really
good way that you said it.
You are needed everywhere andthat can be exhausting, even
moms.
They can experience this ragething and I talk about that in
my book but it looks like rageon the outside but really it's
so much overstimulation justfrom being needed everywhere you
(14:56):
know, all the time needing thatbreak.
But, yes, other countries.
I'm loving what I see happeningthere and I'm hoping it's it's
coming over here more and more.
I know many cultures.
You know they have that 40 dayrest where they don't.
Mama's really their job is torest, recover and feed their
(15:16):
baby and that's it.
Family takes care of everythingelse.
They just can recover.
And what a blessing that wouldbe, yeah, Not have that pressure
of got to get up, I got to getgoing, you know.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Yeah, absolutely.
What are some common physicalchallenges that mothers face
after childbirth that you find?
Speaker 1 (15:36):
So it can be.
If you have a vaginal birth,it's really hard to sit down,
you know, for a couple of weekswithout pain.
We tell our moms, rest when youcan like, lay on your side or
on your back.
When you can rest, give yourbottom a total break.
But even if you have a tear, anepisiotomy, something like that
, you may be sore sitting downfor months.
(15:59):
It can take months for all ofthat to go away.
And so mom's just being awarelike you need to make some
accommodations for yourself,whether that's a little like
boppy pillow that you sit onthat relieves that pressure off
of your bottom.
You need to have like ice packsavailable, lidocaine cream all
the way, because it numbs things, you know, yes, it's so helpful
(16:23):
, even if it's for an hour.
Things like ibuprofen, justover the counter, you know,
crampy for cramps, and heatpacks for cramps, and all that
Just knowing, hey, this is notpermanent, but I'm going to be
sore for a little bit.
I just birthed a baby, Ibirthed a human, and then my
C-section.
Moms, just that incision too.
(16:44):
I think for them the big thingis they forget a C-section is
major abdominal surgery becausethey're so focused on their baby
and that's like the mostmotherhood thing ever right,
Like she had surgery and istrying to recover and she's like
, no, I didn't have surgery, I'mtaking care of this baby, but
that's the big thing for them.
It's like that's a big deal.
(17:06):
You need time to rest andrecover.
You need to be taking your painmedicine.
You know all of those thingsthat are that are helping you
and remembering okay, this, thisis a big deal.
I had surgery.
You know I need lots of grace.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Yeah, I love some of those tips that you gave for
managing pain.
Is there other things that momscan do to manage their pain or
just manage the different bodychanges that are going on at
that time?
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, so you can start.
You know, after giving birthyour ribs are a little bit out
of place and your abdominalmuscles have typically split a
little bit.
That's a normal.
We call it diastasis recti.
That's kind of become abuzzword here lately, but that's
a normal change that takesplace in pregnancy.
So your body really is a littlebit out of sorts after you give
(17:56):
birth.
It's supposed to be.
We made room, you know, forthis baby and so focusing on
very intentional breath work canhelp, like diaphragmatic
breathing I talk about that inthe book Just doing simple, like
bridges, things like that and Igo into detail too if aren't
familiar with those things butjust to reconnect with your body
(18:18):
again.
No exercise, nothing major,anything like that, but that
begins to help your physicalbody really heal and recover
again.
You know, as you're dealingwith all the other things, the
bottom recovery and that, thatkind of stuff too.
But I find that moms that putin a little bit of intentional
work through breath work, thatsort of thing, five minutes a
(18:40):
day, nothing, nothing major, butthey tend to feel more like
themselves again, faster.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Would you actually mind walking us through a quick
breath work exercise for thosemoms who may be like, please
tell me what this is so I canpractice it at home.
I know we won't do it for fiveminutes, but just to kind of
give us an example.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Yes, so diaphragmatic breathing is also called belly
breathing.
So you're really trying to kindof take your upper body out of
it and really put your tummy andyour ribs into it.
So when you diaphragmaticbreathe, when you take the
inhale breath, you're reallytrying to push your tummy out
like you're filling your bellyup with air and then when you
(19:23):
exhale you're bringingeverything back into you.
So we'll, we'll, we'll try topractice together.
So on that inhale, deep breathin our belly filling out, and
then on the exhale, we're justdrawing everything back in
towards our belly button, ourspine, all of that.
And it can actually take alittle bit of practice, because
(19:44):
most of us don't breathe thisway.
It took me a little bit.
I'm like, okay, this feelscounterintuitive to actually do
it this way, but that's what'shelping.
Everything is stretching,everything is pulling it back in
and just training us once againlike, okay, let's, let's tap
into our parasympathetic nervoussystem, which is our calm, you
(20:04):
know, calm, recovery nervoussystem, and let's connect our
body again.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Yeah, thank you so much for sharing that.
How can you mothers navigatethe emotional?
Speaker 1 (20:21):
highs and lows of postpartum, because I think this
is a really big one.
Yes, I think, first, beingaware that there are going to be
highs and there are going to belows, and that it's normal if
you experience like pressure off, um, I think there's so much
pressure.
I know I felt a lot of pressureas a new mom, a nurse, with the
(20:41):
things I did, like recoveryshould be easy.
And when it wasn't easy, when Istruggled with breastfeeding
and I did that for a living withother moms, you know, when I
struggled with my bottom,healing all those things, my
baby wasn't sleeping I felt alot of shame.
You know I carried that shameand just the belief of it's easy
(21:01):
for for other new moms.
But it's not, you know, and Ihave found that a lot of new
moms feel that way, but theydon't always voice that because
they're afraid they're going tobe alone.
You know, like, like it is real, like I am the only one
struggling, and she's doing andjust knowing right off the bat,
(21:21):
like, okay, if you're struggling, it's normal, no shame, no
reason for shame.
We all struggle in some ways.
You know, postpartum um,realizing that at first and then
knowing that when you have lows, like I would encourage new
moms to talk about those lows,like if, hopefully, you have a
support person, a husband,somebody that's very
(21:43):
understanding and loving.
But I've often had to coach newmoms, like go see a therapist,
you know, because they will.
They will go to their spouseand they'll say, hey, I think I
have postpartum anxiety or Ithink I'm dealing with
postpartum depression, andthey'll be met with this oh no,
you're fine, you know, kind of athing.
(22:03):
And and I believe it's becausespouses feel that that actually
reflects on, like, theirperformance, you know, if he's
struggling, then they must befailing at something and that is
absolutely not the casetypically, you know.
So if spouses are listening, Iwould just encourage, like, if
she does come to you with theseconcerns, like, yeah, absolutely
(22:25):
Go call your OB, you know, call, call a therapist, let's get
you in, make sure you're doingokay, you know, just encourage
her in that.
But sometimes if she doesn'thave that support, you know, she
just needs to call anyway.
And just, I hate that they haveto do it on their own sometimes
, but sometimes you do, you haveto advocate for yourself, you
(22:46):
know, and go anyway.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Yeah, and that's also why it's so important to have
community around you, right?
If you can talk to other momswho are open and honest about
their experiences, you'll findout that you really are not
alone.
