April 11, 2025 • 46 mins
The hardest conversation we've ever shared publicly pulls back the curtain on our journey through unexpected grief. When grief happens in the family it changes everyone.
We talk candidly about the unique challenges of losing someone to violence rather than natural causes. The details haunt you differently. The questions linger longer. The what-ifs play on repeat. And when you're trying to maintain normalcy for children while processing your own grief, the burden doubles. Some days, we'd take turns being strong while the other fell apart. Other days, we both struggled to function.
This episode isn't about answers – it's about acknowledging the messy, non-linear path of grief when experienced as a couple. Sometimes you have to be there for your partner even when you're not okay yourself. And sometimes you need to create space for private moments of remembrance. Whatever you're facing, know you're not alone in feeling lost, angry, or forever changed by loss.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It is honestly so hard sometimes to live with this
man Like everything has to behis way.
He doesn't want something on,it stays off.
If he wants the windows open,the windows stay open, Just
anything.
Anything he wants it his way.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
All right, welcome to the Other Half Podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Ooh, ooh, ooh, uh good, had a good weekend oh yeah
, what'd you do this weekend?
We just spent time together, sothat was good you hear that
Erica wanna spend time with meyeah, I enjoyed Sunday.
I enjoy every Sunday, except wemissed church this Sunday yeah,
(01:01):
you need to be on that bro andthen we had to take a break from
the podcast, so that's why wedidn't make one last Sunday.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Sorry, I'm getting all you know what's the word.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Comfy, yeah, whatever , yeah, I'm getting situated.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
So what's our icebreakers for today?
Shout out to Hella Aw yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
So today's card is ask each person what about me?
Annoys you the most?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
all right.
What annoys me about you themost?
Uh, you want to hear that forsure.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yes, this is about honesty.
We're transparent.
That's why people want tolisten.
Okay, don't go too hard on me.
I already know what it is.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (01:54):
My moods.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I mean, yeah, you know, I might be a slight
bipolar I agree, I'm not goingto lie to you, but so are you.
No, I'm not.
I have a great day all the time.
I wake up happy every day.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
But you know what they say about the happiest
people, right?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
What, Erica?
Speaker 1 (02:16):
I mean, let's look at Robin Williams.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
What do they say, Erica?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
uh, what do they say?
Erica, the people like you have, like you, want to be happy all
the time because you weren'thappy when you were younger I
mean, so it's like it's eitherreal, genuine, or it's a mask oh
and see, I'm just like I'm fine, super authentic.
I am what I am, wow, okay.
No, it's just, I wear all myemotions on my sleeves that's
all it is.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
I don't know authentic.
I am what I am.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Wow, Like you know, it's just I wear all my emotions
on my sleeves, that's all it is.
I don't know how to fix that.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
I don't do that.
Well, I do do that, but I guessI don't.
I don't get mad or anythinganymore.
I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
I think you're just happy where you are.
That's all it is.
We've talked about that.
Maybe you, you're just happywhere you are.
That's all it is.
We've talked about that maybeyou need to be happy where you
are but give me grace, becauseI'm not in the the same pathway
or whatever.
It is the same, on the samewavelength as you right now.
But y'all, I'm not.
It's.
Don't make me look like I'm adepressed person on here.
(03:23):
I'm still, I'm good, I justhave my days.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
You're a woman.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
I have very high expectations.
That's my other issue.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
High expectations in what?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yes In just like my day, Like if something doesn't
go my way ruins my whole day.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
See, you got to stop.
You got to stop letting stuffruin your day, man.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
I know so yeah, so that's what annoys you.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
What annoys me I don't know, like if I had to
pick one thing I don't know.
You know what.
What annoys the hell out of mewhen you say, oh, you're the
reason she's like that, whenapril's acting bad okay, no, no,
(04:08):
no, no, okay.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
If anybody knows april and any, please, I am
begging you, I will give youeach a dollar if you leave a
comment being on my side,because you know it's true, if
you know it's not about size andyou know avery that's not the
point if you know april and youknow avery, come on all of you.
I know you guys know his family, his friends, anybody close to
(04:31):
us.
April is literally a miniatureavery well why you gotta say
that when she's being badbecause you are bad too, y'all,
because I'm I don't know many10-year-olds that just roast
people on the spot.
I don't do that.
Come on, dre, kenny, maja,everybody knows, wow, everybody
(04:55):
knows.
She's just like you.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
No, when she's acting bad, mm-mm.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
That's not me.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
This is the difference between our parenting
.
Okay, let me go I can raise myvoice and she knows right,
you'll be like.
You better stop before I dothis 10 minutes later.
You better stop before I dothis.
We're waiting for you to dothat.
Okay, we're waiting for it.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
That has nothing to do with how she, yeah, why she
acts how she acts.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
She don't be like that when you're not around, and
she don't be like that when Igo in there, because I ain't
going to warn her.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
That's the Okay Discipline, and how they
actually react is not the sameas how their personality is.
Her personality is literallyyou.
I wish you could see, you couldy'all hear this, see it
everybody says it.
Everybody says it the way she'sso goofy, the way she's just
(05:52):
wild and like has no filter, theway she just comes back with
like responses and yeah, I hearthis talking trash like that's
all she does and it irritates me.
I don't do none of that, me andher Like that's all she does
and it irritates me.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
I don't do none of that Me and her clash.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
That's why y'all are so like.
You guys get along more Me andher clash, because I don't do
all that, so that's what annoysyou.
I thought you would say like mydisorganization.
I mean my mood, my moods Iexpect that from you At this
point.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I expect that Every time you get dressed, makeup,
every single piece of makeup youuse, is on your desk.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
That is every woman?
No, it's not.
But then I pick a day and Iclean and organize my stuff.
They don't stay like that everyday.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
But that's fine, that doesn't really bother me.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I think that's a part of my ADHD.
No, that's every woman, anyways.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
You know what else annoys me about you?
You'll be like oh, I got to gohere, here and here, but you
don't do them in order.
You'll go here.
Come home, go back to the areayou were just at come.
You'll go here, come home, goback to the area you were just
at come back home, go somewhereelse, come back home.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
You could have just did all that in one trip.
Yes, okay, y'all see you'redoing the most because I know
him.
I don't.
I don't like dragging peoplearound with me that don't want
to go somewhere, that I'm goingjust because I'm going.
So what he's talking about issometimes I'm coming home from
work.
Avery will ask me every daywhat we want for dinner.
(07:32):
Then he says, go to the storeto go get it Right, like to go
get it to cook.
Then he'll ask me if I can ifhe's not able to to pick up the
kids.
Then I pick up the kids, asiaand April.
I don't care, they're my kids,they're going to go wherever I
go.
Tubby is my littlebrother-in-law.
He does not like to go anywhere.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
That's facts.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
He will literally sit in the car.
I like to take my time, so itgives me anxiety to take him
with me when I know he doesn'twant.
He's going to be moping around.
I'd rather just bring him homeand then go to the store.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Erica, make him sit in the car.
It's fine, don't?
Speaker 1 (08:08):
rush.
You take forever in the storetoo, exactly, so why would I
want him to sit in the car?
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Erica will buy the same thing every day and it'll
still take her a long time tobuy it.
That's how long she takes inthe store, every single package.
She has to look at theingredients, like she ain't used
it before.
Oh, is this?
The one puts it back picks upanother one.
It's the same thing I'll belooking at expiration dates it
(08:38):
don't take that long to look atexpiration dates no, it's
because I'm really actuallyshopping around.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
I love shopping for food.
If I could bring everythinghome, I would y'all hear this.
That's why I always go in therefor five things and I come out
with 10 to no store facts.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
That's terrible.
What annoys me?
What annoys you about me?
Speaker 1 (09:00):
I've been waiting for this I don't care anyway, come
on joy, because I know you knowwhat I'm about to say.
Hey let me talk about itHonestly.
There's a couple things Acouple times.
No, I'm just kidding, Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Maja, see what you started.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I think my number one thing is that you're just very
anal.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
About what.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Like, everything has to be your way y'all.
If he does not want the livingroom light on, he will leave it
off Every day, like.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
You know what we need a lamp.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Whatever, it's the same thing.
It's a light.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
No it's not.
I like it to be lightly lit,not super bright but then you
complain that I sit in the dark.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
You don't make any sense.
So because you'll be in thedark, you're just very I don't
know who'll be in there.
Y'all.
Everything has to be avery'sway.
It is honestly so hardsometimes to live with this man,
like everything has to be hisway.
He doesn't want something on,it stays off.
If he wants the windows open,the windows stay open, just
(10:14):
anything.
Anything he wants it his way.
It's like, I don't know, I justthere's a reason.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Why are you like that , though, even your?
Speaker 1 (10:26):
mom knows it Like if you don't want the toilet seat
lit up, which I agree, but still.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
No, you agree?
No, but still, I'm just sayinglike you'll be like put that lid
down Like I don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
You're just very anal .
