May 11, 2025 • 64 mins
What happens when love meets unresolved trauma? This raw, unfiltered conversation explores the delicate journey of step-parenthood through the eyes of someone who's lived both sides of the story.
Tino shares his profound realization: "It's hard to come into a child's life when there's trauma that hasn't been unpacked." Having become a father to both younger children (who've known only him as their dad) and older children (who had established relationships elsewhere), he reveals the careful navigation required to build authentic connections. His caution wasn't about readiness but about consent – understanding whether the children were willing to accept him into their lives.
The conversation shifts into professional territory as both hosts discuss their service industry experiences. As a barber, Tino highlights how chronic lateness affects his livelihood, while Erika explains the domino effect of tardy clients in her waxing career. Their shared frustrations reveal a universal truth: respecting someone's time means respecting their ability to provide for their family.
Perhaps most powerful is their exploration of communication barriers in relationships. They acknowledge their growth over time, with Erika revealing how her professional training unexpectedly provided therapeutic breakthroughs in managing anxiety and confronting her tendency to "run when things get tough." Their candid discussion about misunderstandings demonstrates how different perspectives shape our interpretations of others' actions.
The episode concludes with a heartfelt reminder to extend grace to others, understanding that everyone carries hidden battles. Their journey reveals that successful blended families aren't built overnight but through consistent effort, communication, and the willingness to see beyond our own experiences.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So it's hard to come into a child's life when there's
trauma that has not beenunpacked and that's why I didn't
know the status of that traumaand that's why I was on reserve.
It's not that I'm not ready,it's that I have to understand
are they willing to accept meinto their life?
(00:22):
You know what I mean, becauseif they're not willing to accept
me, that's going to be achallenge.
This is another episode of theOther Half Podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Forget the name.
No, come on man.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Come on, man, we are back with another, another
podcast and, uh, it feels likeit's been a long time yep
because we've had so much goingon yeah, I don't remember why we
didn't do a podcast.
Well, I was sick yeah ava gotreal sick.
I had to work a lot becauseeverybody waited for me.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
And then, uh, what else I feel like there was
something else I don't remember.
No, I think I've just been busyand tired, honestly.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yeah, but it's been a while I've been prepping myself
for my week.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
My week was busy, yeah, but we'll go ahead and
start out.
You want to start with the cardyeah, I was about to say that
go ahead we got our ice breakers.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Of course, power by hella awkward.
Shout out hella awkward allright.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
so the card is ask each person how can I improve my
relationship with you?
So I'm to ask you this is aterrible question.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
It's not.
Why did you pick this?
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Because all the other ones were kind of not
applicable to us.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
All right, go ahead.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
I just asked you and this is something you can ask
your significant others too Ifyou want to start arguments and
that's what this is going tostart your systemic and others
too, if you want to startarguments, and that's what this
is not you know what.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
You know what you could do I don't want to know
actually I know you don't.
You know what you could do.
You know what you could doyou're supposed to say what,
what?
You could be more affectionate.
Some days I come home and I'mstressed out.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
I just need a hug you don't look very approachable
when you come home.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
So, so, you don't look approachable ever.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
That is not true.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Okay, a lot of times.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
No, a good amount.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Maybe we have the same wants.
You ever think about that?
No, because there's times whereI initiated and you were like
it was a little awkward.
So, yeah, you know how longit's been since I got a hook
from you over a week.
Yeah, you're gonna make mechoke.
You think it's been since I gota hook from you Over a week.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Yeah, you're going to make me choke.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
You think it's funny, you're counting.
Yes, yes, it's been over a week.
I know you're not allaffectionate.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
It's not even that.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
That's what it is.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
No, it's not.
It depends on my mood.
I told you this already.
Okay, but going into that, Ijust think sometimes people in
relationships forget that you'renot the only person feeling
that way.
You're not the only personfeeling exhausted.
You're not the only personfeeling like you had a rough day
.
We don't know what each otherjust went through that day, you
(03:44):
have no idea.
But when you're only, you'rethe one that risks like
expecting it, but then you don'tget it too.
It doesn't work that way.
I think communication could bebetter, but I hear you.
(04:04):
I honestly.
If so, can I answer that?
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Okay, go ahead, go ahead.
What's the?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
question again what could I improve?
What?
Speaker 1 (04:10):
could I improve?
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Erica.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Go ahead, don't be quiet now.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
No, I'm trying to think.
You asked, ask this question soyou had extra time to think
actually do have to think onthis one no, you.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
You should have an answer by now I really have to
think.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
I'm really trying to think is it that hard?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
I know I'm great, I know I'm just that great.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
But okay, yeah, you could improve on like there we
go on kind of thinking outsideof yourself sometimes because I
think, especially as a man,you're always feeling like, well
, I had a, like I go through alot as a man and like sometimes
I don't think that you'resympathetic to like, well, I go
(05:08):
through a lot as a man andsometimes I don't think that
you're sympathetic to me as awoman and what I have to deal
with every day and they kind oftalked about it at church Me
(05:28):
trying to battle being a mom, awife, keep my home in order and
clean, be a great performer atwork and make them satisfied.
Like you don't really haveanybody to make satisfied at
work, I do.
It's a lot of pressure, whatyou have, clients, but think
about it, mine's double, mine'sclients or guests corporate,
corporate, my manager, my othermanager.
I have pressure every single day.
It feels so heavy sometimesthat that's why, like sometimes,
(05:51):
I just don't.
I don't know how to leave it atwork, but then I come home and
it's like I got I have to keepperforming, keep performing.
It's exhausting, so maybethat's why I don't always seem
so affectionate.
But I'm dealing with a lot toothat I have to learn how to
balance, and I wasn't, like Isaid, I don't really know
(06:12):
sometimes how to do that, so I'mnot always going to be, or
maybe it's like I'm really justgoing through it.
It's not just a one day thing,it's not an every once in a
while thing.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Is that right?
Speaker 3 (06:28):
So I want to sympathize with you, but then
I'm also feeling it too and Ifeel like it's like double what
you, what you have to deal with.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Why is it double?
Speaker 3 (06:41):
I just explained that to you.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
No, you didn't.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
I have a huge responsibility at work.
It's a lot, it's heavy, it'sdraining.
I guess, Okay, so moreaffectionate.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
That's it.
So more, more, what's the word?
There's a word for what yousaid.
What's the word?
There's a word for what yousaid.
What's the word?
More um, I can't think of theword I don't know what you're
trying to say.
More aware I guess yeah moreaware I think a little more
(07:22):
aware I think so Be a littlemore aware Anyways what's our
topic today.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Did we ever figure out an actual topic?
Speaker 1 (07:32):
I thought we were going to do the whole barbering
pet piece Okay.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
So this is what I wanted to talk about on the
podcast today, which I alreadysent to you.
So I wanted to talk about youas a barber.
I wanted to talk about you as abarber.
I wanted to know.
First of all, we already knowthat you love being a barber,
that you love your job makes youso happy.
That's like all a given.
But as a barber, you neverreally tell people what your
(08:00):
biggest pet peeves or the likeobstacles that you face as a
barber and a self-employedperson.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
So I want to know I mean, I feel like most people in
service industry deal with thesame stuff.
I think it's like my top petpeeves are, for For one,
obviously, being on time.
If you're late every singletime, I've cut a lot of people
(08:29):
off for that.
I cut a dude off who lives nextdoor to the building.
He was late every single timethere's being late or just not
showing up, playing with my time, because when you're in the
service industry, you don't getpaid based off of.
You don't get paid based offyour time, you get paid based
(08:50):
off of.
Can you feel these spots?
Can you feel this time slot?
Stuff like that, and another oneis I don't, I don't know it's,
it's hard because there'scertain haircuts where, like we
don't want to do or people don'tunderstand hair that's really
(09:11):
what it is People don'tunderstand hair.
I'll pick someone's hair outand they'll pat it down with
their hand after I just pickedit out and it's like I did this
for a reason.
Like and you're messing that upalready, Like what?
Speaker 3 (09:25):
are you doing?
But yeah, people don'tunderstand.
Understanding the the craft.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Yeah, and understanding that like, okay, I
just picked your hair out for areason, you put your hands
through it that messed it all up.
So either I can cut it how youjust had it with your hands
through it and it's going to beuneven or I can pick this hair
out again, but that takes moretime off the haircut.
So those are my pet peeves as abarber.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
And then what about being like self-employed?
Um do you have?
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I don't really have pet peeves being self-employed,
uh, yeah.
I don't have any have younoticed any pet peeves in your
line of service?
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Yeah, mine is the being on time.
Like where I work you can benine minutes late.
And like, say, you have aservice coming in at eight.
They can be nine minutes late,but you'll have another service
coming in 15 minutes after that.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Dang, so you so forth four minutes.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
So then, instead of having 15 minutes to do your
brazilian, I'm gonna have fourminutes, which runs into the
next appointment.
And like for me, honestly, Ireally think people, I wish
people understood that Iunderstand.
If you're not doing like thatservice or you're not in that
industry, you're not gonna getit.
But like we're telling you,like people really need to be
more aware of being respectfulof people's time, because
(10:48):
somebody once told me it's likewould you like it if your check
was late?
No, you know.
So, just like, treat peoplewith respect when it comes to
stuff like that, because you areliterally making every other
appointment late.
Yeah, and people don'tunderstand that Like everything
behind you is getting pushedback because you're wanting to
(11:08):
be irresponsible yeah late orwhatever yeah, and I feel like I
have more like I understand,like emergencies things come up,
but like being just carelessand constantly late, and I see
it all the time.
People are literally justwalking, strolling in, nine
minutes late and we still haveto take them and they don't care
.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Yep, I think that's.
That's the hard part aboutcorporate.
For sure, you still have totake them and all that and
corporate is more quantity.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Yeah, and they want to make the guests happy
regardless.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
So I'm a bar.
I don't care if you're happy ornot.
For real.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Yeah, guess, happy regardless.
So yeah, I'm a barber, I don'tcare if you're happy or not.
For real, yeah, I wouldn'ttolerate that if I was on my own
, but it also.
It also goes into, like, if youare, you know, a hairstylist, a
nail tech, a lash tech, abarber, a waxer, like you need
to be on time too, because ifyou're not on time, your clients
are definitely not going to beon time, they're not going to
respect your time.
So you know, you can't also bea hypocrite, so yeah, I feel
(12:07):
like when you're a barber.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
It's different, though, because if you late,
that means I'm late on my nextone.
But that's everybody, though,like if I was, but it's no, it's
like this If, let's say, I'm 15minutes behind, cool Sit there,
that's fine.
If you're 15 minutes late,that's a problem.
(12:30):
That's the difference, becauseI could be late based off of the
client before you, and that'swhat a lot of clients it's a
double.
It's a double standard becausewe can be late, but a lot of
times it's because either theperson before you want something
extra or I know it's a lot ofbarbers that do be late and yeah
(12:53):
, they're just yeah, just notthat's what they do, but for me
it's usually the client beforeit's late or right, but that has
nothing to do with you.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
No, I understand, or right, but that has nothing to
do with you yeah, yeah, yeahyeah, no, I understand if I'm
late, deal with it.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Yeah, I mean, I'm just saying I've heard people
like saying like they waitedlike 30 minutes after their
appointment time and that kindof stuff, that's just
disrespectful on your end.
As a business owner, you needto get yourself together.
But yeah, I feel like that'sgonna be mine.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Um, dang, are you ready to be self-employed?
But?
Speaker 3 (13:31):
also, that's what I was just gonna say next I feel
like, honestly, watching you,though, has kind of scared me,
because I'm gonna tell you why.
I feel like we've talked aboutthis before.
I feel feel like I'm going tofigure it out.
I'm going to either really wantto go on my way, so I don't
have to deal with the corporateside or Am I making you tired or
(13:56):
I'm going to not want to go onmy own and I'm going to want to
stay where you know clients arecoming in no matter what most of
the time.
But what really scares me islike, when they don't show up
and you're on your own, youdon't make any money, at least
where, like I'm at, I still getpaid hourly yeah so that's like
security for me, and I've talkedto you about this before, but
(14:19):
it's really something that doesconcern me.
For me, like I don't think Iwould want to be in that
position where, like my life andmy, my bills, my kids, food,
anything is like being like it'sbased off people showing up.
Yeah, I don't want to be inthat predicament, like I watch
you go through that sometimesand I just feel like that's not
(14:42):
some, that that part scares me.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
It's not as bad as people make it seem.
Well, I put people's card onfile.
So if you come to me, your cardhas to be on file in order for
you to get a haircut.
But also, if you build yourclientele to where it's like oh,
you're late, I can't get you,they'll start to respect that.
(15:05):
But also I feel like if youhave clients to where they got
to put their card on file, theyare more likely to show up.
So, depending on how you carryyour business, or how you do
your business determines theclient, the kind of client
you're going to attract yeah, Ifeel like with like no shows and
stuff, that part I get.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
But I mean like if I'm just not booked that day and
I'm having a rough week and Iam just like not, for some
reason, people are not coming in.
That's what I mean by like atleast at my job I know I have,
I'm still getting paidregardless.
