September 12, 2024 • 41 mins
Ever wondered what it feels like to be a radio renegade? Join us as we kick off with an amusing debate over our intro music and what makes us the "original Canceled Radio guys." We'll take you back to the golden age of radio, reminiscing about the wild and freewheeling days before diving into our transition to modern platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Listen in as we share hilarious and nerve-wracking moments from our radio careers, including that unforgettable time we played Michael Jackson out of rotation.
Football fanatics, you're in for a treat! We clear up the confusion about our favorite teams and recount a nail-biting NFL debut between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Baltimore Ravens. Modern tech like pylon cams and the importance of athlete hygiene (yes, really!) are hot topics in our football chat. We also mix in some political satire, discussing the latest presidential endorsement for Kamala Harris, all served with our usual blend of comedy and nostalgia.
Pop culture buffs will appreciate our take on aging pop stars like Katy Perry and the quirky lengths some go to maintain their appearance. From dyeing mishaps to blistered scalps, we've got some side-splitting stories to share. To wrap things up, we take a humorous yet heartfelt look at the generational shifts in parenting and discipline, contrasting baby boomer traditions with today's more lenient approaches. Whether you’re a baby boomer or just love the charm of old-school radio, this episode promises laughs, memories, and timeless stories.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Hey, this is Chris and this is Costello Eat that
microphone.
Costello Eat that thing.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I got you, man, I got you, I'm hungry.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
You get some candy-covered flavor on that
thing, or what.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Shall, I try licking it to see.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
I just like hearing your keyboard skills at the
opening of our show.
I love this piece of music.
It's really old.
You're showing off yourkeyboard talent.
That's the only song you know,which is why we played it for
our intro.
It's a far fiza.
I believe We'll take it.
Hey, we are the originalCanceled Radio guys and since
we're on all these new avenuesnow with Facebook, instagram,
(00:58):
tiktok, we're just popping upeverywhere, I think it's
probably best that we explain topeople what we're about.
You know, because everyone goeson podcasts.
Oh, you gotta have a theme, yougotta have a theme A theme like
this one.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Oh, you mean Not theme song.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Theme for the show oh got it wrong again.
Yeah, you know, it's justbecause you know we've just been
doing in our third season.
Now you know just what we usedto do in radio.
You know people go well, that'sgood, but you're all over the
place.
What's the radio show?
Things that got us fired.
But they said you got to focusand have a theme.
You want to be sold for $100million like the Kelsey brothers
(01:34):
.
You got to have a theme.
They cover other stuff, butbasically it's football.
Okay, if you're like who's yourdaddy.
It's female on female.
It's about female issues,problems, dating, stuff like
that.
There was a theme.
It was Joe Rogan.
It's about being a midget baldguy who lost his hair on
steroids.
I mean, you know everybody'sgot a theme.
(01:57):
Our theme.
Okay, I guess the best way tocategorize we're baby boomers,
Like it or not.
We're baby boomers, like it ornot, we're baby boomers.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
So they call it.
Now what do you call it?
Generation jones, we're jones,yeah we are, we are we are I
thought we were baby boomers aslong as I know well, no, we're
also babyers, but they decidedto just narrow it down a little
bit, so we're Generation Jones.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
That sucks.
I like baby boomers instead.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Well, fuck it, then we'll be baby boomers.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
So as baby boomers, a couple of facts we are still
the most populous category inthe country.
We're still the most wealthiestgroup in the country, even
though we're not I'm saying thecategory as a whole.
All baby boomers put together,we're worth about $9.95.
(02:52):
And that's without tax.
Okay, so that'll be our thing.
We do radio like the way itused to be before it got so
stringent.
It's only owned by twocompanies.
That's why we're the originalcancer radio guys.
We're going to do radio like itused to be.
We'll talk about music that weplayed on the air during that
time.
It could be wild and stupid 80s, 90s music we actually played a
(03:16):
song about boobies last time.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Boobies, can you believe it?
Oh my God.
No, you can't do that.
Press, okay, I'm really goingto shuck you now.
Nipple, yep, yep.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
The things they used to get fined and fired for.
They don't do now because it'snot politically correct.
Hashtag, you suck.
Hashtag, we're going to sue you.
Hashtag, you're a cancelculture, all that stuff.
But we're not regulated by theFCC anymore, at least not anyway
.
So we're doing radio the way weused to do it and therefore
(03:47):
that's why it's for baby boomers, because during that time,
that's when we're at our peak,and now we're reliving that
through this podcast for you,our beloved.
It's not just for baby boomers,of course, but it's for anybody
.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
But our focus, I would say, if our theme, would
be baby boomers Exactly, and weneed also to explain that, how I
know you and how you know me.
You can explain it this time,if you like, or I will.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
I'll start you can finish the good part.
I programmed a lot of radiostations and evolved into
programming and morning showidiot.
And I hired Costello at astation I was programming to
come in and take it from worstto first, which is fun in those
days, you know, find theweaknesses in the other stations
.
That's why we used to havethese radio voices or
(04:32):
personalities, so we'd pick onthem, their sucky personalities,
their wimpy format or whatever.
So I brought in a combinationwhere I thought would be I
wanted talent people.
I didn't want to just announceit, I wanted talent.
And so I brought Costello inbecause I thought here's a
good-looking guy.
He used to have a peroxidemullet, he had the English
accent.
(04:52):
I said man, I stick him on,he's going to get us this young
female that says I mean, he'sgoing to rock that and he's
great.
And we had a phone there by thecontrol board called the
Hotline, and they're by thecontrol board called the Hotline
.
How many times did I Hotlineyou at night?
I mean, I know you're shit.
I was like what are you doing?
I saw this dead air.
What the hell are you talkingabout?
He was a cool guy.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
I lived in fear.
We got on great, but I lived infear of this guy.
And there was one day when Iplayed Michael Jackson's song
Out of Rotation accidentally.
So the next day I come in and Igo uh, chris, um, uh, cause
that's how we used to talk toeach other and I played Michael
Jackson on B instead of a C man,I'm real sorry.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
You should be, and he goes ah, nevermind.
I mean, I know that hotlineright.
Everyone knew it was me.
And then I'm coaching everyoneto answer it, but you know, if
you didn't, it'd be even worse.
So you had to go.
What, how you doing?
Sometimes it'd be a nice call.
Sometimes it's nice Just calland say hi, howdy duty.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
How you doing.
I can scare the shit out of you, Never mind.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Eventually I had to fire Costello, not for anything
that he did on the air oranything like that.
I think he did it because weused to have gatherings, because
, you know, we were a prettytight group.
We'd get together, watchfootball, bet football, have
food, have a drink, laugh, havefun, go to bars, go to each
other's houses and stuff.
I don't know what theinspiration was, but he decided
(06:16):
to whack my ex-wife in the facewith a pie one day.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Well, it was funny.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Even I did.
I was laughing, I got the stinkeye and I just just you know,
it was like how are you gonnastand up for me?
I mean, what do you?
What the hell are you supposedto do?
You do that to someone's wifeand she's pissed and she's like
what are you gonna do?
You want me to go up and punchhim or something?
No, I gotta do something.
So what are you looking for?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
back did you drop a diaper?
No, no, no, there's a dog whodecided to rearrange the
backdrop behind curtain numberone.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
So anyway, I had to fire, to fire him over something
like that.
And then we didn't talk to eachother for a long time 30 years,
not intentional, but here weare back doing the fun stuff
that we used to do a few yearsago, conversations with Costello
, because the other time Inearly got fired was when I
called you a bitch Well.
(07:03):
I did too, but you were beingmean no, we can do things now.
It's not hurtful, you bastard.
So we can do these things now,it's all right Do way worse now,
Right?
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah, well, there was reason to throw a pie in your
wife's face.
I don't remember what it wasnow, but Chaz had something to
do with that.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Yeah you weren't alone on that.
You got the blame for it, ofcourse.
Get the foreign guy.
Get him deported.
Go ahead, now that we're doingthe fun radio stuff that we're
used to.
Now we get to talk about babyboomer stuff.
What do baby boomers talk about?
Health issues.
I guess I'll leave that up toone foot in the grave.
(07:48):
Costello talking about healthissues and and my issues are
like what the hell am I going tocatch next?
And that's just part of gettingolder, I guess, yeah well, I
mean, I, I did.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
I did do a show.
Um, that was before theoperation I'd had a heart attack
, so I'm in the hospital.
That was funny.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Yeah, we did something else.
That was great.
Show material man, that wasgreat.
Last year you had thatquadruple super duper zip up and
do that bypass and we did someshows with Costello in the
hospital and they were great.
Nurses were there.
They had to come shave his dickfor the surgery.
You know they're cutting hischest open.
I'm going why this shit?
Maybe it's just a kinky thingat that South Carolina hospital.
(08:26):
What does shaving your dickhave to do with opening up your
chest?
I had yet to get a good answeron that.
It was fun.
I don't, of course.
It was Lather him up.
Yeah, baby, hey, just hold thiswith you honey Most fun you've
had since you got fired yearsago.
It's great.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
It is.
Yeah, it's probably about asmuch as.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
I've had.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
I've got two women touching me.
You know, I kind of miss beingin the hospital In fact.
Uh-oh, All that lovelyattention from the young nurses.
I'm calling 911 right now.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Can we have the Costello dick-shaving squad come
over?
He's having an emergency, okay.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Yeah, yeah, and I don't want the straight razor
this time either.
I mean imagine the young ladyhad the young nurse had a
straight razor right and she'slike going around there she says
, well, you'll have to do thisbit.
I said I can't reach down thereright now, it's not possible,
you'll have to do it.
