May 10, 2024 • 67 mins
Sometimes life throws you curveballs that land you back in places you never expected—like a college algebra class. That's where our story began, and we're inviting you to pull up a chair as we, Jay and Nia Floyd, unravel the threads of our 12-year marriage in a series of heart-to-hearts. From the first flirty glances across a classroom to the crucial conversations that have shaped our journey, we're bearing it all. You'll witness the evolution of a romance that endured the highs, lows, and the ultimate test of a six-month break.
Have you ever considered the significance of weekly check-ins with your partner? Join us as we share the cornerstone practice that transformed our relationship and gave us a second chance at love. This isn't just about the sweet nothings; we're getting into the nitty-gritty of communication, confronting fears, and the art of blending families. Our candid discussions are sure to resonate with anyone who's navigated the complex dance of a committed relationship. Expect to find laughter, tears, and perhaps a new perspective on the trials and triumphs of love.
As we close this chapter of Open Book Podcast, the raw and unfiltered exchanges between Nia and me reflect the wisdom gleaned from over a decade of togetherness. We talk about the importance of asserting self-worth and setting boundaries, the emotional maturity required to navigate friendship and romantic rekindling, and the beautiful, unpredictable dance of life and love. So, whether you're in the throes of a new romance, weathering a storm in your long-term relationship, or just love a good love story, our experiences might just have the insights you've been searching for.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome everybody to the open book podcast.
This podcast is, um, actuallywe, we really didn't write
nothing, we're just going.
We're going to come in here andbe ourselves.
My name is Jay Floyd.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
My name is Nia Floyd, my beautiful wife over there.
Ooh, thank you handsome.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
You know the dopest thing about this.
I kind of set this cheers up so, cause we gotta be able to see.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We gotta look at each other's eyes.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Yeah, it changes the energy when you can see each
other it does so I think that'sreally important.
So again y'all, welcome to theopen book welcome we're gonna do
something.
Uh, that's really us.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
I was gonna say it's different, but I don't know if
it's different because we don't,I don't really know who else
does this.
Well, this is our first timedoing it, so it is so.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
We're just gonna rock , we're just gonna do us um.
A lot of people have told us weshould do a podcast.
Uh, I created a song dedicatedto amazing song yes, it was on
my last album, which is calledwhat's good, which y'all should
go by absolutely immediately.
Yes, right now I think I evendiss drake in it, no no but if
(01:14):
that will make y'all go listento it, I just drake and kendrick
no they don't even know.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
If you're looking for some authentic hip that's going
to really speak to your mindand have you vibing, go pick up
the album.
You ain't got no diss recordsover here.
We got some knowledge recordsover here.
We ain't in that mess, you seethat.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
You see that?
Now, that's what I'm talkingabout, that's having a better
half.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Keeping me together, man.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
So yo again.
I'm Jay Floydyd.
This is my beautiful wife, nia,and this podcast we're really
going to talk about topics thatrelate to marriage being married
honest.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
we're gonna be honest , very transparent, because I
think we both think that's veryimportant when you know if we're
talking about, let's keep it100 and not be filtering and
putting the sugarcoats on it.
That's not what we do with oneanother and that's not what
we're going to do here.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
So, yeah, today's topic.
We got to start from thebeginning.
We got to tell you all who weare, how we got here, what is
our love story?
How did Dania Floyd fall headover heels?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
in love with some dude.
Is that what it was?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
What did he do?
What's the magic?
How did he do it?
What'd you do, bae?
You know what?
I can't reveal all the secrets.
We got to have a Patreon orsomething.
Okay, that's what we need.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
The game is to be sold, not told Okay, where do
you want to start?
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Oh, man, okay.
So how long have we beenmarried?
Almost 12 years.
Almost 12.
A dozen.
How long have we known eachother, though?
Uh about 14 yes, yeah, almostexactly, for actually exactly
roughly 14 when we met, um, allright, so yeah.
(03:20):
So here's.
Here's um kind of like what wasgoing on in my life when I
stumbled upon this beautifultreasure sitting in front of me.
I was a bachelor, you know whatI'm saying.
I was doing bachelor things.
You know, I was a little messedup in the head, a little messed
(03:43):
up in the spirit.
You know struggle mode a littlebit.
I had this nice job, right Like.
I worked this job since I waslike in college and it was dope,
right.
I was like man, I got acorporate job.
I'm learning the corporateworld.
I worked there for like 12years, man.
And then I was like, you know,like I said, I was messed up,
(04:04):
little wayward.
I was like taking my company'slaptop and using it to be the
DVD man in the hood, so I waslike using that laptop at home.
I'm like downloading movies,software, photoshop.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Word Microsoft.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
And then I come to work and they had bought me a
laptop with a DVD burner on it,so I'm burning copies of these.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I'm like printing up all the movies that I sell to
people and I'm selling them liketwo for five Doing too much and
I'm thinking man too much, twofor five Doing too much.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
And I'm thinking man, this is easy, I get paid to do
this, this is great.
And they caught me.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Yeah, it's easy.
All right, he didn't look athis employee handbook that is
fact.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
That is so fact, because I was so blindsided when
they caught me in the officeand fired me.
So after 12 years of, you know,rocking and rolling, I had to
figure something else out.
So I actually went to this jobfair um and tried to get a job.
At school that I had once goneto DeVry Institute.
(05:22):
I had gone there way back inthe day like 96.
96.
I went there for like a year.
I didn't graduate, just wentthere for a year.
So I was like you know, I sawthem with a little kiosk and I'm
like oh hey, y'all remember me.
I went here, give me a job.
And they were like you don'thave a bachelor's degree, brody,
you can't work here.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
You got to put in that work.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
And I was like, oh, they were like well, you can
sign up for some classes to getthat degree, and then maybe
we'll hire you.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
So I was like okay.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
So I signed up.
They gave me a couple ofclasses to take.
I had to take out some massivestudent loans just to take like
two classes.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
It was crazy, yes, from massive student loans just
to take like two classes.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
It was crazy, it was a lot of money and so, yeah, I
signed up for a couple ofclasses and one of them was
algebra, and I went to theorientation and I'm sitting in
the orientation chilling like avillain, falling asleep and
thinking about the NBA playoffsbecause it was right in the
middle of, like, lebron's finalyear nba playoff thing that's
(06:25):
happening and this young ladywalks in super late, like, like,
super late I was, I was tardy,I was, I was flying and get
there I mean, it was likefamilies there, like like single
moms with like bouncing babieson their laps and stuff, and
then the back of the room, this,this, this brown-skinned cutie,
(06:50):
walks in and she had like a gapin her team and she was wearing
like, I think, like a yellowshirt.
It's like bright colors, brightyellow and I remember thinking
like that chick's late as allget out like what I was.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Hey, don't be judging me.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
You don't know what I had going on that's facts,
that's fact so I, I did registerher, right, it wasn't like man,
let me go run game, let me gether number, but I it registered
like yo, that's a nice lookingyoung lady and she might be like
west indian or something, right, like something looks unique,
(07:26):
like jamaican or something'sgoing on there, right?
I think it was the gap, right?
Um, so we I didn't make nothingof it we go to start algebra
class and this young lady showsup in my algebra class, so, so
I'm like, okay, now I got to dosomething about this, right, I
(07:48):
gotta know.
All right.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
So, before you go into that spiel, yes, at the
time I was, uh, working fulltime, I was also single, but I
was, um, not looking.
I was learning myself and whatI enjoyed.
I'd just gotten out of a verylong relationship and I was
really just enjoying mysingleness and I had just
(08:12):
finished my associate's degreeat Indiana Wesleyan and was
deciding, like trying to figureout if DeVry would be a good fit
for me to finish my bachelor's.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
What did you think about DeVry?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I thought DeVry was extremely expensive.
It was ridiculously expensive.
I did not stay after that classand, yes, I did come into
orientation late.
I don't know.
I think I may have been workinglate.
Oh, my job was on the otherside of town.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Thank, you very much, so I think I may have just
gotten caught up it's gotta bethe reason.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Yeah, that's it and um, I did not see jay.
I did not see him atorientation.
I was literally.
I walked in late.
I was like, oh, I'm late,everybody's looking at me, okay,
y'all mind your business.
Um, so no, I did not CJ at all.
And it's interesting that youthought that I was West Indian
or Jamaican, because I havegotten out before.
(09:12):
I lived out in Indianapolis fora little bit and, um, I was an
out stop, I was an outdoor salesrep, and so we would go to like
the colleges and stuff to getpeople to sign up for credit
cards and give them a free gift,and that would be the thing.
People would walk up to me andask me where I was from.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Ain't too many black people out that way, right?
Speaker 2 (09:34):
No, but I mean in Indianapolis it is.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
It's a lot different in Indianapolis than it is in
other cities, and that was along time ago.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Yeah, it was very racist outside of Indianapolis.
In Indianapolis you saw a lotof multi-racial couples mixed.
I mean it was the whole gambitthere.
But yeah, so I got that quiteoften of someone thinking that I
was African descent.
I thought, that's what it was.
And I think I had just started.
(10:02):
Maybe did I have my braces whenwe first met, or not yet think
he was just getting.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
I just got him okay, I think maybe I just got him or
I was on the way to getting them.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Yeah, I wasn't close enough to see you because I was
like on time for orientation.
Oh okay, I was like in thefront.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
He was on time, okay you want to say that again one
more time, just in case theydidn't hear you or know that you
was on time, based on yourstory.
Go ahead, I'll give you yourtime.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
I'm just saying, you know, we got to give them all
the details so they can envisionthis.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
So one of the things that was not mentioned is that I
always came to class with majorfocus on my work.
So I normally have myheadphones in and was glued to
the screen and the class that wewere taking the algebra class
we were taking it was reallykind of work at your own pace,
(10:56):
so you could come in wheneveryou wanted to, as long as you
did what you needed to do andyou got the assignments in at
the time you needed to get themin.
So I was kind of in and out.
I did not try to make friends,I did not try to make eye
contact with anybody.
That was not what I was therefor.
I was there to get that workdone and I think at the time too
, I was like DeVry is expensive,Let me get this class done so I
(11:19):
can figure out where I'm going,because I am not staying here.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
It was pricey, it.
I'm going because I am notstaying here.
It was a lot, yeah.
So yeah, let's talk about thisfocus.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Yeah, let's talk about the focus.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Let me tell y'all your audience, who's listening
to this?
So we started in this algebraclass.
I don't know how many peoplewas in there.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
It was a full class.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
It was definitely.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
It was a good 30.
It was a big class.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
It was so I was typically sitting like in the
middle of this class.
My beautiful wife Dania wastending to sit off to the right,
not you knowing where I sat.
Off to the right right.
She always sat in the same areaoff to the right side of the
class and there was like thisgroup of people behind me and I
(12:07):
was kind of social right, like Itend to be a social butterfly
sometimes, and so I'm likechopping it up with the people,
getting to know them, and theynotice me, looking at Dania a
lot, right, like they notice myeyes keep popping over there
every time she walks in late tothe class.
I mean walks into the class.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
I just said it was self-paced.
You know what?
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Hey y'all, it was self-paced.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
It was.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
That's what it was, even though there was a teacher
there and everything he wasthere for questions.
He wasn't helping, he wasn'tdoing nothing, he was literally
just there so, yep, it was aself-paced class, but yeah, so
people behind me kind of noticedlike yo, this guy right here,
the black guy in the middle, helikes that black girl over there
(12:58):
on the right right.
So they're kind of like yo,when are you gonna say something
?
To say something to her?
Like are you going to shoot yourshot and I was like yeah, you
know when the time is right, youknow yada, yada, and so one day
you know.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I was like this is it .
Speaker 1 (13:16):
I'm going to shoot my shot.
She came in and I tried tocatch eye contact.
You know like I'm good with theeye contact and I tried to
catch eye contact.
You know like I'm good with theeye contact, I'm like.
You know.
Maybe if she'd look at me I cancommunicate non-verbally and
she wouldn't.
I know she's locked in yes, Iwas.
There was times where I'm justlike staring a hole into the
(13:38):
side of her skull and she justwould not look, because I didn't
feel it.
I was filling them numbers sofinally, you know the people
behind me.
It's like a little cheeringgallery at this point.
They're like do it, do it, doit.
So I'm like, okay, I got this.
So I walk over and I'm likehave I met you before?
(14:00):
No, no, no, no, you was likeexcuse me, excuse me, of course,
I'm gonna say do we do we knoweach other right?
Speaker 2 (14:11):
do we know each other have?
Speaker 1 (14:11):
I met you have.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
I met you before and look, I had to take my
headphones off because I waslike you talking to me, huh, oh
uh.
No, I don't think so.
I was very kind.
I was like I don't think so.
And he was very kind.
I was like I don't think so,and he was smiling all big.
You know, he had the charm allthe way on and I was like no, I
(14:32):
don't think we know each other.
I don't think we've met before.
Yeah, that's how it went.
That's how it went.
And then he was like okay.