Speaker 2 (10:39):
There's a reason for everything I do.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Why are you like that ?
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Because a reason for everything I do.
Why are you like that?
Because I'm very routine.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I'm very routine you hear me my other thing you're,
I'm very routine can that annoysyou, that's crazy, y'all hear
this okay, it's good and bad.
Yes, I do.
I wouldn't be here if I didn't.
But y'all, it's good and badbecause routine can get old.
You can get bored.
(11:08):
Yeah, you can get bored, youdon't get bored.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
But change your routine a little bit.
You ain't got to change thewhole thing.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
You don't like to change anything.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Yeah, I change stuff up a little bit.
You just don't be noticing me.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
She don't be noticing me, y'all.
She don't be noticing me.
Huh, she don't be noticing me.
Yeah, I don't know, just thatyou're very.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
You know I'm very routine.
What's wrong with being aroutine?
Honestly, that's really itthat's just me, that's all of me
I know that's a big chunk ofyou that's messed up is that
funny?
I mean be honest.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
We have to be transparent.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
You want to be transparent.
Now that's crazy, but your momsaid you've always been that way
, like if she was supposed totake you to school and she
wasn't being quick enough foryou, you would just leave and
walk to school.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah, like you don't like to wait around.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yes, yeah, that's what made me routine my mom,
because I seen how unorganizedshe was at times and that's when
you got to take matters intoyour own hands.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Okay, that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
That's crazy.
Well, you know do you ever feellike you need to like work on
that?
Nope See, I don't get that.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
That I love being a routine.
You know what no like like workon, like not having everything
your way it doesn't have to bemy way, as you know what going
places, if we were on time, itwouldn't have to be my way doing
stuff if it was you know.
(12:47):
I like to be on time.
I like to be.
I don't know you don't like myway no, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
It's good and bad.
I feel like, yeah, you keep you, keep me on track because, if
it, wasn't for you, I'd be lateor I would be not on time with
something come on man sometimesit's like dang the way I do
things is what I think is themost efficient way.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
It's efficient so when I open the windows, saving
me some money on my light bill,my electric bill, but also I
like the natural that's justroasting us to death.
I like the fresh air.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
But it's 80 degrees inside the house, it's fine
right.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
No, that ain't.
When it's like that, you canclose the windows.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
You don't.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
No, it be 74 degrees in here.
It's hot.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
It's hot.
You be standing over the stoveyeah, you're standing over the
stove.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
No one else in the house is hot exactly.
It's even hotter across withthe let me tell y'all a story oh
my gosh there's one time I wasplaying the game right erica
standing over the stove.
It's so hot, so she turned theac on.
I couldn't feel my toes by theend of the night, it was so cold
.
I had a blanket on me playingvideo games because it was so
(14:10):
cold.
And you know what she didn't doTurn the AC back down.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Okay, do you even know what I?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
had it on.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Do you even know what I had it on that?
You're so cold.
It was freezing Like 72.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
That's cold.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Went from 80 degrees in the apartment to 72 because,
bro, you be like it is so hotand I come home sometimes and
it's so stuffy and hot.
That's what I mean by you.
Just, you're very like that ifI wouldn't have said anything,
you would leave it like that.
You don't ask anybody else thatthey're comfortable but I left
it at 72 but are you standingover the stove?
Speaker 2 (14:47):
no, sure ain't anyways what's wrong with
standing over the stove?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
anyways, that's what just that's crazy about you
that's mean.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
That is mean be your own people y'all.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
I didn't know that until I started living with you
for sure, Back in 2016.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Oh yeah, Is that right?
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Yeah, because I didn't know this about you
dating you.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Wow, that would have changed something.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
No, because we lived together before we got married.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
So that would have changed something.
You would have left me if youdidn't know.
No, because we got, we livedtogether before we got married
and then we got married, so Ialready knew.
Anyways, all right, let's get totoday's topic.
Since you're bashing me, let mefind it again.
Today's topic is dealing withgrief and how the perspective is
(15:45):
different from the one holdingthe grief and the partner trying
to help navigate.
But this is, this is shout outmy boy bradley.
He gave me this topic.
He said y'all should talk aboutthis being here anyways, um,
this is, it's a weird topicbecause grief is.
I feel like at one point I wasthe one handling grief and you
(16:10):
were trying to help me, but thenlater it was reversed.
You know what I mean, so I wasdealing with grief for you.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Give me a minute.
Stop.
Why, my God, give me a minute.
Stop.
Why, oh my god, I don't knowwhy every single time I think
about him.
That's why I can't think abouthim.
I can't think about him at all.
It's so weird because, even atchurch, if I I don't know what
it is if I hear like the drumsplaying, like the music, for
some reason it just reminds meof him.
(16:43):
I think it's because I justthink of him as such a regal
person or like that's what Ijust remember about him, that I
don't know, like, if he was tojust show up, like he's just to
me, just so, just a really,really good person, like I've
never met someone that like,first of all, we're talking
(17:06):
about Mike.
So Avery's brother that was likebrutally murdered, um, on the
day of my graduation, actuallyfor esthetician school, um, and
he was murdered by somebody thathe was, that was basically like
a friend to him, um, and so,yeah, we went through that in
2023.
(17:26):
And then I just feel like afterthat was it 2023, yeah, um,
october 2023, and I just feellike after that it's just been.
It's been so different eversince and like, mind you, I
didn't get to be around Mikelike for a long time, but he did
(17:47):
live with us at one point, um,you know, we lived in Iowa for
like six months, so he was um atthe time going through some
stuff then.
So I wasn't I didn't get to seehim a lot then either, but
anytime you met him or anytimeyou were around him or you spoke
to him and like we wouldcommunicate.
So I still feel like I had arelationship with him and there
(18:07):
was not ever one time that Iever heard Mike talk about
somebody ever at least not withme.
Um, never like said a bad thingabout somebody.
Like even if I would saysomething, you know he'd be like
trying to, i't know like hejust wouldn't feed into it
basically.
But yeah, he was like mybrother and it's just hard.
(18:31):
It's so hard to I just try notto think about it, cause I think
it was really, really rough.
When he first passed, obviously, like I remember when you were
in the room sitting literally ina dark room, and that was
that's when I knew I was likelike you're really down bad
because you never sit in thedark Like you talk about that
(18:52):
now with me.
So yeah, that was rough.
I almost felt like I didn't knowhow to help you and I I really
don't think that there isanything that anyone can do.
When someone's going throughgrieving, you have to kind of
just let them grieve, but youalso don't want to leave them
alone.
You know what I mean.
So it's a hard balance, like,especially as a wife, I feel
(19:15):
like that was hard on me becauseit changed our whole like
household dynamic.
I feel like the kids wereaffected.
I feel like we didn't reallyyou didn't really want to do
anything.
It was really really, reallydark, yeah so how was?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
how was dealing with it versus helping with it?
Speaker 1 (19:38):
I don't.
That's why I don't think itreally hit me.
It didn't get to really hit mebecause I was trying to help you
, like I just remember, tryingto make sure that you were okay,
and like I would reach out tolike Stephanie and Joe, and I
remember that night that's whenI asked them.
I said I like I don't know whatto do.
He's in the room, he won't comeout.
I tried to turn on the light.
(20:00):
He asked me to turn it off.
It was a part of you that Inever saw and I didn't know how
to deal with it.
So I had to reach out to helpbecause I just didn't know what
to do.
It was hard, that was thehardest thing I think we've ever
gone through Like screw, likeevictions and financial issues.
(20:20):
I think that was by far thehardest thing ever to watch you
go through and not be able tolike fix your pain or like help.
You feel that you can't, likethere's nothing you can do, you
can't fix it, like it's justyeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
It was really tough.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Yeah, yeah, it was.
It was something else.
So I feel like just trying tohelp you get through it, just
being there.
Honestly, I feel like that'sall you can do is just be there
for them, let them know thatyou're there.
I think even I didn't want itto seem like I was like what is
it like emotionless or have likeno reaction.
But I remember one time whenyou were like trying to tell me
(21:05):
what actually happened and wewere sitting on the couch and I
just feel like I had no, like Icouldn't even cry.
I had like no emotions.
But it's kind of like thereverse of it, because I think
like sometimes men try to be sostrong for the woman and in this
case I was trying to be sostrong for you because you know
I can cry easily when I thinkabout it.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Yeah, you're a cry baby, for sure yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
So and then, like I think, once you started to kind
of deal with your um, like thegrieving, a little bit more than
we started going to church, Ithink that really helped a lot.
Um, then I feel like it, it hitme cause then you know there's
there's so much more to it.
(21:49):
I don't even know if you wantto talk about that, but like,
obviously, like me seeing him,my dreams and stuff and stuff
happening around the house, likeI just feel like he never
actually left.
So then I feel like that's whenit really started to affect me.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
That makes sense.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
What about you?
I mean grief is something thatI've always dealt with but it's
never.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Over the years it's hit closer and closer, and this
is the closest it can possiblyhit.