And she goes well, I guesswe're kind of bonding over this,
(09:29):
aren't we?
Speaker 1 (09:32):
I go?
Well, we certainly are.
That's a good openingpick-me-up line while she's
holding her dick down with astraight razor If you give the
wrong answer, it's like rememberJohn Bobbitt.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Whoops, yeah, no balls and all mate, I tell you.
So yeah, she's kind of likegoing is this okay?
Speaker 1 (09:46):
I'm going, yeah, this is fine it would change the
trajectory of the show andespecially your voice.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I just have to do my Mike Tyson impersonation every
day.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yeah, you're kind of like Mike Tyson.
I got the tattoos in my face.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
My genitals are left in the hospital.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I'll get found.
So we mentioned a week ago andyou didn't really care too much,
but last night was thebeginning of the NFL football
season.
Hey, I want to talk to youabout that.
What a great game that was.
Did you watch that actuallywatch a football game?
Speaker 2 (10:23):
I didn't know it was on last night.
I know there's somethingtomorrow God he was Missed a
good one.
But what about your favoriteteam, Colorado, getting beaten
52 to zip?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Oh my, God, that's not my favorite team.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Well, it may not be your favorite team, but it's one
you like.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
No, I like that was Colorado State.
Oh, we are Colorado Buffs, theBuffaloes, deion Sanders team.
Yes, no, that's Colorado State.
Oh boy, do they get shit kickedout?
We don't care about ColoradoState.
Okay, all right, we areUniversity of Colorado.
In Boulder, colorado.
Our coach is primetime.
(11:01):
We won last week and thisSaturday we're playing Nebraska
in Nebraska Big game.
Yeah, that would be.
Nebraska won their first game.
They won ours.
His son, shadur Sanders, looksgreat.
Travis Hunter looks great.
The offensive line isprotecting the quarterback.
Rest of the team defense stillsucks.
After all that transfer port,do you think we get a defense to
(11:23):
go along with this offense?
No, so I hope they're makingthe adjustments and we do well
this week.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
I did watch some football over the weekend you
don't care about over theweekend.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
It's the NFL debut.
Last night it was the BaltimoreRavens coming on taking on the
world Super Bowl champions,kansas City Chiefs and Kansas
City.
Taylor Swift is up in the boothwatching her man.
There she was last night.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
What a game.
I was looking forward to thatgame.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
I just Thursday Baby Boomer Brain Fart.
They always have Thursday nightfootball, monday night football
Tonight because it's thebeginning of preseason.
They're doing a game only onPeacock tonight and they're
playing it in Barcelona, spain.
I've heard about thatPhiladelphia Eagles versus the
(12:11):
Green Bay Packers in Barcelona,but only on Peacock.
Do you have Peacock?
Yeah, I've got Peacock.
Do you have a shave?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
cock.
Oh, you may know that I wasgoing to say that's a little
personal, isn't it?
Don't have a hospital story,but last night's game.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
It comes down 27 to 20.
Kansas City's leading Baltimore, gets the ball back.
A minute 50 to go, they'renipping nickel and diamond
trying to get down the field.
Running out of time, lamarJackson throws a long pass,
great catch, 12-yard line.
12 seconds left First play ofthe end zone.
Baltimore guys wide open.
Lamar Jackson missed him.
(12:44):
I'm going you idiot.
Five seconds left Last play ofthe game.
Guy sticks back in, catches theball.
Tippy toes Touchdown.
And the exciting thing is,instead of going for the tie in
overtime, the coach goes let'sgo for two for the win.
They go.
Oh, wait a minute.
Look at the replay.
Was he actually inbounds?
A little smidgen of half of hisbig toe was sticking out of
(13:05):
bounds.
So they go out of bounds.
Catch no goods.
Game over Kansas City wins.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
This is what I was talking about a couple of weeks
ago.
I said they've got too manyrules and now they're way too
precise about this shit.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
You have to Costello.
That rule's been around forever.
You've got any part of yourinbounds.
It's not a catch.
It's been around forever,forever, forever.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
That's true, but they haven't always had pylon cams
and things like that.
At some point you've got tohave a margin of error.
You don't have that anymore.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
We'll reverse that call.
Okay, they have some camerasbut of course, being the big
debut Thursday night game, theyhave these two cameras on each
side of the end zone going rightdown the line.
Okay, you can see that smidgenof toe out.
If they didn't have that cameraangle, that call would have
stood.
It would have been a touchdown.
Who knows how it would haveended up, because they saw the
(14:00):
half of his little, his bigtoenail was barely hanging over
Catch.
No good, no touchdown.
Games over Kansas City wins.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
So it was pretty tight.
So kids take this as a note Geta pedicure before you play
football.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
You know I've seen many athletes bare feet.
They don't cut their toenails.
That feet are cut as damntoenails I cut the toenails.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I feel like he cut his damn toenails.
I'm just saying Exactly this isa public service, for Christ's
sake.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
One thing the baby boomers are all about.
Good hygiene is important.
Cut your damn toenails.
If it was short in the shoesize, we could have had a win
for Baltimore last time.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
There you go.
Baltimore Rapids would have hadtheir first.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Every time we discuss football, it's just the
beginning of the season.
You better get used to it,Costello.
We're talking about footballall the way to the first week of
February because that's how theseason goes, okay.
So each week we have to askCostello a football question and
see how he does.
Are you ready for this week?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
I'm working on it, but you know, I mean, it's like
you asked me.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
I asked you easy stuff.
I gave you.
I threw you softballs last week.
Okay, they were so easy.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Well, what was the one you said to him?
What's a quarterback?
And I thought, well, changefrom a dollar, see, makes sense
to me.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Only a Brit would answer that one.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
It's a good answer, though, don't you think?
A rather good answer.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
So listen, we are of course no questions coming up
real quick, I get that football,one football question in.
Okay, all right, whistles blow,there's a penalty, the ref goes
, five-yard penalty, the legalman in motion.
What is that False start?
No, that's a false start.
That's what I said.
(15:46):
No, no.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Who's in first?
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Illegal man in motion .
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Oh, that's what it is .
Is it An illegal man in motion?
I remember a really good songabout man in motion.
Remember that.
Give me a second.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
If I'll start, of course, obviously if, like,
someone moves before the ballsnap, just a little hitch.
Okay, you got a receiver who'slike, he can run down the line,
backfield or whatever before theball snapped or whatever.
But if he's in motion at thewrong period of time before the
ball snapped or whatever, but ifhe's in motion at the wrong
period of time before the ballsnapped or whatever, that's an
illegal man in motion.
(16:24):
Okay.
So penalty, all right, right,okay, you with me.
Yep, no, you're not, just usethe line.
It's because you're Just theline Just to move on.
Just to move on, yeah yeah,okay, moving on then.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Moving on, mr Humber, this is our theme.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Now we have a theme we're for baby boomers, boomers,
boomers, boomers, boomers,boomers.
Chris Costello originalcanceled radio.
Guys, the bad boys of radio,here we are and that's our theme
.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
It should be like parentheses above all odds,
they're still alive.
That goes for both of us.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
When you're saying Apple, we have a theme.
You cannot buy us.
You bought the Kelsey Brothersfor $100 million.
You bought who's your Daddy fora few other million.
We're going for $99.95 just forthis week.
Only.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
That's right, that's right.
Get your coupons here, folks.
In fact, we'll even take allyour Walmart coupons, because
there's so many of them.
Next mark coupons, becausethere's so many of them.
Next week will be 10 million,but this week 99.95.
Just by the way, if you'd liketo get in touch with us, you can
and things have changed alittle bit, but we're still at
Go ahead.
Chrisandcostello at yahoocom,you can email us there.
(17:35):
Yeah we check it, we check it.
And, of course,chrisandcostellocom is our
website, which I think is underconstruction right now.
To be honest, I'm not sure.
I think it's under constructionfor three seasons now.
No, no, it's there, it's there,it's just.
You know, that's how you getthe long form.
See, you might be watching usin just a little bit.
(17:57):
You want to hear the whole?
What 45 minutes?
That's right.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
They are playing all kinds of these short snippets on
Facebook, instagram, tiktok,all these other sources, but if
you want to hear the whole show,just do like Costello said
don't give yourself ear torturefor 45 to 50 minutes with the
whole deal, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Where are these going ?
Chrisandcostellocom.
In fact, you can even choosefrom the last year and a half of
shows that we've done on thereas well.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Just go and check it out.
There's been some wild shit.
If you think back to what we'vedone the past three seasons,
there's some weird.
There's some funny wild shit onthere, that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I really enjoyed the interview with soon-to-be King
Charles III.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
We get a lot of comments on that.
Yeah, we do.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
That was pretty good.
We had the gay black wrestleron.
That was fun.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Should get in touch with him again, maybe.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
I think the guy once came back on our show was the
guy who used to work withLiberace.
He really loved being on ourshow.
Oh, nate, we loved you.
We bonded like this.
You want to kick my ass so bad,it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Yeah, I told you an asshole and everything I know
Costello better than you do.
It was actually no.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
We picked on Lizzo so much.
You want to come over and siton my face and suffocate me, but
you know, matter of fact, shecan sit on both of our faces at
the same time.
That ass is so big.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Boy.
I tell you what, it's truethough, he did.
He did work with Liberace, orwhat do they used to call him
Lee?
Speaker 1 (19:33):
That was it.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
If you were in, you could call him Lee.
I've been to his house.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Well, if you were in, we know what you were, so you
don't want to be in.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
No, I wasn't in.
He was dead by the time I wentto, so they buried Liberace face
down.
