June 10, 2025 • 46 mins
n this episode of The Other Half Podcast, hosts Cruze and Erika dive deep into a raw and reflective conversation: "What did you go through as a kid that still affects you today?"
We share personal stories from our childhoods, how those experiences shaped who we are today, and how we continue to grow and heal through open dialogue. Whether it’s trauma, tough love, or just the little moments that stuck with us — we unpack it all.
💬 Drop your thoughts in the comments: What did YOU go through as a kid that still affects you today?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Like my other friends .
My other friends always had amom and a dad, so I always
wanted that to.
Just like you always wanted afather, I always wanted a mom
and a dad.
All the cartoons I watch had amom and a dad everything.
So it affected me still and Ifeel like I dealt with that in
silence.
I had no.
I had no other way to deal withit.
So I think it affects you bothways.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
All right, both ways all right.
Welcome back to another episodeof the other half podcast with
me the biggest tino you know yesand uh, miss, miss erica
favorite miss erica.
She's all right, I guess.
So how was your week?
Speaker 1 (00:44):
pretty busy, productive can't complain you're
in the uh.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
What do you call it?
You're in the uh self, not evenself-employed, but pretty much
field.
Now, how's that?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
um, I would just say that uncomfortability is good
and I've learned that now I cantruly say that I do love what I
do.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
I'm glad I've stuck it out.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I'm a full body waxer , by the way, you guys.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Yeah, she waxes nasty stuff.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Yeah, I don't mind it .
Yeah, just busy.
What were you asking me?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Busy?
No, I just said how was yourweek.
It was busy.
Are you tired, Busy?
Speaker 1 (01:25):
What were you asking?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
me Busy.
No, I just said how was yourweek, your wonderful week.
Dang, are you tired?
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I'm always tired.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
I feel like I'm feeling Avery's every day.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
You hear that.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Every day.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Every day your boy be grinding.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yeah, I feel like I'm a step closer to
self-employment.
I mean, I can be in my suitewhen I don't have a guest, I can
be on my phone watching Netflix.
Whatever I want to do, I likeit and I have a great, great
manager.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
That's good, that's good.
What about you?
My week was busy All thegraduations.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Oh yeah, We've had graduations to go to you had
graduations, all my clients hadgraduations.
Yeah, we've just beeneverywhere yeah so it's been
busy yeah, but it's only been acouple months since we posted a
podcast.
I know we said every week, or Isaid every week, you guys, but
y'all should have knew, butlisten when we post a podcast.
(02:26):
He not only has to.
You know, you got to edit it.
It takes time.
So that's why you guys won'tsee it for a few weeks.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Anyways.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
A couple weeks, yeah, you being consistent.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah, I feel you, I feel you.
But yeah, we've had graduations.
How does it feel to have one,two kids?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
out of high school you have two grown children now
yeah, I know I'm very proud tosay that I have two graduated,
three more to go, and I reallyhave faith in all my kids.
I know that all my kids aregoing to graduate, so I'm just
really proud of them.
I'm also really proud of mybrother-in-law, guy.
(03:06):
He just graduated today and Miagraduated yesterday.
So shout out to Guy and Mia Adiamond.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Then we got April going to middle school, we got
Robert going to high school.
We got a full house.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
So we're going to be busy and stressed out and tired,
okay.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Eric will be stressed .
Speaker 1 (03:31):
I'll be chilling.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
All right, so our icebreakers.
For today, I picked a card thisweek.
Are you ready for this?
Are you ready for this?
I need you to have extrarespect on me when you answer
this question.
All right, like extra, extrawhat all right.
Ask each person in the groupwhen were you most proud of me?
(03:58):
That's, that's the card.
When were you most proud of me?
Speaker 1 (04:08):
most proud.
That's hard, because I wasreally proud of you when you
graduated barber school, I feellike, because that was like that
was such a I feel now that I'vegone through myself it is so
stressful and like trying towork and go to school at the
same time but I would say,probably when you got your suite
(04:29):
, your first suite, and youweren't at a barbershop, that,
like you know, you wanted yourown kind of thing, but not
necessarily a barbershop, butyou got your own keys to your
own suite.
That was a moment, I think, forme.
Yeah, I feel like.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
That's when I would say I was most proud of you.
That's what's up.
That's what's up.
Yeah, for those of you whodon't know barber school.
I worked at Verizon full timeand I went to school barber
school so it was some long days.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Yeah, and it was rough for our relationship too,
I know that.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Because you was mean.
That's when you were in yourreal hispanic phase.
Now you're all right, you'reall bougie, because you live in
arizona, but back then, yeah,she was walking around ross with
one shoe on why are we goingback to that?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
that is not part of the question.
I want to see the video.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
You just want to roast me today don't worry about
it anyways yeah, that was backin the day.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Well, that's good yeah how many years ago was that
?
Was what when you got yoursuite, I would say three years
ago um, I think it was january,not january.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
November 2022, something like yeah something
like 2022?
.
Something like that, somethinglike that.
So that's about three years,because I did two years at Sola,
one year at Signature already.
I'm a real business owner outhere in these streets.
One day you're going to be likeme.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I will.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Then I can be a stay-at-home dad.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
No, I'm not doing that.
I'm not a stay-at-home mom, soyou're not going to be a
stay-at-home dad.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
No, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
I'm not a stay-at-home mom, so you're not
gonna be a stay-at-home dad.
No respect bro, no respect justsaying okay, okay what it says,
ask each other so you don'thave a moment when you're proud
of me.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
You ain't asking me, okay, when it was what's the
question?
Speaker 1 (06:22):
let me see it.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Here you go, Read the card ma'am.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Okay, when were you most proud of me?
Yeah, you know, I've beenaround you for everything.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
You got your visa.
Well, I wasn't there for thefirst time.
You got your visa.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
I didn't have a visa, I had DACA Same thing.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Anyways, you had that .
Then you got your job at Macy's.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
You're proud of me working at Macy's.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Yes, because you were no longer in the gas station.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Man, yes, yeah, y'all , I worked at Circle K for three
years.
Oh, I love it here.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Perfume.
It's not perfume, it's whateverPerfume.
Whatever it is bro no, theother one, yeah, yeah, I love
that job you were working at uhlong comb, I got manager you got
manager at long comb in iowa soyou're working in makeup and
all that stuff.
Then came here, got, got yourcitizenship Dang.
(07:30):
And then what.
Then what you graduated.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Dang, and then what?
Then you?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
went to school.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
And then what?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Then you graduated school.
I was hurting one of them times.
I want y'all to know this.
So yeah, it was rough.
While she was in school I washurting one of them times.
I want y'all to know this.
Yeah, it was rough while shewas in school.
The income was down.
Then you got your job finally.
Now I was proud of you when youhad the conversation with your
(08:00):
kids about what happened to youand what you went through in
life.
Because I asked romeo, I said,do you know what happened to
your mommy?
He had no idea and you couldtell there was still something
there.
And then he was like I askedhim do you blame her?
(08:20):
And she was like he was like Idon't really care anymore yeah,
it's like's, like you don't care, but you don't know, mm-hmm.
So, yeah.
I don't even know.
Even though I had to push youhard.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
I don't even think they know what you're talking
about.
But Well Y'all, my life is astory, it's a book.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Yeah, no.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
There's reasons why certain things have gone the way
that they have Like yeah, itdoesn't make sense to people.
They're like oh, you justgraduated or you just got.
Yeah, there's a lot.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
She didn't graduate high school.
She was skipping out, trying tobe in the streets gangbanging
and all that.
She shot somebody you are lyingright now.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
I definitely dropped out.
I dropped out when I was 17.
Yep, then just made so manyother bad decisions, but I had a
lot of stuff I feel like too.
That just held me back a lot.
Made my what do you call it?
My journey difficult.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Then she met me and you're just a pusher.
That's a you know story foranother time.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yeah, so you were most part of me when I had that
conversation.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Yeah, you know why?
No, Because you didn't want todo it and I could tell you
didn't want to do it.
That's probably.
I mean everything you've beenthrough is hard.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Do you know why I didn't want to do it though?
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Everything you've been through is hard, though.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Yes, I know.
Do you know?
Do you know why I didn't wantto do it, Even though I know?
I should have.
Don't want people to feel badfor me or for it to seem like an
excuse.
I felt like there was never anexcuse or reason why things went
the way that they did for them.
They deserved so much more andI feel like my story is not
their problem yeah so that's whyI never wanted to have that
(09:56):
conversation.
but then obviously, after havingthe conversation, it makes more
sense to them and theyunderstand.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
they don't feel like it's their fault, yeah, but what
you went through should alsonot have made someone resent you
, so.
Yeah, but you know, it is whatit is.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
You feel like they should when you're in my
situation.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Why it's fine, cause you live in your learn.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
you make a lot of decisions that you could have
did differently yeah, but youwere young.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
I know when you're young you can't you can't have
someone blame you for decisionsyou made when you were young.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
I made a lot of bad decisions yeah, but I also feel
like I didn't have people likeyou in my life to like the go.
No, I mean seriously like Idon't think I had people in my
life to really push me to dowhat's better for me or to like
make me think, like to actuallymake me think and make better
decisions.
Everyone would always just belike you're hard-headed and
(10:58):
that's it.
No, like nothing, just no realconversations, nothing to really
like.
It's more like getting on mya** or my butt.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Sorry, getting on my butt.
