Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I remember saying a
few times during the journey
that the unknown was one of themost painful parts.
Like the unknown, like whatwill happen?
Will I ever be a mother?
I mean I just, and because itwas 10 years for us, I really
there was times where I was likeI don't really know.
I mean, like you know, I reallyquestioned, like well, so my
(00:21):
husband is adopted and so we'vehad a heart to adopt from the
beginning of our marriage.
I would say really, and but wethought maybe we would like I
would conceive first, you know,and that just didn't happen.
So it was about seven years ofinfertility.
We went to doctors and therereally wasn't that clear of an
(00:43):
answer.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Hey friends, welcome
to the Ones who Dared podcast,
where stories of courage areelevated.
I'm your host, becca, and everyother week you'll hear
interviews from inspiring people.
My hope is that you will leaveencouraged.
I'm so glad you're here, caraStout.
(01:10):
Welcome to the Once we Dearpodcast.
I'm so honored to have you onhere today.
Thank you, svetka, I'm excitedto talk to you.
Yeah, so I love that there's somuch to your story.
You recently just released abook called An Untroubled Heart
Finding Peace when Life FeelsLike Too Much and I know in all
humanity we've all been inseasons where it just felt
(01:32):
really overwhelming.
And there's so many points andI'm excited to get into your
story.
But before we do that, kara isa writer, a wife, and you adopt
a mom who's living in LA.
You also have a bachelor'sdegree in psychology and a
master's degree in counseling,so that's actually an
interesting background for allthe suffering and different
(01:53):
things you've been through,right?
Yes, yes, yeah, and I'm curiousto see what got you into going
into psychology and counselingto begin with.
Was it in the middle or beforeall the things happened?
Speaker 1 (02:08):
So it was definitely
before.
So, yes, I went to for myundergrad psychology and then
from Arizona State University,then moved to Chicago for
graduate school for counseling.
I was a school counselor therefor several years, also did
(02:28):
therapy as well, and then I hada carotid artery dissection
which I share a little bit aboutthat in the book which made me
have a medical.
I took a medical leave ofabsence from work.
My career path has definitelybeen winding and then right
around, well actually beforethat, that's when my dad passed
(02:50):
away.
That was my first experiencewith loss.
Then I went to the directioninto nutrition for several years
and then into writing, and so,yes, it's so incredible right to
see what God, how he useseverything that we, you know,
our education, our experiencesto bring us to these points in
(03:14):
life comes together in this book, as well as my own personal
experiences that I share thatare related to faith.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Yeah, yeah, so many
people might not know what that
is.
Would you walk us through whathappened and how you found out
about?
Speaker 1 (03:41):
it?
Great question, absolutely, oh,I had no idea what it was
before.
Yeah, so I was in my latetwenties.
I was in the middle of spinclass, working out, and I felt
like I was going to faint.
So I left and thank God I hadmy phone and we lived across the
street at the gym at the time.
(04:01):
Also, this was exactly onemonth after we had gotten
married, which was crazy timing.
So I had all the symptoms of astroke I had numbness and
tingling in my arm, loss ofspeech, lost sight in my left
eye.
So it was not a stroke, praiseGod.
(04:22):
So it was not a stroke, praiseGod.
It's called a TIA, for short,transient ischemic attack and so
.
But I had to be on bloodthinners.
I was in the hospital for fivedays and then it continued on
three and a half months.
I had to be on blood thinnersat home and I was just very weak
for about a year.
I remember it took about a year, full year, to feel like better
(04:46):
, you know, and then it got.
I got stronger, but anyway,that's why I took a medical
leave and, um, that was a greatexperience in the sense of
feeling God's peace even in thatum something so scary, uh
sounding.
It was incredible that I had somuch peace in the middle of it.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yeah, is that when
you started writing?
Was that when your journey inwriting kind of began?
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Actually no, my
writing really began after I
lost my mom, so I've lost bothparents.
Both parents passed away fromcancer.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Thank you, thank you
so much.
Yeah, and so, yeah, I lost mydad.
They were 12 years apart.
Where I lost them, 12 yearsapart, and so it was really when
I started walking with my momthrough her cancer journey,
that's when the words juststarted pouring out and I
couldn't help but talk aboutwhat I was witnessing, like how
(05:45):
good he was even in the middleof like heartbreak and suffering
, and the joy that I felt, thatmy mom felt, and so I just
started writing so that I wouldsay I mean, I've always loved
writing, but really writing onsocial media, um, that was about
six years ago.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
And when your anxiety
was at your worst, what did it
look like and what did you do tofind that peace?
Speaker 1 (06:10):
So I would say it was
at different points in life.
So, like going back to thecarotid artery dissection, I was
in the hospital and I did notfeel anxious.
