September 23, 2024 • 30 mins
September is National Suicide Prevention Month. Suicide is a leading cause of death and affects people of all ages. 1.6 million people attempt suicide every year in the United States, and 3.6 million made a plan. Suicide is a serious health crisis.
When a person dies by suicide, the effects are felt by family, friends, and communities. Marisa Giarnella is the co-founder of the Jordan Porco Foundation, that was created in the memory of her son Jordan who took his life as a freshman in college. The foundations goals are to prevent suicide, promote mental health, and create a message of hope for young adults. Marisa says one suicide can affect over 130 people. We talked about Jordan, their flagship program known as Fresh Check Days a sort of mental health check-in at colleges across the country, and how to get through a suicide in the family. Marisa says that mental health needs to be talked about and destigmatized. She also says it's ok to ask for help.
To get in touch with the Jordan Porco Foundation go to: Jordan Porco Foundation Jordan Porco Foundation | Suicide Awareness and Prevention (rememberingjordan.org)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for Immediate Help call: 1.800.273.8255
Or Text HOME to 741741
Dial 988
OR DIAL 2-1-1 TO FIND MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT IN YOUR AREA
OR DIAL 9-1-1 IN AN EMERGENCY
For more information or to apply for benefits go to ctpaidleave.org
https://ctpaidleave.org/s/?language=en_US
https://www.facebook.com/CTPaidLeave
https://www.instagram.com/ctpaidleave/
https://twitter.com/CTPaidLeave
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=ct+paid+leave
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Nancy Barrow (00:01):
Hello Connecticut, and welcome to The Paid Leave
Podcast. The title basicallysays it all. I'm Nancy Barrow,
and I will be delving into thisnew state program and how it can
help you and your family. Thispodcast will give you
information you should knowabout Connecticut Paid Leave and
maybe just a little bit more.
Connecticut, paid leave bringspeace of mind to your home,
(00:22):
family and workplace. Welcome toThe Paid Leave Podcast.
September is Suicide PreventionMonth. Suicide is a leading
cause of death in the UnitedStates and a major public health
concern, and when a person diesby suicide, the effects are felt
by family, friends and theircommunities. Connecticut suicide
(00:45):
rates in 2021 was twice the rateof homicide. The suicide rate
for the state is highest forpersons 25 to 34 years of age.
And according to the 2021Connecticut School Health
Survey, 14.1% of students ingrades nine through 12 said they
seriously considered a suicideattempt during the previous 12
(01:07):
months. Marisa Giarnella Is theco-founder of the Jordan Porco
Foundation, which sheestablished in memory of her son
Jordan, who died by suicide in2011 and the foundation focuses
on suicide prevention, mentalhealth awareness among young
adults, something Connecticutpaid leave covers for workers in
Connecticut so they can takecare of themselves if they're
(01:29):
suffering, or they can take careof a loved one, like a teenager
who may be suffering from mentalhealth issues. And I kind of
wanted to just connect the dotsso we could establish what
Connecticut paid leave does, andthe intersection with the Jordan
Porco foundation, but thank youso much for being on The Paid
Leave Podcast. Marisa,
Marisa Giarnella (01:46):
Thank you so much.
Nancy Barrow (01:47):
I appreciate you coming and talking about this
first just let me say I'm sosorry that you had to start this
foundation. What a tragedy foryou and your family. How did you
find this strength and theresilience to continue and
create this foundation.
Marisa Giarnella (02:05):
One of the things you know, knowing Jordan
and this tragedy that reallyback 13 years ago, people
weren't talking about suicidelike they are now, I just really
felt something good had to comeout of this, the tragedy. I
didn't want my son to be definedby this. One of the things we
did was, I'm a career socialworker. I've been a social
worker, you know, almost 40years. We did talk about these
(02:28):
topics in my home, way back, youknow. And so what happened was,
with the help of friends andfamily and really creative
ideas, we thought like, Howcould have my son gotten the
message about getting help andthat this should be no shame
asking for help. That's kind ofhow we came up with the concept,
(02:48):
which is now our signatureprogram, which is all over the
country, but it really camestemmed from what type of event
my son would have attended toget the message that it's okay
to struggle with mental healthissues. There's help out there.
There's hope out there thatyou're not alone.
Nancy Barrow (03:02):
It's interesting.
Like you said, you had theseconversations at home because
you're a social worker. How didthat not resonate with him when
he was off to college? Is itjust, you know, out of sight,
out of mind, that he didn'treally think about what you have
taught him?
Marisa Giarnella (03:16):
You know, it's all there's always, like, a
confluence of factors whensomeone dies by suicide, and I
think when you're in a darkplace, I mean, this was the
other component of all this.
When you're a dark place, youreally aren't thinking straight,
right? And despite the fact thatyou had a loving family, a
supportive family, a family thatwould have done anything right,
and friends and all that, Ithink that may you may not
(03:36):
recognize that there's a lightat the end of the tunnel, that
this is a blip in the journey,you know, of the transition,
maybe, for him, it was college.
So part of the component of whatwe built was to educate peers in
recognizing the warning signs.
You know, again, it's, there'stwo folds, like our program is
about educating students andusing the peer groups on campus,
(04:00):
but it's also, you know, justkind of bringing that awareness
and presenting it in a platformthat there's heavy conversations
happening, but it kind ofnormalizes the conversation. And
again, this is this platform wasstarted 13 years ago. It was
developed. Our first pilot wasback in 2012 at Eastern
Connecticut State University.
And so obviously the world haschanged dramatically since then,
(04:22):
and now you hear about people'sstruggles, and people talking
about their struggles andgetting help anybody, whether
you're a celebrity or apolitician, and it just
everybody's more open about it,but it really wasn't the culture
back then. Sometimes reallysurprised that we're like in 43
states and Puerto Rico and DCand over 370 colleges. But I
think the program reallyresonated with students and
(04:45):
understanding that there areresources, there's alternate
coping skills when you'redealing with stress, and also
the most important feeling forcollege students is that you're
not alone. And I think that oneof the things that my son
struggled with, he probablythought he was the only person
that didn't figure hadn'tfigured out what he. Wanted to
do what his major was,struggling with the stress of
being independent at college andhaving an open schedule, right?
(05:06):
You go to class, you don't go toclass, you study, you don't
study, whatever it is. It's abig adjustment.
Nancy Barrow (05:12):
I think about how you started this a year after
the tragic event with Jordan,and that may have been cathartic
for you, maybe really trying tomake something positive out of
such a tragic situation,creating the Porco Foundation,
the Jordan Porco foundation. Wasit cathartic for you? And what
is it now for you?
Marisa Giarnella (05:33):
It oh, it was, it was, there was a lot going on
that first year, and I think theonly way it happened was the
support of family and friendsand volunteers and people that
really had that vision. Anddon't forget, I was part of a
whole group of parents that justsent their kids off to college.