We went to church today and shecussed no.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
I'm just saying a** is in the Bible.
I'm saying like getting on mybutt, like you know, I don't
know you.
Just you have to have people inyour life that they're not
going to, they're not going tomake excuses for you and say,
it's okay, but they're stillgoing to tell you but you can do
this, or you can still do this,or you'll figure it out.
And yeah, I just don't feellike I had that.
(11:34):
So it kind of goes into ourtopic for today.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
What's our topic for today?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Did you have it?
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Yeah, I had the topic , so stop trying to tell my
topic when I picked the topic togo true, all right, our topic
today is what is something youwent through as a child that
still affects you today thatboy's spitting boy, now you go
first ladies first, gentlemen,no, you go first.
(12:02):
Ladies first.
Gentlemen, first no, ladies,first Go ahead.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
We want to hear this because you just that goes into
our topic today, I know, but Icause mine's kind of I don't
even know Mine's kind of acouple things.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Well, we got time.
Y'all got a little time right,the one.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
I'll say real quick, cause I don't really need to go
into it.
I also don't know if my momwatches these, and I don't need
her to.
We've had good conversationsrecently, though, where I'm like
, okay, you don't remember this,but I do, and this is why I'm
the way that I am.
I would say seeing domesticviolence at the age of eight.
I never forgot it, I can stillvisually see it in my mind and I
(12:47):
feel like that affected me.
And because I got intorelationships, that of domestic
violence was there and I didn'tknow the difference, which is
why I allowed it.
So to me it was still love,because my mom still stayed with
someone who she loved, or wholoved her but still abused her.
So I feel like that affected megrowing up, and then I would
(13:10):
say my whole, like adoption,immigration, stuff that has
affected me completely as anadult for sure why has it
affected you as an adult?
Because it's so much to explainI don't know how to Everything
(13:31):
Sum it up.
I mean I couldn't work when Iwas 16 like everybody else.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Yeah, but now you're an adult and you can, so how
does it affect you today?
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Well, I don't take working for granted.
You affect in a good way orlike what Like you know at all.
I feel like I don't take workfor granted.
I've always been a really goodhard worker.
I have really good at work,work ethic, um, because I didn't
get to work until I was like 26.
So that, um, I do also thinkgoing in like with the, with the
(14:06):
two things like seeing thatwith my mom and like just not
really ever seeing a healthyrelationship between two people,
whether it's a relationship orfriends or family, not being
able to see that and having tofigure it out on my own.
I feel like that's affected meas I've gotten older, and
especially especially like withyou and how we communicate, and
(14:26):
I feel like we communicate thebest, even though you say I'm
spicy, my relationship beforeyou were not healthy at all, so
that's like a big one.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
We communicate the best out of all your
relationships.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Yeah, because you don't call me out of my name or
disrespect me in an argument, orwhat do you call it?
Disagreement?
Speaker 2 (14:48):
I be getting beat on, so that's why.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
No, you don't.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
I be getting.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Also.
I feel like not See.
It's a lot of things Not havinga dad.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
So you have father issues.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
It's a woes me.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
You have father issues.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
I don't think I have father issues, but I never saw a
man treat a woman right.
Never.
My mom didn't really date whenI was growing up, so I only got
to see that one relationship andthen they divorced when I was
like 10.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Well, that makes sense.
Yeah.
Interesting.
What about?
You was like 10.
Well, that makes sense, yeah,interesting.
Interesting for me.
Um, I'd say just therelationship with my dad affects
me today because I felt like,like people don't know, my dad
was around, but he wasn't around.
(15:42):
You know what I mean?
So zero.
Or when I was a baby.
Of course, I don't remember.
I've never seen my parentstogether in a relationship when
I was a kid, like all I knew wasmy dad's in prison.
I never remember him being outof prison when I was a kid.
So he was in prison until I waslike 11, gets out of prison and
(16:06):
I'm making the effort.
And that made it worse.
I'm making the effort, I seehim around all the time, all
that, but it's like he's notmaking effort.
I'm making effort.
So there's no real relationshipthere.
And as a kid it's like mybrother got his dad, my sister
got their dad.
What's what's for me, you knowI mean yeah, and it got to like
(16:31):
when I was a kid, my dad was inprison.
I looked at it like if I like mybrother, he'd give me my
brother mike, he'd give meeverything.
If it was his last dollar, he'dgive it to me.
But I didn't do the samebecause I was more selfish.
It was like, okay, this dollaris all I have.
If I give this to you, I don'thave anything left for me.
(16:52):
So that's how I looked ateverything.
And then he gets out Like Isaid I was making effort, he
wasn't.
And then I stopped makingeffort to see if it would change
and it didn't.
So it's like it is what it isand I dealt with.
There's times where it was.
It was just so bad for mebecause I wanted that
(17:15):
relationship a lot more than hewanted it.
So now it's like I understandwho you are.
It is what it is.
I accept you for who you are,but I don't allow that in my
life like I'm not, I'm not madat him at all.
I don't have any ill willtowards him.
But that affects me because nowit's like I have to understand
(17:35):
that someone can love me youknow what I mean, and that's the
biggest issue yeah that's why Ialways ask you why do you love
me?
You ask me that all the time,because it's like it's one of
those things like you don'trealize until you realize yeah,
because you know what I alwayssay.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
I feel like it's like , whether it's a friendship or a
family member that you have arelationship with.
That is a struggle.
It's just like being in arelationship yeah like it could
be very I get.
I kind of get what you're sayingbecause in a sense, it's like
like being in a relationship.
Yeah, like it could be very Iget.
I kind of get what you'resaying because in a sense, it's
like being with somebody thatyou love, like in a relationship
, and they don't love you thesame way like I've been there.
Yeah, they don't love you thesame way, they're not
(18:16):
reciprocating the same thing.
It hurts, it's very painful andyou want it so bad until you
like one day realize okay, Ineed to just stop begging, you
know.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
And that's what affected like that's how all my
relationships were.
It's like I liked that personmore a lot of times and
sometimes it wasn't the same onthe other end.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Oh yeah, that's why you said that.
Yeah, because I liked you more,you liked me more, so why would
you do that to me?
Speaker 2 (18:46):
But I was like maybe I should chill.
But I was like, oh, she likedme more.
Okay, it's different right now.
Be like that sometimes.
If you like me, you like me.
What's wrong with?
Speaker 1 (18:55):
that?
What was the day that yourealized you were going to like
stop trying to make so mucheffort.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
In.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
In trying to reach out to him or have like a
relationship with him.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Um, I think it took me until.
I was like 20.
Like so that's what, eight,nine years?
And it was like nothing'schanged.
If I don't call you, you don'tcall me.
Like I don't remember the lasttime he called me and was like
hey, how you doing what you gotgoing on Anything.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
So it's like Isn't the last time that he called you
when Mike died.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah, and then, on top of that, it's like my
brother's dad calls me on mybirthday.
My father doesn't know mybirthday at all.
Yeah.
I know every one of my kids'birthdays.
I don't know all my siblings'birthdays.
I know my kids' birthdays forsure.
(19:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
But Big Mike also calls you just to check in on
you.
Yeah, all the time, all thetime, not every day, but it's
consistent.
He calls me his, his son, soit's like to me.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
No matter what he does, big mike, no matter what
he does, he'll always be a goodguy to me because he did that he
didn't have to, he yeah hebought me shoes when I didn't
have any for school.
You know what I mean so but Idon't know, and that's that can
be good and that could be bad,because someone could like for
(20:27):
my situation is fine.
But there's situations wheresomeone could be a bad guy and
if you can't tell this is a badperson and you look at them like
, oh, no matter what they do,they're a good person to me.
Yes, yeah that can be an issue,but yeah, it just.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
It just depends on the situation yeah, so it
probably affected you, as youwere dating yeah all that did it
affect your relationship withyour mom um it, it did later.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Why?
Because I felt like she feelslike I have no reason to be mad
and I told her I've forgiven,I'm not mad at all, but she
looks at it like you should havea relationship with your father
and it's like that's gone.
There's no, I don't care to,there's no reason for us to have
(21:20):
a relationship at this pointEverything.
when I moved to Washington,everything I learned from my
brother, cedric, was everythingI wanted my dad to show me.
I was 22 when I went out thereand it's like I already given up
on all that, but everythingCedric showed me was like what I
expected my dad to show me.
(21:41):
And that's just what it is whatI expected my dad to show me and
that's just what it is.
So moving out to Washington andthen being with you has made me
a different person.
Obviously, like I'm grown now Ihave to be an adult now but, I,
wouldn't have been that, had Inot moved out of Iowa yeah, you
always say that because it was.
It got to a point where, like mydad used to cut my hair all the
(22:01):
time but I had to call them.
Hey, you got somebody.
Right now I'm gonna come upthere and it's like that's cool
and all, but you gotta do morethan that as a father.
You can cut my hair cool, but Ican also go somebody else yeah,
I think later in my life Istarted getting a haircut by uh,
someone else oh yeah, I know,yeah, shout out to james.
(22:25):
No, shout out.
Shout out, james, for sureshout out easy, eric, that's.
I shot a music video.
He gave me my first beard.
I'll never remember that.
I mean, I'll never forget thatI don't remember that, as I
remember james you know the onewhere I'm in the white car, that
music video yeah, that was myfirst time having a beard.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
I remember a blue car .
