June 27, 2025 • 51 mins
What happens when success becomes a mask—and control becomes a cage?
In this episode, Ashlee Ilg shares her powerful journey from perfection-driven college student to purpose-filled entrepreneur, speaker, and mother of five. Once addicted to achievement and validation—planning her life down to the calorie Ashlee hit a wall that forced her to face her deepest limitations.
That breaking point became the birthplace of transformation.
Now leading a thriving family, podcast, and business, Ashlee opens up about the shift from striving to surrendering, and how releasing control reshaped her faith, family, and future. From launching Kids Business Day to the miraculous adoption of her daughter Hannah, Ashlee’s story is a moving testimony of what’s possible when we trade hustle for trust.
Together, we explore:
- The pressure high-capacity women feel to “do it all”
- How to set boundaries without guilt
- Learning to prioritize your well-being unapologetically
- Why surrender isn't giving up—it's stepping into your greatest strength
This episode is a must-listen for every woman who feels stretched thin by expectations but longs to live a life anchored in purpose, not performance.
-Links-
https://www.svetkapopov.com/
https://www.instagram.com/svetka_popov/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey friends, welcome to the Ones who Dared podcast,
where stories of courage areelevated.
I'm your host, becca, and everyother week you'll hear
interviews from inspiring people.
My hope is that you will leaveencouraged.
I'm so glad you're here, ashleyIllig.
(00:25):
Welcome to the Ones who Daredpodcast.
I'm so excited to have you ontoday.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Thank you so much, Becca.
It's my honor to be here.
I'm looking forward to thisconversation.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Yeah well, you wear so many hats You're a writer,
you're a business owner, aspeaker, a podcast host.
I would love to know where thisjourney began for you of
discovering who you are and justreally unraveling some more of
that.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Oh yeah, well, let's just tell the whole story, yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Tell me everything.
Yes, tell me everything.
Well, you know, I thinkprobably a big part of my story
that you know your listenerswould probably relate with
started in college and evenbefore college I was would
probably relate with started incollege and even before college
I was sort of this overachiever.
I probably wouldn't have calledmyself that at that point, like
I was just this go getter.
(01:13):
I was always applauded for thatand so I just chased that
applause Again, not reallyrealizing it.
You know, at the time, ofcourse, retrospect as a grown
adult with just a differentperspective Now I can see that
happening at that point in mylife.
But I did.
I, you know I chased all of theyou know the honor roll and the
(01:33):
grades and the extracurricularsand the first places and the
you know all the athletic things.
And so I kind of find myself incollege.
I kind of find myself in collegehitting this wall of where am I
really trying to go.
You know, things had started tokind of fall out of control at
(01:54):
that point, with differentrelationships and really like
career wise, I loved the path Ithought I was pursuing at that
point, which was to be amagazine editor for in the
aviation industry, which waskind of a niche market at that
point this was in the early2000s especially for women, and
so I was kind of beingpositioned to, you know, kind of
fill this role of this bossbabe, career woman.
(02:17):
I had decided at that point inmy early 20s that I was not
going to get married, I was notgonna have any kids.
I was going to climb the youknow proverbial corporate ladder
in my heels and just like, doall the things and I think in my
head I was being rebellious.
But looking back I'm like no, Iwas actually following all the
rules.
I was following all the rulesthat everybody told me to do and
(02:40):
you know, found myself, like Isaid in college, I ended up just
in this crazy pursuit ofcontrolling something, because
so much of my life, like I said,was just kind of falling out of
control.
I was just really questioning alot of things.
Even though I looked good on theoutside, inside I was just sort
of, like you called it,unraveling, and I developed a
(03:01):
really crazy obsession with bodyimage and food and exercise and
a three-day or athree-workout-in-a-day program
was like very normal for me.
Whoa, three times a day, yeah,it was completely like I said,
it was an obsession and I wascounting, like the calories in
my sticks of gum, you know, andliving on pots of coffee, like
(03:22):
it was completely.
It was completely justdestructive.
And again, I didn't even knowit or maybe I was in denial
would be a better way to say itbecause you know, my mom and
loved ones and friends would say, you know, hey, have you eaten
anything today?
Or hey, do you want to maybeskip that last kickboxing class
(03:44):
or whatever it was?
And I was like you're looking alittle ragged, you know, but no
, that's so that you know toanswer your question.
That's sort of like where it allkind of started with this, like
just this unraveling, thisshattering of what I thought
maybe my life was supposed tolook like.
And I, like I said, I thinkdeep down I knew this isn't
(04:06):
gonna last, like this isn't good, and that's I mean.
Really.
That's where I met Jesus.
That was at that point that year, it was my sophomore year in
college, and I just literallycollapsed one day in my
apartment floor and Jesus met methere and it wasn't an
overnight thing, but hedefinitely found me there and
(04:28):
I'm going to do a huge fastforward just for perspective.
But I'm married, been marriedfor 21 years now, I have five
children, and so this whole andI have run businesses.
Now I dropped the corporatething, my husband and I pursued
entrepreneurship for the last 20years and I love it and but I
would have never written thatstory for myself at that point,
you know.
Yeah, but yeah, it was sort ofthis whole unraveling I love
(04:53):
that word of what I thought lifewould look like and how God was
like.
Okay, now that I have yourattention, can we maybe redesign
this to be something that'smaybe not all about you and what
you think it should look like.
So, yeah, just a purpose beyondmyself, I think, was maybe the
game changer for me.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Yeah, and it's interesting in the beginning,
when you were sharing your story, is that you know, some of the
our behavior the ones that arepraised is reinforced right.
So it's like, oh, you're doinggood and you're doing this right
.
So we tend to do the thingsthat people applaud us for and
we feel like, oh, I need to domore of that.
And there's this sense forachievement, for striving.
(05:33):
But then there's a tension instriving because, as high
achievers, we come into thiswrestling of doing versus being,
and I'm curious to see how youexperience that in your own life
, that tension of doing versusbeing, and I'm curious to see
how you experienced that in yourown life, that tension of doing
versus being.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, absolutely.
And I would say it's a tensionI still wrestle with, even today
, because I don't thinksurrender is a one-time thing
and I think God likes it thatway.
I think it keeps us dependenton Him.
It keeps us, you know, daily,or even hourly some days, like,
(06:10):
okay, god, I'm so sorry.
I've been striving again, I'vebeen trying to hold all this,
I've been trying to whiteknuckle this plan or this
project or this thing that Iknow you've called me to.
And here I am trying to do itall in my strength again.
And when we surrender it, whenwe lay it down, um, when we
don't pursue other people'sapplause over um, just that
(06:31):
quiet, you know, well done.
That, I think, is really whatwe're after.
Um, yeah, we can find ourselvesin a really crazy spot.
And the tension for theoverachiever, from my position,
from my perspective, is we knowwe're created to um, to use all
of our gifts and our talents,and there's no need to silence
(06:54):
that, there's no need to playsmall in that.
Uh, I will never be the one tosay, you know, just sit down and
be quiet because you'restriving, um.
But yes, there is this tensionof striving versus stewarding,
you know, and the stewarding issort of that polar opposite of
doing it all on our own strengthversus stewarding what God has
(07:18):
given us and linking arms withHim and moving forward in those
things.
And, like I said, you know thisis a daily tension for me.
I know I'm called to a lot butI can't white knuckle it all and
make it count, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
And I also love how you advocate for dreaming big,
being bold and stepping into ourpurpose, into our calling,
because I think as women, wehave so many roles right and
expectations too that are placedon us by society or maybe even
our families and in ourcommunities, and sometimes that
(07:56):
tension or that wrestling isthere's expectations, that
there's a box that we're put in,but sometimes we have so much
more inside our hearts andthings that we're dreaming about
, things that are part of thegifting and calling who we're
made to be, and so to operate inboth can be really challenging
(08:17):
sometimes to do all the thingsand be all the things.
And so how do you I don't wantto say the word balance because
I don't really believe inbalance fully.
I think there's seasons andthey're different.
Sometimes you need to do alittle more of X versus Y in
different seasons and sometimesthere's different alignment.
So how do you navigate that oftrying to wear all the hats and
(08:42):
dreaming big and allowingyourself the space to step and
walk into who you feel like youwere made to be and still doing
all the responsibility?
You have five kids youmentioned, and you also told me
that one of them is adopted, sothere's a whole lot at play here
At the Once For a Day podcast.
Giving back is part of ourmission, which is why we proudly
(09:02):
sponsor Midwest Food Bank.
Here's why Midwest Food BankPennsylvania distributes over
$25 million worth of foodannually completely free of
charge to over 200 nonprofitpartners across PA, new York and
New Jersey, reaching more than330,000 people in need.
(09:26):
Through their volunteer-drivenmodel and innovative food rescue
programs, they turn everysingle dollar donated into $30
worth of food.
Now that's amazing.
Join us in supporting thiscause To learn more or to give
go to midwestfoodbankorg slashPennsylvania.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
There's a lot.
Yeah, there is, and I guessthat's you know where God has
met me and just said like I'vegiven you these kids, I've given
you these dreams, don't try's.
You know where God has met meand just said like I've given
you these kids, I've given youthese dreams.
Don't try to, you know, don'ttake them from me.
Like, let's do this together.
You know which, again, easiersaid than done.
Yes, and so you mentionedseasons.
(09:59):
And you know we've been like Isaid, we've been growing
businesses for 20 years.
And you know we've been like Isaid, we've been growing
businesses for 20 years.
We our oldest is about to turn15 and our youngest is three.
So there's been many, manyseasons where it's just all
hands on deck with, you know,babies.
We get our first three boys inthree years, and if you ask me
(10:20):
about any world events thathappened between 2010 and 2013,
I literally have no idea aboutanything going on in the world,
because I was changing diapers,I was nursing a baby, I was just
full into keeping three humansalive and um, and we were also
growing our first businessduring that season too.
So it was bonkers and um, butso again.
(10:47):
So, from my perspective, I'mtrying to answer your question
of you.
Just, you just can't, youliterally just can't do it all,
and I don't believe in balance.
You can't do all the things.
Well, um, you know, my husbandand I just recently recorded a
podcast on the big ideas podcastthat I host, and we talked
about how we did thingsdifferently, you know, 10 years
(11:07):
ago, 15 years ago, versus evennow, which we started another
company just three years ago, soanother business sort of in its
infancy.
It's basically the same age asour toddler.
We tend to do all the thingsall at the same time, and so,
you know, I think I'll say itthis way so one of my, one of my
(11:30):
mentors, has said one time andthis has just stayed with me for
a long time that she said youcan do anything you want life,
you just can't do everything andyou can't do it all at once, or
you can't do everything all atonce, and that's both like
honest, and then it's also likea deep exhale for me because you
know I'm like okay, so I can, Ican take care of this now.
(11:53):
This isn't going to, this otherthing isn't going to go
anywhere.
You know, I can come back to it,but, and I think the biggest
thing is just letting otherthings go.
You know we don't have time fordrama, we don't have time for
maybe keeping up with, you know,things that for us are not
priorities.
It definitely keeps yourpriorities in focus.
