The Brochure on Losing Another Friend

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Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is step back and breathe. After releasing episodes consistently for almost three full years, I found myself at a crossroads when Neliya – my late friend Gina's mother and someone who had become like a second mom to me – entered the hospital with sudden liver failure.

The physical and emotional toll of hospital visits, coupled with the ordinary responsibilities of life, created an extraordinary weight. Neliya's quick decline took about a week before passing peacefully surrounded by her daughter and close friends.  This loss reopened the wound of losing my friend Gina years earlier. Losing Neliya meant losing another connection to Gina's memory, another keeper of stories that only she could tell.

During this episode, I share glimpses of Nelia's remarkable life as a Miss Universe runner-up in the 1950s and actress in "The King and I," alongside her marriage to artist Mario Zamparelli.  For my fellow overachievers, I offer permission to occasionally set down our self-imposed obligations when life demands space for grief and processing. The podcast serves as a reminder that sometimes, the most productive thing we can do is simply pause.

Join me for this vulnerable conversation about loss, links to our past, and learning when to give ourselves grace. And stay tuned for news about my upcoming guest appearance on another podcast in early August – I can't wait to share that experience with you all. Have you ever struggled to give yourself permission to pause? I'd love to hear your stories of balancing achievement with self-care.

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Episode Transcript

Tracy (00:00):
Welcome to the Only Child Diaries podcast.
I'm your host, Tracy Wallace.
Have you ever felt like youdidn't receive the how-to
brochure on life, that youdidn't get enough guidance about
major life issues?
So did I.
You don't have to be an onlychild to feel this way.
In my podcast, we'll exploresome of the best ways to better

(00:25):
navigate adulting, while doingso with humor and light.
Welcome everyone to the OnlyChild Diaries podcast.
Today I'm going to talk aboutlast week I took a break.

(00:46):
I took a break from mypodcasting, which is a pretty
rare occurrence.
If you've been a regularlistener, you know that I've
well, I think I've only takenmaybe one week off, maybe two
weeks.
I've released the Drunk Driverepisode every year, but I've

(01:07):
done an extra introduction forthose, so really, the only week
I can remember taking off wasafter my horse, dallas, passed
away Two weeks ago.
If you listened to that episode, you know that my friend, gina
my friend for 32 years whopassed away in 2018, her mom had

(01:32):
gone into the hospital and I'mvery grateful that the day she
went in, she went in through theER.
I went to be with her duringthat time so that she wasn't by
herself, and I spent about fivehours with her.
The next day she was stillcognizant, but two days later

(01:56):
she didn't know who anyone was.
She was still awake and by thethird day she was in a coma,
still awake, and by the thirdday she was in a coma.
She died last Sunday, about aweek and two days after she went

(02:16):
into the hospital Neliya orMaureen, depending on who you
talk to and what day of the weekit was and which way the wind
was blowing.
She had several names, but Iknew her, as Neliya Was like a
second mom to me in a lot ofways.
Bill and I spent a lot of timewith her, especially after my
friend Gina passed away, and shewas a character, she was fun,

(02:42):
she had a lot of energy and thething about her was that she
lived her life reallyindependently up until the day
she went into the hospital.
She didn't linger, she didn'thave a lung illness, she had
liver failure and we don'treally know why she had liver
failure, but that's whathappened to her and they tell us

(03:06):
that she wasn't in any pain.
I was with her, along with mybrother-in-law and a couple of
friends and her daughter whenshe passed away, and it was very
peaceful.
It was a lot like when my dadpassed away.
It was very peaceful, but itwas faster than my dad's passing

(03:28):
, I would say.
She was in the hospital and wewere with her, and the nurses
were great.
The nurses were fantastic.
At the same time, that weekend,our dog had to go in to see the
vet on rather an urgent matter.
On rather an urgent matter,that was the day before Neliya

(03:55):
passed away, and the day aftershe passed away I had an
appointment, a follow-upappointment for our cat.
You might remember that I hadan event back in May for work
that took a lot of my time andenergy, and my cat Bobby's
follow-up was one of the lastthings that I was trying to

(04:16):
catch up on.
The other thing was taking mycar in for service, which was
long overdue, I might add.
So I did that the day before,the same day that I took the dog
in to the vet, and while I waswaiting for my car to be
serviced, I'll tell you that ifthe chair that I was sitting in
was a little bit morecomfortable, I would have fallen

