The Brochure on Finding Solace in a Fountain

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Grief finds its own way sometimes. As I find myself at the one year anniversary of losing my beloved horse Dallas, the day culminated with several other losses and calamities that left me feeling DONE for the day. This episode takes you through the reality of what happens when the universe decides to "pile it all on" during an already difficult day.  I should have just stayed home! 

What began as a simple commemoration quickly snowballed into a week of collective sadness—friends losing jobs, a brother-in-law putting his dog down on his birthday, and even a chance encounter with a grieving widow that left us both in tears. Sometimes the kindest gestures (like unexpected flowers from a new friend) can unleash the emotions we're trying so hard to contain.

When even my attempt at comfort-movie escapism was thwarted by a power outage, I found myself where I often do during life's hardest moments: in my garden. Despite the weeds thriving after recent rains, this "last bastion of hope" provided the healing space I needed. I share the small victory of finally adding a fountain to my backyard sanctuary—proof that even on our darkest days, we can create pockets of beauty and peace.

Perhaps the most important takeaway from this vulnerable episode is permission to honor your melancholy days. As I discover again and again, sometimes you need to respect your grief before you can move beyond it. While I promise to return with more uplifting content next week, I hope this raw conversation reminds you that it's perfectly okay not to be your "usual joyful self" when navigating life's difficult anniversaries and unexpected emotional storms.

Follow the Only Child Diaries podcast and join me next week as we continue exploring the art of adulting with humor and light—even when we need to acknowledge the shadows first.

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Episode Transcript

Tracy (00:00):
And the power went out.
So, okay, fine, whatever.
Welcome to the Only ChildDiaries podcast.
I'm your host, Tracy Wallace.
Have you ever felt like youdidn't receive the how-to
brochure on life, that youdidn't get enough guidance about

(00:20):
major life issues?
So did I.
You don't have to be an onlychild to feel this way.
In my podcast, we'll exploresome of the best ways to better
navigate adulting, while doingso with humor and light.
Welcome everyone to the OnlyChild Diaries podcast.

(00:41):
Diaries podcast.
Today I'm going to talk aboutwell, I'm going to talk about
where I'm at, and I promise thatthis is going to be a short
episode.

(01:02):
Last week, if you listened tolast week's episode, you know
that it was not one of myhappier, perkier messages.
It was well, it ended up beingsad and that's because I was
talking about the impendinganniversary of the death of my

(01:25):
horse, dallas.
It's been a year and for themost part, I've really tried to
just put it out of my mind.
The actual date is the 17th,which is Monday, but today is
Sunday and it feels like it'stoday.

(01:48):
It's like anniversary is todaybecause it was a Sunday, it was
an afternoon, it was a nice day,it was a sunny day like it is
today, and it was about 5o'clock when it happened.
It was about 4 o'clock when wegot the call.
So it feels like today and, asmuch as I tried to be perky and

(02:15):
to be my usual joyful, joyfulself, that was really impossible
self.
That was really impossible.
And sometimes, when you havethese days that come up in your
life, the universe knows I thinkthat it's and they just pile it

(02:38):
on.
The universe piles it on evenmore.
Maybe that's to make you wallowin it, maybe they want to put
everything on one day, I don'tknow.
But there were some otherthings that happened here.
At the same time I went out, Ifound out about two of my

(03:03):
friends that lost their jobs.
Another friend of mine lost hisbrother.
I have to say I have to go backand say that last week, this
week, this past week, let me saythat this past week was my
brother-in-law's birthday and,um, it just turned out he didn't

(03:28):
plan it that way, but that dayhe put his dog down.
Um, so that was, you know, thatwas a situation where he had
adopted a dog who had been, uh,living on the street with a
homeless person, and that was athing where it was pretty much,

(03:49):
you know, a day by day.
Every day is a gift kind ofthing, and he had the dog for
two years, which I think islonger than anyone expected him
to have the dog, but still, it'sa sad thing to do and it's a
sad day, and you don't want tohave to do it on your birthday.
So, uh, but that's how itworked out.

(04:11):
So, uh, not to be a bummer Okay, if you look up the word bummer
, there's a picture of me inthere today, anyway.
So that happened.
And then today I also met awoman who I think she's probably

(04:34):
younger than me, who mentionedthat her husband had passed away
, and I didn't even know her,and she started crying and I
started crying, so, of course, Istarted crying.
One of my friends, one of mynewer friends, who doesn't know
me, brought me flowers, whichalso sent me into a tailspin.