(12:17):
You know, those top items thatare on the like must do taking
care of your children, or, buteven taking care of your
children, there can be a wholetier that the world would call
important and for me I'm like,well, I'm going to say no to
that because it doesn't serve mein this season right now.
You know, I'm not the room momwhich we homeschool, but like
(12:40):
I'm not like the assistant coachto my kids teams, or I'm not
the one signing up to do all theextras, or you know, even meal
planning, I mean all my.
You know we eat together mostnights but I don't go overboard
with meal planning because Ijust can't.
It's not a strength of minealso.
But you know, like, in a verypractical way, I just I let
(13:01):
things go and I have peace aboutit.
I try not to compare myself towhat everybody else is doing
with their kids, because my lifejust doesn't look like theirs.
You know, one of the reasons wehomeschool.
It was not for a badge of honor, it was not to say look at one
more thing I'm doing.
It's to say I can't meet theseteachers' expectations.
I can't answer to one moreperson.
(13:27):
I need to.
I need to be able to start atnoon if we need to some days.
I need to be able to have.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Fridays off sometimes , if we need to.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
You know I need to be able to sleep in sometimes, or
let my kids sleep in, or youknow work later or whatever it
might be.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
So um, yeah, and the homeschooling also gives you the
flexibility, like if you wantto take a trip somewhere or do
something as a family, where youare entrepreneurs.
So that is a flexibility thatyou do want to have as well.
The other piece of wisdom, too,that I heard someone say is
that whenever we are doingsomething, we're exchanging it
(13:59):
for something else.
So every time you make a choiceof how you're going to use your
time, it's always an exchange.
So every time you make a choiceof how you're going to use your
time, it's always an exchangebecause, for example, you can't
work out at the same time thatyou're sleeping in or you're
doing this task, you're you haveto let.
Perhaps you know your laundryis going to have to wait, or
something along those lines, andso it is.
It's always an exchange.
(14:20):
And I love how your friend oryour coach said that you know
you can do it all.
You just can't do it all atonce at the same time, and you
know it's being realistic aboutwhat we can accomplish.
And I think that I don't knowabout you, but I feel like the
older that I get, the more Ivalue my time.
And you also mentioned like nothaving time for drama and all
the things that are time suckersthe things that are time
(14:45):
suckers because even if they'renot physically taking up time,
but the mental space too, canreally be draining and take you
away from the more of the highcaliber things that you need to
be doing or you feel called todo.
So we have to be reallypurposeful of where our
attention goes, where our timegoes, if we are going to operate
on a high level place and alsobe making an impact and being
(15:07):
there for our families andeverything else.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
So yeah, yeah.
And in addition to protectingour time, like protecting our
peace.
You know, if it's a peacestealer, even if it's maybe
doesn't take up that much time,but if it's not bringing you
peace or serving that purpose,you know, I think that can be a
real sneaky way to, you know,not show up fully where we need
(15:29):
to.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Yeah, I'd love to get a little more insight into you
shared, how you wrestle with thetension of showing up in a way
that God wants us to and alsojust being able to use our
giftings, our callings, in thisdriving versus like, just
surrendering and allowing God toto just do his thing.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Yeah, yeah, and I think you know, going back to
that whole identity of anoverachiever, you know, and just
acknowledging that there's that, that's there.
But then also it's kind of likeyou know, until you can admit
that this is here, you can'treally move past it, you know,
and so not throwing any otheroverachievers under the bus, you
(16:18):
know, we're like, we're all inthis together, yeah, and it's
funny, as soon as you kind oflike admit like I'm, I'm an, I'm
a high capacity tend tooverachieve person, everyone
else is like, oh, me too, andyou know, and you're like okay,
so now that we've solved that,like, let's talk about what this
looks like.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Yeah, let's be honest now, right, it's like trying to
cram in more than you think youcan and I tend to do that
sometimes, where I think I havemore time than I do, and then
it's like, oh, I can't do allthe things that I set out to do,
and sometimes you have to say,okay, I need to let go.
How do I, um, slim some of thisdown, and what are some things
that I should be focusing on,and perhaps a little more, what
(16:56):
are some things I can let go of?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
yeah, and I I think for me it took me number one
admitting that and then, likeyou, kind of hitting this wall
of like, okay, I can't continuelike this.
You know, this isn't, thisisn't good for me, this isn't
good for the people around me.
I'm getting a little snappywith my kids, you know.
I'm getting frustrated oversilly things.
Like I'm definitely capped atthis point.
So I started asking myself whyam I doing this?
(17:28):
Like?
Who am I trying to perform for,or who am I trying to make
happy, or who am I trying tomeet their expectations?
And and why?
So just a big, you know,questioning of did somebody tell
me that I needed to be likethis?
Did I set my own expectations?
Do I have this weird narrativein my head that's just really,
really loud, and the answer isyes to all of these things, and
so I've really had to startuncovering.
(17:51):
Well, who said that I need tobe the answer person?
Who said that you know, when myhusband has a bad day, that it
means I now have to be the oneto fix that.
That means I now have to be theone to fix that.
When my kids are going throughsomething, who said that I now
have to be the one reading 20books about this one thing, and
not anything against parentingbooks.
(18:13):
I mean, I have a whole list ofmy favorites.
But when we show up in thatspace thinking let me just learn
everything I can get so that Ican solve these problems and I
can be the answer and I can bethe source, you know, for all of
these people, for my employees,you know, like they're having a
bad day or they need to learnthis it's like, or they don't
show up one day, so let me jumpin.
(18:33):
Oh, look, they're not showingup for a whole month.
Let me just drop everything.
And you know, no-transcript.
Why does?
Why?
Is that fulfilling to you?
(18:53):
Like, why is that the reasonthat you're just wearing
yourself out and beingcompletely ragged and not
showing up in the space whereyou're really called to?
Because you're so busy beingthe yes person or, you know,
trying to, trying to appeaseeverybody else, and so that was
a huge surrender of like, okay,god, and so that was a huge
(19:19):
surrender of like, okay, god, I,I trust you to show up better
than I could, or I trust you toput somebody in place that can
show up better than I could foryou know the things that maybe
you know work-wise oradministratively.
I would show up to, like, helpmy husband with you know things
like that so that I can show upand be his wife.
You know the things that only Ican do versus you know, let me
(19:40):
go reply to that golf cartdealer, or let me go help, you
know, organize the bills of saleor whatever it might be.
You know, or, or whatever allthat, just again, just things
that I, I would get thatimmediate dopamine of like yep,
that was me, I did that, so gladyou could count on me.
You know, yeah, and it was likeI started craving that immediate
(20:03):
gratification of like yes,thank you, ash, thanks for being
there for me, and deep down, itwas really making me ragged and
not allowing me to show up.
Like I said, you know thethings that really mattered.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
I love that you were able to be really honest with
yourself about that, because Ithink that a lot of us may get
our validation in differentforms right, but we may not
admit that.
But for you to see that and belike, wait, why?
Why is this making me feelvalidated?
And you know I'm just wearingmyself out by trying to solve
(20:37):
everyone's problem, be all thethings, which is so relatable,
right?
I think a lot of listeners canrelate to that.
Where we think we have to,especially as women, I think you
know we have this nurturingtendency to whether it's our
kids or families or friends orcommunities that we want to jump
in and help rescue and be thatperson.
But that's not always our joband and sometimes I had to also
(21:00):
just ask myself this questionthat, um, am I doing this out of
love or am I doing it out ofobligation?
Or like, what is, what is mymotive for going and helping
this person?
And you know people need helpand all of that.
I'm not knocking that helpingthis person, and you know people
need help and all of that.
I'm not knocking that.
There's a time and place for allthings, but I think just
examining our hearts of likelike you are honest with
(21:22):
yourself and saying, hey, why isthis making me feel validated?
Or making me feel like, yeah,this has given me that dopamine
hit.
Like, yeah, I did it, I solvedthis problem, and or it could be
.
You know, you feel validatedbecause you're seen or whatever
it is and I think, just beinghonest.
So sometimes I would just runthis filter, like, am I bringing
this person a meal out of loveor am I doing it to be validated
(21:46):
or to be seen or to be, um, youknow, to feel good myself, that
I'm doing something good, or isthis something out of love?
I think if we, if we, do thingsout of love, there is no wrong
way about about going about itRight, because if it's out of
love, then not only does itserve that person in the best
way, but it also it doesn't messwith us.
(22:07):
I don't know if that makessense.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, and I think I think too,one of the hard parts, like as,
as we're talking this through,I'm like we can't not
acknowledge also the fact thatsome people aren't ready for us
to stop showing up to bevalidated.
They've also gotten used to usbeing like you can count on me,
(22:30):
I'll be there, and all of asudden we're kind of like you
know what I can't today or youknow what, I'm so sorry, but
you're going to find somebodyelse to do that.
That's not always met with like, oh, I love how you're
personally growing here andyou're setting boundaries and
you're not seeking validationfrom me, like that's not always
how the conversation goes and so, again, just being okay and let
(22:56):
maybe God work that through.
Obviously you're not doinganything hurtful or like
spiteful or like, well, I'm sosorry, you know.
It's not like you're showing upugly, like you said.
You're doing things with loveand the source and motivation is
love for them, love for you andtrusting that God will show up
and meet the need that theystill have.
It's just not all on you.
(23:19):
But yeah, that that tension isreal because I have lived very
recently where you know wetalked about you know before we
started the episode of just theseason of summer and you know
just the shift in our some ourfamily rhythms and things like
goals and things.
It's peak season for a lot ofour businesses and so there's
(23:42):
just a lot happening, a lot ofmoving parts and a lot of people
that need us and so, yeah, thattension of like I'm so sorry I
can't be there to do that today.
Yeah, oh, but you were lastmonth.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
You know, right, right, and I think too, like you
know, there's a.
I don't know about you, but forme there's a desire to make an
impact or a desire to be a lightin the world and to um, to
serve and, you know, to be thehands and feet and just be
available for people.
I do want to do that, but I alsofind a lot of women are getting
really burnt out because theyare trying to do everything and
(24:17):
go and solve everyone's problem,meet everyone's needs, and then
, when they need something,they're highly offended that
people aren't reacting in thesame way.
And it's like, well, who toldyou that that was what your
responsibility to begin with andthat you should drop everything
, even maybe perhaps your familyreally needed you not to at
that moment, but you did, andthen you feel like I've done so
(24:37):
much for you and you're notdoing it back for me.
It's like that's a time andplace to kind of examine some of
that, because if we're reallywearing ourselves thin, because
we're trying to do everythingfor everyone without ever
considering ourselves and ourimmediate world, that can take a
toll.
Yeah, you know, and I've seenthat time and time again,
(25:03):
especially in women, because wetend to just want to help
everybody.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Yeah, yeah, and I've seen it from.
I'm sure I've put myself inthat position, but I've
definitely seen it more recentlywhere it gets turned on you,
you know, and the person whomaybe did show up out of
obligation or you know, lookingfor that applause or looking for
(25:26):
that validation, looking forthat, you know, I felt needed
and I showed up and it gave methat, you know, that boost.
And then when they need you andyou're not available, like
legitimately not available, andthey're like but you owe me
almost kind of a mindset andright, it's exactly, it's
exactly what you're talkingabout.