It's not gonna be as much, butI'm still getting hourly.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
So with with being self-employed, you are more
likely to make way more moneythan on a bad day, than you
would on a good day working fora corporate.
That's when you got to reallysave though Don't be scared, you
for sure got to save.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
For those rainy days.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
See what I mean?
Yeah, but I mean you get whenyou're self employed.
You know your seasons, you knowit's gonna be a bad week or you
know it's gonna be a good weeknine times out of ten and that's
based off the time of the year.
And oh, last week was good,this week might be all right.
Usually that happens, but youusually know, you always know
(16:27):
the uh by the time of the yearyeah we, we are our busy seat.
Well, it's different for womenyeah y'all I don't know y'all go
through pain in y'all services.
We don't.
But for women I feel like itwould be more consistent.
For guys it's like I need ahaircut, but it's not a priority
(16:50):
.
I need a haircut.
We know Christmas time is goingto be busy.
The rest of the year can be allright.
Usually January is slow becauseeveryone spent all their money
on Christmas gifts and all that.
But after January you got taxseason.
So it's like a schedule for Imean, it's just like retail.
(17:11):
It's basically the sameschedule.
So you know, you got kids goingback to school, you got people
going back to school, you gotpeople going on vacations, all
that yeah, they need services.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
So yeah, ours are always for like vacations and
then summer coming up.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Yeah, but being self-employed is great to me.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
We'll see you have to be motivated.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Being self-employed.
That's the thing people don'tget.
And disciplined, you have to besuper disciplined, you have to
be motivated, you have to beinspired on your own and in so
that you can actually do it.
Because if you're, if you don'thave any of those, you don't
have self-motivation.
It's gonna be hard, like I satin the shop when I first moved
(17:54):
here a lot of days and I didn'tget paid.
I got paid, I waited till sixand that was my first haircut,
yeah, so I feel like I could doit.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
I feel like it's like when I was in the shop only on
Sundays and I sat there eventhough no one was coming in, but
like that's what I would do.
It was so fun, it was fine.
I got to, I just learned, I didmy practice, my strips, watch
videos.
But it's better to be there andyou never know than to be, you
know, not there and then you getnothing.
(18:25):
So but okay, yeah, that's whatI wanted to know.
So just the timing andeverything that's your pet
peeves.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Yeah.
I figured those are my petpeeves.
I I don't really have more thanthat.
Nope, I, when people book for afriend and their friend doesn't
show up, I lost, I lost clientsoff of that One of my clients.
I lost him but his brotherstill comes to me.
(18:53):
I cut his brother yesterday and, yeah, that causes you to lose
clients.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Yeah, again, it goes with just like being not mindful
.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Respecting people's time, yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Cause that's like how people feed their families,
facts, guys, like that's howthey pay their bills, and I just
think people forget that FactsSometimes.
But even like in the corporateworld too, I feel like the same
thing, like we depend on ourtips.
So when you don't show up, eventhough we're getting hourly,
we're not getting the commissionof the product.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
We're not getting the commission of the product,
we're not getting our tips.
Yeah, you know.
But I feel like with corporate,you guys have like, I feel like
in certain situations you guyshave walk-ins and you guys have
yeah newer people and someone'sgetting your clientele for you.
When you're self-employed, allthat is on you all of it.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
That's what I'm saying.
I don't know if I want thatworld yet we'll see.
Maybe it's for you, but Idefinitely don't want to be in
corporate yeah, that'sunderstandable no, it's, it's
pretty bad.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
That's yeah not good okay all right, this is gonna be
a lot about you you're sayingall right, like this is gonna be
something bad no, I'm gonna.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
So well, your mom had some questions for us too, so
we're gonna be answering thosenow.
This is gonna be a lot aboutavery, because people want to
know.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
I don't like when it's a lot about me so you are a
father.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
You're not only a husband, a business owner,
social media guy, but you arealso a father.
It's something that you'resuper proud about, but some
people may not know thebackground.
Do you want to talk about it?
I mean I have to now okay so doyou want me to give a little
(20:46):
bit of the background?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
I mean, I guess.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Okay, so basically, avery and I do not have any
biological children together.
In case you guys don't know us.
We met when Asia and April wereone and two.
April actually just turned oneShortly before I met him.
And, as you know or if youdon't know, like I've mentioned
(21:13):
before in the other previouspodcast, I do have three older
children Romeo, who's 18, almost19 in a couple days.
Diamond's 17.
Nyla's 14.
19 in a couple of days.
Diamond 17,.
Nilo's 14.
Avery has taken on the role ofbeing, you know, stepfather to
the oldest three and father toAsian April.
(21:33):
They are all that he knows Like.
Again, he's been in their lifesince they were one and two and
it was never anything.
I don't feel you can correct meif I'm wrong Anything that was
ever like forced on you.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
I don't know if anybody ever wonders that you
said they're all that.
I know I'm all that they know.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
I mean they're all that, yeah, you're all that,
they know, yeah.
So I think yeah, like whenpeople see you out and stuff, I
don't think anybody get likeassumes otherwise a lot of
people think april looks likeyou.
It's.
It's strange, um, but yeah, no.
So, as a father, my firstquestion is well, this was your
(22:14):
mom's question for you is atwhat point did you realize that
you loved my kids as your own?
Speaker 1 (22:23):
well, I feel like it was different because the older
ones I met after we were alreadymarried like four years in like
in person.
You met them yeah, yeah, but Imean I don't, I don't even
remember, because it's one ofthose.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
I feel like they were always there.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
You know what I mean.
I feel like they were always.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
I don't know, like I really don't remember the first
time april called me dad I don'tremember that either, but I do
remember the first time that youbasically said you wanted to be
their father no, you don't yes,I do you got good memory I
don't't, but what I remember, Iremember that.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
So the first time Tell the story.
She's going to ask me aquestion.
Is she telling?
Speaker 3 (23:10):
a story.
Well, I thought you would know.
I guess I'm the only one whoremembers this.
So the first time was when Iwould pick you up from work to
take you to lunch.
I had April in her car seat andAsia in the back.
She used to steal her mom's car.
You hit veronica.
I did whatever I had to to.
I always had to run errandswith the girls anyways, but I
(23:32):
always like I used to make averylunch for work all the time or
take him to go get lunch.
So this day I took him to goget lunch.
I had the girls.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
We had already been this is before we lived together
.
Speaker 3 (23:41):
Yeah, this is when we were just dating.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Mm-hmm.
And she wanted a youngTenderoni.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
No no no, we're not going there.
So then we had lunch.
I don't know, we just I washonestly in shock.
We just had lunch together.
The girls were in the back.
I like instantly realized thatApril really did love you Like
she instantly was, I don't know,she would just smile a lot when
she was around you.
Then I dropped you off, backoff to work.
(24:10):
I went to the grocery storewith the girls and I got a text
from you that basically saidlike that, you fell in love with
the girls.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
I don't remember this .
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Yes, and before that you had said if I wanted you to
be their father because you knewtheir father was non-existent,
that you would love to be theirfather because you knew their
father was non-existent, thatyou would love to be their
father, which I never like fedinto because I was like yeah,
right, but I remember it thatway that's deep and then my
(24:41):
oldest three.
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Speaker 1 (24:46):
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yeah, there's so much more likewe don't even yeah we don't
even need to like go into that,that's a way too much.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
but basically it was before we moved out here.
The kids had always been inArizona with their father and,
yeah, you never got to meet themin person until we came out
here because we knew we weregoing to move here and we were
looking at places.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
So then you met them for the first time, but that was
awkward for me.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Okay, yeah, so explain that that was awkward
for me.
Okay, yeah, so that was awkwardfor me.
Why?
Speaker 1 (25:31):
let me tell you why.
Because I know how it is to bethe kid in that situation.
So it's like I don't know whatthey're thinking, but it's also
one of those like it wasn't.
I don't.
I don't feel like you made thatwelcoming for me.
(25:52):
Why, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
Yes, you do.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
It was just, I don't know, the first time we went to
the OK.
This is it the first time wewent to their dad's house?
It was it was very awkward.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Why.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Because you left me at the door.
I'm like I don't know thesepeople.
I don't know if they're goingto look at me like this.
Look at this fool.
I don't know, and you were justlike, look, we stopped at the
door and you just walked off.
I was like, all right, it'sawkward, I met the dad or their
(26:30):
dear grandpa.
He was cool, but the mom just Idon't know it was it was not a
welcoming environment.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Let's say that um their dad.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
I mean, he seemed cool, but he didn't say much.
So I was just like but thosesituations can get bad, and
that's the first time I've everbeen in that situation.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
I've never known that .
Speaker 1 (26:54):
And then with the kids, like I've.
I talked to a girl with a kidbefore, but it was.
It was very awkward because itwas her kid wasn't older, but
her kid was younger, it was ababy, but it was like the the
inch.
I feel like the introductionhas to be right in order for me
to feel comfortable.
Right, all right.
(27:16):
So with the older kids now itwas uh, I don't know it was.
I didn't want to do too much towhere they didn't like me, if
that makes sense, because I feellike when you're a kid at that
age, a lot of times it's like mymom's got a new boyfriend,
(27:36):
whatever.
You know what I mean.
I don't like them.
Usually kids are like that offthe bat.
I don't like them, but it wascool.
It was a little weird at timesbecause when I first met them we
argued, but we argued outside.
They were inside and we weren'tgetting along.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Because I don't remember.
I remember it very well we'renot going to go into that.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Because, you're bad at telling stories because you
forget some details.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
Okay, but that's fine .
That's why it's yourperspective and my perspective.
That's what it's all about.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
But you don't be understanding why I be feeling
some type of way.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
I feel the same way.
This is such like.
I mean, we're not the only onesthat feel this way.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
There's going to be like the fact that I didn't know
that till today we've beentogether for 10 years, almost
nine years, whatever.
I've never known that till thisvery moment.
That's not fair to me.
That's when I say, likecommunication is so important,
but there may be things thatmaybe you don't know and I
forget to like express or tellyou.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
I told you that.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Not in that way.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
No, no, no, Not in that way, but I told you that
Okay, so for me but see how it's.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
No, it's because people, like in relationships,
have to understand that like andI do struggle with this too,
I'm not saying I'm perfect butlike you have to understand that
you're going to feel it in adifferent way because it's your
viewpoint.
You remember the moment and youhave like reasons why you feel
like it should have been thisway.
Whatever, I feel like it's bothways.
(29:16):
Like, just like you felt like Ishould have introduced you or
whatever I thought I did.
I don't remember, but I doremember, like for me personally
, like even when I met yourfamily for the first time, I
don't, I didn't wait for you tointroduce me.
For me, I'm like I'm cominginto this family and I'm that's
just the kind of person I am.
I I do that.
You know that.
I do that.
(29:36):
Anywhere we go your uncles,anything, I immediately say
hello, I'm Erica, or like I talkto people.
So for me it felt like when wewalked in, I I remember them
saying hi and whatever, and Ihad a.
I get along with their dad, soof course, that was easy.
Just hey, how's it going?
Hadn't seen them in a long time, you know.
(29:59):
And at one point they werestill like his parents were
still like my family, like mymom and my dad, honestly, and
his dad was really like my dad.
I never had a dad, so thatrelationship was never like
damaged and I felt like walkingin and that being kind of maybe
different.
I always thought that's what itwas honestly, that's what I'm
(30:20):
telling you.
I never knew.
I just feel like I walked inand it's like I wanted to feel
as comfortable too in thatsituation where I didn't want it
to be awkward.
I didn't want the kids to feelas comfortable too, in that
situation where I didn't want itto be awkward.
I didn't want the kids to feelawkward and I personally
expected you to like go up tothe kids and say, hey, I'm, I'm
Avery, it's good to meet you.
You never did that.
(30:41):
So for me and that like goesinto like kind of why like it
really helped me decide, like ifthis was going to be a good
situation or not.
Because that's what I would doif you had kids.
I would walk in and I wouldintroduce myself and just know
that like I see them.
I don't feel like you did that,but it's like because in that
(31:02):
moment you were thinking aboutyou.
You see what I mean.
So for me I just never seen itthat way because that's not how
I would do, that it would bedifferent for me.
And then, just like the wholeexperience, I think that kind of
like affected it because, yeah,you weren't really very warm to
(31:22):
them, you didn't really talk alot to them, and for me, as a
mother, like that was soimportant that, yeah, at one
point I was like I don't know ifyou're ready to be a father
father, because if that was meas a kid, like I would feel so
uncomfortable, I would feel likeyou don't like me, you know.
And then, as they got older it'sactually crazy, because I've
(31:44):
asked them this, like thatexperience from that day when
they met you and they alwayslike, felt like, oh, you know,
we just always felt like thelike asia and april were more of
like his kids and like theywere more, um, like you cared
about them more, because therewasn't really like a
relationship with them.
And when you first met them andso they felt like, oh, dang,
(32:07):
like that's what you like,that's what you care about, it's
just like your little familyyou have and not us, you know.
So there's a lot more to it,like, obviously, like I said,
the kids always lived in Arizona.