And a lot of us, when we gothrough these stages, we
experience the same things,where we feel like we're not
good enough, we're not doing itright, that we're failing in
some ways and that, but at thesame time, we're not alone and
(23:12):
so, like you said, so manypeople think the same thing, but
afraid to voice it, to soundlike I am the only incompetent,
incapable one, and yet it's like, hey, the mom next to you feels
the same way.
If you just talk and like, oh,me too, me too, you know.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
I think it's like a funny example.
But even like stretch marks,like we feel like we may be the
only ones who have stretch marks, like nobody else deals with
that ever.
And research shows us likeabout one in two have stretch
marks after birth it's about 50percent.
So same with moms who arestruggling with other things
like we, we tend to feel aloneor isolated, like we are the
(23:51):
only person and it's just nottrue.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Yeah, yeah, it's beautiful.
What role does spiritualityplay in the recovery process?
Speaker 1 (24:02):
So I believe we are three parts we are spirit, soul
and body and that it's reallyhard to separate those parts.
I don't know if it's possible.
I feel like when one part isaffected, every part is going to
be affected in some way, and soif you are a person of faith,
just realizing that becomes anissue.
(24:26):
If you neglect that, I knowthat many moms they will tell me
.
You know I feel like God's madat me because I'm not spending
time with him like I used to.
God is not upset with you forbeing in a new season of your
life.
Like he understands, I totallyget the feeling, but also no,
that's not what's going on, youknow yeah, being aware, the same
(24:49):
way that you may be able tosqueeze in a five-minute shower,
you know kind of thing, um, youmay need to just squeeze in a
five-minute chapter that youread in the bible, or a song you
sing when you rock your baby,you know a worship, a worship
song.
All of that counts.
I think I just want new moms toknow that counts, like you're
(25:10):
not going to bukus of time whenyou have a newborn, just to hang
out with the Lord in the waythat maybe you used to, and just
being aware it may lookdifferent and he's not upset
with you for that.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Yeah, that's a really good point.
Can you share some practicesthat help moms feel connected
and supported during this time?
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Yes.
So if I would first say that ifyou have a local hospital you
delivered at, maybe aneighborhood group you know
Facebook has made neighborhoodgroups really popular.
That's a plus.
But finding a place that youcan actually go to with you and
your baby Again, postpartum canfeel so lonely and just getting
(25:55):
out taking that step, you knowbeing with other people.
I know a lot of hospitals inBirmingham, where I'm from.
They have lactation supportgroups.
Where you go you meet withother moms and a lactation
consultant so you can talk aboutbreastfeeding and get all the
help you need.
There it's a free groupPostpartum support groups.
You know they offer that sortof thing through the hospital.
(26:17):
So I would say, if you're notsure where to look, check your
local hospitals first and ifthat's not available, check the
neighborhood groups.
A mommy and me group I'm tryingto think of some others that
I've heard about.
Sometimes local churches willhave some groups that meet at
their places too, but that wouldbe a great start.
(26:41):
It's just making sure thatyou're building some community
as you again, you're in this newseason of life.
It can look different.
Friendships may look different.
You may notice.
You know, I thought thesepeople would be here for me
through this season of life andinstead it feels really distant,
you know.
So just putting forth a littleeffort to get out and build a
(27:01):
new normal yeah, yeah, that'sgreat, I love that what other
advice do you have for motherswho are feeling overwhelmed or
just isolated in that season?
Because it can feel reallyisolating and, again, just
(27:24):
reaching out for help where youcan.
It can be just so tempting to.
Well, I'm a burden.
Everybody's busy, you know,putting forth the effort if we
need to, because we can havethese expectations of
everybody's going to come,everybody's going to help us.
You had mentioned mill trainsand those are always so great,
(27:48):
but a lot of times that initialhelp will happen and then it's,
it's crickets, you know, andwe're still recovering and we're
like wait a minute, you know,and sometimes it does take us
reaching out and and hopefullywe have those other people and
if, if you're listening, and youare a friend or a family member
or somebody like that, takingthat step for them, hey, why
(28:08):
don't we go to coffee today?
I'll pick you up, bring baby,you know, and just giving them
that outlet where they're nothaving to make all the decisions
themselves, that can be sohelpful.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Yeah, that was going to be my next questions about
how to partners and familymembers and friends help better
support the fourth trimester.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Yeah, and that's a great question.
I think being there is reallyimportant, being intentional,
asking how can I help.
I had a conversation with a momwho's a soon-to-be grandmother
and she had put these wordstogether I thought was so
beautiful.
She said you know, I'm themother-in-law.
She said and so mydaughter-in-law is very kind,
(28:53):
and I could just foresee thatshe's never going to tell me
like no, you don't need to dothat, or I don't want you to
come over, you know those kindsof things.
And she said I think I'm goingto give her permission to set
boundaries with me.
Wow, that's beautiful, becauseI totally get that.
Like I'm the more soft spoken,you know kind of person and I
(29:17):
thought that's, that's it rightthere, like to give those kinds
of people permission.
Like you, you were allowed toset boundaries with me.
I want you to, I want you totell me when you need help.
You know, if I say can I bringyou dinner, I want you to say,
yes, here's what I'm craving,you know, so I can bring it.
Just being there and beingintentional, asking questions,
(29:39):
and if you can tell she's reallystruggling, like there was a
couple who the mom felt sovigilant over her baby which
again is a normal part ofpostpartum.
But she felt like everybody wasgoing to do it wrong if she
didn't do it herself.
But she was also very exhaustedand so at one point she was
(30:00):
yelling at her baby, you know,because her baby was screaming
and so mom had lost it.
She was screaming, they wereboth screaming, and the dad
walks in and said mom had lostit.
She was screaming, they wereboth screaming, and the dad
walks in and said give me thebaby.
And so she hands the baby overto him and said go shower or go
lay down, do what you need to.
And he walked off with the babyand I was like you know,
(30:22):
sometimes we just have troublesaying I need help right now.
Yeah, we do this.
You know, you need that momentwhere somebody just steps in and
goes I've got the baby, go takea shower or whatever it is.
You know that's so helpful.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Yeah, and let's talk about this and I've heard this
before too, and I love thatpeople bring this up when
someone's going throughpostpartum, when someone's
grieving, when someone needshelp in whatever it is that
they're going through, insteadof saying, hey, let me know if
you need anything, you know,create a list of things they can
(31:02):
choose from, such as hey,select one of these, I'd love to
be here for you in this time.
Let me know if you'd like, A,for me to drop off a meal.
B, if you'd like to, you know,hang out with me.
Or if you want me to come overand do your laundry, or you know
.
So on and so forth.
So it's giving them optionsinstead of like, hey, I checked
(31:23):
in, I did my part, I checked offthe box of checking in with you
and saying I'm your friend orI'm your, you know, here for you
, I'm your support, If you needanything, let me know.
Because, as we know, chancesare we're not going to be like,
yeah, actually, please help mewith doing my laundry, Please
bring me a meal.
Like that just feels a littlelike asking for too much when
(31:43):
you're in that spot.
Is that right?