There's anything wrong withthat.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
No, they buried Liberace face down, with his
butt up, but that's anyway, it'sus.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Yeah, down with his butt up, but anyway, that's it.
Here's Kristen Costello.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
So, since we are baby boomers, we have to bring this
up, because I hate to do it.
We have to do a little bit ofpolitics.
We are getting closer.
Coming next week is thepresidential debate Trump versus
Harris.
I'm really excited to see.
I'm sure she's going to do agood job.
Just let him bury himself, lethim yak on, make an ass out of
himself.
She'll win the thing nice andeasy.
Just let him do his normalthing.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
He doesn't say anything anyway, does he?
I mean listen to him, Same shit.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
People walking out of his rallies just rambles on it.
It's boring.
It's just he's going backwards,which is what I'm happy to see,
but getting ready for thedebate, he's actually.
Kamala's actually got a newendorsement, you know, and it's
from an unusual source.
Shall we, yeah, go ahead, hitthis.
This will catch you by surprise.
Let's do it.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
There's a brand-new energy in America.
Can you feel it?
It's the feeling Americans getwhen they have the chance to
make a change from the tired oldways of the past, the chance to
(21:18):
chart an optimistic new courseand to turn the page on the
negativity and hate that hasdivided us for far too long.
It's the kind of energyAmericans are known for when
they set their minds to setright that which is wrong.
It's the energy that powersAmerica.
It's the kind of energy we'veseen so many times before when
America stood up and did whatwas right before the eyes of the
world.
It's the feeling of hopefulnessand gratitude that we live in
(21:40):
the greatest country on the faceof the earth.
It's the feeling of hopefulnessand gratitude that we live in
the greatest country on the faceof the Earth.
And, as one of our greatestleaders has told us so many
times, there is nothing Americacan't do when we do it together.
And so let's come together toharness this energy to make
America a more perfect union.
Let's come together to electKamala Harris as the next
president of the United States.
Let's write the next chapter ofAmerican democracy for
(22:08):
generations to come.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Well, that's pretty damned amazing.
What a great endorsement.
I mean all those great pictures.
Now, if you don't have video,I'm going to have to explain
this a little bit, because someof you are listening to us and
some of you are watching us.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
For those watching.
I'm sorry, that's the videopart.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Well, the thing about the video thing is that there's
pictures of Kamala, there'spictures of Obama, there's
pictures of Clintoninton, um,just all kinds of things, ever
everything democratic andnothing republican, and it just
it all fits in rather nicely, Ithought, anyway.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
So he's endorsing harris.
So, just at this, we always,like I said, we always play the
truthful trump on this show.
You know what he's reallythinking, what's really going on
.
But I think we're starting themost is because harris gomala's
raising a lot of money.
I mean, this is all excitingand stuff.
Trump needs money.
So we have here for you foryour listening and video
(23:08):
enjoyment.
Trump is coming up with a newway.
Like he was selling Bibles andhe was selling shoes.
Okay, that's right.
Guess what he's selling nowMelania.
Check this out.
Trump's selling Melania formoney.
I may buy that.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Hello, it's AI Donald Trump, and, as you know, I
desperately need money and I'vebeen scrounging around for
things I don't use anymore so Ican sell them to raise some cash
.
And I've got a lot of uselesspossessions lying around, some
of which I don't even lay eyeson very often, and one of those
things is my wife, Melania.
I hadn't seen her in a fewmonths until last week when I
(23:47):
suddenly realized, hey, I paid afair amount of money for her
back in 1998.
At the time, I was dating awoman named Selena Middlefart
Seriously, that's her name, youcan look it up.
But anyway, I paid a lot forMelania and she's still in
pretty good condition, and Ipaid for some work to be done on
her, and it wasn't cheap,believe me.
So I'm putting Melania up forsale to raise some cash.
(24:10):
Now I need to be upfront about afew things.
She's not very friendly andEnglish is not her first
language.
She's from Slovenia and she'salways running around the house
saying things like smrdikoprasicjarit, which translates to
he smells like a pig's asshole,and she won't let me touch her,
which, to be fair, shenegotiated as part of the
purchase agreement, and we'venever actually had sex, mostly
(24:31):
because I'm completely impotent,but I remember her saying over
and over again to the people Ibought her from o moi bog ne
biebaltega debelega dreka ce bibil zadni clovek na planetu
zemlja Esti genadi.
Which translates to oh my God,I wouldn't fuck that fat turd if
he was the last man on planetEarth.
So there's that.
Like I said, she's not veryfriendly.
(24:53):
So please make an offer forMelania by contacting my
campaign office and rememberthat even though I'm desperate
for money, I'm hoping to get adecent price.
Maybe not what I paid, butdon't try to lowball me.
Hopefully she'll be nicer toyou than she is to me.
Bitch fucking hates my ass.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
He might have better luck selling her than the shoes
in the Bible, I think.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Maybe those could be optional extras, Like he says in
the thing she still lookspretty good.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
She's a cold woman, she looks cold to me.
I thing she still looks prettygood.
Yeah, she's a cold woman, shelooks cold to me.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
I mean, she's like Well, she's from Russia or
Ukraine.
You're not Ukraine.
Where is she from?
Speaker 1 (25:28):
She's just an Eastern European right next door to
Russia.
She's got ice in the veins.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
But if you're married to an idiot, she has that look
that can wither about anybody.
You know the slanty eyes.
They kind of go like slittyeyes you have to look at it.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
What makes her happy?
What makes her laugh?
But what's still there?
A dildo.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
When you're married to Trump.
It has to be.
It has to be.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Call Amazon and get what more batteries to this
address.
Yes, that's right.
I'll tell you what, thoughYou've got to get enough
politics.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
But wait a minute.
Can you imagine having Trumphumping on top of you?
Speaker 1 (26:10):
No, Stop it.
You don't want a bad visualthing that does in your head.
Well, I just thought, you know?
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I mean, I'm thinking hey, hey, hey, baby, a baby, a
baby, uh, congress, congress howdoes he have sex with his hands
?
Speaker 1 (26:25):
always doing this, I think I think I may be coming
lost your balance.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
No, no, no, no, no, I think.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
I think I think I may be coming, I may be coming well
, that's why you see him at therallies, is why he does this
dance like this.
He's jerking off two guys atonce.
There you go.
Double jerk, double jerk Wantto be in my cabinet.
He's offering Elon Musk a thingin his cabinet now to help
straighten it out.
(26:52):
That'll bring in the votes right.
I apologize on behalf of Gastelfor giving you this awful
mental image, possibly thatyou'll have in your head the
rest of the day picturing Trumphumping the Trump hump oh.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
God, the Trump hump.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, we present the Trump hump
.
We're kind of this team.
I have to bring this out.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
I don't know about you girls.
We present the Trump Hump, sowe're kind of this team.
I have to bring this up.
I've always liked Katy Perry.
She left her judge seat onAmerican Idol, which I think
would be hard to believe.
She's pretty funny.
She has a new CD out.
She's working really hard totry to push it.
It's really tough because she'slike 40 now a little bit over
40.
You're an aging pop star.
You still want to be relevant.
She 40, now a little bit over40.
(27:36):
You're an aging pop star.
You still want to be relevant.
She's relevant in other ways,but sometimes having your music
hang in there makes it a littletougher when you get that age.
Even with Stefani she's stillaround.
But she's relevant in otherways.
She has a good show becauseshe's had so many hits.
Kitty had a good residency overat the Resort World.
She's not really pushing hermusic a lot.
She was on another podcast thisweek, the who's your Daddy thing
.
We go and mention it.
It's a good thing.
(27:56):
Yeah, and man, they were askingwhat pushed her button, what
excites her?
She goes.
Is it like getting a newFerrari from your husband,
orlando Bloom, stuff like that?
She goes.
No, I can buy myself a Ferrariif I want one.
She goes well, push is mybuttons, okay, I sell for
Ferrari.
If I want one, she goes well,push my buttons, okay, if I get
it.
He does things to help me out.
If I'm coming down the stairsin the morning, the kitchen's
(28:18):
clean, the dish has been putaway, the dishwasher's been
empty, all the countertops areclean.
If you do that for me, getready to have your dick sucked.
And so that's what does it forme.
I'm going are you shitting me?
Inspired by this, I cleaned thewhole house here, top to bottom
(28:40):
, everything done.
I said to my wife.
I said lookie, everything'sclean.
I got the vacuum, I polished, Idid everything, all the laundry
.
I'm ready.
She goes what did I get?
I got?
Oh, thanks, that's pretty muchit.
I got thanks about damn time,that's it.
I said no dick sucking, whatfor what?
(29:01):
Cleaning the house?
Katie does it.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
What the heck.
I married you for Jeez.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
I thought what a great precedent Katie is setting
.
I said, man, I work my ass offall day and I get nothing, but
it's about damn time.
And so today I'm out there,bummed out this morning, sitting
down having coffee by myself.
My wife comes out, I hear thisthing Okay, my beard tremored
and she starts running the thingup my leg a little bit, not
totally to the skin, but I gowhat are you doing?
(29:28):
She goes some of your leg hairis too long.
I went what the?
How many leg hairs too long?
I went what the Like, just justlike you're all leg hair to you
, I'm like Christ.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
She doesn't like the porn.
Rows on your legs.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
I'm having a bad day Cause I cleaned the whole house.
Look waiting for a dick sucking.
I don't get that, okay.
And the next thing here is likeyour leg hair is too long.
We got to trim that up.
I'm just going.
That's it.
That's what I get.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
I'm sorry man, nothing for cleaning the house.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
My leg hair is too long.
I'll go get a waxing today.
Get my legs waxed and get aBrazilian wax while I'm at it.
