The Brochure on Marriage #4

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The week started with hope—physical therapy was finally helping my husband to build strength and balance—then it swerved into a nerve flare that turned my husband into a bedridden dependent partner that made me worry and exhausted at the same time. Caregiving isn’t glamorous; it’s small adjustments repeated with patience: finding a position that eases pain, measuring the day by steps, and choosing what gets dropped when everything can’t fit. I share how “in sickness and in health” moved from wedding language to lived logistics, and why love often sounds like, “I’ve got you—again.”

Between rounds of care, life kept arriving. I hosted a cultivation lunch for 25, then stood with friends at a memorial mass, trying to show up for grief with grace. To keep my head above water, I turned to Halloween—DIY ghosts, an inflatable, and the headless horseman my husband usually engineers. I’m not an animatronics person, but I learned on the fly. Early doubts turned into small wins, and those visible wins mattered when the rest of the week felt like quicksand. Sometimes you need proof that effort still produces joy.

We also wrestle with taxes, timing, and the eternal question: finish the paperwork before the decorations, or protect your sanity with a creative break? I admit the guilt, name a real deadline, and explain the hidden economy of hard weeks—how priorities flex without losing what matters most. If you’re navigating caregiving, chronic pain, household projects, or just a schedule that won’t behave, this conversation offers practical perspective, a few laughs, and permission to let something be imperfect while you care for someone you love.

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Episode Transcript

Tracy (00:00):
Well, yeah, because I'm one person and I can't do it all
in one day.
Welcome to the Only ChildDiaries Podcast.
I'm your host, Tracy Wallace.
Have you ever felt like youdidn't receive the how-to
brochure on life?
That you didn't get enoughguidance about major life
issues?

(00:21):
So did I.
You don't have to be an onlychild to feel this way.
In my podcast, we'll exploresome of the best ways to better
navigate adulthood.
While doing so, with humor andlight.
Welcome everyone to the OnlyChild Diaries Podcast.
Today I'm going to talk to youabout marriage again, an aspect

(00:52):
of marriage.
Now, you'll notice that myepisodes about marriage, and
this is marriage part four,don't seem to be very long.
They're just little snippetshere and there.
They're slices of my marriedlife.
And today the theme is the vowsfor better or for worse, for

(01:14):
richer for poor, in sickness andin health.
Now we have been challengedthis week by the latter part in
sickness and in health.
My husband has been going toPT, physical therapy, for about
three weeks now to improve hisstrength and balance.

(01:38):
And I would say that this timethere's a noticeable
improvement.
There has been a noticeableimprovement.
And so it's been a good thing.
However, this past week, uh, hewas complaining that he had a
cramp in his calf, and they didsome things.
I'm not gonna really go intodetail about what happened, and

(02:02):
that was Monday.
By Wednesday, he was startingto feel like it was harder to
sit down, and by Thursday, thethe pain had traveled up into
his hip and his lower back, andit had left the calf.
But um he was experiencingsevere back pain, and what we

(02:31):
think it is is an irritatednerve.
That's what I I mean, I don'tknow what to hope for anymore,
but there's you know, a handfulof things that it could be that
are not as good if you could saythat, but uh good, but um so
anyway, he has been onlycomfortable in a laying down

(02:56):
position.
And we have an adjustable bed,so the the head comes up and the
feet come up or down, and sohe's been trying to put the head
up so he's kind of more in alike a recliner position.
That's not even comfortable.
Um, he has been able to get outof bed and walk a small amount

(03:21):
of steps, but it's been reallyrough.
So, what do you do when someoneyou love is unable to get out
of bed?
And if you think about that,I'm not gonna go into detail,
but if you think about that uhfor any length of time, uh

(03:44):
there's a whole list of thingsthat come up, and uh he's just
dependent on me, and it's notfun for him, certainly, it's not
fun for me either, but that'spart of what it means to be
married and to be in a committedrelationship, I guess, but

(04:08):
definitely to be married is thatyou know, one person is down
and the other person takes careof them no matter what.
When I had my knee replacementsurgery, he took care of me the
best that he could.
He's not a woman, he's not amom kind of figure, but he and
he's not as he's not asable-bodied as I am, but he did

(04:31):
he did pretty well.
Uh, but it does definitely puta um um extra work on you, and I
have to think about it andthink it through, and I get up
and down a lot more, and I'mtired already.
And um, the people that we'vetalked to so far about it, um,

(04:54):
an irritated or aggravated nerveis gonna take longer to
recover.
So that's where we are.
Um, but in the meantime,there's other things that have
been going on.
Last week I have I had mylunch, my work lunch that I did

(05:17):
for 25 people, and that was alot of work.
Uh, it was a cultivation lunch,and it turned out, I think,
pretty well.
Everyone, everyone seemed happywith it, at least.
And then we had the memorialfor my friend Neliya on Friday,

(05:39):
a memorial mass, and thenhowever the Catholics say it,
and then we had uh lunchafterwards.
And all things considered, thatwent as well as it was gonna go
for a sad kind of a sad event,right?
And in between all thesethings, I've been working on my

(06:01):
Halloween decorations becauseit's almost October and I want
to have those up.
We had a little bit of rain,which I mean we had incredible
heat, we've had humidity, I'vehad a lot of work, I've had a
lot of things to do for myfriend who lost her mom.