Um, yeah, I just like, Iremember that day very vividly,
very vividly.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
So now you see, but I also looked at it like I'm also
coming in on trauma and I don'tknow what that trauma is like,
what?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
do you mean?
Speaker 1 (32:36):
I don't know what the , the, the status of the trauma
was.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
Who's trauma?
Speaker 1 (32:43):
The kids Right, Because we know your story right
why you left all that.
But I didn't know if they knewand if and that's how I looked
at it too Like OK, they knowwhat I'm saying, how was that
(33:06):
their relationship with the lastperson?
Speaker 3 (33:08):
you were with, because that could carry over to
me.
Yeah, that's why I wanted it tobe so different.
So, and if it's not makingsense, basically the oldest kids
, I was with their dad for a fewyears.
Then I met April and Asia'sApril and Asia's father,
(33:29):
biological father, and I waswith him again for a few years
and then left that and then Imet Avery.
So it's not like I broughtdifferent men into their lives
either.
Of the kids' lives, honestly,all they knew was their dad and
then him and the girls Nobodyreally, they didn't know, know
(33:49):
anybody.
So it's not like I broughtdifferent people into their
lives.
That's why it was so importantto me like if I was gonna select
you to be like in my life andin my kids life, and not just
Asian Aprils that they wouldfeel that love that you give to
the girls the same way, becauseI never saw it any differently
and I knew it was a differentstory, but I feel like they were
(34:11):
expecting that, like I thinkthey were expecting something
different and not how he was,because he wasn't.
He never even really let mehave contact with them, like it
was just it was bad.
So I just knew you weredifferent and I expected
different, if that makes sense.
And I told them that you weredifferent.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
You're putting too much expectations on me.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Okay, but now you see the different perspectives,
though, like from where I'mcoming from.
Now it's like I'm telling youalso what they've told me.
So they love you now.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
I mean, that took a long time though.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
Yeah, but, and I feel like that's normal.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
It's it's easier to build a relationship with kids
who don't have their father andtheir babies Older kids.
That takes time.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
They don't want to try to replace A lot of time.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
Yeah, exactly Right.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Exactly so.
That's why it was a littledifficult because, you know it
could I don't know it could havegone a lot of different ways.
The situations could been,could have been worse, or
whatever the case may be so yeahwell, I hear you oh, now you
(35:31):
hear me, huh do you?
Speaker 3 (35:31):
hear me now you hear me does anything I'm saying,
make sense yeah, it makes sense,I guess and how do you feel now
, like now that you've you'vebeen been actually around them?
Speaker 1 (35:44):
I mean, how do you feel?
I feel like they're just, Ifeel like they're my kids
extended.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
You know, got some.
They're in their teenage years.
Okay, it's a teenage.
Speaker 3 (35:59):
I think they're amazing kids.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Teenagers are different.
Speaker 3 (36:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
They're different.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
It is crazy because April and Asia are so small
still.
Yeah, you know, that's what Imean Having teenagers.
They have their own life now.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
It is crazy because April and Asia are so small
still.
Yeah, that's what I mean Havingteenagers.
They have their own life now.
They're doing all their,whatever they want to do.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
And they're going to make decisions that you may or
may not agree with.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
And that's the hard part about teenagers.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Well then you'll be more prepared with Asiaian like
my brother boy.
He's gonna make his owndecisions, do what he wants to
do, no matter what anyone sayswho's that sound like huh who's
that sound like?
Speaker 3 (36:40):
I don't know, mike no yes, that's how mike was.
No, well, I mean, I thinkthey're amazing kids.
I think not that Asia and Aprilaren't, but, honestly, like my
oldest three are just they'reamazing.
I think they're such good kidsand how everything happened is
(37:01):
how it was supposed to happen,because I honestly think that
they were raised very well, yeah, very, very well, and it's
crazy because a lot of guys Icut are afraid to be girl dads
and I feel like girls are easierto raise than boys, because I
don't have to beef with girls.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
That's the moms doing and I don't have to do hair
girls, we just want to be lovedand heard.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
That's all that's all our difficult.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Y'all was arguing this morning we're not, we're
not.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
I'm over here keeping the peace they over here okay,
because, look at this thing,you're always making us jump off
topic topic.
But I'm trying to be more.
I'm trying to be more stern and, like what happened this last
week with April, like I'm tryingto be more on her and like
(37:57):
really pay attention to, likewho she's becoming.
I'm really trying, because youalways say I'm too lenient and
I'm too that, but the moment Iget on them about something, I'm
all of a sudden in a bad moodand I'm just I'm in a bad mood
and what am I so mad about?
Or whatever it's like no, I'mstepping into my mom role, like
(38:18):
I don't do that very often andit's important for me to start
really getting on that becausethey are growing into their
person.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
April's trying to sneak over and listen.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
She's trying to ear hustle and it's just go in your
room now okay, I heard my name,so in your room go now all right
.
Speaker 3 (38:39):
well, that kind of also answered my question that
your mom had for me, becauseyour mom asked me what was it
that made me question if hecould really be in my, in my uh
kid's life or in my life?
Speaker 1 (38:53):
Let me ask you a question.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Let me cook real quick.
Let me think of something.
When did you know?
Right, right, right.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Okay, spit it out.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
That you were going to be with me, for sure.
Speaker 3 (39:26):
You know what's crazy .
Speaker 1 (39:28):
I don't want to hear what's crazy, I want to hear the
answer.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
I feel like it was.
This sounds crazy, though Ifeel like it definitely was
after I married you.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Wow, no, but listen to me, listen to me.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
I married you truly because I was like, like you
really were someone that I wantto spend the rest of my life
with, of course, no, I wasn't.
And, yes, really were someonethat I want to spend the rest of
my life with.
Of course, no, I wasn't.
And yes, you were.
And then I just loved who youwere to asia and april.
That made me love you even more.
But again, yeah, like thingskind of start to shift once it
came to the oldest kids, becausethat was like, oh no, like we
(40:05):
can't have that if we're not, ifthey ever feel any different
than Asia and April.
I can't allow that.
And your mom said somethingtoday like you're so lucky that
you found him and that heaccepts your kids, and I do
agree with that.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
She's biased, though.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
But like I would not be with you if you didn't,
because somebody else would.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
If I didn't what.
Speaker 3 (40:27):
So if you didn't love my kids the way that I would
hope that you do, you didn'ttreat them the way that I would
hope that you would treat them,because, like I said, I would
want that.
I'm sure you would want thatfrom me if you had kids.
So it's like, yeah, I wouldn'tbe with you if that was the case
.
Then, though, because mystandards like you are how you
(40:48):
are with the kids and whatnot,because my standards you are how
you are with the kids andwhatnot, because you know you
respect my standards and what Iwould you know what I mean we
wouldn't be together if youdidn't love my oldest kids the
way that you love them, or ifyou didn't accept my kids with
me.
We're a whole package.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
So here's the thing with that.
I feel like the relationshipgot to where it is now not that
long ago.
So there was like there wasalways, like it's not
necessarily awkward, it's justnot like.
I felt like they didn't know ifI loved them loved them.
(41:28):
And I didn't know either ifthey loved me until more
recently that's because Iactually explained to them right
no no, that's what nyla told meyeah, yeah, that's what I was
about to say yeah, yeah yeah,that's because now they know the
real the real story Right.
(41:49):
And now the trauma is unpacked.
So that's where all of my stuffcomes from Now the trauma is
unpacked.
Speaker 3 (42:01):
You're dying to say that.
I don't know if people Isometimes watch these back and
I'm like I don't think they knowwhat we're talking about.
But just to make it short,basically I had to explain to my
oldest three literallyeverything like oh my god, that
happened in your everything thathappened in my life from the
moment I met their father, um,all the way through all my
(42:25):
immigration stuff, me obviouslybeing in a different state.
I'm sure people that follow meon social media have always
wondered.
But also, like a lot of people,have always had their own
opinion or they go based offwhat they've heard or been told
by somebody else.
But I know different and I know, like the story that I know is
very accurate and when I tellthat story there's not one
(42:47):
person that doesn't understand.
But I also still take a lot ofaccountability because there's a
lot of things I could have diddifferently.
But, like with the whole story,now that the kids know, yeah, I
didn't tell them till not thatlong ago.
I always just kind of felt likeit wouldn't matter.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
But until I said what .
Speaker 3 (43:10):
Until Avery said you need to tell them.
And it's actually crazy becausesince I did tell them, we've
had such a heart-to-heart aboutthat and they do understand now
why things went the way thatthey did, why their father and I
are not together, why I was ina different state.
You know that it wasn't me likeleaving them for him and so
(43:32):
forth and now, like Nylas eventold me like yeah, you know, at
first I was just kind of likewhy you know?
But now she's like I get it,they all are like I get it.
So yeah, I mean I canunderstand that.
But that's why like yes, isthat also like breaking
generational curses?
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
Kind of you know not really, but kind of.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:59):
Generational curses mean like every generation
before me, or a lot ofgenerations before me, went
through the same thing, yeah, Idon't know what I'm trying to
say, but Let me say this At thebarber shop, shout out my boy,
paul.
Shout out all them boys at theshop.
(44:20):
They come see me.
They call me the whiz.
This is why Because when Ibreak it down, I break it down,
come on man, come, on man Comeon, man Come on man Come on, man
, I know, I mean Come on man.
So it's hard to come into achild's life when there's trauma
(44:40):
that has not been unpacked andthat's why I didn't know the
status of that trauma and that'swhy I was on reserve.
It's not that I'm not ready,it's that I have to understand
are they willing to accept meinto their life?
You know what I mean, becauseif they're not willing to accept
(45:01):
me, that's going to be achallenge, if they don't know
everything that happened andthat I'm not here to be bad to
them.
Speaker 3 (45:12):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
Because there are situations where it's like, oh,
she got a new boyfriend.
This boyfriend is a bad guy andI know it.
A kid can tell the guys mymom's been with, not saying
every time I say something aboutmy mom, she takes it out of
context.
She's not been with a lot ofguys, okay, okay, mom yeah,
(45:34):
let's share that, no she's notout here in these streets.
She chose to date as a mom cando right.
Certain guys right.
I didn't agree with some ofthose guys as a kid.
There are certain things that Iwent through with these people
that you know she may have notseen, she doesn't understand,
(45:57):
she doesn't know.
I mean, I don't communicate.
As a kid I didn't communicateat all.
I didn't learn how tocommunicate until I was a barber
.
People don't understand Peopledon't know that.
But the lack of communicationcomes from a lot of stems.
A lot stems from dad, fatherissues that I have.
Speaker 3 (46:17):
But when I was a kid I didn't express anything, I
just like oh well yeah, but youalways talk to about how like
mike's dad was, oh wait, like healways treated you like his own
.
So to me that's when I go backto that statement, when you say
that, and that's when I'm like,okay, now I understand why you
felt that way, but because Ididn't know that, I'm just
(46:40):
seeing it as wouldn't you wantthe kids to feel like how you
felt, like how Mike's dadtreated you?
Speaker 2 (46:46):
Right.
Speaker 3 (46:47):
That's how I always saw it, so to me.
That's why it would affect me.
Yeah, and it would question,you know, yeah, Like is this, is
this right?
Is it Cause I would have tothink that, like is this, am I
doing the right thing?
Because I'm not feeling likeyou?
Speaker 2 (47:05):
want to get close to them, you know.
Speaker 3 (47:10):
So I want to get close to them, you know.
So you see, how you can see itfrom different perspectives is
what I mean when you have amixed family or you have kids
that you took on that were notbiologically yours.
Speaker 1 (47:18):
And that's why I feel like I wouldn't be able to
discipline them, especiallyearlier, like before our
relationship got to where it isnow, because the trauma is now
because the trauma is not thetrauma still there.
You know that that's when itcomes out.
You're not my dad.
That's when it comes up becauseI have relationships with, with
(47:42):
my, my siblings, fathers.
We don't have the same fathersand that's what it came to.
You know what I mean?
Unpacked trauma?
I don't.
I have a lot of unpackedfathers and that's what it came
to.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
You know what I?
Speaker 1 (47:50):
mean Unpacked trauma.
I have a lot of unpacked trauma, but there's also a thing of
it's like how can I say this?
I don't know, there's certainthings that I had going on in my
life which wouldn't allow me toopen up to someone new for my
(48:12):
mom and now my mom, you know, Iknow those guys, but do I think
they're all good guys and that'sthat's where it can get tricky,
because there were some goodguys but I wasn't willing to
open up and I wasn't willing toopen up to a relationship to
those guys.
Some people, I'm just likeforget them.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
I can tell they're not who I would want my mom to
be, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (48:41):
So, yeah, what you feel is healthy and maybe at the
beginning your kids were likethis ain't what, who I want my
mom to be with you know so, butI've I've been on their side
more than I've been on this side, and that's why I approach the
situation that way yeah so yeahI get it see erica just be
(49:05):
thinking like I don't be moving.
You got to stop doing that.
It's not just me.
Speaker 3 (49:10):
You felt a certain way, I felt a certain way.
You saw it a different way, Isaw a different way.
That's why you communicate andyou can't be afraid to say, like
there's yeah, was I not like,afraid to tell you that, like,
oh, they felt this way, or they,or Nyla told me this.