And I was like, okay, have agreat day.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Put my headphones back on.
Put the headphones back on.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Clickety-clack and it was so weird.
It was eerie because it waslike after he walked off I had
to look around because it feltlike everybody was watching us.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
They were.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Like I said, I'm like , I'm in the computer, I ain't
paying no attention, so you know.
It just felt like why is theair shift?
Speaker 1 (15:01):
in here.
It feels weird for me.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
So once I picked my face back up, I walked back to
my desk and sat down andeverybody's like oh, it's okay,
jay, it's gonna be all right youtried, he tried so I didn't see
him that much anymore until, uh, I want to say, I came in on an
(15:30):
off day and I was in thecomputer lab um, I think I was
making up a test or I was doingsomething, I don't know and I
happened to see him there and wejust kind of said hi and kind
of kept going.
I don't think we really hadmuch.
You gave me like a pep talkbecause I was struggling yeah, I
think I asked you like how youwere doing and what was going on
, and you said I don't know.
(15:51):
But I told you that you know itwould be fine, you'll do well,
just keep practicing.
And I think I asked him likewhat was his grade, and he was
like I'm getting an a and I waslike looking at him, like you
tripping, like when you, whenyou're stressed out and where,
buddy, okay, I just was like I'mgetting an A and I was like
looking at him like you tripping, Like when you're stressed out.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
You look like.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
A-wear buddy.
Okay, I just was like well youknow, if you got an A, you're
going to do great.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
And kept moving.
Here's full context of it.
Right Like in school, growingup I was a straight A student.
Right Like I was a giftedstudent and math was my
expertise.
I went into college and Ididn't have a real good work
ethic.
I was super lazy.
So when I came into college asa freshman I was taking like
(16:34):
calculus and so when I got intothe corporate world I just
stopped going to college.
I just stopped going.
I got my associate's degree andkept working.
So when I lost my job I justpanicked and I'm like I got my
associate's degree and keptworking.
So when I lost my job, I justpanicked and I'm like I gotta do
what it takes to get back onthe career trajectory.
So, going to DeVry, take thisalgebra class.
(16:55):
But I immediately got anotherjob.
I bounced right back look at God, I was yeah, exactly because I
was like I don't know what I'mgonna do, god, but you put the
work in, you put me right backinto another position where I
was making even exactly BecauseI was like I don't know what I'm
going to do.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
God, you put the work in.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
You put me right back into another position where I
was making even more money thanI was making at the job.
That fired me.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Blessing.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
So I was like but I'm really trying my best, I'm
pouring everything into this jobbecause I'm like this is my
lifeline, this is my secondchance, so I'm going to put
everything into it.
So college, at that point,taking this class was like I
just wanted to take that classto get a job.
But now I got I'm back.
So it was kind of anafterthought for me and I was
(17:33):
working so much that it was astruggle for me to put in the
work that I needed in this class.
So I was struggling.
I wasn't I really wasn'tputting in the time to study any
of that stuff.
So when it came time to liketake the test, I was like let me
come in on the weekend, becausemy weekdays is locked.
I'm like struggling.
So when I came in on thatweekend, there was only like a
(17:53):
couple of computers that theyhad us at and you were right
there next to me and it was likeI would have liked to follow up
and ask you how you doing.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
But I was in struggle mode so I was just like yeah,
yeah, I'm just gonna worry aboutthis work, so we've seen each
other the last class, because Ithink that was maybe the weekend
prior to the last class and we,so we saw each other last class
and you know um, I seen him.
I finished my test and I thinkhe was beating on his keyboard
(18:31):
and I was leaving, or maybe thatwas when I seen you on Saturday
and she was beating on yourkeyboard.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
But either way.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
I was leaving, I finished my test and I was
leaving, I had to walk past himand I was like, okay, well, you
know, take care, see you later.
And he was like, all right,have a nice day, dania.
And I was like, does he?
He know my full name?
Because, you know, my name isnot common, so most people, when
they meet me, sometimes theyremember, sometimes I don't, or
they don't say it correctly.
So he was like, uh, you know,for him to say my full name, to
(19:04):
remember it, and we only spokelike once or twice.
It was just kind of like, hmm,okay, you remember my name.
That's what's up.
So, yeah, I'm leaving out ofthe building and I'm getting in
the car, headed out, and I getthis text message.
I'm on Facebook.
I get this Facebook message andI just joined Facebook.
I was super late to the game.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
And the Facebook.
I was super late to the game umand the message said uh, what'd
it say?
Speaker 2 (19:30):
bae, I know you don't think I'm gonna let you get
away that easy.
I was like who is this?
Okay, he got my attention.
You see what I'm saying itworked who is this what?
Speaker 1 (19:36):
I tell y'all the game is to be sold and not told so
we dated very briefly, veryquickly we dated it was probably
a couple months we dated.
It was very fast yeah it waslike zero to a hundred but it
actually it was like a lot goingon for that right.
(19:57):
So, right at that time, um, we,we started like texting each
other.
From that time I reached out toher on Facebook, we started,
you know, going hot and heavywith texts back and forth and we
had agreed to like meet up onFather's Day.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Yes, and we were going to go.
What was the place we weregoing to go to?
It was a restaurant downtown.
It's not open anymore.
I can't remember Fat Fish Blueor something like that.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Yeah, there you go.
We were going fat fish blue orsomething like that.
We were gonna go.
I'd never been, neither of ushad ever been, and that was the
plan to go to there.
That was a nice restaurant andwe didn't make it.
We did not make it and that,and so to back up a little bit,
uh, dania had been in along-term relationship.
I had also been in a long-termrelationship before that, but it
had ended a couple of yearsbefore I met her and and I had a
(20:43):
daughter from that relationship, and so she would come over
every morning and then on theweekends.
So one of the things aboutFather's Day, obviously, is
always on a Sunday.
I needed to go get her.
My plan is always let me go getmy kid to be with her father,
and then let me go take both ofus to be with my father, right,
(21:07):
to kind of bridge thosegenerations, um.
So I went to go pick up mydaughter and as I'm picking her
up literally I'm carrying her tothe car I get a call that's
like um, your dad got sick,something happened, and it's
like yo, I just text with himlike pops, I'm coming over Like
(21:30):
dad, I'll be over there.
He was like, yeah, I'm going tomake some ribs, so to get that
text was super traumatic.
So I hop in the car and I justfly across town to the hospital
and my dad's in there and me andmy daughter get a chance to
just talk to him.
He seemed cool at the momentbut, um, he actually was a lot
(21:50):
sicker than we thought andnobody knew and like literally
like half an hour after I gotthere and we talked to him, he
passed away.
It was just like like that.
So it was like a supertraumatic day, um, and it was
like trying to catch up toeverything that just happened,
right, like trying to make senseof that whole day was super
(22:11):
hard and I think we connected,was it that?
Speaker 2 (22:14):
day or the next day.
It was that day.
Yeah, rest up, daddy Floyd.
Yeah, we did, we.
We connected.
We went to a park in ClevelandHeights and we stayed in the
park the whole night justtalking and really just like
getting to know each other.
And it really just kind ofchanged things for us because
(22:36):
like right after that we kind ofjust sailed on pretty quickly.
So, yeah, it was not good timing.
It did not last very long inthat time frame.
So at that time I had startedto go to a weekend college at
(22:57):
Hiram.
They had a weekend college foradults who were working.
So I would go every two weeksand stay on campus in the dorms
and I enjoyed it.
I loved it because, I mean, youcould take as many classes as
you wanted to Friday, saturday,sunday, and they had seminars
and all different types ofthings you could take to get
credits for, like you could getlike four credits that day if
(23:18):
you take a, you know, an eighthour class.
It was insane and amazing andit allowed me to have the
college experience, even though,you know, I didn't go to
college.
I went straight to working onceI got out of high school.
So it was a really coolexperience and, you know, we
were kind of just it just wasn'ta good time and we did not end
(23:43):
on a good note.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
I mean I thought I was pretty cordial, but you know
, but wait, we can't tell themthe end.
We got to tell them our firstdate.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Oh yeah, first date, First date.
Where did we go?
We went to Far East.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Yeah, no, we didn't.
That's not what it's calledPacific East, pacific East Lord.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
We went to Pacific East.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Was it a sushi place.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Yeah, it was sushi.
We went and had their sushibrunch at my suggestion.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
And he comes up to me and gives me this hug, y'all,
and it was a low hug.
What was a low hug?
Hug, you know?
He put, he put his, he put onehand around me and the other one
he put on my low back, right,low, low back, to pull me in.
I was like, what kind of hug is?
Speaker 1 (24:28):
this.
What are the way?
What?
Because we, we have thisconversation all the time, but I
never ask you what did it feellike?
Speaker 2 (24:35):
oh, it gave me the wigglies.
I was like, ooh, what is this?
This is an interesting kind ofhug.
I mean, you normally don't getthis on the first date.
What's going on here?
I was not ready for that.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
I didn't, even I didn't.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
I wasn't trying to do that, it just was what felt
natural.
He wasn't so In the moment.
This dude was all aboutastrology.
Let me pull out the Zodiac.
I got this chart.
I got this website I go to toget my astrology readings.
Let me pull it out and see whatit has to say about you and
(25:13):
read me I did.
And I don't know what websitehe went to, but it was pretty
accurate and I was like, oh no,this is what are we?
Speaker 1 (25:23):
doing here.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
What are we doing here?
I was extremely uncomfortablebecause that had never happened
before.
Like you know, normally you goand you chat and you eat, and
that was not the case.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
And.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
I was kind of looking like um, this is different,
this is odd.
That's our cats, y'all herechasing each other around acting
crazy.
They, if they're not fighting,they're doing something.
They got themselves in one ofour bags, so that's what that
noise is at wrestling.
But um, yeah, so it wasdefinitely an interesting first
(25:56):
meeting, for sure, yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Yeah, I got to say.
You know we talked about my dad, but my mom rest in peace.
To my mom, she was big intoastrology.
You know she was fromMississippi and they believe
that stuff die hard Like so Igrew up with that.
So not having my mom around oneof the things I kept with me,
like when I would meet ladies tofigure out if they was for me.
I do what my mom taught me.
(26:19):
She's like look up their charts, see what it is yeah, it was
disrespectful I think.
For me, the biggest thing,because I'm such a uh, I like
human behavior and stuff likethat um, I like to see a
person's response, to see ifit's accurate or not, to see how
they respond to reading aboutthemselves.
To me, that was probably andwhat'd you get?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
what was my reaction, honey?
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I don't know, I thought you was.
You was actually pretty coolabout it, although you said some
things in that, in that firstdate that we did not talk about
yet.
You said I was your husband.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
No, that was not the first date, it was not it was
pretty close.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
It was not it was when?
Speaker 2 (26:59):
was it was?
Speaker 1 (26:59):
no, it wasn not the first date.
It was not.
It was pretty close.
It was not.
When was it?
No, it wasn't the first date.
When was it?
Speaker 2 (27:03):
It was a little while later.
It was not the first date.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
How far?
How far do you think it was?
Speaker 2 (27:07):
I don't know, but I know it wasn't that day.
What?
Speaker 1 (27:10):
about you also said that you saw a great man of God
in me.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
I did.
That was after we talked acouple times.
We had went to the, we went tothe amphitheater, we saw the.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Black Keys.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
The Black Keys.
So we had went on a few datesbefore so.
I never.
I've had that said to me anumber of times that you know I
could see you being my wife oryour wife.
How did that feel when peopletold you that Alarming, I mean,
cause I know I felt like I wasyeah, I'm wife, material.
I'm not dating, just to date.
(27:45):
But also it would come fromthese people who had like
multiple kids, fresh babies andI'm not talking like older kids,
I'm talking about fresh, fresh,fresh out the womb babies Um,
and it was just kind of a littlealarming and so I had never
like I would always just kind ofbe freaked out a little bit.
(28:06):
So to say that to somebody wasI think it was really just kind
of an impulsive thing to say.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
I was gonna say did you think about it beforehand?
I don't think I did.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
I think it just fell out and it was like oh my gosh,
what did you just say?
Speaker 1 (28:18):
And.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
I think I said something like you know, don't
think I'm a weirdo or think I'mcreepy, but I just see I can see
myself being with you for awhile now.
Obviously, in hindsight, Iwould not recommend you say that
to somebody that you haven'tbeen with or you know, you guys
haven't had the conversationCause at the time we hadn't had
the conversation.
We again, we moved really,really fast.
And you know, I think that Idon't regret saying it.
(28:44):
Let me say that I don't regretsaying it.
That's what I felt.
I was being transparent.
Did that scare you?
Probably so.
Yeah, it scared me and you knowit definitely probably changed
the trajectory of ourrelationship at the time.
But I don't regret saying it atall.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
I think it, um, I don't know if it changed it, I
think it's just that was what wehad to go through, right?
Um, I think you know one of thethings about meeting you and
talking about you being a Piscesand stuff like that I remember
I came over your house and youhad this shirt on that said you
was psychic and it's like I dothink you have that right.