Right? It was a successful pilotevent that grew and then by 2015
(05:57):
and we went national, and wejust kind of went through the
growth of this and listening topeople, listening to students,
talking to colleges,understanding what the gaps
were, understanding that, youknow, at least from our
perspective, you could spend aton of money to have a speaker
come in and only have a fewpeople that are interested in
(06:18):
psychology, or I know that myson would have never attended a
suicide prevention event or amental health event, and that's
why we decide fresh strict day,because it really talked about
that stuff, but had all theother elements that would be
drawing students in from acrosscampus. So it's that primary
prevention approach that wasreally the success of this was
(06:39):
what kind of event would my sonhad gone to understanding that
he knew better, right, right andright, and I joke around with
that in a very light way, but heknew better. You know, we did
talk about mental health. We didtalk about addiction. We did
talk about all the differentthings that are risk factors for
people who are emerging intoadulthood. We know a lot of
times the development of mentalhealth issues may happen at that
(07:01):
age, although they can happen atany age. Yeah, exactly. So he
knew of other people who werestruggling, yeah. So that's
really how this whole thing cameabout. I look back, and I guess
I don't think about it thatmuch, I see that there's still a
need. I'm thankful for the teamthat between the Board of
Directors and volunteers and theclinical board and my colleagues
(07:23):
on the Connecticut State suicideadvisory board, and the support
that I had for this vision isreally what made it happen.
Nancy Barrow (07:30):
I know that Connecticut Paid Leave is going
to be at some of your FreshCheck Days. That's great at
local colleges. Yeah, we'regoing to be tabling there and
giving our information out. Tellme what people should expect at
a Fresh Check day, like, whatcan the students expect? And
what can we expect from FreshCheck Day?
Marisa Giarnella (07:46):
So the planning usually takes about
three, three months, and we workcollaboratively with the
colleges that sign up. And sothere's usually a team of people
on the college campuses thatkind of gather their resources
and their different studentgroups, and then they have this
event, which is usually a couplehours, and you've got these
(08:08):
interactive booths run by thestudent groups on campus. So it
could be the women's group oncampus, it could be the LGBT
group on campus. It could be thehealth center or the Wellness
Center, and you have, you mighthave therapy dogs and you have
music or the dance team.
Someone's teaching a yoga class.
There's incentives forparticipation. We require that
(08:30):
our student, the students, get,like, a punch card and visit, at
least, you know, X amount ofbooths out of maybe 10 booths
that are recommended, there'susually food, there's T shirts,
there's giveaways, and it's thisreally festive, uplifting,
positive environment talkingabout some heavy topics. So
there's a booth that talks aboutthe warning signs, and there's
(08:52):
all the other when you thinkabout college campuses and risk
factors, whether it's sexualassault, whether it's problems
with addiction, whatever theissues are, knowing that the
resources are there, sometimeseven just having the Counseling
Center have a booth there, andknowing that the people on the
other side of the table are justregular people. And it just kind
of, you don't have to feelintimidated about maybe reaching
(09:14):
out down the road or tellingyour roommate or your classmate,
hey, you know what? I met thesepeople. They're pretty cool, you
know? Why don't you go downthere and talk about what's
going on? You know? And again, Ithink that the connectedness
which college students need,they need to feel connected, and
they also feel like they're notalone. We have booth activities
that really kind of talk aboutthat. There's a lot of kids on
(09:37):
campus that, no matter whattheir persona is and how they're
forward facing. They probablymiss their family. They may be a
little homesick. Maybe they misstheir pet. Maybe they don't
like, you know, they'restruggling with their roommates,
and miss their friends, or missthe routine that they had at
home. They don't feel like thisis the right fit. There's so
many things going on during acollege student's life, yeah,
(09:59):
and as. Just we know that it isa privilege. There's also a lot
of stress.
Nancy Barrow (10:02):
I look at college now and it's so different, you
know, because social media isinvolved, tell me what your
thoughts are about social mediaand the pressure to measure up.
Marisa Giarnella (10:12):
I know that there's been some studies that
said the onset of thesmartphone, which was 2011 the
year, if my son died, there wasa spike suicidal ideation. You
know, suicides with the youngpopulation, like this 10 to 34
population of age group, there'sthe communication strategy that
you have using a smartphone,right? You may say things that
(10:34):
you wouldn't necessarily say inperson. It's like there's an
addiction factor. I thinkeverybody knows that, right? If
the Surgeon General said it's apublic health issue. And so
you've got developing minds atime in life, especially for
young adolescents, middle schoolage kids, young emerging adults.
People don't post the unhappystuff. For the most part, it's
(10:55):
always everybody's lookinggreat. Everybody has a filter on
everybody has a great life, andno one's really the relating,
just all the exposure. Ifsomething goes wrong or you make
a mistake, all of a sudden it'sall over social media. It's
easier to bully people. It is onsocial media. It's also easy now
to get really bad information onsome of these channels, and
(11:18):
people are taking thisinformation is truth. A lot of
young people are relying onthese platforms. And I also
think there's a lot of goodthings happening, like people do
find support, people do connectwith people in different parts
of the world who are strugglingwith similar issues. But I think
a reliance, I mean, it's like,it's here, so it's we're never
(11:39):
going to get rid of it. Itdefinitely has an impact on the
developing brain and our mentalhealth in general.
Nancy Barrow (11:45):
Really meeting the students where they are is the
best way to be effective. And Ithink these Fresh Check Days,
I'm really excited that we'reinvolved in it.
Marisa Giarnella (11:53):
Oh I'm excited that you are, too. And I think
one of the things that wedesigned, way intentionally
designed, is the uniqueness ofevery college campus. Every
college campus in this in thiscountry, knows what their kids
need, right? And so thecommunity college demographic
may be a little different than asmall private university up in
the Berkshires, just say, or asmall college, right? And they
(12:15):
can, they can tailor their freshcheck day to meet those needs
community college, you've gotstudents that might be having to
take a couple of busses to getthere, and might be working and
supporting their families, youknow they need to know what the
resources are in theircommunity, right? Because the
community college can't provideeverything, even though, with
the new structure, I think theyare doing a lot of really good
work now that's intentionallydesigned so that, again, meeting
(12:39):
the kids, where they are, andknowing, knowing your campus and
kind of showcasing what you canoffer the students.
Nancy Barrow (12:46):
Connecticut Paid Leave not only gives income
replacement for mental health,it also gives income replacement
if you are in an addictionprogram, and it also helps
parents if They have to taketheir kids to doctor's
appointments and things likethat. How important are programs
like this to help and assistwhat you do?
Marisa Giarnella (13:09):
As you can imagine, over the last, you
know, many years, I've talked toso many families that are
struggling with their kids andtheir or maybe their spouses or,
you know, other other familymembers. And it's it's a hard
system to navigate, and you mayneed time, because it's not cut
and dry in terms of how you'regoing to access services. If
your insurance company is goingto pay for the services, where
(13:32):
do you have to go? What's thewaiting list at the same time,
if you're a parent and you'vegot a child who's struggling,
you actually need some supportyourself, right, to kind of
process everything that's goingon.
Nancy Barrow (13:44):
And so you don't have to leave your job, right?
You can have income replacementfrom us.
Marisa Giarnella (13:48):
Yeah, and which is really important,
because, again, if there's moreneed than the resources, and we
are in a resource rich state,and we still see that there's
waiting lists and there's notenough prescribers and there's
not enough beds, and so a familymember who doesn't, who's not
familiar, even people who arefamiliar with the system, are
struggling getting what theyneed for their kids or
(14:08):
themselves. But if you are newto this world, and this is the
first time that you're trying toaccess mental health services or
addiction services or, you know,some type of program for
disordered eating, whatever yourissue is, it's complicated.