(04:39):
asleep.
Now, I'm not the kind of personthat falls asleep in public,
but it would have happened?
It definitely would havehappened that day, because I was
pretty tired.
In addition to doing all thethings that I normally do and
trying to get some work in, inaddition, I was going to the

(05:03):
hospital as much as I possiblycould, and being at the hospital
in any case is alwaysexhausting.
It's mentally exhausting whichturns out to be physically
exhausting.
So when it came time to do theepisode for last week and, yes,
I'll admit I'm not ahead at thispoint I decided to give myself

(05:29):
a break.
Now am I an overachiever?
Yes, I am.
Did I think about just signingon and saying look, I'm having a
tough week, I'm tired, I wishyou all a happy 4th of July and
that's it?
Yes, but in the end I waspretty tired, I was pretty

(05:50):
emotionally overwhelmed as welland I was sad.
Sad for another loss and,frankly, losing Neliya was hard,
but it was also like losing myfriend Gina, again Not entirely

(06:12):
100%, but losing her mom.
Well, her mom was part of Gina,she was part of the
institutional memory and I couldstill go to her and ask her
questions, like did Gina do thisor what was this, or who was
this to Gina?
Like did Gina do this or whatwas this or who was this to Gina

(06:34):
, and maybe she wasn't alwaysright, but she always had an
answer, and so losing her waslike losing another link to my
friend, and that link is gone.
Nealia actually lived a verylong life colorful life, if you
will.
She was runner up to MissUniverse back in the 50s.

(06:59):
She was a beautiful woman andshe came to Hollywood and acted
in some small parts in movies,including the King and I and I.

(07:22):
She ended up marrying Gina'sdad, mario Zamparelli, who was
an artist.
He went on to work with peoplelike Howard Hughes and had a
very colorful life.
They had a colorful lifetogether.
Together they had threedaughters and Neliya always had

(07:42):
a lot of spirit.
She had a lot of energy.
She really did.
She was 88, almost 88 and ahalf, when she passed away.
She lived independently and Ithink that that is to be
commended.
In this day and age, I'd behappy to live independently up

(08:03):
until the end.
I mean, who wants to be aburden, right?
I mean, sure she needed things.
She needed help sometimes withprojects around the house, what
have you?
But for the most part she livedindependently and that's a good

(08:23):
thing.
She hadn't been feeling wellthat last week, and so her
daughter especially, and therest of us questioned what would
have happened if she had saidsomething earlier, if she had

(08:47):
got medical attention earlier,and I guess we'll never really
know, right.
I think part of Nelia, orMaureen, which is her other name
, will always live in my heartand will always be with me.

(09:08):
She did things for me like well,when we had a yard sale here I
had a couple friends over andshe came and helped as well.
She was, like I said, shealways had a lot of energy.
Like I said, she always had alot of energy.
And again, I do consider myselfan overachiever.
But I think last week I justhad to tell myself that the

(09:29):
podcast episode was not going toget done.
It just wasn't.
Sometimes you just have to giveinto that, right?

(09:49):
No matter how ambitious youmight be.
So we had a pretty quiet 4th ofJuly weekend.
I was happy for the extra dayoff from work and myself and
another friend helped herdaughter.
We're trying to help and pitchin as much as we can.
And then yesterday I finallygot to work in my garden.

(10:10):
There's always lots to do and Ihadn't really been out there in
a couple of weeks, but I didwhat I could because it was very
hot and that really limits,even in the shade limits, what
you can accomplish, but I gotthere.
I got there, I did some stuffand then I was hot and then I

(10:34):
came in and took a shower.
So that's the update.
I hope that everyone is doingwell and that you had a good
holiday.
If you're here in the StatesNow, I want to remind you that
my interview, my podcastinterview, where I'm actually

(10:56):
interviewed, is going to becoming out the beginning of
August, and I will be tellingyou more about that, about the
specifics in social media.
I'll tell you more about that aswe get a little bit closer.
It's only July 6th now, so wehave about a month, but I'm

(11:17):
really excited to hear it.
It's been a while now.
I think it was in the middle ofJune, so it seems like so much
has happened since then, but Ithink it's going to be really
fun to hear.
I want you all to hear it, andthe gal that does the podcast is

(11:40):
great, so I know you'll enjoyit.
Right now I'm going to relax andwatch some TV, stream some old
movies or something, and nextweek we'll tackle another topic
together.
I hope you'll join me If youlike this episode.

(12:05):
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(12:29):
Child Diaries podcast.
Thanks for listening.
I'm Tracy Wallace and these arethe Only Child Diaries.