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Yes, oh, I love that.
Yes, so I will tell I teachpregnant moms all about
childbirth and all of that, andso I'll tell them, like the end
of the third trimester, 36 weeksaround, that time is a great
time to create a list of how youcan help me list things like
walk my dog, you know, if youhave, you know, change my other
(32:10):
child's clothes.
They probably worn the samething for two dog.
You know, if you have, you know, change my other shows clothes.
They probably weren't the samething for two days.
You know, whatever it may be.
But going ahead and creatingthat list, because if we wait
until postpartum, you know our,our brain is fried and we're
exhausted and people will say,how can I help you?
And you're just like, I'm good,you know, you just don't even
know what to say at that point.
So I love that idea.
I love the list idea.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Yeah, I mean sometimes I mean I know that I
felt like kind of like a walkingzombie, because you're waking
up every couple hours to nursethe baby, you're tired, the
baby's crying, sometimes youknow how, what to do, sometimes
you don't you know, and thenyou're dealing with all the pain
in your body post birth.
So there's so much going onthat you're just not able to
rest like you need to and, as weknow, when we're not rested
(32:54):
well, we just aren't thinkingclearly and you know emotions
rise up and so many thingshappen from that, just not
simply just the fact of nothaving enough rest, not
including the hormones andeverything else that's going on.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Yes, all the things yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
What is the one message that you hope that every
mother takes away from yourbook?
Speaker 1 (33:21):
That she was designed for this, that she's going to
do it well, is designed for this, that she's going to do it well
.
You know, I think it's such acommon thread that moms struggle
with.
Am I being a good mother?
Am I the best mom to thesebabies?
You know, oh, my gosh, I messedup today.
I raised my boys.
I could have been moreintentional.
(33:42):
You know, whatever it is,oftentimes we're our own worst
critics.
You know, when mothers and justpostpartums, just the beginning
of that entry into motherhood,you know, and we're finding our
feet and our wings and all ofthose sorts of things.
But just knowing that you arethe mom that God designed for
your children he did not makemistakes in that and that all of
(34:06):
your strengths and also yourweaknesses were exactly what he
designed to help your childrenbecome who they're going to
become.
And so, as best you can, justto be free in knowing that and
embrace who you are and what youdo as a mom and postpartum, and
how you're healing, no matterhow quick or long that's taking,
(34:28):
you know, just to let yourselfbe be at peace.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
That is so good.
I wish I would have told myselfthat when I was going through
postpartum, because I think whenmy kids were little and
especially, I just felt like Iwas always falling short and I
think if I was to go back to myyounger self, I would be like
you have everything it takes tobe there for your kids, like you
(34:55):
really truly do.
I mean, I remember reading like20 books at a time, feeling so
overwhelmed because I just feltlike I don't have.
What other people have.
I, you know, like you weresaying in the interview, is that
other people are doing itbetter than me and they haven't
figured out and I'm somehowbehind and I don't know what I'm
doing and I'm trying my best,but I just feel like I'm falling
(35:17):
short and all that anxiety andstress and your own thoughts
just kind of really can playtricks on you.
But just to say, like you havewhat it takes, you're the right
woman for the job.
Give yourself grace and spaceand also, if you can take some
(35:37):
time to take care of you, liketake a bath, if you can take a
break, take a long hot shower orwhatever it is and and so that
you can kind of live in a bit ofsanity in the middle of the
crazy season To go on that pointtoo.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
like with my first baby, there was a time that he
was crying so hard and they'regoing to, you know, from time to
time and I had done everythinglike and I share this story in
classes that I teach becausemoms don't realize this but he
was, he was crying at everythingI did.
He had been fed and changed andI tried to take him outside and
(36:16):
you know all the things you godown the checklist for that and
he was still just so upset and Iremember putting him in his
bouncy seat and sitting on thefloor beside him and just
sobbing and he was crying and Iwas crying and my husband came
in the room and he said what'sgoing on?
I'm his mom, I should know whatto do.
(36:38):
And it actually surprised methat that came out of my mouth.
And as soon as I said I went ohmy gosh, like there's the belief
that I should be doing this momthing perfect and that I'm
failing if I don't know exactlywhat he needs or how to comfort
him in the moment.
And I was like man, this justsimply isn't true.
Like there are going to bemoments where I'm not going to
(37:00):
know what to do and I'm going todo my best.
And the baby doesn't know whatthey need either.
You know, it's not like theyknow, and it's just that process
of you give yourself grace forthe journey because you're
learning and they're learning.
But again, like you said, youhave what it takes, you're the
right mom for this and if youneed a moment where they're
(37:21):
sitting in a bouncy seat andyou're crying beside them,
absolutely, you know, makes youa normal mom.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
Yeah, absolutely, you know, makes you a normal mom.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I think too, when youembrace and walk in the
confidence that you have what ittakes and you're the right
person for the job, it servesyour child so much better than
walking in that insecurity oflike I don't know what I'm doing
and I don't have it figured out, and everybody's doing it
better than me.
You know, like, the way that Iwas doing that and it's like
(37:49):
actually that's taking away fromyou just being present and
embracing the moment of, okay,my child really just needs to be
loved on and there needs to bemet, and I can do that, you know
it's like I can do that.
But in that moment, when we'reat that stage like I was you
just feel like you're not doingenough or you somehow don't have
(38:12):
it all together.
And so I would just encourageyoung moms or moms who are
having in that season, thatyou're the right woman for the
job and just walk confidently inthat and know that you have
what it takes and that you cansecurely just love on your
children and um and meet theirneeds.
(38:33):
Like it's.
It's not rocket science.
I know I made a complicated, soif you're making it complicated.
Just know that you got this.
You can do the job.
Yeah, I love that that's perfect, yeah, and I I usually end my
podcast with asking just a fewquick questions, um, and one of
them is is um, what's thebravest thing that you've ever
(38:56):
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Speaker 1 (39:38):
Oh goodness, honestly , probably putting my experience
as a nurse into a book.
You know, I think there's thistemptation or I've always had
this temptation of stay small.
You know, stay small, be asmall target, that sort of a
thing.
It just yeah time you take thatrisk doing anything.
(39:59):
You know, when you start a pastor you write a book, anything,
it really is like part of yourheart that you're putting out
there and it just feels riskyand that you do it.
It's like yay, I chose courage.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
You know yeah, I love that um and then um.
What are some books that werereally impactful for?
Speaker 1 (40:17):
you um books regarding postpartum or just in
general.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
Just in general, books that were pivotal for you
and your life.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
Brene Brown wrote the Gifts of Imperfection.
I love that.
That one was really pivotal.
And then there's a book calledKeep your Love On by Dani Silk,
and that one was incrediblyimpactful for my marriage.
It really helped us rewrite howwe communicated and did
conflict, and that one was veryimpactful for my family, amazing
(40:51):
.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
And then, last one is what's the best advice that
you've been given?
Speaker 1 (40:56):
I guess really just something along the lines of
that you are enough, you know,and not in like a cheesy way,
but just who you are, the walkthat you're on you know, the
connection you have with God,with others, all of those things
Like that really is exactlywhat you should be doing, and to
(41:17):
be at peace in that.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
I love that.