Having that support this programis, I think, really critical.
Nancy Barrow (14:28):
Tell me about preparation for college. What
can we do better?
Marisa Giarnella (14:33):
Well that was something that we thought about
way back then, and a lot of andI, you know, I was, I was roped
into it as well as a parent. Oh,my God. You know you've got to
do all these things to buildyour resume, to do your
application, to get into a goodcollege. Blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah. All the academicpreparation was emphasized in
high school, but not anythingelse you know. What are your SAT
(14:53):
scores? What do you know but theemotional preparedness? I don't
think we even talked as much,even though the gap years were.
Available. I don't think we evertalked about, well, maybe
college isn't for you, or maybeyou should just take a year and
just figure, like they do inEurope, like just take a year
off and figure out what you wantto do. It'll still be there, but
this pressure to go with thesame class and graduate in four
(15:14):
years and all that kind of stuffthere is that isn't for
everybody. And in all reality,it's like college isn't the
answer for everybody. We needpeople to go into the trades.
There's a lot of people who endup getting their four year
degree and then go back toschool to get some type of
certificate or something to do adifferent kind of job. I think
that we need to spend a littlebit more time exploring those
options and understanding thereadiness component. We just
(15:38):
can't send kids to school andexpect that colleges are going
to take care of everything thatis not, you know, this whole "in
loco parentis" kind of thing.
It's they've got a lot going onin these college campuses. There
is a lot going on on collegecampuses, unfortunately, and
there's only so many resources.
So, you know, sometimes it's alevel of maturity, sometimes
it's just the stress oftransition. We do know that at
(15:59):
any point during a lifetime,transition, times like if you
lose a job, if you get divorced.
I mean, those are high risktimes for people who may be, who
may develop a mental illness,right, may develop anxiety or
depression or something else. Sowe, I think we need to talk
about the emotional readiness,the soft skills that you need
(16:20):
some of the other things that,and I think we need to start in
high school.
Nancy Barrow (16:26):
Yeah, you do have a program in high school, right?
Marisa Giarnella (16:29):
We've modified our Fresh Check Day program, our
college program for high schoolsand middle schools and
communities and businesses ifthey want to do that. And we
have another PsychologicalResilience Program, just to
start having the conversation,just to talk about different
scenarios, different copingskills, you know, how would you
handle it, just opening up thosepre conversations with students,
(16:54):
to kind of get them thinkingabout this stuff. And how do you
handle challenges? How do youhandle, you know, time and
money. You know, these are allkinds of things that get kids in
trouble later on in life, right?
Time management is important. Itis important. You're trying to
go to school, you're trying tohave a little job, something
like that. Like all these thingsmake things more stressful.
Nancy Barrow (17:13):
How do you feel the transition can get a little
easier for kids going tocollege. I know you had a second
child, a daughter. How did youdo things differently with her?
Marisa Giarnella (17:23):
I think I tried to do more research,
although she was very convincedwhere she wanted to end up
going. You know, I was worriedabout things about, you know,
being away from school. What arethe resources on campus? And
what happens if, you know sheneeds some help you want to
trust but again, the schoolshave different philosophies and
different resources anddifferent, you know, different
(17:44):
priorities. So you're not alwaysguaranteed that you're going to
get what you think you might begetting on a college campus. And
I think so for parents to openup those conversations early on,
as early as you can, what areyour go to strategies when
things are getting feelingoverwhelming? I mean, I think we
need to have that, yeah, thatconversation, and if it's not
(18:04):
with the parents, but look,definitely a trusted adult like
I think parents need to tellkids, okay, if you don't feel
comfortable coming to me, makesure you talk to your aunt or
your uncle or whoever, somebodyyou know. I think it's more
important now to keep thecommunication opening, not
feeling shame if you are feelinglike you're struggling with
somebody or just and now with,you know, there's telehealth,
there's so many differentoptions, I think, that came out
(18:25):
of the pandemic that reallyweren't an option before,
especially in parts of thecountry, where there's rural
communities where it could takea couple hours to go get a an
appointment with a face to facewith a therapist or social
worker or counselor. RightUnderstanding that, you know, we
have the 988, national hotline.
You know, we have a text CrisisText Line. There are people out
there to talk to you who canhelp you through things, whether
(18:47):
you're struggling withsomething, or your child or your
you know, there are, there areresources out there. And so I
think we've made some seriousgains in the last decade to
address this issue, which is,you know, again, number one, I
believe depression number one,public health issue and
loneliness. Now, you know, withthose, the more that we have,
(19:10):
you know, we're connected withtechnology, the more we're
finding indicators of lonelinessand isolation.
Nancy Barrow (19:19):
Remote work is a real thing, and people not going
into an office every day, thatcan be difficult for some
people. Some people can handlethat, and some people can't
handle that. You know, it's notas easy for them. It's the same
thing with you know, how kidslearned during the pandemic. You
know, some kids did great withlearning on the computer. Some
kids needed that interaction. SoI do feel like you're right. I
(19:41):
think you know, having thatconnectedness is really
important and can help. Yeah,who do you think is most at risk
for suicide? Is it as prevalentin girls as it is in boys?
Marisa Giarnella (19:52):
There's been some statistics with the Youth
Risk Behavior Survey thatthere's been an increase with
young adolescent girls. Hmm.
Primarily, it's still yourwhite, middle aged man. There's
been some interesting statisticsin terms of how things are
trending. I think overall,consider all young people right
now, between 10 and 34, secondleading cause of death. People
(20:13):
are at risk. People young adultsare coming out of a pandemic
with sometimes more anxiety.
Young people are trying tonavigate everything that they
hear every day, and I know thatadults are having trouble
processing and digestingeverything that's getting hit
we're getting hit with. Andnobody can figure out what's
(20:34):
real anymore, between whateveryou want to call it the AI and
this and that it's just it'sgetting more and more
complicated, right? And ingeneral, I My advice to people
is get educated about thistopic. There's so many websites
out there. Know who yourresources are in your community.
Maybe you don't need it now, butyou're going to need to know and
(20:54):
have these open conversationsabout you know, if you have a
story and then you had a periodin your life where you
struggled, but you got throughit, and you can share how you
got through it. That helpssomebody you never know, who's
that that's going to help? Yeah,you're right. Like, we don't,
you know, we don't have aproblem talking about, oh my
god, I broke my leg playingpickleball, you know, and I went
(21:15):
to a doctor and, you know,whatever, I had surgery. We need
to normalize the conversationsabout mental health, and that
will allow more and more peopleto go out and get help, the help
that they need.
Nancy Barrow (21:25):
What are some of the signs of suicide that if you
have a friend or a family memberthat you're worried about?
Marisa Giarnella (21:31):
Well, there's the obvious signs, like somebody
may actually say, you know, Ifeel like, you know, I want to
die. I've got no reason forliving. There are some, you
know, very strong statementsthat someone may say that you
have to take seriously and youneed to act on, like a 911,
level of acting. And thenthere's the other subtle, some
(21:52):
when sometimes they're not sosubtle, but somebody's no longer
enjoys activities that they usedto do. They're isolating more.