Yes, because I don't ever wantyou to feel less than who you
are.
You're not that, but I have totell you because it's like I
(49:36):
want you to know how they'refeeling or how they felt.
You know what I mean, becauseit is such a different dynamic
between Asia and April.
Speaker 1 (49:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:45):
And like at the end of the day, you are asian
april's father and yeah, I justI cannot stand when people like
separate the two, like he's nota stepdad to asian april, he is
their father um all my clientsare like they made your kids.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
I'm like I don't have biological kids.
I have kids.
I don't have biological,biological kids.
But a lot of people don't know.
And they don't even need to,they look like Bradley tells me
all the time hey, man, theystarting to look like you, it's
because they act like you.
That's how I be.
Speaker 3 (50:19):
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
I wish people would get thatnarrative out of their heads.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
But we can have these conversations now.
Yeah, out of their heads.
But we can have theseconversations now.
Yeah, we couldn't have theseconversations a long time ago.
Speaker 2 (50:29):
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (50:31):
You're hard to communicate with ma'am.
Speaker 2 (50:34):
I literally talk about anything.
Let me finish.
Speaker 1 (50:39):
But I also didn't communicate the way I do now.
Speaker 2 (50:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
But yeah, you're hard to communicate with.
Speaker 3 (50:45):
You know how like Tubby don't talk.
That's you that to communicate.
You know how like tubby don'ttalk.
Speaker 1 (50:57):
That's you, that's how you were tubby, she's
talking about you.
No, I'm just saying like youdefinitely did not communicate
very well, yeah, so I know, I'maware of that.
But I'm fully aware that's.
That's one of my pet peeves too.
Men don't communicate In thebarbershop.
It is so bad.
It's bad to the point where Icommunicate very, very extra
(51:18):
with my clients.
If you book a new appointment,if you're a new person, I'm
going to text you.
Hey, what's up?
This is Cruz, this is theaddress, this, this, this, this
is that.
Be here on time.
That's it.
Guys won't reply yeah, it's likebro, this is me texting you,
letting you know hey, welcome.
This is not a awkward place oran unwelcoming place.
(51:43):
They don't communicate but,they'll just cancel their
appointment sometimes.
Speaker 3 (51:49):
So a lot of things I learned through my waxing
training.
I had so many therapeuticmoments and conversations.
Speaker 1 (51:55):
You wasn't training, you wasn't even having therapy.
Speaker 3 (51:58):
Yeah, I really was.
It was something she told mewas like you need to learn to
give other people grace insteadof judging them right away.
Everybody moves how they movefor a reason.
Everybody says things how theysay for a reason, or they don't
say things for a reason, andmaybe these men that you've, you
(52:20):
know, come into contact with,have never been taught to
communicate effectively.
Yeah, or they're around toxicenvironments that they can't
communicate effectively.
And like you tell me all thetime that I'm not easy to
communicate with and I justsometimes I have a hard time
understanding that, because Ifeel like if you really take a
(52:43):
moment and get to sit down likewe are now and communicate and
talk, I will listen and thenI'll probably think about it
later on and just be like okay,I understand where you're coming
from In the moment.
Speaker 1 (52:56):
I might get a little defensive, exactly.
Speaker 3 (52:59):
But that is normal.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
There's been a time where I told you something.
You got mad at me, you yelledat me, you went to the kitchen.
When I came to the kitchen, yousaid, okay, I understand, yes,
why you got to be offensive, whyyou didn't just have a
conversation.
Speaker 3 (53:15):
Do you think that you're the easiest person to
communicate with?
Speaker 1 (53:19):
Look, see, see, april knows, April knows All right,
be quiet, go to your room.
Hush Life april knows all right, be quiet go in your room life
with girls.
Boy, okay go ahead.
Speaker 3 (53:32):
No, you're fine, you're go ahead, no problem.
No, tell me about myself I feelit's because, like you feel like
I'm not easy to communicatewith or I get offended easily,
whatever I feel like you're notalways easy to communicate with
or I get offended easily,whatever I feel like you're not
always easy to communicate with,like I could start telling you
something and then you startdoing that.
(53:53):
You guys have seen it, he'll dothat.
Oh my God, you just don't takethe time to listen to where I'm
coming from.
You immediately already have areaction.
You immediately already have areaction.
You immediately already haveyour own opinion, and it's
almost like no one can convinceyou otherwise, because what you
feel is what's right is what'sright and what you feel is
(54:14):
what's wrong is wrong.
Imagine me trying tocommunicate with someone like
that every single day.
Why would you think that Iwould feel how I feel?
Speaker 1 (54:23):
I'd just be knowing stuff.
Speaker 3 (54:27):
Anyway.
Speaker 1 (54:33):
Alright, I got a question.
Speaker 3 (54:34):
We were supposed to talk about generational curses.
Speaker 1 (54:38):
No, we wasn't, we were supposed to talk about what
we're talking about now.
Speaker 3 (54:42):
Well, as you guys can see, we don't.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
Generational curses and me being a stepfather are
two completely different.
Speaker 3 (54:50):
We can talk about that on the next one.
Speaker 1 (54:51):
We can talk about that.
On the next one, y'all want tohear generational curses, or
they're mine I'm going to get it.
Speaker 3 (54:58):
What were you going to say?
Speaker 1 (54:59):
Never mind, I'll save it for the next one.
Speaker 3 (55:02):
What were you going to say?
Speaker 1 (55:07):
I was going to ask them do they think women know
how to take?
Speaker 3 (55:09):
accountability.
You just asked me that theother day.
Speaker 1 (55:16):
I know.
Speaker 3 (55:21):
But you're a woman.
Accountability for what, though, I don't understand?
Speaker 1 (55:23):
your question Emphasize 90% of women are gonna
say no or yes.
Women know how to takeaccountability for what?
Guys don't always agree forwhatever anything but what made
you ask that?
I've just seen it on tiktok.
It was just a a viral questionI would need to know for what?
It's like the 100 men versus agorilla.
(55:46):
It was just a question online.
Speaker 3 (55:48):
I know, but it doesn't really make sense Like
take accountability for what?
Speaker 1 (55:55):
I don't know, ask TikTok.
This is like a groupconversation, you know what I
mean.
Speaker 3 (56:02):
I can't even like answer that, because like Take
accountability for what though Idon't know.
Speaker 1 (56:08):
I don't even like answer that because, like, take
accountability for what, thoughI don't know.
I don't know For what.
Speaker 3 (56:12):
Like anything.
Speaker 1 (56:12):
Like anything.
Speaker 3 (56:16):
I see I feel like for me I've there's so many things.
I'm going to give myself gracein the props where I deserve it.
I do feel like I've grown in alot of ways.
For sure I want to give myselfthat grace and like I have
learned to say I could have donethis differently.
I could have, and that's likepride, like I could have.
(56:38):
You know, I could have said, no, everything that I did before
in my past that's like how itwas supposed to be.
It's fine.
Before in my past that's likehow it was supposed to be, it's
fine.
No, I've literally sat and saidI could have done so much
differently.
I could have, even with, likemy jobs and stuff, where I'm
like, oh, I could have did thisdifferently, I could have waited
out.
My waxing training has been suchlike believe it or not, a huge
(57:00):
eye opener for me that like Ican, I can fight my, my anxiety.
I can fight my wanting to justrun.
I always want to run fromthings or quit, like even when
it comes to relationships mylast two that's what I did.
When, like, when I'm done, I'mdone, I feel like, when I don't
want to deal with it, I don'twant to deal with it.
And when it comes to like a job, that's like feeding my family
(57:22):
and stuff, I had to grow out ofthat quick and just be like no,
and she would tell us that intraining, you need to prove
today that you want to be hereand that you're here because you
want this for you and yourfamily, and everything that
you've ever dreamt about is whyyou're here today, so you're not
going to give up when it getstough.
Because she was tough on usfelt like boot camp.
(57:44):
We were getting yelled at, likeit was rough but like you have
to be strong emotionally to getthrough that and I had a
breakdown.
The other girl it wasn't justme like that wasn't having a
breakdown yes, like if you'venever had a european.
I can't.
I don't know if I can saytraining in a wax place like it
(58:05):
can be super intense becausethey need to make sure you're
running into so many differentpeople every day.
You have to be able to handledifferent situations and for me,
that was something that reallyI really learned actually how to
like handle my moments when Ifelt like I just want to give up
(58:25):
.
I seriously yeah, I'm not see,I'm taking accountability.
I'm admitting like I felt onday three I wanted to just be
done.
I was like I'm gonna just haveto find something else there.
My mind backtracks you know, butno, I like was like no, I'm
gonna make it through and I did.
And I'm so proud that I stuckit through, because now I see
(58:45):
the light.
But that's me takingaccountability.
Speaker 1 (58:50):
I have anxiety but you also, you don't give
yourself enough grace she talkedabout that too you.
I feel like you stress about alot of stuff that that is, from
generational curses girl, let metalk.
You struggle with tests and allthis and you stress so hard and
(59:11):
I don't understand it becauseit's not that serious and you
don't hold on and you don'tthink you're as good as you are
at stuff.
That's what I mean by giveyourself some grace.
You need to understand who youare and what you are and how
good you are.
Speaker 3 (59:31):
I do now.
Speaker 1 (59:31):
Yeah, now.
Speaker 3 (59:33):
Okay, but I needed to go through that, I know, to get
to that point.
You see what I'm saying,because I could have given up
and I would have never seen itthat way.
I would have just given up andbeen back at square one and I
would continue that samegenerational curse on myself
that I'm not good enough.
This is not for me.
I'm not strong enough.
I can't do it, you know so.
Speaker 1 (59:59):
You need to be like Big Tino.
Speaker 3 (01:00:01):
But see, that's what I'm saying Like you have to be
more like, you need to not be soharsh, like for you to say like
I don't get it.
It's because you don'tunderstand my why I feel that
way.
It goes way back, way back, andif I've never actually dealt
with it and had like therapy orsomething to help me through it,
(01:00:24):
I've had to help myself throughit.
Literally no one else helps methrough it but God.
So just think about it.
Give people grace, becausepeople are going through a stuff
deep down that they don't wantto talk about.
Just like men don't like totalk about a lot of things, me,
as a woman, I don't like to talkabout a lot of things.
(01:00:44):
It makes me feel weak, it makesme feel like I'm not, it makes
me feel like a baby, like I'm acomplainer, so I just don't talk
about it, I deal with it andthen it starts to erupt.
So give me grace.
Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
I guess, well, that is the end of this episode, guys
.
So yeah, it's been stressful.
Speaker 3 (01:01:12):
What's been stressful .
Speaker 2 (01:01:14):
This episode why?
Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
It's been what's the word to explain this episode?
I?
Speaker 3 (01:01:21):
think it's just.
This is us.
We talk about anything and I.
Are you stressed or something?
I feel fine.
Speaker 1 (01:01:30):
It's not.
Speaker 3 (01:01:32):
It's not that deep.
You have to talk about thingslike this.
You know how many people don'thave conversations like this.
That's what I'm saying.
It's not arguing, it'scommunication.
Speaker 1 (01:01:44):
Since we communicate, how come you didn't ask me
about my night last night?
Speaker 3 (01:01:49):
I was going to ask you that why did you post?
Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
Because I almost died last night.
Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
Why.
Speaker 1 (01:01:56):
A motorcycle almost ran me over.
Speaker 2 (01:01:59):
Where.
Speaker 1 (01:02:01):
Downtown Gilbert.
Speaker 3 (01:02:03):
He was out.
Speaker 1 (01:02:05):
Yeah, we went to eat.
We went to eat tacos downtowngilbert.
Then we went to get ice cream,right.
I turned around, right I'mfacing, so the traffic can only
come this way.
So kenny's right here.
Kenny and andre, I'm taking apicture.
I hear a car behind me.
I'm thinking, okay, we got toget out the way because maybe
(01:02:27):
they're going to go this way,not realizing you can only go
this way on this street.
So I hear the car, I see thelight reflection on Kenny, so I
step to the right.
The motorcycle swerves right.
If I would hit his handlebarshe would hit Kenny and Andre, or
he would have Kenny and Andre,or he would have just ran me
(01:02:49):
over.
So, yeah, so thanks for asking.
Speaker 3 (01:02:55):
I don't know what you're talking about, so thanks
for asking.
I don't really think much intoyour posts honestly, I don't
know what you're talking about.
Speaker 1 (01:03:02):
We was at church today feeling grateful.
Speaker 3 (01:03:04):
My boy, You're supposed to feel grateful every
day.
Speaker 1 (01:03:07):
I know.
But boy and also, you can dieany day.
Erica, the bike was a hair awayfrom me, I felt it, and the
dude got the nerve to look backat me like I did something wrong
.
I said hey, Kenny, if you'd hitme you should have dropped that
fool, See how your life canchange in an instant well, I
(01:03:32):
didn't know that, but I mean, Iwasn't thinking on motorcycling
that's it for this episode.
that's it for this episode.
Make a, what's it called?
Make a thumbnail, take athumbnail.
Alright, I'm what.