So it's hard to be on both endsof that.
You know you certainly canguard yourself from being there,
but then maybe, when you're onthe flip side and you're like I
(25:49):
never asked you to you know,find yourself ragged for all of
these things.
Yeah, so yeah, Women have to becareful.
We have a lot yes a lot tocarry.
There's a lot going on in ourhearts and, yeah, just you know,
leaning in, staying close tothe Lord and just keeping His
(26:10):
voice loud, louder, the loudestFor me.
That's changed everything forme and it's allowed me to sit in
that tension of they'vemisunderstood me or they don't
understand what my motives areand I've done everything I can
do to explain them.
But maybe they're still hurt ormaybe there's, like I said,
(26:33):
just misunderstanding.
Maybe they're still hurt, ormaybe there's, like I said, just
misunderstanding, but beingokay with that, knowing that you
know God's in control.
God will work things out.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
And, at the end of the day, you're listening to Him
.
How do you, as a high-capacitywoman with five children, a
business, multiple businessesyou're launching kids business
day, which I also want to getinto.
Um, how do you prioritize yourhealth and your wellbeing Like
first and foremost?
How is that?
How do you navigate that?
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Yeah, um, well, you know, coming from like that
story I told you from college,um, I work out.
Today I don't don't do thatanymore and I'm in my 40s now,
and so you know, my physicalbody needs are completely
different.
I've had, you know, I've hadfour of the five kids.
The fifth labor and deliverywas I was 40.
(27:29):
And it was pretty traumatic.
There was some emergencyprocedures going on there and so
the recovery was, you know, notas expected.
And yeah, so, prioritizing myhealth though I mean it's, it's
not selfish, it's it's showingup for yourself so that you can
(27:50):
take care of others.
You know, it's the analogy ofputting on your own oxygen mask
so that you can help saveeverybody else.
So you know, from like apractical standpoint, I do
weights.
I do do more heavy weightsthese days than I do, like I
used to do, just a ton of cardioand my knees, you know, don't
like that anymore.
But yeah, I take vitamins, Itake supplements.
(28:13):
You know, like whole foodsupplements.
Take vitamins, I takesupplements, you know, like
whole food supplements.
I sleep without apology.
I used to just run myself likeI'd call myself a night owl and
then I'd also call myself anearly bird and I'm like mama
needs sleep now.
So, you know, I prioritizesleep.
I have an app on my phone thattells me when to start kind of
(28:35):
winding down and turn off theblue lights, and I listen to it.
And you know, I have teenagerswho want to stay up late and
talk, and I have a toddler whowakes me up early, and so it's.
I live in the tension of all ofthat where, again, I want to be
there for everybody, but I can'tevery single day like in that
(28:57):
kind of a capacity.
So, um, you know, a couple ofnights a week, you know, hang
out with the teams and, um, youknow, talk about whatever they
want to talk about, which isusually just listening to them.
Um, be silly boys.
And um, and my toddler, youknow he'll, sometimes he'll just
come and snuggle with me in bedbecause I'm like I'm not ready
to get up yet.
I know you are, but I'm not.
(29:18):
Yeah, but yeah.
So, you know, stayingphysically active, I try to walk
whenever I can.
I try to do stuff with my kidsso that they have an example of
that, without being obsessive.
But seeing what health lookslike, you know, eating all these
snacks, you know that sort ofthing.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
I'm curious what the name of the app is that you
mentioned that helps you winddown, because I'm sure some
listeners are like what is the?
Speaker 2 (29:45):
app yeah, it's called Rise, okay, yep, and it just
goes through like aquestionnaire of what you are
looking for, what your lifelooks like, what some of your
goals are.
What you are looking for, whatyour life looks like, what some
of your goals are, yeah, and soit'll send cues for, like, when
(30:05):
your best sleep time is.
So I know some people's likecircadian rhythms are different,
so they can go to bed later andtheir body rejuvenates at that
different time.
So, yeah, it kind of gives youlike your prime sleep hours, how
much sleep you need, what yourrhythms look like, and then, if
you want it to, it'll prompt,gives you like your prime sleep
hours, how much sleep you need,what your rhythms look like, and
then, if you want it to, it'llprompt you during the day.
Like it actually tells me inthe middle of the day I think my
time is like around 1.30, whereit's like this is your low
(30:27):
energy day, so like I'll go andget more protein and I'll get
moving.
Like it's not my prime time tolike sit and write, for instance
.
That time for me is like 1030in the morning, so it just kind
of helps shape my day.
I'm gonna align my day as bestas I can with how my body is
shifted.
And you know so.
(30:48):
Like we don't start homeschoolat 130 in the afternoon, you
know like we start earlier, whenmy brain is fresh obviously the
kids are fresh and usually likearound the three, 30 mark is
when I'm ready for like the nextswing of like the day, you know
(31:08):
.
So that's usually when I'll gofor a walk, I'll do some weights
just get the endorphins going,get the blood flow going, when I
would most likely probablyprefer to sit and rest at that
point.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
I've kind of trained my body to know like this is
where we get up and move now soyeah, that's good get ready for
the evening it is interestingtoo how we how much I mean I
don't know if it's because Ijust turned 40 and I'm aware of
all the things but you know theway to vest and the protein that
you need to take and strengthtraining and sleep and how
(31:35):
important that is.
And, like you, I used to runmyself thin and be caffeinated
and all the things.
Now I'm like I can't havecoffee past noon because I know
that my body's going to have aharder time falling asleep and
prioritizing lifting weights andhaving more protein and staying
off sugar and alcohol and allthose things that are not good
for my body.
(31:56):
Because it's so important forus to take care of ourselves,
like you said, you have to putthe mask on you first, before
everyone else, and I think, aswomen too, we tend to take care
of everyone else and forget thatactually our health is so
important If we're going to bearound for our family, our loved
ones, like we need to make thata priority.
We need to make a priority tomove, to eat healthy, nourish
(32:25):
our bodies and get sleep,because that is apparently like
one of the most importantpillars of health, right?
Speaker 2 (32:28):
It's like, yes, yeah, I think I was able to get away
with sort of cheating the system, and which I wasn't, but I felt
like I was getting away with it.
You know, in my early latetwenties, even early thirties,
where I'm like I can just drinka cup of coffee and it'll mask
what's really happening here.
You know, my brain was foggy.
I had postpartum depression foryears because I kept having
(32:51):
babies and you know, I wasthrowing my cortisol and my
adrenaline and everything justcompletely out of whack.
I couldn't fall asleep, muchless stay asleep, and all of
these red flags were happeningand I was like, it's fine, it's
fine, it's fine, I'm just goingto push through and keep looking
like I've got it all together,even though it's not working.
(33:12):
You know, I'm just going tokeep showing up and be the
person that everybody needs meto be, everybody expects me to
be, or the person that I thinkeverybody expects me to be.
Ooh, yes.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
You know, because sometimes we put that
expectation on ourselves Likewell, we assume people expect,
and it's like wait a minute, whotold me that?
This is what's?
Speaker 2 (33:31):
expected of me.
Yes, I think we do.
I think I definitely.
You know, I think creatives ingeneral, we're really good at
creating stories.
It's a gift.
But it's also like well, isthat story true, or did you just
make it up, or did you makethis story really embellished
and like really extravagant?
It's like so extravagant it'snot even true anymore.
(33:54):
I've caught myself doing that.
I love being creative, but Ihave created this whole
narrative that is not true andit's not serving me very well.
So, yeah, but yeah, wedefinitely have to be careful,
because sometimes I'll say likeI think my husband asked me to
do this and he was like I neverasked you to do that you know,
(34:15):
so yeah it's real.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
It is for sure.
Well, I'm curious to know whatinspired Kids Business Day, and
how did your faith play a rolein its creation?
Speaker 2 (34:26):
Yes, I love talking about this.
So we started homeschoolingabout eight years ago and, as
business owners, we wanted justa real life experience that we
could teach our children whatyou know brainstorming a
business, like creating abusiness idea and then bringing
it to life Like what does thatreally look like?
And so our first year ofhomeschooling I was like we're
(34:47):
going to do this, we're going totake a month off of our
curriculums and we're just goingto come up with a business.
We're going to create signs, Imean like poster board, you know
, like the kids were completelyin charge of all of it.
And I posted a little thing onour neighborhood Facebook page
and said hey, if anybody wantsto join us, we're going to meet
at the clubhouse two Saturdaysfrom now.
Come support the kids in theneighborhood with their
businesses.
And I had no idea who was goingto show up.
(35:10):
And we ended up having about 12families show up with their kids
, about ages 10 and younger,with just the cutest the cutest
ideas.
I mean, some kids were sellingtoys from their toy room and it
was very primitive.
My five-year-old I think he wasat the time my second oldest,
he was had just startedgymnastics and so he brought his
(35:32):
tumbling mat and he wascharging a dollar to teach you
how to do a somersault or acartwheel.
So it was just literallywhatever they were excited about
.
My oldest, who was six, wasselling ice cream from the
grocery store and he was justbasically reselling it, you know
.
And so it was just encouragingthat enthusiasm and building
their belief that they can comeup with an idea, they can show
(35:54):
up, they can make money from itand other people will believe in
their idea.
And, like I said, that juststarted in our neighborhood with
about a dozen friends and itjust kind of spiraled from there
.
So we hosted idea.
And, like I said, that juststarted in our neighborhood with
about a dozen friends and itjust kind of spiraled from there
.
So we hosted the next severalyears at our golf cart
dealership, which in our towngolf carts are a really big deal
.
They're like a big mode,they're like a major mode of
transportation.
So there's several dealershipsin town.
(36:16):
And so we used our parking lot.
There our company sponsored it.
We gave cash awards to topbusinesses for creativity
creativity, their display andtheir enthusiasm.
So it wasn't anything based onlike the actual product or like
how much money they made.
It was all about the thingsthat they could, that they could
(36:38):
control, and so, again, it wasjust I, you know, I stepped out
to do something for my familythat I thought they needed, and
realized real quick that therewere a lot of other families
that were like oh my gosh, thankyou for creating this.
We've, we love, we love thisidea, we love to be a part of it
, and this year will be ourninth year doing it.
(37:00):
It's moved into a huge parkarea in the middle of our town
now and we'll have, we'll haveover 100 young entrepreneurs
there.
The setups have been justamazing.
We've gone from I mean, westill celebrate, you know, the
lemonade stand, so to speak, andsome of those more, just, you
(37:20):
know, five years.
Well, it's, it's ages seven to14 now, and because we reward
with cash displays like the besttop, top three for displays,
it's amazing to see everybodykind of rise to the occasion of
what their displays look like.
I mean, we have youngentrepreneurs that show up in
(37:41):
their tents, look like it's aboutique, like a standalone
boutique, yeah, and that weaward enthusiasm, and so these
kids are just out there andthey've got dances, they've got
cheers, they've got, you know,all kinds of promotions that
they're out there just sellingtheir ideas and their stuff, and
we usually do it in September,right around the Patriots Day,
(38:04):
to celebrate and to honor thosethat were lost or served during
9-11.
And so it's a very patriotic.