God really protected me andcovered me.
But then, when I got home fromthe hospital, that's when I was
starting to feel really anxious.
God really protected me andcovered me.
But then, when I got home fromthe hospital, that's when I was
starting to feel really anxious.
I was worried it was going tohappen again or a stroke.
(06:34):
You know, I just remember thatfeeling anxious and what I did
in that moment was I justcontinued to pray and the more I
prayed the more peace I feltand I just kept going to him and
he would relieve that and giveme, give me his peace.
Um, and I really think it'sbeautiful and something to note
that, um, that we feel God'scompassion in both instances.
(06:59):
Right, like I didn't feelanxious in the middle of that
incident, but I did later on andhe was compassionate when I
felt anxious, like it wasn't.
He came to me as his father andI think that's just so good for
us to remember that our anxiety,really it can lead us and
(07:19):
should lead us to God and to behonest with him when we're
anxious, like Lord, I'm anxiousand I, but I'm still choosing to
trust you, and so I'm coming toyou and I'm asking for help and
um, and I believe that'shonoring to him because that's
showing our faith in him and ourbelief in who he is.
Um, and so that's really myexperience through different
(07:42):
trials I've had where anxietyhas come, where I'm like, okay,
I'm feeling anxious, god, I'mcoming to you again, I'm
bringing you my worries, I'mbringing you my fears, my cares,
and it's just that continual,persistent relationship with Him
and prayer that I've reallyfound to significantly give me
that peace that only comes fromHim.
(08:04):
No-transcript doctors, all ofthat and then after somebody
(08:36):
passes away, the amount ofstress to put like all of pieces
together was that was very hard.
And again there was that for me, I was like God, I really need
you, like it was just again thatcontinual please help me, I
need you, and so yeah, yeah, andthat is that is definitely
tough to walk through a lovedone in that last stages of their
(09:00):
life, like cancer, where it'sjust eating away.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
I've experienced that
with my mom with breast cancer.
So, um, yeah, thank you, andyeah, it's.
It's rough because you get tosee them in their weakest state
and you know, you kind of holdon to hope and I don't know if
in your mom's case or not, um,if it felt like a roller coaster
ride where there was someglimpses of hope and things were
(09:23):
going to get better, and thenyou then it goes again where
things get bad and then they getbetter and you're like, okay,
she may live.
No, I don't think so.
Things are looking for him now,you know, and then, and I think
, just seeing them in the weakspot too, like you see a parent,
someone who was a strong, aloving, a kind person, just to
(09:45):
tear it in front of your eyes isreally.
I don't know about you, but forme it's like you have grief
before they die, because you'regrieving the person they once
were and then, upon the death,you're grieving that they're no
longer here.
And I knew your mom was anamazing pillar in your life too,
so that was a really big loss.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Definitely.
I feel like, exactly I love howyou worded all of that and
there's really, when you havethat close relationship with
your mom, there's really I mean,I don't really know of another
loss we're gonna experience tothat level.
I mean, you know, with themother, the mother who just
raised us and father, you know,but like that mother bond,
(10:29):
there's just something with that.
And can I ask how long ago didyour mom pass away.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
So just April 30th
was the six year anniversary.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Okay, so we're about
the same.
So my mom, it will be six yearsin November.
Oh wow, which is time is crazy,with grief.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
It is Because it's
kind of like how I've heard it
described is grief doesn't everreally go away.
It just is kind of like waves.
Yes, so in the beginning theintensity of the waves are
really big, but you still gethit by different triggers and
different things, and there'sthings that will remind you of
her and you know like in thebeginning I would just be like
(11:10):
bawling in the airport orsomething and I don't even care
who's looking Exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Yes, it's so true.
Yeah, we'll miss them until wesee them again, right?
So it's like, and then thegrief of not making new memories
with them is really hard.
Yeah, so it's like.
And then the grief of notmaking new memories with them is
really hard.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Yeah, yeah, so it's,
and I bet too, with having your
daughter Nora.
It's not having her there, beas a grandma and seeing the
process.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Yes, that's a whole
other layer of grief.
It's very painful at times andso that's it's.
So I always wonder if peopledon't have God in their grief,
like what do they do?
Like he really is the strengththat we have, when we cannot
even think, like I got to wakeup the next day, you know, when
(11:59):
it's early on in the grief, likeI've got to wake up the next
day and continue going in thisgrief or this peace.
That really truly does not makesense, right, this peace that
we, a peace and hope that wehave in heaven.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
So yeah, yeah, I
think for me it was just knowing
that she is in a better placeand, you know, there's no more
suffering, there's no moresorrow, yes, and that is
comforting.