Make a thumbnail, take athumbnail.
All right, I'm going to take athumbnail right now.
All right, you ain't making nothumbnail.
(01:04:02):
I'm going to use that exactsame picture right there.
Yeah, nah, don't try to smilenow.
Oh girl, we're going to seey'all in the next episode.
Like subscribe to the YouTubechannel.
Follow us.
Subscribe Whatever you do onSpotify, apple.
Speaker 3 (01:04:17):
Music all that you can follow her if you want to.
E-r-i-k-a-p-l-e-d-g-e.
Speaker 1 (01:04:23):
Go follow me now.
That is so many letters.
We'll catch y'all in the nextone.
We appreciate the support.
Peace.
So it's hard to come into a child's life when there's
trauma that has not beenunpacked and that's why I didn't
know the status of that traumaand that's why I was on reserve.
It's not that I'm not ready,it's that I have to understand
are they willing to accept meinto their life?
(00:22):
You know what I mean, becauseif they're not willing to accept
me, that's going to be achallenge.
This is another episode of theOther Half Podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Forget the name.
No, come on man.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Come on, man, we are back with another, another
podcast and, uh, it feels likeit's been a long time yep
because we've had so much goingon yeah, I don't remember why we
didn't do a podcast.
Well, I was sick yeah ava gotreal sick.
I had to work a lot becauseeverybody waited for me.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
And then, uh, what else I feel like there was
something else I don't remember.
No, I think I've just been busyand tired, honestly.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yeah, but it's been a while I've been prepping myself
for my week.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
My week was busy, yeah, but we'll go ahead and
start out.
You want to start with the cardyeah, I was about to say that
go ahead we got our ice breakers.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Of course, power by hella awkward.
Shout out hella awkward allright.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
so the card is ask each person how can I improve my
relationship with you?
So I'm to ask you this is aterrible question.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
It's not.
Why did you pick this?
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Because all the other ones were kind of not
applicable to us.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
All right, go ahead.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
I just asked you and this is something you can ask
your significant others too Ifyou want to start arguments and
that's what this is going tostart your systemic and others
too, if you want to startarguments, and that's what this
is not you know what.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
You know what you could do I don't want to know
actually I know you don't.
You know what you could do.
You know what you could doyou're supposed to say what,
what?
You could be more affectionate.
Some days I come home and I'mstressed out.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
I just need a hug you don't look very approachable
when you come home.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
So, so, you don't look approachable ever.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
That is not true.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Okay, a lot of times.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
No, a good amount.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Maybe we have the same wants.
You ever think about that?
No, because there's times whereI initiated and you were like
it was a little awkward.
So, yeah, you know how longit's been since I got a hook
from you over a week.
Yeah, you're gonna make mechoke.
You think it's been since I gota hook from you Over a week.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Yeah, you're going to make me choke.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
You think it's funny, you're counting.
Yes, yes, it's been over a week.
I know you're not allaffectionate.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
It's not even that.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
That's what it is.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
No, it's not.
It depends on my mood.
I told you this already.
Okay, but going into that, Ijust think sometimes people in
relationships forget that you'renot the only person feeling
that way.
You're not the only personfeeling exhausted.
You're not the only personfeeling like you had a rough day
.
We don't know what each otherjust went through that day, you
(03:44):
have no idea.
But when you're only, you'rethe one that risks like
expecting it, but then you don'tget it too.
It doesn't work that way.
I think communication could bebetter, but I hear you.
(04:04):
I honestly.
If so, can I answer that?
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Okay, go ahead, go ahead.
What's the?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
question again what could I improve?
What?
Speaker 1 (04:10):
could I improve?
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Erica.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Go ahead, don't be quiet now.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
No, I'm trying to think.
You asked, ask this question soyou had extra time to think
actually do have to think onthis one no, you.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
You should have an answer by now I really have to
think.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
I'm really trying to think is it that hard?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
I know I'm great, I know I'm just that great.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
But okay, yeah, you could improve on like there we
go on kind of thinking outsideof yourself sometimes because I
think, especially as a man,you're always feeling like, well
, I had a, like I go through alot as a man and like sometimes
I don't think that you'resympathetic to like, well, I go
(05:08):
through a lot as a man andsometimes I don't think that
you're sympathetic to me as awoman and what I have to deal
with every day and they kind oftalked about it at church Me
(05:28):
trying to battle being a mom, awife, keep my home in order and
clean, be a great performer atwork and make them satisfied.
Like you don't really haveanybody to make satisfied at
work, I do.
It's a lot of pressure, whatyou have, clients, but think
about it, mine's double, mine'sclients or guests corporate,
corporate, my manager, my othermanager.
I have pressure every single day.
It feels so heavy sometimesthat that's why, like sometimes,
(05:51):
I just don't.
I don't know how to leave it atwork, but then I come home and
it's like I got I have to keepperforming, keep performing.
It's exhausting, so maybethat's why I don't always seem
so affectionate.
But I'm dealing with a lot toothat I have to learn how to
balance, and I wasn't, like Isaid, I don't really know
(06:12):
sometimes how to do that, so I'mnot always going to be, or
maybe it's like I'm really justgoing through it.
It's not just a one day thing,it's not an every once in a
while thing.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Is that right?
Speaker 3 (06:28):
So I want to sympathize with you, but then
I'm also feeling it too and Ifeel like it's like double what
you, what you have to deal with.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Why is it double?
Speaker 3 (06:41):
I just explained that to you.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
No, you didn't.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
I have a huge responsibility at work.
It's a lot, it's heavy, it'sdraining.
I guess, Okay, so moreaffectionate.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
That's it.
So more, more, what's the word?
There's a word for what yousaid.
What's the word?
There's a word for what yousaid.
What's the word?
More um, I can't think of theword I don't know what you're
trying to say.
More aware I guess yeah moreaware I think a little more
(07:22):
aware I think so Be a littlemore aware Anyways what's our
topic today.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Did we ever figure out an actual topic?
Speaker 1 (07:32):
I thought we were going to do the whole barbering
pet piece Okay.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
So this is what I wanted to talk about on the
podcast today, which I alreadysent to you.
So I wanted to talk about youas a barber.
I wanted to talk about you as abarber.
I wanted to know.
First of all, we already knowthat you love being a barber,
that you love your job makes youso happy.
That's like all a given.
But as a barber, you neverreally tell people what your
(08:00):
biggest pet peeves or the likeobstacles that you face as a
barber and a self-employedperson.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
So I want to know I mean, I feel like most people in
service industry deal with thesame stuff.
I think it's like my top petpeeves are, for For one,
obviously, being on time.
If you're late every singletime, I've cut a lot of people
(08:29):
off for that.
I cut a dude off who lives nextdoor to the building.
He was late every single timethere's being late or just not
showing up, playing with my time, because when you're in the
service industry, you don't getpaid based off of.
You don't get paid based offyour time, you get paid based
(08:50):
off of.
Can you feel these spots?
Can you feel this time slot?
Stuff like that, and another oneis I don't, I don't know it's,
it's hard because there'scertain haircuts where, like we
don't want to do or people don'tunderstand hair that's really
(09:11):
what it is People don'tunderstand hair.
I'll pick someone's hair outand they'll pat it down with
their hand after I just pickedit out and it's like I did this
for a reason.
Like and you're messing that upalready, Like what?
Speaker 3 (09:25):
are you doing?
But yeah, people don'tunderstand.
Understanding the the craft.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Yeah, and understanding that like, okay, I
just picked your hair out for areason, you put your hands
through it that messed it all up.
So either I can cut it how youjust had it with your hands
through it and it's going to beuneven or I can pick this hair
out again, but that takes moretime off the haircut.
So those are my pet peeves as abarber.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
And then what about being like self-employed?
Um do you have?
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I don't really have pet peeves being self-employed,
uh, yeah.
I don't have any have younoticed any pet peeves in your
line of service?
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Yeah, mine is the being on time.
Like where I work you can benine minutes late.
And like, say, you have aservice coming in at eight.
They can be nine minutes late,but you'll have another service
coming in 15 minutes after that.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Dang, so you so forth four minutes.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
So then, instead of having 15 minutes to do your
brazilian, I'm gonna have fourminutes, which runs into the
next appointment.
And like for me, honestly, Ireally think people, I wish
people understood that Iunderstand.
If you're not doing like thatservice or you're not in that
industry, you're not gonna getit.
But like we're telling you,like people really need to be
more aware of being respectfulof people's time, because
(10:48):
somebody once told me it's likewould you like it if your check
was late?
No, you know.
So, just like, treat peoplewith respect when it comes to
stuff like that, because you areliterally making every other
appointment late.
Yeah, and people don'tunderstand that Like everything
behind you is getting pushedback because you're wanting to
(11:08):
be irresponsible yeah late orwhatever yeah, and I feel like I
have more like I understand,like emergencies things come up,
but like being just carelessand constantly late, and I see
it all the time.
People are literally justwalking, strolling in, nine
minutes late and we still haveto take them and they don't care
.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Yep, I think that's.
That's the hard part aboutcorporate.
For sure, you still have totake them and all that and
corporate is more quantity.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Yeah, and they want to make the guests happy
regardless.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
So I'm a bar.
I don't care if you're happy ornot.
For real.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Yeah, guess, happy regardless.
So yeah, I'm a barber, I don'tcare if you're happy or not.
For real, yeah, I wouldn'ttolerate that if I was on my own
, but it also.
It also goes into, like, if youare, you know, a hairstylist, a
nail tech, a lash tech, abarber, a waxer, like you need
to be on time too, because ifyou're not on time, your clients
are definitely not going to beon time, they're not going to
respect your time.
So you know, you can't also bea hypocrite, so yeah, I feel
(12:07):
like when you're a barber.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
It's different, though, because if you late,
that means I'm late on my nextone.
But that's everybody, though,like if I was, but it's no, it's
like this If, let's say, I'm 15minutes behind, cool Sit there,
that's fine.
If you're 15 minutes late,that's a problem.
(12:30):
That's the difference, becauseI could be late based off of the
client before you, and that'swhat a lot of clients it's a
double.
It's a double standard becausewe can be late, but a lot of
times it's because either theperson before you want something
extra or I know it's a lot ofbarbers that do be late and yeah
(12:53):
, they're just yeah, just notthat's what they do, but for me
it's usually the client beforeit's late or right, but that has
nothing to do with you.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
No, I understand, or right, but that has nothing to
do with you yeah, yeah, yeahyeah, no, I understand if I'm
late, deal with it.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Yeah, I mean, I'm just saying I've heard people
like saying like they waitedlike 30 minutes after their
appointment time and that kindof stuff, that's just
disrespectful on your end.
As a business owner, you needto get yourself together.
But yeah, I feel like that'sgonna be mine.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Um, dang, are you ready to be self-employed?
But?
Speaker 3 (13:31):
also, that's what I was just gonna say next I feel
like, honestly, watching you,though, has kind of scared me,
because I'm gonna tell you why.
I feel like we've talked aboutthis before.
I feel feel like I'm going tofigure it out.
I'm going to either really wantto go on my way, so I don't
have to deal with the corporateside or Am I making you tired or
(13:56):
I'm going to not want to go onmy own and I'm going to want to
stay where you know clients arecoming in no matter what most of
the time.
But what really scares me islike, when they don't show up
and you're on your own, youdon't make any money, at least
where, like I'm at, I still getpaid hourly yeah so that's like
security for me, and I've talkedto you about this before, but
(14:19):
it's really something that doesconcern me.
For me, like I don't think Iwould want to be in that
position where, like my life andmy, my bills, my kids, food,
anything is like being like it'sbased off people showing up.
Yeah, I don't want to be inthat predicament, like I watch
you go through that sometimesand I just feel like that's not
(14:42):
some, that that part scares me.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
It's not as bad as people make it seem.
Well, I put people's card onfile.
So if you come to me, your cardhas to be on file in order for
you to get a haircut.
But also, if you build yourclientele to where it's like oh,
you're late, I can't get you,they'll start to respect that.
(15:05):
But also I feel like if youhave clients to where they got
to put their card on file, theyare more likely to show up.
So, depending on how you carryyour business, or how you do
your business determines theclient, the kind of client
you're going to attract yeah, Ifeel like with like no shows and
stuff, that part I get.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
But I mean like if I'm just not booked that day and
I'm having a rough week and Iam just like not, for some
reason, people are not coming in.
That's what I mean by like atleast at my job I know I have,
I'm still getting paidregardless.
It's not gonna be as much, butI'm still getting hourly.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
So with with being self-employed, you are more
likely to make way more moneythan on a bad day, than you
would on a good day working fora corporate.
That's when you got to reallysave though Don't be scared, you
for sure got to save.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
For those rainy days.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
See what I mean?
Yeah, but I mean you get whenyou're self employed.
You know your seasons, you knowit's gonna be a bad week or you
know it's gonna be a good weeknine times out of ten and that's
based off the time of the year.
And oh, last week was good,this week might be all right.
Usually that happens, but youusually know, you always know
(16:27):
the uh by the time of the yearyeah we, we are our busy seat.
Well, it's different for womenyeah y'all I don't know y'all go
through pain in y'all services.