(29:21):
So you, you was speaking thatright, like we in the moment.
It scared me and it probablywas even weird for you to say
but it's one of those things, itwas true yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
I mean yeah, it was, and I mean it was just kind of
like, well, I mean it's outthere.
So we'll see where this goesand it didn't go very far.
After that things kind of wenton the sour end.
Um, you know, I was like I saidI wasn't dating the date.
I wasn't um, I was dating to bea wife yeah, and I was dating
(29:53):
the date and at the time it justwasn't good timing and I think
um something happened.
I don't know exactly whathappened, but I told you that
you reneged like I asked you todo something and you said that
you would, and then you was likeno, I ain't doing it.
And I was just like what?
And so it kind of caused thisbig argument.
And, um, so we just agreed thatyou know we wouldn't see each
other, that we would just befriends.
(30:13):
And so I went to your show.
You and speed had a show well,wait, a second.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Wait, we got it.
We got because we got to say itright, right, like this wasn't
a, we agreed I was not at thatlevel of self-awareness and
maturity to be on some.
Let's agree to not be with eachother like that's not where I
was at in life, right?
Speaker 2 (30:33):
all the way where I was at, I was like, okay, cool,
we can just be friends, nobiggie yeah, see it was.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
I remember, uh, driving down the street and
getting the email that you sentme nope, not that, nope that we
ain't came to that yet we didn'tget there, but you gotta talk
about that we will.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
So we um me and my um sister girl, my um my bestie
and and my sister q, we went togo see him at a show, him and
his bestest and brother theyperformed and we were there
supporting.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Was that the Allure?
Speaker 2 (31:05):
I think it was somewhere else.
Where was the Allure?
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Maybe it was the Allure, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
I only went there one time for that show but we were
there and then we kind of had aconversation afterwards because
he was like surprised that I wasthere.
He was like oh, thanks forcoming.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
And then it was just kind of like you know, that's
when we decided that we would befriends and so that not, yes,
you're absolutely right, butagain, I don't.
I don't want people to thinkthat I was being mature in that
situation.
I was just really caught offguard by you, um, asking for
like what, like a growth in me,and uh and uh.
(31:42):
It's like the things you wantedme to step up and bring to the
table was like honesty and uh,be clear, and stuff like that.
I was not, absolutely notprepared for any of that.
So every time you was like justbe honest with me, I took it as
why did this chick always wantto argue?
It was like I remember thatbeing the conversation outside
(32:03):
of that event where it was likeyou were at, you were asking me
like I want you to be honestwith me and I'm looking like why
?
Speaker 2 (32:11):
did you come here to argue?
And that wasn't what it was.
I was just trying to haveregular conversation.
So we agreed to be friends.
We went um to ikea, remember?
We took um juliet, we all wentto ikea in pennsylvania.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
Another growth point because, again, as a single dad
I want and not single dad, Iwant to stress that as a
co-parent who was not in anyrelationship, I was just with my
daughter a lot and I would justkind of lock myself in the
house and let me be clear, wedid not have dates where we were
(32:47):
with juliet yeah, so that wasnot something that came later on
down the line.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
Um, I was very protective of that side and he's
as he should be, as he shouldhave been um.
So we went to ikea and then atikea he goes yeah, um.
So you know, I know we saidwe're gonna be friends but I
think I'm gonna go ahead anddate somebody else, and it was
just like, oh okay, well, that'sinteresting.
But yeah, all right, we friends, you know you do what you do.
(33:14):
So we got back from ikea.
He was all funky because I wentthe wrong way.
He was trying to watch the, theMichigan game and he was all in
a stint.
So, I had came back to his housethat same day I think I stayed
and I was over there.
Maybe not, maybe it was anotherday I came, but anyway I was
there.
And another day Juliet wasthere and I just seen him like
(33:37):
hold up in his room and he wason his laptop and like he was
like there.
And here it is, I'm with hisdaughter, which, again, I didn't
really spend.
You know, she wasn't everaround when I was around, so I
was kind of like some of thefirst communications and
interactions that I had with herand I'm thinking like wait a
minute, wait a minute, wait aminute.
(33:59):
We need to think about thissituation, because this ain't
sounding right and this is notsitting well in my spirit.
So we don't work, okay.
And yeah, I said we're gonna befriends.
But here it is, I'm at yourhouse and you off doing whatever
, probably talking to whoever itis you're talking to now.
(34:21):
And why am I here?
We're not having a friendship.
You didn't went off and did it,you doing you.
So I think once I really satdown, once I got home and really
sat down and thought abouteverything, I was like no no, no
, no, no and no and no, no.
You are a diamond.
No, no, no, no, no and no andno, no.
You are a diamond.
(34:43):
You are a diamond and I am notgoing to let somebody treat me
like that.
I am not going to settle forthat.
If he wants to be friends, wecan be friends, but that's not
what this is.
This is something else andthat's not okay for me, and
that's fine.
I think maybe I had hopes thatthings would change, so maybe
(35:06):
that was the case.
I don't really know, but I knewthat what we said we were going
to be, we weren't, and I wasnot going to settle for that.
I was going to put me first andI was going to move forward.
And yes, I had told him that Ithought that he was my husband,
but at the same time, I know meand I know that I'm worth more
(35:28):
than that and I should betreated with respect and regard,
and I didn't feel like that waswhat was happening, and so I
had to move on and I thought youknow, if this is meant, if, if
God really has this man as myhusband, then he'll be my
husband.
But God didn't put me in nosituation to be anybody's next
to nothing.
(35:49):
OK so this ain't working andit's time to keep it moving.
So I wrote him a letter.
I do not remember what theletter said, and I think the
thing of it is is that Jay is anice guy.
He's always been a very niceguy, but that's the thing it's
like.
You look at him and you talk tohim and you have these
conversations and we had amazingchemistry.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Yeah, we did from day one.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
From day one Our chemistry was insane.
So that wasn't it.
It was like there's other stuffunder there, like looking at
him and talking to him youwouldn't think that anything was
wrong, but like intimately,like trying to go deeper and
have like more of a connection.
(36:31):
That wasn't happening and itwas just kind of like no, you
are not.
You are not what I thought youwere.
You're not even what you think.
you are you know like no, youhave some internal things that
you need to take a look at andin the midst of that, I had some
(36:51):
internal things that I neededto look at too, because am I
healed?
Did I go through all of thesteps that I needed to go
through before I healed, or didI just jump into something new
without really taking the timethat I needed to make sure I was
all cleaned up and cleared outand ready to be in a space to be
with someone else withoutbringing baggage?
Speaker 1 (37:10):
so not as innate.
I think one of the things thatletter that you sent, that email
was a wake-up call for me, likethere's no way we would be here
if you hadn't taken that step.
We would have just faded awayright at that moment, right Like
you might have came over onemore time and been like you know
(37:30):
what, yep, I was right andthat's it, and we would have
ended up being nothing.
But you did take that step, youdrew a line and it was a a big
wake up call for me, cause,again, I'm a mama's boy man and
you know, my mama always told meI was good, you know I'm a good
kid, I'm a nice guy.
She raised me to be good andnice, but those things are not
(37:54):
the end all be all of manhood,and that's not enough.
And you got to bring more tothe table, and that was just the
thing.
It was really hard for me toknow how to even do that kind of
stuff.
Right, like I knew you wantedmore from me and I knew you
thought I had more to give, butI didn't know how to do it.
And so it was like and I know alot of men find themselves in
(38:15):
that situation where it's likeyou don't have the maturity, you
don't have enough man in you,it hasn't been developed enough
for you to do what this woman isexpecting you to do to be there
to cover her and you're gettingbenefits that you don't deserve
.
Because you're you, you didn'tqualify yet and that's that's
(38:39):
good.
That's a hard wake up call andI know a lot of people just run
from that and just keep runningfrom it, running from it.
And I thank God that you sentthat letter because I remember
that feeling of reading it.
My first thought was like manwhat would my?
mom think Like yo, like look atthe words she said about me.
Like that's the opposite ofwhat, like you said, it's the
(39:03):
opposite of what I thought itwas, and I know it's the
opposite of what my motherthought she raised.
So it was really a really goodstarting point for me to be like
what's the disconnect man, likewhat's what is happening?
And you're not the first personto say those kind of things.
you're the first person who wasclose enough to me and to say
(39:25):
them in a clear enough way thatit made sense to me to change me
right, because people had likesaid more distant people had
said stuff like that um, but youdon't think about it when
you're in the moment, right likeI'm thinking about you know, I
don't.
I don't know how to be a father,so let me just try my best to
be a father.
(39:45):
I definitely don't know how tobe a husband, so I'm gonna run
from any mention of that.
And then you show up and you'relike why don't you have a
healthier life where you cantake your daughter places and
enjoy things around the worldand get out of the shell that
you're in and be honest and beopen and show up and don't just
hide in this depression typestate?
(40:07):
That was all scary stuff to me.
That was all scary and to me itfelt like why?
Speaker 2 (40:12):
are you trying to?
Speaker 1 (40:13):
change me.
I'm good where I'm at.
You know what I'm saying?
I got no complaints about justgrabbing my daughter coming home
, just watching some movies andthat's it, and that's the limit
of our life.
I got no complaint about thatand I felt like why you want to
bring friction into that?
Why can't you just come jointhis?
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
Like, if you really like me,just come join this.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
No, I couldn't, because that would have dimmed
my light absolutely it wouldhave dimmed my light and and I
was trying to pour some of thatlight into y'all or into you.
Yes, and it just wasn't a goodtime yeah so we, we saw each
other a few months later yeah,six was like six months later.
(41:01):
Yeah, it was a while it waslike six months, we saw each
other at a um purple wednesdaysyeah, yeah, downtown ls royal,
another event that I had neverbeen to before.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Right like these is all places.
This is the only time I went.
Was this one time, you know?
Speaker 2 (41:19):
dope event where people could go and, you know,
do poetry, and it was wonderful.
It was wonderful and he got upand spit and Jay's an excellent
rapper, he's a wonderful poet,he is just multi-talented with a
pen, and so I went there withhim again, my sister, my sister
(41:40):
girl Q.
We were there and, um, she waslike, oh, you see who on the
stage?
And by that time I mean it'ssix months later, you know, I
had been to myself, I wasn'tdating, I wasn't interested in
dating, I was really just doingreally well.
(42:01):
And I was like, okay, well, Imean he here.
So let's hear what he got tosay.
And he got up there.
He did an amazing job, like healways does.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
And I seen him and I told him and, and I kept it
moving, yeah, and I did not, um,so, in that in that six months,
like babe said, she was singleand healing and doing these
great things, I was not.
I was a mess, right.
So I just kept like crashing, Iwas doing the same womanizing
that I was doing when she met me.
Um, I had not figured anythingout other than this is
unsustainable, right, like thisfeels horrible and, um, I don't,
(42:45):
really I was kind of lost.
I was actually way moredepressed than the first time
she met me and and was way morein a bubble than the first time
she met me.
Like I was just locked, lockedinto my house.
Man, just, let me just go grabmy daughter, come on watch TV.
So, yeah, I got up there, Iperformed and when I was on
(43:05):
stage I saw her.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
And in my mind I was like I'm going to direct some of
this towards her so I can gether attention.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
You know, one of the things, man and I know I talk
about this a lot and it probablysounds contradictory is that,
man, poets, we be on someF-boy-ish.
You know what I'm saying, likewe and you know I'm just
self-aware enough at this age tosay it.
I know a lot of dudes probablywon't say it, but, man, a lot of
the reason we'd be up there isto get that attention, um, and
(43:38):
we'd be manipulating thatattention, you know.
So, yeah, when I got up there,my instinct was me trying to
manipulate that attention to gether back, um, and so, yeah,
when I hopped off stage, I waslike you know, let me make my
way around to see her, sweep heroff her feet, and I walked over
.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
Remember yeah, I do, I do.
And you said, I said hey, greatjob.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
And kept it pushing.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
I did, he did, he did an amazing job.
And I told him nah, I wasn'tgoing to be mean, what for?
Speaker 1 (44:13):
Yeah, an amazing job.
And I told him, no, I wasn'tgonna be mean, what for, yeah,
what for?
But she did not exude theenergy that I desired her to
exude.
Right, it wasn't like oh, it'sjay.
I really missed this guy.
I wish I hadn't swept him outof my life.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
No, sir, no, not that it was not that at all, because
I had moved on yeah, I moved onso next thing you know, I get
this text message Like is itokay to text you?
I'm like who is this?
Speaker 1 (44:37):
So you didn't even recognize my number or nothing.
I didn't, because I deletedyour number.
See that.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
When I moved on.
I moved on Once.
I was like done it was it.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
She moved on, I did needed.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
I deleted your number .
I went through the whole gambitof emotions, through a breakup
she burnt the sage in the house.
I did not burn the sage, but Iprayed strong and you know so.
No, I didn't have your phonenumber or my phone, so I was
like, who is this?