Speaker 2 (22:49):
With your blue shirt, mike and Tay in it so wavy.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
That one.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Yeah, I mean so.
I mean it's like I get whereyour mom's coming from.
To an extent, we talk aboutthis in private.
I think you know what I thinkit is.
I think it's her delivery.
I don't think it's what she'ssaying Like, for example.
Let me just explain it reallyquick.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Okay, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
I think she's listen, she's thinking from a godly
perspective.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Where we're taught to love everybody, you know, care
for everybody no matter what,like don't hold any grudges,
that kind of thing in her mind.
She feels, like you have,because you say I don't care.
I don't want to have thatrelationship anymore, where for
you it's more of a growth thingyeah you just are at a point in
your life where you don't needthat anymore and you're not
(23:42):
going to settle forinconsistency and you don't
really need a father anymore.
So actually to kind of likeflip that from a godly
perspective, which we get a lotat church, is like well, you
already have a heavenly father,so you don't need an actual
father, and it's alreadyaffected you in the ways that it
(24:04):
has of you as you've grown up.
Now you're 33 hold on.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Now you're putting extra years on it.
You're putting extra years onit.
You're going to chill out.
Now you're 32, almost walkedout of this interview you're 32,
you'll be 33 though in a couplemonths no, I ain't I got, I got
time no.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
So I mean, I get what she's saying, but I also relate
to that because, like I don'thave a relationship with my
biological mother or mybiological father, I hear from
him maybe like three times.
What is it I hear?
I hear like from him everythree years and it's just hi,
how are you doing?
That's it well what more?
(24:41):
Am.
What more am I going to do withthat you?
Speaker 2 (24:42):
know with my mom is she doesn't accept my answer.
She doesn't understand that.
I'm fine.
I'm not mad at anyone,everything is just fine.
So I don't understand.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Well, because it doesn't change the fact that it
does affect you.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I mean it affects me, but I'm not mad at anyone.
Now it's like, okay, Iunderstand, this is an issue
with me that I have to growthrough, and that's it.
I don't have like, literally.
I have no anger towards anyoneor anything like that.
It is what it is, but I alsothink that I think she could
(25:22):
have done better when I was akid, if that makes sense it
would have made sense it's not.
It's more of a don't allowinconsistent people into your
kid's life, because had weallowed certain people in our
kid's life, that could havemessed them up.
There was so many times where Isat at the window he said oh
(25:42):
yeah, I'm going to come get youright now.
I fell asleep at the window.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
He never showed up.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
There was times where there was one time I was
walking home, I was supposed toget picked up after basketball
practice and I tell you guys allthis, I tell you this all the
time.
I don't know if y'all know, buterica knows I hear this all the
time, so let me tell the story,and this ain't to get no like
no, yeah, it is what it is.
It happened in the past butthis is part of the story,
(26:11):
because maybe he doesn't realizeand this is a definite like.
This is something I remembervery, very well.
So I got out of basketballpractice.
You know someone's supposed topick me up.
You know who Didn't pick me up.
I sat there.
No one.
Everyone got picked up at theschool.
I sat there.
It's freezing outside.
No one came.
(26:34):
Move your cord.
You're worried about the cord?
Speaker 1 (26:38):
I'm trying to tell a story Because I can hear it in
my thing.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
No one came right, so I walked all the way home and
this is not a close walk at all.
I walked all the way home witha coat on and I was angry as
hell I was so mad and I got homeand my mom said like hey, uh, I
(27:03):
don't even know what she said.
I just walked to my room Me andmy brother shared a room in the
basement and when I got to theroom I just sat there and my
sister started being a littlesister.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Oh, I remember this one and I hit her.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
I hit her and my mom.
She went and told my mom shewas crying.
My mom came downstairs Eithershe came downstairs or I came
upstairs and I got a whoopingand my grandma was my
great-grandma.
They brought the phone to meand it was my great-grandma and
I don't remember what she said,but I cried.
(27:38):
All I did was cry and that wasit.
So there's things like that.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Did they know that he forgot to get you or he just
never came?
Speaker 2 (27:46):
I'm pretty sure my mom knew and that's why she
called my grandma, but it's oneof those like I'm not going to
allow my kids to go through.
I'm not even going to allow mysiblings to go through that,
because that's that is one ofthe worst stories that I
remember, Like it's just it'sengraved in your memory.
Yeah, I can't forget it if Itried.
(28:08):
So that's just a story.
I just, I don't know that.
Well, you shouldn't have hither.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
I know I shouldn't but you were angry, I understand
.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Kids fight.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
So, you were siblings .
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that wasme and Maja.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
But she also didn't realize how you were hurting at
the moment too, and how angryyou were, and why.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
She used to stand at the top of the steps.
Our light was at the top of thesteps.
She'd turn it on and run Everytime.
Who, maja?
The whole basement turned onAll the lights in the basement
off that one light at the top ofthe stairs, shout out to Maja,
because she's the one that holdsit down.
Okay, she's all right, I guess.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
I mean, I don't know.
I feel like maybe he doesn'teven know.
I feel like when, honestly, hecould be very selfish himself if
all he's really done is takingcare of himself and that's what
I understand too, becauseeveryone's like.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
They say when you go to prison, whatever age you went
in at is the same age you comeout of.
So he's stuck in the same timeand he said yep.
So I mean, I'm not mad, it iswhat it is.
I understand you know you canbe institutionalized whatever'm
not mad, it is what it is, Iunderstand he's.
You know you can beinstitutionalized whatever yeah
it is what it is, but as afather, I just I know I would do
(29:33):
things different, you know.
But that's what made me want tobe a father.
Like, at the end of the day,all I wanted to be was a father.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
That's it so yeah, well, that kind of thing affects
people differently.
Some people it would make themjust like their father and not
be a good example, not be, youknow but it's crazy because,
like in our group chat, we haveall everyone doesn't have their
father in their life.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Um, I mean, there's one, one person without his
mother in his life and we all Ifeel like that made us better
people, better, that made usbetter fathers, better
everything.
But I see a lot of people withtwo parents in their life and
it's like yeah you're a wreck.
I wonder why sometimes it'sjust like I don't.
(30:19):
I feel like.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
I feel like they're too sheltered in a way, if that
makes sense, like but sometimeswe have two parents.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
One parent is like I'll do everything for you, the
other parent's strict and a lotof times you don't get to do
things for yourself yeah sothat's true I don't know yeah
whereas, like if you have asingle parent, they're usually
busy working and you just dowhatever you want.
That's how it was for me.
You're doing whatever you wantor you're trying to make their
life easier.
A lot of times.
(30:49):
So yeah.
Yeah.
But it's crazy.
Life is crazy.
But I apologize to Maja.
Oh no, we're grown.
Good, why you?
Speaker 1 (31:02):
say good like that Because you were wrong.
For that I'm going to say it.
No, I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
As a kid.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Yes, you were, you should not be putting your hands
on no female, first of all Forone Period.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
As a kid.
Kids fight For two.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
I socked up every one of my siblings.
Yeah, but I don't play aboutthat.
You know me with all my stuff.
I don't like, girl.
If anybody put their hands onmy daughters, it would not be a
good situation.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
What you gonna do and they're in my home.
They will be out quick what yougonna do.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
They would be out.
You're not allowed around me ormy daughters.
I don't care what it's about meor my daughters, I don't care
what it's about I.
I'm so dead serious.
I hope everybody that comes inthis house knows that I will not
play about that.
I don't care if she hits youfirst, I don't care.
Nope, you know what I think.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Sometimes too, it's like one day she go hit somebody
first.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
But if it's playing around, that's different but if
it's playing around and they'replaying around, that's different
.
But if you know you're strongerthan them and you're going to
hurt them, hurt them.
That's different.
Like I feel like when I gotbeat down to the ground for the
first time, I literally threw apillow at a man.
That does not hurt you.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
That's me being sassy , or whatever you know Me and
Manja was the same size.
You forgot she's 6'5".
Speaker 1 (32:23):
It doesn't matter Anyways, yeah yeah.
So that's your thing thataffected you growing up, mainly
your father's situation, see,and I feel like it's probably
good.
I didn't have any inconsistencyat all Because my mom deaded
that by the time I was 10.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
So I didn't ever have like a man.
My mom didn't even start datinguntil I was already way in my
20s Like she really just gaveher all to me.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
When I posted one of the reels that said would you
rather have a parent that'scompletely absent?
Speaker 1 (33:04):
or inconsistent.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
There's a lot of people I mean everybody agreed
that an absent parent is easierto deal with because an
inconsistent one causes moredamage while they're there, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
Yeah, that's why I cut that off for sure.
Yeah, but then I still wondersometimes which is conversations
I need to just have with themas they get older, if that
affects them, because I stillfeel like I see a lot of Asia in
me where, like, because Ididn't have a dad around, I
always felt like something waswrong with me because we never
(33:39):
had men that would stay.
Well, you grew up way differentthan asia yeah, no, but like
she's just like me, like wantsto stay in the room, be by
herself.
She does say that she sometimesfeels depressed.
Like you have to wonder.
You know what's going on intheir minds, because when I was
that age, I I went through.
(33:59):
When I was 13, I was alreadysuicidal and my mom had no idea
why.
She never understood it,because in her mind she's like
but I'm giving everything to youand I'm around.
I lacked something, I didn'thave, what was missing yeah like
my other friends.