We start with a moment ofsilence for that and then we
also pray before we start aswell, which is just a priority
for me and because I'm in charge, I make the rules, but I've
never had anybody give mekickback on those.
(38:25):
I mean, everybody's showing upto celebrate freedom and to
celebrate what we have the giftsand ideas to do, and so, yeah,
it's my favorite.
We're gonna start announcingthe event for this September and
registration will open up herereally, really soon.
So, yeah, we're excited, butyou can follow all of that.
(38:46):
It's got its own Instagramhandle at Kids Business Day.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
So, yeah, I love that .
It's almost like having alittle shark tank, but nicer.
Yes, that's amazing.
Has there been people thatwanted to invest in some of the
businesses that they created?
Has some of them took off?
I'm curious to see theevolution of some of those
ideation.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
Yep.
Several young entrepreneurshave their businesses now in
other department stores or otherlocal gift shops and or in the
mall.
So yeah, that's so cool.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
Yeah, way to go, ashley, for creating that.
That is just brilliant.
It's interesting how, wheneverwe do create something out of
our own need, there's so manypeople that respond to that.
Even this lady I wasinterviewing he was talking
about the art of hospitality andshe even said, like, sometimes
I host because I need that, butthen there's so many people that
(39:42):
also need that, and so she'slike you know, it could be even
like a selfish reason for saying, hey, I really want to have
connection with other people andso I'm going to open my space
and create, and there's so manypeople that are also craving
that same connection.
And so, whether it's inbusiness, like you're doing,
where people, families, are like, hey, I'd love for my kid to
you know, come up with an ideaand try to sell it and compete
(40:05):
and be around other people whoare excited about creating
businesses, it's an amazing,amazing thing that you're doing.
I love it so much.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
Thank you.
Yeah, it's very contagious,yeah, and we're making it.
I've got a lot of things in theworks right now to move it
beyond just the local event aswell, too, because there's a lot
of people that aren't you know,they just don't live here, but
they want to do something intheir town or in their
homeschool classroom.
I'm about to launch acurriculum that I've created for
young entrepreneurs, so I'mexcited about growing all of
(40:35):
that.
Yeah, a little sneak peek?
Speaker 1 (40:36):
Yeah, okay, I'd love that too.
That's amazing.
If you have a website for that,we can put that on our show
notes.
You're also working on a book.
Tell us a little bit about thatproject, if you're allowed to.
I don't know if you're allowedto reveal anything yet.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Yeah, no, it's definitely still in its early
stages.
But, yeah, the whole ideabehind the book is just a lot of
what we've been talking about.
It's just taking those seeingthe plot twist that God has.
Just well, not that God has,but the plot twist that we've
experienced in our life and howGod will help us kind of reframe
(41:11):
it and how he redeems thethings that we're like, oh my
gosh, what is happening?
And just kind of flipping thatscript to say, okay, god, how
are you about to show off,because I know you're going to,
you know, and just proving allthe ways over and over that he's
faithful.
And so, yeah, just so manystories and so many lessons.
It's going to be more of likean overachiever's guide to
(41:33):
learning how to surrender allthose things so that we can
really really write our greateststory and our greatest purpose.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
That's beautiful.
Well, I want to honor your timeand, as you know, my questions
as we wrap up is what is thebravest thing that Ashley has
ever done?
Speaker 2 (41:51):
Yes, well, I could probably say like decisions I've
made, but I honestly think,from a more like tangible thing
that I've done, to answer thatquestion I would probably say
adopting our daughter was just,it was bizarre honestly.
(42:13):
I mean, I'll give you the shortversion of the story just
because of time.
But you know, like I said, I'dhad three boys in three years
and it was kind of likeclockwork.
You know, like even my OB waslike your pregnancies and your
labors and deliveries are just,they're too easy.
Like don't tell these storiesto friends, like they're not
fair.
You literally show up, yousneeze, you have a baby and and
(42:35):
so it would have really beeneasy to, you know, say let's
just get pregnant again and haveour fourth child.
And my husband and I both justfelt over and over very
convicted, very clearly calledto pursue our daughter through
adoption.
And you know, one of the reallycool you know plot twist God
fingerprints in the whole thingwas, you know, when we first got
(42:58):
married, we were like, you know, you know, like everybody does,
we're going to have two kidsand we're going to name them
Owen and Hannah.
And so of course we you know,you know, like everybody does
we're going to have two kids andwe're going to name them Owen
and Hannah.
And so of course, we, you know,because we love a good plan, we
love to feel like we're incontrol of our life, you know,
right, right.
And so, yeah, so we had ourfirst son, owen, and then I got
pregnant again and we're like,well, surely this is going to be
Hannah.
This one feels very different.
(43:24):
Well, no, it was Dylan.
And then get pregnant again,and this is surely Hannah,
because that's what I plannedfor and that's what you know,
that's how this story issupposed to go.
No, it was Gavin.
And, hear me, I do not have anyregrets that I have three boys.
It was, you know, they're my,they're my heart.
But there was this piece of methat was like, okay, god, but
(43:49):
where's Hannah?
You know?
And, and, honestly, my husbandand I had both seen her in our
dreams, like we knew she wasthere, but we couldn't make
sense, we couldn't reconcilethis.
Okay, but we keep having boys.
So, um, and we, we had nevernot talked about adopting.
But again, because I gotpregnant and had such great
deliveries, it was sort of like,well, you know, we, maybe we
don't need to adopt, so to speak.
But, like I said, god and I'mgiving you the short version of
the story, but God really got ahold of us and was like your
(44:11):
daughter's out there and you'regoing to find her through
private adoption, and it wasjust overly confirmed, confirmed
, confirmed.
That's what we're going to doand so, other than being gender
specific, we sought out to findher and we didn't know what it
was going to look like.
We did not have the financialpiece in place.
I mean, it was a multi-multi,you know five figure number like
(44:34):
way up there, and we didn'tknow how all the pieces were
going to come into place and theway this works for our
situation.
Anyway, as soon as you getmatched, you need to write a
check for half of the amount,and so half of our amount at
that time would have been 25grand, and we had not anywhere
near that in our bank account todo it, and so even the
(44:54):
financial piece was just massiveto say, to say why this is one
of the bravest things I've everdone was for that.
For those reasons, I mean, wejust really put ourselves out
there of this.
You know, plan A of justgetting pregnant again seemed
like the easier thing to do.
We have no idea how we're goingto pay for this.
(45:14):
We have no idea what thisdynamic is going to add to our
already existing family.
We, we just don't know whatthat match is going to look like
.
Well, one of the coolest piecesof the story, like I mentioned,
the three boys when our daughterHannah, when her birth parents
matched with us, they literallychose us.
(45:34):
When they saw our little familybooklet thing when the agency
sends them that the very firstpicture on the cover was a
picture of our family, of course.
And they said they literallypicked us because they'd already
decided they wanted her to havethree older brothers.
Oh, my gosh, I know, I know.
And so as soon as she told methat, I just wept because I was
(45:56):
like God, you knew all the timesthat I wondered like, okay, I
love Dylan, okay, I love Gavin,but like, where's Hannah?
How many more pregnancies I'mgoing to have to do?
You know?
And it was literally the reason, you know that they matched
(46:20):
with us.
And so she, yeah, she's gotthree older brothers, just like
it was always planned.
Um, the financial piece is awhole podcast episode in itself,
but in the 11th hour peopleshowed up and said hey, how much
more do you need?
Let me write you a check.
Hey, how much do you need?
I've been saving this up for my401k.
Blah, blah, blah.
It's this much.
How much do you need?
Oh, it's that much.
To the penny like it was justamazing it was.
(46:43):
It was god's story, it's God'sdaughter and for a moment there
I started thinking that I was incontrol of you know, bringing
this girl home.
And again God just reminded me,like if you would just partner
with me and stop feeling likeyou've got to get ahead and
you've got to handle all thethings and plan it all and work
it all out, if you would justtake a deep breath and let me be
(47:05):
God, I've got this story down,like I've planned her life and
I've planned your life and allyour boys' lives.
You know, long before you knewabout any of it.
And so, yeah, it was.
I love telling that story, Ilove rethinking about that story
.
I've written blogs about all ofit, just because it builds it's
, it builds my faith.
So much of like when, when Iallow God to show up, he really
(47:27):
he's faithful.
Speaker 1 (47:29):
Wow, that's so beautiful.
Wow, wow, um, what is the bestpiece of advice that someone
gave you?
Speaker 2 (47:36):
Hmm, I would probably say it might honestly be what
we talked about earlier.
You know of.
You can do everything you wantin life.
You just can't do everythingall at once.
I really do think that's beenlike a pillar for me, because it
does.
It helps me kind of take a deepbreath and just get perspective
(47:57):
on.
It doesn't mean all your ideasaren't good, it just means you
just can't do them all at thesame time and so just finding
peace in that, I think it's juststayed with me.
I mean there's a lot of peoplehave been giving me great advice
, but I would say that'sprobably been a good one.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
That's a good one, especially for a high achieving
woman who's listening, or a man.
The other question that I haveis what are three pivotal books
in your life?
It could be at any period inyour life.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
Yeah, Um, I would say that's such a good question too
, and as a writer, you know wehave our libraries of books I
would say so, Bruce Wilkinsonwrote the Dream Giver.
Um, I don't know at what pointin his career, but that is the
Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinsonis definitely.
(48:47):
It's it's part fable, partteaching.
And it just talks about justyour dream and how to steward it
and what it's going to looklike when others don't believe
in it, and what it just lookslike from like a fable, from
like a story.
It's a boy named Ordinary, youknow, or it's a boy named
(49:10):
somebody who leaves the land ofOrdinary, you know, and it's
just beautiful, it's verypowerful.
It has stayed with me forever.
And then I would say JohnBevere's book X, which stands
for Multiply.
I've read that book every yearsince it's come out, like five
or six years ago now, and itjust talks about the importance
of letting God be the multiplier.
You know, the math that we cando is addition and subtraction,
(49:32):
but only God can multiply ourgifts, and really even more so
than that.
It talks about how you know, asChristian creatives, christian
business owners, we can maybeget in this mindset that if
we're not in ministryspecifically, that our gifts
aren't used to build the kingdom, but if we are profitable and
(49:52):
fruitful in all of our ways inthe marketplace, how useful that
is for the kingdom, and to notget confused about how our gifts
are used to build the kingdom.
So, yeah, that was really good,because we've always had
businesses in the marketplaceand always felt a call to
support kingdom growth as well,of course.
(50:12):
So the third one oh, I wouldprobably say you and Me Forever
which is just it's not amarriage book, but it's
definitely about a husband andwife and their calling and how
they are called to be togetherto pursue their purpose, and how
(50:34):
you're like I alone cannotpursue all the things without my
husband and vice versa, youknow, like how God ordained our
marriage for a purpose greaterthan we could do on our own, and
that book's by Francis Chan.
Speaker 1 (50:49):
Okay, yeah, he's got some good books Crazy Love so
many different ones.
Yes, well, thank you so muchfor your time, ashley.
It's been an honor getting toknow you and hearing your story
and I'm excited for your book.
You'll have to keep me postedon that as you come closer and
as you in the process.