A better place, and you knowthere's no more suffering,
there's no more sorrow, yes, andthat is comforting and so, yeah
, that was something that helpedme to kind of make peace with
it.
Yeah, you know, absolutely,absolutely, yeah.
(12:34):
Well, I'd love to get into youradoption story and your well,
your infertility journey, really, because that was a really,
really big process for you justto even get to adopt Nora.
And I'd love for you to just toshare of your process with the
listener, cause I know there's alot of women who are struggling
with infertility and I haven'texperienced it myself, so I
(12:55):
can't, you know, understand itfrom an experience perspective
that I have friends who have andit is a really, really rough
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Speaker 1 (13:44):
It definitely is.
I remember saying a few timesduring the journey that the
unknown was one of the mostpainful parts, like the unknown,
like what will happen?
Will I ever be a mother?
I mean I just, and because itwas 10 years for us, I really
there was times where I was likeI don't really know.
I mean, like you know, I reallyquestioned like well, and so,
(14:09):
okay, so it was 10 years for us,we, so my husband, is adopted
and so we've had a heart toadopt from the beginning of our
marriage.
I would say really, and but wethought maybe we would like I
would conceive first, you know,and that just didn't happen.
So it was about seven years ofinfertility.
We went to doctors and therereally wasn't that clear of an
(14:33):
answer, which you kind of think,on one hand, oh well, maybe
that's okay that there's noclear answer, but then it's like
no answers can help, you know,in that.
But we weren't really gettingclear answers of what exactly
was going on, and so, and then,after about year seven is when
and this was, this was after mymom passed away too is when we
(14:56):
started the adoption process.
So like there was that piece ofit too, of grief, but also,
like I know, I'm feeling thestirring to to pursue like
adoption, and that was aninteresting season to be in,
also walking through thatwithout my mom, right, like
talking to her about all of that, but anyway.
(15:16):
So, yeah, so it was three yearson the in the adoption journey
and that's hard too.
You know.
There's a lot within theadoption that is complex but
also very beautiful and it'sworth it.
But it can definitely be hardand there's challenges in that.
We had an adoption fall throughI talk a little bit about that
(15:41):
in the book and that's hardbecause you're preparing and
you're hoping, but you can't,like you don't want to do so too
much, because you're sort ofyou're guarding your heart, yeah
.
And so so we experienced that.
So we took we after the adoptiondidn't work out the first one,
(16:01):
we took a break to heal.
The first one, we took a breakto heal and, to be honest, I was
like I don't really know if Iwant to do like start again,
like after that, you know, andso my husband and I are both
like, okay, well, let's justkeep praying about it.
So we felt our hearts likeready again.
And then soon after we likewere open again to adoption and
(16:24):
started again the process.
We had our first conversationwith Nora's birth mom and that
was in June no, no, no, thefirst.
So we got an email, we saw herthe case in June.
We had our first conversationin July with the birth mom and
(16:46):
we really loved her we stilllove her and then now and then
Nora was born in August.
So it was just very sweet.
And I look at Nora now and I'mlike, yeah, like she was it all
along, she was our daughter, ourbaby girl this whole time.
(17:08):
God knew we just had to wait 10years for her.
And so in the waiting Idefinitely encourage people it's
hard, it's painful, but leaninto it, people.
It's hard, it's painful, butlean into it.
Lean into that season, becausethere's so much that God does in
the waiting season that hetransforms us a lot.
(17:30):
He grows us, he matures us andreally he prepares us for His
will to be done.
And that's definitely what Isaw Him doing in the 10 years.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Yeah, yeah, and it's
so powerful because you shared
too, how, a year from it was,almost a year after your failed
adoption, that you were just,you know, in a really a place of
a broken heart, of having thatadoption failed.
You guys, if you want to sharea little bit about that
(18:03):
experience where it was justkind of like really really
difficult for both of you youand your husband, experiencing
just it felt like there was nohope because you guys had
everything planned, you flew outto adopt these beautiful babies
and, yeah, tell us a littlemore about that moment exactly.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
yeah, they were twins
, twin boys.
Uh, for the, the adoption thatfell through, um, and yeah, we
flew out to the state our twodogs, cars, like well, the car
seats.
We got there because you haveto have car seats, yeah, and it
was right before her due date.
And then we we got a call onMonday morning and the lawyer
(18:43):
had said that the birth momchanged her mind and that she
couldn't parent.
But there was somebody in thefamily that was going to parent
and I remember it was extremelyhard for my brain to process
that at the time because I waslike wait what?
Because we were literallyphysically there at the time.
Cause I was like wait what?
(19:03):
Cause we were literallyphysically there and I just I
was crying so hard and I hadjust had.
This is such a gift from Godtoo.