My other friends always had amom and a dad, so I always
(34:19):
wanted that too.
Just like you always wanted afather, I always wanted a mom
and a dad.
All the cartoons I watch had amom and a dad everything.
So it affected me still and Ifeel like I dealt with that in
silence.
I had no.
I had no other way to to dealwith it.
So I think it affects you bothways, but, yeah, that makes
sense, that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
That makes sense yeah y'all let us know what's
something that you as a childaffected you to where it affects
you now?
Is that right Now, she want?
To talk to the chat.
That's crazy, it's crazy.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
No, but I've always wondered that if you were, fully
healed from that.
Honestly, I'm always healed doyou ever feel like you want to
just like reach out thoughsometimes and just be like hey?
No you know, you don't have anyfeeling at all I have no
feeling at all.
Yeah, okay, I know what youmean.
(35:23):
I relate to you.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
You know, the last time I actually seen him no,
before the funeral was the lastfuneral I went to and he said
can I talk to you?
Mm-hmm.
And I stepped aside and Italked to him and I just heard
what he said.
I just said shook his hand,walked off.
(35:49):
It is what it is do you have?
Speaker 1 (35:53):
no relationship but do you have him like where he
can actually contact you?
Speaker 2 (35:58):
uh, yeah, he has my phone number.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
And have you heard from him since then.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
No.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Not even one little anything.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
A comment that says love you son, love you son.
Yeah, I see that too, mm-hmm.
If you're a parent, it doesn'treally matter.
Love you son on a Facebook post, a TikTok post, it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
If you're not actually trying to upkeep a
relationship, it doesn't matter,yeah and baby steps matter too.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Yeah, but it's like no, I mean like in private
though.
Like if he would text you atleast, even if it was like once
every couple months, and just belike how's everything going?
That's how I feel, like withthe, with the girl's grandfather
.
Like I don't hear from himevery day, but he's so
consistent in the sense of likeevery holiday, every, every,
every, every month.
At least I hear from him, evenif it's just I'm checking on you
(36:55):
and then trying to fly out justto come and see him.
You know, that's what I willallow.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
I'm not going to allow another grandparent that I
only hear from every coupleyears that there's a difference.
Yeah, and I think for me, Ithink, like I talk to my aunt
all the time, she reaches outall the time and I mean I guess
the last few times, the last fewtimes I seen him were at
(37:30):
funerals and it's like, yeah,don't talk to me if it's just a
funeral kind of situation.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
His family members do that.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
It's not even.
I don't know, it's not even.
It doesn't hold any weight.
Yeah, whereas the first time Italked to.
I mean, I don't remember when Imet Jeanette, but she's never
been, she's always treated melike family.
And then, when my grandma died,you, yeah, you didn't go to
(38:01):
that.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
I didn't get to go to her funeral, but I was there
when she died.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Yeah.
So when she died I literallytold my grandpa like I'm done
with all y'all, like I don'twant nothing to do with y'all.
And my grandpa.
I mean, he's passed away now,but even him like inconsistent.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
But they always said that he was like that with his
kids.
So my grandpa, I told mygrandpa that and chanette was
one of the first like she's oneof the only people who
confronted me about it was likeyou said this don't write us off
because we didn't do anythingto you and that that was true,
and ever since then she's madean effort.
(38:44):
She proved why you shouldn't dothat yeah but she wasn't around
them her whole life either.
Like you know, I'm saying likeshe had.
I feel like she had a similarsituation to me.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
So or like I think, of ashley too, like ashley's
dealt with the same thing as you, but she's a great mother yeah
and teaches them the same thingas as you try to our kids, and
she only wants consistency.
But I think it's harder forwomen because they always want
that dad.
So I'm sure every now and thenthey still reach out, whereas
(39:19):
you don't at all.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
No, there's conversations I've had with some
of my siblings and some of themwere like I just want a dad in
my life, so I'm going to allowthis relationship and then later
it's like it is what it is.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
And then also them accepting him for how he is,
though.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
I just would not want that at all.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Yeah, because people are different.
It was just like I accept youfor who you are, but I can't
allow you to continue to do thisto me, in a sense, like I can't
do it.
You can only do so much.
You can only tolerate so much.
Especially at a young age, Likein my 30s.
(40:04):
It's like I wouldn't haveallowed it at all In my 20s.
I gave it a chance.
I wouldn't have allowed it atall In my 20s.
I gave it a chance.
It was like here's an idea.
And it's crazy because there wasa time where you know Big John,
me and Big John.
I was like it's my birthday,man, what are we doing?
Blah, blah, blah.
I used to be with Big Johnevery day.
He said, man, we're going to goup here and see your pops man.
(40:26):
I said he don't know it's mybirthday.
He thought I was playing.
He went in there.
He had to tell him it was mybirthday and I was like I don't
even want to be here, like Ialready knew what to expect but
john is a is a family guy yeahjohn, john, shout out to john.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
He lost his pops at an early age, so I understand it
tries to unite, but it's likebecause I could see that because
your dad's still alive, so hesees potential, like he's, he
thinks that there's still faiththere.
Yeah, but at the end of the day, like I said, it's it's
everybody's different.
I don't think that any of yourother siblings are wrong
(41:04):
necessarily, for so like, ifthey hear from him, great.
If they don't, whatever itdoesn't.
If they're still, it's stillhealthy for them in a sense,
because they know what to expect.
They've already accepted how heis, but they're not going to
completely write him off, ifthat makes sense, whereas you
and I are like people at leastfor me, I just will write you
off yeah I just don't, you know,I don't, I don't care for the
(41:28):
inconsistency and, and yeah, youknow, when it's inconsistent,
when it's not, right
Speaker 2 (41:34):
so and it's crazy because, like I go, I go back
home and there's a lot of.
I can't even call it home nomore.
I go back to iowa and there's alot of people hey, what's going
on with you and you and yourdad or you look just like your
dad, bro.
I don't want to hear that.
I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to hear, I looklike my dad.
I don't want to hear how youand your dad and what happened
(41:57):
and what's wrong and what's upwith y'all.
It's like, bro, the person youknow is not the person I know.
He could be a cool friend, allthis.
That's cool.
I don't know that person.
I don't know any person.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
It is what it is.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
Yeah, and I don't think it makes a difference that
you're in a different state,because he may make an effort to
go see other people every nowand then when he wants to, but
he doesn't contact you, andthat's what they don't realize,
and it's not your job to reachout to him just because you're
an adult I remember we it was aconversation like oh, he only
called me when he wantssomething, so then I started
calling and I was like hey howyou doing man?
Speaker 2 (42:35):
I just called to check on you.
Had a conversation hung up,cool.
Didn't hear from him for years,didn't hear from him for years.
So it's like I can't be theonly one putting in effort.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
It's like a relationship too.
Yeah.
I'm like that with anybodyfriends, everything.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
I know you cut people off too fast sometimes how, I
don't know, no, but I think butI also think you just like to
pull the trigger.
Speaker 1 (43:06):
But I also think that I've had so much growth as a
woman, a young adult and a momthat, like I, refuse to settle
for you tired, you know.
I know, me too.
No, I'm just saying I don't wantto settle for anything
Inconsistent.
People give me anxiety.
I don't want to deal with itand and and I don't expect you
(43:30):
whether you're a friend orwhoever like to reach out to me
every week, but like there is,you can tell when someone's
being a consistent friend orwhen they only reach out to you
when they want something fromyou yeah I don't like that, and
if you start to notice me,distance myself.
That is why I want to feel likewe're reciprocated yeah it's
just like relationships.
So like I think of my, myfriendship with maribel.
(43:51):
That is the one friend that Idon't have to hear from all the
time.
We probably reach out to eachother every few months or
somewhere on social media.
We don't talk on the phone, butI know that nothing has changed
.
We are still good, but it'sbecause we there's a bond there
and there's consistency andinnocence where we know
(44:11):
nothing's wrong.
It's just you have to be ableto have that there, and if you
don't and you realize thatsomebody's only reaching out to
you for their own benefit,that's when I will cut you off
or I will slowly pull away.
I'll stop reaching out.
Then I'll probably cut you off.
But I give people chances.
I give them chances.
(44:32):
Until I see a pattern and I'mnot, I'm not gonna deal with
that remember you gave mechances how many chances did I
give you?
huh how many chances did I giveyou talk about?
It more than enough no, theywant to know.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Y'all want to know.
They said no.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
What chances did I give you?
They said no.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
All right, wrap it up , wrap it up Expeditiously, wrap
it up.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
I'll give you one shot.
Why do you want it?
I gave you one shot.
No, you didn't.
You broke up with me.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Exactly, that's a second shot, okay so.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
I gave you one more try.
Speaker 2 (45:13):
That's it.
You be delusional.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
He broke up with me because he was stressed, no, and
I was being a little crazy.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
Yeah, there we go, get to it.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
But that's another story for another time.
Okay, because if you heard whatI heard, you would have been
crazy too, look here, all I knowis like subscribe, like
subscribe.
Comment share this video andyeah, and I know y'all be coming
at me in the comments and stuffabout certain things I say we
said we're gonna keep ittransparent okay transparent and
I have my own opinions, youdon't have to agree own opinions
(45:48):
yes that's exactly what youhave anyways, um, yes, like
subscribe, let us know what youguys want us to talk about.
We need you guys to.
You know reciprocate, leave acomment, let us know there's
anything we haven't talked about.