Speaker 1 (45:10):
I was like can I give you?
I was like, can I talk to you?
And I was like, who is this?
I know?
I was like can I give you?
I was like, oh, can I talk toyou?
And she was like who this?
And I was like, who did?
I'm so crushed.
But listen y'all, I am.
I've always been more wolf thansheep, so I'm always like I'm
going to assertively go for whatI want, even if I lose in the
(45:33):
end.
It ain't going to be because Ididn't show up to the game.
So I was like I'm just going tocall her man.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
He did, and he did.
He called me and he's like canI, can I come over, can we meet
up, can we hang out?
And I was like oh yeah, ok,yeah, you can come on over, you
can come to my place.
And I'm thinking I know hedon't think he's about to come
over here and think that we'rejust gonna pick up where we left
(46:01):
off, because that is not what'sgonna happen this is facts,
right you?
Speaker 1 (46:05):
have some questions that you need to answer and
let's just be real when we firstdated, we was hot and heavy,
yeah Right, like premarital sexand all of that.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
Yeah, we were in it.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
We were all the way in.
So, yeah, when she allowed meto come back over, she did make
it very clear like that's notwhat you over here for, bro,
we're not gonna go down, thatwe're not gonna travel that same
road no um, but when I got overthere she was watching her
favorite I was watching my oneof my favorites, just right just
(46:38):
right queen latifah and common,who you know messed up.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Right, you messed up, but that wasn't why I was
watching it.
I just really liked that movieand it just happened to be on.
I was like this movie's amessage, and so we watched a
movie and then afterwards I waslike this movie's a message, and
so we watched the movie andthen afterwards I was like, okay
, so let's talk.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
Well, we forgot one key detail.
Y'all.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
What's the key?
Speaker 1 (47:00):
As we were watching the movie, she was on the couch
and I sat on the floor in frontof her and she rubbed my head
y'all.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
Yes, I was playing in his hair, I was.
She rubbed my head y'all.
Yes, I was planning his hair, Iwas, she was.
Uh, I was.
I think that's why he thought.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
I think that's why he thought oh you know why she did
, why she remembered that lowhug, it goes a long way, it goes
a long way.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
That's what it was.
So we talked we ain't talk.
Speaker 1 (47:31):
I got interrogated.
Speaker 2 (47:32):
Oh, is that what it was.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
It was like.
It was like oh, that scene inMenace's Society was like.
You know, you just messed up,right.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Well, listen, here's the thing.
You made your intentions veryclear, why you were coming back
around, and I needed to makemine clear too, why you were
coming back around, and I neededto make mine clear too.
And from there I told him thatwe would have to have check-ins
every week.
We would have a conversationjust to kind of see where the
other person was.
You know, were we moving toofast?
(48:04):
Do we need to slow down?
Are we on the same page?
Do we feel like taking it toanother level?
Speaker 1 (48:10):
And then that way we don't have to worry about Do you
want to see somebody?
Speaker 2 (48:12):
else.
Right, let's be on the up andup, let's be as transparent as
possible for our own sake, so wecan have the conversation and
know like, okay, this ain'tworking for me or it is and
let's push forward.
So we did that every week andwe would just do check-ins like
every Friday, something likethat.
And we would just do check-inslike every Friday, something
(48:32):
like that, just to kind of seewhat the other was feeling and
just really have a, not just toreally have a conversation with
each other, but to check.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
Credit goes to God, but I give a lot of credit to my
wife for knowing who she is,knowing what she will and won't
tolerate, knowing what she sawin me.
Speaker 2 (49:03):
A man of God.
Speaker 1 (49:04):
Yeah, and knowing that she wasn't going to settle
for a lesser version of what shesaw in me.
Speaker 2 (49:12):
No, because I did.
I saw we would speak on thephone and I would get goosebumps
, I would get chills, and I justknew.
I knew God had something greatplanned for your life, that he
was with you, he was coveringyou, and I just knew what I saw.
I saw, underneath all of thatextra that you know had piled up
(49:33):
on you throughout the years,there was just an amazing man of
God underneath all of that,just waiting to break free and
shine and shed your light intothe world, and I just felt like
I don't know why you haveattached me to this man.
I want to be there.
I want to be there with him ashe goes through this journey.
(49:57):
I want to help him shed some ofthat.
I want to be help him choosethat, that beautiful beacon of
light that you have shining onhim.
It was just so clear that Godhad you covered.
It just was, and I was justlike man.
I've never, I'd never, metanybody like that before.
I'd never seen that.
That just, god's just aura wasjust sitting on you.
(50:21):
It's like man, what is that?
Who is that?
Speaker 1 (50:25):
so, yeah, I mean, I saw all of that, I did, and
maybe that was what made me say,oh, that man is mine yeah, you
know, you know how they had ameme where it's like find you
somebody to look at, you like so, and so look at so, and so you
know it's like I, I hope youknow, uh, that every dude can
find a woman who sees them in away, in a clear way, the way
(50:50):
that you right, and not only canjust see the potential because
I know a lot of people date offpotential but hold you
accountable to grow into thatpotential.
Even when it's hard and itcauses some conflict and I'm not
receptive to it.
Hanging in there and knowingthat the bigger picture is there
(51:12):
, I think that's so important,man, I think we can just to put
a bow on it.
Man, I think one of the thingswe you know my wife talked about
those check-ins that was a key,that was the basics for us.
That was like us being bornagain.
Essentially, that was like thatday with that movie was like
our baptism and we got a secondchance and, um, I think those
(51:37):
check-ins every friday was likelearning how to walk yeah, you
know, for both of us.
Speaker 2 (51:42):
Yeah, it wasn't just for you, it was for both.
I needed it too.
We both needed it yeah becausewe both had growing up to do it
wasn wasn't just you know thatconversation in the apartment.
It was for both of us.
It wasn't just me interrogatingyou.
Speaker 1 (51:57):
It was.
Speaker 2 (51:58):
You know what are we doing?
Is this really do?
We want this to work, and if wedo, what does that look like?
Speaker 1 (52:06):
That's good, y'all Yo .
The final thing that I thinkends the beginning of us is
Easter.
It was Easter, right it?
Speaker 2 (52:18):
was Easter and it was another time after that.
So, yeah, so Easter.
Yeah, that's right, thatfollowed right up.
Speaker 1 (52:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (52:26):
Because you hadn't I called you and I just happened
to be having Easter at my housethat year.
So it was my turn to cook.
And I think I reached out tohim and asked him like what he
was doing.
And he said he was hanging outin the house and I was like okay
.
And I said, well, what are youeating?
And he said that he was goingto go to Baker Square and I was
(52:47):
like no, you're not, I'm goingto bring you a meal, I'm going
to bring you a plate, and I hadmade like Cornish hens and all
kinds of stuff, and so I broughthim a plate.
I took him a plate over so hecould have some food not from
Baker's.
Speaker 1 (53:02):
I mean, ain't nothing wrong with Baker's Square, but
you wasn't going to have it thatday.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
So I brought him a plate of food over, and yeah it
was delicious.
Speaker 1 (53:11):
y'all Just kind of picked up from there.
Speaker 2 (53:15):
I was like this woman can cook.
Yeah, it was, yeah, picked upfrom there.
And so the next thing that waspretty pivotal in our
relationship and then we canprobably I had asked Jay if he
wanted to come to Edgewater,Edgewater.
Speaker 1 (53:32):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (53:33):
To kind of hang out and he said no and I was like,
okay, no biggie.
So I went down there and, oh mygosh, it was such a beautiful
day and I was sitting on therocks and you know, took
pictures and posted them up howbeautiful it was outside.
It was just an absolutelybeautiful day and I had sent him
(53:55):
a message and asked him if Icould come over and, like we had
been going, I don't know, ithad been a couple of months
after we had had our initialchat and we were doing weekly
check-ins, but it was stillsomething.
Something was missing.
Like it was, like he's not fullyin this.
Speaker 1 (54:11):
No, I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
I'm feeling like there's still some resistance.
And, um, I hadn't really sawJuliet now.
I, before I met Jay, I was notinterested in dating a man with
a child.
I had done that before.
It did not go well, I was notinterested and I remember being
at work at the time.
I was talking to Kim.
(54:33):
Um, kim Peavy shout out to herbecause it was such a pivotal
conversation for me.
We were talking and I was likeyeah, I don't want to date a guy
with kids.
And she was like why?
And I was like I've been there,done that, I'm not interested.
And she was like you don't know, but don't limit yourself.
You never know who God has instore for you, and that person
(54:57):
may just have children and youmay be blocking your blessing
because you got this situationthat you had prior to this
causing you to.
You know, limit yourself in allthat he may have for you.
So open your mind up, don't beso resistant to that.
And I was just like, all right,shut me up.
(55:17):
Okay, I hear you.
And so we were a couple monthsin to this new thing and we
hadn't really had anycommunication that much with
Juliet being around, and so Iwent over and she just happened
to be there that day and I justkind of I don't know if she was
still there, if, um, you weredropping her off or what, but I
(55:40):
had just told him, like you know, I still feel, like you know,
that you're holding back.
Um, you know, and we kind ofjust had we had to talk about it
because, you know, at thispoint we was talking about
everything.
No lies very transparent.
We was just kind of, you know,let's talk about it.
And that was the one area thatI felt that, um, he was still
(56:02):
very resistant with, and so,yeah, I brought it up to him and
after that it was, it was likenight and day after that it was.
Speaker 1 (56:15):
It was like night and day.
Yeah, I think it was.
I didn't, I didn't realize Iwas not all the way in and and
committed to the journey with usyet, um, but the whole thing
was still just so scary to me,like everything was scary.
I was afraid so much and youknow I know a lot of dudes don't
admit when they're scared.
But I've learned, I'm wiseenough now to know how to talk
(56:35):
about it.
And it was fear.
I was afraid.
I was afraid I didn't know howto do it.
I was afraid I didn't know howto make a family, since I had
failed once.
That taking that step to liketry to solidify a second chance
at a family was scary to meBecause it's like what if it
don't work?
What if it's twice as bad?
Not that I've multiplied it alltogether, you know.
(56:57):
So it was like that.
All of that was just a lotreally fear-based.
And when you, you know you werelike I'm going to the lake and
you know y'all should go, andI'm like, nah, nah, it really
was just a lot of, you know, alot of folks with depression.
You know they just want to bein a house, they just want to be
in a house.
They don't want to go outbecause the anxiety can be
(57:19):
crushing.
So many things you worry aboutand you're scared of.
So you just don't go out, youstay in, and that's what I was
doing.
So, yeah, you was like you.
Just you were saying thesewords like you, you should, and
you I don't feel like you're allthe way in and I could see your
mouth moving, but I justcouldn't register it.
It was one of those and Iremember what it was like.
(57:42):
The first day of my life I everthought about the holy spirit
because, like I've always beenlike, oh, you know the holy
ghost.
I've been hearing about theholy ghost since I was a little
kid.
My grandmother would talk aboutit.
But that day I was like, is theHoly Spirit trying to talk to
me?
Like, is that why this is sohard for me to understand?
This is coming from a spiritualplace and I need to use
(58:05):
something that's not my physicalears to hear this.
And that was what I wasstruggling with.
And when you went, went, Iremember you posted on facebook
pictures, right, you were likeat the lake and you was just
like looking so happy.
You had your fro out.
I did have a fro and you waslooking so happy and the sun was
behind you.
And I remember I looked and Iclicked on the picture and it
(58:27):
was so clear.
For some reason, looking at thatpicture was like I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
It's like I'm so scared of this, but this is the world.
You can't be scared of theworld Like you got to go out and
experience it.
You don't know what's gonnahappen, but you can't be afraid
(58:48):
of the world.
And so when I saw you out therewith like it was like clear
skies behind you and I could seethe sun, and I was like it was
just a really good picture of goout and experience the world
and quit being afraid You're notgoing to be certain of
everything but go for it, takesome risks.
(59:09):
And yeah, that was the push Ineeded, just seeing that.
I don't know what it was aboutthat picture, but it opened up
something in my spirit where Icould hear what the Holy Spirit
was trying to tell me.
Speaker 2 (59:22):
Yeah, I mean it was amazing.
It was like a light flashed onbecause it was like night and
day.
It was like whoa okay, itliterally shifted overnight.
Speaker 1 (59:36):
it was totally different seeing him the next
day and then thereafter it wastotally different yeah, honestly
, and I know you know, over theyears I've had a number of those
moments.
There's a lot of people thathave seen me now and who haven't
seen me in 10 plus years orwhatever, and they'll be like
who's this?
You know what I mean.
Like who's this, and you knowthere's a lot of people who may
(59:57):
have known me 20 years ago whoare like we knew you would
probably become this, but it isstill.
It's nice to see that ithappened.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Um, so yeah, and shout out toeverybody who made it this far
into the show I know we are hourin.
Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
We are.
Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
But, yeah, this is our beginnings, you know, and so
many things tie into this rightMental health therapy, our
history, our parents, how wewere raised.