I know it's quite the process,but it's a rewarding one.
(51:10):
So thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (51:12):
Thank you, speca, I've enjoyed this.
I appreciate your time too.
Speaker 1 (51:20):
Thank you for listening to the Once we Dare
podcast.
It is an honor to share theseencouraging stories with you.
If you enjoy the show, I wouldlove for you to tell your
friends.
Leave us a reviewer rating andsubscribe to wherever you listen
to podcasts, because this helpsothers discover the show.
You can find me on my website,speckhopoffcom.
Thank you.
Hey friends, welcome to the Ones who Dared podcast,
where stories of courage areelevated.
I'm your host, becca, and everyother week you'll hear
interviews from inspiring people.
My hope is that you will leaveencouraged.
I'm so glad you're here, ashleyIllig.
(00:25):
Welcome to the Ones who Daredpodcast.
I'm so excited to have you ontoday.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Thank you so much, Becca.
It's my honor to be here.
I'm looking forward to thisconversation.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Yeah well, you wear so many hats You're a writer,
you're a business owner, aspeaker, a podcast host.
I would love to know where thisjourney began for you of
discovering who you are and justreally unraveling some more of
that.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Oh yeah, well, let's just tell the whole story, yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Tell me everything.
Yes, tell me everything.
Well, you know, I thinkprobably a big part of my story
that you know your listenerswould probably relate with
started in college and evenbefore college I was would
probably relate with started incollege and even before college
I was sort of this overachiever.
I probably wouldn't have calledmyself that at that point, like
I was just this go getter.
(01:13):
I was always applauded for thatand so I just chased that
applause Again, not reallyrealizing it.
You know, at the time, ofcourse, retrospect as a grown
adult with just a differentperspective Now I can see that
happening at that point in mylife.
But I did.
I, you know I chased all of theyou know the honor roll and the
(01:33):
grades and the extracurricularsand the first places and the
you know all the athletic things.
And so I kind of find myself incollege.
I kind of find myself in collegehitting this wall of where am I
really trying to go.
You know, things had started tokind of fall out of control at
(01:54):
that point, with differentrelationships and really like
career wise, I loved the path Ithought I was pursuing at that
point, which was to be amagazine editor for in the
aviation industry, which waskind of a niche market at that
point this was in the early2000s especially for women, and
so I was kind of beingpositioned to, you know, kind of
fill this role of this bossbabe, career woman.
(02:17):
I had decided at that point inmy early 20s that I was not
going to get married, I was notgonna have any kids.
I was going to climb the youknow proverbial corporate ladder
in my heels and just like, doall the things and I think in my
head I was being rebellious.
But looking back I'm like no, Iwas actually following all the
rules.
I was following all the rulesthat everybody told me to do and
(02:40):
you know, found myself, like Isaid in college, I ended up just
in this crazy pursuit ofcontrolling something, because
so much of my life, like I said,was just kind of falling out of
control.
I was just really questioning alot of things.
Even though I looked good on theoutside, inside I was just sort
of, like you called it,unraveling, and I developed a
(03:01):
really crazy obsession with bodyimage and food and exercise and
a three-day or athree-workout-in-a-day program
was like very normal for me.
Whoa, three times a day, yeah,it was completely like I said,
it was an obsession and I wascounting, like the calories in
my sticks of gum, you know, andliving on pots of coffee, like
(03:22):
it was completely.
It was completely justdestructive.
And again, I didn't even knowit or maybe I was in denial
would be a better way to say itbecause you know, my mom and
loved ones and friends would say, you know, hey, have you eaten
anything today?
Or hey, do you want to maybeskip that last kickboxing class
(03:44):
or whatever it was?
And I was like you're looking alittle ragged, you know, but no
, that's so that you know toanswer your question.
That's sort of like where it allkind of started with this, like
just this unraveling, thisshattering of what I thought
maybe my life was supposed tolook like.
And I, like I said, I thinkdeep down I knew this isn't
(04:06):
gonna last, like this isn't good, and that's I mean.
Really.
That's where I met Jesus.
That was at that point that year, it was my sophomore year in
college, and I just literallycollapsed one day in my
apartment floor and Jesus met methere and it wasn't an
overnight thing, but hedefinitely found me there and
(04:28):
I'm going to do a huge fastforward just for perspective.
But I'm married, been marriedfor 21 years now, I have five
children, and so this whole andI have run businesses.
Now I dropped the corporatething, my husband and I pursued
entrepreneurship for the last 20years and I love it and but I
would have never written thatstory for myself at that point,
you know.
Yeah, but yeah, it was sort ofthis whole unraveling I love
(04:53):
that word of what I thought lifewould look like and how God was
like.
Okay, now that I have yourattention, can we maybe redesign
this to be something that'smaybe not all about you and what
you think it should look like.
So, yeah, just a purpose beyondmyself, I think, was maybe the
game changer for me.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Yeah, and it's interesting in the beginning,
when you were sharing your story, is that you know, some of the
our behavior the ones that arepraised is reinforced right.
So it's like, oh, you're doinggood and you're doing this right
.
So we tend to do the thingsthat people applaud us for and
we feel like, oh, I need to domore of that.
And there's this sense forachievement, for striving.
(05:33):
But then there's a tension instriving because, as high
achievers, we come into thiswrestling of doing versus being,
and I'm curious to see how youexperience that in your own life
, that tension of doing versusbeing, and I'm curious to see
how you experienced that in yourown life, that tension of doing
versus being.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, absolutely.
And I would say it's a tensionI still wrestle with, even today
, because I don't thinksurrender is a one-time thing
and I think God likes it thatway.
I think it keeps us dependenton Him.
It keeps us, you know, daily,or even hourly some days, like,
(06:10):
okay, god, I'm so sorry.
I've been striving again, I'vebeen trying to hold all this,
I've been trying to whiteknuckle this plan or this
project or this thing that Iknow you've called me to.
And here I am trying to do itall in my strength again.
And when we surrender it, whenwe lay it down, um, when we
don't pursue other people'sapplause over um, just that
(06:31):
quiet, you know, well done.
That, I think, is really whatwe're after.
Um, yeah, we can find ourselvesin a really crazy spot.
And the tension for theoverachiever, from my position,
from my perspective, is we knowwe're created to um, to use all
of our gifts and our talents,and there's no need to silence
(06:54):
that, there's no need to playsmall in that.
Uh, I will never be the one tosay, you know, just sit down and
be quiet because you'restriving, um.
But yes, there is this tensionof striving versus stewarding,
you know, and the stewarding issort of that polar opposite of
doing it all on our own strengthversus stewarding what God has
(07:18):
given us and linking arms withHim and moving forward in those
things.
And, like I said, you know thisis a daily tension for me.
I know I'm called to a lot butI can't white knuckle it all and
make it count, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
And I also love how you advocate for dreaming big,
being bold and stepping into ourpurpose, into our calling,
because I think as women, wehave so many roles right and
expectations too that are placedon us by society or maybe even
our families and in ourcommunities, and sometimes that
(07:56):
tension or that wrestling isthere's expectations, that
there's a box that we're put in,but sometimes we have so much
more inside our hearts andthings that we're dreaming about
, things that are part of thegifting and calling who we're
made to be, and so to operate inboth can be really challenging
(08:17):
sometimes to do all the thingsand be all the things.
And so how do you I don't wantto say the word balance because
I don't really believe inbalance fully.
I think there's seasons andthey're different.
Sometimes you need to do alittle more of X versus Y in
different seasons and sometimesthere's different alignment.
So how do you navigate that oftrying to wear all the hats and
(08:42):
dreaming big and allowingyourself the space to step and
walk into who you feel like youwere made to be and still doing
all the responsibility?
You have five kids youmentioned, and you also told me
that one of them is adopted, sothere's a whole lot at play here
At the Once For a Day podcast.
Giving back is part of ourmission, which is why we proudly
(09:02):
sponsor Midwest Food Bank.
Here's why Midwest Food BankPennsylvania distributes over
$25 million worth of foodannually completely free of
charge to over 200 nonprofitpartners across PA, new York and
New Jersey, reaching more than330,000 people in need.
(09:26):
Through their volunteer-drivenmodel and innovative food rescue
programs, they turn everysingle dollar donated into $30
worth of food.
Now that's amazing.
Join us in supporting thiscause To learn more or to give
go to midwestfoodbankorg slashPennsylvania.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
There's a lot.
Yeah, there is, and I guessthat's you know where God has
met me and just said like I'vegiven you these kids, I've given
you these dreams, don't try's.
You know where God has met meand just said like I've given
you these kids, I've given youthese dreams.
Don't try to, you know, don'ttake them from me.
Like, let's do this together.
You know which, again, easiersaid than done.
Yes, and so you mentionedseasons.
(09:59):
And you know we've been like Isaid, we've been growing
businesses for 20 years.
And you know we've been like Isaid, we've been growing
businesses for 20 years.
We our oldest is about to turn15 and our youngest is three.
So there's been many, manyseasons where it's just all
hands on deck with, you know,babies.
We get our first three boys inthree years, and if you ask me
(10:20):
about any world events thathappened between 2010 and 2013,
I literally have no idea aboutanything going on in the world,
because I was changing diapers,I was nursing a baby, I was just
full into keeping three humansalive and um, and we were also
growing our first businessduring that season too.
So it was bonkers and um, butso again.
(10:47):
So, from my perspective, I'mtrying to answer your question
of you.
Just, you just can't, youliterally just can't do it all,
and I don't believe in balance.
You can't do all the things.
Well, um, you know, my husbandand I just recently recorded a
podcast on the big ideas podcastthat I host, and we talked
about how we did thingsdifferently, you know, 10 years
(11:07):
ago, 15 years ago, versus evennow, which we started another
company just three years ago, soanother business sort of in its
infancy.
It's basically the same age asour toddler.
We tend to do all the thingsall at the same time, and so,
you know, I think I'll say itthis way so one of my, one of my
(11:30):
mentors, has said one time andthis has just stayed with me for
a long time that she said youcan do anything you want life,
you just can't do everything andyou can't do it all at once, or
you can't do everything all atonce, and that's both like
honest, and then it's also likea deep exhale for me because you
know I'm like okay, so I can, Ican take care of this now.
(11:53):
This isn't going to, this otherthing isn't going to go
anywhere.
You know, I can come back to it,but, and I think the biggest
thing is just letting otherthings go.
You know we don't have time fordrama, we don't have time for
maybe keeping up with, you know,things that for us are not
priorities.
It definitely keeps yourpriorities in focus.
(12:17):
You know, those top items thatare on the like must do taking
care of your children, or, buteven taking care of your
children, there can be a wholetier that the world would call
important and for me I'm like,well, I'm going to say no to
that because it doesn't serve mein this season right now.
You know, I'm not the room momwhich we homeschool, but like
(12:40):
I'm not like the assistant coachto my kids teams, or I'm not
the one signing up to do all theextras, or you know, even meal
planning, I mean all my.
You know we eat together mostnights but I don't go overboard
with meal planning because Ijust can't.
It's not a strength of minealso.
But you know, like, in a verypractical way, I just I let
(13:01):
things go and I have peace aboutit.