As you can see, we'll talkabout anything.
And yeah, send it, we'll seeabout anything.
(46:10):
And yeah, it's the end of thisepisode.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
We'll see you next time.
This is the Other Half Podcast.
Adios amigos.
Bye.
Like my other friends .
My other friends always had amom and a dad, so I always
wanted that to.
Just like you always wanted afather, I always wanted a mom
and a dad.
All the cartoons I watch had amom and a dad everything.
So it affected me still and Ifeel like I dealt with that in
silence.
I had no.
I had no other way to deal withit.
So I think it affects you bothways.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
All right, both ways all right.
Welcome back to another episodeof the other half podcast with
me the biggest tino you know yesand uh, miss, miss erica
favorite miss erica.
She's all right, I guess.
So how was your week?
Speaker 1 (00:44):
pretty busy, productive can't complain you're
in the uh.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
What do you call it?
You're in the uh self, not evenself-employed, but pretty much
field.
Now, how's that?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
um, I would just say that uncomfortability is good
and I've learned that now I cantruly say that I do love what I
do.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
I'm glad I've stuck it out.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I'm a full body waxer , by the way, you guys.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Yeah, she waxes nasty stuff.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Yeah, I don't mind it .
Yeah, just busy.
What were you asking me?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Busy?
No, I just said how was yourweek.
It was busy.
Are you tired, Busy?
Speaker 1 (01:25):
What were you asking?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
me Busy.
No, I just said how was yourweek, your wonderful week.
Dang, are you tired?
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I'm always tired.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
I feel like I'm feeling Avery's every day.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
You hear that.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Every day.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Every day your boy be grinding.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yeah, I feel like I'm a step closer to
self-employment.
I mean, I can be in my suitewhen I don't have a guest, I can
be on my phone watching Netflix.
Whatever I want to do, I likeit and I have a great, great
manager.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
That's good, that's good.
What about you?
My week was busy All thegraduations.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Oh yeah, We've had graduations to go to you had
graduations, all my clients hadgraduations.
Yeah, we've just beeneverywhere yeah so it's been
busy yeah, but it's only been acouple months since we posted a
podcast.
I know we said every week, or Isaid every week, you guys, but
y'all should have knew, butlisten when we post a podcast.
(02:26):
He not only has to.
You know, you got to edit it.
It takes time.
So that's why you guys won'tsee it for a few weeks.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Anyways.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
A couple weeks, yeah, you being consistent.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah, I feel you, I feel you.
But yeah, we've had graduations.
How does it feel to have one,two kids?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
out of high school you have two grown children now
yeah, I know I'm very proud tosay that I have two graduated,
three more to go, and I reallyhave faith in all my kids.
I know that all my kids aregoing to graduate, so I'm just
really proud of them.
I'm also really proud of mybrother-in-law, guy.
(03:06):
He just graduated today and Miagraduated yesterday.
So shout out to Guy and Mia Adiamond.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Then we got April going to middle school, we got
Robert going to high school.
We got a full house.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
So we're going to be busy and stressed out and tired,
okay.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Eric will be stressed .
Speaker 1 (03:31):
I'll be chilling.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
All right, so our icebreakers.
For today, I picked a card thisweek.
Are you ready for this?
Are you ready for this?
I need you to have extrarespect on me when you answer
this question.
All right, like extra, extrawhat all right.
Ask each person in the groupwhen were you most proud of me?
(03:58):
That's, that's the card.
When were you most proud of me?
Speaker 1 (04:08):
most proud.
That's hard, because I wasreally proud of you when you
graduated barber school, I feellike, because that was like that
was such a I feel now that I'vegone through myself it is so
stressful and like trying towork and go to school at the
same time but I would say,probably when you got your suite
(04:29):
, your first suite, and youweren't at a barbershop, that,
like you know, you wanted yourown kind of thing, but not
necessarily a barbershop, butyou got your own keys to your
own suite.
That was a moment, I think, forme.
Yeah, I feel like.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
That's when I would say I was most proud of you.
That's what's up.
That's what's up.
Yeah, for those of you whodon't know barber school.
I worked at Verizon full timeand I went to school barber
school so it was some long days.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Yeah, and it was rough for our relationship too,
I know that.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Because you was mean.
That's when you were in yourreal hispanic phase.
Now you're all right, you'reall bougie, because you live in
arizona, but back then, yeah,she was walking around ross with
one shoe on why are we goingback to that?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
that is not part of the question.
I want to see the video.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
You just want to roast me today don't worry about
it anyways yeah, that was backin the day.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Well, that's good yeah how many years ago was that
?
Was what when you got yoursuite, I would say three years
ago um, I think it was january,not january.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
November 2022, something like yeah something
like 2022?
.
Something like that, somethinglike that.
So that's about three years,because I did two years at Sola,
one year at Signature already.
I'm a real business owner outhere in these streets.
One day you're going to be likeme.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
I will.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Then I can be a stay-at-home dad.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
No, I'm not doing that.
I'm not a stay-at-home mom, soyou're not going to be a
stay-at-home dad.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
No, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
I'm not a stay-at-home mom, so you're not
gonna be a stay-at-home dad.
No respect bro, no respect justsaying okay, okay what it says,
ask each other so you don'thave a moment when you're proud
of me.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
You ain't asking me, okay, when it was what's the
question?
Speaker 1 (06:22):
let me see it.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Here you go, Read the card ma'am.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Okay, when were you most proud of me?
Yeah, you know, I've beenaround you for everything.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
You got your visa.
Well, I wasn't there for thefirst time.
You got your visa.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
I didn't have a visa, I had DACA Same thing.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Anyways, you had that .
Then you got your job at Macy's.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
You're proud of me working at Macy's.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Yes, because you were no longer in the gas station.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Man, yes, yeah, y'all , I worked at Circle K for three
years.
Oh, I love it here.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Perfume.
It's not perfume, it's whateverPerfume.
Whatever it is bro no, theother one, yeah, yeah, I love
that job you were working at uhlong comb, I got manager you got
manager at long comb in iowa soyou're working in makeup and
all that stuff.
Then came here, got, got yourcitizenship Dang.
(07:30):
And then what.
Then what you graduated.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Dang, and then what?
Then you?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
went to school.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
And then what?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Then you graduated school.
I was hurting one of them times.
I want y'all to know this.
So yeah, it was rough.
While she was in school I washurting one of them times.
I want y'all to know this.
Yeah, it was rough while shewas in school.
The income was down.
Then you got your job finally.
Now I was proud of you when youhad the conversation with your
(08:00):
kids about what happened to youand what you went through in
life.
Because I asked romeo, I said,do you know what happened to
your mommy?
He had no idea and you couldtell there was still something
there.
And then he was like I askedhim do you blame her?
(08:20):
And she was like he was like Idon't really care anymore yeah,
it's like's, like you don't care, but you don't know, mm-hmm.
So, yeah.
I don't even know.
Even though I had to push youhard.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
I don't even think they know what you're talking
about.
But Well Y'all, my life is astory, it's a book.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Yeah, no.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
There's reasons why certain things have gone the way
that they have Like yeah, itdoesn't make sense to people.
They're like oh, you justgraduated or you just got.
Yeah, there's a lot.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
She didn't graduate high school.
She was skipping out, trying tobe in the streets gangbanging
and all that.
She shot somebody you are lyingright now.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
I definitely dropped out.
I dropped out when I was 17.
Yep, then just made so manyother bad decisions, but I had a
lot of stuff I feel like too.
That just held me back a lot.
Made my what do you call it?
My journey difficult.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Then she met me and you're just a pusher.
That's a you know story foranother time.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yeah, so you were most part of me when I had that
conversation.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Yeah, you know why?
No, Because you didn't want todo it and I could tell you
didn't want to do it.
That's probably.
I mean everything you've beenthrough is hard.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Do you know why I didn't want to do it though?
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Everything you've been through is hard, though.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Yes, I know.
Do you know?
Do you know why I didn't wantto do it, Even though I know?
I should have.
Don't want people to feel badfor me or for it to seem like an
excuse.
I felt like there was never anexcuse or reason why things went
the way that they did for them.
They deserved so much more andI feel like my story is not
their problem yeah so that's whyI never wanted to have that
(09:56):
conversation.
but then obviously, after havingthe conversation, it makes more
sense to them and theyunderstand.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
they don't feel like it's their fault, yeah, but what
you went through should alsonot have made someone resent you
, so.
Yeah, but you know, it is whatit is.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
You feel like they should when you're in my
situation.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Why it's fine, cause you live in your learn.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
you make a lot of decisions that you could have
did differently yeah, but youwere young.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
I know when you're young you can't you can't have
someone blame you for decisionsyou made when you were young.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
I made a lot of bad decisions yeah, but I also feel
like I didn't have people likeyou in my life to like the go.
No, I mean seriously like Idon't think I had people in my
life to really push me to dowhat's better for me or to like
make me think, like to actuallymake me think and make better
decisions.
Everyone would always just belike you're hard-headed and
(10:58):
that's it.
No, like nothing, just no realconversations, nothing to really
like.
It's more like getting on mya** or my butt.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Sorry, getting on my butt.
We went to church today and shecussed no.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
I'm just saying a** is in the Bible.
I'm saying like getting on mybutt, like you know, I don't
know you.