So I lost, I lost friends, Ilost my grandma, lost a lot of
people.
I mean we've I've lost a lot ofpeople since we've been
together but this is the firstperson you've lost.
So for me it was like like itwas bad at first.
(22:42):
It was so bad, but then it gotto a point where I had to
realize like you were goingthrough it as well as me so then
, I had to not only like dealwith mine.
I started to hide mine a littlebit and try to be there for you,
but it's it's tough becauseeveryone handles it different
(23:06):
and everyone is like you don't.
There's no right or wrong wayto handle it, but there's no
easy way to handle it eitheryeah so especially when it's not
just the two of you grieving.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
You have kids that you have to still be present for
yep you know.
So yeah, I don't know that was,that was tough.
That's all I can say, I know.
I just feel like I mean it stillis, but it's yeah, it is it's
not as fresh I know I actuallybeen thinking about it a lot
(23:40):
recently because I'm like like Ihave a big picture frame of him
in our living room and anytimesomebody moves it like it was
moved yesterday I'm like who theheck moved him?
Like I want him right therewhere we could see him.
And I know that's like weird tosome people, but like I said,
yeah, like Avery said, that wasmy first loss.
(24:01):
That was my brother, you know,and I never like had a brother
growing up and I just rememberall of our conversations and so,
of course, like that hit mereally, really hard.
And it's not only that, it'slike the way that he went and I
think the hardest part for megoing through that grieving
process was that we never got tosay goodbye, and I think that's
(24:23):
what really just upsets me themost.
Um, but yeah, I don't.
I've been thinking about thatlately.
I'm like, hmm, like I don't.
There's not a day that goes byI don't think about him, but it
doesn't mean that we're nothurting anymore.
Like I just went actuallyrecently, a couple days ago, and
posted on his Facebook and Iknow that like he's gone, but I
(24:45):
just don't ever want it's I knowI'm weird.
Like I don't want him to thinkthat we just forgot, yeah,
because I hate when people dothat.
Like people show up, you hearfrom people you've never heard
from before.
Like I remember when peoplewould just reach out to to Avery
(25:06):
that he hadn't even heard fromin years, and it's like everyone
wants to come together and thenover time people just forget.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Yeah, so yeah, it was .
Speaker 1 (25:14):
I don't wish it on anybody.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
It's crazy still.
It's a crazy situation.
I could've dealt with Car crash.
I could've dealt with Sickness.
I could've dealt with a lot.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
It's the way it happened, I know.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
But I could have dealt with a lot, but this one
was hard.
I have friends.
I have friends overdose.
I've had my grandma dienaturally, I've had people die
(26:07):
from cancer, but this one isdifferent and it's it's a lot
more harsh and even like dealingwith the case.
It's a lot more harsh and evenlike dealing with the case.
It's a lot more it's a lot morebrutal and intense.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
It's hard well, yeah, especially if you, like you,
know the details.
Yeah, that's what I rememberyou telling me, that's what you
didn't want me to know.
But, yeah, I feel like thedetails.
You're right, I remember youtelling me that's what you
didn't want me to know.
But, yeah, I feel like thedetails, you're right.
It does make it worse Becausethen it's like that's all you
(26:49):
remember.
But what I can say is I think alot of times, what really got
me through was remembering oneof the conversations that I had
with him because, uh, mike wasjust one of those people that
would get in front of a bulletfor you and he did that for
somebody.
And I remember telling him, likelike a sister, like why the
heck would you do that?
And he was just like, because Iknew that he would do that for
(27:11):
me, like that's just the kind ofperson that he was.
He thought he could be therefor everybody and and save
everybody, because he thoughtthey would do that for him.
And I just remember him beinglike you know, everybody's got
to die at some point.
Basically, yeah, like he just Idon't know, I really don't feel
(27:32):
like he was afraid of of going,yeah, cause I knew he knew that
that was always a possibility.
So for me it's like, yeah, Idon't know, I think he just
looked at things so differently,like he, even when when I, even
when he was shot and almostparalyzed for getting in front
(27:54):
of a bullet for his friend, hestill said God is great.
Like you see what I mean?
It's just stuff that he wouldsay.
That made me look at things sodifferently too and yeah, yeah,
I think uh but how do you feellike you're, how do you feel
like you've dealt with it now,like now, do you just feel like
(28:17):
you deal with it in private?
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Yeah, I deal with it in private, for sure it's, I
think it's, I don't know.
I feel like he, I don't, Idon't like to deal with it, not
in private anymore.
(28:41):
You know what I mean.
Like it's because every time ithits it's in private, like even
the other day I teared up atchurch for a second and I just,
you know, shook it off.
But that's the only way Ireally can deal with it, because
when I'm not in private there'sother things going on, so you
(29:04):
can't really think about stufflike that, you know.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Yeah, is it something that like comes up though in
church?
Because I feel like that's whenit seems to affect you.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
No, it just comes up randomly.
It'll be something super random.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
That you think of?
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
All the time.
But yeah, I don't know.
It's just one of those things,I guess, something you have to
learn to live with.
And it sucks to say that I waswhen it first happened.
My cousin made a post onfacebook and she passed away and
(29:43):
she was supposed to be at thatfuneral.
So her sister, ivory, was theone that I was like.
Whenever I had a rough day Iwould message her like I can't
sleep tonight and she wouldn'tdo the same with me.
And we were like going throughthat together, and her sister's
funeral was like a week after mybrother's.
(30:04):
And we couldn't be there forthat, because it was so
expensive, trying to go in thefirst place.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Yeah, I know.
I feel like since I've beenwith you, it's been so many
people and I think we've onlybeen able to go to one Together.
I think you've gone without menow.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
A couple times.
No, we've done two because wewent to Gail's.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
It was Gail's and then Mike's.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Yeah, but no, those are the only two that I've been
to.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
I didn't get a chance to go to the other ones, so
yeah, it is not easy, Like Isaid, especially if you've never
lost anybody.
But I think, even for you,you've lost so many people.
But it's like we're talkingabout your brother, like your,
your, your other half you knowwhat I mean Like um and Like
(30:58):
your other half.
You know what I mean.
And then, like ever since then,so much has changed, like you
know.
Now we have his youngestsibling with us that we have
mentioned a couple times, andthere's like little things about
him that you say no, butreminds me of Mike, and I think
it gives me comfort, like tohave him here.
Um, then you have to thinkabout that too.
(31:22):
It's like now, yeah, not onlyare you grieving, but then you
have to.
It's like other people aregrieving too, and but yeah, I
think, for me.
I just didn't want to beselfish, I didn't want it to be
about me, I just wanted to tryto be there for you.
But it's something I don't wishon anybody, and and I remember
(31:45):
saying for the longest time,I've never lost anybody, I've
never lost anybody close to me.
I don't even know what thatwould feel like, and so I think
that's why it just hit me for solong and I would have dreams
for so long, because I justnever, never felt that kind of
grief before.
So but I feel like now you kindof look at life a little bit
(32:07):
differently.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
Whereas for me as crazy as it sounds I feel like I
should be more grateful aboutlife.
I should be more grateful, butyeah, I don't know.
I think, to answer Bradley'squestion, I think that is the
greatest part about having yourbest friend and being married to
(32:29):
your best friend is becausesometimes you do have to switch
the roles, sometimes you have tobe there for them even when
you're not okay yourself, andthen sometimes the roles switch
and it's the reverse.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
So yes, grief is something that I feel like it's
always been around, like I seenmy, my aunt, pass away from
cancer and she passed away.
My grandma was the one takingcare of her, so she passed away
in our house.
I don't know.
(33:03):
I've dealt with a lot, but it'sall a different.
Deal with a lot, but it's all adifferent the feeling is
different every time becauseit's a different person.
Their relationship with thatperson is different.
A lot of the times, like withgail, I worked with her.
She was a great person.
I worked with her at the ymcataking care of kids and she was
(33:25):
like everybody's auntie, andthen with Dijon, it's like, yeah
, I was playing video games withhim.
Yeah, I remember being therethen you look up and it's like,
oh he, he passed away thismorning.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Like it's crazy yeah, and because I remember you
picking him up and us taking himsomewhere too.
Yeah, I never, I don't, I nevereven knew who that was until
then.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Yep, we took him to another city for work.
He had to find a ride there,mm-hmm, so yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
That's rough.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
And then we know it's not over because, like he said,
there's still a case going.
But it's scary y'all.
It's scary because I feel likewhere it happened, I just feel
like it's almost inevitable thatyou're going to lose somebody.
It's hard, honestly, for me, ifyou want to know the real, raw
(34:22):
truth.
It's like I just, every day, Iprepare myself, I feel like
because I just feel likesomebody else is next.
That's how it feels, and I meanwe're talking about just Iowa,
cedar Rapids, iowa and it justsucks because you just don't
(34:42):
know who's next and youshouldn't have to think that way
or feel that way and live yourlife that way.