God, now there's a thought youget your dick shaved by two hot
nurses.
I got to get a beard trimmer.
I got to go down to the waxingjoint.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Yeah, but you don't get a quadruple bypass
afterwards, do you?
No, that was an optional extra.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
I'd like that, I'd like to have my arteries cleaned
out.
It's a good thing, yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Look at the energy you have.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Now you get your color back in your face and
stuff, you know, your nosehair's come back.
Everything's working for you.
Come back.
Everything's working for you,yes it is.
Oh God, I can see you've gotmore notes here than you do up
there now, I think.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Yeah, you know, I was just looking like what's going
on up here, maybe maybe weekendsago.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
We're going to go and have your hair colored.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Hair colored.
Oh no, ooh.
See that red bit there.
I don't know what that's about.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
What happens if you get a red splotch up there?
What the hell is that?
Speaker 2 (30:56):
It's a Gorbachev.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
I don't know, that's new, I was going to say like you
get a big birthmark that's justshown up for the first time in
your life on the top of yourhead?
I don't know what that's from.
Is that a?
Speaker 2 (31:10):
redneck, it's a Gorbachev look-alike.
I think it's just misplaced,are you?
Speaker 1 (31:14):
trying to steal the title of Mr Mellon 2024 away
from me.
Is that what you're doing?
Trying to tan your head?
Speaker 2 (31:20):
I tell you what when I used to dye my hair, which I
used to do a lot way back when-you had that peroxide, mullet
man.
Yeah, I did Well, you know, andI used to dye it black as well.
I mean, it's black anyway.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
You were one of the first guys years ago who had the
highlights in before everyoneeven knew what the damn word
highlights was.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
You did Exactly, but I dyed my hair black and various
other colors right, and itblistered my whole scalp and the
back of my ears.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
I was obviously very, very allergic to it.
What did?
Speaker 2 (31:48):
you use?
Oh, I don't know what did youuse?
Chlorel or something?
Just something off the shelf,and whatever it was back then
was high.
It just burned everything,which is probably why I went
bald.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Good, I can do that.
You had jet black hair.
Blonde highlights back here,that's right.
Brown eyebrows.
You looked like a freakingunicorn.
You had every color under thesun.
You had dark arm hair.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
I'm just going what?
Speaker 1 (32:16):
the freak color is this guy.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
I'm a fashion icon man.
People follow me.
You were then.
Yeah, I was back in them theredays.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
You were way ahead of your time then.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
That's not unusual.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Look at the price you had to pay for doing it.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Well, you did offer me new hair I might take it I
did.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
You can actually come up here anytime.
We'll do it Total hairtransplant on you Free of charge
, because you are Costello ofChris and Costello the Oranginal
Cancer Radio guys, that's right.
You get free cosmetic surgery,bud.
Don't I need it, folks?
Look at this.
Why haven't you jumped all over?
Don't I need it, folks?
Why haven't you jumped all over?
Why have you not done it?
Because I couldn't get outthere.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
I had a flaming dog I had to look after.
I still do you bring the dogwith you.
I could do.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Your dog would be happy with it.
You should first do this.
Go color your hair this weekend.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Bring it back.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Just one time.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
No, because it'll do what it did before It'll burn.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
They don't have product that burns anymore like
that.
Okay, so you go get Clairoljust for men.
Leave it on for five minutes,it ain't going to burn.
Leave it on for 20 minutes.
It may burn a little becauseyou're leaving it on too long,
which is probably what you did.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Well, it always did, even from the early 70s when I
first did it.
Well, it probably was prettyshitty.
It wasn't the same as it is now.
It was awful.
Oh Christ, it was like yourwhole scalp is just coming off.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Yeah, I mean now if you want to stay tanned
year-round, you can go to atanning booth.
You to go to tanning booth?
You can have tanning booth inyour home.
You can inject peptides to makeyour skin dark.
Then they had those sun lampsthat you set your face in front
of.
They're like 500 green burned,your red peeled, just destroying
yourself, getting instant skincancer.
And that's all we had.
And the hair color probably wasjust as evil then, as is it.
(34:08):
You know it's one of thosethings was evil.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
It was evil.
They had these things calledcellophanes that they used to
put on, and that was pretty coolbecause it just coated the hair
, yeah, yeah, and the only timeyou could see the color that you
wanted was when the sunreflected off it.
You know, I had blue and green.
I think I did a bright red onepoint.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
How many people want to see Castell get his hair
colored this weekend?
Everybody's in the majority.
Just one time.
Get some cloud district andpick a color.
Great, medium brown would begood.
See how that looks.
All right you don't have to doit totally.
Leave it a little gray, alittle salt and pepper, you know
, just have some fun.
Plenty of that.
You're acting like an agingbaby boomer because you don't do
(34:51):
anything.
You baby boomer, because youdon't do anything, you refuse
everything.
You won't call your hair, youwon't hit the road and get a
free hair transplant.
You won't come out here andstay with me for a couple weeks
to do a Vegas road trip.
No, no, no.
I'd love to Watch some TV.
Clean the house, clean up somedog shit no.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Talking of which actually coming out there, it
wouldn't be a bad idea, becausethen I can get a ride in
allison's new uh, uh, yeah, uhtesla that she got my daughter,
by the way, that's a new teslaand that is the car of choice in
las vegas.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
the freaking teslas are everywhere tesla dealership.
You drive by that thing alwaystons of people there, nevada
because cost of gas in Vegas is,like always, $450, $475 a
gallon, so why wouldn't you getone?
I mean it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Yeah, they just rent something to go to LA.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
if you had to go the distance, oh, I mean, every time
I get gas up in Vegas it justkills me.
It's just 80, I car 80, 90bucks.
It used to cost me about 30, 35.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Kill, me Kill me.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Yeah, yeah, it's killing me.
It's killing me.
Why don't I tell you?
Why don't I tell you, I'm abitch and baby boomer, okay.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
The bitch and baby boomer.
There you go.
There's another podcast wecould do.
Just sit here and bitch, no, no, baby boomer.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
We could bitch all day long.
I remember when it used to costthis.
I always said it's like thecommercial you got to help those
people.
You prevent people frombecoming their parents.
Oh yeah, it's fun to watch yougo back and remember how your
parents raised you and how weraised our kids.
I remember watching our kidshow they raise their kids, how
(36:37):
it changes so much generation togeneration.
You know.
Our generation parents.
We were scared to crap of dad.
You know, oh yeah, the way yourdad gets home, we're going shit
.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
There's a picture on the site board in that
particular commercial.
There they pan around andthere's a picture of a guy and
he's looking like this let's seeif I can do this right Like
that.
I swear to God, they stole thaton the internet and that looks
just like my father in a pictureI took when I was like 10.
There you go, it's like I, I'mgoing stop.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
I want to check this out.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
I'm going to beat the crap out of you.
I mean, my dad's got pictures.
He's only got a hickory shirtin his hand or his belt's off,
getting ready to whip us withthat.
Oh, no.
Communication with dad was likewhen dad gets home, you're in
deep shit, you know.
Dad was like I'm going to getpain and I'm in trouble.
They're like oh now it's like oh, dad, dad, my buddy loved dad,
loved dad.
Then it was like dad, shit, I'mdead.
(37:38):
I'm dead.
Totally different man, totallydifferent.
In the shop class, the teachersused to go back there to get a
baseball bat.
They'd shave it flat on bothsides, nail spare holes in it,
put some tape on it and make ahandle and a loop for the wrist.
That's what they'd paddle youin the hall with if they felt
you need a spanking.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
Can you imagine?
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Yes, I can.
Speaker 3 (38:00):
A teacher spanking a kid in school now.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Oh, he could be arrested and away five or ten
years in prison.
You know You'd mess up with hismental health.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
you know, we had one teacher who used to get a
plimsoll right.
That's them now and what he'ddo is he'd put a big circle on
the sole of the plimsoll rightand he'd put an X on your ass
with a chalk and he'd hit youuntil he got the circle or maybe
(38:32):
it's the other way around the Xin the circle.
Whack Plemonsils didn't hurt asmuch as the cane, though the
cane hurt, especially on yourhands.
Did you ever get caned on yourhands?
Speaker 1 (38:42):
No, but did you kind of mind You'd take the finger
and put it in your belt loop soit'd hold you up by the belt
loop so you couldn.
So you'd be whacking with abaseball bat so you couldn't go
away.
You know they kept hitting youuntil you showed some signs that
it was actually hurting, youknow.
So, yeah, I take pain rightaway.
So just one way oh God, you'rekilling me.
(39:02):
I think I feel blood.
They stop after one.
You know, do something.
You know.
That's why people say you know,hey, man, Good old days, right?
They always tell me I got aplank ass.
This is why they beat it into aplank.
Okay, that's why a fat man'swhite ass, because it was beat
to death when I was a kid likethat.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
They just.
You know, people talk about thegood old days.
I can't think of anythingthat's your dad behind you
trying to suffocate you withthat damn sheet you got behind
you.
Well, it's just falling down onmy head.
Thank you, Patrick.
Well, I guess we'll just haveto continue.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
How am I going to sell this show when you show me
you got your urine-stained bedsheet as your backdrop?
Oh, shut up.
Yeah, I'm going to stay likethat while you do that, hang on.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
I'm going to pause this for one second.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
No, no, I think it's a good time to say goodbye.
Who's going to squeal this week?
It's going to be you because ofthat.
So bend over, here comes yoursqueal, get it.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Oh boy, thanks, Thanks a lot, and that's just
what we needed, oh boy.
Speaker 3 (40:22):
Oh, it's all over now .