Just you have to have people inyour life that they're not
going to, they're not going tomake excuses for you and say,
it's okay, but they're stillgoing to tell you but you can do
this, or you can still do this,or you'll figure it out.
And yeah, I just don't feellike I had that.
(11:34):
So it kind of goes into ourtopic for today.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
What's our topic for today?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Did you have it?
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Yeah, I had the topic , so stop trying to tell my
topic when I picked the topic togo true, all right, our topic
today is what is something youwent through as a child that
still affects you today thatboy's spitting boy, now you go
first ladies first, gentlemen,no, you go first.
(12:02):
Ladies first.
Gentlemen, first no, ladies,first Go ahead.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
We want to hear this because you just that goes into
our topic today, I know, but Icause mine's kind of I don't
even know Mine's kind of acouple things.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Well, we got time.
Y'all got a little time right,the one.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
I'll say real quick, cause I don't really need to go
into it.
I also don't know if my momwatches these, and I don't need
her to.
We've had good conversationsrecently, though, where I'm like
, okay, you don't remember this,but I do, and this is why I'm
the way that I am.
I would say seeing domesticviolence at the age of eight.
I never forgot it, I can stillvisually see it in my mind and I
(12:47):
feel like that affected me.
And because I got intorelationships, that of domestic
violence was there and I didn'tknow the difference, which is
why I allowed it.
So to me it was still love,because my mom still stayed with
someone who she loved, or wholoved her but still abused her.
So I feel like that affected megrowing up, and then I would
(13:10):
say my whole, like adoption,immigration, stuff that has
affected me completely as anadult for sure why has it
affected you as an adult?
Because it's so much to explainI don't know how to Everything
(13:31):
Sum it up.
I mean I couldn't work when Iwas 16 like everybody else.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Yeah, but now you're an adult and you can, so how
does it affect you today?
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Well, I don't take working for granted.
You affect in a good way orlike what Like you know at all.
I feel like I don't take workfor granted.
I've always been a really goodhard worker.
I have really good at work,work ethic, um, because I didn't
get to work until I was like 26.
So that, um, I do also thinkgoing in like with the, with the
(14:06):
two things like seeing thatwith my mom and like just not
really ever seeing a healthyrelationship between two people,
whether it's a relationship orfriends or family, not being
able to see that and having tofigure it out on my own.
I feel like that's affected meas I've gotten older, and
especially especially like withyou and how we communicate, and
(14:26):
I feel like we communicate thebest, even though you say I'm
spicy, my relationship beforeyou were not healthy at all, so
that's like a big one.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
We communicate the best out of all your
relationships.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Yeah, because you don't call me out of my name or
disrespect me in an argument, orwhat do you call it?
Disagreement?
Speaker 2 (14:48):
I be getting beat on, so that's why.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
No, you don't.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
I be getting.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Also.
I feel like not See.
It's a lot of things Not havinga dad.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
So you have father issues.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
It's a woes me.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
You have father issues.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
I don't think I have father issues, but I never saw a
man treat a woman right.
Never.
My mom didn't really date whenI was growing up, so I only got
to see that one relationship andthen they divorced when I was
like 10.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Well, that makes sense.
Yeah.
Interesting.
What about?
You was like 10.
Well, that makes sense, yeah,interesting.
Interesting for me.
Um, I'd say just therelationship with my dad affects
me today because I felt like,like people don't know, my dad
was around, but he wasn't around.
(15:42):
You know what I mean?
So zero.
Or when I was a baby.
Of course, I don't remember.
I've never seen my parentstogether in a relationship when
I was a kid, like all I knew wasmy dad's in prison.
I never remember him being outof prison when I was a kid.
So he was in prison until I waslike 11, gets out of prison and
(16:06):
I'm making the effort.
And that made it worse.
I'm making the effort, I seehim around all the time, all
that, but it's like he's notmaking effort.
I'm making effort.
So there's no real relationshipthere.
And as a kid it's like mybrother got his dad, my sister
got their dad.
What's what's for me, you knowI mean yeah, and it got to like
(16:31):
when I was a kid, my dad was inprison.
I looked at it like if I like mybrother, he'd give me my
brother mike, he'd give meeverything.
If it was his last dollar, he'dgive it to me.
But I didn't do the samebecause I was more selfish.
It was like, okay, this dollaris all I have.
If I give this to you, I don'thave anything left for me.
(16:52):
So that's how I looked ateverything.
And then he gets out Like Isaid I was making effort, he
wasn't.
And then I stopped makingeffort to see if it would change
and it didn't.
So it's like it is what it isand I dealt with.
There's times where it was.
It was just so bad for mebecause I wanted that
(17:15):
relationship a lot more than hewanted it.
So now it's like I understandwho you are.
It is what it is.
I accept you for who you are,but I don't allow that in my
life like I'm not, I'm not madat him at all.
I don't have any ill willtowards him.
But that affects me because nowit's like I have to understand
(17:35):
that someone can love me youknow what I mean, and that's the
biggest issue yeah that's why Ialways ask you why do you love
me?
You ask me that all the time,because it's like it's one of
those things like you don'trealize until you realize yeah,
because you know what I alwayssay.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
I feel like it's like , whether it's a friendship or a
family member that you have arelationship with.
That is a struggle.
It's just like being in arelationship yeah like it could
be very I get.
I kind of get what you're sayingbecause in a sense, it's like
like being in a relationship.
Yeah, like it could be very Iget.
I kind of get what you'resaying because in a sense, it's
like being with somebody thatyou love, like in a relationship
, and they don't love you thesame way like I've been there.
Yeah, they don't love you thesame way, they're not
(18:16):
reciprocating the same thing.
It hurts, it's very painful andyou want it so bad until you
like one day realize okay, Ineed to just stop begging, you
know.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
And that's what affected like that's how all my
relationships were.
It's like I liked that personmore a lot of times and
sometimes it wasn't the same onthe other end.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Oh yeah, that's why you said that.
Yeah, because I liked you more,you liked me more, so why would
you do that to me?
Speaker 2 (18:46):
But I was like maybe I should chill.
But I was like, oh, she likedme more.
Okay, it's different right now.
Be like that sometimes.
If you like me, you like me.
What's wrong with?
Speaker 1 (18:55):
that?
What was the day that yourealized you were going to like
stop trying to make so mucheffort.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
In.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
In trying to reach out to him or have like a
relationship with him.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Um, I think it took me until.
I was like 20.
Like so that's what, eight,nine years?
And it was like nothing'schanged.
If I don't call you, you don'tcall me.
Like I don't remember the lasttime he called me and was like
hey, how you doing what you gotgoing on Anything.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
So it's like Isn't the last time that he called you
when Mike died.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah, and then, on top of that, it's like my
brother's dad calls me on mybirthday.
My father doesn't know mybirthday at all.
Yeah.
I know every one of my kids'birthdays.
I don't know all my siblings'birthdays.
I know my kids' birthdays forsure.
(19:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
But Big Mike also calls you just to check in on
you.
Yeah, all the time, all thetime, not every day, but it's
consistent.
He calls me his, his son, soit's like to me.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
No matter what he does, big mike, no matter what
he does, he'll always be a goodguy to me because he did that he
didn't have to, he yeah hebought me shoes when I didn't
have any for school.
You know what I mean so but Idon't know, and that's that can
be good and that could be bad,because someone could like for
(20:27):
my situation is fine.
But there's situations wheresomeone could be a bad guy and
if you can't tell this is a badperson and you look at them like
, oh, no matter what they do,they're a good person to me.
Yes, yeah that can be an issue,but yeah, it just.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
It just depends on the situation yeah, so it
probably affected you, as youwere dating yeah all that did it
affect your relationship withyour mom um it, it did later.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Why?
Because I felt like she feelslike I have no reason to be mad
and I told her I've forgiven,I'm not mad at all, but she
looks at it like you should havea relationship with your father
and it's like that's gone.
There's no, I don't care to,there's no reason for us to have
(21:20):
a relationship at this pointEverything.
when I moved to Washington,everything I learned from my
brother, cedric, was everythingI wanted my dad to show me.
I was 22 when I went out thereand it's like I already given up
on all that, but everythingCedric showed me was like what I
expected my dad to show me.
(21:41):
And that's just what it is whatI expected my dad to show me and
that's just what it is.
So moving out to Washington andthen being with you has made me
a different person.
Obviously, like I'm grown now Ihave to be an adult now but, I,
wouldn't have been that, had Inot moved out of Iowa yeah, you
always say that because it was.
It got to a point where, like mydad used to cut my hair all the
(22:01):
time but I had to call them.
Hey, you got somebody.
Right now I'm gonna come upthere and it's like that's cool
and all, but you gotta do morethan that as a father.
You can cut my hair cool, but Ican also go somebody else yeah,
I think later in my life Istarted getting a haircut by uh,
someone else oh yeah, I know,yeah, shout out to james.
(22:25):
No, shout out.
Shout out, james, for sureshout out easy, eric, that's.
I shot a music video.
He gave me my first beard.
I'll never remember that.
I mean, I'll never forget thatI don't remember that, as I
remember james you know the onewhere I'm in the white car, that
music video yeah, that was myfirst time having a beard.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
I remember a blue car .
Speaker 2 (22:49):
With your blue shirt, mike and Tay in it so wavy.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
That one.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Yeah, I mean so.
I mean it's like I get whereyour mom's coming from.
To an extent, we talk aboutthis in private.
I think you know what I thinkit is.