Well, Rachel, thank you so muchfor your time.
It's been such a pleasuretalking to you, getting to know
you and just getting somepractical insights and advice
for new moms or moms who are inpostpartum.
Where can listeners find yourbook and connect with you for
some additional resources?
Speaker 1 (41:38):
Yeah, so the book's available at Amazon or Barnes
and Noble's Books a Million andChristianBookcom is a great
place to buy it.
I have a website it'smamadiditcom where moms can find
lots of resources and blogsabout all things pregnancy,
postpartum, breastfeeding.
You know all of that.
And then I'm on Instagram too,at mamadiditofficial.
(42:00):
I post a lot of helpful contentthere too, so those are the
best ways to find me.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
Well, thank you so much, Rachel, I really
appreciate your time.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Yeah, thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
Thank you for listening to the One Sweet Air
podcast.
It is an honor to share theseencouraging stories with you.
If you enjoy the show, I wouldlove for you to tell your
friends.
Leave us a reviewer rating andsubscribe to wherever you listen
to podcasts, because this helpsothers discover the show.
You can find me on my website,speckhopoffcom.
postpartum, those first three months can feel very
lonely, can feel very sad oremotional, and not everybody
experiences it that way, but amajority do.
And so it's just this time ofknowing like, okay, I had a baby
, like my brain is changing, mybody is changing, my
relationship is changing, like alot is changing, there's a
(00:21):
transition happening, but it'snot a bad thing, like all of
these things be better on theother side and knowing that it's
temporary too.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Hey friends, welcome to the Ones who Dare podcast,
where stories of courage areelevated.
I'm your host, becca, and everyother week you'll hear
interviews from inspiring people.
My hope is that you will leaveencouraged.
I'm so glad you're here, rachelTaylor, welcome to the Once
(00:56):
With your Podcast.
I'm so honored to beinterviewing you today.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Well, thank you for having me.
It is an honor to be here andtalk to you about all of this.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Well, thank you for having me it is an honor to be
here and talk to you about allof this.
Yeah, so you are a registerednurse, a childbirth educator, a
mom of three with over 15 yearsof experience in mother-baby
nursing, and you have dedicatedyour career to supporting
(01:24):
mothers through the oftenoverlooked fourth trimester,
which is the postpartum periodfollowing childbirth.
And I'm really excited to diginto your book your recent
release called After Baby ComesPhysical, spiritual and
Emotional Recovery thePostpartum Moms, which serves as
a comprehensive guide tonavigating the challenges of
postpartum recovery, and Ireally believe that this is a
subject that isn't talked aboutenough because we have a baby,
(01:46):
it's just there's a lot ofexcitement around that.
There's baby showers beforehandand we have the meal trains to
help us, just kind of support usthrough that.
But then there's just thisperiod that some others struggle
with of postpartum, and I am soexcited that you get to be a
voice in this field and so, yeah, thank you so much for coming
(02:07):
on.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Yeah, thank you.
Yes, this is a dream come truefor me, just to be able to write
a book, like from my experienceof being a bedside nurse.
You know, not, not everybodygets that opportunity.
It's like, oh, to do that for15 years.
You know, actually be able tohelp new moms is just such an
honor.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, and can you share a little bit about what
inspired you to write this bookafter baby comes?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Yes.
So the seed kind of got planted, as I'll call it, after my
first baby.
So I was a registered nurse.
I worked in labor and delivery,postpartum nursing, post
C-section, all that kind ofstuff, and had this just belief
of you know, postpartum is goingto be a breezy experience.
I know what to do, I teach thisstuff.
(02:58):
And then a few weeks in I had amoment of just oh, my goodness,
this is so hard.
I had a moment of just oh, mygoodness, this is so hard.
And if I'm struggling like this, how do other new moms do this
that do not have my background?
And so from there on, justtaking care of new mothers,
(03:18):
there was this common theme thatI kept getting, and it was they
would look at me beforedischarge and say, can I just
take you home with me?
Or now, who do I call now if Ineed help?
And it just had me like, okay,we do a really good job of
helping in pregnancy, helpingfor birth, you know, prepare
moms and give them resources.
And then we get to postpartumand it's kind of like here you
(03:40):
go, here's this baby, good luck.
You know there's this need Momsreally need a resource where
they're not Googling at threeo'clock in the morning, you know
, trying to find answers forthemselves.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah, yeah.
That's so such a valid pointbecause, like you said, it's you
feel like you're almost on yourown, because there's all the
support that pours in thebeginning, and then there's this
period of like people pull awayand get busy and you're just
with the baby, and especially ifpostpartum is something that is
difficult for you, everybodyexperiences it in a different
(04:16):
form.
But I'd like to hear from youof how would you describe the
fourth trimester and why is itcrucial for new mothers?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
So I would, if I could only use one word, I would
probably say transition, justbecause there's this huge
transition, almost like not tosound cheesy, but almost like a
caterpillar that changes into abutterfly.
You know, you kind of enterthat dark cocoon.
For many mothers motherspostpartum those first three
(04:45):
months can feel very lonely, canfeel very sad or emotional, and
not everybody experiences itthat way, but a majority do.
And so it's just this time ofknowing like okay, I had a baby,
like my brain is changing, mybody is changing, my
relationship is changing, like alot is changing, there's a
transition happening, but it'snot a bad thing, like all these
(05:07):
things be better.
On the other side, and knowingthat it's temporary too.
I think there's this popularsaying going going around that I
don't totally agree with, butit's, postpartum is forever, and
that can be.
That can be very discouragingfor a mom who is in postpartum
because she hears that andthinks, oh, my goodness, am I
(05:30):
going to feel like this forever?
And I know what they mean.
You know they mean motherhoodis forever, but postpartum is
forever.
It's meant to be a transitiontime, you know.
And so just letting new momsknow if you are experiencing it
is hard, it is like you know.
No shame in that it can be veryhard, but it does get better.
(05:51):
It is temporary, it passes.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah, and so what is the difference between just
experiencing postpartum as yourtypical trimester, four
trimester, or experiencingpostpartum depression and
postpartum blues, as some callit?
How would you define thedifference?
For someone who's maybe tryingto navigate, like, am I just
(06:15):
experiencing the normaltransition and signs of just
postpartum, post-birth, or am Iactually in a place that I may
need to get help?
Or really experiencingpostpartum depression, like
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Speaker 1 (07:09):
Yeah, so that's a great question.
So baby blues is consideredjust kind of the upheaval after
birth.
It usually lasts about threeweeks.
Statistically speaking, we seeabout 80% of moms experience
baby blues and it's important tonote that's not a disorder Like
that's not something that'sgoing on that you need treatment
(07:31):
for.
That's really just again atransitional time where hormones
are going up and down and we'renot getting a lot of sleep.
You know a lot of things aregoing on right then.
