The Brochure on Friends and Neighbors

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Have you ever felt that true friendships become more precious as you age? That's exactly what we explore in this heartfelt episode of Only Child Diaries. Friendships aren't passive connections—they're active relationships requiring cultivation, maintenance, and mutual investment. Unlike family relationships that come with built-in connections, friendships must be deliberately chosen and preserved through changing life circumstances.

As someone who grew up without siblings, I've always placed immense value on my friendships. These relationships taught me crucial interpersonal skills and provided connections that enriched my life in countless ways. In this episode, I share personal insights about how I worked especially hard to develop and maintain friendships as an only child, sometimes feeling awkward but ultimately learning valuable lessons about human connection that continue to serve me well today.

We also dive into the unique dynamic of neighbor relationships—those special connections with people who share our physical space but often maintain different boundaries than traditional friends. From childhood memories of mysterious neighbor tensions to apartment living experiences that shaped my perspective on noise tolerance, we explore how proximity creates its own relationship category that significantly impacts our daily well-being. I reflect on how different people establish varying boundaries with neighbors and how these relationships contribute to our overall sense of community and belonging.

The most valuable friendships often turn out to be those that stand the test of time—the people who carry our shared history and understand references without explanation. As I've gotten older, I've come to treasure these long-term connections even more, recognizing how rare and precious it is to have someone who has witnessed different versions of yourself throughout the years. Follow the Only Child Diaries podcast and join our community as we navigate adulting together with humor and insight!

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Episode Transcript

Tracy (00:01):
Welcome to the Only Child Diaries podcast.
I'm your host, Tracy Wallace.
Have you ever felt like youdidn't receive the how-to
brochure on life, that youdidn't get enough guidance about
major life issues?
So did I.
You don't have to be an onlychild to feel this way.
In my podcast, we'll exploresome of the best ways to better

(00:26):
navigate adulting, while doingso with humor and light.
Welcome everyone to the OnlyChild Diaries podcast.
Today, I'm going to talk aboutfriends, friends and neighbors.

(00:48):
I've always been well, I'vealways seen the value of friends
in my life, and I've alwaysworked hard to keep good friends
close to me.
Friends are something that Ithink are very valuable in
everyone's life, and I alsothink that it's something that

(01:10):
you need to spend timecultivating and working on.
Friends and friendships don'tjust happen.
Friends take time, just likeanything else.
It's valuable Friends,relationships with friends.
Well, let's face it, you don'tbecome friends with everyone

(01:31):
that you meet right.
There needs to be commoninterests, common likes, even
common dislikes, and so thepeople who become your friends
sometimes are few and farbetween.
As you go through this life,your friends also change.

(01:53):
I mean, that's just a given.
That's why people who have beenyour longtime friends are
probably more valuable than youmight even realize.
I think, as I've gotten older,the people that I've known for a
long time, that I have historywith, that I've been friends

(02:16):
with, I value even more todaythan I did when I was, say, 20
years younger than I am now,because people do move on and
people do well, let's face itpass away, and having people
that you know that have commonhistory with you is important.

(02:39):
You can talk about the past,you can talk about shared
experiences and you can talkabout things that the other
people know, without going backand starting from square one.
So, but let's talk a little bitabout friend maintenance.

(03:00):
As I like to put it, friends dotake time to cultivate, but they
also take time to keep up with.
Right, because it's like anyother relationship.
You need to spend time showingthat you care, because, well,
time showing that you carebecause, well, if they're your
friends, you do care about them,and they need to also spend the

(03:32):
time showing that they careabout you.
Friends aren't just people,that well.
It's not just a one-sidedrelationship, or it shouldn't be
a one-sided relationship.
It should be a mutual thingbetween two people.
They should reach out to you asoften as you reach out to them.
That's what I think.

(03:53):
Friends who will respond to youwhen you reach out and not reach
out to you, I start to suspectthat maybe their commitment to
you as a friend is not as strongas maybe your commitment to
them.
Maybe they've moved on, maybethey don't share the same

(04:16):
interests anymore and maybe theyhave other friends who well,
let's face it, they like better,they enjoy spending time with.
That doesn't mean that youcan't be friends with them
anymore, but maybe they justdon't hold that same place in
your friend list, place in yourfriend list.