A good friend of mine lived inthe state and so I had just seen
her for coffee and was drivinghome.
And I say that because weactually had to stay for several
days just to confirm that thiswas like not going to happen.
(19:24):
So we had to stay in this state, we couldn't fly home
immediately and I had thisfriend and her family that, like
in her group of women.
I went to their prayer groupone night.
Like these women just comearound me, like in this season,
right, like in the middle oflike this great suffering, like
these women, just like they werecrying with me, it was like
(19:46):
whoa God, like, yeah, like our,like our sisters that we haven't
even met, like just comingtogether.
It was beautiful, like it'smaking me tear up.
But um, but yeah, so, um, yeah,I hadn't thought about that in
a bit, but it was such a gift.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
But yeah, I think
just to know that you're not
alone in that season iseverything right, that's
everything.
I feel like we can go throughso much when we have a community
of people around us who arethere for us, who are rallying
behind us, even in your mostheartbroken state.
When you have someone who says,hey, I'm going to walk this
(20:22):
with you, even in your case ifit looked like just that day
people saying, hey, we'rehurting with you, yes, we've got
you, even if they were therefor just that one day, that one
stop while you were in thatstate, to know that you have
that backing and support is,yeah, I think that's so powerful
and so touching, you know.
(20:44):
And then, and then, on top ofthat, not having your mom there
in the middle of this heartbreakright, exactly so painful.
But then to be surrounded by acommunity to say, hey, we're
here for you and we're going tohelp walk you through that,
that's right.
Yes, you said that beautifully.
Yes.
What would you say to someonewho is in the middle of their
fertility journey or infertilityjourney and they just are
(21:10):
grasping for air and they justfeel like there is no hope?
And because you were there,what would you say to that
(21:57):
person?
I?
Speaker 1 (21:58):
would say, even
though it doesn't feel at times,
there's hope.
There is, there is hope, andwhat I really felt brought me a
lot of peace was the truth thatGod is sovereign and at the same
time, he's a personal God andso that there's both right.
(22:21):
So he's sovereign, we can restin His eternal plan.
He sees the whole picture.
Like I said, he saw 10 yearsbefore I did right.
He saw Nora, he saw theblessing that she was going to
be when I couldn't see clearly,when I was in the middle of
heartbreak and feeling, like God, what do I do with this?
(22:41):
And so a big lesson that I havelearned is that we can hold
both.
We can hold both that God isgood, god is sovereign, and also
that he loves us and that wecan be honest with Him and raw
with our like, tell Him, likeGod, I'm in pain, this waiting
is painful, so that's and that.
(23:01):
So, in that I have grown deeperin my relationship with Him and
there is such that sweet giftthat we get when we are honest
with Him and that intimacy grows.
So I would just say encourage tojust keep leaning on God and
then, when it's hard to trust onGod, and then, when it's hard
(23:26):
to trust, ask Him to help youtrust Him more.
I feel like that's something.
There's that hymn so Sweet toTrust in Jesus when it says oh
for grace to trust you more.
So that has been a prayersometimes for me, like give me
grace to trust you more whenit's painful.
And so I feel like that hasbeen really significant for me
(23:46):
is knowing both knowing God issovereign, he holds the eternal
plan, he has this grandperspective which we don't.
Our perspective is very, verylimited.
And, at the same time, knowingthat he promises to be with us
and with the woman who iswalking through this heartbreak
(24:06):
and this longing.
He's with her and he willalways be.
And so there is that comfort,there is that peace that comes.
That again just doesn't makesense when we are relying on him
.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Yeah, and then with
like processing grief, what
would you say to someone whojust feels ashamed, that they're
still sad, that they're stillgrieving?
What is you know, even fromyour counseling background, how
would you advise someone justlike processing in a healthy way
and having that shame, Like Ican't believe I'm still grieving
this?
Oh yes.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Well, I definitely
believe that shame is not from
God and that there is no shameever in the emotions that we
experience.
This life is hard.
Yeah, let's be real.
Let's be real.
This life is hard.
It's filled with suffering andtrials and difficulties and
anxiety, because this world, Imean, it's a broken world.
(25:08):
We're not in heaven, it's not,you know, we're not there.
But in the meantime, we haveGod to walk us through and there
is no shame ever.
I say this in the book, needingGod and needing his help.
And so I would just I prayright now that the shame would
be lifted off in Jesus' name,because that keeps us in bondage
(25:36):
, along with any fear orwhatever.
If we're going to God forhealing, that shame is just it's
bondage.
Going to God for healing, thatshame is just it's bondage.
And if we look through thescriptures, how honest David was
(25:56):
with his pain and Paul and hisweaknesses in, I mean, there is
this theme throughout of thesepeople of faith who, hannah, I
was just I'm reading, and I'mreading 1 Samuel right now.