They're not sleeping, they'resleeping too much. They're
eating, not eating enough.
They're eating too you know,there's all the or they're just
look a little disheveled.
They're making comments. Maybethey're giving away possessions.
They they have this, likehopelessness feeling, or this,
(22:15):
like a level of agitation withanxiety that they just can't get
themselves. There could beanger. You know, there's so many
different signs that somebodymay be struggling with a mental
health issue, right? Becauseanxiety can be as debilitating
as depression and the you know,people's history, people's
family history, people need toknow what's happened in the
(22:36):
family, right? And then if youadd alcohol or drugs, so that's
the co-occurring disorders, andincreases risk right access to
lethal means like one of thethings that we're doing here in
the state is, you know, puttingbarriers, putting signage on
bridges, working with people whoare selling guns to say, look,
(22:57):
you know, nobody wants thesetragedies to happen. Put a, you
know, make sure that there's alock box. Or, you know, I mean,
having these conversationsreally makes a difference,
right? And understanding likethe full picture of risk, my
training and my experience, it'sa five minute decision. The
lethality of using a gun is alot different than maybe some
(23:18):
other mean, you're rightpotentially. And, you know,
reducing the risk by eliminatingsome of those things when
somebody's in crisis. I mean,it's not like we're taking
somebody's rights away, but it'sa safety thing. And not be
afraid to ask the question, tothink, well, if I ask the
question, I'm putting thethought of the suicide in their
mind. We need know that over amillion people attempt suicide
(23:39):
every day. People do strugglewith thoughts of suicide at
different points of time intheir life. Sometimes, if you
ask the question, it actually isgoing to relieve the burden that
someone's keeping a secretinside. And so there's, there's,
there's training available, andwe all should be able to be able
to feel comfortable asking thatquestion.
Nancy Barrow (24:00):
Is it different for a parent talking to a child
like, is that conversation anydifferent than what it would be,
friend to friend, peer to peer?
Marisa Giarnella (24:07):
I think it could be, depending on the
comfort level of that parent tohave those conversations
sometimes in these communitieswhere everybody's got to be have
the perfect life and the perfectlawn and the perfect job. And
the kids going, they're doingwell, they're taking all these
AP classes. I'm talking likehigh school kids, right?
Everything on the outside looksgreat, but you know, and do you
(24:29):
have to keep up this persona,whatever? Do you have to keep up
this image at what expense?
Right? The flip side of it is,if your kid sees you taking care
of yourself and taking care ofyour like, they model what we
do, right?
Nancy Barrow (24:43):
Yeah, they they learn by example.
Marisa Giarnella (24:45):
They learn by example. And if you kind of
normalize that conversation athome, it becomes easier. I mean,
I think there's lots ofopportunities when things come
up in the media to say, hey, youknow, you know that whole trick
about having the kids in thecar, you know, and try to talk
to them when they're like, youknow? A captive audience to say,
hey, you know, what do you thinkabout this, you know? Or what do
(25:06):
you think about you know? Do youknow anybody? Do you see this?
Do you ever feel this way? Imean, I think it takes, got to
start young.
Nancy Barrow (25:14):
What advice would you give survivors of suicide?
Marisa Giarnella (25:19):
I haven't been asked that question a long time.
But personally, especially as asocial worker who did a lot of
risk management work in hercareer, you know, my career
here, I knew I needed to gethelp. I needed to talk to other
survivors. For personally, Iread a lot of books because you
have to, you keep on replayingso much in your head. What did I
(25:40):
do? What did I miss? We know allthat kind of stuff. A lot of
it's a very complicated losingsomeone to suicide is very
complicated. And there's astatistics out there with the
AFSP that says 135 people areaffected by every suicide death.
That's a lot of people. That's alot of it's a lot of people. And
so trying to wrap yourselfaround the shoulda, coulda,
(26:01):
whatever right is, is one thing,but talking to other people who
have walked your walk reallyhelped me. I attended support
groups, I did a lot of reading,spent a lot of one on one time
with other moms who had gonethrough this. Some people knew
that their kids were struggling.
Some people didn't. It's allthat and do, I guess when
someone dies and you know youlose a son, you lose a daughter,
(26:23):
you know you lose a spouse, it'syour new normal. All of a
sudden, you the date starts fromthat date, right? In terms of
how you remember stuff it waspre, pre that date, or after
that date. And for me, I foundsome comfort in gardening,
right? So I spent a lot of timekind of getting lost in the
garden, and it took a lot ofwalks, and I had to take care of
(26:45):
myself, and I had to ask forhelp, like I was the kind I
wasn't the person that said, Ohyeah, you know, come help me out
with this or that. But I had toreally, kind of change my
attitude and say, I need to, Ican't do this. You know, this
grief is exhausting and it andit goes through phases, and it
comes through waves and and, youknow, and obviously getting the
(27:09):
help of a therapist was reallyhelpful to me.
Nancy Barrow (27:13):
I wish that Connecticut Paid Leave was
around back then for you, so youcould have gotten some relief
and taken some time off of youknow, your job as a social
worker to take care of yourself.
You know, that's one thing wehave up to three months, up to
12 weeks of income replacement,and that can make a difference
for somebody who's struggling.
Marisa Giarnella (27:35):
I was really lucky to work for an agency that
was so understanding and sopatient. And I really, and I
don't know that if I worked inanother industry or another type
of setting, I would have hadthat ability. So yes, I agree
that, you know, if you need thattime, it does help.
Nancy Barrow (27:54):
What would you like people to know about
Jordan?
Marisa Giarnella (27:58):
He again, you know, would be the last kid that
you thought would die bysuicide, and he had a lot of
friends. He was well liked. Hewas a funny kid. Loved to be
outdoors, love to snowboard, youknow, skateboard. He was just
your regular, goofy kid. Youknow, he just, he was a great
kid, even though it's been somany years, different things
(28:21):
trigger you. You know, it's notjust those photos that pop up on
your phone in terms of memories,but the grocery store, right? Or
a time of year, a season, youknow, the back to school,
And a song.
Jordan was really into music. He
Nancy Barrow (28:33):
A song.
loved to put together theselittle playlists for his friends
on these CDs back then, when,you know, before all this
technology came in and loved todo videos and put them to music,
and, you know, maybe that's whatwould have been his career down
the road. I don't know, but hewas really kind of talented for
what was available, technologywise, back in 2010 and 2011 but,
(28:56):
yeah, you know, it's, it's along journey, and it's always,
you know, my heart, it will bealways broken. I always, kind
of, it's really sad to say, but,yeah, that's how. But I also
look, I'm very grateful for allthe gifts that I have in my life
and all the good things thatcome out it.
You're a specialhuman being. And I really just
want to thank you, MarisaGiarnella for coming in and
(29:19):
talking about this topic duringSuicide Prevention Month, and I
know it's hard, and I appreciateyou being able to talk about it.
I just think that you need toknow how special you are.
Marisa Giarnella (29:30):
Well thank you so much, and thank you for the
opportunity to be able to talkabout the Jordan Porco
foundation and talk about thistopic, which really probably
needs to be talked about morethan once a year, right? But
kind of can impact a lot ofpeople. I think way back, we
didn't know so many people thatdied by suicide, but now you
hear it a lot more.