Speaker 2 (40:27):
But that'll be in post-op.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
That's not going anywhere.
It stays exactly where it isthere we go.
See you guys after a week offootball and the debate Squeal,
squeal out of your ass.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
There we go.
One squealing now is to saygoodbye.
Speaker 1 (40:48):
I'm going to have some more bourbon.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
Whee, get it.
Actually, this doesn't look sobad.
It looks better than you know.
Waving in the background oh,what happened?
It looks very comfy, it is.
I think I might market this.
What do you think?
It's like being hugged by yourmother not by your dad, that's a
bloody sure.
And on that note I'm going topause this and say goodbye.
(41:15):
Till next week, folks, bye.
Hey, this is Chris and this is Costello Eat that
microphone.
Costello Eat that thing.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I got you, man, I got you, I'm hungry.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
You get some candy-covered flavor on that
thing, or what.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Shall, I try licking it to see.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
I just like hearing your keyboard skills at the
opening of our show.
I love this piece of music.
It's really old.
You're showing off yourkeyboard talent.
That's the only song you know,which is why we played it for
our intro.
It's a far fiza.
I believe We'll take it.
Hey, we are the originalCanceled Radio guys and since
we're on all these new avenuesnow with Facebook, instagram,
(00:58):
tiktok, we're just popping upeverywhere, I think it's
probably best that we explain topeople what we're about.
You know, because everyone goeson podcasts.
Oh, you gotta have a theme, yougotta have a theme A theme like
this one.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Oh, you mean Not theme song.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Theme for the show oh got it wrong again.
Yeah, you know, it's justbecause you know we've just been
doing in our third season.
Now you know just what we usedto do in radio.
You know people go well, that'sgood, but you're all over the
place.
What's the radio show?
Things that got us fired.
But they said you got to focusand have a theme.
You want to be sold for $100million like the Kelsey brothers
(01:34):
.
You got to have a theme.
They cover other stuff, butbasically it's football.
Okay, if you're like who's yourdaddy.
It's female on female.
It's about female issues,problems, dating, stuff like
that.
There was a theme.
It was Joe Rogan.
It's about being a midget baldguy who lost his hair on
steroids.
I mean, you know everybody'sgot a theme.
(01:57):
Our theme.
Okay, I guess the best way tocategorize we're baby boomers,
Like it or not.
We're baby boomers, like it ornot, we're baby boomers.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
So they call it.
Now what do you call it?
Generation jones, we're jones,yeah we are, we are we are I
thought we were baby boomers aslong as I know well, no, we're
also babyers, but they decidedto just narrow it down a little
bit, so we're Generation Jones.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
That sucks.
I like baby boomers instead.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Well, fuck it, then we'll be baby boomers.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
So as baby boomers, a couple of facts we are still
the most populous category inthe country.
We're still the most wealthiestgroup in the country, even
though we're not I'm saying thecategory as a whole.
All baby boomers put together,we're worth about $9.95.
(02:52):
And that's without tax.
Okay, so that'll be our thing.
We do radio like the way itused to be before it got so
stringent.
It's only owned by twocompanies.
That's why we're the originalcancer radio guys.
We're going to do radio like itused to be.
We'll talk about music that weplayed on the air during that
time.
It could be wild and stupid 80s, 90s music we actually played a
(03:16):
song about boobies last time.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Boobies, can you believe it?
Oh my God.
No, you can't do that.
Press, okay, I'm really goingto shuck you now.
Nipple, yep, yep.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
The things they used to get fined and fired for.
They don't do now because it'snot politically correct.
Hashtag, you suck.
Hashtag, we're going to sue you.
Hashtag, you're a cancelculture, all that stuff.
But we're not regulated by theFCC anymore, at least not anyway
.
So we're doing radio the way weused to do it and therefore
(03:47):
that's why it's for baby boomers, because during that time,
that's when we're at our peak,and now we're reliving that
through this podcast for you,our beloved.
It's not just for baby boomers,of course, but it's for anybody
.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
But our focus, I would say, if our theme, would
be baby boomers Exactly, and weneed also to explain that, how I
know you and how you know me.
You can explain it this time,if you like, or I will.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
I'll start you can finish the good part.
I programmed a lot of radiostations and evolved into
programming and morning showidiot.
And I hired Costello at astation I was programming to
come in and take it from worstto first, which is fun in those
days, you know, find theweaknesses in the other stations
.
That's why we used to havethese radio voices or
(04:32):
personalities, so we'd pick onthem, their sucky personalities,
their wimpy format or whatever.
So I brought in a combinationwhere I thought would be I
wanted talent people.
I didn't want to just announceit, I wanted talent.
And so I brought Costello inbecause I thought here's a
good-looking guy.
He used to have a peroxidemullet, he had the English
accent.
(04:52):
I said man, I stick him on,he's going to get us this young
female that says I mean, he'sgoing to rock that and he's
great.
And we had a phone there by thecontrol board called the
Hotline, and they're by thecontrol board called the Hotline
.
How many times did I Hotlineyou at night?
I mean, I know you're shit.
I was like what are you doing?
I saw this dead air.
What the hell are you talkingabout?
He was a cool guy.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
I lived in fear.
We got on great, but I lived infear of this guy.
And there was one day when Iplayed Michael Jackson's song
Out of Rotation accidentally.
So the next day I come in and Igo uh, chris, um, uh, cause
that's how we used to talk toeach other and I played Michael
Jackson on B instead of a C man,I'm real sorry.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
You should be, and he goes ah, nevermind.
I mean, I know that hotlineright.
Everyone knew it was me.
And then I'm coaching everyoneto answer it, but you know, if
you didn't, it'd be even worse.
So you had to go.
What, how you doing?
Sometimes it'd be a nice call.
Sometimes it's nice Just calland say hi, howdy duty.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
How you doing.
I can scare the shit out of you, Never mind.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Eventually I had to fire Costello, not for anything
that he did on the air oranything like that.
I think he did it because weused to have gatherings, because
, you know, we were a prettytight group.
We'd get together, watchfootball, bet football, have
food, have a drink, laugh, havefun, go to bars, go to each
other's houses and stuff.
I don't know what theinspiration was, but he decided
(06:16):
to whack my ex-wife in the facewith a pie one day.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Well, it was funny.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Even I did.
I was laughing, I got the stinkeye and I just just you know,
it was like how are you gonnastand up for me?
I mean, what do you?
What the hell are you supposedto do?
You do that to someone's wifeand she's pissed and she's like
what are you gonna do?
You want me to go up and punchhim or something?
No, I gotta do something.
So what are you looking for?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
back did you drop a diaper?
No, no, no, there's a dog whodecided to rearrange the
backdrop behind curtain numberone.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
So anyway, I had to fire, to fire him over something
like that.
And then we didn't talk to eachother for a long time 30 years,
not intentional, but here weare back doing the fun stuff
that we used to do a few yearsago, conversations with Costello
, because the other time Inearly got fired was when I
called you a bitch Well.
(07:03):
I did too, but you were beingmean no, we can do things now.
It's not hurtful, you bastard.
So we can do these things now,it's all right Do way worse now,
Right?
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah, well, there was reason to throw a pie in your
wife's face.
I don't remember what it wasnow, but Chaz had something to
do with that.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Yeah you weren't alone on that.
You got the blame for it, ofcourse.
Get the foreign guy.
Get him deported.
Go ahead, now that we're doingthe fun radio stuff that we're
used to.
Now we get to talk about babyboomer stuff.
What do baby boomers talk about?
Health issues.
I guess I'll leave that up toone foot in the grave.
(07:48):
Costello talking about healthissues and and my issues are
like what the hell am I going tocatch next?
And that's just part of gettingolder, I guess, yeah well, I
mean, I, I did.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
I did do a show.
Um, that was before theoperation I'd had a heart attack
, so I'm in the hospital.
That was funny.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Yeah, we did something else.
That was great.
Show material man, that wasgreat.
Last year you had thatquadruple super duper zip up and
do that bypass and we did someshows with Costello in the
hospital and they were great.
Nurses were there.
They had to come shave his dickfor the surgery.
You know they're cutting hischest open.
I'm going why this shit?
Maybe it's just a kinky thingat that South Carolina hospital.
(08:26):
What does shaving your dickhave to do with opening up your
chest?
I had yet to get a good answeron that.
It was fun.
I don't, of course.
It was Lather him up.
Yeah, baby, hey, just hold thiswith you honey Most fun you've
had since you got fired yearsago.
It's great.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
It is.
Yeah, it's probably about asmuch as.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
I've had.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
I've got two women touching me.
You know, I kind of miss beingin the hospital In fact.
Uh-oh, All that lovelyattention from the young nurses.
I'm calling 911 right now.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Can we have the Costello dick-shaving squad come
over?
He's having an emergency, okay.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Yeah, yeah, and I don't want the straight razor
this time either.
I mean imagine the young ladyhad the young nurse had a
straight razor right and she'slike going around there she says
, well, you'll have to do thisbit.
I said I can't reach down thereright now, it's not possible,
you'll have to do it.
And she goes well, I guesswe're kind of bonding over this,
(09:29):
aren't we?
Speaker 1 (09:32):
I go?
Well, we certainly are.
That's a good openingpick-me-up line while she's
holding her dick down with astraight razor If you give the
wrong answer, it's like rememberJohn Bobbitt.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Whoops, yeah, no balls and all mate, I tell you.
So yeah, she's kind of likegoing is this okay?
Speaker 1 (09:46):
I'm going, yeah, this is fine it would change the
trajectory of the show andespecially your voice.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I just have to do my Mike Tyson impersonation every
day.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yeah, you're kind of like Mike Tyson.