We're going to talk about allof that in future episodes.
Y' so stick with us, keeprocking.
I hope y'all get some meat fromwhat we're doing.
Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
Thank you for tuning in and you know.
If you have questions, if youhave comments, let us know.
We'd love to respond and makethis interactive, if possible.
Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
Absolutely, and you know, hit us up on Facebook.
We're gonna have a Facebookpage for this show.
So get at us, let us know.
If there's a topic y'all wantto hear about, we're going to
rock it out.
If there's somebody that wantsus to interview them, let's do
it.
All right, we're going to keepgrowing, man.
We want to help other peoplegrow as we grow.
Speaker 2 (01:01:06):
Yes, until next time.
All right y.
Welcome everybody to the open book podcast.
This podcast is, um, actuallywe, we really didn't write
nothing, we're just going.
We're going to come in here andbe ourselves.
My name is Jay Floyd.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
My name is Nia Floyd, my beautiful wife over there.
Ooh, thank you handsome.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
You know the dopest thing about this.
I kind of set this cheers up so, cause we gotta be able to see.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We gotta look at each other's eyes.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Yeah, it changes the energy when you can see each
other it does so I think that'sreally important.
So again y'all, welcome to theopen book welcome we're gonna do
something.
Uh, that's really us.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
I was gonna say it's different, but I don't know if
it's different because we don't,I don't really know who else
does this.
Well, this is our first timedoing it, so it is so.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
We're just gonna rock , we're just gonna do us um.
A lot of people have told us weshould do a podcast.
Uh, I created a song dedicatedto amazing song yes, it was on
my last album, which is calledwhat's good, which y'all should
go by absolutely immediately.
Yes, right now I think I evendiss drake in it, no no but if
(01:14):
that will make y'all go listento it, I just drake and kendrick
no they don't even know.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
If you're looking for some authentic hip that's going
to really speak to your mindand have you vibing, go pick up
the album.
You ain't got no diss recordsover here.
We got some knowledge recordsover here.
We ain't in that mess, you seethat.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
You see that?
Now, that's what I'm talkingabout, that's having a better
half.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Keeping me together, man.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
So yo again.
I'm Jay Floydyd.
This is my beautiful wife, nia,and this podcast we're really
going to talk about topics thatrelate to marriage being married
honest.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
we're gonna be honest , very transparent, because I
think we both think that's veryimportant when you know if we're
talking about, let's keep it100 and not be filtering and
putting the sugarcoats on it.
That's not what we do with oneanother and that's not what
we're going to do here.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
So, yeah, today's topic.
We got to start from thebeginning.
We got to tell you all who weare, how we got here, what is
our love story?
How did Dania Floyd fall headover heels?
Speaker 2 (02:30):
in love with some dude.
Is that what it was?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
What did he do?
What's the magic?
How did he do it?
What'd you do, bae?
You know what?
I can't reveal all the secrets.
We got to have a Patreon orsomething.
Okay, that's what we need.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
The game is to be sold, not told Okay, where do
you want to start?
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Oh, man, okay.
So how long have we beenmarried?
Almost 12 years.
Almost 12.
A dozen.
How long have we known eachother, though?
Uh about 14 yes, yeah, almostexactly, for actually exactly
roughly 14 when we met, um, allright, so yeah.
(03:20):
So here's.
Here's um kind of like what wasgoing on in my life when I
stumbled upon this beautifultreasure sitting in front of me.
I was a bachelor, you know whatI'm saying.
I was doing bachelor things.
You know, I was a little messedup in the head, a little messed
(03:43):
up in the spirit.
You know struggle mode a littlebit.
I had this nice job, right Like.
I worked this job since I waslike in college and it was dope,
right.
I was like man, I got acorporate job.
I'm learning the corporateworld.
I worked there for like 12years, man.
And then I was like, you know,like I said, I was messed up,
(04:04):
little wayward.
I was like taking my company'slaptop and using it to be the
DVD man in the hood, so I waslike using that laptop at home.
I'm like downloading movies,software, photoshop.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Word Microsoft.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
And then I come to work and they had bought me a
laptop with a DVD burner on it,so I'm burning copies of these.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I'm like printing up all the movies that I sell to
people and I'm selling them liketwo for five Doing too much and
I'm thinking man too much, twofor five Doing too much.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
And I'm thinking man, this is easy, I get paid to do
this, this is great.
And they caught me.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Yeah, it's easy.
All right, he didn't look athis employee handbook that is
fact.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
That is so fact, because I was so blindsided when
they caught me in the officeand fired me.
So after 12 years of, you know,rocking and rolling, I had to
figure something else out.
So I actually went to this jobfair um and tried to get a job.
At school that I had once goneto DeVry Institute.
(05:22):
I had gone there way back inthe day like 96.
96.
I went there for like a year.
I didn't graduate, just wentthere for a year.
So I was like you know, I sawthem with a little kiosk and I'm
like oh hey, y'all remember me.
I went here, give me a job.
And they were like you don'thave a bachelor's degree, brody,
you can't work here.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
You got to put in that work.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
And I was like, oh, they were like well, you can
sign up for some classes to getthat degree, and then maybe
we'll hire you.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
So I was like okay.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
So I signed up.
They gave me a couple ofclasses to take.
I had to take out some massivestudent loans just to take like
two classes.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
It was crazy, yes, from massive student loans just
to take like two classes.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
It was crazy, it was a lot of money and so, yeah, I
signed up for a couple ofclasses and one of them was
algebra, and I went to theorientation and I'm sitting in
the orientation chilling like avillain, falling asleep and
thinking about the NBA playoffsbecause it was right in the
middle of, like, lebron's finalyear nba playoff thing that's
(06:25):
happening and this young ladywalks in super late, like, like,
super late I was, I was tardy,I was, I was flying and get
there I mean, it was likefamilies there, like like single
moms with like bouncing babieson their laps and stuff, and
then the back of the room, this,this, this brown-skinned cutie,
(06:50):
walks in and she had like a gapin her team and she was wearing
like, I think, like a yellowshirt.
It's like bright colors, brightyellow and I remember thinking
like that chick's late as allget out like what I was.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Hey, don't be judging me.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
You don't know what I had going on that's facts,
that's fact so I, I did registerher, right, it wasn't like man,
let me go run game, let me gether number, but I it registered
like yo, that's a nice lookingyoung lady and she might be like
west indian or something, right, like something looks unique,
(07:26):
like jamaican or something'sgoing on there, right?
I think it was the gap, right?
Um, so we I didn't make nothingof it we go to start algebra
class and this young lady showsup in my algebra class, so, so
I'm like, okay, now I got to dosomething about this, right, I
(07:48):
gotta know.
All right.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
So, before you go into that spiel, yes, at the
time I was, uh, working fulltime, I was also single, but I
was, um, not looking.
I was learning myself and whatI enjoyed.
I'd just gotten out of a verylong relationship and I was
really just enjoying mysingleness and I had just
(08:12):
finished my associate's degreeat Indiana Wesleyan and was
deciding, like trying to figureout if DeVry would be a good fit
for me to finish my bachelor's.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
What did you think about DeVry?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I thought DeVry was extremely expensive.
It was ridiculously expensive.
I did not stay after that classand, yes, I did come into
orientation late.
I don't know.
I think I may have been workinglate.
Oh, my job was on the otherside of town.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Thank, you very much, so I think I may have just
gotten caught up it's gotta bethe reason.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Yeah, that's it and um, I did not see jay.
I did not see him atorientation.
I was literally.
I walked in late.
I was like, oh, I'm late,everybody's looking at me, okay,
y'all mind your business.
Um, so no, I did not CJ at all.
And it's interesting that youthought that I was West Indian
or Jamaican, because I havegotten out before.
(09:12):
I lived out in Indianapolis fora little bit and, um, I was an
out stop, I was an outdoor salesrep, and so we would go to like
the colleges and stuff to getpeople to sign up for credit
cards and give them a free gift,and that would be the thing.
People would walk up to me andask me where I was from.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Ain't too many black people out that way, right?
Speaker 2 (09:34):
No, but I mean in Indianapolis it is.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
It's a lot different in Indianapolis than it is in
other cities, and that was along time ago.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Yeah, it was very racist outside of Indianapolis.
In Indianapolis you saw a lotof multi-racial couples mixed.
I mean it was the whole gambitthere.
But yeah, so I got that quiteoften of someone thinking that I
was African descent.
I thought, that's what it was.
And I think I had just started.
(10:02):
Maybe did I have my braces whenwe first met, or not yet think
he was just getting.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
I just got him okay, I think maybe I just got him or
I was on the way to getting them.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Yeah, I wasn't close enough to see you because I was
like on time for orientation.
Oh okay, I was like in thefront.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
He was on time, okay you want to say that again one
more time, just in case theydidn't hear you or know that you
was on time, based on yourstory.
Go ahead, I'll give you yourtime.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
I'm just saying, you know, we got to give them all
the details so they can envisionthis.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
So one of the things that was not mentioned is that I
always came to class with majorfocus on my work.
So I normally have myheadphones in and was glued to
the screen and the class that wewere taking the algebra class
we were taking it was reallykind of work at your own pace,
(10:56):
so you could come in wheneveryou wanted to, as long as you
did what you needed to do andyou got the assignments in at
the time you needed to get themin.
So I was kind of in and out.
I did not try to make friends,I did not try to make eye
contact with anybody.
That was not what I was therefor.
I was there to get that workdone and I think at the time too
, I was like DeVry is expensive,Let me get this class done so I
(11:19):
can figure out where I'm going,because I am not staying here.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
It was pricey, it.
I'm going because I am notstaying here.
It was a lot, yeah.
So yeah, let's talk about thisfocus.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Yeah, let's talk about the focus.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Let me tell y'all your audience, who's listening
to this?
So we started in this algebraclass.
I don't know how many peoplewas in there.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
It was a full class.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
It was definitely.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
It was a good 30.
It was a big class.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
It was so I was typically sitting like in the
middle of this class.
My beautiful wife Dania wastending to sit off to the right,
not you knowing where I sat.
Off to the right right.
She always sat in the same areaoff to the right side of the
class and there was like thisgroup of people behind me and I
(12:07):
was kind of social right, like Itend to be a social butterfly
sometimes, and so I'm likechopping it up with the people,
getting to know them, and theynotice me, looking at Dania a
lot, right, like they notice myeyes keep popping over there
every time she walks in late tothe class.
I mean walks into the class.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
I just said it was self-paced.
You know what?
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Hey y'all, it was self-paced.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
It was.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
That's what it was, even though there was a teacher
there and everything he wasthere for questions.
He wasn't helping, he wasn'tdoing nothing, he was literally
just there so, yep, it was aself-paced class, but yeah, so
people behind me kind of noticedlike yo, this guy right here,
the black guy in the middle, helikes that black girl over there
(12:58):
on the right right.
So they're kind of like yo,when are you gonna say something
?
To say something to her?
Like are you going to shoot yourshot and I was like yeah, you
know when the time is right, youknow yada, yada, and so one day
you know.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I was like this is it .
Speaker 1 (13:16):
I'm going to shoot my shot.
She came in and I tried tocatch eye contact.
You know like I'm good with theeye contact and I tried to
catch eye contact.
You know like I'm good with theeye contact, I'm like.
You know.
Maybe if she'd look at me I cancommunicate non-verbally and
she wouldn't.
I know she's locked in yes, Iwas.
There was times where I'm justlike staring a hole into the
(13:38):
side of her skull and she justwould not look, because I didn't
feel it.
I was filling them numbers sofinally, you know the people
behind me.
It's like a little cheeringgallery at this point.
They're like do it, do it, doit.
So I'm like, okay, I got this.
So I walk over and I'm likehave I met you before?
(14:00):
No, no, no, no, you was likeexcuse me, excuse me, of course,
I'm gonna say do we do we knoweach other right?
Speaker 2 (14:11):
do we know each other have?
Speaker 1 (14:11):
I met you have.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
I met you before and look, I had to take my
headphones off because I waslike you talking to me, huh, oh
uh.
No, I don't think so.
I was very kind.
I was like I don't think so.
And he was very kind.
I was like I don't think so,and he was smiling all big.
You know, he had the charm allthe way on and I was like no, I
(14:32):
don't think we know each other.
I don't think we've met before.
Yeah, that's how it went.
That's how it went.
And then he was like okay.
And I was like, okay, have agreat day.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Put my headphones back on.
Put the headphones back on.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Clickety-clack and it was so weird.
It was eerie because it waslike after he walked off I had
to look around because it feltlike everybody was watching us.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
They were.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Like I said, I'm like , I'm in the computer, I ain't
paying no attention, so you know.
It just felt like why is theair shift?
Speaker 1 (15:01):
in here.
It feels weird for me.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
So once I picked my face back up, I walked back to
my desk and sat down andeverybody's like oh, it's okay,
jay, it's gonna be all right youtried, he tried so I didn't see
him that much anymore until, uh, I want to say, I came in on an
(15:30):
off day and I was in thecomputer lab um, I think I was
making up a test or I was doingsomething, I don't know and I
happened to see him there and wejust kind of said hi and kind
of kept going.