So we say, just as medicalprofessionals like, give it
about three weeks to let thatkind of level out after birth
and it usually does If afterthree weeks moms are still
(07:52):
experiencing just a lot ofupheaval, lots of emotions or
just really not feeling likethemselves, sometimes we begin
looking at okay, is thispostpartum depression, is this
postpartum anxiety?
I think it's important to notetoo a is this postpartum
depression?
Is this postpartum anxiety?
I think it's important to notetoo.
A lot of times postpartumanxiety comes first.
We kind of just tend to lumpthose two together.
They are a little bit different.
(08:13):
Postpartum anxiety is thatfeeling of like needing to mess
with your fingers all the time,or that elephant in your chest,
and even for postpartum moms itcan look like intrusive thoughts
.
So you know, to an extentintrusive thoughts are normal in
postpartum.
We get them because of brainplasticity, that vigilance we
(08:35):
feel as moms to keep our babiessafe.
But they become an issue whenthey feel traumatizing or we
just can't shake those thoughts.
You know, a lot of times that'spostpartum anxiety that we're
experiencing and then sometimes,after postpartum anxiety, if
it's not treated, if we're notdealing with those things, we
move into postpartum depressionand that's more of a numb.
(08:58):
You know, I don't care.
Kind of feeling doesn't matter.
You know those feelings.
At that point it's like okay,we're probably dealing with this
problem depression.
Now we need to maybe get sometherapy, maybe get some
medication that's safe for babytoo, if mom's breastfeeding, and
help her kind of ease out ofout of all this yeah, and when
you say intrusive thoughts, canyou expand on that?
Speaker 2 (09:20):
what are some things that could possibly come up that
you're referring to asintrusive thoughts?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Yes.
So one common one that I hearmoms deal with a lot is like if
they have stairs in their houseand they're walking down the
stairs with their baby, they'llall of a sudden have these
thoughts of what if I drop mybaby down the stairs?
You know, it's like these,these unrealistic thoughts that
she's not, she's not going todrop her baby down the stairs.
(09:47):
You know it's safest placeMama's arms.
But it's like these thoughtsand it scares new moms.
It's like wait a minute, likewhere did that come from?
Could that happen?
Am I going to do that?
And they begin to ask thesequestions.
Usually those thoughts, youknow they come and go.
You just if you can let them gowell, that was kind of, you
know, odd, that's not doesn't.
(10:08):
And move on, um, that's, that'snormal.
You're coping with postpartum.
If you can't move on from thethoughts and they just continue
to come, you're feeling a lot offear.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
That's the anxiety yeah, and is there?
Is there some other thoughtsthat could come up, as well as
someone who may be experiencinglike a higher level of anxiety?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Oh yes.
So there's a huge range and itreally just depends on the
person.
But it it could be, throw mybaby into this cabinet.
You know I'm always hesitant tolike name lots of thoughts
because I don't want moms to belike I have a postpartum
(10:53):
therapist friend that she willoften help new moms and one of
the thoughts these moms willhave will be am I sexually
abusing my baby when I changetheir diaper?
And the answer is no,absolutely not.
But that can be what postpartumanxiety looks like.
It's those thoughts thatsomehow you are harming or going
to harm your baby when it'sjust simply not true.
(11:16):
That's like not what you do,it's not who you are.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Yeah, that's really interesting and it's interesting
that you have that insight froma postpartum therapist who
that's that's a beautifulconnection to have there.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, I know a few in my line of work.
You get to know, you know thesepeople around you who are also
kind of running that same race.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Yeah, yeah, it's amazing.
How can recognizing this periodimpact mother's recovery and
well-being?
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Yeah, yes, so just past we've kind of focused on
six weeks.
You know, postpartum is sixweeks and I don't even know that
we we meant to do that.
You know I'm speaking like fromthe medical field perspective.
I don't think we even meant todo that necessarily.
But there is one postpartumvisit is six weeks.
(12:09):
If you had a C-section you gettwo visits postpartum.
And so I think we inadvertentlyput this emphasis on okay, six
weeks and you're good to go.
There's just so much pressure onthat.
One visit and the OB doctorswill come in and they'll check
everything.
Okay, you're good to go, youcan do whatever you want.
(12:29):
And a lot of times moms willwill think OK, so I can exercise
like I used to or I can go bewith my husband like I used to.
It's all going to be the same.
Actually, your, your body ishealing for months and months,
sometimes years.
Your mind is still healing forfour months as well.
(12:50):
And then your hormones.
We know just through researchthat a lot of times it takes up
to two years for your hormonesto reset after birth.
And so this whole like rush,you're good at six weeks, bounce
back.
You know that we see in cultureit's just really unrealistic
and that can be harmful for newmoms especially, you know, who
don't know to think well, why iseverybody else doing well?
(13:14):
And I'm still struggling overhere, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Yeah, that's such a good point and having that
pressure of that six week period, it's almost like, okay, this
is when you should be feeling atyour peak, at your best, and
you're moving on, like youmentioned, whether it's intimacy
with your spouse or, you know,getting back in the gym or
whatever it is that normal lookslike after six weeks for some
people.
But that pressure could bereally just, you know,
(13:41):
overwhelming for moms whoactually need the grace period
to be able to have that time.
And in some cultures, as youmay know, post childbirth they
have months of recovery and careand there is no pressure to go
back to work at six weeks.
You know, and I mean I've had asituation where at one of my
(14:01):
jobs I was actually told, notdirectly by the company but
indirectly through the manager,that if I don't come back within
six weeks I won't have my jobback, and so those kind of
pressures that are really realfor moms.
It's hard and you start to feellike you're pulled into a
million pieces.
You know everybody wants apiece of you, whether it's your
(14:22):
job.
If you're going back to work,your baby needs you.
If you have other kids, youneed to take care of them, and
then there's your husband andyour home responsibilities, and
it can feel like a lot.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Yes, it can.
And just being needed all thetime, I think that's a really
good way that you said it.
You are needed everywhere andthat can be exhausting, even
moms.
They can experience this ragething and I talk about that in
my book but it looks like rageon the outside but really it's
so much overstimulation justfrom being needed everywhere you
(14:56):
know, all the time needing thatbreak.
But, yes, other countries.
I'm loving what I see happeningthere and I'm hoping it's it's
coming over here more and more.
I know many cultures.
You know they have that 40 dayrest where they don't.
Mama's really their job is torest, recover and feed their
(15:16):
baby and that's it.
Family takes care of everythingelse.
They just can recover.
And what a blessing that wouldbe, yeah, Not have that pressure
of got to get up, I got to getgoing, you know.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Yeah, absolutely.
What are some common physicalchallenges that mothers face
after childbirth that you find?
Speaker 1 (15:36):
So it can be.
If you have a vaginal birth,it's really hard to sit down,
you know, for a couple of weekswithout pain.
We tell our moms, rest when youcan like, lay on your side or
on your back.
When you can rest, give yourbottom a total break.
But even if you have a tear, anepisiotomy, something like that
, you may be sore sitting downfor months.
(15:59):
It can take months for all ofthat to go away.