We don't.
But for women I feel like itwould be more consistent.
For guys it's like I need ahaircut, but it's not a priority
(16:50):
.
I need a haircut.
We know Christmas time is goingto be busy.
The rest of the year can be allright.
Usually January is slow becauseeveryone spent all their money
on Christmas gifts and all that.
But after January you got taxseason.
So it's like a schedule for Imean, it's just like retail.
(17:11):
It's basically the sameschedule.
So you know, you got kids goingback to school, you got people
going back to school, you gotpeople going on vacations, all
that yeah, they need services.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
So yeah, ours are always for like vacations and
then summer coming up.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Yeah, but being self-employed is great to me.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
We'll see you have to be motivated.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Being self-employed.
That's the thing people don'tget.
And disciplined, you have to besuper disciplined, you have to
be motivated, you have to beinspired on your own and in so
that you can actually do it.
Because if you're, if you don'thave any of those, you don't
have self-motivation.
It's gonna be hard, like I satin the shop when I first moved
(17:54):
here a lot of days and I didn'tget paid.
I got paid, I waited till sixand that was my first haircut,
yeah, so I feel like I could doit.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
I feel like it's like when I was in the shop only on
Sundays and I sat there eventhough no one was coming in, but
like that's what I would do.
It was so fun, it was fine.
I got to, I just learned, I didmy practice, my strips, watch
videos.
But it's better to be there andyou never know than to be, you
know, not there and then you getnothing.
(18:25):
So but okay, yeah, that's whatI wanted to know.
So just the timing andeverything that's your pet
peeves.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Yeah.
I figured those are my petpeeves.
I I don't really have more thanthat.
Nope, I, when people book for afriend and their friend doesn't
show up, I lost, I lost clientsoff of that One of my clients.
I lost him but his brotherstill comes to me.
(18:53):
I cut his brother yesterday and, yeah, that causes you to lose
clients.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Yeah, again, it goes with just like being not mindful
.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Respecting people's time, yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Cause that's like how people feed their families,
facts, guys, like that's howthey pay their bills, and I just
think people forget that FactsSometimes.
But even like in the corporateworld too, I feel like the same
thing, like we depend on ourtips.
So when you don't show up, eventhough we're getting hourly,
we're not getting the commissionof the product.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
We're not getting the commission of the product,
we're not getting our tips.
Yeah, you know.
But I feel like with corporate,you guys have like, I feel like
in certain situations you guyshave walk-ins and you guys have
yeah newer people and someone'sgetting your clientele for you.
When you're self-employed, allthat is on you all of it.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
That's what I'm saying.
I don't know if I want thatworld yet we'll see.
Maybe it's for you, but Idefinitely don't want to be in
corporate yeah, that'sunderstandable no, it's, it's
pretty bad.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
That's yeah not good okay all right, this is gonna be
a lot about you you're sayingall right, like this is gonna be
something bad no, I'm gonna.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
So well, your mom had some questions for us too, so
we're gonna be answering thosenow.
This is gonna be a lot aboutavery, because people want to
know.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
I don't like when it's a lot about me so you are a
father.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
You're not only a husband, a business owner,
social media guy, but you arealso a father.
It's something that you'resuper proud about, but some
people may not know thebackground.
Do you want to talk about it?
I mean I have to now okay so doyou want me to give a little
(20:46):
bit of the background?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
I mean, I guess.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Okay, so basically, avery and I do not have any
biological children together.
In case you guys don't know us.
We met when Asia and April wereone and two.
April actually just turned oneShortly before I met him.
And, as you know or if youdon't know, like I've mentioned
(21:13):
before in the other previouspodcast, I do have three older
children Romeo, who's 18, almost19 in a couple days.
Diamond's 17.
Nyla's 14.
19 in a couple of days.
Diamond 17,.
Nilo's 14.
Avery has taken on the role ofbeing, you know, stepfather to
the oldest three and father toAsian April.
(21:33):
They are all that he knows Like.
Again, he's been in their lifesince they were one and two and
it was never anything.
I don't feel you can correct meif I'm wrong Anything that was
ever like forced on you.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
I don't know if anybody ever wonders that you
said they're all that.
I know I'm all that they know.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
I mean they're all that, yeah, you're all that,
they know, yeah.
So I think yeah, like whenpeople see you out and stuff, I
don't think anybody get likeassumes otherwise a lot of
people think april looks likeyou.
It's.
It's strange, um, but yeah, no.
So, as a father, my firstquestion is well, this was your
(22:14):
mom's question for you is atwhat point did you realize that
you loved my kids as your own?
Speaker 1 (22:23):
well, I feel like it was different because the older
ones I met after we were alreadymarried like four years in like
in person.
You met them yeah, yeah, but Imean I don't, I don't even
remember, because it's one ofthose.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
I feel like they were always there.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
You know what I mean.
I feel like they were always.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
I don't know, like I really don't remember the first
time april called me dad I don'tremember that either, but I do
remember the first time that youbasically said you wanted to be
their father no, you don't yes,I do you got good memory I
don't't, but what I remember, Iremember that.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
So the first time Tell the story.
She's going to ask me aquestion.
Is she telling?
Speaker 3 (23:10):
a story.
Well, I thought you would know.
I guess I'm the only one whoremembers this.
So the first time was when Iwould pick you up from work to
take you to lunch.
I had April in her car seat andAsia in the back.
She used to steal her mom's car.
You hit veronica.
I did whatever I had to to.
I always had to run errandswith the girls anyways, but I
(23:32):
always like I used to make averylunch for work all the time or
take him to go get lunch.
So this day I took him to goget lunch.
I had the girls.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
We had already been this is before we lived together
.
Speaker 3 (23:41):
Yeah, this is when we were just dating.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Mm-hmm.
And she wanted a youngTenderoni.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
No no no, we're not going there.
So then we had lunch.
I don't know, we just I washonestly in shock.
We just had lunch together.
The girls were in the back.
I like instantly realized thatApril really did love you Like
she instantly was, I don't know,she would just smile a lot when
she was around you.
Then I dropped you off, backoff to work.
(24:10):
I went to the grocery storewith the girls and I got a text
from you that basically saidlike that, you fell in love with
the girls.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
I don't remember this .
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Yes, and before that you had said if I wanted you to
be their father because you knewtheir father was non-existent,
that you would love to be theirfather because you knew their
father was non-existent, thatyou would love to be their
father, which I never like fedinto because I was like yeah,
right, but I remember it thatway that's deep and then my
(24:41):
oldest three.
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yeah, there's so much more likewe don't even yeah we don't
even need to like go into that,that's a way too much.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
but basically it was before we moved out here.
The kids had always been inArizona with their father and,
yeah, you never got to meet themin person until we came out
here because we knew we weregoing to move here and we were
looking at places.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
So then you met them for the first time, but that was
awkward for me.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Okay, yeah, so explain that that was awkward
for me.
Okay, yeah, so that was awkwardfor me.
Why?
Speaker 1 (25:31):
let me tell you why.
Because I know how it is to bethe kid in that situation.
So it's like I don't know whatthey're thinking, but it's also
one of those like it wasn't.
I don't.
I don't feel like you made thatwelcoming for me.
(25:52):
Why, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
Yes, you do.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
It was just, I don't know, the first time we went to
the OK.
This is it the first time wewent to their dad's house?
It was it was very awkward.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Why.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Because you left me at the door.
I'm like I don't know thesepeople.
I don't know if they're goingto look at me like this.
Look at this fool.
I don't know, and you were justlike, look, we stopped at the
door and you just walked off.
I was like, all right, it'sawkward, I met the dad or their
(26:30):
dear grandpa.
He was cool, but the mom just Idon't know it was it was not a
welcoming environment.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Let's say that um their dad.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
I mean, he seemed cool, but he didn't say much.
So I was just like but thosesituations can get bad, and
that's the first time I've everbeen in that situation.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
I've never known that .
Speaker 1 (26:54):
And then with the kids, like I've.
I talked to a girl with a kidbefore, but it was.
It was very awkward because itwas her kid wasn't older, but
her kid was younger, it was ababy, but it was like the the
inch.
I feel like the introductionhas to be right in order for me
to feel comfortable.
Right, all right.
(27:16):
So with the older kids now itwas uh, I don't know it was.
I didn't want to do too much towhere they didn't like me, if
that makes sense, because I feellike when you're a kid at that
age, a lot of times it's like mymom's got a new boyfriend,
(27:36):
whatever.
You know what I mean.
I don't like them.
Usually kids are like that offthe bat.
I don't like them, but it wascool.
It was a little weird at timesbecause when I first met them we
argued, but we argued outside.
They were inside and we weren'tgetting along.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Because I don't remember.
I remember it very well we'renot going to go into that.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Because, you're bad at telling stories because you
forget some details.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
Okay, but that's fine .
That's why it's yourperspective and my perspective.
That's what it's all about.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
But you don't be understanding why I be feeling
some type of way.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
I feel the same way.
This is such like.
I mean, we're not the only onesthat feel this way.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
There's going to be like the fact that I didn't know
that till today we've beentogether for 10 years, almost
nine years, whatever.
I've never known that till thisvery moment.
That's not fair to me.
That's when I say, likecommunication is so important,
but there may be things thatmaybe you don't know and I
forget to like express or tellyou.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
I told you that.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Not in that way.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
No, no, no, Not in that way, but I told you that
Okay, so for me but see how it's.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
No, it's because people, like in relationships,
have to understand that like andI do struggle with this too,
I'm not saying I'm perfect butlike you have to understand that
you're going to feel it in adifferent way because it's your
viewpoint.
You remember the moment and youhave like reasons why you feel
like it should have been thisway.
Whatever, I feel like it's bothways.
(29:16):
Like, just like you felt like Ishould have introduced you or
whatever I thought I did.
I don't remember, but I doremember, like for me personally
, like even when I met yourfamily for the first time, I
don't, I didn't wait for you tointroduce me.
For me, I'm like I'm cominginto this family and I'm that's
just the kind of person I am.
I I do that.
You know that.
I do that.
(29:36):
Anywhere we go your uncles,anything, I immediately say
hello, I'm Erica, or like I talkto people.
So for me it felt like when wewalked in, I I remember them
saying hi and whatever, and Ihad a.
I get along with their dad, soof course, that was easy.
Just hey, how's it going?
Hadn't seen them in a long time, you know.
(29:59):
And at one point they werestill like his parents were
still like my family, like mymom and my dad, honestly, and
his dad was really like my dad.
I never had a dad, so thatrelationship was never like
damaged and I felt like walkingin and that being kind of maybe
different.
I always thought that's what itwas honestly, that's what I'm
(30:20):
telling you.
I never knew.
I just feel like I walked inand it's like I wanted to feel
as comfortable too in thatsituation where I didn't want it
to be awkward.
I didn't want the kids to feelas comfortable too, in that
situation where I didn't want itto be awkward.
I didn't want the kids to feelawkward and I personally
expected you to like go up tothe kids and say, hey, I'm, I'm
Avery, it's good to meet you.
You never did that.
(30:41):
So for me and that like goesinto like kind of why like it
really helped me decide, like ifthis was going to be a good
situation or not.
Because that's what I would doif you had kids.
I would walk in and I wouldintroduce myself and just know
that like I see them.
I don't feel like you did that,but it's like because in that
(31:02):
moment you were thinking aboutyou.
You see what I mean.
So for me I just never seen itthat way because that's not how
I would do, that it would bedifferent for me.
And then, just like the wholeexperience, I think that kind of
like affected it because, yeah,you weren't really very warm to
(31:22):
them, you didn't really talk alot to them, and for me, as a
mother, like that was soimportant that, yeah, at one
point I was like I don't know ifyou're ready to be a father
father, because if that was meas a kid, like I would feel so
uncomfortable, I would feel likeyou don't like me, you know.
And then, as they got older it'sactually crazy, because I've
(31:44):
asked them this, like thatexperience from that day when
they met you and they alwayslike, felt like, oh, you know,
we just always felt like thelike asia and april were more of
like his kids and like theywere more, um, like you cared
about them more, because therewasn't really like a
relationship with them.
And when you first met them andso they felt like, oh, dang,
(32:07):
like that's what you like,that's what you care about, it's
just like your little familyyou have and not us, you know.
So there's a lot more to it,like, obviously, like I said,
the kids always lived in Arizona.
Um, yeah, I just like, Iremember that day very vividly,
very vividly.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
So now you see, but I also looked at it like I'm also
coming in on trauma and I don'tknow what that trauma is like,
what?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
do you mean?
Speaker 1 (32:36):
I don't know what the , the, the status of the trauma
was.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
Who's trauma?
Speaker 1 (32:43):
The kids Right, Because we know your story right
why you left all that.
But I didn't know if they knewand if and that's how I looked
at it too Like OK, they knowwhat I'm saying, how was that
(33:06):
their relationship with the lastperson?
Speaker 3 (33:08):
you were with, because that could carry over to
me.
Yeah, that's why I wanted it tobe so different.
So, and if it's not makingsense, basically the oldest kids
, I was with their dad for a fewyears.