Nancy Barrow (29:50):
And I think normalizing mental health, like
you said, is the way to go.
Thank you again for being on ThePaid Leave Podcast.
Marisa Giarnella (29:57):
Thank you.
Nancy Barrow (29:58):
The National Suicide Prevention Hotline for
immediate help is1-800-273-8255, you can text
home to 741, 741 dial 988, oryou can dial 211, to find mental
health support in your area. Ofcourse, 911, in an emergency.
For more information or to applyfor benefits, go to
(30:18):
ctpaideave.org This has beenanother edition of the paid
leave podcast. Please like andsubscribe so you'll be notified
about new podcasts that becomeavailable Connecticut. Paid
Leave is a public act with apersonal purpose. I'm Nancy
Barrow, and thanks forlistening.
Hello Connecticut, and welcome to The Paid Leave
Podcast. The title basicallysays it all. I'm Nancy Barrow,
and I will be delving into thisnew state program and how it can
help you and your family. Thispodcast will give you
information you should knowabout Connecticut Paid Leave and
maybe just a little bit more.
Connecticut, paid leave bringspeace of mind to your home,
(00:22):
family and workplace. Welcome toThe Paid Leave Podcast.
September is Suicide PreventionMonth. Suicide is a leading
cause of death in the UnitedStates and a major public health
concern, and when a person diesby suicide, the effects are felt
by family, friends and theircommunities. Connecticut suicide
(00:45):
rates in 2021 was twice the rateof homicide. The suicide rate
for the state is highest forpersons 25 to 34 years of age.
And according to the 2021Connecticut School Health
Survey, 14.1% of students ingrades nine through 12 said they
seriously considered a suicideattempt during the previous 12
(01:07):
months. Marisa Giarnella Is theco-founder of the Jordan Porco
Foundation, which sheestablished in memory of her son
Jordan, who died by suicide in2011 and the foundation focuses
on suicide prevention, mentalhealth awareness among young
adults, something Connecticutpaid leave covers for workers in
Connecticut so they can takecare of themselves if they're
(01:29):
suffering, or they can take careof a loved one, like a teenager
who may be suffering from mentalhealth issues. And I kind of
wanted to just connect the dotsso we could establish what
Connecticut paid leave does, andthe intersection with the Jordan
Porco foundation, but thank youso much for being on The Paid
Leave Podcast. Marisa,
Marisa Giarnella (01:46):
Thank you so much.
Nancy Barrow (01:47):
I appreciate you coming and talking about this
first just let me say I'm sosorry that you had to start this
foundation. What a tragedy foryou and your family. How did you
find this strength and theresilience to continue and
create this foundation.
Marisa Giarnella (02:05):
One of the things you know, knowing Jordan
and this tragedy that reallyback 13 years ago, people
weren't talking about suicidelike they are now, I just really
felt something good had to comeout of this, the tragedy. I
didn't want my son to be definedby this. One of the things we
did was, I'm a career socialworker. I've been a social
worker, you know, almost 40years. We did talk about these
(02:28):
topics in my home, way back, youknow. And so what happened was,
with the help of friends andfamily and really creative
ideas, we thought like, Howcould have my son gotten the
message about getting help andthat this should be no shame
asking for help. That's kind ofhow we came up with the concept,
(02:48):
which is now our signatureprogram, which is all over the
country, but it really camestemmed from what type of event
my son would have attended toget the message that it's okay
to struggle with mental healthissues. There's help out there.
There's hope out there thatyou're not alone.
Nancy Barrow (03:02):
It's interesting.
Like you said, you had theseconversations at home because
you're a social worker. How didthat not resonate with him when
he was off to college? Is itjust, you know, out of sight,
out of mind, that he didn'treally think about what you have
taught him?
Marisa Giarnella (03:16):
You know, it's all there's always, like, a
confluence of factors whensomeone dies by suicide, and I
think when you're in a darkplace, I mean, this was the
other component of all this.
When you're a dark place, youreally aren't thinking straight,
right? And despite the fact thatyou had a loving family, a
supportive family, a family thatwould have done anything right,
and friends and all that, Ithink that may you may not
(03:36):
recognize that there's a lightat the end of the tunnel, that
this is a blip in the journey,you know, of the transition,
maybe, for him, it was college.
So part of the component of whatwe built was to educate peers in
recognizing the warning signs.
You know, again, it's, there'stwo folds, like our program is
about educating students andusing the peer groups on campus,
(04:00):
but it's also, you know, justkind of bringing that awareness
and presenting it in a platformthat there's heavy conversations
happening, but it kind ofnormalizes the conversation. And
again, this is this platform wasstarted 13 years ago. It was
developed. Our first pilot wasback in 2012 at Eastern
Connecticut State University.
And so obviously the world haschanged dramatically since then,
(04:22):
and now you hear about people'sstruggles, and people talking
about their struggles andgetting help anybody, whether
you're a celebrity or apolitician, and it just
everybody's more open about it,but it really wasn't the culture
back then. Sometimes reallysurprised that we're like in 43
states and Puerto Rico and DCand over 370 colleges. But I
think the program reallyresonated with students and
(04:45):
understanding that there areresources, there's alternate
coping skills when you'redealing with stress, and also
the most important feeling forcollege students is that you're
not alone. And I think that oneof the things that my son
struggled with, he probablythought he was the only person
that didn't figure hadn'tfigured out what he. Wanted to
do what his major was,struggling with the stress of
being independent at college andhaving an open schedule, right?
(05:06):
You go to class, you don't go toclass, you study, you don't
study, whatever it is. It's abig adjustment.
Nancy Barrow (05:12):
I think about how you started this a year after
the tragic event with Jordan,and that may have been cathartic
for you, maybe really trying tomake something positive out of
such a tragic situation,creating the Porco Foundation,
the Jordan Porco foundation. Wasit cathartic for you? And what
is it now for you?
Marisa Giarnella (05:33):
It oh, it was, it was, there was a lot going on
that first year, and I think theonly way it happened was the
support of family and friendsand volunteers and people that
really had that vision. Anddon't forget, I was part of a
whole group of parents that justsent their kids off to college.
Right? It was a successful pilotevent that grew and then by 2015
(05:57):
and we went national, and wejust kind of went through the
growth of this and listening topeople, listening to students,
talking to colleges,understanding what the gaps
were, understanding that, youknow, at least from our
perspective, you could spend aton of money to have a speaker
come in and only have a fewpeople that are interested in
(06:18):
psychology, or I know that myson would have never attended a
suicide prevention event or amental health event, and that's
why we decide fresh strict day,because it really talked about
that stuff, but had all theother elements that would be
drawing students in from acrosscampus. So it's that primary
prevention approach that wasreally the success of this was
(06:39):
what kind of event would my sonhad gone to understanding that
he knew better, right, right andright, and I joke around with
that in a very light way, but heknew better. You know, we did
talk about mental health. We didtalk about addiction. We did
talk about all the differentthings that are risk factors for
people who are emerging intoadulthood. We know a lot of
times the development of mentalhealth issues may happen at that
(07:01):
age, although they can happen atany age. Yeah, exactly. So he
knew of other people who werestruggling, yeah. So that's
really how this whole thing cameabout. I look back, and I guess
I don't think about it thatmuch, I see that there's still a
need. I'm thankful for the teamthat between the Board of
Directors and volunteers and theclinical board and my colleagues
(07:23):
on the Connecticut State suicideadvisory board, and the support
that I had for this vision isreally what made it happen.
