The Brochure on Navigating Marriage: An Only Child's Perspective

Send us a text

Ever feel like you missed the how-to guide on adulting? Join me as I unravel the complexities and surprises that come with marriage, particularly from the perspective of an only child. This episode dives deep into my 17-year journey leading to my marriage with Bill, where we explored the meaning of commitment beyond traditional timelines. I'm also talking about the unexpected benefit of marriage, at least to me - emotional security - and how it transformed my relationship with Bill after finally tying the knot.

Throughout our journey, I highlight the lesser-discussed aspects of married life, including navigating challenges like health issues and household chores. I share humorous anecdotes that not only entertain but reflect the reality many couples face together. The peace and support we gain from each other through life's ups and downs speak volumes about what partnership truly means.

This conversation invites everyone—whether you're married, navigating singlehood, or contemplating commitment—to reflect on the nature of love and how timing influences relationships. My discussion emphasizes that each journey is unique, and understanding this can bring deeper insights into the dynamics of love and companionship. Join me, and let's explore these intricacies together! Don't forget to subscribe, share your thoughts, and consider leaving a review to help others find us.

For the Only Child Diaries:
Check us out on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/onlychilddiariespodcast/
or
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/onlychilddiaries/
or
Threads
https://www.threads.net/@onlychilddiaries 
and now on 
Bluesky
@onlychilddiaries.bsky.social

Episode Transcript

Tracy (00:00):
That's where the skunks like to go.
Welcome to the Only ChildDiaries podcast.
I'm your host, Tracy Wallace.
Have you ever felt like youdidn't receive the how-to
brochure on life, that youdidn't get enough guidance about
major life issues?
So did I.
You don't have to be an onlychild to feel this way.

(00:23):
In my podcast, we'll exploresome of the best ways to better
navigate adulting, while doingso with humor and light.
Welcome everyone to the OnlyChild Diaries podcast.

(00:54):
Today I'm going to talk aboutmarriage.
Well, a little bit aboutmarriage.
I should call this marriagepart one.
Not that all the parts will beconsecutive, but I started
thinking today that I haven'treally talked a lot about
marriage, about my marriage, andthere's a lot of good stuff
involved with it.
And there's a lot of good stuffthat comes up when you're

(01:18):
married.
But I'm not going to tellsecrets out of school.
I'm going to preserve myhusband's dignity and his
privacy, but there is still alot of good stuff around
marriage.
So marriage for an only child,I think, is a good thing,

(01:39):
because at some point in yourlife and I didn't get married
young Bill and I met when I wasin my 30s.
And well, he's 11 years olderthan me, so he was in his 40s.
We waited 17 and a half years toget married and some people

(02:06):
when they hear that, they laughor they're curious and they
wonder why we waited so long.
And sometimes I'll joke withpeople and I'll say well, we
just had trouble committing.
We were already committed toeach other but for whatever
reason we didn't get married.

(02:26):
We didn't talk about marriage.
Well, we talked about it acouple times in those 17 and a
half years, but it wasn'tsomething that was horribly
important to us.
I realized maybe halfwaythrough that period of time that
marriage is something that'susually, or should be usually,

(02:49):
when you have children togethermakes it easier for several
reasons.
But we never had kids or reallywanted to have kids.
I mean, maybe we went throughthat thought process for about a
week, but in the end we didn'thave children.
So why did we get marriedeventually?

(03:13):
Well, we had been through manymedical issues for Bill and we
had spent a lot of time inhospitals, at doctor visits and
at some point it just kind ofmade sense to be married.

(03:34):
I'll say, for me it had someunexpected benefits that I
didn't ever think about.
I didn't anticipate, like Isaid, they were unexpected, but
I felt instantly a much greatersense of security, and I'm not

(03:56):
talking about financial securityor you know something like that
, I'm talking about justemotional security.
I was very secure in myrelationship with Bill because I
knew that we would, you know,most likely I mean 99%, um that

(04:20):
we were going to spend the restof our lives together, but we we
weren't talking about marriage,right, and so when we got
married, though it, it changedsomething and it made me feel
more secure and it made me feelmore confident because of that,

(04:43):
and I guess I felt a greatersense of love and commitment
coming from him, and I think healso was surprised, in a way,
that he felt the same way.
There were some things that hesaid early on that indicated
that he felt that way, and Ithink that's kind of sweet.

(05:06):
But a marriage, like any otherrelationship, is not always easy
, right.
I mean any kind of relationshipthat you've had with another
person.
I mean any kind of relationshipthat you've had with another
person, whether it's a familymember or a friend, or even a
coworker or a boss or anything.
Any kind of a relationship isnever easy 100% of the time, but

(05:39):
there are those challenges thatcome up right and, um,
sometimes you think, why, why,why am I here?
Why, why am I here?
Um, this has been a challengingweek for us in a couple of ways.
Um, the middle of the week wehad a day where I had oh my gosh

(06:06):
, I had a really bad migrainethat just wouldn't go away, and
I it's been a while since I'vehad a migraine.
I don't know if it's the changein weather or the stress.
I I don't know, but really badtook my medication, didn't go

(06:27):
away.
Boy, that really sucked okay,and he had some really severe
neuropathy pains in his one foot.
They're, you know, feeling astabbing pain in your foot.
And it's because of his partialamputations he's had over the

(06:47):
years and the diabetes.
But these were really bad painsand so we were really both
struggling to get through thatday and the next day, I think
not really sure why thathappened to him, since he hadn't