Then I met April and Asia'sApril and Asia's father,
(33:29):
biological father, and I waswith him again for a few years
and then left that and then Imet Avery.
So it's not like I broughtdifferent men into their lives
either.
Of the kids' lives, honestly,all they knew was their dad and
then him and the girls Nobodyreally, they didn't know, know
(33:49):
anybody.
So it's not like I broughtdifferent people into their
lives.
That's why it was so importantto me like if I was gonna select
you to be like in my life andin my kids life, and not just
Asian Aprils that they wouldfeel that love that you give to
the girls the same way, becauseI never saw it any differently
and I knew it was a differentstory, but I feel like they were
(34:11):
expecting that, like I thinkthey were expecting something
different and not how he was,because he wasn't.
He never even really let mehave contact with them, like it
was just it was bad.
So I just knew you weredifferent and I expected
different, if that makes sense.
And I told them that you weredifferent.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
You're putting too much expectations on me.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Okay, but now you see the different perspectives,
though, like from where I'mcoming from.
Now it's like I'm telling youalso what they've told me.
So they love you now.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
I mean, that took a long time though.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
Yeah, but, and I feel like that's normal.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
It's it's easier to build a relationship with kids
who don't have their father andtheir babies Older kids.
That takes time.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
They don't want to try to replace A lot of time.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
Yeah, exactly Right.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Exactly so.
That's why it was a littledifficult because, you know it
could I don't know it could havegone a lot of different ways.
The situations could been,could have been worse, or
whatever the case may be so yeahwell, I hear you oh, now you
(35:31):
hear me, huh do you?
Speaker 3 (35:31):
hear me now you hear me does anything I'm saying,
make sense yeah, it makes sense,I guess and how do you feel now
, like now that you've you'vebeen been actually around them?
Speaker 1 (35:44):
I mean, how do you feel?
I feel like they're just, Ifeel like they're my kids
extended.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
You know, got some.
They're in their teenage years.
Okay, it's a teenage.
Speaker 3 (35:59):
I think they're amazing kids.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Teenagers are different.
Speaker 3 (36:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
They're different.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
It is crazy because April and Asia are so small
still.
Yeah, you know, that's what Imean Having teenagers.
They have their own life now.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
It is crazy because April and Asia are so small
still.
Yeah, that's what I mean Havingteenagers.
They have their own life now.
They're doing all their,whatever they want to do.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
And they're going to make decisions that you may or
may not agree with.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
And that's the hard part about teenagers.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Well then you'll be more prepared with Asiaian like
my brother boy.
He's gonna make his owndecisions, do what he wants to
do, no matter what anyone sayswho's that sound like huh who's
that sound like?
Speaker 3 (36:40):
I don't know, mike no yes, that's how mike was.
No, well, I mean, I thinkthey're amazing kids.
I think not that Asia and Aprilaren't, but, honestly, like my
oldest three are just they'reamazing.
I think they're such good kidsand how everything happened is
(37:01):
how it was supposed to happen,because I honestly think that
they were raised very well, yeah, very, very well, and it's
crazy because a lot of guys Icut are afraid to be girl dads
and I feel like girls are easierto raise than boys, because I
don't have to beef with girls.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
That's the moms doing and I don't have to do hair
girls, we just want to be lovedand heard.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
That's all that's all our difficult.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Y'all was arguing this morning we're not, we're
not.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
I'm over here keeping the peace they over here okay,
because, look at this thing,you're always making us jump off
topic topic.
But I'm trying to be more.
I'm trying to be more stern and, like what happened this last
week with April, like I'm tryingto be more on her and like
(37:57):
really pay attention to, likewho she's becoming.
I'm really trying, because youalways say I'm too lenient and
I'm too that, but the moment Iget on them about something, I'm
all of a sudden in a bad moodand I'm just I'm in a bad mood
and what am I so mad about?
Or whatever it's like no, I'mstepping into my mom role, like
(38:18):
I don't do that very often andit's important for me to start
really getting on that becausethey are growing into their
person.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
April's trying to sneak over and listen.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
She's trying to ear hustle and it's just go in your
room now okay, I heard my name,so in your room go now all right
.
Speaker 3 (38:39):
well, that kind of also answered my question that
your mom had for me, becauseyour mom asked me what was it
that made me question if hecould really be in my, in my uh
kid's life or in my life?
Speaker 1 (38:53):
Let me ask you a question.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Let me cook real quick.
Let me think of something.
When did you know?
Right, right, right.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Okay, spit it out.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
That you were going to be with me, for sure.
Speaker 3 (39:26):
You know what's crazy .
Speaker 1 (39:28):
I don't want to hear what's crazy, I want to hear the
answer.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
I feel like it was.
This sounds crazy, though Ifeel like it definitely was
after I married you.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Wow, no, but listen to me, listen to me.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
I married you truly because I was like, like you
really were someone that I wantto spend the rest of my life
with, of course, no, I wasn't.
And, yes, really were someonethat I want to spend the rest of
my life with.
Of course, no, I wasn't.
And yes, you were.
And then I just loved who youwere to asia and april.
That made me love you even more.
But again, yeah, like thingskind of start to shift once it
came to the oldest kids, becausethat was like, oh no, like we
(40:05):
can't have that if we're not, ifthey ever feel any different
than Asia and April.
I can't allow that.
And your mom said somethingtoday like you're so lucky that
you found him and that heaccepts your kids, and I do
agree with that.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
She's biased, though.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
But like I would not be with you if you didn't,
because somebody else would.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
If I didn't what.
Speaker 3 (40:27):
So if you didn't love my kids the way that I would
hope that you do, you didn'ttreat them the way that I would
hope that you would treat them,because, like I said, I would
want that.
I'm sure you would want thatfrom me if you had kids.
So it's like, yeah, I wouldn'tbe with you if that was the case
.
Then, though, because mystandards like you are how you
(40:48):
are with the kids and whatnot,because my standards you are how
you are with the kids andwhatnot, because you know you
respect my standards and what Iwould you know what I mean we
wouldn't be together if youdidn't love my oldest kids the
way that you love them, or ifyou didn't accept my kids with
me.
We're a whole package.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
So here's the thing with that.
I feel like the relationshipgot to where it is now not that
long ago.
So there was like there wasalways, like it's not
necessarily awkward, it's justnot like.
I felt like they didn't know ifI loved them loved them.
(41:28):
And I didn't know either ifthey loved me until more
recently that's because Iactually explained to them right
no no, that's what nyla told meyeah, yeah, that's what I was
about to say yeah, yeah yeah,that's because now they know the
real the real story Right.
(41:49):
And now the trauma is unpacked.
So that's where all of my stuffcomes from Now the trauma is
unpacked.
Speaker 3 (42:01):
You're dying to say that.
I don't know if people Isometimes watch these back and
I'm like I don't think they knowwhat we're talking about.
But just to make it short,basically I had to explain to my
oldest three literallyeverything like oh my god, that
happened in your everything thathappened in my life from the
moment I met their father, um,all the way through all my
(42:25):
immigration stuff, me obviouslybeing in a different state.
I'm sure people that follow meon social media have always
wondered.
But also, like a lot of people,have always had their own
opinion or they go based offwhat they've heard or been told
by somebody else.
But I know different and I know, like the story that I know is
very accurate and when I tellthat story there's not one
(42:47):
person that doesn't understand.
But I also still take a lot ofaccountability because there's a
lot of things I could have diddifferently.
But, like with the whole story,now that the kids know, yeah, I
didn't tell them till not thatlong ago.
I always just kind of felt likeit wouldn't matter.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
But until I said what .
Speaker 3 (43:10):
Until Avery said you need to tell them.
And it's actually crazy becausesince I did tell them, we've
had such a heart-to-heart aboutthat and they do understand now
why things went the way thatthey did, why their father and I
are not together, why I was ina different state.
You know that it wasn't me likeleaving them for him and so
(43:32):
forth and now, like Nylas eventold me like yeah, you know, at
first I was just kind of likewhy you know?
But now she's like I get it,they all are like I get it.
So yeah, I mean I canunderstand that.
But that's why like yes, isthat also like breaking
generational curses?
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
Kind of you know not really, but kind of.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:59):
Generational curses mean like every generation
before me, or a lot ofgenerations before me, went
through the same thing, yeah, Idon't know what I'm trying to
say, but Let me say this At thebarber shop, shout out my boy,
paul.
Shout out all them boys at theshop.
(44:20):
They come see me.
They call me the whiz.
This is why Because when Ibreak it down, I break it down,
come on man, come, on man Comeon, man Come on man Come on, man
, I know, I mean Come on man.
So it's hard to come into achild's life when there's trauma
(44:40):
that has not been unpacked andthat's why I didn't know the
status of that trauma and that'swhy I was on reserve.
It's not that I'm not ready,it's that I have to understand
are they willing to accept meinto their life?
You know what I mean, becauseif they're not willing to accept
(45:01):
me, that's going to be achallenge, if they don't know
everything that happened andthat I'm not here to be bad to
them.
Speaker 3 (45:12):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
Because there are situations where it's like, oh,
she got a new boyfriend.
This boyfriend is a bad guy andI know it.
A kid can tell the guys mymom's been with, not saying
every time I say something aboutmy mom, she takes it out of
context.
She's not been with a lot ofguys, okay, okay, mom yeah,
(45:34):
let's share that, no she's notout here in these streets.
She chose to date as a mom cando right.
Certain guys right.
I didn't agree with some ofthose guys as a kid.
There are certain things that Iwent through with these people
that you know she may have notseen, she doesn't understand,
(45:57):
she doesn't know.
I mean, I don't communicate.
As a kid I didn't communicateat all.
I didn't learn how tocommunicate until I was a barber
.
People don't understand Peopledon't know that.
But the lack of communicationcomes from a lot of stems.
A lot stems from dad, fatherissues that I have.
Speaker 3 (46:17):
But when I was a kid I didn't express anything, I
just like oh well yeah, but youalways talk to about how like
mike's dad was, oh wait, like healways treated you like his own
.
So to me that's when I go backto that statement, when you say
that, and that's when I'm like,okay, now I understand why you
felt that way, but because Ididn't know that, I'm just
(46:40):
seeing it as wouldn't you wantthe kids to feel like how you
felt, like how Mike's dadtreated you?
Speaker 2 (46:46):
Right.
Speaker 3 (46:47):
That's how I always saw it, so to me.
That's why it would affect me.
Yeah, and it would question,you know, yeah, Like is this, is
this right?
Is it Cause I would have tothink that, like is this, am I
doing the right thing?
Because I'm not feeling likeyou?
Speaker 2 (47:05):
want to get close to them, you know.
Speaker 3 (47:10):
So I want to get close to them, you know.
So you see, how you can see itfrom different perspectives is
what I mean when you have amixed family or you have kids
that you took on that were notbiologically yours.
Speaker 1 (47:18):
And that's why I feel like I wouldn't be able to
discipline them, especiallyearlier, like before our
relationship got to where it isnow, because the trauma is now
because the trauma is not thetrauma still there.
You know that that's when itcomes out.
You're not my dad.
That's when it comes up becauseI have relationships with, with
(47:42):
my, my siblings, fathers.
We don't have the same fathersand that's what it came to.
You know what I mean?
Unpacked trauma?
I don't.
I have a lot of unpackedfathers and that's what it came
to.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
You know what I?
Speaker 1 (47:50):
mean Unpacked trauma.
I have a lot of unpacked trauma, but there's also a thing of
it's like how can I say this?
I don't know, there's certainthings that I had going on in my
life which wouldn't allow me toopen up to someone new for my
(48:12):
mom and now my mom, you know, Iknow those guys, but do I think
they're all good guys and that'sthat's where it can get tricky,
because there were some goodguys but I wasn't willing to
open up and I wasn't willing toopen up to a relationship to
those guys.
Some people, I'm just likeforget them.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
I can tell they're not who I would want my mom to
be, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (48:41):
So, yeah, what you feel is healthy and maybe at the
beginning your kids were likethis ain't what, who I want my
mom to be with you know so, butI've I've been on their side
more than I've been on this side, and that's why I approach the
situation that way yeah so yeahI get it see erica just be
(49:05):
thinking like I don't be moving.
You got to stop doing that.
It's not just me.
Speaker 3 (49:10):
You felt a certain way, I felt a certain way.
You saw it a different way, Isaw a different way.
That's why you communicate andyou can't be afraid to say, like
there's yeah, was I not like,afraid to tell you that, like,
oh, they felt this way, or they,or Nyla told me this.
Yes, because I don't ever wantyou to feel less than who you
are.
You're not that, but I have totell you because it's like I
(49:36):
want you to know how they'refeeling or how they felt.
You know what I mean, becauseit is such a different dynamic
between Asia and April.
Speaker 1 (49:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:45):
And like at the end of the day, you are asian
april's father and yeah, I justI cannot stand when people like
separate the two, like he's nota stepdad to asian april, he is
their father um all my clientsare like they made your kids.
Speaker 1 (50:02):
I'm like I don't have biological kids.
I have kids.
I don't have biological,biological kids.
But a lot of people don't know.