Nancy Barrow (07:30):
I know that Connecticut Paid Leave is going
to be at some of your FreshCheck Days. That's great at
local colleges. Yeah, we'regoing to be tabling there and
giving our information out. Tellme what people should expect at
a Fresh Check day, like, whatcan the students expect? And
what can we expect from FreshCheck Day?
Marisa Giarnella (07:46):
So the planning usually takes about
three, three months, and we workcollaboratively with the
colleges that sign up. And sothere's usually a team of people
on the college campuses thatkind of gather their resources
and their different studentgroups, and then they have this
event, which is usually a couplehours, and you've got these
(08:08):
interactive booths run by thestudent groups on campus. So it
could be the women's group oncampus, it could be the LGBT
group on campus. It could be thehealth center or the Wellness
Center, and you have, you mighthave therapy dogs and you have
music or the dance team.
Someone's teaching a yoga class.
There's incentives forparticipation. We require that
(08:30):
our student, the students, get,like, a punch card and visit, at
least, you know, X amount ofbooths out of maybe 10 booths
that are recommended, there'susually food, there's T shirts,
there's giveaways, and it's thisreally festive, uplifting,
positive environment talkingabout some heavy topics. So
there's a booth that talks aboutthe warning signs, and there's
(08:52):
all the other when you thinkabout college campuses and risk
factors, whether it's sexualassault, whether it's problems
with addiction, whatever theissues are, knowing that the
resources are there, sometimeseven just having the Counseling
Center have a booth there, andknowing that the people on the
other side of the table are justregular people. And it just kind
of, you don't have to feelintimidated about maybe reaching
(09:14):
out down the road or tellingyour roommate or your classmate,
hey, you know what? I met thesepeople. They're pretty cool, you
know? Why don't you go downthere and talk about what's
going on? You know? And again, Ithink that the connectedness
which college students need,they need to feel connected, and
they also feel like they're notalone. We have booth activities
that really kind of talk aboutthat. There's a lot of kids on
(09:37):
campus that, no matter whattheir persona is and how they're
forward facing. They probablymiss their family. They may be a
little homesick. Maybe they misstheir pet. Maybe they don't
like, you know, they'restruggling with their roommates,
and miss their friends, or missthe routine that they had at
home. They don't feel like thisis the right fit. There's so
many things going on during acollege student's life, yeah,
(09:59):
and as. Just we know that it isa privilege. There's also a lot
of stress.
Nancy Barrow (10:02):
I look at college now and it's so different, you
know, because social media isinvolved, tell me what your
thoughts are about social mediaand the pressure to measure up.
Marisa Giarnella (10:12):
I know that there's been some studies that
said the onset of thesmartphone, which was 2011 the
year, if my son died, there wasa spike suicidal ideation. You
know, suicides with the youngpopulation, like this 10 to 34
population of age group, there'sthe communication strategy that
you have using a smartphone,right? You may say things that
(10:34):
you wouldn't necessarily say inperson. It's like there's an
addiction factor. I thinkeverybody knows that, right? If
the Surgeon General said it's apublic health issue. And so
you've got developing minds atime in life, especially for
young adolescents, middle schoolage kids, young emerging adults.
People don't post the unhappystuff. For the most part, it's
(10:55):
always everybody's lookinggreat. Everybody has a filter on
everybody has a great life, andno one's really the relating,
just all the exposure. Ifsomething goes wrong or you make
a mistake, all of a sudden it'sall over social media. It's
easier to bully people. It is onsocial media. It's also easy now
to get really bad information onsome of these channels, and
(11:18):
people are taking thisinformation is truth. A lot of
young people are relying onthese platforms. And I also
think there's a lot of goodthings happening, like people do
find support, people do connectwith people in different parts
of the world who are strugglingwith similar issues. But I think
a reliance, I mean, it's like,it's here, so it's we're never
(11:39):
going to get rid of it. Itdefinitely has an impact on the
developing brain and our mentalhealth in general.
Nancy Barrow (11:45):
Really meeting the students where they are is the
best way to be effective. And Ithink these Fresh Check Days,
I'm really excited that we'reinvolved in it.
Marisa Giarnella (11:53):
Oh I'm excited that you are, too. And I think
one of the things that wedesigned, way intentionally
designed, is the uniqueness ofevery college campus. Every
college campus in this in thiscountry, knows what their kids
need, right? And so thecommunity college demographic
may be a little different than asmall private university up in
the Berkshires, just say, or asmall college, right? And they
(12:15):
can, they can tailor their freshcheck day to meet those needs
community college, you've gotstudents that might be having to
take a couple of busses to getthere, and might be working and
supporting their families, youknow they need to know what the
resources are in theircommunity, right? Because the
community college can't provideeverything, even though, with
the new structure, I think theyare doing a lot of really good
work now that's intentionallydesigned so that, again, meeting
(12:39):
the kids, where they are, andknowing, knowing your campus and
kind of showcasing what you canoffer the students.
Nancy Barrow (12:46):
Connecticut Paid Leave not only gives income
replacement for mental health,it also gives income replacement
if you are in an addictionprogram, and it also helps
parents if They have to taketheir kids to doctor's
appointments and things likethat. How important are programs
like this to help and assistwhat you do?
Marisa Giarnella (13:09):
As you can imagine, over the last, you
know, many years, I've talked toso many families that are
struggling with their kids andtheir or maybe their spouses or,
you know, other other familymembers. And it's it's a hard
system to navigate, and you mayneed time, because it's not cut
and dry in terms of how you'regoing to access services. If
your insurance company is goingto pay for the services, where
(13:32):
do you have to go? What's thewaiting list at the same time,
if you're a parent and you'vegot a child who's struggling,
you actually need some supportyourself, right, to kind of
process everything that's goingon.
Nancy Barrow (13:44):
And so you don't have to leave your job, right?
You can have income replacementfrom us.
Marisa Giarnella (13:48):
Yeah, and which is really important,
because, again, if there's moreneed than the resources, and we
are in a resource rich state,and we still see that there's
waiting lists and there's notenough prescribers and there's
not enough beds, and so a familymember who doesn't, who's not
familiar, even people who arefamiliar with the system, are
struggling getting what theyneed for their kids or
(14:08):
themselves. But if you are newto this world, and this is the
first time that you're trying toaccess mental health services or
addiction services or, you know,some type of program for
disordered eating, whatever yourissue is, it's complicated.
Having that support this programis, I think, really critical.
Nancy Barrow (14:28):
Tell me about preparation for college. What
can we do better?
Marisa Giarnella (14:33):
Well that was something that we thought about
way back then, and a lot of andI, you know, I was, I was roped
into it as well as a parent. Oh,my God. You know you've got to
do all these things to buildyour resume, to do your
application, to get into a goodcollege. Blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah. All the academicpreparation was emphasized in
high school, but not anythingelse you know. What are your SAT
(14:53):
scores? What do you know but theemotional preparedness? I don't
think we even talked as much,even though the gap years were.