That is what brings ondepression, because you just
feel like like I constantlythink about it's.
You shouldn't have to thinkthat way or feel that way and
live your life that way.
That is what brings ondepression, cause you just feel
like like I constantly thinkabout it all the time, like man,
okay, then if somebody elseclose to us and it's like we're
going to go through it again.
You know, and I think that'swhy we're just trying so hard to
be there and to be helpful with, like his other siblings,
(35:06):
because we don't want this tohappen to them.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
You know, it would just be worse.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
I think the whole thing was harder for me because
I'm a visual person, so thewhole.
I mean he got killed in his carand I put myself in the back of
that car because, that is theonly way I can experience it in
a way to where I have all theanswers and it's easier for me
(35:33):
to deal with the grief.
Like I still have a picture ofhim in the car.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
I know, I've never seen it.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
And I'm not going to show you.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Yeah, I've never seen it.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
I mean, I have everything and I know everything
, I have everything and I knoweverything.
And with that, the hardest partis the more you know, the worse
it gets.
But then, the more you know,the more you feel like okay, I
understand what happened and Ican be at peace with it.
When it's all said and done,yeah, instead of wondering what
(36:04):
happened.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Yeah, but see, imagine how I feel because I
don't know I mean, you know, Imean I know the story, but I
don't know every little detail.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
I mean, you know everything you know, you, I'm
pretty sure you know everything.
But it's just you didn't seethe pictures you didn't see the
pictures, you didn't see the youknow what I mean?
Speaker 1 (36:29):
No, but I can envision it.
Yeah, it's crazy, y'all,because I've had dreams of Mike
showing up in my dreams.
And the craziest part about itis there's and this is just for
anybody that actually knows usand knows him but there's like
literally a picture, I think, onhis mom's, on your mom's
(36:50):
Facebook Facebook, of himwearing a blue coat, a long blue
coat.
And when he first passed,that's when I started to have
dreams and, if you guys don'tknow, I've I've always had like
visual, prophetic dreams or likethey just always mean something
.
And I remember one day I toldAvery, I said, well, I woke up
in the middle of my dream justcrying, like I felt like I just
(37:14):
experienced something, and then,all of a sudden, I was like
it's almost like gasping for airand I just started crying,
crying Cause I realized what Ijust saw.
And basically, like he showed upin my dream and that same coat,
and he was just smiling, likejust like standing like this and
just smiling, um, and Iremember him.
I don't remember exactly whathe said, but I just remember him
(37:35):
saying like I'm all right,that's what it was.
He was like I'm all right andtell a that I'm all right, like
tell Avery I'm, I'm fine.
And then I remember tellingAvery about the dream and, mind
you, I hadn't even seen thepicture of him in this coat.
And then Avery was like, oh, Iknow what picture you're talking
about.
So I mean, that's what I'msaying.
(37:57):
Like you can't tell me thatdreams don't like, they aren't
real.
It was too real and I knoweverybody has their own opinions
on it and it's fine, but for meit gives me peace and I really.
Everybody has their ownopinions on it and it's fine,
but for me it gives me peace andI really do feel like it was
him.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
so yeah, we gotta have a talk on Bradley he got me
up here shedding tears yeah, Imean.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I hope that answered the question no, it wasn't no
question.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
We gotta have a talk now.
I like that.
Yeah, yeah, it's been not everbeen the same, since this feels
like a long episode.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
Really yeah, I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Feels like a long episode.
It doesn't feel long, but itfeels like I don't know.
I can't explain.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
I mean it wasn the the vibes that we went to bring
to you guys, but uh, we did getasked that, so I mean, I'm sure
somebody, somebody is dealingwith this.
So I'm sure it'll help somebodyas long as it helps somebody,
you know I mean, I hope so ifyou guys are still like dealing
(39:08):
with the grief and you don'thave anyone to talk to yeah,
reach out to erica because she Iwas just gonna say she thinks I
give bad advice no, I justdon't think that it's hard to go
to somebody, somebody that,like it's home based, like I
don't think a lot of peoplewould come to you about it
because they probably don't wantto bring it up.
Yeah, you know, I mean like likewe know someone that we don't
think a lot of people would cometo you about it because they
(39:28):
probably don't want to bring itup.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Like we know someone that wedon't really talk about it with
because we don't know.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
And it's like they don't really have anybody to
talk to.
It's hard.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Yeah, we don't.
I mean that's one thing, likeif somebody came to me and was
like you know, I'd talk about it.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
No.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
I'm not against, I would always talk about it but
there's certain details that Ikeep for the family, because
those details don't need to beout there For one.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
For two.
It's like if I give this personthis information it could make
it worse.
Well, before we go like withthat being said, what kind of
advice would you give to yourkids based off how that happened
?
Because, like we said, we can'tgo into detail, but it's
somebody that he thought waslike a friend.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
I mean, all we can do is make sure they're the type
of person that would helpsomeone that needed help and, I
guess, just be smart.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
I mean, we raised our kids to make the right decision
and we gotta have faith in thatyeah, do you feel like like it
affected you at all how you viewpeople around you or who you
trust?
Speaker 2 (40:52):
I mean not really, because Mike was the type of
person to where, if you know,him.
You knew what was going on inhis life and stuff like that.
The way he carried himselfversus the way I carry myself is
two different things, but Iunderstood.
(41:13):
You know what I mean.
Like, the way he is may comefrom how he grew up.
It may come from who he wasaround for a certain part of his
time.
his life or it could be from youknow.
However, whatever happened withany situation, so the way we,
the way we grow up, kind of it,it determines like you feel like
(41:37):
that people were around?
Speaker 1 (41:38):
do you feel like that wouldn't happen to you?
Is that what you're trying tosay?
Speaker 2 (41:46):
I don't think it would to me.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
Yeah, but I mean.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
But when you're in the streets, in the street life
is different, and I'm not in astreet life.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
Well, I mean, I think you're very selective about who
you have around you.
Yeah, you know, I like I just Isee I've seen it before Like
that's why I'm so crazy aboutwho the girls have.
When I feel a vibe fromsomebody and it feels not right,
my mind instantly goes.
See, I think I'm just I'm I'mlike traumatized by it, because
(42:21):
I feel like my mind goes there.
If I feel like the girls have afriend that's a little envious
or doing things they shouldn'tbe doing, I'm immediately like I
do not like your friend and Idon't care.
I don't care.
It's like I don't want them tonot have friends, but that
situation affected me so muchthat, like, I guess that's what
I mean.
(42:41):
I want them to have gooddiscernment.
I want them to really know whensomething doesn't feel right,
to really know when somethingdoesn't feel right or when
somebody is envious of you orthey.
You know they don't really likeyou, but they're pretending to,
because, I've seen it, thegirls are only 10 and 12 and
some of their friends is veryquestionable.
It's like I tell them all thetime you need to be more
(43:03):
cautious about who you choose topick as a friend and don't
throw the word friend around solightly yeah and that's the
thing.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Like my brother he was he just loved everybody
there's things he's seen when hewas a kid or when he was older
or things that he went throughin life and some of those things
he went through by himself.
Some of those things I knowabout.
But there's certain things hesaid before he died.
He said this is something I'mgonna take to the grave.
But there's certain things hesaid before he died.
He said this is something I'mgoing to take to the grave.
(43:32):
And there's certain things thathe's seen in his life which
determine how he handledsituations or how he did this.
But also you got to realizethere's there's certain things
that are in your genes that youcan't not deal with or you
cannot be.
You know what I what I meanlike for me, my dad likes women.
I, I like women, but I have tobe disciplined to where okay,
(43:57):
instead of me being that, I knowI want a family.
I know I want a wife and kids.
So that's I have to bedisciplined enough to not do
that.
But naturally that's just inthe genetics.
So there's certain things inhis genetics that are you just
feel like it was like.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
You basically feel like it was inevitable, that it
was going to happen at somepoint um, I don't think that not
the way that it happened.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
I think that he was going to make decisions that he
wanted to make in general, andno one would be able to stop him
from making those decisions andhe was going to do what he
wanted to do, because that'swhat he wanted to do.
You can tell someone not to dosomething so many times, he can
(44:42):
deal with the results of hisactions so many times, but
eventually the outcome is notgoing to be as great or as easy
as the previous outcome.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
So no yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:56):
I know what you mean.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
You have to deal with it.
Karma whether it's karma orwhatever the case may be, it's
just something you got to dealwith.
You know karma doesn't miss.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
Yeah, it just sucks, because I know he was trying to
do better, though.
Yeah, I mean, there were stilllittle things, obviously, yeah,
but um, I feel like he wastrying to do better, yeah, but I
feel like he was trying toreach his perfection, and then
that's when he went.
Yeah, it's just crazy.
So, yeah, but all.
Speaker 2 (45:28):
We will catch you guys in the next episode.
Like.
Follow the podcast.
Subscribe to the channel.
Follow us on our Spotify andApple podcast.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
Share our videos.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Share our videos.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
Let us know what you guys want us to talk about.