And so mom's just being awarelike you need to make some
accommodations for yourself,whether that's a little like
boppy pillow that you sit onthat relieves that pressure off
of your bottom.
You need to have like ice packsavailable, lidocaine cream all
the way, because it numbs things, you know, yes, it's so helpful
(16:23):
, even if it's for an hour.
Things like ibuprofen, justover the counter, you know,
crampy for cramps, and heatpacks for cramps, and all that
Just knowing, hey, this is notpermanent, but I'm going to be
sore for a little bit.
I just birthed a baby, Ibirthed a human, and then my
C-section.
Moms, just that incision too.
(16:44):
I think for them the big thingis they forget a C-section is
major abdominal surgery becausethey're so focused on their baby
and that's like the mostmotherhood thing ever right,
Like she had surgery and istrying to recover and she's like
, no, I didn't have surgery, I'mtaking care of this baby, but
that's the big thing for them.
It's like that's a big deal.
(17:06):
You need time to rest andrecover.
You need to be taking your painmedicine.
You know all of those thingsthat are that are helping you
and remembering okay, this, thisis a big deal.
I had surgery.
You know I need lots of grace.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Yeah, I love some of those tips that you gave for
managing pain.
Is there other things that momscan do to manage their pain or
just manage the different bodychanges that are going on at
that time?
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, so you can start.
You know, after giving birthyour ribs are a little bit out
of place and your abdominalmuscles have typically split a
little bit.
That's a normal.
We call it diastasis recti.
That's kind of become abuzzword here lately, but that's
a normal change that takesplace in pregnancy.
So your body really is a littlebit out of sorts after you give
(17:56):
birth.
It's supposed to be.
We made room, you know, forthis baby and so focusing on
very intentional breath work canhelp, like diaphragmatic
breathing I talk about that inthe book Just doing simple, like
bridges, things like that and Igo into detail too if aren't
familiar with those things butjust to reconnect with your body
(18:18):
again.
No exercise, nothing major,anything like that, but that
begins to help your physicalbody really heal and recover
again.
You know, as you're dealingwith all the other things, the
bottom recovery and that, thatkind of stuff too.
But I find that moms that putin a little bit of intentional
work through breath work, thatsort of thing, five minutes a
(18:40):
day, nothing, nothing major, butthey tend to feel more like
themselves again, faster.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Would you actually mind walking us through a quick
breath work exercise for thosemoms who may be like, please
tell me what this is so I canpractice it at home.
I know we won't do it for fiveminutes, but just to kind of
give us an example.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Yes, so diaphragmatic breathing is also called belly
breathing.
So you're really trying to kindof take your upper body out of
it and really put your tummy andyour ribs into it.
So when you diaphragmaticbreathe, when you take the
inhale breath, you're reallytrying to push your tummy out
like you're filling your bellyup with air and then when you
(19:23):
exhale you're bringingeverything back into you.
So we'll, we'll, we'll try topractice together.
So on that inhale, deep breathin our belly filling out, and
then on the exhale, we're justdrawing everything back in
towards our belly button, ourspine, all of that.
And it can actually take alittle bit of practice, because
(19:44):
most of us don't breathe thisway.
It took me a little bit.
I'm like, okay, this feelscounterintuitive to actually do
it this way, but that's what'shelping.
Everything is stretching,everything is pulling it back in
and just training us once againlike, okay, let's, let's tap
into our parasympathetic nervoussystem, which is our calm, you
(20:04):
know, calm, recovery nervoussystem, and let's connect our
body again.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Yeah, thank you so much for sharing that.
How can you mothers navigatethe emotional?
Speaker 1 (20:21):
highs and lows of postpartum, because I think this
is a really big one.
Yes, I think, first, beingaware that there are going to be
highs and there are going to belows, and that it's normal if
you experience like pressure off, um, I think there's so much
pressure.
I know I felt a lot of pressureas a new mom, a nurse, with the
(20:41):
things I did, like recoveryshould be easy.
And when it wasn't easy, when Istruggled with breastfeeding
and I did that for a living withother moms, you know, when I
struggled with my bottom,healing all those things, my
baby wasn't sleeping I felt alot of shame.
You know I carried that shameand just the belief of it's easy
(21:01):
for for other new moms.
But it's not, you know, and Ihave found that a lot of new
moms feel that way, but theydon't always voice that because
they're afraid they're going tobe alone.
You know, like, like it is real, like I am the only one
struggling, and she's doing andjust knowing right off the bat,
(21:21):
like, okay, if you're struggling, it's normal, no shame, no
reason for shame.
We all struggle in some ways.
You know, postpartum um,realizing that at first and then
knowing that when you have lows, like I would encourage new
moms to talk about those lows,like if, hopefully, you have a
support person, a husband,somebody that's very
(21:43):
understanding and loving.
But I've often had to coach newmoms, like go see a therapist,
you know, because they will.
They will go to their spouseand they'll say, hey, I think I
have postpartum anxiety or Ithink I'm dealing with
postpartum depression, andthey'll be met with this oh no,
you're fine, you know, kind of athing.
(22:03):
And and I believe it's becausespouses feel that that actually
reflects on, like, theirperformance, you know, if he's
struggling, then they must befailing at something and that is
absolutely not the casetypically, you know.
So if spouses are listening, Iwould just encourage, like, if
she does come to you with theseconcerns, like, yeah, absolutely
(22:25):
Go call your OB, you know, call, call a therapist, let's get
you in, make sure you're doingokay, you know, just encourage
her in that.
But sometimes if she doesn'thave that support, you know, she
just needs to call anyway.
And just, I hate that they haveto do it on their own sometimes
, but sometimes you do, you haveto advocate for yourself, you
(22:46):
know, and go anyway.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Yeah, and that's also why it's so important to have
community around you, right?
If you can talk to other momswho are open and honest about
their experiences, you'll findout that you really are not
alone.
And a lot of us, when we gothrough these stages, we
experience the same things,where we feel like we're not
good enough, we're not doing itright, that we're failing in
some ways and that, but at thesame time, we're not alone and
(23:12):
so, like you said, so manypeople think the same thing, but
afraid to voice it, to soundlike I am the only incompetent,
incapable one, and yet it's like, hey, the mom next to you feels
the same way.
If you just talk and like, oh,me too, me too, you know.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
I think it's like a funny example.
But even like stretch marks,like we feel like we may be the
only ones who have stretch marks, like nobody else deals with
that ever.
And research shows us likeabout one in two have stretch
marks after birth it's about 50percent.
So same with moms who arestruggling with other things
like we, we tend to feel aloneor isolated, like we are the
(23:51):
only person and it's just nottrue.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Yeah, yeah, it's beautiful.
What role does spiritualityplay in the recovery process?
Speaker 1 (24:02):
So I believe we are three parts we are spirit, soul
and body and that it's reallyhard to separate those parts.
I don't know if it's possible.
I feel like when one part isaffected, every part is going to
be affected in some way, and soif you are a person of faith,
just realizing that becomes anissue.
(24:26):
If you neglect that, I knowthat many moms they will tell me
.
You know I feel like God's madat me because I'm not spending
time with him like I used to.