(04:57):
I wanted to just I mean, it'sso sweet of her and I wanted to
just, you know, I hugged her,but she didn't know why I was
crying, but it's very sweet.
And then I finally came homeand wanted to just sit here and
watch a comfort movie.
You know, something that I'veseen before, something that I

(05:19):
don't have to think about,something that I really enjoy or
have enjoyed.
Um, and the power went out.
So I, okay, fine, whatever,nevermind.
So I ended up going outside anddoing some stuff in the yard,

(05:41):
the garden, because that's thelast.
That's the last, my last.
No, it's not a desperate effort, but it's the last bastion of
hope.
It's the place where I can goto, it's my safe space.
That's what it is and it'shealing.

(06:04):
It's a healing space.
So I'm getting things puttogether, worked out, and
there's so many weeds becausewe've had a lot of rain.
I was going to say wine, butwe've had a lot of wine.
No, I haven't had any wine.
I should, but I don't like todrink wine, I don't like the

(06:26):
taste of wine, but no, we've hada lot of rain.
So now the weeds everything isgrowing, everything looks good,
but the weeds are also lookinggood, unfortunately.
So there's all that and thegophers, at least in the
backyard.
The gophers make that easybecause they kind of plow

(06:47):
through the ground underneathand so it's easy to pull up the
weeds, but everything's stillmoist and wet and I haven't had
to water.
Oh, I did get.
Okay, let's end on a good note,let's do that.
I've always wanted a fountainsomewhere in the yard.

(07:08):
And why not have it in thebackyard so that I could enjoy
it in peace?
Right, nice to have it in thefront, but then I'd have to sit
out in the front and everyoneelse would enjoy it.
So I did get a fountain.
I finally saw one.
But you know what?
You get a fountain.

(07:29):
You have to put in an extrawater line or you have to put in
an extra electrical plug, right, sounds complicated.
So one of my favorite things isQVC.
Don't kill me, don't be mad atme.
Qvc A friend a long time agowho has also since passed away,

(07:50):
but my friend Tammy.
You'd go over to her house andshe would have QVC on probably
24-7.
I think she slept to it.
She taught me that you couldhave it on for company, but she
also ended up buying a lot ofstuff from it.
And QVC is the kind of thingwhere you can look at it, you

(08:11):
can flip it on, for I don't haveit on 24 seven, because if I
flip it on for half an hour I'mgoing to find something I want
to buy.
So it's kind of dangerous.
It's like my husband's eBay.
It's like if he gets on it he'sgoing to find something he
wants, so anyway.
So they had these fountains andI watched the thing and I

(08:34):
thought, okay, you know, prettyeasy, because it uses batteries.
You put D batteries in it andthey said that it lasts if you
run it six hours a day.
It's on a timer or it's justautomatically shuts off after
six, six hours, automaticallyshuts off after six, six hours,
uh, or you can turn it on andoff.
It's whatever, um, that it'llrun for.

(09:01):
I forget what it was like 200days or something.
I have to go back and look atthat.
But it runs for a long time onD batteries and it's got
different nozzles.
So right now I've got like kindof like a, uh, it's probably
goes up like eight inches andit's really it was super easy to
put together, um, and it's gotthese different things that you
just screw together and then youput the water in and you put
the batteries in and and it.

(09:23):
You know, there you go.
So I'm looking at it right nowit's, it's outside the, the
sliding glass doors in our den,and I can crack the window a
little bit if the neighborsaren't barbecuing and want to
gas us and then we can hear thesound of water and it's very

(09:43):
nice.
So that's my happy thing,that's my happy space.
I did get a fountain Don't needa water line, don't need an
electrical line and it'sbeautiful.
So I promised you last week thatI would have a happier episode
and I'm desperately trying, butsomehow today was just not the

(10:06):
day, this week just not the week.
But we're going to carry on,we'll push on.
Sometimes you just need to takethe time to be melancholy.
I'll say that, and you need torespect that time within
yourself.
Right, and that's unfortunatelywhere I'm at, but enjoying the

(10:31):
spring, enjoying the flowers,and next week we'll tackle
another topic together.
I hope you'll join me.
If you liked this episode,please follow the Only Child
Diaries podcast on Applepodcasts or other platforms you
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(10:54):
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Thanks for listening.
I'm Tracy Wallace and these arethe Only Child Diaries.