Available. I don't think we evertalked about, well, maybe
college isn't for you, or maybeyou should just take a year and
just figure, like they do inEurope, like just take a year
off and figure out what you wantto do. It'll still be there, but
this pressure to go with thesame class and graduate in four
(15:14):
years and all that kind of stuffthere is that isn't for
everybody. And in all reality,it's like college isn't the
answer for everybody. We needpeople to go into the trades.
There's a lot of people who endup getting their four year
degree and then go back toschool to get some type of
certificate or something to do adifferent kind of job. I think
that we need to spend a littlebit more time exploring those
options and understanding thereadiness component. We just
(15:38):
can't send kids to school andexpect that colleges are going
to take care of everything thatis not, you know, this whole "in
loco parentis" kind of thing.
It's they've got a lot going onin these college campuses. There
is a lot going on on collegecampuses, unfortunately, and
there's only so many resources.
So, you know, sometimes it's alevel of maturity, sometimes
it's just the stress oftransition. We do know that at
(15:59):
any point during a lifetime,transition, times like if you
lose a job, if you get divorced.
I mean, those are high risktimes for people who may be, who
may develop a mental illness,right, may develop anxiety or
depression or something else. Sowe, I think we need to talk
about the emotional readiness,the soft skills that you need
(16:20):
some of the other things that,and I think we need to start in
high school.
Nancy Barrow (16:26):
Yeah, you do have a program in high school, right?
Marisa Giarnella (16:29):
We've modified our Fresh Check Day program, our
college program for high schoolsand middle schools and
communities and businesses ifthey want to do that. And we
have another PsychologicalResilience Program, just to
start having the conversation,just to talk about different
scenarios, different copingskills, you know, how would you
handle it, just opening up thosepre conversations with students,
(16:54):
to kind of get them thinkingabout this stuff. And how do you
handle challenges? How do youhandle, you know, time and
money. You know, these are allkinds of things that get kids in
trouble later on in life, right?
Time management is important. Itis important. You're trying to
go to school, you're trying tohave a little job, something
like that. Like all these thingsmake things more stressful.
Nancy Barrow (17:13):
How do you feel the transition can get a little
easier for kids going tocollege. I know you had a second
child, a daughter. How did youdo things differently with her?
Marisa Giarnella (17:23):
I think I tried to do more research,
although she was very convincedwhere she wanted to end up
going. You know, I was worriedabout things about, you know,
being away from school. What arethe resources on campus? And
what happens if, you know sheneeds some help you want to
trust but again, the schoolshave different philosophies and
different resources anddifferent, you know, different
(17:44):
priorities. So you're not alwaysguaranteed that you're going to
get what you think you might begetting on a college campus. And
I think so for parents to openup those conversations early on,
as early as you can, what areyour go to strategies when
things are getting feelingoverwhelming? I mean, I think we
need to have that, yeah, thatconversation, and if it's not
(18:04):
with the parents, but look,definitely a trusted adult like
I think parents need to tellkids, okay, if you don't feel
comfortable coming to me, makesure you talk to your aunt or
your uncle or whoever, somebodyyou know. I think it's more
important now to keep thecommunication opening, not
feeling shame if you are feelinglike you're struggling with
somebody or just and now with,you know, there's telehealth,
there's so many differentoptions, I think, that came out
(18:25):
of the pandemic that reallyweren't an option before,
especially in parts of thecountry, where there's rural
communities where it could takea couple hours to go get a an
appointment with a face to facewith a therapist or social
worker or counselor. RightUnderstanding that, you know, we
have the 988, national hotline.
You know, we have a text CrisisText Line. There are people out
there to talk to you who canhelp you through things, whether
(18:47):
you're struggling withsomething, or your child or your
you know, there are, there areresources out there. And so I
think we've made some seriousgains in the last decade to
address this issue, which is,you know, again, number one, I
believe depression number one,public health issue and
loneliness. Now, you know, withthose, the more that we have,
(19:10):
you know, we're connected withtechnology, the more we're
finding indicators of lonelinessand isolation.
Nancy Barrow (19:19):
Remote work is a real thing, and people not going
into an office every day, thatcan be difficult for some
people. Some people can handlethat, and some people can't
handle that. You know, it's notas easy for them. It's the same
thing with you know, how kidslearned during the pandemic. You
know, some kids did great withlearning on the computer. Some
kids needed that interaction. SoI do feel like you're right. I
(19:41):
think you know, having thatconnectedness is really
important and can help. Yeah,who do you think is most at risk
for suicide? Is it as prevalentin girls as it is in boys?
Marisa Giarnella (19:52):
There's been some statistics with the Youth
Risk Behavior Survey thatthere's been an increase with
young adolescent girls. Hmm.
Primarily, it's still yourwhite, middle aged man. There's
been some interesting statisticsin terms of how things are
trending. I think overall,consider all young people right
now, between 10 and 34, secondleading cause of death. People
(20:13):
are at risk. People young adultsare coming out of a pandemic
with sometimes more anxiety.
Young people are trying tonavigate everything that they
hear every day, and I know thatadults are having trouble
processing and digestingeverything that's getting hit
we're getting hit with. Andnobody can figure out what's
(20:34):
real anymore, between whateveryou want to call it the AI and
this and that it's just it'sgetting more and more
complicated, right? And ingeneral, I My advice to people
is get educated about thistopic. There's so many websites
out there. Know who yourresources are in your community.
Maybe you don't need it now, butyou're going to need to know and
(20:54):
have these open conversationsabout you know, if you have a
story and then you had a periodin your life where you
struggled, but you got throughit, and you can share how you
got through it. That helpssomebody you never know, who's
that that's going to help? Yeah,you're right. Like, we don't,
you know, we don't have aproblem talking about, oh my
god, I broke my leg playingpickleball, you know, and I went
(21:15):
to a doctor and, you know,whatever, I had surgery. We need
to normalize the conversationsabout mental health, and that
will allow more and more peopleto go out and get help, the help
that they need.
Nancy Barrow (21:25):
What are some of the signs of suicide that if you
have a friend or a family memberthat you're worried about?
Marisa Giarnella (21:31):
Well, there's the obvious signs, like somebody
may actually say, you know, Ifeel like, you know, I want to
die. I've got no reason forliving. There are some, you
know, very strong statementsthat someone may say that you
have to take seriously and youneed to act on, like a 911,
level of acting. And thenthere's the other subtle, some
(21:52):
when sometimes they're not sosubtle, but somebody's no longer
enjoys activities that they usedto do. They're isolating more.
They're not sleeping, they'resleeping too much. They're
eating, not eating enough.
They're eating too you know,there's all the or they're just
look a little disheveled.
They're making comments. Maybethey're giving away possessions.