Next, let us know what you guyswant us to talk about next.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
Let us know what you guys want us to talk about next.
What else, hey?
Speaker 1 (45:52):
don't forget my question about avery and april,
though y'all better leave.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
Leave a comment, tell him now that you ain't gotta do
all right, but all right, we'llsee you guys the next one bye.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
Oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh , oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
, oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh oh.
It is honestly so hard sometimes to live with this
man Like everything has to behis way.
He doesn't want something on,it stays off.
If he wants the windows open,the windows stay open, Just
anything.
Anything he wants it his way.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
All right, welcome to the Other Half Podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Ooh, ooh, ooh, uh good, had a good weekend oh yeah
, what'd you do this weekend?
We just spent time together, sothat was good you hear that
Erica wanna spend time with meyeah, I enjoyed Sunday.
I enjoy every Sunday, except wemissed church this Sunday yeah,
(01:01):
you need to be on that bro andthen we had to take a break from
the podcast, so that's why wedidn't make one last Sunday.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Sorry, I'm getting all you know what's the word.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Comfy, yeah, whatever , yeah, I'm getting situated.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
So what's our icebreakers for today?
Shout out to Hella Aw yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
So today's card is ask each person what about me?
Annoys you the most?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
all right.
What annoys me about you themost?
Uh, you want to hear that forsure.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yes, this is about honesty.
We're transparent.
That's why people want tolisten.
Okay, don't go too hard on me.
I already know what it is.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (01:54):
My moods.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I mean, yeah, you know, I might be a slight
bipolar I agree, I'm not goingto lie to you, but so are you.
No, I'm not.
I have a great day all the time.
I wake up happy every day.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
But you know what they say about the happiest
people, right?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
What, Erica?
Speaker 1 (02:16):
I mean, let's look at Robin Williams.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
What do they say, Erica?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
uh, what do they say?
Erica, the people like you have, like you, want to be happy all
the time because you weren'thappy when you were younger I
mean, so it's like it's eitherreal, genuine, or it's a mask oh
and see, I'm just like I'm fine, super authentic.
I am what I am, wow, okay.
No, it's just, I wear all myemotions on my sleeves that's
all it is.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
I don't know authentic.
I am what I am.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Wow, Like you know, it's just I wear all my emotions
on my sleeves, that's all it is.
I don't know how to fix that.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
I don't do that.
Well, I do do that, but I guessI don't.
I don't get mad or anythinganymore.
I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
I think you're just happy where you are.
That's all it is.
We've talked about that.
Maybe you, you're just happywhere you are.
That's all it is.
We've talked about that maybeyou need to be happy where you
are but give me grace, becauseI'm not in the the same pathway
or whatever.
It is the same, on the samewavelength as you right now.
But y'all, I'm not.
It's.
Don't make me look like I'm adepressed person on here.
(03:23):
I'm still, I'm good, I justhave my days.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
You're a woman.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
I have very high expectations.
That's my other issue.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
High expectations in what?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yes In just like my day, Like if something doesn't
go my way ruins my whole day.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
See, you got to stop.
You got to stop letting stuffruin your day, man.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
I know so yeah, so that's what annoys you.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
What annoys me I don't know, like if I had to
pick one thing I don't know.
You know what.
What annoys the hell out of mewhen you say, oh, you're the
reason she's like that, whenapril's acting bad okay, no, no,
(04:08):
no, no, okay.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
If anybody knows april and any, please, I am
begging you, I will give youeach a dollar if you leave a
comment being on my side,because you know it's true, if
you know it's not about size andyou know avery that's not the
point if you know april and youknow avery, come on all of you.
I know you guys know his family, his friends, anybody close to
(04:31):
us.
April is literally a miniatureavery well why you gotta say
that when she's being badbecause you are bad too, y'all,
because I'm I don't know many10-year-olds that just roast
people on the spot.
I don't do that.
Come on, dre, kenny, maja,everybody knows, wow, everybody
(04:55):
knows.
She's just like you.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
No, when she's acting bad, mm-mm.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
That's not me.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
This is the difference between our parenting
.
Okay, let me go I can raise myvoice and she knows right,
you'll be like.
You better stop before I dothis 10 minutes later.
You better stop before I dothis.
We're waiting for you to dothat.
Okay, we're waiting for it.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
That has nothing to do with how she, yeah, why she
acts how she acts.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
She don't be like that when you're not around, and
she don't be like that when Igo in there, because I ain't
going to warn her.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
That's the Okay Discipline, and how they
actually react is not the sameas how their personality is.
Her personality is literallyyou.
I wish you could see, you couldy'all hear this, see it
everybody says it.
Everybody says it the way she'sso goofy, the way she's just
(05:52):
wild and like has no filter, theway she just comes back with
like responses and yeah, I hearthis talking trash like that's
all she does and it irritates me.
I don't do none of that, me andher Like that's all she does
and it irritates me.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
I don't do none of that Me and her clash.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
That's why y'all are so like.
You guys get along more Me andher clash, because I don't do
all that, so that's what annoysyou.
I thought you would say like mydisorganization.
I mean my mood, my moods Iexpect that from you At this
point.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I expect that Every time you get dressed, makeup,
every single piece of makeup youuse, is on your desk.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
That is every woman?
No, it's not.
But then I pick a day and Iclean and organize my stuff.
They don't stay like that everyday.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
But that's fine, that doesn't really bother me.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I think that's a part of my ADHD.
No, that's every woman, anyways.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
You know what else annoys me about you?
You'll be like oh, I got to gohere, here and here, but you
don't do them in order.
You'll go here.
Come home, go back to the areayou were just at come.
You'll go here, come home, goback to the area you were just
at come back home, go somewhereelse, come back home.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
You could have just did all that in one trip.
Yes, okay, y'all see you'redoing the most because I know
him.
I don't.
I don't like dragging peoplearound with me that don't want
to go somewhere, that I'm goingjust because I'm going.
So what he's talking about issometimes I'm coming home from
work.
Avery will ask me every daywhat we want for dinner.
(07:32):
Then he says, go to the storeto go get it Right, like to go
get it to cook.
Then he'll ask me if I can ifhe's not able to to pick up the
kids.
Then I pick up the kids, asiaand April.
I don't care, they're my kids,they're going to go wherever I
go.
Tubby is my littlebrother-in-law.
He does not like to go anywhere.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
That's facts.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
He will literally sit in the car.
I like to take my time, so itgives me anxiety to take him
with me when I know he doesn'twant.
He's going to be moping around.
I'd rather just bring him homeand then go to the store.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Erica, make him sit in the car.
It's fine, don't?
Speaker 1 (08:08):
rush.
You take forever in the storetoo, exactly, so why would I
want him to sit in the car?
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Erica will buy the same thing every day and it'll
still take her a long time tobuy it.
That's how long she takes inthe store, every single package.
She has to look at theingredients, like she ain't used
it before.
Oh, is this?
The one puts it back picks upanother one.
It's the same thing I'll belooking at expiration dates it
(08:38):
don't take that long to look atexpiration dates no, it's
because I'm really actuallyshopping around.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
I love shopping for food.
If I could bring everythinghome, I would y'all hear this.
That's why I always go in therefor five things and I come out
with 10 to no store facts.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
That's terrible.
What annoys me?
What annoys you about me?
Speaker 1 (09:00):
I've been waiting for this I don't care anyway, come
on joy, because I know you knowwhat I'm about to say.
Hey let me talk about itHonestly.
There's a couple things Acouple times.
No, I'm just kidding, Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Maja, see what you started.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I think my number one thing is that you're just very
anal.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
About what.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Like, everything has to be your way y'all.
If he does not want the livingroom light on, he will leave it
off Every day, like.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
You know what we need a lamp.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Whatever, it's the same thing.
It's a light.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
No it's not.
I like it to be lightly lit,not super bright but then you
complain that I sit in the dark.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
You don't make any sense.
So because you'll be in thedark, you're just very I don't
know who'll be in there.
Y'all.
Everything has to be avery'sway.
It is honestly so hardsometimes to live with this man,
like everything has to be hisway.
He doesn't want something on,it stays off.
If he wants the windows open,the windows stay open, just
(10:14):
anything.
Anything he wants it his way.
It's like, I don't know, I justthere's a reason.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Why are you like that , though, even your?
Speaker 1 (10:26):
mom knows it Like if you don't want the toilet seat
lit up, which I agree, but still.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
No, you agree?
No, but still, I'm just sayinglike you'll be like put that lid
down Like I don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
You're just very anal .
Speaker 2 (10:39):
There's a reason for everything I do.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Why are you like that ?
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Because a reason for everything I do.
Why are you like that?
Because I'm very routine.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I'm very routine you hear me my other thing you're,
I'm very routine can that annoysyou, that's crazy, y'all hear
this okay, it's good and bad.
Yes, I do.
I wouldn't be here if I didn't.
But y'all, it's good and badbecause routine can get old.