God is not upset with you forbeing in a new season of your
life.
Like he understands, I totallyget the feeling, but also no,
that's not what's going on, youknow yeah, being aware, the same
(24:49):
way that you may be able tosqueeze in a five-minute shower,
you know kind of thing, um, youmay need to just squeeze in a
five-minute chapter that youread in the bible, or a song you
sing when you rock your baby,you know a worship, a worship
song.
All of that counts.
I think I just want new moms toknow that counts, like you're
(25:10):
not going to bukus of time whenyou have a newborn, just to hang
out with the Lord in the waythat maybe you used to, and just
being aware it may lookdifferent and he's not upset
with you for that.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Yeah, that's a really good point.
Can you share some practicesthat help moms feel connected
and supported during this time?
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Yes.
So if I would first say that ifyou have a local hospital you
delivered at, maybe aneighborhood group you know
Facebook has made neighborhoodgroups really popular.
That's a plus.
But finding a place that youcan actually go to with you and
your baby Again, postpartum canfeel so lonely and just getting
(25:55):
out taking that step, you knowbeing with other people.
I know a lot of hospitals inBirmingham, where I'm from.
They have lactation supportgroups.
Where you go you meet withother moms and a lactation
consultant so you can talk aboutbreastfeeding and get all the
help you need.
There it's a free groupPostpartum support groups.
You know they offer that sortof thing through the hospital.
(26:17):
So I would say, if you're notsure where to look, check your
local hospitals first and ifthat's not available, check the
neighborhood groups.
A mommy and me group I'm tryingto think of some others that
I've heard about.
Sometimes local churches willhave some groups that meet at
their places too, but that wouldbe a great start.
(26:41):
It's just making sure thatyou're building some community
as you again, you're in this newseason of life.
It can look different.
Friendships may look different.
You may notice.
You know, I thought thesepeople would be here for me
through this season of life andinstead it feels really distant,
you know.
So just putting forth a littleeffort to get out and build a
(27:01):
new normal yeah, yeah, that'sgreat, I love that what other
advice do you have for motherswho are feeling overwhelmed or
just isolated in that season?
Because it can feel reallyisolating and, again, just
(27:24):
reaching out for help where youcan.
It can be just so tempting to.
Well, I'm a burden.
Everybody's busy, you know,putting forth the effort if we
need to, because we can havethese expectations of
everybody's going to come,everybody's going to help us.
You had mentioned mill trainsand those are always so great,
(27:48):
but a lot of times that initialhelp will happen and then it's,
it's crickets, you know, andwe're still recovering and we're
like wait a minute, you know,and sometimes it does take us
reaching out and and hopefullywe have those other people and
if, if you're listening, and youare a friend or a family member
or somebody like that, takingthat step for them, hey, why
(28:08):
don't we go to coffee today?
I'll pick you up, bring baby,you know, and just giving them
that outlet where they're nothaving to make all the decisions
themselves, that can be sohelpful.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Yeah, that was going to be my next questions about
how to partners and familymembers and friends help better
support the fourth trimester.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Yeah, and that's a great question.
I think being there is reallyimportant, being intentional,
asking how can I help.
I had a conversation with a momwho's a soon-to-be grandmother
and she had put these wordstogether I thought was so
beautiful.
She said you know, I'm themother-in-law.
She said and so mydaughter-in-law is very kind,
(28:53):
and I could just foresee thatshe's never going to tell me
like no, you don't need to dothat, or I don't want you to
come over, you know those kindsof things.
And she said I think I'm goingto give her permission to set
boundaries with me.
Wow, that's beautiful, becauseI totally get that.
Like I'm the more soft spoken,you know kind of person and I
(29:17):
thought that's, that's it rightthere, like to give those kinds
of people permission.
Like you, you were allowed toset boundaries with me.
I want you to, I want you totell me when you need help.
You know, if I say can I bringyou dinner, I want you to say,
yes, here's what I'm craving,you know, so I can bring it.
Just being there and beingintentional, asking questions,
(29:39):
and if you can tell she's reallystruggling, like there was a
couple who the mom felt sovigilant over her baby which
again is a normal part ofpostpartum.
But she felt like everybody wasgoing to do it wrong if she
didn't do it herself.
But she was also very exhaustedand so at one point she was
(30:00):
yelling at her baby, you know,because her baby was screaming
and so mom had lost it.
She was screaming, they wereboth screaming, and the dad
walks in and said mom had lostit.
She was screaming, they wereboth screaming, and the dad
walks in and said give me thebaby.
And so she hands the baby overto him and said go shower or go
lay down, do what you need to.
And he walked off with the babyand I was like you know,
(30:22):
sometimes we just have troublesaying I need help right now.
Yeah, we do this.
You know, you need that momentwhere somebody just steps in and
goes I've got the baby, go takea shower or whatever it is.
You know that's so helpful.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Yeah, and let's talk about this and I've heard this
before too, and I love thatpeople bring this up when
someone's going throughpostpartum, when someone's
grieving, when someone needshelp in whatever it is that
they're going through, insteadof saying, hey, let me know if
you need anything, you know,create a list of things they can
(31:02):
choose from, such as hey,select one of these, I'd love to
be here for you in this time.
Let me know if you'd like, A,for me to drop off a meal.
B, if you'd like to, you know,hang out with me.
Or if you want me to come overand do your laundry, or you know
.
So on and so forth.
So it's giving them optionsinstead of like, hey, I checked
(31:23):
in, I did my part, I checked offthe box of checking in with you
and saying I'm your friend orI'm your, you know, here for you
, I'm your support, If you needanything, let me know.
Because, as we know, chancesare we're not going to be like,
yeah, actually, please help mewith doing my laundry, Please
bring me a meal.
Like that just feels a littlelike asking for too much when
(31:43):
you're in that spot.
Is that right?
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Yes, oh, I love that.
Yes, so I will tell I teachpregnant moms all about
childbirth and all of that, andso I'll tell them, like the end
of the third trimester, 36 weeksaround, that time is a great
time to create a list of how youcan help me list things like
walk my dog, you know, if youhave, you know, change my other
(32:10):
child's clothes.
They probably worn the samething for two dog.
You know, if you have, you know, change my other shows clothes.
They probably weren't the samething for two days.
You know, whatever it may be.
But going ahead and creatingthat list, because if we wait
until postpartum, you know our,our brain is fried and we're
exhausted and people will say,how can I help you?
And you're just like, I'm good,you know, you just don't even
know what to say at that point.
So I love that idea.
I love the list idea.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Yeah, I mean sometimes I mean I know that I
felt like kind of like a walkingzombie, because you're waking
up every couple hours to nursethe baby, you're tired, the
baby's crying, sometimes youknow how, what to do, sometimes
you don't you know, and thenyou're dealing with all the pain
in your body post birth.
So there's so much going onthat you're just not able to
rest like you need to and, as weknow, when we're not rested
(32:54):
well, we just aren't thinkingclearly and you know emotions
rise up and so many thingshappen from that, just not
simply just the fact of nothaving enough rest, not
including the hormones andeverything else that's going on.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Yes, all the things yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
What is the one message that you hope that every
mother takes away from yourbook?