And they don't even need to,they look like Bradley tells me
all the time hey, man, theystarting to look like you, it's
because they act like you.
That's how I be.
Speaker 3 (50:19):
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
I wish people would get thatnarrative out of their heads.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
But we can have these conversations now.
Yeah, out of their heads.
But we can have theseconversations now.
Yeah, we couldn't have theseconversations a long time ago.
Speaker 2 (50:29):
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (50:31):
You're hard to communicate with ma'am.
Speaker 2 (50:34):
I literally talk about anything.
Let me finish.
Speaker 1 (50:39):
But I also didn't communicate the way I do now.
Speaker 2 (50:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
But yeah, you're hard to communicate with.
Speaker 3 (50:45):
You know how like Tubby don't talk.
That's you that to communicate.
You know how like tubby don'ttalk.
Speaker 1 (50:57):
That's you, that's how you were tubby, she's
talking about you.
No, I'm just saying like youdefinitely did not communicate
very well, yeah, so I know, I'maware of that.
But I'm fully aware that's.
That's one of my pet peeves too.
Men don't communicate In thebarbershop.
It is so bad.
It's bad to the point where Icommunicate very, very extra
(51:18):
with my clients.
If you book a new appointment,if you're a new person, I'm
going to text you.
Hey, what's up?
This is Cruz, this is theaddress, this, this, this, this
is that.
Be here on time.
That's it.
Guys won't reply yeah, it's likebro, this is me texting you,
letting you know hey, welcome.
This is not a awkward place oran unwelcoming place.
(51:43):
They don't communicate but,they'll just cancel their
appointment sometimes.
Speaker 3 (51:49):
So a lot of things I learned through my waxing
training.
I had so many therapeuticmoments and conversations.
Speaker 1 (51:55):
You wasn't training, you wasn't even having therapy.
Speaker 3 (51:58):
Yeah, I really was.
It was something she told mewas like you need to learn to
give other people grace insteadof judging them right away.
Everybody moves how they movefor a reason.
Everybody says things how theysay for a reason, or they don't
say things for a reason, andmaybe these men that you've, you
(52:20):
know, come into contact with,have never been taught to
communicate effectively.
Yeah, or they're around toxicenvironments that they can't
communicate effectively.
And like you tell me all thetime that I'm not easy to
communicate with and I justsometimes I have a hard time
understanding that, because Ifeel like if you really take a
(52:43):
moment and get to sit down likewe are now and communicate and
talk, I will listen and thenI'll probably think about it
later on and just be like okay,I understand where you're coming
from In the moment.
Speaker 1 (52:56):
I might get a little defensive, exactly.
Speaker 3 (52:59):
But that is normal.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
There's been a time where I told you something.
You got mad at me, you yelledat me, you went to the kitchen.
When I came to the kitchen, yousaid, okay, I understand, yes,
why you got to be offensive, whyyou didn't just have a
conversation.
Speaker 3 (53:15):
Do you think that you're the easiest person to
communicate with?
Speaker 1 (53:19):
Look, see, see, april knows, April knows All right,
be quiet, go to your room.
Hush Life april knows all right, be quiet go in your room life
with girls.
Boy, okay go ahead.
Speaker 3 (53:32):
No, you're fine, you're go ahead, no problem.
No, tell me about myself I feelit's because, like you feel like
I'm not easy to communicatewith or I get offended easily,
whatever I feel like you're notalways easy to communicate with
or I get offended easily,whatever I feel like you're not
always easy to communicate with,like I could start telling you
something and then you startdoing that.
(53:53):
You guys have seen it, he'll dothat.
Oh my God, you just don't takethe time to listen to where I'm
coming from.
You immediately already have areaction.
You immediately already have areaction.
You immediately already haveyour own opinion, and it's
almost like no one can convinceyou otherwise, because what you
feel is what's right is what'sright and what you feel is
(54:14):
what's wrong is wrong.
Imagine me trying tocommunicate with someone like
that every single day.
Why would you think that Iwould feel how I feel?
Speaker 1 (54:23):
I'd just be knowing stuff.
Speaker 3 (54:27):
Anyway.
Speaker 1 (54:33):
Alright, I got a question.
Speaker 3 (54:34):
We were supposed to talk about generational curses.
Speaker 1 (54:38):
No, we wasn't, we were supposed to talk about what
we're talking about now.
Speaker 3 (54:42):
Well, as you guys can see, we don't.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
Generational curses and me being a stepfather are
two completely different.
Speaker 3 (54:50):
We can talk about that on the next one.
Speaker 1 (54:51):
We can talk about that.
On the next one, y'all want tohear generational curses, or
they're mine I'm going to get it.
Speaker 3 (54:58):
What were you going to say?
Speaker 1 (54:59):
Never mind, I'll save it for the next one.
Speaker 3 (55:02):
What were you going to say?
Speaker 1 (55:07):
I was going to ask them do they think women know
how to take?
Speaker 3 (55:09):
accountability.
You just asked me that theother day.
Speaker 1 (55:16):
I know.
Speaker 3 (55:21):
But you're a woman.
Accountability for what, though, I don't understand?
Speaker 1 (55:23):
your question Emphasize 90% of women are gonna
say no or yes.
Women know how to takeaccountability for what?
Guys don't always agree forwhatever anything but what made
you ask that?
I've just seen it on tiktok.
It was just a a viral questionI would need to know for what?
It's like the 100 men versus agorilla.
(55:46):
It was just a question online.
Speaker 3 (55:48):
I know, but it doesn't really make sense Like
take accountability for what?
Speaker 1 (55:55):
I don't know, ask TikTok.
This is like a groupconversation, you know what I
mean.
Speaker 3 (56:02):
I can't even like answer that, because like Take
accountability for what though Idon't know.
Speaker 1 (56:08):
I don't even like answer that because, like, take
accountability for what, thoughI don't know.
I don't know For what.
Speaker 3 (56:12):
Like anything.
Speaker 1 (56:12):
Like anything.
Speaker 3 (56:16):
I see I feel like for me I've there's so many things.
I'm going to give myself gracein the props where I deserve it.
I do feel like I've grown in alot of ways.
For sure I want to give myselfthat grace and like I have
learned to say I could have donethis differently.
I could have, and that's likepride, like I could have.
(56:38):
You know, I could have said, no, everything that I did before
in my past that's like how itwas supposed to be.
It's fine.
Before in my past that's likehow it was supposed to be, it's
fine.
No, I've literally sat and saidI could have done so much
differently.
I could have, even with, likemy jobs and stuff, where I'm
like, oh, I could have did thisdifferently, I could have waited
out.
My waxing training has been suchlike believe it or not, a huge
(57:00):
eye opener for me that like Ican, I can fight my, my anxiety.
I can fight my wanting to justrun.
I always want to run fromthings or quit, like even when
it comes to relationships mylast two that's what I did.
When, like, when I'm done, I'mdone, I feel like, when I don't
want to deal with it, I don'twant to deal with it.
And when it comes to like a job, that's like feeding my family
(57:22):
and stuff, I had to grow out ofthat quick and just be like no,
and she would tell us that intraining, you need to prove
today that you want to be hereand that you're here because you
want this for you and yourfamily, and everything that
you've ever dreamt about is whyyou're here today, so you're not
going to give up when it getstough.
Because she was tough on usfelt like boot camp.
(57:44):
We were getting yelled at, likeit was rough but like you have
to be strong emotionally to getthrough that and I had a
breakdown.
The other girl it wasn't justme like that wasn't having a
breakdown yes, like if you'venever had a european.
I can't.
I don't know if I can saytraining in a wax place like it
(58:05):
can be super intense becausethey need to make sure you're
running into so many differentpeople every day.
You have to be able to handledifferent situations and for me,
that was something that reallyI really learned actually how to
like handle my moments when Ifelt like I just want to give up
(58:25):
.
I seriously yeah, I'm not see,I'm taking accountability.
I'm admitting like I felt onday three I wanted to just be
done.
I was like I'm gonna just haveto find something else there.
My mind backtracks you know, butno, I like was like no, I'm
gonna make it through and I did.
And I'm so proud that I stuckit through, because now I see
(58:45):
the light.
But that's me takingaccountability.
Speaker 1 (58:50):
I have anxiety but you also, you don't give
yourself enough grace she talkedabout that too you.
I feel like you stress about alot of stuff that that is, from
generational curses girl, let metalk.
You struggle with tests and allthis and you stress so hard and
(59:11):
I don't understand it becauseit's not that serious and you
don't hold on and you don'tthink you're as good as you are
at stuff.
That's what I mean by giveyourself some grace.
You need to understand who youare and what you are and how
good you are.
Speaker 3 (59:31):
I do now.
Speaker 1 (59:31):
Yeah, now.
Speaker 3 (59:33):
Okay, but I needed to go through that, I know, to get
to that point.
You see what I'm saying,because I could have given up
and I would have never seen itthat way.
I would have just given up andbeen back at square one and I
would continue that samegenerational curse on myself
that I'm not good enough.
This is not for me.
I'm not strong enough.
I can't do it, you know so.
Speaker 1 (59:59):
You need to be like Big Tino.
Speaker 3 (01:00:01):
But see, that's what I'm saying Like you have to be
more like, you need to not be soharsh, like for you to say like
I don't get it.
It's because you don'tunderstand my why I feel that
way.
It goes way back, way back, andif I've never actually dealt
with it and had like therapy orsomething to help me through it,
(01:00:24):
I've had to help myself throughit.
Literally no one else helps methrough it but God.
So just think about it.
Give people grace, becausepeople are going through a stuff
deep down that they don't wantto talk about.
Just like men don't like totalk about a lot of things, me,
as a woman, I don't like to talkabout a lot of things.
(01:00:44):
It makes me feel weak, it makesme feel like I'm not, it makes
me feel like a baby, like I'm acomplainer, so I just don't talk
about it, I deal with it andthen it starts to erupt.
So give me grace.
Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
I guess, well, that is the end of this episode, guys
.
So yeah, it's been stressful.
Speaker 3 (01:01:12):
What's been stressful .
Speaker 2 (01:01:14):
This episode why?
Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
It's been what's the word to explain this episode?
I?
Speaker 3 (01:01:21):
think it's just.
This is us.
We talk about anything and I.
Are you stressed or something?
I feel fine.
Speaker 1 (01:01:30):
It's not.
Speaker 3 (01:01:32):
It's not that deep.
You have to talk about thingslike this.
You know how many people don'thave conversations like this.
That's what I'm saying.
It's not arguing, it'scommunication.
Speaker 1 (01:01:44):
Since we communicate, how come you didn't ask me
about my night last night?
Speaker 3 (01:01:49):
I was going to ask you that why did you post?
Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
Because I almost died last night.
Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
Why.
Speaker 1 (01:01:56):
A motorcycle almost ran me over.
Speaker 2 (01:01:59):
Where.
Speaker 1 (01:02:01):
Downtown Gilbert.
Speaker 3 (01:02:03):
He was out.
Speaker 1 (01:02:05):
Yeah, we went to eat.
We went to eat tacos downtowngilbert.
Then we went to get ice cream,right.
I turned around, right I'mfacing, so the traffic can only
come this way.
So kenny's right here.
Kenny and andre, I'm taking apicture.
I hear a car behind me.
I'm thinking, okay, we got toget out the way because maybe
(01:02:27):
they're going to go this way,not realizing you can only go
this way on this street.
So I hear the car, I see thelight reflection on Kenny, so I
step to the right.
The motorcycle swerves right.
If I would hit his handlebarshe would hit Kenny and Andre, or
he would have Kenny and Andre,or he would have just ran me
(01:02:49):
over.
So, yeah, so thanks for asking.
Speaker 3 (01:02:55):
I don't know what you're talking about, so thanks
for asking.
I don't really think much intoyour posts honestly, I don't
know what you're talking about.
Speaker 1 (01:03:02):
We was at church today feeling grateful.
Speaker 3 (01:03:04):
My boy, You're supposed to feel grateful every
day.
Speaker 1 (01:03:07):
I know.
But boy and also, you can dieany day.
Erica, the bike was a hair awayfrom me, I felt it, and the
dude got the nerve to look backat me like I did something wrong
.
I said hey, Kenny, if you'd hitme you should have dropped that
fool, See how your life canchange in an instant well, I
(01:03:32):
didn't know that, but I mean, Iwasn't thinking on motorcycling
that's it for this episode.
that's it for this episode.
Make a, what's it called?
Make a thumbnail, take athumbnail.
Alright, I'm what.
Make a thumbnail, take athumbnail.
All right, I'm going to take athumbnail right now.
All right, you ain't making nothumbnail.
(01:04:02):
I'm going to use that exactsame picture right there.
Yeah, nah, don't try to smilenow.
Oh girl, we're going to seey'all in the next episode.
Like subscribe to the YouTubechannel.
Follow us.
Subscribe Whatever you do onSpotify, apple.
Speaker 3 (01:04:17):
Music all that you can follow her if you want to.
E-r-i-k-a-p-l-e-d-g-e.
Speaker 1 (01:04:23):
Go follow me now.
That is so many letters.
We'll catch y'all in the nextone.
We appreciate the support.
Peace.
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