I try not to compare myself towhat everybody else is doing
with their kids, because my lifejust doesn't look like theirs.
You know, one of the reasons wehomeschool.
It was not for a badge of honor, it was not to say look at one
more thing I'm doing.
It's to say I can't meet theseteachers' expectations.
I can't answer to one moreperson.
(13:27):
I need to.
I need to be able to start atnoon if we need to some days.
I need to be able to have.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Fridays off sometimes , if we need to.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
You know I need to be able to sleep in sometimes, or
let my kids sleep in, or youknow work later or whatever it
might be.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
So um, yeah, and the homeschooling also gives you the
flexibility, like if you wantto take a trip somewhere or do
something as a family, where youare entrepreneurs.
So that is a flexibility thatyou do want to have as well.
The other piece of wisdom, too,that I heard someone say is
that whenever we are doingsomething, we're exchanging it
(13:59):
for something else.
So every time you make a choiceof how you're going to use your
time, it's always an exchange.
So every time you make a choiceof how you're going to use your
time, it's always an exchangebecause, for example, you can't
work out at the same time thatyou're sleeping in or you're
doing this task, you're you haveto let.
Perhaps you know your laundryis going to have to wait, or
something along those lines, andso it is.
It's always an exchange.
(14:20):
And I love how your friend oryour coach said that you know
you can do it all.
You just can't do it all atonce at the same time, and you
know it's being realistic aboutwhat we can accomplish.
And I think that I don't knowabout you, but I feel like the
older that I get, the more Ivalue my time.
And you also mentioned like nothaving time for drama and all
the things that are time suckersthe things that are time
(14:45):
suckers because even if they'renot physically taking up time,
but the mental space too, canreally be draining and take you
away from the more of the highcaliber things that you need to
be doing or you feel called todo.
So we have to be reallypurposeful of where our
attention goes, where our timegoes, if we are going to operate
on a high level place and alsobe making an impact and being
(15:07):
there for our families andeverything else.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
So yeah, yeah.
And in addition to protectingour time, like protecting our
peace.
You know, if it's a peacestealer, even if it's maybe
doesn't take up that much time,but if it's not bringing you
peace or serving that purpose,you know, I think that can be a
real sneaky way to, you know,not show up fully where we need
(15:29):
to.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Yeah, I'd love to get a little more insight into you
shared, how you wrestle with thetension of showing up in a way
that God wants us to and alsojust being able to use our
giftings, our callings, in thisdriving versus like, just
surrendering and allowing God toto just do his thing.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Yeah, yeah, and I think you know, going back to
that whole identity of anoverachiever, you know, and just
acknowledging that there's that, that's there.
But then also it's kind of likeyou know, until you can admit
that this is here, you can'treally move past it, you know,
and so not throwing any otheroverachievers under the bus, you
(16:18):
know, we're like, we're all inthis together, yeah, and it's
funny, as soon as you kind oflike admit like I'm, I'm an, I'm
a high capacity tend tooverachieve person, everyone
else is like, oh, me too, andyou know, and you're like okay,
so now that we've solved that,like, let's talk about what this
looks like.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Yeah, let's be honest now, right, it's like trying to
cram in more than you think youcan and I tend to do that
sometimes, where I think I havemore time than I do, and then
it's like, oh, I can't do allthe things that I set out to do,
and sometimes you have to say,okay, I need to let go.
How do I, um, slim some of thisdown, and what are some things
that I should be focusing on,and perhaps a little more, what
(16:56):
are some things I can let go of?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
yeah, and I I think for me it took me number one
admitting that and then, likeyou, kind of hitting this wall
of like, okay, I can't continuelike this.
You know, this isn't, thisisn't good for me, this isn't
good for the people around me.
I'm getting a little snappywith my kids, you know.
I'm getting frustrated oversilly things.
Like I'm definitely capped atthis point.
So I started asking myself whyam I doing this?
(17:28):
Like?
Who am I trying to perform for,or who am I trying to make
happy, or who am I trying tomeet their expectations?
And and why?
So just a big, you know,questioning of did somebody tell
me that I needed to be likethis?
Did I set my own expectations?
Do I have this weird narrativein my head that's just really,
really loud, and the answer isyes to all of these things, and
so I've really had to startuncovering.
(17:51):
Well, who said that I need tobe the answer person?
Who said that you know, when myhusband has a bad day, that it
means I now have to be the oneto fix that.
That means I now have to be theone to fix that.
When my kids are going throughsomething, who said that I now
have to be the one reading 20books about this one thing, and
not anything against parentingbooks.
(18:13):
I mean, I have a whole list ofmy favorites.
But when we show up in thatspace thinking let me just learn
everything I can get so that Ican solve these problems and I
can be the answer and I can bethe source, you know, for all of
these people, for my employees,you know, like they're having a
bad day or they need to learnthis it's like, or they don't
show up one day, so let me jumpin.
(18:33):
Oh, look, they're not showingup for a whole month.
Let me just drop everything.
And you know, no-transcript.
Why does?
Why?
Is that fulfilling to you?
(18:53):
Like, why is that the reasonthat you're just wearing
yourself out and beingcompletely ragged and not
showing up in the space whereyou're really called to?
Because you're so busy beingthe yes person or, you know,
trying to, trying to appeaseeverybody else, and so that was
a huge surrender of like, okay,god, and so that was a huge
(19:19):
surrender of like, okay, god, I,I trust you to show up better
than I could, or I trust you toput somebody in place that can
show up better than I could foryou know the things that maybe
you know work-wise oradministratively.
I would show up to, like, helpmy husband with you know things
like that so that I can show upand be his wife.
You know the things that only Ican do versus you know, let me
(19:40):
go reply to that golf cartdealer, or let me go help, you
know, organize the bills of saleor whatever it might be.
You know, or, or whatever allthat, just again, just things
that I, I would get thatimmediate dopamine of like yep,
that was me, I did that, so gladyou could count on me.
You know, yeah, and it was likeI started craving that immediate
(20:03):
gratification of like yes,thank you, ash, thanks for being
there for me, and deep down, itwas really making me ragged and
not allowing me to show up.
Like I said, you know thethings that really mattered.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
I love that you were able to be really honest with
yourself about that, because Ithink that a lot of us may get
our validation in differentforms right, but we may not
admit that.
But for you to see that and belike, wait, why?
Why is this making me feelvalidated?
And you know I'm just wearingmyself out by trying to solve
(20:37):
everyone's problem, be all thethings, which is so relatable,
right?
I think a lot of listeners canrelate to that.
Where we think we have to,especially as women, I think you
know we have this nurturingtendency to whether it's our
kids or families or friends orcommunities that we want to jump
in and help rescue and be thatperson.
But that's not always our joband and sometimes I had to also
(21:00):
just ask myself this questionthat, um, am I doing this out of
love or am I doing it out ofobligation?
Or like, what is, what is mymotive for going and helping
this person?
And you know people need helpand all of that.
I'm not knocking that helpingthis person, and you know people
need help and all of that.
I'm not knocking that.
There's a time and place for allthings, but I think just
examining our hearts of likelike you are honest with
(21:22):
yourself and saying, hey, why isthis making me feel validated?
Or making me feel like, yeah,this has given me that dopamine
hit.
Like, yeah, I did it, I solvedthis problem, and or it could be
.
You know, you feel validatedbecause you're seen or whatever
it is and I think, just beinghonest.
So sometimes I would just runthis filter, like, am I bringing
this person a meal out of loveor am I doing it to be validated
(21:46):
or to be seen or to be, um, youknow, to feel good myself, that
I'm doing something good, or isthis something out of love?
I think if we, if we, do thingsout of love, there is no wrong
way about about going about itRight, because if it's out of
love, then not only does itserve that person in the best
way, but it also it doesn't messwith us.
(22:07):
I don't know if that makessense.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, and I think I think too,one of the hard parts, like as,
as we're talking this through,I'm like we can't not
acknowledge also the fact thatsome people aren't ready for us
to stop showing up to bevalidated.
They've also gotten used to usbeing like you can count on me,
(22:30):
I'll be there, and all of asudden we're kind of like you
know what I can't today or youknow what, I'm so sorry, but
you're going to find somebodyelse to do that.
That's not always met with like, oh, I love how you're
personally growing here andyou're setting boundaries and
you're not seeking validationfrom me, like that's not always
how the conversation goes and so, again, just being okay and let
(22:56):
maybe God work that through.
Obviously you're not doinganything hurtful or like
spiteful or like, well, I'm sosorry, you know.
It's not like you're showing upugly, like you said.
You're doing things with loveand the source and motivation is
love for them, love for you andtrusting that God will show up
and meet the need that theystill have.
It's just not all on you.
(23:19):
But yeah, that that tension isreal because I have lived very
recently where you know wetalked about you know before we
started the episode of just theseason of summer and you know
just the shift in our some ourfamily rhythms and things like
goals and things.
It's peak season for a lot ofour businesses and so there's
(23:42):
just a lot happening, a lot ofmoving parts and a lot of people
that need us and so, yeah, thattension of like I'm so sorry I
can't be there to do that today.
Yeah, oh, but you were lastmonth.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
You know, right, right, and I think too, like you
know, there's a.
I don't know about you, but forme there's a desire to make an
impact or a desire to be a lightin the world and to um, to
serve and, you know, to be thehands and feet and just be
available for people.
I do want to do that, but I alsofind a lot of women are getting
really burnt out because theyare trying to do everything and
(24:17):
go and solve everyone's problem,meet everyone's needs, and then
, when they need something,they're highly offended that
people aren't reacting in thesame way.
And it's like, well, who toldyou that that was what your
responsibility to begin with andthat you should drop everything
, even maybe perhaps your familyreally needed you not to at
that moment, but you did, andthen you feel like I've done so
(24:37):
much for you and you're notdoing it back for me.
It's like that's a time andplace to kind of examine some of
that, because if we're reallywearing ourselves thin, because
we're trying to do everythingfor everyone without ever
considering ourselves and ourimmediate world, that can take a
toll.
Yeah, you know, and I've seenthat time and time again,
(25:03):
especially in women, because wetend to just want to help
everybody.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Yeah, yeah, and I've seen it from.
I'm sure I've put myself inthat position, but I've
definitely seen it more recentlywhere it gets turned on you,
you know, and the person whomaybe did show up out of
obligation or you know, lookingfor that applause or looking for
(25:26):
that validation, looking forthat, you know, I felt needed
and I showed up and it gave methat, you know, that boost.
And then when they need you andyou're not available, like
legitimately not available, andthey're like but you owe me
almost kind of a mindset andright, it's exactly, it's
exactly what you're talkingabout.
So it's hard to be on both endsof that.
You know you certainly canguard yourself from being there,
but then maybe, when you're onthe flip side and you're like I
(25:49):
never asked you to you know,find yourself ragged for all of
these things.
Yeah, so yeah, Women have to becareful.
We have a lot yes a lot tocarry.
There's a lot going on in ourhearts and, yeah, just you know,
leaning in, staying close tothe Lord and just keeping His
(26:10):
voice loud, louder, the loudestFor me.
