Mojo Monday: Becoming Mentally Fit - Part 2 of the Pillars of Mental Fitness

Part 2 of the Becoming Mentally Fit on Mojo Monday, Carly explores Mindset through the lens of Psychological Flexibility.  

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Everyone, it's Carli Taylor here for this week's Mojo Monday.
So last week was part one of our series of
becoming mentally Fit, and we talked about the importance of size.
This week we're diving into part two and today it's
all about my favorite subject, which is mindset. And it's

(00:30):
not the common just think positive kind of way, which
of course can help in the short term. But today
we're going to get really real and practical and talk
about mindset in an One of the most important parts
of mindset is something called psychological flexibility, and this comes
from a therapeutic approach I use in my coaching called ACT,

(00:53):
which is Acceptance and Commitment therapy. And the idea is
pretty simple. To explain a lot skill you have to practice,
but to put it kind of in a simple way
so you can understand it. Life throws us stuff all
the time. We will always go through some sort of

(01:13):
situation and then we have thoughts and emotions that come up.
And this happens on a continual base. And some of
these situations are just the blaff every day stuff. Say,
for example, someone's left dirty dishes at the side of
the sink, which is one of my pet hates, and

(01:34):
there's thoughts that come up around that, like who the
hell left those there? And maybe a bit of frustration
right like the sun is shining today, so you think
about all the things that you can do outside, and
maybe that brings you a sense of joy. And then
some of the situations in life are really hard, and
of course there's a spectrum of heart and there are

(01:55):
endless examples. I guess an example for me is the
one that I use BEQ, which is my son getting
a rare disease, and that was a really hard situation,
so of course all these thoughts came up, like what
if this happens? What if that happens? And the fear
and the anxiety and the intense emotions that swirled around

(02:18):
in my body at that time. So most of you
will have your own examples of all three of these
kind of levels of situations and thoughts and feelings that
come up. So psychological flexibility is the skill of noticing
what's going on inside you when things happen, so your

(02:39):
thoughts and without being bossed around by them. So it's
an ability to stay connected to what really matters most
and then take action even when your mind is telling
you to avoid or give up or run away. And
here's the thing. Everyone feels every day where nervous, anxious, angry, uncertain,

(03:04):
or flat sometimes so. But emotions like anxiety, for example,
they're not signs that something is wrong with you. And
I've said this many times. They're just part of being human.
They might even be trying to tell you something important,
because you don't want to start fighting with emotions if

(03:25):
there's a really important message there. So maybe you're anxious
because you really care and it's telling you to do
something because that's something matters. And if we allow it,
our default response, which will be saying equotions because they're
uncomfortable and painful, means there's no mental flexibility there. But

(03:47):
what if we said yes to them, allowed them to
be there, to ebb and flow while we take action
and get on with living authentically according to our values,
according to what's important. So I'll give you an example
of this. When I was younger, and I'm talking, you know,
as a teenager and in my twenties and thirties, I

(04:10):
really struggled with that self talk, with the belief that
I wasn't good enough, and that voice in my head
would pop up before and big things, so presentations, hard conversations,
anything like parties, anything that felt like there was a
risk there. And there are many examples that I did

(04:33):
allow those thoughts to stop me, and that psychological rigidity,
letting your thoughts and emotions when there actually are other options.
But over time I learned to do something different. I
learned to notice those thoughts, feel the emotions and move

(04:53):
forward anyway, and that psychological flexibility and I would not
be doing this presentations or doing CrossFit or you know,
I traveled a lot on my own when I was
younger if I had given in to those thoughts and emotions.
We need to get flexible in our minds, just like

(05:15):
our bodies, and that takes training. And I can tell
you if you do mind, it will make a huge
difference in your life and you will have plenty to
be proud of. So how do we build psychological flexibility?
The first thing to do is to notice your thoughts
and notice your emotions, so you become the noticer. What

(05:39):
is your Mind's a hard? So just think about that.
Now you know something hard has happened in your life recently,
what is your mind? Say? You know, mind still defaults
to know. It's just still defaults to you're not good enough,
and it probably always will, so you've got to name it.
And it's like you say, ah, there's that old there's

(06:01):
that story that I'm not good enough. So you're noticing
what is going on internally, and then you check in
with your values what actually really matters here. And I'll
give you an example of this. My daughter went backpacking
last year, right after her year twelve, literally a week

(06:22):
or so after those poor girls got poisoned in last
and that town was the destination that my daughter was
going to first. So of course my mind went crazy
and it was don't let her go. And I had
to notice that values as a mother, which we're clashing

(06:43):
at this point because obviously I have a value of
keeping my daughter safe and I went into protective mode,
but I also needed to let her go on that
adventure to become independent and to trust that she would
avoid anything that put her at risk what was going
on over there. So you can see that value of

(07:06):
letting go, of allowing her to develop this independence. I
had to follow that rather than what the chatter was
in my mind. And then the third thing is to
take one small so even if it's uncomfortable, and I
guess that was me letting her go. So even if
you don't feel ready, you know, maybe it's you want

(07:30):
to go for a job interview, or maybe you want
to do a presentation or write a book or whatever
it is. It's especially if you don't feel ready, take
that tore in a small wheelie bag and drag it
behind you while you get on with living your life.
So there's a mantra that I often come back to

(07:52):
when I'm feeling stuck in my head and it's hard
to take action. And that mantra is lead with the body.
With this from Greg Creech, who's my teacher in Japanese
psychology over at the Toto Institute, and I like to
actually take it one step further, so it's lead with
the body and the mind will follow. Because so often

(08:15):
it's action that shifts our mindset, not the other way round.
Move even just a little things that once felt out
of reach now start to feel possible, you know, Doubts
begin to fade away, and confidence starts to build, not
because we thought our way there, but because we acted

(08:38):
our way there. Flexible mindset isn't about avoiding the stress
or pushing away any uncomfortable emotions. It's about learning how
to respond to them in a way that moves you
closer to the life that you want to live. So
this week, pay attention to how you respond getting stuck

(09:01):
in old thought loops, waiting until you feel ready. Are
your feelings ruling your life because that is a choice.
So you can lead with the body and then the
mind will follow. So be willing to feel and still

(09:22):
take a step forward. So that's the work, and that's
what builds mental fitness. So thank you so much for
joining me this week. I actually thought next week we
could do another one on mindset and I'm thinking of
having a special guest on the King of Mindset. If
I can pin him down, we can have a chat

(09:45):
with him about his PhD, which is all about mindset
and I think you'll find it really interesting. So until then,
have a great week and I will catch you next week.
See ya.