(04:58):
Maybe they're not friends thatyou share the same basic living
space with.
They share a commonneighborhood with you.
Maybe they're your next doorneighbor, or the people down the
street, people in the samebuilding where you live, people

(05:18):
that live a floor below you or afloor above you, maybe on the
other side of a building, maybethe other side of a complex.
Neighbors can be friends, yes,as I've said, but neighbors are
kind of a special breed offriends.
Sometimes you are not maybe asclose as you would be because

(05:43):
you're a neighbor.
I mean, you don't want to maybeshare too much because you live
right there, right, and youdon't want to share too much of
your life because you still wantto have some privacy with your
life, right?
So sometimes there is a bit ofdistance between people who are

(06:08):
neighbors.
Maybe it's not a full-onfriendship, maybe you don't give
that many details about yourlife or your goings-on because
they can see everything that youdo.
But neighbors are stillimportant relationships and you

(06:29):
should have good neighbors andyou should have neighbors that
you enjoy spending time with,talking to, et cetera, before
you go back into your respectiveliving spaces.
Having a neighbor who you don'tget along with, you don't agree
with, you, don't like, whodoesn't like you, can make it

(06:50):
kind of a tense situation,especially if you and your
neighbors argue with each other.
That's always a bad situationand it makes your living space
less than positive.
I found I remember when I wasgrowing up the woman who lived

(07:12):
next to my parents for somereason had a fight with my
parents, although I never saw itpersonally, but I guess at some
point there was some sort of anargument or a disagreement and
my parents never talked to herand she never talked to my

(07:36):
parents and she was older andthen she ended up moving out and
her family sold the house.
But it was always kind of anawkward situation.
I remember, and being a child,I wanted to explore the well

(07:58):
that side of our yard, but I wascautioned against looking over
the fence or looking through thehedge or what have you.
I didn't really fullyunderstand what had happened or
why it was, but I tried tomaintain my own boundaries there
, and that was really my firstexperience with having a

(08:24):
neighbor that I didn't get alongwith.
Certainly, in apartment livingthere are a lot more
opportunities for not gettingalong with people because you're
in a much more compacted space.
People can be loud or noisy atinappropriate times of the day.

(08:46):
Not everybody has the sameschedule and so that makes it a
little bit more challenging,often for many reasons, a much
better deal in that respect.
In our neighborhood there arestill people that get upset if

(09:07):
somebody's house is having aparty late, say after 10 pm.
But I don't think I would evercomplain about that, having
lived in an apartment so long.
I just like it if people areenjoying their lives and
enjoying a party and enjoyingfun, and I see it as just a

(09:30):
matter of living and livinghappily right.
I would never call the policeon them, but some of the
neighbors do.
So it's neither here nor there,but that's the way it goes.
So, anyway, back to friendships.
I think friends are veryimportant in our lives to keep

(09:52):
us happy and to keep us balanced, and I think that friends also
enrich our lives.
I think, as an only childgrowing up, sometimes it was a
little bit more challenging forme to keep my friends and I
think or to meet friends, rather, and I think I worked harder to

(10:14):
keep the ones that I did have Isometimes felt a little bit
more awkward in the beginning ofa friendship or meeting
somebody that I thought would bea good friend.
Sure, sometimes I was wrong andI thought somebody was going to
be a good friend or somebodywas a friend, and it turned out
that they weren't and that I didhave some really close friends

(10:46):
growing up and they were othergirls, and that gave me an
opportunity to really grow andlearn from those relationships
and not having siblings, thatreally helped me to learn how to
just have a relationship withanother person.
I learned a lot from thatexperience, and so I think that,
in terms of only childrengrowing up, definitely friends

(11:10):
are very important.
So that's all I've got fortoday.
Next week we'll tackle anothertopic together.
I hope you'll join me.
If you like this episode, pleasefollow the Only Child Diaries
podcast on Apple Podcasts orother platforms you might listen

(11:31):
on and consider rating OnlyChild Diaries and writing a
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It helps others to find us.
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Child Diaries Podcast.
Thanks for listening.

(11:51):
I'm Tracy Wallace.
Go get some food.