That's changed everything forme and it's allowed me to sit in
that tension of they'vemisunderstood me or they don't
understand what my motives areand I've done everything I can
do to explain them.
But maybe they're still hurt ormaybe there's, like I said,
(26:33):
just misunderstanding.
Maybe they're still hurt, ormaybe there's, like I said, just
misunderstanding, but beingokay with that, knowing that you
know God's in control.
God will work things out.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
And, at the end of the day, you're listening to Him
.
How do you, as a high-capacitywoman with five children, a
business, multiple businessesyou're launching kids business
day, which I also want to getinto.
Um, how do you prioritize yourhealth and your wellbeing Like
first and foremost?
How is that?
How do you navigate that?
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Yeah, um, well, you know, coming from like that
story I told you from college,um, I work out.
Today I don't don't do thatanymore and I'm in my 40s now,
and so you know, my physicalbody needs are completely
different.
I've had, you know, I've hadfour of the five kids.
The fifth labor and deliverywas I was 40.
(27:29):
And it was pretty traumatic.
There was some emergencyprocedures going on there and so
the recovery was, you know, notas expected.
And yeah, so, prioritizing myhealth though I mean it's, it's
not selfish, it's it's showingup for yourself so that you can
(27:50):
take care of others.
You know, it's the analogy ofputting on your own oxygen mask
so that you can help saveeverybody else.
So you know, from like apractical standpoint, I do
weights.
I do do more heavy weightsthese days than I do, like I
used to do, just a ton of cardioand my knees, you know, don't
like that anymore.
But yeah, I take vitamins, Itake supplements.
(28:13):
You know, like whole foodsupplements.
Take vitamins, I takesupplements, you know, like
whole food supplements.
I sleep without apology.
I used to just run myself likeI'd call myself a night owl and
then I'd also call myself anearly bird and I'm like mama
needs sleep now.
So, you know, I prioritizesleep.
I have an app on my phone thattells me when to start kind of
(28:35):
winding down and turn off theblue lights, and I listen to it.
And you know, I have teenagerswho want to stay up late and
talk, and I have a toddler whowakes me up early, and so it's.
I live in the tension of all ofthat where, again, I want to be
there for everybody, but I can'tevery single day like in that
(28:57):
kind of a capacity.
So, um, you know, a couple ofnights a week, you know, hang
out with the teams and, um, youknow, talk about whatever they
want to talk about, which isusually just listening to them.
Um, be silly boys.
And um, and my toddler, youknow he'll, sometimes he'll just
come and snuggle with me in bedbecause I'm like I'm not ready
to get up yet.
I know you are, but I'm not.
(29:18):
Yeah, but yeah.
So, you know, stayingphysically active, I try to walk
whenever I can.
I try to do stuff with my kidsso that they have an example of
that, without being obsessive.
But seeing what health lookslike, you know, eating all these
snacks, you know that sort ofthing.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
I'm curious what the name of the app is that you
mentioned that helps you winddown, because I'm sure some
listeners are like what is the?
Speaker 2 (29:45):
app yeah, it's called Rise, okay, yep, and it just
goes through like aquestionnaire of what you are
looking for, what your lifelooks like, what some of your
goals are.
What you are looking for, whatyour life looks like, what some
of your goals are, yeah, and soit'll send cues for, like, when
(30:05):
your best sleep time is.
So I know some people's likecircadian rhythms are different,
so they can go to bed later andtheir body rejuvenates at that
different time.
So, yeah, it kind of gives youlike your prime sleep hours, how
much sleep you need, what yourrhythms look like, and then, if
you want it to, it'll prompt,gives you like your prime sleep
hours, how much sleep you need,what your rhythms look like, and
then, if you want it to, it'llprompt you during the day.
Like it actually tells me inthe middle of the day I think my
time is like around 1.30, whereit's like this is your low
(30:27):
energy day, so like I'll go andget more protein and I'll get
moving.
Like it's not my prime time tolike sit and write, for instance
.
That time for me is like 1030in the morning, so it just kind
of helps shape my day.
I'm gonna align my day as bestas I can with how my body is
shifted.
And you know so.
(30:48):
Like we don't start homeschoolat 130 in the afternoon, you
know like we start earlier, whenmy brain is fresh obviously the
kids are fresh and usually likearound the three, 30 mark is
when I'm ready for like the nextswing of like the day, you know
(31:08):
.
So that's usually when I'll gofor a walk, I'll do some weights
just get the endorphins going,get the blood flow going, when I
would most likely probablyprefer to sit and rest at that
point.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
I've kind of trained my body to know like this is
where we get up and move now soyeah, that's good get ready for
the evening it is interestingtoo how we how much I mean I
don't know if it's because Ijust turned 40 and I'm aware of
all the things but you know theway to vest and the protein that
you need to take and strengthtraining and sleep and how
(31:35):
important that is.
And, like you, I used to runmyself thin and be caffeinated
and all the things.
Now I'm like I can't havecoffee past noon because I know
that my body's going to have aharder time falling asleep and
prioritizing lifting weights andhaving more protein and staying
off sugar and alcohol and allthose things that are not good
for my body.
(31:56):
Because it's so important forus to take care of ourselves,
like you said, you have to putthe mask on you first, before
everyone else, and I think, aswomen too, we tend to take care
of everyone else and forget thatactually our health is so
important If we're going to bearound for our family, our loved
ones, like we need to make thata priority.
We need to make a priority tomove, to eat healthy, nourish
(32:25):
our bodies and get sleep,because that is apparently like
one of the most importantpillars of health, right?
Speaker 2 (32:28):
It's like, yes, yeah, I think I was able to get away
with sort of cheating the system, and which I wasn't, but I felt
like I was getting away with it.
You know, in my early latetwenties, even early thirties,
where I'm like I can just drinka cup of coffee and it'll mask
what's really happening here.
You know, my brain was foggy.
I had postpartum depression foryears because I kept having
(32:51):
babies and you know, I wasthrowing my cortisol and my
adrenaline and everything justcompletely out of whack.
I couldn't fall asleep, muchless stay asleep, and all of
these red flags were happeningand I was like, it's fine, it's
fine, it's fine, I'm just goingto push through and keep looking
like I've got it all together,even though it's not working.
(33:12):
You know, I'm just going tokeep showing up and be the
person that everybody needs meto be, everybody expects me to
be, or the person that I thinkeverybody expects me to be.
Ooh, yes.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
You know, because sometimes we put that
expectation on ourselves Likewell, we assume people expect,
and it's like wait a minute, whotold me that?
This is what's?
Speaker 2 (33:31):
expected of me.
Yes, I think we do.
I think I definitely.
You know, I think creatives ingeneral, we're really good at
creating stories.
It's a gift.
But it's also like well, isthat story true, or did you just
make it up, or did you makethis story really embellished
and like really extravagant?
It's like so extravagant it'snot even true anymore.
(33:54):
I've caught myself doing that.
I love being creative, but Ihave created this whole
narrative that is not true andit's not serving me very well.
So, yeah, but yeah, wedefinitely have to be careful,
because sometimes I'll say likeI think my husband asked me to
do this and he was like I neverasked you to do that you know,
(34:15):
so yeah it's real.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
It is for sure.
Well, I'm curious to know whatinspired Kids Business Day, and
how did your faith play a rolein its creation?
Speaker 2 (34:26):
Yes, I love talking about this.
So we started homeschoolingabout eight years ago and, as
business owners, we wanted justa real life experience that we
could teach our children whatyou know brainstorming a
business, like creating abusiness idea and then bringing
it to life Like what does thatreally look like?
And so our first year ofhomeschooling I was like we're
(34:47):
going to do this, we're going totake a month off of our
curriculums and we're just goingto come up with a business.
We're going to create signs, Imean like poster board, you know
, like the kids were completelyin charge of all of it.
And I posted a little thing onour neighborhood Facebook page
and said hey, if anybody wantsto join us, we're going to meet
at the clubhouse two Saturdaysfrom now.
Come support the kids in theneighborhood with their
businesses.
And I had no idea who was goingto show up.
(35:10):
And we ended up having about 12families show up with their kids
, about ages 10 and younger,with just the cutest the cutest
ideas.
I mean, some kids were sellingtoys from their toy room and it
was very primitive.
My five-year-old I think he wasat the time my second oldest,
he was had just startedgymnastics and so he brought his
(35:32):
tumbling mat and he wascharging a dollar to teach you
how to do a somersault or acartwheel.
So it was just literallywhatever they were excited about
.
My oldest, who was six, wasselling ice cream from the
grocery store and he was justbasically reselling it, you know
.
And so it was just encouragingthat enthusiasm and building
their belief that they can comeup with an idea, they can show
(35:54):
up, they can make money from itand other people will believe in
their idea.
And, like I said, that juststarted in our neighborhood with
about a dozen friends and itjust kind of spiraled from there
.
So we hosted idea.
And, like I said, that juststarted in our neighborhood with
about a dozen friends and itjust kind of spiraled from there
.
So we hosted the next severalyears at our golf cart
dealership, which in our towngolf carts are a really big deal
.
They're like a big mode,they're like a major mode of
transportation.
So there's several dealershipsin town.
(36:16):
And so we used our parking lot.
There our company sponsored it.
We gave cash awards to topbusinesses for creativity
creativity, their display andtheir enthusiasm.
So it wasn't anything based onlike the actual product or like
how much money they made.
It was all about the thingsthat they could, that they could
(36:38):
control, and so, again, it wasjust I, you know, I stepped out
to do something for my familythat I thought they needed, and
realized real quick that therewere a lot of other families
that were like oh my gosh, thankyou for creating this.
We've, we love, we love thisidea, we love to be a part of it
, and this year will be ourninth year doing it.
(37:00):
It's moved into a huge parkarea in the middle of our town
now and we'll have, we'll haveover 100 young entrepreneurs
there.
The setups have been justamazing.
We've gone from I mean, westill celebrate, you know, the
lemonade stand, so to speak, andsome of those more, just, you
(37:20):
know, five years.
Well, it's, it's ages seven to14 now, and because we reward
with cash displays like the besttop, top three for displays,
it's amazing to see everybodykind of rise to the occasion of
what their displays look like.
I mean, we have youngentrepreneurs that show up in
(37:41):
their tents, look like it's aboutique, like a standalone
boutique, yeah, and that weaward enthusiasm, and so these
kids are just out there andthey've got dances, they've got
cheers, they've got, you know,all kinds of promotions that
they're out there just sellingtheir ideas and their stuff, and
we usually do it in September,right around the Patriots Day,
(38:04):
to celebrate and to honor thosethat were lost or served during
9-11.
And so it's a very patriotic.
We start with a moment ofsilence for that and then we
also pray before we start aswell, which is just a priority
for me and because I'm in charge, I make the rules, but I've
never had anybody give mekickback on those.
(38:25):
I mean, everybody's showing upto celebrate freedom and to
celebrate what we have the giftsand ideas to do, and so, yeah,
it's my favorite.
We're gonna start announcingthe event for this September and
registration will open up herereally, really soon.
So, yeah, we're excited, butyou can follow all of that.
(38:46):
It's got its own Instagramhandle at Kids Business Day.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
So, yeah, I love that .