(06:23):
I've had my husband.
I have my own things that Iwant to do, and then I, you
know, with the Halloween.
So a lot, a lot ofdistractions.
I've had neighbors walking by.
We have a lot of people thatwalk in the neighborhood, they
walk their dogs, they just walkfor their own health and people
walking by, and a lot of um,especially men, have stopped and

(06:49):
said, Oh, you started early.
Well, yeah, because I'm oneperson and I put up a lot of
stuff, and I can't do it all inone day.
Uh, hello.
So I mean, it's yeah, yesterdaywas Saturday, and I worked all

(07:10):
afternoon.
I put up an inflatable, Iworked on finishing our headless
horseman, which I was reallyout of uh my mind with that,
because that's totally myhusband's project, but I had to
kind of figure that out, and Idon't have that kind of it's an
animatronic thing, and I had tokind of figure that out.

(07:32):
Then I had done my DIY ghosts,which if you look at our
Instagram, you'll see them.
Um, and the in the beginning,when I was first creating the
DIY ghosts, I didn't like them.
I thought they were gonna looklike crap, but I think they
turned out pretty good.

(07:52):
I had seen a photo thatsomebody did of these ghosts
with the centerpiece thing inthe middle, and I thought I
wanted I want to do that.
It doesn't look exactly liketheirs, but um people have said,
oh, I really like what you did.
So I think I did okay.

(08:14):
I don't think I got an A plusif I was being created by the
Halloween, um, the Halloweenpolice or the Halloween
instructor system.
But I think I did pretty good.
Uh would I ever make a DIYthing again?
No.
I've I've seen some DIYprojects online on YouTube that

(08:38):
are really incredibly cool, butI don't think that I'm set up to
do a DIY.
Uh I'd rather have somebodymake it for me or buy it.
Or, you know, just that's justme.
Um, and I'm still working, I'mtrying to finish up the taxes.
I've talked about this in thelast couple weeks, and I here's

the thing (09:05):
you have to ask people for things when it's
business hours, right?
And I've been busy duringbusiness hours.
I did find a couple more thingsthis week, a couple bits of
information.
There's still some things thatare major that I still need to
follow up on that people haven'tgiven me.

(09:27):
So I'm trying, I'm really I'mtrying, but I need to set a
deadline for that.
And I know what you're gonnasay.
I know what you're gonna say.
I know what you're gonna say.
Those of you out there who areorganized are gonna tell me that
I should have finished thetaxes before I worked on the
Halloween decorations, and Itotally agree with you.

(09:48):
However, well, I have well, Ihave no I have no comeback for
that.
Because you're right, I shouldhave.
It would have motive motivatedme a lot better, and I probably
would have finished the taxes bynow, but I'm guilty.

(10:09):
Uh I'm guilty.
What can I say?
And I still have to finish upthe interview that I did with
Leslie.
I think it was earlier thismonth.
I hope it was this month.
This thing with Bill now hasreally put me behind.
However, I'm gonna have to getto it.

(10:32):
Things it feels like things arefreeing up now.
My time is is getting yeah, itdoesn't feel that way.
I just I feel like I just wantto sit with my phone and I just
want to binge watch some reallystupid show for a while.
Um, but there's lot there'salways lots to do.
Anyway, that's what I'm up to.

(10:55):
Uh important to always uh thinkabout your partner when you're
married, right?
It's important, and um, andthat's really my number one
priority over everything.
Um, over work, definitely overHalloween, definitely over
taxes.
Can I say that?

(11:16):
And uh yeah, so I'm just hopingthat he gets better by by our
next episode.
So I'm gonna go and check in onhim now, and um next week,
well, we'll tackle another topictogether.

(11:36):
I hope you'll join me.
If you like this episode,please follow the Only Child
Diaries Podcast on ApplePodcasts or other platforms you
might listen on.
And consider rating Only ChildDiaries and writing a review.
It helps others to find us.
Please share it with a friendyou think might like it as well.

(11:59):
Visit my Instagram page, onlychild diaries, or Facebook, Only
Child Diaries Podcast.
Thanks for listening.
I'm Tracy Wallace, and theseare the Only Child Diaries.