1 Samuel and she.
In the first chapter it talksabout how she wept bitterly to
the Lord.
And there we see again, she'shonest, she was bringing her
anxieties, her grief of waitingand like prolonged waiting and
(26:22):
wanting a child Again.
There's that honesty, and itdidn't say in scripture that she
felt shame, like she was just.
I am weeping before you, lord,I am longing for a child, and so
in that verse, I have itwritten in here.
I wonder if I can find it fast.
(26:43):
Okay, I found it.
This is one of the entries, andit's titled Meeting God in your
Vulnerability.
So it's a lot of what we'retalking about and just the human
experience, how it's layeredwith emotions that can draw us
near to God.
And so these two verses in Psalm34, so it's Psalm 34, four
through five, and this is thenew living translation I prayed
(27:07):
to the Lord and he answered me.
He freed me from all my fears.
Those who look to him for helpwill be radiant with joy.
No shadow of shame will darkentheir faces, and I just love
that because it's like we seethose who look to him.
So so David um was experiencingthese fears, and we could say
(27:29):
other emotions too, right, um?
And but the key here is that helooked to him.
He looked to God for help, andso, and then it.
So he went from having fears tobeing radiant with joy after
seeking God's help.
That's powerful.
I feel like I mean, you know,when I think of different
(27:50):
experiences I've felt like fear,whatever, and then that he can
bring joy.
And I know I've experiencedthat with different times, with
my mom just feeling this joythat did not make sense in the
middle of what I wasexperiencing, but I know it was
only God.
And then there's that part noshadow of shame will darken
their faces.
So again, there's no shame everwhen we experience these
(28:13):
painful emotions and then,therefore, we go to God.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
Yeah, was there a
moment where you realized that
you had become stronger becauseof the pain or the suffering
that you endured?
Speaker 1 (28:26):
That's a really great
question, I think, yes, I think
it was when my mom wasdiagnosed, because after my dad
there were several years where Iwas so worried about my mom was
diagnosed.
Uh, because, because after mydad there were several years
where I was so worried about mymom, I was so worried I was
going to lose her too.
(28:47):
And I remember my sister sayingto me wow, like your faith is
very like I forget how shephrased it, but she had made a
comment Like I would have beenso worried about you just
falling apart a few years ago,uh, with now mom's diagnosis,
and and and so it was a commentabout that that she had
(29:10):
recognized, um, and thatstrength really I would
attribute to to God.
Well, I mean, how, um he gaveme strength, um, and also I
would just I my faith, I wasgoing to him and continually
praying to him and leaning onhim.
Um but yeah, I feel like thatwas the moment.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
Yeah, you also
mentioned resting in gratitude.
How do you particularly do that?
When your heart feels reallyheavy?
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Yes, resting in
gratitude, I think, because
really, if we take the time tozoom out and look around, we
really can see a lot of goodthat God is doing Even in the
middle of the hardest.
(30:04):
I mean, really, I saw so muchgood in the middle of the
hardest seasons.
I walked through Um, littlethings, big things, you know,
like um, little things, like oh,I shouldn't even say little,
but like, let's say, I wasdriving my mom one day and there
was a lot of traffic to hercancer treatment, but we laughed
(30:26):
about something, or like youknow just, or we worshiped to
our favorite, like we had thisCD, well you know, in her car
where we just would alwayslisten to these hymns together,
and there was so much peace andjoy.
And I have a video of her tothis day, like, where you can
hear her singing in thebackground.
(30:47):
I'm driving one of like I took avideo, and so I guess what I'm
saying is there's all blessings,even within the hard times, if
we really try to see.
So we open our eyes to that andthat is what I've really found.
There is so much to be gratefulfor and, as I say in the book
(31:11):
too, that he really and one ofthe things, too, with prayer is
that God is really the gift.
His nearness is such a gift andthere's so much gratitude.
I feel like if we remember theGod of the universe hears our
prayers, that's astounding andwhat a gift.
(31:32):
So I feel like there's a lot tobe grateful for in that that,
in my suffering, I can pray thatthat in my suffering I can pray
, yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
And don't you find it
that in your suffering is when
you kind of become moretenderhearted that things stand
out to you and because in asense you are stripped away of
other things that may be ablockage.
In a time of a high, you know,when you're on top of the
mountain everything is goinggreat and you feel really good
and maybe you feel powerful inyour own strength and your own
abilities and all the things.
(32:07):
But in the middle of thatvalley, where everything is
stripped away and there is somuch unknown, like, is my mom
going to make it or will I everbe a mother?
Will this situation ever have aresolution?
You, you're in a place ofvulnerability, but also in this
(32:28):
tenderness.