You can get bored.
(11:08):
Yeah, you can get bored, youdon't get bored.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
But change your routine a little bit.
You ain't got to change thewhole thing.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
You don't like to change anything.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Yeah, I change stuff up a little bit.
You just don't be noticing me.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
She don't be noticing me, y'all.
She don't be noticing me.
Huh, she don't be noticing me.
Yeah, I don't know, just thatyou're very.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
You know I'm very routine.
What's wrong with being aroutine?
Honestly, that's really itthat's just me, that's all of me
I know that's a big chunk ofyou that's messed up is that
funny?
I mean be honest.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
We have to be transparent.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
You want to be transparent.
Now that's crazy, but your momsaid you've always been that way
, like if she was supposed totake you to school and she
wasn't being quick enough foryou, you would just leave and
walk to school.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah, like you don't like to wait around.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yes, yeah, that's what made me routine my mom,
because I seen how unorganizedshe was at times and that's when
you got to take matters intoyour own hands.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Okay, that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
That's crazy.
Well, you know do you ever feellike you need to like work on
that?
Nope See, I don't get that.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
That I love being a routine.
You know what no like like workon, like not having everything
your way it doesn't have to bemy way, as you know what going
places, if we were on time, itwouldn't have to be my way doing
stuff if it was you know.
(12:47):
I like to be on time.
I like to be.
I don't know you don't like myway no, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
It's good and bad.
I feel like, yeah, you keep you, keep me on track because, if
it, wasn't for you, I'd be lateor I would be not on time with
something come on man sometimesit's like dang the way I do
things is what I think is themost efficient way.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
It's efficient so when I open the windows, saving
me some money on my light bill,my electric bill, but also I
like the natural that's justroasting us to death.
I like the fresh air.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
But it's 80 degrees inside the house, it's fine
right.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
No, that ain't.
When it's like that, you canclose the windows.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
You don't.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
No, it be 74 degrees in here.
It's hot.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
It's hot.
You be standing over the stoveyeah, you're standing over the
stove.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
No one else in the house is hot exactly.
It's even hotter across withthe let me tell y'all a story oh
my gosh there's one time I wasplaying the game right erica
standing over the stove.
It's so hot, so she turned theac on.
I couldn't feel my toes by theend of the night, it was so cold
.
I had a blanket on me playingvideo games because it was so
(14:10):
cold.
And you know what she didn't doTurn the AC back down.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Okay, do you even know what I?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
had it on.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Do you even know what I had it on that?
You're so cold.
It was freezing Like 72.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
That's cold.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Went from 80 degrees in the apartment to 72 because,
bro, you be like it is so hotand I come home sometimes and
it's so stuffy and hot.
That's what I mean by you.
Just, you're very like that ifI wouldn't have said anything,
you would leave it like that.
You don't ask anybody else thatthey're comfortable but I left
it at 72 but are you standingover the stove?
Speaker 2 (14:47):
no, sure ain't anyways what's wrong with
standing over the stove?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
anyways, that's what just that's crazy about you
that's mean.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
That is mean be your own people y'all.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
I didn't know that until I started living with you
for sure, Back in 2016.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Oh yeah, Is that right?
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Yeah, because I didn't know this about you
dating you.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Wow, that would have changed something.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
No, because we lived together before we got married.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
So that would have changed something.
You would have left me if youdidn't know.
No, because we got, we livedtogether before we got married
and then we got married, so Ialready knew.
Anyways, all right, let's get totoday's topic.
Since you're bashing me, let mefind it again.
Today's topic is dealing withgrief and how the perspective is
(15:45):
different from the one holdingthe grief and the partner trying
to help navigate.
But this is, this is shout outmy boy bradley.
He gave me this topic.
He said y'all should talk aboutthis being here anyways, um,
this is, it's a weird topicbecause grief is.
I feel like at one point I wasthe one handling grief and you
(16:10):
were trying to help me, but thenlater it was reversed.
You know what I mean, so I wasdealing with grief for you.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Give me a minute.
Stop.
Why, my God, give me a minute.
Stop.
Why, oh my god, I don't knowwhy every single time I think
about him.
That's why I can't think abouthim.
I can't think about him at all.
It's so weird because, even atchurch, if I I don't know what
it is if I hear like the drumsplaying, like the music, for
some reason it just reminds meof him.
(16:43):
I think it's because I justthink of him as such a regal
person or like that's what Ijust remember about him, that I
don't know, like, if he was tojust show up, like he's just to
me, just so, just a really,really good person, like I've
never met someone that like,first of all, we're talking
(17:06):
about Mike.
So Avery's brother that was likebrutally murdered, um, on the
day of my graduation, actuallyfor esthetician school, um, and
he was murdered by somebody thathe was, that was basically like
a friend to him, um, and so,yeah, we went through that in
2023.
(17:26):
And then I just feel like afterthat was it 2023, yeah, um,
october 2023, and I just feellike after that it's just been.
It's been so different eversince and like, mind you, I
didn't get to be around Mikelike for a long time, but he did
(17:47):
live with us at one point, um,you know, we lived in Iowa for
like six months, so he was um atthe time going through some
stuff then.
So I wasn't I didn't get to seehim a lot then either, but
anytime you met him or anytimeyou were around him or you spoke
to him and like we wouldcommunicate.
So I still feel like I had arelationship with him and there
(18:07):
was not ever one time that Iever heard Mike talk about
somebody ever at least not withme.
Um, never like said a bad thingabout somebody.
Like even if I would saysomething, you know he'd be like
trying to, i't know like hejust wouldn't feed into it
basically.
But yeah, he was like mybrother and it's just hard.
(18:31):
It's so hard to I just try notto think about it, cause I think
it was really, really rough.
When he first passed, obviously, like I remember when you were
in the room sitting literally ina dark room, and that was
that's when I knew I was likelike you're really down bad
because you never sit in thedark Like you talk about that
(18:52):
now with me.
So yeah, that was rough.
I almost felt like I didn't knowhow to help you and I I really
don't think that there isanything that anyone can do.
When someone's going throughgrieving, you have to kind of
just let them grieve, but youalso don't want to leave them
alone.
You know what I mean.
So it's a hard balance, like,especially as a wife, I feel
(19:15):
like that was hard on me becauseit changed our whole like
household dynamic.
I feel like the kids wereaffected.
I feel like we didn't reallyyou didn't really want to do
anything.
It was really really, reallydark, yeah so how was?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
how was dealing with it versus helping with it?
Speaker 1 (19:38):
I don't.
That's why I don't think itreally hit me.
It didn't get to really hit mebecause I was trying to help you
, like I just remember, tryingto make sure that you were okay,
and like I would reach out tolike Stephanie and Joe, and I
remember that night that's whenI asked them.
I said I like I don't know whatto do.
He's in the room, he won't comeout.
I tried to turn on the light.
(20:00):
He asked me to turn it off.
It was a part of you that Inever saw and I didn't know how
to deal with it.
So I had to reach out to helpbecause I just didn't know what
to do.
It was hard, that was thehardest thing I think we've ever
gone through Like screw, likeevictions and financial issues.
(20:20):
I think that was by far thehardest thing ever to watch you
go through and not be able tolike fix your pain or like help.
You feel that you can't, likethere's nothing you can do, you
can't fix it, like it's justyeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
It was really tough.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Yeah, yeah, it was.
It was something else.
So I feel like just trying tohelp you get through it, just
being there.
Honestly, I feel like that'sall you can do is just be there
for them, let them know thatyou're there.
I think even I didn't want itto seem like I was like what is
it like emotionless or have likeno reaction.
But I remember one time whenyou were like trying to tell me
(21:05):
what actually happened and wewere sitting on the couch and I
just feel like I had no, like Icouldn't even cry.
I had like no emotions.
But it's kind of like thereverse of it, because I think
like sometimes men try to be sostrong for the woman and in this
case I was trying to be sostrong for you because you know
I can cry easily when I thinkabout it.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Yeah, you're a cry baby, for sure yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
So and then, like I think, once you started to kind
of deal with your um, like thegrieving, a little bit more than
we started going to church, Ithink that really helped a lot.
Um, then I feel like it, it hitme cause then you know there's
there's so much more to it.
(21:49):
I don't even know if you wantto talk about that, but like,
obviously, like me seeing him,my dreams and stuff and stuff
happening around the house, likeI just feel like he never
actually left.
So then I feel like that's whenit really started to affect me.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
That makes sense.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
What about you?
I mean grief is something thatI've always dealt with but it's
never.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Over the years it's hit closer and closer, and this
is the closest it can possiblyhit.
So I lost, I lost friends, Ilost my grandma, lost a lot of
people.
I mean we've I've lost a lot ofpeople since we've been
together but this is the firstperson you've lost.
So for me it was like like itwas bad at first.
(22:42):
It was so bad, but then it gotto a point where I had to
realize like you were goingthrough it as well as me so then
, I had to not only like dealwith mine.