I think it's her delivery.
I don't think it's what she'ssaying Like, for example.
Let me just explain it reallyquick.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Okay, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
I think she's listen, she's thinking from a godly
perspective.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Where we're taught to love everybody, you know, care
for everybody no matter what,like don't hold any grudges,
that kind of thing in her mind.
She feels, like you have,because you say I don't care.
I don't want to have thatrelationship anymore, where for
you it's more of a growth thingyeah you just are at a point in
your life where you don't needthat anymore and you're not
(23:42):
going to settle forinconsistency and you don't
really need a father anymore.
So actually to kind of likeflip that from a godly
perspective, which we get a lotat church, is like well, you
already have a heavenly father,so you don't need an actual
father, and it's alreadyaffected you in the ways that it
(24:04):
has of you as you've grown up.
Now you're 33 hold on.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Now you're putting extra years on it.
You're putting extra years onit.
You're going to chill out.
Now you're 32, almost walkedout of this interview you're 32,
you'll be 33 though in a couplemonths no, I ain't I got, I got
time no.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
So I mean, I get what she's saying, but I also relate
to that because, like I don'thave a relationship with my
biological mother or mybiological father, I hear from
him maybe like three times.
What is it I hear?
I hear like from him everythree years and it's just hi,
how are you doing?
That's it well what more?
(24:41):
Am.
What more am I going to do withthat you?
Speaker 2 (24:42):
know with my mom is she doesn't accept my answer.
She doesn't understand that.
I'm fine.
I'm not mad at anyone,everything is just fine.
So I don't understand.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Well, because it doesn't change the fact that it
does affect you.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I mean it affects me, but I'm not mad at anyone.
Now it's like, okay, Iunderstand, this is an issue
with me that I have to growthrough, and that's it.
I don't have like, literally.
I have no anger towards anyoneor anything like that.
It is what it is, but I alsothink that I think she could
(25:22):
have done better when I was akid, if that makes sense it
would have made sense it's not.
It's more of a don't allowinconsistent people into your
kid's life, because had weallowed certain people in our
kid's life, that could havemessed them up.
There was so many times where Isat at the window he said oh
(25:42):
yeah, I'm going to come get youright now.
I fell asleep at the window.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
He never showed up.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
There was times where there was one time I was
walking home, I was supposed toget picked up after basketball
practice and I tell you guys allthis, I tell you this all the
time.
I don't know if y'all know, buterica knows I hear this all the
time, so let me tell the story,and this ain't to get no like
no, yeah, it is what it is.
It happened in the past butthis is part of the story,
(26:11):
because maybe he doesn't realizeand this is a definite like.
This is something I remembervery, very well.
So I got out of basketballpractice.
You know someone's supposed topick me up.
You know who Didn't pick me up.
I sat there.
No one.
Everyone got picked up at theschool.
I sat there.
It's freezing outside.
No one came.
(26:34):
Move your cord.
You're worried about the cord?
Speaker 1 (26:38):
I'm trying to tell a story Because I can hear it in
my thing.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
No one came right, so I walked all the way home and
this is not a close walk at all.
I walked all the way home witha coat on and I was angry as
hell I was so mad and I got homeand my mom said like hey, uh, I
(27:03):
don't even know what she said.
I just walked to my room Me andmy brother shared a room in the
basement and when I got to theroom I just sat there and my
sister started being a littlesister.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Oh, I remember this one and I hit her.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
I hit her and my mom.
She went and told my mom shewas crying.
My mom came downstairs Eithershe came downstairs or I came
upstairs and I got a whoopingand my grandma was my
great-grandma.
They brought the phone to meand it was my great-grandma and
I don't remember what she said,but I cried.
(27:38):
All I did was cry and that wasit.
So there's things like that.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Did they know that he forgot to get you or he just
never came?
Speaker 2 (27:46):
I'm pretty sure my mom knew and that's why she
called my grandma, but it's oneof those like I'm not going to
allow my kids to go through.
I'm not even going to allow mysiblings to go through that,
because that's that is one ofthe worst stories that I
remember, Like it's just it'sengraved in your memory.
Yeah, I can't forget it if Itried.
(28:08):
So that's just a story.
I just, I don't know that.
Well, you shouldn't have hither.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
I know I shouldn't but you were angry, I understand
.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Kids fight.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
So, you were siblings .
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that wasme and Maja.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
But she also didn't realize how you were hurting at
the moment too, and how angryyou were, and why.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
She used to stand at the top of the steps.
Our light was at the top of thesteps.
She'd turn it on and run Everytime.
Who, maja?
The whole basement turned onAll the lights in the basement
off that one light at the top ofthe stairs, shout out to Maja,
because she's the one that holdsit down.
Okay, she's all right, I guess.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
I mean, I don't know.
I feel like maybe he doesn'teven know.
I feel like when, honestly, hecould be very selfish himself if
all he's really done is takingcare of himself and that's what
I understand too, becauseeveryone's like.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
They say when you go to prison, whatever age you went
in at is the same age you comeout of.
So he's stuck in the same timeand he said yep.
So I mean, I'm not mad, it iswhat it is.
I understand you know you canbe institutionalized whatever'm
not mad, it is what it is, Iunderstand he's.
You know you can beinstitutionalized whatever yeah
it is what it is, but as afather, I just I know I would do
(29:33):
things different, you know.
But that's what made me want tobe a father.
Like, at the end of the day,all I wanted to be was a father.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
That's it so yeah, well, that kind of thing affects
people differently.
Some people it would make themjust like their father and not
be a good example, not be, youknow but it's crazy because,
like in our group chat, we haveall everyone doesn't have their
father in their life.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Um, I mean, there's one, one person without his
mother in his life and we all Ifeel like that made us better
people, better, that made usbetter fathers, better
everything.
But I see a lot of people withtwo parents in their life and
it's like yeah you're a wreck.
I wonder why sometimes it'sjust like I don't.
(30:19):
I feel like.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
I feel like they're too sheltered in a way, if that
makes sense, like but sometimeswe have two parents.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
One parent is like I'll do everything for you, the
other parent's strict and a lotof times you don't get to do
things for yourself yeah sothat's true I don't know yeah
whereas, like if you have asingle parent, they're usually
busy working and you just dowhatever you want.
That's how it was for me.
You're doing whatever you wantor you're trying to make their
life easier.
A lot of times.
(30:49):
So yeah.
Yeah.
But it's crazy.
Life is crazy.
But I apologize to Maja.
Oh no, we're grown.
Good, why you?
Speaker 1 (31:02):
say good like that Because you were wrong.
For that I'm going to say it.
No, I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
As a kid.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Yes, you were, you should not be putting your hands
on no female, first of all Forone Period.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
As a kid.
Kids fight For two.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
I socked up every one of my siblings.
Yeah, but I don't play aboutthat.
You know me with all my stuff.
I don't like, girl.
If anybody put their hands onmy daughters, it would not be a
good situation.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
What you gonna do and they're in my home.
They will be out quick what yougonna do.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
They would be out.
You're not allowed around me ormy daughters.
I don't care what it's about meor my daughters, I don't care
what it's about I.
I'm so dead serious.
I hope everybody that comes inthis house knows that I will not
play about that.
I don't care if she hits youfirst, I don't care.
Nope, you know what I think.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Sometimes too, it's like one day she go hit somebody
first.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
But if it's playing around, that's different but if
it's playing around and they'replaying around, that's different
.
But if you know you're strongerthan them and you're going to
hurt them, hurt them.
That's different.
Like I feel like when I gotbeat down to the ground for the
first time, I literally threw apillow at a man.
That does not hurt you.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
That's me being sassy , or whatever you know Me and
Manja was the same size.
You forgot she's 6'5".
Speaker 1 (32:23):
It doesn't matter Anyways, yeah yeah.
So that's your thing thataffected you growing up, mainly
your father's situation, see,and I feel like it's probably
good.
I didn't have any inconsistencyat all Because my mom deaded
that by the time I was 10.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
So I didn't ever have like a man.
My mom didn't even start datinguntil I was already way in my
20s Like she really just gaveher all to me.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
When I posted one of the reels that said would you
rather have a parent that'scompletely absent?
Speaker 1 (33:04):
or inconsistent.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
There's a lot of people I mean everybody agreed
that an absent parent is easierto deal with because an
inconsistent one causes moredamage while they're there, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
Yeah, that's why I cut that off for sure.
Yeah, but then I still wondersometimes which is conversations
I need to just have with themas they get older, if that
affects them, because I stillfeel like I see a lot of Asia in
me where, like, because Ididn't have a dad around, I
always felt like something waswrong with me because we never
(33:39):
had men that would stay.
Well, you grew up way differentthan asia yeah, no, but like
she's just like me, like wantsto stay in the room, be by
herself.
She does say that she sometimesfeels depressed.
Like you have to wonder.
You know what's going on intheir minds, because when I was
that age, I I went through.
(33:59):
When I was 13, I was alreadysuicidal and my mom had no idea
why.
She never understood it,because in her mind she's like
but I'm giving everything to youand I'm around.
I lacked something, I didn'thave, what was missing yeah like
my other friends.
My other friends always had amom and a dad, so I always
(34:19):
wanted that too.
Just like you always wanted afather, I always wanted a mom
and a dad.
All the cartoons I watch had amom and a dad everything.
So it affected me still and Ifeel like I dealt with that in
silence.
I had no.