That is hard, but it's also sobeautiful absolutely yes, yes.
What do you hope um your book?
The untroubled heart will like.
What's the impact?
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I um I feel like
there's a couple of hopes that I
have for the book Um.
One is a lot that we're talkingabout um that women would
really um see God's goodness andfaithfulness and
trustworthiness um through someof the things that I share
(33:08):
personally, but also that itwould really that they'll see
for their own lives that it willreally help them see his
goodness whatever they'rewalking through, and his comfort
and peace and healing um asthey're walking with him through
the through the book.
So I wrote these words, butreally it's it's to through the
(33:30):
book.
So I wrote these words, butreally it's it's for them to be
um to draw near to God, um, andI also felt a need for the
evening, so it's a morning andevening.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Which is unique.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
A lot of devotionals
don't do that, so yeah, I really
had a heart for the eveningportion, um, and so that is
really the hope is for women tobookend their days.
So they start their days withGod, prayer, scripture, bringing
their worries or whateverthat's on their mind.
They bring it to God in themorning and then hopefully, you
(34:03):
know that will carry themthrough and they'll think about
what was that day's topicthroughout the day and then at
night they come to him again andif there's other worries or
just different things on theirmind at night because a lot of
times at night there's thingsthat we're working through, or
that's for me personally, when Iwas going through something
hard, or even now if I'm justexhausted, or you know, like
(34:27):
we've been talking about justthe different layers of grief.
Mother's Day is coming up andso it's also my birthday, so
it's like so this joyful yourbirthday is on Sunday.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Uh-huh yeah the 11th,
oh wow.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Yeah, yeah Well happy
early birthday.
Thank you, thank you.
So with that there's, like thiscelebration, but also I carry
the grief of, like my mom, youknow, and so there's this
holding this both um together,but I forget why I went all that
, uh, tangent, but so anyway.
So, oh, I know what I was goingto say.
So at night, um, as often whenI personally will like, tears
(35:03):
will come for me, and so youknow.
So you know, I felt that againthat that evening portion was so
necessary and needed, and soreally, that is building a
rhythm for each reader to go toGod morning and evening.
And then I'm prayerful thatthat will continue beyond the
(35:25):
devotional, beyond the 30 days,that they'll continually go to
God morning and evening andthroughout the day, um, and that
will build peace.
That will be built peace intheir, in their lives, and
that's my prayer.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Yeah, I love that.
Thank you so much for sharingthat.
Um, from a practical standpoint, what are some surprises that
you had along the way of yourinfertility and adoption journey
?
Maybe someone who's not verymuch aware of the subject?
What are some things that youwere surprised by as going
through it?
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Yes, so I was
surprised, I guess, by, I think
I was surprised by how muchharder I thought it was.
I mean, I know that might sound, I don't know, maybe I was
naive, but it's harder than Ithought it would be.
I think, because, again, that,um, you have, you have hope, but
(36:21):
you also, like, are continuallytrying to surrender to God.
You know, like, lord, your,your plans, your will.
But I'm also like, how do I notget too excited, how do I not
get too hopeful?
And so so that one thing too, I, for me, personally, is I had
(36:44):
mentioned that adoption iscomplex, and so when we so we
brought Nora home from thehospital, so she was born in a
different state as well, so weflew overnight, an overnight
flight, and spent the time,spent like a day, with her birth
mom, and her birth mom is trulya joy.
(37:06):
I'm so thankful for her, herbirth mom is truly a joy, I'm so
thankful for her.
And then, but when we wereleaving the hospital, it was
really hard because I could feelher birth mom.
I just felt like I could feelwhat she was feeling, and it was
hard, and so I felt a lot ofgrief, and so that first night,
(37:29):
I was really, really feeling thegrief that the birth mom may
have been feeling or most likelywas feeling, and so I was.
You know, it makes sense now onthe other side of it, but I
wasn't anticipating that intenseemotion for her, for the birth
(37:49):
mom, and so I was just prayingand praying, and Michael and I
continued her for the birth mom,and so I was just praying and
praying and we, michael and I,continue to pray for her birth
mom and um, and it's an openadoption which we are so
grateful for.
So Nora and her birth mom, Iwould love whatever relationship
unfolds Like I'm completely sohappy about.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
That's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Yeah, I think that's
so important If that's a
possibility.
That's not always the case, youknow, that's not always how it
goes.
So I feel like, so that was asurprise in the sense for the
grief for me about that.
But again, everyone's journeycan be different.
Some people don't get to meetthe birth moms, so I think it's
(38:33):
really really being submittedand surrendered that God's will
will be done and just prayingfor that.
We prayed all throughout likeLord, your will be done for the
birth moms, the babies, thebirth families, if there's more
involved, and for us, and sothat's where we had the greatest
peace.