(07:07):
had it in a while, but it justhappens.
You have injury to those nervesbecause of the surgeries and or
it's because of your bloodsugar issues over the years.
Anyway, it's not good, but thereare times when you have to deal

(07:29):
with something that comes up,whether or not it's an easy
thing, it's a little thing, it'sa minor thing, or it's it's an
easy thing, it's a little thing,it's a minor thing, or it's
maybe a bigger deal, like whenwe had the fires and we had the
evacuation order, and it'ssomething that you have to deal

(07:52):
with.
Or it's something with thehouse, something that we have to
make a decision on Some bigrepair, some big issue, some
problem keeping things up,maintaining the house.
I think being married was a loteasier when we lived in an

(08:13):
apartment, because there wasn'tthe maintenance issues that we
have, because there wasn't themaintenance issues that we have
now with the house.
We don't argue about it oranything, but it's just.
Life in general is morecomplicated when you have to
take care of all these parts.
You have to make sure that thehouse is sound and all the

(08:35):
different systems are workingokay and all the different
systems are working okay, andthen you have to make sure that
the yard, the garden, is safeand everything's watered, that
you bought and planted and thatyou're caring for it and that
there's no dead animals outsideand that your fence is up and

(08:55):
the dog can't get out and thecat's inside and all this stuff
that goes on with your house,with your property.
There's a lot to think about,and so when you're in an
apartment you just live yourlife and you do your stuff and
you do your work and you do yourerrands and if something goes

(09:17):
wrong you just make a call andthey come in and fix it.
But it's not necessarily thateasy when you own your own house
.
We had a thing a couple ofweeks ago where our heater
stopped heating.
We had put in this new unit ayear and a half ago and it just

(09:40):
stopped and it was really coldin here and Bill woke up.
I woke up in the middle of thenight and we were freezing cold.
So the guy that put it in forus taught me how to restart the
system turn off the breakers youhave to go outside.

(10:03):
You have to go outside, turnoff the electric breaker and
wait and turn it back on.
But the door that covers thislittle system of they're not
fuses anymore, but they're thebreakers is really hard to get
open and close sometimes and mythumbs don't work.

(10:25):
They work, but they're reallypainful because of all the
texting and the typing that I'vedone over the years and so I go
out there, trudge out there inthe rain or in the mud.
It's on the side of the house,in the cold and the dark.

(10:45):
It's where the skunks like togo, worried that I'm going to
get sprayed and do my best.
But this one time Bill said,well, what do you have to do out
there?
And I said, well, I've got toopen this door, but I've had a
really hard time getting it open.
And then I can't get it closed.

(11:07):
And he said, well, I'll go out,I'll go out with you and I'll,
and I'll do that.
And I said, oh, okay, you know,sure.
And so he came out with me.
And it's treacherous, you haveto go around the trash cans and
it's dark in places.
And you know, we went out atnight and I don't want him to

(11:27):
trip and fall and I don't wantto trip and fall and I don't
want to run into a skunk or araccoon.
And so we got out there and hegot the door open for me and I
showed him the breakers and youknow, one of them is really, one
of them is really hard.
It's really you have to put alot of some strength behind it.

(11:56):
And so I had him do it, and hewas.
And then he got the door closedand you have to kind of, you
know it covers your electricalpanel, so you want to make sure
that it's closed because I meanthat's not a good thing to leave
that exposed.
So anyway, he got it closed andthen we trudged back inside and
he said that's what you doevery time.

(12:18):
And I said, well, yeah, and hegoes.
Well, I don't know how you'vebeen doing that.
I'm like, well, I mean, I'vebeen doing it because I had to
do it.
I mean, that's you know.
Welcome to my world, right,what did you think I was doing

(12:38):
out there?
I mean, he's been on that sideof the house before.
I guess he wasn't very familiar.
I forget that this is where Igrew up, very familiar.
I forget that this is where Igrew up and so I'm intimately
familiar with every part of thehouse.
Unfortunately, but not like heis.
But we were leaving the housetonight and we took the dog with

(13:03):
us and we were leaving and Ilocked the door and he was
holding the screen door open forme and I had a headache and
then he let me walk away andthen he let the bane of my
existence.
He let the screen door go.
He let it go.

(13:24):
Now I would hold on to it andplace it back and it's right.
So he let it go, and so it'sslammed shut, which is lovely
for a headache.
Anyway, there's those timeswhen you feel your fuse is short

(13:49):
right, but what I've learned isthat it's better to keep it to
yourself.

(14:13):
Married.
You also feel like there'stimes when you know that your
spouse your spouse has got ashort fuse for you, but they're
trying to keep it together too.
So that's just the fun of beingmarried.
There's good parts to it andthere's also challenges, but
overall I would say that it's avery positive experience and I

(14:35):
love my husband very much.
I know he loves me, and there'smore to say, and I'm sure in
the coming weeks I'll be talkingmore about marriage.
I know there's some of you outthere that have been divorced
and some of you out there thatare still single.
Finding the right person is thechallenge.

(14:57):
It took me a long time it feltlike a long time to find the
right person, but it's worth thewait, I think.
So that's all I've got fortoday, folks.
Next week we'll tackle anothertopic together.
I hope you'll join me If youlike this episode.

(15:19):
Please follow the Only ChildDiaries podcast on Apple
Podcasts or other platforms youmight listen on and consider
rating Only Child Diaries andwriting a review.
It helps others to find us.
Please share it with a friendyou think might like it as well.
Visit my Instagram page OnlyChild Diaries or Facebook Only

(15:43):
Child Diaries Podcast.
Thanks for listening.
I'm Tracy Wallace and these arethe Only Child Diaries.