I got the tattoos in my face.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
My genitals are left in the hospital.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I'll get found.
So we mentioned a week ago andyou didn't really care too much,
but last night was thebeginning of the NFL football
season.
Hey, I want to talk to youabout that.
What a great game that was.
Did you watch that actuallywatch a football game?
Speaker 2 (10:23):
I didn't know it was on last night.
I know there's somethingtomorrow God he was Missed a
good one.
But what about your favoriteteam, Colorado, getting beaten
52 to zip?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Oh my, God, that's not my favorite team.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Well, it may not be your favorite team, but it's one
you like.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
No, I like that was Colorado State.
Oh, we are Colorado Buffs, theBuffaloes, deion Sanders team.
Yes, no, that's Colorado State.
Oh boy, do they get shit kickedout?
We don't care about ColoradoState.
Okay, all right, we areUniversity of Colorado.
In Boulder, colorado.
Our coach is primetime.
(11:01):
We won last week and thisSaturday we're playing Nebraska
in Nebraska Big game.
Yeah, that would be.
Nebraska won their first game.
They won ours.
His son, shadur Sanders, looksgreat.
Travis Hunter looks great.
The offensive line isprotecting the quarterback.
Rest of the team defense stillsucks.
After all that transfer port,do you think we get a defense to
(11:23):
go along with this offense?
No, so I hope they're makingthe adjustments and we do well
this week.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
I did watch some football over the weekend you
don't care about over theweekend.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
It's the NFL debut.
Last night it was the BaltimoreRavens coming on taking on the
world Super Bowl champions,kansas City Chiefs and Kansas
City.
Taylor Swift is up in the boothwatching her man.
There she was last night.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
What a game.
I was looking forward to thatgame.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
I just Thursday Baby Boomer Brain Fart.
They always have Thursday nightfootball, monday night football
Tonight because it's thebeginning of preseason.
They're doing a game only onPeacock tonight and they're
playing it in Barcelona, spain.
I've heard about thatPhiladelphia Eagles versus the
(12:11):
Green Bay Packers in Barcelona,but only on Peacock.
Do you have Peacock?
Yeah, I've got Peacock.
Do you have a shave?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
cock.
Oh, you may know that I wasgoing to say that's a little
personal, isn't it?
Don't have a hospital story,but last night's game.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
It comes down 27 to 20.
Kansas City's leading Baltimore, gets the ball back.
A minute 50 to go, they'renipping nickel and diamond
trying to get down the field.
Running out of time, lamarJackson throws a long pass,
great catch, 12-yard line.
12 seconds left First play ofthe end zone.
Baltimore guys wide open.
Lamar Jackson missed him.
(12:44):
I'm going you idiot.
Five seconds left Last play ofthe game.
Guy sticks back in, catches theball.
Tippy toes Touchdown.
And the exciting thing is,instead of going for the tie in
overtime, the coach goes let'sgo for two for the win.
They go.
Oh, wait a minute.
Look at the replay.
Was he actually inbounds?
A little smidgen of half of hisbig toe was sticking out of
(13:05):
bounds.
So they go out of bounds.
Catch no goods.
Game over Kansas City wins.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
This is what I was talking about a couple of weeks
ago.
I said they've got too manyrules and now they're way too
precise about this shit.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
You have to Costello.
That rule's been around forever.
You've got any part of yourinbounds.
It's not a catch.
It's been around forever,forever, forever.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
That's true, but they haven't always had pylon cams
and things like that.
At some point you've got tohave a margin of error.
You don't have that anymore.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
We'll reverse that call.
Okay, they have some camerasbut of course, being the big
debut Thursday night game, theyhave these two cameras on each
side of the end zone going rightdown the line.
Okay, you can see that smidgenof toe out.
If they didn't have that cameraangle, that call would have
stood.
It would have been a touchdown.
Who knows how it would haveended up, because they saw the
(14:00):
half of his little, his bigtoenail was barely hanging over
Catch.
No good, no touchdown.
Games over Kansas City wins.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
So it was pretty tight.
So kids take this as a note Geta pedicure before you play
football.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
You know I've seen many athletes bare feet.
They don't cut their toenails.
That feet are cut as damntoenails I cut the toenails.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I feel like he cut his damn toenails.
I'm just saying Exactly this isa public service, for Christ's
sake.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
One thing the baby boomers are all about.
Good hygiene is important.
Cut your damn toenails.
If it was short in the shoesize, we could have had a win
for Baltimore last time.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
There you go.
Baltimore Rapids would have hadtheir first.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Every time we discuss football, it's just the
beginning of the season.
You better get used to it,Costello.
We're talking about footballall the way to the first week of
February because that's how theseason goes, okay.
So each week we have to askCostello a football question and
see how he does.
Are you ready for this week?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
I'm working on it, but you know, I mean, it's like
you asked me.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
I asked you easy stuff.
I gave you.
I threw you softballs last week.
Okay, they were so easy.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Well, what was the one you said to him?
What's a quarterback?
And I thought, well, changefrom a dollar, see, makes sense
to me.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Only a Brit would answer that one.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
It's a good answer, though, don't you think?
A rather good answer.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
So listen, we are of course no questions coming up
real quick, I get that football,one football question in.
Okay, all right, whistles blow,there's a penalty, the ref goes
, five-yard penalty, the legalman in motion.
What is that False start?
No, that's a false start.
That's what I said.
(15:46):
No, no.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Who's in first?
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Illegal man in motion .
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Oh, that's what it is .
Is it An illegal man in motion?
I remember a really good songabout man in motion.
Remember that.
Give me a second.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
If I'll start, of course, obviously if, like,
someone moves before the ballsnap, just a little hitch.
Okay, you got a receiver who'slike, he can run down the line,
backfield or whatever before theball snapped or whatever.
But if he's in motion at thewrong period of time before the
ball snapped or whatever, but ifhe's in motion at the wrong
period of time before the ballsnapped or whatever, that's an
illegal man in motion.
(16:24):
Okay.
So penalty, all right, right,okay, you with me.
Yep, no, you're not, just usethe line.
It's because you're Just theline Just to move on.
Just to move on, yeah yeah,okay, moving on then.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Moving on, mr Humber, this is our theme.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Now we have a theme we're for baby boomers, boomers,
boomers, boomers, boomers,boomers.
Chris Costello originalcanceled radio.
Guys, the bad boys of radio,here we are and that's our theme
.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
It should be like parentheses above all odds,
they're still alive.
That goes for both of us.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
When you're saying Apple, we have a theme.
You cannot buy us.
You bought the Kelsey Brothersfor $100 million.
You bought who's your Daddy fora few other million.
We're going for $99.95 just forthis week.
Only.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
That's right, that's right.
Get your coupons here, folks.
In fact, we'll even take allyour Walmart coupons, because
there's so many of them.
Next mark coupons, becausethere's so many of them.
Next week will be 10 million,but this week 99.95.
Just by the way, if you'd liketo get in touch with us, you can
and things have changed alittle bit, but we're still at
Go ahead.
Chrisandcostello at yahoocom,you can email us there.
(17:35):
Yeah we check it, we check it.
And, of course,chrisandcostellocom is our
website, which I think is underconstruction right now.
To be honest, I'm not sure.
I think it's under constructionfor three seasons now.
No, no, it's there, it's there,it's just.
You know, that's how you getthe long form.
See, you might be watching usin just a little bit.
(17:57):
You want to hear the whole?
What 45 minutes?
That's right.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
They are playing all kinds of these short snippets on
Facebook, instagram, tiktok,all these other sources, but if
you want to hear the whole show,just do like Costello said
don't give yourself ear torturefor 45 to 50 minutes with the
whole deal, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Where are these going ?
Chrisandcostellocom.
In fact, you can even choosefrom the last year and a half of
shows that we've done on thereas well.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Just go and check it out.
There's been some wild shit.
If you think back to what we'vedone the past three seasons,
there's some weird.
There's some funny wild shit onthere, that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I really enjoyed the interview with soon-to-be King
Charles III.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
We get a lot of comments on that.
Yeah, we do.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
That was pretty good.
We had the gay black wrestleron.
That was fun.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Should get in touch with him again, maybe.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
I think the guy once came back on our show was the
guy who used to work withLiberace.
He really loved being on ourshow.
Oh, nate, we loved you.
We bonded like this.
You want to kick my ass so bad,it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Yeah, I told you an asshole and everything I know
Costello better than you do.
It was actually no.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
We picked on Lizzo so much.
You want to come over and siton my face and suffocate me, but
you know, matter of fact, shecan sit on both of our faces at
the same time.
That ass is so big.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Boy.
I tell you what, it's truethough, he did.
He did work with Liberace, orwhat do they used to call him
Lee?
Speaker 1 (19:33):
That was it.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
If you were in, you could call him Lee.
I've been to his house.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Well, if you were in, we know what you were, so you
don't want to be in.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
No, I wasn't in.
He was dead by the time I wentto, so they buried Liberace face
down.
There's anything wrong withthat.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
No, they buried Liberace face down, with his
butt up, but that's anyway, it'sus.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Yeah, down with his butt up, but anyway, that's it.
Here's Kristen Costello.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
So, since we are baby boomers, we have to bring this
up, because I hate to do it.
We have to do a little bit ofpolitics.
We are getting closer.
Coming next week is thepresidential debate Trump versus
Harris.
I'm really excited to see.
I'm sure she's going to do agood job.
Just let him bury himself, lethim yak on, make an ass out of
himself.
She'll win the thing nice andeasy.
Just let him do his normalthing.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
He doesn't say anything anyway, does he?
I mean listen to him, Same shit.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
People walking out of his rallies just rambles on it.