It's like involved and for us,and so we.
That's where we had thegreatest peace is like God.
You see, this whole thing, wejust can't see it.
(38:54):
And so there's a lot of peacein that, because there's a lot
of unknowns.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Yeah, and I think
sometimes if we see the whole
staircase it would kind of scareus, Like if someone told you
hey, by the way, yourinfertility process is going to
take you 10 years.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
You'd be like what?
No, thank you, let me figuresomething else out, or I don't
know.
Is there an alternative optionto this?
Yes, that's so true, it's God'sprotection.
I believe he's protecting usand right, and in that he's
building the dependency on himand our faith.
I mean, that's really where ourfaith is built.
A lot, a lot of it is yeah, howwould um?
Speaker 2 (39:31):
how can we
practically support someone
who's dealing with anxiety or isgoing through grief?
Speaker 1 (39:39):
I think this is a
good conversation.
I think more christians uh, Ithink it'd be good to talk more
about this in the christianconversation, because I think
there is this negative aspect,like this negative spin on
anxiety, where there isn't asmuch compassion as I think there
(40:01):
needs to be if someone'sexperiencing anxiety, and so I
think, instead of trying to puta Band-Aid on it and just saying
have more faith.
I don't agree with that,because I believe that we do
have our faith is seen when weare going to God.
Like God, I am experiencinganxiety and I need you.
(40:25):
I need your help.
So I am trusting you to be myremedy, to be the solution to
this, and I'm bringing you myworries and I feel like
sometimes that's a piece missingin our conversations of when we
will experience this painfulemotion and then we bring it to
gone.
It's like, well, there's thishuge step in here, like we see
(40:52):
in David, where it's like, whenmy heart is overwhelmed, lead me
to the rock that is higher thanI.
So he's acknowledging, hey, myheart is overwhelmed, but I know
I'm going to God with that, andso I think that's an important
piece of this that we need toreally talk about that.
We will experience differentthings anxiety or grief or
whatever but we don't want tobypass our emotions and we
(41:16):
certainly don't want to do thatto other people, because that's
really painful if somebodyminimizes what our personal
experiences are.
And so I think practically islisten to somebody, like be
there and hear, hear whatthey're going through, hear
their experience and it may bedifferent than ours, right but
(41:36):
have that curiosity and havethat compassion, because look at
God, he's so compassionate.
And so if we can lean intoGod's compassion for one another
and we can hear them, and thenwe can pray, like God, you know,
pray with them and offer thatsupport and that encouragement
(41:57):
to help somebody with that toget to a place of peace and
healing.
So we're with them in thatinstead of just brushing it
aside, and I think sometimesthat can happen.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Yeah, instead of
dismissing it or making it seem
like that is a weakness and youshouldn't be dealing with this
if you're a person of faith,yeah, that makes a lot of sense
and I think that.
Yeah, I think sometimes,unfortunately, some people just
think that that is a weaknessand you shouldn't be
experiencing certain feelings orcertain and you should dismiss
(42:31):
it.
But the truth is that what wedon't feel we can't heal, so we
need to allow our bodies toprocess it and release the
anxiety, release what we'reexperiencing, so that we can
heal and walk through thatrather than just stuff it,
because the stuffing will comeout in ways that is most likely
(42:52):
unhealthy.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
You said that, so I
love how you said that.
That's exactly it, right,exactly.
We have to heal, and so, inorder to do so, we have to be
honest.
Speaker 2 (43:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
And I think it's
doing a disservice when people
going back to that shame, whenpeople may feel, oh, ashamed,
well, that's not going to helpwith healing and it's certainly
not it's going to block themgoing to God and that is not
good, because he's our Fatherand so we go to Him.
And there it is again.
We're building that faith andwe're building our relationship
(43:25):
with Him as we continually go toHim, and that's the testament,
that's our faith.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Yeah, I love that.
Well, Kara, what is the bravestthing that you have ever done?
I love this question so much.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
I know it's good, um
okay, so.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
I think you just
broke off.
Go ahead, Start over.
I don't know what happened.
It just like bubbled in.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
Oh okay, okay, can I
say two things?
Yes, you can say two things, isthat okay, okay?
Yeah, well, because two thingscame to mind I would say one is
being one of the caregivers formy mom.
I feel that was really hard,but God helped.
(44:11):
Give me that bravery andcourage.
Um, as you said, to see her inthat state and and to walk with
her.
Um, yeah, so I feel like that,that, that is um, I would say
that is one.
And then writing the book, thisbook because, well, writing a
(44:33):
book in general is a brave thing.
There's vulnerability in there.
It stretches you, it stretchedme.