They they have this, likehopelessness feeling, or this,
(22:15):
like a level of agitation withanxiety that they just can't get
themselves. There could beanger. You know, there's so many
different signs that somebodymay be struggling with a mental
health issue, right? Becauseanxiety can be as debilitating
as depression and the you know,people's history, people's
family history, people need toknow what's happened in the
(22:36):
family, right? And then if youadd alcohol or drugs, so that's
the co-occurring disorders, andincreases risk right access to
lethal means like one of thethings that we're doing here in
the state is, you know, puttingbarriers, putting signage on
bridges, working with people whoare selling guns to say, look,
(22:57):
you know, nobody wants thesetragedies to happen. Put a, you
know, make sure that there's alock box. Or, you know, I mean,
having these conversationsreally makes a difference,
right? And understanding likethe full picture of risk, my
training and my experience, it'sa five minute decision. The
lethality of using a gun is alot different than maybe some
(23:18):
other mean, you're rightpotentially. And, you know,
reducing the risk by eliminatingsome of those things when
somebody's in crisis. I mean,it's not like we're taking
somebody's rights away, but it'sa safety thing. And not be
afraid to ask the question, tothink, well, if I ask the
question, I'm putting thethought of the suicide in their
mind. We need know that over amillion people attempt suicide
(23:39):
every day. People do strugglewith thoughts of suicide at
different points of time intheir life. Sometimes, if you
ask the question, it actually isgoing to relieve the burden that
someone's keeping a secretinside. And so there's, there's,
there's training available, andwe all should be able to be able
to feel comfortable asking thatquestion.
Nancy Barrow (24:00):
Is it different for a parent talking to a child
like, is that conversation anydifferent than what it would be,
friend to friend, peer to peer?
Marisa Giarnella (24:07):
I think it could be, depending on the
comfort level of that parent tohave those conversations
sometimes in these communitieswhere everybody's got to be have
the perfect life and the perfectlawn and the perfect job. And
the kids going, they're doingwell, they're taking all these
AP classes. I'm talking likehigh school kids, right?
Everything on the outside looksgreat, but you know, and do you
(24:29):
have to keep up this persona,whatever? Do you have to keep up
this image at what expense?
Right? The flip side of it is,if your kid sees you taking care
of yourself and taking care ofyour like, they model what we
do, right?
Nancy Barrow (24:43):
Yeah, they they learn by example.
Marisa Giarnella (24:45):
They learn by example. And if you kind of
normalize that conversation athome, it becomes easier. I mean,
I think there's lots ofopportunities when things come
up in the media to say, hey, youknow, you know that whole trick
about having the kids in thecar, you know, and try to talk
to them when they're like, youknow? A captive audience to say,
hey, you know, what do you thinkabout this, you know? Or what do
(25:06):
you think about you know? Do youknow anybody? Do you see this?
Do you ever feel this way? Imean, I think it takes, got to
start young.
Nancy Barrow (25:14):
What advice would you give survivors of suicide?
Marisa Giarnella (25:19):
I haven't been asked that question a long time.
But personally, especially as asocial worker who did a lot of
risk management work in hercareer, you know, my career
here, I knew I needed to gethelp. I needed to talk to other
survivors. For personally, Iread a lot of books because you
have to, you keep on replayingso much in your head. What did I
(25:40):
do? What did I miss? We know allthat kind of stuff. A lot of
it's a very complicated losingsomeone to suicide is very
complicated. And there's astatistics out there with the
AFSP that says 135 people areaffected by every suicide death.
That's a lot of people. That's alot of it's a lot of people. And
so trying to wrap yourselfaround the shoulda, coulda,
(26:01):
whatever right is, is one thing,but talking to other people who
have walked your walk reallyhelped me. I attended support
groups, I did a lot of reading,spent a lot of one on one time
with other moms who had gonethrough this. Some people knew
that their kids were struggling.
Some people didn't. It's allthat and do, I guess when
someone dies and you know youlose a son, you lose a daughter,
(26:23):
you know you lose a spouse, it'syour new normal. All of a
sudden, you the date starts fromthat date, right? In terms of
how you remember stuff it waspre, pre that date, or after
that date. And for me, I foundsome comfort in gardening,
right? So I spent a lot of timekind of getting lost in the
garden, and it took a lot ofwalks, and I had to take care of
(26:45):
myself, and I had to ask forhelp, like I was the kind I
wasn't the person that said, Ohyeah, you know, come help me out
with this or that. But I had toreally, kind of change my
attitude and say, I need to, Ican't do this. You know, this
grief is exhausting and it andit goes through phases, and it
comes through waves and and, youknow, and obviously getting the
(27:09):
help of a therapist was reallyhelpful to me.
Nancy Barrow (27:13):
I wish that Connecticut Paid Leave was
around back then for you, so youcould have gotten some relief
and taken some time off of youknow, your job as a social
worker to take care of yourself.
You know, that's one thing wehave up to three months, up to
12 weeks of income replacement,and that can make a difference
for somebody who's struggling.
Marisa Giarnella (27:35):
I was really lucky to work for an agency that
was so understanding and sopatient. And I really, and I
don't know that if I worked inanother industry or another type
of setting, I would have hadthat ability. So yes, I agree
that, you know, if you need thattime, it does help.
Nancy Barrow (27:54):
What would you like people to know about
Jordan?
Marisa Giarnella (27:58):
He again, you know, would be the last kid that
you thought would die bysuicide, and he had a lot of
friends. He was well liked. Hewas a funny kid. Loved to be
outdoors, love to snowboard, youknow, skateboard. He was just
your regular, goofy kid. Youknow, he just, he was a great
kid, even though it's been somany years, different things
(28:21):
trigger you. You know, it's notjust those photos that pop up on
your phone in terms of memories,but the grocery store, right? Or
a time of year, a season, youknow, the back to school,
And a song.
Jordan was really into music. He
Nancy Barrow (28:33):
A song.
loved to put together theselittle playlists for his friends
on these CDs back then, when,you know, before all this
technology came in and loved todo videos and put them to music,
and, you know, maybe that's whatwould have been his career down
the road. I don't know, but hewas really kind of talented for
what was available, technologywise, back in 2010 and 2011 but,
(28:56):
yeah, you know, it's, it's along journey, and it's always,
you know, my heart, it will bealways broken. I always, kind
of, it's really sad to say, but,yeah, that's how. But I also
look, I'm very grateful for allthe gifts that I have in my life
and all the good things thatcome out it.
You're a specialhuman being. And I really just
want to thank you, MarisaGiarnella for coming in and
(29:19):
talking about this topic duringSuicide Prevention Month, and I
know it's hard, and I appreciateyou being able to talk about it.
I just think that you need toknow how special you are.
Marisa Giarnella (29:30):
Well thank you so much, and thank you for the
opportunity to be able to talkabout the Jordan Porco
foundation and talk about thistopic, which really probably
needs to be talked about morethan once a year, right? But
kind of can impact a lot ofpeople. I think way back, we
didn't know so many people thatdied by suicide, but now you
hear it a lot more.
Nancy Barrow (29:50):
And I think normalizing mental health, like
you said, is the way to go.
Thank you again for being on ThePaid Leave Podcast.
Marisa Giarnella (29:57):
Thank you.
Nancy Barrow (29:58):
The National Suicide Prevention Hotline for
immediate help is1-800-273-8255, you can text
home to 741, 741 dial 988, oryou can dial 211, to find mental
health support in your area. Ofcourse, 911, in an emergency.
For more information or to applyfor benefits, go to
(30:18):
ctpaideave.org This has beenanother edition of the paid
leave podcast. Please like andsubscribe so you'll be notified
about new podcasts that becomeavailable Connecticut. Paid
Leave is a public act with apersonal purpose. I'm Nancy
Barrow, and thanks forlistening.
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.