It's boring.
It's just he's going backwards,which is what I'm happy to see,
but getting ready for thedebate, he's actually.
Kamala's actually got a newendorsement, you know, and it's
from an unusual source.
Shall we, yeah, go ahead, hitthis.
This will catch you by surprise.
Let's do it.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
There's a brand-new energy in America.
Can you feel it?
It's the feeling Americans getwhen they have the chance to
make a change from the tired oldways of the past, the chance to
(21:18):
chart an optimistic new courseand to turn the page on the
negativity and hate that hasdivided us for far too long.
It's the kind of energyAmericans are known for when
they set their minds to setright that which is wrong.
It's the energy that powersAmerica.
It's the kind of energy we'veseen so many times before when
America stood up and did whatwas right before the eyes of the
world.
It's the feeling of hopefulnessand gratitude that we live in
(21:40):
the greatest country on the faceof the earth.
It's the feeling of hopefulnessand gratitude that we live in
the greatest country on the faceof the Earth.
And, as one of our greatestleaders has told us so many
times, there is nothing Americacan't do when we do it together.
And so let's come together toharness this energy to make
America a more perfect union.
Let's come together to electKamala Harris as the next
president of the United States.
Let's write the next chapter ofAmerican democracy for
(22:08):
generations to come.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Well, that's pretty damned amazing.
What a great endorsement.
I mean all those great pictures.
Now, if you don't have video,I'm going to have to explain
this a little bit, because someof you are listening to us and
some of you are watching us.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
For those watching.
I'm sorry, that's the videopart.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Well, the thing about the video thing is that there's
pictures of Kamala, there'spictures of Obama, there's
pictures of Clintoninton, um,just all kinds of things, ever
everything democratic andnothing republican, and it just
it all fits in rather nicely, Ithought, anyway.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
So he's endorsing harris.
So, just at this, we always,like I said, we always play the
truthful trump on this show.
You know what he's reallythinking, what's really going on
.
But I think we're starting themost is because harris gomala's
raising a lot of money.
I mean, this is all excitingand stuff.
Trump needs money.
So we have here for you foryour listening and video
(23:08):
enjoyment.
Trump is coming up with a newway.
Like he was selling Bibles andhe was selling shoes.
Okay, that's right.
Guess what he's selling nowMelania.
Check this out.
Trump's selling Melania formoney.
I may buy that.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Hello, it's AI Donald Trump, and, as you know, I
desperately need money and I'vebeen scrounging around for
things I don't use anymore so Ican sell them to raise some cash
.
And I've got a lot of uselesspossessions lying around, some
of which I don't even lay eyeson very often, and one of those
things is my wife, Melania.
I hadn't seen her in a fewmonths until last week when I
(23:47):
suddenly realized, hey, I paid afair amount of money for her
back in 1998.
At the time, I was dating awoman named Selena Middlefart
Seriously, that's her name, youcan look it up.
But anyway, I paid a lot forMelania and she's still in
pretty good condition, and Ipaid for some work to be done on
her, and it wasn't cheap,believe me.
So I'm putting Melania up forsale to raise some cash.
(24:10):
Now I need to be upfront about afew things.
She's not very friendly andEnglish is not her first
language.
She's from Slovenia and she'salways running around the house
saying things like smrdikoprasicjarit, which translates to
he smells like a pig's asshole,and she won't let me touch her,
which, to be fair, shenegotiated as part of the
purchase agreement, and we'venever actually had sex, mostly
(24:31):
because I'm completely impotent,but I remember her saying over
and over again to the people Ibought her from o moi bog ne
biebaltega debelega dreka ce bibil zadni clovek na planetu
zemlja Esti genadi.
Which translates to oh my God,I wouldn't fuck that fat turd if
he was the last man on planetEarth.
So there's that.
Like I said, she's not veryfriendly.
(24:53):
So please make an offer forMelania by contacting my
campaign office and rememberthat even though I'm desperate
for money, I'm hoping to get adecent price.
Maybe not what I paid, butdon't try to lowball me.
Hopefully she'll be nicer toyou than she is to me.
Bitch fucking hates my ass.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
He might have better luck selling her than the shoes
in the Bible, I think.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Maybe those could be optional extras, Like he says in
the thing she still lookspretty good.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
She's a cold woman, she looks cold to me.
I thing she still looks prettygood.
Yeah, she's a cold woman, shelooks cold to me.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
I mean, she's like Well, she's from Russia or
Ukraine.
You're not Ukraine.
Where is she from?
Speaker 1 (25:28):
She's just an Eastern European right next door to
Russia.
She's got ice in the veins.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
But if you're married to an idiot, she has that look
that can wither about anybody.
You know the slanty eyes.
They kind of go like slittyeyes you have to look at it.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
What makes her happy?
What makes her laugh?
But what's still there?
A dildo.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
When you're married to Trump.
It has to be.
It has to be.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Call Amazon and get what more batteries to this
address.
Yes, that's right.
I'll tell you what, thoughYou've got to get enough
politics.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
But wait a minute.
Can you imagine having Trumphumping on top of you?
Speaker 1 (26:10):
No, Stop it.
You don't want a bad visualthing that does in your head.
Well, I just thought, you know?
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I mean, I'm thinking hey, hey, hey, baby, a baby, a
baby, uh, congress, congress howdoes he have sex with his hands
?
Speaker 1 (26:25):
always doing this, I think I think I may be coming
lost your balance.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
No, no, no, no, no, I think.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
I think I think I may be coming, I may be coming well
, that's why you see him at therallies, is why he does this
dance like this.
He's jerking off two guys atonce.
There you go.
Double jerk, double jerk Wantto be in my cabinet.
He's offering Elon Musk a thingin his cabinet now to help
straighten it out.
(26:52):
That'll bring in the votes right.
I apologize on behalf of Gastelfor giving you this awful
mental image, possibly thatyou'll have in your head the
rest of the day picturing Trumphumping the Trump hump oh.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
God, the Trump hump.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, we present the Trump hump
.
We're kind of this team.
I have to bring this out.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
I don't know about you girls.
We present the Trump Hump, sowe're kind of this team.
I have to bring this up.
I've always liked Katy Perry.
She left her judge seat onAmerican Idol, which I think
would be hard to believe.
She's pretty funny.
She has a new CD out.
She's working really hard totry to push it.
It's really tough because she'slike 40 now a little bit over
40.
You're an aging pop star.
You still want to be relevant.
She 40, now a little bit over40.
(27:36):
You're an aging pop star.
You still want to be relevant.
She's relevant in other ways,but sometimes having your music
hang in there makes it a littletougher when you get that age.
Even with Stefani she's stillaround.
But she's relevant in otherways.
She has a good show becauseshe's had so many hits.
Kitty had a good residency overat the Resort World.
She's not really pushing hermusic a lot.
She was on another podcast thisweek, the who's your Daddy thing
.
We go and mention it.
It's a good thing.
(27:56):
Yeah, and man, they were askingwhat pushed her button, what
excites her?
She goes.
Is it like getting a newFerrari from your husband,
orlando Bloom, stuff like that?
She goes.
No, I can buy myself a Ferrariif I want one.
She goes well, push is mybuttons, okay, I sell for
Ferrari.
If I want one, she goes well,push my buttons, okay, if I get
it.
He does things to help me out.
If I'm coming down the stairsin the morning, the kitchen's
(28:18):
clean, the dish has been putaway, the dishwasher's been
empty, all the countertops areclean.
If you do that for me, getready to have your dick sucked.
And so that's what does it forme.
I'm going are you shitting me?
Inspired by this, I cleaned thewhole house here, top to bottom
(28:40):
, everything done.
I said to my wife.
I said lookie, everything'sclean.
I got the vacuum, I polished, Idid everything, all the laundry
.
I'm ready.
She goes what did I get?
I got?
Oh, thanks, that's pretty muchit.
I got thanks about damn time,that's it.
I said no dick sucking, whatfor what?
(29:01):
Cleaning the house?
Katie does it.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
What the heck.
I married you for Jeez.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
I thought what a great precedent Katie is setting
.
I said, man, I work my ass offall day and I get nothing, but
it's about damn time.
And so today I'm out there,bummed out this morning, sitting
down having coffee by myself.
My wife comes out, I hear thisthing Okay, my beard tremored
and she starts running the thingup my leg a little bit, not
totally to the skin, but I gowhat are you doing?
(29:28):
She goes some of your leg hairis too long.
I went what the?
How many leg hairs too long?
I went what the Like, just justlike you're all leg hair to you
, I'm like Christ.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
She doesn't like the porn.
Rows on your legs.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
I'm having a bad day Cause I cleaned the whole house.
Look waiting for a dick sucking.
I don't get that, okay.
And the next thing here is likeyour leg hair is too long.
We got to trim that up.
I'm just going.
That's it.
That's what I get.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
I'm sorry man, nothing for cleaning the house.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
My leg hair is too long.
I'll go get a waxing today.
Get my legs waxed and get aBrazilian wax while I'm at it.
God, now there's a thought youget your dick shaved by two hot
nurses.
I got to get a beard trimmer.
I got to go down to the waxingjoint.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Yeah, but you don't get a quadruple bypass
afterwards, do you?
No, that was an optional extra.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
I'd like that, I'd like to have my arteries cleaned
out.
It's a good thing, yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Look at the energy you have.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Now you get your color back in your face and
stuff, you know, your nosehair's come back.
Everything's working for you.
Come back.
Everything's working for you,yes it is.
Oh God, I can see you've gotmore notes here than you do up
there now, I think.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Yeah, you know, I was just looking like what's going
on up here, maybe maybe weekendsago.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
We're going to go and have your hair colored.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
Hair colored.