I was totally dependent on theLord to write through me and we
adopted Nora.
I was literally signing thebook contract when we were
adopting her.
(44:53):
So I, yeah, so I was writingthe whole first year of her life
.
So I was learning to be a momwhile writing my first book and
I was completely exhausted, butlike, but like at the same time
there's two babies happening atonce.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
You know, there's the
book baby, and then there's the
baby, baby Right, exactly.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
But like I it's.
It was evident to me that I waslike, wow, lord, I really need
you, you know, um, and so I was.
So I I guess I would say therewas bravery and I was like
continuing to do it.
But yeah, just total relianceon God, total, and so I'm
grateful for him.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
Yeah, awesome.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
What is the best
advice that someone gave you?
So I would say the best adviceis not necessarily in words, but
example, and the example of mymom, because she was such a
beautiful example of faith inher suffering.
So, and then that taught meokay, wow, Nora, my daughter is
(46:08):
witnessing me and seeing youknow advice in the sense of an
example to her in multiple ways,you know, and my mom walked
through a lot of grief in herlife and I witnessed that.
I witnessed how she handled hergrief and how she had this
(46:31):
peace and joy that really I waslike whoa, I mean my, before I
was born, um, two of my brotherspassed away in a car accident
and so so, yeah, Um, and so Igrew up just seeing this example
, my whole life of this woman oflike, so much joy, so much
peace after the loss of children, and then watching her, you
(46:58):
know.
Then my dad passed away and thenwalking through her own cancer
treatment and in the middle ofher chemotherapy, I remember her
just praising God, like God,you're so good, Thank you, God.
Like, in the middle of herchemotherapy, I remember her
just praising God, like God,you're so good, Thank you, God.
Like in the middle of that, youknow, and I was like that is
such a powerful example for meand I think about it all the
time, so I feel like that was.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
Yeah, that is a
beautiful thing to witness.
My mom was just the same inthat sense, where you're like,
are you actually this content,or you're keeping it together
for me to see, because it's kindof unbelievable that you could
be so at peace and so joyful,never complaining, and just you
know, like completely carryingthat burden, like a champ, where
(47:45):
it's like, how are you doingthis, right, right, yeah, that's
beautiful.
What were some books that weretransformative for you?
Speaker 1 (47:54):
So the Bible I'm
going to say the Bible and I
really am going to say also, Imean the whole Bible, but Acts
especially has been encouragingto me through the years.
I love the book of Acts, butActs especially has been
encouraging to me through theyears.
(48:15):
I love the book of Acts, I lovetheir boldness, their faith and
their boldness to keep sharingtheir faith and suffering.
There's a lot of suffering thatthey endure in Acts and so that
really impacted me every time Iread it.
And then I would also say Iwant to make sure I have so AW
Towser, the Pursuit of God, um,that book.
(48:40):
And especially I want to readjust this little part where I
remember reading this is in theforeword that Towser literally
wrote the Pursuit of God whileon his knees.
I mean, he wrote the book onhis knees literally.
Wow, perhaps that explains itspower and the blessing that has
rested on.
It is what it says.
(49:00):
But, um, but I remember beingimpacted by that of like what we
do in this life, I mean, if, ifwe're not literally on knees,
is our heart posture on our knee, you know, on its knees.
So, um, that that was reallyimpactful for me, that book, and
then, especially that partwhere, knowing that he wrote it
on his knees Wow that is veryunique, for sure.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
Um well Kara, where
can people find you and your
resource, your new book, whereare they able to get all?
Speaker 1 (49:29):
that, yeah, so I am.
Um.
I'm on social media Sincerelyby Kara.
I write prayers on there, bibleplans I share, um, and then the
book is on Amazon and then, um,it's also available at Barnes
and Noble and Target other bookretailers as well.
Um, have a whole like the listof the book retailers on my
(49:53):
website, which is karastoutcom,and that's Kara with a K,
exactly, yeah, karastoutcom,yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
Yeah, is there
anything that I haven't asked
you that you'd love to sharewith the listener?
Speaker 1 (50:06):
I feel like you no, I
feel like you covered so many
great questions.
I feel like we covered a goodamount yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:12):
Good, all right.
Well, thank you so much, kara.
It's been an honor having youon and I really hope this
episode encourages so manypeople.
Speaker 1 (50:19):
Yes, me too.
Speaker 2 (50:20):
Thank you so much.
Thank you for listening to theOnce we Dare podcast.
It is an honor to share theseencouraging stories with you.
If you enjoy the show, I wouldlove for you to tell your
friends.
Leave us a reviewer rating andsubscribe to wherever you listen
to podcasts, because this helpsothers discover the show.
You can find me on my website,speckhopawcom.
Thank you.