I don't think we really hadmuch.
You gave me like a pep talkbecause I was struggling yeah, I
think I asked you like how youwere doing and what was going on
, and you said I don't know.
(15:51):
But I told you that you know itwould be fine, you'll do well,
just keep practicing.
And I think I asked him likewhat was his grade, and he was
like I'm getting an a and I waslike looking at him, like you
tripping, like when you, whenyou're stressed out and where,
buddy, okay, I just was like I'mgetting an A and I was like
looking at him like you tripping, Like when you're stressed out.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
You look like.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
A-wear buddy.
Okay, I just was like well youknow, if you got an A, you're
going to do great.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
And kept moving.
Here's full context of it.
Right Like in school, growingup I was a straight A student.
Right Like I was a giftedstudent and math was my
expertise.
I went into college and Ididn't have a real good work
ethic.
I was super lazy.
So when I came into college asa freshman I was taking like
(16:34):
calculus and so when I got intothe corporate world I just
stopped going to college.
I just stopped going.
I got my associate's degree andkept working.
So when I lost my job I justpanicked and I'm like I got my
associate's degree and keptworking.
So when I lost my job, I justpanicked and I'm like I gotta do
what it takes to get back onthe career trajectory.
So, going to DeVry, take thisalgebra class.
(16:55):
But I immediately got anotherjob.
I bounced right back look at God, I was yeah, exactly because I
was like I don't know what I'mgonna do, god, but you put the
work in, you put me right backinto another position where I
was making even exactly BecauseI was like I don't know what I'm
going to do.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
God, you put the work in.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
You put me right back into another position where I
was making even more money thanI was making at the job.
That fired me.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Blessing.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
So I was like but I'm really trying my best, I'm
pouring everything into this jobbecause I'm like this is my
lifeline, this is my secondchance, so I'm going to put
everything into it.
So college, at that point,taking this class was like I
just wanted to take that classto get a job.
But now I got I'm back.
So it was kind of anafterthought for me and I was
(17:33):
working so much that it was astruggle for me to put in the
work that I needed in this class.
So I was struggling.
I wasn't I really wasn'tputting in the time to study any
of that stuff.
So when it came time to liketake the test, I was like let me
come in on the weekend, becausemy weekdays is locked.
I'm like struggling.
So when I came in on thatweekend, there was only like a
(17:53):
couple of computers that theyhad us at and you were right
there next to me and it was likeI would have liked to follow up
and ask you how you doing.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
But I was in struggle mode so I was just like yeah,
yeah, I'm just gonna worry aboutthis work, so we've seen each
other the last class, because Ithink that was maybe the weekend
prior to the last class and we,so we saw each other last class
and you know um, I seen him.
I finished my test and I thinkhe was beating on his keyboard
(18:31):
and I was leaving, or maybe thatwas when I seen you on Saturday
and she was beating on yourkeyboard.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
But either way.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
I was leaving, I finished my test and I was
leaving, I had to walk past himand I was like, okay, well, you
know, take care, see you later.
And he was like, all right,have a nice day, dania.
And I was like, does he?
He know my full name?
Because, you know, my name isnot common, so most people, when
they meet me, sometimes theyremember, sometimes I don't, or
they don't say it correctly.
So he was like, uh, you know,for him to say my full name, to
(19:04):
remember it, and we only spokelike once or twice.
It was just kind of like, hmm,okay, you remember my name.
That's what's up.
So, yeah, I'm leaving out ofthe building and I'm getting in
the car, headed out, and I getthis text message.
I'm on Facebook.
I get this Facebook message andI just joined Facebook.
I was super late to the game.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
And the Facebook.
I was super late to the game umand the message said uh, what'd
it say?
Speaker 2 (19:30):
bae, I know you don't think I'm gonna let you get
away that easy.
I was like who is this?
Okay, he got my attention.
You see what I'm saying itworked who is this what?
Speaker 1 (19:36):
I tell y'all the game is to be sold and not told so
we dated very briefly, veryquickly we dated it was probably
a couple months we dated.
It was very fast yeah it waslike zero to a hundred but it
actually it was like a lot goingon for that right.
(19:57):
So, right at that time, um, we,we started like texting each
other.
From that time I reached out toher on Facebook, we started,
you know, going hot and heavywith texts back and forth and we
had agreed to like meet up onFather's Day.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Yes, and we were going to go.
What was the place we weregoing to go to?
It was a restaurant downtown.
It's not open anymore.
I can't remember Fat Fish Blueor something like that.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Yeah, there you go.
We were going fat fish blue orsomething like that.
We were gonna go.
I'd never been, neither of ushad ever been, and that was the
plan to go to there.
That was a nice restaurant andwe didn't make it.
We did not make it and that,and so to back up a little bit,
uh, dania had been in along-term relationship.
I had also been in a long-termrelationship before that, but it
had ended a couple of yearsbefore I met her and and I had a
(20:43):
daughter from that relationship, and so she would come over
every morning and then on theweekends.
So one of the things aboutFather's Day, obviously, is
always on a Sunday.
I needed to go get her.
My plan is always let me go getmy kid to be with her father,
and then let me go take both ofus to be with my father, right,
(21:07):
to kind of bridge thosegenerations, um.
So I went to go pick up mydaughter and as I'm picking her
up literally I'm carrying her tothe car I get a call that's
like um, your dad got sick,something happened, and it's
like yo, I just text with himlike pops, I'm coming over Like
(21:30):
dad, I'll be over there.
He was like, yeah, I'm going tomake some ribs, so to get that
text was super traumatic.
So I hop in the car and I justfly across town to the hospital
and my dad's in there and me andmy daughter get a chance to
just talk to him.
He seemed cool at the momentbut, um, he actually was a lot
(21:50):
sicker than we thought andnobody knew and like literally
like half an hour after I gotthere and we talked to him, he
passed away.
It was just like like that.
So it was like a supertraumatic day, um, and it was
like trying to catch up toeverything that just happened,
right, like trying to make senseof that whole day was super
(22:11):
hard and I think we connected,was it that?
Speaker 2 (22:14):
day or the next day.
It was that day.
Yeah, rest up, daddy Floyd.
Yeah, we did, we.
We connected.
We went to a park in ClevelandHeights and we stayed in the
park the whole night justtalking and really just like
getting to know each other.
And it really just kind ofchanged things for us because
(22:36):
like right after that we kind ofjust sailed on pretty quickly.
So, yeah, it was not good timing.
It did not last very long inthat time frame.
So at that time I had startedto go to a weekend college at
(22:57):
Hiram.
They had a weekend college foradults who were working.
So I would go every two weeksand stay on campus in the dorms
and I enjoyed it.
I loved it because, I mean, youcould take as many classes as
you wanted to Friday, saturday,sunday, and they had seminars
and all different types ofthings you could take to get
credits for, like you could getlike four credits that day if
(23:18):
you take a, you know, an eighthour class.
It was insane and amazing andit allowed me to have the
college experience, even though,you know, I didn't go to
college.
I went straight to working onceI got out of high school.
So it was a really coolexperience and, you know, we
were kind of just it just wasn'ta good time and we did not end
(23:43):
on a good note.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
I mean I thought I was pretty cordial, but you know
, but wait, we can't tell themthe end.
We got to tell them our firstdate.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Oh yeah, first date, First date.
Where did we go?
We went to Far East.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Yeah, no, we didn't.
That's not what it's calledPacific East, pacific East Lord.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
We went to Pacific East.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Was it a sushi place.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Yeah, it was sushi.
We went and had their sushibrunch at my suggestion.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
And he comes up to me and gives me this hug, y'all,
and it was a low hug.
What was a low hug?
Hug, you know?
He put, he put his, he put onehand around me and the other one
he put on my low back, right,low, low back, to pull me in.
I was like, what kind of hug is?
Speaker 1 (24:28):
this.
What are the way?
What?
Because we, we have thisconversation all the time, but I
never ask you what did it feellike?
Speaker 2 (24:35):
oh, it gave me the wigglies.
I was like, ooh, what is this?
This is an interesting kind ofhug.
I mean, you normally don't getthis on the first date.
What's going on here?
I was not ready for that.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
I didn't, even I didn't.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
I wasn't trying to do that, it just was what felt
natural.
He wasn't so In the moment.
This dude was all aboutastrology.
Let me pull out the Zodiac.
I got this chart.
I got this website I go to toget my astrology readings.
Let me pull it out and see whatit has to say about you and
(25:13):
read me I did.
And I don't know what websitehe went to, but it was pretty
accurate and I was like, oh no,this is what are we?
Speaker 1 (25:23):
doing here.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
What are we doing here?
I was extremely uncomfortablebecause that had never happened
before.
Like you know, normally you goand you chat and you eat, and
that was not the case.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
And.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
I was kind of looking like um, this is different,
this is odd.
That's our cats, y'all herechasing each other around acting
crazy.
They, if they're not fighting,they're doing something.
They got themselves in one ofour bags, so that's what that
noise is at wrestling.
But um, yeah, so it wasdefinitely an interesting first
(25:56):
meeting, for sure, yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Yeah, I got to say.
You know we talked about my dad, but my mom rest in peace.
To my mom, she was big intoastrology.
You know she was fromMississippi and they believe
that stuff die hard Like so Igrew up with that.
So not having my mom around oneof the things I kept with me,
like when I would meet ladies tofigure out if they was for me.
I do what my mom taught me.
(26:19):
She's like look up their charts, see what it is yeah, it was
disrespectful I think.
For me, the biggest thing,because I'm such a uh, I like
human behavior and stuff likethat um, I like to see a
person's response, to see ifit's accurate or not, to see how
they respond to reading aboutthemselves.
To me, that was probably andwhat'd you get?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
what was my reaction, honey?
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I don't know, I thought you was.
You was actually pretty coolabout it, although you said some
things in that, in that firstdate that we did not talk about
yet.
You said I was your husband.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
No, that was not the first date, it was not it was
pretty close.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
It was not it was when?
Speaker 2 (26:59):
was it was?
Speaker 1 (26:59):
no, it wasn not the first date.
It was not.
It was pretty close.
It was not.
When was it?
No, it wasn't the first date.
When was it?
Speaker 2 (27:03):
It was a little while later.
It was not the first date.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
How far?
How far do you think it was?
Speaker 2 (27:07):
I don't know, but I know it wasn't that day.
What?
Speaker 1 (27:10):
about you also said that you saw a great man of God
in me.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
I did.
That was after we talked acouple times.
We had went to the, we went tothe amphitheater, we saw the.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Black Keys.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
The Black Keys.
So we had went on a few datesbefore so.
I never.
I've had that said to me anumber of times that you know I
could see you being my wife oryour wife.
How did that feel when peopletold you that Alarming, I mean,
cause I know I felt like I wasyeah, I'm wife, material.
I'm not dating, just to date.
(27:45):
But also it would come fromthese people who had like
multiple kids, fresh babies andI'm not talking like older kids,
I'm talking about fresh, fresh,fresh out the womb babies Um,
and it was just kind of a littlealarming and so I had never
like I would always just kind ofbe freaked out a little bit.
(28:06):
So to say that to somebody wasI think it was really just kind
of an impulsive thing to say.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
I was gonna say did you think about it beforehand?
I don't think I did.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
I think it just fell out and it was like oh my gosh,
what did you just say?
Speaker 1 (28:18):
And.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
I think I said something like you know, don't
think I'm a weirdo or think I'mcreepy, but I just see I can see
myself being with you for awhile now.
Obviously, in hindsight, Iwould not recommend you say that
to somebody that you haven'tbeen with or you know, you guys
haven't had the conversationCause at the time we hadn't had
the conversation.
We again, we moved really,really fast.
And you know, I think that Idon't regret saying it.
(28:44):
Let me say that I don't regretsaying it.
That's what I felt.
I was being transparent.
Did that scare you?
Probably so.
Yeah, it scared me and you knowit definitely probably changed
the trajectory of ourrelationship at the time.
But I don't regret saying it atall.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
I think it, um, I don't know if it changed it, I
think it's just that was what wehad to go through, right?
Um, I think you know one of thethings about meeting you and
talking about you being a Piscesand stuff like that I remember
I came over your house and youhad this shirt on that said you
was psychic and it's like I dothink you have that right.
(29:21):
So you, you was speaking thatright, like we in the moment.
It scared me and it probablywas even weird for you to say
but it's one of those things, itwas true yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
I mean yeah, it was, and I mean it was just kind of
like, well, I mean it's outthere.
So we'll see where this goesand it didn't go very far.
After that things kind of wenton the sour end.
Um, you know, I was like I saidI wasn't dating the date.
I wasn't um, I was dating to bea wife yeah, and I was dating
(29:53):
the date and at the time it justwasn't good timing and I think
um something happened.
I don't know exactly whathappened, but I told you that
you reneged like I asked you todo something and you said that
you would, and then you was likeno, I ain't doing it.