Oh no, ooh.
See that red bit there.
I don't know what that's about.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
What happens if you get a red splotch up there?
What the hell is that?
Speaker 2 (30:56):
It's a Gorbachev.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
I don't know, that's new, I was going to say like you
get a big birthmark that's justshown up for the first time in
your life on the top of yourhead?
I don't know what that's from.
Is that a?
Speaker 2 (31:10):
redneck, it's a Gorbachev look-alike.
I think it's just misplaced,are you?
Speaker 1 (31:14):
trying to steal the title of Mr Mellon 2024 away
from me.
Is that what you're doing?
Trying to tan your head?
Speaker 2 (31:20):
I tell you what when I used to dye my hair, which I
used to do a lot way back when-you had that peroxide, mullet
man.
Yeah, I did Well, you know, andI used to dye it black as well.
I mean, it's black anyway.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
You were one of the first guys years ago who had the
highlights in before everyoneeven knew what the damn word
highlights was.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
You did Exactly, but I dyed my hair black and various
other colors right, and itblistered my whole scalp and the
back of my ears.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
I was obviously very, very allergic to it.
What did?
Speaker 2 (31:48):
you use?
Oh, I don't know what did youuse?
Chlorel or something?
Just something off the shelf,and whatever it was back then
was high.
It just burned everything,which is probably why I went
bald.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Good, I can do that.
You had jet black hair.
Blonde highlights back here,that's right.
Brown eyebrows.
You looked like a freakingunicorn.
You had every color under thesun.
You had dark arm hair.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
I'm just going what?
Speaker 1 (32:16):
the freak color is this guy.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
I'm a fashion icon man.
People follow me.
You were then.
Yeah, I was back in them theredays.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
You were way ahead of your time then.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
That's not unusual.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Look at the price you had to pay for doing it.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Well, you did offer me new hair I might take it I
did.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
You can actually come up here anytime.
We'll do it Total hairtransplant on you Free of charge
, because you are Costello ofChris and Costello the Oranginal
Cancer Radio guys, that's right.
You get free cosmetic surgery,bud.
Don't I need it, folks?
Look at this.
Why haven't you jumped all over?
Don't I need it, folks?
Why haven't you jumped all over?
Why have you not done it?
Because I couldn't get outthere.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
I had a flaming dog I had to look after.
I still do you bring the dogwith you.
I could do.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Your dog would be happy with it.
You should first do this.
Go color your hair this weekend.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Bring it back.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Just one time.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
No, because it'll do what it did before It'll burn.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
They don't have product that burns anymore like
that.
Okay, so you go get Clairoljust for men.
Leave it on for five minutes,it ain't going to burn.
Leave it on for 20 minutes.
It may burn a little becauseyou're leaving it on too long,
which is probably what you did.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Well, it always did, even from the early 70s when I
first did it.
Well, it probably was prettyshitty.
It wasn't the same as it is now.
It was awful.
Oh Christ, it was like yourwhole scalp is just coming off.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Yeah, I mean now if you want to stay tanned
year-round, you can go to atanning booth.
You to go to tanning booth?
You can have tanning booth inyour home.
You can inject peptides to makeyour skin dark.
Then they had those sun lampsthat you set your face in front
of.
They're like 500 green burned,your red peeled, just destroying
yourself, getting instant skincancer.
And that's all we had.
And the hair color probably wasjust as evil then, as is it.
(34:08):
You know it's one of thosethings was evil.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
It was evil.
They had these things calledcellophanes that they used to
put on, and that was pretty coolbecause it just coated the hair
, yeah, yeah, and the only timeyou could see the color that you
wanted was when the sunreflected off it.
You know, I had blue and green.
I think I did a bright red onepoint.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
How many people want to see Castell get his hair
colored this weekend?
Everybody's in the majority.
Just one time.
Get some cloud district andpick a color.
Great, medium brown would begood.
See how that looks.
All right you don't have to doit totally.
Leave it a little gray, alittle salt and pepper, you know
, just have some fun.
Plenty of that.
You're acting like an agingbaby boomer because you don't do
(34:51):
anything.
You baby boomer, because youdon't do anything, you refuse
everything.
You won't call your hair, youwon't hit the road and get a
free hair transplant.
You won't come out here andstay with me for a couple weeks
to do a Vegas road trip.
No, no, no.
I'd love to Watch some TV.
Clean the house, clean up somedog shit no.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Talking of which actually coming out there, it
wouldn't be a bad idea, becausethen I can get a ride in
allison's new uh, uh, yeah, uhtesla that she got my daughter,
by the way, that's a new teslaand that is the car of choice in
las vegas.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
the freaking teslas are everywhere tesla dealership.
You drive by that thing alwaystons of people there, nevada
because cost of gas in Vegas is,like always, $450, $475 a
gallon, so why wouldn't you getone?
I mean it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Yeah, they just rent something to go to LA.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
if you had to go the distance, oh, I mean, every time
I get gas up in Vegas it justkills me.
It's just 80, I car 80, 90bucks.
It used to cost me about 30, 35.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Kill, me Kill me.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Yeah, yeah, it's killing me.
It's killing me.
Why don't I tell you?
Why don't I tell you, I'm abitch and baby boomer, okay.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
The bitch and baby boomer.
There you go.
There's another podcast wecould do.
Just sit here and bitch, no, no, baby boomer.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
We could bitch all day long.
I remember when it used to costthis.
I always said it's like thecommercial you got to help those
people.
You prevent people frombecoming their parents.
Oh yeah, it's fun to watch yougo back and remember how your
parents raised you and how weraised our kids.
I remember watching our kidshow they raise their kids, how
(36:37):
it changes so much generation togeneration.
You know.
Our generation parents.
We were scared to crap of dad.
You know, oh yeah, the way yourdad gets home, we're going shit
.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
There's a picture on the site board in that
particular commercial.
There they pan around andthere's a picture of a guy and
he's looking like this let's seeif I can do this right Like
that.
I swear to God, they stole thaton the internet and that looks
just like my father in a pictureI took when I was like 10.
There you go, it's like I, I'mgoing stop.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
I want to check this out.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
I'm going to beat the crap out of you.
I mean, my dad's got pictures.
He's only got a hickory shirtin his hand or his belt's off,
getting ready to whip us withthat.
Oh, no.
Communication with dad was likewhen dad gets home, you're in
deep shit, you know.
Dad was like I'm going to getpain and I'm in trouble.
They're like oh now it's like oh, dad, dad, my buddy loved dad,
loved dad.
Then it was like dad, shit, I'mdead.
(37:38):
I'm dead.
Totally different man, totallydifferent.
In the shop class, the teachersused to go back there to get a
baseball bat.
They'd shave it flat on bothsides, nail spare holes in it,
put some tape on it and make ahandle and a loop for the wrist.
That's what they'd paddle youin the hall with if they felt
you need a spanking.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
Can you imagine?
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Yes, I can.
Speaker 3 (38:00):
A teacher spanking a kid in school now.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Oh, he could be arrested and away five or ten
years in prison.
You know You'd mess up with hismental health.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
you know, we had one teacher who used to get a
plimsoll right.
That's them now and what he'ddo is he'd put a big circle on
the sole of the plimsoll rightand he'd put an X on your ass
with a chalk and he'd hit youuntil he got the circle or maybe
(38:32):
it's the other way around the Xin the circle.
Whack Plemonsils didn't hurt asmuch as the cane, though the
cane hurt, especially on yourhands.
Did you ever get caned on yourhands?
Speaker 1 (38:42):
No, but did you kind of mind You'd take the finger
and put it in your belt loop soit'd hold you up by the belt
loop so you couldn.
So you'd be whacking with abaseball bat so you couldn't go
away.
You know they kept hitting youuntil you showed some signs that
it was actually hurting, youknow.
So, yeah, I take pain rightaway.
So just one way oh God, you'rekilling me.
(39:02):
I think I feel blood.
They stop after one.
You know, do something.
You know.
That's why people say you know,hey, man, Good old days, right?
They always tell me I got aplank ass.
This is why they beat it into aplank.
Okay, that's why a fat man'swhite ass, because it was beat
to death when I was a kid likethat.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
They just.
You know, people talk about thegood old days.
I can't think of anythingthat's your dad behind you
trying to suffocate you withthat damn sheet you got behind
you.
Well, it's just falling down onmy head.
Thank you, Patrick.
Well, I guess we'll just haveto continue.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
How am I going to sell this show when you show me
you got your urine-stained bedsheet as your backdrop?
Oh, shut up.
Yeah, I'm going to stay likethat while you do that, hang on.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
I'm going to pause this for one second.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
No, no, I think it's a good time to say goodbye.
Who's going to squeal this week?
It's going to be you because ofthat.
So bend over, here comes yoursqueal, get it.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Oh boy, thanks, Thanks a lot, and that's just
what we needed, oh boy.
Speaker 3 (40:22):
Oh, it's all over now .
Speaker 2 (40:27):
But that'll be in post-op.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
That's not going anywhere.
It stays exactly where it isthere we go.
See you guys after a week offootball and the debate Squeal,
squeal out of your ass.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
There we go.
One squealing now is to saygoodbye.
Speaker 1 (40:48):
I'm going to have some more bourbon.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
Whee, get it.
Actually, this doesn't look sobad.
It looks better than you know.
Waving in the background oh,what happened?
It looks very comfy, it is.
I think I might market this.
What do you think?
It's like being hugged by yourmother not by your dad, that's a
bloody sure.
And on that note I'm going topause this and say goodbye.
(41:15):
Till next week, folks, bye.
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