I started to hide mine a littlebit and try to be there for you,
but it's it's tough becauseeveryone handles it different
(23:06):
and everyone is like you don't.
There's no right or wrong wayto handle it, but there's no
easy way to handle it eitheryeah so especially when it's not
just the two of you grieving.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
You have kids that you have to still be present for
yep you know.
So yeah, I don't know that was,that was tough.
That's all I can say, I know.
I just feel like I mean it stillis, but it's yeah, it is it's
not as fresh I know I actuallybeen thinking about it a lot
(23:40):
recently because I'm like like Ihave a big picture frame of him
in our living room and anytimesomebody moves it like it was
moved yesterday I'm like who theheck moved him?
Like I want him right therewhere we could see him.
And I know that's like weird tosome people, but like I said,
yeah, like Avery said, that wasmy first loss.
(24:01):
That was my brother, you know,and I never like had a brother
growing up and I just rememberall of our conversations and so,
of course, like that hit mereally, really hard.
And it's not only that, it'slike the way that he went and I
think the hardest part for megoing through that grieving
process was that we never got tosay goodbye, and I think that's
(24:23):
what really just upsets me themost.
Um, but yeah, I don't.
I've been thinking about thatlately.
I'm like, hmm, like I don't.
There's not a day that goes byI don't think about him, but it
doesn't mean that we're nothurting anymore.
Like I just went actuallyrecently, a couple days ago, and
posted on his Facebook and Iknow that like he's gone, but I
(24:45):
just don't ever want it's I knowI'm weird.
Like I don't want him to thinkthat we just forgot, yeah,
because I hate when people dothat.
Like people show up, you hearfrom people you've never heard
from before.
Like I remember when peoplewould just reach out to to Avery
(25:06):
that he hadn't even heard fromin years, and it's like everyone
wants to come together and thenover time people just forget.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Yeah, so yeah, it was .
Speaker 1 (25:14):
I don't wish it on anybody.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
It's crazy still.
It's a crazy situation.
I could've dealt with Car crash.
I could've dealt with Sickness.
I could've dealt with a lot.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
It's the way it happened, I know.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
But I could have dealt with a lot, but this one
was hard.
I have friends.
I have friends overdose.
I've had my grandma dienaturally, I've had people die
(26:07):
from cancer, but this one isdifferent and it's it's a lot
more harsh and even like dealingwith the case.
It's a lot more harsh and evenlike dealing with the case.
It's a lot more it's a lot morebrutal and intense.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
It's hard well, yeah, especially if you, like you,
know the details.
Yeah, that's what I rememberyou telling me, that's what you
didn't want me to know.
But, yeah, I feel like thedetails.
You're right, I remember youtelling me that's what you
didn't want me to know.
But, yeah, I feel like thedetails, you're right.
It does make it worse Becausethen it's like that's all you
(26:49):
remember.
But what I can say is I think alot of times, what really got
me through was remembering oneof the conversations that I had
with him because, uh, mike wasjust one of those people that
would get in front of a bulletfor you and he did that for
somebody.
And I remember telling him, likelike a sister, like why the
heck would you do that?
And he was just like, because Iknew that he would do that for
(27:11):
me, like that's just the kind ofperson that he was.
He thought he could be therefor everybody and and save
everybody, because he thoughtthey would do that for him.
And I just remember him beinglike you know, everybody's got
to die at some point.
Basically, yeah, like he just Idon't know, I really don't feel
(27:32):
like he was afraid of of going,yeah, cause I knew he knew that
that was always a possibility.
So for me it's like, yeah, Idon't know, I think he just
looked at things so differently,like he, even when when I, even
when he was shot and almostparalyzed for getting in front
(27:54):
of a bullet for his friend, hestill said God is great.
Like you see what I mean?
It's just stuff that he wouldsay.
That made me look at things sodifferently too and yeah, yeah,
I think uh but how do you feellike you're, how do you feel
like you've dealt with it now,like now, do you just feel like
(28:17):
you deal with it in private?
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Yeah, I deal with it in private, for sure it's, I
think it's, I don't know.
I feel like he, I don't, Idon't like to deal with it, not
in private anymore.
(28:41):
You know what I mean.
Like it's because every time ithits it's in private, like even
the other day I teared up atchurch for a second and I just,
you know, shook it off.
But that's the only way Ireally can deal with it, because
when I'm not in private there'sother things going on, so you
(29:04):
can't really think about stufflike that, you know.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Yeah, is it something that like comes up though in
church?
Because I feel like that's whenit seems to affect you.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
No, it just comes up randomly.
It'll be something super random.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
That you think of?
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
All the time.
But yeah, I don't know.
It's just one of those things,I guess, something you have to
learn to live with.
And it sucks to say that I waswhen it first happened.
My cousin made a post onfacebook and she passed away and
(29:43):
she was supposed to be at thatfuneral.
So her sister, ivory, was theone that I was like.
Whenever I had a rough day Iwould message her like I can't
sleep tonight and she wouldn'tdo the same with me.
And we were like going throughthat together, and her sister's
funeral was like a week after mybrother's.
(30:04):
And we couldn't be there forthat, because it was so
expensive, trying to go in thefirst place.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Yeah, I know.
I feel like since I've beenwith you, it's been so many
people and I think we've onlybeen able to go to one Together.
I think you've gone without menow.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
A couple times.
No, we've done two because wewent to Gail's.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
It was Gail's and then Mike's.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Yeah, but no, those are the only two that I've been
to.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
I didn't get a chance to go to the other ones, so
yeah, it is not easy, Like Isaid, especially if you've never
lost anybody.
But I think, even for you,you've lost so many people.
But it's like we're talkingabout your brother, like your,
your, your other half you knowwhat I mean Like um and Like
(30:58):
your other half.
You know what I mean.
And then, like ever since then,so much has changed, like you
know.
Now we have his youngestsibling with us that we have
mentioned a couple times, andthere's like little things about
him that you say no, butreminds me of Mike, and I think
it gives me comfort, like tohave him here.
Um, then you have to thinkabout that too.
(31:22):
It's like now, yeah, not onlyare you grieving, but then you
have to.
It's like other people aregrieving too, and but yeah, I
think, for me.
I just didn't want to beselfish, I didn't want it to be
about me, I just wanted to tryto be there for you.
But it's something I don't wishon anybody, and and I remember
(31:45):
saying for the longest time,I've never lost anybody, I've
never lost anybody close to me.
I don't even know what thatwould feel like, and so I think
that's why it just hit me for solong and I would have dreams
for so long, because I justnever, never felt that kind of
grief before.
So but I feel like now you kindof look at life a little bit
(32:07):
differently.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
Whereas for me as crazy as it sounds I feel like I
should be more grateful aboutlife.
I should be more grateful, butyeah, I don't know.
I think, to answer Bradley'squestion, I think that is the
greatest part about having yourbest friend and being married to
(32:29):
your best friend is becausesometimes you do have to switch
the roles, sometimes you have tobe there for them even when
you're not okay yourself, andthen sometimes the roles switch
and it's the reverse.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
So yes, grief is something that I feel like it's
always been around, like I seenmy, my aunt, pass away from
cancer and she passed away.
My grandma was the one takingcare of her, so she passed away
in our house.
I don't know.
(33:03):
I've dealt with a lot, but it'sall a different.
Deal with a lot, but it's all adifferent the feeling is
different every time becauseit's a different person.
Their relationship with thatperson is different.
A lot of the times, like withgail, I worked with her.
She was a great person.
I worked with her at the ymcataking care of kids and she was
(33:25):
like everybody's auntie, andthen with Dijon, it's like, yeah
, I was playing video games withhim.
Yeah, I remember being therethen you look up and it's like,
oh he, he passed away thismorning.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Like it's crazy yeah, and because I remember you
picking him up and us taking himsomewhere too.
Yeah, I never, I don't, I nevereven knew who that was until
then.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Yep, we took him to another city for work.
He had to find a ride there,mm-hmm, so yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
That's rough.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
And then we know it's not over because, like he said,
there's still a case going.
But it's scary y'all.
It's scary because I feel likewhere it happened, I just feel
like it's almost inevitable thatyou're going to lose somebody.
It's hard, honestly, for me, ifyou want to know the real, raw
(34:22):
truth.
It's like I just, every day, Iprepare myself, I feel like
because I just feel likesomebody else is next.
That's how it feels, and I meanwe're talking about just Iowa,
cedar Rapids, iowa and it justsucks because you just don't
(34:42):
know who's next and youshouldn't have to think that way
or feel that way and live yourlife that way.
That is what brings ondepression, because you just
feel like like I constantlythink about it's.
You shouldn't have to thinkthat way or feel that way and
live your life that way.
That is what brings ondepression, cause you just feel
like like I constantly thinkabout it all the time, like man,
okay, then if somebody elseclose to us and it's like we're
going to go through it again.