And I was just like what?
And so it kind of caused thisbig argument.
And, um, so we just agreed thatyou know we wouldn't see each
other, that we would just befriends.
(30:13):
And so I went to your show.
You and speed had a show well,wait, a second.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Wait, we got it.
We got because we got to say itright, right, like this wasn't
a, we agreed I was not at thatlevel of self-awareness and
maturity to be on some.
Let's agree to not be with eachother like that's not where I
was at in life, right?
Speaker 2 (30:33):
all the way where I was at, I was like, okay, cool,
we can just be friends, nobiggie yeah, see it was.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
I remember, uh, driving down the street and
getting the email that you sentme nope, not that, nope that we
ain't came to that yet we didn'tget there, but you gotta talk
about that we will.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
So we um me and my um sister girl, my um my bestie
and and my sister q, we went togo see him at a show, him and
his bestest and brother theyperformed and we were there
supporting.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Was that the Allure?
Speaker 2 (31:05):
I think it was somewhere else.
Where was the Allure?
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Maybe it was the Allure, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
I only went there one time for that show but we were
there and then we kind of had aconversation afterwards because
he was like surprised that I wasthere.
He was like oh, thanks forcoming.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
And then it was just kind of like you know, that's
when we decided that we would befriends and so that not, yes,
you're absolutely right, butagain, I don't.
I don't want people to thinkthat I was being mature in that
situation.
I was just really caught offguard by you, um, asking for
like what, like a growth in me,and uh and uh.
(31:42):
It's like the things you wantedme to step up and bring to the
table was like honesty and uh,be clear, and stuff like that.
I was not, absolutely notprepared for any of that.
So every time you was like justbe honest with me, I took it as
why did this chick always wantto argue?
It was like I remember thatbeing the conversation outside
(32:03):
of that event where it was likeyou were at, you were asking me
like I want you to be honestwith me and I'm looking like why
?
Speaker 2 (32:11):
did you come here to argue?
And that wasn't what it was.
I was just trying to haveregular conversation.
So we agreed to be friends.
We went um to ikea, remember?
We took um juliet, we all wentto ikea in pennsylvania.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
Another growth point because, again, as a single dad
I want and not single dad, Iwant to stress that as a
co-parent who was not in anyrelationship, I was just with my
daughter a lot and I would justkind of lock myself in the
house and let me be clear, wedid not have dates where we were
(32:47):
with juliet yeah, so that wasnot something that came later on
down the line.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
Um, I was very protective of that side and he's
as he should be, as he shouldhave been um.
So we went to ikea and then atikea he goes yeah, um.
So you know, I know we saidwe're gonna be friends but I
think I'm gonna go ahead anddate somebody else, and it was
just like, oh okay, well, that'sinteresting.
But yeah, all right, we friends, you know you do what you do.
(33:14):
So we got back from ikea.
He was all funky because I wentthe wrong way.
He was trying to watch the, theMichigan game and he was all in
a stint.
So, I had came back to his housethat same day I think I stayed
and I was over there.
Maybe not, maybe it was anotherday I came, but anyway I was
there.
And another day Juliet wasthere and I just seen him like
(33:37):
hold up in his room and he wason his laptop and like he was
like there.
And here it is, I'm with hisdaughter, which, again, I didn't
really spend.
You know, she wasn't everaround when I was around, so I
was kind of like some of thefirst communications and
interactions that I had with herand I'm thinking like wait a
minute, wait a minute, wait aminute.
(33:59):
We need to think about thissituation, because this ain't
sounding right and this is notsitting well in my spirit.
So we don't work, okay.
And yeah, I said we're gonna befriends.
But here it is, I'm at yourhouse and you off doing whatever
, probably talking to whoever itis you're talking to now.
(34:21):
And why am I here?
We're not having a friendship.
You didn't went off and did it,you doing you.
So I think once I really satdown, once I got home and really
sat down and thought abouteverything, I was like no no, no
, no, no and no and no, no.
You are a diamond.
No, no, no, no, no and no andno, no.
You are a diamond.
(34:43):
You are a diamond and I am notgoing to let somebody treat me
like that.
I am not going to settle forthat.
If he wants to be friends, wecan be friends, but that's not
what this is.
This is something else andthat's not okay for me, and
that's fine.
I think maybe I had hopes thatthings would change, so maybe
(35:06):
that was the case.
I don't really know, but I knewthat what we said we were going
to be, we weren't, and I wasnot going to settle for that.
I was going to put me first andI was going to move forward.
And yes, I had told him that Ithought that he was my husband,
but at the same time, I know meand I know that I'm worth more
(35:28):
than that and I should betreated with respect and regard,
and I didn't feel like that waswhat was happening, and so I
had to move on and I thought youknow, if this is meant, if, if
God really has this man as myhusband, then he'll be my
husband.
But God didn't put me in nosituation to be anybody's next
to nothing.
(35:49):
OK so this ain't working andit's time to keep it moving.
So I wrote him a letter.
I do not remember what theletter said, and I think the
thing of it is is that Jay is anice guy.
He's always been a very niceguy, but that's the thing it's
like.
You look at him and you talk tohim and you have these
conversations and we had amazingchemistry.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Yeah, we did from day one.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
From day one Our chemistry was insane.
So that wasn't it.
It was like there's other stuffunder there, like looking at
him and talking to him youwouldn't think that anything was
wrong, but like intimately,like trying to go deeper and
have like more of a connection.
(36:31):
That wasn't happening and itwas just kind of like no, you
are not.
You are not what I thought youwere.
You're not even what you think.
you are you know like no, youhave some internal things that
you need to take a look at andin the midst of that, I had some
(36:51):
internal things that I neededto look at too, because am I
healed?
Did I go through all of thesteps that I needed to go
through before I healed, or didI just jump into something new
without really taking the timethat I needed to make sure I was
all cleaned up and cleared outand ready to be in a space to be
with someone else withoutbringing baggage?
Speaker 1 (37:10):
so not as innate.
I think one of the things thatletter that you sent, that email
was a wake-up call for me, likethere's no way we would be here
if you hadn't taken that step.
We would have just faded awayright at that moment, right Like
you might have came over onemore time and been like you know
(37:30):
what, yep, I was right andthat's it, and we would have
ended up being nothing.
But you did take that step, youdrew a line and it was a a big
wake up call for me, cause,again, I'm a mama's boy man and
you know, my mama always told meI was good, you know I'm a good
kid, I'm a nice guy.
She raised me to be good andnice, but those things are not
(37:54):
the end all be all of manhood,and that's not enough.
And you got to bring more tothe table, and that was just the
thing.
It was really hard for me toknow how to even do that kind of
stuff.
Right, like I knew you wantedmore from me and I knew you
thought I had more to give, butI didn't know how to do it.
And so it was like and I know alot of men find themselves in
(38:15):
that situation where it's likeyou don't have the maturity, you
don't have enough man in you,it hasn't been developed enough
for you to do what this woman isexpecting you to do to be there
to cover her and you're gettingbenefits that you don't deserve
.
Because you're you, you didn'tqualify yet and that's that's
(38:39):
good.
That's a hard wake up call andI know a lot of people just run
from that and just keep runningfrom it, running from it.
And I thank God that you sentthat letter because I remember
that feeling of reading it.
My first thought was like manwhat would my?
mom think Like yo, like look atthe words she said about me.
Like that's the opposite ofwhat, like you said, it's the
(39:03):
opposite of what I thought itwas, and I know it's the
opposite of what my motherthought she raised.
So it was really a really goodstarting point for me to be like
what's the disconnect man, likewhat's what is happening?
And you're not the first personto say those kind of things.
you're the first person who wasclose enough to me and to say
(39:25):
them in a clear enough way thatit made sense to me to change me
right, because people had likesaid more distant people had
said stuff like that um, but youdon't think about it when
you're in the moment, right likeI'm thinking about you know, I
don't.
I don't know how to be a father,so let me just try my best to
be a father.
(39:45):
I definitely don't know how tobe a husband, so I'm gonna run
from any mention of that.
And then you show up and you'relike why don't you have a
healthier life where you cantake your daughter places and
enjoy things around the worldand get out of the shell that
you're in and be honest and beopen and show up and don't just
hide in this depression typestate?
(40:07):
That was all scary stuff to me.
That was all scary and to me itfelt like why?
Speaker 2 (40:12):
are you trying to?
Speaker 1 (40:13):
change me.
I'm good where I'm at.
You know what I'm saying?
I got no complaints about justgrabbing my daughter coming home
, just watching some movies andthat's it, and that's the limit
of our life.
I got no complaint about thatand I felt like why you want to
bring friction into that?
Why can't you just come jointhis?
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
Like, if you really like me,just come join this.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
No, I couldn't, because that would have dimmed
my light absolutely it wouldhave dimmed my light and and I
was trying to pour some of thatlight into y'all or into you.
Yes, and it just wasn't a goodtime yeah so we, we saw each
other a few months later yeah,six was like six months later.
(41:01):
Yeah, it was a while it waslike six months, we saw each
other at a um purple wednesdaysyeah, yeah, downtown ls royal,
another event that I had neverbeen to before.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Right like these is all places.
This is the only time I went.
Was this one time, you know?
Speaker 2 (41:19):
dope event where people could go and, you know,
do poetry, and it was wonderful.
It was wonderful and he got upand spit and Jay's an excellent
rapper, he's a wonderful poet,he is just multi-talented with a
pen, and so I went there withhim again, my sister, my sister
(41:40):
girl Q.
We were there and, um, she waslike, oh, you see who on the
stage?
And by that time I mean it'ssix months later, you know, I
had been to myself, I wasn'tdating, I wasn't interested in
dating, I was really just doingreally well.
(42:01):
And I was like, okay, well, Imean he here.
So let's hear what he got tosay.
And he got up there.
He did an amazing job, like healways does.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
And I seen him and I told him and, and I kept it
moving, yeah, and I did not, um,so, in that in that six months,
like babe said, she was singleand healing and doing these
great things, I was not.
I was a mess, right.
So I just kept like crashing, Iwas doing the same womanizing
that I was doing when she met me.
Um, I had not figured anythingout other than this is
unsustainable, right, like thisfeels horrible and, um, I don't,
(42:45):
really I was kind of lost.
I was actually way moredepressed than the first time
she met me and and was way morein a bubble than the first time
she met me.
Like I was just locked, lockedinto my house.
Man, just, let me just go grabmy daughter, come on watch TV.
So, yeah, I got up there, Iperformed and when I was on
(43:05):
stage I saw her.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
And in my mind I was like I'm going to direct some of
this towards her so I can gether attention.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
You know, one of the things, man and I know I talk
about this a lot and it probablysounds contradictory is that,
man, poets, we be on someF-boy-ish.
You know what I'm saying, likewe and you know I'm just
self-aware enough at this age tosay it.
I know a lot of dudes probablywon't say it, but, man, a lot of
the reason we'd be up there isto get that attention, um, and
(43:38):
we'd be manipulating thatattention, you know.
So, yeah, when I got up there,my instinct was me trying to
manipulate that attention to gether back, um, and so, yeah,
when I hopped off stage, I waslike you know, let me make my
way around to see her, sweep heroff her feet, and I walked over
.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
Remember yeah, I do, I do.
And you said, I said hey, greatjob.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
And kept it pushing.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
I did, he did, he did an amazing job.
And I told him nah, I wasn'tgoing to be mean, what for?
Speaker 1 (44:13):
Yeah, an amazing job.
And I told him, no, I wasn'tgonna be mean, what for, yeah,
what for?
But she did not exude theenergy that I desired her to
exude.
Right, it wasn't like oh, it'sjay.
I really missed this guy.
I wish I hadn't swept him outof my life.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
No, sir, no, not that it was not that at all, because
I had moved on yeah, I moved onso next thing you know, I get
this text message Like is itokay to text you?
I'm like who is this?
Speaker 1 (44:37):
So you didn't even recognize my number or nothing.
I didn't, because I deletedyour number.
See that.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
When I moved on.
I moved on Once.
I was like done it was it.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
She moved on, I did needed.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
I deleted your number .
I went through the whole gambitof emotions, through a breakup
she burnt the sage in the house.
I did not burn the sage, but Iprayed strong and you know so.
No, I didn't have your phonenumber or my phone, so I was
like, who is this?
Speaker 1 (45:10):
I was like can I give you?
I was like, can I talk to you?
And I was like, who is this?
I know?
I was like can I give you?
I was like, oh, can I talk toyou?
And she was like who this?
And I was like, who did?
I'm so crushed.
But listen y'all, I am.
I've always been more wolf thansheep, so I'm always like I'm
going to assertively go for whatI want, even if I lose in the
(45:33):
end.
It ain't going to be because Ididn't show up to the game.
So I was like I'm just going tocall her man.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
He did, and he did.
He called me and he's like canI, can I come over, can we meet
up, can we hang out?
And I was like oh yeah, ok,yeah, you can come on over, you
can come to my place.