It's almost like having alittle shark tank, but nicer.
Yes, that's amazing.
Has there been people thatwanted to invest in some of the
businesses that they created?
Has some of them took off?
I'm curious to see theevolution of some of those
ideation.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
Yep.
Several young entrepreneurshave their businesses now in
other department stores or otherlocal gift shops and or in the
mall.
So yeah, that's so cool.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
Yeah, way to go, ashley, for creating that.
That is just brilliant.
It's interesting how, wheneverwe do create something out of
our own need, there's so manypeople that respond to that.
Even this lady I wasinterviewing he was talking
about the art of hospitality andshe even said, like, sometimes
I host because I need that, butthen there's so many people that
(39:42):
also need that, and so she'slike you know, it could be even
like a selfish reason for saying, hey, I really want to have
connection with other people andso I'm going to open my space
and create, and there's so manypeople that are also craving
that same connection.
And so, whether it's inbusiness, like you're doing,
where people, families, are like, hey, I'd love for my kid to
you know, come up with an ideaand try to sell it and compete
(40:05):
and be around other people whoare excited about creating
businesses, it's an amazing,amazing thing that you're doing.
I love it so much.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
Thank you.
Yeah, it's very contagious,yeah, and we're making it.
I've got a lot of things in theworks right now to move it
beyond just the local event aswell, too, because there's a lot
of people that aren't you know,they just don't live here, but
they want to do something intheir town or in their
homeschool classroom.
I'm about to launch acurriculum that I've created for
young entrepreneurs, so I'mexcited about growing all of
(40:35):
that.
Yeah, a little sneak peek?
Speaker 1 (40:36):
Yeah, okay, I'd love that too.
That's amazing.
If you have a website for that,we can put that on our show
notes.
You're also working on a book.
Tell us a little bit about thatproject, if you're allowed to.
I don't know if you're allowedto reveal anything yet.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Yeah, no, it's definitely still in its early
stages.
But, yeah, the whole ideabehind the book is just a lot of
what we've been talking about.
It's just taking those seeingthe plot twist that God has.
Just well, not that God has,but the plot twist that we've
experienced in our life and howGod will help us kind of reframe
(41:11):
it and how he redeems thethings that we're like, oh my
gosh, what is happening?
And just kind of flipping thatscript to say, okay, god, how
are you about to show off,because I know you're going to,
you know, and just proving allthe ways over and over that he's
faithful.
And so, yeah, just so manystories and so many lessons.
It's going to be more of likean overachiever's guide to
(41:33):
learning how to surrender allthose things so that we can
really really write our greateststory and our greatest purpose.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
That's beautiful.
Well, I want to honor your timeand, as you know, my questions
as we wrap up is what is thebravest thing that Ashley has
ever done?
Speaker 2 (41:51):
Yes, well, I could probably say like decisions I've
made, but I honestly think,from a more like tangible thing
that I've done, to answer thatquestion I would probably say
adopting our daughter was just,it was bizarre honestly.
(42:13):
I mean, I'll give you the shortversion of the story just
because of time.
But you know, like I said, I'dhad three boys in three years
and it was kind of likeclockwork.
You know, like even my OB waslike your pregnancies and your
labors and deliveries are just,they're too easy.
Like don't tell these storiesto friends, like they're not
fair.
You literally show up, yousneeze, you have a baby and and
(42:35):
so it would have really beeneasy to, you know, say let's
just get pregnant again and haveour fourth child.
And my husband and I both justfelt over and over very
convicted, very clearly calledto pursue our daughter through
adoption.
And you know, one of the reallycool you know plot twist God
fingerprints in the whole thingwas, you know, when we first got
(42:58):
married, we were like, you know, you know, like everybody does,
we're going to have two kidsand we're going to name them
Owen and Hannah.
And so of course we you know,you know, like everybody does
we're going to have two kids andwe're going to name them Owen
and Hannah.
And so of course, we, you know,because we love a good plan, we
love to feel like we're incontrol of our life, you know,
right, right.
And so, yeah, so we had ourfirst son, owen, and then I got
pregnant again and we're like,well, surely this is going to be
Hannah.
This one feels very different.
(43:24):
Well, no, it was Dylan.
And then get pregnant again,and this is surely Hannah,
because that's what I plannedfor and that's what you know,
that's how this story issupposed to go.
No, it was Gavin.
And, hear me, I do not have anyregrets that I have three boys.
It was, you know, they're my,they're my heart.
But there was this piece of methat was like, okay, god, but
(43:49):
where's Hannah?
You know?
And, and, honestly, my husbandand I had both seen her in our
dreams, like we knew she wasthere, but we couldn't make
sense, we couldn't reconcilethis.
Okay, but we keep having boys.
So, um, and we, we had nevernot talked about adopting.
But again, because I gotpregnant and had such great
deliveries, it was sort of like,well, you know, we, maybe we
don't need to adopt, so to speak.
But, like I said, god and I'mgiving you the short version of
the story, but God really got ahold of us and was like your
(44:11):
daughter's out there and you'regoing to find her through
private adoption, and it wasjust overly confirmed, confirmed
, confirmed.
That's what we're going to doand so, other than being gender
specific, we sought out to findher and we didn't know what it
was going to look like.
We did not have the financialpiece in place.
I mean, it was a multi-multi,you know five figure number like
(44:34):
way up there, and we didn'tknow how all the pieces were
going to come into place and theway this works for our
situation.
Anyway, as soon as you getmatched, you need to write a
check for half of the amount,and so half of our amount at
that time would have been 25grand, and we had not anywhere
near that in our bank account todo it, and so even the
(44:54):
financial piece was just massiveto say, to say why this is one
of the bravest things I've everdone was for that.
For those reasons, I mean, wejust really put ourselves out
there of this.
You know, plan A of justgetting pregnant again seemed
like the easier thing to do.
We have no idea how we're goingto pay for this.
(45:14):
We have no idea what thisdynamic is going to add to our
already existing family.
We, we just don't know whatthat match is going to look like
.
Well, one of the coolest piecesof the story, like I mentioned,
the three boys when our daughterHannah, when her birth parents
matched with us, they literallychose us.
(45:34):
When they saw our little familybooklet thing when the agency
sends them that the very firstpicture on the cover was a
picture of our family, of course.
And they said they literallypicked us because they'd already
decided they wanted her to havethree older brothers.
Oh, my gosh, I know, I know.
And so as soon as she told methat, I just wept because I was
(45:56):
like God, you knew all the timesthat I wondered like, okay, I
love Dylan, okay, I love Gavin,but like, where's Hannah?
How many more pregnancies I'mgoing to have to do?
You know?
And it was literally the reason, you know that they matched
(46:20):
with us.
And so she, yeah, she's gotthree older brothers, just like
it was always planned.
Um, the financial piece is awhole podcast episode in itself,
but in the 11th hour peopleshowed up and said hey, how much
more do you need?
Let me write you a check.
Hey, how much do you need?
I've been saving this up for my401k.
Blah, blah, blah.
It's this much.
How much do you need?
Oh, it's that much.
To the penny like it was justamazing it was.
(46:43):
It was god's story, it's God'sdaughter and for a moment there
I started thinking that I was incontrol of you know, bringing
this girl home.
And again God just reminded me,like if you would just partner
with me and stop feeling likeyou've got to get ahead and
you've got to handle all thethings and plan it all and work
it all out, if you would justtake a deep breath and let me be
(47:05):
God, I've got this story down,like I've planned her life and
I've planned your life and allyour boys' lives.
You know, long before you knewabout any of it.
And so, yeah, it was.
I love telling that story, Ilove rethinking about that story
.
I've written blogs about all ofit, just because it builds it's
, it builds my faith.
So much of like when, when Iallow God to show up, he really
(47:27):
he's faithful.
Speaker 1 (47:29):
Wow, that's so beautiful.
Wow, wow, um, what is the bestpiece of advice that someone
gave you?
Speaker 2 (47:36):
Hmm, I would probably say it might honestly be what
we talked about earlier.
You know of.
You can do everything you wantin life.
You just can't do everythingall at once.
I really do think that's beenlike a pillar for me, because it
does.
It helps me kind of take a deepbreath and just get perspective
(47:57):
on.
It doesn't mean all your ideasaren't good, it just means you
just can't do them all at thesame time and so just finding
peace in that, I think it's juststayed with me.
I mean there's a lot of peoplehave been giving me great advice
, but I would say that'sprobably been a good one.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
That's a good one, especially for a high achieving
woman who's listening, or a man.
The other question that I haveis what are three pivotal books
in your life?
It could be at any period inyour life.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
Yeah, Um, I would say that's such a good question too
, and as a writer, you know wehave our libraries of books I
would say so, Bruce Wilkinsonwrote the Dream Giver.
Um, I don't know at what pointin his career, but that is the
Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinsonis definitely.
(48:47):
It's it's part fable, partteaching.
And it just talks about justyour dream and how to steward it
and what it's going to looklike when others don't believe
in it, and what it just lookslike from like a fable, from
like a story.
It's a boy named Ordinary, youknow, or it's a boy named
(49:10):
somebody who leaves the land ofOrdinary, you know, and it's
just beautiful, it's verypowerful.
It has stayed with me forever.
And then I would say JohnBevere's book X, which stands
for Multiply.
I've read that book every yearsince it's come out, like five
or six years ago now, and itjust talks about the importance
of letting God be the multiplier.
You know, the math that we cando is addition and subtraction,
(49:32):
but only God can multiply ourgifts, and really even more so
than that.
It talks about how you know, asChristian creatives, christian
business owners, we can maybeget in this mindset that if
we're not in ministryspecifically, that our gifts
aren't used to build the kingdom, but if we are profitable and
(49:52):
fruitful in all of our ways inthe marketplace, how useful that
is for the kingdom, and to notget confused about how our gifts
are used to build the kingdom.
So, yeah, that was really good,because we've always had
businesses in the marketplaceand always felt a call to
support kingdom growth as well,of course.
(50:12):
So the third one oh, I wouldprobably say you and Me Forever
which is just it's not amarriage book, but it's
definitely about a husband andwife and their calling and how
they are called to be togetherto pursue their purpose, and how
(50:34):
you're like I alone cannotpursue all the things without my
husband and vice versa, youknow, like how God ordained our
marriage for a purpose greaterthan we could do on our own, and
that book's by Francis Chan.
Speaker 1 (50:49):
Okay, yeah, he's got some good books Crazy Love so
many different ones.
Yes, well, thank you so muchfor your time, ashley.
It's been an honor getting toknow you and hearing your story
and I'm excited for your book.
You'll have to keep me postedon that as you come closer and
as you in the process.
I know it's quite the process,but it's a rewarding one.
(51:10):
So thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (51:12):
Thank you, speca, I've enjoyed this.
I appreciate your time too.
Speaker 1 (51:20):
Thank you for listening to the Once we Dare
podcast.
It is an honor to share theseencouraging stories with you.
If you enjoy the show, I wouldlove for you to tell your
friends.
Leave us a reviewer rating andsubscribe to wherever you listen
to podcasts, because this helpsothers discover the show.
You can find me on my website,speckhopoffcom.
Thank you.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.