I had no other way to to dealwith it.
So I think it affects you bothways, but, yeah, that makes
sense, that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
That makes sense yeah y'all let us know what's
something that you as a childaffected you to where it affects
you now?
Is that right Now, she want?
To talk to the chat.
That's crazy, it's crazy.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
No, but I've always wondered that if you were, fully
healed from that.
Honestly, I'm always healed doyou ever feel like you want to
just like reach out thoughsometimes and just be like hey?
No you know, you don't have anyfeeling at all I have no
feeling at all.
Yeah, okay, I know what youmean.
(35:23):
I relate to you.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
You know, the last time I actually seen him no,
before the funeral was the lastfuneral I went to and he said
can I talk to you?
Mm-hmm.
And I stepped aside and Italked to him and I just heard
what he said.
I just said shook his hand,walked off.
(35:49):
It is what it is do you have?
Speaker 1 (35:53):
no relationship but do you have him like where he
can actually contact you?
Speaker 2 (35:58):
uh, yeah, he has my phone number.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
And have you heard from him since then.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
No.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Not even one little anything.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
A comment that says love you son, love you son.
Yeah, I see that too, mm-hmm.
If you're a parent, it doesn'treally matter.
Love you son on a Facebook post, a TikTok post, it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
If you're not actually trying to upkeep a
relationship, it doesn't matter,yeah and baby steps matter too.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
Yeah, but it's like no, I mean like in private
though.
Like if he would text you atleast, even if it was like once
every couple months, and just belike how's everything going?
That's how I feel, like withthe, with the girl's grandfather
.
Like I don't hear from himevery day, but he's so
consistent in the sense of likeevery holiday, every, every,
every, every month.
At least I hear from him, evenif it's just I'm checking on you
(36:55):
and then trying to fly out justto come and see him.
You know, that's what I willallow.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
I'm not going to allow another grandparent that I
only hear from every coupleyears that there's a difference.
Yeah, and I think for me, Ithink, like I talk to my aunt
all the time, she reaches outall the time and I mean I guess
the last few times, the last fewtimes I seen him were at
(37:30):
funerals and it's like, yeah,don't talk to me if it's just a
funeral kind of situation.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
His family members do that.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
It's not even.
I don't know, it's not even.
It doesn't hold any weight.
Yeah, whereas the first time Italked to.
I mean, I don't remember when Imet Jeanette, but she's never
been, she's always treated melike family.
And then, when my grandma died,you, yeah, you didn't go to
(38:01):
that.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
I didn't get to go to her funeral, but I was there
when she died.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Yeah.
So when she died I literallytold my grandpa like I'm done
with all y'all, like I don'twant nothing to do with y'all.
And my grandpa.
I mean, he's passed away now,but even him like inconsistent.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
But they always said that he was like that with his
kids.
So my grandpa, I told mygrandpa that and chanette was
one of the first like she's oneof the only people who
confronted me about it was likeyou said this don't write us off
because we didn't do anythingto you and that that was true,
and ever since then she's madean effort.
(38:44):
She proved why you shouldn't dothat yeah but she wasn't around
them her whole life either.
Like you know, I'm saying likeshe had.
I feel like she had a similarsituation to me.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
So or like I think, of ashley too, like ashley's
dealt with the same thing as you, but she's a great mother yeah
and teaches them the same thingas as you try to our kids, and
she only wants consistency.
But I think it's harder forwomen because they always want
that dad.
So I'm sure every now and thenthey still reach out, whereas
(39:19):
you don't at all.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
No, there's conversations I've had with some
of my siblings and some of themwere like I just want a dad in
my life, so I'm going to allowthis relationship and then later
it's like it is what it is.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
And then also them accepting him for how he is,
though.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
I just would not want that at all.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Yeah, because people are different.
It was just like I accept youfor who you are, but I can't
allow you to continue to do thisto me, in a sense, like I can't
do it.
You can only do so much.
You can only tolerate so much.
Especially at a young age, Likein my 30s.
(40:04):
It's like I wouldn't haveallowed it at all In my 20s.
I gave it a chance.
I wouldn't have allowed it atall In my 20s.
I gave it a chance.
It was like here's an idea.
And it's crazy because there wasa time where you know Big John,
me and Big John.
I was like it's my birthday,man, what are we doing?
Blah, blah, blah.
I used to be with Big Johnevery day.
He said, man, we're going to goup here and see your pops man.
(40:26):
I said he don't know it's mybirthday.
He thought I was playing.
He went in there.
He had to tell him it was mybirthday and I was like I don't
even want to be here, like Ialready knew what to expect but
john is a is a family guy yeahjohn, john, shout out to john.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
He lost his pops at an early age, so I understand it
tries to unite, but it's likebecause I could see that because
your dad's still alive, so hesees potential, like he's, he
thinks that there's still faiththere.
Yeah, but at the end of the day, like I said, it's it's
everybody's different.
I don't think that any of yourother siblings are wrong
(41:04):
necessarily, for so like, ifthey hear from him, great.
If they don't, whatever itdoesn't.
If they're still, it's stillhealthy for them in a sense,
because they know what to expect.
They've already accepted how heis, but they're not going to
completely write him off, ifthat makes sense, whereas you
and I are like people at leastfor me, I just will write you
off yeah I just don't, you know,I don't, I don't care for the
(41:28):
inconsistency and, and yeah, youknow, when it's inconsistent,
when it's not, right
Speaker 2 (41:34):
so and it's crazy because, like I go, I go back
home and there's a lot of.
I can't even call it home nomore.
I go back to iowa and there's alot of people hey, what's going
on with you and you and yourdad or you look just like your
dad, bro.
I don't want to hear that.
I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to hear, I looklike my dad.
I don't want to hear how youand your dad and what happened
(41:57):
and what's wrong and what's upwith y'all.
It's like, bro, the person youknow is not the person I know.
He could be a cool friend, allthis.
That's cool.
I don't know that person.
I don't know any person.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
It is what it is.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
Yeah, and I don't think it makes a difference that
you're in a different state,because he may make an effort to
go see other people every nowand then when he wants to, but
he doesn't contact you, andthat's what they don't realize,
and it's not your job to reachout to him just because you're
an adult I remember we it was aconversation like oh, he only
called me when he wantssomething, so then I started
calling and I was like hey howyou doing man?
Speaker 2 (42:35):
I just called to check on you.
Had a conversation hung up,cool.
Didn't hear from him for years,didn't hear from him for years.
So it's like I can't be theonly one putting in effort.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
It's like a relationship too.
Yeah.
I'm like that with anybodyfriends, everything.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
I know you cut people off too fast sometimes how, I
don't know, no, but I think butI also think you just like to
pull the trigger.
Speaker 1 (43:06):
But I also think that I've had so much growth as a
woman, a young adult and a momthat, like I, refuse to settle
for you tired, you know.
I know, me too.
No, I'm just saying I don't wantto settle for anything
Inconsistent.
People give me anxiety.
I don't want to deal with itand and and I don't expect you
(43:30):
whether you're a friend orwhoever like to reach out to me
every week, but like there is,you can tell when someone's
being a consistent friend orwhen they only reach out to you
when they want something fromyou yeah I don't like that, and
if you start to notice me,distance myself.
That is why I want to feel likewe're reciprocated yeah it's
just like relationships.
So like I think of my, myfriendship with maribel.
(43:51):
That is the one friend that Idon't have to hear from all the
time.
We probably reach out to eachother every few months or
somewhere on social media.
We don't talk on the phone, butI know that nothing has changed
.
We are still good, but it'sbecause we there's a bond there
and there's consistency andinnocence where we know
(44:11):
nothing's wrong.
It's just you have to be ableto have that there, and if you
don't and you realize thatsomebody's only reaching out to
you for their own benefit,that's when I will cut you off
or I will slowly pull away.
I'll stop reaching out.
Then I'll probably cut you off.
But I give people chances.
I give them chances.
(44:32):
Until I see a pattern and I'mnot, I'm not gonna deal with
that remember you gave mechances how many chances did I
give you?
huh how many chances did I giveyou talk about?
It more than enough no, theywant to know.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Y'all want to know.
They said no.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
What chances did I give you?
They said no.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
All right, wrap it up , wrap it up Expeditiously, wrap
it up.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
I'll give you one shot.
Why do you want it?
I gave you one shot.
No, you didn't.
You broke up with me.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Exactly, that's a second shot, okay so.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
I gave you one more try.
Speaker 2 (45:13):
That's it.
You be delusional.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
He broke up with me because he was stressed, no, and
I was being a little crazy.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
Yeah, there we go, get to it.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
But that's another story for another time.
Okay, because if you heard whatI heard, you would have been
crazy too, look here, all I knowis like subscribe, like
subscribe.
Comment share this video andyeah, and I know y'all be coming
at me in the comments and stuffabout certain things I say we
said we're gonna keep ittransparent okay transparent and
I have my own opinions, youdon't have to agree own opinions
(45:48):
yes that's exactly what youhave anyways, um, yes, like
subscribe, let us know what youguys want us to talk about.
We need you guys to.
You know reciprocate, leave acomment, let us know there's
anything we haven't talked about.
As you can see, we'll talkabout anything.
And yeah, send it, we'll seeabout anything.
(46:10):
And yeah, it's the end of thisepisode.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
We'll see you next time.
This is the Other Half Podcast.
Adios amigos.
Bye.
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