Speaker 1 (33:21):
That she was designed for this, that she's going to
do it well, is designed for this, that she's going to do it well
.
You know, I think it's such acommon thread that moms struggle
with.
Am I being a good mother?
Am I the best mom to thesebabies?
You know, oh, my gosh, I messedup today.
I raised my boys.
I could have been moreintentional.
(33:42):
You know, whatever it is,oftentimes we're our own worst
critics.
You know, when mothers and justpostpartums, just the beginning
of that entry into motherhood,you know, and we're finding our
feet and our wings and all ofthose sorts of things.
But just knowing that you arethe mom that God designed for
your children he did not makemistakes in that and that all of
(34:06):
your strengths and also yourweaknesses were exactly what he
designed to help your childrenbecome who they're going to
become.
And so, as best you can, justto be free in knowing that and
embrace who you are and what youdo as a mom and postpartum, and
how you're healing, no matterhow quick or long that's taking,
(34:28):
you know, just to let yourselfbe be at peace.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
That is so good.
I wish I would have told myselfthat when I was going through
postpartum, because I think whenmy kids were little and
especially, I just felt like Iwas always falling short and I
think if I was to go back to myyounger self, I would be like
you have everything it takes tobe there for your kids, like you
(34:55):
really truly do.
I mean, I remember reading like20 books at a time, feeling so
overwhelmed because I just feltlike I don't have.
What other people have.
I, you know, like you weresaying in the interview, is that
other people are doing itbetter than me and they haven't
figured out and I'm somehowbehind and I don't know what I'm
doing and I'm trying my best,but I just feel like I'm falling
(35:17):
short and all that anxiety andstress and your own thoughts
just kind of really can playtricks on you.
But just to say, like you havewhat it takes, you're the right
woman for the job.
Give yourself grace and spaceand also, if you can take some
(35:37):
time to take care of you, liketake a bath, if you can take a
break, take a long hot shower orwhatever it is and and so that
you can kind of live in a bit ofsanity in the middle of the
crazy season To go on that pointtoo.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
like with my first baby, there was a time that he
was crying so hard and they'regoing to, you know, from time to
time and I had done everythinglike and I share this story in
classes that I teach becausemoms don't realize this but he
was, he was crying at everythingI did.
He had been fed and changed andI tried to take him outside and
(36:16):
you know all the things you godown the checklist for that and
he was still just so upset and Iremember putting him in his
bouncy seat and sitting on thefloor beside him and just
sobbing and he was crying and Iwas crying and my husband came
in the room and he said what'sgoing on?
I'm his mom, I should know whatto do.
(36:38):
And it actually surprised methat that came out of my mouth.
And as soon as I said I went ohmy gosh, like there's the belief
that I should be doing this momthing perfect and that I'm
failing if I don't know exactlywhat he needs or how to comfort
him in the moment.
And I was like man, this justsimply isn't true.
Like there are going to bemoments where I'm not going to
(37:00):
know what to do and I'm going todo my best.
And the baby doesn't know whatthey need either.
You know, it's not like theyknow, and it's just that process
of you give yourself grace forthe journey because you're
learning and they're learning.
But again, like you said, youhave what it takes, you're the
right mom for this and if youneed a moment where they're
(37:21):
sitting in a bouncy seat andyou're crying beside them,
absolutely, you know, makes youa normal mom.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
Yeah, absolutely, you know, makes you a normal mom.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I think too, when youembrace and walk in the
confidence that you have what ittakes and you're the right
person for the job, it servesyour child so much better than
walking in that insecurity oflike I don't know what I'm doing
and I don't have it figured out, and everybody's doing it
better than me.
You know, like, the way that Iwas doing that and it's like
(37:49):
actually that's taking away fromyou just being present and
embracing the moment of, okay,my child really just needs to be
loved on and there needs to bemet, and I can do that, you know
it's like I can do that.
But in that moment, when we'reat that stage like I was you
just feel like you're not doingenough or you somehow don't have
(38:12):
it all together.
And so I would just encourageyoung moms or moms who are
having in that season, thatyou're the right woman for the
job and just walk confidently inthat and know that you have
what it takes and that you cansecurely just love on your
children and um and meet theirneeds.
(38:33):
Like it's.
It's not rocket science.
I know I made a complicated, soif you're making it complicated.
Just know that you got this.
You can do the job.
Yeah, I love that that's perfect, yeah, and I I usually end my
podcast with asking just a fewquick questions, um, and one of
them is is um, what's thebravest thing that you've ever
(38:56):
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Speaker 1 (39:38):
Oh goodness, honestly , probably putting my experience
as a nurse into a book.
You know, I think there's thistemptation or I've always had
this temptation of stay small.
You know, stay small, be asmall target, that sort of a
thing.
It just yeah time you take thatrisk doing anything.
(39:59):
You know, when you start a pastor you write a book, anything,
it really is like part of yourheart that you're putting out
there and it just feels riskyand that you do it.
It's like yay, I chose courage.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
You know yeah, I love that um and then um.
What are some books that werereally impactful for?
Speaker 1 (40:17):
you um books regarding postpartum or just in
general.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
Just in general, books that were pivotal for you
and your life.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
Brene Brown wrote the Gifts of Imperfection.
I love that.
That one was really pivotal.
And then there's a book calledKeep your Love On by Dani Silk,
and that one was incrediblyimpactful for my marriage.
It really helped us rewrite howwe communicated and did
conflict, and that one was veryimpactful for my family, amazing
(40:51):
.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
And then, last one is what's the best advice that
you've been given?
Speaker 1 (40:56):
I guess really just something along the lines of
that you are enough, you know,and not in like a cheesy way,
but just who you are, the walkthat you're on you know, the
connection you have with God,with others, all of those things
Like that really is exactlywhat you should be doing, and to
(41:17):
be at peace in that.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
I love that.
Well, Rachel, thank you so muchfor your time.
It's been such a pleasuretalking to you, getting to know
you and just getting somepractical insights and advice
for new moms or moms who are inpostpartum.
Where can listeners find yourbook and connect with you for
some additional resources?
Speaker 1 (41:38):
Yeah, so the book's available at Amazon or Barnes
and Noble's Books a Million andChristianBookcom is a great
place to buy it.
I have a website it'smamadiditcom where moms can find
lots of resources and blogsabout all things pregnancy,
postpartum, breastfeeding.
You know all of that.
And then I'm on Instagram too,at mamadiditofficial.
(42:00):
I post a lot of helpful contentthere too, so those are the
best ways to find me.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
Well, thank you so much, Rachel, I really
appreciate your time.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Yeah, thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
Thank you for listening to the One Sweet Air
podcast.
It is an honor to share theseencouraging stories with you.
If you enjoy the show, I wouldlove for you to tell your
friends.
Leave us a reviewer rating andsubscribe to wherever you listen
to podcasts, because this helpsothers discover the show.
You can find me on my website,speckhopoffcom.
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