And I'm thinking I know hedon't think he's about to come
over here and think that we'rejust gonna pick up where we left
(46:01):
off, because that is not what'sgonna happen this is facts,
right you?
Speaker 1 (46:05):
have some questions that you need to answer and
let's just be real when we firstdated, we was hot and heavy,
yeah Right, like premarital sexand all of that.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
Yeah, we were in it.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
We were all the way in.
So, yeah, when she allowed meto come back over, she did make
it very clear like that's notwhat you over here for, bro,
we're not gonna go down, thatwe're not gonna travel that same
road no um, but when I got overthere she was watching her
favorite I was watching my oneof my favorites, just right just
(46:38):
right queen latifah and common,who you know messed up.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Right, you messed up, but that wasn't why I was
watching it.
I just really liked that movieand it just happened to be on.
I was like this movie's amessage, and so we watched a
movie and then afterwards I waslike this movie's a message, and
so we watched the movie andthen afterwards I was like, okay
, so let's talk.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
Well, we forgot one key detail.
Y'all.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
What's the key?
Speaker 1 (47:00):
As we were watching the movie, she was on the couch
and I sat on the floor in frontof her and she rubbed my head
y'all.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
Yes, I was playing in his hair, I was.
She rubbed my head y'all.
Yes, I was planning his hair, Iwas, she was.
Uh, I was.
I think that's why he thought.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
I think that's why he thought oh you know why she did
, why she remembered that lowhug, it goes a long way, it goes
a long way.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
That's what it was.
So we talked we ain't talk.
Speaker 1 (47:31):
I got interrogated.
Speaker 2 (47:32):
Oh, is that what it was.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
It was like.
It was like oh, that scene inMenace's Society was like.
You know, you just messed up,right.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Well, listen, here's the thing.
You made your intentions veryclear, why you were coming back
around, and I needed to makemine clear too, why you were
coming back around, and I neededto make mine clear too.
And from there I told him thatwe would have to have check-ins
every week.
We would have a conversationjust to kind of see where the
other person was.
You know, were we moving toofast?
(48:04):
Do we need to slow down?
Are we on the same page?
Do we feel like taking it toanother level?
Speaker 1 (48:10):
And then that way we don't have to worry about Do you
want to see somebody?
Speaker 2 (48:12):
else.
Right, let's be on the up andup, let's be as transparent as
possible for our own sake, so wecan have the conversation and
know like, okay, this ain'tworking for me or it is and
let's push forward.
So we did that every week andwe would just do check-ins like
every Friday, something likethat.
And we would just do check-inslike every Friday, something
(48:32):
like that, just to kind of seewhat the other was feeling and
just really have a, not just toreally have a conversation with
each other, but to check.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
Credit goes to God, but I give a lot of credit to my
wife for knowing who she is,knowing what she will and won't
tolerate, knowing what she sawin me.
Speaker 2 (49:03):
A man of God.
Speaker 1 (49:04):
Yeah, and knowing that she wasn't going to settle
for a lesser version of what shesaw in me.
Speaker 2 (49:12):
No, because I did.
I saw we would speak on thephone and I would get goosebumps
, I would get chills, and I justknew.
I knew God had something greatplanned for your life, that he
was with you, he was coveringyou, and I just knew what I saw.
I saw, underneath all of thatextra that you know had piled up
(49:33):
on you throughout the years,there was just an amazing man of
God underneath all of that,just waiting to break free and
shine and shed your light intothe world, and I just felt like
I don't know why you haveattached me to this man.
I want to be there.
I want to be there with him ashe goes through this journey.
(49:57):
I want to help him shed some ofthat.
I want to be help him choosethat, that beautiful beacon of
light that you have shining onhim.
It was just so clear that Godhad you covered.
It just was, and I was justlike man.
I've never, I'd never, metanybody like that before.
I'd never seen that.
That just, god's just aura wasjust sitting on you.
(50:21):
It's like man, what is that?
Who is that?
Speaker 1 (50:25):
so, yeah, I mean, I saw all of that, I did, and
maybe that was what made me say,oh, that man is mine yeah, you
know, you know how they had ameme where it's like find you
somebody to look at, you like so, and so look at so, and so you
know it's like I, I hope youknow, uh, that every dude can
find a woman who sees them in away, in a clear way, the way
(50:50):
that you right, and not only canjust see the potential because
I know a lot of people date offpotential but hold you
accountable to grow into thatpotential.
Even when it's hard and itcauses some conflict and I'm not
receptive to it.
Hanging in there and knowingthat the bigger picture is there
(51:12):
, I think that's so important,man, I think we can just to put
a bow on it.
Man, I think one of the thingswe you know my wife talked about
those check-ins that was a key,that was the basics for us.
That was like us being bornagain.
Essentially, that was like thatday with that movie was like
our baptism and we got a secondchance and, um, I think those
(51:37):
check-ins every friday was likelearning how to walk yeah, you
know, for both of us.
Speaker 2 (51:42):
Yeah, it wasn't just for you, it was for both.
I needed it too.
We both needed it yeah becausewe both had growing up to do it
wasn wasn't just you know thatconversation in the apartment.
It was for both of us.
It wasn't just me interrogatingyou.
Speaker 1 (51:57):
It was.
Speaker 2 (51:58):
You know what are we doing?
Is this really do?
We want this to work, and if wedo, what does that look like?
Speaker 1 (52:06):
That's good, y'all Yo .
The final thing that I thinkends the beginning of us is
Easter.
It was Easter, right it?
Speaker 2 (52:18):
was Easter and it was another time after that.
So, yeah, so Easter.
Yeah, that's right, thatfollowed right up.
Speaker 1 (52:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (52:26):
Because you hadn't I called you and I just happened
to be having Easter at my housethat year.
So it was my turn to cook.
And I think I reached out tohim and asked him like what he
was doing.
And he said he was hanging outin the house and I was like okay
.
And I said, well, what are youeating?
And he said that he was goingto go to Baker Square and I was
(52:47):
like no, you're not, I'm goingto bring you a meal, I'm going
to bring you a plate, and I hadmade like Cornish hens and all
kinds of stuff, and so I broughthim a plate.
I took him a plate over so hecould have some food not from
Baker's.
Speaker 1 (53:02):
I mean, ain't nothing wrong with Baker's Square, but
you wasn't going to have it thatday.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
So I brought him a plate of food over, and yeah it
was delicious.
Speaker 1 (53:11):
y'all Just kind of picked up from there.
Speaker 2 (53:15):
I was like this woman can cook.
Yeah, it was, yeah, picked upfrom there.
And so the next thing that waspretty pivotal in our
relationship and then we canprobably I had asked Jay if he
wanted to come to Edgewater,Edgewater.
Speaker 1 (53:32):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (53:33):
To kind of hang out and he said no and I was like,
okay, no biggie.
So I went down there and, oh mygosh, it was such a beautiful
day and I was sitting on therocks and you know, took
pictures and posted them up howbeautiful it was outside.
It was just an absolutelybeautiful day and I had sent him
(53:55):
a message and asked him if Icould come over and, like we had
been going, I don't know, ithad been a couple of months
after we had had our initialchat and we were doing weekly
check-ins, but it was stillsomething.
Something was missing.
Like it was, like he's not fullyin this.
Speaker 1 (54:11):
No, I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
I'm feeling like there's still some resistance.
And, um, I hadn't really sawJuliet now.
I, before I met Jay, I was notinterested in dating a man with
a child.
I had done that before.
It did not go well, I was notinterested and I remember being
at work at the time.
I was talking to Kim.
(54:33):
Um, kim Peavy shout out to herbecause it was such a pivotal
conversation for me.
We were talking and I was likeyeah, I don't want to date a guy
with kids.
And she was like why?
And I was like I've been there,done that, I'm not interested.
And she was like you don't know, but don't limit yourself.
You never know who God has instore for you, and that person
(54:57):
may just have children and youmay be blocking your blessing
because you got this situationthat you had prior to this
causing you to.
You know, limit yourself in allthat he may have for you.
So open your mind up, don't beso resistant to that.
And I was just like, all right,shut me up.
(55:17):
Okay, I hear you.
And so we were a couple monthsin to this new thing and we
hadn't really had anycommunication that much with
Juliet being around, and so Iwent over and she just happened
to be there that day and I justkind of I don't know if she was
still there, if, um, you weredropping her off or what, but I
(55:40):
had just told him, like you know, I still feel, like you know,
that you're holding back.
Um, you know, and we kind ofjust had we had to talk about it
because, you know, at thispoint we was talking about
everything.
No lies very transparent.
We was just kind of, you know,let's talk about it.
And that was the one area thatI felt that, um, he was still
(56:02):
very resistant with, and so,yeah, I brought it up to him and
after that it was, it was likenight and day after that it was.
Speaker 1 (56:15):
It was like night and day.
Yeah, I think it was.
I didn't, I didn't realize Iwas not all the way in and and
committed to the journey with usyet, um, but the whole thing
was still just so scary to me,like everything was scary.
I was afraid so much and youknow I know a lot of dudes don't
admit when they're scared.
But I've learned, I'm wiseenough now to know how to talk
(56:35):
about it.
And it was fear.
I was afraid.
I was afraid I didn't know howto do it.
I was afraid I didn't know howto make a family, since I had
failed once.
That taking that step to liketry to solidify a second chance
at a family was scary to meBecause it's like what if it
don't work?
What if it's twice as bad?
Not that I've multiplied it alltogether, you know.
(56:57):
So it was like that.
All of that was just a lotreally fear-based.
And when you, you know you werelike I'm going to the lake and
you know y'all should go, andI'm like, nah, nah, it really
was just a lot of, you know, alot of folks with depression.
You know they just want to bein a house, they just want to be
in a house.
They don't want to go outbecause the anxiety can be
(57:19):
crushing.
So many things you worry aboutand you're scared of.
So you just don't go out, youstay in, and that's what I was
doing.
So, yeah, you was like you.
Just you were saying thesewords like you, you should, and
you I don't feel like you're allthe way in and I could see your
mouth moving, but I justcouldn't register it.
It was one of those and Iremember what it was like.
(57:42):
The first day of my life I everthought about the holy spirit
because, like I've always beenlike, oh, you know the holy
ghost.
I've been hearing about theholy ghost since I was a little
kid.
My grandmother would talk aboutit.
But that day I was like, is theHoly Spirit trying to talk to
me?
Like, is that why this is sohard for me to understand?
This is coming from a spiritualplace and I need to use
(58:05):
something that's not my physicalears to hear this.
And that was what I wasstruggling with.
And when you went, went, Iremember you posted on facebook
pictures, right, you were likeat the lake and you was just
like looking so happy.
You had your fro out.
I did have a fro and you waslooking so happy and the sun was
behind you.
And I remember I looked and Iclicked on the picture and it
(58:27):
was so clear.
For some reason, looking at thatpicture was like I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
It's like I'm so scared of this, but this is the world.
You can't be scared of theworld Like you got to go out and
experience it.
You don't know what's gonnahappen, but you can't be afraid
(58:48):
of the world.
And so when I saw you out therewith like it was like clear
skies behind you and I could seethe sun, and I was like it was
just a really good picture of goout and experience the world
and quit being afraid You're notgoing to be certain of
everything but go for it, takesome risks.
(59:09):
And yeah, that was the push Ineeded, just seeing that.
I don't know what it was aboutthat picture, but it opened up
something in my spirit where Icould hear what the Holy Spirit
was trying to tell me.
Speaker 2 (59:22):
Yeah, I mean it was amazing.
It was like a light flashed onbecause it was like night and
day.
It was like whoa okay, itliterally shifted overnight.
Speaker 1 (59:36):
it was totally different seeing him the next
day and then thereafter it wastotally different yeah, honestly
, and I know you know, over theyears I've had a number of those
moments.
There's a lot of people thathave seen me now and who haven't
seen me in 10 plus years orwhatever, and they'll be like
who's this?
You know what I mean.
Like who's this, and you knowthere's a lot of people who may
(59:57):
have known me 20 years ago whoare like we knew you would
probably become this, but it isstill.
It's nice to see that ithappened.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Um, so yeah, and shout out toeverybody who made it this far
into the show I know we are hourin.
Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
We are.
Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
But, yeah, this is our beginnings, you know, and so
many things tie into this rightMental health therapy, our
history, our parents, how wewere raised.
We're going to talk about allof that in future episodes.
Y' so stick with us, keeprocking.
I hope y'all get some meat fromwhat we're doing.
Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
Thank you for tuning in and you know.
If you have questions, if youhave comments, let us know.
We'd love to respond and makethis interactive, if possible.
Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
Absolutely, and you know, hit us up on Facebook.
We're gonna have a Facebookpage for this show.
So get at us, let us know.
If there's a topic y'all wantto hear about, we're going to
rock it out.
If there's somebody that wantsus to interview them, let's do
it.
All right, we're going to keepgrowing, man.
We want to help other peoplegrow as we grow.
Speaker 2 (01:01:06):
Yes, until next time.
All right y.
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