You know, and I think that'swhy we're just trying so hard to
be there and to be helpful with, like his other siblings,
(35:06):
because we don't want this tohappen to them.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
You know, it would just be worse.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
I think the whole thing was harder for me because
I'm a visual person, so thewhole.
I mean he got killed in his carand I put myself in the back of
that car because, that is theonly way I can experience it in
a way to where I have all theanswers and it's easier for me
(35:33):
to deal with the grief.
Like I still have a picture ofhim in the car.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
I know, I've never seen it.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
And I'm not going to show you.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Yeah, I've never seen it.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
I mean, I have everything and I know everything
, I have everything and I knoweverything.
And with that, the hardest partis the more you know, the worse
it gets.
But then, the more you know,the more you feel like okay, I
understand what happened and Ican be at peace with it.
When it's all said and done,yeah, instead of wondering what
(36:04):
happened.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Yeah, but see, imagine how I feel because I
don't know I mean, you know, Imean I know the story, but I
don't know every little detail.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
I mean, you know everything you know, you, I'm
pretty sure you know everything.
But it's just you didn't seethe pictures you didn't see the
pictures, you didn't see the youknow what I mean?
Speaker 1 (36:29):
No, but I can envision it.
Yeah, it's crazy, y'all,because I've had dreams of Mike
showing up in my dreams.
And the craziest part about itis there's and this is just for
anybody that actually knows usand knows him but there's like
literally a picture, I think, onhis mom's, on your mom's
(36:50):
Facebook Facebook, of himwearing a blue coat, a long blue
coat.
And when he first passed,that's when I started to have
dreams and, if you guys don'tknow, I've I've always had like
visual, prophetic dreams or likethey just always mean something
.
And I remember one day I toldAvery, I said, well, I woke up
in the middle of my dream justcrying, like I felt like I just
(37:14):
experienced something, and then,all of a sudden, I was like
it's almost like gasping for airand I just started crying,
crying Cause I realized what Ijust saw.
And basically, like he showed upin my dream and that same coat,
and he was just smiling, likejust like standing like this and
just smiling, um, and Iremember him.
I don't remember exactly whathe said, but I just remember him
(37:35):
saying like I'm all right,that's what it was.
He was like I'm all right andtell a that I'm all right, like
tell Avery I'm, I'm fine.
And then I remember tellingAvery about the dream and, mind
you, I hadn't even seen thepicture of him in this coat.
And then Avery was like, oh, Iknow what picture you're talking
about.
So I mean, that's what I'msaying.
(37:57):
Like you can't tell me thatdreams don't like, they aren't
real.
It was too real and I knoweverybody has their own opinions
on it and it's fine, but for meit gives me peace and I really.
Everybody has their ownopinions on it and it's fine,
but for me it gives me peace andI really do feel like it was
him.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
so yeah, we gotta have a talk on Bradley he got me
up here shedding tears yeah, Imean.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I hope that answered the question no, it wasn't no
question.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
We gotta have a talk now.
I like that.
Yeah, yeah, it's been not everbeen the same, since this feels
like a long episode.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
Really yeah, I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Feels like a long episode.
It doesn't feel long, but itfeels like I don't know.
I can't explain.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
I mean it wasn the the vibes that we went to bring
to you guys, but uh, we did getasked that, so I mean, I'm sure
somebody, somebody is dealingwith this.
So I'm sure it'll help somebodyas long as it helps somebody,
you know I mean, I hope so ifyou guys are still like dealing
(39:08):
with the grief and you don'thave anyone to talk to yeah,
reach out to erica because she Iwas just gonna say she thinks I
give bad advice no, I justdon't think that it's hard to go
to somebody, somebody that,like it's home based, like I
don't think a lot of peoplewould come to you about it
because they probably don't wantto bring it up.
Yeah, you know, I mean like likewe know someone that we don't
think a lot of people would cometo you about it because they
(39:28):
probably don't want to bring itup.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Like we know someone that wedon't really talk about it with
because we don't know.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
And it's like they don't really have anybody to
talk to.
It's hard.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Yeah, we don't.
I mean that's one thing, likeif somebody came to me and was
like you know, I'd talk about it.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
No.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
I'm not against, I would always talk about it but
there's certain details that Ikeep for the family, because
those details don't need to beout there For one.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
For two.
It's like if I give this personthis information it could make
it worse.
Well, before we go like withthat being said, what kind of
advice would you give to yourkids based off how that happened
?
Because, like we said, we can'tgo into detail, but it's
somebody that he thought waslike a friend.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
I mean, all we can do is make sure they're the type
of person that would helpsomeone that needed help and, I
guess, just be smart.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
I mean, we raised our kids to make the right decision
and we gotta have faith in thatyeah, do you feel like like it
affected you at all how you viewpeople around you or who you
trust?
Speaker 2 (40:52):
I mean not really, because Mike was the type of
person to where, if you know,him.
You knew what was going on inhis life and stuff like that.
The way he carried himselfversus the way I carry myself is
two different things, but Iunderstood.
(41:13):
You know what I mean.
Like, the way he is may comefrom how he grew up.
It may come from who he wasaround for a certain part of his
time.
his life or it could be from youknow.
However, whatever happened withany situation, so the way we,
the way we grow up, kind of it,it determines like you feel like
(41:37):
that people were around?
Speaker 1 (41:38):
do you feel like that wouldn't happen to you?
Is that what you're trying tosay?
Speaker 2 (41:46):
I don't think it would to me.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
Yeah, but I mean.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
But when you're in the streets, in the street life
is different, and I'm not in astreet life.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
Well, I mean, I think you're very selective about who
you have around you.
Yeah, you know, I like I just Isee I've seen it before Like
that's why I'm so crazy aboutwho the girls have.
When I feel a vibe fromsomebody and it feels not right,
my mind instantly goes.
See, I think I'm just I'm I'mlike traumatized by it, because
(42:21):
I feel like my mind goes there.
If I feel like the girls have afriend that's a little envious
or doing things they shouldn'tbe doing, I'm immediately like I
do not like your friend and Idon't care.
I don't care.
It's like I don't want them tonot have friends, but that
situation affected me so muchthat, like, I guess that's what
I mean.
(42:41):
I want them to have gooddiscernment.
I want them to really know whensomething doesn't feel right,
to really know when somethingdoesn't feel right or when
somebody is envious of you orthey.
You know they don't really likeyou, but they're pretending to,
because, I've seen it, thegirls are only 10 and 12 and
some of their friends is veryquestionable.
It's like I tell them all thetime you need to be more
(43:03):
cautious about who you choose topick as a friend and don't
throw the word friend around solightly yeah and that's the
thing.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Like my brother he was he just loved everybody
there's things he's seen when hewas a kid or when he was older
or things that he went throughin life and some of those things
he went through by himself.
Some of those things I knowabout.
But there's certain things hesaid before he died.
He said this is something I'mgonna take to the grave.
But there's certain things hesaid before he died.
He said this is something I'mgoing to take to the grave.
(43:32):
And there's certain things thathe's seen in his life which
determine how he handledsituations or how he did this.
But also you got to realizethere's there's certain things
that are in your genes that youcan't not deal with or you
cannot be.
You know what I what I meanlike for me, my dad likes women.
I, I like women, but I have tobe disciplined to where okay,
(43:57):
instead of me being that, I knowI want a family.
I know I want a wife and kids.
So that's I have to bedisciplined enough to not do
that.
But naturally that's just inthe genetics.
So there's certain things inhis genetics that are you just
feel like it was like.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
You basically feel like it was inevitable, that it
was going to happen at somepoint um, I don't think that not
the way that it happened.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
I think that he was going to make decisions that he
wanted to make in general, andno one would be able to stop him
from making those decisions andhe was going to do what he
wanted to do, because that'swhat he wanted to do.
You can tell someone not to dosomething so many times, he can
(44:42):
deal with the results of hisactions so many times, but
eventually the outcome is notgoing to be as great or as easy
as the previous outcome.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
So no yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:56):
I know what you mean.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
You have to deal with it.
Karma whether it's karma orwhatever the case may be, it's
just something you got to dealwith.
You know karma doesn't miss.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
Yeah, it just sucks, because I know he was trying to
do better, though.
Yeah, I mean, there were stilllittle things, obviously, yeah,
but um, I feel like he wastrying to do better, yeah, but I
feel like he was trying toreach his perfection, and then
that's when he went.
Yeah, it's just crazy.
So, yeah, but all.
Speaker 2 (45:28):
We will catch you guys in the next episode.
Like.
Follow the podcast.
Subscribe to the channel.
Follow us on our Spotify andApple podcast.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
Share our videos.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Share our videos.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
Let us know what you guys want us to talk about.
Next, let us know what you guyswant us to talk about next.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
Let us know what you guys want us to talk about next.
What else, hey?
Speaker 1 (45:52):
don't forget my question about avery and april,
though y'all better leave.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
Leave a comment, tell him now that you ain't gotta do
all right, but all right, we'llsee you guys the next one bye.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
Oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh , oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
, oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh oh.
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